UnScripted: Authentic Leadership Podcast

How To Speak With Confidence, Communicate Effectively, & Win Your Audience! Feat. Tyler Foley

August 09, 2021 John LeBrun & La'Fayette Lane Episode 50
UnScripted: Authentic Leadership Podcast
How To Speak With Confidence, Communicate Effectively, & Win Your Audience! Feat. Tyler Foley
Show Notes Transcript

ūüé§ In this episode, John and La'Fayette are joined by special guest Tyler Foley, a managing director of Total Buy In and author of the #1 Bestselling book The power to Speak Naked from Calgary, Alberta.¬† Within the episode Tyler begins to tell us how his passion for communication was birthed from a place of tragedy that he used to propel him to a place of triumph to help others.¬† Tyler also lets us know that communication is an art and everyone that communicates is an artist that is painting a picture on the canvas of life every time we speak! This is just a few of the gems that Tyler dropped in this episode. To hear more on how you can speak with confidence, communicate effectively, and win your audience you'll have to Hit that PLAY & SHARE button!

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Welcome to the unscripted Authentic Leadership Podcast, a podcast we are seeking to change while also seeking to understand. We're also here as a platform for leaders to come together, to unite, to develop and empower other leaders in the areas of business, family, faith and community. I'm your host, La'Fayette Lane Joined by my co-host, John LeBrun. And today we are joined by our special guest all the way from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Tyler Foley, you already know what to do. Make our special guests feel right at home. Put those up together. Put those proposals in the comments section. Tyler has joined us today to have a discussion on how to speak with confidence, communicate effectively and win your audience. Just a little bit about Tyler. He is a managing director of Total Biam. He is also the author of the number one best selling book, The Power to Speak. Tyler, thanks for coming on. Let's jump right into the conversation. Absolutely. Laughy. I'm happy to be here, man. Thank you, man. Absolutely. And we're glad to have you on. Your specialty is is about communication, speaking effectively, winning your audience and speaking with confidence. How how did you develop that passion for communication? Where did that come from? And how did you get started in that particular area? Well, I've actually been on stage and performing since I was six years old. First time I ever took a stage was at a Christmas pageant for elementary school. And I got to play Joseph and I and I remember vividly and clearly being dressed in my best bathrobe, because that's how you you play Joseph when you're six years old and the three wise men giving me their gold, frankincense and myrrh. And and as they did, they were period appropriately wrapped in gift paper. And I would take these presents and drop them down on the manger that contained baby Jesus in plastic doll form. But I was putting the presence right on this doll's head because I didn't know I'm six years old. Give me the presents I need to put them somewhere. So I'm I'm letting these poor things down on this doll's head, simulating the baby Jesus. And the audience is just laughing the whole time. Like, I'd put a one gift down and there was a little bit of a chuckle. And then when I got the other gift, I kind of put it right down right next to it. There is a bigger chuckle. And then I got this third gift and I put it down and I'm beaming with pride. The audience is in stitches at this point. And I remember being so exhilarated by that sound and and knowing that that was just I wanted that more and more and more. And two months later, my father passed away in a single vehicle motor accident. And kind of life changed at that point. And my mother and my uncle were looking for an outlet for me and. My uncle worked right next to the theater district in Calgary because he worked at City Hall and the two were just literally across the street from each other. He'd overheard a casting director complaining about how hard it was to cast Tiny Tim. And he kind of wandered over and was like, well, what do you need? She's like, well, first of all, I need somebody tiny and I'm a wee man like Lafayette. You tower over me, my friend. I'm five, seven, one hundred and thirty five pounds. On my absolute best day in my resum, I lie, I think on my resume. I'm like five, eight, one forty. I think it's because the camera adds 10 pounds. Right? I've got cameras on you. Yeah. So I've got a lot of cameras on me. So I'm tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny and always have been all my life. Like when I was in elementary school first grade, I probably looked like a toddler. And so it was real easy for me to do that. And then being a little bit older and starting to be able to read, I was just I was able to to fit into that role. And so my first professional gig was the following year. And I've been in theater ever since. And at twenty five, I retired from acting because a 20 year career is a long time. And I went back to school. I got an engineering discipline under my belt, started my own business that unfortunately collapsed. But in the process of doing all that, I had to develop a safety program and get all the safety training. That safety training led to a career doing safety consulting and