Hate Watching Timeline: Dumb, Fun, Semi-History

A time machine that behaves like a fax, a grenade that hops centuries, and an ear that turns into destiny—this conversation goes deep on why Timeline is both ridiculous and ridiculously enjoyable. We break down the movie’s soft science with a smile, from wormholes that sometimes sync to the minute to medallions that only work when the plot says so. Then we zoom in on what actually sells the ride: Gerard Butler’s early-era charisma, Anna Friel’s spark as Claire, and Michael Sheen chewing the castle tapestries with villainous delight.

We also get practical about medieval mayhem. The siege stretches bring real texture—trebuchets thudding, moats igniting, “night arrows” cutting the dark—and Greek fire delivers a rare Chekhov’s payoff that feels satisfyingly tactile. Does the movie look like TV sometimes? Sure. Do the costumes read like Ren fair fresh? Absolutely. But when a sword drops in front of a hiding hero, or a tunnel cracks open behind a monastery wall, the film finds momentum that feels genuinely cinematic. Along the way, we test the internal logic, laugh at the paradoxes, and admit the obvious: fun can trump coherence when performances and set-pieces click.

Our side quests matter too. We weigh nostalgia’s sway with a Goonies, Lost Boys, and Monster Squad detour, argue about changing history versus curating legend, and even share Thanksgiving stuffing tips because timing is everything. The finale’s sarcophagus epilogue reframes the whole story as myth-making, and that’s where we land: if legend is the point, strict causality can step aside. Hit play to hear us debate, cackle, and celebrate the small victories that make sloppy sci-fi sing. If you enjoy the show, leave a comment, give us a thumbs up, or subscribe—then tell us your favorite “good bad” movie.

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Transcript

Cold Open And Banter

SPEAKER_03 0:00

That's great stuff. Paul Walker, what a treat. Oh yeah, that's what I can't believe you're about to besmirch his name, Dan Good Cell. Oh, I gotta that's not all I'm besmirching today. You're gonna besmirch a bunch of things, huh? Yep. We'll call you Mr. Bismircher.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Mr. Bismircher. Give me a dream.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Make it the meanest that you ever seen. I'm writing a whole song for you now.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Welcome! Hey Margie! With Dan Tony, I'm Dan! I'm Tony! On this show we watch a movie. Sometimes the movie we pick is terrible. But sometimes it's really good.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Oh, Tony. I'm excited. I I know that I enjoyed this movie too much. Because I do know it's a bad movie, right? Like, let's not. I like to preface that they're bad movies, but I had a blast last night. I had a great time with this movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Yeah, there's well, I mean, the one good thing you can say about this movie is I got a bunch, but continue. You don't have to think about anything because there's nothing going on.

First Impressions: Bad Yet Fun

SPEAKER_03 1:32

It's not you sh no, so I would I would actually say you can't think about anything. Yes. Because if you do think about things, things unravel very quickly. And so you don't want to do that. So just turn off your mind and go along for the you know, the ride, quote unquote. It's not much of a ride, but there's a little bit. There's a little bit to be had. The one thing I will say, Dan, is that, you know, this what 22 years ago? Is that what Jesus Christ? 22 years ago. We're so old. Um, sometimes I forget how and why Gerard Butler became a thing. That's just like a me thing. But then you watch a movie like this and you're like, I get it. I get it. That guy's got, he just oozes sex appeal in this movie.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Well, I mean, he he's kind of the only one that kind of can act. Except for Michael Sheen. Yeah, he's pretty much. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

Sheen's having a great time, as always. Sheen comes in and just like, yeah, pay me money to have a good time. That's great. Let's go. Uh, but yeah, Gerard Butler, very charming in this, very pretty. Wow, wow, wow. You know, and it's easy to forget now that it's been 20 years and he's old and didn't get better at acting, I would I would say. You know what I mean? He wasn't on a trajectory, he was just kind of there and uh came out the gate swinging. He's great, he's wonderful. Uh makes me want to watch what was what was the movie he did?

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Geostorm. Geostorm.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

I think I'm gonna have to watch that tonight. I love Geostorm.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

I'll have to say he has one of the only two actual scenes in the movie. And I believe it's the first scene in the movie where you're like, oh, this is an actual scene. Sure. Where people sort of like, oh, uh there's an interplay between characters.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Is it the river?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, wonderful, wonderful scene.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

No, it's not a wonderful scene. It's a decent scene.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

It's a wonderful scene, Dan. Love every second.

Gerard Butler’s Appeal And Cast

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Well, yeah, I mean, if you're crawling through a swamp of shit, and then you find like a little island where there's a tiny apple tree, and you can eat a couple of apples that are that are not completely ripened. They're like, uh, I I can these won't kill me, but they so I love it.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

So I love it. These are the best apples I've ever had in my life. That's how I feel about it. Um, the movie we were watching is a movie called Timeline. Had we not said that yet? I'm sorry. We really jumped into that. Yeah. Timeline! Michael Cracketin.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Michael Crichton wrote it. Very, very tall man, unfortunately. Was he tall? Yeah, I met I I didn't meet him, but I I I was in the same space as him one time.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Hey, that's pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

I always work at a gallery. I always worked at a gallery, and he was he was a big art buyer when he came through. Probably. I wonder if it would have been around the time of this movie. It could have been.

SPEAKER_03 4:34

Do you think he was depressed and so he was buying more art to make himself feel better then?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

I don't think he was ever depressed because he was always writing books and always making money.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Well, amen to that.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Um Remember Sphere? Oh, Congo with a K. Those are the those two other movies that we could do on this uh uh Congo, probably a worse movie than this movie.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

I guess we'll have to find out at some point. Put a pin in that, everybody. Have you seen Congo? I'm sure I saw it in high school or whenever that came out. Like, you know what I mean? But I not as an adult for sure.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

It's the monkey one.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah, that sounds right.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Where they had like the talking monkey, and then they go down there and there's lasers and sorry, there's a monkey monkey.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

No, yeah, no, this doesn't sound good or right at all. I don't remember any of that. That's Congo that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Okay, great. And Sphere, wasn't that Dustin Hoffman and Samuel L.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

Jackson? I know it was Sammy. I remember Sammy. I haven't seen that movie in a long, long time. Yeah, I it was I remember liking it. I remember thinking it was great. My standards were pretty low then, though, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

See, I I saw these movies when they came out, and I was like, oh, that that was terrible.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

Well, you had a fully formed frontal lobe, Dan. You were 50 years old when these came out. We're still waiting for for Tony's frontal lobe to form. Yeah, well, if another 10 to 15 years, I think we're really gonna be hitting our stride here.

Director Reveal And Visuals Debate

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Uh, Tony, before we started the show, said, you know, this 2003, same year that Pirates of the Caribbean came out.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

I mean, shocking. Just you can't, it's hard to even we're so far away from it that thinking about pirates, you're like, wow, that movie is so good on so many levels, right? It hits everything perfectly. Um, and you think and you're like, that must have been when movies changed. That must have been like the turning point where all movies were great. Uh you just you can't have a timeline and a pirates of the Caribbean come out the same year. It doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense in my head. They should be a decade apart. Easy. Just with the script writing, the effects, the way it even just looks. Like it just looks the costumes. Oh my god, these costumes, Dan, we gotta talk about that at some point. It's wild to me.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Did they shoot this on like mini DV or something? You know.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

I shot a lot of movies on mini DV back in the day. I used to love making little movies.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

It the the the it just didn't look like it was a movie. It looked like it was done on a camera.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

At best, it looks like a sci-fi TV series that just didn't go very far. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Uh, you want to talk about the director?

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Who's the director? I don't even know who the director is, do we? I didn't do any research on this whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Somebody you love. Someone I love made many movies in this honor.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Oh my god. What do you do? Superman, lethal weapons. Yeah. He did uh Goonies. Not that I like Goonies, I think Goonies is a terrible movie, but people like Goonies. But just a movie.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

I don't like Goonies. But thinking back on Goonies, I can I can picture the visuals. And I mean, certainly when they're climbing through the cave, kind of fake, but sure.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Sure. It's also a kid's movie. So, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

The movie's shot like a movie. I think in that movie, I'm like, if I watch that movie now, I'd be like, I'm watching a movie. You know, it's a fake Spielberg movie, but I'm watching a fake Spielberg movie that looks has the sumptuousness. This movie has no sumptuousness.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

It doesn't I don't even know the name of that word, but I or what it means. I know it doesn't have it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:19

It's like the difference between like a home cooked, you know, Thanksgiving meal and getting KFC. That's the difference.

