The Men's Roundtable Series Podcast - "Business vs. Busyness: Know The Difference?"

If your calendar is packed but your life feels stuck, we’re naming the thing most men won’t say out loud: busyness can be a hiding place. We sit down as a panel of husbands, fathers, and builders and draw a hard line between real business and “looking productive.” The difference shows up in revenue, yes, but it also shows up in your marriage, your mental health, your faith, and the legacy your kids learn from watching you.

We trade stories from the trenches of entrepreneurship: starting late because fear kept moving the goalposts, getting forced into business when jobs weren’t an option, chasing the American Dream and realizing it still felt empty, and learning the expensive way that grinding all day doesn’t automatically create impact. We also talk about the brain science behind it, how planning and constant motion can trigger dopamine and mimic the feeling of progress while your business model stays the same.

Then we get practical. We talk purpose and identity as the filter that cuts the noise, why time is the one currency you never get back, and how to raise your standard without apologizing for it. We dig into the power of saying no, including a simple framework used by top performers: if it doesn’t move this year’s goals forward, it’s a no.

If you’ve been confusing hustle with growth, come pull up a chair. Subscribe, share this with a brother who’s drowning in “busy,” and leave a review with the one thing you need to say no to this week.

Our team will choose random (but timely) episodes from our previous three seasons (which are our most popular ever!) to share with our listeners during the slower parts of a long podcast season. We think you will enjoy them! Thanks for listening!

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Transcript

Welcome And Panel Energy

SPEAKER_04 1:01

Welcome back to the men's roundtable series podcast. I missed you. We got some panelists in the house ready to talk some business. How you guys doing tonight? All well out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Yes, sir.

Business Vs Busyness Defined

Why Men Crave Real Talk

SPEAKER_04 1:12

I'm excited, man. Good night. We got the country on lockdown, man. From west coast to east. Even the Midwest is representing it. We got everything. There's nothing left for Canada. Good to see you guys tonight, man. I'm excited about the topic. Uh, just to preface kind of what we're going to be talking about for those guys that are watching and listening. Before we get there, if you're watching and listening for the very first time, thanks for making us part of your week. We are live on YouTube and Facebook. Of course, all of our content is on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn. We're also live on LinkedIn as well. You can definitely find our work if you want to. If you're listening to our podcast and not a watcher, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Amazon. Our shows are outfits, so check us out. It's the Men's Round Table Series podcast. These men right here, husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and warriors. I'm excited to be in this fight with you guys. So I've been hearing from not really clients, but more like potential clients, potential mentees that kind of reached out asking for some assistance or some things. And what I've been hearing is kind of the fruit for the topic for this for tonight. And it's that challenge between business and busyness. A lot of men, I know so many, I probably can name them all and forget some, where they try to make it the same thing. No, it's not one got an eye in it, and one got a white. One's about identity, the other one's should be asking themselves, why are we even doing this? So business and busyness are not the same. We're gonna dispel that myth and talk about some things we experienced entrepreneurially, things we learned about in business, and things that we've uh learned the hard way. Good, bad lessons, the ugly lessons, cautionary tales, however you want to describe it. So I want to get into some of that stuff, man. But before we do all that stuff, I want to just hear from you guys from last month because we just really went into a different place last month. I mean, I can't even explain it now, even in the aftermath. It's really hard to just say, except that we just we found a rhythm that I'm not sure we had. We started this in what last June, last July. So it's it's not, I won't make it like a high bar to try to reach every week, but it was just so often what happened. The the level of emotion, the level of transparency, the realness, it just came through so much that I only hear you guys' thoughts because some of you guys were on panel or in the comment section moderating for us. Real quick across the board, man. Round Robin, what did you guys hear? What did you feel? What are you thinking about post last month? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Happens every every every man. Uh man, I got a lot of thoughts coming off of last month's topic and this last week. We covered so many things that are awkward, like just super awkward for most men to talk about, right? Uh, we we dug into some places that most of us don't like to talk about. I had some of my ideas challenged by you guys. You guys I tried to challenge some of you guys' ideas, but the feedback was just amazing from the community because it tells me that men want to talk about these things, they just want to be able to talk about these things with other brothers who will actually hear them and actually respect them while we're talking about it. I think that's one of our biggest fears, and one of the things I came off of after this last month was there's a lot of guys who want to have these conversations. I think most of us are just afraid to actually bring them up in our personal circles because we're afraid we're going to be mocked or picked on as being soft or right. We it's it's hard to break that ice because a lot of men want to talk about it, but they don't want to, it's like no one wanted to make the first comment, right? Not everybody wants to break the subject because then it opens you up and is a little more vulnerable than most of us want to be. But once you start the conversation, there are a lot of men who want to have these conversations right now.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

Yeah, so I think the brand step in. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Yeah, to add on to that, man, I would say that I've seen that people are learning that if you don't know how, you just start, right? Like in our conversations, I feel like we've talked about, like to Brent's point, right? Some really heavy things, some things that people are always thinking about, specifically men, right? And want to talk about. And if not for fear, lack of know-how. But now people are willing to just jump in and say something, right? Or it might be awkward, right? It might be, it might not be well received. I really enjoyed, I always say Brent starting stuff, right? I I always enjoy that because he will challenge us. And it's not out of spite, it's not out of trying to shame somebody or make like this is how trust and bonds are created amongst men, right? Iron sharpening iron isn't smooth against smooth, right? It's not two smooth things keeping everything together, it's it's rough edges smoothing each other out. And so that's kind of what I've gained from it, man. Like through the course of this, but especially these last couple of months, is that, man, is just just this community that's growing here. And and I love it. I I just I love it. I again, I said this last week, I'll say it again, man. I'm so appreciative of each and every one of you guys, what you contribute, who you are as people. And man, the things that I've I've heard from other folks because of this, like there are lives being touched because of this, man. There are lives being touched because of this. It's not, it's not just any one thing. Like, men are being shaped, formed, and built up because of this, because we get to share how we fumbled through things, how we're not perfect, right? And what we've gained through the experience of pain and loss. So yeah, I'm just honored to be here, thankful for that. And and that's what I've been hearing, man. Is all good things that come from the broken things that we've we've brought forth.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

All right, Rory, Rod, what about your next?

