{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":62.31,"endTime":64.88900000000001,"body":"Well, are we recording right now?"},{"startTime":64.88900000000001,"endTime":66.845,"body":"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."},{"startTime":66.84700000000001,"endTime":69.432,"body":"Did you just remember what you were going to talk about or not?"},{"startTime":70.937,"endTime":71.798,"body":"okay."},{"startTime":71.861,"endTime":76.71300000000001,"body":"what I was gonna talk about, so we're fine."},{"startTime":77.273,"endTime":79.214,"body":"I got distracted by a meme."},{"startTime":79.815,"endTime":84.416,"body":"And then when I looked up, I was like, shit, I don't know if we're actually recording or"},{"startTime":79.815,"endTime":84.416,"body":"not right now."},{"startTime":84.717,"endTime":88.068,"body":"So with that introduction, I guess we ought to get started, huh?"},{"startTime":88.146,"endTime":89.5,"body":"What was the meme kid?"},{"startTime":89.5,"endTime":90.809,"body":"What was the meme?"},{"startTime":90.809,"endTime":91.962,"body":"meme was good."},{"startTime":91.962,"endTime":96.951,"body":"The meme was, God, dude, I don't want to talk golf, but like it was a golf meme."},{"startTime":98.896,"endTime":104.487,"body":"Okay, what you got to explain it now?"},{"startTime":108.344,"endTime":115.136,"body":"Okay, so God, there's just there's a lot of there's a lot to this meme that I don't really"},{"startTime":108.344,"endTime":115.136,"body":"love about myself, but it's like."},{"startTime":115.756,"endTime":116.856,"body":"It's like."},{"startTime":117.617,"endTime":129.14,"body":"I don't know, like, you know, the old, you know, I hate I hate like the old stand up"},{"startTime":117.617,"endTime":129.14,"body":"comedy that's like, hey, man, isn't it funny being married like husbands are like this and"},{"startTime":129.14,"endTime":129.961,"body":"wives are like that."},{"startTime":129.961,"endTime":134.827,"body":"Like it has a little bit of that to it, like a little inherent sexism to it, I think."},{"startTime":134.827,"endTime":142.513,"body":"usually golf golfing, I would expect that because golf golf and shopping are usually what"},{"startTime":134.827,"endTime":142.513,"body":"get lumped into that, right?"},{"startTime":142.513,"endTime":143.2,"body":"Like, yeah."},{"startTime":143.2,"endTime":144.43099999999998,"body":"exactly."},{"startTime":144.45100000000002,"endTime":155.477,"body":"So this meme was just like about like, the meme was basically the concept of like, it's"},{"startTime":144.45100000000002,"endTime":155.477,"body":"only when you're having your best round of golf that you start getting the flood of texts"},{"startTime":155.697,"endTime":161.38,"body":"from your wife that's like, the dog is sick, shitting all over the carpet."},{"startTime":161.48000000000002,"endTime":164.262,"body":"The dog has shit four times on the carpet."},{"startTime":164.262,"endTime":165.643,"body":"I've been cleaning it up."},{"startTime":165.643,"endTime":172.006,"body":"The neighbors came over and they've called social services because of the smell in our"},{"startTime":165.643,"endTime":172.006,"body":"house of dog shit."},{"startTime":172.62400000000002,"endTime":176.256,"body":"Obviously that's all exaggerated, you know, but like that is a real thing."},{"startTime":176.256,"endTime":185.679,"body":"the only time, like look, my wife is pretty autonomous when it comes to like, you know, if"},{"startTime":176.256,"endTime":185.679,"body":"we're doing, if I'm doing my own thing and she's doing her own thing, it's just like, go"},{"startTime":185.679,"endTime":186.67900000000003,"body":"do your thing."},{"startTime":186.83999999999997,"endTime":195.553,"body":"But like, I'm telling you right now, Mike, if I am having like, it's like, it's like the,"},{"startTime":186.83999999999997,"endTime":195.553,"body":"it's like the world, like the universe knows and you've been around me when it happens."},{"startTime":195.553,"endTime":202.406,"body":"Like if I, it's only when I'm having the time of my life that I start getting those like,"},{"startTime":195.553,"endTime":202.406,"body":"Hey,"},{"startTime":202.44799999999998,"endTime":211.336,"body":"I'm taking the dog to the vet or the, your son just broke his arm, you know, it's only,"},{"startTime":202.44799999999998,"endTime":211.336,"body":"it's only in those moments when I get those texts, you know what mean?"},{"startTime":211.336,"endTime":212.48899999999998,"body":"don't know it's all connected."},{"startTime":212.48899999999998,"endTime":218.373,"body":"And then the reverse whenever we're hanging out, your wife gets holes in one and like wins"},{"startTime":212.48899999999998,"endTime":218.373,"body":"tournaments."},{"startTime":218.522,"endTime":220.913,"body":"Literally, dude, literally."},{"startTime":220.913,"endTime":223.40300000000002,"body":"Well, I mean, it's just God."},{"startTime":223.704,"endTime":224.274,"body":"I don't know, man."},{"startTime":224.274,"endTime":225.62400000000002,"body":"I don't know what to say."},{"startTime":226.96499999999997,"endTime":231.486,"body":"Even that's a good example, though, like, of course, you and I were off having the time of"},{"startTime":226.96499999999997,"endTime":231.486,"body":"our lives."},{"startTime":231.486,"endTime":235.988,"body":"And I think that the time we were doing like a retreat, like a ceremony retreat."},{"startTime":236.00799999999998,"endTime":242.64999999999998,"body":"And of course, that's when she gets a hole in one and she calls me like all excited and"},{"startTime":236.00799999999998,"endTime":242.64999999999998,"body":"I'm like, I'm not there."},{"startTime":243.539,"endTime":250.10399999999998,"body":"Once again, I'm a bad fucking husband not there to celebrate your great achievement with"},{"startTime":243.539,"endTime":250.10399999999998,"body":"you, you know?"},{"startTime":250.28000000000003,"endTime":256.882,"body":"Either not there to help the dog or the broken arm or to get drunk with her after a hole"},{"startTime":250.28000000000003,"endTime":256.882,"body":"in one."},{"startTime":256.882,"endTime":262.827,"body":"Yeah, I'm not, I'm just, I'm just not there to, to, to share in life's most intense"},{"startTime":256.882,"endTime":262.827,"body":"moments."},{"startTime":262.827,"endTime":268.971,"body":"Like the good with the bad, you know, it's like, Doug's off doing medicine again, or"},{"startTime":262.827,"endTime":268.971,"body":"Doug's off golfing alone."},{"startTime":268.971,"endTime":272.994,"body":"Weirdly, I don't know why he's off golfing alone, but he is, know."},{"startTime":273.724,"endTime":275.061,"body":"So why are you such a failure?"},{"startTime":275.061,"endTime":276.796,"body":"that what we're going to talk about?"},{"startTime":276.956,"endTime":282.166,"body":"think today's episode is probably going to be titled, Why is Doug such a fucking failure?"},{"startTime":282.166,"endTime":283.4,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":283.4,"endTime":284.92900000000003,"body":"Let's get to the bottom of this."},{"startTime":286.712,"endTime":299.676,"body":"man, it's hard not to feel that way sometimes though, Like, I didn't mean to get that deep"},{"startTime":286.712,"endTime":299.676,"body":"with it, but like sometimes it's hard to not feel like, God, what is with me?"},{"startTime":300.077,"endTime":304.802,"body":"Everything goes my way and I'm still like, pouting."},{"startTime":305.446,"endTime":311.357,"body":"You know, I was getting, was one of these nights I was just releasing a lot of emotion."