"Strong Fathers, Strong Foundations": Mista Yu on the "Valor and Vision" Podcast

What if everything you built—career, image, even ministry—looked solid but rested on a cracked foundation? We sat down with Yusef “Mr. Yu” Marshall to explore how men confuse activity for purpose, why presence matters more than performance, and how a near‑death moment outside his mother’s home sparked a long, slow turn toward a life anchored in faith. The sports chatter fades fast as we get honest about identity, marriage, and the courage it takes to start again when your plans no longer hold.

Yusef shares how he learned to be fathered by God while fathering daughters without a blueprint, trading busyness for meaning and titles for truth. We dig into the modern pressure to be both provider and emotionally present, unpack the trap of tying worth to a job or a uniform, and name the deeper ache: not to be forgotten, but to be known. From there, we challenge the “Santa‑God” myth—transactional faith built on self‑rated goodness—and return to the Father revealed in Scripture, where surrender, not hustle, becomes the path to peace.

We also turn a hard lens on church culture and leadership. Foundations fail when image outruns integrity. Are we humble enough to tear down what was built wrong and rebuild on the Rock? Yusef brings it home with a candid story of a family reset—a come‑to‑Jesus meeting that dismantled comfortable patterns and set a new course. It hurt. It healed. And it shows the practical steps any man can take to move from drift to direction: fix the root, choose presence, align work with calling, and rebuild slowly, strongly, and together.

If you’re feeling busy yet brittle, this conversation offers a compass. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more men find their way back to purpose.

Our team will choose random (but timely) episodes from our previous three seasons (which are our most popular ever!) to share with our listeners during the slower parts of a long podcast season. We think you will enjoy them! Thanks for listening!

Coffee aficionados and Health Conscious listeners, our show has some new sponsors and they’re offering you the best discounts their stores have. Links are below. Start saving now!

Quantum Squares: Support the show

Support Mista Yu and The Mission:

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theycallmemistayu?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

Buy Me A Coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/theycallmemistayu

Need an authentic community to grow your business, your connections, and yourself?: 

🔥 THE INVITATION YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 🔥

It's time to stop building alone.

We're officially opening doors to the

Everyday Edge Business Leaders Network

— a community built for male AND female entrepreneurs, founders, and business owners who are done playing small.

This isn't just a community. This is your next level.

Come as you are. Leave sharper than you arrived.

👇 Join us below 👇

https://www.skool.com/business-leaders-network-8939/about?ref=56ca4b4605454ee0a5b56010a3e8bfcd

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:44

Hey everyone, welcome to the Valor Envision podcast. I am here with my guest, Yusuf Marshall, otherwise known as Mr. U. And so let me read a bio off for you guys that are unfamiliar with him. If you are unfamiliar, I'm going to tell you you're missing out already. And so this is your chance to definitely dive into his content. Today's great guest is Yusuf Marshall, also known as Mr. U, of course. Born in Brooklyn, I I had I don't know what it is. This is my second Brooklyn individual getting aired on this podcast, which is great. So born in Brooklyn, New York, Yusuf brings uh 25 years of experience in education, leadership, and service. He is an ordained minister, professional interviewer, public speaker, high performance coach, and best-selling author. On top of it, my man can cook too. All right. If you didn't know, he's also a chef. He's culinary arts trained as well. He's a cook. So, but including Born to Risk and his book, The Heart of the Stepfather. Heart of the Stepfather is the founder of Mirror Time Media and the They Call Me Mr. You podcast brand, home to multiple shows that challenge, inspire, and remove excuses, which I love. Of course, it's I'm I'm telling you, you are one of the inspirations of this show. Of this show, because of just your honesty and remut removing excuses, being raw, going after it. You have been an inspiration for this. His work centers on leadership, faith, family, and personal breakthrough, especially for men navigating marriage business and purpose. Mr. U and his wife have three grown daughters, six grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. So Chris got three. Three now. We got three now. How soon was this third one?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

I found out about that about two months ago. He's not here. He's not here yet, but he's uh well, yeah. I'm counting him because he's he's here in all in all the well, he's that matter right now. But yeah. That's all. I'm as shocked as you are.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Yusuf believes strong family builds strong communities and his life story, including two powerful conversion moments, which I definitely want to highlight during this show today, has shaped the leader that he is today. I'm honored to welcome Mr. Yusuf. Bring it on.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Thank you, sir.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Thank you, Nick, for having me, man.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

It's always fun to be with you anyway, but this is just even more fun because now you got your own podcast, and you're doing it big, and glad to be a small part of it, man. Thanks for having me.

Super Bowl Talk And What It Reveals

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Trying to, trying to go, you know, and you you have like that's like a big part of being, you know, I was first a guest on multiple podcasts before getting into this one, you know. And I've been wanting to have a podcast for probably a year or so before actually launching this. And having been a guest on yours, seeing some of the honest conversations, being a part of the round tables things, all of that kind of stuff has helped inspire me as well on being able to launch this and do all of that. So, first and foremost, it's a huge thank you to you and the inspiration that you bring. But first and foremost, let's talk about it. As you can clearly see on his chest, he's a big football fan of, of course, New Jersey Giants. I mean New York Giants. Yeah, I'm gonna throw that out there.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Hold on, hold on. I'm getting sandbagged in the first question. Is that what we do?

SPEAKER_03 4:06

I'm sure you, as you were saying earlier, so you watched the first half of the game and then it was lights out for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, man, I was up at three something that morning. No nap, nonstop. I did a little work that morning with the church, came home to make all the, you know, the the snacks that we planned for the Super Bowl party of two. Man, and I had a little bit to eat, and I was in the bed at seven o'clock. I seen everything up to the halftime show, which I did not watch. Turned the channel to something else, come back, start of the third quarter. I think I seen one pass. And I think I think it was incomplete, and I was knocked out. I woke up the next morning. That's how I know who won, who the MVP was. Kenneth Walker, congrats to him. So I didn't see it. I mean, probably the first Super Bowl that I didn't see all of in probably almost 30 years. I don't think I've ever missed an entire, well, did not watch an entire Super Bowl in like 30 years. So this was like Martin Mino, but that sleep was amazing, so I needed it and I didn't care.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

I don't think there would be any regrets on your end. It is really making that choice. And honestly, I think most people would be literally saying right now that you fell asleep right before somebody decided to actually say, Hey, we should play some football today.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yes. That's why not we flew all the way here, why not do some work?