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yeah, I just want to echo what he said. I think DL did a great job right there of summing up how we all felt about last month. We talked about a little bit last you know, last week too, but DL, that was perfect. That was absolutely perfect. I completely concur what he said.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

I I agree with Rory. Yeah, well, but what I what I've been hearing though, or what I've been noticing really, is beginning to be a culture shift. More and more men are uh looking. From what I've been hearing, they've been saying, okay, I like what you guys are doing. You guys are giving voice to some of the things that I was feeling, but I didn't really know, you know, how to express it. Other guys were like, you know, I mean my wife have just gone through that exact same thing. That's what, you know, that's kind of a conversation that we are having right now. And it's it's helping men to see that they're not alone. And it's starting to, they're starting to see the strength in vulnerability. When before we always view vulnerability as a weakness, some are starting to see that there's actually a strength if done correctly, you know. And I think as we are growing and going through our process, people are able to follow us and say, okay, we're we're now making it okay. Well, before it wasn't okay, now they're seeing a group of men from all different walks of life from all over the country and the world going through the same thing and seeing that okay, it's valid for me to have these feelings. And we're basically a guide because we're going through it, and they're seeing how we're overcome it, and it's helping them.

Building Or Just Staying Occupied

SPEAKER_04 9:12

I love it. I love all of that, really. Uh, something you saw a couple of you guys, maybe two or three of you said last week that really hit me in the feels. I'm like, I want to speak for you if you want to, you know, excuse me, elaborate on it, you can, but uh basically to some effect you guys were saying that you know you look forward to this time. This is meaningful for you in the framework of your week, you know, and it's not something that owed you something to do or just my opportunity to shine and and get my exposure out. This is something that means something to you to be here. And I'm like, that's one of my one of the goals that I cast it in the vision the first time. I said, make this uh make this your show. Because if you if if you have ownership and you treat it like that, you you respect it, you promote it, you'll share it, and you grab those men that, like we already know, they can be in dire straits before you know it, in the twinkling of an eye. And you might be the person that might help them not have to step into that situation. So you guys are a big part of this as always, and you guys are a big part of the world. I don't care what the world says about you, who cares what they think? I'm telling you that you guys are important and you guys are valued and you matter. I wasn't doing this, you know. I'm not quite sure how it would look and feel for me to not be here with you guys. So you're a bigger part of me as I am of you. So love you guys and definitely appreciate all of you do for us. We got some comments in the section here. Well, some comments in the comment section. Our guy Javier is in here, leader and founder of the Compass Chronicles Podcast. Hello to you, sir. Another leader and founder of the daughter podcast, after pain is in the house. What's up, family? All right, we got some more comments coming through. Iron sharpening iron is not pretty, gents. The metal is damaged to be made better. The Driven to Thrive broadcast is in the house. You guys are part of the conversation, and we love having you contribute to this discussion with solid questions, thoughts, and ideas. Bring it, baby. We're ready for it. Let's go. All right. So I want to kind of get into this because I just feel like, you know, from what I've been hearing, and you guys probably have been seeing the same thing. No, a lot of us, generally speaking, are we building something or are we just staying occupied? I think it's time for us to kind of get real about you know where all this energy is going because when we get to burn out and feel like we're misaligned with our values, that's not an overnight hour. Oh, I woke up. I'm I'm I'm misaligned. No, that happens over some time. That's a that's part of a progression. It's it's one step in the step of many steps, you know. Where is our energy actually going? And are we actually in the place where we need to be? We talk about business from the outset. It's kind of part of the title of the show, but we also talk about busyness. I always try to give you that imagery because that's how I see it of that guy in the garage. Stuff is going on in his house, but he's in the garage tinkering. Honestly, that project has probably been going on for years. It ain't been no closer three years ago than it is right now. And what it tells you is that you know what? He looks busy, but he's not really effective. He doesn't really have the investment in that project as it might appear. He just wants to be away from certain things and avoid certain things that make him uncomfortable, or things that he doesn't feel good about, or things he has to face in himself that he doesn't want to see. So that car may never get fixed. It may that motor may never come and get replaced. It's a place to hide for a lot of people. And that doesn't mean if you work in your garage and you're hiding. Here my heart, what I'm saying. Generally speaking, that's become one of the one of the many hiding places for men. And it looks like it's business, but it's actually just busyness. And those two things are not the same. One is actually building something that would outlast us, and the other is just staying occupied, avoiding the other things that we don't want to deal with. So I want to kind of get into just kind of hear what you guys' stories are because we probably could be the only time that we talk about this in detail. All you guys are business owners and business leaders in some way. If not, you're getting ready to start something, a new uh venture. Share with us if you can, you know, what got you into business, all the driving factors, the mindset. Was it a external pressure? Was it pulled toward entrepreneurship, or was it, you know what, my job just sucks so bad. I gotta do something else. What got you into business? And then kind of share a little bit, if you can, about you know what you've been experiencing, what you've been learning, and then we kind of move forward in the conversation after that. So whoever's ready, you can jump in first. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Well, I'll I'll speak. I'm green in this area. I'm I'm just starting out, really. I say I'm just starting out, but in all actuality, I'm the guy that you were speaking of who was hiring in the garage. I really started on this journey. I say about around 2012, you went and got uh certified as a life coach, things of that nature. But then I did nothing with it. My excuse then was, well, I don't know enough. So I went to studying, started taking psychology classes, I got them a books, started watching people like Eric Thomas, Jim Rohn, Les Brown, things of that nature. And then after I got all the information, the next excuse was, well, I don't want to feel like I'm just regurgitating what somebody told me. I need to apply this to myself. So then I went in and I started applying it to myself, start learning these things so I could talk from a place of experience. Then once I got the experience, you know, there was another excuse. And what it really boiled down to was it was really fear, afraid of failure, a failure, but also failure of success. Because what comes with the success? The different challenges that you have to deal with, things of that nature. But what get got me over that hump was start watching my son when he was born, and then actually as he begins to grow, what lesson am I actually teaching him? And what legacy am I actually leaving? Not just, you know, as far as a business or something that he can be proud of or he can carry on, or wealth or generational wealth, but what lesson or legacy am I giving him as far as in less lessons of manhood and completing what you're starting? And that's what that has been my driving force so far. So everything that I had on the back burner, I'm almost done with the book. Get the book done, get the horses done, got the merch all lined up and ready to roll that out, you know. As soon as I get done with this book, and and I'm going forward, you know. But the thing was, I had all these excuses, and it really just balled, it boiled down to I was afraid. Something that had never been done for before, afraid of the unknown.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Yeah. Wow. I love that man. That last part's powerful, man. I don't I don't hear people say that very often. I was just flat out afraid.

unknown 16:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:53

Wow, it's really good stuff, man. Thank you for sharing that. Who's next?

