Hate Watching with Dan and Tony

Hate Watching The Astronaut: The Twist Is Worth The Squeeze!

• Dan Goodsell and Tony Czech • Season 1 • Episode 298

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The Astronaut (2025) spends a long time whispering “something is wrong” and then, in the final minutes, it starts yelling. We go full spoiler mode on this Kate Mara sci fi thriller and try to figure out how a movie can feel like nothing is happening while also setting up one of the most unhinged twist endings we have seen in a while.

We talk craft the whole way through: what suspense is supposed to do, why thrillers need a steady climb of evidence, and how microbudget filmmaking can either feel inventive or like the movie is “vibing” its way past basic logic. Along the way we hit the weirdest choices, a remote house in the woods that no real space agency would use, surveillance tech that barely matters, and a family dynamic that seems engineered so the ending does not feel too cruel. We also get into the body horror tipping point, the cicada weirdness, and the moments where the film teases three different movies at once: alien infiltration, mental breakdown, and government conspiracy.

Then we finally land on the twist and the actual plan, and it is so bold it makes us reconsider the whole ride. After that, we cool down with what we are watching and hating this week, from Love Island UK wins to trailer disappointments to Tony’s absolute fury at Dungeon Crawler Carl. Subscribe, share the show with a friend who loves messy sci fi, and leave a review with your verdict: does a great ending forgive a slow movie?

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

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SPEAKER_01

Tony wrote a joke. Oh my god. Jesus, he hasn't lost it. Everybody in chat was like, Tony's lost it.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, what chat? What chat are you on? So put me on that chat. I'll fire off some zingers. Okay. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome

Heat, Humidity, And Small Talk

SPEAKER_01

to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony special early morning because it's hot in the world.

SPEAKER_00

It's so hot. Even now it's hot. It's humid. And that's so I don't know how many people know about the world, uh, because I don't know anything. But I moved from the Midwest to the West Coast specifically for one reason, and that's to get away from humidity. Oh, humidity. Heat is okay. A dry heat is fine. Humidity is the worst thing in the world, and we are thick this year, and I don't like it at all.

SPEAKER_01

It's definitely the most humid California has ever been. But then again, it's warm/slash hot, but it's not terrible as opposed to the rest of the world, which is terrible.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Stop comparing ourselves. We can suffer as well, Dan. Okay. It's not a contest.

SPEAKER_01

We're not really suffering. We're we're we're we're we're we're having a lot of things. I don't like this attitude.

SPEAKER_00

No, I'm suffering. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone in the history of the world. All right. Talk to some people in in Minnesota. What are they saying? I talk to people in Minnesota all the time, and I call them idiots, and I'm saying that they should move out here. But now here's not even great.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Nothing.

SPEAKER_00

We gotta we gotta go to what, Seattle? Is Seattle good? I don't know. They rain a lot, so they're probably human.

SPEAKER_01

The good news is I'll be dead soon, and it won't be my problem anymore.

SPEAKER_00

That is the least good news I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_01

That's I consider it good news. I think about it all the time. I'm like, yeah, well, if if you know that. We'll have to deal with it for long. If it if everything goes truly sideways, yeah, I'm I've I'd put in I'd put in my work.

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't like that attitude. We need at least 20 to 30 good years out of you still. And then another 20 that are not good. And then I can make fun of you.

SPEAKER_01

Somebody was talking about having like relatives that were over a hundred.

SPEAKER_00

Wow, really?

SPEAKER_01

I'm like, okay, you've got more.

SPEAKER_00

Do people really hit triple dig?

SPEAKER_01

I thought that was uh this this person's yeah, this person was like, oh yeah, a lot of 100s in his uh his uh genetic pool. Good for you.

SPEAKER_02

Good on you, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Great. I don't know if I want to hit triple because I I mean and I don't know these people. No. I'd be doing great. No interest. I just yeah, I just don't feel like I'd still be operating at a high enough capacity that I'd want to still be here. You know what I mean? I got a few more barely hanging on now, Dan. I can't say I can't do it another 60 years.

SPEAKER_01

Got a few more things to take care of, you know.

SPEAKER_00

That's then I'll be good. Get rich. Give half to Tony. I mean, you got a lot of work to do, Dan.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, that's you know, the thing is, Tony, if I did get rich, there is a chance that you might get half.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. This will sound great. Is that I assume we're talking about the will? No. Am I in the will? No, you'd probably just drive it over. I would just wish for it and it would fall from the sky.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, well, we should probably do the show. But then again, I don't know how long the show's gonna be. I mean, I'm sure it's gonna be too long, but I don't know how long the show's gonna be.

SPEAKER_00

No, it'll be a funny. This this movie's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01

Movie's interesting.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to Hate Wise with Dan, Tony. I'm Dan. We we already did the intro. I'm Tony. I'm not cutting that first part. That first part's in there. All right, we did it.

Why We Picked The Astronaut

SPEAKER_01

Uh, we talk about movies. This week I picked a movie. I picked the 2025 The Astronaut with Kate Mara.

SPEAKER_00

Never heard of it.

SPEAKER_01

Hour and 30 minutes. Um This is more of a sketch of a movie than it is a movie. That's what I'll say.

SPEAKER_00

That's fair. I let me let me ask you a question. Yes, that's fair. Did you find more tension in this movie or obsession? Oof.

SPEAKER_01

The fact that you're even saying oof is a problem. There was no tension in this movie. But there wasn't an obsession. Anyhow. I'm just trying to think if there was like one, I'm trying to trying to conjure up like one scene in obsession. Yeah, there's more tension in obsession because they they the the diner scene, you get about 30 sec 30 to 30 to 40 seconds of tension where you're like, oh shit, here we go.

SPEAKER_00

And then we didn't go. Then we didn't go.

SPEAKER_01

We're like, oh I'm sitting back down and we're like, that was close. That was close, everybody. Thank goodness we didn't go there. Yeah, Tony's annoyed because nobody watched our obsession video and and and was angry at us for having the one contrary opinion.

SPEAKER_00

It's not that I want people to get angry. I want people to understand why they're wrong on the movie. And if they don't listen to me, they're never gonna learn. You know? It's true.

SPEAKER_01

It's a problem. That is true. So yeah, the astronaut. Um, spoilers, a lot of spoilers.

SPEAKER_00

Um at least there's a twist in this movie.

SPEAKER_01

There is a there's a twist in this movie. This movie, like it kind of it kind of does lots of things kind of right. You know, like it's it doesn't fall into lots of pitfalls, it sort of goes along, and and then you get to the end and you're like, well, there's the twist. You're like, I well, I didn't really see that coming. How could you see it? Doesn't make any sense. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. Basically, this is basically this movie. Is what if E.T. instead of phoning home had just made a human suit and just stayed. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_00

That's what it is. That is what it is, and it doesn't. That's the movie. Um it is I had so much fun. So here's what I'll say. What did you say? It's like 96 minutes or something like that. 90 minutes, 90 minutes. 90 minutes. I would say for 80 minutes, I was like, this is a terrible movie. And then for the last 10 minutes, I was like, this is the best movie I've ever seen in my life. This is incredible. Who thought about this?

SPEAKER_01

I I I kind of you kind of wonder if the filmmakers, you know, they're like, we got this great idea. Let's make a film. They put they make the film, you know, they have one set. They're like, oh, we need is one set. That's that's all we need. Yeah, it's great. I mean, it's kind of like obsession, right? Obsession definitely, you know, catered their thing to the thing. Um and then do you think they got to be in, they made the movie and cut it together, put the music on it, and then looked at it and was like, yeah, we killed it. Or do you think they looked at it and they were like, there's a lot of high fives in that room. Maybe we should have actually had some ideas.

