Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Gladiator II: A Monolithic Letdown
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What happens when a massive sequel forgets the one thing epics can’t live without—emotion? We take a scalpel to Gladiator 2 and dig into why the arena feels quiet even when the crowd is screaming. From a “last free city” setup that strains belief to a retconned bloodline that muddies legacy, the movie races for scale without building the spine that made the original unforgettable.
We talk through the action that should define character but doesn’t: a rhino fight with no ripple effect, a boat battle staged for fireworks over logic, and CGI creatures that steal attention from the grit that gives gladiator stories weight. Leadership arcs are earned through choices, not titles. If Lucius is meant to inspire, show the moments he protects his own, the beat where he decides to stand, and the speech he actually earns. Without that, set pieces become noise. And the politics? Denzel Washington’s Macrinus hints at a master plan, then self-sabotages when a pragmatist would pivot, leaving palace intrigue to the monkey consul gag and a rubber head reveal that play like satire instead of strategy.
We also get specific about what would fix it. Trade Rome’s vague ideals of “freedom” for concrete stakes—grain routes, aqueduct power, Praetorian numbers—and let tactics shape the fights. Give the final duel a purpose beyond vengeance by tying it to promises made and debts paid. The result wouldn’t just be bigger; it would feel truer, the way great epics do when pain, duty, and choice collide.
If you enjoy honest breakdowns with jokes sharp enough to cut through bad CGI, hit follow, share with a friend who loved the original, and tell us: what’s the one change that would have saved Gladiator 2 for you?
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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech
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Uh when are you coming back from up there? I fly back Saturday night, and then I'm home for the Super Bowl, and then I'm home Monday, and then I fly to New York on Tuesday, and then I fly home from New York on Friday, and then we're driving up to Santa Barbara on Friday for Valentine's Day.
SPEAKER_03:Sounds like you haven't scheduled a lot of time for our show.
SPEAKER_01:I know. That was uh that was a 10 out of 10 disappointed delivery, Dan.
SPEAKER_00:Uh Tony.
SPEAKER_03:Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan. I am Tony. On the show, we talk about a movie this week. I chose the movie, I believe. You did indeed. I chose Gladiator 2, which is the sequel 23 years after.
SPEAKER_01:But it's set 16 years after. Why wouldn't they just set it 23 years later and just make it like a cool thing? And that was the first thing that I was like, what are you doing? You can pick the year. It doesn't matter. This isn't real. You can pick whatever year you want.
SPEAKER_03:Well, they wanted the dude to be a certain age, I guess.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I would have here's what I would say recast someone a little bit older and a little bit better looking. And people might come at me for that, but I'm not a fan.
SPEAKER_03:So you you you were hoping for so Gladiator 2, 2024, two hours of 21 minutes. Uh Ridley Scott is back and no one else. Um clearly.
SPEAKER_01:This movie is dull. This is Dan. I had to watch this in a hotel room by myself. I was trying so hard to stay awake. It was brutal. And I couldn't get my my computer to hook up to the TV, so I had to watch it on a and I know you watch your stuff on a computer all the time. I like a nice big screen, it keeps me activated, and I'm watching on my stupid little computer, and I'm like falling asleep, the computer's falling off my big belly. It was a mess. It was a mess, dude.
SPEAKER_03:I I mean this movie was dull. I I don't I won't say it was completely unengaging, but uh it's not great. It was it was weird because it's like you know, you could like do the dusting while the movie's on, you could you know, vacuum because there's they're not really saying anything you want to hear.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's just but also there's not that cool action though, you know. That was that's a let down for me. Well, by not cool, you mean the the CGI wasn't up there. CGI demon monkeys of some sort, and I was like, what's happening? Wow, what is going on? Would were monkeys that different back in the Roman times? I don't understand if you shaved them and made him angry. You made him angry just doing some pokes.
unknown:Boop, boop, boop.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, they they they made like every time you drift into the CGI in this movie, you'd just be like, We don't need this. This doesn't make the movie better. Don't need it. No, sir. Yeah, the CGI choices in this movie very terrible, and um I I don't think I've seen a set of characters that emoted less and and just were like seemingly not invested in in this supposed very high level of emotional interaction situations.
SPEAKER_01:When he's given his speech towards the end and he's talking to like two armies, which you'll have to explain to me what's happening in this scene. Yeah, but he's just kind of like, hey, you know, you're waiting for a speech. I'm not gonna give one. Good luck.
SPEAKER_03:Your speech, your speech your speech already better, already, already more emotion in what you just did. You're like, hey guys, that's more. That's more.
SPEAKER_01:This is this is more than the speech. It's not gonna happen tonight. I'm sorry. Yo, guys, too much. Tone it down, take it out. That's too much. That's weird. I didn't like the first one, but I can what didn't you like about it? Don't remember. You don't remember what you didn't like about it? Yeah. I don't is that even fair then?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:But every movie All I remember is I didn't like it. I don't know why. I don't know what it's about, but I didn't like it.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think there's ever been a movie I didn't like, and then I went back and watched it again, and I was like, Changed your mind. Actually, whatchamacallit? The uh the the the latest Mad Max movie, the Fury Road. No, the one after Fury Road. Fury.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, oh yes, yeah. First time.
SPEAKER_03:First time didn't care for it that much. Right. You haven't seen Fury Road, one of the greatest action movies of all time. But you know, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not a big Tom. Well, that was really high. Let me redo that. I'm not a big Tom Hardy fan. Does he? You know, I this movie about Diesel and vehicles. Diesel? Vin Diesel's in it? Oh, now you've hooked me. Oh man. I'm gonna watch it and I'll be like, You love those stupid car movies. They're about cars. Are they they're about Dune buggies, Dan? I can't get excited about a Dune buggy. Okay, right. What was I talking about? I don't know. We got sidetracked. I don't know. Oh, you went back and you rewatched Furiosa and you liked it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so so Furiosa, yes, that's a movie. I mean, I I enjoyed it mostly, but the second time I was like, okay, this is a really interesting movie. Um, so I know if I went back and watched Gladiator, I'd probably have about the same thing, but I thought about Master and Commander, the other side of the world.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_03:And I thought about how Russell Crow is in that, and I I I think that Russell Crowe is the people what people really liked about the first Gladiator movie. Is when he's Russell Crowing all over the place back then.
SPEAKER_01:Back then for sure. When he crows now, it's not nearly as good. But back in like Prime Crow was nice. Yeah, because Master Commander, you watch that movie, you're like, this guy phenomenal, charismatic, beautiful, and like he's passionate. He's passionate in this first movie. Like he's are you not entertained? Like, nobody says anything similarly in this movie for two and a half hours. Nobody gets even close to that peak.
SPEAKER_03:Um, he's like yelling at everybody in the first movie, you know, telling them what they should do and believe and act and be on my signal, unleash hell.
SPEAKER_01:Great, it's great stuff. Who wrote that movie that did not come back to write this movie? Because this movie's not written well.
SPEAKER_03:And and and I mean, we'll talk about it as we go through this movie. Is they don't even set this guy, you know, they don't even set him up as the leader. They they put him in charge of guys at the beginning of the movie, but you're also like, is he really in charge of those guys? Because those guys even really know who he is. We haven't set up a diamond, you know, we haven't even we haven't even said words of the dynamic of what he is.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm confused because uh he's like an outsider to this place where he starts, and yet somehow he's the leader, and then some guy that is like, Well, we found you when you were a pup, and then you you got good. And I was I'm already confused.
SPEAKER_03:There's a there's a part of that we'll talk about that that I've really, really hated.
SPEAKER_01:Loved. You really loved it, and you thought it was the best.
SPEAKER_03:I'm marching in his in his wife.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, she dies, Dan.
SPEAKER_03:I know. I Marched in her sheet.
SPEAKER_01:She gets bow and arrowed right in the chest or something, I'm pretty sure. I'd rather see this movie about her. Now, that brings up, I mean, I don't know if we're talking about things or not, but that brings up one of the first questions I had. She's fighting. Is that normal in Rome?
unknown:No.
SPEAKER_01:In the Roman times? I know they're not in Rome, but I consider that the Roman times, you know, like the like the lettering on your computer. The Roman times. No, okay. Very dumb. Okay, uh yeah, I was very confused because I thought there was a whole Mulan movie about how women aren't supposed to fight back in those days. So I was very confused.
SPEAKER_03:Mulan kind of takes place in China, different place, different time period. But you know, I I see how you could stretch that up to be talking about this time.
SPEAKER_01:The past. The past is the past. I don't know anything.
SPEAKER_03:I think you you ask a very very interesting question, and I'm sure the people when they did Mulan, they looked, they knew exactly what the Chinese army did and how it worked, and and they made that a very serious plot point. But yeah, she his wife is is a warrior and she puts on her armor and she pulls out her bow and she dies unceremoniously. Um so fast. So, so very fast. He doesn't really care.
SPEAKER_01:No, I mean he he uses it as motivation, but in the moment he just kind of watches and he's like, oh no, shoot. Damn. Darn it shucks.
SPEAKER_03:That's my lady. Oh no. Um she has a bow, she dies. Um, and they but they don't they don't carve anything out, you know, like carve out like ten other women that are all bow people, and sure we'll be like, oh, okay, she's part of the thing that does like a thing like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's not a thing, it's just her. Uh and I was like, What is she doing? Why so my first thought was kind of like, oh, she is she's doing a Mulan where she shouldn't even be out there, and that's what's gonna be the drama. She's gonna die even though she shouldn't be on there, but that wasn't it. She's normally out there, I guess, but then she just died. She's just she wasn't very good at it. Okay, well, we better start. We're still gonna start talking about it.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, alright. Yeah, let's do this movie. It's gonna be some strong bloody violence. Not really. Uh through the first, they th through the titles, they I think they show scenes from the first movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's uh uh full disclosure, this is gonna be tough for us because I also don't really remember the first movie that well. I remember parts of it, but yes, it is clips from the first one and or like re-CG Hyde clips, because I think they do that a little too.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, really?
SPEAKER_01:So stink, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:So Rome's under two emperors, uh you know, not surprisingly, it's corrupt. Um Rome's got problems.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So here's off the bat, I'm already a little confused because Maximus, is that his name from the first movie? Sure. Russell Crowe, it's like 16 years after his death. Yes. Which we see in the first movie. He dies in the first movie, and I thought that him dying was like I'm we won. We're beating the Roman Empire or something. But it turns out it did nothing. It did absolutely nothing. So the whole first movie is a waste of time.