},{"startTime":311.588,"endTime":312.758,"body":"that's been a thing for me lately."},{"startTime":312.758,"endTime":314.498,"body":"I started doing yoga again."},{"startTime":315.099,"endTime":319.38,"body":"I should have never stopped doing yoga, but for, think for awhile here, I've just kind of"},{"startTime":315.099,"endTime":319.38,"body":"stopped doing yoga."},{"startTime":319.38,"endTime":321.4,"body":"Then I was like, you know what, I'm going to start doing it."},{"startTime":321.4,"endTime":323.64099999999996,"body":"And I don't know."},{"startTime":323.64099999999996,"endTime":327.522,"body":"It's been releasing a lot of emotions as it tends to do."},{"startTime":328.142,"endTime":335.366,"body":"And one of these nights I was here and just feeling like a failure, feeling like all like"},{"startTime":328.142,"endTime":335.366,"body":"regret and all these things coming up."},{"startTime":335.366,"endTime":346.991,"body":"You know, about the type of father I've been, you know, the type of husband I've been over"},{"startTime":335.366,"endTime":346.991,"body":"the years and feeling a lot of regret to it and feeling a lot of fear about what's coming"},{"startTime":346.991,"endTime":348.76099999999997,"body":"next to my life kind of deal."},{"startTime":349.86199999999997,"endTime":360.747,"body":"And, I mean, maybe the size and what we want to talk about a little bit, but I'm doing"},{"startTime":349.86199999999997,"endTime":360.747,"body":"this ancestor practice where I'm kind of talking to the ancestors and there's a feeling"},{"startTime":360.747,"endTime":364.388,"body":"I'm getting him like, do I just sound like a spoiled?"},{"startTime":364.388,"endTime":374.291,"body":"rich white person, like affluent, like crying me a fucking river."},{"startTime":374.291,"endTime":381.953,"body":"They're you in your air conditioned apartment, sipping on wine, smoking weed, playing"},{"startTime":374.291,"endTime":381.953,"body":"guitar."},{"startTime":383.15299999999996,"endTime":384.71299999999997,"body":"What a rough life."},{"startTime":386.714,"endTime":387.654,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":387.654,"endTime":390.125,"body":"So I was almost like, then shaming myself."},{"startTime":390.125,"endTime":394.606,"body":"Maybe I was getting some ancestor shaming about, well, I know I used to walk."},{"startTime":395.086,"endTime":401.2,"body":"I pulled hand carts across this country and you're worried about like, you know."},{"startTime":401.2,"endTime":407.055,"body":"that, like honestly, even that is you finding something to shame yourself about, right?"},{"startTime":407.055,"endTime":416.563,"body":"Like not to point that out, but like even that is that comparative thing of like, well, my"},{"startTime":407.055,"endTime":416.563,"body":"ancestors could do it, but they wanted to do it."},{"startTime":417.685,"endTime":418.94599999999997,"body":"They selected doing it."},{"startTime":418.94599999999997,"endTime":429.03,"body":"And by the way, as much of the hardship and all the like pioneer stories and the like, all"},{"startTime":418.94599999999997,"endTime":429.03,"body":"the things that we talk about, an extended like camping trip,"},{"startTime":429.03,"endTime":439.957,"body":"where you're singing songs every night and like having campfires and then hiking the next"},{"startTime":429.03,"endTime":439.957,"body":"day out to find like this adventurous new land where you don't owe anybody money and you"},{"startTime":439.957,"endTime":442.599,"body":"can set up like the kind of life that you want to have."},{"startTime":442.859,"endTime":446.082,"body":"There's also like a, like a romance to that too, right?"},{"startTime":446.082,"endTime":455.548,"body":"Like there's also like, like as much as we talk about that being hardship and muck and"},{"startTime":446.082,"endTime":455.548,"body":"mire and shit, which it was, there's also like, you know, there's times when you're"},{"startTime":455.548,"endTime":458.618,"body":"sitting around a campfire, you're out on like an extended hike or a"},{"startTime":458.618,"endTime":467.284,"body":"or a river trip where you're like, you know, you're on a river trip and you're thinking"},{"startTime":458.618,"endTime":467.284,"body":"about Oregon Trail where it was like, man, do you attempt to afford the river or do you,"},{"startTime":467.284,"endTime":469.275,"body":"do you cock the wagon and float it across?"},{"startTime":469.275,"endTime":471.957,"body":"It's like, man, either one of those kind of sound bad ass."},{"startTime":471.957,"endTime":475.149,"body":"Like they sound like cool old timey pioneer stories."},{"startTime":475.149,"endTime":476.997,"body":"Like then they had a campfire."},{"startTime":476.997,"endTime":481.402,"body":"it's like, you've got to play like the real life version of Oregon Trail."},{"startTime":481.402,"endTime":484.88599999999997,"body":"Like, you know, we call that, we call that a retreat nowadays."},{"startTime":484.88599999999997,"endTime":487.188,"body":"We're going on a wilderness retreat, you know?"},{"startTime":487.19599999999997,"endTime":506.721,"body":"Yeah, man, when we were in Hawaii, we went to this place where we had to hike to a spot,"},{"startTime":487.19599999999997,"endTime":506.721,"body":"then much to our host's surprise, the place where you kind of cross to go over this cool"},{"startTime":506.721,"endTime":513.926,"body":"waterfall area was completely flooded, river had run wild, and there was just no way to"},{"startTime":506.721,"endTime":513.926,"body":"cross unless we..."},{"startTime":514.268,"endTime":518.1800000000001,"body":"unless we like swam across and the river was deeper than me."},{"startTime":518.1800000000001,"endTime":522.884,"body":"So I couldn't touch at that point."},{"startTime":523.085,"endTime":530.49,"body":"And so what we decided was because it was kind of strong and there was a river, was a down"},{"startTime":523.085,"endTime":530.49,"body":"river, there was also a waterfall."},{"startTime":530.49,"endTime":537.456,"body":"And so the decision that we made as a group was that I would swim everyone across one by"},{"startTime":530.49,"endTime":537.456,"body":"one."},{"startTime":537.677,"endTime":541.84,"body":"And then I would also, like all the kids, do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":541.84,"endTime":543.071,"body":"And then, and the wives actually."},{"startTime":543.071,"endTime":544.422,"body":"And then I'll also,"},{"startTime":544.476,"endTime":550.589,"body":"Like all of our gear, all of our lunch stuff, picnic things, all the, you know, pack."},{"startTime":550.589,"endTime":558.893,"body":"Like I would just swim all that stuff back and forth, back and forth to the point where"},{"startTime":550.589,"endTime":558.893,"body":"dude, after the time we got, by the time we got done with this, I was, I was exhausted."},{"startTime":558.893,"endTime":560.994,"body":"Like I was exhausted from doing that."},{"startTime":560.994,"endTime":569.878,"body":"And we were making jokes about, you know, the, you know, the old pioneer story about"},{"startTime":560.994,"endTime":569.878,"body":"those, those dudes that carried everybody across the name frozen died and everybody was"},{"startTime":569.878,"endTime":570.7800000000001,"body":"like, wow, they're"},{"startTime":570.7800000000001,"endTime":574.9630000000001,"body":"They're calling an election is made sure and they're going straight to the top of the"},{"startTime":570.7800000000001,"endTime":574.9630000000001,"body":"celestial kingdom."