Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Fountain of Youth: A Two-Hour Expedition to Nowhere
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Adventure films are a delicate balance of charm, wonder, and heart—which is why "Fountain of Youth" is such a fascinating disappointment to dissect. What should have been a thrilling revival of a beloved genre instead becomes a masterclass in missed opportunities.
The frustration comes not from the film being terrible (we've seen worse), but from how tantalizingly close it comes to greatness before veering off course. With John Krasinski, Natalie Portman, and stunning locations around the world, all the ingredients were there. Yet something vital is missing: soul.
Great adventure protagonists care deeply about something—Indiana Jones respects artifacts even while stealing them, Benjamin Gates in National Treasure risks everything to protect historical treasures while pursuing them. Krasinski's Luke, by contrast, moves through the story with curious detachment, displaying impressive combat skills without explanation and making quips that never land with the intended charm.
The supporting cast fares no better, with potentially interesting characters reduced to exposition machines. The chemistry between leads is nonexistent despite the script insisting otherwise. Even the central mystery—the Fountain of Youth itself—operates on confusing, inconsistent rules that change to serve the plot rather than create a coherent mythology.
What makes this analysis worthwhile is recognizing how "Fountain of Youth" illuminates exactly what makes adventure films work by doing the opposite. It's a reminder that spectacle without heart falls flat, that heroes need vulnerability alongside capability, and that audiences want to feel wonder alongside the characters discovering ancient secrets.
If you love adventure cinema and want to understand why some attempts work brilliantly while others fail, join us for this deep dive into a film that might just kill the genre it hoped to revitalize. Subscribe, share your thoughts in the comments, and let us know what adventure classics you'd recommend instead!
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Opening Banter About the Darkest Timeline
Speaker 1In my defense, this is the darkest timeline, so really everyone was born in the wrong time right now, it's not going well. It is not going well, that is correct.
Speaker 2It's like I grew up with the atomic bomb. Yeah, we got over it. I'm like, okay, it's going pretty good, that's great. You might be wishing for the atomic bomb about now.
Speaker 1I miss those days Wow.
Speaker 2I missed. Stop, drop and duck, duck undercover.
Speaker 1And that's how you hid from bombs.
Speaker 2Yes, you would crawl under your desk.
Speaker 1Okay, they know that's not going to work, right? Even then they had to know that that wasn't going to work. You've got to give us something that's called a false sense of security. Dan, I'm glad you fell for it.
Speaker 2Oh, no, no, no. None of us thought that we were going to.
Speaker 1Even then you were like this is pretty dumb right. I guess we'll do it, but it's not going to stop a bomb.
Speaker 2Oh, yeah, no like my entire childhood was living in fear of the atomic bomb.
Speaker 1Well, couldn't you just crawl into a refrigerator? You know Indiana Jones? Hey, watch it with Dan. And Tony.
Speaker 2Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan.
Speaker 1And I'm Tony.
Speaker 2On this show. We watch a movie, then we talk about the movie. It's as simple as that. We'll make it more complex.
Speaker 1It's as simple as that. It We'll make it more complex. It's as simple as that, and yet it usually takes Dan three to five minutes to describe what we do at the top of the show.
Speaker 2No, I've been getting better.
Speaker 1Tony, you're right, I know I'm sorry, I'm being harsh today.
Speaker 2We look for terrible movies and you know what? Most of the times, we find them.
Speaker 1We find them. We find them, we're looking. You don't have to look very hard. That's the whole thing about Hollywood in this show. You don't have to look very hard. They pretty much just present them to you on a silver platter.
Speaker 2You like see the trailer and you're like, oh, we're going to be watching that for the show.
Speaker 1I fell for this one hard, because this is right in my wheelhouse. These are some of my favorite movies of all time. Like this genre is is my favorite second favorite, maybe to horror, but probably close to my favorite. And um boy, did they do everything wrong, every, everything, every single. It's like they've never seen an adventure movie in their lives.
Speaker 2I do not know the bad girls or the adversarial girl's name. I never caught her name.
Speaker 1You mean in the movie?
Speaker 2In the movie.
Speaker 1Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2Her real name's Iza, something, something she's been in a number of things I've seen.
Speaker 1Have you seen Ambulance yet? Did I talk about that? Is Ambulance, michael Bay Is that the movie that's Well, you should watch it.
Speaker 2That, like I haven't seen the Scorsese one, there's a Scorsese one with. No, it's not Scorsese what's his name With the Prince of Persia.
Speaker 1Oh really, yeah, what is that? I don't know. I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2Okay, you're saying the Michael Bay directed Ambulance and it's pretty fun.
Speaker 1It's pretty fun, yeah, also with Jake Gyllenhaal, of course, and also this lady.
Speaker 2It is Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes.
Speaker 1It's Jake Gyllenhaal and one other guy Whose name I can't remember. Yeah, it's great. Great is a bit of an exaggeration, but it's a very fun action movie. It's like all shot on drones and stuff, so there's some really cool stuff that they are able to do. It's Michael Bay, so it's still a little Bayish, but it's the more Grounded of the Bay films.
Speaker 2Oh, okay, I think I tried to watch Domino at one point. Domino, sure, that one was just very rough, very very, very hard Very hard and I just have not really gone back to Bay since I've been like I don't know.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think that's fine. I like to give people extra chances for no reason.
Speaker 2Tony, what movie are we watching?
Speaker 1We are watching the Apple TV Plus Disappointment, fountain of Youth 2025, two hours and seven minutes. Too long.
Speaker 2National Treasure. I believe it was two hours 11 minutes, I think.
Speaker 1Yeah, something like that. Yeah, and you know what? That movie? Not too long, because that is very possible to make a movie that does make use of the time you give it.
Speaker 2Of his adversaries. In the National Treasure movie does he beat the shit out of or shoot with a gun?
Speaker 1I don't, I don't remember anyone dying. I'm sure they do. But it's not it's not like this though, right? Well, because I mean, sean Bean is the adversary, right? Yes, starts as a starts as a friend becomes the adversary, and I'm sure there are goons that, at the end, probably don't make it out of that final cave. Yeah, like I'm sure people die, similar to how they did on the staircase in this movie.
Speaker 2People definitely fall to their death in that staircase at the International Treasure. I mean I can't swear to that, but as I remember, no, no, that for sure happens.
Speaker 1That staircase is very dangerous I don't think we take out a giant uh gatling gun or whatever the hell this thing is, and just mow people down. That I don't believe happens okay, I'm just.
Speaker 2I haven't seen that stretch a while, I just wanted to to calibrate to make sure my memory of it was Nicolas Cage's main skill, wasn't?
Speaker 1beating up hired killers.
Speaker 2Having the skills to beat the shit out of hired killers.
Speaker 1No, there are gunshots, but I would wager I should really watch this movie again. I don't think Nick wields a gun. I think the bad guys do and kind of shoot, because the whole point of that movie is he's staying one step ahead of them.
Speaker 2He's dodging the bullets.
Speaker 1Yeah, he's not like, oh, I'm going to stand and fight and murder y'all. I don't think so.
Speaker 2Come on, Sean Bean, I'm going to kick the shit out of you because I'm the greatest kickboxer fighter in the world.
Speaker 1No yeah.
Speaker 2Spoilers. These are things that happen in this movie.
Speaker 1I'm going to try to look it up. Is this possible to look up A national treasure? Nicolas Cage's character, Benjamin Franklin Gates, doesn't explicitly kill anyone. Okay.
Speaker 2There you go, explicitly kill anyone. Okay, there you go. I mean not that what's his name explicitly kills anyone, but he certainly makes it. So people are dying around him fairly regularly and no one cares at all.
Speaker 1There's the scene when they float the boat, the sub or whatever. At one point they're just firing machine guns willy-nilly, they crash a helicopter. I mean that's ridiculous.
Speaker 2They didn't crash a helicopter. I mean, they shot the helicopter. We're hit, we're hit, I guess we're going to have to go back to base and we have just enough power and energy Right, because we have plenty of time to fly over the ocean for ten minutes?
Speaker 1I don't know, I don't know I can't, I don't understand how helicopters work, but it's still silly. They're fine when you shoot them like for 10 to 15 minutes, you know what I mean. Then they gotta sit down, you gotta patch the hole, that's all that happens.
Speaker 2You gotta weld it shut whip out some insta weld and a little duct tape.
Speaker 1Fine little gaff tape goes a long way Because they're on a movie set.
Speaker 2Nailed it, so this movie.
Speaker 1Is bad. Thanks for coming by everybody. So this I was talking to the wife and it's not the worst movie we've seen.
Speaker 2In a while.
Speaker 1But it is, to me, the most frustrating movie because of all of the wasted potential and terrible choices, that a movie that should be great and I should love and should revitalize this genre that's been dormant for 20 years, is gonna do the opposite. People are gonna look at this and be like I guess we can't make movies like that anymore because nobody likes them. And no, no, no, no. You made a shitty movie and nobody liked it. That's what happens. Try again.
Speaker 2They really. You know, I'm thinking of the movies we've done. We did Uncharted.
Speaker 1Uncharted yeah.
Speaker 2Which you know it's, and we didn't do the gray man but the gray man's sort of in the same sort of place, and they're just sort of wrong-headed movies that just they don't understand what the genre is.
Speaker 1No and that's weird.
Speaker 2It's not that confusing. I wouldn't think so you throw some people that are in semi-conflict together and then in the first act you do that. You throw them together in the first act or the beginning of the second act and you have your team assembled. Then they act as a team to overcome a bunch of issues.
Speaker 1Hopefully multiple, like what would you call it like solving multiple clues. I feel like this movie they solve one clue did they solve a clue? Well, the kid solved the one clue the kid solved.
Speaker 2The kid did two things and they did nothing. I looked at the poster of this movie. Maybe after I watched maybe 10 minutes of, I looked at the poster of this movie.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2You know, maybe after I'd watched you know maybe 10 minutes of it, I looked at the poster and I'm like holy shit, her kid is coming along on the adventure.
Speaker 1On this crazy adventure, yeah.
Speaker 2And I say to myself oh, okay. The only reason this kid is coming along is because we're going to shoot him at the end, and then we're going to shoot him at the end, and then we're going to have to use the fountain of youth to save him.
Speaker 1This is going to be the whole thing To be. Let me be very clear. I assumed the ending would be the same, except for we're not shooting a child, Dan, because that is crazy.
Speaker 2They just bring me on.
Speaker 1I'm like die I thought they were going to shoot Natalie Portman because she's the one that's like I don't want to do this, I don't want to be here. When, when, west, then you shoot her and then krasinski has to like, choose her over the riches. That's what I thought was gonna happen.
Speaker 2Why is there a child there? You, if you're not gonna shoot the child, I?
Speaker 1thought the child being there was a bad decision from jump street, like I didn't think they should have ever brought the kid along, except for the fact that the kid and the redhead were the only interesting characters on that journey. When they have that scene in the cafe, I was like, okay, I would follow this movie, like this odd couple of the smart-ass kid and the rich idiot.
Speaker 2Like oh boy, oh boy, this is bad movie well, we'll talk about that scene when we get to it, because sure, that scene is a scene from a. It's a scene from a different movie correct.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's not a scene from this movie, it's absolutely not a scene from this movie like like the kid is playing the proper kid character but Dom Hall is not playing his character, he's not doing anything, he never plays that character. They never were like okay, you got to play this character. And I watched the first 10 minutes or so of National Treasure. He has a whole childhood thing where grandpa's like kind of does it.
Speaker 1Yeah, grandpa tells the story right.
Speaker 2Yeah, and the dad yells at him and like stop treasure hunters, you dumb, dumbs and then they're in the snow and they go and they find, they find a boat, then they find the ship you know under the ice.
Speaker 1It's all coming back as you're, as you're telling me, yeah, keep going he, he.
Speaker 2he gets this little seal that he rolls and it shows some words and then he does a whole. He does a whole thing where he gets things wrong. He says things and then he realizes they're wrong.
Speaker 1Great, Okay, yeah, cause he's working it out.
Speaker 2He's working it out and it's he's doing a great job. And Sean beans there and this other guy's there, the other dumb guy's like I think that's a prison and he's like no, and he's like this poor guy's like pouting. But you instantly see sean bean, you're like he, automatically you're not trusting him oh yeah, you're like first of all sean bean, but yeah you're like nah, something, something's going on with you, sean.
Speaker 2You're not here for the right reasons yeah, and you gotta give us you know, and not that we're gonna get to the end of the movie and go oh, Dom Hall's the real bad guy. Because we realized that about halfway through, because we don't have a real bad guy, we're like oh, we haven't seen a real bad guy.
Speaker 1When you're searching for a bad guy, he's usually right in front of you, so yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, when the standard bad guys, who are actually good guys, are literally saying oh, by the way, I'm not the bad guy, but I'm just trying to slow you down.
Speaker 1Right, yeah, very confused. Well. So it's kind of like the mummy, right, because they have that whole people clad that are protecting. We're going to talk about the mummy.
Speaker 2They have a whole bunch of people that in this thing they have people protecting the secret.
Speaker 1No, they have a group of them. No, she has a bunch of people that in this thing.
