Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Superman: An Unpopular Opinion
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A Superman movie where the dog makes more choices than the Man of Steel? We dove into James Gunn’s take and found a shiny spectacle that keeps dodging the heart of the character. From a midstream opening to a city-leviathan set piece shot through a fish-eye lens, the film races past the moments that would make us care, then tries to land on a heartfelt message about humanity it doesn’t quite earn.
We dig into why the quiet scenes sing—the Pa Kent farm talk and the final reflection—and how they whisper the contours of a better film: one where Superman wrestles with power, responsibility, and the courage to inspire rather than overpower. We also spotlight the true scene-stealer: Mr. Terrific. His competence, dry humor, and clear methods hint at the grounded, team-driven storytelling this world could support. Meanwhile, the Daily Planet ensemble, public-opinion whiplash, and a pocket-universe prison full of glass boxes illustrate how setup after setup goes un-paid-off, sapping stakes and coherence.
This episode unpacks the plot mechanics, the character arcs that aren’t, and the choice architecture that should define Superman but rarely shows up here. We question the Justice team’s late pivot, the citywide consequences that never land, and the way recurring gags step on tension. And yes, we talk Crypto: when a superdog becomes the clutch play, the movie’s center has drifted. If you love Superman’s ethos—hope, restraint, and moral clarity under pressure—this breakdown will give you language to explain what’s missing and how it could be fixed.
Enjoy the breakdown? Follow, rate, and share the show so more listeners can find it. Drop your rewrite for the third act in the comments—how would you make Superman’s humanity the thing that wins?
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Cold Open: Bracing For Backlash
SPEAKER_04So should we uh talk about this movie?
SPEAKER_02Um yeah, I think we're gonna get in trouble. Why are we gonna get in trouble? No one's listening to our thing. Well, that's true. But remember when we did um those dudes from Saturday Night Live, Please Don't Destroy, and like that's the only time we ever got like comments, and they were all mad at us.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It might be something like that. Superman brings out some crazies. Well, let's hope so. Let's hope so. No press is bad press or something.
Welcome And Setup
SPEAKER_04There it is. No press is bad press. Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan! I am Tony. This is the show that dares to watch movies that got put on streaming about three and a half weeks ago.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we're a little late actually. We probably should have done it day one.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we probably should have done it day one. Uh, but we're doing it anyways. Tony, why don't you tell the people what we're doing?
Why This Superman Misses The Mark
SPEAKER_02All right, people. Listen up. So this movie came out earlier this summer. People were raving about it, they loved it. Uh, I saw it in the movie theaters, and I walked out and I was like, well, that was just supremely mediocre. At best. At best, this is like a mediocre superhero flick. Um, and then, you know, I hated it more and more the more I thought about it, and the more people gushed about it. And I was like, you're wrong. You're wrong on everything that you're saying. I don't understand. Um, so we're doing James Gunn's Superman. Let me preface something. I it turns out the more that I go through life here, I don't think I like James Gunn. You mean that's what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04You don't like his movies or you don't like him as a person?
SPEAKER_02His movies. I think he's probably fine as a person. Although I do have a qualm. Did you watch what was the animated show that they did just a little bit ago? Creature commandos. Creature commandos. It's weird how similar this main Rick Flag the flag guy looks to James Gunn. Uh it feels a little self uh flagatory. Is that right? What is the word?
SPEAKER_04Self-possessed, self-uh, I there's there's a there's a right word. I can't think of self-flagatory. I think that's when you beat yourself.
SPEAKER_02I don't think that was it. I don't think that was it at all. But self-congratulatory. That's definitely more what I was going for, yeah.
SPEAKER_04James Gunn, by being put in charge of everything DC is very proud of himself and very, you know, he he he thinks he's the all that. Um I mean he he directed this movie and he wrote this movie, and you know, okay, and he does he writes everything for the DC universe.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_04But it this movie felt like it needed somebody above him.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, a hundred percent. Absolutely. Checks and balances, everybody.
SPEAKER_04Uh I liked I liked the new Suicide Squad that he did. I like that one.
SPEAKER_02I know we argued over that because I prefer the old the Will Smith one over the new one. I think the new one has similar problems to this movie.
SPEAKER_04It has similar problems to this movie, except that there's a lot, there's way more that work works in that movie than in this movie.
SPEAKER_02100%. I agree, I agree with that. I just I think as a filmmaker, I think Guardian The Guardians started good, right? Guardians of the Galaxy started pretty solid. The third one's horrible. Off. Like it's not a bad movie, but I would never watch it again. Not just because of the animal, but it's just anyhow, it doesn't really matter. I think he has a problem delivering his own premises. He sets up like these grand things, and I mean we're gonna talk about this today. The ending of this movie is a perfect ending to a different movie.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you mean well, you mean where he's like, okay, spoilers. Spoilers ahead.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You mean where he realizes that Ma and Paw Kent are actually his parents and they they raised him well. And that's a great movie.
SPEAKER_02That is a Superman movie that I want to see. I want to see him struggle with the his alien versus humanity and realize that humanity is his biggest strength, right? Like that's the that's Superman. That's the internal struggle of Superman. I'm an all-powerful alien, but I'm also human. How do I balance that? That's great. That and the ending of this movie would be a perfect ending to a completely different film that was not made at all this time around.
SPEAKER_04If he wasn't lying in that weird bed. If he wasn't lying in a weird hospital bed.
SPEAKER_02I agree. Yeah, yeah. You're right about that. Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, there were three scenes in this movie I like. I I can unequivocally say I liked. I liked that last scene. Yeah. The the the heart of it. I like the the Paw Kent scene on the farm where Park Kent delivers his thing. I thought that was a good scene.
SPEAKER_02It has to mean something, though. Like it there wasn't enough. That's not what the movie's about. Those two scenes belong in the same movie. That's why you like them because they're like, oh, that's a that's a very interesting Superman story to tell. I would love those two scenes in a real movie. They just don't they feel out of place in this movie. But sorry, what's your third?
SPEAKER_04Uh the Mr.
SPEAKER_02Terrific fight on the beach. I mean, honestly, Mr. Terrific is my favorite character in this movie.
SPEAKER_04Well, he's the only character in the movie.
Three Good Scenes Amid The Chaos
SPEAKER_02That's actually that's a great point. You're you're right. He kind of really is. This is to me, this is a Justice Gang movie that just happens to have Superman in it. That's how I feel about it. Because they're more likable. They're the I will argue that they're the only group of people that go on a character arc.
SPEAKER_04Well, that's they actually have a dynamic.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02They also have a dynamic, but also in the beginning, they're like, hey, you can't go to Bulravia. What's the country? I feel bad. Uh it's not a real country, right? I'm okay not knowing the name. Buravia. They're like, hey, you can't go there. We're US, US, and then you know, they come around and they help in the end. Again, we miss all of the important stuff of that story where we just have the beginning and the end of it, and we miss all of the emotional core of it, but they at least have a trajectory somewhat. Superman doesn't learn, doesn't change, doesn't really do shit in this movie. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04He well, I mean, you can make that one pitch, right? And I think there's also I haven't really parsed it, but I think there's a pitch that it's really crypto's movie. Oh, that's I I would buy into that pitch as well. Because he ends up saving the day. Crypto basically shows up and does everything important in the movie. Superman never does anything important in the movie.
SPEAKER_02No, no, he does not. Um He doesn't even save the world. You know what I mean? Like, he doesn't do anything. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04But he helps it so they can get a code out of somebody's computer.
SPEAKER_02Sure. Yeah, very that's which is very important, you know. You know, when you're talking about things in her hand, he says it.
SPEAKER_04I talked, I talked to all the best linguists and cryptologists, and they said that that recording is real, so it must be real. It's real. I was like, I believe them. They they do some damn goodself things in here where they like give somebody a line with the one line. Yep. And you're just like, if if you need to do that multiple times in your movie, maybe go back and work on the things because they're too dumb.
SPEAKER_02One time it's fine, maybe twice you're pushing it, but it's five or six times the same movie. You're like, maybe just flesh out the script, guys. Maybe start there and then we'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_04Um I started watching the substance movie.
SPEAKER_02What is that?
SPEAKER_04That's the that's the demi more market quality movie where and there was so much more style and movie making and everything, like in the first 15 minutes of that movie, and you're just like you have all the money in the world, and you you like I mean, even the best fight in the movie, the Mr. Terrific fight, is terrible. Yeah. But you're like, I could see what the fight would have been if someone who knew how to direct a fight had done it.
SPEAKER_02It's a good idea. The scene is a good idea.
Justice Gang Overshadowing Superman
SPEAKER_04It's a great idea. It's yeah, the the the idea of how he fights and all those decisions are absolutely right, and they instead they make it, they shoot it so you so it's we're watching somebody's face go like this. Woo! And we don't we don't really see him do his thing, and it's over. I think it was a minute and forty-five seconds. Maybe a minute and thirty-five seconds, and it's done in a minute and thirty-five seconds. It's like take your take your time. I know it's expensive, but that's your good.
SPEAKER_02This movie doesn't take its time on anything, Dan. This movie's hopping from one thing to the next constantly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And and it also sort of makes a mistake of, you know, starting kind of in the middle, and you're so far in the middle that you never you never feel like you get your footing at all.
SPEAKER_02The most interesting Superman moment of this movie happens before the movie begins, where he loses his first battle ever. I would love to see him. We should just start in that battle. Just start as he's getting the shit kicked out of him because we know Superman. We know who he is, we know what he stands for, like, we understand that. If we're watching him lose and him being like, what the hell is going on? Like, I don't know why I'm loot, like I've never lost a fight before. This is wild. That's an emotional moment that we can latch on to right away, as opposed to him landing in the snow and we're just like, okay. And he's like, hey, dog, joke with me. Let's joke around, joke around, and now drag me home. What is happening? This is stupid.
SPEAKER_04Well, he's he's taken it to the extreme, right? We know that you're supposed to start a scene in the middle, right? Sure. Well, he's all like, well, the middle can also be the end. And then then I'm more clever. Right? I mean, the the the the problem with a lot of this movie is that it is James Gunn trying to show how clever he is.
Starting Mid-Story And Stakes Drift
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And that's and I don't believe, not in a negative way. I don't think Superman is a clever property. It's not a clever IP, you know? He's the he is the symbol of hope. What part of this movie is he the symbol of hope? When does he do that?
SPEAKER_04I gotta tell you, when that little kid puts up that flag and he goes like this, Superman.
SPEAKER_03And then he never shows up. Superman. Superman doesn't show up to that dance.