SPEAKER_03:No, the whole first movie was turning over. I believe I don't know anything about it, but I assume it's turning over the the getting rid of um what's his name? Uh, you know Walking Phoenix. Walking Phoenix. So they move it on to a new emperor. But you know, in Rome.
SPEAKER_01:This one's worse.
SPEAKER_03:No, they're probably two of them, one's crazy with syphilis question mark. Seems like it. Yeah. So probably there was somebody in between. And and what happened was when that guy died, because the the two guys that are in charge, those are they're real guys, and I think they were he he was stepping down or dying or whatever, and he's like, You guys do it together as a team.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. And that worked out that did not work. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And I think in real life, the these guys had I mean, the one the guy that the one guy killed the other guy, and then he had about six years.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, wait, these are real people? That so this I don't like I don't know. Because this is these is not, you know, because the rest of it doesn't have anything to do with history. Right. Yeah so why use real people? That's is the first one real people too? No clue. Alright, interesting. I anyhow, that's honestly irrelevant to the movie, but curious. Curiouser and curious.
SPEAKER_03:We made our first guy, our guy, he's Lucius, he's playing with the grain. And I guess, I guess what's his name played with grain in the first movie, too.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Russell Crowe liked to pick up sand. I I don't know why you bring that as like a character trait. That's not hereditary.
SPEAKER_03:It is now. Um, they love each other, but then oh no, somebody's blowing the horn of war. Horn of war.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So they they do some sexy time when they put on armor together. I put on your armor, you put on my armor.
SPEAKER_01:They've done this a bunch of times, but she's still really bad at it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And so you're kind of like, well, how do they know war is coming? Because war is boats that are very far away, and then the boats go row, row, row in, right? The boats have ladders on them? Shouldn't they have shown it? They have siege siege materials on the boats, yeah. Yeah, they're byreams and triremes, and you know, the typical sort of boats. They're coming. It's 2000 AD. That's the Romans. Oh yeah. His name is Lucius, her name is Arishat. That can't be right, is that it? Last name Shat. Um, she's an archer. Um on the boat is General Acacius. So we got Lucius and Acacius, and this is Pedro Pascal. Paul Mescal is Lucius, our our protagonist.
SPEAKER_01:Those names are too similar. Too similar. Just put in what put in one movie. All not just the character names, but also the actor names. And it's really weird to me. It's it's so weird that you made those choices. I I don't know. Well, you think they also kind of look similar, don't they? A little bit.
SPEAKER_03:I think they think they have a they have a similar affect in this movie, which is no affect.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's I think that's what I think that's what you're responding to. The blank stairs. Got it.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, cool. Um, Pedro Pascal, um, in his dullest role ever, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Just like I mean this or drive away dolls. Is that the one where he gets killed in the diner right away? Oh, was he in that? Was that isn't that him? I think it was, wasn't it? I think it is. I think it is. Oh, Jesus. So he's on a bad run. Let's just say that.
SPEAKER_03:So this is the last free city in Africa.
SPEAKER_02:Now, Dan. I don't know what that means.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, thank you. All right, then moving on. They they tell me that I was like, okay. What did so who owns the rest of them? We don't know. Okay, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_03:What it doesn't matter. What you would do is um we don't think about this now, but North Africa, Egypt, all these sort of places, that's a breadbasket. So what they would do is all those places would be making grain, uh, like the Nile River, that is like the most fertile floodplain any place. Because the Nile River once a year goes sploosh and gets really big and it splooshes over its sides, and then for like one mile on each side, it it just soaks that whole land, and then that land grows grain.
SPEAKER_01:And then there's lots of mosquitoes, I believe. No, I mean it's flowing. The West Nile virus, you don't remember that? That was like a big thing with the mosquitoes, they're flying up and they're giving you the Nile. You know, uh never mind.
SPEAKER_03:Where are they doing that, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:I do I heard it growing up. I was like, I'm gonna get the West Nile. You don't remember that?
SPEAKER_03:Did you live adjacent to the Nile River? Uh I mean, sorta. No, no, you didn't. Don't crap on the Nile River.
SPEAKER_01:I'm sorry, that was the Mississippi River that I lived near.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it is Mississippi River. Um so what Rome would want to do is is go there with their boats, load up on grain, and sort of control those control those areas, like everybody does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I guess we're setting up that this is the last free city, and and there's implications that these these people are free people.
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:And that's bad. That just bristles in my bones because that there's there's no freedom back then.
SPEAKER_01:Not a thing, yeah, yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_03:You don't have freedom. You don't all like get together and say, Oh, all people are created equal. No, we're doing that now, and we're barely keeping it together. I was gonna say, are we doing that now? I uh so back then, yeah, you didn't you just didn't have that luxury, you know. Sure, yeah. You had to like have somebody in charge, they had to tax people, they had to have a standing army, the standing army had to do this, blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So basically, the the premise is that they're free. Which just say that they're, you know, they're an independent call them independent. Don't call them free.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Sure.
SPEAKER_03:Independent, say we're an independent state, you know, and we're the last city not to fall to the dirty Romans. Great, that's fine. But it just seems a little absurd that there's just like this one city that's the free the bastion of freedom. Does it matter?
SPEAKER_01:Because they pretty much fall immediately. Well, it just matters to me semantically. No, no, I mean in the movie, like why even put that in there?
SPEAKER_03:It doesn't because they do that. They do that a couple times by like, I think they call it a free city so that she can be a woman fighting. That's what I really think it is.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that's the that's how they get around the loophole. Okay. So they're just real smart, uh, I think so.
SPEAKER_03:There's another line that happens later that you're just like, come on, there's no free work, you know. I I mean, I you know, the Egypt ruled by the pharaohs, you know, making they had slaves. Everybody had slaves back then because you'd capture people, you know. And they had aliens too to Egypt.
SPEAKER_01:So to make the pyramids. I don't know if you guys know all that.
SPEAKER_03:So they they take down the sails, they row in, they have ladders that fall off the top of their ships. Um I you think that's a real type of ship? It's pretty cool. I I would not necessarily doubt it. I didn't immediately go, eh, this doesn't seem right to me. I'm looking it up.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was like, well, that's cool, and then I didn't look it up. So neither of us cared enough either way to look it up. But I was like, that's an interesting idea.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, it seems kind of weird that you would have like the wall right up against the sea, and then that's the the thing they could attack.
SPEAKER_01:Because aren't you gonna hit the wall at some point? Like, do they have I mean I honestly don't know this because they're just they're rowing into it. Row, row, row your boat, and then they're like, row backwards to slow down a little. And I think they're just gonna hit the wall. If a wave comes in, you're gonna hit the wall. You know?
SPEAKER_03:There seem like a lot of odd logistics to this attack. Sure. You know, where you know they they put the we we know how they they s I don't know. Typically you you build on a hill, you know. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Give you gives you lots of space to to to to shoot down at them, and then they have to walk up a hill trying to get at you. This this is typically what you do. So how's true?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they don't have cannon balls yet, because those help a lot. Well, they had I think they had some siege engines, you know, they're throwing some balls over the rock. Is that a rock? Is that when they shoot the rocks out of the trep? I forgot what it's called. Trebochet timeline. Trebochet, darn it, Dan.
SPEAKER_03:Ah Catapult goes. Trebochet does the whoop whoop whoop and then a ballista's the big giant crossbow.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um they attack, they knock down the thing, and then Pedro charges.
SPEAKER_01:But does he take off his armor first?
SPEAKER_03:He does a whole I'm gonna run through everybody and beat number one through the thing. That's not what you do. That's not what you ever do. You never do that. That's the dumbest thing ever. Because that to run a military, which is the why the why the Romans always won, I would assume, is that you have the one guy that has a brain telling the dumb guys where to go.
SPEAKER_01:To go, go there, go there. And we listen, I know we don't want to think about it too much, but we definitely sacrifice people in these types of battles. You send people in first, and you know 99% of them are gonna get slaughtered, but you do it to set up advantages in other places. I again, I'm not a warfare guy, but you know, we do that. So going first is a is a bad idea because then you have all of the guys to go through.
SPEAKER_03:I thought it was very weird. And it and it the Roman army is the Roman army, right? That's the whole thing about the Roman army is they established the Greeks had a great army, you know, you're your 300 guys, those guys, the Spartans were had were a great army. The Romans were a great army. They were a giant army, they were a great army, they were well organized, you know, well well fed, and you know, they had they did everything right.
SPEAKER_01:So that's so interesting to me that you you put in well fed because I, as of just a person now, you don't really think about that, but that's for sure a thing.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah. You know, because the logistics of keeping your army going where it needs to go and and fed in and supply lines.
SPEAKER_01:And people used to take those supply lines. Oh man. War was very, I mean, terrible, awful, but so much more interesting then. You know what I mean? Like now it sucks. It's just awful. We're just like shooting missiles at people and throwing bombs and stuff. Like it was a lot more tack tactics had to be done.
SPEAKER_03:A lot more people died back then.
SPEAKER_01:You could you wouldn't make a game like Risk based off of how war is now. That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_03:It would just be a bunch of little drones on there.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_01:It'd just be like I send four aircraft this way, and the game's over.
SPEAKER_03:So almost immediately, oh uh uh the the the wife turns around, tries to shoot a bow and arrow at him at the at Pedro, and then like this other guy walks up and takes the arrow, and then Pedro's like, look at her, she tried to shoot me with an arrow. And shoot, they all go, all the arrow guys just just destroy her.
SPEAKER_01:And now now Paul. I'm sorry, Paul is it? He's mad at Pedro, but Pedro didn't really kill her. He didn't fire an arrow. Your question is, he says he's mad at him, but is he mad at him? Well, that's okay. That's a good that's a fair point. I yes, his he's disposed as many times that he's uh mad at this guy. But he didn't really do anything, it's just war.
SPEAKER_03:I mean you needed to have a switch, right? The whole movie is he's he's mad at Pedro for killing his for having his wife killed. Yeah, but he's not actually actively mad, and so when he stops being uh inactively mad, you're just like, well, I guess he's since he was inactively mad, now he's inactively uh over it.
SPEAKER_01:Over it. Yeah, he's cool with it. It's fine.
SPEAKER_03:So they don't even work out the switch, right? They you know, yeah, you have to make the switch where this guy, you know, has he he has his allegiance to his new gladiator boys, and so he has to work with he has to work with Pedro to get what he wants, which is to save his guys. Right. And then through that, he realizes that Pedro hates the Emperors just as much. He doesn't want to do that, and they're actually on the s it's it's so easy to write this movie.
SPEAKER_02:So incredibly easy to write this movie.
SPEAKER_03:I think Ridley would disagree. Yeah, well, he would, because this because he shot a movie where no one cares about anything, and nothing really happened. Because he's like, I hate this guy over here, but he's good looking.
