UnScripted: Authentic Leadership Podcast

The Danger Of Being A Envious Leader! #Podcast #UnscriptedLeadership

May 10, 2021 John Lebrun & La'Fayette Lane Episode 37
UnScripted: Authentic Leadership Podcast
The Danger Of Being A Envious Leader! #Podcast #UnscriptedLeadership
Show Notes Transcript

ūü§Ē Can you not stand being happy for someone else's success? Do you have misplaced fears about your family, friends or colleagues? Are you possessive of information and resources others need to succeed? Are you vindictive and a gossiper?¬† Well, those are all signs that you are a envious leader! Envy is an emotion which occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it. Powerful right? Envy is¬† painful to bear and often¬† expressed unconsciously. ¬† Hit that PLAY and SHARE button to hear more of why being a envious leader is dangerous!

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 #UnscriptedLeadership #Podcast #LaneDriven #MentalLeadership #Envy #Mentality #Jealousy #Leadership  #Motivation #Purpose #LeadershipDevelopment  #Leaders #Development #poison

Welcome to the unscripted authentic Leadership Podcasts podcast. We're seeking to lead change while also seeking to understand where. Also here to provide a platform for leaders to come together to unite, to develop and empower other leaders in the areas of business, faith, family and community. I am your host Lafayette Lane, joined by my co-host, John Lebrun, in this week. We are excited. To continue our mental health series this week we are talking about the danger of being a envious leader. We had an incredible incredible conversation last week talking about getting out of that funk that kicked off our mental Health Awareness Month. And we know that the month of May around the world is mental health Awareness Month and so we're definitely here to just shed some light on that and help some other leaders along the way as we all together learn and grow in the areas of mental health. Before we get into the top, we definitely want to say thank you to our YouTube audience. Those who have subscribed to our YouTube channel. Their unscripted authentic leadership. You'll see that at the bottom of your screen, those of you that are watching those of you that are follow us on our various social media platforms, whether it be on Facebook, there are pages, unscripted authentic leadership or Instagram handle is at unscripted leadership. You can also follow us on LinkedIn. Unscripted authentic leadership. There are those of you that are not a part of our watch. Our watch audience, but you're part of our listening audience. You stream us on our various platforms there from Apple podcast, Spotify to Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio and even Stitcher. Those of you that are wanting to engage with us and connect with us and even are interested in being a guest on our show. You can check us out there on our website at unscripted dash leadership.com that's unscripted, dash leadership.com. Let's get into the topic as I sat last week we had an incredible incredible conversation about get out of that funk and we talked about the different the elements of leadership that oftentimes we focus on the outside elements of leadership that the inside what's going on the inside of the leaders often left unsaid and unseen. Often that leaves the leader going home feeling empty, an unheard, and so we want to talk about another element that goes along with mental health and leadership. And that is the element of being a envious leader, or you're serving people under you that are envious. Now we understand that when we talked about last week linked, we kicked off our mental health series. We talked about the emotions of mental health. Neither one of us are mental health experts, so we're just here to bring forth the knowledge that we have. And this give our opinion on, you know, the experiences that we have with these certain things. And I think that. Many people that will listen to this can definitely relate to the word envy. Or you may describe it as jealousy and we know envious just simply another emotion that occurs when a person lacks another superior quality achievement or possession and either desires it. Our wish is that the other lacked it, so that is a mouthful, but you think about that. Having that superior mindset are filling. Inadequate because you feel like you don't possess the qualities or the attributes or you have not gained the achievements of somebody else and you become envious of that person or group of people and we often see it so so prominent in our world today. I know we've said it so many times. Here on the podcast bro about social media and just in the time that we're living in in 2021, it's an envious age. It's a jealous age, envious at all time high if I would if I could say that be 'cause people are envious of, not even things that he wouldn't even think that are worth being envious over. You know to the point, I like how the definition said that you're envious to the point that you wish the other person lacked what they had. You know, instead of trying to be better for yourself, you just wish the other person wasn't as successful as they are. You you wish the other person on the group of people didn't live in the facility of the neighborhood that they live. Rather, that doesn't have the necessary credentials that they have. And so you build up this painful and resentful awareness. Against this person or group of people, and oftentimes we can see it in people that are our peers, but it's it's a whole another thing. When indie creeps into the leader. And when we look at different corporations or organizations, we always say everything starts from the top down. And so if you have an envious leader then the people that will follow will have that same attitude. And I think that what happens with that happens is that when you have envious people at it creates a cancerous culture. And a culture that cannot grow and thrive. 