},{"startTime":574.9630000000001,"endTime":577.1850000000001,"body":"that kind of like we were joking about that kind of stuff."},{"startTime":577.1850000000001,"endTime":580.1370000000001,"body":"Cause I was just like so beat from swimming everybody across."},{"startTime":580.1370000000001,"endTime":581.8570000000001,"body":"Everybody's like, yeah, Doug."},{"startTime":581.9380000000001,"endTime":590.484,"body":"But having said all that, I was also like, that was one of the more, that was the funnest"},{"startTime":581.9380000000001,"endTime":590.484,"body":"things I've ever done."},{"startTime":590.484,"endTime":591.9050000000001,"body":"Like I was like, yay me."},{"startTime":591.9050000000001,"endTime":592.816,"body":"Like it was fun."},{"startTime":592.816,"endTime":598.37,"body":"It was fun swimming those kids across the river and being like, and being like of use for"},{"startTime":592.816,"endTime":598.37,"body":"once in my goddamn life."},{"startTime":598.37,"endTime":599.34,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":599.4100000000001,"endTime":607.224,"body":"Dude, this is gonna sound, maybe this is gonna sound weird, but you saying it was their"},{"startTime":599.4100000000001,"endTime":607.224,"body":"choice to do that."},{"startTime":608.754,"endTime":611.375,"body":"Like that was, it, it unlocked something in me."},{"startTime":611.375,"endTime":621.447,"body":"I, I'm, I was so used to hearing about pioneer stories growing up that I forgot that they"},{"startTime":611.375,"endTime":621.447,"body":"chose to do it."},{"startTime":624.2280000000001,"endTime":633.5010000000001,"body":"And I know, and I know maybe there's a part of me that intuitively knew that they were"},{"startTime":624.2280000000001,"endTime":633.5010000000001,"body":"being brainwashed as well, you know, but they still consciously, I mean, you know, the"},{"startTime":633.5010000000001,"endTime":637.8520000000001,"body":"conscious decision, whether there was unconscious, whatever going on was that we are."},{"startTime":639.754,"endTime":641.937,"body":"I'm off to Zion."},{"startTime":641.937,"endTime":643.62,"body":"I'm off to build."},{"startTime":643.62,"endTime":644.027,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":644.027,"endTime":651.4730000000001,"body":"sang about it and should we die before our journeys through happy day all as well, right?"},{"startTime":651.4730000000001,"endTime":653.975,"body":"Like that was the lyrics."},{"startTime":653.975,"endTime":655.716,"body":"They were doing it on purpose."},{"startTime":655.716,"endTime":661.4100000000001,"body":"They were out there by their own free will and choice for the most part."},{"startTime":661.4100000000001,"endTime":665.9140000000001,"body":"Like somebody could come in here and be like, know, actually -ism."},{"startTime":665.9140000000001,"endTime":667.6650000000001,"body":"Like somebody could come in and be like, what about -ism?"},{"startTime":667.6650000000001,"endTime":668.774,"body":"And be like, wow."},{"startTime":668.774,"endTime":672.976,"body":"The children didn't have a choice and there was a lot of rampant patriarchy."},{"startTime":672.976,"endTime":673.986,"body":"Okay, probably."},{"startTime":673.986,"endTime":674.557,"body":"get it."},{"startTime":674.557,"endTime":675.917,"body":"That probably was true."},{"startTime":675.917,"endTime":676.957,"body":"But I don't know, man."},{"startTime":676.957,"endTime":686.922,"body":"think that like all the stories I heard were that the women were like kind of leading the"},{"startTime":676.957,"endTime":686.922,"body":"charge and like even the men who like died off or abandoned or ran off with the native"},{"startTime":686.922,"endTime":689.633,"body":"Americans, like the women were like, we're still going to Zion dog."},{"startTime":689.633,"endTime":690.6940000000001,"body":"Like we're still marching."},{"startTime":690.6940000000001,"endTime":692.465,"body":"It was like, okay."},{"startTime":692.465,"endTime":695.696,"body":"Well, they're choosing these hardships."},{"startTime":696.8720000000001,"endTime":699.961,"body":"I mean, they could have stayed in Missouri."},{"startTime":699.961,"endTime":703.671,"body":"They could have stayed in Ireland and England and Scandinavia."},{"startTime":704.475,"endTime":704.94,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":704.94,"endTime":706.3820000000001,"body":"in Ohio."},{"startTime":706.3820000000001,"endTime":708.325,"body":"They had options,"},{"startTime":708.4960000000001,"endTime":711.6880000000001,"body":"All right, that helps me reframe some stuff."},{"startTime":711.6880000000001,"endTime":715.75,"body":"And by the way, when I said that like, I actually don't feel like they were shaming me."},{"startTime":715.75,"endTime":719.883,"body":"I think in that experience, I think I was shaming myself about that."},{"startTime":719.883,"endTime":728.6260000000001,"body":"Like I got my own in my own head about minimalizing my, you know, the trauma minimalizing"},{"startTime":719.883,"endTime":728.6260000000001,"body":"we can do, you know?"},{"startTime":728.6260000000001,"endTime":731.1800000000001,"body":"Hold on, we need to clarify something."},{"startTime":731.1800000000001,"endTime":735.5260000000001,"body":"I wasn't saying the ancestors were shaming you."},{"startTime":735.5260000000001,"endTime":738.86,"body":"I was saying that you were shaming yourself."},{"startTime":739.6600000000001,"endTime":751.1940000000001,"body":"So I'm just reiterating that because I think I may have come across as saying that, but it"},{"startTime":739.6600000000001,"endTime":751.1940000000001,"body":"actually turned out to be a really beautiful night where I feel like they were relating to"},{"startTime":751.355,"endTime":757.4770000000001,"body":"the archetypal feelings I was feeling and being like, yeah, dog, I felt those too."},{"startTime":757.577,"endTime":758.898,"body":"I get it, I get it."},{"startTime":758.898,"endTime":760.2180000000001,"body":"And no, and I don't feel like you did."},{"startTime":760.2180000000001,"endTime":764.0600000000001,"body":"feel like I wanted to clarify what I said because I..."},{"startTime":764.392,"endTime":767.6170000000001,"body":"I think it's important to clarify that the dead know their stuff."},{"startTime":767.6170000000001,"endTime":771.1020000000001,"body":"Some know it more than others, yeah."},{"startTime":777.5150000000001,"endTime":780.392,"body":"Yeah, mean, the dead."},{"startTime":780.392,"endTime":782.777,"body":"I mean, let's, should we talk about the dead?"},{"startTime":782.777,"endTime":784.109,"body":"You want to get into?"},{"startTime":785.308,"endTime":787.6320000000001,"body":"Yeah, let's talk about the dead."},{"startTime":787.6320000000001,"endTime":789.8570000000001,"body":"wanna get into my dream or how you wanna start with this?"},{"startTime":789.8570000000001,"endTime":790.9380000000001,"body":"wanna..."},{"startTime":791.6610000000001,"endTime":792.542,"body":"Does that work?"},{"startTime":792.542,"endTime":793.2330000000001,"body":"Yeah, let's go."},{"startTime":793.2330000000001,"endTime":793.9440000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":795.6320000000001,"endTime":797.8180000000001,"body":"Okay, should I just read it?"},{"startTime":797.8180000000001,"endTime":800.9590000000001,"body":"thing with me a couple of days ago and I kind of ran with it."},{"startTime":800.9590000000001,"endTime":809.9630000000001,"body":"was like, it just was, it was actually might've been the day after I'd had this experience"},{"startTime":800.9590000000001,"endTime":809.9630000000001,"body":"of chatting with my ancestors and whatever."