Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Kraven the Hunter: A Humorous Critique of Ambition, Absurdity, and CGI Missteps
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What happens when a notorious villain tries to play the hero? The answer might leave you scratching your head as we untangle the cinematic web of "Kraven the Hunter." Imagine a film with all the ambition of "John Wick" but none of the coherence or thrill—yep, that's Kraven. We kick off with a side-splitting chat about voice impersonations before launching into our critique of this ambitious yet flawed film. Spoiler alert: CGI doesn't always cut it, especially when practical stunts could have put some much-needed bite into this toothless tale.
Our conversation takes a detour into the strange world where wildebeests have a "Hakuna Matata" moment in Russia and robots drop candy like it's hot at the movie theater. We also couldn't resist poking fun at a comic book character named Tony, a.k.a. the Foreigner, whose hypnotic abilities left us both baffled and amused. Along the way, we sprinkle in our excitement for upcoming films like "Ballerina" with Ana de Armas and the next "Knives Out" installment, which we hope won't leave us craving more like Kraven did.
Finally, we dissect the chaos of mismatched characters and plot holes big enough to trap a rhino—literally. From a forgettable family dynamic led by Russell Crowe to the surreal transformation of a character into the Chameleon, the absurdities keep piling up. As we wrap up our thoughts on this peculiar entry into the cinematic universe, we ponder how Kraven's legacy could have been salvaged with a touch more humor, chemistry, and a dash less CGI. So, if you're ready for a wild ride through the jungle of Kraven's missteps, grab your popcorn and join us for this candid and entertaining exploration.
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Kraven the Hunter Movie Review
Speaker 1Are you the same as a cow, Tony?
Speaker 2I think a lot of people would say yes Dan, yes you are. I think you should have picked a different mammal.
Speaker 1You know what? You're taking off that shirt and seeing all the black and white spots.
Speaker 2Moo.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2That's actually pretty good. I spent a lot of time in the Midwest, dan Wow, I've seen my share of cows I can't.
Speaker 1Why can't you do that with you? Why can't you use that vocal chameleon skill?
Speaker 2in any other way yeah, in, give me an example, I'll do right now. Well, you like can't do voices. I can do voices. What kind of voice? Give me a. Set me up a new yorker. Set me up A New Yorker. Hey, I'm New York. What's the matter? You New Jersey? Strong, I'm across the river. What are you going to do? Welcome to Ain't Watching With Dan and Tony. It's like watchin' game.
Speaker 1Welcome to hey watchin' with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. On this show we talk about a movie. The movie in question this week is Kraven the Hunter. One of those crazy Sony Marvel movies where, since they sort of own Spider-Man, they also sort of have access, slash ownership of all of his villains and so they make Venom movies and they make Madam Web movies.
Speaker 1And so then they were like you know what we could do? Spider-man's greatest foe of all time, kraven the Hunter. We can turn him into a good guy and have him battle bad guys.
Speaker 2He's not a bad guy, he's a good guy. Have him battle a bad guy.
Speaker 1He's not a bad guy, he's a good guy.
Speaker 2He's not a bad guy, no, no, he's like a poor man's John Wick. Right, he's got a list or whatever and he's taking people off the list. I never saw a list. I never saw a list. One time he says, oh, you're on my list.
Speaker 1What's going on with that? He found that book in that guy's desk and he said that's the list. But the list had already been mentioned. It's like the bonus list.
Speaker 2It's the bonus list. My old list is full. I got a new list now. I got too many lists. I don't understand this movie.
Speaker 1Yeah, john Wick, the John Wick movies action packed are great really good movies and you watch a sad movie like this and you're just like go watch the John Wick movies go watch any movie.
Speaker 2I'm going to pitch a movie at the end of this that you can watch for free, and you should watch it over this movie any day.
Speaker 1Have you watched the Trailer for the Ballerina movie?
Speaker 2I have not yet. Is it good yeah?
Speaker 1She was in that one James Bond movie, ana de Armas, sure, yeah, and she was so good being an action star, you're like. Then they were like, who are we going to get? And they were like her because that one segment in that one movie and you were like yep, they chose correctly?
Speaker 2Yeah, that's all you need. Oh, is she the one? Oh, she's the one in Ghosted with Chris Evans. Remember that movie? Did we do that movie? We did not do that movie because.
Speaker 1I've not seen that movie.
Speaker 2It's bad.
Speaker 1She was also. She's the woman she's in Knives Out, she's the niece or whatever.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, no okay, I know who she is. Yeah, yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, I do. Did you watch the teaser for the new one? It's all about dead people, or?
Speaker 1I'm trying to think if I watched the teaser, I don't.
Speaker 2Waking a dead man. What is it called? I don't know.
Speaker 1I saw the cast and I'm like that's the movie I'm most excited about.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1Wake.
Speaker 2Up Dead man. Yeah, that's pretty close, it's going to be so good. I'm excited to see where three lands on the spectrum, but this household loves them both equally, but separately. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1They're very different, and the first one's fine. It's just had a couple of things in there that I did not like, and then it just I don't know whatever we're talking about. Craven the hunter 20 are we?
Rhino, Prison Break, and Bland Movies
Speaker 2I think we're doing our best not to talk about craven the hunter uh, two hours and seven minutes, we're like wow, okay, it's a good one I didn't necessarily get super bored during this movie oh really, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 1I was pretty bored, you're pretty bored for most of it here's.
Speaker 2Here's what. Here's what I'll say. We were kind of chatting last night while we were watching it, the wife and I. Yeah, and it's not the worst movie no, not at all We've ever done but it might just be the most bland movie we've ever done.
Speaker 1It's about as it's up there, it's about as vanilla as you get and as you watch it, like certainly the first 10 minutes. You know the setup. I just sat there afterwards and I was like you needed to make that 17 or 20 minutes Sure, and you needed to make it good.
Speaker 2Well, I mean good would have been great. Even if they kept it at the 10 minutes and they made it good, I would have been at least okay with it. I still would have been like I'm still not quite where I think I should be with where we're going for the rest of the movie, but at least it would have been entertaining. That would have been something.
Speaker 1They should have just, you know, sit in a room watch John Wick. One of my favorite movies is that movie, rrr, which is an Indian action adventure movie. I went back and I watched some of the emotional scenes in that and some of the action scenes in that. I mean that movie. If I watch the emotional scenes I just start crying. I'll just start crying.
Speaker 1Every time I watch it, it gets me every time. And then you watch the action things and you're just like they get me. Every time I'm just like oh wow, oh, look at that happen. Oh, look at that happen. Oh, look, that's happened. And you're like you gotta have that in your in some part of your movie, because you can watch something you can steal from these other movies, right?
Speaker 1yeah, there's nothing. There's nothing special in what you know. I'm gonna wrap a cable around rhino and then have him pulled by wildebeest to death. Which confused me because. I thought he was super heavy. I thought he was super heavy. Dan, is he not super heavy?
Speaker 2Because, just minutes before our, lead guy goes gosh, you're so heavy, and then he's fine to get pulled around like a ragdoll.
Speaker 1Well, that literally kills him. Spoilers, that kills him. Yeah, sure, with his.
Speaker 2Spoilers that kills him. Yeah, sure, with his tough exterior and whatnot, it's fine. Yeah, don't worry about that, he's fine.
Speaker 1Wait what.
Speaker 2The gravel cut him up pretty good. Okay, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1Yeah, these wildebeests are stronger than the rhino. It's superhuman.
Speaker 2I don't know, I don't know, I mean you know if the Hulk was standing?
Speaker 1because the Rhino one of my prime childhood comic books. It's Hulk versus Rhino.
Speaker 2And Rhino can beat up the Hulk. Sure right, so that doesn't make any sense in this world.
Speaker 1That doesn't make a lick of sense. Normal animal, you know, normal sort of beast animal can kill.
Speaker 2Just destroy him. Destroy him Quickly, quickly, quickly. Yeah, made quick business of his body.
Speaker 1Craving the hunter.
Speaker 2Oh, we're starting over. Damn it, we were just at the end. End of the show.
Speaker 1We start with the Russian music. We see a truck on an ice road. There's prisoners. They're in a chain gang. The one prisoner somehow they're not chained together and he just sneaks off to take his own piss. You're like that's kind of nice.
Speaker 2It's honestly not the worst prison I've ever seen.
Speaker 1It's like wandering off. You're like I don't think that's how it works. I don't think you're allowed to just wander off.
Speaker 2Okay, but come back. Come back in five. We're watching you.
Speaker 1Hey, get to the prison. Everybody's very excited. New meat, do meat, do meat. New meat, not do meat. They're going to probably do the meat and it's he's like I don't like cellmate. I ate my last cellmate for my dinner and he's like well, don't eat me for three days. Three days, give me three days, you're like okay, this is going to be interesting Something about three days.