training on safety systems. And I really got reignited a passion for teaching and instruction. My father was an educator before he passed away. So that kind of was fulfilling a family destiny in a way. And what I realized was that the one of the key things holding people back from really being successful is this this art of communication. And I come by it naturally because I've never because I started on stage really young. I've never developed that fear around judgment or public speaking or being on stage. I just go and do. And I have experienced stage fright a few times in my life and very distinctly was able to distill why. And so now I'm able to teach that. And I've moved out of safety. The company still exists, and I'm just a pretty face of it every once in a while. And I check in with my team and they go, Yeah, I know we're doing OK. You can go away. Tyler and I go, OK. And then I go back to training people on how to do this, how to show up authentically, confidently, give their message in the most powerful way that they can. And honestly, I wouldn't go back to anything else. This is probably the most rewarding vocation I could ever be in. And I love every minute. I love seeing the light bulbs when people get it and are able to really portray themselves truly on stage. That you said a whole lot that was powerful, especially about the tragedy that you experienced. It was an absolute tragedy. But what I heard from you is that you turned your tragedy into triumph. And I think that's powerful, especially you talked about using that to propel you into the communication arena and the art. You said that communication is an art. What can we do as artists, as communicators to improve our paint brushes off communication? Oh, I love the the imagery that you use with that paintbrushes of communication. I may just have to steal that Lafayette. So that's actually the first thing is understand language like we use it every day. But I don't think a lot of people have taken the time to understand what their words mean. And the power behind the words and what the word choice says about who they are. And so I think one of the first things to do is understand that words have power, words have meaning, and beyond just the simple text of what you can look up in Merriam Webster's dictionary. If I you know, you ask me when just before we came on before we went live here, how am I doing? You know, I had a big smile on my face. I'm doing well and I am I'm doing well. And you can know that. But if you'd ask me and I was like, yeah, I'm fine. Fine on paper means one thing, but you and I both know, particularly if you're dealing with a spouse or a loved one, you don't want to hear the word. Fine, fine, fine, fine. Means there's some issues. Right. And understanding that there's subtext to language, that there's context to language, that our word choice directs our audiences response. That is one of the first things that you can do to become a really powerful communicator. Brian Tracy said it famously, you're not an expert until you can describe something the same way with 20 different words. You know, and that is one of the critical things that I look for in developing my own skill set is learning new words daily and less. Brown, he's. A genius when it comes to quotes, and I've had the privilege of speaking with them on stage. I remember being backstage asking him, you know, how do you know that many quotes? He's like, I learn a new one every day. And I don't doubt that he he is a man who studies language and communication as well. And he's got a really interesting approach to it. He will take a if a, you know, any kind of quote comes up, he will look at it and read it, kind of start to commit it to memory. And then he tries to work it into regular conversation at least five times over the day. That way he knows that he has that and then he continues to do that daily like that, like that kind of discipline is is, I think, what people need and not just to become professional speakers. It's a very small percentage of the people that I train that actually go out into the world and are speaking to thousands of people like. Almost none of the people that I train, but the people that I do train are typically in leadership roles, either C suites or directors of charities. They typically have a hard time communicating because they're afraid to get vulnerable. It's one of those things. One of the first tenants that I teach in my book, it's one of the first things that I say in any of the live trainings that I do in any of the video training series that I've put together. The thing you're afraid to say is probably what your audience needs to hear. And leaders who can be vulnerable and expose themselves that way tend to have people who follow behind them because there is connection and there is understanding, there's empathy, their sympathy and all of those things create and good leadership. And leaders shouldn't be afraid to open themselves up and be vulnerable because it's in that moment that you have true power. Big Cat is you have you've done it first. It's like that famous scene in Eight Mile with Eminem. The final rap battle. Right. And they're like, what are you going to do if he says this and this and this and this? And he goes, I'll come out in front of that. And he does. He's like, yeah, I'm I'm I'm a white guy from a trailer park and these guys have slept with my girlfriend and I'm broke and whatever. Right. You