The Wholeness Series Vol 6: Boundaries Are Not Barriers

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re the guardrails that keep your peace, purpose, and relationships from going off the cliff. We take a grounded look at how healthy limits protect your integrity, conserve your energy, and create the conditions for respect to grow—at work, in faith communities, and at home. You’ll hear a candid story about confronting a harsh tone without shaming or escalating, and how one clear standard transformed a strained dynamic into mutual trust.

We also unpack why boundaries get a bad rap. Many of us equate limits with rejection or fear, especially if we carry church hurt or past wounds. We reframe boundaries as stewardship: they define what you’re responsible for and signal how to handle what matters most. From monastic-inspired consecration to simple routines that remove distraction, we explore practical ways to reclaim focus so your yes actually means yes and your no keeps your values intact.

You’ll leave with a straightforward three-step exercise: find the area that drains you, set a respectful limit you can enforce, and communicate it firmly and kindly. Try the “8:05 a.m. gossip” script, adapt it to your setting, and notice how quickly clarity restores calm and productivity. If you’ve struggled to say no, felt overextended by family patterns, or want your calendar to reflect your calling, this conversation will help you set a standard you can live with—and live by.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs stronger boundaries, and drop a quick five-star review with one takeaway. Your words help others find the tools to protect their peace too.

Transcript

Wholeness Series Vision

Today’s Focus: Boundaries

Personal Responsibility In Limits

Confronting Disrespect With Respect

Boundaries Versus Walls

Capacity, Hurt, And Church Context

Consecration And Focused Living

Where Boundaries Are Most Needed

Weekly Exercise: Define And Communicate Limits

What’s Next: Spiritual Development

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Welcome back to the Inspiration Station and your Everyday Edge podcasts. I'm your host, Mr. U. Thanks again for watching and listening. Have you joining us today? Thanks for making us part of your week. If you're new to our broadcast and this is your first time here in the Inspiration Station, welcome. Welcome to the family. Thanks for being a part of what we believe is life-changing for a lot of people. You can find a lot of podcasts, a lot of things that may tickle your fancy and make you feel good momentarily, but we believe we're making a lasting impact because of what we're talking about, who we're talking to, and what we're offering that helps people's lives be changed forever. So we thank you for being a part of this journey with us. If you are a listener of podcasts, primarily, please join us on Apple Podcasts. Drop a five-star review along with a comment about how our show has impacted you. We'd love to hear your thoughts and love to have others see kind of what you see, and perhaps you give us a chance like you are today. So thank you again for giving us a five-star review and for following and subscribing to our podcast on Apple Podcasts. Wherever you enjoy your podcast listening, uh, if you are a watcher of podcasts, YouTube has all of our episodes, past, present, and future.com at they call me Mr. You. You can find all our work there, definitely in the show notes. Some of the links that may pertain to you on our landing page or anything regarding uh my coaching company, and just let us know how we can serve you and what kind of help you may need. Perhaps we can help you somewhere along the way. If you're on social media, hit me in the DMs, love to answer any questions you may have. So, we're having a lot of fun with this. We've been doing a wholeness series when we're almost half more than halfway done, and we've been just kind of dealing with the whole person. It's been a vision of mine for a long time to deal with the whole person, and this wholeness series gives us a chance to deal with that personal development, business development, spiritual development. We're talking about all kinds of development to help us grow and be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. So I'm really grateful that you're along for this ride with us. Let's see where it takes us today. So I promise you from last time that we're gonna talk about boundaries, a really incredible but also intense topic. It may not be as long. We've done uh a couple of these in the whole series, but I just feel like it bears re-engaging us because when we don't have, and this is just a general statement, when we don't have healthy boundaries, we don't have healthy limits, it says more about us than it says about the other people who may be violating those. And now they're getting under our skin because they are crossing the line and they're stepping over the boundary line. Well, if we don't have healthy boundaries set, it says more about us than it says about them. What is a healthy limit in your assessment? What's a healthy limit? A few scriptures that you can use to look at things regarding self-respect and self-control, which I think are really a big part of establishing boundaries. Proverbs 25 and 28, Galatians 5 and 23, Matthew 7 and 12, and Ephesians 4, verse 25. What does it mean to have healthy limits? I believe that there's a lot of teaching on the personal responsibility piece when it comes to boundaries. We have to set that. We can't set it f we can't set it for somebody else, and we can't allow them longer to kind of be in a place where they I guess have to assume what we want and what we need. We have to set that. There