SPEAKER_00

They had an idea, Dale. No, they had an idea.

SPEAKER_01

You got it. They had an idea. And it's great. This movie teaches you you gotta have a couple more ideas than just one idea. But they did have one idea.

SPEAKER_00

You gotta have a bag full of ideas, you know? Uh, because the problem is, is again, it's 80 minutes of nothingness. And then the 10 minutes, I'm like, what is happening? This is great. Um, so yeah, you need something to fill the first 80 minutes, you know?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you know, there when your big tension thing is, oh, I found some rocks with with surveillance equipment, and the guy's like, yeah, because we have high-ranking people, stay here.

SPEAKER_00

So, like, yeah, don't worry about it. It's all good.

SPEAKER_01

You're like, Oh, well, that that makes perfect sense. There there is no reason for them to have you know equipment watching her necessarily, you know, and they don't really watch her necessarily. So it's no, they don't seem to care that much. Yeah. You know, the the whole thing about a thriller is you're supposed to have this the building preponderance of evidence for the thing that you think is going on, which everyone tells you isn't going on, is actually going on. That's what a thriller is, right?

SPEAKER_00

Sure. Or counter pitch. You just waste a bunch of time pretending things are happening, and then you get to the meat of it for a very short time. One of those two. You're right.

SPEAKER_01

I was watching something. Well, I don't remember what it was I was watching, but you you're it was something good, and you were just like, Oh, you see how they did that? Where you where it was something sort of scary. God, I'm trying to think what it was.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_01

And they would just have these like long shots and make you just sit in it, and you'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. You know, don't want to be here. You can like have a shot that has really nothing going on in it, and the audience is sitting there going, like, no, no, no, no, no, do not walk, do not move, run, run away, run the other, but you know, and then they walk towards the thing, and you're like, ah, this works. This this movie didn't have any of that.

SPEAKER_00

This you know what this movie does have, though, is some of the dumbest character choices of all time. Oh, I mean, we'll talk about them, but she oh yeah, you know what? I'll just save a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01

Save those because I don't know what the I I'm not quite sure what you're you're what you're referencing.

SPEAKER_00

There's one scene that I'm watching it and I'm like, what is she doing? This no, you can't, no one would ever do this, but they might. In fact, I might do it. Who knows? I'm very stupid though.

SPEAKER_01

So okay, here we go.

One Idea Movies And Thin Scripts

SPEAKER_00

Uh a movie with uh just so many production partners, so I so I don't totally understand how making a movie works, obviously, because I've never done that side of the things. Yeah, but it does feel like for a movie that was so underwhelming, there were a lot of people that wanted to get in on it.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I mean, that's the thing is you stitch together all these people, right? That's your whole idea. If you've got this thing and you get, you know, you've got to make it for $3.2 million. Not bad. A lot of money. I mean, I don't know if this is $3.2 million, but you you gotta do a lot of work to get that $3.2 million in real life. You know, it's not like studio money where they're just like, oh, we have to shoot this money down a hole because we have it, you know, because I mean that's the whole thing with the studios, is they make money off the other movies, and then they have to waste all that money on other stuff so that they don't have to ever give that money to anybody else.

SPEAKER_00

Well, sure.

SPEAKER_01

That's how that's how the movies work.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. The movies.

SPEAKER_01

So we

Ocean Fear And A Better Shark Movie

SPEAKER_01

start off in the ocean. Uh, the ocean is scary, which I was like, okay, ocean is scary.

SPEAKER_00

Ocean is scary. For first of all, I think I'm sure I've talked about this. I am terrified of the ocean, won't go in it. And the music was appropriate. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_01

Can you imagine if you were in a plane crash and you crashed in the middle of the ocean and it was just you, Tony? How would you enjoy that?

SPEAKER_00

Dan, have you no, I would not enjoy that at all. There was a movie. Oh, crash shark movie. Deep Water 2026 just came out. It's got uh Too Face in it. What's his name in real life? Shoot, Aaron Eckhart, yeah. Oh, and then you know, a bunch of other people. And we watched this movie because it's a shark movie. So we're like, we love shark movies, they're so fun, they're so silly. This movie, not silly at all. It's the I should just save this for the end of the movie, but it's a plane crash that was hyper realistic, and it took 20 minutes for this plane to go down, and then it turns into a shark movie, and it's super tense the whole time. This movie was great, um, but it was it's my literal nightmare. They crash land in the ocean, and then they're surrounded by sharks, and I was like, oh my god, what's happening? So that movie, check that out, everybody. If you want to see a tense movie, fuck obsession. Watch this movie. Deep water. Deep water, there it is. See, see, but Danny, to answer your question, yeah, that would be my nightmare. That's a horrible, horrible way to go.

SPEAKER_01

That's what I'm gonna make happen to you. The last thing I do on earth. I'm going out. I spent all my money just to engineer Tony's plane crashing into drifting.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks, Dan.

SPEAKER_01

So here come the boats to pick it up. There's just like these little boats you could rent. I don't know. You want to talk about the helicopter, Tony?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, the matchbox helicopter. I don't know. I don't think I think three million is too much. I don't think the I don't think this costs three million. I don't know. I couldn't find it. I looked it up, I tried to Google it. I said, um the astronaut movie budget, and it just tells me how much budget NASA gets. So I don't really know what's going on there. Um nobody cares.

SPEAKER_01

But they have one image where you have a helicopter, you know, matchbox helicopter there on a string, and then one time they they they put a they put a uh uh a shadow going across. I was like, see, that's what I like, that's what I liked about this movie. Is they did a lot of they they did a lot of money saving smart things. You gotta to avoid things. You know, it's like, well, we need a hospital. Well, why don't we just not shoot in a hospital, but instead shoot in a generic office building with and not ever show anything hospital-like. Great. Great, perfect. You get the vibe, you know what I mean? All you need to do is vibe it. But at a certain point, you're like, oh, they're vibing everything. So you you you better, you know.

SPEAKER_00

We're not cutting one corner, you know, we're cutting all four corners off of this piece of paper.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because at least with ups and that's why you gotta praise obsession, is it looked good and it sounded good. It looked great, looked like the acting was great.

SPEAKER_00

So they the technicals were on point. I would never say anything different. And it a lot of talented people made that movie.

SPEAKER_01

A lot of everybody in that movie's gonna go on to do great work. The people that worked on the astronaut, you're like, well, I I hope so. I hope you keep working. I'm rooting for you. You know, there's always television, I I would think.

SPEAKER_00

Is television worse now? I feel like television might be better now. That might be harder to get into. I don't know. Everyone wants television now because that's a steady gig, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, God, what was I looking at? I was I was I was lamenting everything. All I was lamenting all the all the creative arts those last few days. And I was looking at something, and I I it was like a maybe it was an improv festival, it was some or a comedy festival or whatever, and it was like four different days, and there was ten people, ten people, ten people, ten people. There were like forty people doing this thing. Of course, I didn't recognize any of the names. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And you're like, all of these people are gonna fail at their dreams.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do. We cr we fail hard. Yeah.

Making Art With No Money

SPEAKER_01

One last thing. There's this one Magic the Gathering show that I watch, which is called I think it's called Hurry Up and Shuffle. And it's like these these Canadian guys, and they did uh they did an episode where they they recreated a land party. Oh and they used the shot from um South Park, because I guess they did a land party in South Park. And then they basically recreated this whole thing, and basically filled up multiple cars with the stuff, and then were using like real things, and they had like an old one was an old CRT, and he was trying to figure out how to run the image of the Magic the Gathering online thing on there, and so he was like talking about how he was probably gonna have to put another monitor where it was actually running on the ground and then get it up in there. They and they and it was so they did the thing, the thing, the real show was like 25 minutes, and then they did a 20-minute show about making it and you know the sort of behind the scenes and it was like they made no money on this, but these guys had a creative impulse that they had they they wanted to make this thing happen. They all have real jobs, and you know, there were there the the four guys, there's four three or four guys that are usually on the show, and then there's like it was interesting to see their two friends that did all the camera work and you know, just endless editing, and you know, I have to actually say praise for Tony. Tony edits all these shows and puts them all together. I don't do anything because I'm a lazy bastard.