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Yeah, why don't we actually play some ball, right? And so like they did not play ball until the fourth quarter, man. It was b-I don't know time-wise, but at least quarter-wise, it tied the record for longest Super Bowl without a touchdown. The last one was 2019, where it was also the New England Patriots versus the Rams, and they did not have a touchdown until I I don't know if it was end of third quarter or beginning of fourth quarter, but that's that was the other Super Bowl that there was no touchdown until then. And uh yeah, thank you, Chad TBT and all that.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah. I'm curious as to which one you like. Over here from your listers, too, man. The first one is that, okay, this was a defensive battle. Both defenses were strong. See Seahawks, I think they were the number one defense for a while, going to the end of the season. Not sure they ended that way, but they were pretty high up there majority of the time. The Patriots, I don't think they were, I'm not quite sure they were in the the top three uh best defense. I'm I think so with top five, but so people could see it as a defensive battle. That's good. But to me, I'm I'm looking like, okay, the real elephant in the room is that both of those two teams probably shouldn't have been there. By the way, they played up to that game, up to that championship game, they didn't they didn't play very well, either one of them, up to that point. So they probably, I'm pretty sure your listeners can think of at least one team in the AFC and the NFC that probably would have been a better fit for this. So you kind of got what you paid for. You got two guys, two teams, I think, not snuck in, but come on, you gotta be honest about this.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

These guys were not It was it it was absolutely defensive battle. If you're if you played ball and you were a defensive player, you probably loved a lot of the defensive plays and all of that that was in there. But from a just the average, I like to watch football Joe sitting on the couch, the excitement was lackluster, you know. The the the big plays, the big catches, the the moments and all of that, it was it was kind of a snooze fest. It wasn't anything to really get you going, right? It just it it drive it was oh another, you know. I I mean when the highest scoring individual was the kicker, I don't know why he wasn't an MVP. And Jason Myers at that, no offense, but he wasn't the top 10 kick in the entire year. But now he's got the most amount of points of any kicker in the any Super Bowl. That was the that was the one record that was that was definitely done of this Super Bowl was you know, the Seahawks kicker. Like, hey, he got it all. So legend. So he knows. Yeah, I got I got Jose down here. He's saying Walker definitely deserved the MVP. He came in the second.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

I mean, he should have got that by default, but they should have been giving him the ball the entire time. Remember what happened the last time? The Seahawks didn't give somebody the ball in the Super Bowl against the same team. Do you remember what happened? Alcun Butler interception. I knew they were I could make that same ticket again, so they gave Walker the ball. He was the only running back, probably even on the roster when he was out. He should be the MVP, give him the ball continuously. So he earned that. That was a smart football player by the Seahawks to do that.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah. But they decided to show up and actually play some ball in the fourth quarter. But still, even in that, the Seahawks still kind of steamrolled over that quite a bit. So it was uh we had some guests over and one of the members was going for the Patriots, and they left. And then as they were pulling out of the driveway, I was like, Hey, they got a touchdown, and it was the only one. So they were like, Yeah, but it it didn't, it was too little too late. It was way too late.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

The car was already winning by then, so they had to probably fucking so that was it.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

But yeah, anyway, good it's still it's the Super Bowl. I will I think the only other comment I've got to say on the Super Bowl is that it was probably I almost forgot that it was going to be the Super Bowl this weekend because there was no promotion for it prior to. I did not see hardly any commercials, any promotion, any reminding commercials like Super Bowl coming up. You know, who are like I saw so little of that going on that it was like I forgot. And honestly, there was very little of that promotion for the Olympics too prior to. There was a little bit more for the Olympics, but still not much. I almost forgot both of these major sporting events were gonna happen until they happened.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

You're not gonna see the Olympics, unless you're on NBC watching something on that channel. Yeah, you're not gonna see it otherwise. That's that's all NBCs.

A Near‑Death Wake‑Up And A Prayer

SPEAKER_03 10:06

You would have thought that social media would have had a lot more to do, and it wasn't there either, at least from what I'm seeing. I just didn't see too much of it. But yeah. And I guess maybe it was, you know, here in I'm in the Philadelphia area, and so of course, when those Super Bowls were going on, you dang well knew the Eagles were gonna play. Last year, you dang well knew what the Super Bowl was gonna be. So around this area. So I'm sure like people in Boston and people in Seattle were like, what are you talking about? We knew, you know, but outside of that, and between those two areas, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. But let's get to what we were actually here to talk about, and that's a lot more with you and and men and all that other kind of good stuff. We can kind of dove into a lot. I really want to kind of what is your story? Uh, what was your journey of faith look like as as you've been through? And you mentioned two. Were they specifically like just traumatic or were they near-death experiences?

Finding Christ And A New Direction

SPEAKER_00 11:07

It's a little mixture of both. Well, I wouldn't call it uh a a wrestling match or anything. It's kind of it was it was a slow burn, but it was like a slow burn on a roller coaster, if that makes sense. A lot of tumultuous stuff happened, near death stuff's kind of speckled into it. I think the short version of the story is just I got to a place where I was living in the concrete jungle, it it kind of is what it is. A lot of things you hear about it is are true. Some stuff is blown up, people who don't live there, but a lot of it is true, and I was a recipient of a lot of that. Anyone who comes from a household that was shaped like mine with no father in it, you kind of find yourself uh susceptible to a lot of things. A lot of things whether it'd be drugs, hopes, hangs, you name it, you can claim it. Because it's like it's it's it's all it's all around and it's and you really uh open. You want validation and you want people to father you and mentor you and stuff. And if you don't have that, you often find it in in some of the wrong places. So that was a big part of the journey, the big part of how I got to where I was. But one situation was I was uh I stayed victim and I laughed at hear the rest of the story. But I was a victim of an armed robbery. I wasn't in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was walking home to my mom's house after coming from work. And I had a watch that I loved a lot. I had about$600 in my pocket, uh receipts from lunch, napkins in my pocket, and all that's all I had of any value. And the arm robber, I think he had a revolver if I remember correctly. It was about as far as this microphone is from my mouth. Well, you can't see it, but right here. That's how far the gun was from my face, and his hand was on the trigger. I'm like, that's that's that's etiquette. If you're a gun owner, you don't put your finger on the trigger unless you're ready to shoot. That's what anybody that trains you're gonna hear that over and over, drill down into your head over and over again. Do not put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot. It's common knowledge. But for this gentleman, I'm giving props by calling him that, he had his finger on the trigger and his hand was shaking like this. I'm like, there's no way that I'm I wasn't a bad guy, but I wasn't perfect at that. But I said, there's no way I'm going out. This is how now this clown, this is how I'm gonna I'm a I'm like five steps from my mom's house. This is really how I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna leave her and my sister behind. This was really gonna happen. I was sitting like wrestling with that item. How can I how could this be so? How can I go out if I've done that much stuff to go out like this? So I was a little bit ticked off. I was thinking about, you know what? I can take him. I was thinking all kind of stuff. He his hand was shaking so violent, I was like, oh my, I can't believe it. I mean, he was like reaching in my pocket to grab to the hand and the gun was like right here, like, I can't believe he's gonna do this. Like that. Or I thought against making any kind of power moves. He put his hand in my pocket and he took what was in there and he ran. I'm like, okay. Adrenaline calmed down, got to my mom's steps. I looked up and I, you know how they do it in the movies and on TV, that that prayer that we always pray. If you're real, do blank. I prayed a prayer similar to that. I said, if you're real, I need you to show up. My grandmother knew you, my mom knew you in their own ways. I need to know you, you know, like I need to know you. So I prayed that prayer. I went inside the house, put my hand in my pocket, no napkins, no receipt. The watch broke on the train ride over, so it wasn't even working. It would need a new battery. So I had that, that was gone too. All that was in my pocket was the$600. So we got everything but the$600. And I, from that point, fast forward about 10 years, I found the Lord Jesus Christ in Columbia, South Carolina. Whole life turned around, met my wife there, been married for almost 30 years now, in a little bit, and in about six months, maybe 30 years. Total dramatic change. So it was a slow burn, but it was a wild ride. A lot of stuff happened. God definitely got my attention.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