'cause you are people that are inside of the organization are always at odds at each other, and so we cannot grow. Be 'cause we are not partnering. We are more competing and so we've often said here on the park as I think we said it last week. That is not about someone being your employee, but your partner that your employee works for you. But your partner works with you. But when you have that envy, that element of envy. That's in the room and that's working in somebody's heart or group of people's heart. That is the element of competition that is not needed. In an organization or that you want as a leader or being in the leadership yourself. And so I think about that definition as well because it talked about, envy will creep in 'cause there's a feeling of inferiority of what somebody has are what we want or what we feel we deserve. You know, I'm a person that you don't have to give me anything. All I'm asking for is an opportunity, not a handout. And so you would be surprised that a lot of times people don't want to work hard to get to the place to where they think success is. They want to take a short route. They want to take a shortcut and they get envious of other people that they don't understand. They see them where they are today, but they have not seen the hard work that has went on behind the scenes and so they're asking for a handout instead of looking for an opportunity. Bro, let's let's dig into the conversation once you experience man as we go further, there's so many things that I. We want to get into, but this is just this is very good. I think our generation really needs to to hear this. Specially coming from 2/2 younger guys in our perspective. What is your like idea? What's your experience with dealing with envious leaders are dealing with people or coworkers or family members are just working with people in general when envy was an element. What was your experience with that? I think we live in just such a Instagram microwave mentality type of environment that so many people feel like if it doesn't happen right away, it wasn't meant to be. I see it all the time in like church. They'll say, well if God wills it, it'll happen. I'm like, well, he may, will it? He may will it with some work and not just that he's going to make it happen for you. He will have it happen. You have to sow the seeds first so good people do have. It's not just like. Only selfish people think this way. It's pretty common across the board everybody. I think when people get envious I see it all the time 'cause they look at Facebook and understand that Facebook and Instagram is a highlight reel. It's Sports Center. It's only the good things. So every yes we have a few friends who put out the pray for memes and stuff, but for the most part it's the best that we have to show. And so you have to quit comparing your worst to somebody else is best. But worrying about that your worst to their best. That's the comparison game. It's not the same. All you see is the end result. You haven't seen the journey. You didn't see the grind. You didn't see their failures. You didn't see the 35 mess ups that they did to get where they're supposed to be, and all you've seen is the end product. So you're like, well, I'm here in my life, sucks and their life looks amazing. Well, you know, Bill Gates life looked amazing to a lot of people and now he's getting divorced. It just came out all over Google, so it wasn't that great. OK, I'm just saying I'm not. I'm not doubting anybody who had a divorce. I get stuff happens, an everything happens for a different reason. But one thing is for certain that they don't happen because life with the couple has been going amazing. So right, I think we can all agree on that. So like you know what this has been, I've loved you. You've loved me, it's been amazing. Let's just separate. No, it's because there's been some turmoil for quite awhile. Typically an or something drastic has happened. So we only see the good parts and I you know, I don't know the story behind their marriage. I don't really care but. A lot of people get envious, I think because they look at. Work the world money everything like a pie like it's limited. A lot of people don't like to see someone else making you see this every day. The government doesn't like it. Nobody likes it when they see somebody successful making money. That's the biggest one because they think if this guy is making a bunch of money then that means less that we can make. That's not how it works. Money goes to the point of production. It doesn't go. And people who produce things. That's who makes things money is a currency is literally made. It's printed. All the time, there's no limits to it. It's not because one person gets it, another one doesn't. There's literally more millionaires now than there has ever been, so if that was a pie that would not be possible, that means that Jeff Bezos would have all of it for Amazon and the rest of us would have none of it. Walmart would have the other half, and we would all just be eating peanuts, and so it's quit looking at just because one person has something that means that takes away from your opportunity, it doesn't. There's a saying that says in the Bible says the rising tide raises all ships, which means that as the tide goes up as things progressed, that should raise you up as well. Not just not just them and you sink, but you have to be rowing, because if you know anything about surfing if you're not paddling forward when that tide hits, then you don't go forward. You have to wait for the next wave, and that's OK. 