SPEAKER_00

I don't do a lot. It's not like those guys, you know.

SPEAKER_01

But when when when people have their singular vision and they they put it together and they do a thing, and you can see how beautiful it is. You're like, this this is the human creative spirit. There's a lot of stuff out there that's absolute shit. Maybe people work a lot on it. You know, I we don't know. We're we're making fun of the astronaut. There's probably a lot of people that put a lot of heart and soul into this thing. Oh course, and you're like it's out of love. It's out of love. I love all of them. That was the other thing. I was I've I had up my my Facebook feed, our kaiju bail bonds thing came up, and I watched that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, classic.

SPEAKER_01

And it was just like joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. I mean, that was the most jokes of anything I've ever been involved in in my life. And it's just like, and I mean, I think I can't did I come up with that? I might have come up with that idea. Yeah, that was that was your best. I came up with that idea, but Tony added, uh Tony added stuff, our buddy Dylan added, he did all the graphics.

SPEAKER_00

The visual the visual jokes are great. Yeah, it's it it it was it was nicely done.

SPEAKER_01

And you know, it's only maybe a hundred views in its whole life. Right. 90 of which are mine. And that's you know, we we we put in the work, and then the lucky the lucky few get to rise up to the top and and get seen by everyone, but yeah, you still gotta put in the time because that's what you do.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, my thing, and this is people always disagree with me, is like if you're gonna make something, make it right. But everyone else is like, just make stuff, just make as much as you can. And I understand. Listen, there's two camps, and I understand that idea is like the more you put out, the more people will see it. But if it's not good, are they going to care? I don't know. But my thing is if you're gonna do something, you do it right.

SPEAKER_01

I I agree with you mostly, but I I also think there's there's an amount of just doing stuff and continuing, you know, you've got to do a bunch of stuff to get there. And you know, I don't know.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

I don't want to get anywhere, uh which should be pretty evident to you.

SPEAKER_01

So they

Hospital Setup And Floating Objects

SPEAKER_01

break into the capsule, inside the astronaut, we're on a spaceship. She's got a there's like a hole in the capsule, I guess, and then her helmet is broken. So we're like, yeah, so she's probably got an alien in her or something.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, but we never really figure out why any of that, right? Well, they sent not to jump to the end.

SPEAKER_01

They sent her out into space. We're jumping to the end. They sent her out into space and then she transmitted some signals, and then I think the aliens tried to get in to do it, but they brought her back before they could, I guess.

SPEAKER_00

I I mean I guess, but I don't know. They just did they just throw a rock at her and they're just like, wait, don't go away. And then that's it.

SPEAKER_01

For a movie that doesn't have that that much going on, they really actually do not provide the answers to what's to what happened.

SPEAKER_00

Which is fine. Which yeah, whatever. It probably wouldn't make sense even if you tried to explain it, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_01

She wakes up, she's in a hospital. I think it says on the wall, you know, NASA hospital or something. So you know it's NASA hospital. Oh, I see. Thank you. And then we we do a thing which I didn't really think about. She's like there and there's a pen that floats in the air. We don't ever really explore, I think that we have it happens one other time.

SPEAKER_00

We never really explore that things can float around. No, because they try to they try to convince you that it's in her head a little bit, because they're like, oh yeah, you can see things or something. Yeah. There's this whole there's this whole storyline of this movie where they're trying to convince her that she's crazy a little bit, but we never lean into it hard enough for it to actually feel like she's going crazy. We all know that she's not. Yeah. So it's if if you're doing this movie right, we should be questioning whether these things are really happening.

SPEAKER_01

We should the the questions we should be asking are is there an alien inside her that wants to do something?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Is she actually losing her mind? Right. Or is there some sort of giant government conspiracy to convince her of something?

SPEAKER_00

And honestly, it's kind of all three, which is why I like the ending of this movie, but it doesn't play any of those real enough to earn the ending.

SPEAKER_01

There's this old movie with uh James Garner. Not an old old movie, but maybe like early sixties. Late late fifties. Dan, that's sixty to seventy years ago now. That's old. He wakes up in a hospital and basically they're telling him he's had amnesia for like five years. His hair is gray, his eyes don't work, you know, he he can't he needs glasses now. And then the idea is World War II has ended, and he was had a vital part of World War II.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And so basically what the hospital really is, is the Nazis trying to get information out of him.

SPEAKER_00

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01

And so it, you know, you sort of have these two things going where he's trying to figure out if he really does have amnesia, but he's also trying to see through their subterfuge. Yeah. And that but the Nazis only have so much time. And so it's there's all these great tensions. And that what movie is this? I have no idea. It sounds good. Oh, it's a great movie. Great movie.

SPEAKER_00

Garner, Nina.

SPEAKER_01

James Garner, G-A-R-N-E-R. The Rockford Files guy. 36 hours. 36 hours. So they only have 36 hours to get the information out of him. And then he also kind of he figures, I think he figures it out at a certain point, and then he has to string them along for that amount of time.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Just to make it. It's very interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It has, it has, you know what it has? It has multiple layers of tension working together. This one. And that's what you want. That's what you want.

Family Drama That Does Not Land

SPEAKER_01

In come the suits. She wants a cheeseburger. She's hallucinating. And then she's like, what happened with my capsule? Did I hit something? And then everybody's like, um, no. I wouldn't worry about it.

SPEAKER_00

Try not to think about it too much. Just relax.

SPEAKER_01

Uh then the husband and daughter come to visit her through the glass.

SPEAKER_00

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01

This is the worst part of the movie. The husband and the daughter are the worst part of the movie.

SPEAKER_00

Not, and it's not their fault. No. The storyline of the of these two characters is the worst. One, Kate Maher's character never likes either of them, which is wild.

SPEAKER_01

She never likes either of them. She hates both. That's a choice, isn't it? Uh, yeah, I just I hate them. Right. I want to I want to get the space to get away from them.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean that's what it is, though, right? She's I it's weird. I mean I understand the idea is she just loves space because that's where she feels like she belongs, and then it turns out, hey, you do belong there. But it comes off as like, I just don't want to be with my family. I just gotta get as far away from these fucks as I can. She never likes the daughter. There's never a moment where they connect in my mind. The husband is clearly looking for a divorce. Yeah, he's looking to get us minute one, he's looking to get a barbecue or something, and he's like, Nah, I don't think it's healthy for her to see us together. What? What do you mean? So he's out, he's two steps out the door. I just it's it's a very weird family dynamic. Um I am assuming they're setting that up so that you don't think it's too jarring when she abandons them at the end. But it doesn't help okay, it doesn't help me at all.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was it was bad. You were you were like you were like, there's there's too much. I mean, even though they they contextualize it very, very loudly, it's also too much subtext. You're you're just trying to like, well, what are we what are we supposed to be getting out of this? The husband wants to leave her because she loves her work.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Okay, she loves her work. Also, to be fair, she never likes him. She's never like, no, no, I love you. She's just like, Yeah, I love space. So, but don't leave me. I love space. It's it's weird, dude.

SPEAKER_01

Okay,

The Woods House And Secret Monitoring

SPEAKER_01

they we get some nice uh drone shots of her driving him, or she gets driven out to this house in the woods.