He's the master at that. I will tell you that. As anybody that absolutely knows the Lord, that he is the master of getting your attention to us in a in a deeply impactful way, and sometimes to others, like, eh, whatever. But it's like, no, you don't understand. If you were walking in our shoes, you'd understand. It's hard to explain. Yeah. So, man. So, like you're married, you're in you're in South Carolina at this point.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Right? Did you have kids already at this point?

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Or when okay, so I was in New York.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

That story was in New York City. So Right. Well, dark that was in my hometown. So I'm in South Carolina now, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

Yeah. How did kids happen? How I mean, we know how that happens, but like, how does having kids on your show? If y'all don't know, read a book. How did becoming you know a father kind of really how did that happen as far as deepening your understanding of being a father compared to what your pre-notions were before having kids? And that's this to a lot of men, and I think that we get different answers because guys internalize this very differently.

Learning Fatherhood Without A Father

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Yeah, mine's might be different too, I guess. Uh but great question, though. Uh I think being uh a father and a husband talking, I I better add that in too. Mm-hmm. I think it just kind of let me understand God's heart, what he wanted from the family in your uh in your body, or you were talking about how, you know, I'm proponent a family and I am because I know that's his heart. That's what he cares about. And not family in a dysfunctional way, but not what crazy Uncle Barbara depict, Nick. That's not what we're talking about. I'm talking about family that creates not only a strong community, but strong neighborhoods and a strong city, a strong state, a strong nation, and a strong world. So I really believe in that. And I think the tough part for me was trying to father three little princesses and have no idea what that's supposed to look like. Because I didn't have anybody to show me how to do it. I mean, basically my point of reference, I say this all the time, was the Cosby show. People might look at that now and be like, ooh. And they might cringe now, but for me, that was my that was my example. I'm like, you know what? Okay, he looks like me. There's things that he wants that I want. I think I can try to almost mirror or use that as a resource on how to be a father. Like I didn't see it anywhere around me. There was no examples of it anywhere, not in my family and not even the neighborhood that I was in. So I was really like, how do I do this? And I really didn't have any choice, in my opinion. I read books. I did that because I came from my house to education, or or or with a strong emphasis on education, excuse me. And I read books and everything, but I just turned to God for the answer. You know what? I'm sitting here dealing with all of this, these validation issues and feeling like I got abandoned. I'm like, you're the only father that didn't break out and leave me. So I'm like, it was not easy for me to even say that, but the truth is that I I learned how to lean on him for this, how to be a father, while he fathered me. So it was a long process. It was not a couple of days or a few months. It was a long process. Me, my daughters and wife went through hell. You know what I'm saying? But that's how we got through it was because of my leaning on him to be father, so that I could father these daughters.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

A lot of similarities already. I'm hearing, I'm hearing a lot of similarities in and I think you watched some of my episode that I had with my pastor Shaq that was also in Brooklyn and dealing with going from, I'm now a father, but I'd had no father growing up, type stuff. And and that's that is, it's very difficult not having that example. And then of course, but I I think that that's profound of you being able to hold on to and say, God, you're the father that never let me down. You're the father that always was there. Even when I may have thought you weren't, you were still there. And that's massive. I think that I think a lot of people that that takes a lot to get there. I think it takes a lot to get there that have gone through anything that that you've gone through to be able to hold that up. And then even guys that have had a father, but maybe their father was imperfect. And and I don't mean imperfect, like oh, just whatever, but like they were abusive or they were, you know, doing whatever. And then for them to actually see God as a good father, that's pretty that's pretty profound. So yeah, as we kind of look at that, and you're you're raising girls, which is amazing too. I don't know what it is about you, you Brooklyn guys, because that's two for two now, all girls, right? Now you got now, you have some grandsons though. I got four grandsons, yeah. So you're like, amen.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

That that yeah. If it quit it didn't have to be that, but I'm very grateful. I say I say thank you, and I say hallelujah. Because all granddaughters, too, and great granddaughters, I I'd be in trouble. Let it come and help me down here in these streets. Yes. I was so grandsons helped out. It's not easy it's not easy with them, but it it helped them at all. All right, we we got a chance here.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

You've got a heart for men that you and I have definitely connected for as far as ministry goes and how we want to like really bring the emphasis of having a relationship with Christ in our life is definitely towards men. But would you say that part of that is saying, man, raising women, raising girls to be women have made me realize the importance of a strong man?

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Yeah. I mean, I could say that. I won't say that that's where all of this men's focus, if you will, men's groups, men's coaching, men's podcasts. I won't say it's because of that, but I just feel like I got, and this is through the process. This is not something that I read in the book. This is not something that I learned from an older mentor that happened to be a man. I got I gotta put that out there and just be clear. It's not that this was uh through an evolution of time that I figured out that you know what, as men, we have a responsibility that most anybody else won't be able to understand. Your wife might be awesome and powerful and beautiful, your daughters the same, your mom, same, your sisters the same, but they'll never understand the obligation and the responsibility that sits on your shoulders. If they watch TV, they'll understand even less because TV and commercials don't make us look good in a lot of scenarios, especially in the month of June. But I'm I'm putting I'm putting that on a hold. I ain't gonna mess with that today now in your show.

The Pressure To Be Present

SPEAKER_03 20:52

But I ain't gonna disagree with you, but definitely I think in general, like it's not even just a one-month thing. It's a it's a continual, you know, agenda that we see, unfortunately, and it's been perpetuated for decades now, for decades, that and we've seen that, and it's unfortunately permeated the church quite a bit in in certain ways as well. And I think that that's you know, talking to you, it's it's very evident that you know that we share this. But what pressures do you think that the modern man feels that previous generations didn't to be able to carry the same way forward?

