Disrupting Burnout

31. Is that your bag?

June 02, 2021 Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson Episode 31
Disrupting Burnout
31. Is that your bag?
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Show Notes Transcript

Are you carrying baggage that does not belong to you?  Do you struggle with helping people without being overwhelmed?  Many Heart Workers become overwhelmed with weight from the troubles of others.  In this episode of the Heart Work with PBJ podcast, Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson shares three truths to avoid taking on extra baggage.

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Hey, Hey, Hey friends, I am Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson. But you can call me PBJ. Welcome to another episode of heart work with PBJ, where we are disrupting cycles of burnout for people who do their work from the heart. So we are stepping out of burnout, we're stepping away from overwhelm. But we're continuing to serve and continuing to do what we were created to do. If that is you, then you belong in this community. And I'm so grateful and so honored that you all continue to ride with me here to hang out with me and to spend time here. So welcome again, friends, you know, in order to get the latest in order to get the updates, you need to be following me on Instagram. So follow me@drpatricebucknerjackson on Instagram. Again, that's@drpatricebucknerjackson. That's where you get your spoonful of PBJ every Monday. And then, of course, a new episode of this podcast every Wednesday. So make sure you're following on Instagram, make sure you're staying up to date with the episodes. If you are not up to date with the episodes, I would encourage you to start Episode 16 and go forward. You can catch up on all of them if you want. But if you need to really, really dig in on what we're talking about here concerning overwhelm, and burnout, then you need to start with Episode Episode 16 and come on through to 31 and get all caught up. Okay, y'all, I got a good one for you today. So let's get started. So today, we need to talk about how to serve our people without getting overwhelmed and burnt out with other people's stuff. Now, let me say that one more time, how in the world do we serve our people without getting overwhelmed and burnout with stuff that doesn't belong to us? I've told y'all before, you know, I'll never forget my husband told me, you know, it was at right after I had gotten off the phone with someone that I consider a little sister. And you know, they were telling me what they were going through. And I was trying to help them manage through it. And my husband was listening to this conversation. And when that phone conversation was over, he reflected back to me, he said, Now you sit there and you take everybody stuff. And you take in everybody stuff and they leave feeling better, and you're left heavy with stuff that doesn't even belong to you. And that got my attention so quickly. Because I never realized the impact that other people's stuff had on me. I never realized the impact that the heaviness, and the burden that I was carrying wasn't even my burden. It wasn't even my stuff. You know, I remember another time where I just felt specifically overwhelmed with work and all the different things that were going on. And in my prayer time, I remember asking God, you know, how do I do this thing that you call me to do? How in the world am I supposed to serve these people without being crushed by it? Like I don't understand how to really care how to really love how to really serve without it overwhelming your entire life. Like how in the world do you do this? Like, I feel like you've called me to be a martyr. And I'll never forget, you know, I feel like the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He said you're doing too much. I didn't tell you to do all that. I didn't call you to do all that. You're not their Savior. They already had one job was finished. You're not somebody superhero. You're not even the fixer. This is the way the spirit share it with me. He said, You are the Holy Spirit. mailman. Okay, stay with me now. Stay with me. He said you are the Holy Spirit mailman. He said when it comes to you. All I've called you to do is bring it to me. He said that's what I've called you to do. When when the burden when the when the problem when the challenge comes your way. All I called you to do is to bring it to my feet and never told you to fix it. I never told you to be the answer or to find the answer. All I've asked you to do is bring it to my feet. And that is the thing that I was failing to do. I was taking it on taking it on taking it on. Because I felt like I had some responsibility to do something about it. I was failing to take it to the source. I was failing To take it to the throne, I was failing to pray about it, I was failing to take it to the place where I know all the answers were. Because I felt responsible for doing something about it. But even now, I have to remind myself, I am not responsible. I am not responsible for fixing, for resolving for responding for answering for making it all better. My responsibility is to take it to the throne is to lead, encourage towards the throne where the answers are. And when I live in that way, I live in more peace. When I live in that way, my calling is not overwhelming to me. When I live in obedience in the space that I'm calling to inhabit, and doing the things that I'm called