Speaker 2They have people protecting the secret. Yeah, they have a group of them, she had. No, she has a bunch of people that all die along the way.
Speaker 1I mean, I guess that's true, but we don't know any of them. And then, and then stanley tucci has like a key of some.
Speaker 2I'm gonna actually need you to explain a bunch of things about this movie to me, by the way, just forewarning but the point is in the you have the guys that are protecting it and then at a certain point they sort of change sides a little bit. But you understand it.
Speaker 2There is a natural progression point where they're protecting it and they will just shoot you or whatever. They'll do what they need to do. And then at a certain point it's gone too far and they're like, okay, we're all working together, yeah, and it's a perfect regression. This movie does not understand that at all.
Speaker 1This movie doesn't understand anything that anyone's ever done before. It doesn't understand Indiana Jones. It doesn't understand National Treasure. It doesn't understand the Mummy. It doesn't even understand Sahara Okay, we're going to treasure. It doesn't understand the mummy. It doesn't even understand sahara.
Speaker 2Okay, we're gonna go to sahara's the worst movie ever.
Speaker 1No, this is 10 times worse than sahara, and I'm gonna prove it at some point I saw sahara.
Speaker 2Sahara's fine. It's not good, but hold on.
Speaker 1Steve's on is great, oh yeah he, he.
Speaker 2I won't say he made his career, but he certainly showed that he could do what it takes.
Speaker 1Yeah, amen.
Speaker 2It was a fun movie. It was fun. It was a fun, not special movie. That's what it was.
Speaker 1That is all I wanted this movie to be. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking, it doesn't have to be great, it just has to be fun and watchable. I just want to be able to put it on for two hours and like, just chill, just chill. Instead, I'm yelling at the screen, I'm mad at everybody, I'm googling people to see if their lives have fallen apart because I'm so upset um sorry, okay, well, we're gonna. We're gonna talk about this because it's gonna be long we start john krasinski's character, luke.
Speaker 2He's on a scooter, the phone rings. God, he's beset on all sides by they're. He's in thailand. He's beset on all sides by thailand people, thai people, kasem. He's got a painting rolled up on his back and kasem's like that's not your painting, so hold on yeah, so it just to catch everybody up.
Speaker 1I tried to watch this movie in earnest, uh, two weeks ago and at this point I was like, oh, I think I need to turn this off because I think this needs to be a hate watching.
Speaker 2It is this point of the movie.
Speaker 1Wow, that was quick, but I let it go and by the end of this chase scene, my wife turns to me. She's like we have to turn this off. This has to be for the podcast, otherwise we're just going to be mad all night. I was like you're right, we're done. But so the point, point where I knew I was gonna hate this movie yeah, krasinski's riding on a scooter, ignoring a phone call. Ignoring a phone call without any any facial expressions at all. Ignoring, ignoring kasem pulls up and kasem gives a very.
Speaker 1Am I saying that right, kasem?
Speaker 2yeah, kasem, kasem, or it's kasem because kasem, okay well listen, I apologize.
Speaker 1Um, he pulls up and he has this very funny look on his face while he's holding the phone and redialing and in that face I laughed and I was like, oh great, this is gonna be great. Then we cut to krasinski and he notices them and there's no joke, he's unable to deliver a facial expression of any surprise of any of anything. And then he is charmless.
Introduction to the Show and "Fountain of Youth"
Speaker 1in this scene there's no charm he's condescending and he's not charming in this scene, like there's a way to do it, like Brandon Fraser is very condescending in the mummy. Like, especially at the beginning.
Speaker 2Right yeah, he's the greatest. Way that at the beginning. Right yeah, he's the greatest. In a way that's charming. He knows he's the greatest and he's 100 greatest.
Speaker 1And here's the thing I'm like oh, I think he's the greatest. I think I like. I believe him. He's definitely right. Krasinski has no charm in this. He's charmless. He's got negative char I don't know what, the anti-charm, but that's what we'll call it. He's got the anti-charm and I knew immediately the first, the very first line. When he's just like, oh hey, kasem, or whatever he says, I was like oh shit, we're in trouble. This guy can't pull this off whatsoever.
Speaker 1And kasem is very funny, he's trying all of his reactions are at least jokes. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2Like he's doing his best.
Speaker 1He's my favorite character in the movie and he's barely in it. His two scenes in this movie are better than anything. Anyone else does the entire film.
Speaker 2Because that's the thing is. Through the movie, they try and convince us that his character has a love of adventure.
Speaker 1But he doesn't.
Speaker 2He doesn't he doesn't, I'll just tell you right now.
Speaker 1He says it, he says it a bunch, but he does not. He is not enjoying. He needs to be loving every second of the adventure. He needs to. He needs to thrive on adventure, but he's like he's just grumpy most of the time. He's grumpy but like thinks he's cooler than everybody. He thinks he's above it, which is weird because it's mostly his plan. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I hate him. I hate him. And here's the thing office people, let me know, because I hated the office. The office is one of my least favorite sitcoms of all time. I think it's trash. Having said that, I've never actually watched it all the way through. I've just seen episodes and I'm like I don't laugh at all. Is he charming in that show on any level?
Speaker 2Is he charming? No, I think he's a creature of the Office. So he is like a guy who thinks understand, who like thinks he's sort of better than it and you know, because good at his, you know he's good at his job, and so he doesn't have to work hard at it, and so he just sort of he's, he's sort of a smart ass.
Speaker 1You know, he's just like whatever and which is kind of what he's doing here. But it doesn't make sense here because here he also needs to be like beguiling and like the roguish, you know what I mean like he needs to have one. He needs to have an edge to him, like an edge of danger, not an edge of anger, which is what he has. He think he thinks everybody's stupid and he hates everybody and I hate him. He just doesn't have that. He needs to have that spark in him. Like yeah, again I mean I'm gonna talk about the mummy, but like brendan fraser, yeah, he's condescending, he thinks he's above everybody, but he, he is having the time of his life.
Speaker 2You know what I mean let's let's think about his character versus benny. Who's the? Who's the guy, the egyptian guy, or whatever?
Speaker 1He beats up.
Speaker 2Benny. He's huge, benny's little and he picks on Benny. He's terrible to Benny when they're on the opposite sides of the thing. He's like who's on the right side of? The thing, benny, right side of the river and you're like that is petty, that is not the bigger man.
Speaker 2That's like I'm going to rub it in Fuck you, screw you petty. That is not the bigger man, that's like a. I'm gonna rub it in fuck you, screw you. Yeah, and we love it, we, we love this character because we know we, we know that this guy's gonna be put through stuff and he's gonna be able to get through it and he does go through shit and he goes through like he gets.
Speaker 1he gets beat up a bunch in that movie, yeah.
Speaker 2And he's up to the challenge. This guy does not seem like he's up to the challenge except when they have him, when they give him the ability to defeat every challenge.
Speaker 1Barely even trying. You want to know, what frustrates me the most about not maybe not the most, but really frustrated me If you look at the clothes in this movie oh, I didn't look at the clothes. They never get dirty. There it is. Guys are in the mother freaking desert. They're going through like temples and shit. Nobody gets dirty. They enter the, the fountain of youth, and their clothes are completely clean. I mean, except for Krasinski has a tiny spot of blood where he gets shot in the arm, a tiny spot of blood.
Speaker 2I don't know how gunshots work. He doesn't get shot in the arm, he gets shot in the chest.
Speaker 1Are you sure? Because it has to be the arm, because he's totally fine when he walks around, he has an injury and all he's doing is holding his arm.
Speaker 2Maybe he does get shot in the arm Dan. I don't know. I just remember the whole being right here. That's the whole point.
Speaker 1I don't know. The fact that we don't even know the answer to that is crazy.
Speaker 2Do you understand that? It seemed like he got shot right to the side of the arm, but then his arm had a bandage on it.
Speaker 1His arm has a bandage on it which we never see anyone put on, by the way it seemed like he got shot somewhere and then he had a bandage in another place. Yeah, exactly, we don't know, they don't know, nobody cares, it's wild and anyways. So he's got a little spot of blood, I don't know, maybe two spots of blood, who knows but the rest of his clothes completely clean. And then he goes into the F of youth. He's not even wet when he comes out. I don't even understand it.
Speaker 1I don't understand anything, it's not really water. Well, I'm going to have a lot of questions on that, dan, so put a pin in that, because I have a lot of fountain of youth questions for you.
Speaker 2That was the one. That's the part I got was like wait what?
Speaker 1Oh no, you don't understand it either. We're in trouble. What's the rules? What's the rules? That's what I wrote down. What are the rules? Question mark. Question mark.
Speaker 2Question mark nobody knows it's too powerful and people aren't ready for it yet, but someday they'll be ready and you're like why? Why would they be ready, but also ready for what?
Speaker 1just to kill their, the people they love? I don't understand, but let's, let's wait. We'll wait for that, I'm sorry. Anyhow, back to this boring motorcycle ride. That should be funny and is not funny. And this is how we introduce our main character, and he is un-like-able.
Speaker 2So he hits the brakes and escapes from the people that are on all sides of him and they chase him until he gets away to the train station. He calls Murph, Um, there's a plane ready, but he has to go another way. So they got it. He has to go to um, he has to go to Bangkok, or he has to get on train to Bangkok. And then he um, oh yeah, this I'll tell you when I stopped liking this movie or not, when I was like, really like, and then he I'll tell you when I stopped liking this movie.
Speaker 1Oh, great perfect.
Speaker 2When I was really like oh okay.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2He gets off of his scooter and then runs or something, and then he steals a working man's scooter.
Speaker 1That has his entire livelihood on the back.
Speaker 2Has a trailer with his little food food stand and then he goes and destroys the trailer. The trailer gets completely destroyed and that's the point that I like.
Speaker 1When he steals it, it's like, okay, there better be a way of like this guy gets his bike back or I'm gonna be pissed because again this is this guy's entire life. This is how he makes money and krasinski just steals it nonchalantly and we're're supposed to be like that's funny. But then he detaches it and lets it run into the car and explode. That man just lost everything. That man's dead in two weeks.
Speaker 2He has lost everything. There was a nice scene where he was riding through the train station. It was good looking. I mean good looking.
Speaker 1Sure, a lot of this movie looks fine. I was going to say good, but I don't care about giving it a compliment.
Speaker 2Yeah. Then at the last minute he jumps off the scooter and then gets on the train. Yeah, yeah, the train. And this is when, through this movie, I was thinking about his character and he just destroyed a guy's livelihood, probably destroyed his cart, lost his scooter to him also, which I'm assuming someone else is just going to pick up and steal. Oh for sure.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's just sitting there, yeah.
Speaker 2We have the Robin Hoods of the world and the Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones did not go around just wrecking people's lives, sure?
Speaker 1there's also another big difference what's the big? Difference. Indiana jones cares he cares um.
Speaker 2He's a human yeah, and this guy, just, he is just a wrecking ball through the world for really no reason, just because he doesn't care about anything. If his sister was buried in a capsule underground and she was going to die in 48 hours, you can set up bullshit stakes where you're going to make the random person you know like dang, let's tell you you know your dog is, we've got your dog. If you don't do it, we tell us you know the the dog. I'm not going to say we'll do something bad to the dog, I'm going to do whatever it takes. And if people get hurt in the way, I'm going to feel bad about it, and that's the thing you could do. In a movie, a character can say oh shit, you know I've ruined this sucks, but I have to do it.
Speaker 2You have to give us and that makes you know once it. That builds a character. Because he's not a character, because we never believe in what he's doing. We don't understand. We just don't understand what he, why he's doing all this. Yeah, you know, if he's like an adrenaline, who did we ever watch something where the guy was an adrenaline junkie? Did we ever do it?
Speaker 2Because there were some other movies we watched and we're like, if you made this guy an adrenaline junkie I'd get it. This guy's like you know, if you had a Mark Wahlberg guy, I don't like. But if he played an adrenaline junkie, you know a little bit in that movie where they're flying he plays like the psychopath Flight path.
Speaker 1Is that what?
Speaker 2it was. You're like okay, this is just a freaking weird guy that has to do these terrible things. I believe that more than I believe this character.
Speaker 1Yeah, I still don't totally understand his motivation at all. You know what I mean? Like full stop, he keeps saying something like, uh, our names will live forever if we discover this or whatever. But like I don't, does he care? Does he really care about that? I don't think he cares about that one, um, and he also doesn't care about the stuff. That's my biggest complaint about everyone in this movie. Nobody is like, hey, this is priceless artifacts, let's protect them. Natalie Portman kind of does it at the very end, but it's way too late because that's a swing from her character that hasn't cared about anything before that.
Speaker 1They stole six really priceless paintings and nobody really cared they would not care if that that warehouse caught on fire and all that right like nobody, like the whole point of national treasure is that nicholas cage is saying you, you can't steal the declaration because you will hurt it. I can steal it because I will make sure it doesn't get damaged and I will return it in perfect condition. He does that, doesn't he?
Speaker 2That's like his whole. Yes, he takes the responsibility, he's responsible. Nobody takes any responsibility in this movie.
