The Mindbuzz

MB:284 with Kelly Farmer

Mindbuzz Podcast Network Season 4 Episode 284

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0:00 | 1:41:42

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Kelly Farmer is a stand up comedian. Check out her stuff here https://www.instagram.com/smelly_farter/?hl=en


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"King without a Throne" is performed by Bad Hombres

SPEAKER_13

Let's go.

SPEAKER_14

What is up, Mind Buzz Universe? Welcome back to another podcast episode of The Mind Buzz. I am your host, Gil, and working the board this evening, this morning, this afternoon, whenever you're listening to this podcast, is the lovely Amber. What is up?

SPEAKER_02

Hi. I'm good. What?

SPEAKER_14

What the heck is up? What is going on?

SPEAKER_02

Nothing. What is happening in the world? Surviving the summer.

SPEAKER_14

It is hot. It's hot. It is sunny out here in sunny California. Yeah, sunny Southern California. Is Northern California hot too?

SPEAKER_02

I don't think it's as hot as we are right now.

SPEAKER_14

No? The block is hot.

SPEAKER_02

Just it's all hot.

SPEAKER_14

But I I summer is here, ladies and gentlemen. Summer is here.

SPEAKER_02

I always say I can't wait for summer.

SPEAKER_14

Spring who?

SPEAKER_02

Spring who. Spring is my favorite, but no. I always change it up. Be quiet. I'm trying to get a word in. God damn it. I'm done. I'm done for the I'm done. I'm shutting it off.

SPEAKER_14

Shutting what off?

SPEAKER_02

I was just gonna say that I always say that I want summer to be here and now that it's hot.

SPEAKER_14

I told you that the other day. I know. Um when it's cold, when it's like a little bit moist outside. Oh my god, I can't wait for summer. I can't wait for summer.

SPEAKER_02

Moist outside. What the heck? I never said that. What's that?

SPEAKER_14

Well, when it's when it's like rainy, kind of like humid. No, not humid, because humid is like still like hot. So like moist, you know. What do you want me to say?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I don't know what weather you're describing. I don't, I really don't.

SPEAKER_14

Rain.

SPEAKER_02

I don't like rain.

SPEAKER_14

I know, but it's not right like full-on rain. It's like sprinkles.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, is it like summer rain?

SPEAKER_14

Sprinkly. Sprinkly.

SPEAKER_02

When it's sprinkly.

SPEAKER_14

It's sprinkling. There it goes.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know what I like. You know what? Maybe I used to say I like the summer so much because I lived in a home with central AC.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So it was easy like summer. And now we don't do the real summer. No, we don't have AC. And I'm like, what is this?

SPEAKER_14

First time?

SPEAKER_02

No, it's been like two years.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

No AC.

SPEAKER_14

No, I know. That's what I'm saying. It's like it's your first time being like in having a real summer.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So that's why I'm like, I'm complaining. I'm just like, I'm old now. So I complain about everything.

SPEAKER_14

That's true. We're old. Yeah. Kelly asks us how it feels to be a millennial, and I didn't want to say that. I wanted to make it sound as cool as possible.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't know what to say. I was like, uh fine. I don't know. It hurts. It's my reality. My knees are.

SPEAKER_14

I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_06

I'm just kidding. All right.

SPEAKER_14

Uh let's bring in today's guest, uh stand-up comedian. Please give it a for uh Kelly Farmer, ladies and gentlemen. Hi. What's up, Kelly?

SPEAKER_16

Oh, yeah, yeah. I well, I barged in, I kicked the door in. Yeah, you didn't and I went, what's up, old people? It's not like being so old. I can hear your knees from the other corner of the room.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sure you can.

SPEAKER_15

That is right.

SPEAKER_02

To answer your question, because I wanted to answer it on camera, is I don't feel any different.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I think we talked about this with our other guests, and I'm still waiting to feel like an adult. So I don't know if that's the millennial in us that we just don't really like because I feel like everyone that's a millennial feels the same, like they haven't grown up yet.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, a state of arrested development. Right. Yeah. But I think that's a star in Jason Bateman.

SPEAKER_14

I think it's like that with anybody. Like a just a human in general being because you're you're like every age you are up until now, right? So I feel that you are you you never really feel an like an adult.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

I definitely tell that to the guys I hook up with where I'm like, I'm 16.

SPEAKER_06

I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_14

Also, I will I will add, as a millennial, I feel that well, I think it's just my age in general. I like old things. Like I I like the way that me I think just media now, I I I'm just like longing for 90s, early 2000s type of media.

SPEAKER_16

Sure.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

You don't need to even want it. It's out there. Yeah. It's just being reproduced all the time.

SPEAKER_14

Right. And like we am what uh what like site were you on the other day that you were you got a you got like a camera?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, it's called Retrospect. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Have you heard of it? Have you bought anything from it? Um, I got some headphone covers. Oh, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

What color did you get?

SPEAKER_16

I think I got I got lavender, pink, and orange.

SPEAKER_14

Ah. Did you really order the you got them from me?

SPEAKER_16

I ordered them for you.

SPEAKER_14

It's because I asked you to order me stuff and you're like, yeah, I'll get it.

SPEAKER_02

And then I never do.

SPEAKER_14

It's my parents all over again.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you get an A on your them. Yeah. Only if you nail it.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, I I we were looking at I don't, I'm not gonna get them, but the the DVD VHS combo is like$300. I'm like, oh my god, that's wild.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, I collect VHS tapes, but then I'm like, for what?

SPEAKER_14

Do you have a VH VHS tape?

SPEAKER_16

I do, but it's like I never bust that out. No? I have a VHS player and TV in one. That's what I want.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I want. The TV VHS player combo.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, I mean it's kind of fun because I can like, you know, with an extension cord, just like put it on my bed. I'm even just like curled up watching, I don't know, like Elmo.

SPEAKER_14

Uh I'm 16 and uh what's your favorite VHS that you have that you like to watch?

SPEAKER_16

I have a VHS copy of uh Ghost World.

SPEAKER_14

Ghost World?

SPEAKER_16

That's fun. I also have a VHS copy of uh Punchline. You ever heard of that movie?

SPEAKER_14

No.

SPEAKER_16

Starring uh Sally Field and Tom Hanks.

SPEAKER_14

Really?

SPEAKER_16

Punchline. They're comics.

SPEAKER_14

What? Can you pull that up? I want to see this.

SPEAKER_16

Sure. Do you happen to have Spice World? No, I think Spice World was just before me. All the Spice Girl stuff was really just before.

SPEAKER_14

No, that's on um Safari. Oh. You want to go on?

SPEAKER_02

I've been um I've been trying to uh watch Spice World and they don't have it anywhere. You can't even buy it to stream it.

SPEAKER_16

Do they have it broken up into like a hundred? On YouTube, that's what I heard. Or on TikTok. You just watch on your phone.

SPEAKER_02

Have you seen on TikTok that they put like full-length movies? Oh, I found something.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, and I would never want to watch a movie that way. No, me neither. I was like, um, okay.

SPEAKER_14

On TikTok?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, on TikTok.

SPEAKER_14

But can you like move it horizontal or do you have to watch it? No, you have to watch it, I think, upright. Are you serious? Really?

SPEAKER_16

And then on TikTok, of course, it has like all that stuff around it. Like stuff.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, this one.

SPEAKER_14

Whoa.

SPEAKER_16

Yep, there they are. It's very fun.

SPEAKER_14

What year did this come out of?

SPEAKER_16

98.

SPEAKER_02

Is that what it's or 88? Oh, 88. I'm sorry, 88. 1988.

SPEAKER_14

No way. I had no idea.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, we're watching this tonight.

SPEAKER_14

Yes.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, there's some really sad moments in that too. Yeah? Oh, yeah, I cry. I cry at this movie.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, don't tell us. I'm like, I want to cry. No.

SPEAKER_14

Who's in it? Let's see. Uh Sally Phil, Tom Hanks. Oh, Damon Wayans.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

John Goodman.

SPEAKER_16

John Goodman, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

David Seltzer. Who's that? Michael. Can you put like cast or something? See who else is in there?

SPEAKER_02

Let me see. Let me go back.

SPEAKER_14

Oh yeah, they have it on VHS Tam.

SPEAKER_02

Frenchline movie cast. Well, if anyone's out there and they have Spice World, please let me know.

SPEAKER_14

I love Damon Wayne's and uh Blank Man. That's probably like one of my favorite movies that he's in.

SPEAKER_02

Candace Cameron?

SPEAKER_14

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, she's in it. Before her controversy?

SPEAKER_14

Mac Robbins.

SPEAKER_02

What's the controversy?

SPEAKER_16

George McGrath. Is it just that she's Christian?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

I know, yeah, right. Yeah. That's the controversy.

SPEAKER_02

That's what it means. Is it really? I'm all the biggest controversies that she's Christian. That's it? No, didn't she like drive drunk before she became like full hardcore Christian?

SPEAKER_16

Who hasn't?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but no, but she had like her kids. I know that that I didn't see.

SPEAKER_14

Actually, that was a kids.

SPEAKER_02

That's but I think she had her kids in the car. Yeah, I know. Am I making this up? Now I gotta see.

SPEAKER_14

That was a pivotal move. Like you need events like that in your life to become Christian.

SPEAKER_16

I don't think I really like that, Candace.

SPEAKER_14

Right?

SPEAKER_02

Candace Cameron, right?

unknown

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_14

She's an I don't think I've ever seen her.

SPEAKER_16

Uh Kurt Cameron.

SPEAKER_02

Kurt Cameron. He's also like a head of the church member, right?

SPEAKER_16

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They're like really into like a church.

SPEAKER_16

They're so into it. It's like their favorite thing. And my mom had a huge crush on him when she was a teenager. I'm like, is your mom my age? No, she's kidding.

SPEAKER_06

My mom is not eight years older than me.

SPEAKER_02

Oh.

SPEAKER_04

What the heck?

SPEAKER_02

We have a caller.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, we should have.

SPEAKER_02

Let me answer it. No.

SPEAKER_05

Hello? Hello? Alright, I'm gonna hang out.

SPEAKER_02

It's like hi, this is CVS letting you know that your hemorrhoid cream is ready.

SPEAKER_14

Your preparation.

SPEAKER_16

Hammer's so good. I was gonna say preparation area. Yeah. What else? Of course we're gonna say it's cream for your butt.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Come on.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, wait, I'm making this up.

SPEAKER_14

There are no credible reports, credible reports, news articles, or public records indicating that Candace Cameron Buer has ever been arrested or charged with the DUI. Wow. You are debunked, lady.

SPEAKER_02

Who was it then? Yeah, because she's got God on her side. Or maybe she scrubbed the internet. No?

SPEAKER_14

That could be.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I'll find it. Somebody there was a white uh comedian, lady, sitcom person that drove drunk with their children.