Thanksgiving Tangent And Stuffing Tips

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Now, and that let's for the record, KFC, delicious. That mac and cheese, very, very good. Yeah. But I would much rather have a home-cooked meal, which I'm doing. Are you ready? Um, this is our Thanksgiving episode, by the way, Dan. This comes out the day before Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Uh, I am thankful. I'll go first. I am thankful for you. I'm thankful for my wife. I'm thankful for all of my jobs right now. It's very nice of everybody to employ me. And I'm thankful to all of our uh six to twelve listeners. Y'all are making our lives much happier. Thanks for hanging out with us.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

I got a one-up, you, Tony. That's all right. One up me. That's all I'm thankful for is our our watchers and listeners.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

That's more than a one-up. I feel like you really just like threw me in the dirt there. You're not even thankful for your co-host. What's going on over here, Dan? This guy. No turkey for you.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Thank for those who really care. Are you a turkey guy? Yeah, I'm a I like stuffing and I like the cranberry stuff.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

I like stuffing. Uh, not a turkey. We're doing uh honey-baked ham. So good.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

I buy stuffing regularly throughout the year because they always stock it in the store if you know where to look. So and if you don't know, talk to Dan.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

He'll tell you. He'll tell you where to find it. Lower shelf. Let me tell you that. That's all it is. Okay. Gotta look at that lower shelf. You just gotta crouch down and crawl around and find it in your local store, everybody. You'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Don't put it high, they put it low, they go low with stuffing.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Nobody wants it. Nobody wants it.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

And don't get the Mrs. Cubison's, always get the stovetop. There is a difference.

Goonies, Lost Boys, Monster Squad Rant

SPEAKER_03 10:05

There. Oh, okay. See, look at these tips for Thanksgiving, everybody. Good luck finding it now that it's Wednesday and you have to cook tomorrow. But hey, you got tips? Tips on tips. I did not realize that Donner did uh The Lost Boys as well. That's that's a perfect film as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Uh not a movie I care for, but if you said to me, Dan Goodsell, is that a movie? I would say that is absolutely a movie. Looks like a movie, feels like a movie.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Hell of a movie. You need when was last time you watched it? Maybe you should rewatch it. The Saks guy with his shirt off and his oil. I mean, it's great. Great film.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

I'm gonna tell you the truth on that. I saw it. I think I saw it when it came out. I think I did. Sure. I watched it about five years ago. And you loved it.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

You were like, this is a great film. I don't like you.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I I I I don't hate people like Goonies and Lost Boys. I don't hate people that like those movies. It's just those are not movies. I I'm I'm no longer a child. Those are movies for people that are still children.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

I would normally take offense to that, but it's I you know I don't want to lie to people at Thanksgiving. That seems correct, and I fall into that category. I will, however, posit, and then we'll get back to the movie that we did watch. Uh I will posit that I do hate people that like the Goonies because generally most of them have not seen Monster Squad, which is the superior film, and it pisses me off to no end because everyone's like, oh, Goonies is the best kids, blah, blah, blah. No, it's not. It's Monster Squad that came out real close together. You should see Monster Squad instead. It's way better than Goonies. Um, I don't hate here, I don't hate them. I'm sorry. That was rude. But you should see Monster Squad, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Monster Squad is a better movie than Goonies for sure. Uh I think is it a better movie? It's yeah, it is a better kids' movie. Goonies looks better. Sure. I agree with that. The kid actors in Goonies are better. The production value of Goonies are better.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

Whoa, whoa. I okay. So I agree with some of them. I don't think the acting's better. I don't think so. Bring it on. Bring it on, Corey Feldman. I don't think so, bud. Um, I know the kids are great. And you get the line give me the amulet, you bitch! To like a six-year-old girl. It's great. It's great stuff. So anyhow.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

Time life.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

It's like a time travel's like a fax machine.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

What? What? So hold on. Let me just let's just go over the rules of time travel in this movie, real quickly, because I'm gonna need you to explain a couple of things to me. Yes. So they uh de-atomize, is that the word, is that a good description of it? They put they break you down to a quote cellular level.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

They do what it's like it's like Star Trek. They they break you down into molecules and then they ship you off. Right, but then how do the molecules?

Timeline’s Time-Travel Rules Confusion

SPEAKER_03 13:02

I feel the same way about Star Trek, but I'm like, eh, it's the future, so it's fine. How do you remoleculize on the other side if there's nothing over there? It doesn't make any sense to me, damn. Like I it like I can wrap my head around a machine that would take you apart, right? And not that I'm saying I believe that that could happen, but like I can understand the machine is like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah now I'm molecules, and then I'm being sent through a wormhole. Okay, I'm I'm with you so far, but then on the other side of the wormhole, how am I getting put back together? I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Well, I think I think you make the good point of it feels like because they it in the movie when they're talking about the because basically they're gonna go to the past, but they're not they can't just go to the past, they can only go to this one past that is through a wormhole, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:54

This is great because this is also another question I have, but continue.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

So I think all the writer that wrote this, Michael Crichton, I think the only thing he wanted is hit to make that stupid analogy. It's like a fax machine.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

And and to sort of make the d there and then there's also this danger that if you do it too many times, it either breaks up your DNA, which let me tell you something, you don't want to have your DNA broken up when you're when you're going through something. Let me tell you something. I don't know about that. I do not want that. I don't know a lot about genetics, but I think if something scrambles your DNA, even a weirdo tiny bit, you're done. You're just gonna be a puddle on the ground.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

I mean because that's what makes you like the DNA is like your yeah, it I don't know, very confusing.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

It kind of tells everything how to work, I think. I think I like I said I'm not a super genetics guy, but and then but the uh the other flip side is like these other guys have done it like 10 times somehow. Not sure how they do it ten times.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Um and then their veins don't line up for some reason, which which now can you hold on, because blood goes through your veins. Oh, yeah, you're you're very dead when you're when your veins don't like it. They don't line up and your blood's not good. That can't be good. I didn't even understand that. That was very confusing.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

This one's here, and then this one's over here. It can't be good.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

And then he's like, his spine doesn't line up, but I was like, his spine is broken? Because how is he walking? What's going on here? I don't know. Wait, he did very confusing. Did he do walking after he got through? He well, because he like stumbled, because he was cut open and he like kind of stumbled and then fell, right? You'd just you'd just be like, I don't know. You'd just be a moment.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

You'd be instantly dead and you'd be a lump.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Here's here's my biggest confusion. The thing I'm most confused about, that's how you say that. Yeah. This wormhole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

I need to understand the rules, Dan. Now okay, but a wormhole is a thing, I don't think they exist, but so it's a thing that you can just say I think it has has whatever rules they have, you know?

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Okay, I and that's fine, but I don't understand the rules that he's that he's putting forward. So here's here's where my head's at. They they're going back to the same point in time or general the same point in time, right? So is it like a destination where every time I hit this wormhole, I go back to Thursday, May 3rd, 1937? Yeah. Or is it that I travel the same amount of distance in time? So every time I go in, I go in and I travel 600 years to the minute. So I go back, so like they're further ahead each time they go back in time. Does that make sense? My guess would be that talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

My guess would be that this wormhole is opened from our time or movie time back to 1648 or whatever it is, and then they're moving along, you know? So like it's one for one. So if a day passes through the case, if a day stays the same.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

That yes, that's what they I don't think they said that, but they did not because I I was talking to the wife and I was like, You somebody help me explain. I'm like, I'm I don't know which one ends happening, but okay. Okay, we're all in agreement. Let's do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

So let's just assume that. And so uh st uh yeah, so they can go back to the 1648 or whatever it is. I think they say it like one time.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Um okay. Well, I can tell you when was the 100 years war. 1337. That's where they go back to. The 100 Years War.

Opening Plot Beats And ITC

SPEAKER_00 17:51

So it was like 13 the thirteen hundreds. Okay. Well, let's let's start talking about the movie. We've talked about we've done a bunch of prep.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

Let's do it. The preamble is set. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

There's a guy driving on a road in the desert. There's a guy in a forest being chased by a knight. The guy on the road then boom sees the guy running through the forest who just got hit by a knight, which don't really have to have him hit by a knight, doesn't really matter, he's gonna die anyways. Right. He appears, he's messed up, they take him to the hospital, the hospital says, Oh, look at this, he's all messed up inside, everything's out of alignment, and these other guys show up from ITC, which stands for something. Um Internet time control. Internet time control. And they're all they're like, Oh yeah, he works for us, he's coming with us, and we're taking all the stuff you collected and we're throwing it in the trash.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Yeah, including your x-rays and your like all the data you've pulled. Very confusing. How did he end up not in back in the machine? Everyone else who travels back to the present ends up in the machine, Dan. And then when the machine's not working, they're like, Well, they're never coming back because you have to come back to the machine. I'm confused.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Well, they they wouldn't have x-rayed him if he came back in the machine, I guess. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Well, yeah, I agree with that, but then don't make the the machine so important. That doesn't make any sense. If you can just travel wherever you travel, it's fine. Very confused.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Okay. Now we cut to France, right? We're in France, is Castle Guards in France?

SPEAKER_03 19:32

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, because they're some of them are French and then some of them are English, because that's who's in the war, is that right?

unknown 19:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

I'm not good at history.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Our bad guys, the the bad guys are the British, the good guys are the French, but they're battling on French soils because the British guys have invaded, I guess? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

I guess so, yeah. They they're winning, I think.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

They're winning. We meet Billy Connolly, who plays uh the professor, the dad scientist, with uh his thick belly Connolly. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Accent. Yeah, I have a question on this too, but yeah, continue. And then his son is Chris, played by the acting ability challenged.

Why Send The Kids Back?