Speaker 1No, they have these six priceless paintings and they're just like, ah, take them, you can take them all, but there's one more painting you don't have yet. Ha, ha, ha ha, like I don't, I don't care about this. Nobody cares about the stuff. No one is doing it for the right reasons, and that drives me crazy. These movies are all about people that care about these things. Indiana Jones cares about the shit that he's looking for. He wants to make sure it gets to the rightful place national treasure. He cares. The whole point is he cares so much he's trying to do the bad thing before a bad person does the bad thing, which is a hilarious. I just I love that. I think it's very funny he does, doesn't he?
Speaker 2he does the bad thing before the bad guy can do the bad thing, yes, and do damage. Think about that. It's about preserving he's about preserving.
Speaker 1He's like it's going to happen either way. I should be the one to do it, because I'm going to make sure that it still stands. You're going to destroy it. You're going to be John Krasinski. We need a Nicolas Cage in this movie to prevent John Krasinski from doing the shit that he's doing.
Speaker 2Wow, and I mean, just think about it, if you're writing this and you come up with that idea.
Speaker 1It's great.
Speaker 2It is your character, it's your entire character. He cares more about the stuff than he does himself or anything else. He's like I've got to do this to protect the thing Interesting yeah, he jumps the train, he falls asleep. The thing Interesting he jumps the train, he falls asleep. Now he has these dreams about this gold mask that his dad was looking for and the dad didn't find it or did find it. We hear different stories. I watched the beginning of Indiana Jones.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Boom, boom, boom. He gets there. They jump the pit. I mean mean it is so perfect in every way, shape and form, you're just like there. No one will ever make a better act one for any movie, I think ever. I. I mean, I don't, I don't know how of this kind of movie it's. It's unbelievable, everything that's woven in Him. Not talking for a long time, we don't see his face. When we see his face, it's because he's finally Whatever. He turns into that main room where there's a little idol. Behind him there's a gold round mask. You know this. Is this the same mask that they're looking at?
Speaker 1Oh Inch, I didn't even.
Speaker 2oh shit, that would be wild if it was right very similar interesting certainly they're like I don't know, in an egyptian sort of sand situation with that, but I was like, huh, that's kind of weird, that's interesting, yeah. So maybe it's probably just like a nod, because they're like, oh, we're basically.
Speaker 1But I was like, huh, that's kind of weird, that's interesting, yeah so maybe it's probably just like a nod Cause they're like oh, we're basically Indiana Jones, but better, but they're not. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2He wakes up on the train. Here's Eliza Gonzalez, or whatever her name is.
Speaker 1No idea what her name in the thing, yeah, I maybe I should look that up, look up her name, so we know her name. So I don't just call her girly, because I did write girly, which is very rude, but whatever IMDB says, esme, esme.
Speaker 2Okay, so her name is Esme. I never heard that, are you sure I?
Speaker 1don't think I've ever heard that in this movie. That doesn't sound familiar to me oh no, I never heard it.
Speaker 2I never heard it. Okay, yeah, weird. He probably never learned her name. You know which? Once again if you're in conflict with someone, let's just do names. While we're sitting there, what's?
Speaker 1your name. Well, doesn't he make that joke? Isn't he like are we getting ahead of ourselves? Should we start with names? Isn't he like are we getting ahead?
Speaker 2of ourselves, should we?
Speaker 1start with names, and then she doesn't give him her name.
Speaker 2You gotta give the name, but she says his name. Yeah, it's weird. So here's Esme. She's hot that's a given um, she does like they do, a whole you talk in your sleep bit which they do later, which never amounts to anything.
Breaking Down the Opening Chase Scene
Speaker 1No, it doesn't. But they talk about it like it's going to because I don't and I don't understand. I don't, I don't get it. It's not like a joke, it doesn't. They do it twice, I think, because the sister then does it once and he goes. People keep telling me that, okay, then we don't ever do it again.
Speaker 2We do it twice. What's?
Speaker 1next, right Like what's the next one? What's the top of that beat? Somebody do it again. Someone tell me what's going on. Nothing, it's just like a weird thing that they thought was maybe funny. I don't know.
Speaker 2It might have to do with how they write movies, where they write them on the fly, and so they do set up things they're like, okay, we're gonna set this thing up well, it's like in case we need to get out some information and he can say oh, you can set it in your sleep, oh, you set it in your sleep, and that's how we know this. I guess I don't know yeah, I don't know but then you got two hours and seven minutes.
Speaker 1Cut that shit out yeah, it's weird, you got two hours and seven minutes. Cut that shit out. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2It's weird. She recovers paintings she's got guys, he makes the things like I've got guys and he gestures to these two sleeping monks and I was like, okay, this is going to be interesting, it's not the guys jump him. He beats the shit out of them. She attacks him. He beats the shit out of her.
Speaker 1Yeah, he beats the shit out of them. She attacks him. He beats the shit out of her. Yeah, he like tosses her in a bathroom and locks her in at the end or something.
Speaker 2Well, before that, he beats the shit out of her.
Speaker 1Well, to be fair, he's twice the size of her.
Speaker 2I'm sorry, but you can't have the bigger dude beating the shit out of a woman.
Speaker 1No, no, you always got to punch up. You can't have the bigger dude beating the shit out of a woman. No, no, you always got to punch up. You can't punch down.
Speaker 2And he's much bigger than the guys she brings with her.
Speaker 1I think he must be very tall. He always seems like the biggest guy in the room to me.
Speaker 2Yeah, and you're just like wait a second. Where's the jeopardy in any of this?
Speaker 1Yeah, he can beat anybody? Yeah, he's never. Does he ever lose a fight? I don't think so. I don't think so either. I don't think yeah.
Speaker 2Which is a problem he doesn't lose a fight. It's so weird.
Speaker 1Also, I have a hard time believing that there's no sexual chemistry between them.
Speaker 2You have a hard time believing there is sexual chemistry between them. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1I guess what I'm trying to say is how is it possible that there's not sexual chemistry.
Speaker 2Oh, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 1It feels like that should be pretty easy, because they are both very attractive people. He is, I think so. I think people generally think he's he's attractive.
Speaker 1I don't find him attractive at all, but I also think that people used to think he was charming. Maybe this movie has fixed everyone's beliefs and they now realize he's just a fucking goober. Um, but I just there needs to be a tension between them because he makes all of these awkward sexual jokes to her about, like, trying to kiss her and at one point she takes off a piece of clothing, is like, oh okay, we're doing this, but there's never chemistry between them I am never like oh okay, hello, this could be fun she doesn't flirt with him no, but she's uninterested in him.
Speaker 1She in her defense. He is uninteresting right, but there's a point where Natalie Portman is like. I sensed the chemistry between you two. She says it. I was like where when I must have missed that part because I would love that and when they're fighting in the library, that should be a very sexy fight. Like two things are missing from that fight scene which I mean just going to talk about now is he needs to be protecting the books or she needs to be protecting. Someone needs to be protecting the books.
Speaker 2We've got to talk about that. Let's talk about that soon when we talk about it, Dan.
Speaker 1I'm so worked up over this movie.
Speaker 2But I'm thinking about both of those scenes. She never flirts with him. He's just like you're a mess.
Speaker 1He's just a creep. Yes, he's a creep. Yeah, he's just a creep the whole time, and he's supposed to be charming. None of this works. This movie sucks.
Speaker 2You know she needs to, like you know, rub some blood off of you know she needs to do something. She needs to do, and I mean know she needs to do something. She needs to do and and I mean she, she needs to do something if you want to play that game, but if, if the whole thing is, he's a creep and she's like I'm doing a job, dude, I'm, I'm working yeah, and that's weird.
Speaker 1It's weird like their relationship is weird. And then at the end of the movie she kisses him on the cheek and I was like no, nope, didn't earn it, didn't earn that at all.
Speaker 2Kissed him on the cheek and I was like no, nope, didn't earn it, didn't earn that at all. Kissed him on the cheek. I I was like writing yeah when that happened and I like so I missed it, thankfully.
Speaker 1Kisses him on the cheek and is like I'll kill you if I have to, which is like the closest thing that they've had to like any sort of chemistry.
Speaker 2But it's the very last scene.
Speaker 1That was the most chemistry they had in the whole thing, because she, because she showed interest right and she needs to be battling with that the whole time, like she needs to have this, like I'm interested in this guy because she also, when she's talking to stanley tucci, she's like no, this guy's different, he's gonna do it. He's different. I don't get the feeling that she thinks he's different. She needs to, at first, be like this is just another treasure hunter, he's an asshole. And then, through his determination and charm and being good at his job, she needs to be like okay, this guy is different, but I also still have to stop you. So I'm torn because I want to have sex with you, but I also need to kill you. I need to have these feelings happening on the screen for me to enjoy it.
Speaker 2She needed a line at the very beginning saying something like you know you're not, you did not look like this in the photo, you know. Or something Just like something, where she's all like she finds him attractive, she has to find him attractive, yeah, like, oh, hang on a minute.
Speaker 1Interesting, interesting yeah.
Speaker 2You are tall, you know. You know, just like, with a little inflection in her voice she's got to be a little thirsty, and it would make it actually would make the fight scene interesting because they should be there, needs to be in.
Speaker 1There needs to be a level of sexual chemistry during the fighting. I know that that sounds weird, but this is their fault. They set up that relationship.
Speaker 2This is what they want.
Speaker 1Yes, they're like because Natalie Portman is a sister, so there's no love interest there, which is fine, that's totally fine with me. It is weird because I do get more sexual chemistry between them than I do between him and the bad lady, which is very strange. But you know, that's on them.
Speaker 2He gets picked up by Murph, who's his guy. He jumps off the train. Murph's going to come pick him up In the UK. We meet Charlotte, his sister. He has a son. They're getting divorced. She's kind of surprised they're getting divorced. She's kind of surprised um it's all very confusing, because, doesn't it?
Speaker 1come out that he cheated on her. I I really didn't like this, but it did matters because they put it in there. She at one point she calls him a dog. She's like he's got dog-like tendencies and humps everything or something she did say which is weird because the guy that we meet is like very straight lace.
Speaker 1No nonsense I'm. I don't get dog from him at all. You gotta unbutton a little show a little chest hair, buddy, that's all I, all right. But she does seem surprised in this scene, which is confusing because if he cheated, then she's the one asking for the divorce.
Speaker 2Well, she's saying that they talked about it and worked out. Once again, this is a scene where you've manufactured stakes that don't make any sense.
Speaker 1Don't make any sense and don't matter to the movie.
Speaker 2They were. She says we'd already worked everything out and now you're showing up to this with a lawyer.
Speaker 1To which she would say we're not having this meeting. Let me get a lawyer, Right because I'm an adult, I know I understand things.
Speaker 2Yeah, you walk in there and she's standing there with a lawyer. She should look at it and be like you're doing an absurd thing where you're giving her bad information about the situation and then expecting her to sit in the situation and solve the problem.
Speaker 1No, and this is our first meeting with this character. So, I'm just so confused on who she is and where she's, I don't.
Speaker 2I don't know anything here we are at the museum where she works, where she is, I believe she might be the head curator. I guess she's the curator of she's definitely important.
Speaker 1You know, you know what I'm saying and I don't know a lot about art or art buildings, but she's very important. There I do. You worked at like a wood.
Speaker 2A wood you put things in a wood thing. What am?
Speaker 1I saying you put paintings in wood. Right, that's what you did for a while.
Speaker 2But paintings and what no, I worked at. I've worked at museums and galleries and everything to do with the art world.
Speaker 2Here we go. She's a curator at the museum. She says I like what I do. We never see any point at which she didn't like this job. We didn't see her in her office having to do a lot of shitty paperwork. We don't see her. We don't see. You know, if I was writing a thing about a paperwork, we don't see her. If I was writing a thing about a museum curator who wasn't having fun, it would be really easy. What you would say is she would say I thought I'd be actually doing something. But you know what a head of a museum and important curators do a lot of times they raise money.
Speaker 1That is what they do.
Speaker 2The head of a museum is a guy that knows how to raise money. He knows how to get money out of rich people's pockets because I need donations to keep it afloat. They need to. The the public walking through the door of the museum is not paying for having those paintings on the wall.
Speaker 2They're rich people, yeah, and so you know she's there, we're at opening and she's just having a hobnob with the most horrible people ever. And he comes in and it's like, oh, you enjoying yourself. And she's all like I did not think this is what it would be Right, she doesn't even give us one line, that's all great.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's not one line in this entire movie, from the way I see it. She does like her job and the only person that doesn't think that she likes her job is Krasinski. And he kidnaps her and she's like okay, because even at the end she's like well, now you got me fired, you know what I mean? Or whatever, like I still don't have a job and that's somehow not a bad thing. I'm so confused. Also, real quickly, I like your idea of it being some sort of a party where there's stuff happening as opposed to.
Speaker 1The only two people in the museum are her and him.
Speaker 2Well, this movie and we'll talk about it in Act 3, has a way of just making people disappear. It does not exist in situations You're like wow, one of the biggest tourist sites in the entire world it's closed. They closed it. Yeah super weird. A site you cannot close is closed somehow.