SPEAKER_02Superman lets all of those people down. Every single one of them asked for Superman. They got B-grade superheroes flying in with their bellies hanging out, Nathan Phillian fucking people off. They got nothing, they got shit on. All right, now they're like, yeah, well, we're a poor country and now everybody hates us, and they Superman won't even save us now. This it's horrible that is the moment, right? The song comes on, they bring up the flag. No Superman. No Superman for the world to see. It's ridiculous. He's I don't like this movie. The more I talk about it, the less I like the movie.
SPEAKER_04That's what I was hoping for. Um so we're doing James Gunn Superman 2025. I think it was like an hour and six, two hours and six minutes, something like that. Yeah, so write it down. I wrote, I wrote on my piece of paper right at the top, it says good stuff, and then I left an area where I was gonna write all the goods. All of your good stuff. Um the good stuff is the actors for the most part are great. What's his name's great as Superman? What's her name's great as Lois Lane?
SPEAKER_02Agreed. Agreed.
SPEAKER_04Uh Philly in as Guy Gardner's great. The hot girls.
SPEAKER_02She doesn't have a lot to do. In her defense, she mostly just screams a hawk scream. It's hard to pull that off when you have no other context to her character. That's hard.
SPEAKER_04Uh she did like sort of lay in a chair reading a newspaper to show that she didn't care about something.
SPEAKER_02Like, if I was great and that was her entire acting, not great, right? It was a little weird. It was like, you're not comfortable. What are you doing? Don't shoot it again. Get get actually comfortable. Don't just lay down. Just lay down and enjoy yourself. Like, that's all you have to do. Don't think about it. Just lay down. It's hard. It's hard, man.
SPEAKER_04Um, Mr. Terrific, 11 out of 10.
City Destruction And Logic Gaps
SPEAKER_02So so good. So good. I love him. Yeah. He's so cool, man. He's so cool. He rides, he flies in holding on to a dog through a window like an idiot, rolls, stands up, and is immediately the coolest person in the room. I don't know how you do that. He this guy, who is this guy? He oozes cool. I'm I'm obsessed with him. He played somebody else.
SPEAKER_04He played some other superhero.
SPEAKER_02All right. Well, this better just throw him into the stratosphere because he is so good in this movie.
SPEAKER_04Best costuming by far, you know, everything about it.
SPEAKER_02I mean, the bowl cut's pretty cool, though. Uh good for them.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you mean Guy Guy Gardner?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And I mean, that's the thing is Guy Gardner. That's a that's a huge Easter egg for comic book fans, but I think they pull off the character too. A hundred percent. You know, I think it even if you aren't a comic book person, you're gonna understand pretty much what he is.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um douchey. Okay, let's do the movie, Tony.
SPEAKER_02Oh, wait, before we go to a movie, I want to read something to you, Dan. Read something to me. So I just I just typed into my Google Gemini. Shout out to AI in this podcast, by the way. Uh I just all I did was I asked it, what makes a good Superman story? I wanted to see what the collective humanity of this Gemini searching and scraping the web would come up with. And this is what it said, ready? A good Superman story highlights his unwavering morality and compassion, his core values of hope and justice, and explores the tension between his immense power and his humanity. Nailed it. AI nails what a good Superman story is in its first try. You know who didn't? James Gunn.
SPEAKER_04Well, when he when he fights all the raptors, you know, the bad guys that are in suits for no reason that we don't even need in the movie because we don't understand why they're even in the movie.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04We make they make sure when they when we see them falling hundreds and hundreds of feet out of the sky, down to the ground, that they're all like, I'm okay. We're fine, we're good, we're good. Every other person that he fights with and defeats falls to their deaths horribly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Right. Okay, so keep keep that in mind. At no point do we really ever care about life except like right at the end where we gotta kind of show that we care about life.
SPEAKER_02And the squirrel. Don't forget the squirrel gag. Everybody loves the squirrel gag. I hate it.
SPEAKER_04Does somebody love the squirrel gag? Because I hated the squirrel gag more than anybody.
Fortress Break-In And Plot Shortcuts
SPEAKER_02People on the so I I read a lot of reviews when this came out. People were like, the squirrel is such a quintessential Superman moment because he's he loves everybody. And I was like, you know how many squirrels died that day, not in that monster? 50 squirrels one block over got hit by buses, right? Like, what are we talking about here? This is a dumb moment. Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm off on the tangent.
SPEAKER_04We do three or four times. Well, what do we do? We do we do a kid, we do the girl, we do the lady in the car, and we do the squirrel. Is it three? Oh, she stops stops the monster from cracking into the building. That's kind of four.
SPEAKER_02And then stops the building from falling on the lady in the car.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that that was the that was the the building on the bridge. That's the last one. Oh, yeah, building on the bridge.
SPEAKER_02So I think there's four. Yeah, that's probably right.
SPEAKER_04There's four of them, and it's like I need one. I don't need four.
SPEAKER_02Right, yeah, yeah I get it. I get it, pal. I get it, I understand. We're all in agreement.
SPEAKER_04Because uh so what we're talking about is at these different times he he he does something superheroic to stop a uh something just to sort of save one person or a squirrel. And I get we get it. We get that that's what Superman does. We do don't have to do it four times. We just have to, you know, like and you know what? He does the same well, the squirrel he flies through, but the other three it's a stop. And and the stops just don't, you know, maybe if it's a monster, maybe it's this big stupid monster, but buildings, you can't stop a building like that.
SPEAKER_02I mean, you could stop the six and a half foot part of the building that he's holding on to, but spoiler alert, the rest of that building's gonna crumble. Yeah, that's not how buildings are built, it's not that solid. Like if he puts pressure on one part of that building, the rest of it's just gonna topple. I'm sorry, that's just not right.
SPEAKER_04And that's that's why you don't want to have whole cities collapsing. Because Superman, you know, it's interesting because when Hot Girl gets to the war, they realize, oh, she can't do anything. She's hot girl. Yeah, she can hit you with the little club. Yeah, she's got a little spiky ball. Yeah. And and when you're fighting like another group of supervillains, it's fine because you just pair her off against one of the ones that sucks.
SPEAKER_02And plus, I can hit them and they're fine because they're superheroes. If she just starts bashing skulls, that would be a little intense.
SPEAKER_04But when everything becomes as big as the world, then you have to have the overpowered superheroes like Superman and Guy Gardner who can work on a very large scale.
Daily Planet Characters With No Payoff
SPEAKER_02And one thing I want to say, this is the only I'm gonna try to make it the only time I talk about Man of Steel, Zack Snyder's. And the only reason I'm bringing it up is because there's a ton of city destruction in that movie, and everyone was like, oh, Superman would never destroy the city. That's such a stupid thing, you know, blah, blah, blah. Same thing happened here, guys. Like, that city's fucked. This city is way more messed up than Man of Steel's city.
SPEAKER_04Well were they saying I I mean, I probably saw Man of Steel, I don't remember. It didn't do anything for it.
SPEAKER_02It's not great. Like, just let's let's call it as it is. It's not great.
SPEAKER_04Was Superman flying through the bases of buildings to get someplace and then the building was falling down behind him, or was he was destroying a bunch of shit, or Zod was punching him and he'd fly into a building?
SPEAKER_02It's that. So it's it's the battle of Zod, and there's just, you know, it's destruction because they're two superpowered beings fighting all out in the middle of a giant city. It happens, you know. It's not great.
SPEAKER_04And yeah, I remember not liking that because I'm like, well, why doesn't Superman lure him away? You know, you Superman's gotta be And that is that is correct. Superman's not the smartest guy in the world, but he has to be taking all that shit into consideration. And if he doesn't if he if he can't take it into consideration, he has to be vocalizing that in some way.
SPEAKER_02That's smart. And it's not that he's smart, it's that he cares. That's why he would do it. He's like, everything's destroying around us. Like we I have to get him out of here. That's a hundred percent Superman's first thought, right? Like we know, we know that, everybody knows that.
SPEAKER_04And he's but he's you know, I know I know that Zack Snyder didn't make him articulate that, but just have if he articulates it, and then Zod's like, go fuck yourself, we're fighting here, right?
SPEAKER_02Because Zod's whole point is he's using his humanity weakness against him. That's literally Zod's whole plan. It doesn't really matter. Again, we're the movie's not great, we don't need to talk about it. My only my only point is like shit happens in superhero movies, like we destroy big cities, it's how you deal with the fallout, right? And this movie just um glues them back together. Is that what I'm to understand based on the the end scene there? There's a code, you see, you just gotta insert the thing in the code. Oh, everything gets better. That's not how any of that works, guys. I'm sorry.
Monster Fight: Style Over Story
SPEAKER_04It untips them, right? See, if they're tipped this way, then they tip back together, and they're they're good to go.
SPEAKER_02They're good to go. Don't worry about it. Structurally, totally sound. I wouldn't worry about it. Back to work tomorrow, everybody.
SPEAKER_04All the all the electro connections, all the all the plumbing. And I mean, okay, this this is your problem with the movie. James Gunn does comedic superhero movies.
SPEAKER_02Yes, he does.
SPEAKER_04He doesn't do super serious comedies, serious ones, he does comedic ones. And so when when you give him the sandbox of you know Metropolis to destroy, he's like, I'll just destroy it, and then I'll just put it back together because I'm God. And it's like, no, we have a trouble. We can't suspend our disbelief. We can do it for a ways, but we can't do it that far. And that's why I like his suicide squad, is because they dealt with the kaiju really well. You know, they dealt with the the when it got big, it got big in a certain way that you were like, oh, they can solve this. They can solve this big starfish. That starfish can be solved with because they've got the spare destiny. Okay, it's a solvable problem that they figure out a way to solve. Boom. That's what superhero movies are supposed to do. This movie's like, well, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this this, this, this, this, this. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02He's got a thing with eyes, though, right? Like that's interesting. What's going on there, James Gunn? Let's talk about that. What's uh what's his what's his deal with poking eyeballs? I don't like it.
SPEAKER_04And why why why do a kaiju thing? Why are we doing that again? Right. You did that in subsides quad. Why are we doing that again?
SPEAKER_02Well, it worked. You just said how much how well it worked, so just do it again. Do the same thing. But worse and dumb.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02Worse and dumb. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Superman has been here for three years, superheroes have been here for 30 years, or he's crashed here in 30 years, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02They've been here for like three centuries, it said, right? Three centuries is when the first meta humans came to be.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_02So it's just a world that understands superheroes, which is different and interesting.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's fine. Um he's been Superman for three years. Three weeks ago he stopped a fake war. And he just lost, and he's gotten beat to hell. Boom. He lands near the fortress of solitude. I don't know how that works.
SPEAKER_02Um because you know, he got close, but no cigar.
SPEAKER_04I mean, was he flying there or did he get punched there?
SPEAKER_02Great question. We don't know really the answer because he just kind of comes in.