},{"startTime":809.9630000000001,"endTime":810.5930000000001,"body":"what, yeah."},{"startTime":810.5930000000001,"endTime":812.4540000000001,"body":"Do you want to just read it?"},{"startTime":812.4540000000001,"endTime":813.6740000000001,"body":"How do you want to do it?"},{"startTime":814.654,"endTime":815.7650000000001,"body":"I think it's the day after."},{"startTime":815.7650000000001,"endTime":816.332,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":816.332,"endTime":819.8240000000001,"body":"it was the, so I dreamt about it that night that you had that experience."},{"startTime":819.8240000000001,"endTime":820.735,"body":"That I had this experience."},{"startTime":820.735,"endTime":822.826,"body":"-huh."},{"startTime":824.707,"endTime":826.2080000000001,"body":"We're just adorable, man."},{"startTime":826.2080000000001,"endTime":826.839,"body":"We're synced up."},{"startTime":826.839,"endTime":829.07,"body":"Our periods are synced up, man, for sure."},{"startTime":829.831,"endTime":830.7710000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":831.932,"endTime":840.157,"body":"I actually wonder how many times we've masturbated at the same time and not known about"},{"startTime":831.932,"endTime":840.157,"body":"it."},{"startTime":841.542,"endTime":847.59,"body":"I mean, I would say the odds are pretty good with the frequency with which you and I"},{"startTime":841.542,"endTime":847.59,"body":"masturbated."},{"startTime":847.59,"endTime":850.1930000000001,"body":"I would say that we're probably synced up."},{"startTime":850.9300000000001,"endTime":858.5020000000001,"body":"You know, that would be fun when we're in the next phase of whatever and we get to look"},{"startTime":850.9300000000001,"endTime":858.5020000000001,"body":"back on our lives and be like, okay, how many times were we synced up on this?"},{"startTime":858.5020000000001,"endTime":859.2030000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":859.2030000000001,"endTime":860.163,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":860.163,"endTime":862.5640000000001,"body":"And also what was the inspiration for it?"},{"startTime":862.5640000000001,"endTime":872.933,"body":"Did we ever like have like, like in the Venn diagram of dude, here's what I want to know"},{"startTime":862.5640000000001,"endTime":872.933,"body":"about in the, the, in the vast Venn diagram of everyone masturbating."},{"startTime":873.474,"endTime":882.561,"body":"I want to know when it was at the same time and about the same sort of like, like"},{"startTime":873.474,"endTime":882.561,"body":"inspiration."},{"startTime":882.561,"endTime":883.822,"body":"Does that make sense?"},{"startTime":883.861,"endTime":893.2270000000001,"body":"Yeah, like, is there like a collective surge where all of a sudden, you know, Beyonce is"},{"startTime":883.861,"endTime":893.2270000000001,"body":"like the person of choice, like at the same time, same place for people like all across"},{"startTime":893.2270000000001,"endTime":894.5160000000001,"body":"the globe, you know, kind of deal."},{"startTime":894.5160000000001,"endTime":896.316,"body":"all these like heat, like the heat map."},{"startTime":896.316,"endTime":901.066,"body":"Like you see this global like little red spots that are like blinking."},{"startTime":901.066,"endTime":911.3660000000001,"body":"And it's like, wow, there was like 2 .4 million people masturbating about Beyonce at 714"},{"startTime":901.066,"endTime":911.3660000000001,"body":"PM last night, know, Greenwich Mean Time or whatever."},{"startTime":911.3660000000001,"endTime":913.086,"body":"It's like, wow, we all did it."},{"startTime":913.086,"endTime":913.6940000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":913.6940000000001,"endTime":917.966,"body":"it'd be even cooler if that doesn't like sync up to like some halftime performance at a"},{"startTime":913.6940000000001,"endTime":917.966,"body":"Super Bowl or something."},{"startTime":917.966,"endTime":918.6560000000001,"body":"It's just random."},{"startTime":918.6560000000001,"endTime":926.9140000000001,"body":"It's just like a random happening where all of a people are like, wow, I'm all of a sudden"},{"startTime":918.6560000000001,"endTime":926.9140000000001,"body":"wanting to touch myself and think of Beyonce, you know?"},{"startTime":926.9140000000001,"endTime":933.216,"body":"but then you overlay it since we're just making up like this fucking..."},{"startTime":933.216,"endTime":937.517,"body":"Honestly, this is like we're at EFY right now making up God's powers, right?"},{"startTime":937.577,"endTime":939.157,"body":"That's what we're doing right now."},{"startTime":939.157,"endTime":944.859,"body":"yeah, in the afterlife you go and you watch the movie of your life and it's about two"},{"startTime":939.157,"endTime":944.859,"body":"hours long and you get to see your other friends."},{"startTime":944.859,"endTime":946.0790000000001,"body":"Like we're just making this shit up."},{"startTime":946.0790000000001,"endTime":956.182,"body":"So as long as we're making shit up, you can overlay with this heat map, you can overlay"},{"startTime":946.0790000000001,"endTime":956.182,"body":"like mood spikes for like..."},{"startTime":956.486,"endTime":965.361,"body":"positive and negative that Beyonce had that like line up with these times where like the"},{"startTime":956.486,"endTime":965.361,"body":"collective was masturbating about her."},{"startTime":965.361,"endTime":973.056,"body":"it's like, did we send something out energetically that like gave her a pep in her step or"},{"startTime":965.361,"endTime":973.056,"body":"that made her feel like the weight of the world was on her?"},{"startTime":973.056,"endTime":983.162,"body":"Like, listen, I would like to know if like, if we all, you know, enough with this hands"},{"startTime":973.056,"endTime":983.162,"body":"across America or the, you know, like sometimes in our world we'll do like,"},{"startTime":984.263,"endTime":992.3280000000001,"body":"meditation, everyone at the same time is going to do this meditation and send out positive"},{"startTime":984.263,"endTime":992.3280000000001,"body":"energy into the world for healing in the collective consciousness."},{"startTime":992.9490000000001,"endTime":1003.7270000000001,"body":"What if also when there's a spike in all of us beating off about the same thing or"},{"startTime":992.9490000000001,"endTime":1003.7270000000001,"body":"flicking our bean about the same thing, that that person has like a spike of creativity?"},{"startTime":1003.7270000000001,"endTime":1010.662,"body":"Like, dude, what if Taylor Swift's Grammy winning albums, like they were all written"},{"startTime":1010.662,"endTime":1016.706,"body":"during times of heightened creativity because everybody was beaten off to Taylor Swift at"},{"startTime":1010.662,"endTime":1016.706,"body":"a certain time."},{"startTime":1018.2220000000001,"endTime":1020.7750000000001,"body":"I think we might have unlocked something here."},{"startTime":1022.158,"endTime":1029.666,"body":"Or when that was happening where they just curled up in the fetal position and like, I"},{"startTime":1022.158,"endTime":1029.666,"body":"don't know why I'm crying so hard right now."},{"startTime":1029.666,"endTime":1030.558,"body":"even get out of bed."},{"startTime":1030.558,"endTime":1039.295,"body":"just feel like there's like a big, huge like weight on me and just, that's what else cause"},{"startTime":1030.558,"endTime":1039.295,"body":"everyone's jerking off or fingering themselves about you."