Speaker 1Right, yeah, for people to set up machine guns. Giant turret. Machine guns. Yeah, machine guns. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I just it's just, it's a weird scene because there should be other people in the museum but and also, if there are other people in the museum, it's easier for him to escape. This guy steals a painting and then just runs, runs for a mile and then just walks out the front door.
Speaker 2There's zero security anywhere?
Speaker 1Where is the security guards? Where is anybody but her as someone?
Speaker 2who has worked security in a museum. There are security people all over the place and you know what they all have. They all have walkie-talkies. What he's going down the hall?
Speaker 1right towards you. He'll be there in three, two. Oh, you got him. Great, that's all that needs to happen.
Speaker 2They all carry walkie-talkies and doors can be closed and all sorts of things.
Speaker 1Yeah, only one door closes, right when he takes the painting. One door closes he gets underneath it, and then he's free to go. I don't understand any of this, Dan.
Speaker 2I gotta tell you something about big museums. They're big.
Speaker 1Sure, yeah, there's probably more than just the one room.
Speaker 2I would guess I've never been to a museum in my life but, I'm assuming there's more than one room.
Speaker 1I just run out this one door and there's the exit and I'm in the parking lot, all right.
Speaker 2There's Cars Park right in front. It's a classic Hollywood thing is oh, we're going to. They go to the library and they just like pull up right in front of it. Now I'll get out.
Speaker 1Yeah, like no, that's not where you park. You're going at least one block that way parking and you're walking pal.
Speaker 2You know, I'm going to have to watch more National Treasure to see if they do that in that movie or if they treat us like adults.
Speaker 1I think I'm also going to watch it today.
Speaker 2I know you are yeah.
Speaker 1I am Okay.
Speaker 2So he's there to steal a painting, not to see her, which, once again, if you're there to steal the painting, why would you involve her?
Speaker 1But whatever, honestly, he's a terrible brother, brother one. She tells him about the divorce and he doesn't give a shit. He's like well, I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, let's talk about me for a little bit. He is the worst person in this movie. He's awful yeah yeah, um, and then yeah, he steals the painting while she's there, like immediately makes her an accomplice on purpose, right? Essentially, this is him trying to draw her into his web of crime.
Speaker 2I guess, it's weird. He runs out, gets in this blue sports car which they then drive around, which of course-.
Speaker 1Beautiful car, by the way, wow.
Speaker 2There's no security at the thing, but as soon as he gets in a car there's street security.
Speaker 1Okay, there's not museum security, but you can't be on the streets of wherever they are.
Speaker 2And I guess he turns a corner and drives inside a semi and they close the doors like we've done in Spy Hunter and a million other things.
Speaker 1Spy Hunter's so good, spy Hunter, yeah.
Speaker 2Classic, and here are Murph and Deb, two generic characters that are just there to say things.
Speaker 1They never get anything.
Speaker 2Dan, what the hell Deb gets shot, and then Murph cradles her lovingly and lays-.
Speaker 1For about 20 minutes. They call for We'll talk about it later. They call for a medic. He's like get a medic over here. But then we cut back after at least an hour of stuff has happened and they're still laying in the sand and I was like where is the medic? She's bleeding out, right now.
Speaker 2It's maybe the most awkward staging thing I've ever seen in any movie, Because you're just like what are they doing? But they can't be part of the action and seem threatening, so they have to just sort of sit there.
Speaker 1Power in the corner. Yeah, no, it's weird.
Speaker 2But it's also not in the corner. It's like against things.
Speaker 1Just the middle of a wall.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I mean you're absolutely in the corner. It's like against things, just the middle of a wall. Yeah, I mean you're absolutely the corner was misleading for sure, because they're just in the middle of a walkway that everyone has to go up and down and everyone sees them and nobody cares how's it going, hey hey, hey you're doing a good.
Speaker 2You're good, all right, we'll see you later we're bleeding out here, but go, go, all right, don't worry, just calm, calm.
Speaker 1We got some stuff to do inside. It's very frustrating because the whole part of having a team is to have a fun team. You know what I mean, fun team.
Speaker 2Oh, you do comms, you do this, you do that.
Speaker 1Right, great, you have.
Speaker 2Jack Black sitting in the van, you know like eating Skittles or whatever Wonderful. He's a keyboard, yeah.
Speaker 1Absolutely. I mean, national Treasure has a great team. Right, I mean it's a small team, but it's a great team. These people need to be characters. They need to be characters and we have to know what they are, what they do and who you know. It's so weird to have just random people standing around talking for no reason. One weird to have just random people standing around talking for no reason.
Speaker 2One guy has to drive and it's Mother's Milk from the Boys.
Speaker 1We know he's a good actor. He's on another team where he does shit, so it's very confusing when he's here not doing anything.
Speaker 2He's getting paid, thankfully. So they open up the painting. Nothing is there. He says he does a bunch of things oh you gotta forgive me for this.
Speaker 1Then he drugs her and then just leaves her on a park bench and I really wanted this to be funny, but it's again kind of creepy you mean?
Speaker 2you mean leave your sister unconscious on a park bench? In the middle of the city.
Speaker 1How could that be weird?
Speaker 2That seems perfectly safe. Nothing could happen.
Speaker 1How can that be weird? That's totally normal behavior. I don't know, man. This movie is so weird, so bad.
Speaker 2I really thought he was going to leave her there with the painting. Yeah well, that would be the nice thing to do, or just to leave her there with the painting.
Speaker 1Yeah well, that would be the nice thing to do. Or just maybe bring her back to the museum, make it seem like she never left, and they just find her in her office and she's like, oh, what happened? I don't know.
Speaker 2Maybe she wakes up in a locked park car, whatever.
Speaker 1But just a random bench. That's bad, that's bad news Bears.
Speaker 2So in walks this guy, jamal, who's an agent of Interpol, she says something about his hounds, his mendacious houndstooth, and it is a blocky line. It is not well delivered.
Speaker 1They have a couple back and forth, that they're using big words and I'm not saying I'm stupid, I mean I don't understand the word, so I am stupid, but they don't sound like natural words coming out of their mouths. And I'm confused on if this is like a joke in the movie, where they're trying to use big words that they don't understand, or if it's just horrible dialogue that comes out super weird and they didn't feel like doing another take. I don't know, but it's. It's incredibly awkward. This detective also not charming, which is a real bummer to me. Uh, nobody. Where is? Where are all the charming people in this movie? The tooch? Well, you're right about that. Tooch comes through. I wish he was in it more than about 45 seconds, that's for sure. Sweet cane, by the way, I love that oh, do you have a cool cane?
Speaker 2I don't remember that tooch, yeah, yeah he's like you gotta, you gotta buy me a good cane and I I get to keep it I.
Speaker 1He probably just showed up to set with that. He's like I think my character would have this cane. And then they're like cool Stanley, you do what you want to do, man.
Speaker 2The rolling door that locked up the room rolls open and the painting has been returned.
Speaker 1Yep, have you ever seen Pierce Brosnan's art heist movie? What's that called? Oh, is it the Thomas?
Speaker 2Crown Affair. Is it that?
Speaker 1one, the Thomas Crown Affair, where he Well heist movie, what's that called? Oh, is it the thomas crown affair? Is it that one, the thomas crown affair? Where, like he, well, I don't. I'm not gonna spoil it for everybody, but a similar thing happens in that movie and it's wonderful in this movie. It's stupid, it doesn't make any sense. How would they do?
Speaker 2that how, what?
Speaker 1they can't the door's down, dan, they can't just open the door. The Thomas Crown Affair does Like a trick. He has a trick in his, he tricks him totally different Scenario. It's so Weird and doesn't make any sense, so mad at it.
Speaker 2They're like just have it be back, and Maybe we'll explain it later on in the script.
Speaker 1Right, like oh, so how did? Okay, it's back In the room. How would he get that? They don't worry about it. We don't need to talk about it. He's a magician, she goes to see her ex.
Speaker 2The ex is like I know everything that's happened to you. You're disgraced. We're like how does he know? How does he know?
Speaker 1that who called him the police? The first call the police make were to her ex-husband like hey, by the way, if you cared to know, she's an accomplice to art theft. Now it's's like what is happening.
Speaker 2That's not what happens. But there wasn't art theft either.
Speaker 1The art's there no well, you know sort of semi-theft. Well, I don't know what they'd call it, but something happened. All right, dan, something happened. Something happened and now it's back to normal.
Speaker 2She goes to see Murph and lo and behold, there's the whole gang, but also there's Owen Carver, the money guy, who I guess is one of the wealthiest guys on the planet.
Speaker 1He's got to be. He floats a whole submarine, well, part of it. He saws a submarine in half and then floats it. He's got endless money, endless pockets of money.
Speaker 2I'm very jealous he has liver cancer, and so he needs the fountain of youth.
Speaker 1To live. Um, I don't know anything about liver cancer.
Speaker 2She has been fired.
Speaker 1Yes, she got fired and she's kind of upset about it. Enough to talk about it, but not enough to be mad.
Speaker 2Not really mad.
Speaker 1Right, like enough that she's like hey, you got me fired, but okay, so you owe me a Coke.
Speaker 2You know what happens in the Phantom the one girl punches the other girl, then the other girl punches the other girl.
Speaker 1Right, amen to that, yeah. She should have walked in there and kicked him in the nuts, Just well, let's not go too far, Dan He'll be dead.
Speaker 2You'll die. Kick them the nuts you might. You don't know.
Speaker 1I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes it feels like it.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, no reaction whatsoever. But she's all like, yeah, we're looking for the fountain of youth, um, and then he does a whole and every myth there is a seed of truth.
Speaker 1Yeah, listen, truth, yeah, listen. They are very knowledgeable, like incredibly knowledgeable, and I understand that that's the trope, right, like our heroes know everything about it. But I, for whatever reason, I don't believe it in this movie. I don't under, I don't believe that they would know these things. I don't know.
The Museum Scene and Charlotte's Character
Speaker 2They're looking for the Fountain of Youth. God hid it. He left a bunch of people behind to protect it. The bigger the prize, the bigger the protection. If you go to the fountain you're going to get health, wealth, beauty. But so these six artists all hid clues and he's got all the paintings except one, and there's six in one, and each of the paintings has a secret letter on it and he just needs the Rembrandt. But the letter wasn't on the Rembrandt, so he can't solve the cipher. But she's like oh you're dumb, because that was a duplicate that Rembrandt made and the real Rembrandt is somewhere different.
Speaker 2Yes, it's somewhere different and she's all like but she's like I don't really want to help you because I'm afraid to lose your son. And then we get one of my favorite lines in the movie Wealthy guy Owen says oh, I have a whole army of highfalutin lawyers. This is a line you can give a guy where you can establish his character.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I'm incredibly wealthy. I have lawyers in every city, in every world. Make him something.
Speaker 1Highfalutin lawyers, which almost for a second made me think to myself well, he's not rich because he would. That's not what he would say in that moment. This is like this is what someone who's pretending to be rich would say. So I thought the twist was going to be something like he stole a bunch of money and is doing this to steal. So I I didn't know, but I was like he's not rich, but I guess he is so they have to go to this library to look up.
Speaker 2Why do they have to go to library? Is this for the? The devil's book? Wait I don't know tan I I don't know.
Speaker 1Oh no, I don't know Tan.
Speaker 2I don't know, I don't know, for whatever reason. No, they know, it's on the Lusitania, I guess. But he goes to a library for some reason and then, boom, the lady from the train is there Esme, I think her name was and he tries to kiss her.
Speaker 1Which is so awkward.
Speaker 2Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, okay, so they just set up this. All the scenes with her feel like they were filmed at different times. You know like, yeah, they don't make any sense. Because this one doesn't make any sense. It's like, okay, we got to bring her in to do something.
Speaker 1She doesn't go to do anything.
Speaker 2Nothing. Yeah, nothing changes because of this, but they sort of they sort of banter and he tries to kiss her and she's like we will stop. She says we will stop all of you and I was like, oh shit, that means that her people are going to hurt someone. You know Deb or Murph has to, has to die Really has to die.
Speaker 1Or at least be in real jeopardy. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2They have to take someone of them out.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And then the scene just ends. I don't even.
Speaker 1I don't, dan, I don't know. I didn't write anything down about this because this movie is terrible, but this, just real, quickly, he's very rapey, right, because he like she's like having a conversation and also he's just like, well, should we kiss? And he just leans in and just waits for and it's just like. This isn't charming or funny, it's just weird. Everything they do together is weird. I don't know, I don't like it.
Speaker 1There's a I spent a lot of time thinking about James Rode or Rodriguez. Now I believe he goes by. I apologize.
Speaker 1He's the guy from Psych who plays this type of character in that show.
Speaker 1He's the smartest guy in the room always, but he's also like self-deprecating and funny and clever and charming. And there's this scene with him and his eventual love interest where she is fighting the attraction because they work together professionally and he doesn't really care because he's you know, he's a boy and he just wants to make out with the girl he likes. And there's this really great scene where he leans into kisser and she doesn't lean back. And there's this really great scene where he leans into kisser and she doesn't lean back and he stops where, like, their noses are touching and he continues to have the conversation as if, like this is like a normal thing and it's just like why are you so close to me? It's like um and it was. It's just like a really nice moment and it's the same idea, but not creepy. And there's just, there's a way to do these things that is not weird and creepy, that makes your main character just look like this weird horned dog, like I don't even I don't know, I just I hate everything they've done.