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Shoot, I'll jump on. I think for me, what got me started in this was a lack of options. It was like I was forced to, you know. You guys know when I've shared this, right? I'm a convict. So having a having felonies on my record caused a lot of doors to be shut on me. Right. I mean, I've got this resume that says I can run a business, but I've got this record that says I would rob that business blind. You know, and so I was forced to. I don't know that I wanted to. I did a lot of the excuse making at the beginning. I sat down and said, well, you know, nobody's gonna hire me. Well, it's because of this. Well, it's because of that, right? Uh, and then I did what RL did, man. I I went, I went to marketing school. Figured, you know what, marketing's the wave. This is what you do, right? There's always gonna be a need for marketers. I have found my way into the future and I'm gonna pave my own way. Then I got certified and I sat on it because the work was too hard. Because they still wanted me to know people and have had years of experience and in order to network in that way, right? So, excuse upon excuse, upon excuse. What really got me into where I'm at right now and where I'm heading for no other explanation, man, it was the call of God on my life, right? God was the only one that could kick me in the butt hard enough to get me moving. You know, left up to me. You I'd be the guy with I've been the guy, and sometimes I still am the guy with a million unfinished projects sitting on the shelf, chasing after the next thing because it makes me feel good, right? But that's kind of the the header busyness versus business. Right? I'm not complete with this yet, but that next thing can take me for the next six months and it'll look good. And everybody's doing it. So now I'm I'm fitting in with the trend, you know. And then I'm reminded of the God that I serve is faithful to see works to completion, you know, busyness versus business. And so that's where I'm at now, you know, is reminding myself daily that just because the world's doing it, just because it makes me feel good, just because it's too hard, whatever those things are, are not reason enough for me to not continue. Right. If I fancy myself someone that's that fears the Lord, then I'm gonna model myself after him. I'm gonna fall in line and I'm gonna try to do everything that I can to complete what I start. But yeah, at that the at the onset of it, man, it was all because of a lack of options, man. I had to had to be defiant to the world.

SPEAKER_04 19:40

Oh, that's really good, man. Thank you for the transparency. That's just weird. I never heard before. I love this. This is refreshing. Thank you for standing there, brother. Who's next? All right, too much gentleman. Three Mr. Sippens is more than enough. Come on, guys.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Rory pointed at me, so I'll go. So, first I got to comment on the garage guys. Men need, men absolutely need scientifically need hobbies. It's actually something we've stopped doing in the last 20 years. Psychologically, men need about 30 minutes a day of a hobby where they're constructive for their mind to actually be at peace. So, you know, for all you car guys who are just doing it for because you need the hobby, that's cool. Just don't lose all your life out there, right?

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't don't forget now, I didn't say they shouldn't be doing this.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I'm saying I know I'm just clarifying that aren't doing anything for real. We we we don't want to like you know piss on the guys who actually have hobbies, all right. So, business-wise, like my journey started because I hit the dream, right? And it's a big thing on my platform. We talk about the American dream all the time. I was raised with the very classical. If you think of like the classic American idea, I was raised God, family, country, and I was raised on the American dream, right? You grew up, you get a job, you have a family, you get the white pick advance and the dog, you got two and a half kids, or whatever it is, and that is what we aspire to as men, and so I did it. Like I got there, right? It took me, you know, years, but I I got there, and I had the house and the wife, and I got the kids, and I was 40 years old, and I started looking around and going, it's like, wait, that's it. I mean, uh I had a good white-collar job, you know. I was making a good amount of money by myself every year. My wife could stay home and raise our kids. Like, we weren't rich, but we were doing well, right? Better than a lot of people. If my wife could stay home and take care of the kids, like that's that's a huge thing these days to be able to reach that, right? So I was making pretty good. I had a good white-collar, respectable job. I was doing well in that industry, and I I seriously just started looking around. Yeah, I've never understood the two and a half kids either, bro. It just that's that's the phrase, I just don't understand it. I don't even want to speculate on that, some like some Keen Solomon stuff going on or something.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I started looking around, and I'm you know 40 years old, and I know I'm not gonna be able to retire ever because the 401k system is just a crock of crap. But I'm looking at it and I'm going, seriously, like this is it to life. I go to work for 40 to 50 hours a week. I come home, I hang out with my wife and kids. Maybe I go out every now and then, I hit the gym. And I started looking around my life, and I know that God created me for more than that. That's not God's plan, that's the American dream, right? That's what we bottled it down to and sold. As and it was it was a marketing thing. They marketed us this stream and said, This is what this is what it is, this is a riding. And I bought it, hook line, sinker. That's what I was raised on. And so I started looking around. It's like, no, God's got bigger plans in my life than that. Like, this does not, yes, I was doing a job that supported some important industries, but it wasn't making a difference in people's lives. Not like a real difference. Yeah, okay. You know, you guys can catch your flight. I was supporting different, you know, Fortune 100 companies in the IT sector. You guys, uh, email's gonna be on time. Yay, congratulations. Woo! Right? That's not real impact. I'm not raining on those guys, but that's not that's not life-changing impact. That's not what God called me to do as a man and as a person. And so I started looking for better answers because I knew my life was supposed to be more than that, and so I started my own thing, and like I made all the errors, guys. Like, I'll be the first one to tell you. I have screwed up business, I've had the road of hard knocks on business. I've had a high-end business coach, I've had been surrounded by successful entrepreneurs, talked to tons of highly successful people, and I have had to find it the hard way every step of the way. I have done everything wrong, I have screwed it up, I have opened and closed businesses because I'm that's that's the way my brain works. I got to do it, and that's how I learn things most of the time. I've I've tried learning through books and I learned some things, but most of the time I just kind of got to try it and go, oh, yeah, that was stupid. Right. But I started doing it, and once I started doing it and I left the safety of my job and went out on my own, right? And I went from it being a hobby to actually trying to make a business of it. That was an educational experience. But I also look back, there's been a lot of struggles that came with that. My wife and I gave up our entire life savings to fund this dream.