SPEAKER_01:But it's not true because the syphilis guy cares about his monkey. Well, we're gonna be a good one. So you got one guy caring about one thing.
SPEAKER_03:We get to the monkey, which is like probably the best relationship in the whole.
SPEAKER_01:Hands down, it's it's my favorite part of this movie.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so they knock him, they knock out uh uh Lucius, and then he has a dream where it's like, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Which I think is like a callback to the first one because doesn't Russell Crowe have a dream, I think, at some point and he sees his wife in a field, but she's dead. I again, it's been years, many, many years since I've watched Gladiator One, and maybe I should go back, but this movie didn't make me want to do that. But you didn't love Gladiator, did you? Obviously not. It's did you hear the part where I said it's been years? Maybe a decade. I honestly don't know. Have you watched in comparison? Yeah, that's what I've done. I have watched F1 maybe nine times in the last month since I started seeing it first. So no, I did not love Gladiator. And I've only I've only seen Master and Commander twice. I've seen it twice, yeah. Hey, wow. Did we watch it together? I don't think so. We did, we didn't. Are there any Russell Crowe movies that you do watch regularly? I'm not a huge Russell Crowe fan, to be honest with you. The Gladiator is his best performance, in my opinion. Not Master and Commander. No, I like him and Gladiator because he shows more skin. Uh, and that's that's a real 10 out of 10. That's not a performance. That's a that's a perv factor. I'm sorry. Dan, if you not to be rude, but if not to take off your shirt. That is erroneous. That's erroneous. It is all part of the performance, and you know that's what Hollywood is, Dan. It's all sexual performances, all right? That could be. Billy, Stranger Things for homosexual.
SPEAKER_03:So he wakes up and he's in the ocean, and the battle is over. He sees his wife's dead body in the water, he goes over there, and then the the these two Romans come over there and they casually escort him away from his wife's dead body.
SPEAKER_01:Come this way. Just come this way, guys. She's dead. Come over here. Come on. So don't worry about that.
SPEAKER_03:That's when you knew this movie had no chance. That's when you were like, wait a second. These two guys, you you have to have the they have to fight him, they have to drag him, they have to knock him out again. No. He's dealing with his dead wife, and he's all like, See, well, I'm just gonna push her out to see because I already saw her die in a dream.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like I'm good now. I've had my closure, I'm fine. Let's go. Let's go what you want to do. Does he even shed a tear for her? No, but again, I feel like I've said so many times. Crying's really hard. So save it for off-screen. That's a damn goodsell thing.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, no. You can't just say, well, that that's that's too hard to act. So that's why they didn't do it.
SPEAKER_01:It's too hard. Just don't do it. Just don't do it. Take some seawater, just sprinkle it on your eyes, and you'll be fine, Paul.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh. That's nice. The howling. Yeah, like a back.
SPEAKER_01:Got some anguish. Show me some. This guy's good. Some cast some casting director out there, Dan, has seen this episode. You're getting a call soon. I promise you that.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so they uh they they burn all the dead, and then uh Pedro claims the city for the glory of Rome, and then they they brand everybody with the the special brand, which never really comes into play again. We didn't we didn't need to see them being branded.
SPEAKER_01:You have to, I mean you don't have to see it, but it helps because then later Morgan Freeman is like, I have your dad's brand on so that that way you're like, oh, so he was uh you know a slave of the dad or something. But I also didn't understand all that, so it doesn't really matter.
SPEAKER_03:Um and then they get thrown into the boat. Uh there's some crying in the boat, and then the guy that was not by Paul, though.
SPEAKER_01:Not by Paul.
SPEAKER_03:He doesn't cry.
SPEAKER_01:He doesn't cry. He almost makes, does he make fun of the guy that's crying? Or he's just like, don't cry, you're all good. Something, it was something weird where he was like, Don't worry about it, guy. We're gonna be fine. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_03:Don't worry about it. It's gonna be okay. Um, it's a big African guy, African-American type guy that was the runner of the city. I don't know that we saw anybody else of color in the city. It seemed like everybody else was kind of white guys. Yeah, I mean it's North Africa, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:I don't even know.
SPEAKER_03:Well, there it is, it's North Africa. And his name is Gertha.
SPEAKER_02:And he's got a break down his name.
SPEAKER_03:He's got a broken arm, he's having a hard time, and you're like, this this guy's this guy who's runs a city. He's just ready to pack it in. Because they're taking him, he's like, Yeah, take away from my city. Guess I'm done.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's he's he's ready to call and quits, and then Paul's like, well, just hang on a little bit longer. And the guy's like, Okay, I'll try. So weird.
SPEAKER_03:It's so weird. This this is your leader, right? This is the this is the guy at the well, not anymore, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:The city's gone.
SPEAKER_03:And he's all right, so he's like, he's keeping together a free city, right? So the guy that's keeping the free city is just like the the last one, yeah. Guess so. Um, okay. And he's like, yeah, I'm ready to die. And then he talks about how I raised you up.
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, this is the part that I was just like, what are you talking about? Well, he's like, we found you, and then we we made you all good. And I was like, Who are you?
SPEAKER_03:Why is that? Doesn't matter it's he's a random, he's a the Acacius is a foundling. Yeah, but he's not a foundling, he's like a teenage foundling. So what what the whole plot turns out to be is that Maximus had a kid, Acacius is the kid, they hid the kid in Africa, then the then they got word that the Romans were coming, and so the kid ran away, and he ran away to here and met this dude, and then this dude raised him up.
SPEAKER_01:I guess that's that's the plot. Here's here's just on this plot, and then looking at the first one, again, haven't seen it in a while. I know that the this kid is in the first movie. Oh, is he? Okay, yes, I thought they just made him up whole. Definitely not his kid. Maybe not definitely. I'm 99% sure that he's not his kid, because that would have been super weird, because the whole first movie is about Russell Crowe being like, You killed my wife and kid, and now I'm mad at you, and I'm gonna burn down Rome because you killed them. If he just had another kid out there, he'd just be like, Well, that one's gone, but I'll go raise my other child now because it would be weird to suicide myself when I have another kid out there.
SPEAKER_03:So there weren't like there wasn't like a bonus 12 years sort of in the movie where he could have another a kid with that woman?
SPEAKER_01:I'm so so here's the thing. So he meets this woman, I think he's he's like a slave already, is like in the gladiator stuff, and they have a conversation, I think, about like how they both have kids the same age, and how his kid's dead, and she's like afraid for her kid. Oh, and so that's the kid. So it's not really his kid, it's kind of a it's an adopted kid. But in this movie, they're saying it's his semen kid. That's what they made it seem like to me. That's what they're feeling. They're like, This, you are the bloodline, because they say bloodline or something. Oh, he's the prince. You're the I got so many questions about that. Uh, so it's just weird. It feels like a retcon. And uh again, someone can come at us in the comments and be like, no, it's not you idiot, but I'm pretty sure it is. Because it would be weird to muddle his storyline in the first one by having him have an extramarital affair and have another kid. It's weird.
SPEAKER_03:Well, no, the kid is the bloodline because the mom is the daughter of Marcus Aurelius, who was emperor. That it's yeah, it's probably not his it's probably not a sperm kid.
SPEAKER_01:It's probably they're saying it's a sperm kid for sure. Oh, well they're saying it. That's not what also I just want to keep saying sperm kid. That's not what makes him the heir to the throne. You're no you're absolutely right about that.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, but the you know, the flip side of all that is she sent the kid away?
SPEAKER_01:Like not only away, but she said, I'll come back for you, and then she didn't. She never did. It's 16 years later. What are you doing?
SPEAKER_03:And and that's the whole thing is when you have like an heir to the throne out there floating around, you gotta keep track of that shit.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta keep track. That's important. That's an important kid. Yeah, it's pretty important. No, it's weird. It's all weird.
SPEAKER_03:So that's that. They arrive, and that that's the thing is they like the boats go there, the boats come back, and then like within 30 seconds, they're like processional into Rome. And I think I think we spend the rest of the whole movie in Rome, right?
SPEAKER_01:Probably. I don't know where Rome is.
SPEAKER_03:And as I remember, it's sort of the one of the more interesting things about the first movie was that the Gladiator training camp was was in like a province or whatever. And yes, and there was a whole sort of setup about the important, you know, you it's kind of like you know, starting starting in the farm leagues and then then playing playing your way into the playoffs. And this one we're just like, you're you're you're in the playoffs. You're in, dude. Congratulations, you made it. Congratulations. You are successful. So they arrive. Um we meet the two emperors, Geta and Caracalla. Um we we learn that there's gonna be games. We also learn that Pedro, he he's he's done being general. He wants to he wants to retire, and they're like, nope, you you gotta keep on fighting. Sorry, bro. You work for us.
SPEAKER_01:Right. I mean, I guess, again, I don't know anything about the past, but retirement doesn't really seem like a thing that they would allow ever. You know, I don't know. It's weird.
SPEAKER_03:Um, we're on the outs we're at Antietam, which I think is just on the outskirts of Rome. We meet Denzel Washington. Denzel's Macrinus, who's kind of the only character in this movie that has agency.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure. Um this guy is you know coming to power. Ex Gladiator.
SPEAKER_03:So he's he's testing everybody all the new the new the new gladiators out. He throws all the new guys in the pen, and they have to fight the the very dark-shaved monkeys, and immediately uh Jagurtha chomped, chomped and dead. Just like boom. We we didn't spend any time saving him, we didn't spend any time protecting him, we didn't spend any time rescuing him, which is what you do in this movie. Right? Isn't that the whole thing?
SPEAKER_01:Thumbs down.
SPEAKER_03:Isn't that what you're supposed to do in this movie? Is it well sure? Is it isn't the dude like goes, ah, my broken arm on my left arm with the sword, and then the monkey bites his left arm, he drops the sword, then what's his name has to move in and protect him, but there's two monkeys, and then the monkey is monkey kids.
SPEAKER_01:But he's thinking of a movie with a hero. He's not a hero. We don't have a hero here. He's not a hero. He's not a hero. This character, not a hero. He's just a guy. He's just a dude. Yeah, it's that's why this movie's so dull. You know, like he's not he's not the guy. And also, and then like Pedro's not really anything either, you know? It's just weird.
SPEAKER_03:There's nobody that you're like, ah, he's doing except sort of uh Macrinus. He has sort of a weird plan.