},{"startTime":1039.295,"endTime":1040.964,"body":"It's it's a lot from there."},{"startTime":1040.964,"endTime":1048.103,"body":"the therapy chair and they're like, I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like I'm"},{"startTime":1040.964,"endTime":1048.103,"body":"being fucked simultaneously by like 2 million people."},{"startTime":1048.103,"endTime":1049.483,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":1049.483,"endTime":1051.415,"body":"I know that's a weird thing to say you're saying to the therapist."},{"startTime":1051.415,"endTime":1055.519,"body":"Like, I know that sounds weird and like kind of narcissistic, but it's like, I don't know."},{"startTime":1055.519,"endTime":1061.155,"body":"just, I feel like there's a lot of people intensely thinking about me."},{"startTime":1061.7359999999999,"endTime":1062.9569999999999,"body":"You're not paranoid."},{"startTime":1062.9569999999999,"endTime":1064.318,"body":"You're sexy."},{"startTime":1067.59,"endTime":1077.621,"body":"Like paranoia, what if paranoia is this completely misunderstood concept where it's like"},{"startTime":1067.59,"endTime":1077.621,"body":"when you're feeling paranoid, it's because like there's a spike in the number of people"},{"startTime":1077.621,"endTime":1079.283,"body":"that are masturbating about you."},{"startTime":1079.283,"endTime":1085.108,"body":"It's like, instead of it being like, a goose walked over your grave and you're, what is"},{"startTime":1079.283,"endTime":1085.108,"body":"that a thing?"},{"startTime":1085.983,"endTime":1086.974,"body":"goose walked over."},{"startTime":1086.974,"endTime":1089.476,"body":"It depends on the color of the goose."},{"startTime":1089.476,"endTime":1090.777,"body":"Was it a black goose or what?"},{"startTime":1090.777,"endTime":1091.778,"body":"No, it might be."},{"startTime":1091.778,"endTime":1094.579,"body":"That's first time I've heard of the goose walk over your grave."},{"startTime":1094.618,"endTime":1096.692,"body":"I honestly thought that that's what the goosebumps meant."},{"startTime":1096.692,"endTime":1099.076,"body":"Was that like a goose walked over your grave?"},{"startTime":1100.3020000000001,"endTime":1105.43,"body":"maybe I, it could be, and I'm just out of the loop."},{"startTime":1105.893,"endTime":1107.987,"body":"I mean, do we need to back check this right now?"},{"startTime":1107.987,"endTime":1120.613,"body":"regardless of if that's a thing, I'm choosing to believe that instead of a goose walking"},{"startTime":1107.987,"endTime":1120.613,"body":"over your grave when you get goosebumps, you get goosebumps because a lot of people just"},{"startTime":1120.613,"endTime":1123.174,"body":"thought about you and touched their private parts."},{"startTime":1123.666,"endTime":1124.496,"body":"things."},{"startTime":1126.6380000000001,"endTime":1129.1390000000001,"body":"you know what, can't confirm or deny that."},{"startTime":1129.1390000000001,"endTime":1135.432,"body":"just, I'm thinking I'm just, I think I'm convinced though that, I mean, we were talking"},{"startTime":1129.1390000000001,"endTime":1135.432,"body":"about, we're all connected."},{"startTime":1135.432,"endTime":1137.983,"body":"That's all, there's all connection going on here."},{"startTime":1138.044,"endTime":1146.396,"body":"Mike, the world is filled with people just making up beliefs, like just making up like,"},{"startTime":1138.044,"endTime":1146.396,"body":"here's a thing that happened and that's why."},{"startTime":1146.396,"endTime":1153.058,"body":"Like that's everything from Christianity to tarot to the Zodiac."},{"startTime":1153.058,"endTime":1158.32,"body":"Like it's all just us trying to make shit up and believe it, right?"},{"startTime":1158.32,"endTime":1159.68,"body":"So why can't I make that up?"},{"startTime":1159.68,"endTime":1162.681,"body":"Why can't you and I just be like, okay, here's what happens."},{"startTime":1162.681,"endTime":1165.732,"body":"There are spikes on a global scale."},{"startTime":1165.776,"endTime":1173.74,"body":"energetically when everyone or like more people than normal are masturbating about a"},{"startTime":1165.776,"endTime":1173.74,"body":"certain person."},{"startTime":1173.778,"endTime":1181.2730000000001,"body":"It's like, okay, this is, and we can map it out probably like, hey, this is what, if one"},{"startTime":1173.778,"endTime":1181.2730000000001,"body":"person is masturbating about you, you'll probably feel this."},{"startTime":1181.2730000000001,"endTime":1184.855,"body":"You'll probably feel a little like butterfly in your belly."},{"startTime":1184.915,"endTime":1194.671,"body":"When you get up to like dozens of people, then it gets a little, you know, it's like, and"},{"startTime":1184.915,"endTime":1194.671,"body":"then we'd have to just ask, I mean, we'd really have to get Taylor Swift and like Beyonce,"},{"startTime":1194.671,"endTime":1199.714,"body":"like some big people involved in this research to know what it's like when you have"},{"startTime":1194.671,"endTime":1199.714,"body":"millions, you know."},{"startTime":1199.868,"endTime":1206.464,"body":"Like we think that we can move the needle by saying like, my thoughts and prayers go out"},{"startTime":1199.868,"endTime":1206.464,"body":"to so -and -so."},{"startTime":1206.464,"endTime":1211.748,"body":"What if we said my orgasms and moans go out to somebody?"},{"startTime":1211.849,"endTime":1215.012,"body":"you know, someone's having a rough time right now."},{"startTime":1215.012,"endTime":1219.666,"body":"You know, they've been sad and their grandma died, you know, whatever."},{"startTime":1219.666,"endTime":1224.3400000000001,"body":"That's like, man, well, my moans and orgasms go out to them."},{"startTime":1224.3400000000001,"endTime":1227.2820000000002,"body":"It's like, that's gonna be the thing that'll like."},{"startTime":1227.2820000000002,"endTime":1229.761,"body":"I will spill my seat on their behalf."},{"startTime":1230.012,"endTime":1230.553,"body":"You know what?"},{"startTime":1230.553,"endTime":1237.14,"body":"Just for that person in particular, I'm going to rub one out tonight just to try to make"},{"startTime":1230.553,"endTime":1237.14,"body":"them feel a little bit better."},{"startTime":1238.41,"endTime":1243.054,"body":"It's like, you know in Dune how spitting is a sign of reverence?"},{"startTime":1243.194,"endTime":1244.285,"body":"It's like that."},{"startTime":1244.285,"endTime":1245.1960000000001,"body":"It's like, yeah, okay."},{"startTime":1245.1960000000001,"endTime":1246.977,"body":"I'll fill up a..."},{"startTime":1247.141,"endTime":1248.0230000000001,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1249.8400000000001,"endTime":1252.096,"body":"I'll tap into my internal reservoirs."},{"startTime":1252.096,"endTime":1256.867,"body":"I'll tap into my internal stores to share them with you."},{"startTime":1256.868,"endTime":1257.92,"body":"Man, it's"},{"startTime":1257.92,"endTime":1259.904,"body":"will deplete my internal stores."},{"startTime":1259.904,"endTime":1260.255,"body":"right."},{"startTime":1260.255,"endTime":1260.845,"body":"That's right."},{"startTime":1260.845,"endTime":1263.347,"body":"Well, temporarily deplete for the most part, they fill back up."},{"startTime":1263.347,"endTime":1264.537,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":1265.038,"endTime":1266.219,"body":"But they fill back up."