Public Turns On A Dime
SPEAKER_04It seemed like he got punched there. That's lucky. Then that's very lucky. Uh he calls crypto, crypto plays with him, he's like, stop doing that. That hurts. That hurts. Crypto, take me home. Crypto runs him home. This was the trailer. It was great in the trailer. In the movie, you're like, oh.
SPEAKER_02This is how we're starting. This is the opening scene of the movie. Oh, that's that's weird. That's how I felt about it.
SPEAKER_04So so you've spoiled one of your best scenes, one of your biggest surprises. Actually, one of maybe your only surprise in the entire movie. I would yeah, I would vote only surprise.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You threw it in the trash. You try to get butts in, and it's like if you're gonna throw your best surprise in the trash for free, your movie better be better have a bunch more stuff that everybody cares about constantly. Yeah. I mean it worked. People love it. People love it. Crypto takes him home, there's these cool robots, they put on the recording of his parents. I guess it's Bradley Cooper and someone else, and they're all like Goopa doopa dopa doopa. And he's like, that means they love me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, pretty much. You you got close.
SPEAKER_04And they uh turn the yellow sun on him and he heals up. And what is he oh, and then we okay. Then we have the engineer who works for Lex. Somehow she has gotten from Metropolis to the North Pole.
SPEAKER_02Right, right, super fast.
SPEAKER_04Super fast, I guess. I don't know. Maybe maybe he's in that chair for a year. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't think it's a year, dude. I think it's pretty quick.
SPEAKER_04And she's all like walking up, like, oh, I'm gonna find what Superman's doing up here. And you're like, wait, what?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Couldn't they like track Superman? Isn't he probably like a very easy thing to track?
SPEAKER_02I mean, yeah, I would assume. I don't know. He's flying on you can find him on radar, probably, you know.
SPEAKER_04So she's looking for the Fortress of Solitude. As he's leaving to go back to the fight, she sees it, it sticks down in there, and she's like, I can drill down in there, and Lex Luther's like, no, no, no, I've got a plan. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yep.
SPEAKER_04Great stuff. And what does Superman do when he flies all the way back to Metropolis? Oh, wait, hold on. So he starts flying. This was the most Superman-ish thing of the entire movie for me. Yeah.
Pocket Universe Prison Problems
SPEAKER_02I was like, Because he's flying and enjoying his flying.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, here we go. We have the we do the we do the title Superman thing, and then talk about his next big fight with the hammer of Baravia.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's not big. He just kind of gets punched, and then he's in the ground, and then it's over, right? And then the guy's like, Alright, I'm gonna head out. Thanks for hanging around. See you tomorrow or something. Bye-bye, bye-bye. Yeah, I don't get it.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Um, why would Superman, after losing a fight, go right back to the same fight without thinking, changing, considering, doing anything?
SPEAKER_02Well, not only that, but he also doesn't learn anything from that fight to the end of the movie's fight. That's my big problem. He needs to somehow something he learns in the movie should allow him to defeat himself. Spoiler alert. Uh, but it doesn't, right? Like it has to be, and I'm just gonna throw this out, it has to be his humanity, right? Because the one thing that uh, you know, I don't know, bizarro Superman, that's what I'm gonna call him for now. I know that's not technically what they are doing. Ultraman, clone Superman. Yeah, Ultraman. Yeah, there you go. So Ultraman is all alien, right? He doesn't have any of the humanity. So somehow the humanity has to be how he destroys them. It has to be. Because that's what the end of your movie is about. That's what Paw Kent's speech is about. It literally has to be the way he defeats it, instead of the dog defeating Ultraman, which is basically what happens.
SPEAKER_04The dog just stops communication between Lex Luther and the eats up the orbs and then the guy, because he's so dumb.
SPEAKER_02He's so dumb that he can't fight for himself. Oh what? Don't make any sense. What a terrible climax.
SPEAKER_04But it's it sets up the sets up the Luther is smart, Superman's normal, and then dumb guy's dumb, but dumb guy with the help of Luther is better than Superman.
SPEAKER_02Sure. I don't understand how the math works there. You know what I mean? Like how dumb is Superman then. One A, one A, one-A! Just the same move? Same move over again? Oh boy, you didn't learn anything, Lex. Bow, bow. Um, yeah, so anyhow, this this fight, uh, nothing happens. He gets punched into the ground, and then uh what's his name? Wally? That can't be right.
SPEAKER_04I don't know who we're talking about.
SPEAKER_02Lex Luther? Uh cart, the cart guy, the guy with the cart that gets shot later.
SPEAKER_04I I call him Token Immigrant.
Metamorpho, Nanites, And Nonsense
SPEAKER_02Okay. Yeah, I'm probably not gonna say that. I'll call him T.I., like the musician. Uh so T.I. comes over and he's like, Superman, hey, you had a falafel of mine one time. Are you okay? Thanks for putting that backstory in there, guys. Woo! Really got it in there nice and easy. Not awkward at all.
SPEAKER_04But everybody hates but everybody's standing around hating Superman because of the viral war that Facebook war that Lex Luthor has been fighting against Superman.
SPEAKER_02With ch with monkeys, which is like I get it, it's like a commentary, but so on the nose. Like it's so it I don't know, it was so dumb. Anyhow.
SPEAKER_04So, Superman returns to a fight that he has lost and loses again.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, which is obviously what would happen because he didn't take the time to learn anything or even heal up, probably. He's at 83%. So yeah, he's gonna lose again because he's a kind of an idiot. Jump cut. Uh Yeah, yeah, he yeah. I don't know. Would they be mad?
SPEAKER_04Oh he stopped a war bet of between white people and brown people, so So they would be mad.
SPEAKER_02You're right. We would be we would be upset. White people.
SPEAKER_04Oh god, I hated it. Um Okay, crowds angry about war. Lex Gor, they have a stupid base where everyone is in beach shirts. I can't take it, Tony. I can't take the I can't take it. I can't take the beach, the beach secret hide hideout, where everyone's either in a mech suit or they're wearing shorts.
SPEAKER_02But that's where I would be. That's where I'd be stationed, because I'd be wearing a Hawaiian shirt and my cargo shorts that I wear every day of my life, and I'd fit in perfectly. I'd finally feel home.
SPEAKER_04Like, why does Lex have to have hundreds of people working for him? I have no idea. All like witness to like his evil. It's just like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02It's not a great master plan if everybody kind of knows about it, and everyone's just like, yeah, it's fine. Let's do it.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Ultraman comes back, he goes to the beach, then he goes through the portals, and then he's on Lex Super Secret Base.
SPEAKER_02Or his portal universe.
SPEAKER_04His flying thing.
SPEAKER_02His flying thing.
SPEAKER_04Meanwhile, Clark Kick goes back to the Daily Planet. We meet Beck Bennett as Steve Lombard, talks about Malarkey and Adverbs. We meet Perry White, who's uh played by one of the guys from The Wire who has nothing to do in this movie.
SPEAKER_02But boy, do I love him. So hopefully he's got more to do some other time down the road because he's he's crazy.
Lois, Mr. Terrific, And A Real Plan
SPEAKER_04We meet Ma and Pa Kent, who are played comically, like the worst case. Oh, she's she's unredeemable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. She's a caricature, right? At least he's uh semi-grounded.
SPEAKER_04He's a he's a he's a caricature in this one, but he he realizes that he better play a person when he gives a speech.
SPEAKER_02The actor, you're saying. Like the actor's like, well, you know what? I'm gonna have to do this differently next week because this yeah, I hear you.
SPEAKER_04Uh we meet Jimmy Sexpot Olson. I like Jimmy.
SPEAKER_02Just gonna say it. I like him a lot. He's fine.
SPEAKER_04It's uh him being a sexpot is weird.
SPEAKER_02It's super weird, unnecessary, but it does give me some giggles. Just uh him dealing with his stalker is is funny to me.
SPEAKER_04What about what do you like, what are you gonna say about cat, Tony?
SPEAKER_02I can't say anything because it's uh illegal.
SPEAKER_04Why is it illegal to say anything about cat?
SPEAKER_02It's illegal's not the right word, but you know, she's just she's there, she's she's there to look good, you know? She's she's there for people to leer at. Is that what you're saying? That's it's ruder that cruder than the way I'm trying to put it. But that's that's what happens.
SPEAKER_04She has like breasts out to hear. Uh she does. She's I guess a society columnist or something.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I I'm just trying to remember. I all I remember Kat from is like Smallville. She like takes over the Daily Planet for a while. So I don't I don't totally know like what's going on here, you know.
SPEAKER_04These characters add nothing.
SPEAKER_02For sure. But they get to go along for the ride. Does that help? Plus a random African American guy. What was that about? I don't know, he just gets invited. I don't know, I don't know who he is.
SPEAKER_04But good for him getting invited. And then there's and then here comes Rachel Brosnan as Lois Lane as the actual human being in this whole mix.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that is correct. Well, but you know what we should talk about real quick is the set for The Daily Planet, which I think is beautiful. Yeah, it was nice. It reminds me a lot of the Smallville set for it, to be honest with you, but it's beautiful. Well, listen, Smallville was the perfect Superman story, so it's hard not to compare things to it.
Breakout, Black Hole, And A Dog
SPEAKER_04So then we also we meet the Baravian leader who is literally a cartoon of a human being.
SPEAKER_02That is correct. Yeah. I was so convinced at some point he was gonna take off his mask.
SPEAKER_04That's what I thought. And it was gonna be like it was gonna be like Toontown, where he's like actually animated under there.
SPEAKER_02Uh yes. Now I wish that that is what would have happened. But I I just kept waiting because there's he's not a human being, he's not a person. So what's going on? What's the joke? There has to be it's James Gunn. I was waiting for like the joke, the reveal, and it never came. And I was like, I don't understand what's happening now. As he's falling out of the sky, I was like, okay, now's the time. This is your last chance. I don't know what's going on. That's all, folks.
SPEAKER_04It's funny, it's Warner Brothers, it's a crossover.
SPEAKER_02There's two crossovers in this movie.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay. He got Lex goes to the Pentagon and tells them, I made the engineer, I put nanites in her, and she can do anything. And you're kind of like, why does he need to do a hundred of those?
SPEAKER_02But also, like, is that even legal? Like, who gave him the the authority to do that? Well, they don't seem to be on his side right now.
SPEAKER_04What do you mean? I don't understand.
SPEAKER_02Like this room of people that he's saying, like, hey, I created a metahuman. They aren't like pro metahumans in this room. You know, the government, like, it's it just is a weird vibe of him being like, look what I did, and now you're gonna want us to help you. I don't know. It's weird to me.