to do, to pray about it, to share as I'm LED, but to give people the dignity of their own journey, then I can live without burnout and still serve in the way that I'm called to serve. You know that giving people the dignity of their own journey that came from my coach Patrice Washington. I've talked about Patrice here. Yes, there's another Patrice. I've talked about Patrice here on the podcast before because she's just been so powerful in my life. And I've learned so much from her. But I've got to give credit where credit is due. We were having the same conversation. And she shared how I believe a counselor of hers gave her this analogy. If you're in the airport, and you're walking past this baggage, that's just sitting there un ttended, do you pick up the b ggage and take it with you? A solutely not. What are the a nouncements in the airport, if y u see unintended baggage, f rst of all, don't leave your s uff on the unattended. First f all, if you see unattend d baggage, don't touch it, don t pick it up, you need to te l somebody and keep it movin. That's not your stuff. That s not your stuff. So just li e that physical baggage in t e airport, that doesn't belong o us. We don't know what's in i. We don't know the consequenc s of it. When you approach bagga e that doesn't belong to you, y u need to leave that bagga e alone. If it's appropriate, f there's a place for you o report it, connected, whatev r do that, but keep it movin. That's not your baggage. That s not your stuff. You kno, Patrice always tells us gi e other people the dignity f their own journey. Give them t e dignity of learning the lesson, give them the dignity of findi g their own solution. Give th m the dignity to be able to he r their own heart and their o n mind. Sometimes our intention s to be helpful, but we're not s helpful as we think we are. O r intention is to serve. O r intention is to be helpful. B t really, we're in the way. H w many times have you had t e heart to serve. But now when y u reflect back on it truly, y u were in the way, sometimes it s the struggle in life. Sometim s it's the challenge in lif, sometimes it's the pressing a d life that brings out the best f us. But if we are shieldi g people from the trouble from t e pressing from the trial, th n how are they going to get wh t they're supposed to get out f it. So sometimes we got to g t out of the way. Sometimes e have to step aside. And that s not easy, especially when it s people that you love, especial y when it's those that are close t to you, parents, spouses, yo r children, your siblings, when t gets real close to home, it s easy for us to feel responsib e for stuff that does not belo g to us. But as we take our o n journey of disrupting cycles f burnout, then we can mo e clearly see what belongs to m, and what belongs to somebo y else. Especially if we come fr m a family where things seem to e messed together all the tim, the more free we become n ourselves, the more we c n identify stuff that doesn t belong to us. I must say th t one more time, the more free e become in and of ourselves, t e more clearly we'll be able o see and determine back is th t does not belong us. So I encourage you, and this is encouragement. I want to encourage your heart that you can do the work you're called to do. I want to encourage your heart that you can serve from the heart. You can serve the People that you're called to serve, you can't do the good work with that overwhelming you and taking you out. You just have to learn how to serve. Without taking on other people's stuff. You got to learn how to serve without picking up baggage that does not belong to you. So I wanted to share three truths with you today, that will help you make the decision not to pick up baggage that does not belong to you. But it will also help you learn how to serve without taking on that baggage as your own. So the first truth I want to share with you today, and I've already said it earlier, number one, you are not their savior or their superhero, you are not created to just carry all the answers. And to save the day. Can I just take that heavy weight off of you today, right now? Can I just lift that off of your shoulders? The weight of always being the answer, the weight of always having the responsibility, the weight of always being the one that makes everything better? Can I just lift that off of you right now because that that armor that you're trying to wear is too heavy for you. It doesn't belong to you, it doesn't belong to any of us. So you are holding yourself to a higher standard, or you've taught people to hold you to a higher standard, not even a higher standard, but an unrealistic and unfair expectation. You were not created to be everybody's answer. You we're not created to be anybody's Savior, anybody superhero, you can take that off, you can lay that cape down, you can lay that down. Anybody who expects you to be their answer, or to be the source of their happiness, or to be the source of their relief is holding you to an unrealistic and unfair expectation. We are called to be a guide. We are called call to support to share, but we are not the answer. So I encourage you to remember, you are not the answer. You are not the superhero, you are not the Savior. But you can be a guide to your people to people that are called to you, not to everybody, but to your people. So how do you transition from being the everything and the answer to being the guide will be in the guide means you share the knowledge