just comes out and he says it. And then what happens? Nothing. The guy can't do anything about it. It's completely and totally disarms him. And that's the same thing with us. If we want to be authentic and real, we got to say, look, you know, my father passed away when I was six . I had a medical event at 17 that left me paralyzed for a year. I've had two businesses fail. Horribly crash and burn. But I have learned lessons from all of that. There was grace in all of that. They were necessary for me to get to where I am now, and if I can explain that to you and you can understand it. Now you understand my point of view, and we can have some form of connection, which then creates communication, which then allows us to have impact. So question. So you had mentioned that one of the hardest. Let me rephrase that. You mentioned that one of the reasons that leaders have the hardest time communicating is due to fear of vulnerability. So in training or when you I don't want you to give away all your secrets, you can hire them for that. But but when training lets you take a new CEO, a new leader, a new manager, what's like the first step to moving into that? I feel like it has a lot to do with one's self image would be my guess. I would say that prior prior to maybe actively working on my self image, I probably wouldn't have wanted to be as vulnerable. But eventually you get to the this place of, I would say. You realize that no matter what, you're not going to be perfect, but you like yourself enough. And therefore, it's OK that you you feel like it's OK, that you're going to make mistakes, therefore if anybody gets for me, if anybody gets mad that I made a mistake, I'm kind of like, oh, well, sorry, I made a mistake. You make mistakes, too. Is that the right attitude? I don't know. But that's me. So I think it helps, though, with vulnerability, because you're not so worried about messing up. But how do you teach a young leader or a new leader or an old leader who's never been vulnerable to step into that? So the first thing, John, and you you touched on some really good points. So let's dove back into some of what you were discussing, because it's right. The first thing is I hate the word authenticity. Like it's it's overused. It's an industry buzz word right now. And frankly, I think people don't understand it. Yes, I think that authenticity is synonymous with self-awareness. And so you had made a point about self discovery. You need to know who you are, unapologetically, who you are. And authenticity doesn't mean when the camera's off normally, I swear, so when the cameras on, I get to swear. Correct. No, I'm being authentic, even if I'm censoring my language for the audience to which I'm presenting myself. People know that when I'm in my truck on my own, I am going to swear like a trucker, because I'm Portas raised in southern Alberta. I've got redneck roots and it's just who I am. But it doesn't mean that when I'm not using that kind of language, I'm not being authentic. And I see so many speakers get up on stage and they just curse like they're going out of style and we'll never see the inside of a church again. And the gay marriage record falls. Yeah. And and they're like, well, you know, that's just who I am. I'm being authentic. And you're like in Jersey, you know? Authenticity is being self-aware. Who am I? What where am I vulnerable? What are my vulnerabilities? What are my strengths? And how can I use those in combination to help instructing guide other people? I want to be a leader. I need to be able to help guide and instruct. And if I can't do that, I will never be a leader. And so in order to do that, I need to know what are my strengths so that I can lead with my strengths. What are my areas of improvement so that I can both seek out ways to improve it and find ways to augment or offset those weaknesses. You can't do that if you haven't done the deep dove in the study into you. So typically what we do in our workshops the first half a day is breaking down and discovering the story and getting beyond the B.S. because the next part that you were talking about is judgment. Mm hmm. When we're not confident in who we are, we allow the judgment of others to displace our own confidence. And unfortunately, more and more people do that and they're giving their power away unnecessarily. Mm hmm. See, again, when you are able to come up, be in front of your vulnerabilities, that's some of the best armor that you can have, because now nobody can twist it against you. You've already brought it up. You've already said the thing that needed to be said. And now people are on board, they're like all. OK, well, if he's going to say that now, I got to pay attention. Or if she's going to come out and give that message now, I have to lean in and find out why. The next part of that is. Not only and it's not it's not that you have to tell your deepest, darkest secrets, like I want to be really clear with that. When I say being vulnerable, I mean being honest with an audience, these are my strengths. These are my areas of improvement. And true leadership will be able to then augment those by, you know, first of all, passing off work that you don't need to do, subcontract that out. And my I am wildly creative, but I am not technically savvy. So I have a whole team that goes and makes me look good when we do stuff like this. Mm hmm. Right. I have a team that and and I'm happy to do that. I'm happy to pass