SPEAKER_00 21:26

I think, and this is a really short answer, but I think it it hits the mark right away, the pressure to be present. In the 16, 17, 1800s, there's a lot going on with men back then. And if you start going into the 1800s, early 1900s. Fathers were there, but they weren't because they'll have they had to work so much because of the economic climate. They had to work 16, 18 hours a day, sometimes 20 hour days, sometimes, clean it couldn't suck their kids in. Didn't see their kids that often, which also leaves a scar, of course. So I think the challenge for us now is to really be present. We have to work, because if a man doesn't work, a man doesn't eat, we understand that by scripture. But we got to be present. We got to be available. We gotta be transparent about how we're feeling so that our family doesn't think we're about to be just ticking time bomb that they can't be around because they might get shrouded. So we gotta be able to be present and not so much be a blubbering, you know what, and and and put stuff out there like, oh, this is just depressed and sad and full of anxiety. We can't we gotta internal and external strength in a lot of areas. But I think just being present is the biggest thing, man. Because if we can do that, even in the midst of all of the challenges we deal with economically, financially, even emotionally and spiritually, we're still, you know, our family's better better off when we're present. When we're not present. Did that make sense?

Activity Versus Purpose

SPEAKER_03 22:46

No, it does make sense. It does make a lot of sense. I think in there kind of rolls up into the idea, you know, you kind of hit the nail on the head when it's, you know, if I don't work, we don't have food on the table kind of mentality that a lot of guys have. Which, and there's truth to that, but there's also a trap to that, right? There's also a part of that. And so how do men confuse activity with purpose and how can we tell the difference?

SPEAKER_00 23:12

I think purpose is a really loaded question. It's something that I deal with when it comes to time spent in one-on-one coaching. Excuse me. Any kind of mentorship that I employ, even with spiritual sons and daughters that I've talked to. It's kind of that thing where they think they understand purpose, but they really don't. They don't understand it by scripture. They understand it by what somebody's told them or imagery that they've gro grown up watching and listening to. And they figure, okay, this is what I'm, I'm, my purpose is to be a mom. My purpose is to be a dad and go bring the bacon home so my family can eat. My purpose is to, you know, it's like it's really none of that stuff. You think you can find your purpose in the cubicle, you got it all wrong. That's not where it is. Your purpose will be exhibited through that cubicle, but it's not because of the cubicle. It's not where you're gonna find it. And if I don't go to work, I'm not, I'm nobody. No, that's not it. Because if that's the case, you and I wouldn't be entrepreneurs. We just we'd just stayed in the workplace, in the marketplace. We never came to this world because we know that we found more purpose here than the things we were doing back then. So people do confuse activities, especially men. If I'm going out, and as a matter of fact, one man that did that is on this screen with you right now, to be honest. I spent a lot of years because I didn't know. Don't forget, don't forget about my history. I didn't know that if I worked hours and brought home checks, paid mortgages and rents and everything, that that wasn't all I was supposed to be doing. I thought that was enough. Mm-hmm. I mean, I see my daughters, I spent time with them, play games, but I didn't do some things that I didn't take the time to do. I'm like, I ain't got time to do that. I gotta get to work. So men like myself, this could confuse activity with purpose, but it was like, no, the purpose is gonna create once I know that, it's gonna create the kind of activity that fosters wholeness and and and wellness in my family and in me. So it's kind of it's kind of been flipped by a lot a lot of men in our generation and era right now.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

No, a hundred percent. You know, I kind of asked that question really to ultimately get to that bigger point of that our activity should come from our purpose, not the other way around. Our activity doesn't produce purpose, you know. And that's the same, like it's not just one person on this podcast, it's both of us, because I was the same way. When I left the military, I definitely went through this who am I now? Yeah. Right. And I see this a lot through a lot of the guys that I've talked to, and especially people that are in service industry specifically, heavily, because you know, we wear a uniform that has our name and has our accolades on it, or has at least our identity that we think it is on our chest. And then when you hang that up, who am I? And it becomes this awkward silence in your life, right? It becomes that awkward, whoa, what what now? Okay, I go get a nine to five job. That's great. I'm able to bring home the bacon. But now you're trying to do this this activity equals purpose thing, and it it never really works out. It never really works out. And a lot of that's why I think we see a lot of veterans struggling. I think we see a lot of people that were former law enforcement and fire and all of that, even medical. Like you talk to a doctor when they're done being the doctor, whoever they now, right? And and so it's not just military, it's a whole bunch of professions that the profession itself was saying, who when you go, who are you? And you go, I'm a doctor, I'm a military guy, you know, I'm I'm whatever. And that's not there anymore. And it and it's crushed a lot of guys because they they had the mindset flip, right? My activity equaled my purpose. And when that activity cancels, then it feels like your purpose canceled, and that's and we need to operate from purpose into, and that gives us the activity that we do. And so that's why you know this conversation is wonderful, because it's it's like, man, we're we're so on the same page because I've learned so much as well being on the round tables with you. And but what I'm excited to hear is because honestly, a lot of the roundtables that you do, we don't hear too much of your opinion on things. You're you're doing a great job hosting, you're mediating in between and and telling Roy to stop crying, you know. Remember Roy was like, no man cries, and it's like whatever, man. But you do such a great job of doing all that. But I was like, man, I'm excited to talk to you because I I want to hear I know like there is a whole bunch of wisdom behind you that doesn't get to come out as much when you're hosting so many others. And so that's what it's really good for for this. If you a man strips away titles, income, and image, what core things actually remain that define him?

SPEAKER_00 27:45

I feel like you gotta take away, if you're gonna take titles away, you gotta take all the titles away.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Mm-hmm.