SPEAKER_14

Who's the one? Who was the one that like I guess she was drunk? She was like driving in a uh neighborhood and like she crashed like right into the car, and when they were trying to take her out of like the burning car, she was inside a body bag and she like ripped out of her body bag.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Um wonder she crashed.

SPEAKER_02

Anne Hesh and her body bag. And was it I think that's her name.

SPEAKER_16

What? You you had Anne Hayesh? Wait, what do you mean she was in the body bag?

SPEAKER_02

Like they thought she was dead. Yeah. And they were already putting her on the gurney in a body bag. Like the body's dead.

SPEAKER_06

Fascinating.

SPEAKER_14

And she like pops out.

SPEAKER_06

What's up?

SPEAKER_14

There's Anne Hayesh. There's Jack.

SPEAKER_06

Sorry. Music has been.

SPEAKER_14

Um, what's going on with my phone today?

SPEAKER_02

Uh yes.

SPEAKER_14

Did she pass away?

SPEAKER_02

It says death. Uh, Anne Haish died from inhalation and thermal injuries falling a fiery car crash.

SPEAKER_14

But you gotta pull this video up. Kayla, are you like squeamish at all? Like, okay. Pull up video. Let's show her.

SPEAKER_11

How do we find it? NBC 4's iTeam has obtained some new information about the car crash and the fire that led to the death of Ann Haish. Fire Department records now show it took at least 45 minutes to get her out of a burning house in Mar Vista. And a lot of time passed before the rescue effort actually began. Our investigative reporter Eric Leonard joins us live from the newsroom with more on that. Eric? Hi, Colleen.

SPEAKER_12

Well, we've been able to put together a very detailed timeline. Minute by minute immediately began to attack the fire. As you can hear in these timestamped recordings we obtained under the California Public Records Act.

SPEAKER_08

I think all open heavy calls coming out.

SPEAKER_12

Yet for the next 20 minutes, according to the recordings of the radio traffic that captured all the frequencies firefighters were using, none of the firefighters at the scene were specifically directed to get to the car or to try to make a rescue of the person inside who we now know was Hague. At 1118 a.m., one firefighter even reports that there was no one trapped inside. Then at 1122 a.m., in what the fire department says was the chaos and confusion of fighting the fire, one of the incident commanders asks again about whether or not there could be a person trapped inside. Three minutes later, now at 1125 a.m., a firefighter gets close enough to the car to confirm. By now, about 24 minutes have elapsed since firefighters arrived. Anne Hayes was trapped inside her Mini Cooper surrounded by smoke and fire. LA City Fire Deputy Chief Richard Fields, who supervises all of West LA, says firefighters had to confront multiple problems and hazards before they could get to the car. Only that firefighters first inoffensive. That makes zero sense.

SPEAKER_14

A car crashed. Of course you're gonna go for the car, right? Okay, yeah. Because somebody called. Yeah. Okay. Anyways, uh, see if you can find the the video. I'm on there.

SPEAKER_16

I didn't know who Anne Haish was, and now I'm like mourning her death. You're gonna leave here all sad. I came in sad, or I'm gonna leave sad. Can't stop that now.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, see, it's a conspiracy.

SPEAKER_14

No, no, I seen the video.

SPEAKER_02

It says Anne Haysht did not run out of a body bag following her.

SPEAKER_14

She didn't run out, she popped out.

SPEAKER_16

This is funny because you want to watch this so bad. Watch this woman trying to pry open a body bag. So bad. Please get the clip.

SPEAKER_14

Get the clip. Bring it out.

SPEAKER_02

Where did you see it?

SPEAKER_14

On YouTube. Go to YouTube. I see it on Reddit, actually.

SPEAKER_02

What's that one? Uh no, what's the other one that on OpenAI? The orange guy, the other one, the one that was like a duck or something. Truth Social or one of those. Okay, we're gonna find it. We're gonna find it.

SPEAKER_14

It was there. No, it's really there. I will literally go nuts. It's not here.

SPEAKER_05

This is unbelievable. Okay.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, that's her speedy. Where did where did you put? No, running out. Don't put okay. Ann Ann H body bag.

SPEAKER_16

Now type into eBay. Ann H body bag.

SPEAKER_14

There we go. That's it. That's it. That's it. Oh. There we go.

SPEAKER_02

Oh. It looks kind of fake now that I see it.

SPEAKER_14

No.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh. He's completely alive. See that? New surveillance video shows Hayesh barreling through an alleyway, nearly hitting a pedestrian.

SPEAKER_09

Ash was reportedly speeding when she lost control and slammed into a home last Friday, setting the home and her car on fire. She's been in a coma ever since and on a penilator.

SPEAKER_10

The movie was called Girl in the Motel, and it is a movie about the sex trafficking industry that is going on in multi-billion dollar industry.

SPEAKER_01

There's nothing here that indicates that a crime has taken place.

SPEAKER_00

Richard Glass owned Glass hair design in Venice Beach at less than an hour before Anne crashed her car into a nearby house. She opted the hit shop to buy a whip. You didn't notice anything out of the ordinary about Anne during their encounter. She wasn't speaking in cursive. She was very, very fortunate. Speaking of cursive? What is that about?

SPEAKER_04

Video's not making me look good. No, no, no. Look at there. Completely alive.

SPEAKER_14

Look at that. Look at that.

SPEAKER_04

Leave me alone.

SPEAKER_16

Okay. So it sounds like she knew too much. Yeah. And also if I ever see a friend in distress, I'm gonna be like, are you speaking in cursive to me right now?

SPEAKER_02

What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_14

What did he say?

SPEAKER_02

She wasn't speaking in cursive.

SPEAKER_14

She wasn't speaking in cursive.

SPEAKER_02

I guess he meant, I guess he meant like she wasn't like not making sense.

SPEAKER_14

Right. She was making sense.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_14

What do the comments say? Let's go with the comments.

SPEAKER_02

They wrapped her up like she was dead. Something's not right. This stinks to high heaven.

SPEAKER_16

Or I'm sure the body bag stunk to high heaven. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They had on her stretcher, like she was she popped out, like her life depended on it. That's too bad. An heish. R.I.P. Okay, so I don't know now.

SPEAKER_14

No?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. The internet said no, and then this video said yes.

SPEAKER_16

Well, Doug, because it's still satisfied?

SPEAKER_14

Now that I seen the video again.

SPEAKER_16

Now that we've spent a good 45 minutes on it.

SPEAKER_02

Researching the video. I made the video. Chat GPT made the video.

SPEAKER_14

How do you feel about AI?

SPEAKER_16

Oh, I'm I'm anti.

SPEAKER_14

You're anti-AI? Yeah. Uh uh to like what extent?

SPEAKER_16

Um, like I don't use any of it. Um and if I do, it's because I don't know.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Um I know that Google kind of like forces us to now.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, it's it's kind of it interesting, even when you're Google searching stuff.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

It uses AI to like summarize what you're looking for.

SPEAKER_16

Like I don't use Chat GBT, I don't use um really any of it. No. Yeah. Um I follow links and my life is things take sl a lot slower. I I don't time's not on my side in this way. Um but I feel better about myself.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I just uh I don't I don't like any of it. I seen somebody today say if you complain if you're complaining about the heat but you use chat GPT, it's all your fault. Yeah. And I was like, oh man.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, I didn't realize the environmental impact that uh who we we were talking to um one of my friends, and he was explaining to me. I was like, that makes on the surface he told me about the environmental like damage that it's doing, but I just didn't get it. And he was like, Yeah, there's like these huge supercomputers. That need water. Right.

SPEAKER_02

To cool it down because it's emitting so much heat. Right.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Damn. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_16

You know, I got coffee this morning and the barista and I were talking about how hot it was, and I realized like, wow, you can't even have small talk anymore without it getting like sad and political. That's very true. Because like this is we're in winter. It's not even spring yet.

SPEAKER_15

That's true.

SPEAKER_16

It's technically not spring, right? No, that's March tw March 21st. March, yeah. Yeah. Oh. So we're in winter and it's 95 degrees outside. And um I was just visiting Portland and there's they should have snow right now, and it's just kind of drizzling. And that's that's horrible. We're all gonna die. Dang. And that's what small talk is now. It's talking about how we're all gonna die. Oh, that I didn't think about that. I'm working on it. I'm working on that as a bit. I'm rolling that over.

SPEAKER_14

I like it.

SPEAKER_16

We'll see where that goes.

SPEAKER_14

It's got some legs.

SPEAKER_02

Thanks.

SPEAKER_14

Can move.

SPEAKER_02

But what can we like, what can we actually small talk that doesn't involve something big?

SPEAKER_16

It could probably be some I it would have to be something really dumb. It'd be like, I saw a dog today. Did you see any dogs?

SPEAKER_02

And then I'm gonna be like, oh my god, did you see that they stormed a uh a beagle, a beagle farm? Did you see that? See, it's just like it goes to everything. Did you see that though? No, we don't pull up the clay. So there's like a beagle farm that they were um like breeding, like that's all they were doing for. And all these activists, like hundreds of activists, yeah, wearing like white, like hazmat suits, like stormed up.

SPEAKER_14

I gotta see this. So hold on, wait.

SPEAKER_02

But it's it's kind of cute too.

SPEAKER_16

Just because there's beagles.

SPEAKER_02

Just because there are beagles, yeah.

SPEAKER_06

These beagles running for their lives. No, the people were holding them and the beagles are like okay.

SPEAKER_14

Throw a beagle in a situation and you're good if you're you're having problems.

SPEAKER_02

See, everything is like uh let me see. Where did I see it? Beagle rescue.

SPEAKER_06

Fake. Fake news.

SPEAKER_02

Is it Las Vegas? I I'll find it.

SPEAKER_14

I think beagles are adorable.

SPEAKER_02

Snoopy's a beagle.

SPEAKER_14

Is he? I thought he yeah. Oh, he that makes sense actually.

SPEAKER_02

Have you seen the first or the episode where they explain like where Snoopy came from? He came from a little farm, didn't he? But he was given to a little girl. Oh so he was he was me over here.

SPEAKER_14

What happened to the girl?

SPEAKER_02

So so Snoopy was from a farm away. From a farm, and then the farmer gave the beagle to the little girl, and the little girl loved him so much, and they lived in in the city, and they lived in an apartment, and at some point her parents told her that she couldn't keep him in the apartment anymore. That's so then they had to give him away to the pound. And that's why they were saying that he's like so angry and stuff, and he always has these like you know, and in parts of it.

SPEAKER_16

Wow, his dark backstory. I was like Amber's so familiar with the peanut cinematic universe, and I that's a bummer. That's why he went on to be the red baron.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

I I happen to stumble across it.

SPEAKER_14

What's the red baron?

SPEAKER_16

The red baron um pilot fighter in the World War II.

SPEAKER_14

I have no fighter pilot fights.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think he watches uh no he doesn't watch peanuts.

SPEAKER_14

Isn't peanuts like from the like 1930s?