Speaker 2See, the problem is it's not going to be interesting and they fooled you. Does it take him three days? I guess it must, because when he's running away, the guy stands at the window and goes three days and he's all excited. Oh so it was three days.
Speaker 1We didn't really show three days happening, right.
Speaker 2No, we didn't show three days and maybe he's just saying, yeah, you did it under three days, but it's unclear.
Speaker 1yeah it's kind of like, oh, three days, I you would have been mine in the three days yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2It feels like it's been six hours. He works out in the yard for a little bit and then he escapes later yeah, that's pretty much it, it's, it's one day work there's two guys in the in the prison yard.
Speaker 1He beats up two guys. And so then they they're like okay, since you beat up two of the guys, you gotta see the boss. And then he's just like boss is like I'm the boss and he's like I kill people like you because you're a gun runner. And then he kills three guys in a room, one of which with this like tooth of a tiger rug yeah and then he runs away, he gets out, he pulls like this whole bar thing off and climbs wall and it doesn't look right.
Speaker 2You know what I mean. No, the physics of the CGI never works for me in this movie. That's it.
Speaker 1The parkour looks okay at times, for me, it goes from okay to not okay.
Speaker 2Right. Yeah, I'm not saying it's zero, but there's moments where you're like I don't like it. I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old and I'm just, I just want practical effects. I don't know, I'm over this cgi nonsense everybody always talks about the daredevil shows.
Speaker 1I haven't watched them, but there's like you know, I gotta. I got to watch this. I'm going to watch him at some point.
Speaker 2But you got to watch. Just watch episode two, the hallway fight. Holy buckets, Dan and that's what they explained.
Speaker 1You know we were watching one of those. Isn't there a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible where he's in that breaks out of the prison at the beginning of the movie?
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1You know, he's like incredible, got his guy on the thing. He's like open the doors. He's like I'm not gonna do it, you know he has a whole plan. This thing, this thing is just like I'm gonna get in there and I could just pull bars apart and do whatever.
Speaker 2I need to do and then crawl around and flip up to something which I was. He like grabs the bar and then flips up.
The Problem With Craven the Hunter
Speaker 1I don't think that's how anything works yeah, and you're just like, if you'd have designed this better, it would. It might've been a good movie.
Speaker 2Here's what I'm going to say right now.
Speaker 1If you'd have made a good movie, it would have been a good movie.
Speaker 2Made a good movie. This would have been an okay movie 15 years ago. I don't know what the real date is. 15 years ago, a wonderful television show debuted. It's called arrow on the cw, which has dirt, dirt cheap budgets, and they do a scene where oliver queen is escaping a similar type situation and he's doing parkour all over this place and it's so cool because not that it's steven ml, but it's.
Speaker 2There is a stunt person doing somebody's doing off walls, he's doing shit and you're like this is cool, it doesn't cost that much to do like. This could have been a cool scene with somebody doing some remarkable stuff, because there are crazy humans out there that could do a lot of stuff. And this just felt lazy to me. It's just like okay, well, we're just computer animating him flipping through stuff. I don't care, that's not all that impressive to me, I don't care.
Speaker 1We don't care and there's nothing intelligent about it right?
Speaker 2No, not at all.
Speaker 1There's nothing that you're like oh man, he, he, he knows what's happening. He, you know. He like looks at, you know, looks at his freckles and say, ah, one minute, you know, because he knows what's happening.
Speaker 2Great he's you gotta show he's somehow smarter than everybody because he is apparently quote the greatest hunter on the planet. End quote, or something like that. He never shows me that he's a great hunter, Never once.
Speaker 1Well, he only shows you in that he has expanded powers. Right, he's a superhuman.
Speaker 2Which now I have a problem with.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Just a little bit. I understand that he has powers in the comic from a potion that he has to continually drink, not just once and then is good for the next 50 years. But isn't he a great hunter? Before that happens, like the whole point is, he's like the world's best game hunter, right, and then gets powers and then becomes like the greatest hunter in the universe and then wants spider-man because he's like the biggest game in town, right isn't? Am I misremembering? You mean it's?
Speaker 1almost like you could have had a scene where you show that he's actually good at the thing that we're supposed to believe he's good, instead of a scene where he looks at a lion and then they kind of fall in love and then the dad shoots it and then he gets his ass kicked.
Speaker 2I was a little confused. Shouldn't he be a good hunter at some point in the movie?
Speaker 1now, did he? Well, we're gonna get to that in a second no, I agree, all right, so I'm jumping. We don't set him up as a great hunter. You know why we don't set him up as a great hunter because he's not.
Speaker 2Okay, what's? What's the answer?
Speaker 1what do you do in hunting?
Speaker 2what do you do? You hunting. What do you do? You sit and you track. Those are the two things that I've done in hunting.
Speaker 1I mean, I'm not a tracker. Let me be very clear. What does a real hunter do, Tony?
Speaker 2I sit in a duck blind or a deer stand. No, that's what you do.
Speaker 1You're talking about a real so the real hunter that's sitting next to you, what do they do?
Speaker 2uh well, yeah, so I'm reading a book in the stand reading a book and my dad is. My dad is doing a matilda. That was the last book I read and that was the last time he took me hunting. We were in the duck blind and I was reading matilda and like ducks came over and there's three blinds in a row. People are shooting and I'm just reading my book and my dad fucking flipped on me and he never brought me hunting again.
Speaker 1And that's exactly what's supposed to happen. In hunting, you're supposed to kill animals.
Speaker 2Oh guys, now I'm understanding what you're saying.
Speaker 1You can't have animal killing in Craven the Hunter movie Right, right.
Speaker 2Only bad guys can kill animals. Only bad guys, that's right.
Speaker 1He can fight. I'm the world's greatest fight animals to a sand stiller.
Speaker 2That's what he is, until they get bored and go do something else. She's been here her whole life and now she's leaving me. Well, yeah, but he's not supposed to be a good guy, Right, is he? An anti-hero in the books. I don't remember this. The only book, let's be, let's be clear the only book I actually remember is the last hunt, right craven's last hunt, or whatever where he takes over at the end of it. I mean, I mean he gives up right quits. I don't know if he's really dead.
Speaker 1No, he commits suicide and then his ghost is floating around. That's I read. I read that is that right. I didn't't remember it.
Speaker 2It's been a minute. All I remember is he temporarily disables Spider-Man with like tranquilizers or something and then takes over as Spider-Man and kills people and then thinks he's better than Spider-Man and then gives Spider-Man his life back Something like that. I don't know, he's got to show it and then apparently might off himself.
Speaker 1I don't know so yeah, kraven, that whole little series there redeemed him in a lot of ways, right, because he looked really good. You were like, oh okay, he's actually doing a thing. Yeah, as opposed to just being like the guy that Spider-Man or Hulk or whatever is beating up on at the time.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1Which is what I don't know, whatever, um, but yeah, he can't hurt animal. You can't show him shooting an animal, stabbing an animal, eating an animal, because they would. It would ostracize a huge amount of his population and kill a million people, right? He could like push a button and a million people died. People be like he was trying to do some good, right? And so like picking him as your guy. It's very dangerous, it's a tough sell.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's hard to navigate and they didn't do a great job.
Speaker 1So boom, boom, boom, he gets out. He scales the wall, runs into a blizzard. There's a wolf.
Speaker 2He looks at the wolf and intimidates it.
Speaker 1He's like now does sort of his eyes turn a different color. I guess so yeah, now does he control animals, he can kind of does he communicate kind of is he like a doolittle kind of intimidate them and he intimidates.
Speaker 2so he's like I'm the alpha, like that sort of thing Sort of, because I'm confused on why later the bear kills the dad. We can talk about it later.
Speaker 1Because the bear just hated the dad in general. Oh, okay, because the bears have feelings.
Speaker 2Okay, got it yeah.
Speaker 1Got it. Yeah, that one guy, that guy that tried to live with the grizzlies. The grizzlies ate him one time. Wait, what one time. Wait what? This? Is this a real verner herzog movie called grizzly man, about this really kind of wacky guy who lived moved up to alaska and you know, like I'm with the bears and he'd go out where the bears were and mostly the bears, like you know, put up with him, tolerated him but with grizzly bears you sometimes you get that male.
Speaker 2That's like fuck you get off my lawn, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1And you know one point, one of the and your meat. So I'm just gonna today's the day bud one of the big males got sick of his bullshit and just killed him oh my god, yeah, that's it, it's a great.
Speaker 2It's a great movie um, it doesn't sound like a great movie.
Speaker 1It sounds like a pretty sad movie so he goes and he gets on a plane where this faceless woman that'll fly him anywhere in the world and somebody pays for that fuel. I don't know. Do we meet her again? Yeah, she flies him a couple later in the movie, but, as in any other, regard. No, she's faceless.