Speaker 2You have her give a signal. Or he can misconstrue a signal. Absolutely, that happens all the time. She can say something and then he'd be like oh so you want to kiss. And then she's like no, is there something?
Speaker 1definitely not. What are you talking about? And that's the thing she doesn't really even call him out on it does she doesn't do anything and he doesn't have that moment of self-reflection where he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot and like make a joke about it or whatever. They just just don't. It's just weird, it's just like, well, at this point this character would probably want to kiss you, so just do that and we'll just go to the next scene. It's just, it's all weird. None of it makes sense.
Speaker 2Everything's done in half measures. It's almost like they filmed one person in one scene and the other person in the other scene and they kind of like that Flight Path movie. The call is coming in, nobody's talking to each other.
Speaker 1Nobody's talking to anybody.
Speaker 2He goes to see her kid play. The kid's playing, oh God he does a bunch of cheering. When the kid finishes, the kid runs up to him, the kid idolizes him. I like this.
Speaker 1I kind of like this scene, because you really were like he almost like a hundred percent if this guy was what they say he is. But he's not. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2well, you, make him idolize the real thing. And then the kid has to find out. And then then you have this huge emotional moment at the end where the kid is like oh wait, you're not like this, never.
Speaker 1You're not this like charming guy that is out for adventure. You're selfish.
Speaker 2He has to have that realization you could have built this whole movie around the kid's dreams being broken by this guy.
Speaker 1Yes, and then he has to redeem himself in the eyes of the kid at the end. Great, that makes sense this movie doesn't make any sense at the end. I can't wait to talk about it, cause I need you to explain to me. So, this is my least favorite part of the movie, Dan this is your least favorite part of the movie Let me.
Speaker 1Just let me explain why, real quickly, because I think it's an almost scene. It's the closest they get to a real scene in a real movie of this genre. Right, because I agree with you, everything is done semi-correctly, other than the fact that he's not the right character. But he stands up and he's cheering and he does the oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi chant. Right, yeah, he needs to say oi, oi, oi, oi, and then another dad sitting with a mom has to go oi, oi, oi and then get in trouble with the mom.
Speaker 2There has to be this call and response.
Speaker 1He can't just do the oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi time. Make that a joke. It's a very easy joke to make and it would. It would happen. That would be me if somebody did. Oh. I'm gonna say oh, for no reason other than I'm an idiot. I don't know, I was just so, I was just like. You can't even get like your one in your one good scene of the movie.
Speaker 2You can't get it right but when he has that little straw hat on he is charming.
Speaker 1No, he's handsome. He's handsome, he looks the part and that's the whole thing, right? Like I do think he looks the part, I just don't think he has the playfulness in him to pull off this type of charm.
Speaker 2Well, you'd have to be there and someone would have to direct it. Sure, yeah, yeah, they decided not to do either of those things. Well, you'd have to, it'd have to be there and someone would have to direct it.
Speaker 1Sure, they chose not to have it be there. Sure, yeah, yeah, they decided not to do either of those things.
Speaker 2So here we go. What has happened is in one hour. What they've done is they've set up a boat and they've the Lusitania, which is like the titanic. It's on the bottom of the ocean. They've cut a whole section out. They've got inflatables to bring it to the surface. Yeah, and I don't know if it's them, if it's the rich guy doing that or if it's someone else doing it.
Speaker 1It has to be the rich guy, because we don't know anybody else, we don't know or see anyone else, so it has to be the rich guy. I have no idea. This blew my mind. I was very impressed with this rich guy so they've set this up.
Speaker 2They're like, oh well, there's a storm coming, so we could do it now, or we could do it after the storm, and it's like that 24 hours would kill us all right, like I guess it's too long for my cancer.
Speaker 1Not to be rude about cancer, but you could wait through the storm, but also then the storm doesn't really do anything. So what's the point of bringing up the storm?
Speaker 2We've raised the Lusitania. They take a boat over, they go through the doors. They talked about the weird Ecuador mess some more. They said Ecuador doors. They talked about the weird Ecuador mass some more. They said Ecuador didn't they, they did say Ecuador.
Speaker 1Yeah, that sounds about right, but in the memories.
Speaker 2It's like sand.
Speaker 1I mean not to say that they're I've never been to Ecuador, I can't comment.
Speaker 2I have been to Ecuador. Wow, I'm sure there might be a desert there, but it's mostly jungle. But the thing they show is sand.
Speaker 1But I mean also Maybe it's quicksand that's in the jungle.
Speaker 2Tony, you have one thing to do Look up where the beginning of Indiana Jones occurs.
Speaker 1Copy Temple of Doom. Are we talking?
Speaker 2No, the good one. The Raiders of the Lost Ark Got it. The only one worth watching. I mean you can watch the Sean Connery one once. I've only ever seen it once.
Speaker 1Oh, I've watched it a bunch.
Speaker 2I know you have, but it was fine for once, especially when he does the umbrella with the birds and kills the planes with the birds? Yes, you see that scene and you're like where the fuck were that scene? Yeah, yeah, Bonus. So now I'm going to look stupid and I don't want to look stupid, but Raiders of the Lost Ark takes place.
Speaker 1the beginning takes place in the South American jungle, but South America has, like, a bunch of countries in it it does. Is Ecuador one of them? It?
Speaker 2is one of them.
Speaker 1Okay, so maybe it's the same.
Speaker 2All right, same mask. Okay, so that's their.
Speaker 1So are they saying that Indiana Jones is their father. Is that where we're going?
Speaker 2no, but indiana jones didn't pick up that mask he skipped, that's true, he walked right by it. He's like, yeah, fuck that shit that's true, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1So it's just like a few years later somebody else stumbled upon the same thing got it.
Speaker 2What you need to do now, tony, is oh god, there's a lot of homework the, the name of the tribe, which I think was the hooties h-o-u. T-i-s.
Speaker 1And the blowfish.
Speaker 2No, that's Hootie H-O-O-T-I-E. Hootie, hoothies. Maybe it's the Hoothies. Look up what the name of that tribe is at the beginning and then see where that tribe is distributed. Okay, back to the movie. So we find out the guys on the boat. They get a radar signal.
Speaker 1Hovitos, hovitos, that's what it is. Okay, let's see if that's real. The Jovitos themselves are fictional. They are depicted as descendants of the real Chachapoyan people in Peru.
Speaker 2Peru and Ecuador, right next to each other, so okay, okay, I'm feeling like it's a yes Dan. We may be the only ones that have cracked this stupid code.
Speaker 1I mean basically, we're in our own adventure movie. Right now. We're solving clues better than this movie.
Speaker 2Better than this stupid movie. So boom, here we go. They get a radar contact. There's a helicopter coming in. Great, of course, their comms no longer work.
Speaker 1So this is my favorite part of the movie. Yeah, I feel bad because I don't know his real name, so I'm just going to keep calling him Mother's Milk. What's his name in the movie? Murph, murph. Murph turns to Deb and company. No-transcript reach him on the radio. Are you coming in on the radio? What is happening, dan? Why is he explaining and doing?
Speaker 2You got to get to that. Two hours and seven minutes, that's where the real money comes.
Speaker 1We got to get that extra 30 seconds where we can everybody.
Speaker 2They're wandering around. She's navigating from a thing to navigate. They're trying to find the purser's office or something, and she's all like it's right through this door. She's like it's right through this door. Now it's a big double doors. On the other side of them there is light, right, yeah, which means it's going to take them back out on the deck and she thinks that's the office. And he looks up and he sees a sign that says this is the office we're looking for.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2What the?
Speaker 1fuck.
Speaker 2What the fuck.
Speaker 1Dan, she's a woman. She can't read a map.
Speaker 2This is a character trait we have never seen in her.
Speaker 1We don't need to see in her nope I don't understand this one. This one baffled me it's just like why have we written this one, just the one I mean?
Speaker 2of of many. You're just like. I don't understand why I don't understand.
Speaker 1at the beginning of this scene where she pulls out the map or whatever and she's like follow me, can you get the door for me, please, please and go first. It was a weird exchange, because she says follow me and then sends him in first. It didn't make any sense whatsoever, so dumb I love it.
Speaker 2They get in there. They drink some booze. Here comes the heli. They drink some booze. They comes the hell. They drink some booze. They got the safes. He, he starts opening the safe. She drinks some out of the windshield cabin. Here's the, here's the. Here comes the helicopter and they're. They're looking at the helicopter and they're like who's that? And the rich guy goes. I don't know. Well, I mean why? Why? Would you know he doesn't I mean, I guess I it's like why this is okay, whatever they what's the point?
Speaker 1why is that in there? There's no reason to put that in the movie. We all know nobody knows. Again, you don't have to say who is that and then have someone say I don't know. You can just say who is that. He can say no, you don't have to say who is that, and then have someone say I don't know. You can just say who is that.
Speaker 2Like we know, you don't know. He can look up and say that's not one of mine, to which Murph says oh man, we got to get them on the radio.
Speaker 1They repel and he says hey guys, I'm trying to get you on the radio, so stupid.
Speaker 2They repel three people down who start searching this thing for them. They get the safe open, they find the box, they pry open the box and wait. Did we miss my favorite line? Okay, wait. We missed my favorite line, my favorite line in the whole movie. This is what Charlotte says to Luke Don't take anything that isn't yours. We're not thieves.
Speaker 1We're not thieves, but make sure you grab the thing we're here to steal. You know what I mean. Those are the two. We're only here to steal one thing.
Speaker 2What is happening, and so he opens the box.
Speaker 1If you're only there to steal one thing, you're not a thief. Okay, because you have a target and you're going to take. Just If you take only there to steal one thing, you're not a thief. Okay, because you have a target and you're going to take. Just if you take a bunch of things, then you're a thief.
Speaker 2In the box underneath the painting, which is wrapped up in like oilcloths. So it's safe. It's a waterproof safe.
Speaker 1Waterproof safe.
Speaker 2We know how well that would work over time. All those rubber gaskets will last forever, yeah that's why they made them that way right. Yeah, that's why they made them that way. Rubber never degrades. No, no, no. I got this pad of paper in the mail Decorative paper to use for a project I love it which I'm probably never going to use, but whatever, and it had like a clear sticker that sealed it, you know, so it wouldn't go flopping around. Peel that sticker off of there.
Speaker 1Fucking gunky shit everywhere, everywhere and clean it all off and do all this work to get, but it's like.
Speaker 2This is something that's made in the past five years.
Speaker 1It's pretty recent. It's obviously not right now, but it's pretty recent. It's not at the bottom of the ocean okay.
Speaker 2So he pulls the painting out of the box and is almost ready to open it up in the dripping thing.
Speaker 1Yep Doesn't care at all.
Speaker 2Yeah, but there are jewels in there too and she wants to seal them and she, like, slaps his hand away. Yeah, slaps his hand away. They're stealing from this box. But she doesn't want him In this one scene Stealing those things Like you can't steal more than one thing.
Speaker 1See, if you steal one thing, it makes you a collector, dan. If you steal multiple things, you're a thief. Everybody knows the distinction. No, it's super weird. It doesn't make any sense. They're literally there to steal something and she keeps talking about not stealing. It's super weird. It doesn't make any sense. They're literally there to steal something and she keeps talking about not stealing things. It's very weird.
Speaker 2The airbags start failing, we start having the avatar boat, the bad guys start shooting machine guns.
Speaker 1Everybody fights Everywhere they are spraying machine gun. Fire Everywhere.
Speaker 2Um, okay, tony. Actually, this, this whole sequence, is my least favorite thing in this entire movie I, yeah, I can buy that there's a weird.
Speaker 1I need you to explain it to me it's the only slow-mo with words. In the whole movie there are random slow-mos which I think are terrible.
Speaker 2There are.
Speaker 1Okay, I didn't know that there's a couple, but they're all just during action scenes, which kind of makes sense because people do that. But this time slows down and he talks in slow motion, for no reason.
Speaker 2It's not giving any important information For no reason.
Speaker 1I thought maybe the wine was doing something weird, or whatever the booze they drank was doing something weird, but then it goes back to normal and there's no side effects. I don't understand what's happening. This doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I don't know. I need you to figure it out, dan, because it's the most annoying thing, because it just keeps nagging at me. Why would this happen in the movie? It doesn't happen at any other time in the movie.
Speaker 2I think it's something that happened in post and they just didn't fix it. You think it was on accident.
Speaker 1The editor actually hits the jog wheel and turns down the speed on accident, and then they just leave it in the final cut. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1The lady gets her and then she escapes, or something I don't know well so what happens is she's like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put a gun to your sister's head. And he's like, no, you're not. Even though you guys all just tried to shoot us hundreds of times with machine guns, you're not really going to do that. You're not going to put a gun to her head. Even though you just shot at her a bunch of times, you're not going to put a gun to her head. It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2Somehow she gets free. And then the boat, because he called her bluff and yeah, the boat like. I don't understand. She's the protector, right? Can't she just kill them?
Speaker 1Yes, I thought that's what they were there for. They had machine guns, stan Machine guns, and they're shooting them.