'cause there's always another wave, but you have to be moving forward. In order to get some of that momentum, I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but guys, life is not a pie. It is infinite. God did not make a lack, there's no lack in him. So that means that no matter what, no matter who has how much, there's always always plenty for you and. Money is not the key to all success. I promise you. I'm not saying don't get some, go get yours, but yes, because you know money does solve by things. Bible says money solves all things or something like that. And so it doesn't mean it makes you happy, it just means it can take away a lot of problems. But anyway. I think that was so good because what you hit on was the perspective of leadership and the perspective of envy. And that's exactly what I wanted to tackle next. And you tap right into it. Bro. That was so good. Be 'cause the perspective of leadership is power. The perspective of leadership is possession, skill, authority, prestige and when the perspective of the person that is viewing a person that is in power or perceived power. Then in the comes from a perception that you don't even know that it's reality is just to perceive reality when really, in all actuality, leadership is not like glitter and glam. Leadership is leadership, right? You have to bleed, you have to sweat. You have to put that sweat equity and you have to put those long hours and you have to put that sacrifice in. And when you have a false perception, it'll mess you up mentale because you've already painted a picture in your mind. That's really not what the reality of leadership really is. An other leaders that are in a position of maybe they've just started out as leaders. Maybe they have some people in their company that may be succeeding faster than what they think they should when they were in that position. They can cause them to become an invidious leader, because I really want to hit on that title because the title is the danger of being a envious leader, because I'm truly believe that if we look at a culture. Organization or ministry or whatever context that is that you are serving in. If the people that work the organization make up the the glue and the corner of an organization, have that attitude. I believe it all starts from the top and so we have to look at the perspective of a leader in it's often we have to put ourselves in a in a self check. We have to do self reflection because it's so easy to lose sight even when we get into those positions of leadership. That we don't lose sight that I'm not here to gain power. Just as John said yes, I'm here to make money. I'm here to provide for my family I'm here to make sure that we have a great life and I'm here to make sure that we're not struggling and making sure that I'm meeting my goals and things of that nature. But I have to keep the main thing the main thing and that is serving your purpose serving what you're supposed to be doing and serving people instead of having the mindset that the people are there to serve you. And so we have to be careful as leaders. Because it be is so easily stirred up. You know. You talked about the pie and I want to talk about the pot that stirred the pie of the pot. Then we shouldn't. We should have titled The Pie in the pot, you know, but the pop that is so easily stirred you got something wrong. OK yeah yeah. Not that it stirred up is not just in organizations or companies, but it's within family. It's within Francis with in colleagues inside and outside of the organization, and so equally leaders ourselves are prone to feelings of envy of other subordinates or colleagues or others who we may feel may threaten our position. And so we have to again do that self reflection. Because if I feel. That John is threatening my position instead of me becoming envious are looking at John Sideways. I need to check myself and see what am I not doing that I feel inadequate or I feel insecure that he's gonna take my spot. He's gonna take my position, he's gonna take my role. That's gonna put me out of the place that I quote, unquote work so hard to get to. The reality is, if somebody can come and knock you out of that position easily. Then that may not be the position that you're supposed to be in, because I truly believe if you are in the place that God wants it has called you to be, nobody can take you out of that place, no matter how great that you perceive they are. No matter how gifted they are, and they may be gifted. But what God has for you in the position that you're supposed to be in is for you, so there's no sense of us having these perceptions of men. I've got to go to work, and I've gotta watch my back. I've got to go to work and I gotta make sure. That I I talk behind someone souls back and I make sure that you know I screwed a little closer to the supervisor at the corporate meetings. Be 'cause you know I want them to make sure that they don't that I don't lose my place no no, no, no no. You have to be careful that if you feel that way, you're in the wrong place anyways. And so we have to check our perspective because envy 1 researcher says that envy is a unconscious filling. That sometimes you don't even know that it's there. That's the scary part, because sometimes we unconsciously make moves we unconsciously do things because we have these envy. We have these feelings that have built up on inside of us, and so now we're acting behaviourally in ways that we don't even recognize, but others around us recognize because we've allowed this envy to come inside of us. And so we start to cosign and do things that we normally wouldn't do. Because we're