Identity After The Uniform

SPEAKER_00 27:49

You take away husband and father too. Take away brother and son, then work. Because those would be the go-to answer for somebody if you took their titles away, like work, income, image, position, status. They lean on those. No. And a lot of people do that right now. They lean on those, and it's like, it's not really predicated on any kind of relationships. It's just my place. No. At the end of the day, I think man's greatest fear, and I say man in this case, I mean everybody, male and female in this case. Man's greatest fear is to not be relevant. Man's greatest desire is to be known. So when your husband, father, brother, son, it's like, you know what? I just want to be known. I don't want to be forgotten about when my story comes to an end. I don't want it to be that, you know, nobody remembers me, remembers what I've done. And I feel like it just those four areas, husband, brother, father, and son, those areas, they can't even be our fallback options because things change. Look at the story of Joe. His whole family got wiped out. He can't use husband and father anymore. What's he used to say, you know what, this is who I am? And you know, without getting too preachy, it just inevitably goes back to the one relationship that matters and trumps all of the other ones: creation and creator. It comes back to that. If you don't know that you are the offspring of God, his majestic creation, you know, made in his image. You know, if we don't, if you don't have that part, all the other stuff is just ancillary, they're just add-ons, they're just accoutrements. They're not, they don't really mean anything. They're gonna be empty, empty stances, empty positions, pots with no water with them. I don't know how well to describe it. It's not gonna have any real value. So that's what we have to be at because titles change. We saw it in 2020. Income changes also in the same year. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. You know, family dynamics, situation that people will, you know, I was I'm used to coming home Monday through Friday, and then on Saturday I played golf. Now my life has changed. I can't go golf with them, but now I don't have a family to come back to. Things have changed. And that's all that we can really lean on. So, you know what? That's the most important thing. Because when we have that, we have access to everything that we'd ever need. If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

No, I think I think that becomes a huge healing point into the next area that we kind of even go to. But you know, like when a life's when a man's life is kind of starting to spiral out of control, right? That's that's kind of where a lot of this unfortunately, you know, I I don't I see it. Tell me if I'm wrong, if you see it differently. A lot of times when guides when guys start reaching out for God or reaching out for help somewhere, it's almost in this point of like, bro, why didn't you do this earlier? You let your life spiral to this level already. Like we're not putting band-aid on small wounds. You you're we're doing triage now. And so when when things go like to this level, you know, what is what are some of the things that you do when you're helping guys out and it's just like, bro, this is bad. How how do we how do we start? Where do we start?

SPEAKER_00 30:46

This is just a general statement because if I'm talking to somebody in this kind of setting, mentoring, counseling, or even full-blown, one-to-one coaching, for me, I I guess I don't know if it's an analytical thing in me, maybe it's some kind of weird, twisted thing that goes on here, but I I can't I can't go right to trying to fix the problem that the person is coming to me to share with me. I can't do it. Well, my kids and my kids hated it, but it's what it's it was my process. Coming to me and said, Dad, I only have to do this problem with this math. I'm taking them back to the very beginning of math. I'm trying to get them to understand how did we get here? You're having a problem with math. How often are you studying anything? Are you in the room listening to music and giggling with your sisters? Or are you actually trying to apply yourself and work on this thing? Because now we're here to get this big test that's gonna really matter for your overall grade, and you're scared out of your mind. You're in the struggle, you're on the struggle bus right now, sitting on the driver's lap, trying to figure out how am I gonna do this? But how do we get here? And that's what when they come, that's the first story about my daughters, but that's just kind of how I think. Truth of the matter is, it's the same thing with the the men that I would deal with. I want to find out how we got here. Because you could have been on that bridge getting ready to jump. How do we get here? I want to say, you know, okay, don't jump. Here's just program, here's just group. I'm not gonna do that because we're not solving the problem. I'm just pushing your problem into a new setting, into a new environment. Let's talk about how you got here. What was it about your life, who was around you, who wasn't around you, that made you think you were so by yourself and you ready to make this big jump and go into isolation or start panicking about your life and feeling like, you know what, your life's not worth living. So I'm one of those guys, but I get down to the to the root of it so we can figure out what the problem is. I mean, if we don't fix the root, we're gonna have the same kind of fruit, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

So that's where I would start.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

That's where I would start at.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

You know, when things just start spiraling out of control, and then guys kind of look at we're we're almost masters at compartmentalizing, right? I got my marriage issue, and then my work's going bad, and then and my kids want nothing to do with me, and I feel all alone, and none of my friends want to be around, and they just bring up every product and they think that they're all isolated, and it's like you know, all these are connected.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Yeah, one common denominator.

What Remains When Titles Fall Away

SPEAKER_03 33:01

Right. A lot of times when I sit down and talk to somebody that brings in these what they think is a compound problem, and it's almost like I go straight to it may sound cliche or whatever, but it's like, how's your relationship with God? Are you are you even where are you sitting? Where are you sitting? You know, or where where's your trust lying? You know? And I think that that sometimes starts bringing out further issues. Yeah. Of where the spiral started going wrong. Definitely. Because they put their trust in the wrong spot. So we identify the issue, but how can a man begin rebuilding order in his life when he feels spiraling that the it's almost to the point where it's numb, or he even admits that he feels completely disconnected from God.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

See, this this is where I know that the tight this way gets tight on valid envisioning it. We we we in the tight spot right now. Not a sweet spot, but the tight one, because this is where men really don't like the kind of work that I I would want to do. Right here, in this, in this spot right here, because I I want to know, see, I can get on the blame game with you and and say, well, God didn't do this, or God let me down here. What I wanna what I want to know is when you say God, who are we talking about? Tell me what he looks like. Tell me what he sounds like. What did he do that you expected him to do? Why did you expect him to do it? What kind of uh point of reference did you have for thinking that he should do this for you? And at some point, we're gonna get down to your own sense of goodness. I was a good person, I've already done this. Ask me how I know this. That's how I know. I came from a religious household, and that's all that I knew was goodness, morality. I didn't have relationships. I just had goodness and morality. I did good things, so I should expect good things. It comes down to the person's sense of goodness and their own sense of self-righteousness. It's going to come down to that at some point in time. It's not gonna be about God. It's gonna be all about that person and why you think you deserve what you were asking for, and why you got an attitude and decide you're gonna try to punish God by not talking to him no more. Don't forget the birth that you bought, you're using right now to tell me all this stuff is on loan. If the owner decides to take it back, we're not having a conversation today. They're singing songs over you and putting flowers on you. So to me, we gotta get down to your concept of who God is before we can talk about why you feel like you got disconnected. It ain't gonna help me if I don't understand why you think why you think what you think about God. You understand? So it's an uncomfortable, uncomfortable comfortable place. Most guys don't have answers for that. Or you say, you know, well, my mother told me this, and my dad told me this, and I wanted my grandpappy, and nobody can really tell me, okay, why do you think this though? I know what they say, but why do why do you think this? It's like a kid growing up in a household that that roots for the Oakland, the Oakland Raiders or the Las Vegas Raiders, excuse me. They don't the kid doesn't really like them. The kid like the kids like the Chiefs, but he he can't say it because everybody, the whole household is covered in silver and black. You had to decide for yourself, even though it's gonna be pretty uncomfortable most Sunday, most most Sunday afternoons. Who who are you standing with? The image that everybody else gave you that they kind of forced upon you and said, You're a fifth generation Raiders fan, you're gonna root for the Raiders. You know what? I feel affinity to who are the Chiefs. I'm gonna root for them no matter what everybody else says, and stand on my principles. Ain't with this situation right here.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