SPEAKER_01:It's a it's a weird plan, and it's a bad plan, and it's got a terrible finish. I'll just say that. What's his plan, Tony? His plan is to destroy Rome of some sort. Uh, I don't totally understand his plan. He he wants to he kill he wants to get rid of the emperor's guys, but then he wants to like take this city away from those people and give it to himself because he's just like them. It's very strange. Um, I don't understand his do you understand his plan better than I do? I I just there was a point in the movie where I was like, oh, he seems to have a plan. He thinks he does for sure. I mean it works pretty well. Yeah, he gets stuck done. I think he gets to the end of his plan, and then it then he's then he decides to like piss off the lead guy, and then yeah, then he gets murdered. Because that's what you would that's why would you there's no reason to fight the gladiator guy, our main Paul Mescal. There's no reason to piss him off. No. You both want the same thing, essentially, which is to get rid of these emperor people, and then he's like, Yeah, but I'm gonna kill your mom. I'm gonna kill your mom. Uh no, I know I get I'm gonna kill your mom. And then he kills him, and he's and then he's like, I'm gonna run away on a horse. You're not gonna get away. This is a terrible plan. So uh I don't understand.
SPEAKER_03:He does, he does like, does he pick up a bow and shoot the mom himself? Yeah. What's that gonna get you?
SPEAKER_01:Why? Nothing. That's what I'm saying. Nothing. It gets you nothing. All it does is piss off the guy that you literally like hired and trained to murder people, and now you're like, I'm now gonna kill your mom. That's a dumb plan. That's a really weird plan.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I don't know. It is a weird plan.
SPEAKER_01:Um I guess he's mad because he, you know, his her dad owned him, so he was upset about that. Somebody choked one of the monkeys. Yeah, Paul Mescal he chokes him, just gets him in one of those back, those back moves, the half Nelson type of deal. And chokes him right out. And then Morgan Freeman's like, this one's interesting. I like him.
SPEAKER_02:Too bad Morgan Freeman's not in the movie.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god. We have to edit the racism out. Holy crap. Shows through.
SPEAKER_03:Denzel's gonna kill me. Uh I think I'd have done better with uh with wait, was what who was the slave owner, the gladiator owner in the uh in the other movie? Was it was it uh I don't remember. I don't remember it wasn't Morgan Freeman.
SPEAKER_01:I'll pretend it was to make myself feel better. I doubt it. Oh, you too. I do not remember. Oh, Denzel, I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_03:Uh we have dinner at the gladiator camp, and they're saying, eh, you guys might be able to get free someday.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um there's like this pit boss guy, and he's kind of annoying.
SPEAKER_01:Kinda, but not like super bad. He's just you know, he's aggravating. You wouldn't want to hang out with him, you know.
SPEAKER_03:And we do we do sort of a whole thing about uh Acacia won't talk sometimes. Sometimes he gets pissy for sort of no reason. He's a little he's a little bitch. Doesn't talk. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then he starts talking later in scenes just later if he wants to talk for fun at that point. And you know, at some point he's gotta talk for the movie. Yeah, he can't just be silent. That would be weird.
SPEAKER_03:Uh I guess there's a bat uh they there's a fight and they make him wear like spiky gloves, and he doesn't want to wear the gloves, but the first he he just sort of wins.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he just, you know, they hand-to-hand combat and he just he bests the guy. Um there's no reason for that I can tell he doesn't want to wear the gloves. Uh it's not like a moral thing. Nope. As far as I can tell, it's just maybe he doesn't like the like I don't like the feeling of jewelry, right? So maybe that's sort of that. I don't like the feeling of gloves on. I I don't know. I think that's definitely it. I my hands are gonna get sweaty. It's just I the leather's too warm. I can't I can't fight with these. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03:Give me a fabric that breathes. Um so then McCrinus like has a one-on-one with Lucius, and and they have a big talk, and and he McCrinus ascribes all of these things to Lucius that aren't apparent to us as the audience. Yeah, yeah. Mainly like Lucius's rage issues.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's got he apparently very angry.
SPEAKER_03:So not he hides it well though. Not in any scene in the movie. Maybe, maybe like off-screen. They get him off screen, and maybe when the camera's on him, he knows he's gotta be like he's gotta behave nice.
SPEAKER_01:You know, you gotta put on a show for everybody. You don't want to be disliked. Yeah, I get it.
SPEAKER_03:But they they talk about this rage many times. Yeah, I don't know, and at no point whatsoever.
SPEAKER_01:How cool would it have been to see him get like real mad and just beat the shit out of that head guy, you know? That would have been cool. He loses control a little bit and and uh then you gotta stop the fight because he's gonna kill the guy, and then also that creates a tension between them, you know?
SPEAKER_03:Or maybe there's like an alligator that they're gonna put in the ring, and then he gets all rages on the alligator, and they have to pull him off of the alligator because they gotta use the alligator later. Later, yeah, you can't destroy alligator.
SPEAKER_01:We only got one alligator. And then at the end of the day, he goes like this.
SPEAKER_03:See you later, alligator.
unknown:Pow!
SPEAKER_01:Does that work?
SPEAKER_03:I love it. I think that's great. Um, and then he's like, I hate the Romans. So now, and then he wants to kill the general.
SPEAKER_01:And that's yeah, I which that's I don't understand why, but it's fine.
SPEAKER_03:And then the sign says, if you become the number one gladiator, that that's I'm gonna make I'm gonna let that happen.
SPEAKER_01:That's cool. Great. You got yourself a deal, bud?
SPEAKER_03:Uh the general wants to get rid of the emperors, and the wife's like, the people are weary. The people oh, this is what she says. The people are weary, the people want to be free.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Which isn't what would happen.
SPEAKER_03:There wasn't, I mean, there was you had democracy, but it was democracy among citizens. We we looked it up. Shannon and I looked it up. And they had consuls, consuls, who are the people who determine who the senators are.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And the senators are made up of the people that have the most money and have the most Riz.
SPEAKER_01:Riz, as in like Riz, we got Riz. Like what you have and what I don't have? Yes. Alright. Riz. I'm sure. I hope that that's what how they made the decisions back. Combination of money and Riz.
SPEAKER_03:Um and so like when Macrinus says if I get enough money, you know, he's gonna be, you know, be he can be a senator.
SPEAKER_00:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:And then they make this determiner determination every once in a while, and then the senators vote on stuff and you know, do senator stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Great. Uh we have the decadent party. Macrinus throws the decadent party. Uh he's talking to this one senator guy, and he's waging, he's waging on him, and then Lucius is just in the he's in the side room, he's just jelling, just sitting there by himself. He could he can run away, jump out a window, and run away.
SPEAKER_01:But he's like No, no, there's a there's like a you know those doggy invisible fences?
SPEAKER_03:It's that sort of a he's got the collar on that if he goes, he tries to go through the thing and zap him zap. Just think about that scene where they talked about the rage. If he'd have been showing rage and then what's his name explain the plan, and he's like, all, you know, like tapped on the nose. You know. If you could control yourself and you could become the number, you know, it'd be you'll get wrapped up. How hard would Okay see. We're gonna do scene study.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, wow, scene study with Dan Goodsell. Okay. Saddle up. This this class is$35, folks. I'm Morgan Freedom. Demo Dan. I'm gone.
SPEAKER_03:Uh I'm I'm a critus.
SPEAKER_01:And the Dufrain.
SPEAKER_03:And you're you're acacious. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:I'll be any of the aceus' things. Do some rage for me.
SPEAKER_01:Tell me something you're raging about right now. I'm so mad. Um, what do you want me to tell you what I'm mad about? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Give me some rage, Tony.
SPEAKER_01:Do some acting. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:You want to do a real rage? Some real rage. I want some real. I don't even need to act.
SPEAKER_01:Talk about your talk about your stupid. Hold on. I ordered groceries last night because I'm trying to make it through the week. And I ordered peanut butter and jelly. This is what my shopper brought to me. It is grape juice. What the hell am I gonna do with grape juice? I can't put that on a peanut butter sandwich. It's not even close. It's got one word to say great. My chair just broke, Dan. This is unbelievable. This so I got this stupid grape juice. I got nothing to do with it. Then I got peanut butter and no jelly. I'm not gonna make a peanut butter sandwich. It's too dry. I can't eat it. Tony. Yeah. I can get you all the jelly in the world. I only need one jelly, guy. Get me one jelly. That's all I need.
SPEAKER_02:But what you gotta do is you gotta fight for me.
SPEAKER_03:Every soul of your anger, every bit of your anger, all of it's gotta be for me. I already got that.
SPEAKER_01:I got it. I got if you got jelly so I can make myself a PB and J tomorrow night, you got it, dude. See? You got it.
SPEAKER_03:Motivation, understanding. And then in this next scene, when you're sitting there and you're like, wait, you know, you're like, all I gotta do is beat the shit out of this guy, and I'm gonna get my jelly. You're gonna be like, I'm ready. I'm ready to throw down. You're gonna be you're gonna be stalking around that room ready. I'm waiting for my jelly. And you're gonna walk in, you're gonna walk into that room with the fucking kick-assiest look on your face, and you're not gonna just be like, Oh, maybe they should have given Paul grape juice.
SPEAKER_01:That would have helped. What am I gonna do with grape juice? So stupid. So happy.
SPEAKER_03:So he gets in there and they're gonna go three rounds hand to hand, and then the emperor guy's like, thoughts, give them thoughts. And the first thing that's actually a pretty decent impression. That's that's that's that's um, what is that one? That's uh that's the Money Python. That's the Money Python. Oh they will fight for me. Um Emperor of Emperor's room.
SPEAKER_02:Beautiful.
SPEAKER_03:Um beautiful. Boom. They so they have swords instead, and what is the first line that comes out of his his dumb mouth?
SPEAKER_01:Hey, bro, let's not do this.
SPEAKER_03:Let's not do this. I don't remember exactly what it is. He says, let's not do this. He doesn't say brother, but he says exactly let's not do this. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? How it he's not a Borah Hud. There's there's no option of well, what we worked it out, and now we're just gonna be friends. Like, what? I don't I don't who could write that line, who could direct that line? Who could what editor could put that line into this stupid movie?
SPEAKER_01:It is so weird. It's such a weird moment. And the other the other guy doesn't even seem to register. No, he doesn't even like it's just like, what are you talking about? Let's go. It's so weird.
SPEAKER_03:And it I mean, yeah, if you if you had a loose movie, the other guy would be like, go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_01:You're going down, piece of shit. Kiss my ass. I need to be, I need this. This is how I'm earning my, you know, whatever, life, freedom. They don't get freedom. What do they get? Well, he's gonna be Well, they said free. They said you could be free eventually. Freeman, yeah. Yeah. But like what is this line? Let's just lay down our swords. There's they're not gonna do anything to us. There these 80 people here, they'll be cool with it. They don't mind. Let's just put them down. It doesn't make any sense. It's so dumb.