that off. And I'm happy to support that genius, because it's not my area of expertize. My area of expertize is this is communication. So knowing who you are, recognizing that authenticity is synonymous with self-awareness, being able to then confidently start to address what those deficiencies are, that is usually the the key path. And so, again, one of the first things we do is we break down what is holding you back and we try to destroy the fear of judgment right away. Your audience is on your side. Mm hmm. You know, nobody shows up to something like this. Nobody has tuned in today to unscripted thinking to themselves. Man. Yeah. That's another person that John and Lafayette have brought up here. And I have Tyler Folia. I don't even know who that guy is. I really hope he doesn't bring anything to the table. I might be really good, if you would, blank and forget everything that was going to say. And just for giggles, I hope he sucks like a lot of what you know, what the audience is thinking that. And yet that is the internal story. We we filter through our head when we're going to take a stage if we don't have confidence in the message that we're giving. So one of the first things we do is we tackle that fear because most people will claim seventy seven percent of Americans will claim to have a fear of public speaking, and it is B.S. . Ladies and gentlemen, you don't have a fear of public speaking. If you had a fear public speaking, you would never be able to go to a restaurant and order food. And yet you do it. Everyone who's listening right now, and the three of us at some point have gone into a restaurant, used our voice, vocalized in a public space, probably talk to a stranger because we didn't know our waitstaff prior to getting into their. And we asked for what we wanted and it came to us. So this fear of speaking in public null and void if you've been to a restaurant. This fear of speaking to strangers, null and void. If you talk to your waiter, you didn't know them ahead of time. This fear of asking for what we want, complete B.S. if you were able to ask for chicken and waffles and get it to come to your table. All of these things are myths. What we're afraid of is the fear of judgment, and that's easy to tackle when you recognize that the audience is on your side. Nobody shows up to hear somebody present if they don't want to be there. At most, your audience is passively indifferent. And that's like in a boardroom, right? Like I am mandatorily required to come to the boardroom and hear this presentation. So secretly, you're like, I really hope this isn't a waste of time. Like, that's all you want. You just don't want your time to be wasted. So you as a presenter, your only job is to make sure that you're not wasting the time, deliver what you were asked to do and know that you were the authority. I don't ask second best to come and present. I ask the authority in that scenario to come and show up. So if you were asked to present, the audience is on your side, you are the authority, there is no reason to give your power away by having this false narrative in your head about how everybody wants you to suck. Nobody does. And you don't suck. You are the authority. So show up, deliver. Give your message. Give it authentically by knowing who you are, by addressing what your strengths are, conditioning your weaknesses. And boom, you'll have the best presentation of your life time and time again. And I know it because I've seen the process repeated over and over again with every client I've worked with. Yeah, absolutely. You're talking about that authentic self. You wrote a book with a very catchy title, The Power to Speak Necdet. We've all seen the TV show Naked and Afraid. We've seen photos of that. You decided to talk about speaking naked in the communication since, you know, we're not talking about physically, but what do you mean behind that? What was the the motivation behind that title power to speak naked? Because I think what you're talking about is what we hit on the vulnerability piece. The self-awareness piece was sort explain to us what you mean by that. Absolutely. So the title is kind of is multilayered as anything in life is. Right. There is subtext to the context. And and it's it's starting with a rat. When I first was putting together the book, the book actually was came about by transcribing the video of all of my training sessions that I've put together and compiling the text that was pulling from that to make the book. And we were coming up with I needed to come up with a title. And we we were originally going to title it based off of the seminar. So it was either going to be power of influence or drop the mike or something. And it just didn't I didn't resonate with me. And so we were doing a brainstorming session with my team. And, you know, it's a book, it's for advice. So I said, OK, so what's some of the speaker advice that you guys have gotten? Like what? What has really worked? What hasn't worked? And one of my friends was like, well, you know, I've always heard you picture your audience in their underwear naked. And that's that's how you overcome the fear. And all nothing drives me more than the worst advice ever, which is picture the audience naked. It is horrible. It's this it's not it's not even real advice and it doesn't work. That's the worst part about it. You're wasting all of this brainpower that you should be using to focus on serving your audience, to