SPEAKER_04And she's she's supposed to be uh a good guy who's a member of the authority who they're gonna make a movie of, supposedly, and you're like, why is she a villain? Uh in the comics, she did not get made by Lex Luthor, she made herself. Yeah. I'm like, why why are we doing why are we doing this? Why?
SPEAKER_02Super weird. I don't know. I can't answer it for you. And you know who else can't answer it for you, Dan? James Gunn. 10 to 1. The movie, this authority movie won't answer any of those questions. Won't do it.
SPEAKER_04Uh Ultraman who's Superman clone, and then the Raptors, they're Planet Watch. It's like, okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't want to I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Then he's all like, hire me to go beat Superman. And they're like, you just want Superman gone so you can sell weapons. And then he's all like, but Superman has a secret base in Antarctica that violates hundreds of international treaties.
Farm Speech: A Better Movie Glimpsed
SPEAKER_02So many treaties, yeah. So many treaties. What? I don't know. I don't know. I am not in the government, Dan. I don't know the treaties. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04I guess this is just exponition exposition time because he's always like, you know, if we had some kryptomite, we could just kill him, and they're all like, oh, we used all the kryptonite already. Too bad we don't have that, and too bad we have all this magic knowledge.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, everybody knows. Everybody knows.
SPEAKER_04Now we have the Lois apart. Now we cut we're at Lois's apartment. Lois gets home, she hears something in her apartment. Let me pick up this bed so I don't get killed. Oh, it's Superman making me dinner. What are you making? Breakfast for dinner, because that's your favorite. No, that's not my favorite, that's your favorite. Oh that's a red flag.
SPEAKER_02Can we just can we just say that right now? As a boyfriend, him being like, I'm making your favorite meal, and then she's like, No, that's your favorite meal. You psychopath. That's a red flag. He's so in his own shit, he doesn't even know her favorite meal. He's making his favorite meal. Dump him. Dump him, Lois, and she's gonna. And then but then she's in love with him. I don't understand this relationship at all.
SPEAKER_04It's called witty banter that James Gunn has written for these two characters.
SPEAKER_02But it's not, it's not witty banter, it's nonsensical and it's it's concerning. That's what I'll say. It's concerning.
SPEAKER_04And then she's all like, You're always interviewing Superman. Why don't I get to interview Superman? He's all like, Oh, I can interview, I'll let you interview me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Let's talk about that for just one second, right? Yeah, Lois, a very serious journalist. Like, she takes this stuff very seriously. She sees a guy who's literally interviewing himself and passing it off as journalism. She's not gonna be like, uh-huh, that's funny. That's cute. Let's date. No, that's against the rules. That is against controlling your own narrative. That is against the rules. That's all. That's all.
SPEAKER_04I love him because he's Superman.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, I get it.
SPEAKER_04Um, you know, she just basically says, Did you ask anybody about it? Stopping a war, and he's all like, I'm saving people, man.
SPEAKER_02Stamping his feet like a child. Yep. Yep, super weird.
SPEAKER_04Uh yeah.
Final Battles And Empty Triumphs
SPEAKER_02Hashtag I've seen this scene now, like first of all, that's funny. Right, like that one, that's a funny line. Um, but he is just so what's the right word? Immature? Yeah, he's immature in this scene. Yeah. And I I hate that for this movie. Oh, okay. Sure. I just I just think that he so like the again, the the pop so my North Star for this movie is the Pockant scene and then the end of the movie. Sure. Right?
SPEAKER_04It's pretty funny that I said those were like two of the three good scenes, and you're like, that's the whole movie. Okay.
SPEAKER_02That's it. That is the movie. That's that's the Superman movie we need to see. And like this scene, he's just such a baby. He's just whine, he's so whiny. Like, Superman wouldn't whine. He can get frustrated. That's fine. I like seeing a Superman with emotions, but this is like a child that just got his can't his dinner taken or his dessert taken away because he didn't finish his vegetables.
SPEAKER_04Well, they they do an interesting thing in here. He says, I don't pay attention to she's like, they call you super hashtag super shit. And he he's like, Oh, she's like, I know that makes you mad. And he's like, I don't pay attention to the the social media.
SPEAKER_02Superman doesn't, yeah, yeah, Superman doesn't do self-discipline.
SPEAKER_04She's like, you're doing you're talking about yourself in third person, and then you're like, wait a second. You're you're bringing up a very specific thing, and you're you're hitting him with a very specific charge, and then he's sort of saying he doesn't, but the implication is he does. He definitely does.
SPEAKER_02He definitely does.
SPEAKER_04Then you have to resolve that in your movie. No, just I don't want to.
SPEAKER_02It's cute, it's funny. See, oh yeah, this is a funny, it's a funny scene, you know, it's witty banner, like you said, but it uh it doesn't character-wise, it doesn't make a lick of sense. And then at the end of it, when he's leaving, she's like, This is what you always do. You you're faced with a hard truth and you like get upset and leave, or something like that. And it's like, that's not Superman, one, but also we never see that again in this movie.
SPEAKER_04Well, and she was expecting him to come back and he just bails.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's all weird, and then she's gonna dump him, and then nah, I love you. Let's get married at the end of the movie. Doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_04Uh oh, he says, I'm not good at relationships. Then he bails. And you're all like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02What?
SPEAKER_04How do you know you're I mean, I guess from high school he doesn't he's bad at relationships?
SPEAKER_02Lana Lang.
SPEAKER_04Lana Lang. Why would you want to be bad about that relationship?
SPEAKER_02We don't know who she is in this movie. Well, you can imagine. She's not in it, right?
Lex’s Exposure And Whiplash Resolution
SPEAKER_04What you can imagine? Well, you can imagine with James James Gunn. It's gonna be James Gunn's wife.
SPEAKER_02Who's his wife? Do we know his wife?
SPEAKER_04The stupid lady from uh Peacemaker.
SPEAKER_02I don't watch Peacemaker. Oh, good for you. Yeah, yeah, no, thank you. I love John Cena. I just can't. I can't. I watched the first couple episodes and I'm like Suicide Squad was enough Peacemaker for me.
SPEAKER_04Okay, Lex goes to the North Pole, they kill all the robots. Uh they capture they capture crypto very easily. Yeah. And then they take over the computer and steal the the video of his dad, and that's what they're gonna use against him. A video. Uh two guys in a van. Oh, okay. So the they're gonna. So supposedly they're breaking in their Superman is off being distracted, but they haven't even set up the distraction before they break into his place.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's all happening at the same time, which is pretty weird.
SPEAKER_04But it's not happening at the same time. They're letting the monster go that needs to grow.
SPEAKER_02Right, because it has a whole day, because then it's daytime when he grows. I yeah, I don't know. Doesn't make any sense. It'll get bigger. Seems like they didn't oh, that's a good line.
SPEAKER_04Um, so here we are the bad guys, two bad guys. The one guy, and then the guy with the mustache. I hate the guy with the mustache as much as anything I hate in this movie.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, boy, it's a tall order.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I get it. I get it. He's also not a human being, so that's probably why I hate him. Yeah, he's like, it's weird because he's he gives you the vibes of like the twirly, he's gonna twirl his mustache because I'm so evil, but also like his stupid glasses are weird. Like, I don't want to like make fun of him if they're his real glasses or anything, but he just doesn't come off as a person. And there's a bunch there's several of those people in this movie that just don't come off as humans because this world is not grounded in reality. And like that makes it tough to care about anything.
Tag Scenes, Supergirl, And Credits
SPEAKER_04I always I always bring it up when we have the big vision Scarlet Witch fight in that one adventurous movie, and then what's Captain America and is it Black Widow that show up? Yeah, it's black Captain America and Black Widow in the train station train station. And you're just like this this is a fight, this is superheroes, this is the whole thing. The fight feels real, they use tactics, they know each other. It's a whole thing. It's a it these are people that deal with this stuff, and Superman's been here three years, so he should be knowing how to deal with stuff.
SPEAKER_02Well, you would think so, but he's a baby, so he's a baby.
SPEAKER_04Um, okay, so the two guys okay, so the two guys show up in the van. There's this little box in there. They then take these clips and clip it to the box and then pull these little wires. Yeah. And then sort of maneuver the box out of the back of this this van that they look like they rented from the van rental place.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, no, yeah. It's definitely.
SPEAKER_04And then they just sort of open it and the little monster runs away and breathes fire. What the fuck was that about? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02You are you asking me? I don't have a clue. No, Tony, you have to you have to explain that scene to me.
SPEAKER_04That's your job.
What We’re Watching Next & Sign-Off
SPEAKER_02I I have no one else to explain that scene to me. I don't even like this movie. Um, well, you know, so he's too. He's too heavy, but they just use little wires. Well, there's super nanite wires, okay? So the nanites are doing their lifting, and they're wearing super nanite gloves. Okay, that's super nanite gloves, yeah. Um, because he's like a two-ton baby. Um, and he doesn't have peripheral vision. That's important. So he just runs straight instead of torching the two guys standing right next to him and eating them. Um, yeah, I think that's pretty much it. I think I did it. I think I did a good shot. Oh, Jesus. I can write you scenes. Look at that.
SPEAKER_04Right. I wrote this this scene. This is something we gotta talk about right now. Um why the fisheye lens?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I mean, who the fuck knows? I don't I don't know, man. I don't understand it. Maybe James Gunn spent the weekend watching like 1990s music videos. Because that that was like a big thing back then, wasn't it? Like MTV used to love fisheye lenses, I think.
SPEAKER_04What is going on? Why are all the why are all the fight scenes shot in those fisheye lenses? What is going on?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I I don't know. Just I guess so you can see more stuff or something, you know? Maybe it works better in um IMAX than IMAX. Because the screen is curved, maybe, so maybe it's I uh dude, I don't know. I don't have a clue. But don't you love it? Don't you think it looks great? Don't you want to be in it?
SPEAKER_04Okay, Superman now fights the monster who's grown much, much bigger because he's eaten stuff, I guess.
SPEAKER_02And he fights them. That is my assumption, then he eats and grows. But we don't get to see that really, so it's just an assumption.
SPEAKER_04Justice League shows up, they all fight, or they fight with the monster, there's not real teamwork. Um we cut back to the Daily Planet, it's on the TV. So there's a monster being fought by four superheroes in the town they live in. No one's looking at the TV, no one cares.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that is correct. And that's like uh that's like a thread, is just that everyone is so used to superheroes that they just don't they don't notice danger or something. It's very weird. It's very strange.
SPEAKER_04If we're sitting here in the house and we hear a helicopter outside, Shannon will look it up, we'll do this, she won't let me leave the house. Everything.