SPEAKER_03:It's so baffling. Um, and then they just fight and he uh he kills he kills the guy. And it's it's an okay fight. I mean it's fine, yeah. It's not CGI'd, so that's good. Yeah. And then the you know, the emperor's like, where dost thou hail? And then he he does a whole poetry thing.
SPEAKER_01:Well, at first he doesn't talk. Yeah, and then Denzel is like, he only understands his foreign language. Foreign time, and I was like, What? He already spoke earlier. Well, he's trying to that's that's a that's a cover. He's he's like, uh at this battle, he said, hey bro, let's not do this, and everyone heard it. He didn't whisper it. So then so then I was like, oh, he can't talk. I was like, he already did. Everybody heard him say, let's not fight. That's true. Doesn't make any sense. And then he does poetry, and then he's you know, you're just like he does poetry like I do poetry, which is it sounds like you've never heard poetry before in your life, but you don't know how to say it. Just for the record. He does not, yeah, he doesn't, you know, like someone like me, I could do poetry because I yeah, I bet it's very eloquent, you know, some shell silverstein. The give my closet the giving tree. Give gift giving trees.
SPEAKER_03:This tree does give me an apple, and the apple does soothe my heart.
SPEAKER_01:I think you're doing snow white. I shall live another day because of what the tree has given me. An apple a day keeps a doctor. Is that where that's that comes from? No. Or it's vice versa? When would silver sustenance?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay. Apple doctor means Apple Day means keeps the doctor means you're being healthy.
SPEAKER_01:Side note, you know what? I read an article that was like American apples could be carcinogenic, so they're not good for you at all. That's just if you eat the seeds. Is that true? Who eats the seeds? Seed eaters. Do people eat? Yeah, I'm I'm not uh do you eat the pit? Are you a pick guy? No, why would you just disgust you? I don't know, people do it, I think, right?
SPEAKER_03:Uh I mean, I that's what I assume. I don't I don't know anything about it. I'm just making that up, but whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, well, everyone listening to Dan. Dr. Dan. He'll he'll keep you healthy.
SPEAKER_03:So, okay. So that's what happens. That was dumb. And then they they they're writing back and he's like, You fuck well. By the way, who taught you poetry? Um by the way, by the by. His mom meets with the senators in secret. Um, and then we find out that the army is gonna be outside of Rome right before the final day of the games, and then that's gonna be like the time to make a move on the Emperor. The Praetorian Guard are in the town. There's 7,000 Praetorian Guards, but there's 5,000 soldiers.
SPEAKER_01:Wait. What? That's so that's all it's a 2,000 difference. Is that what you're saying to me? Is that a lot?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, it depends on how battle-hardened they are.
SPEAKER_01:But I think how many people did the 300 fight? Oh, like 5,000. So that doesn't seem like a big difference. They didn't win, though. That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_03:They didn't win.
SPEAKER_01:Wait, the 300 didn't win? No, of course they lost. I, first of all, I'm not, I don't know anything about history, but I also haven't seen that movie because I I watched like part of it and I thought it was terrible, so I turned it off. Are you telling me that Gerard Butler loses? Hold on a second. Yeah. You, Mr.
SPEAKER_03:I like to look at I like hot bods. Turned off like the most hot bod movie of all time. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01:But they're fake, they they spray paint that shit. Those aren't real bods all the way. I mean, some of them, some of them is probably definitely real. Uh but it's yeah, it's they spray paint body onto it. Spray paint is not the right word.
SPEAKER_03:You mean they're they're vi they're they're CGI enhanced?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm almost positive that that's that came out. I'm gonna look it up. It might be. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, they're they're very bodybuilder-esque.
SPEAKER_01:They're so chiseled. But so chiseled.
SPEAKER_03:The whole part because the the the bad emperor, the bad uh empire sends their their guys over there to to negotiate with them, and that that's you know, that scene's very very large. Um uh okay. Uh Denzel. Yeah, it says they're real. Yeah, I think so.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, interesting. So there's a whole YouTube video about it that says, I still see people say the six-pack abs in the 300 were CGI and they aren't. So there's like someone did a whole video breakdown about it. So there you go. That's how you know it's true because it's on YouTube. So I apologize. I take it all back. I should finish the movie.
SPEAKER_03:All right. Uh Denzel doubles his bet with the senator, and the senator's like, oh yeah, okay. They announce the games. Um they have the Acacia's love feast. Acacia talks about soldiering, bravery, Rome needs it now. And then Lucius sees Lady Lucilla Lucilla, and then they they start having eyeballs, and they're, you know, starting to realize that that's his mom. I mean, he would know instantly that was his mom because he remembers his mom. Does he? Because he says he doesn't. That's that's him, that's it, that's him like that's lying.
SPEAKER_01:He's he's being all tough. Okay. I was genuinely confused because he says the line, and I quote, I have no mother that I remember. And I was like, Do you are you saying you don't you're choosing not to remember her? Or do you think that you were born without a mother? I didn't know. It's possible.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, here we go. I don't think that's possible, Dan.
SPEAKER_03:Um rhino battle.
SPEAKER_01:Did they eat a rhino at that big party? I don't think that Denzel. It looked like there was a rhino on the table and they were eating it. That can't be right. I mean, I guess it could have been.
SPEAKER_03:I I didn't notice that. I mean you could eat a rhino. I I I've never seen rhinos typically what happens with rhinos is the poachers uh steal their ivory. They take their tusks because they in a lot of Asian cultures they think that they give you sexual potency. Um I didn't know that's what it was for. Typically rhino. Okay. So a lot of times they cut the horns off the rhinos so that they don't they don't kill them. But I I've never heard of people being like, oh, rhino. Um so they gotta we we send out about six, seven, eight gladiators, and they gotta fight rhino man. Lucius immediately sort of takes a leadership role.
SPEAKER_01:Well, he like tells he tells them what to do, and then most of the people listen, but one guy doesn't give an F.
SPEAKER_03:And then there's not another section at all where he talks to anybody or does anything leadership.
SPEAKER_01:Well, he gave them the only tip they need, Dan. Alright, you they don't need to keep hearing the tip. Just you stay at the wall.
SPEAKER_03:So he puts his sword in the ground, and then the rhino's coming for him, and then he throws up dust, and the rhino's like, oh no, I can't figure out where the wall is.
SPEAKER_01:That's uh that's Pidgey's attack. Sand attack.
SPEAKER_03:And uh the rhino crashes, another guy gets off there, and then uh he now yeah, what happens to the rhino, Dan?
SPEAKER_01:It's fine. R okay. I thought so too. They showed it. They showed it. I wrote the rhino.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, they did show it. They showed that the rhino was okay because you you can't show uh a CGI animal seeming like it got hurt. Interesting.
SPEAKER_01:But then what h why doesn't it fight? It was stunned. It's like stars going around.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, rhinos are not aggressive animals unless they have a need to be.
SPEAKER_01:So it was just the the guy leading it with his the jockey. The jockey. The rhino jockey. Okay. Rhino, rhino rhinos very friendly unless someone's on their back telling them not to be okay. Animal of peace.
SPEAKER_03:Well known animal of peace. And delicious. Um they're like, okay, Acacius is winning, and they're like, life or death. They give him the death, kill, kill, kill. He double sword decapitates the dude.
SPEAKER_01:Um death.
SPEAKER_03:This was terrible. The rhino rhino, although very cute, terrible, stupid, very dumb, incredibly dumb. This whole thing was dumb. Yeah, it's a dumb scene. You have to move the character forward in these scenes. He has to be a leader to the other guys, and he's got to save guys, he's gotta do something.
SPEAKER_01:That's what he's already a leader. He remember, he was already a leader, and he didn't do it then either. So this is this is as much leading as he can. And then didn't. Did he? I don't know. No, wait, he did because he said So remember, so we watched a different movie, and they're they say something to the effect of loose, like hold, hold, loose, and that's when you let go. And he didn't say that, he said something different, and I was confused. Tell the motherfuckers. Exactly. I was like, that is there's no way that you say that it in the Roman tape.
SPEAKER_03:Rom could suck my hot oil.
SPEAKER_01:Whoa, damn.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, Lady Lucella realizes who Lucius is and then tells Acacius, I think, that he's a solar to the throne. Oh, that she sees him and she's like, Remember who you are.
SPEAKER_01:He didn't give an F.
SPEAKER_03:Then we meet Dr. Ravi.
SPEAKER_01:Why is he so mad? Who's mad? And his mommy.
SPEAKER_03:Because she sent him away and then had him run away.
SPEAKER_01:No, I sent him away, but he he was in the free city. He was doing pretty good. For the love of his life, he was doing great.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, people were said.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I don't know why he's so mad about it.
SPEAKER_03:Uh he meets Dr. Ravi, who's tending his wounds, and he gives him opium, and then he used to be a gladiator, and now I save lives, and then Macritus comes in and he's my choice, because he won his freedom, right?
SPEAKER_01:And then but stayed out because he wants to heal people or something.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. He must have been in the first movie or something. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I am we're not gonna know that. We we are not two people that know the answer to that.
SPEAKER_03:Macritus comes in and he's all like, see, your rage is doing good. Rage, keep on raging, rage. Rage. Uh Macrinus goes and sees Lady Lucilla and says, I served your dad. He sees a statue and he looks at it and he's like, Oh, look at that statue. It looks just like Lucius. I wonder what that means. What does it mean? Uh, somebody gets some info from a boozy guy about the boy Lucius. Oh, Macrinus does that. He goes in to see this weird drunk guy. That scene felt very out of place.
SPEAKER_01:I is this the scene where he's asking how old the boy would be, yeah, and it ends on an ellipses where the drunk guy is like, well, it was six many years ago, so he would be, and then it cuts the next scene. Like, I'm almost positive that's what happened. And I was very confused.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, Lady Lucilla goes by horse to see the senator, and then she goes to the cell to see Lucius, and then this is when they have their whole big thing. It's like, do you know me? And he's all like, I'm gonna get that acacia. And she's like, Lucius. He's like, I'm not sure that boy is dead. And Max, oh she says, Max was your dad. Right.
SPEAKER_01:See, you took the note. Yeah, you took the note, semen kid. Very strange. Doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_03:It's like, get out! But he doesn't say it like that. He's like, get out. Get out, please. Get out. Get out. Uh Lady tells Acacius that her son. Oh, she goes home and tells uh Pedro Pascal, who who like, he has no agency in this movie, right? He is not.