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Wow! Ballwall. Oh my god, speaking, ill of the dead here. Um, first of all, he's great. Oscar worthy in this movie. I did have a slight question. Yes. So we have the Scottish father, yes, a Californian son, and then we have one of the friends is Scottish. Yes. That they you shouldn't have two Scots in the movie that aren't related. I I know that seems silly, but it was so confusing to me that Paul Walker, the super American valley boy, is the son of the Scott and the Scotsman is unrelated. I was like, just just make him the son and then make Paul someone else. I that's too confusing to me. I've never met a Scottish person that speaks with a Scottish accent in my life, right? And now there's two in Paul Walker's life? I don't think so. A lot of Scottish accents. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Um uh and then there's Gerard Butler, yes, who plays the Scott. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and yes, and so what we're gonna do is we're gonna spend the next 10 minutes setting up all the plot points that have to occur when they go to the past.

SPEAKER_03 21:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Including Lady Claire given a speech or something to rally the French or something.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

And then her death is what is what spurs on the fight, supposedly.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Supposedly.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

We have a which changes is uh okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Well yeah, we have a knight who's gonna be missing an ear. Yeah. And then eventually we're gonna find the scroll that that's been written on.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Yes, correct. Great.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

So it's glasses. And so and and one lens of some glasses, even though the whole glasses are thrown there, even though no one ever writes on the scroll. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

You know, what are you gonna do? Not all of it, can't you?

SPEAKER_00 22:15

I don't know. We you think you'd think if you had to like make all these things happen, you'd have to worry about making them happen, but no, we don't really worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

All of them, they hit most of them. It's pretty good. All right. 75%'s pretty good. It's a C.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Um and uh okay, so we meet Chris, we meet Gerald Butler's Andre.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

Chris has uh uh Paul Walker, just side note, never ironed a shirt in his life. Never once. For sure. Without a doubt in my mind. Did you were you watching him do this shirt? This is the next night. His dad starts ironing and then he starts ironing. And uh it was bad. He's just slopping the iron around on this shirt. There's no method to his madness whatsoever. He's not even looking. First of all, iron's not on, which is a good call, but he's like he'd be dead if the iron was on because he's just all over the pitch on this thing. Uh yeah, he's never ironed a shirt in his life, which is fine. He's young. Like, I don't, I'm not sure how old he is. He's probably in his 20s. You know, it's okay. Well, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

He's never had a real job, right? Ironing a real job, it's a real job kind of a thing.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

Right. Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah. That's right. It just made me chuckle, and I yeah, I miss him. I miss him. Love that guy.

River Arrival And The Grenade Paradox

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Um, so dad is like, okay, I gotta go back to New Mexico and talk to the big rich guy that's paying for all this.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Okay. And then he just disappears. I was very confused.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Well, he flies to New Mexico, yeah. Right, but yeah, I mean, I agree. But then two scenes later, they're like, he's been missing for two days. And I was like, wait. Well, no, he just hasn't been taking calls. Right. I just, you know, we didn't really see that part of it though. You know what I mean? Like, he was like, hey, I'm gonna go. And then like the next scene, they're like, Well, he's gone. He's never and I was like, Yeah, he told you he was leaving. What are you guys being weird about? So I wanted just a one scene where they're like trying to get a hold of him, maybe, and they can't, but it was just like, yeah, he's been missing. I was like, wait, what do you mean? No, he's not.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Yeah, I guess huh? Okay. Um, he goes to see Kate, who he's in love with, and then oh, his dad's like, you shouldn't be in love with Kate. Kate, Kate loves archaeology and bones, she'll never love you.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

True. Very truth.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

He takes her a beer, and then she's like, Yeah, I pretty much love archaeology. I'm gonna run away from you. Right. Run away, run away. Pretty much we didn't need both of those conversations.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

You know what I mean? Like, we're just really hammering at home that she does not like him, but they're gonna end up together, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

But she doesn't really not like him, not like him. She just sort of doesn't like him.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

She's just like, Well, I just really need to dig. You know, I'd love to kiss you. I gotta dig. I'm sorry. Digging fiend.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Uh, Chris has a motorcycle?

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Yeah, I didn't buy that.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Don't believe that. Don't believe that for one second. You're just like they show somebody on a motorcycle, you're like, Who is that? That's supposed to be Chris. I don't think so. Like, how did he get a motorcycle to France? You're just like, this does not make sense to me.

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Not a clue. Not a clue. Flew it in. He's rich.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Uh, he sees Andre.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

He's never ironed a shirt.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Never ironed a shirt. Gerard Butler, who shows him that he is proficient in bow and sword. That's good. Yeah, what an interesting guy.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

You know what I mean? Like, what a nerd.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Chris laments his his girl trouble and says also the classic line, the past is dumb.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Past is dumb. I agree. I'm on I'm on his side with this one. You aren't totally.

Medieval Setup: Claire, Knights, And Scroll

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Oh, yeah, you are actually, aren't you? You're like, he's like, oh, get gadgets are cool. And then Right?

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Like, what are you talking about, Gerard Butler? Gadgets are cool, you idiot.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

And then Gerard Butler's like, no, honor is cool.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Only honor is good. Yeah, listen, people, I guess people used to be honorable. I actually have an honor question when we get to the war. Remind me to ask you that.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Do you mean when you stab somebody out of a hole in the ground, is that honorable?

SPEAKER_03 26:29

No, that one's definitely not honorable. But there's they're firing fire arrows at each other, right? We're just gonna skip to it now. And then Sheen is like give them the night arrows. And I was like, what you just regular arrows? Like, first of all, they're not night arrows, they're just regular arrows. But do they do they not shoot regular arrows normally at night? Like you light them so they know they're coming? That just feels like a bad plan. Well, they painted those ones black. Oh, they were painted black? No, they were paying. Like the AC DC song? They weren't painted black. That's a Rolling Stone song.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Um damn it, is that right? I fucked it up.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Oh. Um millennials.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I mean, ostensibly, it would make sense to shoot some sort, some amount of fire arrows at night as tracers.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Do you know what a tracer is? Right. So, like my first one would let me I fire it, and then I'm like, oh, okay, this is where I need to aim, right? But are they all fire arrows? Because he made it seem like this was a revolutionary idea. Be like, don't put the fire on. Everyone's like, What? What do you mean? How can we fire arrows at night without fire? I'm just confused. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Night arrows is a new thing to me. I may it must be a I have to assume it's a real thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

It seemed pretty tricky. I should have done research. It 100% well, that's the thing, is like when they did it, the the French people were like, What the fuck is going on? So it seems like no one knew what a night arrow was. It's great. What a plan. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

So they go, and oh, we hear this alarm, and then there's a cave-in. The cave-in has revealed a tunnel. It's a tunnel they've been looking for because the tunnel is supposed to do something. They go down in the tunnel. This is where they find uh some the the professor's glasses, and they find a piece of parchment where the professor's like, help me.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yep, help me. There you go. So I just they've been looking for it for a long time, but it doesn't seem like it was that hard to find. Like it apparently you just had to go down a little to a tunnel. You know what I mean? Like it's a tunnel. You know, you call it the tunnel, so you know it's a tunnel. Are you looking at ground level for the tunnel? That feels like a bad idea. I gotta tell you something, Tony. Yeah, please. I don't know what what digging's like, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Every archaeology thing that they do now, they have ground radar. It's a little machine, it could roll along. Right. And I have to imagine in 2003 they had ground radar already.

SPEAKER_03 29:03

Something. They had something that could like check out the the thickness of the earth, right? I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Not just a random whoop whoop whoop, oh, somebody fell through that hole. Although no one had fallen through the hole and just the hole just appeared.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

So that's why it's even worse. Like they were so close that eventually it just gave in because it was like, guys, just find me. I'm so bored.

Andre And Claire: Chemistry In Chaos

SPEAKER_00 29:25

My other favorite thing is when they're when they're looking at the scroll and they're like, This is 600 years old. They're like, turn on the carbon dating machine. Boop, boop, boop, boop, 600 years old, plus or minus 47 years.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Told you. I told you. I don't know. I don't know a lot about carbon dating, but I don't think you have a carbon dating machine just sitting on the can't just put it in like a fax machine?

SPEAKER_03 29:47

That they love fax machines in this movie.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

I don't know. You know, I don't know either.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

I just judge it by my eye. You know, I'm like, yeah, that's at least 500 years old based on the wrinkles, the disc. Coloration and the ink patterns. I know things.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

So they immediately go, Well, this must mean we should go to where my dad just went because he's not answering these calls. Everybody, everybody in the dig flies to France. I mean the New Mexico.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

This this dig is infinitely funded.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Well, they said that. They said that.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

Oh, they did say. Oh, that's true, because the these guys are funding it. You're right about that? I did forget that. I apologize. I take back my joke.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

So they get there, and David Thrulis, uh, the head honcho guy, he's like, let me tell you everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

It's so weird. He's immediately he's just like, okay, let me walk you through this entire place, tell you what everything does, tell you all of the secret things we've been up to for years. Come on in, everybody. It doesn't make any sense. There's no way.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

And we we desperately need a bunch of uneducated kids.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

Idiots, just a bunch of high school morons, horny little kids running around. We need you to go back in time.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

You're the ones that need to go there. And amazingly, you're gonna have to bring your buddy here who speaks French because no one else speaks French. No one else.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

We've been studying this French travel time time travel thing. We never brought a single person that speaks French. Not a single one of us. We never thought it was important. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Oh god, that part of it. So basically, we're gonna send you in our magic time machine back to 1357 via wormhole, because your dad is there.