SPEAKER_02100%. 100%. I was at work uh doing the orca a couple weeks ago, and there was a helicopter that was like just circling and circling. We stopped the show. We're live streaming a show on TikTok. We're like, we'll be right back. I turned up music. We all went outside. We're like, what's going on? Everyone look it up on Twitter. What's going on? Um, and then we went back to the show eventually. So, like, it's it's a thing. We don't you don't get desensitized to it. You're interested, you're like, you're intrigued, you want to know what's going on. We are human beings.
SPEAKER_04We either are going to hide from death or we're gonna move towards it, or we're gonna go right into it for no reason. And and this is a newsroom. It's a newsroom, and there is no one getting excited about news occurring within arm's reach.
SPEAKER_01Not a one.
SPEAKER_04I don't understand. Doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_02That's why you don't understand it.
SPEAKER_04Um the JLA comes, he's like, Oh, we need to save it, we need to take it to a galactic museum. That that's a thing. Uh this is I mean, probably not. He saves the girl from pipes, he saves the squirrel. Uh, and then Mr. Triffic just sets something down his throat and she shoots it in the heart and kills it.
SPEAKER_01Just blows it up, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Cool, I guess. I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Uh, and still in the newsroom, they've just killed this monster, no one cares.
SPEAKER_02Right, no, yeah. No, nobody cares at all. And I don't totally understand, like, I feel like he's trying to say something here with the di the different ways that they engage the beast, right? Like Superman's trying to find a way to preserve it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then the other guys are just like, well, let's just kill it and get rid of it. But that dichotomy doesn't matter in the movie. Yeah. There's never like a struggle, a tension. I mean, there's no tension in this movie ever. No. But there's no, like, there's no internal struggle between him and his friends, right? So, like, in the end, when they agree to help him, it's like, well, who cares? Well, like they're they didn't earn anything. If he had to give like an impassioned, inspiring speech to these three people, to be like, listen, I have to do, I have to sew up the earth right now. You need to go stop this war because it is wrong. Humans deserve blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like inspire these people, be like, okay, I get it's the right thing to do, we should do it. I'm okay with that moment, right? If if their internal struggle where they're not friends and they they do kind of battle each other, not they're not enemies, but they they're not they're not like friends because they work differently and they have different views on things.
SPEAKER_04They also set up very specifically that they are not friends, right? Right. Like she goes there, she's like, You gotta help Superman, and and Kai's like, We're not friends with him. And it's like it's weird.
SPEAKER_02It is super weird unless there's a moment where he makes them become their friends because he is goodness, he's superman, he is light, he is but we don't, we don't do any of that, and they just show up at the end and save the day.
SPEAKER_04You mean you could have made something about friendship being important? Something. Something the only reason Mr. Triffic does the stuff that he does is because he wants to piss off Guy Gardner.
SPEAKER_02Apparently, he says, Like what? I know I know, but it's just like, okay, what does that mean for your character? Like, I don't know. You're worried about what Guy Gardner thinks and does? Maybe he's got a little crush on him, you know?
SPEAKER_04Okay, well, Luther drops the truth bomb about the video, and so everybody watches the video and all know this information instantly, and they're all like, Oh, we all now hate the TV told us that Superman is bad. Superman is bad.
SPEAKER_02Why do they make it a joke? This is this is a very serious question for me, Tim, because this is the point of the movie, right, where you're where the the world is turning on your hero, right? He should feel isolated, he should feel like a fraud, but instead of like making it anything real, they make it about him having a harem. Super harem or something. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? We do that joke like three different times randomly, several times and it's so stupid, it's so dumb. And I'm just like, just take just take it seriously. It doesn't have to be dark and moody and broody, but like take the fact that he's maybe not the savior they thought he was seriously, just for a just for a second. Just for one minute, take it seriously so we can have some sort of emotional conflict in this stupid movie. This is my this is my least favorite part of the movie. Oh, really? I hate it. I hate it so much. I want to punch him in the face. I want to be like, James, just stop being a fucking goof off for one second and take it seriously, just a little bit. And he he refuses. He's like, nah nah, he's gonna have super sex with a bunch of ladies and spread his seed. I hate you. I hate you. So, anywho, uh, I don't like this. I think this is really dumb.
SPEAKER_04Should we should we give out your email now, Tony?
SPEAKER_02I've already emailed him. I've tweeted him, I've Instagram I don't know how you do, I've TikToked him. I don't know how you do any of that.
SPEAKER_04Well, I like the superhero, I think it's sexy.
SPEAKER_02Sure. First of all, if it was real, I'm in, right? I'll be a part of it.
SPEAKER_04I don't think I'd be invited because I can't spread his seed, but you know, and I just love the whole idea that the people started throwing shit at Superman just based on what what these idiots on the television are saying instantaneously.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And it's like stupid.
SPEAKER_04I know the public is stupid, but we are. You can't make them like you can't make them like a light switch. Where you know it's like, oh black night is day, day is night, oh, now it's night time. I mean, there's people are stupid, but you you gotta give them at least a little bit of a chance to do that.
SPEAKER_02It takes a little time. It takes a little time to change someone's mind, you know?
SPEAKER_04Okay, he goes and talks to the Justice Gang. Oh, he sees the Justice Gang, he talks with them, and they're all like, oh, Mr. Triffitt's like, oh, that's not fake, it's true. Like, okay, it's true.
SPEAKER_02Now, here's the other reason I'm disappointed. Because Guy Gardner needs to be jealous of the harem, right? I think they do that bit, don't they? He makes a joke. Why didn't you tell me about the secret harem? Exactly. He makes one little joke, like he'd be pretty jealous. There's a line in there later when he's talking to Lois, and Lois is like, your haircut's stupid, and he's like, 328 women would disagree. Very funny line. But that guy who is like, no, I've had sex with 328 women, would be jealous that Superman has a secret superhero and he hasn't been invited. You know what I mean? Make it real. You've you've already done the joke. Now make that real. There's no he just doesn't commit to anything. He's so just like, I'm just throwing it out there for fun, and I don't really care. But I just I just want him to take his own movie seriously for like one second. That's it. Anyway, and that's slap, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. It's all good. But then again, Superman goes home to the Fortress of Solitude, finds the broken robots, and basically cries, cries for the broken robots. And I it just makes you think that is this is James Gunn, is there like something wrong with him?
SPEAKER_02Well, first of all, yes. I mean, I think we've already discussed the I thing. He's got some some there's something going on, okay. Um, but yeah, no, I I mean I don't know what it is, but he's got some emotional damage, you know. Yeah, and as as do we all. Um, and hopefully these these movies are helping him like get it out, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And they've they've stolen crypto, and that's the first thing that actually makes him angry.
SPEAKER_02Correct.
SPEAKER_04That's the first thing that's serious to him. And you're like, this is the first thing that's serious to you.
SPEAKER_02I mean, uh, it it should be super serious. Right. But the first like a lot of other stuff has happened. I'm just throwing that out there. Um, but it does lead to one of my one of my rare moments that I do like in the movie.
SPEAKER_04Oh, when he goes, he goes to it goes to Lex's and is gonna confront him about the dog.
SPEAKER_02No, this is not the part I like, but it does happen. This is a scene in the movie.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so he goes, confronts Lex.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Uh, and Lex is basically like, you gotta give yourself up for government questioning. I think this one that we we set that up. Um we have a scene where we have stupid Peacemaker there mouthing off. That was terrible.
SPEAKER_02So Again, I don't watch Peacemaker, so I have no idea uh anything about it, but whatever. It was groony.
SPEAKER_04Now we have the scene that pissed me off.
SPEAKER_01Okay, good.
SPEAKER_04Superman sitting in his Superman apartment. Outside, there's this giant cosmic entity. This great big monster.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful, too.
SPEAKER_04Justice League is fighting it. Absolutely beautiful. Lois shows up and oh yeah, this is the part I hate. Uh and she's all like, uh, cosmic bee? What's what's going on? Superman's heads. Oh, I know exactly what's going on out there. They can handle it. What the fuck? What if what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? What if one squirrel dies out there?
SPEAKER_02Right. So this is the problem. Yeah. The problem is that you've set up a character that wouldn't let that pass. No. Right? Like, he would be at because he also knows that they don't do it right. Like he's at odds with the way they do their methods, right? So he would be there to try to minimize casualty, minimize damage, try to make it so the monster doesn't have to die. Like, these are the things that he would do. You told us that earlier. That's a problem, right? Because now we've just thrown all that out the window. Uh, but it is beautiful. Um, and then it does lead to the one of the only lines of dialogue in the movie I like is when he's leaving and she's like, it's just a dog, and he's like, Yeah, not a very good one, not a very good one, but he's out there, he's alone, and he's scared. Yeah. I like that. So he's like, I need to help him. Great, that's cool. But a bunch of people are probably dying just right outside your window as well.
SPEAKER_04So, like And there's no reason why he's cooling his heels inside.
SPEAKER_02No, no, so it just doesn't make any sense, man. We also set up the punk rock stuff. Oh, I hate that. I hate it. And I should I so that's me, right? Like, I listen to pop punk, like shitty teenage girl pop punk. That's like what I listen to.
SPEAKER_04And I'm like a real punk. I'm Lois Lane, you're super man. Exactly, right? Exactly. I I am a punk rocker, you're you're you're a pathetic.
SPEAKER_02And I would say I'm a punk rocker. But we all know that I'm not. Right? Like we know that I'm a I'm a fraud. I don't listen to real punk. I listen to soft bubblegum pop punk. That's fine with me. But Superman, I just that just not Superman. That's not a vibe for Superman. Like this weird wannabe poser. Like it's just a really weird vibe. I I don't know. I was offended.
SPEAKER_04She says, Do you think everyone you met is beautiful?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what?
SPEAKER_04What?
SPEAKER_01What does that mean?
SPEAKER_04That is a that is a weird line. And then he's like, maybe that's the real punk rock.
SPEAKER_02Maybe that's the real punk rock. Yeah. What? What the fuck are you talking about? Nothing. Literally nothing. They're not talking about anything. It's gobbledygook.
SPEAKER_04And then he says, I love you, Lois. And then this is supposed to be like a big thing, right? That he says I love you, and she doesn't say I love you back. But they don't play it like that at all.
SPEAKER_02Well, they don't they don't deal with it at all. No, because she's gonna and she's gonna break up with him, except for then she loves him. I don't know. Doesn't make any sense. There's no emotional weight to the scene whatsoever.
SPEAKER_04So now Planet Watch has arrested Superman, they zip tie him, they take him to the beach base, they put him in a cage with Metamorpho, they take him to the pocket universe, and he's in jail now with Metamorpho. Lex is there, they've got questions for Superman, and and he's in this giant prison with all these other thousands of people that are in glass boxes that are and that the government knows about the government not the government, all governments give them these people, and then he takes care of them or cages them or maybe kills them.