SPEAKER_01:He has the least agency of anyone. Doesn't care at all. He's just a dude waiting to retire. You know, he's just he just doesn't want to do this shit anymore.
SPEAKER_02:He's just waiting for retirement. I'm just waiting for retirement. When that happens, I'm gonna be good.
SPEAKER_03:Um darn right. So uh she's like she's like, Pedro, make sure he doesn't die in the games. And Pedro's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? What doesn't he say what?
SPEAKER_01:At what doesn't he go, what? Maybe he doesn't.
SPEAKER_03:He's like, what are you talking about? What am I supposed to do? He says something. Oh uh the practice facility, there there's a fake rowboat, and then now it that was this is my second favorite part of the movie that there's like this cool practice rowboat.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, wow, good for them thinking ahead like that. I always wondered why people were so good at it, you know, but that there must be it.
SPEAKER_03:It's like when you go to go to Disneyland and you do the canoes, and your canoe's just going in a circle.
SPEAKER_01:I am so bad. We used to canoe, we went to the bat what's called the boundary waters up in Minnesota. Um I was terrible at canoeing. Real bad guys. Great at port, what portaging? Is that what it's called? Portage? Great at carrying the canoe. Yeah, portage is great. Terrible at rowing the canoe.
SPEAKER_03:Well, was this a big canoe? Is this like where you had multiple rowers and you had a you had a chairman?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you see, you gotta have a chairman. Just a front and a back.
SPEAKER_03:You gotta have a dude. See, when you do Disneyland, it's like six or eight of you in the canoe, but then you got the the guy, and he's all like telling you what to do. Stroke, and he's like, switch, switch, you know, switch, switch. You know, so he's you're just like, it's so much fun. It's so much fun when when you're in the big canoe at Disneyland. I mean, not that they still have it, they probably eliminated it because it was fun.
SPEAKER_01:Everything fun Disney takes away.
SPEAKER_03:Uh so he's he's rowing and he says something smart, and so then the guy's like, bop, bop, bup, everybody leaves. Everybody else leaves. He just has to keep rowing like the four bros at the same time for hours.
SPEAKER_01:Hours until it's night. It becomes dark. That's is that even possible? Then Ravi brings him vinegar for his hands. Yeah, is that good? Does that help with like the burns or whatever? I'd never heard of vinegar, but I guess so. I guess I'm gonna start doing it. If Dr. Dan doesn't know the answer, then nobody does. That's true.
SPEAKER_03:There's no answer. And then he talks to Robbie, explains that he's got a British lady on the side. Uh he we're we're it's time for another time for the battle of the boat, and he gives this guy a speech. Gives his guys on the boat a speech. Talk about the speech, Tony. I don't remember the speech, Dan. I don't remember it at all. It's so little, it's so inconsequential as to be nothing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was it just kind of basically um row. Hey guys, let's row. Let's row today. So what so why don't why don't you tell us about the big boat paddle, Tony? Okay. So here's what I understood. They come out and it there's water, right? Yeah, the other team has bow and arrows. And their team doesn't. Did they have them on fire? I think they're fire. I don't remember. I don't remember. But they don't have any weapons. So what they decide to do is get as close to that boat as possible and make their targets as big as they can to take out their oars while they miss 99% of their arrows. Now, and then they turn around somehow and then they ram them, I guess. Yep.
SPEAKER_03:At the beginning of the beginning, at the beginning of the thing, the two boats are about six feet apart right when they come out.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they immediately turn and try to take out the oars. Takes out the oars. Now, do most boats they don't have retractable oars? Is that something special that their boat has?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, it would be hard to, you know, if you're if you're maneuvering with your oars, you you typically on a boat you you might go oars up and then they pick the oars up like that, but you couldn't do that closely inside.
SPEAKER_01:That's what Paul's thing did. Oh, did they oars up at one point? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, they went oars up so that they when they went close, they snapped all of the enemy's oars off. Yeah. I what I'm wondering is if you are the bad you're the bad guys, right? And you see that boat coming real close to your oars, would you just let it take all of them? I don't know, man. Even if it took a couple, and you no at no point no one goes, I'll guess I'll just pull mine in.
SPEAKER_03:The problem the problem with this is There's just that's not the way to that's not the way to show his leadership. The leadership has to be in like him, you know, inspiring them to row harder.
SPEAKER_01:Sure, great. If this was a race, you know, it's not a race, Dan. The other team has bow and arrows. They are all dead. He I mean how fast do you think they're going, Dan?
SPEAKER_03:45 miles an hour.
SPEAKER_01:You think it's that fast, really? In that tiny coast, you'd be at one end to the other in eight seconds. That's not even right. Probably less than that.
SPEAKER_02:Like about eight miles an hour, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So these like your two feet away, bow and arrow. You're dead. You're all dead. Uh uh, this is a bad point. Okay, here we go. Let's rewrite this speech. Okay, please.
SPEAKER_03:When piece of shit, pit boss made me row alone. Yeah, I rode for 17 hours and my calves or whatever the name of this muscle is. The greatest muscle. My arm calves. Look at my arm calves. They're like legs. Look at these beefy babies. And look at you. You guys are all so beefy. And then when I get up there, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna shout the new count. Normally we count two, one, two. But then when I when I sell to say eleven, you're gonna go like this. Eleven! And then they they should have been going like this, and then they should have gone, they should, it should have been like a motor. And then just ramp. Should have motorboat. Yes! Should have motor moted him. And that's the other thing. He he's like, you know, he's gonna be like this. He's gonna go like, okay, we're gonna we're gonna head right towards him. But then when I go like this, when I hold this hand up, all these oars go up. And so then we go spin this way, and then when I go like this, those ones go down, those ones, so they would have gone like this, they'd have gone right into the side, boom, there we go. The the whole flaming arrows thing was just like it was so dumb because you were like it was all dumb. They had better weapons, right?
SPEAKER_01:And then when they stormed them, just weapons, they had just any weapons. The other team has no weapons. You you lost. I'm sorry, you lost this battle.
SPEAKER_03:And yeah, their their choice of how to make it exciting. And the other greatest thing is there were sharks in the Coliseum. There sure were.
SPEAKER_01:Do you think that was a real thing that happened? How do you capture a shark like that? That was not a thing that happened.
SPEAKER_03:They did do the boats. The boats is a real thing.
SPEAKER_01:I I remember I feel like we've had that conversation for some reason before, and you've told me that, which I think is very cool. It's very cool. But also, you know, how do you get all that water in there? One bucket at a time. In my head, that's what they're doing. You know what they're just saying. You know what the Romans have to get people up?
SPEAKER_03:The Romans have aqueducts. You know what an aqueduct is? Um no. What the aqueducts are is say there's a lake in Geneva, right? Great way. Probably is. So they build like these uh they build a trough, right? And the trough goes down one inch for every two miles.
SPEAKER_01:Well, something like that. It's gonna have to be more than that, dude.
SPEAKER_03:Well, it just keeps going down. And so these aqueducts like were everywhere. They and you can go see them. Where did we see the aqueducts? We were in Europe, we saw aqueducts. They're beautiful, Rome.
SPEAKER_02:We didn't go to Rome. We didn't go to Rome.
SPEAKER_03:I'm sorry, yeah, yeah. And they would aqueduct not just to Rome, but the whole idea is they moved active water where they needed, and sometimes these these aqueducts can be like 50 feet tall. That's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_01:You know, because they got across big spans. So it's kind of like uh playing with marbles, you know, the whoop the marble racers, you could build those plastic banks. Yeah, I get it. I get it.
SPEAKER_03:But they they'd be miles and miles and miles, you know, huge public works. And that's what the Romans also did. The other big thing that they did is they made roads.
SPEAKER_01:Do you think that you build those backwards? Then you must, right? You must start at the bottom and then build them very slowly up to the water. Because if you start at the water, you're just gonna be wasting water the whole way as you put new piece, new piece, you know, so much water is wasted.
SPEAKER_03:I'm just thinking out loud. Well, I think you could probably just do the final foot to the water at like at the end.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, sure, but then you're building like most of it regular, then going back. I mean, yeah, who wants to backtrack, Dan? Alright. I'll take it up with the Romans. Thank you. Talk to somebody. Uh Acacious.
SPEAKER_03:He's a hero. They win. Uh he grabs a crossbow and tries to shoot the shoot the shoot Acacius.
SPEAKER_01:Uh yes. And he misses. He does miss, and then no one knows who fired it. Is that what it's like? Well, he almost hits the emperor and that pissed off the one of the emperors. Right, but then no one knows who fired it. But everyone was watching.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah, and then they go there and they're like, Who did it? And they're all like, I'm Spartacus, I'm Sparticus. Oh, and then they laugh. Then they all laugh. They're like, Oh, we got him. Which, of course, he he just pulls out a crossbow and shoots the first guy that says I did it, right?
SPEAKER_01:Right. I mean, I don't know. It's very weird. It's a weird scene. But also, there's there's just a hundred, no, way more than a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand people all watching. Nobody saw who fired it. They didn't have detectives back then.
SPEAKER_03:Detective's a more current thing.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well.
SPEAKER_03:The first detective was Johnny Depp in the uh Sleepy Hollow movie.
SPEAKER_01:Wait. Is that real?
SPEAKER_03:That's a great movie. He does play an early detective in the uh in the Sleepy Hollow movie. That movie, that movie's bad. Should we do that movie? No. No, no. Let's do that movie. I'm gonna change my movie. At least the stupid one we did had super hot, sexy Eva Green in it. Which one would we do? Barnabas Collins. Dark Shadows. Oh, you're right about that. We did the monkey movie too. We did Planet of the Apes. And we did. And we did Dumbo.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, I don't remember doing Dumbo at all. Danny DeVito? Dumbo DeVito.
SPEAKER_03:Um, don't you remember they have like the Disneyland World's Fair at the end that they go to and it gets really weird?
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, I do remember that. Yeah. What's happening? That's um um Penguin. What's his name? Danny DeVito. No, the other guy you just said it. Colin Farrell. That's yeah, wow, they're both penguin. That's just blew my mind, Dan. Holy cow. So many penguins. Um it's like we're in the multiverse here.
SPEAKER_03:Don't you remember there was like the little girl who like you'd we'd seen in something else we knew she could act, and they made her into like little Miss Wooden. I'm not having any emotions. It's you know what, Tony? I gotta pause it. Something.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, please, please do.
SPEAKER_03:Having characters in movies have emotions makes the movies better.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but so much harder to make, you know, there's so much more effort has to go in on everyone's part. Just don't do it, guys.