Speaker 2Right, she's always facing out the window and we're looking through the cockpit, right. Yeah, we don't know who she is. No, that's all I'm trying to say it doesn't matter. She's like this faceless magic thing. I feel like it should matter. Maybe not right now, maybe in the sequel, but it feels like it should matter a little. It's a comic book movie.
Speaker 1It's all right.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, sorry, you're right. We don't want to pay a real person, so we'll put an extra over there and just dub some lines.
Speaker 1She takes off and then she, like you know what happens he takes off his shirt For Tony.
Craven the Hunter Backstory Analysis
Speaker 2Yeah, listen, I'm not a big fan Of Aaron. No, we can talk about that if we want to, but my god, I mean that body is now, who is this guy? I never heard of it he's um. Bullet was a bullet train. He did he's he was in the running. Yeah, he was in the running for bond, like that was like his big thing recently is like people were pushing for him to be bond and I think that's the worst choice you could ever make in the world.
Speaker 1Who is he in Bullet Train?
Speaker 2He's one of the thugs Right. Am I thinking of the right?
Speaker 1I don't think he's in Bullet Train, Because Bullet Train there's the two British guys and then there's the girl, and then there's like another yeah.
Speaker 2Aaron Taylor Johnson in Bullet Train. He's a tangerine.
Speaker 1Oh, he's that guy.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean, he's one of the guys on the train. Oh, he's not.
Speaker 1Fights with Brad Pitt a little. He's not a big buff guy in that, he's kind of a no, no, he bulked up.
Speaker 2I'm assuming for this movie and he did a wonderful job yeah.
Speaker 1I thought he was a good actor. I thought he was good.
Speaker 2You know, I mean, he's fine, right. I don't think he's bad, I don't think he's charming, that's my problem. Not that he needed it in this movie, right? Like they're obviously not going for charming in this movie. I don't know what they're going for, but I didn't get charm. But I just you know, I don't know I don't get charm, but I just you know I don't know, I don't get that tingly feeling.
Speaker 1I got dangerous bad boy from him, I guess.
Speaker 2Oh, you didn't get enough bad boy from him. I don't. I get kind of like you know, limp noodle.
Speaker 1Jesus, tony. Okay, we have the titles. We find out that what he did was that prisoner. He switched with him when they were taking the pee break. That was the whole bit.
Speaker 2Right, yeah, that was the bit which is something that could happen when you let your people wander off into the wilderness.
Speaker 1I was like okay, that surprises me.
Speaker 2Sure, it surprised you first when they let him wander off and go to the bathroom alone. But it's fine.
Speaker 1And then we have the titles. They spent $12 designing the Kraven logo, the logo I'm like. What is this? Times New Roman? What's happening?
Speaker 2I mean it's Times New.
Speaker 1Roman. It was terrible. It wasn't Times New Roman, but it was just like plain white.
Speaker 2It was very student film it was very student film 16 years earlier.
Speaker 1We're going to meet his family. He's got a brother, dimitri. The mom committed suicide. Dad is overbearing.
Speaker 2Russian, and she really did. Yeah, you're getting that. Rightitri, the mom committed suicide, dad is overbearing Russian. And she really did. Yeah, you're getting that right. Yeah, she was crazy. Yeah, she had mental problems.
Speaker 1I don't get it and abuse problems. Abuse and mental problems.
Speaker 2Yeah, he's an abusive guy. I just figured there'd be a twist on that at some point, because they keep talking about it. Oh, she was weak, she was weak, but then it just turns out that that's kind of true, and it's really sad. Yeah, I don't know. I expected a twist of some sort. I didn't get it.
Speaker 1Yeah, he's got a brother, dimitri, who's weak, he's strong, he's weak. They go on a hunt with Dad Russell.
Speaker 2Crowe, he's an over.
Speaker 1I didn't get anything from him. I got nothing from him.
Speaker 2You got a Russian accent though, yeah, I did. They go on a hunt.
Speaker 1They go to Ghana. We meet this girl, calypso. Who's the one who's going to administer the magic potion to him?
Speaker 2Yeah, she's in the comics, I assume. I don't remember her. Yes, she is.
Speaker 1She's an evil voodoo priestess in the comics and sometime Craven girlfriend.
Speaker 2She's definitely not evil. She seems pretty good in this movie. Evil voodoo priestess no, you can say it, but that's not going to make it true.
Speaker 1We find out that there's one big, dangerous lion out there that everybody wants to get. We meet this Nikolai guy who or no? Alexei guy who is being weird and we don't understand who he is, why he is.
Speaker 2He's like I want to be your friend and how did he get on this hunt Like I don't know Russell Crowe, Did he just show up?
Speaker 1One of the richest men in the world. Random dude gets to come with them.
Speaker 2Right, it's just like oh, you brought a friend, okay, well, we didn't discuss that when I gave you $8 million to track this lion, but that's fine.
Speaker 1They go out to look for the lion. The boys hang back. Here comes the lion around a bush. He's like rawr and then craven's like I'm gonna think about you. And then dad shoots him. And then the lion eats, eats, craven, and then carries some of them, really carries him away, and no one follows them well, I mean, listen, they shot him four times.
Speaker 2I think so. If that didn't work, nothing's gonna he's on all right, you just gotta let Cut your losses.
Speaker 1He only brought four bullets, is that?
Speaker 2the thing. That's it. We're like well, I guess let's go home. Everybody Pack it in for the day.
Speaker 1Everybody's only got one shot. We only brought four rifles, so he let's see Calypso just randomly knows to get out of the jeep and go to where they're at.
Speaker 2Well, because she's an evil voodoo priestess.
Speaker 1The lion wanders off and she gives him the magic potion. Then she wanders off, but she gives him a magic. She gives him one of her tarot cards so that he knows it was her.
Speaker 2Right or something.
Speaker 1He gets medevaced. They go to the hospital. At the hospital he dies. But then, four minutes later, the potion finally kicks in, brings him back to life so here's, here's my question.
Speaker 2Right, he's dead. For what? Three and three and a half minutes or something this day, three, four minutes, I said four minutes, but that's yeah but I mean he was, he was pretty much dead in the field there, right like. I mean he said he was slowly dying for like 45 minutes and then finally died and then finally got rebirth.
Speaker 1That's a really slow potion well, that's my only start working till he died.
Speaker 2If he lived, it wouldn't have to do anything but that can't be true, because isn't it what gives him the powers by the power doesn't matter. Ofkull are you doing, he-man?
Speaker 1I don't know why they had to kill him that's I don't.
Speaker 2It's not like a rejuvenation potion, right? I don't think.
Speaker 1Maybe I don't know, dan, I don't know dad gets there, the boys are there, and then dad like yells at him you screwed up, it's your fault, you got bit. You gotta live with yourself.
Speaker 2Yeah, classic deflection.
Speaker 1They go back home. There's a letter from mom. Mom says I'm killing myself, but you should be a good person.
Speaker 2But don't let it bother you in the slightest. Enjoy your life, boys.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2It's fucking weird.
Speaker 1And dad brings him in oh fear One. It's fucking weird. Dad brings him in oh fear, one day you're going to be in charge of this, but you're all scared. So stop that. And I got you a present the lion's head. But he should have killed you, right.
Speaker 2So that's quite a roller coaster. We just went on.
Speaker 1Here's a present I wish you'd have died.
Speaker 2But you're going to be the leader soon, so tough it up.
Speaker 1Love you, love you, boy so he's like well, I'm packing my bag, putting bubble gum in a bag, and I'm getting out of here.
Speaker 2Great.
Speaker 1And he packs a bag and tries to run away from this boring plot line. He packs a bag and tries to run away from this boring plot line.
Speaker 2Now, do you feel like?
Speaker 1we needed any of this?
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't know. I mean, obviously there has to be a little bit of exposition, but this is. I'm so bored with this flashback.
Speaker 1This is really boring. It's brutal.
Kraven the Hunter's Origin Story
Speaker 2It's not interesting. I don't care about anyone in the scenes, I'm not like. Oh, this poor boy. I hope he grows up to be the greatest hunter in the world. What's happening, I don't care. Go cry in the corner, dude jesus he takes a tramp steamer.
Speaker 1Oh, he has to say to his be the said, leave his brother, uh, and the brother's life is pretty messed up don't leave me with him it's like sorry bro.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, come with me. Peace out, like we'll go together oh, that's an idea that's a pretty easy fix right there. Why would you abandon your little brother to leave him with an abusive father? You're leaving because of the abuse.
Speaker 1He can't leave because of piano lessons. Pretty selfish.
Speaker 2I got things to do. I'm sorry you go. You go, I'll be fine.
Speaker 1Takes a tramp steamer walks across Russia, stands there. This is when I was like wait a second. So there he is. He's going back to his ancestral lands, which I don't know, and they stand in there and here comes the stampede of wildebeests. He cowers in fear from the stampede of wildebeests.
Speaker 2He sure does. Yeah, and then what happened?