SPEAKER_02And then somehow he doesn't seem to kill them, he seems to keep them all alive, but he has just ex-girlfriends in there. And the governments know about this. That's very weird.
SPEAKER_04Where does their poop go who feeds them? What the fuck is this? Why does he have an interdimensional fucking prison? Why? Like, like you have so much to do, and you're gonna deal with a thousand people's poop every day constantly? There's nothing, these are like glass boxes.
SPEAKER_02So do you think he has a third pocket universe that just that's where the plumbing all goes into, just shoots it into a third universe.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I guess they can shit into the the the the what the ion river, I guess, and it goes into the black hole. I don't know. It's just so weird. Like what like what it's it's like James Gunn's like, you know what I you know what I want to see? I want to see a giant interdimensional prison of glass boxes. You're like, why do you want to see why?
SPEAKER_02Why do you want to why what is the point?
SPEAKER_04Who the fuck cares about this?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. Not me. But I do love Rainbow Road, you know, that's great. What's Rainbow Road? That's a Mario Kart track, Dan. That what that river looks like is Rainbow Road from Mario Kart, okay?
SPEAKER_04Okay. Uh boop boop boop boop. Jimmy Olson. Jimmy Olson, I'm just gonna do this real quick. He used to have sex with Lex Lucia's girlfriend. What he's gonna do is text her. She's eventually gonna help him figure out where Superman is. Good. Out of the way.
SPEAKER_02Um but it's not out of the way, because we have to talk about one thing really quickly. So his whole problem with her is she has messed up toes, right? In her in his phone, she's called Monster Toes. Is that what it was?
SPEAKER_04Really, I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_02I think I think the name was Monster Toes. And then when he's describing them to her, he's like, you have like little shrimp cocktail toes or something, which is very funny. How can we never see her feet? You spend so much time talking about her feet. I'm gonna need to see them to either pay that off or like the inverse, which would be like they're fine feet, and Jimmy's the problem. You know what I mean? Like, I need to know who's in the right here because she's cute, right? She's sweet, she's a little crazy. Why does he not like her? Is it really the toes, or has he got other problems? I'm gonna need to know that because you've spent a lot of time setting this up to not pay it off. He doesn't does he pay off anything? No, that these these are my continuing problems with the movie is he doesn't pay anything that he sets up off.
SPEAKER_04That's the whole thing. That's the real problem with all this, is he sets this stuff up, and then you're just like the payoffs are like you know, you find everything beautiful. Like, wait, what? But what's that mean?
SPEAKER_02Explain that to me. Show show me that anytime in this movie. Meh. No thanks.
SPEAKER_04I was talking to my brother about writing, and it's like I said to him, Whatever your first line is, that's your story. That's everything, right? That's that that had better play into everything if it's if it's a loaded, you know, if it's if it is a loaded line in some way.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04And it's like he just he keeps loading the gun and then you know, shooting it into the ground.
unknownSure.
SPEAKER_04It's like, okay, and you find everything beautiful. Maybe maybe that's what punk rock is. And it's like, no, it's not. That's not what it is. But what it what what is your thing? I wanna I wanna understand what's going on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And how and how you consider that to be rebellious against the world. Okay, I'll buy you, you know.
SPEAKER_02But we don't. We don't, we don't know.
SPEAKER_04We never talk about it, we never say it. We got terrible fights to do. Okay, uh boom. So Metamorpho turns his hand into Kryptonite, and that's what's gonna happen to Superman. How are they controlling Metamorpho?
SPEAKER_02With his little baby? To have his little baby hostage? Is that what it is? Little Joey? Sweet little Jojo.
SPEAKER_04Nope, not sweet. Oh, really? Horrible monster that should be killed. Wait, wait, really? That baby was so horrifying. I couldn't look at it. It's horrifying. Oh, you're horrifying. It was so horrifying.
SPEAKER_02It's like I thought you meant like this is a character in the comics that like turns bad, and I was like, that's interesting. I love that. I hope that is what happens.
SPEAKER_04I don't want to know. You you're saying a monster baby. Sure. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Why is there a monster baby? I don't I don't want to see.
SPEAKER_02Like, just send it down the river. Just send it down the river, babe. We don't want to look at it.
SPEAKER_04Is that what is that where Danny DeVito came from? They sent it down the river. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's like, no, no, I it's great.
SPEAKER_01Great stuff.
SPEAKER_04We it can't be no. I mean, I don't know, man. It's so weird. Like, why do you want us to have to look at that?
SPEAKER_02It's horrible. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. Maybe James likes it, you know. Maybe he thinks it's very cute. Maybe cute.
SPEAKER_04Okay. At the Hall of Justice, Lois goes there and she asks for help, and then they're like, We're not gonna help you. And then Mr. Trivic's like, Yeah, I guess I'm gonna help you. I'll do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Eh, why not? Little piss-off guy. Uh good, you know, once again, what what what happens is we actually have good lines that make sense to a character. Like, you know, where's Superman? Well, I tracked him to here. She's like, I'd you track it? Well, I put nanites in his blood. I do it to everyone. You're like, I like this guy, he does it to everyone.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04There it is. Which is great. Probably smart. Uh, talk about the uh slowly opening garage door.
SPEAKER_01Wow, what a great joke.
SPEAKER_02Did you like that joke? Nope, sure didn't. Oh, you didn't like it? I thought it was judged. I thought it was like the one kind of earned joke, you know, where you're like, oh, okay. He's got all this cool gadgets. I mean, it's it's a joke. Let me put it that way. It's a joke. It's a joke. He's super high tech, it's a slow open garage. It's like, you got all that money, you can't get a faster garage. It's like, I'm I haven't gotten to it yet. Whatever he says. Got a lot on my plate. Right, yeah. Which it's a joke. Like it or not, like it's a joke. It's the character. Yeah, yeah. Yes, 100%. 100%. I'm so mad by now, Dan. I don't think you understand how upset I am by the time we get to this part of the movie. You can't win me back.
SPEAKER_04You can't see just seeing too much red to see a good joke, but it's too it's too late, man. Uh Lois can't shut up about talking about the relationship. Once again, a scene that could have been great, where he's just like, she should just be talking, and he should just be rolling, he just should be rolling his eyes. You know, like looking at screens, paying no attention to her relationship talk.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Back in the pocket universe, they brought the falafel guy there to find out, ask questions of Superman, and and he shoots him on the set he does Russian roulette, but he shoots him on the second one. He's like, I didn't think it would go that fast.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean it's it's fine, you know. It's it shows how little he cares about human life. It's fine.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Uh Metamorpho cries, boo-hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. He could make his fist into a giant hammer, breakout, and then go get that and then kill all the raptors because he has the powers to do that.
SPEAKER_02Well, sure, but he might not get there before they, you know, snap little Joey's neck. Little monster.
SPEAKER_04Uh they get to the beach, Mr. Triftic kills all the raptors. That was great. They get to the portal. He's like, I'm gonna hack into it, and then he gets into it and it's still red.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Did you notice that? Uh no, I did not.
SPEAKER_04So his beams were beams were red on the hacking. Then shouldn't the beams turn green when they successfully hack?
SPEAKER_02Oh, sure, because that green means go, and it's like, we did it. How would you know that they finish it if the lights never change? He just says we did it. We did it. I can tell.
SPEAKER_04Metamorphosed, taking too much, watching one person get killed, and he's all like, Well, I guess I'll I guess we'll break out now. It's fine. So he turns off, turns off the stuff, and then Superman's still still all fucked up, and then he's like, You gotta turn into a sun. He's like, uh, figure it out. The thing I don't think this is what I didn't this is what I'd like. There's Superman, he's like, I need the yellow sun. Why doesn't Superman explain to Metamorpho what to do?
SPEAKER_02Sure. Because he doesn't really know. He doesn't know anything. Superman's dumb is.
SPEAKER_04Like, isn't this a point at which you could make Superman like be proactive in helping himself?
SPEAKER_02Well, you could, but nah, he's just gonna lay there. He's good. He's fine. Let him do his thing. Drew in a little on the floor.
SPEAKER_04Now, what happens when everybody sees that Superman's gonna break out?
SPEAKER_02They start tattling on him. Why do they do that? I have absolutely no idea. If anything, if someone's breaking out, I'm like, sweet, hook me up, dude. Just punch through one corner of my thing, too, please. I will bolt with you.
SPEAKER_04When you go to this superman, superman, superman, Superman.
SPEAKER_02No, they like it there, Dan. See, you're misunderstanding. This is a solace for them. They're like, wow, the world sucks. This is beautiful.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so he breaks out, uh, saves crypto, has flying around with the horrible baby, gets caught in the river.
SPEAKER_02Does he get caught in the river? He just kind of jumps in, as far as I could tell. He gets hit like one time and jumps in the river.
SPEAKER_04How does he escape from the river, Tony?
SPEAKER_02Uh he calls over the dog, and then the dog doesn't do anything. So then Metamorpho like turns into an octopus, and then that doesn't do anything, so then he blows some cold air.
SPEAKER_04He's he's Metamorpho's octopus, pulls him out of the river, and then once he's out of the river, he can use his super breath to escape from the a black hole. And why did they do that? Why did we why did we go through all of this?
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
SPEAKER_04So why did we? So Metamorpho can make the joke. Oh, you're weird. You're so weird.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Why is that?
SPEAKER_04All of that's that joke. All of it. Do you think that that's the whole thing? That is why we did everything is to say you're slowly weird. And Metamorpho's like the biggest freak on the planet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so you're saying that that joke worked for you and you loved it a lot. So you tell me.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, I remound to the I re-round and re-watch the uh the slow garage door uh, there you go. And then I watch I watch the teenage mutant ninja the teenage mutant ninja turtles in the elevator scene.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, it's it's actually a good scene. It's the only good scene in that entire movie, by the way. Uh you know, just that's your movie right there. You've caught you've captured your movie in 30 seconds. Now just spread it out. Just take that vibe for the whole movie. I'm back on turtles now because that's it. That's what we want to see. That's the that's their uh personalities, you know what I mean? Like, but that's not the movie. That's not the movie at all. It's so weird. Anyhow, what do we talk about?
SPEAKER_04Okay, we get out, it's nighttime. Uh uh, Mr. Terfe has to stay there to stabilize the portal, which doesn't make any sense. And so he's all like, take my tea craft.
SPEAKER_02Where's Superman and all this? Why does she have to take it? I mean, it doesn't make any sense because he doesn't stabilize it. Like he doesn't, for as far as I can tell, he doesn't do shit. They just want Lois flying around in the teacraft. That's the one. Well, they do have to give her something to do, right? She's got nothing to do in this movie. So they're like, just fly it. And he's like, they put in the Dan Goodzell line. The controls are very intuitive.