SPEAKER_04 24:38

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

We had, yeah, we had no financial security. Like we have the con classic entrepreneur journey of, and I've been up and I've been down. But I look at my life, and while we don't have all the security I'd like to, at the same time, I'm happy. I'm impacting people, I'm making a difference in people's lives, I'm interacting, and I'm my own boss. I get it's my choice that I get up at 3:45 in the morning, not somebody else. I'm not making somebody else the money. I get up and I choose and I run 17-hour days, seven days a week, but that's for me, and I can do that for me and my family. Doing it for somebody else just felt hollow. Right? And so now I'm I'm almost addicted to it. I still don't have it perfect, I'm still a work in progress on my business, but I can't like the idea of going back to work for somebody else is so horrifying to me because I'm bringing marriage today, but I'm doing it for me, I'm not doing it to make somebody else else wealthy, I'm not selling out myself, not anybody else, and there's nothing wrong with having a secure job. Hear me clearly, gentlemen, there's nothing wrong with having a good, secure job that pays your family's bills and takes care of your family. That is admirable, but I can't go back to that world where I feel like I'm punching a clock every day and not actually touching the world.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

You know, you know it's bad when you go to the office to get a business license and like and the person behind the desk is like here he comes again. You know, you've been there way too often. I'm all online now. Perhaps I can share that story what one day about how that came about. But Robert, go ahead, bring us on, brother.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Go ahead. Yeah, I uh I'm gonna take a little different tact. I've I've been in business my entire life. I've been running my own thing. You know, when I was six, actually, was the first time that I actually started doing something that resembled a business. I got five bucks in a birthday card, and that was a ton of money back then to get in a birthday card. That was like the rich ant, you know. And I went out and I said, All right, I'm gonna spend it all on ice cream with the ice cream man when he came down the street, you know, in the truck and stuff. Some of you guys are too young for this. We used to actually have a truck that drove around neighborhoods and sold ice cream to kids.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

I got one across the street.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

I got one across the street.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

DL DL and R are like, what are you talking about, bro? Well, so I'll go down there and I bought a bunch of ice cream, and my idea was to take it home. Well, and then all these kids who missed the truck were like, Oh, can I, you know, get one of those? Can I get one of those, you know, because they missed the truck. And so I was like, Well, I spent 25 cents, you know, on this. Sure, for 50 cents, you can have this. You know, and then a couple of the moms were like, Hey, can I get one of those? Can I get one of those? I said, sure, you know, for uh 75 cents you can have that because she's a mom, so she can pay more, right? And then I started going around and taking orders. And I was like, you know, hey, this guy's mom. When ice cream truck comes by today, what do you want? I'll get it for you. Oh, well, you really awesome. They give you the money, charge them twice as much. I was making money every single day at six years old. You know, it's that type of thing that I've been doing my entire life. And I can't do anything else. When I've had a business that didn't work for some reason, and I had to go work for somebody else. I hated every single minute of it. And all I could think was, how am I working for this guy who can't figure out how to get out of his own way when I figured out how to make money selling ice cream and this guy over here can't figure out how to run this, this, or this. And I have to actually listen to this jump. So it was really hard for me, you know, to go work for anybody else. It just has never worked out very well. So here I am again. And you know, God said, Look, you know, we both know that you're too much of a jerk to go work for anybody else, so you need to just go do it yourself. And so he slapped me around and said, Rory, go do your own business like you're supposed to. And here we are today.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

So oh my goodness, a little comic relief.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Everybody had great serious stories. I'm like, you know what? No, some ice cream, baby.

Busyness As A Badge Of Honor

When Work Ethic Becomes A Trap

SPEAKER_04 28:42

What I wouldn't give to see Andy's face right now. I would love I would I would just love to see that last comment. I just wonder what she's thinking. But oh, she knows you married. Yeah, I know, but I mean I need to see that grill in that comment. That's wow. All right, so obviously, business is something that you know several in the comment section, and and uh and everybody on this panel here, we are acquainted with it. Is anybody willing to be open on about being acquainted with the busyness part? Because it feels like being busy has become a badge of honor. I don't I don't know exactly when that started, but as far as I can remember, busyness was a badge of honor, especially with the dads. Not quite sure why them over everybody else, but you see that it was a badge of honor for them. Activity without intention, it just kind of feels like it's just noise, you know. So Brad you put your hand up. Ready to go, young man. Be open and honest. Go ahead, jump, jump in there, brother. I want to hear this because this is real, this is real right here, too. He's talking about the highlights of this, my business, I did this, I did that, but that other part it's kind of messed up, man. So for us to own that, is like that's that's bigger, you man. So go ahead, brother.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