},{"startTime":1266.219,"endTime":1275.847,"body":"I mean, it's still like an actual physical manifestation of like a, of like a, an intense"},{"startTime":1266.219,"endTime":1275.847,"body":"thinking about someone like thoughts and prayers can be that as well for sure."},{"startTime":1275.847,"endTime":1283.0030000000002,"body":"Like you can sit there and be like really thinking about someone and praying about him and"},{"startTime":1275.847,"endTime":1283.0030000000002,"body":"saying like, Hey, you know, God sent out a, send out the bass signal for so -and -so."},{"startTime":1283.0030000000002,"endTime":1284.2740000000001,"body":"They just had a rough day."},{"startTime":1284.2740000000001,"endTime":1284.796,"body":"Great."},{"startTime":1284.796,"endTime":1286.928,"body":"That's awesome and more power to people."},{"startTime":1286.928,"endTime":1290.07,"body":"Put me on every prayer roll that you can come up with."},{"startTime":1290.07,"endTime":1295.294,"body":"But also if you don't mind, throw me into your masturbation routine once in a while."},{"startTime":1295.294,"endTime":1299.6970000000001,"body":"Like send me out, send me out on a fucking thought and prayer."},{"startTime":1300.097,"endTime":1301.557,"body":"And roll an orgasm."},{"startTime":1302.166,"endTime":1307.26,"body":"you know, I mean, I think we're tapping into something that I don't know much about."},{"startTime":1307.26,"endTime":1313.976,"body":"And maybe we should get a guest to come and talk to us about it is sex magic, because"},{"startTime":1307.26,"endTime":1313.976,"body":"we've really talked about sex magic, but it's a deal."},{"startTime":1313.976,"endTime":1321.712,"body":"And people use their orgasms and their intentions to manifest and to change the they do"},{"startTime":1313.976,"endTime":1321.712,"body":"that."},{"startTime":1321.712,"endTime":1323.083,"body":"And I just don't know much about it."},{"startTime":1323.083,"endTime":1323.904,"body":"But"},{"startTime":1324.976,"endTime":1325.256,"body":"I know."},{"startTime":1325.256,"endTime":1334.188,"body":"I've even heard people talk and be like, sex magic is nothing to fuck with and it's pretty"},{"startTime":1325.256,"endTime":1334.188,"body":"powerful and intense."},{"startTime":1334.188,"endTime":1343.8400000000001,"body":"I've never even looked up the term sex magic or found a book that's like, this book will"},{"startTime":1334.188,"endTime":1343.8400000000001,"body":"tell you about sex magic."},{"startTime":1343.8880000000001,"endTime":1350.01,"body":"Same, why are we not, why are we not, why do we have, why don't we have a guest on, we"},{"startTime":1343.8880000000001,"endTime":1350.01,"body":"should have a guest on to talk to us about sex magic."},{"startTime":1350.01,"endTime":1353.95,"body":"are we something like 180 episodes in and we haven't talked about sex magic, Mike."},{"startTime":1353.95,"endTime":1360.57,"body":"And furthermore, honestly, maybe this is sex magic that we're talking about and you and I"},{"startTime":1353.95,"endTime":1360.57,"body":"just think we're coming up with something."},{"startTime":1360.57,"endTime":1365.5,"body":"You know how once in a while that'll happen where you're like, dude, I have the very best"},{"startTime":1360.57,"endTime":1365.5,"body":"business idea of all time."},{"startTime":1365.5,"endTime":1366.73,"body":"You're ready for this?"},{"startTime":1366.73,"endTime":1374.3,"body":"It's like, what if people who are just driving their cars around anyway, could act as like"},{"startTime":1366.73,"endTime":1374.3,"body":"a temporary taxi service and people could just go pick them up."},{"startTime":1374.3,"endTime":1376.15,"body":"And someone's like, you do me like Uber or Lyft."},{"startTime":1376.15,"endTime":1378.17,"body":"And you're like, God damn it."},{"startTime":1385.041,"endTime":1385.636,"body":"yeah."},{"startTime":1385.636,"endTime":1387.89,"body":"idea, cars that run on electricity."},{"startTime":1387.89,"endTime":1391.085,"body":"And then people were like, you're too late,"},{"startTime":1391.122,"endTime":1398.008,"body":"Well, yeah, so I bet there's a big like a portion of our listeners right now who are"},{"startTime":1391.122,"endTime":1398.008,"body":"hearing it like, yeah, I when people are masturbating about you, you hit a buzzing and"},{"startTime":1398.008,"endTime":1399.049,"body":"like, yeah, of course you do."},{"startTime":1399.049,"endTime":1403.428,"body":"Sex magic, You know, they're like, skip and they're going to go to listen to a real"},{"startTime":1399.049,"endTime":1403.428,"body":"podcast."},{"startTime":1403.428,"endTime":1404.8410000000001,"body":"like these two dipshits."},{"startTime":1404.8410000000001,"endTime":1412.528,"body":"Once again, they're venturing into territory that they know nothing about and thinking"},{"startTime":1404.8410000000001,"endTime":1412.528,"body":"that they invented it, thinking they made it up."},{"startTime":1412.528,"endTime":1414.8500000000001,"body":"I mean, what else do expect from two white boys?"},{"startTime":1415.07,"endTime":1420.535,"body":"Of course we're going to try to pretend like we invented everything."},{"startTime":1420.8600000000001,"endTime":1429.1970000000001,"body":"You know, Mike, I've recently with my music, I've been kind of getting a little bit, you"},{"startTime":1420.8600000000001,"endTime":1429.1970000000001,"body":"know, creative and kind of, you know, a little experimental."},{"startTime":1429.1970000000001,"endTime":1433.0800000000002,"body":"I've been using like C, G, E minor and D."},{"startTime":1433.0800000000002,"endTime":1433.6100000000001,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":1433.6100000000001,"endTime":1434.031,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":1434.031,"endTime":1436.3990000000001,"body":"We'll see what happens from it, but you know, trying to like..."},{"startTime":1436.3990000000001,"endTime":1437.671,"body":"in that order?"},{"startTime":1438.6960000000001,"endTime":1441.02,"body":"No one's ever done it in that order before."},{"startTime":1445.781,"endTime":1448.208,"body":"god man, how did we even get talking about this?"},{"startTime":1448.208,"endTime":1451.353,"body":"I don't know, I'm loving it though, but let's get to your dream."},{"startTime":1452.5720000000001,"endTime":1455.5240000000001,"body":"just like a hard right turn into my like dream."},{"startTime":1456.4650000000001,"endTime":1457.726,"body":"I think you're right, dude."},{"startTime":1457.726,"endTime":1458.707,"body":"I think so too."},{"startTime":1458.707,"endTime":1460.549,"body":"You're usually the one that's better at the segues."},{"startTime":1460.549,"endTime":1464.462,"body":"I'm usually just like, okay, abruptly changing the subject."},{"startTime":1464.462,"endTime":1467.046,"body":"So I'm glad that we're on the same page this time."},{"startTime":1467.046,"endTime":1472.3890000000001,"body":"Well, I could have made a sex magic joke about the ancestors, but you know, we can save"},{"startTime":1467.046,"endTime":1472.3890000000001,"body":"that for later."},{"startTime":1472.88,"endTime":1474.132,"body":"I'll make it now."},{"startTime":1474.314,"endTime":1476.56,"body":"Here's a sex magic joke about the ancestors."},{"startTime":1476.56,"endTime":1477.892,"body":"Hey, knock knock."},{"startTime":1478.694,"endTime":1479.731,"body":"I'm sorry."},{"startTime":1480.059,"endTime":1481.486,"body":"It's the ancestors."},{"startTime":1484.122,"endTime":1485.492,"body":"Answers are soon."},{"startTime":1489.022,"endTime":1491.306,"body":"Is that how you do a knock -knock joke?"},{"startTime":1491.306,"endTime":1493.028,"body":"What took you so long to answer the door?"