was a time where there was a young person that I was doing some work with, and uh I'm very careful about where I go with this, but the person I'm doing some work with. And this person kind of had some history with people who look like me. I'll just say that much. So when they talked to me, it had a certain sound to it. I'm not gonna go into all the details, I want to bring the person out, but you'll get the message if you just listen to it in general. It'll help you, trust me. But when they spoke to me, it didn't matter where it was, what the setting was, when they spoke to me, it had a certain sound to it. It had a little bit of a tone to it. I would probably call it a little bit harsh. I allowed it to go on for a little while for a lot of different reasons. One of the reasons was that I was in a state of being broken and dealing with some things myself. Now I could have, you know, traveled back, time traveled back to Brooklyn and slapped the person, but what good would that have done? What fruit would that have wrought? That wasn't the right answer. So I'm glad I didn't do that. Even though it was a thought. But I allowed it for a little bit of time, and then I realized that if I don't establish the boundaries, if I don't set it, they won't get set. And the person will continue to do what they do the way that they were doing it, where I was concerned. So that's where the personal responsibility piece comes in. Having respect and self-respect. Respect for others, but also respect for yourself comes in. So I politely, at least I thought it was polite. I told the person, yeah, the way that you're talking to me, that's not gonna be conducive for the kind of relationship I think we're building here. What we're trying to do within this organization. So that right there, we can't do this anymore. I need you to talk to me with, you know, with the good sense that God gave you. I don't think I said that, but that's kind of what I was thinking as well. So when I did that, it was a shocker. There was a gasp in the room, but the person looked at me differently because I didn't do what maybe perhaps people who look like me have done in the past. I established a boundary and I demanded that we stay, that we maintain that. And I didn't disrespect that person's boundaries either. I made sure that we had a mutual respect for each other and we made sure that we were walking in selfishness, but we made sure we kind of stuck to the script and made sure that we honored and respect each other correctly in a way that we believe God would be pleased with. And I believe that it was life-changing, it was a game changer for our relationship. If I had not done that, I would have been in my flesh, I would allow that person to stay in theirs, and we would never have created uh the kind of beautiful relationship that we have now, if that makes sense. So boundaries are really we frame those through the lens of personal responsibility. We can't avoid that. And I know that in general people fear boundaries. People feel as though boundaries are limiting and it's taking away their fun and they can't do the kind of things they want to do. Some folks feel like boundaries are kind of like a bubble that they can cover themselves in so that nobody can hurt them anymore, so that nobody can wound them anymore. Anyone ever been through church hurt before? If you've never been there before, it's a it's a different kind of hurt because you have a high level of expectation because of the word of God, because of what the people are supposed to represent. So when they hurt you, it's it's it's a different level of hurt. The pain hits different, it lasts so much longer than if a stranger hurts you. It lasts so much longer. They mishandle what it's supposed to be. But as I said on a previous broadcast, healthy boundaries aren't supposed to be walls that we put up. That's not what they're there for. We discussed this last time we met. You know, in the Old Testament, boundaries were in scripture as a means of stewardship, letting you know what you're in charge of, letting you know what's your responsibility. It's an expression or instructions of how you should be functioning, how you should be working. In a relational sphere, it's kind of like instructions of how you want to be treated and handled. If you buy something from the store that, or from a maybe from a thrift shop or maybe from a department store, and it is a delicate material, maybe uh it's glass or china, you're gonna see tags and notes and stuff that says handle with care. Why? Because if you drop this, it can easily break. If you mishandle this, you can damage this very easily. That's why they say handle it with care. Be very careful. This is a little bit fragile. Excuse me. This is a little fragile. So be very, very careful about how you handle this. I don't want us to walk around with labels to say handle with care. I'm fragile. That means for a rough situation when it's time for you to give a hug or get a hug back. We can't do that part, but boundaries are kind of like some instructions for us. You know what? This is what I have the capacity to handle. There are people who are not where you are in life. Can we just be honest about that? Some people who are not where you are. It could be 25 years for both of you, but their 25 years was different than your 25 years. Yours might have been simple and smooth and and no big deal, a breeze. There's might have been hell on earth. Same amount of time, but totally different circumstances. So you you can't look at things with a lens or of a cookie cutter. You can't do it. So, what does that mean? That basically means that we have to have healthy boundaries, not walls to push people away, but healthy