SPEAKER_04That's the best. When you watch her do these intuitive controls, what are they? She pushes seven buttons and then knows to pull these things out.
SPEAKER_03Like, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_04Intuitive is you lay your hands on a on a thing like this, and you pull back to go up, right? That's intuitive.
SPEAKER_02Pushing up. It's like that great joke in Independence Day. Where it's like forward, backwards, and he goes forward and they go backwards, it's like ah, upside down, and then they fix it. Like, that's intuitive, but also a joke about it. Like, no, this is she pushes 19, beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop, these things come in. She's like I don't. It's so dumb, dude. It's so dumb.
SPEAKER_04And then she doesn't know how to do it the next time.
SPEAKER_02Right, she just falls off a building. So it's great.
SPEAKER_03And Steve Lombard's like, oh no, I think Ben is.
SPEAKER_02He has the only joke in this movie that made me laugh after the halfway point, which is just when they all get in it and he goes, Why don't I have a seat? That's the only joke in this whole movie that made me laugh.
SPEAKER_04And I'm not saying Beck Ben isn't funny as Steve Lombard, but that's a different movie.
SPEAKER_02Sure. It is a completely different movie. You are absolutely right.
SPEAKER_04Okay. They fly out to see Ma and Paw Kent. Um Lois sees Clark's room and gains some insight into him by looking at a poster of the.
SPEAKER_02But she already knows that he likes the crab choice. But now we've told her.
SPEAKER_04But you see, we've now we've seen a picture of them, so those people that are that do the music in that band, they get paid.
SPEAKER_02Sure. And that's great for them.
SPEAKER_04I think there's a lot of things that go on in these movies that is James Gunn just figuring out how to get people he likes paid.
SPEAKER_02If I listen, good for you. Yeah. I like I have I have no problem with that. Just like Adam Sandler movies where he just brings in all his friends and they're not even very good half the time, but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it because you're having a good time, you're spreading the love.
SPEAKER_04Not okay with it.
SPEAKER_02Um why why doesn't Podkent know Lois's name? What does he call her? Lorraine or something like that? I don't know. I don't understand that joke. I don't know. Is he just is he is does he have something going on? Is there something wrong with him? I don't know.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. It's weird.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Uh it's dumb. Okay, so he gives he gives Superman the the the the the thing where it's like, you know, you're parents just give their kids tools and then the kids have to figure it out, and I couldn't be more proud of you. Great line. That guy delivers that line so good. I got emotional.
SPEAKER_02Crushes it. Yes, beautiful line. Delivered. That's interesting that you got emotional. I did not get emotional. I got irate, but it's okay because I understand. Because my problem is like, this is perfect. This is a perfect Superman scene surrounded by bullshit and it means nothing, right? Like he's not talking about this movie. Nothing that he is referencing has happened in this movie, nor will happen in this movie. He does he says the line, it's like it's your choices, your actions that define you. Something along those lines. What choice does he ever make in this movie? He never has to make a choice.
SPEAKER_04He chooses to tell crypto to go after the thing.
SPEAKER_02Crypto, get the toy. That's his choice.
SPEAKER_04His choice is whistling for crypto to do the thing he needs him to do. Because he can't do it. A man with deep vision, laser eyes, and laser eyes, and the ability to blow things into space. Can't do a thing. Gotta call a magic dog. Also, I think the dog could do the things too. Crypto can be two kids. Done.
unknownDone.
SPEAKER_04You know how long that would take us? This is what Superman does. I spin around super fast. Superman could go as fast as the Flash. The two of them race. Sure. It's a top. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02No, I won't worry about that. Wouldn't worry about that. It just doesn't make it. It's just so stupid. It makes no sense. It's a great scene, and you're right, that this guy delivers it perfectly. He crushes this scene. It just means nothing. It just means absolutely nothing to this movie.
SPEAKER_04It's amazing the higher level of emotional intelligence that that actor goes to, as opposed to the earlier stuff where he's just like, I don't know if we're gonna be able to save the farm. And then he's like, but I'm a really intelligent person and I love you, and da da da. I don't I don't understand television. I don't know Blowis' name, but I can do all this other stuff.
SPEAKER_02You're like, what the hell? I was just introduced to her and I do not know her name. No, he knows who she is.
SPEAKER_03He goddamn Clark Pitt works with her 24-7.
SPEAKER_02And and dates her.
SPEAKER_03And has been working with her for three years.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, super weird. Doesn't make a lick of sense. But this this scene delivered very well.
SPEAKER_04And might have gone to high school with her for ten years. We don't know. We don't know. Okay. So the war is beginning. Oh, the crack. Did I start the crack? The crack starts happening.
SPEAKER_02No, yeah, we didn't say that.
SPEAKER_04So they start the crack, so Lex is mad, so he he wants Superman to come back where he can get him. You know, it's uh uh just the the whole thing that everything has to take place within 17 hours or something.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Have Superman disappear for a month.
SPEAKER_02He's gotta recover, right? And then Lex is. Isn't one of the ones he gets like a cold and Superman's down for like a long time? One of the the older ones, right? Isn't that one of them? One of the movies, maybe. Yeah, I feel like I feel like it isn't everyone's like Superman's gone.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's super interesting. No. So Lexus opens a crack in reality that that can go through rip the ocean and it's just taller than the ocean crack.
SPEAKER_02It doesn't make a lot of sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's going right through the middle of Metropolis, and he's all like, let's destroy Metropolis. I'll stop it when it gets to a city I don't I do like.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Which city would that be? This is where you live, bro.
SPEAKER_04But he can turn his his office into like a flying office by pulling a lever. Yeah, one giant lever. It's so stupid. And then they're doing the war in the place that Superman started the war, and you're like, Yeah, a war is gonna take more than a few hours. Superman could get there in eight hours after he saves Metropolis.
SPEAKER_02Well, you would think, you would think. Or Dan uh counter pitches, he has to make a decision here. You know? Wouldn't that be something? If he has to decide something or choose who to save, or he has to go talk to these people who are not his friends and be like, listen, I know this is against your code. I know you work for the US. Like, I need you to do this because these people are gonna die and they don't deserve it, and you need to stop them because you are heroes. We are heroes, do something inspiring. Or we just don't do that, and they just go save the day for no fucking reason, and he does whatever he does over here for no reason. It's great. What a great, what a great end of the movie.
SPEAKER_04Are you ready? Okay. So Superman hooks up with Mr. Trific hooks up with somebody, and he's got crypto with him. Terrific. And Triffic says, You brought the dog. You brought the dog. And then we have the line that I hate most in the entire movie.
SPEAKER_02Oh boy, tell me.
SPEAKER_04I couldn't leave him on the farm because I didn't want him killing the cows.
SPEAKER_02Killing the cows, yeah.
SPEAKER_04There is something wrong with James Gunn to write that line.
SPEAKER_02There's a there's a lot. There's a lot. But uh like crypto's uh a nuisance, but he's not like a murderer. You know what I mean? Like he doesn't go on murder sprees.
SPEAKER_04I watch I watch so many dog videos, and I watch this one dog, this one big dog that's like you know, as big as big as a human being.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_04His name is Chicken and he is an emotional support dog, and they take him to the to the you know the pet rescue place, and then he gets uh the the new dogs in line, right?
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, I love that.
SPEAKER_04So he knows what to do. If they're like spazzing out, he just lays down and is just like okay, whatever, whatever, bro. Come come chill. You know, and then when he's when he gets them to where he wants them to be, then he like he teach he shows them. But they have like this, they're they're fostering this little baby pup that's you know, oh so little. And he just like sits there and looks at him, you know, and doesn't do anything because he animals understand all of those things, and crypto is not gonna fucking kill a cow. And why would you even imply that he would kill?
SPEAKER_02It's weird. It's such a weird choice. Because he thought it was funny. He this is a joke, Dan. It's not a joke. It's well, it's not a funny joke.
SPEAKER_04Well, and it once again it just decries yeah. Oh, you're very funny, Tony.
SPEAKER_02What are you mad at me for? I didn't write it.
SPEAKER_04Now we got the big fight of the engineer and Ultraman versus Superman. At one point, Ultraman kicks Superman in the nuts.
SPEAKER_02In the nuts, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny. We don't deal with it. He doesn't act like he's been kicked in the nuts, but he kicks him right in the nuts. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04So she the engineer fills him full of nanites, he flies up into space, and then he flies down, and then since he's covered in nanites, he's gonna survive because he's got nanites all in there, and then she'll die.
SPEAKER_02Eh, that didn't work out.
SPEAKER_04Not quite sure how she could fill him with nanites, and then she still has nanites. Why doesn't she just fill herself with nanites? Um I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02She gets knocked.
SPEAKER_04She gets knocked unconscious, and now we find out the big mystery of the movie that that the clone is Superman and he has to fight Ultraman. Braun Braid beats Braun. Yeah. He eventually beats him by cutting off his contact with Lex, and then he just beats the shit out of him.
SPEAKER_02So great. I'm fine skipping through this, except for he laughs, right? He's pinned down, Ultraman's got him on the ropes, and he laughs, and he's like, Brains beats brawn, ha ha ha, and then calls the dog over to chew the toys. Is that really brains? It's not brawn. Well, you're right about that. I don't, I just don't know that brains either. If you have an idea, he did have an idea. It's an idea. That's brain. I guess it's an idea. Light bulb. All right. Seems pretty weak. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Um yeah. So while this is happening, the Justice League. Okay, we we gotta before we since we're actually getting near the end. Yes. The Justice Gang versus Justice League bit.
SPEAKER_02Sure. Lands every time, don't you think?
SPEAKER_04No, I don't think it ever landed. I got very tired of it. It was very stupid. It is very stupid. I'd write it. It's just like it's like a Tony joke. Remember back when we used to do improv and you would write the Tony jokes. You would run them over.
SPEAKER_02You're like, it's gonna land one of these days. It but sometimes it did, you know, in my defense. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I would like to think that they're at least better than this joke. I don't I can't remember any of them, Dan, but I think.
SPEAKER_04You at least crafted a joke. This is just like, what is he talking about?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Well, it's stupid.
SPEAKER_04Okay, we got it. We got it. That guy got this idea.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And then he's like, I no votes count. What?
SPEAKER_04I I guess I guess it gives girl a chance to say, dead him like that. Sure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there you go. Great character work.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so the Justice League shows up, but they they they stop the war. Hotgirl goes and gets the leader of Moravia and throws him to his death.
SPEAKER_02Promptly kills him, and he has a very important line that's like, You can't kill me, you're just like Superman, and she's like, I'm not like Superman, and then kills him. Um what? She murdered she murdered the leader of a country.