SPEAKER_02

I I made him watch like the Thanksgiving one where they eat toast and uh popcorn.

SPEAKER_14

That was cool. We gotta have uh can we have a Thanksgiving like that? Toast and popcorn?

SPEAKER_16

No. My favorite Snoopy moment is they go to the library and he picks out a book and it it's just titled Bunnies and he's reading it and he starts laughing. He's like and he just progressively gets louder and louder, like the Snoopy laugh, right? And they're like, You can't have a dog in here. But it was peanuts, so they were like and Charlie Brown's like Snoopy.

SPEAKER_02

You know, one time uh in one of my many surgeries, I had I've had many surgeries when I was growing up as a kid, and on one of them they gave me like Vicodin, like really, really freaking like but yes, as an adult, no, as a seven-year-old. Sure. Um so I was laying, and I remember that they like dosed me with it, and then when it started hitting, I was like, whoa. No, I really was. I was like laying there, and then like the roof opened, and then the clouds were like, woo, like you know, I mean it was kind of cool, I guess. Yeah, you know when you're on Vicanton, yeah. And then all adults sounded like the peanuts. Amazing, and I was like, whoa, and then I knocked out. It only lasts like maybe a minute, right? And then it would like knock me out.

SPEAKER_16

Your little seven-year-old body couldn't like it.

SPEAKER_14

Wait, they gave you Vicodin and they gassed you?

SPEAKER_02

No, they gassed you to before. This was after I was already about the surgery.

SPEAKER_14

And you fell asleep. Yeah. Whoa.

SPEAKER_02

But I I'll never forget that.

SPEAKER_14

I wanted to see if I could find the my small talk involves Anne Haysh and her.

SPEAKER_16

Anna Hayesh bursting on her body bag. It was kind of one of the first things you decided to bring up. I was like, I really like this movie, Punchline, it's about comedy. And then you're like, right, right, right. Have you ever seen Anne Hayesh? But Anne Hayes Body Bag. The late great Anne Hayesh. I didn't even know who she was. I think uh she was in a show that I watched once.

SPEAKER_14

She was in Anaconda with Jennifer Lopez. Oh that's all I remember her from. And the body bag thing.

SPEAKER_02

So Jennifer Lopez sent a hit out to no you seen in the video.

SPEAKER_14

You seen on Reddit what they said about her and doing that movie.

SPEAKER_02

Now you got me thinking about small talk, that's not sad. Yeah, what I'm gonna go home and really think about this.

SPEAKER_16

Well, and I can't even I I'm the worst at small talk because people will just say, like, oh, what do you do for work? And like, I work at um a theme park. Oh, cool. But it's a cemetery. Oh. So you know, not all themes are fun.

SPEAKER_02

Wait. Can can you tell us a little more?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_16

Okay, got it. Yes, now I'm gonna Google. I'm like, You asked if there was anything I didn't want to talk about. Oh, okay, no. Okay, it's a good one. No, no, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Um, no, that's actually a bit that I do on stage, but I do work at a cemetery. Um, so when people ask, what do you do for work? I'm like, I work at a cemetery, they're like, oh like uh oh boy. They're like, oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_14

Like a human one?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Well, it's because we know someone that owns a pet cemetery. Sure.

SPEAKER_16

So sorry to disappoint you. No.

SPEAKER_14

Well, you got so sad about the beagles.

SPEAKER_16

So I I figure Yeah, I can like beagles and work at a human cemetery. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

SPEAKER_02

So you work at the actual cemetery, not like the cemetery. Not like the the like preparing.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, it is no, it is all okay. Got it.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_16

I work in the uh the flower shop.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_14

Well, that's nice.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, I meet with families, they pick flowers out.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

It's cool. It's good. I mean, it's probably the most positive part of any of it.

SPEAKER_14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Choosing the color they liked and which a lot of people don't know.

SPEAKER_16

They're like, fuck. What colors did she like? Um, and then they feel then they feel worse because they don't remember.

SPEAKER_02

That's a big thing. Well, let you know now, Gil. Yeah, you like lavender.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

What were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_14

I was gonna say lilies and sunflowers.

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't know. You like sunflowers. You're wrong.

SPEAKER_14

I'm just gonna get you the stuff I like.

SPEAKER_02

You get sunflowers because you like them.

SPEAKER_14

The flowers are for me, actually.

SPEAKER_02

I know. Because then you pass.

SPEAKER_14

All the arrangements are are basically gonna be for me.

SPEAKER_02

Got it. I mean, yeah. I'm right.

SPEAKER_14

I gotta look at them.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like sometimes with funerals, and the only reason I say this is because when my grandmother passed away, she like literally, it was like a day before she passed, and she was like, She already knew she was gonna pass. And then she's like, I don't want a church. Whoa, I don't want anyone to like say mass. I don't want them to do the whole seven days after that Latinos do, and like she wanted nothing to do with religion, and then I was like, All right, on it. And then she passed away, and then they held a mass at the funeral. And then we were like, I was like, what the f and then Candace Cameron was there, and then she showed up drunk.

SPEAKER_16

She drove their drunk and there was another casket and hash in there. Like, oh, she would have hated this.

SPEAKER_02

So that's why I think that funerals are not they're not really for who passed, it's for people that are living, right?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. A friend of mine said that uh when his aunt was dying, um, they were like, Well, what do you want us to do for the funeral? And she said, I don't know, surprise me.

SPEAKER_14

That's awesome. That's great.

SPEAKER_02

I think I'm I'm I'm in the same thing.

SPEAKER_14

Surprise you?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't want anybody to be quiet either. I hate when I go somewhere or to I hate when I go to a funeral and I can't be loud. No.

SPEAKER_14

Well, when when I talk, when I do my speech, I want everybody to be quiet.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah, yeah. They're there that's it.

SPEAKER_14

That's all I care about.

SPEAKER_02

But I don't want to be like, I don't laugh.

SPEAKER_14

Don't that who do you want to do your eulogy?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_14

No, nobody. Nobody? No.

SPEAKER_02

Your side we said like the other day when we were saying we're like everyone's eulogy is always like, they were such a good person. Oh lit up the room. Yeah, right. They were such a light. I did uh just tell the truth about me. I did my I will don't worry.

SPEAKER_14

He's like, I got it all written down. I got it. I'll play some stuff. I've been preparing this unit a long time. So I did my my sister's gonna play a video of Amber Bobby.

SPEAKER_06

So we were just playing. I'm all hitting them. Get that camera out of my bag. How far down does this rabbit hole go? Everybody's just like, oh.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe she wasn't a big one.

SPEAKER_14

I'm just like the only one laughing. It's for me. It's for me, guys. No, I uh I did my I did my sister's eulogy and I insert, I did uh like I I wrote a like a clip from like uh one of so there's this episode in The Office where Michael Scott, I guess there's like a a bird that dies.

SPEAKER_16

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_14

You remember that?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, I actually just watched this episode in my uncle's hospital room. Really? Yeah, I had a weird two weeks. Go on.

SPEAKER_14

So there's he does a eulogy about the bird. Yeah, and I recite, I recite that that eulogy in my sister's eulogy. And I thought it was great, I thought it was cute, and uh nobody got it. Nobody got it except for Russ, which is my best friend, and he was just like nobody got it, but I got him.

SPEAKER_16

Did your sister like the office? No, what the you were just like, well, I don't know what else you would could possibly say for a eulogy except that. The only instance of a funeral you've ever seen is the host. This is what people say when things die.

SPEAKER_02

You're like like the late and great Michael and the host is like, all right, give it up the host for Gilbert and his bird.

SPEAKER_16

The host. I actually did go to a memorial just two weeks ago and it was run like a comedy show.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, see, look at do that. Do that for me.

SPEAKER_16

No, I mean it you yeah, we'll do that.

SPEAKER_14

Well, some of them.

SPEAKER_16

Or it was it, it was it too awkward.

SPEAKER_14

Well, was it a comic? Yeah, was it for a comic? I've only been to one of those and it's literally like like that.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Right.

SPEAKER_16

Well, they called it a celebration of life too. Okay. Which is, you know, whatever they wanted to do. But um, I I would not want that for myself. No, no, I would want it to be a sad funeral. Oh, you do want it to be sad? I want it, I mean, I think like a celebration of life is like a birthday. That's what a birthday is. You're celebrating life. Um, but I you gotta have time to grieve and have a sad yeah. Yeah, I don't I don't want anyone laughing at my funeral. This isn't a joke. I'm dead. God.

SPEAKER_14

We're gonna clip that and then do a video for everybody to watch.

SPEAKER_16

That video at my funeral. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I've been yelling at every whole episode on your funeral.

SPEAKER_16

Everyone's like, She was such a light, and I'm like, I'm dead. Fucking owl.

SPEAKER_14

But we were talking about that, about how everybody's like remembrance of somebody is always like positive. And that's not the case, right? Is it no?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, it's crazy that we've ended up talking about this. I mean, I kind of brought it up in a way with my job, but yeah, the memorial was just very positive. And I was very close to this person, so I had a much more nuanced view of them, and everyone just going up saying, like, oh, he was so great and such a good friend, and he's the last person we would have expected this to happen to. It's like, oh, then you I guess you didn't really know him at all.

SPEAKER_02

That that's why our conversation started because we were watching like a true crime um like series, and everybody Which one was it?

SPEAKER_14

Do you remember?

SPEAKER_02

It was the Friends Like These or something like that on Hulu. I think it's called something like that. And everybody in the documentary was like, Oh, she was such a ray. Why are you laughing? You're thinking about your sister's memorial.

SPEAKER_13

Did I just that's sad? Actually, you saying that is pretty bad.

SPEAKER_16

What why are you laughing? Are you thinking about the last time you talk about your sister's I mean we were just laughing about that? Very true.

SPEAKER_14

No, the the the name of the title of the show sometimes.

SPEAKER_02

But everybody in the documentary was like, oh, she she was amazing, she was such a light, and you know, she didn't, I mean obviously she didn't deserve it, but you know, like all these things I kind of like what you're saying, like that would never happen. I'm like, this bitch deserved. She didn't deserve it, but you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_16

I yeah, I want when people speak at my funeral for it to be just barely nice, like, yeah, she didn't really deserve this, I guess.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, kind of on some days. I mean, well, I don't know what I want. Do whatever you want. How's that? Whatever's gonna make you Yeah. Cause I don't know if I come back. I don't know if I'm hovering over or seeing her anything.

SPEAKER_14

You come back as a fly.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna assume that I don't come back.

SPEAKER_14

Come back as a fly.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Una mosca.

SPEAKER_02

Una mosca.

SPEAKER_16

Well, people because I was close to this person, people have been saying, like, like my cat sneezed on my face, and I told my friend about it, and she was like, Oh my god, that was him. Like he came to you in that way. I went, yeah, ghost him put ghost pepper under my cat's nose to make her sneeze on my face.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, was you absolutely is your friend Latina? No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_16

No, not at all. Because in in like I would never know.