SPEAKER_00

Some beautiful, like, I don't know where they shot this. Oh, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01

House is great.

SPEAKER_00

It's yeah, beautiful stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Money well spent on the location. Amen. You're like, if you're gonna buy a location, buy this location, it feels good. Um, oh yeah, and grandpa, I forgot grandpa, is uh Lawrence Fishburne. Lawrence Fishburn as the military guy, he's very supportive of her. Um that's her dad. We're like that's her daddy. Okay, her dad's you know, we're not sure what's going on with the dad.

SPEAKER_00

I will so here's what I will say is I I like that she he obviously adopted her, yeah, and then she adopted the kid. I I think that's like I like that. Obviously, there's a reason for it in the movie, which makes it less interesting to me. Um, but I just I just like that idea. Yeah, it's nice.

SPEAKER_01

And if we'd had a few more lines about it and about, you know, what goes on with that, that would be great. But they don't really because I didn't know that she was adopted. I was Oh, that's fair. I did not know that. You have to tell me things like that, or I'll I'll just sort of sit here. I won't say I was like confused and it took me out of it. I was just like, well, I'm waiting for an explanation at some point, you know. And I mean, if you just say her mom's white, I'll just be like, fine, that that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, totally. That doesn't matter to me, but sort of stringing it out as a mystery that when it's resolved doesn't mean it because it doesn't mean anything to the character.

SPEAKER_00

Not even a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

No, so that's true. So letting the audience off the hook, there's no reason to keep the audience off the hook unless you're gonna be telling me something very interesting about it during the movie, not in the last 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00

That's fair.

SPEAKER_01

Man, the last ten minutes of this movie is wild. Okay, so they get to the house, they show her around the house, miles away from everyone. Basically, they're gonna do medical tests on her to make sure that she's okay from the flight. Any of us that has a brain knows they would never do this in a million years, so this is super weird, but she thinks it's okay, so you're like, okay, I'm gonna let this. We'll buy it. Yeah. They're never gonna take you to some weird diplomat house to do this testing. They would always be doing this.

SPEAKER_00

But we can agree that this means that everyone in that facility knows she's an alien, right? Yes. Okay. So, like, the dad, this isn't actually NASA. This is like the dad's secret task force of NASA. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

But I mean, the the problem with all that, you know, from a truly structural point, is she'd know the protocol of what happens when you come back from space. They would never take you to a weird random house and then leave you alone for long periods of time. You know, it's like, no, they that would never happen. They would, you know, they would have you being monitored and they would put you someplace comfortable.

SPEAKER_00

Debrief. I'm pretty sure you have to have like debrief conversations about what happened up there. All right, it's cool.

SPEAKER_01

You would have needed a couple lines to explain why they were bumping her out here, but they bump her out here, and we're just we just have to roll with it. Um home gym, there's a telescope, but not a telescope for looking at the sky, a telescope for peeping into looking in the woods. If there's like a naked lady in a in a building across the street, you can look through like you can check out the naked lady.

SPEAKER_00

So we know I love it. I thought it was great.

SPEAKER_01

No, it made me angry because when we were kids, we had like a real telescope that you could look up at the sky, and I'm like, Well, she said she had one of those when she was a kid, Dan, so I think you're wrong.

SPEAKER_00

All right. I think I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_01

There's a line in the movie. Or at least, you know, put it on something that can look up, you know? So at least at least you can like get a good view of the moon or something.

SPEAKER_00

Um, I can't get above the forest line. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about it. Don't worry, that's not meant to be that way. Oh, she has tinnitus. She might have hallucinations. I get that all the time. What does that mean, you think? Tinnitus? Yeah, tinnitus. Am I loosen my hearing? No, not at all.

SPEAKER_01

Tinnitus. Oh, good. Tinnitus is just one of those things. I used to get it. I haven't had it in in years.

SPEAKER_00

But I used to get it.

SPEAKER_01

I used to, you know, at one point I had a a little bit of a problem with it. Not a big problem, but you know, where you're like, this is fucking annoying.

SPEAKER_00

This is yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um just just thank your I mean, uh you can go see the doctor, there's nothing they can do about it. Um then I won't go to the doctor. Thanks, Dan. Save me a trip. If it gets terrible, you gotta go to the doctor, but I don't, I don't, I really don't think because there can be I think you can do some diet things. I think that's what they would try and do, is try and do diet stuff. Diet? They're gonna tell me what I can eat? Nah, forget that. I'm just saying I'll let it ring all day, baby. Yeah, I had it when I was a kid, and I always just thought it was the television. I always thought it was a noise from the I always just thought it was a thing in the television. You're like, eh, let's do a television. Damn, the television's off. Eh, television.

SPEAKER_00

It's still emitting some sort of sound, do you see?

SPEAKER_01

But she wants to go on more missions, so she doesn't want to tell them what's happening with her.

SPEAKER_00

She's desperate. She's desperate for more missions, and she's talking to a friend who is also from NASA, and the friend is like, well, if you tell them something's wrong, they'll never let you go back into space. So just lie to everybody. That's bad advice. Yeah. I just say that. It's not bad advice because it was a setup. No, I mean, I understand that, but she accepts it as if, like, you know what, you're right. I can't tell them that I think I'm being hunted by an alien. And this leads to why I said there's a lot of stupid character decisions. But let's sorry, I'm getting ahead.

Footprints, Bad Choices, And Missing Answers

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So she looks at, she's got a bruise on her hand, she calls this friend, and the friend's like, you know, lie to them. Um, and she's like, but I think someone's outside, and she's like, Yeah, you just you just have a view. Don't worry about that. It's in your head. Um there's a power fluctuation, there's a boom noise, and then she goes out and there's like a dirty floor, and then overturned.

SPEAKER_00

This is the first bad decision that she makes, right? Yeah. She she hears the noise and she goes out to investigate into her kitchen. In the kitchen, there are muddy footprints. Are they footprints or are they just I couldn't figure out what they were? They're like footprints, they're not human footprints, so they're just like splotches, right? A chair is overturned, and her back kitchen patio door is open. Open door. This is not in your head. No, but she just goes, weird, I wonder what's going on, and just walks outside. Walks outside. Listen, if someone was just in your house, you shut that door and you call the police, right? Yeah. Um, but no, she just walks outside as if like this is totally normal. Ah, chairs overturn themselves all the time. I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe I left the door open. Um, and then she goes and looks in her sweet, sweet telescope and finds an alien. Does she see an alien out there? She sees something move in the woods. Okay. And it didn't matter because she isn't all that scared by it. She's just like, huh, something moved in the woods. That's weird. Uh just non-human reactions, which I guess makes sense. Well, then she gets now that I'm thinking about it. She does get a flashlight and goes out there, right? Right, which is worse. So now she sees something move in the woods. And her first thought is, ma'am, it's still, I still don't think this is real. So then she goes and gets a flashlight and decides to look in the woods. She's eaten. If this is a real movie, she's eating. Uh luckily, you know, that's her mommy out there, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_01

And then they do things, it's the thing that I hate, which she goes out there, the tennis, she has a tinnitus attack, and then boom, she wakes up in the morning. I'm like, wait a second. No, you can't you can't do that. You can't do you she has to either if she wakes up inside, then the implication is something happened. You know, that something how'd she get back inside? She has to be covered in mud, she has to be something, but you you just didn't tell us what happened.

SPEAKER_00

Right? Correct. So well, because we didn't figure it out, to be honest with you. We're just we didn't know how to end it, so we just skipped it. I hate that.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, she does a breakfast montage, and there's a floating egg. Okay, floating egg. Uh, here comes the medical team right after it. We do another montage of puzzles and weights in her brain. Uh she gets a cramp, and then they're gonna ice it up, and then they ask her any more hallucinations, and she says, no. Nope.