SPEAKER_03 31:46

Yeah, trapped. And there it is.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

There's your question. Why why are they going?

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Just to get the dad back, I guess. But well, I am confused because I'm pretty sure that the marine guys are there to kill him.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

No, the marine guys are there to kill the other guy that they already dropped.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

The guy that fled before. Okay. Okay. So they are they do want to get the dad back, but side mission, murder the guy that stayed back in time because his spinal cord is falling apart. Got it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Yeah. Why why are they going back?

SPEAKER_03 32:21

I just told you to get the dad. Why? Why do they need the dad? Well, they need him. They need him, Dan. He's very important to the plan. What part of the plan is he important?

SPEAKER_00 32:34

The science part of the plan.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

No history.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

He's the history part of the plan. They only hired him to try to figure out what was going on there so that when they went back.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

And they figured it out.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

But he doesn't. They don't want anything. There's not cool, there's not gold. There's not a piece of paper. There's nothing there that they want.

Captured, Prison Escape, And First Kills

SPEAKER_03 32:55

There's a hot French lady. Maybe they all want Lady Claire. Maybe that's what it's about. That's not a mystery for the other side. You're like, you both sides are equally mysterious, right? You could just try to figure out your side of it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah. So this movie has no reason for existing.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Paul Walker wants his daddy back. So he's he has a clear want.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

Yeah, but the our main rich guy, his want is to make this technology work, but he doesn't why would sending these kids through help this thing work?

SPEAKER_03 33:38

Well, so if it if the guy on the other side, if the dad was more of a scientist, if he was the guy that figured out how it worked and like built this machine, that would make sense. Right? Because they need him to run the machine. I'm not saying that's what happened because the dad just knows the history a little bit, because he's a uh digger, uh an archaeologist. Um, I don't know. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

So they're gonna send them back, they're gonna have exactly six hours. Each of them has a little marker that they carry around their necks, and any one of these markers can bring back any amount of people. Right. What do you this is confusing?

SPEAKER_03 34:19

What do you how do you do this if you're doing a real movie? Well, they would have to be like integrated with you somehow. Like it has to be you. No, you're just you tell me. You just make one. Oh no, okay, sure. But I still disagree that that's how this thing would work. Because it has to somehow control your DNA. It breaks you down to a cellular level, right? So let's say there are now three people, all goo. You're telling me they're not gonna get mixed up? Bullshit. It's if it's sending back a clump of DNA that is now six people all bundled together, you're coming back all fucked up together. You're gonna be two people are gonna be half connected together. It so these things have to be somehow connected to your DNA. So when you get back to the other side, it's like, hey, this is mine, this is my piece of DNA, I'll rebuild you. But no, it's just willy-nilly. I don't know. That doesn't make any sense, Dan.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

So they're all gonna go. They get in the thing, they go, they end up in a river, uh, they get out of the river, then here come some knights who decide they just want to kill these people without even knowing who they are.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

Sounds like knights to me.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

So they immediately kill a couple of guys. The marines. They kill the two guys.

SPEAKER_03 35:38

The marines that they brought back as muscle are the first three to die or whatever. They're the first two to die.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

The one guy, as he's dying, clicks the thing, goes back, and then for some reason he was he wasn't supposed to bring any weapons, but he's brought one grenade, which he then drops and blows up the machine. Right, because he opens it in the past.

Village Chase, Fires, And Near Misses

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Oh, did he open it in the past? I didn't see that. As if he's gonna throw it at the knights, which is all terrible. Like, you can't do that at all. But then he pushes his button before he throws it and then blows up the machine in the present day. That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life. Why would it bring back that bomb? I don't know. Unless my Naomi was like, Did he do it on purpose? And I was like, it didn't look the character doesn't look like he's doing it on purpose. Like he doesn't look like he's doing it with nefarious intent. However, it doesn't feel like that's a natural sort of uh uh story, you know, like a a chain of events, like he wouldn't take it apart and then push the button because he knows what both of those things do. So that doesn't make any sense. But um, you know, having said that, he blows up the lab and uh that's a problem. So they have five and a half hours to fix the whole lab, which amazingly amazingly they do. They not I do like the line where he's like, How do you know it's gonna take five hours and 27 minutes? And he turns the computer and he's like, because that's all the time we have. That's a fun line. That's a very uh macho line. But here's my thing, Dan, is the that other dude pushed his button and he arrived in the desert. So I don't think they need the machine.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

I'm just saying. Okay, Francis, he he just wants to leave, but we find out that if you can't Can we can we just talk a second?

SPEAKER_03 37:35

The one French guy in their group, his name is Francois. Yeah, it feels a little on the nose, doesn't it? I mean, like just a you couldn't think of any other French names other than Francois the Frenchman. I mean, come on, Crichton.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

It's pretty silly. Uh so if you have stuff around you, then you're gonna bring trees with you, and then those trees will come with you, I guess, and then they'll end up in the mirrors and will cause trouble, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

I don't think that's true, though. I think it is. I don't think it's true because they don't bring grass back, they don't bring earth back. Like what is what is the bubble that it's bringing back? You know what I mean? Because he says very clearly it should be a bunch of grass too, yeah. I of course it should. He says very clearly 40 foot radius. Are you telling me it's a flat like o like circle? Like, what are you talking about? So it should be a bubble of 40. I 40 yards. These rules are uh 40 yards, is that what he says?

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Maybe it's like a donut, you know, like a tor, you know what I mean? Donut, yeah. Maybe don't shape Taurus.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Now, but don't you think so? 40 at the end of this movie, there's a guy and horse charging, yeah, about to kill them. They transport, the other guy arrives, and he immediately gets sliced up. I think that horse was in the ring. I agree. I think that horse is coming back. Yeah, he's coming back to the present, back to the future, as they say.

Future Traitor And “Know Your History”

SPEAKER_00 39:05

So Andre leads them off to save the party, and then he hides in this little hollow, and there's a lady there, and she's all like, I speak of the French, I speak of the French. Oh, we I speak as the French. Yeah, she's like, be quiet. And then right at this point, the French and the British decide to fight. So the Britons that were trying to kill them have to fight with the with the French, and then a bunch of them get killed, and then one of them gets killed right in front of their hole, and the guy drops his sword, and it's like the best part of the movie. Andre goes, Sword! And then uh uh and then this girl, uh the girl gets grabbed because one of the other guys a little later sees her, and then he he very unhonor dishonored dishonorably just pokes him secretly out of the hole.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

And this the the thrust is just like honestly, the guy probably did more work than Gerard Butler. He had to like lean into it really hard, slide down the sword. Um, yeah, a real coward's way to do it right there. Couldn't even look him in the eyes.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

But he's a little he's a little overcome because it killed a guy.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

So he's a little bit this is I I don't know how you felt about this. I was like, hey, this is acting. When he's like looking at the dead body and he's he acts, man. And I was like, cool. I get it, Gerard. I get it. Where's this 20 years later?

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Where's this emotion in Geostorm, dude? This is one of the few movies where when people kill other people, they actually have a reaction to it. They're pretty upset by it. They're pretty upset by it. I'm sure Richard Donner was standing there and he's all like, okay, just kill the guy. It's the first guy you've ever killed. You gotta act like, oh, I killed a guy. You gotta feel it. It's weird. It's it's very unusual for any Hollywood movie for anyone to register killing a person as killing a person.

SPEAKER_03 40:59

100%. Yeah. Well, you know, in Hollywood's defense, not all of us would feel. I'm kidding. I would. I'm sorry. Sorry I said that, Dan. Dan, do you know who this lady is?

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Lady Clare?

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Yeah, do you know who that is?

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Lady Claire.

SPEAKER_03 41:18

Do you know who the actress is? No. She's the girl from Land of the Lost. We did it back to back. I didn't even notice it until halfway through the movie, and I was and Naomi looked it up. She's like, that's the same girl. I was like, what? Yeah, so this is the lead from Land of the Lost. We did back-to-back Anna Frayelle movies. Hilarious. How is that possible?

SPEAKER_00 41:39

I don't know, but it isn't a lot of people. That doesn't make any sense. But it's true. It's true. So she was in two movies that had a similar stupid conceit.

Greek Fire, Trebuchets, And Night Arrows

SPEAKER_03 41:50

Yeah, yeah, unfortunately. That's probably why she didn't get to work as much as she should. Wow. Yeah, isn't that wild? What a fun time. Knows her, let her know. We'll talk to her, we'll have her on the show. She's great. She's not the problem in either of these movies.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

What about what about the other girl?

SPEAKER_03 42:09

Which the main girl? Yeah. I have no idea who she is. You want me to look it up? I didn't do any research on her. I didn't like her. Frances O'Connor. She uh she's in bedazzled as somebody. Um Elizabeth Hurley is in bedazzled. Yeah, she is she's the devil. Yeah. Oh my god, that movie's so good, though. Brendan Fraser.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Oh, I love you. She's very attractive at that movie.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Yeah, she's smoking hot. Smoking hot devil.

unknown 42:39

Smoking hot.