SPEAKER_04Uh-huh. I've I've read comic books since I was like seven years old, starting in like 72. 200 years. 72 to 2072. 200 100 years. Um, I don't read as much as I used to. No characters kill world leaders in DT or Marvel Comics. You don't do that. It's insane.
SPEAKER_02Do it. Insane. It's just so weird because the whole their whole original thing is like, we don't get involved in stuff like that. And then and then they're like, you know what, let's get involved and murder the guy. Like, that's such a giant step.
SPEAKER_04Superman just pushed him up against a cactus. We're not we didn't even ever talk about that scene.
SPEAKER_02And everyone's upset about it. But let's just drop him from 200 feet in the air and splatter him all over the sidewalk. That should be fine. I'm speechless. I don't know. It was so weird.
SPEAKER_04Uh uh, he calls crypto, uh, then uh he beats the shit out of that, destroys all the raptors, throws Ultraman in a black hole. Right.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_04Isn't that shouldn't he try and save him? Nah, let him die.
SPEAKER_02Let him die in the black hole. No, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't he's over saving people. Maybe that's what he's learned in this movie, is he doesn't need to save everybody.
SPEAKER_04Uh, we're about to get to my one Superman line I liked. Uh what's his name? Mr. Trifik shows up and he's like, this isn't playtime. And Superman says, he's laying there on the ground after getting the shit beat out. He's like, I'm not messing around. I'm doing important stuff. Doing important stuff. He delivered that line so you're just like, this guy could deliver real life.
SPEAKER_02He's great. He's great. He's a he's a wonderful Superman. If you let him play Superman. If you craft a Superman movie around him, he would be wonderful.
SPEAKER_04Okay. God damn, Mr. Terrific. Uh Superman proves his humanity. Oh, I don't know. Oh, he goes there. They fly to where Legs is. Everybody gives a speech where he proves his humanity. I like the speech, it was good.
SPEAKER_02But it doesn't make any sense. Oh, I don't know. How is that what's happening in this movie? How is that the final speech you give Lex? Because Lex isn't worried about. He doesn't give a shit about that. He wants you a w dead because he's jealous of you. Envy. That's it. Yeah, it's envy. It's not like, oh, you're an alien, so we need to kill you. That's not what he's doing. He's mad because you are an alien. You came down and did nothing and stole all of his thunder, and he's so much smarter than you. It's just, he's just green with jealous rage, baby. So this speech doesn't make any sense. Again, if the movie is about his humanity versus his alien nature, great. This speech makes sense. This movie's not about that. It's so weird. Uh he's like, I make mistakes. I'm as human as anybody. It's like, okay, but so that's not why you're in this control room. What are you talking about? Alright. Alright, I'm done.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so they released the story where Lex was gonna get half of the Baravia, the new country, and make himself king. So, in other words, it was a lot of this was about him getting land. Oh, that sounds like another Superman movie where Lex Luther tries to make land.
SPEAKER_03Don't make it about land. Nothing about land. Don't make anything about land.
SPEAKER_02Well, if it helps, they don't really, because that doesn't actually matter in the movie whatsoever.
SPEAKER_04So Lex gets busted on TV, and everyone in the world is like, I guess he's bad.
SPEAKER_02And the Yeah, everyone changes so fast. Again, it's just like the Superman thing where it's just like, oh wow, we hate you now.
SPEAKER_04Okay, and they're all like, put him in the thing, take him to Bell Reeve because someone published a news article.
SPEAKER_02Right. Yeah. We don't need proof. It's fine. News article. No investigation whatsoever. It's fine.
SPEAKER_04Somehow they save everybody in the pocket universe during all this, too?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who went in there to get them.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Eve and Lex's old girlfriend, and Eve was in there, and Eve and Jimmy are together again, and then Superman and Lois see each other, and Lois is like, let's go do an interview.
SPEAKER_02Quote unquote, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
SPEAKER_04And everybody in the world, you know what they're doing? They're paying them no attention.
SPEAKER_02Well, no, because Perry makes the little joke. How long have they been hooking up? That's later. There are tons of people walking by, Superman. Oh, you mean when he when they sneak off? I see who say, yeah, yeah. He's kind of a big deal at this moment because he just basically saved the universe.
SPEAKER_04I don't even know who he is.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's fine. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
SPEAKER_04They go have a makeout session, and she's like, I love you too.
SPEAKER_02When did that happen, you think? Because she was gonna break up with him just a little bit ago.
SPEAKER_04Uh, because he saved the world.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's not really a reason to date somebody. You know what I mean? Like, that wasn't the problem before. She wasn't breaking up with him because he's not saving the world. You know what I mean? True.
SPEAKER_04Uh, he goes back to the Fortress of Solitude, number four is there, and Alan Tujik makes the best joke of the thing. He's all like, why do you give us why do you call us numbers? Why don't you can't we have names? And Superman's like, well, four's kind of a name, and he's like, it's not Gary.
unknownRight?
SPEAKER_04Okay. He wrote that joke. Alan did. Kitka did not write that joke. He wrote that joke. It's good. He wrote that joke on the fly, got huge laughs for it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Supergirl shows up. Crypto is actually Supergirl's dog, and she's been on someplace with a red sun so that she could be She's a party girl? Yeah, drunk piece of shit. Right. What? It's why? It's because that's the movie James Gunn really wants to direct.
SPEAKER_02Okay, but why?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. I don't know. Oh, because she's fucked up, and that that that's a character he wants to write.
SPEAKER_02He does, he does enjoy fucked up people. Yeah. That's true.
SPEAKER_04That's what he wants to write. He wants to write a supergirl. He doesn't care about. I mean, he cares about this, but it's just like he he looked at it like a puzzle, and he's like, well, these pieces all sort of fit together, sort of, and that's good enough.
SPEAKER_02Bye-bye. Good enough. That's a good uh synopsis. Yeah. Eh, it's good enough.
SPEAKER_04And then they play Agy Pop's I'm a Punk Rucker. Yes, I am. Which is not a punk rock song.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, it is, Dan.
SPEAKER_04It is not a punk rock song. Agy, very much a punk rocker. This song should have played, should have played a Stooges song, I Wanna Be Your Dog, and then I'm like, there it is, and they're half crypto flying around. That would be fucking cool. Beautiful. But he had to get that whole punk rocker thing because I'm not sure where the beautiful beauty and everything. I don't know where he saw that at the end of the movie.
SPEAKER_02So punk rock, dude?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You want to talk about and then he then he lays there in the weird bed and sees the I put the videos of your family on. And it's a Bond podcast.
SPEAKER_02And that would be nice, you know, like him him embracing his humanitude, whoa, human side, his adoptive parents, you know. That's great. That'd be great if that was what the movie was about. It's not. So like I'm just like, what is who gives a shit? Who cares? Why I don't I don't care at all. Superman! Yay! Great stuff. Yeah, pretty funny.
SPEAKER_04Uh uh Tony. Yeah. Did you like anything this week?
SPEAKER_02Not really. We gave the chair company. We watched the chair company. I don't know, man. It's so weird. I I mean I'm gonna keep watching. I need to know where it goes. Like, I'm in, but I don't think I love it. Like, I'm not like, wow, this show's really good. I can't wait to watch more of it. I'm just like, what is happening? I can't not look away. Like, I have to see what happens. He's so weird. I just it's great. I mean, he's wonderful, and I need to I need to know what happens. I need to know what's going on.
SPEAKER_04Did you just watch one or did you watch the first two?
SPEAKER_02We just watched one. That was all we could handle at a time.
SPEAKER_04They're only like they're only 30 minutes, man.
SPEAKER_02I know, but we needed that was enough. We're like, wow, we need to like take a breath, step back, and and come back.
SPEAKER_04When he's under the desk with the little eye hole.
SPEAKER_02Oh god, it's so weird. The weird the wheelbarrow thing. Wheelbarrow never goes outside, and he catches him outside. It's so weird.
SPEAKER_04It's I mean, it's it is the ultimate, you know, crossover between his uh Tim Robinson's his other show, and you're just like, can can you really sustain 30 minutes at a time with one of his characters? Because it's rough. It's a lot. He's a giant problem. What's his name with the bubbles?
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. I yeah. Yeah, go watch it, everybody. It's worth a watch for sure. I just I don't know it. So yeah, we're we're in, we're gonna keep watching.
SPEAKER_04But he goes in the building and pulls the cloth off and it's his big red ball. If they can pay off all the things that are happening, it's gonna be great.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we'll see. Time will tell. Anything else, Tony? No, that's it. That's Chad Powers' new episode was kind of disappointing. Oh, it's the worst episode so far. So three great episodes, one bad episode. Hopefully they end strong five and six. We'll see.
SPEAKER_04Uh, we watched Task. We still gotta watch the last episode. It's yeah, how's that?
SPEAKER_02That's on our list.
SPEAKER_04It's interesting, you know. Okay. I love Ruffalo, so it you know, the first episode is great, and then you're just like, oh, and we're gonna, you know, slowly meander down this, you know.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_04The acting's all really interesting, and you know, it's it's worth the time, I think. All right, Tony, we need a Halloween movie to close out the Halloween season.
SPEAKER_02So, um, I don't know if you saw the movie Superman. Um this movie? Yeah, this movie. There's a character or an actor in it. His name is Frank Grillo. Oh, I think that's a good one. I don't know if you remember Frank Grillo. I do love Frank Grillo. Which one did we watch? Oh, the the one where he like is a badass. And he's like punching people and stuff.
SPEAKER_04He has to keep on living the same day over and over again.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's the one. That's the one we watched. Yeah, I couldn't remember. So we can't do that one. We're watching another one. It's not that. This is a horror. Well you love him. I think it's a horror movie. It's definitely supernatural-isk, you know, in in nature. Sure. Um, anyhow, so last year, 2024, uh okay, it says drama, horror, mystery. So it's definitely in there. Um, I don't know what it's about, dude. It's just called werewolves. Um, and I think he just fights a bunch of werewolves in it and just like shoots them all. And I just, I gotta, I gotta watch this movie. I watched the trailer and I was like, what's even happening right now? Um, so that's what we're gonna do for Halloween. Werewolves.
SPEAKER_04Frank Grillo Jr. playing playing Rick Flag Sr.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there you go. And now he's gonna shoot werewolves with machine guns, I think. There it is. Machine guns. That's the best way to kill werewolves. Machine guns. Machine gun Kelly.
SPEAKER_04Okay, dokie. So we'll be back. Uh if you like what we see see, if you like anything, leave us a comment, leave us a thumbs up, subscribe. If you hate what we do, uh address the news.
SPEAKER_02Leave us a comment.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, let me know.
SPEAKER_02Let them know, coach.
SPEAKER_04And uh come at me. We'll be doing some werewolves next week.
SPEAKER_02Woo! Goodbye, everybody.