SPEAKER_00

Which is true because all of it was real. So, yeah, she's not lying.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, she calls home, and this is when we really see that the husband's done with her.

SPEAKER_00

Um such a weird scene.

SPEAKER_01

And then they they they establish that the daughter was adopted, and they hope that that had worked. And then the daughter does it has a drawing, space people. Okay, space people.

SPEAKER_00

Let's just talk real quickly. If if you are in a relationship, I'm about to give some real relationship advice out here. So everybody listen up.

SPEAKER_01

I'm in a relationship, yes.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so you are in a relationship, but you're in a good relationship. Two relationships, and one with a dog, that's the good one. That's a great one. Well, and then the other one, and Shannon, also good dad. If you're in a bad relationship and things are rocky, and you're like, we need something to bring us back together. Don't buy a child. Okay, that's a terrible idea. Children just bring more stress to a relationship. Like, it's hard to co-parent. That is a tough thing to do. That's not gonna solve problems. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Do not do that to the child. That's a mean, selfish thing to do. Tony, I have something to tell you. Uh, are you getting a child?

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

We've made the decision. You can adopt me. I'm in. Oh, wow. Ugh.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah, it's not gonna go well. I'm telling you. I'm gonna tell you this. You're gonna have to spend the first year or two in a crib. I could do that.

SPEAKER_00

But is it how is it a normal-sized crib? Because then I'm gonna be real cramped in there. I don't know. That's gonna be tough for me.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, we gotta we gotta talk about uh yeah, let's talk about some stuff. Oh no.

unknown

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, uh, she's walking in the woods, gets more tinnitus, she finds a beeping rock, follows a cable to another beeping rock.

SPEAKER_00

It's a really big cable, by the way. I it's not very hidden. I don't know. It's a serious cable.

SPEAKER_01

She trips and hits her hits her head on the rock, and the next morning she's inside with a cut head, and you're just like, did she go unconscious?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, she must have. She must have been out cold because I think this is the one where the guy says, We found you outside.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, he does say he found you outside. You're right.

SPEAKER_00

So she, yeah, she she tipped over and she was out cold for a whole night. That's not good. That's not good at all.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, Dad Lawrence Fishburn shows up and he's he's really good. He feels very compassionate towards her. And so Fishburn's the bad. So he's a pro. So the turn at the end where he's all like, uh, I I don't, I'm not, I'm only here to use you was really weird.

SPEAKER_00

It is really weird, and also it's the wrong move, right? Because he does love he his whole thing is aliens.

SPEAKER_01

He should be the one protecting her from the the situation.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, a hundred percent. Not the one that's like, oh, we need her to lure in more aliens. It's a weird plan. I don't really understand what they're doing, to be honest with you, but it's wrong. He should the whole reason for this is he should be trying to protect her from the US that would use her and do tests on her. And then also he's trying to hide her from his family because he doesn't want her to be taken away. Those are the two, those are his motivations based on the first 90 minutes of this movie.

SPEAKER_01

And it's like, I am not buying that a military guy, it could be like the greatest actor of raising someone for 30 years. Exactly. That's like I'm not it doesn't that that that's not that's not good math.

SPEAKER_00

No, that no, it is not.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um he takes her downstairs and is like, oh yes, this is a super diplomat place. Here's like the secret room, and here's cameras, and there's also uh plates in the ground that make it so you know who's in what room.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, which is I don't know if I believe that, but I think that's great.

SPEAKER_01

Uh this is and it's okay, so they leave. It's night, there's the night moon, and this is where I w wrote down the word simulation. And I was like, is this all a simulation?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_01

So I was like, maybe that's what's going on here since it doesn't nothing really adds up. It's not.

SPEAKER_00

That would have been cool though.

SPEAKER_01

Uh she's in the hot tub, and there there's wind, and then there's no wind.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. No one can do that. Well, maybe aliens can do that. You don't know. I can it's making the answer. Like no wind.

SPEAKER_01

I I know about wind. I I don't know. They're not. Yeah, exactly. That's not, you know, you can't suck up all the wind.

SPEAKER_00

No, it's moving. The sp here it is the spaceship is uh intaking the exact speed of wind, so then it feels like there's no wind. You see, it's two opposing forces acting equally. I don't know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, here we go. There's power fluctuations. She calls Mark Walker. I don't know who Mark Walker is. Who'd she call? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know who that is. I don't remember that even happening.

SPEAKER_01

So I think she calls in and they're like, breach detected, and the whole house is gonna go on lockdown? Lockdown. Yeah, crazy. Lock does lockdown mean anything? I don't know. I don't know. Um, she goes inside. She goes to the breakers. I don't know. The door is opening. I don't know what's happening.

SPEAKER_00

There's nothing there's a jump scare at a window. Of the alien behind the clear door? I don't know. I don't know. There's there's one really great shot in this movie. I can't remember. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So she goes into she goes into the bunker and there's no power, and then the power comes back on, and then she sees an alien on the camera, sort of.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, the fuzzy or whatever. Yeah, she's like a zzh zzh zzh. That's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then boom, she's asleep and she wakes up in the morning.

SPEAKER_00

Like Right, because after that, you know, it it really tuckers you out. You know, to not understand what's happening. I'm always like, oh, I'm so tired now. I don't I gotta go to bed right now.

SPEAKER_01

And boom, it's the next day we do more testing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

They examine footage and the footage shows nothing. So it's like, mm, is she crazy?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. But it but it does show something. That's the thing, is because it does show the squigglies. They see the squigglies and she's like, there. And then Fishburne's like, nah, that's not a thing. Ah, don't don't try to pay attention to that. Uh, which is the first time we were like, that's weird. That's a weird thing for him to do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And and he's so convincing. I never really thought he was like the bad guy or part of the conspiracy. And if he's gonna be part of the conspiracy, oh my god, dog, just would you make a decision? I this is like the third time I've let her out. Oh well, she's in the comb. She don't know where she wants to be. She's in the comb because she's been licking her paws too much.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, that's they don't like that at all.

SPEAKER_01

I had like a mental breakdown when we had first had to put the cone on her. Oh, I I don't do well.

SPEAKER_00

Because she doesn't like it, and then you feel bad. I can't.

SPEAKER_01

I'm I'm empathetic. You might not think I'm empathetic, but I'm I'm empathetic to the animal.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I was just here to say I I'm a human, and therefore you are not empathetic. But yeah, for sure. You have love for a deep, deep love for animals. So I I believe that 100%.

SPEAKER_01

Except the human animal.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we're not animals. We're worse. So much worse.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Uh the stupid husband arrives.

SPEAKER_00

Stupid husband. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Uh she's got more bruising, she's got nightmares, hallucinations. Um, and then she talks to, I think she talks to him about how when she was out in space, she she's like, I don't know what I was doing out there. I was just broadcasting random signals into space. When you go out into space, they kind of tell you what you're gonna be doing.

SPEAKER_00

They don't just be like, that's guess what, it's more than a brief, a very short briefing. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, there's not that much poppin' circumstance around. They're just like, who wants to go? You volunteer, and they're like, okay, just have fun and then come home safe. That's about it. NASA. That's why they lost their funding.

SPEAKER_01

So that's why. Um, she's worried that something followed her back.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And I that would be a fun. It follows. Listen, no, we're not doing that movie. Although I I do really want to see his new movie. What's his new movie? The End of Oak Street or whatever. I'm I'm pretty excited about it. It's supposed to be eh. Oh, is it? Oh no, maybe we'll do it for this then.