somehow picture them in a state of discomfort so that you yourself can feel more comfortable because they're uncomfortable. Like none of that makes sense. And it's a wasted brain exercise. So I went on a rant very similar to that. I said to the whole team that was there, I was like, you know what, I would rather people be able to have the power to speak naked than to be picturing their audience naked. And it went all. That's good. Write that down as like what the power to speak naked. I'm like, ooh, no, I do like that. That's a good title. And then when we started to explore it on the surface, I legitimately would want to empower somebody to be so confident in their message. So driven and committed that they could present. In such a compelling way that the audience wouldn't even care what they were wearing. They wouldn't even notice it and they wouldn't care what they were wearing because they were so committed to their message, so committed to their branding, so committed to the presentation, and so committed to serving their audience that they could literally take the stage wearing the emperor's new clothes. And nobody would care because it was the power of the messaging that mattered, not what they were wearing or the props or anything. Which then brings us to the next point of the title, which is, I want people to be able to just present. You should be able to show up with nothing blank space, blank space to sit in the background. I can touch this, right? I don't need all of the fluff. I can just show up and deliver. And anybody can do that. So we don't need the power points. We don't need props. We don't need lighting and avey and gimmicks. If you have a good enough message, you should just need you to be able to strip it down to a naked presentation, and then the the deep layer of it is what Lafayette was referring to and referencing, and that I want people to be able to expose themselves to be vulnerable. To be able to speak the raw, naked truth that a lot of times we Covid. And if you can let that out into the world, you have no idea the impact that you could have if you say the thing that you're afraid to say. You know, I look at I was at a presentation a few years ago called Life by Design, and it was held in in Vermeer, B.C., here in Canada. And I was one of many presenters that day, and I was the second last speaker to go up. And the last presentation was called the Ten Minute. Timemachine. And the gentleman that presented that talk is a brilliant orator, he man, is he good? Like I study professional speakers for a living. This man just is is raw talent and gifted in his presentation and his skills at delivering a story. And what he talked about. Was. How for most of his life, he had struggled with mental health and addiction issues. And was so addicted to pills and alcohol that his entire goal in his life was to find a way to find the correct concoction of narcotics and alcohol that would take his life in a way that was deemed accidental so that his life insurance wouldn't be null and void for his children. That was this man's daily routine in his head. And he talked about all the different combinations that he would take and the methodology that he had in trying to take his life for literally years. Five, six years. This was a dedicated quest for him, and then he talks about the one day that he got it right. And it was a day that he wasn't supposed to have his kids because at that point his kids have been taken away from them, is his wife divorced him. She was in a new relationship and the his wife and her new partner just needed a break. And he had feigned sobriety enough that they trusted him enough and he said the right things, enough that the kids got to come home with him. And then he put them to bed, went to bed himself, woke up, didn't remember that his kids were there. And went into his daily routine and habit of mixing pills and alcohol only that night he got it right. He got it right about six o'clock in the morning, and as the world started to feed on him and as the light started to narrow. All of a sudden his son popped into view and he was saying, Daddy, are you OK? And in that moment, he was like, dear God, not now. What are the kids doing here? Why are they here? They shouldn't be here. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I don't want it to end like this. And luckily, his son was smart enough to phone nine one one, the ambulance came, they pumped to stomach. He he lived. And he's been sober ever since. But when he shared that message. In the audience that day, this was a two and a half day seminar. Multiple speakers. One of the audience members had been gifted a ticket. By a friend, and she decided to be polite, she would go. But on the Monday morning when she woke up, she was going to walk into the woods with the rifle that she had purchased and she was going to herself and her life. But because this gentleman shared his story, she reached out to him and said, look. This was what my plan was. But you've impacted me in a way that I can't even describe. Now you've got to understand, this gentleman sells life insurance. Like him talking about this is just really not good. It is taboo. But he shared it anyways. And what happened? He saved the life. You never know what being vulnerable will do and how it can impact or who needs to hear your message. It could just be an audience of one. But if you don't say it, you don't know the impact that you will