},{"startTime":1493.028,"endTime":1494.549,"body":"You're jerking off about us again?"},{"startTime":1494.549,"endTime":1502.096,"body":"guess that's my friend's line."},{"startTime":1502.096,"endTime":1511.464,"body":"Mike, the pause between you not knowing to say the second part of it, like who's there"},{"startTime":1502.096,"endTime":1511.464,"body":"basically, is giving me life."},{"startTime":1512.2050000000002,"endTime":1517.924,"body":"Like you haven't heard a knock -knock joke for so long that you forgot how knock -knock"},{"startTime":1512.2050000000002,"endTime":1517.924,"body":"jokes go, right?"},{"startTime":1517.924,"endTime":1520.1970000000001,"body":"I like, when you said that, I'm like, where's the punch line?"},{"startTime":1520.1970000000001,"endTime":1522.089,"body":"They're like, wait, no, there's something else."},{"startTime":1522.089,"endTime":1523.421,"body":"It was very slow motion."},{"startTime":1523.421,"endTime":1529.3780000000002,"body":"I had to remember what my next line and I had to yell at the ancestors to give me the next"},{"startTime":1523.421,"endTime":1529.3780000000002,"body":"line."},{"startTime":1529.3780000000002,"endTime":1531.661,"body":"But I think they intentionally wanted me to pause."},{"startTime":1531.661,"endTime":1534.123,"body":"So that was part of the joke."},{"startTime":1534.682,"endTime":1537.644,"body":"I do have a pretty good knock -knock joke, but you've gotta start it."},{"startTime":1538.161,"endTime":1539.182,"body":"Knock out."},{"startTime":1540.694,"endTime":1541.4550000000002,"body":"I've done this before."},{"startTime":1541.4550000000002,"endTime":1543.2060000000001,"body":"I forgot."},{"startTime":1544.299,"endTime":1547.0900000000001,"body":"so dumb, but you can, you can, you can do it sometimes."},{"startTime":1547.0900000000001,"endTime":1552.202,"body":"You know, can kind of, can kind of, you can kind of get people off guard once in a while"},{"startTime":1547.0900000000001,"endTime":1552.202,"body":"with that stupid shit."},{"startTime":1552.202,"endTime":1555.162,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1555.482,"endTime":1556.5230000000001,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1556.563,"endTime":1565.855,"body":"So I had this dream the same night that Mike was having the, sort of like the issue"},{"startTime":1556.563,"endTime":1565.855,"body":"thinking about his ancestors, feeling like he's got a cozy, comfy life feeling like sort"},{"startTime":1565.855,"endTime":1567.4660000000001,"body":"of like, what have I done with myself?"},{"startTime":1567.506,"endTime":1568.4360000000001,"body":"So,"},{"startTime":1570.4270000000001,"endTime":1574.01,"body":"I'm going be, I'm going to stumble a little bit reading this because I use names and so"},{"startTime":1570.4270000000001,"endTime":1574.01,"body":"I'm going to try to not use names."},{"startTime":1574.01,"endTime":1574.386,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1574.386,"endTime":1575.5430000000001,"body":"Okay, yeah."},{"startTime":1577.121,"endTime":1584.902,"body":"So, my wife's dead grandmother is back to life for one last birthday party for her."},{"startTime":1585.222,"endTime":1599.402,"body":"As a gift, the family has asked me to sing one of my songs, but they want me to change the"},{"startTime":1585.222,"endTime":1599.402,"body":"last line in the song from, see him again to, quote, see him today."},{"startTime":1600.162,"endTime":1604.462,"body":"And it's about my wife's grandpa who's been dead for 30 years."},{"startTime":1604.602,"endTime":1606.642,"body":"I feel uncomfortable because"},{"startTime":1606.642,"endTime":1609.662,"body":"I don't know which of my songs they are talking about."},{"startTime":1609.662,"endTime":1616.522,"body":"And I also don't know that after 30 years, her dead grandpa wants to see her again."},{"startTime":1616.522,"endTime":1619.382,"body":"Or I guess her dead husband wants to see her again."},{"startTime":1619.382,"endTime":1622.842,"body":"I felt like it was all very presumptuous of the dead."},{"startTime":1622.842,"endTime":1630.5320000000002,"body":"Like in the dream, I felt like not even dying can get you away from everyone else's"},{"startTime":1622.842,"endTime":1630.5320000000002,"body":"expectations and obligations."},{"startTime":1632.7440000000001,"endTime":1634.232,"body":"through that last line."},{"startTime":1641.2340000000002,"endTime":1643.78,"body":"trying to say where to go from here, but like,"},{"startTime":1646.188,"endTime":1649.131,"body":"Well, let's go with this because we're talking about the dead, we're talking about"},{"startTime":1646.188,"endTime":1649.131,"body":"ancestors."},{"startTime":1649.131,"endTime":1659.47,"body":"And the reason why, like, I really love this stream from you is because I think we do make"},{"startTime":1649.131,"endTime":1659.47,"body":"so many assumptions about the dead."},{"startTime":1662.489,"endTime":1667.0510000000002,"body":"and we, we maintain an image of them as well."},{"startTime":1668.612,"endTime":1671.214,"body":"and we usually put them on a pedestal."},{"startTime":1671.214,"endTime":1675.536,"body":"Like someone, someone dies and it's like, okay, now we don't talk shit about that person"},{"startTime":1671.214,"endTime":1675.536,"body":"anymore."},{"startTime":1675.536,"endTime":1678.557,"body":"Usually, or something, you know, it's like we speak in hushed tones."},{"startTime":1679.178,"endTime":1681.3990000000001,"body":"We have an image of them."},{"startTime":1681.759,"endTime":1689.5240000000001,"body":"Usually around, we remember them, you know, like I remember my grandma and my grandpa when"},{"startTime":1681.759,"endTime":1689.5240000000001,"body":"they were my grandma and grandpa and they were old, you know,"},{"startTime":1691.94,"endTime":1700.611,"body":"And I like that about the presumptions we make."},{"startTime":1701.553,"endTime":1702.404,"body":"It's just spinning."},{"startTime":1702.404,"endTime":1710.224,"body":"There's something there that's like, when you read the line, when you shared the dream"},{"startTime":1702.404,"endTime":1710.224,"body":"with me and I read that line."},{"startTime":1712.8010000000002,"endTime":1714.4950000000001,"body":"I'm just gonna have a hard time articulating."},{"startTime":1714.4950000000001,"endTime":1716.902,"body":"know that is making podcasting, but like."},{"startTime":1716.902,"endTime":1722.4260000000002,"body":"like that maybe, because you were articulating it to me and blowing my mind, right?"},{"startTime":1722.4260000000002,"endTime":1737.834,"body":"But so I'll just say that like, I think that beyond, even beyond sort of like, like"},{"startTime":1722.4260000000002,"endTime":1737.834,"body":"religious people, like even beyond organized religion, people who have any sort of belief"},{"startTime":1737.834,"endTime":1745.924,"body":"in like life after death or that like, or that like individualism exists."},{"startTime":1745.924,"endTime":1748.595,"body":"on the other side of death, right?"},{"startTime":1748.595,"endTime":1761.608,"body":"Because there is that belief, like there is that thing of like, we all just sort of like"},{"startTime":1748.595,"endTime":1761.608,"body":"are poured back into that great ocean of souls and we all mix and become one and we are"},{"startTime":1761.608,"endTime":1764.3590000000002,"body":"part of the same collective consciousness type of thing."},{"startTime":1764.3590000000002,"endTime":1774.5420000000001,"body":"But like for people who believe in like a perpetuating of individuality beyond the veil."