You're singing my song because that that is my that's that's my jam, yo. It's my jam, yo. Oh like I so I have a workout. I I'm not not trying to brag, but my first job was on a ranch, right? I I lived and breathed on a cattle ranch. A real, honest to God cattle ranch in the middle of Wyoming when I was in high school. And so if you've ever worked farms or ranch, you know, like it's it's no joke. You you you don't get to laze around, there's none of that crap. Like, it's it's life. And those cattle in in Wyoming, we had 40 to 60 blood winters and 100-degree summers. Like, it's no joke. Those cattle, the sheep, all lived and died by how well I did my job. And so I developed a really good my parents raised me, did the best they could to raise me with a good work ethic. And while it's one of my strongest gifts, I have this great work ethic. It's also one of my biggest weaknesses and failures because I had this incredible work ethic, and I'm like, well, crap, if I'm busting my butt, I'm doing something worthwhile, right? I got the hard work, I can do the hard work, I outwork anybody. And so I would convince myself. I mean, and I told you, like, I made all the mistakes. This was one of them. Was I would convince myself because my calendar was slammed. I live and die by my calendar, and I had all these things to do, and I got this going, I got this going, I got this meeting, I got this. Oh my god, like I was so jam-packed, like I had anxiety about not getting stuff down on the punch list. But I had a friend call me out on it and be like, Yeah, but what on that is making you money? Like it was just a straight cold sentence that just hit me through to the heart. Uh, yeah, you're doing all that, Brent. Like, no one's questioning your work ethic. Because I equated that also with me being a man and my masculinity, right? I had a good work ethic, that's important for men. But he called me out on it and said this why he was a mentor and a good friend. And he's like, brother, what of that is actually making you money right now? What is actually paying your family's bills? Is any of that paying your family's bills? Or are you just busy because you think that makes you successful? And that was the first time like it hit me in the face that this is a actually a huge epidemic in the lives of our country. Like, I started look stepping back and looking at it. Being busy and planning actually triggers the same. And I saw you post dopamine in the comments earlier. It triggers the same exact chemical response in your brain, planning and being busy, trips that same sensor, that same sensation that releases dopamine and rewards you as you're actually doing something, whether you are or not. Neurochemically, it has the exact same reaction, and so it's become an epidemic. We praise people for being busy in our society, and I was one of them. Like, I was like, Yeah, I'm super busy. Oh, I got this, and people are like, Oh my god, you're so busy. And I'm like, in that moment, he's like, Yeah, but what's actually making you money? Is all that busyness actually moving your business? Do you have more clients? Are you making more money than you did last month? Do you have more sales? I mean, what's actually what are you doing that's actually moving the needle? And I'm like, but I got all this, and I got it, and I and I can't do that right now. He's asking me to do things, he asked me to like give up some stuff and try these other things. I'm like, but I'm so busy, and he's like, Yeah, and that's why you're broke. You start talking about my my wallet, you know, it hits closer to home, right? I'm gonna hear that, especially from a friend. It's like one of you guys calling me out and being like, Bro, what are you actually doing? Is that actually doing anything for you? Right? It hits different from somebody you respect. And I realized, like, I had just been going through I and I went through this for a couple of years. Like, honestly, I was banging my head against the wall, filling my calendar, being like, hell yeah, I'm good at business. And I wasn't getting anywhere, like my business was not moving, I was not making money, I was just bleeding my savings, feeling like I was doing something, but I wasn't. That was a really hard pillow to swallow.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

I want to ask a question about one thing that you said. You were you were talking about how you were doing all this work, and then your friendslash mentor kind of cared you a little bit about, you know, you're not making any money, how you know one of all this stuff. I want to ask you how you transition from that because most of the people on this on this call and those that are probably listening and watching this might be A-types like us, right? So it's like, you know, from say I mentioned it week before last or last week, that sometimes even when I'm sitting down, deciding, you know what, I've done all the things I need to do today. I done found something else to do. Can't even sit down and just chill and watch NCIS. I gotta pick up my phone up and find something, another graphic to make, another promo to put out, another response to so tell me what you did, man, because you might be giving me some hope here, or we're going down into the pit deeper together. Not sure what's gonna happen yet, but uh when you got when you got checked like that and you realize, you know what, all the work you were doing wasn't amounting uh to uh any dividends if you could see. Did you work less? How did you pivot? What did you do?

SPEAKER_01 35:46

I really wish my ego wishes I could actually say that I I reacted quickly and effectively, and I didn't. Like I fell so short on this, like I was angry about it. I was like, screw that guy, you know what what how dare he? Like, I I totally responded to it, dude. I I was just like screw him mitigated goal, right? Yeah, I was so pissed off. And this is this is a friend. I know he loves me, I know he had his best interest, my best interest at his heart. He loves my family, my family loves him, and I totally like I was pissed. Like, I stopped talking to him, I stopped working with him. I'm like, it took me, I'd love to say I I like came back around within six months, but I don't think I actually did. I I want to say it took longer than that because they just sat there and gnawed at me. Like this little just scratching at my brain, because now I started questioning everything, and I was like, no, no, no, this is it, this is it, and I'd argue myself back out of that questioning because, like, I know what I'm doing. I I didn't, I super did not. Like, I'm horrible at sales, marketing is not my thing. It's funny, I'm great at making digital media assets and stuff like that for other people, but like promoting my own stuff, so bad about it, right? I would do more for other people's shows and for other people's businesses than I ever did for mine. And then just sit there frustrated. It was like, but I'm getting I'm getting the episode out, I'm getting the episode out, right? I'm getting this new episode out, I'm getting this done, and I got that interview done, right? And I just stayed lost in this spiral with it just scratching at my brain with every decision, and it gnawed at me for months. I like I said, I'd love to say it was less than six months, but it wasn't. And then I started finally actually asking the question every time I started something new, I'd be like, What is this actually accomplishing? And and then there's the shame, right? After you're pissed off, there's the shame of realizing what an idiot you have been and how stupid you were, and how badly you treated people who cared about you. Like, I was so like so devastated about the way I had treated my friend. I mean, people pay him like he's a he's a professional coach, like he's a high-ticket coach. I could not pay him. He he was doing it for free just because he loved me, right? People pay him thousands upon thousands of dollars a month to work with him, and it was the one thing he asked me to do was like, you know, hey, respect it like you were paying for this. And I felt like such a jerk. So then I just fell into this like almost depressive, shameful state about how bad I've been screwing things up for the last several years. So I'd say honestly, like it took me a year, maybe a little longer, to crawl out of that because first I was angry, then I was ashamed, then I was embarrassed, and then it was like I actually finally started making that transition and looking at the choices I was making, going crap, like none of this is actually making me money. And and then once I took a really bad hit business-wise and got deplatformed, and it cost me most of my audience. And I went from being able to make a living on my show to nothing. But when I was making a living on my show, I hadn't like capitalized on it, I didn't like build up my clientele, I didn't like I didn't do any of the things I should have been doing. And so once I really lost that and had to look now, I'm really kicked in the you know the that uh right, it was like the gut check was hard, and it's really only been in the last year that I've actually started climbing out of that hole where I'm now looking at the choices I'm making, like I'm about to cancel one of my shows. I love all the shows I do. I got if if I count the fact that I do this every week with you guys, I got six shows, not quite up to Rory's level yet, but you know, I got like six shows, and I actually had a hard heart with my wife the other day. I'm about to cancel one of them, like we're about to wipe it out because I love doing it, but it's not growing, it's not moving the needle, it's not accomplishing anything, and that was the whole reason I started that one, right? Yeah, so yeah, it's taking a long time. That's good, man.