have. And in this case, not only did he save that one person by giving her resources, helping her find help, but then she came back the following year. And talked at the conference. It was much larger attended that year. And in the audience, there were three people who are struggling with the same mental health issues. They reached out to her. And got the help that they needed. So if he hadn't have been brave, she wouldn't have been brave if she hadn't been brave, those three. Who knows what would have happened? We never know. I don't know what the butterfly effect in that chaos theory is, but what I do know is the impact that I could see from that. And that is why I want people to be able to save the thing they're afraid to say, because you never know who's listening and you don't know what the impact could be. What an incredible, incredible response. I like you, Tyler, you're good. Now talk about the speaker side. You said that everyone that you work with is not professional and doesn't, you know, desire, desire to be a professional speaker. But what do you say to those speakers who are professional speakers who are trying to build their audience? How would they go about doing that at practice and the thing that you're afraid to say? The beautiful thing about that is it's a magnet for the people who need to hear your message. And just like a magnet, we have polarized sides to that. So not only will you attract the people to you that you need. You will also repel the people. That don't want that message, which is a gift to itself. You want to be able to bring people into your sphere of influence. That need to be around you, that need to hear that messaging. You also need to be able to break through the noise. Your message is not for everybody. And I think that is one of the first things that really good professional speakers understand. That their message is not for everybody. I see it all the time when like when you go to a like a networking event or something like that and you have people and I don't mean to pick on the MLM type folks, but it's usually the MLM type folks that are doing it and they're like buy products for everyone. They're like, do you eat because I sell pizza and everybody eats. So everybody needs pizza. And you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I don't like Italian food. I'm lactose intolerant and I have a gluten allergy. So your pizza is not for me. But then they keep trying to shove a slice down your throat. You're like, oh, I don't even like spicy food. Stop it. But you everybody eats, everybody wants pizza, and that's the problem with this universal message, everybody can use my message again. Seventy seven percent of North Americans identify as having a fear of public speaking. So technically, three out of every four people in America should be knocking down my door and saying, Tyler, I need help. But I also know. That only eight percent of the people who recognize that they have a fear will actually seek professional help to overcome it. I also know that I'm not the only person who teaches public speaking, I'm not even the best known person who teaches public speaking. Like you've got Carnegie, you've got so many other different Toastmasters, like you can join clubs. Well, what I do know is that when I speak my way. I resonate with the cool people, right, Lafeyette? Right, John. I. Really? You guys are on board with me? I am. If I can do this, if I can if I can draw you into my messaging and we resonate, then maybe you're somebody who I can work with. There are other people who are going to be like, this is I. No, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, not sharing my story with my subordinates. They are never going to know my dark secrets. They're never going to know what's in my closet and they're never going to know what I Covid in my heart because I am a leader and leaders don't show weakness. And so, Tyler, you're wrong. And to them, I say good luck and thank you. Hmm. Because they're not I would never be able to work with them anyways, because there's too many blocks that I have to get through. I need the people who are open and willing to be vulnerable. And so when it comes to professional speaking, the first thing is recognize that your message is not for everyone. And the truer you can be to yourself in delivering that message, the more likely you are to draw the audience that you need to have hear you . And it may not be very big. You know, like I think I have thirty five, thirty six hundred people on social media combined on all platforms Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Two thousand thirty six people. I don't tweet. It's not my thing, but that's not my thing. So I'm not going to find my people on Twitter because the people who like Twitter, they're not going to find me. And that's fine, right? I'm isolating the people that I'm not going to be able to work with who aren't going to resonate with me. And I'm going to find the people who do resonate with me just the same way that you guys have. Right. People come to unscripted because they like what you're doing. Or they wouldn't download this show right now. They like what content your you're providing, what you're giving, what you're disseminating out, the guests that you're bringing on your show. And I'm guessing that not every guest that you've brought on your show has been your favorite. And some of those shows might not even make it to