SPEAKER_06

Please. Be real.

SPEAKER_02

Oh mom definitely talking in your funeral.

SPEAKER_16

Let the record show I'm Hispanic.

SPEAKER_02

Are you?

SPEAKER_16

I always get that. Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom's very, very white, and my dad is Hispanic. Oh, okay. He looks like Gilbert.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_14

As they tend to. Right on.

SPEAKER_02

But they were saying that we've seen a comedian, and one of his jokes was that, like, how all like Latinos, we always want to see, like, you know, any little thing is like somebody and I think he said like a dust of like like a like a dust particle, and you're like, Oh, there's my tia, or you know, like a fly, and it's like, oh, my tea's here. But so right now that you said that, I it made me think of that because it's yeah, my cat's booger landing on my face.

SPEAKER_16

It's that's my friend.

SPEAKER_14

If anybody has the chance to go see Willie Barsa Barcena live, go do it. Oh my god, it was such a good show. It was such a good show.

SPEAKER_02

We were the youngest ones there.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I just tell you, I'll just uh let you in with that.

SPEAKER_16

I love being the youngest person at a at a comedy show that I'm on that I'm hosting, that I have to get all of these elderly people excited about. I love that. That's my favorite thing, and I've been doing it a lot lately.

SPEAKER_02

Just hyping up the old people. By old you mean the millennials?

SPEAKER_06

These 30-year-olds.

SPEAKER_02

So the video that I seen earlier that I was telling you guys was um they're asking, I guess, like I don't know if it's Gen Z or what's the generation over?

SPEAKER_16

Uh Alpha.

SPEAKER_02

Alpha. And they're asking them, they're asking them like who's uh what generation has the worst style? And everybody said millennials.

SPEAKER_14

Whoa.

SPEAKER_02

And in my head, I was like, bitch, everything you're wearing we already wore. Like, and they were saying, well, and that's what they were saying was like, yeah, they had style like back then.

SPEAKER_16

We already wore that. Do you guys have a favorite generation? Because I really like Gen X. I have some Gen X friends. Okay. What's Gen X? Um, just before millennials. So, like my mom?

SPEAKER_14

The 40-year-olds.

SPEAKER_16

Oh. Oh yeah. Well, 50 now. Yeah, so they're like 40 to 50, right?

SPEAKER_14

Like Mario and Super Steve.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, we have some friends.

SPEAKER_14

All the guys that talk shit to me on the other podcast that I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

She's Gen X. Oh, yeah. I like her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Well, most of our friends are are Gen X. I was like, like my mom.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, no, my Gen X friends, um, they're either I I either see them and adopt them as my parents, um, or I date them. So, yeah, I really like it. You really like them. I'm very attracted to them.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like Gen X have like seen some shit. They've been through it, and they're still cool though.

SPEAKER_16

Well, I was talking to my buddy Jason Horton, he's a comic, very funny. Um, and he he's very Gen X, loves to talk about that. And he was saying, like, yeah, half of his life there was no internet. He had a pre-internet life as an adult, even. And then like around my age, suddenly we had the internet. Um so I think that's a very interesting uh way to I don't know, look back on it and be able to like like reflect on that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Because we us as being like early 90s, we still got some childhoodness without like internet, and whatever internet there is a mosquito that's biting me. Whatever internet there was, it was like dialed up.

SPEAKER_14

San Hayesh.

SPEAKER_02

And the mosquitoes and hesh.

SPEAKER_14

She's like, stop fucking playing that video.

SPEAKER_16

She's here. She's biting me.

SPEAKER_14

There it is. You see that? Yeah, I see it.

SPEAKER_02

Ann. And is that you, bitch? Leave me alone. It bit me up already on my thighs. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. Um, but we did. We we got to see like kind of pre any of that. Like, I didn't have a cell phone until I was like 18. Oh, really? Yeah, nearing 19. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, then we must have had a cell phone at the same time because I got one when I was 10. Yeah, little flip situation.

SPEAKER_14

You know what? I think I think I want to get a flip phone, honestly. I am like so tired of these things. I'm so tired of it. It just my research. You just have to have self- I I but I don't, and I know myself. I know I will go on there.

SPEAKER_16

You run a podcast. I know, but I know what are you gonna do on your flip phone post? The only way we've communicated is through Instagram.

SPEAKER_14

That's true. But I like I'm trying to get more into like phone calls.

SPEAKER_16

I love a phone call. So do I. I love phone calls. I will just cold call anybody. I do too.

SPEAKER_02

It's so it's pick a random number and call especially after after I have my coffee. It gets me like that's how you start when I'm like calling my aunts in Mexico, and I'm like, I swear I've I'm on the phone a lot.

SPEAKER_14

You are, you know what? I I've noticed that.

SPEAKER_02

And I used to hate that growing up, like going to someone's house, and then they'd be like, okay, and then it'd be like and now I'm that person. Everybody calls me. I like it though.

SPEAKER_14

Because you answer.

SPEAKER_02

I and I won't answer text. It'll take me like three to five businesses.

SPEAKER_14

That's why they call you.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Now that my friend has uh has died, unfortunately, I um I'm sorry to hear that, by the way. Don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_14

Okay.

SPEAKER_16

He's uh anyway. Let me get into it. Uh now that now that he's gone, I only have like three voicemails from him because I always picked up the phone. And now I'm gonna start sending people straight to voicemail just in case. I I have some saved. I'm not gonna lie for that reason.

SPEAKER_14

Do you?

SPEAKER_16

I mean, the only voicemails I have are him telling me I don't need to give him a ride. Put it into a builder bear. That's awesome. Yeah, in a builder bear, I push the button and it's just him going like, hey, um, I'm actually gonna see you there. I'm gonna call an Uber.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you're all you're all hugging the Builder Bear and he's just talking about over. Yeah. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Uh you could do that. You could put stuff in a Builder Bear?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, little recordings. Really? Mm-hmm. Oh, you can put anything into a Builder Bear. Yeah, you can.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, when you go to the Builder Bear, they give you like a You know when you when you go to the Builder Bear workshop.

SPEAKER_14

Uh-huh. Never been. The next time that you go to the Builder Bear workshop.

SPEAKER_16

Bring anything. Bring any of this stuff.

SPEAKER_14

Okay. Bring all of it.

SPEAKER_16

Put your put your phone in there. Get a flip phone.

SPEAKER_14

Oh. Yeah, that would work.

SPEAKER_02

And that way you don't use it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Yep. And I have to like rip it open to you. If I really want to use my phone, I have to like tear it apart. Yeah. Tear it up. Tear up that build the bear.

SPEAKER_02

Oh. No. No.

SPEAKER_14

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Just get that. Get that block that I told you. A block. So it's like this block. I see this. Just get the brick and smash your phone and case closed. Get a block. It's like a little block, and you put it, it's like magnet, so people put it in their fridge so that they don't have to get up. But it literally locks your phone. Like you have to do like a bunch of shit to it, like decipher it and everything in order for you to rubics. Yeah, to rubic.

SPEAKER_14

Pull it up. I want to see this bad boy.

SPEAKER_02

So you put like a timer, like, oh, something is fucking.

SPEAKER_14

Caesar Chavez.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna come out. I support everybody.

SPEAKER_14

She does.

SPEAKER_02

I support everybody.

SPEAKER_14

So for Caesar Chavez.

SPEAKER_02

Except for him.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Uh what was I saying? Block brick.

SPEAKER_14

Block brick. I want to see these bad boys. Um I know you were telling me about it, but I just never looked into it because I still want to use my phone.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, see, you're not committed to it. Oh, this one, brick. Get brick, get bricked up. Like the show. Take back your time.

SPEAKER_14

Bricked up right now. Take back your time. That one. Introducing brick. How much is this thing?

SPEAKER_02

It says a physical device that temporary removes. I was reading that. Like, I'm so tired of using devices. I'm gonna have to get a new device.

SPEAKER_16

Stop using my devices.

SPEAKER_15

That's what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_02

Or your phone designed for simplicity, no subscription, no complex setups, just that.

SPEAKER_14

No. How much is this thing?$59. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_16

What?

SPEAKER_14

This will actually save me money in the long run.

SPEAKER_16

Like nothing. It looks like a piece of plastic.

SPEAKER_14

It does.

SPEAKER_16

I'd like to think that it's just a magnet, so it's not even locking your phone, it's just messing it up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Destroying your phone little by little. See, you've had to put it here. I think it's like those ones where you have to use it why wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, it's showing you all the things you've got to do. You'd be studying, you'd be spending time with your child and playing Scrabble. Yeah, we haven't played Scrabble in a long time.

SPEAKER_02

Because of your fucking phone. Because I hate your phone. Um I think we've just become boring. Or boring millennials.

SPEAKER_14

No, I'm not boring.

SPEAKER_16

I mean, honestly, the things it's showing, like playing with your baby and playing with me. I don't want to play with my baby. Like those are boring things. They are. Why would I do that when I could be watching anything? Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Oh my dick. You could be watching NH. Command of it.

SPEAKER_16

Speaking of my Disney called me.

SPEAKER_14

Oh. You take that?

SPEAKER_02

No. Is lavender your favorite color? No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_16

I wanted to connect with you. So yeah, remember for the rest of the podcast. I do love, I love all colors. I'm like.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_16

I was like, I want my tech to be lavender, so I got that. Um, I still have the one with the button. Oh, yeah. Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah, you're cooler than us.

SPEAKER_16

That's what did it.

SPEAKER_13

The button on the phone.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know what it does. I don't know what it does. And all you know is that it locks your phone.

SPEAKER_14

Is there like a uh like a video that you can watch? I'm into videos.

SPEAKER_16

I've gotten really into videos. 30 years later. I was watching. Maybe the reason the accident happened was she was on her phone and she really could have used a brick.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Oh, that's what you have to do.

SPEAKER_02

So you put it and then you set the timer, okay. I want to take an hour off.

SPEAKER_14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

And within the hour, you can't get your phone unless you have like an emergency call. So I think you put it.

SPEAKER_14

How would they know that you're an emergency?

SPEAKER_02

Because you set it up to like Yeah. To do that. I mean, you're not like it's never gonna come back. You have to literally get up and go to the brick to unlock your phone.

SPEAKER_14

You should put the brick like two miles away.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's that's what the like I mean, you're not supposed to put that far, but but yeah, pretty much. It's because people have big houses, so then they put it in the kitchen and then they're in the living room.

SPEAKER_16

But at that point, do you need the brick? Just leave your phone downstairs. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Now I gotta go all the way downstairs with my phone. I'd rather I pull out my iPad.

SPEAKER_02

You pull out all other five devices. Yeah, you're on your iWatch. Turn on my TV. I'm on my iWatch.

SPEAKER_16

My Nintendo DS. See? I'll find a way. I'll find a screen.

SPEAKER_14

We will.