insecure in our place that we're currently in. And so almost wreck. Say that you almost have to consciously work on not being envious because you're envious starting as a child. No go. Ahead, I'm saying I know you just said something. I thought we, my kids, they get envious over the silliest little things. Annual constantly pro guys. Life's not fair. It doesn't matter just because she gets this doesn't mean you don't get something later or just because you know it's her day doesn't mean you don't have a day. Eventually you should be happy for her to have her day. Those things you're always working on. My sons are actually really good at this. He's very little envy. He's so he's the best teammate anybody's ever had. Because when someone scores a goal, he's not mad like I didn't get one, he's amped up for it. You know it's pretty rare and I think as a leader we have to. We have to constantly tell ourselves almost like self talk talk and I do the same thing like oh, I'm happy for them. I'm happy for them because otherwise you let your mind just get jealous over someone elses success or someone getting something that you didn't get. And maybe you felt like you were deserved it. You didn't get it, so it doesn't matter. So you can either be a team player and help them, or you can just be envious and be frustrated which will get you nowhere. And anyways you said some conscious and I thought, well that makes perfect sense 'cause we all by our first natural instinct get envious, run something versus the other way, but I can tell you personal experience if you consistently practice not being in being happy for somebody. It will become less of a habit anyways, I'm sorry, keep going. No, that that is so good broby cause. We're talking about the mental health and these are things that naturally come to us in anything that naturally comes to you is a habit. It can become a habit. It could become routine, and in order to break that habit and break that routine, you said you have to be intentional about doing that. And so you brought up about your son. You know, practice, start practicing this week celebrating other peoples wins. You know, we live in a culture that you know I'm gonna win. I'm going to do it for me. I'm gonna do it. This is my goals is. This is what I do, and that's great, but sometimes we have to also balance that that we cannot be so focused on winning for ourselves that we don't celebrate the other wins in other people's lives. You know, not not just the people that are on your team, but can you celebrate some people that you perceive perceive as an opponent. People that you perceive as a quote, unquote enemy, people that you perceive as competition because the reality is today that you never know that the person that you're trying to step over today. You may need tomorrow, so you just never know. You know that same bridge that you burned down maybe the same bridge that you have to cross over one day and so you have to really practice. We have to really practice. I'm saying we because I have to myself again, I'm not. I'm not perfect, I'm not arch Angel by any means or any stretch of the imagination. And so it is very, very easy to get envious especially. Man, especially when you feel that you've missed your turn or you've missed your time, or you've missed your season and someone else comes along and they get there quickly and you feel like you've been working and working at it consistently. You've been putting in that work and you don't see the necessary. You don't necessarily see the results that you thought that you should have right now, and somebody else comes along and gets those results in a shorter time. What in it seems like they didn't put in the. Amount of work that you did envy can quickly get in and then you start accusing that person of what did they do to get there. They had to sneak around. They had to, you know, climb over a certain person to do this, or do that. They had to scheme that way, and that's not always the case. Time and Chance happens to us all. The reality is it may not be your time and they may not be your turn, but your time and your turn is coming. You know, just like we have Four Seasons. In nature, everybody will have their season. Everybody will have their turn, so there's no sense of you feeling that you've missed your train. You've missed your time and you've, you know life has passed you by. No, it's just not your time. Maybe you need to develop more. Maybe you're not secure enough for the door that you're going to walk in just yet, but it's on the way and so we cannot allow envy to seep in. We have to look for those signs. That what are some signs that we can view that we can that will leave us clues that hey envy may be creeping in, you know. John said that we have to be intentional about it and I want to give you 5 signs that may be a red flag to show you that you might be a envious leader because those of you that were listening washer. She said, you know, John Orloff, you guys sound great, but what is the what is the application? What are the size? What is the the practice that I can look for? That I might be envious leader plus five things. Number one in John already said it, you cannot be happy for someone else's success. The first sign that you might be a envious leader, or you might be envious follower, is that you cannot be happy for someone else exercise. John, just he just graduated. He just did this. He accomplishes an I see it on Facebook and I scroll right past it. Why did you like that? We do it all the time. Why do you know it's something so simple like it's gonna kill you or take something away from you to be happy for someone else. What no strings attached. And so the first sign that you may need