I was almost laughing. I was like, oh, he's gonna go to the Cowboys, but no low-hanging fruit. Where their Yelp review on their chest, one star. Just one. Just one, man. Yeah, oh yeah. Some people are like, there'll be, I know that there'll be a Cowboys fan out there be like, no, Nick can tell you where to find me.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Happy to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

But that's that's so true, though, is a lot of it in our life because it's difficult and it takes time to actually assess. Wait, I know my aunt, I know my mom, I know my dad, I know my brother, or I know whoever said this about this. Do I really believe that? Do I really hold that to be true? Is do I think that that's actually sound? And a lot of people, they don't do that and they roll with it.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

And that goes a lot for how we follow Jesus as well. You betcha. That's good. You know, is that we don't do the my mom knows the Bible real well, so she told me this. Okay, nothing against your mom. Nothing, you know, my mom does too. But yet my mom now comes to me and asks me questions and asks me what her scripture reading, can you talk to me about this? And we need to have more discussion than just blindly following what somebody says. So absolutely, you know. So the mom translation ain't gonna help us up, trust me. Yeah, it won't help. But still thank God for mom, though. Thank God for mom's in our question, you know. But yeah, it's that rebuilding of kind of, hey, we need to start working somewhere. And uh, and it is this rebuilding the understanding. And I I love what you were saying. Like, what did you expect God to do for you and where did you get that expectation? That's huge. I think that's such a huge, deep question for a lot of people because it challenges a lot of more deeper internal thoughts of like, wait a minute, I can't have expectations of God. And then wait, what? And that that can flip a guy's mentality upside down. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

I mean, it's it's kind it's kind of like this gets deep, and I don't think we should do this. This is just it's not my show, but just just off bar. But the whole my father versus God the father, that's a real that's a real challenge for men, man, because I ain't talking about the fathers that went to the store to get a pack of smokes and never came back. I don't mean them. I'm talking about the I'm talking about the ones that are still why you laughing at that. That's not funny.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Just the way you put it, but it's very true, unfortunately.

Starting Rescue: Fixing The Root, Not Symptoms

SPEAKER_00 38:45

But yeah, I mean, but but even the men that's that's that's that's still there. I mean, you might find them in a garage working on the old car every wicked moment when they're not working. You know what I'm saying? But there's like a mindset that you're not allowed to disappoint me. You have to do, you gotta be here for me. You gotta do what I need you to do. You know, this is a these are children, so you know, children have childish mentality. They don't have a fully evolved mind, they don't understand life and and and details and things like that. You know what I'm saying? But I think that translates to people who look at God and say, you know what, I I feel like you're God, you you can't make a mistake. You have to do this right. Even if even if their own version of right. You gotta do this, you have to do this. Why would you not want to do this for me? You're supposed to, because they said that you would never not do, you know, and before you know it, you're talking to Santa Claus and you're not really talking to Jesus. It's it's it's it's Santa Claus. On on December the 23rd. I want you to open you on the night. Yeah, I want this, this, this, and this, and this, oh, that. They put the name on the on the list themselves because they uh if they I'm good. So there's no way I can't be on the because I'm a good person. Even though even though they cursed the person now at Chick-fil-A, they're a good person because they that's what they think. So they assume, you know what? God do this, this, this, this, this, this, and this, and oh, don't forget, they're a blue bicycle. Anything that's disable to have that. And it's like, yeah, the whole idea of God the Father versus the Father you know, it's not the same. At the Santa Claus complex, we got a uh a really bad cocktail that men have been drinking for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna go straight into it because we're here to make trouble. Do you think that this is also you think that this is also a part of that the church has misled out of the world? I know you're gonna do that. Yeah, we're gonna go, we're gonna go there. But do you think that also that there's there's pockets of the church, and it couldn't be just the American church or even worldwide, that have given or aided to this misrepresentation of who God really is?

SPEAKER_00 40:46

I'm gonna say ignorantly, but also purposefully have done that. The church has done that. And understand what I'm saying. Let's talk the ignorant side first. Yeah. And be clear, I'm not talking about the body of Christ because that's not the same at the church. Sorry to bust you both. It's not the same as David. Everybody in the church is not part of the body of the Christ, and everybody in your in your church, they're not going where you expect to be going. So let's just put that part out there real quick. As far as the ignorant part, there are people who unfortunately, I'm not connected with them now, but I know many, I've seen many come through. They've come through seminary and they've been taught some things. I'm like, wow, this is old wineskin mentality. Why are you teaching this to these people? Anyways, I digress. They come out of seminary and they go and they are given, I would say gifted, gifted a ministry position. No experience, no background, given a position that they can't. I've seen guys melt under the pressure of trying to be a youth pastor in a in a in an intermediate-sized ministry. I see men flounder under the opportunity to preach their first sermon, clothes soaking wet with sweat, from the anxiety. And it's like none of this has anything to do with the relationship that they have with the Father. This is all about the role and the assignment, making sure that the bishop is pleased. And it's ignorant because it's been given forthfred to generations over and over and over again. And it's ignorant because like that's God is not pleased by it. That's called duty-based ministry or duty-based worship. God's not pleased with that. He said in scripture that he wasn't pleased with that. So that's that's the ignorant part. The other part is the purpose purposefully part. I think he was doing that on purpose because some of the men, and I've seen this often too, and this is really a sad commentary. I got some friends that might think this is about them. Blame Nick, it's not me. But I'm just kidding. But honestly, though, they're like if we we see men that start their own ministries and they don't have any kind of coverage, they don't have any kind of accountability, accountability covering, you know that they done ran from someplace that they was at before. Probably left it high and dry, probably left it on fire on their way out. Didn't even pass the fire extinguisher. They just ran out and left it. And you know they did because they don't have nobody say, you know what? I see this person as somebody fit for this office. So I am gonna endorse them. You never see an endorsement, you never see a passing of the mantle, you never see any kind of, even if we want to call it ritualistic, you don't see any kind of, you know, father-to-son exchange saying, you know, I'm giving you this, just like Elijah did with Elisha. If you see me, you can have double my anointing. I'm gonna give you this. You never see it. These guys are solo, they're starting their own thing. They don't have nobody over, they have no bishop overseers over, there's no apostolic convention, there's nothing over there, and they're just starting brand new from scratch. And it's because they are trying to build something out of their deficiencies, trying to build something out of their dysfunctions because they're hurting. They say, you know what? I ain't gonna hurt no more. I'm gonna be in control. All my life as a child, I never had control. Everything was just happening to me and around me. I'm gonna be in control and I'm gonna be the head, the lead dog, the head man. I'm gonna be the pastor. And now they want everybody to come to them because it makes them feel good. It fills the, temporarily fills the hole that they have inside. That's why I say purposely. It temporarily fills the hole they have inside of them. They've been carrying for years. Only Jesus can really fill the void, full disclosure, not a book, not seminary, not degrees in college. I got all that stuff. And none of that stuff fills the void I had with not having a father and not feeling like I was loved. And I was in ministry doing that for, I was doing stuff that people in, I was doing stuff in 10 years that people weren't even doing in 40. I had that many jobs and assignments and and and titles and positions, and it never filled the void at all. I was still as crushed and broken as I was when I started. A lot of people do that because they want to be in charge. They want everybody to come to them and they want to be the answer man to a whole church. They want to lead people through the promised land. I'm like, you ain't Moses, dude. Moses was humble.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