SPEAKER_02

We have like five different screens, but we have no microwave. And we think we're superior. We're like, yeah.

SPEAKER_16

I don't have a microwave either. That's good.

SPEAKER_02

I have no space for one. But do you have a use for it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah? It makes my life worse that I don't. Somebody asked you yesterday, right?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, they're like, uh, just pop it in the microwave and you'll be good to go.

SPEAKER_16

And I'm just like set, and you're everything will be great.

SPEAKER_14

I was like, what? I don't have one of those. Told them. Yeah. I was like, I don't have one of those.

SPEAKER_16

My office has a microwave, so that's how I get away with it. Although some friends brought me popcorn, I was like, fuck. Well, we made popcorn the other day on the stove.

SPEAKER_14

That's why the conversation came up because there was uh just a random microwave at our office, and uh the superintendent wanted to like take it with him and give it to somebody.

SPEAKER_16

No, please.

SPEAKER_05

No, it's my one way to eat food, please.

SPEAKER_04

Like, how are we popcorn?

SPEAKER_06

No one else cares. Yeah, they're like okay, Gilbert.

SPEAKER_04

Relax, dude.

SPEAKER_06

Watch your videos.

SPEAKER_14

Not even working.

SPEAKER_02

He's just putting stuff in the microwave the whole time.

SPEAKER_06

No, please, what am I gonna do here?

SPEAKER_14

Just stacks of like, I don't know. What do you put in the microwave? Just little hot pockets. Oh my god. Okay, there we go.

SPEAKER_02

So I think frozen burrito.

SPEAKER_14

If I eat eight more of that stuff, then we would have to get one because it doesn't taste the same in a in an air fryer. No. And uh uh they're specifically made for microwaves.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Hot pockets?

SPEAKER_02

Frozen burritos, too. We've tried to put them in like the little conviction of it. They don't work and they taste like shit. I only use my oven. Yeah, that's what we do too.

SPEAKER_14

You put a hot pocket in the oven?

SPEAKER_16

I don't eat hot pockets.

SPEAKER_14

Oh. Have you had one before?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. They're not that good, huh?

SPEAKER_13

They're good.

SPEAKER_02

I think you're the only one that likes hot pockets.

SPEAKER_16

Sorry, I've I don't know why I found that so funny.

SPEAKER_14

They keep they can't just keep a whole corporation open for one person.

SPEAKER_16

You're the only one buying them. I think I I just had like a flashback to when I was like 10 and used to just house hot pockets like crazy. Just the cheese ones. So you did eat hot pockets. A pocket of cheese. Yes. Yes, I did.

SPEAKER_02

I like pizza bagels more.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, those are probably meant to be.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, pizza bagels in an air fryer.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, an oven.

SPEAKER_14

Thumbs up.

SPEAKER_16

An air fryer is just a little oven. It's just an easy bake oven.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's what we have. We have one of those, like it look it literally looks like an easy bake oven, and it's like seven settings. So you could do like an oven, roast, air frying, all that shiz. Yeah. But it does look like an easy bake oven because it's lavender. That's why I got expected.

SPEAKER_14

I got a Lego coffee maker.

SPEAKER_02

I always wanted an easy bake oven. You never got one? No.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna get you one.

SPEAKER_02

Mom thought I was gonna burn the house down.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna get you.

SPEAKER_02

But then she let me make a sadias on the stove. Like, it doesn't make sense, lady.

SPEAKER_14

Did you flip it with your fingers or like a fork?

SPEAKER_02

No, I've always flipped it with my hands.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Really? Mm-hmm.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I have no more. Amber's really hardcore. I'm real hardcore Mexican. She has no more fingerprints after she like your aunt said, and she's like, oh, you're Mexican Mexican. I was like, Mexican Mexican. What kind of Mexican are you?

SPEAKER_16

Oh, you're Mexican square.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

From like Mexico.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I was born here, but sure.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, just kidding. Well, the record show Amber was born here.

SPEAKER_02

Unless you have my passport.

SPEAKER_14

Do you carry with it?

SPEAKER_02

I carry it. Like I would get profiled, right?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know, man. I don't know. No, it's because I don't have an ID. I've never had an ID. No, I'm like, I've had an ID once.

SPEAKER_14

Off the record?

SPEAKER_02

Off the record. I don't exist. I don't have social security. No, I'm just getting an I do.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_02

No, I know. I'm just don't say that he's all scared.

SPEAKER_16

They're gonna bust in the right now. Good luck. Good luck finding the door. I know.

SPEAKER_13

That's true.

SPEAKER_02

I know. That's funny. So you do comedy?

SPEAKER_16

So anyway. Yeah, I do. I do a lot of comedy. I do stand up.

SPEAKER_14

Back to uh flip action. What was the movie?

SPEAKER_16

Punchline. Punchline.

SPEAKER_14

Where did you find that out?

SPEAKER_16

Like, how did you oh yeah, there was a DVD video store coming out of business near me when I was a teenager, and they were just like, take anything. And so I saw Punchline, it was like Tom Hanks, Sally Field, they're comedians, and I was already into stand-up comedy. So I have that on DVD and on read just. I'm a real punchline head.

SPEAKER_14

Whoa.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Um, but uh yeah, I do stand up, but I've always really been into it, like since I was a kid.

SPEAKER_14

You like uh like stand-up or like stand up and like uh stand up and sit down. Sit down, sideways, lean on a wall.

SPEAKER_16

Sideways also there's a movie called Sideways?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. I don't know. Not a big video person. Uh also wait, sorry.

SPEAKER_16

You're not a big video person?

SPEAKER_14

I don't think so. Can you pull up the video? Yes. No, can you um no? Don't look up anything. What was I gonna say? Uh sitcoms. Do you like sitcoms?

SPEAKER_16

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, not like new ones really, but is there any new sit?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, there's gotta be.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, but I feel like they've just all gotten really bad. They're really bad.

SPEAKER_14

I haven't really watched sitcoms. I've been like going into like the early 2000s stuff. I started watching uh Curb, Your Enthusiasm recently. Uh Sarah Silverman's uh show that Sarah Silverman program. Yeah, that was great. Oh my god. So funny.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Excuse me. Uh anyway. Oh my god, everyone's calling me. I'm so popular. Like, sorry, I'm I'm recording a podcast. I burp into the mic again.

SPEAKER_14

Who do you who are some of your uh like com comedy, like your Mount Rushmore of comedy?

SPEAKER_16

I was always really into just like women in comedy. Yeah. As a young girl getting into it, I was Maria Bamford was number one. Oh my god, she's so good. She got me into it. I was 10 years old. I saw her on Comedy Central and was like, I want to do what she's doing. And then I would commit all of her bits to memory and perform them for my grandma. And she'd go, Fuck, I hate this. I hate this shit. Like, I'm gonna be a star. Anyway, um, Maria Bamford.

SPEAKER_14

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_16

Um, Janine Garofalo, Sarah Silverman, Morgan Murphy, uh, Wanda Sykes.

SPEAKER_02

Ooh, I like Wanda Sykes.

SPEAKER_16

Um Mark Marin.

SPEAKER_14

He's good.

SPEAKER_16

I used to be really into Louie. I used to he um he spoke at George Carlin's funeral. And I used to say, like when I was a teenager, like, I'm gonna speak at his funeral one day. And I feel like now that would just be a really bad PR move if I did that.

SPEAKER_14

It would. Yeah. I think so.

SPEAKER_16

He um I go up, he was a light.

SPEAKER_14

He was such a good person.

SPEAKER_02

He lit up every room he went into.

SPEAKER_14

Did you know I didn't know Janine Goro I Janine Garofalo? Her. I didn't know she was on uh Saturday Night Live.

SPEAKER_16

Briefly, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

She said that that was like receiving um a a blanket with smallpox on it.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Thank you. Yeah, she didn't like it.

SPEAKER_14

No.

SPEAKER_16

Which I feel like a lot of people have that same experience.

SPEAKER_14

I've heard that a lot from women in stand-up.

SPEAKER_16

Like Sarah Silverman was on SNL.

SPEAKER_14

Yes.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Did she she was on for like what two seasons? Not for very long. Right.

SPEAKER_16

I think she even said like none of her sketches ever made it.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, so you can be on the show, but none of your sketches make it on the show.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, because you can be there's like performers, there's performer writers, and then there's just writers for the show.

SPEAKER_16

I would love to just be a writer for the show.

SPEAKER_14

100%. Do you write sketches?

SPEAKER_16

I don't do sketches, but I do try, you know, I do scripts. Oh, you do uh script right now. Oh nice. Um yeah. I can't really talk about it because it's probably gonna be a really big deal.

SPEAKER_14

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Gilbert, don't even ask me about that.

SPEAKER_14

I'm not gonna ask you. I've been I've been getting into s that stuff. Wanting to write something like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Like um, like for TV or a movie or a sketch. Like, oh, you you love videos so much you're like, I bet I could make one of these.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

I think I want to do like a a web series.

SPEAKER_16

What would it be about?

SPEAKER_05

What is that noise? Is somebody in here? No, I think they're up there.

SPEAKER_14

They're like moving stuff around in the storage.

SPEAKER_16

It's okay, it's just my dead friend. It's Anna.

SPEAKER_14

I've never heard it that loud. I'm scared. Don't scare me.

SPEAKER_16

You're afraid of Anna. You're afraid?

SPEAKER_14

No, it's gone. We're good.

SPEAKER_02

He's afraid. No, no, no. We're good. We're good.

SPEAKER_14

We're good now. They were just up there moving boxes.

SPEAKER_16

Why'd you get so scared? I only got scared because you guys were scared. No, we're nobody was scared. I've never been in this building before. And I'm just meeting you two both right now.

SPEAKER_14

Nobody's scared.

SPEAKER_02

This is part of the act, and then after you get disappeared, no one just gives. Oh, please. God, I don't want to get disappeared. I wasn't scared at all. No, I was um but I seen his face like no, I'm confused.

SPEAKER_14

That was my confused face. Can I help you? Are you in distress? That was my confused face.

SPEAKER_02

Got it.

SPEAKER_14

I don't think anything's gone.

SPEAKER_02

He's all let me take the camera off while he wipes his tears.

SPEAKER_14

No, no, no. Judd scared. What we're talking about? I don't know. Oh, the script. Um yeah, you know what? I I've been reading a lot about uh like Judd Apetel and how he's like he's been like a comedy fan for like his whole life. And I thought that was like, oh, that's so cool that he did stand up and then he wrote all these great, you know, TV shows. I'm like, that is cool. I wonder how that would be. I always like a challenge. I feel like a script is a huge undertaking. And I like writing too. My favorite part of stand-up is writing.

SPEAKER_16

I don't like it at all.

SPEAKER_14

No.

SPEAKER_16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_14

Don't worry about it. Nobody can hear it. Except for us.

SPEAKER_02

There's a storage uh above us, so they're probably in there like rearranging it.