to ask yourself is when was the last time I was happy for someone outside of myself or my family. When was the last time I was happy for someone that I don't agree with? What was the last time I was happening for someone that does not see the perspectives that I have or does not carry the same type of values or the things that I see the world the way that I see it? Can I still be happy for them or do they have to agree and understand everything I say in order for me to be happy with them? That's number one and John. You jump in anytime bro. So so you can't be happy for anyone else. Success #2. You have misplaced fears about your colleagues, your friends, or your family. You have misplaced fears about your friends, your family or your colleagues. And we talked about it. We we've really hit all of these points already. I love it. You have these misplaced fears. You know that word fears that acronym false evidence appearing real. You have this envy that is built up so much. That's called so much anxiety within yourself that your mental health is to a place to now. You're fearing things that don't even exist. You're fearing you're gonna lose your job. You're fearing that you won't get the raise your fearing that you won't be promoted. You're fearing that you won't be able to excel on the path that you're supposed to be. Cause envy has crept in. So number one you can't be happy for someone else. That success number two, you have misplaced fears about people, family or colleagues. #3 you are vindictive and a gossiper Boo I don't know. I know these are signs that you may be an envious leader. Every time we catch you in a conversation, you're bad mouthing somebody else. Every time that we hear you talk, you're trying to give us the latest tea. You know, that's that's the word. Now that people are trying to get the tea on people, what's the latest? What's going on? Who did this? And who did that? And I'm trying to figure out how do you always know about somebody else's business unless you spend most of your time not prioritizing your own business or you don't have any business to prioritize? Yes, if you're spending all your time talking about someone else, remember, they're focusing on getting better while you're focusing on them. Who do you think is gonna win? Who's gonna win that race, right? You can't fling mud and keep your hands clean, so. It is yes. Remember the person who I've been in, corporate America, I don't do it much anymore, but I remember the Gasset, the gossip wheels as they would call it. And this always happens. The person you think is your best friend and you gossip too. They have a different best friend and they will gossip your gossip to them. And then that third person has another best friend and eventually it gets back to the person who you're talking about. So stay away from it. It's toxic and a good leader. In my opinion, gets rid of the toxicity, which if that's you then peace out. And it's your fault. Sometimes you have to go get rid of that. Cancer cancer in the team and I was I remember being in this conversations like this person needs to go absolutely down. Absolutely. Gossip, gossip, Ann and that vindictive attitude that vindictive spirit that I've got to get them. I've got to talk about them and the reality is, is that we don't realize are we often don't realize that the words that we speak our seeds every word that you speak is a seed and want to see does it causes growth and so every see that you sold what you you will so you will reap what you sow. In other words, if you're always constantly gossiping about somebody else or putting your mouth on somebody else, guess what one day somebody's gonna badmouth you. And here's the thing, people will believe it and you won't get into that door. You won't get to that next level because they're gonna say so. Once over there, they can't be trusted, because as soon as you turn your back, they're going to be talking bad about you. You know people talk so don't just think that you're gossiping. Just as John said, you think that you're gossiping to a confidant. Were really that confident is going to turn right around and use that against you when the right time comes to their advantage for them. So you have to be careful so. Check yourself it, am I envious leader in my vindictive am I gossiper. That's number 3 #4 you resent other people's popularity? You were sent other people's popularity, and I think that when we talk about popularity, it's not just followers on Instagram or likes, popularity can simply be, you know, more people at your job. Talk to this particular person and they do you. It's simple as that you know and the reality is, if you're being successful, if you're doing what's right, notoriety will come to you. Don't have to go seeking for it. It's a byproduct of doing the right thing. It's a byproduct of walking in your purpose. You don't have to get engulfed in that, and neither do you have to resent someone that has that. Because a lot of us, if we have the popularity of other people that we think that we could handle, we could handle it. It would literally consume us and it would ruin us. So sometimes it would be better to be unknown to be known then be known and lose who you are trying to be popular. Yeah, seek seek better association not popularity 'cause often, especially if your entry level on the low end of the corporation. The popular guy maybe like the class clown of the team and which means he also may be making fun of people which bring makes people who are also immature and unload on the low spectrum of the of the company. I hate seeing the low but you know I mean entry level first few years those those are the newer people in the workforce, the younger ones. Also, sometimes