Speaker 1hold on a second, okay well, he, I don't understand, isn't?
Speaker 2this isn't this the point at which he becomes who he's gonna become he's probably seen lion king and he understands that bad things are about to happen. I mean, won't the wildebeest? Go around you now, well, I'm only if one of them saves you by standing in front of you and diverting his friends, apparently, because that's what happens is.
Speaker 1That's what happens in the lion king no, that's what happens in this movie.
Speaker 2There's one that, like approaches him and stands in front of him as he's cowering like a baby, and then all the other ones are like well, let's not hit our brother, let's go around. And then at the end that one just trots off. I don't know, I don't see this, I don't know what it means.
Speaker 1This is the point at which you've got to build the legend right.
Speaker 2Well, they do not build a legend in this movie whatsoever. Once again, like the legend of Tarzan, they just tell me there's already a legend and I don't get to see it. Yep, it drives me crazy. Listen, folks, if you make a movie where there is a legend about a character, I better see the god darn legend at some point.
Speaker 1He finds the family geodesic dome.
Speaker 2It's in bad repair. Oh okay, so this was already built. I thought he built this from scratch. He walked up to it and it was all fucked up. I think I was laughing too hard from the wildebeest. Maybe Does this happen right after it happens right after, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1And then he figures out that he can outrun a deer, and then some dude come and kill a bunch of his wildebeest buddies.
Speaker 2And then he kills them and then the greatest big game hunter in the world, uh, kills humans for hunting. I understand they're doing it illegally and that's the idea I think is oh, they're poachers, so they're bad did.
Speaker 1Did he kill all of them? As a kid, I think he did. He killed them all as a kid.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah. How is he all?
Speaker 1good at this. Just because he ran with the See, he should have. The wildebeest should have awakened something in him, right? Sure they should have been running towards him and he should have just stood there and then like and then the one stops and looks at him.
Speaker 2And then he walks over and then he mouth kisses it. Open mouth kisses.
Speaker 1Yeah, there you go there, it is he like. Dominates it with his mouth.
Speaker 2And then we get the title scene. You know what I mean. That's Kraven the hunter.
Speaker 1The kisser. So we cut to present day. He's back home. His brother calls.
Speaker 2So he just has like a phone out in the wilderness. Where is this patch of land?
Speaker 1Oh, it's in Russia. Why is there?
Speaker 2a cell tower. Are there cell towers in the wilderness? He'd have a satellite phone. Oh, you think, okay, I mean he's in Russia. Why is there a cell tower? Are there cell towers in the wilderness? You'd have a satellite phone. Oh, you think, okay, I mean he's rich. I'm not saying I don't believe you.
Speaker 1I just say I don't know, Is he?
Speaker 2rich. He ran away from home. Yeah, how does he have money? His dad isn't like oh, I'm going to cut this credit card off because it's from my son who ran away 10 years ago.
Speaker 1How does he pay for the gas on that plane? I?
Speaker 2don't know, it's all weird. Nothing makes any sense to me.
Speaker 1Oh, so yeah, with that wildebeest thing he killed two of the guys, but other guys got away. This time they're on his land and he's an adult, and so he's like I'm going to get you, and he kills four guys. But once again, again, he lets guys, he lets guys get away.
Speaker 2He's not the greatest hunter. He's letting guys get away. He might just be a little lazy, dan, like once they get a head start, he kind of just goes I'll get them later. Oh, that's what the list is. The list is just people that he was too lazy to kill on the day and he's like I'll get you later. I gotta go get a beer I'm gonna kill you later.
Speaker 1so the one guy gets away. Now he's back in London and the guy's going there to tell his boss that they correctly hunted wildebeests in Russia for a reason.
Speaker 2Unknowable reasons, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1I'm the poach king, poach everywhere.
Speaker 2I'm the poach king.
Speaker 1That's a cool character name. So he walks in there to see the boss and boom craven spins around.
Speaker 2He's in the chair with just a giant crossbow. That's the biggest crossbow you've ever seen like where's my boss?
Speaker 1and he's like you're standing in him now did he? Did he pick up his feet and blood dripped off of him like really cool no, not really cool.
Speaker 2There's just like a line of blood under his feet. Already I'm sorry, but you gotta it was not great you gotta pick up your foot and then we gotta have a close-up of that foot where there's just blood you gotta have a squelch sound when he picks up the foot and then it's trip, trip, trip, trip, trip and you're like, oh, oh shit, those are some guts See, but this movie's like PG light.
Speaker 1We need a hard R Wasn't.
Speaker 2Venom R or is Venom not? Is Venom PG-13? I bet you it's PG-13.
Speaker 1You're probably right, they want all your little nephews to be seeing those crappy movies.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's PG-13.
Speaker 1So he kills this guy and then he says but the good news is your boss left me this big list to everybody that works for him, and their addresses and their names and their emails and their bank routing information. Is that the list? No, this is. He's adding all these guys to the list.
Speaker 2Okay, so he's just like an addendum to his list.
Speaker 1It's an addendum, all right, this way he's just like. I shall addend this list to my original list, and then I'll have a super list.
Speaker 2Tape it onto the bottom of his other list. It'll be great.
Speaker 1Calypso. Calypso is a grown-up. She's going to a funeral. He goes to the funeral and he's's like I've been looking for you my whole life and now I found you and you're a lawyer who goes after bad guys and then we can work together. Right, how did he, how did he find what the hell's going on? Um, did not like the girl playing calypso. Thought they thought the little girl was good. Did not like like this girl.
Rhino and Dimitri in London
Speaker 2Yeah, so this lady's been in a couple of things lately. She was in Pool man, I think as well. I'm not crazy about it.
Speaker 1Was she the lawyer? She was the lawyer in Pool man, wasn't she?
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't even remember Pool man. Do you remember Pool man?
Speaker 1Yeah, that lawyer comes there to make him the offer he can't refuse, and she's pretty hot. And he's all like I'll have sex with you later.
Speaker 2There you go. Pretty good yeah.
Speaker 1Pool man did not make any ripples in my brain.
Speaker 2Didn't do it for you.
Speaker 1I don't blame you, I don't care for her. Yeah, she looks up. Then she goes back to her office, looks up all the murders she's done. They meet again and she's like I'm a lawyer and he's like I got a list and she's like join me and we could kill a bunch of people, and she's all like I don't know about that, you know.
Speaker 2I don't know, I don't know. It feels a little weird. Maybe she's not in pool man. Was I wrong about that? I don't know. I'm looking it over right now. It doesn't seem like she's in school, man but she is why would you say I don't know? I thought it was the same person. I'm not man, I'm a bad guy. She was in west side story. Does that help?
Speaker 1oh yeah and she was in argyle, I don't remember that you saw that stupid movie, you said, oh, this movie's great. I don't.
Speaker 2I don't think I said it was great, but it was entertaining. Uh, it like gets weird towards the end, but honestly it's better than this movie. So there's that.
Speaker 1There it is. Um, now we meet alexi, the guy that we saw earlier. That is the rhino, and he fights with his own dog or something. That was like the weirdest part of the whole movie.
Speaker 2Yeah, he fights and then makes up and then is like oh, I'm sorry, baby, your daddy's here. I didn't understand it, I didn't get it. It's not a clear-cut character trait.
Speaker 1I'll tell you that I thought, oh, he's going to kill his own dog just to prove he's a dick. I was like please don't do that.
Speaker 2That's the surefire way to be a bad guy, and that dog never.
Speaker 1He has that dog in the back later and that dog never fights versus Kraven.
Speaker 2No, no, it doesn't do anything.
Speaker 1Why does he have that dog with him?
Speaker 2Just a sweet, sweet baby. It's probably really his dog. Let's be honest. It's just the actor was like I got nowhere to put him Doggy, daycare's closed for the day. He's got to come to set.
Speaker 1I don't know, I think they had all these things where they were like this guy tries to sick the dog on Kraven, kraven's like boop, and then the dog attacks him.
Speaker 2Is that a dog whistle? What was the?
Speaker 1boo. It's like he uses his mind force.
Speaker 2Mind force. Oh okay, that's a mind beam Beast master you. Okay, I understand Okay.
Speaker 1So he's the rhino, he's on the list, he wants to take over the bad guys. Oh, we have this weird scene, right? Because the guy in the prison had people working for him, so the Rhino wants to take over from them. So then the three of them come there and he's all like one of you is going to work for me, and then I'm going to kill the others. And you're like why? Why wouldn't you just be in control of everyone? Just have all three of them.
Speaker 2Yeah, the more the merrier when you're running an empire. Yeah.
Speaker 1The more the merrier when you're running an empire. Yeah, typically if you have three managers, you can't kill two of the managers because then two of your divisions are going to be headless. Yeah, it's command structure.
Speaker 2But it's a stupid comic book movie.