SPEAKER_03 42:40

Uh yeah, not really anything. She's in the conjuring last rites. Oh, there it is.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Good for her.

SPEAKER_03 42:48

There you go about that. Um Conjuring 2. Okay, so she's she's got some sort of recurring in the conjuring films. Well, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Okay, they get to get to the village, they realize the date, and they're like, oh my god, this is the big attack day. This is the worst day you could send us back.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

Yeah, that's lucky.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

They see the building, they're like, hey, that's the building we've been excavating. Oh, it's the building, oh, the building. Now, where's the castle in all this? Is there are they it's somewhere further away. But they're not excavating the castle, they're excavating a different building.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

Yeah, some building in the village.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

Does that building ever have any plot?

SPEAKER_03 43:36

I think isn't that is that not the building where in the basement they find the tunnel? No, the monasteries where they find the tunnel. Well then I don't have a clue. I got nothing.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

And then a bunch of knights capture them. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Pretty easily. They just are like, hey, stop, we're on horses. Yeah, it's tough.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

Um now they get taken to the head guy. The head guy of the British is Michael Sheen, and all this isn't really a scene, but Michael Sheen is like, hey, everybody, I'm I'm the only actor in this movie. Yep, that is correct.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

Children, watch me. You might learn something. I am a master of the stage. I shall do stage. And he's just having a good time, definitely. You know, being a little creepy, being charming and evil at the same time. It's great. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Like when the when they introduce us to like the French lead guy, we're just like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

Yeah, no thanks. I'm rooting for the English.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

And it's it's so funny. I'm sure when you wrote when Creighton wrote this book, he was all like, ah, this would be great. You know, the Brits will be the bad guys. But like when we watch something like this, we're like, not the French or the bad guys.

SPEAKER_03 44:47

Yeah, a little bit. It's it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate. I'm on Team Sheen, as they say.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Uh Francoise says that he's a Spaniard. She doesn't buy it, just has him killed.

Monastery Tunnel And Broken Wall

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Yeah, it's real sad. Oh, we didn't even talk about the glasses. Uh, my favorite part of the movie, we missed it. When they're getting ready to go, the guy takes it takes Francois's glasses and he's like, You can't use these back there. And he's like, I can't see. Like, I was like, Yeah, he kind of needs to see, and he's like, I can't see anything. So I thought for sure he was gonna die like because he couldn't see shit. Turns out it didn't matter that he couldn't see, he just gets stabbed anyhow. But that's so funny. He's like, You can't have these. He's like, I I can't see without them. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Nobody back there can see. Ridiculous. It's very silly.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

So they go and they lock them up. Turns out they lock them up with with dad, Billy Connolly.

SPEAKER_03 45:47

The dad who they're looking for.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

He's all he's all sweaty. And I was like, Oh, great, he's sick. You know, he's gone back there, doesn't have immunities because he's all he was all sweaty. Like nobody else is sweaty. He's all sweaty. I was like, oh, this is gonna be interesting. No, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

It wasn't he was just hot, it turns out France in 1337, just hot, just really hot back there.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Uh, they do a uh then he's all like, you know what I'm doing? I'm gonna give them Greek fire and change all of history.

SPEAKER_03 46:20

Which they are all upset by at first, and then later on they change history. So it's confusing how we feel about time changing the whole past. Um, but it is funny because uh, you know, I'm on his side where it's like, yeah, you do whatever you gotta do to survive. Fuck everybody else. But my favorite thing is Gerard Butler's like, you just change history, and then the uh the old guy's like, I was alone. I was like, Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? You want to you want to survive. So yeah, I'll give it Greek fire. Fuck it. I don't know how to make it. Here's the problem if I get sent back in time, yeah, I'm not gonna be able to like you have no useful skills. Is that what you're telling us, Tony? I have no useful skills. I also have no like brain power, so I wouldn't be able to like go back and be like, well, I can tell you what's gonna happen on this day. I'm from the future, please don't kill me. Well, what you know I mean, like if we're in 1337, I was like, I don't even know who the countries at war are. So I'm definitely gonna die. No one's gonna believe anything I say. Well, aren't you gonna team America it up?

SPEAKER_00 47:27

Team America, fucker!

Claire’s Hanging And Changing History

SPEAKER_03 47:29

Uh, what do they do?

SPEAKER_00 47:31

What do you mean? It's the great it's the greatest part of that whole movie.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

I haven't seen that movie in a long time. He uses his acting. Oh, yeah, sure. Okay, sure, sure, sure. I don't know. You've seen me do improv, Dan. It's not pretty. You can act. I've seen you act. Sure, but if I can I can act if someone gives me the words, but I don't know what I'm saying in 1337. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

So uh they want they're going to escape. Talk to me about uh the hole.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

I didn't what hole? So there's just like a hole in the wall and she climbs through it, right? No. And then like the ceiling's made out of hay. So anyone could leave. Like there's there's a point where she's falling down the hay. Paul Walker reaches his hands through the hay to catch her. Why can't everyone just climb through the hay? You mean the big hole that any human being could fit through easily? And they're like, You're the only one that can fit, little girl. You're the only one. It's like I've seen these holes. Anyone can climb out. I could fit out of these holes, guys. You're fine. It's very confused about this whole escape plan. I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

So she climbs out the hole over the top, and then she falls, Chris catches her, then Kate has to go to this other thing, and she has to kill a guy, and then she releases the boys, and then the boys have to kill some more guys.

SPEAKER_03 49:06

And they care a little bit less, which is I like it, it's a nice moment. Yeah. You know, Gerard's already done it, so he's all he's pretty much ready to kill more people. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

Yeah, so he's splitting off. He's like, he gets himself a sword, he gets himself a bow, he's like, I'm gonna go rock and roll. He's gonna go look for Lady Claire. He looks for Lady Claire, this guy throws an axe at him, he goes through the door, he finds Lady Claire, then they pound a hole through the wall. So here, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

So you're telling me that it's easier to break through the wall, the exterior wall of your house than this door that you've built? Yes. That's a fire hazard, Dan. I should be able to break through the door. A lot of houses made out of mud. Really? And straw. Then why do you have such a nice door? Like the door is meant to keep people out, but I could just come white I don't know. I'm very confused. You can just go through the wall.

Gate Crashes, Duels, And Ear Destiny

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Yeah. These places are not made to hold people. And that's the other thing. In the old west, people were breaking out of prison all the time. Older days, yeah. Unless you have like a stone bunch of stone, people break out of anything.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

That's true. I just Kool-Aid man it.

SPEAKER_00 50:24

Yeah, Kool-Aid man it. Um, yeah, so let's see. Uh somebody yells, halt, they kill another guy. And then Frank Frank says, we're just trying to leave. Uh but Kate won't leave without Andre. Uh and then the markers aren't working, anyways, because the back home nothing's working.

SPEAKER_03 50:49

Yeah, which is confusing, right? Yeah. A little confusing. So because hold on. Because here's what they say, right? The people back in the present day are like, without this machine, the only thing keeping them tied to the wormhole is their medallions. Yeah. But then why doesn't the medallion work? Like it has ostensibly the medallion has to be tied to the machine in the future. Sure, sure, sure. Why not? But if the machine's done, then how does how is it connected to the wormhole? The wormhole isn't a thing. I don't know. I'm just I just don't understand the science of this. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Okay. Andre is trying to get away with the print Lady Claire. So he gets like a little little one-man boat, put has put her in there. We don't see any of this. And then he's trying to get across the river, so he's swimming there.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

And then they have a whole romantic that he puts her in the boat and he walks down the river. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

I think he's swimming in the river, not walking down the river.

SPEAKER_03 51:54

You think he's swimming? He looks like he's walking to me.

SPEAKER_00 51:58

Oh, you mean he's walking on the bottom of the ocean, though?

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Yeah, walking on the bottom. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

He's got his feet touching the ground. That could be. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

That could be.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

Or I'm wrong. I don't know. So then we have this little, you know, they can't really talk, even though she completely understands everything he's saying. He's all like, are you married? Do you got somebody? Somebody who's special. And she's all like, Are you seeing anyone? That was a good joke. I can see people everywhere. I can see you because you're not invisible.

SPEAKER_03 52:28

Very funny. Very, very cute. It's a wonderful little moment. Dan didn't like it as much as I did, but I was I was in hook, line, and sinker.

SPEAKER_00 52:36

I thought that they did it as good as they could.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

100%. They are both very charming in the scene. Yes. They do the best with the words that were written by someone less charming than both of them.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

Yes. Uh and then he realizes that she is Lady Claire, and she's like, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

He goes from six to midnight when he finds that out. Wowie.

Swap Kill Ending And Sarcophagus Epilogue

SPEAKER_00 52:59

And she's like, Oh, I'm not a lady. I'm just Claire from down the road.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Yeah, what uh Jenny from the block. Like, I don't understand what's happening. That's my job. She's a lady. Like, she would, she's it's a status. She would it, whatever. It's fine. It's okay. She is a lady. Period. It just doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

You don't you don't transition into being a ladyship. I mean, you could. If you're a commoner and you married a lord, then you become a lady, but she's not a commoner. She's not going to marry a lord.