more amateur so therefore they laugh, carry on and follow and you know cut up with the other guy who is now deemed popular. But that's not the association you want. You want better association. You want to associate with leaders. People moving forward. So yeah, you have to get through the mud first, but eventually you're going to elevate because you did not involve yourself and then you can be popular with other leaders. You can be even better. You can be respected with other leaders, which is. 1000 times better? Who cares about popularity? Go for respect. I'd rather be respected to be popular. Wow, that is good bro. That is real good. So 5 signs you might be envious leader number one. You can't be happy for someone else's success. Number two, you have misplaced fears about people, family or colleagues. #3 you are being addictive and a gossiper number 4 you resent other people's popularity and number 51 of my pet peeves right here. You are possessive of information. And resources others need to succeed. I don't understand. I don't understand the cause. Why would I hover over information? And the information that I have I got for somebody else, someone taught me, you know, I was not born with all this perceived knowledge or information. To get or to be successful in the role that we're in. You know whether that be in IT or your your your nerves, your CEO, your coach, all the information that you have is because someone took the time to give to you or to show to you. Or you studied. And even if somebody that necessarily. Impart the information or the wisdom to you and you studied or read. It is more blessed to give than to receive, right? Because when I give to you, the reality is the reward should be. As a teacher that I was able to teach somebody else and they go further than I was able to go, I'm not gonna. It's not going to profit me any that you're a new guy at the company and I'm not going to train you. I'm gonna train you just so you know just enough, even though I can give you more information because I feel that if I give you more information, you may pass me up. Well, if you have that type of attitude, you need to be passed up. You need to be looked over becauses the whole purpose of being in leadership. Is to bring the next person along further than you were able to go right? And so my father. I'm standing on my father's shoulders and when I have my son, my stuff that's coming, I want him to go further than I ever go. You know, we always want to have that next ceiling for them to breakthrough, not for them to be held back, or to withhold the resources that you need to succeed. Now. Remember, you said that on a couple episodes ago that you worked. At a company and the person you were, you weren't asking them again like for a handout, you were just asking them for. You know for the information that you needed to succeed to do your job, you know it's not that you didn't want to put in the work it was. Hey, can you help me out? How do I do this? How do I'm new here? I don't know the in's and out. I don't know the strategic the strategy of this company, whatever. Whatever the case may be, you know in so bro. I know you have experience in that and I have experience in that. Yeah I just started the. Same time actually. We started like one week apart. She just had learned. The information before I had because the manager had come up and he had shown her yeah but guys. If you're holding on to information, you obviously don't understand leadership, this is a leadership podcast. It's about developing into a leader. If you hold all the keys, all the information you by default cannot be promoted. You know why? 'cause if they promote you then there's nobody that can do your role in the company. There has to be somebody to fill your shoes if they're going to promote you. Otherwise, there's a lack of production, so by default. If you want to get promoted, you have to be a good teacher because not until somebody else has been taught to do your role or that they are confident you can teach them quickly. Can you get promoted? So if we're talking about leadership in a promotional aspect, you cannot hoard the information and expect to get promoted. That's not how it works, you think, because you're the go to guy that now you're in line for promotion. That's not how it works in corporate America. You somebody told you wrong something. It's the first information you've got wrong corporate America, because that's not how it works. You have to be training, uplifting, building people at the same level as you. Or even if you are up a level, people who are the smaller level than you sure, so that you can be seen as a leader, someone who can develop individuals, and they can allow you to move on because they know someone can fill your role. If they think you're just a hoarder of information, I promise you, you're not getting, you may get promoted once it won't happen twice. Those who that were watching listen. Hope you hear that. We're looking corporations are looking for people that are builders and that can pass what you have in you to the next person. Because guess what? There's only one of you and and it may sound graphic but you know you get hit by bus today and you can't come back to work anymore. They want someone else to pick up that baton and keep the company moving. Just as John said, that's just the reality of what it is, and so there's no, there's no reason for you to be possessive of information or resources, because how? How can we have legacy if everyone always dies with the information? How can the next generation build upon and take on the torch of leadership if everyone hoards the information that is needed to go further, we talk about everyone talks about the