They dogged him because only to a bigger auditorium.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

Yeah. Moses was getting dogged out by his own people. He was on his face crying before the Lord. He even answered them back. You can't you can't handle what he what even he was handling. You ain't there. So it's just like I said, ignorantly and purposefully. We definitely see that happening.

Expectations Of God And The Santa Complex

SPEAKER_03 44:58

Yeah, and I mean w we can even go further where you've got the the purposefully that I mean you you got even deeper than just trying to be the answer man. You get the deeper that's like, hey, I I'll just I'm gonna preach this prosperity gospel just because I want all the other stuff too, which is even further into the giant shaking of heads, you know, like we're doing and just saying how how bad that's gonna be. But unfortunately, you know, it it it sucks a lot of people in. Both of these perspectives suck a lot of people in. You can have a great big old congregation, right, doing both of these, whether it's ignorant or purposeful. No. And unfortunately, that's where a lot of guys think, and that's where they get the bad teaching. They get this bad teaching that, you know, God is for you all day, and they stop there, and they stop there. And it's un and it's unfortunate because then it you have to sit down with somebody and go, God is for you, but not the way that you want him to be for you. He wants he's for you to worship him, not the other way around. Yeah. And and that becomes a difficult conversation. Where do you think churches can actually course correct this, though?

SPEAKER_00 46:14

In my assessment, in order for them to kind of correct course and kind of reorient themselves, if you will, the only way to do this is you're gonna have to change the very foundation of what you teach. Because if you if if you get that panther on the website, you ain't gonna see nothing at all. I've I've seen churches that were messed up top to bottom from sealing the floor, but their website was pristine. I'm not saying that they wrote it or they got somebody to do it. I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is I've never seen anything bad on the website in their biography. I've never seen anything that say, you know what, do not go to this church, run as fast as you can. I never see that's always good. But what happens when you're there, what comes out of the mouths, out of the culture, that's what the problem is. And you gotta change that part. And I'm not sure that as a whole, the church would be okay with doing it. Because it's it's almost like, and this is something that God's been dealing with me with for about nine months now. I've been teaching on it, I've been doing stuff on our Inspiration Station podcast about it. We have behold in a series that we've uh started. We've been teaching on it there. Ask yourself this question, because the Bible talks about how much of a shame it could be if you if you don't count the cost before before you build the tower. If you don't have enough money to finish it, you're gonna be embarrassed. It's gonna be a half-done project. They're gonna mock you. What would you do? If you don't mind me telling a quick story real quick. Go ahead. Yeah. I shared, I shared, I actually did a couple of uh talks on this about the surfside condominium disaster in Miami. I taught on this, and I don't a lot of folks don't know surf side, one word, condominiums in Miami. Google it, you see what I'm talking about. The short story is that it's luxury condominiums that they have there for years, but they had a problem with the foundation for years. They were in boardrooms fighting over it for years, talking about what to do, pointing fingers, who should be doing what, for years, while the condo was slowly basically crumbling. And because they didn't respond for years, even though they were talking about it and knew about it, for years, people lost their lives. Yeah. And people were and people were harmed. And people were harmed. And the reason why I I believe the Lord shared that with me was because the question was asked, are you willing to tear down something that you built? A church that has this massive congregation, all this money flowing in, all of these programs, it would take an extraordinary leader, a very humble leader, to say, you know what? I built this. This is massive. We got 10 campuses, but I built it wrong. So we're tearing it all down and allowing God to show us how to build it right. I don't think it would happen. Not because I don't I doubt God, but I doubt, doubt humanity. I don't think you would do it once you got that far. You try to patch it up. I mean, I'm sure some duct tape and bubblegum will be used in the process, but I don't think you would tear it all down. Because you in your mind you think, you know what, I built this this much. God has to bless this. Look at all the people who love and worship him. But they don't and I think about the foundational part of it. And I think it's a question I've asked people and I've never got an answer on social media, through the chats, through the podcast. Would you tear down and rebuild something that you built for years because God wasn't in it? I think it's one of the hardest questions I've ever been asked. And that I would ever ask anybody, are you willing to tear it all down and start all over again? Even though you're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, would you tear it all down and start all over again? Most folks would say no to their detriment. But it's a it's a hard question. That's what Search Side should have done. It would have spared many lives, cost a lot of money, but it would have spared many lives. They chose the other thing, and look what happened. Church is doing the same thing right now. They're building more type of a foundation that's faulty. It's only a matter of time before it all comes down. How many folks are going to be harmed in the process?

SPEAKER_03 50:01

My man Jose on here, that's with me on TikTok here saying how Matt Chandler did this very thing with actually with the village church. He ended up making most of it, if not all of the village church locations, their own autonomous churches to be able to tear it down and basically redo and restructure. I haven't heard about that.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Thank you, Jose. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

Yeah, and that's and Matt Chandler's an amazing pastor. I love listening to him and a lot of uh his preaching as well. He's out of Dallas, Texas. But, you know, that's that takes I think the number one key thing that you said at the very beginning of that, it takes humility, an extreme amount of humility to be able to do that. And I think the other question is, you know, we're talking right now and that that's in the context of a church. What about the life and everything else you did in your own home and being able to flip that? Like for a guy that's like realized, oh my gosh, I've built my life, my home, even maybe your marriage or whatever, on the wrong foundation. You don't go get rid of these people in your family, but how do you flip that now?