boundaries to know what a person has the capacity to handle. I was talking about church hurt because that's a common thing, and unfortunately, it's something that's continually happening all the time. This is happening to people who are not even going to church. They decided this Sunday is going to be dedicated because of what they've been through in church. This Sunday is not dedicated to watching football all day, going to the beach, shopping with their friends, or just sleeping in late. That's their goal. Or to have brunch. I can't forget that. To have brunch somewhere. They've dedicated their Sunday to that because part of the reason that they've been through hurt. People who were overly religious have wounded them. And now they feel like they have to protect themselves with boundaries. Saying, from this point on, I'm never gonna do this part again because of what I went through. And people go through these kinds of hurts, and it's a real thing for a lot of people. Do you know anybody that's been through church hurt? Are you somebody that's been through church hurt? We gotta understand people's capacities before we enter into engagements and relationships with them because we've got to understand how to walk in a way that's wise where they're concerned. So that we don't harm them, we don't contaminate them or brutalize them after all they've already been through. We gotta understand that in this case, boundaries are just safe limits and and capacity for us. They're not bad things. There, I I don't know if you believe in what people who have lived a monastic life have done, but there were some there's some history going back to early Christianity where people practiced some uh uh I guess physical and emotional spiritual boundaries where they isolated themselves from certain things. I'm not talking about what you see on TV depicted where the person has a uh a vow of a what's the word? Where they vow to no longer have sex anymore. I'm not talking about that. But there are vows like that that have been made. But what I think the original intent was supposed to be before it got overly religious, and people started putting all of their thoughts and intellect into it and just made it made it into a thing was that they didn't isolate from God or isolate from the community, but they just decided to isolate from things that would disturb their focus, things that would cause them to not have the kind of clarity they were trying to cultivate, things that wouldn't allow them to be able to walk in service where it was clean and it wasn't muddled up with all kinds of junk and flesh and attitudes and pride and such. And for me, if when I read or when I hear things like this, I think about consecration. It's something that I personally am a strong believer in, and I'm a practitioner of it. We talk about prayer and fasting, and many of you have known how to do that, you've done that just to a great degree. I know many of our listeners are believers, so you understand what that means to do that. I have taken a little further and gone into periods throughout the course of the year of consecration where I just isolate myself from a lot of things to make sure that I can be able to build the kind of clarity I believe I need, the kind of focus that I need to have, and kind of get myself uh not so much recentered, but recalibrated is the word I like better than that. To kind of get recalibrated where I need to be at, what I should be involved with, what I shouldn't be involved with. When I go into consecration, I come out with so much clarity and so much instruction, and I'm like, wow, you know what? I see that thing differently. What am I doing over here? Why am I involved with this? Because I because of what I see and hear. And I just really believe that you know boundaries are important for us as leaders. They're important for us if we want to walk in integrity. They're important for us if we want to try to make sure we don't allow our energy and our vitality to be sucked up by people who don't care or don't respect what we're trying to accomplish, who don't understand what our goals are, who don't understand where we are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Where in your life are boundaries most needed? Where in your life are boundaries most needed? Some people might say at work. Some might say with my family. See, that's real talk right there. Because if you ever been to a family uh gathering or a family reunion, you get to see everybody. Your crazy cousin Bob is out there, you get to see everybody, and they might act the fool. And it's like, man, I'm glad I won't do that once a year. I'm glad we're gonna do this once a year. And it's not a regular thing because we have to see this nonsense all the time. And people are really embarrassed for what they see in their family. And the majority of the reasons why this happens so much is because there's no boundaries. The person that's setting up the family reunion does not have to allow this kind of thing to be taking place. You can set a standard and say, you know what, this is what we're gonna do. If you're gonna bring that stuff here, if you're gonna do that or bring that kind of behavior to this place where we got children and impressionable people and people who want to try to just stay clean, and you bring in this this muck into the family reunion, you don't have to come here. They can set a standard and make sure that thing is known and understood, but most times they don't because they don't refuse to set a boundary line to set the standard because they want to try to include everybody and not hurt anybody's feelings. Where in your life are boundaries needed? It can be at work or it can be like in that case with