SPEAKER_03:Just don't do it. Okay, so uh McCritus goes to see the senator, and it's like, this is my house now, my house now! Okay, it's his house. We're gonna never get to this movie. Uh. And his plot is to dethrone the emperor.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, somebody's gonna go to rescue the Lucius. There's lots of marching around, and Lady Lucella gets arrested. There's Bowman. For what exactly? For trying to rescue Lucius. And then, like, there's these bowmen. But she's not there. Yeah, she's there.
SPEAKER_01:Pedro goes out there.
SPEAKER_03:No, they rest her too. They arrest her.
SPEAKER_01:They were both there, okay.
SPEAKER_03:And then there's Bowman who shoot everyone except Pedro. They're like, everyone ties instantly. And then the throne room insurrection is revealed, and it's a big love fest for Macrinus. He's not gonna get crucified, he's gonna be be a friend to the Emperor.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, we have a Davi scene where he talks about seeing Maximus fight, and he was kind, and he bowed to no one. Sure. And he takes him to the tomb, and he's like, and here's all this equipment that you can wear in the final battle.
SPEAKER_01:I wish he would have said that. Um Acacia. And the way that they use it, oh, I know we're not there yet, but the way they use it is so stupid. Uh, it's the next day. Uh next day, here we go.
SPEAKER_03:Acacius has to go and go alone, he has to fight four guys, and he just kills them all. And then they're like, Oh, we better send out our big guns. We send out Lucius, and Acacia they fight a little bit, and then Acacia's like, I don't want to do this, I surrender. And he's like, I love your mom, dude.
SPEAKER_01:And then that is what he says. It's very strange. It's a strange thing to say in the pit. But, you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_03:And then the fans chant and they bow death him.
SPEAKER_01:He gets Porcupine.
SPEAKER_03:Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine, porcupine.
SPEAKER_01:I wrote Porcupine 2. It's so funny. It's the it's my favorite scene in the movie. Why is it your favorite scene in the movie? It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. I just, what is the point of this? It's gonna kill me. It's my favorite thing because of how dumb it is. It's so stupid. He gets stuck so many times, and it's not dramatic. I don't care at all about this game. I never cared about it.
SPEAKER_03:So I just laughed. I never cared about anyone in this movie for even a second.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my god, it's so funny.
SPEAKER_03:Um, is this how Rogue treats its heroes? And then the fans get ugly, and then the emperors retreat, and Macrinus just sits there observing what he has wrong. He's stinking. Yeah, he's just dunk. Just dunk. Uh Macrinus goes and talks to Lucius, and then he's like, You let him live. Like, I gave you what you were supposed to do, and you didn't do it. And he's like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:He says something about being a free man, and so it's his choice. And I was like, No, you're not. What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_03:Why do you not want to kill him? He didn't even say anything.
SPEAKER_01:You're just like, yeah, he just said, Yeah, I love your mom. I'm porking your mom. And he was like, Cool. Bet.
SPEAKER_03:I'll tell you something later, and it's insane.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I can't I can't put a pin in it.
SPEAKER_03:I can't tell it's on the second. Is that what you're saying?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, secrets. I love this.
SPEAKER_03:The Emperors are fighting. Caracalla has syphilis. Uh for sure. Yeah, he's McCrinus splits him up, and then he he pumps up McCrinus. I mean, Macrinus pumps up Caracalla. I think I think uh is about to die. The Emperor's fight with Macrinus.
SPEAKER_01:The syphilis kid wins. Well, the syphilis kid stops. He right? He doesn't quite do it, and then he pushes it in. Denzel comes up. Joseph Quinn uh is says, help me! Who's Joseph Quinn? He's uh the other senator guy. Oh, Gotta? They're emperors, they're not senators. Oh, yeah. Okay, whatever. From Eddie from Stranger Things.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, that was Eddie from Stranger Things.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's Eddie from Stranger Things. You didn't recognize because Eddie's a dull character that nobody cares about. Um yeah, so he says, help me, and then Denzel just helps the other guy saw his neck or something. Uh it was super weird. It was a weird scene.
SPEAKER_03:Now, with back to Stranger Things. Were you were you waiting for like the secret bonus episode that that they were gonna release that that fixed all this shit that they fucked up?
SPEAKER_01:No, because it was perfect. It's a perfect dando. Did you watch the documentary about the making of it? We haven't we haven't had time because I keep leaving my wife. You gotta watch that well, it's on the docket. Oh, okay, good. Why why?
SPEAKER_03:You want to say something. Nope. Okay. Uh the mom goes to see her son. You sent me a wave. They brought you back. They talk about rings. I'm sorry for acacia. We all live and die for Rome. I'm not gonna lose you, mom. Foreshadowing he is. He's definitely gonna lose her real quick. Meanwhile, at the Senate, uh syphilis boy makes Macrinus his number two. Oh, this is it. This is the best. Here we are at the Senate. This is Macrinus's big his big chance. What happens?
SPEAKER_01:Well, so he this is the scene where he has to. I don't so first of all, set up the scene because I don't understand exactly what's happening. His brother's dead. Do these people know his brother's dead yet? Or do they probably know? Do they only know I don't know? Denzel picks up the head and Tropic Thunder.
SPEAKER_00:Sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So syphilis is there, there's in the Senate, all the senators are worried.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And he says, Who does he I get to nominate people? I get to nominate my my my co my consuls.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And so how many does he get? Three. Two. Is it just two? So he picks um Denzel. No. And then he picks the monkey. Picks the monkey. And it's great. It's this cute, the cutest monkey in the world. Um, and he's the council, and everyone is confused by it. He picks the monkey first, doesn't he? Yeah, he picks the monkey first, and every everyone's kind of silent. And then Denzel is like, hail the monkey, and then they all lump the monkey. And then and then syphilis says, Well, and also, hey, this guy is also gonna be a hero. And then they all are excited, and then Denzel has a bag, and he and he's gonna be a good one.
SPEAKER_03:Then the Epic says, We're gonna have three things. We're gonna have a parade, we're gonna have a parade, we're gonna have more games, and mass executions. That's funny. Uh very good. Then he wanders off and McCrinus like goes, Hey, but hey, everybody, by the way, here's Gata's head.
SPEAKER_01:And he pulls out this rubber head. It's which looks terrible. Um, and then he puts it on a pillar and he starts turning it around as if it's looking at people. Which I could not stop laughing at. Do you remember the part in Tropic Thunder? Where where Ben Stiller thinks it's fake, and he's like playing with the the severed head, and he sticks his finger at it, then tastes it. This it was almost the exact same scene, and I could not stop laughing. It is ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03:You gotta have somebody that in the room that remembers what happened at Drop It Thunder.
SPEAKER_01:And it's just like you can you can't do this. I'm sorry. You can't do that.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, then what was it about? I mean, if they'd have put that in the beginning and shocked the senators with that, sure, then you're like, oh, okay, shit, shit just got real.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but no. No. No. That's you know, super weird. Super bizarre. I love it.
SPEAKER_03:And then McCritus is like, I need control of the Praetorian army. And then what does he do after he asks for control of the army? I don't know. What does he do? He fondles the throne.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah. Okay, is that what he was doing? Because he walks up to the chairs, but it's they're too far away almost, it seems, so he has to lean really far over to reach them. And I I didn't understand what he was doing. It's called fondling. It's just fondling. Alright, you just touched.
SPEAKER_03:Most people movies do it the photos.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, oh, oh.
SPEAKER_03:It's Dan's favorite thing in the world.
SPEAKER_01:Fucking stupid. Uh, okay. I'm gonna put that. If I ever get to write a movie, I'm putting that in the movie. Oh, but to the extreme.
SPEAKER_03:Macrinus goes and tells Lady Lucilla his his plan, Rome must fall! Law of the strongest! He's uh he hates Marcus Aurelius. That's why he hates her. That's why he kills her. Because he hates Marcus Aurelius. Her dad. Why? Her dad. Because her dad just just because he stands for Rome or something, and so she stands for Rome or something.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I guess so. But he also is, isn't he kind of the reason he became a free man? Because he became a free man because of himself.
SPEAKER_03:That's the whole thing. Right? I mean, I guess every rich person in the world thinks they're only rich because of themselves. That's the problem.
SPEAKER_01:Right, but we all know that's not true. All of us born people know that that's not an accurate statement. Your exploitation of the masses is what's made you a fucking rich person. Right. So that's I yeah, I don't know. It's weird.
SPEAKER_03:Unless you're a super creative person, and then you deserve all the money you make.
SPEAKER_01:And you shouldn't have to pay taxes. There you go. That's what I was waiting for.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Uh and then I wrote, I'm gonna death you. So he's like, he tells her he's gonna kill her. He tells her she does kill.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he's very clear that he wants to do it. My only problem is once he sees the situation and sees that Paul Mescal is killing everybody. See, that's the whole thing. Just change a plan.
SPEAKER_03:You're you're acting like these characters have an agency to actually act like human beings, but they don't because they're sure they're driven by these these ancient rages or these ancient, you know, these things they need. You know, but we never see that in the movie, so we assume we assume that Macritus is a pragmatist.
SPEAKER_01:I don't even know what that means, so I don't assume anything.
SPEAKER_03:It means he's gonna do the the the thing he needs to do in the situation that's gonna benefit him the best. That's what a pragmatist always looks at things uh yeah for the to see the true reality of them, and they will not the pragmatist will not you know jump off the bridge. Sure. Because why would you jump off a bridge? That's stupid.
SPEAKER_01:Because who would ever do that? What a terrible choice that is. Uh I would jump off the bridge if you did it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. You're you're you're you're an idiot. I'm a pragmatist. You know, it's like, you know, or the pragn the pragmatist also they'll jump out of the plane with the with the extra Parachute to save the person.
unknown:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:But they won't sure sure. They won't jump out of the plane without an extra parachute to just watch the person die.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_03:There's a good analogy somewhere. I'm still getting there. I'm workshopping my analogies.
SPEAKER_01:We're finding our way through the trees.
SPEAKER_03:So Lucius goes to Ravi and says, Ravi, my man, you've got to do the ride of Ravi that will be sung about in Edda's for a thousand years to get to the army and tell the army that that what's happening. And take my ring.
unknown:What happened?
SPEAKER_01:Take my ring. Go see Darius Sextus. That's not his name. Is that his name? That's his name. Sextus.
SPEAKER_03:Robbie does the right and he delivers the ring, and so there it is. That's great. It's great. I wrote the plan. They roll, they roll Lucilla out on a wagon, and then they're supposed to be like a fight or something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Correct. But then the bowmen kill Lucilla. Lucilla? Lucilla? Well, so here's what I here's what I understand. What happened in this part? I didn't really write down too much on this. There's armor, armors, nope. There's army guys. The mom is on some sort of float for the for the parade. She's on a wagon. Yeah. And then Paul Mescal is supposed to defend her by himself. Yes. But he has somehow released all of the gladiators. He released all the gladiators.