Speaker 1I love comic books, but don't be a stupid comic book movie, john Wick, which is the least plausible movie ever. Right, I'm sure. Let's have a bunch of tattooed ladies that run typewriters and then they do a thing, and then there's sort of rules, but there's sort of not rules. Blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit.
Speaker 2And yet you buy it because you're like, yeah, I mean, this is the world and it's well thought out, it's well planned, it makes sense in itself.
Speaker 1And I'm in. So Rhino has a backpack. The backpack feeds stuff into him, so he isn't the Rhino. When he unplugs the backpack then he gets all armory and hard, but it hurts.
Speaker 2It hurts, but it only seems to hurt during the transformation. I don't, because once he's rhino he doesn't seem to give a shit at all. Who knows so? Then why would just be rhino all the time? You know what I mean, because then you're always invincible. Would you want to?
Speaker 1be rhino all the time.
Speaker 2I mean listen, he's already weird looking.
Speaker 1There it is he's already weird I mean you, I mean you might as well be cool. He doesn't have a lot of riz as a normal person.
Speaker 2He sure doesn't, but imagine all the conversations people have. He'd walk around looking like Rhino.
Speaker 1That's true. People would be like come to our club.
Speaker 2Right Like come on, Rhino, man Get over here.
Speaker 1Okay, so he takes over. He kills a bunch of people. Whatever Cut to Back to London. I guess London Dimitri has become An emo piano man. Yeah, did you want to kill yourself During this scene, tony?
Speaker 2Not myself. You want to kill him. Maybe, just Maybe, just a little.
Speaker 1Oh, it's so terrible.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh, it's so terrible. Yeah, oh, it's my son. He knows I love Tony Bennett. I don't trust anyone that doesn't like Tony Bennett. What's happening, what is going on here, dan?
Speaker 1The bad guys attack, try to kill Russell Crowe, but Russell Crowe fights them off. Dimitri hides under the piano. Dad got shot, but he doesn't care because he's strong.
Speaker 2So strong.
Speaker 1Back at the Rhino headquarter. Rhino acts weird, but Rhino has a video.
Speaker 2Rhino acts weird. I mean you can say that for every scene that he's in. That doesn't describe the scene very well.
Speaker 1Rhino has a video of the prison thing and there is Kraven in all his things. He looks at it, he's like that's Kraven the hunter, but also Russell Crowe's kid. How does he?
Speaker 2know it's Russell.
Speaker 1Crowe's kid.
Speaker 2Because he met him when he was a kid.
Speaker 1I would never put that together in a million years? Never in a million years.
Speaker 2Sure, sure, I understand that. I'm just this video for a guy. That's like a myth everyone. Oh, he's a myth. He's a myth, but there's just a video that clearly depicts who he is yep right like facial recognition is spot on and it knows that it's the aka the hunter. How did they know? It's all very confusing does the thing? On the bottom, doesn't it? Yes, it says aka the hunter, like what? What are you talking about? Facial recognition could name it.
Speaker 2So that means someone already knows he's the hunter and it's like, yep, that's the guy.
Speaker 1It doesn't make any sense. It's AI man. Ai can do anything.
AI and Robots in Everyday Life
Speaker 2That's true, you're right. You AI man. Ai can do anything. That's true, you're right. You're right. I went to CES. I know AI could do anything. Oh yeah, we'll talk about that later. Lots of AI at CES. There was this cute little robot that shakes your hand. Yeah, does one of these things Real cute? Yeah, great stuff.
Speaker 1Wow, the power of AI.
Speaker 2It could shake your hand and they had a robot that was basically it's like working at a movie theater and would take your order and then go pick up your candy and then bring the candy back and then, instead of handing you the candy, it was just like drop it and I was like this is not ready for prime time yet, but I love the idea.
Speaker 1That's what a robot does it delivers candy to you. That's what did it see? Yes, I'm so fucking fat and lazy I can't get my own fucking candy. This is what the this is like. You know? You know what? These idiots are watching wall e and are like see, that's where those idiots did a poll with people like me.
Speaker 2They were like what do you want a robot to do? I was like, well, I'm watching tv, I don't want to go to the fridge. So if I could have a robot that just went and got me a soda, picked up some candy on the way and it just threw it on the ground in front of me, I would love I want to spend my days making sure that that stupid ass robot's plugged in and recharged so it can bring me fucking candy make sure, because if I, if it's not ready when I need the candy, I'm sending that thing back.
Speaker 2full refund, bullshit.
Speaker 1I was watching a Drew Gooden video where he's talking about AI and all the stupid things that they're having it do, and it's like summarizing text messages.
Speaker 2Okay, I mean, those are already pretty short.
Speaker 1Just what you need. I can't read three lines of text. Get her down to one.
Speaker 2If you could put it in four to five words. That's my maximum, so just do your best.
Speaker 1But the best thing he had was it's a thing where it suggests something that you could write to answer a comment right. So on his YouTube, someone's like I really loved your video, da-da-da-da-da-da, I had this, and then you know good job. And then it gives you two choices of things it thinks you might want to say, like I'm in it.
Speaker 2I'm stupid.
Speaker 1It thinks you might want to say like I'm in it. I'm stupid, you know, and it's so funny because it's it's trained off of his own stuff and he's, he's such a smart aleck asshole. It makes it everything. That's me and it's he. He read like 30 of them and they're all so terrible it's just I love it. You know, and I'm on the science fiction forum and these guys talk about ai's, like like they're going to be able to do something, and you're like someday, it probably will no, I mean, ai's are used for tons of things, but they all you know.
Speaker 1You have to compartmentalize them and and tell them exactly what they need to do and what parameters to look at it. Yeah, could you make one that does answer something decently, maybe, maybe. If you really programmed it for a specific person and what they were trying to say. And you know, yeah, you could do just like this. What does this robot do? It brings you fucking candy, you know. Pretty good, you could do just like this. What does this robot do? It brings you fucking candy, you know pretty good use of robot for me.
Speaker 2I don't know yeah. Like if you're because it can tell the difference between different candy stand. That's what's amazing.
Speaker 1Is that what's amazing?
Speaker 2I ordered a Snickers. It brought me a Snickers, Didn't bring me a Twix.
The Foreigner Character Critique
Speaker 1You know that's great Thank goodness, so stupid People think stupid-ass. Elon is going to do something with the AIs.
Speaker 2You're like oh, my God so stupid, oh my God. I love it.
Speaker 1The only thing stupider than AIs is the people that think that AIs aren't stupid. Oh my God, that's so moronic. Okay, um rena has a video. Okay, now we go back to the prison and we meet the new character, tony. Talk about the new superhero character. Who is he?
Speaker 2I don't. Who are we talking about?
Speaker 1there's only one more superhero in this movie that they that's the one that's going to defeat Kraven.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh, who is this guy? He counts, he's the Count man. Is that what they call him, the Count Okay?
Speaker 1Is that his name? This character is the worst character that's ever existed in the movie.
Speaker 2Does he, okay, explain to me what the power is, because he takes off his glasses and he looks you in the eye?
Speaker 1Okay, I'd never heard of this character.
Speaker 2And then he counts to three and then by three he's gone. So it's like a hide-and-seek. Ooh, is his name Hide-and-Seek? That would be a good name for him.
Speaker 1Well, they said his name a number of times Tony.
Speaker 2There's no way, did they really? Oh, the Foreigner, that's right, that is his name, but that doesn't describe him whatsoever. I don't even know what that means. This is stupid. He's the dumbest character in the world.
Speaker 1I gotta read you his powers and abilities.
Speaker 2Please, yeah, give me something.
Speaker 1Are you ready for this? I powers and abilities.
Speaker 2Are you ready for this? I'm ready, lay it on me.
Speaker 1The foreigner has no superhuman abilities.
Speaker 2Wait no.
Speaker 1Hold on, it gets a thousand times better. However, he has trained his body to be in peak physical condition. He is stronger, faster, more agile, has better reaction time than any Olympic athlete.
Speaker 2Oh, but not superhero, hold on. So on the level of peak physicality, he's above Olympic athlete, but below anyone with superpowers whatsoever right. Hold on, he gets better.
Speaker 1He is adept in all known forms of martial arts and most forms of conventional hand repertory weaponry. He's the among the greatest pugilists in the marvel universe similar hold on.
Speaker 2I don't know the word. What does pugilist mean?
Speaker 1pugilist fighter usually used to just mean okay.
Speaker 2Used to mean boxer so like a hand-to-hand combat expert.
Speaker 1Similar in ability to Captain America and Wolverine. His skills are such that even without super inabilities, he's able to pull off seemingly inhuman feats of strength through intense concentration, and has even battled Spider-Man to a standstill. No Hold on, that's not possible. He possesses a near-mystic ability to place an opponent in a 10-second hypnotic trance through eye contact, which makes the opponent believe the foreigner can move faster than the eye can see.