problems and the government and policies and things of that nature. But who is the leader? Who are the leaders that are passing on the information that is necessary to make change? And so if you want to be an agent, an agent of change, you have to be an agent that passes on the information that is needed. To see those changes be made. And so we have to check ourselves. Do we fall in these five signs of being an envious leader? There was an article that I read that was interesting that talked about envy and that we talked about one side of envy and the negative side. But there's also another side of envy that can that can be used in turned to be used as something that's much more beneficial. How we do that this, firstly, that you can. Term that envy prefer experiences over possessions, and so when you have that perspective, instead of being envious over somebody's possessions or what they have you trained, you change your preference. That I rather go through what this person went through to get what they have then to just get what they have and not know how they got what they have. So we prefer experiences over possessions, because if I can go through the through the experience, I can get whatever my heart desires, because I know how to do it. It's like that the the saying you can take somebody fishing and fish for them. I'm sure I'm jacking up the quote, but if you teach a man to fish for. Day he'll eat for a day off. You teach him how to fish, he'll, he'll eat for a lifetime. Something of that given. An offici for a day, Amanda fish. He eats for a lifetime, yeah? And so you're giving him the experience and so now that he has the experience he can eat for a lifetime instead of just eating that one time, right? And so that's how we can. We can turn in V and use it for our benefits. We also can look at that one's possessions. Are the result of 1's beliefs and one's actions. So to be effective we need to focus on the calls. Let me say it again it if if we're going to turn in Vita for it to be beneficial for us, once possessions are the results of 1's beliefs in one's actions, so it's not always all they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. So I'm envious of them. No, maybe they have what they have because they believe what they believe and they've done what they needed to do to get what they have. And so to be effective, we focus more on the causality. The cause of how they did it, what they believe in the action they took to get that instead of focusing on the possessions. Also different paths yield different results. I thought that was so good. That you may have chosen a career field that that career field will only yield you certain results. So if you went to school to be an art major, you cannot be jealous and envious of someone who has results that went to school to be a business marketer or to work on Wall Street. There was also going to be much different than yours, but there's no. There's no need to be envious because different paths yield different results, so it's crazy to to yearn. For the results of a different path, when that's not the path you chose to produce those results that you quote, unquote, want. If you want different results, you have to choose a different path. So in order to achieve results, we must choose the right path for us, right? So we're not talking about the car without getting envious over the car that people drive, or how much money they have. What was the path they took to get there? Right, and so the path and the purpose that you may have may yield different results, but it's all about being content about what you have in the path that you are on. That will take you to your purpose. John, did you have something you want to say, bro? No, I was just thinking of what you said. People guys you need to seek hapiness. Not not just monetary gains or what someone else happened. She has that you deem you as then being happy there happy is not. You're happy. I didn't say seek fun. That's the most people get confused when I say seek hapiness. They say well, I really enjoy pickup, soccer, games, softball leagues and so forth. Well, I didn't say waste your life. I I didn't say seek fun. I'm not saying don't have fun, but that's not. Your go to every day. Obviously work hard. Play hard. But seek hapiness. What brings you joy and what brings you joy is you doing something that God has called you to do. That will bring you joy. It may be a doctor but it may be an art. An artist who does things in a post people. In that way it may be. It may be a football coach. I just saw a story about who was trying to go to the NFL. Played on some lower leagues, could never quite make it end up being a football coach in a city in New Jersey. I believe it was and. It was a city that basically is just going nowhere. They're trying. The kids are just the dropout. Rate is terrible, he went in and started turning that school around one team at a time. Just coaching teaching these kids about life, telling them they can do it, helping them with their school and getting their grades up from the eventually spent about five years seeing kids get scholarships whose kids have never gone to school before, and now he said I found my calling. I guarantee you he doesn't make close to what he would have made in. The NFL not even close. But I guarantee you he's probably way more fulfilled and way happier than he was and. That doesn't mean he won't make money. Sure, he wrote a book in a couple years. People will read it. People want to know what he knows sequence someone knows not what they have. Move. That's really good bro. Secret someones knows not what they have that will prevent you from that poison called envy. There's three things that I want to wrap