air. Right. Why? Because they weren't the right fit for you, which is they weren't the right fit for your audience. So we're all we do it all the time. Naturally, it's a human trait and condition. Don't be afraid to get niche and hone your message so that the people who need to hear it, hear it and understand it and resonate with you. I'll get off my show promise. This one will make it. This one will get aired, I promise. I hope so. Thank you. Oh, John, did you have anything else that you wanted to ask? Tyler, I've been 100 percent engaged in this conversation to the point of I'm typically a note taker and I usually take like two pages of notes and ask questions. But I keep forgetting to write stuff down. That's how engaged I've been in this whole thing. I just like sucked in and focused. And I'm like, I got I'm hanging on to each word. And so it's been incredible. No, I don't have any good questions. OK. I've just been just been engaged. I just want to say thanks. Before I let Lafayette last and last his last couple of questions, whatever. I just want to say thank you, guys, for real. It's been a pleasure listening and just learning how you engage the audience. I'm sitting here firsthand if anybody's listening to. And as a witness to how you can just make me visualize what you're trying to say. That's an art. I've been trying to be become good at myself and probably not quite there. But getting people to visualize what you're trying to explain to them is really difficult. It's really hard to do it and keep out all of the extra noise, then the arms and the oars and all those things. And how long do you talk versus how short do you make? You know, how much background do you give all those things anyway? So it's been and it's been amazing. Well, thank you for probably the highest praise that I could have gotten, John. I definitely appreciate it. I accept that. And the good news is, is if you want to get better at doing what you're doing right now is helping him. Yes, you're right. It's like, if I wanted to get ripped, I want to I want to look like Hugh Jackman. Right? Like I want to just shredded. You know, I can't do it by watching sit up videos on my TV. I actually have to get up and do some crunches. So if you go off the six pack abs, you want to have the, you know, the Marvel body. You can't do it just sitting in the theoretical. You can learn as much as you want. But until you actually start doing, I'd rather see somebody completely, totally untrained. Be brave. Take the stage and just fail miserably to three, five, 10 times. Because you know what? Every one of those is a learning experience from actual. Doing, which is the same as getting up and doing the crunches, maybe my form isn't good at first, but you know what, after about the 10th set or the 12th set or I've been doing it for 90 days, 90 day abs man right there . You can't cheat it. You have to do it. And so I think you're well on a path drawn well on a path to being. I mean, you already have impact, I know, like because you guys have a dozen you know, you have so many people who tune into this every day. You've got two thousand downloads, four episodes on average like that. That shows impact. And they wouldn't do it if you weren't already presenting in a powerful way. So kudos to you and keep keep working at it. How do you. So one last thing. I love it when you take a stage. I know some people get a hundred percent jitters and they say, I feel sick. I feel nauseous. That's that's never hit me before. It's more of a feeling of walking out into the biggest game of your life. Like the energy, the adrenaline, that type of feeling. Is there a way that you can. How do you teach somebody to take that feeling and almost mentally flip it instead of a a fear of getting on stage to an excitement of getting our state? It's essentially the same chemical. You just kind of, I would think, changing how your mind chooses to, I guess, react to it. No, you're a thousand percent, right. It's it's it's purely mindset. So, again, it goes from that flipping. Usually when we're experiencing stage fright, it's because we're coming from an egocentric place. You're worrying about what are you going to do? How am I going to be perceived? What am I going to III? Quickest way to flip it is what can I do to best serve this audience? What is this audience need? How can I show up for them? What can I do for them? You can still have the eye, but it's but it's from a service attitude. And when you can get into servitude that way, that is when you don't, you go and you stop worrying about what's going on in here. The other way to do it, as dumb as it sounds, I will take my private coaching clients to amusement parks and karaoke bars, because if you can ride a roller coaster 10, 12 times until you get to the excitement of that first drop, you hear that click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click , click. And then the silence just before the rush. Love it, right? The first couple of times. I remember I grew up in southern Alberta. We have West Edmonton Mall, which for a time was the largest mall in North America, and it had the largest indoor roller coaster, triple loop and a spiral superfunds called The Mindbender. And I remember the first time I was on that, my feet were pressed to the cab like this. I was holding on and I had this face right. And I was terrified. But then what happened? Then the wind blew my hair back. I did those loopy loops. I thought