Has The Church Missrepresented God

SPEAKER_00 51:03

This is a this is a small sample size. I really feel like that question, I love voting questions, especially when I'm asking them. But in this case, I hesitate because I'm gonna give a general answer to something that's so broad. So I'm gonna refrain from doing that part just for the sake of the audience and respecting your show. What one thing I did that was a small, kind of small sample size of that. Don't forget my story about, you know, not knowing how to be a father, leading my household in a certain way. We had to have a come to Jesus meeting. Uh, this happened in Columbia many, many years ago. And I know it was God inspired because everything about me was nervous. I felt like I was losing control. I was feeling anxiety. I had the me stress without the me, I was feeling it. And I'm like, this is I I'm concerned about how this is gonna go down. My wife wasn't prepped for this, the kids wasn't prepped. I'm like, I gotta shit, I gotta say this. And basically what I did, in effect, was I tore down all of the things that we were accustomed to doing. Everything. Because I I built that stuff out of ignorance and not because I I knew it was the right thing. It was just an easy way to add something, to give us some layers to be look like a real family. And I can't go into the details of the other things, but I just tore everything down. I said, we're not doing this anymore. I know we got used to it. We're not doing this anymore. I know that this made you happy. I I don't want I I want you to be unhappy, but we're not doing this anymore. And I tore stuff down that affected my wife, my daughters. They all felt, they all had to look to or be like, you know, like they had to have with some flames and pitchforks, and you get my meaning. They had to look like, I'm going to kill you. You can't be there anymore. It's time for us to. I mean, they had that kind of look at, I'm like, this is this is this is one of the hardest things I've never had to do. I think in the long run, and it I I don't know how long it took for everybody to, you know, remember that I was, you know, still important to everybody. But, you know, after after they got to that point, I I feel like it was better for our household. It was definitely better for my wife and I like in a relationship. I mean, in August we're gonna be celebrating 30, and you know, we we've been through hellfire, man, and I I'm serious. Matter of fact, I think we were soaking gasoline when it was happening. And we're and we're and we're still here. And I think those kind of turning points were big. Our daughters, you know, we have different results now with them. They're working on their testimony, and that's fine. It's it's all good. But I feel like that was a stand that taught me how to say what I'm saying right now. Or you wouldn't have tear down the things that have been traditions and moral morals and values and say, you know what, God, help me build this right so that it lasts. Did that make sense? Did I help with those tears?

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Okay, okay. I think it totally makes sense. And I think that it's one of those that, of course, in the moment, breaking anything hurts, right? Breaking anything in the moment hurts. Whether it's a private possession of your house or it's your actual bones or whatever it is, right? Breaking anything is gonna hurt, but then you can build back better in a real way, right? You can't it's it's yeah, it's not like I don't know, that just rattled off, not trying to make anything political, but it's ultimately, but it it is what God wants is that to make him the foundation of our lives instead of other frivolous things, the foundation of our lives, and that we can actually build our our lives, our family, and then ultimately, hopefully our churches as well, that he is the rock that we actually put the rest of everything else on top of as the foundation. Sure. Right? But we have to break those other things, and that's probably the you know, the story when we talk about, like you said, the the building in Miami, that's probably their arguments in the boards all the time. Who's responsible for fixing the foundation? Who's gonna build this? Who's gonna do that? And everyone kept pointing fingers instead of making action, instead of saying, you know what, this can be really difficult, but we're gonna tell everybody to evacuate this building so we can do some very serious triage to the foundation that was needed to be done.

SPEAKER_00 55:06

So this will tell you. Can I say something right here?

SPEAKER_03 55:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

I feel like this, see, that scenario, even though that was the that would have been the right one, there's still ramifications for it. Mm-hmm. Because you're talking about getting, because I'm pretty sure this is these condos always more than one condo. Yeah, I'm talking about basically hundreds of people. I don't know how many, but I had the numbers I had the stats memorized, but I was years ago. Hundreds of people that gotta find housing in a pitch hotels, that that that that ain't gonna be feasible because they may be jacking their projects just because they know somebody's coming. They do that same kind of time. Yeah. But that's that's that's not a good situation. So I think the the moral of the story, if if we can find one in that mess, that building right the first time. So you wanna have this scenario where it's either hundreds of folks are displaced and they are ticked off because their family's whole life is being turned upside down and they gotta find someone to live in one of the most expensive places to live in the world. Or they one option is worse than the other one, but they're still both bad options. No, they're both bad. Yeah, but if you if if you take you take care of the foundation apart when you're doing it in the beginning, you gotta take the shortcuts, you you eliminate both options potentially. Did that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 56:28

It does.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

That gotta be the moral absurd.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

Yeah, the the third most effective option is in the building process, let's build correctly in the first place, right? In the initial real building process, let's build, of course. But as guys that are here to help other men, that what unfortunately we run into is more other men that have built incorrectly and now they're in the situation of how do I fix all this? And it's don't sit around and wait for it all to crumble. It's take proactive measures now, even though they're painful, even though, yeah, the evacuation of a whole bunch of families out of a building would have been absolutely terrible and wild and crazy. But it was a whole bunch better than having to plan a whole bunch of funerals.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_03 57:17

And it's one of those like, hey, when we mess up, we have to own the reality of the situation, and it's better to own it before letting it crumble. It's better to own it before letting it crumble because at least you can fix it. And I think that that's what you did when you had your come to Jesus meeting.

SPEAKER_00 57:32

Yeah, well, Dak, I needed G I needed Jesus in all of that meeting. I'm not sure. I'm sure anybody that's gone through something similar.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

Anyone that's gone through something similar would say the same. Like you we needed Jesus throughout all of it. And he I believe that when we are doing things according to aligning our life and our family and what we have built to realign it and be obedient to Christ, that He will be with you in every step of it. But to just say this is too hard and just say forget it and let it go, that's the rough part. Can't do it. No, brother, I'm looking through some of these questions that you know we we hit on so many topics, we hit on a lot more than I even wanted to on here, which is good because I'm all about talking about the reality of stuff, man. And I just want to thank you so much for you are one of the massive inspirations for Valor and Vision right here and what we do. And so thank you. Definitely had to bring you on, and this will not be the first. Well, this will not be the only, this is the first of many, is how that needs to go. Uh I'm excited. I just want to thank you so much. I want to bless your family, I want to bless you and your ministries and what you're doing as well. Uh you you're doing great stuff, man. So, hey, in the actual posting of this recording in the podcast and everything else, you're gonna have all of the links and everything to get in in touch with Mr. U and all of uh his entrepreneurial uh endeavors that he's got going on, not just this podcast, but his services as well. And thank you, my friend, for being on here listening. This has been really good. So look forward to having you more on here as well. Yes, have a great week. Let's do it. So, everyone else, thank you for joining. Thank you for being on here live and everything else as well. Thank you for all of the support uh that people have been given here live on TikTok as well. We'll get it fixed to where we can get YouTube working. Unfortunately, YouTube didn't didn't didn't play ball correctly today. But we'll get it to play ball right. But thank you all very much. Hey, let's have valor and vision, right? Valor, have courage in the face of adversity so we can go after the vision that God has given us in our lives. Take care. God bless. See you all next time.