From Hearing to Understanding: The Listening Journey

Ever thought you were a great listener, only to discover there's a whole new level to reach? 📚 Tune into 'The Water Trough' where I explore the art of mindful communication inspired by 'The Zen of Listening.' Let's enhance our listening skills together! #SmallBusiness #MindfulCommunication 

Transcript

Ed Drozda 0:10

Welcome to The Water Trough where we can't make you drink, but we will make you think. My name is Ed Drozda The Small Business Doctor, and I'm really excited he chose to join me here as we discuss topics that are important for small business folks just like you. If you're looking for ideas, inspiration, and possibility, you've come to the right place. Join us as we take steps to help you create the healthy business that you've always wanted. Hey folks. Welcome back to The Water Trough. This is Ed Drozda The Small Business Doctor. You know, I just finished reading a book. It's called the Zen of Listening, Mindful Communication In the Age of Distraction a book by Rebecca Shafir. I don't know about you, but I always thought I was a great listener. And heck I'm a business coach. I should be very, very effective at listening. After reading this book, however and in discussions with my wife, children friends and others, I realized that the quality of my listening may not quite be what I think it is. Communication is comprised of two major elements. It's comprised of the listening, and of the speaking. This is of course a limited view of communication, because there are far other nonverbal forms of communication. But the verbal form is one of the critical ones that we use in our lives all the time. It's a routine. And so when I started to read this book I really didn't expect to learn much. I figured that it would be a rehash of things that I know. And to some degree, there were some things that I've known, that I do, heard before. But the real persuasive thing for me was that listening goes far beyond the idea of hearing. That's right. Listening goes far beyond the idea of hearing. The title here tells it all. I can hear you just fine. But what did you say? The ear picks up the sound. The brain processes, the signal. And displays it in such a fashion that we actually are able to identify the words that are being spoken. But our ability to take the time to sort out what is being said, to truly understand and appreciate what is being said is another thing altogether. Hey, it shouldn't come as any surprise. Look at all the distractions that we have in life. We're constantly bombarded by sounds, things, visual cues, the need to get things done, deadlines and so on and so forth. It's incessant. And when it comes to listening to someone speak and truly hearing what they're saying it's just another item in the barrage of input that we're trying to process at any given time. I'm not going to get into detail about what the book says. But I will share some thoughts about some of the things that I learned. One of the things that was particularly meaningful to me. Was that in order to listen effectively you have to simply let go of yourself for a moment, and get into the story that is being told. The story might be the words themselves but it's also what's behind the words. What gave rise to those words? Why are these words important to the individual who's sharing them with you? Instead of focusing on what I have to do, and what I'll do when this conversation is over, and what I failed to do yesterday, and what I look forward to doing this weekend, in that moment we owe it to ourselves and to the one that is speaking to us to give them the space. To get into their movie for a moment. Put ourselves in their place. Well, that's easier said than done. The distractions that we have are profound and many and it's not something that we can simply ignore. And I imagine there's probably very, very few people, probably no people that can literally separate themselves from those things completely and be totally attentive to the conversation that's being received. Yet it's something to strive for. And I think we see this best when we consider the impact of failure to hear what is being said. When we fail to understand what is being said. In my coaching practice, I've had numerous occasions, heck in my personal life, I've had numerous occasions where my distraction has masked the circumstances that are clearly right in front of me. My attentiveness is not what I think it is and I miss visual cues, body language cues, and other things that could allow me to expeditiously absorb what's being said, and when necessary, participate in the conversation. And the result of failing to do that is that we miscommunicate. We may not hear the underlying tone of somebody's conversation and recognize they're not looking for our help. What they're looking is for someone to listen to them. What they need is an affirmation that somebody else simply acknowledges their presence, their value. It's not enough to just shake our heads and agree with people. It's not enough to simply gloss it over and say, I hear what you're saying. I get it. Oh, totally get it. It's important that we take the time to listen carefully and to ensure that we understand what is being said. So, for example, you might paraphrase what we heard. When the time is right we might come back and say, what I'm hearing you say is, and it seems to me that this is what you're trying to tell me, is that correct? It allows the individual who's speaking to be affirmed that they're being listened to. It makes it clear that you were making an effort, even if it is difficult to be completely good at this, to hear what they're saying. To be heard, the honor of being heard, invokes a certain degree of respect, in an individual. In the workplace this is particularly important. For example, employees and their managers and the way that they discuss things together. Surely you've heard, my boss just doesn't get me. My boss does not understand. And ultimately it was probably a case of the employee saying my boss is not listening to me. My boss does not hear what I say, because they're listening is incomplete. It sounds like a simple thing. It really does. It seems like we should all be quite capable of doing this. And as I said in the beginning, I was pretty convinced that I'm really good at this. Needless to say, in my coaching practice I do have to listen to people and I think I do a pretty good job there. I know sometimes it takes extra effort on my part, and I know that I'll have to continue working on this. Ask yourself, are you listening intently? Are you able to get into the story of the persons that are speaking to you? Be they your employees, your boss, your mate, your child, your friends, whatever that might be. Are you able to effectively listen to them? Are you able to tone down the distractions and pay closer attention to what's being said? And do you appreciate what you might be missing if you're not able to do that? There in lies the biggest consideration. It's not the act of being good at this. It is the loss of so many things if you haven't made the effort. So my challenge to you is that you be aware, ask yourself am I listening intently? Does it appear that my listening is incomplete as evidenced by what happens after a conversation? I can tell you, for myself it's worth the investment. This book opened my eyes. But whether you read the book or not it's a good idea to take an inventory of yourself and what kind of a listener you are. Until next time this is Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor, and I want to wish you a healthy business.