SPEAKER_01

Because I'm gonna see it either way. It's interesting, I was reading about because that's the it follows guy, then he did Under the Silver Lake, which they spent a bunch of money on. Under the Silver Lake, great movie. Mostly. And then yeah, this new one's just it's I think my buddy said it's just like a Spielberg movie. You know.

SPEAKER_00

The fact that hold on. Talk about Steven Spielberg, one of the greatest directors of all time. You just were like he said it's like a Spielberg movie. Ugh. Well, I mean we're gonna Is that a bad thing? We're gonna isn't are we using Spielberg as an insult now?

SPEAKER_01

Well, we're using it as like peop you know, like they made that Super Eight film, which was like the worst film ever. We should we should do that film. That film was that film was trash.

SPEAKER_00

That film was the worst film ever. That film was trash. Okay. You're like haven't seen it since it came out. Yeah, I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_01

It was trash. You like, you know, everybody likes to shit on the Duffer Brothers, which I'm like, I get shitting on the Duffer Brothers because that last season was terrible.

SPEAKER_00

No, I loved it. I don't care what you people say.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna kill the monster with my tiny knife.

SPEAKER_00

Tiny knife. Sometimes that's the best way because you don't see it coming, do you, Dan? All right. If it's a big monster, the smaller the puncture wound. Yeah, you know, death by a thousand paper cuts.

SPEAKER_01

If a mouse ran up to me and poked me with a needle, I'm not ever going to die.

SPEAKER_00

I would die just of fright. Does that help? Yeah, we know you would. If a mouse carried a needle in its mouth and jabbed me with it, that's a horrible, horrible time for me. I gotta get to training my mice.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, okay, what are we doing? Uh okay. Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. You got on the Duffer brother somewhere.

SPEAKER_01

We do some more things. She's like looking at the videos and sees the fuzzy part, and then there were nine people in the house the night before. Which feels like a lot. I don't know. And like, like, can't you just present that evidence to someone and then they'll be like, oh, that doesn't work, or oh but she she never talks to anyone because she's hiding her craziness or whatever, because she needs to go to space so badly. She hallucinates something that she's looking at on the screen, and the husband is looking at the screen.

SPEAKER_00

It's so weird. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. And the husband doesn't care because he's like, I hope she dies.

Body Horror And Cicada Weirdness

SPEAKER_00

I'm really hoping this is the end of it.

SPEAKER_01

Um, she they her and the family go walking in the woods, they lose the stupid daughter, and they find a dead cicada, and then they get swarmed by cicadas and they have to run inside.

SPEAKER_00

And that's weird, right? Is that they they act like it's a little weird, but not like weird, weird.

SPEAKER_01

It's highly coincidental because the cicadas come out like every 17 years.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, well, there you go.

SPEAKER_01

So, you know, that would be pretty crazy. That would be pretty crazy, I agree. Uh, there's weird circles of them, and then they change the weather patterns. And then the family I wrote this down. The family leaves in a copper-colored car. Tony, what does that mean? Where'd they get a copper-colored car?

SPEAKER_00

You just didn't like the color of their car. Why are you so judgmental about the way that people like to drive their cars? No, the color.

SPEAKER_01

It's the color of the color.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, the color, the color of the car that they chose to drive. Sure, but I but when you drive a car. Why are you messing with my arguments? When you pick a color of a car, it's because you want to show it off to people. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, I don't know. I want people to look at my blue car and be like, that guy gets it.

SPEAKER_01

So he gets it. So we're supposed to read some intention from the husband about his copper color card?

SPEAKER_00

I think so. That he's a real dumb dummy.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Like burnt copper is my least favorite color for a car. That's true.

SPEAKER_01

What the fuck are you talking about? How do you have a least favorite color for a car?

SPEAKER_00

Because when you see it on the street, you're like, boy, that's dumb. It's that and it's the matte army green of the Tesla trucks. Those are like the two things that I when I see them on the street, I'm like, you just return it. You you I don't like you as a human being based on your decision to buy that car.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, Tony, you're so crazy. Okay, here we go. This is the point at which I wrote This is the credulity tipping point.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So we don't we no longer believe them, but why? Well, the because the scene. Tell me. Yeah, tell me. Give it to me.

SPEAKER_01

She's in the I guess she's in the bathroom and she she her foot's all fucked up and then she peels her toenail off.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um we all remember Jeff Goldblum's the fly.

SPEAKER_00

We do. Some gross stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Gross stuff.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You can't have this level of gross stuff, and then she's just like, burp, I gotta get back to space. Yeah, you you gotta give us something. You know, she peels off her own toenail and her legs are all bruised.

SPEAKER_00

Her body's literally falling off.

SPEAKER_01

She's dying.

SPEAKER_00

She's dying. Something is wrong. Yeah, something's real bad here.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, this is this is not no.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. But it's in her head, Dan. Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, okay. She's okay to uh there's all these bloody napkins.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's pretty gross.

SPEAKER_01

She puts a table. Why did she put a table in front of the door?

SPEAKER_00

It'll block the door. Okay. I'm assuming yes, but Dan, that is a sliding door. So a table in front of a sliding door isn't gonna do anything. So I don't know why she would do that. Because the door still just opens, and then I crawl over the table and I'm in your house. Oh, well, see, that's the thing. You gotta crawl over the table.

SPEAKER_01

That gives her that gives her time. Okay, I see. If they come in full run second, then a full run, then they're gonna trip over the table.

SPEAKER_00

Just gonna hit it on their side. I mean, running into a table on accident is the worst. It hurts a lot.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Um okay, so she looks up the cicadas and and then she looks up prior. Oh, they come prior to alien abductions. So cicadas.

SPEAKER_00

Is that has anyone Googled this to see if that does come up? Because that feels a little weird.

SPEAKER_01

Well, this is they're positing this is a different world, Tony.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, are they?

SPEAKER_01

It's not our world. We don't have aliens.

SPEAKER_00

We do not have aliens. Uh, first of all, we do, uh, without a doubt. But I just don't understand. She all she did was Google cicadas, and the first thing she sees is like, well, it's aliens. Do you think there's aliens walking around the planet? Walking around our planet? Yeah. No, I don't. Okay. I want there to be. Well, no, I understand you want there to be. Well, listen, apparently they can just take an antidote, which we'll talk about later, that they call it an antidote, uh, and then they could just be human. So it's you wouldn't even know, Dan. No, it wasn't an antidote, it was a disguise. No, no. They called it took, they said, quote, took an antidote. Oh, really? That is the word they used, and I was like, I don't think you meant that word.

SPEAKER_01

So the antidote, so if you drink the thing that they refer to as the antidote, you become a human. You become a human.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Which is like you're hearing your race. I don't understand what that means. That's very strange.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. So she calls the stupid husband and it's like, uh, there's something in the house. Help me. And he's like, I'm coming back.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Let's talk. This is this is the other terrible character choice, right? Because there is something. She's being chased. Is this that's this scene, right?

SPEAKER_01

We're getting there. We're getting there. She's got to go down, she goes down the stairs. Yes. I wrote she's oozing, she turns on the cameras, and it detects if there's one person in here, and then it turns off the cameras, and then then she starts running, and then she goes into rooms, and then we have gas blowing on her, which I hate more than anything.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and she's crawling, and then she's hiding from the aliens, and they're glowing. They have spots that are glowing, and she's crawling.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I don't love the alien design in this movie, obviously. Pretty mid pretty mid pretty silly. Kids would say. Um, so she she knows that there's something in the house. Oh, yeah, it's clopping around. And she is telling her husband, who's driving their tiny child back to come back to the house. Bring her with you, please. Come help me with that. Please, honey, please help me and bring our tiny helpless daughter so she gets eaten. I don't have to worry about her anymore. It's very weird. And then she asks him at one point in this scene, she's like, Was I a good mother? Really? The answer's no, you weren't. You weren't a good mother. But I also don't believe you would care enough to ask that before you die. I just don't buy it.