SPEAKER_04 40:12

Thank you for sharing that. This is the greatest tour before you guys jumped in. This is this is an awesome story from Hobby. He said that he had his own medical consulting company. He used the business, the busyness and the constant travel to avoid facing the issues he was having in his marriage, in his faith, and as a father, staying busy kept him from dealing with what was really going on. I'm like, see, this this is this is real stuff right here, gentlemen. This is what's really happening. It's not that the things that we do and is bad per se, but we use it. I did a I don't know if you could find the dig too hard to find it, but uh at some point Brent, you're talking about dropping a show. I'm going, I think I'm I'm I'm planning to bring back my original podcast. They call me Mr. You. I feel like it's just been a long time coming. My wife said you should never cancel them like XP, but I'm bringing that back. So it'll be four shows again. Because me and manage will decide. I have I got I got a plan. But on one of those episodes, there was an episode called The Emancipation of Busy. And what I was doing was I was making busy as a real person. Yeah, when you call somebody and ask them, can they come to your event like we seen last week? Or can you come to this gathering that I'm having, or can you help me move? What do people say? I I'd love to, but I'm busy. And a lot of times it's not real. You find that out over time, you figure things out. It's not, it's not, it's not a real thing. So I made busy in this podcast episode. I made busy like a real person, and I wanted to emancipate busy from being accused falsely by all these people saying, you know what? The answer to all the things that they didn't want to do, they would say, Oh, I can't because I'm busy. So I love that, man. But who is next? Go ahead, jump in. Right? Come on, y'all.

Purpose And Identity Cut The Noise

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Ah, okay. Busyness. I I I would say for me, it was busyness, busyness because there was a lack of identity and a lack of purpose. And that I mean, uh wasn't really sure who I was, what I wanted, or what was my purpose for being here. But getting close to scriptures, seek you first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. So understanding your purpose and understanding your why will get you on the track. Otherwise, if we're we can be doing a lot of things, but if we're not doing the right thing at the right moment, it's like we're running on the treadmill. We're running, we're getting stronger, we're building up our work ethic, but we're going absolutely nowhere. So understanding your purpose puts a destination in front of you, and it also helps you make the right choices, it helps you get your priorities in order. Because if I'm trying to go, like if I'm trying to go to Walmart, which is a mile east, there's no reason for me to take a road that's going to take me two miles west. So knowing your purpose and know which way you're going and why you're doing it, it helps you to eliminate some of the businesses because everything that you're doing, you it has a designated purpose. You're doing it for a reason. But when you don't know what you're doing, where you're going, why you're doing it, you just try a little bit of everything. Oh, this looks good, so let me go over here and try this. I don't like that, so let me go and try this. And now I know some of that is necessary in finding ourselves, but also back to the scriptures, you know, I think it's in Luke, I want to say Luke 14, where he tells he's talking about discipleship, but he's talking about considering the cost. And a lot of times we jump into these things and not really consider the cost of what it's gonna take. Do I have the capacity to even do this? So, a lot of times with me, if I wanted to be more or if I wanted to do more, I had to first be more, I had to become kind of all over the place with it. But basically, what I'm saying is when I think about it, one of the first commandments that he gave us. Was he said be fruitful, multiply, replenish, subdue? First thing he said in that was be so you have to be who he's created you to be to order to produce the fruit that he's placed on inside of you, which again seek you first the kingdom. Where's the kingdom? The kingdom is on the inside of you. So what is it that God has placed on this side of you? What does he say you who do he say you are, and who must you become to bring out the fruit that he's placed inside of you? Then you're walking in purpose. When you're walking in purpose, it starts to eliminate all the busyness. Now again, it's not gonna all go away because you know a lot of us have been doing this for 20, 30, 40, 50, some 50, 60 years. So it's you know, it's some habits that we have to break and we got to, you know, dwindle. But you'll see when you're walking in purpose, a lot of these other things just begin to fade away. You don't even recognize it anymore. You know, and sometimes you you you may stumble upon this. Like my son told me the other day, he said, you know, you're a podcaster, right? And I was like, No, I'm not. He's like, Daddy, yes, you are. You're on YouTube. So, and I'm not I hadn't even really really realized it, you know. Yeah, that's an avenue that I've actually stepped into, not realizing that I stepped into it. So maybe I need to pursue that. So let me pray on it and see what message he has for me to you know put on the podcast. So kind of all over the place, but it boils down, boils down to purpose and identity.

SPEAKER_04 46:23

I've been waiting on that last one for about three months now. So just waiting for you to own this, and then we can do some work. I got you.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

All right. I own it. I own it.

SPEAKER_04 46:38

I said three months, my bad. It's really about six months, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

Well, that's it. June last year, I know.

SPEAKER_04 46:47

End of last year. All right, so who thinks? Anybody else wanna uh own the fact that they uh walked in busyness?