up with that we have to make sure that this poison of envy does not ruin our culture in our homes, in our organizations and our teams, that is, number one we have to set the example we want others to follow. Be the example that's there. That's the whole essence of leadership. A simple foundational principle. Set the example you want us to follow. Number two learn to be satisfied with what you do have and accept what you do not. That's the day you will start living. Accepting what you don't have and accepting what you do have, it's OK. #3 respond to inbound envy with kindness, not bitterness. Don't allow the envy that's coming your way or the evident you've experience to turn you into a better person. And overall a better leader because bitterness is a cancer, yes, Sir. I did you do all three, yeah? Do you mind if I add? Three, yes Sir, I love it. So I was thinking about as I go read about envy and I thought what are, what are. What are ways that I wear things that I use personally to make sure I'm not envious because no matter what level of life you feel like, you get to, there's always opportunities, become envious of somebody else, 'cause somebody's always ahead of you right theoretically. Right, whatever that supposed to mean exactly. Yes, I thought. What are some cures, quote unquote, for being for curing envy, as not as you mentioned, there's some positive ways to twist that, but in general, what are some cures? And here's what I came up with. Number one, you must develop a love and respect for yourself. Appreciate what you do well that goes back to the understanding your gifts right? You do this by staying in the personal growth mode. Here's what I mean. You get envious the people because you feel like they are further than you. If you are developing yourself consistently, you see your personal growth, which means that yourself image will go up. The better yourself image, the less envious you are. Somebody the better yourself image, the more happy you are because you feel like you provide value now and you don't sit there and ride on the fact that someone else is providing more value than you. Don't let your mind become idle. Idle minds are terrible, so be constantly in the growth mode or two. Say something positive about about the person. Here's the facts. Your mind actually cannot hold two thoughts at the same time. It bounces back and forth between thoughts, but it doesn't hold to, so you cannot be. Speaking positive about somebody and thinking negative about them at the exact same instance, that kind of goes back to that. You're mad at somebody. Pray for them, theory it. Think that people talk about in church, right? Same idea. So if you see someone doing something for somebody else or you see somebody having success instead of saying wow, good for them, or must be nice, or I wish I had that or I'll never get there or whatever, say, that's amazing. I'm so glad they did it. They've been such a really great person. They've helped out so many people. Their product is just amazing. All those things say something positive about them and the last thing is, as we mentioned earlier, quit comparing your worst to someone else is best. Because. Where you where? You're sitting right now. They may already been have gone through also. Just because someone has something good about them doesn't mean that there's not other good things about you. Yeah, it could be the flip. I'm sure there's things that you are amazing at that they're terrible at you. See them as successful passed you by, but they stink at being a dad. I don't know. I'm just making stuff up and you might be an amazing dad, right? And they stink at it, right? But you're like, well, their companies huge. OK, so they're really good at business. That's great. You can learn more about it, but. You're you're you are awesome at Dad and it up and your kids are turning out amazing. So forth, I'm not saying your business guy that you're that you're not being a good dad. 'cause I like to be both. I'm just saying there's some things that you are amazing at that he's not good at so. That is asset that is excellent. I think that all of those things are learned through experience. Experiences that we go through in life and that is our rate of the month. As we have experiences such a good teacher. Why do I keep repeating the course? I guarantee you as you go through life there are experiences that you will go through there things that you will go through and you will look back and find yourself. Why haven't I passed this test? Because there's something that you still need to learn and so go and read that book. So great book If experience is such a good teacher, why do I keep repeating the course by J. Ellsworth kalas? This has been another incredible incredible conversation. We think all of you that will watch and listen to this. We ask you to go there to our YouTube channel. You can find the full episode of this podcast episode. You can also find clips that we call the unscripted realm that will show you highlighted clips from the full episode. Go and follow us there on our various social media platforms there on Facebook. Unscripted authentic leadership also on Instagram or Instagram handles at unscripted leadership. You can also find us on LinkedIn. Unscripted authentic leadership. You can also stream this podcast. Platform this podcast episode, or any podcast platform. Apple Spotify, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio Stitcher leave us a review. Leave us a thumbs up. You can also check us out on our website unscripted-leadership.com until next time we pray that you be the leader that God has called you to be. As always we're here to build bridges and not walls. Bridges connecting walls divide.