Speaker 2Couldn't they just machine gun to all the buoys, and it would just sink back into the thing.
Speaker 1Well, isn't that kind of what happened, but just on accident? They don't say that.
Speaker 2Oh sure, the things start popping before because it can't hold the weight.
Speaker 1Don't know why you do the mission Because of the three extra people.
Speaker 2Yeah, so basically our people escape. The three people that rappelled down are sensibly all dead.
Speaker 1Yeah, probably drowned. Yeah, for sure they didn't have anywhere to go because that chopper had to go back to the mainland, because it was shot in the tank or something.
Speaker 2So those jewels that they didn't want to steal, that she wouldn't let him steal what happened to them, Tony? They're floating in the ocean now because the container is open, so they probably came out, it was in a sealed room.
Speaker 1But they came out of it. You're right, I'm sure you're right. It's probably just in the room. Then they came out of it. You're right, I'm sure you're right. It's probably just in the room then.
Speaker 2What's going to happen when that big hunk of the Lusitania falls down through the ocean?
Speaker 1I don't know what's going to happen. It's going to kill a fish.
Speaker 2It's going to land on all the other parts of the Lusitania and fuck that site all up. They have come and just destroyed, because that's true, have come and just destroyed because that's what they do.
Speaker 1They destroy everything they touch. They don't care. That's the whole. That's my whole point. They don't care about any of these priceless artifacts.
Speaker 2They're terrible people okay, they go back. Um. It turns out that the real rich guy has hired her ex-husband to go to Japan, so she gets to have the kid.
Speaker 1Super weird. Why would he accept that job? Because he wants a job, Sure, but I assume he has a job of some sort right and now this is just a better job, better job. No one in.
Speaker 2America has ever not taken a better job.
Speaker 1Well, I guess you're right about that, but he was just arguing over custody of the son, right?
Speaker 2he didn't really want him. He just wanted to argue because he's probably a lawyer, you mean because he's a dog.
Speaker 1He's a dog like tendencies. This character doesn't make any sense. It just does what they needed to do at the time they needed to be done. That's it, so we've got all the numbers.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, this is when she said what's with that lady, you know yeah, there's like attention she says you mean that? That weird, the one with the weird dysfunctional chemistry?
Speaker 1weird dysfunctional chemistry they didn't have any chemistry in that scene, did they? Didn't have any chemistry at all, let alone dysfunctional chemistry. They didn't have any chemistry in that scene, did they? They didn't have any chemistry at all, let alone dysfunctional chemistry. I would love for them to have some dysfunctional chemistry, because that would be a nice push and pull right. But they don't.
Speaker 2We do an anagram, we do a code, we do constellations, we substitute V for W because these super smart people. Well, in Latin V and W. Sure, that's what they said. I don't know. Anybody that has the most minor classical education will know that. I know that I'm not an idiot.
Speaker 1Listen, I have a class of what did you say?
Speaker 2Classical, you do not have a classical no, you don't.
Speaker 1Education from Supernatural. They speak Latin in that show all the time they speak latin.
Speaker 2Yeah, we in in our high school, you know you have to take like a language and we all us nerds took latin.
Speaker 1We could take latin in our school I don't believe latin was still an option when I went to school. I think it was just the three big ones french, german and spanish.
Speaker 2It was very specialized and I don't. I don't know how we had it in our school. It was the greatest thing ever, but you had to go up like the secret back stairs and on one side was the typing room and then the other side was like it was. I don't know if it was a broom closet or whatever, but it did not feel like a real classroom.
Speaker 1It was just like Can we also talk about the typing room, dan? I mean, that's classic, that is great.
Speaker 2I will always say this Taking typing in high school most important class I ever took.
Speaker 1Yeah, for sure 100%. Did you take that as well?
Speaker 2Yeah, I wish I had, it would have been great. But yeah, typing most important class. I hated it. I don't know why I took it. I think you had, like this one little slot that you had to fill and there was something even more terrible.
Speaker 1Even worse. I guess I'm going to take typing.
Speaker 2And it was painful to do it because you had to take it with, like normal people, everyone in the typing class was normal and I'm like Mr.
Speaker 1Dan Goodsell.
Speaker 2Mr Higher education shit. I was always taking AP classes.
Speaker 1Oh boy, not with the normies. I was in with the hoi polloi.
Speaker 2Okay, so they figure out that the the six masterpieces, whatever. They figure it out that they got to go with this, this wicked Bible, We'll never get it.
Speaker 1Something about a king and then a Bible.
Speaker 2It's gonna be a four hour episode.
Speaker 1I know it's gonna be good.
Speaker 2It's gonna be good so they gotta go get the wicked Bible where it says instead of thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt commit as much adultery as possible as you want.
Speaker 1Hey, oh, king.
Speaker 2James, he's like animals are available do you think this is real?
Speaker 1I don't know. I don't know either but it's pretty cool.
Speaker 2I wish I had one of those.
Speaker 1Yeah, that would be a cool Bible to have.
Speaker 2I wish I had one of those, because I'd sell it.
Speaker 1Well, that's true, Mr Collector.
Speaker 2Okay, in comes Interpool, oh, you got all the stuff. And then in comes kasam. He's like you got all the stuff and he's great.
Speaker 1He elevates this scene so much. He comes in and he's like you think I'm dumb? I'm not dumb and I don't. This guy is playing it right. He is the perfect character in one of these films and nobody around him is giving him anything and I just feel I hope he gets a bunch of work after this. I don't know anything about this guy. I hope he works a bunch. He's great, he's wonderful.
Speaker 2There it is uh, put that on your cv. Um yeah, luke is like let the four of them go and then I'll tell you where the caravaggio is. And he lets the four of them go, and then he gets everyone to start killing each other and yeah, he just turns up music.
Speaker 1He turns up up music really loud, you know, as a diversion, I guess.
Speaker 2Well, just to you know, make everyone start shooting, sure yeah. The Interpol wins, but they escape on a boat. He has a dream about a glowing glass. Now they're on a private plane.
Speaker 1It's not a dream. It's like a premonition. Can we talk about that yet, or should we wait till the end? We're going to wait till the end. All right, you got it.
Recovering the Lost Lusitania Scene
Speaker 2They get on this. This is another point at which I was just like. This is not right. They're on the rich guy's private plane, which is just this, set in Burbank, where everybody just sits there. It doesn't move, they don't put it even like a little bit of a hum, they don't you know they don't no shake.
Speaker 1There's no, there's nothing Like you have to add something, otherwise you're not on a plane. We've all been on planes. It's not nothing, right?
Speaker 2Like you feel like you're in a plane and it sounds like you're in a plane.
Speaker 1I hate, yeah, I hate. I have to do sound canceling headphones or I just like lose my mind.
Speaker 2Do you? You don't like that noise.
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't know what it is, but maybe it's a frequency thing. I honestly don't know, but like it drives me bananas.
Speaker 2One thing I like about air travel is taking off, because I always fall asleep and it's, oh it's the greatest sleep ever Taking off sleep.
Speaker 1Wait, hold on. When do you fall asleep? Fall asleep, wait, hold on. When do you fall asleep? Like during the takeoff, like when the g's are pulling you back.
Speaker 2That's what you like, it's just so nice. You're like at this perfect angle and yeah, you got the cheese, and you're just like, oh, this is so you like a little pressure on your chest, like a comfort blanket for you it probably is. It's probably like the weighted blanket, because I love it. Yeah, that's what I meant I always fall asleep when you take off for like about 10 minutes and then I wake up and I'm like, oh, that was, and it's really nice sleep. You're just like, oh, this is.
Speaker 1For 10 minutes. Wow, a little cat nap for Dan. I love it. That's beautiful.
Speaker 2Charlotte's boozing. Our family name needs to have relevance, To which I wrote huh.
Speaker 1Why needs to have relevance to which I wrote. Why?
Speaker 2who, what, where, when and why I don't understand. They go to austria. They go to the austrian national library. They pull up right in front. They're welcomed by people. The billionaire and the kid go for lunch. He's a musical prodigy, so you're rich. Do you own a? I own a hold on a second. Yeah, he says I own two boats and planes. And then he's like you saw my. No, you saw my. I have two planes. You saw my one plane and we're going to see the bigger plane later. Well, we're not. We never see the bigger plane. We aren't.
Speaker 1The kid was going to see it. We're not going to see it, don't worry, dan.
Speaker 2But isn't that a setup for the movie that we're going?
Speaker 1to see a bigger plane later. Yeah, because he's like. You know, you've seen my plane, but I have a plane. Yeah, but we don't get to see it. You don't need to see it, you can imagine it.
Speaker 2And then the kid says are you satisfied? And he says, of course not. Yeah, this is the point at which we have to realize he's the bad guy. Yeah, for sure we have to and we do not.
Speaker 1He plays this guy as cool, charming, gets along with kids, super normal, which is frustrating on two levels for me, because on one level it's frustrating because this scene right here is like the level of charm that's missing from the movie. Yeah, these two characters have it together, but only together. As soon as either of them interact with anyone else, they're back to shit. So I'm very confused on why this scene works. But also, he shouldn't be this in this scene. So it's like double frustrating for me.
Speaker 2It's very bad. They go through the secret door, the secret door.
Speaker 1In the library. Everybody loves the secret bookcase door, by the way, it's the best.
Speaker 2Esme and the bad guys show up and they take over all the. They block all the exits. They block all the exits and then they're doing the thing to the Bible, scanning it and whatever they have to do, they have.
Speaker 1X amount of time. Yeah, you don't need to know what they're doing.
Speaker 2So, for an unknowable reason, they're in the secret room.
Speaker 1That no one, none, of the bad guys know about.
Speaker 2And so what does Luke do, Tony? He goes outside. Why does he go outside?
Speaker 1He feels stifled in the room. He wants to go check out the other rooms.
Speaker 2I don't know. There's no reason for him to go outside.
Speaker 1No, there's literally no reason. He's like you know what? I'm going to step outside the secret room and go back to the main lobby of the library here just to see what's going on and get in a fight?
Speaker 2yeah, and what consequences does the fight have?
Speaker 1well, they stab a book. That's not good nobody cares. There's probably a like a 300 year old book and nobody cares that. They just destroyed it. Um, and then he hangs the girl upside down.
Speaker 2You know there's a great movie which I can't think of the name of Sean Connery, and this kid that's a writer and Sean Connery's like a reclusive writer who's been in his apartment forever and you know that's gentrified. So this kid's a lower class kid. And then he starts teaching the kid how to write you know, or teaching him you know, helping him with his writing.
Speaker 2The kid's a good writer already, but at one point they do a whole thing about soup and all this stuff and about information and how there's information that you want and then there's information that you need, or something like that. I don't even remember what it is.
Speaker 1Well, this is Finding Forrester. Finding Forrester, great movie.
Speaker 2Incredible movie 10 out of 10 movie. But the point being is a movie, every scene in a movie, has to propel the thing forward with information that has to be gathered.
Speaker 1Otherwise you cut that scene out. There's no reason for that scene to be in your movie. If it doesn't move it forward. You're stagnant. You get rid of it, Cut it.
Speaker 2The scene has. No, it's no, there's no reason. It just adds time. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't move their relationship forward, but it should. It shouldn't, it could sure.
Speaker 1It should move Krasinski and Esme Luke and Esme's relationship forward. This fight should have be full of sexual tension and somebody should care about the books and we should learn a little bit about someone's character. And then, even when they win, they're kind of like ah sorry, I, you know I had to do it, I got to go Love you, see you later. You know like there has to be a building. Their relationship should at least move. It's not going to move the plot forward, right, and that's okay. Not every scene needs to move the plot forward, but it does need to move your characters forward. And if the end of this movie she kisses him on the cheek because they have some sort of relationship that needs to build somewhere and it's not building sort of relationship that needs to build somewhere and it's not building, nope, very frustrating.
Speaker 2Um, they go through the floor and walk out through the sewer.
Speaker 1No, they blow up the floor. They put an explosive device in this really old, beautiful Austrian library building. Nobody gives a shit. They set off an explosion and go through the floor. That's ridiculous. Are we in trouble? Shannon's here.
Speaker 2Are we in trouble? Hi Shannon, for what I don't know, you chased the dog in here. No, she wanted to come in, oh you wanted to come in. Oh hey, aw, she missed you Dan.
Speaker 1I mean she was here the whole time.
Speaker 2Then she just left like one minute ago. There goes Shannon. Bye, tony. She was like I told her we were starting at 9 and she was all like you should start at 9.30 and let Tony sleep in. And I was like no.
Speaker 1No, not today. She's like yeah, no, it's all right, I was up in here.
Speaker 2She's like you're mean to him and I'm like yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, she's right about one thing, dan. Yeah, you're mean to me, that's true.
Speaker 2Poor Tony. Somehow the bad guys know that the rich guy and the kid are having lunch in this place, so they send a thing over there. And what does he do to those guys?
Speaker 1Just kicks the crap out of them, just not even like he beats the shit out of them. He's more efficient as a killer than anyone else in the movie and we only get to see it in this one scene and I was like what? What just happened? Why did he kick the crap out?