SPEAKER_03:He unlocked them all. They knocked out the belt, the pit boss. So they all come out and they save him and her. And so then all the archers in the stands get pissed off, and then they shoot her. Don't know why they don't shoot him. Why don't they shoot him? Um, you know. Gladiator. Then everybody goes crazy, and they they throw the archers off the thing, and then um Lucius says, I'm not a general, but we're all soldiers, and they let's fight for honor. Oh, this this is it. Then they tries to defend the mom. The gladiators charge. Macrinus has oh, the 6,000 to 5,000. So the Praetorian Guard is 6,000 versus 5,000. That just sounds pretty close. Very close. The people turn on the archers, McCrinus poison needles Caracalla, and then he pulls out a poison. Right in the ear. Right in the ear, yeah. Poison poison needles imminent. That was a wild thing to do.
SPEAKER_01:Usually what you do is you wait until they're asleep and then you drip poison in their ear. Oh. So if it goes in the ear, it like gets the brain or something? A lot of good stuff into the ear.
SPEAKER_03:A lot of good stuff in those ears, man. And then he pulls out the bow and shoots Lady Lucella. Uh Macrinus flees, Lucius to make it. They meet the army, the army and the Praetorian Guard meet at the old gate, and then the horse falls down, and then then somehow Macrinas thinks that he's gonna fight.
SPEAKER_01:So Lucius. But he does for a while.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, I mean that's the You and I would fight for a while, and then he'd kill us. I mean, anybody can fight for a while, but you're just like, hold on a second.
SPEAKER_01:But he's winning for a while. He's not winning. He's got him underwater, and if he wasn't wearing a chest plate, and then Denzel wasn't stabbing the exact.
SPEAKER_03:That's the best part of the whole movie. I forgot the best part of the whole movie. So Denzel's win. Denzel's winning. He's got him under the water. He's wearing he's wearing Maximus's chest plate, and he's got a sword.
SPEAKER_01:Which Denzel has seen, by the way, because they were not in water the whole time. So he knows what he's wearing.
SPEAKER_03:So he's he's poking at him, and each time it goes in, it goes ding, ding, ding.
SPEAKER_01:And he just does it over and over and over. You're not doing anything. I don't know what to tell you. Um, let's finish this movie. Um, we're doing it.
SPEAKER_03:And then his ghost mom comes by his side, and then he uh I think he he cuts off of uh with Critus's hand. The hand. Yeah. Yeah. He creaks out of the water, he tosses a sword, he's like, There's too much death, no more blood shall be spurn spilt in the name of tyranny. Now is the time we rebuild together.
SPEAKER_01:Now, because this is what I thought basically happened at the end of the first one. So is anything gonna change?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, they'll rebuild it for rebuild it for 10 or 15 years until like a new tyrant comes along. 10 or 15, that sounds like a long time. That's what happened with these things. You know, somebody rules for a little while, then they get kicked out, and you might have some nice times, and then it goes back. Et too, brute. Uh Lucius goes back to the Coliseum, he mourns his mom, he honors his dad by throwing dirt in the air, and then he says, Speak to me, father.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't get that.
SPEAKER_03:I don't understand speak to me, father.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I don't understand what he's doing, but then doesn't he go into another dream walk where he goes and sees his wife or something?
SPEAKER_03:No, but he saw his ghost mom while he was under the water.
SPEAKER_01:Ghost mom this time, okay. Yeah. So, you know, that's a thing that happened. Here's what I'm gonna say.
SPEAKER_03:What are you gonna say, Dan? One of the greatest movies ever made is called Lawrence of Arabia. Tony's never seen it. I yeah, I've never seen it. Tony's never seen a real movie.
SPEAKER_01:Um I've seen F1 nine times, Dan. This movie's incredible.
SPEAKER_03:They um they do all this fighting, and they, you know, yeah, they they they do all this stuff, they're fighting, they're fighting. They finally they storm the one city, they drive off the Turks. And the the now the the Bedouins, I think they're Bedouins, are f have to form a government, right? And everything just falls apart at that point. And it's just the proof that there's there's these different levels to things, and and the fighting scene, you know, you it's fun to see that stuff in the movie, but in reality, shit just gets started when the fighting ends. And that's like the most bullshit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Because they're making you a dumb promise, and it's a promise that reality is just like throwing garbage. Yeah, 100%. It's ridiculous. And that's why Lawrence of Arabia is a great movie, and this movie is is just a a don't be forgotten thing. It's already forgotten, and it came out last year.
SPEAKER_01:Well, two years ago now, right? Because it's 24. Oh, two years ago. Jesus. We're doing great.
SPEAKER_02:Two years ago. Um, so what I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, if if anybody cared about anything and anybody and anybody could write a decent speech, we'd have had some speeches. Or if anybody could write an act an actual spin into a you know how this guy becomes a leader, he shouldn't have been a leader. He should just have been another guy on the wall.
SPEAKER_01:That is correct. He shouldn't have started a leader because there's nowhere to go then. And also he didn't seem like a leader anyhow. So it was all for nothing.
SPEAKER_03:It was it was a useless leadership position. You know, the big boss guy should have said, Oh man, you know, I gotta get you to be a leader. You know, you could have helped my guys do the right thing, and he's all like, you don't understand. I need to stand next to my wife because she she controls my life and she has to tell me what to do.
SPEAKER_01:That's my life. Gotta love you. Gotta love wives. Amen to that. I'm all in. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03:Anything else? You want to talk about the music of this movie, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:I don't even remember the music of this movie. So no. I guess not. Anything else on this nightmare long show that we've done? I didn't enjoy this movie very much. Um it wasn't fun. Nope. So that's always a bummer for me. I like fun bad movies, you know. This movie was just kind of bad, you know? Oh, kind of bad.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, now we talk about something we like this week. Go, Tony.
SPEAKER_01:Um we have started watching Best Medicine. Have you never seen the show? With uh I want to say his name is Josh Charles. I don't know. He's from the Goodwine, he's had a great career. Sports night, great show. Um, anyhow, so he's like a small, he's like a big town doctor that moves to a small, quirky town, and then he's their small town doctor. It's got you know heavy northern exposure vibes. If you remember that show from the Hollywood. Michael J. Fox, great stuff. Great, great stuff. Uh you watch this weird show. What's it called? Well, I mean, we're watching it on Hulu, but I believe it is on Fox. On Fox. Oh, so it's a real Best Medicine. He's a curmudgeon and the town's quirky, and you know, he's just trying to figure out. It's fine.
SPEAKER_03:I'll watch a little bit of that and hate it. Give it a shot. Um I started and have almost finished F1. The Wrecking Crew.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, I forgot that came out. Mamoa and Dave Batista. Thank you, Batista. I was like, oh man, I forgot it's it good.
SPEAKER_03:Marina Baccharin, who's not in it enough, but she's in it. She's in the new Greenland movie, Greenland 2, which we have to do.
SPEAKER_01:Is it bad?
SPEAKER_03:I don't care. I want to see that movie. That's a movie I want to see.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't care. We gotta know.
SPEAKER_03:Even if it's well, if it's bad, if it's good, we'll still do it. Um that's right. It's a fun movie. I like it. Um, Dave Batista's a good actor. Jason's a pretty good actor.
SPEAKER_01:You'll you'll see, you'll watch it. You'll see. What was that movie? We did the the weird Western like Milojovich movie? Yeah, what was that called?
SPEAKER_02:I have no idea what that was called.
SPEAKER_01:Into the Badlands?
SPEAKER_02:Something like that.
SPEAKER_01:I know that's something different. Anyhow, that that movie, he was bad. So, okay. Uh if you if you tell me it's good, I'll just do that.
SPEAKER_03:Lots of fun dialogue. They're they're in conflict the whole movie. Super excited. And they just give each other crap the whole movie, and they play very different characters that give cre each other crap in different ways. And they feel like brothers, and the family feels like a family. I re I thought it was great. I mean, I haven't finished it. I'm I'm I'm on to the second last uh action scene, which I think is gonna get pretty absurd, but sure.
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:That the two of them are just so much fun.
SPEAKER_01:They're just I yeah, I'm I'm very excited for that. I that might be our Saturday night movie, the one night I'm in town. That'll be our Saturday night movie this time.
SPEAKER_03:Tony, we need a movie. Get us a movie. What movie are we gonna do whenever we might next meet?
SPEAKER_01:My head's all spinning because I had a movie picked out that you're gonna hate, and I was like, that's fun. But then you mentioned Sleepy Hollow, and now I'm like, maybe we should do Sleepy Hollow Hall. Oh, I should do the one I'm gonna hate. Let's do the one I'm gonna hate. All right, well, so I've been in a very since the Anaconda 2. What is it? Anaconda. Did you watch it? What movies? No, but we're going to, and I've just been in a very Steve Zahn mood since that trailer came out. Oh, the trailer, okay. Uh yeah. The trailer. Yeah, yeah, the trailer for that. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna go back to one of the worst movies that I've ever seen. Uh, it's called Strange Wilderness. You probably doesn't even look like you've heard of it. Uh late 2000. Is it the Seth Green one where they're on a boat?
SPEAKER_03:On a boat. On a river? I mean, on a raft on a river. A raft on the river? I don't think so. Do they want to be like nature guides or like influencers about nature?
SPEAKER_01:Matthew Lillard and Seth Green and No, no, no. So that's without a paddle. That's actually a great movie. I've seen that, and it seemed like it was kind of without a paddle. Uh when they're cuddling in the cave, great stuff. No, Strange Wilderness, I think it's about Bigfoot. I think they were looking for Bigfoot. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03:Maybe. I mean, I I I've heard of it. It rings a bell, but I don't think I've seen it.
SPEAKER_01:It's a movie that we saw in the theaters, and I hate I just hated it so much. And I was like, I wonder why. So we're gonna do it again. Gonna do it again? You're gonna figure out why you hate it. I'm gonna figure out why I hate it, or I'm gonna love it. You never know.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, uh, we might not have a show next week because Tony's Tony's so busy.
SPEAKER_02:We'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_03:We're gonna we're gonna figure it out. We could we're gonna figure it out. Does never love me. I care. I care so much. If you if you like what we did, give us a thumbs up, subscribe, uh, comment. We get those occasionally. And um, I guess we'll be what's the name of the week? Strange what Strange Wilderness. Strange Wil we'll be back next week talking about sometime talking about strange wilderness. Goodbye, everybody.