Speaker 2Okay, but how does that happen? They don't tell you how that happens. He has no superhuman abilities, but he can hypnotize you with eye contact.
Speaker 1It's a near-mystic ability. Hold on it's close.
Speaker 2It's almost a superpower, but it's not because it's totally normal.
Speaker 1He has hypnotized Spider-Man in this fashion, which left Spider-Man disoriented or in a light trance for a few seconds, while the foreigner ran away at what seemed to be nearly superhuman speed. From Spider-Man's perspective, it appeared that the foreigner had teleported away.
Speaker 2The foreigner uses his ability for evading enemies no, not according to this movie, he doesn't evade, he just kills people with it. So okay, I I'm confused and this one.
Speaker 1This is this one. I say I love comic books, but there is so much in comic books that is so stupid that if you're writing a movie, you've got to not do this.
Speaker 2You can't take the form. You can't use this guy. This is not a guy you can use in any way, shape or form. A near mystic ability to do something impossible. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 1It's a near mystic ability so that you can confuse people, so that you could run away.
Speaker 2Run, look over there superhero this, yeah, all right. Well, so I mean, here's what I'll say. They didn't nail that at all his name is the foreigner right, why. I don't know what does that have to do with any of the non-powers? You just, you just read to me nothing. It doesn't mean anything. I don't know where's he from. Does it say where he's?
Speaker 1from okay, let me look.
Speaker 2I didn't read that part because I didn't I'm just curious, like if maybe he's from another country and nobody could understand his name and they just call him a foreigner.
Speaker 1A foreigner won this way to pretend to be a prisoner for the Sazer Sabretooth. Blah, blah, blah blah blah. He was wait what he was formerly married to Silver Sable he's a mercenary and assassin. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2I don't think anybody knows.
Speaker 1I don't think anyone cares.
Speaker 2That's probably true.
Speaker 1Worst character ever.
Speaker 2I'm just going to say he definitely seemed like he had superpowers in this movie.
Speaker 1Yeah, they made it seem like he could control people's minds and cloud them. I thought he was like the Mesmero or one of these guys that had some sort of powers. But nope, he just looks at you and then remember that movie hypnotic with ben affleck. That's kind of what his power is right did we watch that movie or did you watch that we?
Speaker 2totally watched that I think. I mean, maybe we didn't.
Speaker 1I get confused sometimes see, I know you 100, you watched that movie. I don't think we did that one did we not do it? We probably should have done it, but that's fine I think I talked I talked you out of it because it was so terrible.
Speaker 2It was bad and that's I mean. The guy looks at you and then you're hypnotized and I think he can control you. I don't know. It's basically similar but different.
Speaker 1Anywho, so the foreigner goes there, figures out who he? I don't know.
Speaker 2Why does he even go there?
Speaker 1He goes there and oh, he smells like the poison dart or something.
Speaker 2Yeah and oh, he smells like the poison dart or something. Yeah, some wild berries or some sort of special berry that he really likes, and he's like ah, I know where to get these.
Speaker 1Craven goes to London for Dimitri's birthday.
Speaker 2How many times does this guy fly back and forth between Russia and London? He's on the move. That's a lot On the move. It's so expensive I don't know. Instead of taking the he might love animals, but he doesn't love the environment. He does not love the environment.
Speaker 1He doesn't take the stairs, he climbs up the walls. Then he surprises Dimitri while he was taking a shower In the shower.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's all pretty weird.
Speaker 1He's like I'm going to go all sweaty, but Dimitri's like I've got a suit that fits you. Let's go to the club.
Speaker 2Why does he have a suit that is that big? He's like oh, this one's too big for me, it's way too big for you. He is twice the size of you.
Speaker 1And that suit fits Craven perfectly, beautifully.
Speaker 2Oh, it looks perfect on that body.
Speaker 1They go there, they're having a good time. But you can tell Dimitri's traumatized, but he still wants Dad's respect and he says, craven, you hate people. And he's like I don't hate people, I hate what people do. I'm like okay.
Speaker 2Sure Great line. I bet he never said that in the comic books.
Speaker 1And then Dad shows up, because dad figured out that they were going to have this meeting.
Speaker 2Sure, yeah, birthday, I kind of like this scene.
Speaker 1This was like one of the few. The brother scenes are the scenes that I kind of like.
Speaker 2Sure, I mean. Well, you have two fine actors Just talking away.
Speaker 1It's interesting you know the dynamic is kind of interesting. With the dad showing up, you can tell he's kind of interesting. With the dad showing up, you can tell he's kind of pissed at the dad. But Dimitri still wants the dad's respect. You're like, okay, this is what the movie really needed to be about.
Speaker 2It's a relatable family dynamic. Have you watched that Penguin TV show? We only watched the first episode.
Speaker 1You know it's like sometimes you need to shed away some of this, all this superhero garbage yeah, yeah, you do because it's getting dull. Yeah, it's getting dull um, he takes drunk Dimitri up to his thing and then Dimitri absolves him of being guilty about leaving him behind.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, well, great. And then he goes and takes a nap outside.
Speaker 1He has bad dreams when he sleeps in a real room, so he has to sleep in the apartment.
Speaker 2But so my only? He has a bed. No, you sleep on the couch. No, no, I'm sorry. Back at his house in Russia. He has a bed. No, he's sleeping on the couch. No, no, I'm sorry Back at his house in Russia.
Speaker 1He has a bed. It's not like he's sleeping outside in the wilderness back home.
Speaker 2It's a geodesic dome where everything is glass. So it's like sleeping under the stars, but it's kind of not, because you're in the safety of a home in a soft bed and you got air conditioning.
Speaker 1I don't know, it just seemed a little weird His bed might have just been canvas.
Speaker 2Might have been like, I don't know, when he lays down and in the beginning it looks like a pretty comfy bed. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1Might be made out of moss Might be, covered in wildebeest urine, sleeping in urine.
Speaker 2Good point, yes, boy, I miss that I'm sleeping in urine.
Speaker 1You know you got a lot of urine. Smells in the park.
Speaker 2That's true.
Speaker 1You're right.
Speaker 2Feels just at home.
Speaker 1Mostly wino urine, unfortunately Very stinky. So then he's like okay, I've. Then he goes home or goes back to see dimitri again. I don't know why. Maybe he left his vest there or something, and they've kidnapped dimitri.
Speaker 1Yeah, then we have this gigantic action scene where he runs a lot and tries to chase them, and tries to catch them, and then they get in a helicopter and he throws a rope on it, and then he he throws a spear through a guy and then he gets dragged through the water and until he hits a buoy and then they get away with the media. Yeah, talk about the talk about that.
Speaker 2Don't how much you like that scene I mean, you know it wasn't the worst one in the movie. As the action set pieces go, it's probably towards the top, if I'm being honest, because there's a lot of bad ones, and I enjoyed him climbing around the car. I thought that was, you know, pretty cool for a little bit.
Speaker 1Did you like that? There was a handlebar on the front of the car that he could hold on to very easily.
Speaker 2I was a little confused by it because I've never seen a car like that that just has a windshield handlebar. But it worked out nicely for him you know, so he could hang on a little bit. I liked the part where the guy shot the window and then the guy in the front seat says it's bulletproof.
Speaker 1That was funny.
Kraven the Hunter Movie Critique
Speaker 2That's a good joke One of the only times I laughed in the whole movie. And that's, two hours, that's a long time not to laugh. And then, you know, he had his Captain America moment with the helicopter, but just so much worse. Yeah, like, just give me the Captain america, show me those biceps while he's doing it. This guy's ripped, let's show it off a little bit more. That's, he takes off his shirt a lot. I mean, the movie ends with him flexing his abs, which is, uh, 10 out of 10. But you know, let's, let's sexualize him a little bit more. That's. Maybe that would have helped me be more into the movie or into his character, like if he was just a little bit more dangerous and sexy. Um, but it's dull, it's. I didn't like this.
Speaker 2I didn't like he has no chemistry with calypso right I mean, I don't, he doesn't seem to have a lot of chemistry full stop. But yeah, no, for sure not the two of them. Yeah, are they romantically involved, you think?
Speaker 1in the comic. I think it was like his girlfriend at some point.
Speaker 2I did not get. I didn't get that at all from this movie.
Speaker 1No, she, she seemed like his, like assistant or his, you know, like yeah yeah, personally he calls on the phone and is like you know, I need some money.
Speaker 2Well, I'm wiring you money well, but she does it a little more begrudgingly, like she doesn't even seem to like him that much. You know Saved your life, I don't know.
Speaker 1Saved your life, spears the guy, and he goes to the lawyer while he's still wet and she's all like why are you coming here all wet?
Speaker 2Which is a. It's a good question, because how far did he run you?
Speaker 1I feel like he would have dried off a little I mean it depends on how cool it is if the sun's out.