and experience that you have. Not to say that anybody everybody has to do it the way you did it or not to say this is the solution. But sometimes the sharing your story will help people to understand where they need to go next. So you just share what you know, not something you made up not something you have to search to find. But you share what you know. And from there, people determine if they want to go along for the trip or not. They determine if they want to go along for the ride or not or if it's working for them or not. And you give them the dignity of their own journey. Okay, so you're not a savior. You're not a superhero. You're not the answer. You are the guide. Remember, you are the guide. Number two, give people the dignity of their own journey. Just like we said earlier, let people learn in their own time, in their own space. What looks like trouble to us maybe exactly what they need. what looks like a setback, maybe a set up. And sometimes we intervene too quickly. Sometimes we intervene in a way that is unneeded. And exactly the trouble that they're in is exactly what they need to get them to the next spot. I know that's hard. It is hard to see somebody that you love struggle. It is tough, tough, tough to see somebody that you care about, go through trouble. But I'm here to tell you that I'm the woman that I am today because of my trouble. I would not be who I am where I am doing what I'm doing without the trouble that I have faced and overcome in my life. And I'm so glad that nobody stole that away from me. So glad that the people around me loved me enough to honor my journey. And to give me the space to go through it in the time and the way that I need to go through it. So give people the honor of their own journey, it may not look like what you think it should look like, it may take longer than you think it should take. It may not be the steps that you would have done for yourself, but it's not yours. And it's not you. So give them the honor of their own journey. And the last piece that I'll encourage you to do and the last truth that I've learned, before I take action before I intervene before I do anything, I pause for a moment to check in. Pause to check in before you jump into action, pause to check in. For me that check in looks like prayer. That check in looks like checking myself. Am I full enough to give right now? Do I have anything to give out? Or do I need to be gone to the well for myself? So it's spiritual, it's prayer. But it's also physical and emotional. What What do I have right now? Am I even in a space that I can share that I can guide that I can give right now that check in maybe with my calendar that check in maybe financially, whatever you need to do you need to stop and check in? Sometimes we jumped so quickly to rescue, we jumped so fast to say yes, we jumped so fast to answer the phone, we jumped so fast to be the answer that we don't even give ourselves an opportunity to consider if and how we need to insert ourselves. Not just if But how should I insert myself at all? And if the answer is yes, what is the way that I need to insert myself, maybe I should just pray for them. Maybe I should share my story. Maybe I should just listen. Or there are times that you might be called to do something. But make sure you call to do it. And you're not just pressed to do it because you feel like you have to be the superhero. And you have to be the fixer. So check in stop to check in. Friends I've told you before about when I took five months out of work, to because of burnout, I didn't have a choice. I had nothing to give I was dry, I was done. And I had to take that five months. And during that five months, one of the greatest lessons I learned is people didn't need me as much as I thought they needed me. What I learned is that when I stepped aside, when I satisfy people kept living, students kept learning, people kept operating, they kept going about their lives. That doesn't mean that my contributions are insignificant. What it does mean is people didn't need me as much as I thought they needed me. It was more about my need to be needed. So check yourself, check your intentions. What are you trying to accomplish? What do you get out of this rescue in this helping this responding? What does it mean for you? Is it a pure motive? Is it a divine motive? Or is it just something that you feel like you need to do? So check in check in with yourself. So friends, listen, we can do the work that we're called to do. without losing the life that we deserve and we desire. We can disrupt cycles of burnout, we can, we can serve well. We can serve well, while still giving people the dignity of their own journey. So check the baggage is that your bag if you are feeling heavy right now, if you are feeling overwhelmed. If you find yourself in burnout right now, I want to encourage you to check your baggage. How much are you carrying that doesn't belong to you? How much are you carrying? That's not yours. After you do that assessment, I want you to actively lay aside weight that does not belong to you. give people their stuff back and trust them with their own journey. give people their stuff back so that you can be free and clear to serve in the way and with the people that you were created to serve. That's what freedom is. That's what freedom is. So I'm gonna leave you with this question. Is that your bag? As always my friends, you are powerful. You are significant and you are loved. Love, always peace.