SPEAKER_03 53:29

She never was. She is a lady. Yeah, it's weird. But that's cool. She's just, you know, she's just like uh Stan. All right. That's all that's all it is. She's humble. She's one of us.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Um they're uh and then the the British and the French get in an arrow battle over the river, and then they get out and get helped by the they join the French freedom forces. Good, good. Great stuff. Our other band of heroes is hiding in a hut, and we hear yelling, find them, find them. Oh, that's my favorite thing. Uh Kate is not hurt about killing a guy. Chris consoles her with gentle kisses.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Seems a little forward, doesn't it? Hey, if it works, it works. You know, he knows her better than I do.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

And then all of a sudden, we found the lord! And then they're like, gotta run to someplace else. Right. And then they capture, they capture uh two of them. Yeah, but it's the Kate and Chris are still on the run. They go into a building and then they're like, burn the building! Then they sort of build the building and then they just climb out the roof.

SPEAKER_03 54:40

Well, the building's definitely on fire, and then they leave before looking to see if A, anyone runs out of the building, or B, if it burns to the ground. Um, that's just not finishing your work, guys. You really gotta if you're gonna burn something to the ground, you should probably watch it burn. That's a lesson for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 54:58

Well, here comes the dog, Tony. I hope you're heads.

Costumes, MiniDV Look, And Pirates 2003

SPEAKER_03 55:01

Oh boy, sweet baby time. Come on. I'll talk about this escape. So they seemingly go to a second floor, which has an open door/slash window, and then they climb across the roof that is in plain day of everyone that could see it, and then they just jump down. Is that what happens? I don't understand the floor plan of this house that they're escaping from. It's an open floor plan. But um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

So they escape. Uh yes, they do. All the French are showing up, they're fording the river. Uh, Claire hooks up with the her her brother, I guess, Oliver, who's like her friend. And then um they they're about to kill, you know, they're gonna kill Andre, but then he's like, I'm Scottish and I'm British, and they're like, no difference. They kill him. Right, yeah. They don't kill him.

SPEAKER_03 55:56

No, they don't. Well, because she wants him bad. Which I don't blame her for. Let me just say that.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Uh they give him a horse, they give him a weapon. He's going back and he's all like, I wish I'd have met you at another time. And then she kisses him on the cheek. Then he goes in for the full kiss.

What We Liked This Week

SPEAKER_03 56:14

That can't happen. To a lady? It's 1337. You can't just make out with a lady in public and not her be your wife, right? Like, I don't think that's allowed. And she was pretty casual with it too. And I was like, she would not, she's not okay with that. This is not, this is not good behavior in 1337 French. But what's even more confusing to me is would they really give him a horse? Horse. They're at war, right? Do you know how much a horse horse guss? I don't, but I know it's a lot, and I know it's very important at war time to have all of your horses with you. So I just felt like maybe that wasn't a move that would happen either. And then last but not least, he basically warns her that A, the castle will fall tonight, and B, don't be anywhere near it because you're you're not safe. You gotta stay away from it. He can't just do that. He just did. He's breaking all the rules of time travel right off the bat. Tony, I'm gonna tell you something.

SPEAKER_00 57:16

Please. There's no such thing as time travel.

SPEAKER_03 57:19

Oh, okay. Well, see, now I think you're full of shit, Dan. Okay. I will believe until I am dead that it's possible and we're gonna do it. Okay. Where would you go, Dan? Where would you go? I guess when is the more appropriate uh term. Let's put some boundaries on it. You it's not a one-way trip. It's just a visit. You can similar to this, you can come back anytime you want. I'll give you a little medallion, you can come right back anytime you want.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

I go to 1965.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

When you were a kid?

SPEAKER_00 57:58

No, watch my birth. Protect my birth.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

Well, there you go. That's that's great. Good for you.

SPEAKER_03 58:14

Reminds me a little of a hot tub time machine where he goes back and it turns out he's the father of the other two. Doesn't really matter.

SPEAKER_00 58:20

Oh, is he really? I've never seen that movie. Is it funny?

SPEAKER_03 58:23

You ever see it? Well, spoiler alert, so sorry, everybody. Uh, very funny though. Uh it's good. I would go back to the days of the dinosaurs. I want to see them. Oh, that'd be pretty cool. Wouldn't that be cool? Like, unreal. Like most points in time, you know, there's just different kinds of people. I don't care about that. I want to see like when different species roamed the earth. That's way cooler.

SPEAKER_00 58:47

Nah, I just I want to go back to 1965. I want to walk through a grocery store, I want to walk through a 7-Eleven, I want to walk through all the stores that I love and just look at everything that's there and then go to Disneyland.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

How much cooler it was then than it is now, probably. Yeah. I just bring and I'd bring a camera and I'd take pictures of everything. That's all I want. You gotta be real careful with that, Dan. That better be a very inconspicuous camera.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

Everyone's gonna be like, what the hell is that? I'd like put it, I'd put like a digital camera inside like an old camera, so they'd be like, oh, look at that guy with the old camera. Get one of those big flashes. With the big tripod camera. Put the plate in. Here we go.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

People would totally buy it, be like, why do you bring that everywhere? It's a trend, you'll see.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

Okay. Our heroes go to the monastery because they're gonna go try and find the secret tunnel. Okay, tunnel. Um Andre rides off to do something, immediately captured by the bridge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:48

Yeah, very, very fast. Taken bad day.

Next Week’s Pick And Closing CTA

SPEAKER_00 59:51

And then we meet the the bad guy who's who there's we're just gonna call him Future Man. Great. What it turns out is that there's this one guy who Was part of the good guys, and then they tried to kill him or leave him behind or something him. He got pissed off, so he's joined the British. And now he's helping them, but now he's also trying to thwart our good guys for no known reason. We don't know what his motivation is just I like being here, I guess. I don't want to go home.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

Well, he's doing very well. Yeah. He's like a relatively high rank in the British Army, and he's uh as far as I can tell, only been there for like six days. Hold on a second.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

He's from the future, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:37

Yes, correct.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

He should know that the British are gonna lose.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:42

100%. Yeah, it's a bad he joined the wrong side, but he doesn't speak French, Dan. Because nobody at this place speaks French. You can't join the French army if you don't speak French.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:51

But wouldn't you like bail the fuck out? Well, maybe he thinks he can change history. There's your question, Tony. If you went back in the past, do you think you could change history or do you think history's writ large?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:05

I hope that it's the second one.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:07

No, you have to decide.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

I have to decide.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

You're there in the past and you think you're gonna have to live here. So your idea is am I gonna be as low-key, you know, like stay out of trouble? Or are you gonna like try and, you know, say say you brought like the the the stock market prices, right? You got the stock market in your pocket.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:27

Oh, I yeah, I would totally do that. Continue.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Okay, yeah. You've transported back to 1929. Yeah, 1929. You know the whole stock market, and you know the crash is coming and you can do everything. Yeah. Are you gonna use your knowledge and think you might fuck up the whole future to get rich and live like a fat cat?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:50

Yes. No 100%, yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's the only reason I'm going back in time at this point, is just to be rich. I am the Biff Tanin of this world, okay? I will go back, I will use my sports almanac, and I will win all the money. That's your question. You have the sports almanac, so you could bet on anything. Yes, sir. No, no, here's what I you you do use it, but you have to use it cautiously, right? So you would use it in moderation. I would use it in well, I would like to hope. My plan would be to use it in moderation, but I have a I have a feeling that once I got that taste, I think I'd start losing it. I'd go crazy, dad. I'd be like, I need more, more, and then I'd be the richest guy in the world, the world would crumble, and then the the timeline's over. I ruined it. It's tough. It's hard to be me, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

Uh okay. Uh so he gets uh Andres reunited with the professor and Frank, and then here comes here comes the other guy, the future guy, and Frank is like, I thought you were dead, and Frank's like, it wasn't me, I didn't do it. And the dude's like, I had a family, and so did I, or I have a family, and he's like, so did I.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:07

Um and I guess my question is like, he still does, right? Like, yeah, he didn't his family didn't die. Well, he thinks it's been like a week, Dan.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:18

He thinks he's gonna get scrambled if he goes back.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

Uh yeah, yeah, I know he said that, but you know, you gotta try, guy. I don't know. What's is it is it better to live in the past and think about your family every day, or is it better to try to get home to them? Your chicken shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

He's gonna get scrambled.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:38

Just just put some some ace bandages, wrap them around to hold your body together. You're fine.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

I don't think it's a case.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:47

I don't think so. Just hold your DNA in with a compression sock, okay? You're fine. But for some reason they they were trying to kill him, it seems, too. For sure. Yeah, yeah. No, they were definitely trying to kill him. I don't know why. Not a clue.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:01

Um and then he gives a great line, he's like, Your survival depends on how well you know history. And you're like, not mostly.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:11

Doesn't seem like it because Paul Walker does not know history almost at all, and he does great.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:16

And Francois punctured Frank, punctured terrible.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:22

Yeah, no, that those rules are not true. That guy's out of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:26