Speaker 1of everybody he doesn't even break a sweat and he viciously beats these guys up. It's not oh, I'd won the fight and we can escape. He like knocks them out. They are on the floor in pain and he's just like all right, cool, let's head out. It's a weird scene.
Speaker 2He says to the kid don't tell them that I did all this.
Speaker 1Right, which doesn't really matter, because this isn't why you're a bad guy, like at the end of the movie. Movie you don't become some sort of kung fu master and kill everybody like it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2this doesn't lead to anywhere it could be if you had a movie, then they get back there and the kid rats him out instantly. Why does the kid rat him out instantly?
Speaker 1because he's a kid man no, but I mean why?
Speaker 2why is it a movie?
Speaker 1kids are stupid kids are stupid, doesn't mean anything. Nothing means anything. Uh, and they don't even care like that, because that's the point, right, like if somebody cared when he said it, then it would mean something. But he's like oh, and he kicked the crap out of two people. And everyone's like, oh, okay, cool.
Speaker 2They scan the gilding and they find out that there's seven things in there and the kid just goes. We just see, instantly he goes. We know it's music because he's a prodigy. So we're like all right, he figures it out, charlotte's getting pissed off and then he explains to her how happy she has been for the last two days. How happy she has been Did you two days? How happy she has been?
Speaker 1did you see that she was never happy? Is that the movie you've watched, dan? Because I have not seen her smile.
Speaker 2Oh, one time she literally has never been happy in this movie. She is absolutely miserable.
Speaker 1Yeah, there needs. I am okay if she like wants to be miserable but has fun in spite of herself. You know what I mean? That's, what we need to see is that she is enjoying the adventure even though she doesn't want to. But we don't see that at all. We just see someone who's like I hate being here. I don't want to be on set. I can't believe I'm doing this movie. I hate everything. I don't want to be on set. I can't believe I'm doing this movie. I hate everything. It's not right.
Speaker 2It's got to be even harder when you have to do press for a movie like this. I tried to watch some of the press, but-.
Speaker 1Oh God, did you really?
Speaker 2She leaves and then immediately returns, and then we find out that it's music and we find out that it's called Waters in the Desert. Then we figure out that the seven ancient wonders of the world. Then we find the map of them and then we put the other thing over the map and then we know exactly where to go.
Speaker 1And while I didn't understand everything that they said at this point, I don't care, just get there, let's just go guys. I'm over this.
Speaker 2Esme goes to the Vatican, talks to Tucci Tucci's like we're the most powerful people in the world. You tried mercy with them. Who are you?
Speaker 1They're the protectors. Okay, who are you? What does that mean? Who are the protectors? God?
Speaker 2God made them.
Speaker 1So you think that this is like God's army? Yeah, god disobeyed him. So you think that this is like God's army? Yeah, they're not very good except her. They're terrible. They're really bad at their jobs.
Speaker 2Mostly she just hires people that suck. Maybe it's just her, maybe it's just her and Tuch.
Speaker 1See, I think she just hires people off the street to come and die for her.
Speaker 2That makes sense.
Speaker 1She's like, hey, god wants you to do this. I'm like, okay, and then they're dead.
Speaker 2How did she get back from the Lusitania?
Speaker 1She explains it at some point Teleported.
Speaker 2Satuchi's, like you tried mercy. When did they try mercy? When?
Speaker 1she didn't kill Natalie Portman.
Speaker 2But machine guns Okay, whatever.
Speaker 1But they didn't hit anybody right, they just were the scare tactic.
Speaker 2And we can't. This has to be hidden Because it's too powerful.
Speaker 1The key or the fountain at this point. Sure, the fountain.
Speaker 2It gives her, like this magic key To use in case of Very good.
Speaker 1So now is that a fail? Safe for the fountain of youth?
Speaker 2someone built in like a termination yes, because they needed to have it all open for when humanity was ready. For what? For the power to get the power.
Speaker 1As far as I can tell, you, don't get power no, you get.
Speaker 2They explained it you get health, wealth, health and wealth. No, you get three things.
Speaker 1You get health, wealth and beauty but you killed everyone you love, yeah. So who's ever gonna be ready for that? That doesn't. That's not a like. Humans aren't ready to kill everyone. They love to become more powerful. What are you talking about? This guy, I'll do it, dan listen. You're going to be the guy that turns old immediately because all you care about is yourself. All right, that's the problem, right? So, like, the people that are willing to do that are the people that care about themselves Boom, they're dead. The people that are willing to do that are the people that care about themselves Boom, they're dead. The people that aren't willing to kill all their loved ones are the people that it won't work for.
Speaker 2So what are we trying to accomplish with the fountain? There's like some mix that they explain that I didn't understand where you can pull it off. It doesn't make any sense. Maybe the enlightened person.
Speaker 1If you put Jesus down there, he'd be like I'm good with things, so then nobody would die and he'd become powerful because he loves. Yes, but that doesn't make any sense because, then he doesn't love anybody. It's not like he loves everybody. That means he loves nobody.
Speaker 2I don't know man, this fountain doesn't make any sense. That's he? I don't know.
Speaker 1This fountain doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2I'm sorry, it doesn't make any sense so they go, they go to the center of the pyramid. Everybody's battling on the what's his name is brought the rich guys, brought all these bodyguards and then, yeah, okay, so they're, they're at the pyramids of Giza, right? I don't know if they're, they must be in the big pyramid. I've been there, I don't know. Of course I've been there, you know, world traveler.
Speaker 1Dan's been everywhere. Good golly.
Speaker 2I tried to go to some of the good places while I still was young enough to get to them. Smart, there is no one there. We already talked about this.
Speaker 1a little Not a um smart. There is no one there. We already talked about this a little. Not a soul in sight. Yeah, no, but nobody else is there whatsoever. It's the weirdest thing ever, and so it doesn't make any sense eventually the the rich guy, who is the bad guy.
Speaker 2His people are fighting with the protectors and they're fighting with interpol and they're using machine guns, and it's just the dumbest thing in the world, giant turret guns like they're.
Speaker 1they're not using machine guns and it's just the dumbest thing in the world. Giant turret guns. They're not just machine guns, they're like military grade defense systems.
Speaker 2I don't understand, but it's only like pointing in one direction.
Speaker 1If you walked up behind them, correct they would have just drove around the back of the pyramid and come up. That way they're fine.
Speaker 2Nobody's there. This is so weird and I mean, you know, the pyramids are freaking huge that whole Are you sure they don't seem that big?
Speaker 1I'm just gonna tell you that now that whole complex is just like it's enormous.
Speaker 2You have to ride camels to get places and it's-. It looks like maybe two blocks and it is right outside of town. It's not like an hour or two away.
Speaker 1It's like right outside of town. No, there's no town in the distance, dan. It's empty desert for lots of miles. There's only one road in and out, from what I could tell, and the pyramid is like maybe two blocks at best.
Speaker 2Oh my God, the kid figures it out. And what do you have to do to get into the central tunnel down to the?
Speaker 1well, I guess, you like play the bongos. Those are called steel drums.
Speaker 2Steel drums, sorry. And then it, and then it floats.
Speaker 1This would have been the greatest movie ever if they'd had an octopus.
Speaker 2do that, I like this because it's about resonance and you know they set up this resonance, you know where it's like Sort of, and it causes this big heavy thing to sort of float.
Speaker 1And they're able to move it out of the way, but he stops playing the music. I don't know it like. I feel like he stopped playing the music, then she moved it because it was still floating. I was a little confused by it all it was. It was visually and orally interesting I liked it for sure, I agree. I just think the timing was it doesn't matter, but'd felt like the timing was wrong Cause I was like why is it still floating? It should have crashed to the ground by now.
Speaker 2What's the? Is that that little mermaid? What's the little mermaid song?
Speaker 1That was the little mermaid. It's close to it.
Speaker 2Okay, they slide it out of the way. Murph steps in the way. Oh, murph got shot to save Deb. Okay, that's good, they walk through this one hallway where there's all these Paradoxical inscriptions I keep getting. These emails from Barack Obama and they're titled I'd love to meet you.
Speaker 1Say yes, oh my god say yes.
Speaker 2He's been watching our videos and I'm turning him on say yes to the dress.
Speaker 1My friend, go meet barack.
Speaker 2Good guy, good guy okay, so there's paradoxical inscriptions, and then they find the tree of life at the end. Are they?
Speaker 1paradoxical. It all sounds mostly just like hey, don't do it, I don't know. That seems to be what they all boil down to. They were just weird.
Speaker 2It was like I don't know, I couldn't, I couldn't write down the paradoxes.
Speaker 1It's basically like if you drink, it'll be good and bad, and so you just don't do it.
Speaker 2I don't know. There's a tree of life carving and then Charlotte's like well, here's a marble. Maybe we'll just put that right in the middle and that'll open it Right down the chute, and then it goes, and then it opens the door, all these dimes come out, like dimes, jeff. Okay, then there's this gigantic room. He pushes, he cranks this little onk button, then it's just.
Speaker 1It's the same symbol we've seen, but this one. He's like what if I turn this globe this time? As if he would know it's different than the last one.
Speaker 2I don't know you mean he doesn't have to actually think or figure anything out, he just does a random thing and it works perfectly the first time a button, and then it just goes. Yeah, it looks like a button, but I'll turn it like a knob.
Speaker 1I'm intelligent, I did it Kudos.
Speaker 2Out, come all these stairs. They walk down there. I wrote more characters shooting at each other that we don't care about. Okay.
Speaker 1Yeah, because they're just shooting outside, just over and over, shooting, shooting, shooting. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2There's a beam of light because there's a hole now in the ceiling, yeah, and then there's a little hole. And then what makes the hole sort of open? It just opens, I guess, the hole down to the fountain. Yeah, sure. So they open and then they walk down some more stairs and there's a little bit of water. Tony, what would be the first thing you would do if you had gotten to the fountain of youth at this point, at this point? What is the first thing you would do?
Speaker 1Drink, I'd drink it. I would drink all of it, would you really? Yeah, because there's only a little bit left. I don't want anyone else to get it.
Speaker 2So I'd drink it all. No, I'm saying truthfully, what would you actually do?
Speaker 1I would take out my cell phone, I would take pictures. That would be the first thing I would do. It's weird that nobody ever takes out their cell phone and takes pictures of these very famous things. You know what I mean. Seems like a huge mistake.
Speaker 2I would go down there and fill a fucking vial full of the water. Sure, have a fucking fountain of youth. That's what you're there Isn't the idea you're gonna put some in a bottle and then take?
Speaker 1it out and take it to a lab. Isn't that the idea? I would take my phone out, Dan.
Speaker 2I would turn around and I'd do that weird pointy one.
Speaker 1I was like, oh, and then I'd take a picture of me in the fountain, yeah, F of Y.
Speaker 2Hashtag F of Y Well there we have two competing ideas, but both of them make perfect sense to me. Mine is like practical. This is, you know.
Speaker 1Sure, yours is the reason why we're there why the fuck'm gonna drink it. I mean bad idea I'm gonna make me drink it later, but right once you see, I mean bill's bill, what's his name in this movie? He plays bill in harry potter. He's bill weasley uh but the bad guy oh, we're being too loud, no, we're not. Oh man, we got in trouble. Oh, we got in trouble. We got shushed.
Speaker 2It's too late in the evening okay, the guy, the guy that plays harry potter in the harry potter. Yeah, so the guy who's in harry potter he's like hey, somebody drink it first.
Speaker 1That's what you have to do. Yeah, that's the move. Yeah, don't be the guinea pig Like. I'm all fully on board with his plan so far.
Speaker 2So what happens? Let's see, I wrote something down.
Speaker 1He's like hey, luke, go drink. And Luke's like, nah, dog, I'm not going to drink. And then he's like well, I'm going to shoot you somewhere, and we're not totally sure where.
Speaker 2And then he gets shot.
Speaker 1Around the arm, around the arm chest hole area. He goes down there, he drinks some of it. Well, he doesn't drink it, he almost drinks it, he he's got it cupped in his hands and then he has like a whole lion king moment where he sees himself and then maybe his dad, and then maybe his, his sister and her kid growing old, which is the visions he's been seeing this entire time, which doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
Speaker 2Yeah, why would he have pre-visions? It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1But he has them, he has a bunch of them. If he was psychic, I'd be like oh, he's psychic, he has some sort of power because he is having premonitions of the fountain of youth and now that's the only reason he doesn't drink. Is he's like, well, maybe these visions have been real the whole time. Maybe God is, he's a prophet, he's?
Speaker 2a prophet, he's a prophet Luke.
Speaker 1There you go. That's the ending of Fountain of Youth. He's God's prophet. It's a sandworm blood.
Speaker 2Okay, it's picked up by the water. And he's having all these dreams and there's lightning, lightning, lightning lightning. Yeah All weird. Lightning lightning, yeah all weird. Uh, he sees his fate, sees his fate. He keeps him, like his face, young ish, I guess well, because that's what he that's.
Speaker 1The benefits is, he will look younger because he's getting. He's not old beauty.
Speaker 2That's the whole thing, he's not even close to old.
Speaker 1Well, but listen, once you pass 25, it's all downhill buddy, okay.