Speaker 2Yeah, they're probably shooting a lot of factors, a lot of factors humidity.
Speaker 1You know humidity factors. He goes to see his dad. He finds out there's the. They sent a ransom note. They want 20 million, 20, whole million dollars and it doesn't even feel like that.
Speaker 2I don't know what his drug kingpin's worth. Seem like a lot of money but 20 mil doesn't seem like a ton.
Speaker 1I don't know then he's all like pay them. And he's like, if I pay them, I'm weak, I'm a drug dealer, I can't pay them. And this them and this part. Dad gets all mad at him and he's all like, blah, blah, blah. Dad tries to hit him and he just grabs the hand and just stops. That scene was shot really well.
Speaker 2Just like boom. And that's the fantasy of any boy who's grown up with a troubled relationship with their father. Boys love to get to that point where they're like, oh no, I can take you. Now I'm to that age where I could fuck you up if I needed to. It's a good feeling In the movie. It's a great scene. Don't look at me like that, Dan. Okay, I was agreeing with you. It's a good scene, Shot really well, did you cry.
Speaker 2No, I didn't cry. It's a victory moment. We're behind him. It's empowering. Good for you, craven, they're roughing up Dimitri.
Speaker 1He finds out that the bad guys have taken him to Turkey. He goes to Turkey, kills a bunch of guys and they shoot a missile at the thing. Oh, we had that in the gray man, didn't we? Have I seen gray man, it's Netflix. I don't think you ever watched it oh, it's the Russo brothers.
Speaker 2It was not good it was oh it's the Russo brothers.
Speaker 1Right, it was not good, it was okay, it was not good I don't know.
Speaker 2Yeah, we canceled our Netflix. Did I tell you that? Canceled Netflix? Shut that shit down. Yep, we're done. It's expensive, man, and it's the one we use the least Really. So, what's interesting, peacock is our most used, and then Max and then Paramount, because Paramount's got some good movies. So we're just like, yeah, netflix is done, it's out Until Stranger Things comes out, and then we'll get it back the Rhino, so he doesn't die.
Speaker 1They think he's dead. He's not dead. Kraven lives. Rhino terrorizes Dimitri. Rhino explains his origin, which no one cares, not even a little. Kraven goes back to his ancestral home and then Calypso's with him, and he has to fight a CGI snow leopard to show he's cool, still for no reason, no reason whatsoever.
Speaker 2Um, I thought they were gonna be like friends. I thought it was like you know yeah, but he uses them later, yeah, but not. I thought they were gonna be like friends. Like you know, you wrestle and you wrestle because like sometimes when I come home my cat like likes to swat at me and have fun and then you know, we cuddle. That would have been so. I thought it was gonna be like that sort of relationship. It's so cute.
Speaker 1It would have been very cute.
Speaker 2And I would have been like oh, okay, I like you now. Yeah him a good deal, what of?
Speaker 1It would have been beautiful, but they didn't, because we all have that relationship with that. You know, real humans have that relationship with animals.
Speaker 2Yep.
Speaker 1Okay, the bad guy smells the poison. Figures out where Craven's from, because he couldn't have bought poison. You know you're only going to use poison from where you live.
Speaker 2That's a terrible point. Listen, if you're going to poison somebody, you're going to want to get a poison far away from where you live so they can't track it to you.
Speaker 1You got to think a little, guys, he's not thinking we find out that Calypso can use a bow because she pushes the button to reveal his armory, so that later, when he pushes to reveal his armory to get ready, we're like we've already seen his armory so that later, when he pushes to reveal his armory to get ready, we're like we've already seen this.
Speaker 2We're like, oh yeah, I know this is, this has already happened. Yeah, we don't need to see this again that was really a weird choice it's the wrong segment. I wonder if there's an earlier scene where he does that and they cut it?
Speaker 1no, because they, they totally. When the things come down, they shoot him like they're when she, she does them. They're a reveal thing, like wow.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's like bah, bah, bah, I've uncovered his secret.
Speaker 1When he does it, it's like now, it's exciting and you're like no, it's time to go to work. You know she's got to reveal, like you know, his naked lady magazine. It's like oh.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, he gets lowly out here in the dome. Which he would.
Speaker 1So the bad guys have a nightmare gun. They show up. He uses the leopard to attack them. Dimitri escapes. He kills a bunch of guys with traps, but then they easily shoot him with the gun.
Speaker 2I want to just shout out one when he uses the bear trap on the guy's face, you like that? That was a 10 out of 10. Yeah, yeah, I wanted more things like that in this you wanted, that was. You wanted some serious home aloneing I will as home aloneing, sure, but just you, knowagery, because he's the world's greatest hunter and I would like him to just go a little, you know.
Speaker 1And you know immediately A little dark. I'm reminded of the James Bond movie, where the bad guy's chasing back to his ancestral home and you get a. That's a great fight.
Speaker 2Yeah, 100%. Well, because it's his territory, he should be able to run circles around him.
Speaker 1Nope, they just sneak up on him and shoot him with the nightmare thing. And he's like I'm having a nightmare, I'm having a nightmare. And then Calypso just shoots the foreigner in the head and he has. This is why I got confused.
Speaker 2He starts seeing spiders yeah, spiders. And I was like is that Spider-Man? He's afraid of spiders, the sirens are on our end, everybody, if you're listening in the car? No, they're on my end. Yeah, sure I heard them. I was just letting people know.
Speaker 1Just in case.
Speaker 2Sometimes when you're driving in a car, but then it cuts to his mom and she's in her loony bin also screaming the spiders, the spiders, oh okay. So why I was expecting some sort of connection slash reveal at some point to make that make sense. But maybe his greatest nightmare is becoming his mother and going crazy, because that never plays a part in anything else in the rest of the movie.
Speaker 1He never struggled. I don't know, man, If they had him actually struggle with mental health in this movie. That would be interesting.
Speaker 2Sure, yeah, what a thing to deal with. I don't know, baloney, I'm going to tell you something. Okay, I want to hear it.
Speaker 1Whenever a movie starts doing flashbacks and things are happening, I tune it out completely. I don't listen to it.
Speaker 2Oh really.
Speaker 1I don't acknowledge it Interesting. I don't acknowledge it as something that is happening in the movie I'm watching.
Speaker 2Because it's not technically.
Speaker 1You know what I mean, because it never adds up to anything.
Speaker 2Yeah, it should, though it should, otherwise it shouldn't be in the movie and anyhow, yeah, so you know it's the foreigner and he's winning. And then Craven doesn't beat him at all, he just gets, you know, surprised shot in the eyeball with an arrow.
Speaker 1Oh the one thing I did like was he's like at one point Craven's punching the foreigner and then it turns out he's punching a log. I like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was good, but he never has to overcome it, which is that was my disappointment with it.
Speaker 1Well, and they also set up that he says this poison cures other poisons. And I was like, oh well, that's what's going to happen. He's going to use that other poison, he's going to go for something and fix himself, which would have been nice.
Speaker 2Sure.
Speaker 1But they never did that, and Calypso just kills him easily. So yeah, Great stuff.
Speaker 2Super anticlimactic he was neutralized easily.
Speaker 1The bad guy was neutralized easily, so I guess it's even.
Speaker 2Yeah, there you go. They're both terrible at their jobs, and then we move on.
Speaker 1Then we have the big rhino fight, which he just keeps trying the same exact thing over and over. I'm going to stab you with a knife. Knife breaks. You know what? My next plan will be to stab you with my other knife.
Speaker 2I got two more right here, buddy. Yeah, that's great, great stuff, because I appreciate that they put in a recognition. You know, he stabs the first one, and then they purposely show a scene where he looks at the knife and is like, oh shit, that's not going to work. And then he pulls out two more knives Great stuff. Oh shit, that's not gonna work. And then he pulls out two more knives great stuff. I mean it's really, really nice that they put a nice little point on it.
Speaker 1It's like, hey, everyone, look at this shit that we're doing so weird he finally figures out that the rhinos port on his side, where he gets his magic juice, his little blowhole sticks a thing in his hole and then jiggles it around. Which, I'm telling you, if you poke something in somebody's hole and jiggle it around, that's that's gonna be. That's the end of them, right? What it should have been was he should have just gotten a little bit in there, and then he he'd have to get like a hammer and start hammering it into him is that what?
Speaker 2oh man, there is a maybe it's a john wick moment, I don't know. There's a movie where it's just like a knife is slowly going in and then he just has to hammer like boom, boom and it just goes. I think it's John Wick and it just goes into his face and it's so fucking visceral. But that's yeah. That would have been a great moment if he had to keep working on this pipe inside Like that's cool, that's a cool fight. That's a cool fight. This wasn't a cool fight. This is stupid, continuously attacking this one tiny point right like.
Speaker 2That's fun, like rhinos coming at him and he has to like dodge and then pow, pow and he picks up a rock a strategy. It's a strategy because he's the greatest hunter on the planet.