SPEAKER_16

Don't worry, Gilbert. Um, I no, I do I like writing a lot. Um the script I'm doing is just gonna be like 22 pages.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, okay. How many words is that?

SPEAKER_16

No more, no less. I have no idea. For a script, I don't know.

SPEAKER_14

It's so interest interesting to see how I gotta I want to look more into about how much like the length of that of 22 pages.

SPEAKER_16

It's 22 minutes.

SPEAKER_14

It's 22 minutes?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, for a script, each page is about a minute.

SPEAKER_14

Is it really? That's interesting.

SPEAKER_16

But I like the idea that you're judging it by words. But like I turn in a script, I'm like, this is 5,000 words for my 5,000 word script.

SPEAKER_14

You know why? Because I recently watched uh Almost Famous.

SPEAKER_16

Okay.

SPEAKER_14

Have you seen that?

SPEAKER_16

Oh, but so by article, yeah, that would make sense.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Because they would get paid by the word.

SPEAKER_14

Right. So I thought about that when the guy calls the kid and he's like, I need 4,000 words by blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_16

Which is not crazy.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. And I'm like, 4,000 words? Oh my god, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_16

But it really isn't, right?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_16

I mean, if you're doing an like an interview style article, I don't imagine. I also have no idea.

SPEAKER_08

You know what I'm gonna do?

SPEAKER_16

No idea at all, and I don't even know why I'm saying anything about it really.

SPEAKER_14

And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take an episode. I'm gonna take an episode of the podcast, throw it into AI, sorry.

SPEAKER_16

And no, actually, Gilbert, you're gonna take an episode of the podcast, listen to it, and you're gonna make a tally for every word that's said, and then you're gonna count.

SPEAKER_14

They're gonna transcribe it, and then after they transcribe it, they're gonna they'll tell me how much how many words. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Whatever.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

How many words we talked, all of us? And then what?

SPEAKER_14

And then end my subscription. Only use it for the free trial and never go back.

SPEAKER_02

I wonder if they're gonna make like an ethical AI.

SPEAKER_16

That's a really great question.

SPEAKER_06

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_16

That's awesome. But it's but I'm being serious. They're like, don't worry, this one uses fossil stuff.

SPEAKER_02

This one's organic.

SPEAKER_16

Did you get bit? No, this is from yesterday.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_16

I'm so sorry. No, I'm just uh don't look at me.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, sorry, I won't put the camera on you while you're scratching. Scratching my ankle. I'm using like a scratch scratch. I'm really itchy. It's bad. It is yeah, it's like under the under.

SPEAKER_14

When I put that as my note the other day on Instagram, like people thought I was joking. What? I was like really serious. What did I say? I said that it's kind of scary that uh that you scratch like your dad with like a knife. Oh, with the knife? Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Amber, you're using the knife?

SPEAKER_14

She used a knife to scratch her back.

SPEAKER_02

Amber's a self-backstabber.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, somebody doesn't scratch my back. Somebody's ha has to. I'm just kidding. He does. No. I I need a scratch. I scratch on anything. I'm like a bear.

SPEAKER_16

Now, since this is my first time meeting you, are you guys a couple?

SPEAKER_02

No, we're siblings.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

No, just kidding.

SPEAKER_16

So that was my other thing. Because like I was like, yeah, this could also make sense. This is just Gilbert's other sister. No. But the whole sister story, you're just like, wow, you did that to your sister.

SPEAKER_02

Like your sister? No, we're we are a couple. Cool. Yeah. It's gonna be seven years. Wow.

SPEAKER_16

Next month. So how okay. Yeah, yeah. How old are we? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'm 35.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_14

How old am I? 34. 34.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

We're not a full year part, but we're lucky the record show they're not a full year part.

SPEAKER_16

Um cool. And you guys do a podcast. That's fun.

SPEAKER_14

You've been what helping me for like four years already? Three years?

SPEAKER_02

Three, four years, yeah.

unknown

Four years.

SPEAKER_02

You kind of got um I got bamboozled into doing this. Yeah, you're hired. No.

SPEAKER_16

For no pay. Yeah, for no pay. And no back scratches.

SPEAKER_14

Exactly. It's kind of like you're you're kind of like doing comedy right now. See, you don't get paid now.

SPEAKER_16

That's better. You're getting you're getting stage time.

SPEAKER_14

This is stage time. You're getting an hour.

SPEAKER_16

I'm okay. Yeah, Amber, you're running your hour right now.

SPEAKER_14

You're getting an hour.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna put the give you guys the light. No, he only says that because recently I've been saying, like, oh, you know what? I think if I did stand up, I'd kill it. And he'd be like, do it. And then I'm like, nah. Okay. I feel like I it it's just not for me. Well, but sometimes I think of funny things and I tell him and he laughs, and I'm like, Well, a lot of people do it and it's not for them.

SPEAKER_16

That's true. Yeah, a lot of comics do it, and you're like, wow, this is not for you. And they just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_02

I just can't, I don't know how you guys go up there and like do it. Um because I couldn't.

SPEAKER_16

I want to say that it is just confidence, but I haven't ever been a confident person.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, that's kind of interesting how that happens. I heard somebody say that they started doing comedy and they lost confidence.

SPEAKER_06

I made them a worse person with their life and their ego.

SPEAKER_14

Who did I hear that from? Was it on this podcast?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. This is the first time I heard it.

SPEAKER_14

It was another podcast.

SPEAKER_02

I just think it's hard. It's like you being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_16

I love the idea of like a good, like confident, happy person. They're like, what if I don't I see some funny stuff sometimes, and then go do stand-up and they're like, wait, I oh, uh I'm not I maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was, and then they could have just not done this completely unnecessary thing.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. It's it's stress that I would not want to put on myself. Sure. I think that's what that's what it is.

SPEAKER_14

I need stress.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_14

It makes me like normal. I like to be always on the go. But then I don't. It just makes me upset that I have to do it.

SPEAKER_02

But then when you're not doing it, you're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_14

But when I'm not yeah, I'm just upset.

SPEAKER_02

See, Nobby, I'm good with not doing anything.

SPEAKER_14

How was your first time on stage?

SPEAKER_16

My first time on stage ever.

SPEAKER_14

But you started very young, didn't you?

SPEAKER_16

I did. So I started when I was um 16, technically. That is going to move.

SPEAKER_14

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_16

Wow. Thank I mean That's really rad. Thank you. Thanks. I so I was at a chicken wing restaurant.

SPEAKER_14

Nice.

SPEAKER_16

And they were doing an open mic, and I went up and I was it's so cute. I can you can hear you can hear that I'm not breathing. And I'm just talking through not breathing. No breath work, no idea how to do any of it. And I'm holding my little notebook open, reading, reading from it. And it's all observational because I have have lived no life yet. I have no experiences to draw from. Um and then they started running a blender in the chicken restaurant restaurant.

SPEAKER_14

And I was what are you blending? Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

And that probably got the biggest laugh. Because I no, really, what are you blending?

SPEAKER_14

Uh-huh. Oh, you said that?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Um then I was like, wow, this is for me. This is for me. All the all these uh 40 to 50 year old men in here telling their tales. And then also me. Comedy was a lot different back then.

SPEAKER_14

How so? How was it different?

SPEAKER_16

There just really weren't any, like maybe more so in LA, because I was just kind of doing it like on the outskirts of LA. I'm from Orange County.

SPEAKER_14

What years was this?

SPEAKER_16

If I was 16, it would have been 2014.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_16

So it's just really different. Pre-pandemic and everything, so there weren't like young women pursuing it as much as there are now. Um but uh I yeah, took time off and then got back into it uh just like three years ago.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, nice. Yeah. Okay. How being a this being different, like stand-up being different like how was it different?

SPEAKER_16

I think like crowd work is so big now. That's one thing. Um having to be have like a real social media presence is huge. I also I don't know if I'm the best, like measure I I wouldn't be the best at measuring like how different it is, really, because I was a teenager and I didn't have any friends in comedy because who wants like it would be like guys your age. Like how can I hang out with a 16-year-old girl going with a mic? So maybe you would, I don't know. Amber. No. Let the record show Gilbert would not hang out with a 16-year-old girl at a chicken wing restaurant. At a chicken wing restaurant.

unknown

Doing an open mic.

SPEAKER_14

So I just I'd probably be the one turning the blender on.

SPEAKER_16

Get her out of here. Silence her. Um so yeah, I didn't I didn't there was no socializing for me in it. I would just take my friends and we would go and I would I also felt like an only child in it. So coming into a whole scene of other comics was weird um later on.

SPEAKER_14

But you were a fan of it, right? Oh yeah. You're a huge fan.

SPEAKER_16

Huge fan.

SPEAKER_14

Do you think the like mainstream whatever you were a fan of that well obviously that changed, right? Because with time, you know, most things change.

SPEAKER_16

Well, as I grew up, like I wanna say from like 13 to yeah, my early adulthood, we saw this like huge um like comedy boom. You know, I wanna say that like in the early 2000s, comedy was not as nearly as revered revered as it is now. Um and now people are, you know, they go crazy over it. Like they they're taking it so seriously. Um comedians are winning Peabody Awards.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. They're on I mean their interview well, but also the space of podcast has really changed that podcast.

SPEAKER_16

I'm kind of wonder I'm curious as to when the the bubble's gonna burst on that. Right. Maybe it kind of already has.

SPEAKER_14

I think so. Yeah. Yeah. It's if it hasn't already, it will in the next like now.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, because people will just be like, I just want to watch videos. I just want to take my phone off a brick and watch videos and and ask AI to make me a stand-up comedian and on my phone and Okay, I wouldn't do that. What?

SPEAKER_14

Isaiah, I wouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_16

You know, you wouldn't do it, but uh-huh.

SPEAKER_14

There's like some people where you're you're like, I don't know. That sounds like something AI would say.

SPEAKER_16

Like you say it suspiciously, oh that sounds like something AI would say. I'm like You're not sure if they're a real person or not.

SPEAKER_14

Just the brick has turned me into like challenging reality.

SPEAKER_16

You throw a brick at somebody that you think is AI, it goes through them, they're actually a hologram.

SPEAKER_14

I'm like hosting a show and be like, alright, that's something AI would say, but alright.

SPEAKER_16

They talk about airplane food.

SPEAKER_14

They're like What do you think was flying the airplane, dude? Computer? I don't know.

SPEAKER_16

I'll that joke crash and burn. Anyway, Anne Heish. Um We gotta lay her to rest.

SPEAKER_06

Sorry.

SPEAKER_14

Um Chavez is in some hot water, uh, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02

Um why are you pronouncing him? Uh you're announcing him.

SPEAKER_14

I don't know. Because I'm just like, huh.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not in all, I'm not I'm not shocked. No. I'm not shocked. Who? Cesar Chavez? Oh. No. Now you're Travis. Caesar Chavez. That's why he said that's why it sounded like Travis. Caesar Chavez.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. Why?