SPEAKER_01

Um, her, I wrote, her hand has a terrible makeup on it.

SPEAKER_00

It does. And it doesn't go away. Yeah. It just stays.

SPEAKER_01

She crawls an event, the husband arrives with the daughter, and then the husband sees a glow in the forest, so they go to the forest. Why?

Alien Break In And The Chase

SPEAKER_00

Why would you go after it? If you have a tiny child with you, why are you chasing danger?

SPEAKER_01

She's found a sea she's crawled down a tunnel and then found a secret hatch which puts her out in the forest.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yep, great stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Now there's Hump V's coming in, and they're moving in, and then uh once Fisher gets to the house and he's searching, and she falls down as an alien approaches her, and then the alien starts talking, and then they're like, We've missed

The Twist, The Antidote, And The Real Plan

SPEAKER_01

you. You are family.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So then we have a flashback to like this To what? Okay. I'm gonna explain something to you, Tony. Please explain it to me, Dan. Back in the 60s and 70s, okay, the Japanese like kaiju movies and all the crazy movies, you know, where like the guys are like the Power Rangers and all that came from. Oh yeah. They always did all these fights in these weird industrial areas, so there'd be like a big pile of rocks or something, and then they'd be running up the rocks and down the rocks. Just because you could film there and there's nobody around. No one's gonna tell you to leave. Yeah. That's where this occurs.

SPEAKER_00

It's like that, but at night with some fires. I don't know. Why are who's fighting? So this is what I was confused about. Is this Earth then? Are the aliens invading Earth and we're trying to stop them? I don't understand what's happening.

SPEAKER_01

I think the aliens have landed at a like a concrete site, you know, place where you load up concrete and then we the army figured it out, and the army of trying to catch one. Okay, great. Great. It's okay. This was like probably the worst thing in the movie because it just you're just like, what is happening?

SPEAKER_00

When it cuts to a flashback of some sort of alien war, I was like, what is going on? This doesn't make any sense whatsoever. It felt more like an alien war on it on like Mars or something. That's what it kind of felt like. 100%. Yeah, that's what, and I was like, so we did we kidnap her? But that I don't think we did. I think they just left her behind looking all human in there.

SPEAKER_01

So somehow she gets left behind, and so this is when she takes the antidote and the antidote her parents give her the antidote.

SPEAKER_00

So they know how to disc I it's so confusing. I don't understand what's going on, but they give their daughter the antidote. She becomes a human because that's how things happen. Yeah, so she is now a human. It's called a oh, they say it's a camouflage. She's camouflaged as a human. Camouflaged, yeah. But that's not a camouflage, right? Because she can't have her alien DNA still, because she's a daughter. He can't pay off every doctor that she's ever seen in her whole life, can he? No one's ever taken blood from her one time. They were trying to get pregnant. You're telling me she didn't go to like a fertility doctor, and they're like, Well, here's your problem. You don't have any of the insides you're supposed to have.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. I think you're overthinking it, Tony.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, am I overthinking it? That this alien turns into a human and lives for 40 years. Uh so here made me laugh a lot.

SPEAKER_01

It's pretty crazy. So basically, the premise is she's an alien. Lawrence Fisher has raised her, and now they've made her become an astronaut so that she could go out into space and bait the aliens back. Yeah. Then when the aliens so that they could steal their spaceship.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Because he's I didn't actually get that.

SPEAKER_01

This is what he says. Tell them to leave the ship. It's government property now.

SPEAKER_00

Oh shit, you are right.

SPEAKER_01

That's what he says. So that's the whole plot. The whole plot is to get an alien ship.

SPEAKER_00

We just want to be able to travel the stars, baby.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I get it. I mean, who doesn't want a better car?

unknown

That's a good point.

SPEAKER_01

It's true. And then she gets mad at him for you know raising her as a human. Right. How dare you give me a good life, you son of a bitch! And then the husband that doesn't love her attacks and gives her gives her the the chance to escape because somehow it's only Lawrence Fishburne with a single handgun.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody else found them. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01

Here's your plan. Here's let's let's lay out our plan. Lay out our plan. This is our plan. We have this alien, but she's dressed up like a human. We're gonna send her out into space, and then we're gonna trick them to come back. They're gonna follow her back because they know there's one of theirs and they want to rescue them. They're gonna come and land in the in the forest, and then we're gonna confiscate the ship, and we're gonna confiscate the ship by sending out Lawrence Fishburne with a single handgun.

SPEAKER_00

I agree. Because we don't want to overwhelm them and scare them, you see. It's peaceful negotiations. Okay, this is what should have happened.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. That first time when she walks out there and she trips over the rocks, you know, and finds all that. No. Instead, it's a giant rope net.

SPEAKER_00

Sure, great. Because someone's trying to capture the alien. No, the ship. Capture the ship. Oh, the ship. That's the net. They're gonna put in a net.

SPEAKER_01

Just whipped it up. I figured it out. That's a great move. We gotta get this guy on the phone and we'll tell him big net. He just has to reshoot a few things. Movies.

SPEAKER_00

Just put in a net there, buddy. You're gonna be fine. Big old net. Um, it's wild. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then she says to her daughter, uh, I'm an alien, but I'll see you soon. And then they all they all go off camera to get in the ship that's off camera to fly away in the ship that's off camera.

SPEAKER_00

Well, the daughter says she's cool with it. Did she say she was cool with it? She's all like, yeah, she was like, don't worry about it. It's all good. You can go. No trauma involved in this. No trauma because none of them like each other. Honestly, the dad and the daughter are probably thankful that she's leaving. Yeah, they're like, finally, we got rid of her. Dad, go get a better girlfriend. Um, this movie's crazy.

Final Verdict On A Messy Delight

SPEAKER_00

It's I was really worried that it wasn't gonna be worth it to sit through it. I've changed my mind by the end. It's worth it. Please, everyone see this movie. It's so fun.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, it was. It didn't really go anywhere, but it it also wasn't. I mean, what are you doing? Hey, stop it.

SPEAKER_00

Oh boy. Well, yeah, because she got a cone on. I'd be pissed too. Yeah, you should have a cone on.

SPEAKER_01

I should, but I don't because I don't go to the doctor. So we didn't have a show this week because Tony had an audition. Did you book the role, Tony? Sure didn't. Nope.

SPEAKER_00

Swing and a miss, as they say. Uh Hollywood's hard, man. Hollywood's very hard. You know what? Oh, I probably can't talk about it. I don't think that's a lot. That's the end of the movie. Um when the commercial comes out, I'll tell you why I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay. So that's the movie. Uh, you know, it's not that long.

SPEAKER_00

It's not that long. It's pretty boring for about 75 to 80 minutes, but the last 10 minutes is worth the worth the trip, I promise.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What a treat.

SPEAKER_01

Tony,

What We Liked And Hated This Week

SPEAKER_01

tell us about something you like this week. Or tell us about something you want to grouse about because I have like five things I need to grouse about.

SPEAKER_00

You got more stuff to get mad about? No, I I liked a lot of stuff in my life, you know. Um, I just wanted to say What's that mean? Um uh Love Island, UK finished up, and it's the first time. I can't even remember, I can't remember how many seasons we've watched, but probably I would give or take 20 seasons of this show between the different countries. This is the first time that the person that I wanted to win actually won the show. Really? Okay. And it feels great.

SPEAKER_01

You like it feels so good. You've been walking around on your victory lap, you're like, I'm the guy.

SPEAKER_00

Lorenzo and Yulia are my favorite people that have ever been on the show. It's a it's a real treat. By the way, spoilers if you haven't finished, I apologize. Um, it's great, it's really fun. And then Ted Lasso starts this week, and I'm so excited. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01

Bringing back old Ted Lasso.