Uh they go to the monastery, here's this monk, he's all like monk a monk a monk, a monk amunk. Okay. Monk amunk amonka monk. Uh, our boys make a bunch of Greek fire, uh, which they only use it in one application later. They're they're like handing it out to the archers, and they don't that never happens.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:46

They well they fire one shot to the test shot. Yeah. Boom. And then Gerard Butler sets the thing on fire, right? Isn't that what he blows up?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:55

But at one point he is, he's he's yes, he does blow up the Greek fire. He's handing out Greek fire to individual archers and they never use it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:04

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:06

Yeah. Uh they go down that well, they're at the the monastery, they go downstairs on the feet of field of battle, the siege begins. They roll up the trebuchets, and while this movie looked very cheap before, now it actually kind of feels like a movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:26

Yeah, yeah. Well, because they I think they really just built a trebuchet, right? Like, is that how I did I say it right? Yeah. I wrote that down, by the way, because do you remember? I don't remember when it was, but you made me try to guess what it was called, and I didn't know it. I wish we had seen this movie first because I would have known it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:41

Yeah. So they got some big trebuchets working. Catapult! Big fire! Uh they go down, so the field of battle, Castle Guard versus trebuchets. We're down in the tunnel. We see the glasses, and then she realizes there was a broken wall. We're going through the wall. There's this great shot of all the monks looking at each other like, what is she doing to our wall? Don't go through the wall, lady. Oh, that's our wall. She does it. She does it. Uh, Greek fire is ready to go. They fire the first Greek fire, it goes out there, it hits, and then the and Michael Sheen's like, that's it? That's it. And he's like, wait for it, and then they throw water on it. The Greek fire for it goes crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:25

Very scary, very scary stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

And then they're like, Give me 20 men, we're gonna make you all the Greek fire in the world.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

Or we won't do it. And they'll never know.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:37

Meanwhile, back at the thing, they've patched up the coils and it's at 81%, just enough to make it happen, but there's only 20 minute, 28 minutes left.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

How do you what is that measurement? 81%. What is that? I don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:54

Like, is it like updating? Like when I update my laptop, sometimes it gives me a percentage. But like, other than that, when you're building something, I don't really think it tells you, like, hey, you're 81% built.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:06

You're you're only gonna have 81% of your organs.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:10

That's not good. That's not great. I mean, I think I'm hovering around 85, so I'm still doing okay, but it's dropping fast.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:17

They light fire to the moat. Then they shoot the, then they're shooting fire arrows, and then they shoot the night arrows, and the French aren't expecting the night arrows, so they're yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:27

No, no, I'm just very confused about that. Don't they shoot regular arrows at night in Lord of the Rings? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:36

I don't know either.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:37

I don't like that movie. Either do I. I'll go ask my wife later. She loves that movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:41

Okay. Uh a monk shows up, tells the French, you know, this secret tunnel. They're all like, secret tunnel, let's do the secret tunnel. Let's go, let's go to the secret tunnel, everybody. They go down the tunnel, the tunnel's a dead end.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:54

Yeah, tough stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:56

And then we have this terrible, terrible scene where the girl's like, I've let you down, the tunnel doesn't work.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:04

Yeah, so weird. It was a weird scene. It's so bizarre. Yeah, and he's like, Come here, come here, cuddle me. Give me a cuddle. Okay, guys, this is dumb.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:14

I wrote, Big Boss is gonna leave. He yells at his number two, and then they fight, and the number two is hurt and dying. Oh, this is back at the this is back in our time. The big boss guy fights with his number two, and I guess he was getting his passport to leave. I g I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

But I'll be honest, I don't know what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:37

He's it looks like he's getting his passport to bail.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:40

But then he also wants to go back and stop them from trying to bring these people forward. I'm like, Correct.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

Yeah. Yeah, he wants to do both things. Yeah. I have no idea. I don't understand what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:51

He's gonna bust the machine because the machine is bad.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

Yeah. But he loves the machine. It's all very confusing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:59

So they're gonna hang Claire. That's their big plan is to hang Claire, and then the bad guys want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:04

How does Claire get back there?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

I don't know. I don't know where Claire is at this point. I don't know how they have Claire. I don't know how they even know who Claire is because they've never acted like they've known who Claire is.

unknown 1:09:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:17

But they're gonna hang her to stop her brother from doing this. Andre sees it, and then he saw like it's history, but then he's like, history must change. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:28

Yeah. And then he changes history, and we don't really talk about it. He doesn't really change history. We don't know the history.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:34

But he does because they say Claire's death is what spurs on the French to win the battle. That's because they they wrote the history books. He just rewrote, he just changed the oral history back then. And so when it's passed on, there he he starts telling the story. He's all like, you see, it's like she gave a speech, right? And then the next year he's like, Remember, I was telling you about the speech she gave.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:00

The speech, yeah, you know, the speech, the speech. Yeah, so dumb. No, it's dumb. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:05

He pulls out a torch, he's like, I'm gonna blow the Greek fire if you don't do what I say. And they're all like, ah, what are we gonna do? And then he throws it in there, he blows the Greek fire, but he jumps just at the last second. Oh, the no, the number two of the my machine number two is like, he won't do it because if he blows the fire, it'll kill the girl too. And it's like, but it wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:25

No, it doesn't. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You were wrong, you were dead wrong about that, sir.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:31

Um, here's my question to you, Tony. The bad guy said you gotta learn, you gotta use the history to to to win the day. Is that what they're doing right now?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:41

No, that's not what they're doing at all. Nobody is doing anything historical. The only thing that's like sort of historical is when he gets his ear chopped off and he's all excited. He's like, It's me, it's me, I'm gonna get to have sex with Claire. That's the only part that like he uses his knowledge from the future, and that's just to get laid. So that was my favorite part of the movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:05

So the explosion opens up the tunnel so the French can get through. Uh, the Lord guy kisses the girl and kisses Chris.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:14

Yeah, yeah, he kisses Paul Wagner right on the lips. I'm so jealous of that guy.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:18

So that's why that's why I wrote right here Tony's Dream Moment.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:23

Right? This was the this is the role of a lifetime for that guy. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:29

Uh we fight Michael Sheen versus the Lord of France, Andre versus Michael Sheen, Chris versus Michael Sheen.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:37

Yeah, he's just gone through.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:39

Kate runs over there, climbs up the gate, and opens it because she's the her magic power is climbing.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:44

Yeah, I guess she's gonna be able to do it. She's gonna climb twice in the movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:48

Uh then it takes a whole group effort to kill Michael Sheen, and somebody finally has to say, for France, as we kill Michael Sheen. Andre's up there fighting Future Man. Future Man cuts off Andre's ear, and Andre's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh glory day!

SPEAKER_03 1:12:08

Glory day. Yeah, because he knows he's gonna get uh to to Bone Claire. It's great. Very excited. Spurs him on to win the battle. Yep, he fights harder.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:19

Wonderful stuff. Kills Future Man, uh, our our guys are running away, and then he uh Paul Walker's gonna get Andre, and then Andre gets the marker, and he's all like, I'm I'm home! I'm home, and my mom's home is Scottish blaze. And then uh and then Paul Walker's like, gonna miss you, Merrick.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:41

Right? He doesn't care at all. He's just like, oh yeah, okay, cool. He's I mean, to be fair, he sees him hug, you know, the hot French French lady's like, cool, I get it. Good for you, dude. Go get it. Go get that free inch.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:56

Paul Walker's got the marker. Uh the the bad big boss in our time tries to destroy the coils. He he's fails. They push the button, right? As a knight's charging them, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, switch places. And then the big boss guy gets killed by a guy at a horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:14

Why did they switch places? This is the first time this has happened in the whole movie. Don't you drink, don't you drink that water? You answer my question when I'm asking. It just doesn't make any sense. No, it's dramatic. It's dramatic effects. It's dramatic effects. Dramatic effects. It's dramatic effects. Oh, by the way, when they come back, they displace what's in this container? What are you talking about? That doesn't make any sense. Couldn't they just send another guy back five minutes later and grab him? Oh, they well, he's already dead because he gets chopped by the horse that's somehow not 40 yards away. Ridiculous. Terrible end.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:53

And then they they go and they visit the sarcophagus where uh where Andre was eventually buried in his old age, and they like read the thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:04

Basically, he's like, hey guys, I did it. I I had kids with this lady, and now I died 20 years later, or something like that. And now Chris wants to be an archaeologist because of how cool, because how wicked cool it is. Yeah, I don't think so, because what you just did, that wasn't archaeology. So I don't buy that you want to be an archaeologist at all. It's the speed conundrum, right? How so? Talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:29

Their whole relationship is built on on a on a thing that's never repeatable. Yeah. Unless we make timeline two. Well, speed two, you're like you're like sitting there on the couch, just like Jason Patrick.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

Nailed it.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:51

Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? Yeah, but they had that cool scene at the beginning of Speed Two where she's drives up a hill and is chased by police or something. What was that all about?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:01

Uh yeah. Well, she ran a stoplight. Is that what it was? I can't remember. It's been too long. It's a great film, though. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:08