SPEAKER_02 46:53

Oh shoot. I mean, if my brothers here are being accountable, let me hold myself accountable to it too.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

That's what they're doing out here in these years.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

I'm I'm gonna throw my my my gauntlet down and say, I didn't know. So let me let me share one thing really quickly. Brent, I am so appreciative of of the science behind that. Because let me tell you what, a full calendar, even now, a full calendar is attractive to me. I don't know why, but it is attractive. And I think about before, like once upon a time, a full calendar was the easiest escape, kind of to your point, Mr. U, about uh like the easiest escape from responsibility, easiest escape from doing things that I don't want to do. Like, oh, I'm busy. Like, do you see this calendar? I've got 50 appointments in one day, right? There's only 24 hours in a day, but I've got 28 hours allotted for on this on this one day. Like, sorry, can't do it, even if I was doing nothing. But I've always been like an all or nothing person, right? All or nothing. So, like the danger in in seeing the full calendar and the busyness there for me is sometimes I find myself doing absolutely nothing and kind of wasting away, you know. And so that's where I find I find myself today, kind of in the middle there, where calendar is necessary, but I keep myself on point, right? It is necessary. There has to be a level of structure to it. I can't just sit on my hands, you know. There is seek ye first, but there is a seeking that's involved there for me, right? It's not just gonna land in my lap if I do absolutely nothing. So I find myself today kind of in the middle there. But if I'm being honest, which I do my best to maintain transparency with you guys and anybody else I meet, I'm still a look at my calendar guy every once in a while. You know, there are days where I'm like I'll look at my calendar and feel like I'm accomplished, having not yet set out to do anything on my calendar yet. You know, and felt and felt like there was, you know, I guess lack of purpose in those days, you know, or forgetting my purpose in those days. But yeah, if I'm honest, I still do it. It's it's just who I am, I guess, in certain ways, not to own that as my identity, but I'm I'm a fallible creature, man. Every once in a while, busyness, hey, it just looks good.

unknown 49:33

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 49:33

You know what I mean? Like it literally just looks good. And sometimes the the outward perception of people, sometimes that's what I need for the day. You know, there are days when that's just what I need. I need people to see that I'm busy so that I can feel good about myself. If I'm being honest, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:55

We don't have to we don't have to go ahead, but I'm gonna I'm gonna say this openly in front of everybody, just out just out of love for you. You're a brand new husband. Not everything that fuels your calendar is gonna move the needle. Brand was talking about a little bit what we may discuss it a little bit when this opportunity comes up again, you know. But this task that generate income and tasks that just kind of feel productive, but they don't do nothing. Because she's gonna want some time and the time that you're spending otherwise. And we talk about this a lot, more than I discussed this up at length the past last all of last month. You know, the things that we do, man, we gotta show we know it's valid in our minds, I guess, or we think it is, but we gotta make that thing so it has to be validated, yeah, especially for our wives. Because when I sit here with you guys, and like I said, I love it. There's no regrets as at all. I don't know how many listers we got, how many views and downloads. I don't know, but what I do know is this that when I'm here, I'm invested in you guys.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

Even my wife watches, we're watching it right now.

SPEAKER_04 51:16

Biggest fan of the men's round table series, the missus. She knows why I'm doing this. So the day when the day comes where we see the kind of group that we want to see and the validation that we want to see in this, it's gonna be well worth it. But as a new husband, bruh, those county events, which ones are staying, which ones going because they ain't all staying.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

If I can, really quickly, just to come back to that. We have a shared calendar, brother. So I'm already there. She's she she makes sure she's already doing that.

SPEAKER_04 52:00

Bingo. Wow, yeah, the square. All right, Roy. You want to sure you want me to answer this one? You won't have to. I would not know.

Fake Business In The Content Era

SPEAKER_00 52:11

DL's already laughing. Let me take a little different tact and I'll do it quickly because I know you want to like get another one in here. The I think that things have changed, is really what has happened. And so the busyness part has become much more of an epidemic today because things have changed. I've run, I don't even know how many businesses we're trying to count them up. You know, when you guys were talking, I was like making hashtags and stuff, but I I honestly am leaving some out. I have run businesses, I've started them, some have failed, some have been great and been sold, but I've always done this. And in the old days, you had to actually have a business, meaning if you didn't make any money at it, then you had bills associated with the business, like you know, a place that you had the business at. You had lights, you had, you know, gas bill, you had parking, you had all these things, and that was an actual business. You had to rent a place to go have a business. So you couldn't just wake up and go, hey, I have a business. Today, anybody can say, I have a business right now. It doesn't cost you anything to have it, and you can say this is what it is, and then you just start doing stuff and you go, It's a business, right? I'm a content creator, I'm gonna make money making content for Facebook, so I'm gonna make all this content and I'm busy all day long, right? And then, you know, at the end of the month, I get my you know little payment from Facebook for 38 cents because I worked all month long. You know, I'm a podcaster, that's my business, and I'm gonna put out 15 episodes this month, and I'm gonna like you know, edit, you know, for four hours an episode, and I'm gonna interview people and I'm gonna work all the time. And you know, how much did you make? Well, I'm not monetized yet. That takes time. I got to put out 4,000 episodes first. You know, this is what happens today is that you can actually have a business make zero, get build zero, and all you have spent is your time. And because we don't understand that our time is in fact our most incredible currency, we just keep on going and keep on going and keep on going. You know, we had that conference, you know, last week, and that was one of the things that I was telling everybody who was there was guys, you know, if you if you're not making money out of it, it isn't a business, you know. So, but there that has changed. And so I think now what you have is an entire society of people who are just busy doing what they think may one day become a business. And I love the idea, I love the the mindset. Hey, let's go do this, but they're only being busy with the stuff they like doing, they're not being busy with the stuff that they dislike or that they're afraid of, or that you know worries them, or that's boring that will actually make them money, and I think that's the biggest problem we have, yes, sir, yes, sir.