SPEAKER_00

Bring him back. He's gonna coach a lady soccer. It's gonna be great.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, here's my here's my complaining. Uh neuromancer trailer uh release. Looks meh. Okay. Uh the new Blade Runner TV show trailer release.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I didn't see that either.

SPEAKER_01

Meh. Uh watch the He-Man movie. Watch the first half of the He-Man movie. Meh. No, no!

SPEAKER_00

Should we do it for this show?

SPEAKER_01

Nah, it's not bad, bad. It's just it's total, totally all they they want to make a type of white TT movie, and they try to pretty hard pretty hard to do. You know, there's there's some good jokes, there's some stuff, but you're just like pacing and tonally, you're just like, yeah, there's but they have the kid is good. Uh what's his name's good as Skeletor? Um what's her name's good as Evil Lynn? They're all fine. They're all fine.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um shoot. That's too bad.

SPEAKER_01

And then, well, I'm gonna talk about something I'm getting very angry about. Uh my thing I like this week is I I started Mortal Kombat. It's it's okay. But but Mortal Kombat too. But Carl, Carl Urban, his the one scene where he fights the bad guy, I I was like, yeah, okay. I you know, Carl's great, Carl's great. We've said it before.

SPEAKER_00

He's the fucking man.

SPEAKER_01

He can, you know, and you're like, man, if only this was really good. You're like, yeah, the ideas are good, but they can't execute.

SPEAKER_00

The killer killings, the yeah, those are great. Some of them are really fun. It's very gruesome. It's very gruesome in a good movie. Which is what it should be. Yeah. I enjoyed it. Mortal Kombat. Finish him.

SPEAKER_01

You were like, this is gruesome. I'm like, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you for being gruesome in your weird movie. It's really close to being a like a great movie. It's good and it's very fun. And I like I had a great time. Yeah. But it almost crosses that line into being like, oh shit, is this good? Yeah. But it it's not quite there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So Master of the Universe kind of the same way.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, you know, okay, looks good, you know. Um, the thing I'm angry about is this Dungeon Crawler Carl.

SPEAKER_00

What

Dungeon Crawler Carl Writing Rant

SPEAKER_00

do you mean about the show? No. Or the you know, like the books? Why? Maybe I shouldn't know. I'm reading the first, I'm reading the first one right now.

SPEAKER_01

Did you read the first five pages and did you not want to kill yourself? It's the worst. It's the worst writing I've ever read. It's the worst writing I've ever read. Okay. There's I think there is an exposition.

SPEAKER_00

You need to read more independent books.

SPEAKER_01

There's an exposition dump that's just like, and this and this and this and this and this and this and this. And you're like, I have been told. Maybe you could have a stupid character discover some of these things?

SPEAKER_00

No, no, no, no, no. That's hard.

SPEAKER_01

I have been told the writing gets better. Just for the record. I guess it's pretty misogynistic, and there's a there's a bunch of like kind of creepy stuff in the first one.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm all I'm like two-thirds of the way through the first one. Yeah. I'm not cruising because I don't love it. Okay. But I've been told that it gets better. Okay. And so I'm trying to, I'm trying to get there just to see if it does get better.

SPEAKER_01

I just I I I oh I had like the audiobook. I put the audiobook on. Not the audiobook.

SPEAKER_00

How is it? People say that they like it.

SPEAKER_01

It wasn't the audiobook, it was like uh just a reading of it or whatever. Oh, okay. Yeah, I just I couldn't take it. Just like it's it's just terribly is that how all books are?

SPEAKER_00

Is that the problem? No, it's not all books, but this is like this is a guy that was like self published at first and then it just caught on. So I think that I I believe that his writing will get stronger. But I don't know. I really don't know. And it's I've been reading this book for two months, D. So it's not great. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I just everyone's like, these books are the greatest. And I'm like, how did you make it past these first five pages? I mean maybe maybe it just everything because it sounds like they're, you know, everything just this happens, this happens, this happens, and it just keeps, you know, and they you get dragged along because you kind of want to see what happens next. Yeah. But if the writing is just so exposition heavy, exposition dump, I'm like people standards have lowered in the world.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know if you've noticed this. I guess it's happened with with entertainment, it's happened, books, it's happening all over the place. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Tony. That's my those are my complaints. I just had to get that out to somewhere because I couldn't find anyone else that was complaining about that book the way I want to complain about it, and now I've complained about it.

SPEAKER_00

I'm happy. I'm happy you had that catharsis.

SPEAKER_01

And I'll watch the TV show because hopefully the TV show people figure it out. Figure it out. And I agree. And sort of shed all the stuff that you don't know.

SPEAKER_00

What's his name, right? I don't know. I don't know who's doing it. Um the family guy guy doing it. Oh, okay. That gives me great faith because his running it.

SPEAKER_01

His Star Trek show was super fun.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Orville. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Super fun show. Um, you know, you never know. But when you think I don't know if you're a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy person, when you pick up the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, the fucker knew how to write.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You were just like, they the setups for all that stuff, you're just like, he has dragged me into this, and I want to be in this world, and I want to stay there. And the dungeon college Carl Adams was good. He was a good writer, and this thing, you're just like, this guy does not know how to write. And he does not know how to, you know, maybe his information is interesting, but the way of the way he presents his information is terrible, is terrible, my by my standards, and I can't take it.

SPEAKER_00

And I have a problem with people that try to write funny, and that's how it feels to me. Oh and I'm not gonna complain because I am still reading it. But you know how like you don't find a difference between something that's funny and something that's like, hey, this will be funny. Yeah. And that's what it feels like to me. So I don't love it, but I am gonna push through and we'll see what happens. Hopefully it gets better.

SPEAKER_01

Oh man, this dog is like she's given me the take me on a walk stare. I took her took her on a walk an hour ago. No, two at 7.15, two hours. I'm gonna take her for a walk as soon as we're there. But she's just like she's in the cone, she knows if she gives me the eyes, I have to obey her.

SPEAKER_00

Sure.

SPEAKER_01

So she got like an extra walk last night because she knows.

Next Movie Pick And Sign Off

SPEAKER_01

Okay, Tony, give us a movie for next time.

SPEAKER_00

All right, so we've done obsession, so now we're gonna do the other big one that's happening right now. We're doing we're doing back rooms. Um I have not seen this. I watched Obsession before we did it for the podcast. I have not seen backrooms. My wife saw backrooms and she's like, you're gonna hate it. So I I'm very excited about that. Uh I don't know what it's I don't even really know what it's about. I haven't watched a trailer for. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Anything about it?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know really anything about this. You haven't even seen the visuals? No, I don't even know what you mean by that. Oh, okay. Is it pretty? Or is it stupid?

SPEAKER_01

Don't demonstrate. I like to go in. I like the visuals, but I can see other people might hate them.

SPEAKER_00

That sounds like maybe me. I don't know. So I'm I'm excited. She thinks I'm not gonna like it. But I'm hoping it's you. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Man, we got too much because we're supposed to do Nate Bark Etsy.

SPEAKER_00

Yep, that yeah, that's on there. And the new Spielberg's already out. Disclosure day is out where we gotta do that. We're falling behind. We're falling behind on movies because they keep sharing.

SPEAKER_01

Three movies a week.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, that would be a lot.

SPEAKER_01

Since we missed last week because you're we did it.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it didn't work out for me, so I'm sorry. Okay, should have blew them off.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, if you like it, like what we do, give us a thumbs up, subscribe, or leave a comment. Um, and I guess we'll be back talking back talking about the back rooms. Uh back rooms. Next week. See you later, bye everybody.