the loopy loops are going to be the scariest part. They weren't. And that's the funny thing is that's that's the thing with fear is it's all imaginary. The scariest part for me was staring straight down at a six storey drop as that cart crested the hill. But now, all of a sudden, I'm going straight down and now you're just speed and you hit that first loop and it feels good because the G's pull you back and you're like, oh, this is kind of fun. And then you whip around the corners, you're like, this is really fun. Whoo! And then all of a sudden you let go of those harnesses that you were so tightly clinging to. They were keeping you alive. And now all of a sudden it's a thrill. And you look over at your friend who was. Stupid enough to talk you into the ride you go. Let's do it again. And that's what I try to get people to do, I'll throw them into the deep end. So first of all, I'm going to get you up on stage. I love doing karaoke because the thing is, is if you can do karaoke, you can public speak. Guarantee. Because when you're public speaking, nobody knows what you're going to say. You don't have to say it in any particular way or tune. You have to karaoke. Everybody knows what you're going to say, because not only does everybody know the lyrics, but if they don't know the lyrics, it's printed up on the big wall behind you is scrambling behind you. Everybody knows what you're supposed to say, and they know if you're doing it in tune. So if you can embrace just a bad karaoke performance, like have you ever been to a karaoke bar where somebody was just brutalizing a song, but they were doing it with so much passion and conviction that you were like, this hurts my ears, but man, is this fun to watch? And he's done. And you're like, whoa. Yeah, you don't do it again. But yeah, you know, that's why I love taking people to karaoke, because if you can go up in front of complete strangers and just brutalize a song, or better yet, do it really well. Then taking the stage is easy because nobody knows what you're going to say. Nobody knows how you're going to say it, and if you can do it in a way that impacts them. They're going to leave changed, and that's the joy of it, so karaoke bars and roller coasters and then usually I can flip people's script and get them into the right mindset. Yeah, we started with the art of communication, and I want to end on that same note, we talked about the art, the paintbrush. Tyler, give our audience a last word or paint us a last stroke. OK. I would ask your audience right now, wherever they are, if they're driving, don't do this. But if you're listening to this anywhere that's safe, please close your eyes for a moment. And if you're somebody who focuses so regularly on what ifs. I want you to start thinking of these what ifs. What if the next time? I'm presenting. That I changed somebody's life. What if I just change one person's life to to be better incrementally doesn't have to be a one hundred and eighty degree shift, maybe I just need to knock them one or two degrees on to the right course in the right path. What if you could change just one person's life for the better? Would you do it? And if you know that, you can do that. Why stop? So what I would encourage your audience to do is stop being afraid of the judgment and stop allowing the negative what ifs to impact your life , let's start focusing on the positive ones. What if you change the world? What if you just change one person's life? Does those two extremes matter? No, because one person changed is the start to changing the world. And if you can have impact with your words, it is selfish of you. To not do it. So I want you to think about the next time you are going to present. What are you going to do to make sure that it is the most impactful presentation that you can do? How can you guide your audience on a journey that will leave them better than when you found them? And if you can do that over and over and over and over again, you will be one of the most greatest, most sought after, most respected leaders that there could be. And it's as easy as focusing on them instead of you. Connect with Tyler. On LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook at Sean Tyler Foley. His Twitter handle is at Drop the Mic, STF YouTube channel Tyler Foley. You also can buy Tyler's book, The Power to Speak Mycket and learn how to be a better speaker at the method. Dongshan Tyler Tyler Foley dot com. That is the method Darch Tyler Foley dot com. Thank you, Tyler, for coming on, sharing with our audience how to speak with confidence, communicate effectively and to win your audience. As always, stay and to follow unscripted, authentic leadership podcast on our various social media platforms Facebook, our unscripted authentic leadership podcast page , our Twitter handle at unscripted lead, Instagram handle at unscripted leadership. Also, we all linked in unscripted authentic leadership podcast. Those you that are part of our listening audience can stream on any podcast platform that you find your podcast from Apple to Spotify, the Google Podcasts, Ihar Radio, Pandora, Stitcher, wherever you find your podcast, you can find us there. Those of you that are looking for a place to be poured into and also to pour out to others, to be mentored and also to network. You can find that on our website or our mastermind group at unscripted, vast leadership dot com. 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