Great film. Uh, crashing into a city. Oh, great. Only worst crash in the world. What's his name? Stupid airplane crashing tenant. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:20

When's that idiot gonna make a new movie that we can make fun of? It's got well, he did the bomb movie and everybody loved it. So yeah. But it's too long. It's too long for me to watch. I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:32

Well, and it's not it's not about it. Yeah, it's just about a dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:34

It's like, oh I feel like there's probably plenty we could make fun of in that movie, but I I refuse to watch it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:40

So and that's the end of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:43

Roll credits! It's a fun movie, man. I had a good time. It's silly, it's dumb, it's fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:50

You just you gotta if you're gonna do time travel, you have to give me a reason for the you can't time travel for the fun of time traveling. You can't send random people that don't even want to go time travel, time traveling.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:03

There's that's just they were the most important people in the world, Dan, because they knew some of the history a little.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:12

You know, when you so in that first Tron movie, they're they're breaking in there, and then the the rope, the computer decides to digitize them. You know, you're like, oh, okay. Sure. You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:23

Sure. It doesn't know better.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:25

But you you know, it's like the the guy that owns the machine can't decide to send them and then decide later to not want to get them back, and so he's gonna destroy his own machine? Can he just like the machine that he still wants to work?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:39

Does he? I don't I don't know. Yeah, for sure, because he keeps talking about how important it is and that he doesn't want these people to ruin it, and if they come back, they're gonna tell everyone it's a bad machine or something like that. I was like, what are you talking? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:52

That doesn't make any sense. I mean, can he just call like the power company, have him turn off the power to his building?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:58

Like, hey guys, we need to shut down the grid for 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:01

The richest guy in the world. I I am assuming he could make a few phone calls. He doesn't know how to use a phone. If you're the richest guy in the world, you know what your most powerful weapon is? The phone. My mouth. My words cut like daggers.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:18

So Tony loved this film. You know what we didn't talk about? Hold on. We never talked about the costume, Stanley. Oh, yeah. The costumes. When they're getting dressed to go back into the past the first time, they put on brand new clothes that are like so clean. They look like they're going to a renaissance fair, like, not actually into the past. And I thought for sure that that was gonna come into play. Like they go back and everyone's like, You dress strangely, friend. But then you go back and everyone looks like that. It's terrible costuming. But Paul Walker's got these like sexy high black boots on and like a like a almost like a tank top cut of his like peasant uniform, and I was just like a hipster Renfest. It's super weird. The costuming is terrible. Well, I have to say, they never show us the costumes, they never really spend any time on anything. Not after that minute. At the first minute when they're like picking things out, that's the only time they pay any attention to the clothes, which is probably smart because they're terrible. Yeah, they're really bad.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:20

I mean, you think of other movies. God, what was that other weird movie we watched? What was that?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:27

That's that's there's a lot of those.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:31

No, it wasn't it was like Conan, but it was like King Arthur with Charlie Holland.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:38

Oh no, yeah, sure, sure, yeah, yeah. Yep. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:42

Like, think about those costumes. Those costumes are interesting. And you you you when you saw a character, you'd be like, oh, he's wearing a costume that looks like something.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:50

Sure. Not a costume that they picked up at the Halloween store. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:56

It definitely had a Halloween store feel.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:58

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Anyhow, I just wanted to bring that up because we missed it.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:07

Okay, Tony, tell us about something like this week.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:13

The uh they finally finished this past week releasing all of the episodes of Joey on YouTube, uh, including the eight unaired episodes, because it goes canceled mid-season back in the day. So they released all the uh the finished unaired episodes. I haven't gotten through them yet because I'm still like 20 episodes away. It's a lot of it, it's like 46 episodes or something. Uh, but I'm just having a great time with it. Does he play the same character as the Friends guy? Yeah, it's a Friends spin-off. Really? Uh so it's after Friends Got Canceled, basically the Joey character moves to LA to pursue acting, moves in with his uh crazy sister and her son. Uh it's fun. I mean, it's not like it's not as good as like Friends. It's not like a great, great sitcom, but it's just funny watching it, and you're like, even a mediocre sitcom that got canceled after two seasons is so much better than the bullshit we make today. It is wild. We just can't do it. We just can't do it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:17

I mean, that said, there's a lot of things they make today that are incredible. 100%. But it's not sitcoms.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:24

But multi-com multicam sitcoms, not it. All right. We have gone the wrong direction on those. Uh Dan, what do you got? What'd you like this week?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:33

It's kind of interesting to think that that whole institutional you know understanding of how to create a thing that lasted for 20 years or something is like literally lost.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:43

Gone. It's just gone. Yeah. I don't I don't even understand how it happened, but it is gone.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:47

We're watching this uh is it a Spanish? It's a Spanish show on Netflix called The Crystal Cuckoo, which cool name. It's I you don't know what the hell's going on with this. You know, it's like takes place in like Is it because it's in Spanish, Dan? Is that why you don't know? Tony. It takes place in like 2003 and 2024. And so they kind of have these two plots rolling along, and there's just this this girl gets a heart transplant from this guy that died, and then she goes to the town where the guy was, and then sort of gets in, you know, gets in with the town, and it's like, you know, kind of wants to know about the guy who died. Um, there's like just all these levels of mystery, and you're just like, I do not know what the hell is happening. You know, you're just like, who's good, who's bad, you know, what there's definitely conspiracies going on, but you have no idea where it's at. But I don't know what they are. Yeah, sure. So it's it's kind of fun that way. You're like, okay. Because we we watched we watched a couple other things. There's like this other one. Oh, I watched a little bit of that, the new Claire Danes thing, where the the horrible guy moves in next door and then he killed his wife. I watched most of the first episode of that, and you're like, it's interesting, but it's not that interesting. Sure. You know, it's really well made. And then I watched this other one. Yeah, it's like some weird TV show where this guy's wife gets kidnapped by a serial killer and they think she's dead, and then she comes back and he's kind of moved on. I don't know what it's called. And that I don't know, it's unsan though. That was really weird and pretty terrible.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:34

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:35

But yeah, all right, yeah. Tony.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:39

We need a movie for next.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:41

All right. Well, I don't know if you remember this, but I think it was last week. It was it last week or two weeks ago. Your recommendation was the Eddie Murphy documentary. Documentary.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:53

Documentary.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:55

My brain just like shut down for a second. Documentary. That's usually that's the right way to pronounce that word. The documentary. Uh, it and uh so I was like, man, I love that guy. And then it turns out he came out with a movie this year, and I just totally missed it. Um, with Pete Davidson. It's on Amazon Prime, it's called The Pickup, um, and it's about 25% on Rotten Tomatoes. So I feel like we gotta watch it. Okay, we gotta check it out. Pick it up. Give a little love to Eddie Murphy once again.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:28

You know, Eddie's always gonna be interesting. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Pete Davidson we love Pete Davidson.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:35

Do we do we love Pete Davidson? Is that how we feel about him?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:38

Did you ever watch the Pete the Pete Davidson TV show? Oh, okay, it's so good. I did not.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:43

Never watched it whenever one second of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:45

There's the the one episode with uh Simon Rex.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:49

I love Simon Rex.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:52

He's it's so he's so good. He's like one of my favorite one of my favorite characters on TV of all time. Oh god, he's so good.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:01

He plays I guess I'll I'll watch that one episode. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:04

He plays a guy that sells like gold chains, I think.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:10

I gotta watch that. Yeah. That's that show. Uh and that show's great because it has uh what's his name uh from Home Alone? Uh Macaulay Culkin? Nope, the older guy. That's not Daniel Stern. Joe Pesci? Joe Pesci places like places uncle. And then I think the uncle's best friend is Ray Romano. It's either Ray Romano or somebody very like Ray Romano. Oh no, it's what's his name from uh the Ray Romano show. Who's the big Brad Garrett? I think it's Brad Garrett plays his best friend. And there are a couple little two man's where the two of them are doing stuff. Cool, for sure. I can imagine that. Yeah, unbelievably funny. Okay. So there's good stuff in that show. All right, I'll give it a shot. This feels like the week to do it. Yeah, give it a shot. Give into comedy, Tony. So wait, oh, we're doing the weird Eddie Murphy movie on Amazon Prime. Got it. It's not weird. Don't say it's weird. You haven't even seen it yet. I loved it. I'm Tony. I love everything. I'm a big one.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:21

I haven't seen it yet either. I don't know. Maybe I'll love it. Maybe I will. I don't know. Probably I might. I probably will like it a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:28

We still haven't done Honey Don't Part 2, have we? We didn't do the Honey. I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:31

I looked at that today and I was like, one that should probably a Dan pick, because that's like his that's his thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:36

Yeah, I picked this terrible movie for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:39

I know you did it, and I loved it. I had a great time.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:42

So I the happened worst movies that we've done than this movie. Always. And this is a pretty bad movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:51

Yeah, it's not good. It's a good movie. But Gerard Butler's very pretty. Yeah. Very charming. Yeah. Oh well. Oh well.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:00

So we'll be back next week. Uh leave us a comment, give us a thumbs up, or subscribe. Those are all things you could do to show your love for Danny Tony. Woo! That's us. We'll see you later.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:12

Goodbye, everybody.