SPEAKER_02

Tell me all about it. Wait, you don't know what's going on?

SPEAKER_16

So I don't watch the news, I get my news from comics. You get your news from TikTok like me. Truly, just open mic comics. By the time it gets to me, it's only the facts. Because like some comic can say, like, we dropped a bomb on Iran, and it was really big, but not as big as my dick. So I'm like, okay, okay, okay. So I know that we dropped a bomb on Iran. It's real.

SPEAKER_02

And I know that it wasn't as big as that guy's dick. No, it uh it was it yesterday? Yesterday, right? Uh yeah. So there's another activist that did activist stuff. Uh around like Cesar Chavez time movement.

SPEAKER_14

It was March 18th.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yesterday. And she came out yesterday um at 90 years old um to declare that she had been like sexually assaulted by Cesar Chavez. And with her came other women that came forward. I mean, he's he's deceased now, um, but so a lot of people are like some people are questioning it, like she's a 90-year-old lady, what is she gonna remember? And then a lot of people are like, Yeah, we knew it. Like, I I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it at all because he was a sketchy man to begin with. Um, so now they're like mobilizing to change street names and that's what's like uh crazy to me.

SPEAKER_14

It's like how many, how many schools were named after him?

SPEAKER_16

How many like so many community gardens?

SPEAKER_14

Community gardens, free book, like those book birdhouse things.

SPEAKER_16

Oh god, free books. This is we our society's taking a hit in this. Yeah, like what are we gonna call those free so now they're gonna leave a book?

SPEAKER_02

So they already changed Cesar Chavez Day. They're like officially changing it, and it'll be farm worker day.

SPEAKER_14

There you go. There you go, Kelly.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so maybe it'll all change to farm worker. Oh good. She's like, I could sleep at night.

SPEAKER_14

Is that really your last name?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. That's right. I love my name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Have you asked like your parents where it came from?

SPEAKER_16

Oh, I know where it came from.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah? Where did it come from?

SPEAKER_16

Someone at some point was a farmer.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

And it really stuck. And it was just like, hey, probably really good.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14

I have a friend named uh his last name is Freeman. Come on. Freeman. And it's like if he was like really good at being like a free man.

SPEAKER_16

Why was he such a free spirit?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Yeah. That's also a good one.

SPEAKER_02

We do wonder from the floor.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, free man over there. I'm gonna change my last name. A lot of these last names are just people come being bad at coming up with nicknames.

SPEAKER_14

That's true.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I found out recently that our last name that I I uh what is it called? I I look up to um was act is actually not like our family's lineage's last name. It was given by this lady that owned like land, and then our ancestor worked for her, and then at some point she's like, Oh, just take my last name so it'll be easier for you. And they're like, Okay. So now I don't know what our last name is.

SPEAKER_14

Let's make one up.

SPEAKER_02

No, but I really thought, like, oh that's not even don't even entertain my ideas. This is my last name, and then somebody's like, Yeah, that's not really our last name.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, so it's not.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, like, lineage-wise, it's not.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna change my last name anyways.

SPEAKER_16

To what?

SPEAKER_02

To my middle name.

SPEAKER_16

Super flat. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Oh let's just make up a mid a last name when we get married, and that's it.

SPEAKER_14

You know what? I'm I like that idea.

SPEAKER_16

So you guys have discussed marriage.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

When do you think that'll happen?

SPEAKER_02

You better do it fast before we all die. Well, apparently there's gonna be this new law. There's gonna be a law now in effect soon. Oh gosh, there's gonna be a law now. That after you're um five years together, that you're like married.

SPEAKER_14

I feel like my sister. My sister was saying that in like the 90s, dude.

SPEAKER_02

Well, Trump did it. They they already talked about it.

SPEAKER_14

He's like, why, why? What that doesn't even make sense.

SPEAKER_16

What like gay couples after they've been together for five years, they can just married.

SPEAKER_14

But what about this?

SPEAKER_16

That's pretty sick. Actually, that's really woke that he would do that. That he would do that.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think he knows that he did that. Yeah, he has no idea.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, so say if I wasn't, if I we didn't want to get married legally like that. What if how would we be able to legally break up as boyfriend and girlfriend before that time? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I don't know how that shit works.

SPEAKER_16

I've just seen that it sounds like a domestic partnership type thing. Yeah. You can say, like, well, we've been together for five years.

SPEAKER_02

Because I think domestic partnerships are like 10 years. After 10 years, you can like file things as like domestic partnerships. Oh, so it sounds like then they just shortened it.

SPEAKER_14

Okay. Cool. So we're gonna we're gonna have like a gay relationship.

SPEAKER_16

Gilbert was so scared that like say you guys broke up tomorrow and be like, nah, I'm gonna file divorce papers. Amber's gonna make me pay alimony.

SPEAKER_14

It's the paperwork. It's the paperwork, it's a lot of paperwork.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I don't know when we're gonna get married to answer your question. Well, when you have babies. No babies. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_16

I no longer you have your back knife. I'm like scratching my back. I'm like, ow. Sorry, I'm scratching my legs. Throw a knife and hits the wall right behind me.

SPEAKER_02

Um I'm dancing like um Brittany Spears when she dances.

SPEAKER_16

I love that. I love that. I love that she's speaking of free man, this free woman, Brittany Spears. Free woman, Britney Spears. She's dancing with a knife. Have you ever seen her dance with a knife?

SPEAKER_13

No, I want to see it.

SPEAKER_16

Yes, of all the videos that we're just pulling. Put it on loop in the background. Oh, it's so good. No, yeah, no babies.

SPEAKER_02

We we are gonna get married, though. It is in our um in our things to do. Gilbert asked me to marry him a year into our relationship, and I was like, No. It's like you was like, what? And then he asked me again the following year, and I still said no. Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_16

And they haven't even asked me to help you on your podcast.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm like, I'm not even part of your podcast. If you want to get married, and then um year three came, and then I was like, okay, I'm ready. And then he's like, nah. I was like, ow.

SPEAKER_16

The push and pull of this relationship.

SPEAKER_14

And I'll get to know you.

SPEAKER_02

He's also gonna know me after. Dancing with knives. There you go. I bobecita.

SPEAKER_14

Bodecita, what?

SPEAKER_02

She's having a psychotic break.

SPEAKER_14

We all are. It's 2026.

SPEAKER_06

Oh, awesome. Oh, it's so she's so cool.

SPEAKER_14

Okay, this song is awesome.

SPEAKER_16

I get so scared with the dogs in the background.

SPEAKER_02

She straps one of them. Imagine how many times she like like poked herself before she got it right.

SPEAKER_16

And she says, Don't worry, they are not real knives. But they sound like real knives.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sure she poked herself quite a few times.

SPEAKER_13

I could just see the dude like holding the camera, and he's all like cut off. His shirt's like in it's barely holding on to his body. You're doing good, honey. You're doing really good.

SPEAKER_02

There's another one. But I love it. I like the clanking.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, that's pretty cool. We need knives in here.

SPEAKER_02

No, we don't. Yeah, you know what this room needs? We need more knives. I look at that picture here.

SPEAKER_13

She looks like she looks pretty cool in that one.

SPEAKER_06

It's awesome. There's several videos.

SPEAKER_14

Wait, she has she's in a different outfit in that one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, she posts several ones.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, she made this a series?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13

That's a great.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. I'm gonna have to do that. You have to get Brittany Spears with knife tattoo.

SPEAKER_06

Oh shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

So we're going to a tattoo party this Sunday.

SPEAKER_16

I'm gonna put it on my arms so when I do stand up and I'm holding the mic. It's just very like it's so good. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_02

Is it the same one?

SPEAKER_14

No, there's just oh that one's cool. I like it because it has the sparkles.

SPEAKER_16

My body, my choice, too.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. She kind of looks like um what's the one that uh married the old man and then he died and she became rich?

SPEAKER_16

Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. I also love her.

SPEAKER_02

I do too, but it's giving me Anna Nicole Smith vibes. This one. They made her a little whiter set. I think that's why. It's different, right?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, I like that one. Well, I like the cat one. Where is a cat?

SPEAKER_02

Where? Is it like a cat?

SPEAKER_06

They mean to do it like a cat.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, I like that one.

SPEAKER_06

That cat doesn't.

SPEAKER_14

Whoa.

SPEAKER_02

I that one's scary. Yeah, that one's like uh me to click on it. The one where she's shaving her head off.

SPEAKER_14

I like that. If I'm if I'm gonna get a Britney Spears tattoo. Well, look at that one, Drew Barrymore.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_16

So you said you guys are gonna go to it get tattoos?

SPEAKER_14

Tattoo party on Sunday in a in a couple days.

SPEAKER_16

Tattoo artists or just people that have tattoos at the party.

SPEAKER_02

Somebody asked me that. Yeah, no, somebody else other than you. Noelia asked me, she's like, because I was like, Oh, do you have any tattoos? She's like, No. I was like, Oh, I'm gonna invite you to tattoo party, and she's like, Do I have to have tattoos? Yeah, no, it's a tattoo artist, and then you go and then you choose tattoos.

SPEAKER_16

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, some people are like, Oh, I already have what I want, and I'm I'm just gonna choose there.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, I don't I don't know what to choose.

SPEAKER_02

It's because from what I heard, is like she has like boxes full of like small designs. Okay. So that's what I want to do.

SPEAKER_14

I just want to But this is what I understand. If what if somebody like picks something like super extravagant and it takes out it takes hours? I don't

SPEAKER_02

Think I think she I think she puts a limit. Like oh like you can't get a full back piece done.

SPEAKER_16

But I'm I'll go and I'll be wherever it's happening, like in a little curtained off space, and we're just moving a stencil for like an hour.

SPEAKER_14

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And that way it pisses everybody. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Could you do that?

unknown

Could you do that?

SPEAKER_02

Can you redo that?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You'll be fine. You're already, it hasn't even happened. It's supposed to be something fun, and you're already stressing out about it.

SPEAKER_14

I'm stressing out, dude. God. I don't know what I'm gonna get.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe you gotta dance with knives a little.

SPEAKER_14

Dance with knives. That's what my last name stands for.

SPEAKER_02

That's what you're gonna change it.

SPEAKER_14

Dance with knives. Dances with knives. Hit me, baby, one more time.

SPEAKER_16

My loneliness is stabbing me. It's stabbing me.

SPEAKER_14

It's killing me.

SPEAKER_16

I know, but she's with knives.

SPEAKER_14

That's true. I don't know what I'm gonna get.

SPEAKER_02

You don't have to know. That's the fun part.

SPEAKER_14

You do have to know. No, this thing's gonna go in my body for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you choose there, that's the fun part. Right?

unknown

Kelly?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Ooh, can I get can I get his face on?

SPEAKER_16

She's not gonna do big pieces right on your chest. It's actually like that way in the future when you wear the shirt and you take it off.

SPEAKER_13

That'd be awesome.