family. Sometimes family gets you the works because they remember you for where you used to be at, and they can't see you as the person you are right now, they can't see the development in you. All they know is what they remember about you way back in the day. Maybe perhaps you need boundaries in your own habits, in your own lifestyle, in your own personal development. Maybe you need boundaries there. How many people can honestly admit that are watching and listening to this episode today that you have allowed people to come into your life that maybe on second thought, you might, if you get, if you give some time and thought about it, you may think against that now because of what they bring to the table. The kind of energy, the kind of attitude what they bring to the table. It's okay to be wrong about that because we have to learn. But in your life, maybe a boundaries needed in your own habits, in your own relationships with people, in the way you look at the world around you. Maybe there's some areas where you need to say yes a lot less and say no a lot more. Especially if you're a busy A-type personality like I am, you gotta learn how to say no because you get a lot of offers, a lot of opportunities to collaborate, a lot of opportunities to network, come fly out to this place, and we're gonna do this, this, and that. We're gonna do this, that, and the other. And you gotta learn how to say no because sometimes no is very, very powerful in establishing boundaries. You can't do everything that everybody wants you to do, and you gotta recognize that kind of stuff. So it's something to think about. Where in your life are boundaries needed? Let's go ahead and reflect on that before we move off of this episode today. Excuse me. Where in your life are boundaries needed? At work? In your family, maybe it's in your ministry, maybe it's internally with your own habits, your own lifestyle, the way that you view people around you, the world around you, maybe. Let's try this exercise for this week as we round up to the end of the episode for today on boundaries. Identify one area of your life where you feel drained or you feel resentful towards a person or a situation. Identify one area of life where you feel drained or resentful. This probably won't be a tough assignment for you because we all deal with something. So that may just bubble right up for you so you can find that. One area of your life where you feel drained or resentful. Second thing you do now in this exercise is to determine a respectful limit that you can put into place right now. What can you do to make sure? And I'm not talking about self-protection, I'm talking about just setting a boundary so that you don't lose your peace. You don't lose your spiritual and emotional health because of the situation that's been draining you in your life. Determine a clear, respectful limit. I'm gonna give you an example that might help you out a little bit. Say you work in an area in a workplace, and every day you start your job at 8 o'clock. Every day at 8:05, 805 a.m. Your boy from the other cubicle comes over, sits in your cubicle, and tells you all kind of gossip every day. Today just started. You start at 8. Dudes over here in your cubicle at 8.05. Sitting down before we get started doing any kind of work, he's giving you the latest gossip, telling you about what's going on with the management. What he heard in the break room every single day that's happening. That's the area of your life that's draining you because you don't want to gossip. You don't want to know everybody's business and be all in a know. You want to keep your health, your mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health. You don't want that. So that situation drains you, but you don't want to hurt his feelings. So you allow him every day at 8 or 5 a.m. It's been happening for months now. Going into years, he's done this unchecked because you never opened your mouth or set any kind of boundaries. So think about that as an example. Now, number two, determine a clear, respectful limit how you what you can implement. What do you do there? You're like, hey Bob, appreciate you coming over, but no offense, man. Appreciate you coming through here, but every time you come over here, you're talking about somebody else, you talk about something that sounds like gossip to me. I can't listen to this. I don't want to be a gossip, but I don't want to be somebody who is known to talk about other people, especially when they're not there to hear it. That's not solving problems, they just create more problems. So, Bob, I can't have you here do that. If you want to come over and share something with me that's important, that's fine. But as far as this thing that's been going on, this is the last time. You can't keep doing that. I can't keep listening to this stuff. So I no offense, but I don't hear stuff anymore. And just communicate that kindly, but stay firm. That's one example. So identify one area of your life where you feel drained or resentful, two, determine a clear, respect, respectful limit that you can put into action, and three, communicate this limit firmly but with kindness and compassion. It's not hard, it's pretty easy. I know you can do it. Boundaries are in selfish, they're necessary for healthy, flourishing relationships. Practice one of those this week and watch the difference happen. Next episode, we're going to talk about spiritual development, which is gonna be really, really fun, and how to move from belief to true formation in everyday life. Spiritual development is coming up on our next episode. Do your homework, protect your integrity, put that boundary in place. Thanks for watching and listening. Have a fantastic day. I missed you.