THEATER 177: Friendly Unemployment

Matt and Lisa always seem to have plenty of money. Neither one of them has jobs. This perplexes and vexes their friends Erin and Tom.

Miranda Stewart directs a cast that includes Michael Fletcher as Matt, Caitlin Bell as Lisa, Brittany Vallely as Erin, and Jaime Pla as Tom.

Kevin B is the playwright. His recent play, The Jelly Bean, was a selection at the Pittsburgh New Works Festival. His other plays include The Little Match Girl Isn’t Going to Die, American Strippers, Does It Rain on Mars?, James Franco and Me: An Unauthorized Satire, Kill the Virgin, The Italian Wife, We Ride at Dawn or Whenever, Beautiful Beautiful Cleopatra, and more. He is also an actor, director and producer.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome to Open Door Playhouse, a theater podcast that celebrates live theater on the podcast stage. I'm Miranda Stewart. At Open Door Playhouse, we strive to bring our listeners thoughtful and surprising 10-minute shorts and one-act plays that showcase insightful and new perspectives of the world we share with others. Open Door Playhouse is a 501c3 nonprofit theater organization. Support for Open Door Playhouse comes from listeners like you. Your tax-deductible donations help keep our plays on the podcast stage. Donations can be made at www.opendoorplayhouse.org. Now playing in Theater 177, Friendly Unemployment, written by Kevin B., directed by Miranda Stewart, starring Michael Fletcher as Matt, Caitlin Laurie Bell as Lisa, Jaime Pla as Tom, and Britney Valilee as Erin.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

And you know, I have to admit, I didn't know. Lisa! I know!

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Hey, it's not like I knew.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

But you've been friends with them for what? Ten years?

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Oh, longer than that. Matt and Lisa met Jim and Connie when they were sophomores in college.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Juniors first semester, but close, honey. Close. And you didn't know what I know Jim did something with numbers. And I knew Connie did something with design, but no, I didn't know the exact Hey, that's that's more than I I knew what they do for a living, and I'm not even I'm like Matt, totally clueless. Must be a guy thing. Ooh, maybe it's because I went out of my way to talk to them at that party you threw over the summer to get to know them. That's just it. We've been friends for so long that we knew them before they had careers. So at some point they just started working, and we knew, or we assumed, that they were working, but we never actually asked for the details. But you don't talk about work? Oh, we do, but it's all very general.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

How's work? Uh it's really busy this time of year. I hear that, buddy.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

It never goes much deeper than that. Oh God, are we bad friends?

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Well, you're not bad friends. Nobody likes talking about work. Generalities are all people feel like Tom is right.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

It's not that big of a deal. I don't even know what my sister does for a living. Really? I know it's something to do with pharmaceuticals, but I don't know all the particulars about it now. Maybe I should ask her.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Nah, don't bother.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Tom.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

But if it hasn't mattered up till now, just let it be.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I wonder if I know what my brother-in-law does.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Well, either you know or you don't.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I feel like I used to know.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

We don't even know what you two do. Oh, well, that's easy. We don't work.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

What was that?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Uh we don't work.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

We don't have jobs.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

That's the same thing you just said.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Yeah, come again. You can't be that surprised. You've seen how often we post on social media during the day.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

And we're always traveling.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Always on vacation.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

What kind of job could we have if we were taking that much time off?

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Oh, uh Um. I thought maybe you both worked remotely.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

What? You thought we were sitting poolside with a laptop, just plugging numbers into an Excel spreadsheet like deep doop doop.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah, I mean, don't people do that? I always thought people did that. Oh, what would be the point? I mean, if you're going to toil away at a laptop, you may as well do it from the boring confines of a cubicle.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

So you two don't work.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

No.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

No, but how do you live?

unknown 4:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Um, I don't really know. But you have a house. You have cars. You have nine children.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

You know, it's the craziest thing. We just seem to have money.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

You mean you're independently wealthy?

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Or or one of you comes from money.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Or both of you. I wouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

We just always seem to have money when we need it. How uh how how does that work?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Does it just appear in your bank account?

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Do we even have a bank account?

unknown 4:36

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

I don't know. I've never asked. Huh? Who would I ask?

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Yeah. Have you ever had jobs? What's that thing where like you sit at the desk and you take the notes?

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Is that a job? No, no, no, no. That might have just been school.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

That was probably school, yeah. And you never want for anything.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Oh no, quite the opposite.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Honestly, we're running out of ways to spend all this money.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

But where is it coming from?

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Why why don't you sit down?

SPEAKER_01 5:14

I'm sorry. I just really hate people like you.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

She's she's kidding.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

I know you're not.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Erin, I get it. I would be very jealous of us if I were you.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Yeah, so jealous.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

You know, I wish I could tell you how we managed to put together this kind of life.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

But she can't.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

I just can't. Because it's a secret?

SPEAKER_02 5:41

No. Because we literally don't know how it works.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I suppose we're just blessed.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

We are. We're really blessed.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Are either one of you religious?

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Not at all. Not at all. I think we're Episcopalian, but I'd have to find out what that is first.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Is that the one with the donkey?

SPEAKER_01 6:04

None of them have donkeys.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Really? None of them?

SPEAKER_01 6:08

No wonder we're not religious.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Well, we're happy for you.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

No, we're not. No, you're not. You know, we're not the only ones without jobs.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

That's true. Most of our friends don't have jobs either.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

It just feels like life's too short to have a job, you know?

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Yeah. Just goes by like that. Oh, my gosh. Look at that. Money.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

That happens all the time.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

The other day I sneeze and this hundred dollar bill just flew right out of my nose. Do you believe that?

SPEAKER_01 6:43

These days I can believe just about anything. I think you both just need to change the way you think about money.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

It's true. Money isn't real. Jobs aren't real.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Nothing's real.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Just live it up. Do what you want. Have fun.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I'm just wondering. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Do you two have any debt? Oh my god. So much. A ton of it. Just endless debt.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Oh, I mean, sure, money just appears out of thin air, but we're also spending way, way, way too much of it.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Even with the nose cash, it's nowhere near enough to support a lifestyle we feel that people would be jealous of. You know? Right, right. Well, that makes me feel a lot better.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

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