SPEAKER_04 54:48

Oh man, like I said, there's there's so there's so much to this, all right. You're mad, brother. This is so much to this. That's why I know this is this is gonna be a minute before we peel through it, man. But I dropped the episode. I had to go and dig it up. Season three of the original the OG, the flagship, episode 117, the emancipation of the bitch. I'm really proud of it. Take a chance to check it out if you get a chance. Also, on our Facebook and YouTube in the comment section there. Man, we get busy at bad rap boy. I mean, they got this some events that we have, man. You said in it yourself. There's some things in my community that are events that people do on a regular basis. I don't want to be a part of it, it ain't nothing personal. But one thing I would say openly to people say, you know, I don't suffer fools lightly in any area of my life. If you if you want to be out here with the big red nose and the red shoes, hey, do you, man? I ain't judging the orange here, you do you. I'm not watching you jump through no hoops that's set on fire. I'm not gonna watch you do that. I just actually want to be a part of that. So when I get those reach outs, you be a part of this. I have to remember an episode like this where I pour my heart out saying, you know what, this ain't this ain't real. Busy don't deserve, but we go, we keep him busy. I gotta, I gotta have better answers than I'm busy. Just to just out of integrity and honor and self-respect. I can't say, oh, I'm busy. I gotta either say, you know what? I can't be there for such and such a reason. I can't make up alibis, and it and I think just generally speaking, we as men do that kind of stuff. We make up stuff that ain't I mean, ain't just the uh the car project in the garage that's been taking 15 years. It's not just that, it's it's it's it's more than that. A lot of it's just an avoidance of things that we don't want to just be outright and honest and say, you know what, I'm worried about somebody's feelings. I don't want to be an outcast, I don't want to be in a situation where you know what, every time I see this person, it's gonna be uncomfortable. This is a different topic, it's gonna take us to a different place, I'm sure. But what's been on my heart the past two months or so is about uh raising the standard in our life, raising the standard and maintaining it. If this is who you are and this is what you want to do and what you're not gonna do, don't you remove that bar, don't you bring it down to make people uh feel good about you or to get into their club and click, you keep that bar up there when you got it and you and you make and you maintain it and you you live up to that thing. A lot of men don't do that. We won't say we don't want we mentioned this many times on this show, I don't know how many times I had an all time on this show, where sometimes men don't want to say stuff because uh they worry about what somebody's gonna say or they're gonna it could be weaponized against them, man. Weaponize it. We gotta say what we gotta say and do what we have to do, especially in those personal situations where we are using busy as an alibi for what we don't want to do, what we want to deal with. But any thoughts or comments? We're getting close to the uh okay, good comment right here. I've been hearing this all year long so far that no is a complete sentence, we don't have to add anything to it at the end of that word sentence is a period. We don't have to say, you know what, it's no, but here's the reason why we don't have to do that. The answer is what? No. I'm not coming to that. I can't be there for that. That date's not gonna work. Why no ahead?

Raise Standards And Say No

SPEAKER_01 58:53

Who had a comment right? I'll punch in on that real quick. Okay. So Richard Branson, right? Billionaire. Most people know the name, they may not know why they know the name. The guy's a multi-billionaire, right? Owns a hundred plus companies. If you study Richard Branson, he has three goals a year for his company personally, like across his life, personal, professional. He has three goals a year. Anything that doesn't more move one of those goals forward, it's a no automatically. That is his filter for his personal assistant, like the person who handles the schedule. She knows precisely this is his three goals. It doesn't matter if it's a charity appearance or a huge gala with lots of famous people. He doesn't care. Yes, he has three goals. If it doesn't move the needle on one of those three goals, the answer is no, and there's no apologies for it. Right? We have to respect ourselves at that level, both per professionally, personally, we have to respect ourselves enough to go, no, this isn't taking me where I'm going. This isn't achieving what I'm trying to achieve. This isn't making my family better. This isn't doing what needs to happen this year. We have to respect ourselves, and we feel like we're disrespecting other people by saying no, but honestly, we are disrespecting those people by saying yes, and we are disrespecting ourselves. Definitely, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:26

I mean, that's that that's that's such a wholesome idea. I mean, we hear I hear it a lot in business circles, but it's like, why are we afraid to do that? I mean, it's probably gonna be another episode, but why are we afraid to do that? Why are we afraid to say, you know what, that doesn't meet my standards, that's not where I want to be. We're not all going in the same direction. Just this past month alone, and I know that you know some of you guys can attest to this. I probably send out three reach out for three things that I I have going on. And a lot of people said no to it. But my my only thing is I ain't again against you saying no, but don't be one of people who was complaining about it before, before it was offered. Don't be that person. I'm like, why you you said no? Because isn't that what you've been texting me about for weeks now? Just don't be that person. If you don't have the bandwidth or something, that's totally fine. I ain't gonna be offended. I gotta find a new circle to reach out and do what I gotta do to offer something I think is valuable. Ain't no problem, but I love what you said, man. That's really that's that's that's really deep and it's really real, man. I I really I know that we don't get that. I know we're not doing that. We move that we move that target so often. So maybe we can get into that next week. Why we move to target so much? We can get into somebody somebody make a make a note of that. So I won't forget why we're moving to target so much. So, any closing thoughts before we get out of here, man?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:50

I just want to echo what Brent said and then touch on something that Rory said. Okay, it's it's remembering that time that is our one finite resource. We can reconcile relationships, we can make good on a boo-boo, you know, we can make more money. We don't get time back. Like we don't, right? And so understanding that, and then again, this is where I echo what Brent said. Like, if we respect ourselves enough, if we if we value ourselves enough, then we would value our time and we wouldn't just throw it away because of somebody's feelings or because you know, we think we can drop the bar just a little bit in case it's not received right. And so I think for for me, it's like anybody out there that's listening to this, remember that if you don't take anything else from this, like it's your bar, like Mr. U said, you can't let anybody tell you whether you have to raise it or lower it. That's entirely up to you, and you don't get that time back.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:58

Thank you very much, sir. Well said. Any closing thoughts? We got a lot to talk about and a lot of weeks to do this, man. So we got we got time. But if you watch and listening for the very first time, thank you so much for making us part of your week. We love what we're doing in here. And if you're a man that's been on the fence, I don't know what your problem is. We out here, we've been showing you, we've been putting our hearts out here on the line for all to see on YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, and everywhere. This is a safe space for you to share about the issues and the challenges and the stories you have. Jump in and join us. We are welcome to receive you. We'll talk about offline. Reach out to one of the five of us, or somebody that you may trust in the chat. We'd love to hear from you guys and see if we can help give you an opportunity to kind of share your story and let us all get a chance to grow together. All right, so this is the men's roundtable series podcast of Mr. U, these guys here, Brent Dowling, Roy Pot Kit, RL Corbett, and the illustrious DL. Trusted Law Rooster. Thanks again for making us part of your week. We love you guys.