Speaker 2Truth to that. Uh, he sees people getting old, his arm heals, then he shoots him a bunch and then they all heal they all heal and then he gets free. Now wait a second so he didn't drink it he didn't drink it.
Speaker 1That's why he survived why did he get?
The Library Fight and Missing Chemistry
Speaker 1the whole, because. So, from here's what I think is the real answer yeah, is that the fountain of youth? If you drink, it is too much and will do bad things, oh, okay, that makes sense. So if you, if you refuse to drink it because you're not consumed by wealth, power, greed, whatever it heals you or does something, but that doesn't make any real sense because, uh, esme, at the end is like very few people could face the fountain and not drink, and that's what. And then he's like, oh, so I'm impressive, which isn't true because it's not impressive, because he's had visions the whole time that have told him that it's going to be bad if he drinks. So that's cheating, in my opinion. Um, but that seems to be the way you're supposed to use it.
Speaker 2Maybe oh, so you just go in there, you lay in it and then you feel better? I think so, so I wonder if you could regrow a foot you want to try it?
Speaker 1yeah, let's go I bet you could, because those bullet holes just close up. In fact he doesn't even seem to feel the bullet. You know, like he gets shot in the water and then we cut back and he's got holes all the way through him. So they passed all the way through his body and he doesn't seem to care at all but I think you have to be injured for it to activate I mean that makes sense because, well, because you have to.
Speaker 2Just then owen walks out blood owen did he drip blood into the water did that happen.
Speaker 1He cuts his hand. No, no, no. The first time when he got shot.
Speaker 2Did some of that blood go into the water?
Speaker 1so the you it shows a shot of blood dripping down his arm, somehow because his shirt has no blood on it, so I don't know where it's coming from, but he does have blood that drips down his arm and goes into the water okay.
Speaker 2So owen goes down there and he's all like well, that's enough of a test for me. You're like which is what?
Speaker 1by the way, because I don't know what I just saw, so I'm not getting in that water yet.
Speaker 2So he cuts himself drips it in, there gets grabbed. It takes about one tenth the time.
Speaker 1This time it's just like which is good, because last time was way too long. There should have been a medium, a medium length for both.
Speaker 2So he drinks it and then he just shivers and he turns into dust Just turns old Because he doesn't love anybody.
Speaker 1So basically the idea is yeah, he just loves himself. If you drink, you're gonna get young and You're stealing the youth of the ones you love.
Speaker 2It is.
Speaker 1And if you love yourself, you're just basically taking your own essence and it dies.
Speaker 2Yeah. So Charlotte and the kid would have just died right while he's thin, and he'd have been young and he'd have been like cool, he would have been young and powerful forever.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's the fountain, that's their big take on the fountain of youth.
Speaker 1It's real dumb.
Speaker 2Oh, that's the thing. And then she, esme, uses the Stanley Coochie Key, and then it starts and everything starts shutting down. They all run up the stairs and get away.
Speaker 1So here's my question, dan, why? Because she's actually too late. Both people have already used the fountain. The bad guy killed himself in the fountain.
Speaker 2They know where it is. Somebody knows where it is.
Speaker 1I guess that's true. They're still going to know where it is, though it's just buried now. So now they just need more machinery. They run out, I don't know, and then everybody's waiting, and then we do the big she kisses him on the this weird moment where she's like I'm very attracted to you, but if you try to steal more stuff I'll kill you.
Speaker 2And there's actually a good joke where he's all like oh, there's more stuff, Do you have a?
Speaker 1list Right, that's a good joke. Yes, it's a good joke, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2She, yeah, yeah, she, yeah. It is a good joke, but it's that's it. It's just one in the whole movie and it's the last line of the movie, little late.
Speaker 1It's about two hours and one minute late.
Speaker 2I'll tell you that um, I wrote I was glad because the kid didn't have asthma. What a low bar.
Speaker 1And then I also said Well, they didn't give the kid some sort of impediment, so kudos to them, and this is the line I would have given the kid at the end.
Speaker 2Goodbye, uncle Luke. Thanks for not killing me.
Speaker 1Yeah, that would have been good. I would have liked it a lot.
Speaker 2There you go. That's anything else you want to say about this movie, tony, because we've been.
Speaker 1I liked it a lot. There you go. Anything else you want to say about this movie, Tony? They set it up for a sequel, so fingers crossed.
Speaker 2Let's get a sequel. I can't even begin to tell you how happy that would make me be, yeah this movie it clips long. It didn't feel super long to me, but then again the action scenes you just check out because you're just like, yeah, I mean it's not engaging.
Speaker 1And I read a bunch of articles this week yeah, and it's all you know, it's, it's the second screen viewing nonsense. And they're all like, yeah, you know you, the reason why they say things multiple times is because they expect you to be doing something else or checking your phone, and it's like, even with that. Those aren't even my problems with the movie. My problem with the movie is that nobody's charming. There's no, okay, there's no good character work. The plot is stupid. I'm not having that much fun like the, the one, the. The thing that this movie's missing is any sort of fun. You can still dumb it down and have fun. I just don't.
Speaker 2I just don't agree that that that's necessary it's like is it that much easier to make a second screen movie than it is to make a?
Speaker 1it seems like they're purposely working against themselves to make it worse. That's what it feels like it's, it's it's.
Speaker 2It's a sort of dopey idea where where you're like, well, excuse, my terrible movie, it's a second screen movie, you're really not supposed to be watching it. You're really not supposed to ever want to watch it a second time well, mission accomplished. I will never watch this a second time you know, and there's so many movies that have much less, much lower budget that you're like I'm gonna buy physical media of that, I'm going to watch this every year A million percent.
Speaker 2If you made an action figure of that, I'm going to buy that action. You know it's like making a movie that's mediocre and then acting like that was your plan. I do not believe that is the plan. I know that they want it to be a minimum of that. Sure, but the plan is not for it to only be that.
Speaker 1Right, Like that's, that's like the worst case scenario. They're like we won't even make this movie unless it's at least this. And you're like well, sure, I can clear that by nothing. Just ride that line perfectly all the way through.
Speaker 2Mediocrity at its best, there you know Now we're talking about something we liked. This week I watched the show Department Q. I don't know if I talked about this last time.
Speaker 1I think you mentioned it, because that sounds familiar. I think I watched one or two Scottish mystery. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Just you know, you just watch something like that. You know nine episodes. I got a little confused because of the characters a couple of times, but just so much good acting. And there's like this one turn where his life is just miserable and then he just has one tiny positive thing Not tiny, I mean it was an important thing, not tiny, I mean it was an important thing but you were just like one good thing happens to him and you're just like there it is. He's in the groove, he's earned that one good thing happening by slogging through all this shit and that's the thing about this movie is through all this shit, through the shit and that's the thing about this movie is these characters didn't slog through any shit.
Speaker 1They almost go through nothing. Nobody cares about anything that they do Like there's no consequences to any of their actions. There's nothing.
Speaker 2Indiana Jones is covered in dust and blood.
Speaker 1Yes, yeah, because they get the shit kicked out of themselves Like they're not having a good day. Sure, they win at the end, but it's not easy. It is not easy.
Speaker 2My favorite, probably my favorite Marvel thing is the Hawkeye series, and there's one point at which he goes back and has to, like you know, he actually teaches the new Hawkeye how to apply bandages to all their cuts and bruises. Oh, interesting, and you're just like this is the reality of it. It's not like we're degraded, Nothing can hurt us. No, it's like you're getting the shit beat out of you and you're going out there the next day because you got to get something done. And that whole show is about. Everybody in that thing wants up. They all desperately want something. He wants to get back to his family. She wants to be Hawkeye. Yelena wants to avenge her sister. These are, these are big characters with big wants you know this movie.
Speaker 2What, what? Why are you doing this? Well, sir, our family name.
Speaker 1What are you talking about which doesn't? And they talk about their dad with such reverence that I just don't feel like they have a bad family name.
Speaker 2And we didn't Right. I don't know who that dad is.
Speaker 1No, we don't know.
Speaker 2We don't meet him, we don't understand him, we don't know who he is, what he is, where he stands in the world. No one ever says, oh my God, your dad. They don't ever deal with anything about who this dad might mean.
Final Thoughts on Wasted Potential
Speaker 1Which is interesting because National Treasure. That is also the motivation, because everyone has turned on them in the historical community yeah. Yeah yeah, like they call them quacks, like we see it happen. And I believe there's a point where Nicholas Cage is like I'm glad, I think he said something, like I'm glad I'm not crazy, like everyone thought my dad and my granddad and my great granddad like there's a joke about it, where his whole family lineage has been like laughed at in the community and he's finally vindicated. I'm pretty sure that happens.
Speaker 2Yeah, this is real, these are real things, you know. Yeah, and I think in the third Indiana Jones movie where Sean Connery comes and plays his dad, there's a bunch of stuff about that, because his dad has been searching for whatever oh, the Last Supper goblet, right, the chalice, chalice, chalice. And he's been. You know, he's just like he's become his dad, but he still kinda has problems with how his dad Was his dad.
Speaker 1Does Yep, yep.
Speaker 2Wow, it's almost like Boy.
Speaker 1That's life right there.
Speaker 2It's there. We have some stuff that a Character has to Fucking chew on yeah.
Speaker 1No, I'm just doing a thing, not for this movie second screen viewing.
Speaker 2Everybody don't worry about it tony, what did you like this week?
Speaker 1I'll give you a hint. Are you ready? You're never gonna get it. You're ready. That is the sound they make when you come back from commercial on Love Island USA. It's back, everybody, the best time of the year. We are four episodes in. Oh boy, I'm having a blast.
Speaker 2Is Love Island your favorite one in Love Island US?
Speaker 1So well, I think boy they're all a little bit different.
Speaker 2It's tough.
Speaker 1The UK is like the OG Boy. They're all a little bit different. You know it's tough. The UK is like the OG, but sometimes I have a hard time understanding what they're saying, which is like very American of me. I know my problem with the USA one is all the people are so shitty Like we are the worst people in the world, without a doubt.
Speaker 1It's easiest to find the most horrible people in the world in America, yeah're always so terrible and, like every show has a couple of people. They're like, oh man, this guy's garbage. I can't wait to watch what he goes through. But the usa is always like, where do they find all these shit people? And it just turns out everywhere, like we're just not great people, which makes great television but also makes me sad at the same time. So maybe australia? Maybe that's my favorite of the of the love islands, but uh, because they all seem like pretty genuinely nice people and they're just like good night, mike, let's go surfing. Uh, I like them, you know, but anyhow, it's, it's usa time. Uh, uk starts on the 12th, but we're not going to watch it live, um, because we got to stick with usa I was watching one of the shows.
Speaker 2I watched and, and they were talking about reality TV and they were talking about how reality TV where the people are good is the really most powerful reality TV. Sure.
Speaker 1The other stuff gets watched plenty, but you know, but for the wrong, not even the wrong reasons. It is why they make it. But it's trash, but we have fun. It is trash.
Speaker 2Yeah, so this week Shannon got to pick the movie. Oh shout out to Shannon. I had like four or five movies and I was like which of these should I do? And she's like this is what you're going to do. This is the one she hasn't had a pick since. We did Blue Lagoon, which was pretty classic, Wild, Pretty classic. So this one's you know a little bit in the past. Yeah, okay, okay, but it's one of your favorite actors.
Speaker 1Oh, okay.
Speaker 2Tom Cruise.
Speaker 1TC okay Playing another mythical monster. Playing a mythical monster. Are vampires mythical? Is that what we're doing? Are we doing interview with the vampire? Oh boy. We have to watch kirsten dunst kiss a grown man oh man, it's gonna be weird all right, I don't.
Speaker 2I don't think I've ever seen this movie, I think I've watched.
Speaker 1You've never seen this movie, oh boy this was the 90s, probably right.
Speaker 2Yeah, I told you it was the 90s, probably right. I told you it was the 90s. There's a lot of things in the 90s I didn't do.
Speaker 1I believe I've only seen this in the 90s and I think my takeaway was snooze fest, so I'm excited to see what it looks like as an adult. Yeah, so we're going to see every teen girl's dream, tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, Because the problem is like, I watched Lost Boys as a kid growing up. So then it was like oh, vampire movie and it's not the same kind of vampire movie at all.
Speaker 2This is not a vampire movie for teen boys whatsoever.
Speaker 1No, it is not.
Speaker 2All right.
Speaker 1I'm excited to see this. As an adult, this will be fun.
Speaker 2It'll be interesting to sort of go back there and look at it through our weird eyes.
Speaker 1Great pick Shannon.
Speaker 2Well done, she knows how to pick them. Shannon, well done, she knows how to pick them, so we'll be back. If you like what you do, give us a comment, a thumbs up, or leave or subscribe. This is gonna be our longest episode ever.
Speaker 1I mean yeah we had tech difficulties, but we're over two hours for sure this might be a two hour episode this movie deserved it.
Speaker 2Tony was angry. This movie I was absolutely not the worst movie we've seen, but just wrong-headed wasted potential on all fronts.
Speaker 1It could have been great. I was excited, for it really missed the mark. See you later. Goodbye, everybody, everybody.