SPEAKER_16

Ask AI to do to do it. Just kidding. I'm such a bummer. I don't like that. I'm not into that. And then at work, people use Chat GPT to send emails. And I'm like, you guys, think about it for a second. Like, just that's all that's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_14

You're like a vegan, but for computer.

SPEAKER_16

Well, and I'm a pescatarian.

SPEAKER_14

What about this?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I like that one. I have um oh cool. Oh, that's fun.

SPEAKER_14

What about this? I like that. Yeah? Where? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Now it just is No. Oh, not in your neck.

SPEAKER_14

The back neck part.

SPEAKER_02

I'm too fat to the neck tattoo.

SPEAKER_16

It's gonna be like half of a smiley face. My friend that that recently passed, um, he had a neck tattoo.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_16

And uh I was saying, yeah, I'd like to get a tattoo that kind of memorializes him in some way. Like some maybe a joke that we did together. I don't know. Um, but then I first thought was, oh, I just get his tattoo on my neck. I get him with a tattoo, and that's my tattoo.

SPEAKER_02

Him with a tattoo, neck tattoo on you. Wait, how do I say that?

SPEAKER_16

It's a tattoo of him, and you can see his neck tattoo, and that's what's on my neck.

SPEAKER_02

On your neck.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah, you could just say that uh yeah, I have his tattoo. And you but you haven't. You have it on your cut out the beans.

SPEAKER_16

I just kidding. Someone actually did make that joke. Someone's it's gross, morbid, whatever. Yeah, just like what you said. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, why don't you just cut it out? Just kidding. I'm kidding. LOL. LOL the record show, Amber was just kidding. I am just kidding. I have a social security number and oh my god. And I'm kidding about that. Why are you all scared?

SPEAKER_14

I'm just thinking about that marriage thing. Like five years.

SPEAKER_02

Now you're scared because you're married.

SPEAKER_14

No, I'm not scared. It's just it's it's interesting because it's like common law, right? I thought that thing was uh always a thing. Like common law marriage.

SPEAKER_02

That's what we're saying. That it I think it was ten years and now it's like five.

SPEAKER_16

I don't know. No one's ever asked me about this because no one's interested.

SPEAKER_14

I wonder what the point was.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm single. You want us to put a call you want us to put a call to action?

SPEAKER_14

Call to action for Kelly.

SPEAKER_02

Kelly Farmer. She has a cool last name. We could take it. Would you want your husband to take your last name?

SPEAKER_16

Yeah. That's what I said. For me, it'll be like we're siblings. Isn't that kind of odd? Isn't that odd? I maybe I'm the only one thinking that way. Yeah, anyway, I want him to take my last name.

SPEAKER_14

It's a non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_16

Um, or a woman.

SPEAKER_14

You have to.

SPEAKER_16

Or yeah, or a woman. Take it. Or a woman.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_16

Sorry.

SPEAKER_06

I'm all assuming. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_16

Or a person.

SPEAKER_14

Or a person.

SPEAKER_16

Sorry, Cal. You guys invite me in here. You're talking about Chat GBT. And then I'm gonna marry a man.

SPEAKER_06

It's disgusting in here. Like, what are the vibes in here?

SPEAKER_02

Just like these freaking millennials. I'm sorry, Kelly. I'm sorry. Out of all the things, I'm sorry for. I'm sorry, I assume.

SPEAKER_15

Apologize.

SPEAKER_02

That you want to marry this in. Just to set the record straight. I don't like I don't like men. I only like that man. No, I do like men. Wait, I already I backpedaled myself. Nothing. I'm gonna be quiet. Yeah, thanks. Um no, I just think men are gross. Yeah. They are. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_14

They are. You know what? Um I am a man myself.

SPEAKER_02

And but I I love you.

SPEAKER_14

We are we're gross.

SPEAKER_16

You heard it here, folks. You heard it first. You heard it here.

SPEAKER_14

Gross. Um all right. You good?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm good.

SPEAKER_14

We gotta go.

SPEAKER_02

I already said too much about myself.

SPEAKER_14

You did all incriminating stuff that's gonna be on the internet for your don't clip that. I'm gonna clip this part and I'm gonna play it in your eulogy video.

SPEAKER_02

That's not what I meant. It's almost like I don't like men. I do like men. They just stink and they're nasty.

SPEAKER_14

I almost think I showered twice today.

SPEAKER_02

You smell really good, actually. I probably stink more than you do.

SPEAKER_16

I like I like men. I do date them sometimes, and um, you know, they're old they'll be old sometimes. That's right. I attract men that are um on the autism spectrum. Okay. Um, or they don't have a car. Okay. Got it. And then I attract um actually that's it. Okay. That's it.

SPEAKER_02

That's uh if you're um a human with a car, what else? What other qualities would you want? A car.

SPEAKER_14

Well, a lot of people that drive listen to podcasts, so that's good.

SPEAKER_16

Ooh. So if you've liked what you've heard today.

SPEAKER_14

I like this. We're just gonna do a series where we Yeah, next time we have Kelly, we can do like a call in.

SPEAKER_06

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm having a really good time.

SPEAKER_14

Call in now.

SPEAKER_02

What if we just do what if we do like um like the dating game like back then? Like you know, like the 70s one? We should do like I mean we have space.

SPEAKER_16

We line up three no, you haven't seen out there.

SPEAKER_02

We'll show you out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16

Is there like a room full of handsome people out there? Yeah, there's a there's a whole set.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, we could do that. Um, it doesn't have to be you. Sorry, I'm all right.

SPEAKER_02

She was all excited.

SPEAKER_14

Let's do a dating game show. Yes. I like the way you think. I like the way you think. This is great. We should do it.

SPEAKER_16

All right. Make it happen. Yeah. What do they say about invention? That like what is it? It's like necessity is the mother of invention or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. Me being single is the mother of you guys having a dating show. There you go. Like, you know, w we recorded a podcast episode with this really sad single girl. And then we were like, we were like, we gotta fix this. Not for her, but in some way. We gotta It'd be really entertaining to see someone like meet someone, not Kelly, but your story can help the masses, Kelly.

SPEAKER_02

Think about everybody else. I can host it.

SPEAKER_16

I'd like the new Cesar Travis minus the scandal. I guess I just want to be Cesar Travis minus the scandal. Yeah, minus the scandal.

SPEAKER_14

I could host it as well.

SPEAKER_16

He was a little racist. Okay, well, I want to be only the good parts.

SPEAKER_02

Got it.

SPEAKER_16

Do you want to just be the street names and the schools? And the community gardens and the free book bird houses.

SPEAKER_14

The bird houses that they keep the corporate racist. He made birds homeless because of the books.

SPEAKER_02

The rehoming birds. I don't know. Okay, I'm done.

SPEAKER_14

You know what I heard the other day? I heard somebody say No, never mind. I won't say that.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, it's true, though. On the in the suburbs, in the suburbs, people were like, I don't care about birds. I want to put my old beat-up copy of the Da Vinci Code in there.

SPEAKER_14

It was a book.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, so the booknooks were bird houses?

SPEAKER_14

They look like bird houses to me.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, that's why you said it. I was like, sorry, I really wanted to make that Da Vinci Code joke. What were you gonna say? Oh, go for it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_14

I already did it. I stepped on the Nope.

SPEAKER_16

It's over. What were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_14

Bring it back. I was gonna say, um, we can play videos on the game show and ask, what do you think about this video?

SPEAKER_02

It's all I seen it. I seen, sorry. Whatever's flying in here flew in front of the camera. Your friend is here.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah? In front of whose mine.

SPEAKER_02

No, in front of yours.

SPEAKER_16

And the thing is big.

SPEAKER_14

But was it on the camera? Oh, there it is.

SPEAKER_16

Oh, I thought you said it. Where's it? There it is.

SPEAKER_14

It's right there.

SPEAKER_16

The culprit.

SPEAKER_14

There he is. He's right there.

SPEAKER_16

What'd you think I said? I thought you said the friend.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, you got him.

SPEAKER_16

I hit him, but I don't know. Is it big? No.

SPEAKER_02

It's like tiny. Oh, well, that's what bit me. Okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_14

It's just my it's just that was videos of the that was important. Yeah. It's just videos of my stand-up. Alright.

SPEAKER_06

That's the DJ show. Whoever agrees more on the video, that's who you win a date with. And you disqualify anyone that doesn't think it's funny.

SPEAKER_14

Yeah. Like, I don't get it. Ow. And then there's like a button I press and then they fall on the ground.

SPEAKER_02

They have to go up because we're already at the lower level. So they get abducted up like an alien.

SPEAKER_14

They gotta walk up the stairs so I can't carry people.

SPEAKER_02

It's okay.

SPEAKER_14

We get Ricky to carry people.

SPEAKER_02

Alright.

SPEAKER_14

Alright. Uh, Kelly, this was really fun. No, I legit had a great time.

SPEAKER_16

I did too. I had a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_14

Thanks for coming out and doing that. Um, we gotta have you back.

SPEAKER_16

I would love to. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14

Uh awesome.

SPEAKER_16

Very good. And we shake on it.

SPEAKER_14

We shake. We shake on it. Uh tell us where we can find you and where you got coming at.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah, uh, you can find me on Instagram at Melly underscore farter. It's a plant by name. Melly Farmer. Um, that's where I post about war I'm gonna be doing stand-up and stuff. Um maybe in a town near you if you live in Los Angeles.

SPEAKER_02

Anything in particular that you have coming up.

SPEAKER_16

I'm gonna be at uh West Egg Comedy Theater on the 26th uh on Calafonga. I'm gonna be um booked that's actually kinda it. Book me on your shows. Oh there you go.

SPEAKER_02

Booker on your shows.

SPEAKER_16

Thank you. If you want to date Kelly Farmer, then it's gonna get book me on your show and then I will go on a date.

SPEAKER_15

It's at a cost, guys. This is a cost of love.

SPEAKER_16

It's doing giving me a tight seven. Yeah. Five.

SPEAKER_02

Go, you okay?

SPEAKER_13

I was just thinking about the game show now.

SPEAKER_02

Just like the backdrop. You still got 30 seconds of your show.

SPEAKER_14

The backdrop can be great. That's all I got right now. Okay. The backdrop stuff. Um, this is also my fun.

SPEAKER_02

Me too. Uh did you have fun? I did. I got all bit up, but I'm good.

SPEAKER_14

Um, what do I got going on? Just this podcast. Just the podcast.

SPEAKER_02

Listen to this podcast.

SPEAKER_14

Book me on your shows too. How about that?

SPEAKER_02

And have gone a date with you.

SPEAKER_14

How about that? Amber food.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna date with you. Let's embrace food. No drinks, no coffee dates.

SPEAKER_16

I want to eat over on your show and buy Amber some food.

SPEAKER_13

The money peace and love.

SPEAKER_14

See you guys there.

unknown

Bye. Cool.