Speaker 1He sticks, he sticks the rod in about 14 inches and doesn't really do anything then Then he gets in there deep and then he wraps a cable around it and then he ties the cable to some of the wildebeest and then the wildebeest drag him to his death.
Speaker 2Just fling him around like a rag doll and he's just slam, slam, slam, even though he's heavy like a rhino, so dumb.
Speaker 1And that's it. So then we're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap everything up. He goes to see his dad and he finds out that the dad Was the one that sent the video To Rhino. So the dad wanted his son To fight his enemy.
Speaker 2And it's like Okay, and then a bear attacks him.
Speaker 1Oh so the dad's hunting and it's like okay, and then a bear attacks him. Oh so Dad's hunting, and then Kraven stole all his bullets. So Dad would have to learn how to fight, how Kraven fights. Didn't give Dad super serum, did he?
Speaker 2No, he sure didn't. Doesn't give a shit. That doesn't seem very fair. See you later, Dad.
Speaker 1He couldn't have fought that when he was a kid. He couldn't fight that lion.
Speaker 2No, he sure couldn't. He got chewed up Ang, ang, ang, ang, so he lets his dad get killed.
Speaker 1One year later he goes to see Dimitri. Dimitri's hired a doctor to do doctor stuff on him and Dimitri's taking over his dad's business and he says you're worse than dad, you're just another trophy hunter. And you're like well, it's not really worse than dad, it's the same as dad.
Speaker 2Not only is that not worse, but it's a terrible description because that's not the character. If that was the character of this movie, then I understand the movie. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1He's playing the Punisher. It's what he's playing.
Speaker 2Yeah, 100% yeah, but not Kraven the Hunter. No, but I like that line. I think that's a really nice last line. To be like, yeah, you're not a good guy, but I just watched a two-hour movie about him being the good guy and not at all being a bad guy doesn't make any sense if he really was like you know, half doing it to get, you know, revenge for his friend, but also half like I need to kill. I love this, I thrive in this hunting and killing. That's what I live for, but like I'm also using it for good right now, but also I'm kind of a bad guy. That's a wonderful dichotomy that I would enjoy watching.
Speaker 1That's not the movie like some guy asks him for mercy, and he just kills him. Sure, and he's just like no, not today, you're part of the hunt. I don't know what that was. He sticks a knife in his brain and scrambles his brain. It's nice, tony. So the brother has gotten turned into the chameleon so he can just turn into whoever he wants to.
Speaker 1Yeah, pretty much Great stuff. And then he's like I'm strong, now Go home because Dad left you a present. And he goes home. And Dad has taken the lion and then turned it into a vest and then also left him a crown and a mirror so that he could admire himself wearing the vest with the thing and the crown and it's like what? Because that's what Kraven has, that same sort of real outfit.
Speaker 2I get that, but it doesn't make sense for the character.
Speaker 1What doesn't make sense, that he would sit there looking at himself Any of it.
Speaker 2Like why, right? Like he doesn't need the crown because he doesn't need to be the best and he doesn't need the lion thing because he's sad that the lion's dead. He's not a big game hunter, the lion's dead, he's not a big game hunter, he's not like oh, what a trophy this will be. He doesn't like to kill animals. I don't know, it's super weird, but again, having said that, he's flexing those abs in that chair and my god, he looks there's. He looks good.
Speaker 1Yeah, he looks great so really nice not the worst, but not a good good movie?
Speaker 2No, it's hardly a movie. I don't know. I'm hoping that we're done with these Sony Spider-Verse movies. I hope we're officially done, we're never done. Yeah, that's probably true. Here's what I'll say we make fun of Venom a bunch, but at least it's fun. At least Venom is fun.
Speaker 1This movie was zero fun venom did turn into a fish and a frog he sure did.
Speaker 2It was cool.
Speaker 1There it is I like the fish and the frog. Venom, that's yeah there you go.
Speaker 2What do you like from this movie? Pretty much nothing.
Speaker 1I like that I like this interaction between the dad and the two sons sure, bar that one sure but then again venom didn't have anything half as horrible as when the kid played the piano.
Speaker 2I was just like no very bad, it's a low, low. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 1Yeah, maybe we're done with these. There's no more Venom. Well, there's not any more planned Venom movies.
Speaker 2Yeah Well, you never know, we'll see what happens they're not doing Madam Web 2.
Speaker 1I don't think they're doing Kraven 2.
Speaker 2I don't think so either. I think this did really bad, when Venom at least made money. I don't think this made any money.
Speaker 1Okay, now we talk about something we like this week. I don't think I talked about this last week. I did a full rewatch on Furiosa.
Speaker 2No, you did not.
Speaker 1First time I watched it I was like this is a weird movie. Second time I'm like this is a really interesting movie. It's really good.
Speaker 2Okay, really Okay. Well, that's good, that's a good turn, just a really, this one's going to have legs.
Speaker 1You know people, I don't think, because it's not the same as because I think I rewatched the whole of Fury Road 2. And Fury Road is just, it's an incredible movie.
Speaker 2Supposedly it's very good. Oh yeah, you can't see it because you're afraid or something. I'm afraid, I'm scared, I'm scared, scared of seeing a movie.
Speaker 1I might watch that movie and enjoy it. No, I'm not doing that, yeah, I'm almost so, tony. What do you? What do you got for us? What uh?
Speaker 2well. So it's not uh, I'm not following the rules exactly but warner brothers, discovery, I think it's all three. Now, uh, they have been over the last month they've been slowly releasing movies for free on their YouTube channel. I don't know if you've heard about this, no, so they're just releasing old backlog movies and some of them are great and they're free with ads, but it's totally worth it. And one of them on there is Overnight Delivery with an old Paul Rudd Reese Witherspoon rom-com, which is wild.
Speaker 2And then the one that we watch is Mr nice guy with jackie chan, and it's just. You watch a jackie chan movie and you watch something like craven the hunt this is what I was talking about and you watch this cgi bullshit of him climbing up the thing. Jackie chan could do that in his sleep. All right, that guy's climbing up walls, he's jumping across buildings, breaking legs on, like in real life. This guy I miss. I miss prime time Jackie Chan so much. But this is, it's a wonder, like it's cheesy, silly movie, but it's great. And you know, 90s action movies are just fun, man, they don't take themselves too seriously. For the most part, they're just. It's just great. I just Anyhow, warner Bros Discovery releasing free movies on YouTube Go check it out there it is.
Speaker 1You know what we need to watch next week, Tony. I don't, but I'm excited to find out A really bad science fiction movie made by a big studio and starring Tom Cruise.
Speaker 2Tom Cruise, you're not going to be able to watch this movie because it's on Netflix, yeah. It's fine, I'll figure it out. Which one is this? What year? I have no idea. Is it newer or older Is this the Oblivion movie? Okay, all right, let's do this thing. Is that Morgan Freeman? Is that who's in that with him? Okay, let's do this thing. Is that Morgan Freeman? Is that who's in that with him?
Speaker 1I mean this might not be a bad movie.
Speaker 2It's probably not a great movie.
Speaker 1I don't think it's going to be a great movie.
Speaker 2It's no. What's the good one? Live Die Repeat.
Speaker 1Is that what it's called now? I don't know what it's called now that movie's.
Speaker 2I love that movie that movie 10 out of 10, except the ending and it's dopey, but whatever, I ignored the ending yeah, it's, it earns like it earns my forgiveness. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1Yeah, totally cool, wonderful, it's very unusual for a movie to have a perfect, perfect first and second acts, but just kind of like whatever, it's fine. Yeah, third act, yeah, but, but by that time I'm having so much fun, it's just like okay, cool, yeah, let's do it again her name is so good in that she is, yeah, so good in that just moved herself up into the pantheon of the, you know, greatest female action stars of all time has she?
Speaker 2what else? What other action movies has she done? Is she done anymore? I mean, she's in those stupid quiet place movies. Those aren't action movies, though, and plus, you know, her husband directs himself, whatever, I don't know. I like, I like the first one. That's the only one we've seen so terrible. All right, so, uh, yeah, oblivion, let's do this thing oblivion ah, um, oh okay, what do you say? Jam Jamie Lannister's in this movie? Oh yeah, from Game of Thrones. What's his name? Nicolaj Coster-Walter. I can't do it.
Speaker 1I'm sorry, oh, okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, jamie, yeah, my bad Good for him.
Speaker 1So we'll be back next week. Leave us a thumbs up, leave us a comment, subscribe. You know, subscribe All things you can do to help out the channel. Hopefully Tony won't leave for another two weeks, ever again. We'll keep putting out shows?
Speaker 2I hope not. It was a tough time in our lives.
Speaker 1It was pretty dark. Goodbye everybody.
Speaker 2We're Dan and Tony. Hey, watch it. We're Dan and Tony. It's like watching hell.