},{"startTime":1774.661,"endTime":1775.346,"body":"Mm"},{"startTime":1775.346,"endTime":1779.7060000000001,"body":"Like there's this belief that on our death beds, dude, you know what it is?"},{"startTime":1779.7060000000001,"endTime":1781.7060000000001,"body":"It's fucking, you know, Les Miserables?"},{"startTime":1781.7060000000001,"endTime":1782.846,"body":"What a fuck."},{"startTime":1782.846,"endTime":1795.166,"body":"You know at the end of Les Miserables when Jean Valjean's dying and he's singing to"},{"startTime":1782.846,"endTime":1795.166,"body":"Cosette and Marius and then suddenly here comes Fantine and Eponine and they're like, come"},{"startTime":1795.166,"endTime":1797.986,"body":"with me where chains will never bind you."},{"startTime":1797.986,"endTime":1800.286,"body":"Like they're coming to take him."},{"startTime":1801.2060000000001,"endTime":1804.334,"body":"Like, Fantine's been dead for 30 years."},{"startTime":1804.474,"endTime":1806.666,"body":"And she's coming to be a John Valjean."},{"startTime":1806.666,"endTime":1810.478,"body":"Thanks for taking care of my kid from the time she was six."},{"startTime":1810.759,"endTime":1815.732,"body":"I've been waiting around in heaven and now I'm being, I'm being asked to come usher you"},{"startTime":1810.759,"endTime":1815.732,"body":"into heaven."},{"startTime":1815.732,"endTime":1822.207,"body":"Like, like we have this belief that like after death, the dead, the dead still have all"},{"startTime":1815.732,"endTime":1822.207,"body":"these goddamn jobs to do."},{"startTime":1822.207,"endTime":1826.6200000000001,"body":"Like they all got to go do their, Ooh, what a, what a cool election."},{"startTime":1826.6200000000001,"endTime":1828.651,"body":"I've been an angel and I got to go."},{"startTime":1828.651,"endTime":1829.8020000000001,"body":"We talked about it in the last episode."},{"startTime":1829.8020000000001,"endTime":1833.2540000000001,"body":"Like, I got to go talk to Joseph Smith about the golden plates or."},{"startTime":1833.682,"endTime":1840.242,"body":"I got to go greet my my wife, who's been living on Earth without me for 30 some years."},{"startTime":1840.242,"endTime":1846.012,"body":"I got to go like bring her back to the heaven and be like, we can get back to being"},{"startTime":1840.242,"endTime":1846.012,"body":"married for eternity now if you want."},{"startTime":1846.012,"endTime":1847.172,"body":"And I do want to still be in love."},{"startTime":1847.172,"endTime":1852.3220000000001,"body":"Like it's just this weird concept that we we have an expectation of the dead."},{"startTime":1852.3220000000001,"endTime":1857.522,"body":"Like we have we we're giving the dead jobs to do."},{"startTime":1857.522,"endTime":1863.738,"body":"The dead, the dead have to bend to our will as as like these mortal finite"},{"startTime":1863.866,"endTime":1867.856,"body":"human beings because of how fucking terrified we are of death."},{"startTime":1867.856,"endTime":1870.842,"body":"So then we have to give the dead people like little shores."},{"startTime":1872.5520000000001,"endTime":1873.5130000000001,"body":"you just nailed it for me."},{"startTime":1873.5130000000001,"endTime":1883.1190000000001,"body":"That's what I was spinning around that, and it ties into, the, my dissertation work, which"},{"startTime":1873.5130000000001,"endTime":1883.1190000000001,"body":"is about the rest of reciprocity of it."},{"startTime":1885.281,"endTime":1887.892,"body":"and how we treat the dead."},{"startTime":1887.892,"endTime":1892.125,"body":"It's like, it's still, they're still in service to us at that point."},{"startTime":1892.125,"endTime":1895.527,"body":"It's like, okay, they're in service to the living."},{"startTime":1897.38,"endTime":1901.261,"body":"And they must be, it feels very egotistical and very much like, okay."},{"startTime":1901.261,"endTime":1910.143,"body":"And also trapping them in a box about like what continuation after this means or looks"},{"startTime":1901.261,"endTime":1910.143,"body":"like."},{"startTime":1910.143,"endTime":1919.906,"body":"mean, look at the Mormon thing of like families can be together forever is one of the most"},{"startTime":1910.143,"endTime":1919.906,"body":"silliest notions of, it's silly because it's like, what are you even picturing?"},{"startTime":1919.906,"endTime":1926.088,"body":"Like, what do you even, what is your vision of eternity with families together forever?"},{"startTime":1926.088,"endTime":1927.048,"body":"Because."},{"startTime":1927.336,"endTime":1929.816,"body":"Our families are changing right now."},{"startTime":1929.816,"endTime":1932.4460000000001,"body":"The concept, the structure of our family changes."},{"startTime":1932.4460000000001,"endTime":1940.416,"body":"mean, anyone who's lived a certain age knows that all of a sudden, like you're at a"},{"startTime":1932.4460000000001,"endTime":1940.416,"body":"certain stage of life with your cousins."},{"startTime":1940.416,"endTime":1947.366,"body":"And then all of a sudden, like 10 years go by and you have to rent out, you have to go"},{"startTime":1940.416,"endTime":1947.366,"body":"have the family party."},{"startTime":1947.366,"endTime":1949.096,"body":"It becomes a family reunion."},{"startTime":1949.096,"endTime":1952.286,"body":"becomes like, you know, it's like, and the jump happens quickly."},{"startTime":1952.286,"endTime":1956.147,"body":"just, it's expla, especially in big Mormon families, it jumps really quickly."},{"startTime":1956.147,"endTime":1957.1000000000001,"body":"yeah, dude."},{"startTime":1959.429,"endTime":1962.121,"body":"and so let me just hide it in a bit."},{"startTime":1962.121,"endTime":1975.028,"body":"I, and I know I've talked about in the podcast before, but I'm doing my dissertation on"},{"startTime":1962.121,"endTime":1975.028,"body":"imaginal work with ancestors and, and a couple of things I want to just kind of like lay"},{"startTime":1975.028,"endTime":1976.919,"body":"the groundwork for it's."},{"startTime":1977.38,"endTime":1983.663,"body":"There's two things I think that are important with it that are with in depth psychology."},{"startTime":1984.0240000000001,"endTime":1985.114,"body":"One is that."},{"startTime":1985.222,"endTime":1989.7350000000001,"body":"this notion of psychic reality that we've talked about a lot before in the podcast, but"},{"startTime":1985.222,"endTime":1989.7350000000001,"body":"I'll just reiterate it."},{"startTime":1989.7350000000001,"endTime":1996.779,"body":"It's that the only thing we can know is that we are having a psychic experience, whether"},{"startTime":1989.7350000000001,"endTime":1996.779,"body":"we're awake, whether we're dreaming."},{"startTime":1997.02,"endTime":1999.8220000000001,"body":"Right now I am experiencing things."},{"startTime":1999.8220000000001,"endTime":2002.002,"body":"I'm experiencing Doug on a screen."},{"startTime":2002.224,"endTime":2005.065,"body":"experiencing, you know, I can touch my microphone here."},{"startTime":2005.065,"endTime":2013.3110000000001,"body":"can, it feels physical to me because that's my perception of physical reality."},{"startTime":2013.971,"endTime":2015.078,"body":"But whether"},{"startTime":2015.078,"endTime":2019.771,"body":"I'm experiencing that or I go to sleep and then have a dream of Doug."},{"startTime":2020.332,"endTime":2022.643,"body":"And dreams can also feel very physical too."},{"startTime":2022.643,"endTime":2027.296,"body":"We've all those dreams have very physical symptoms or very physical."},{"startTime":2029.678,"endTime":2030.8990000000001,"body":"it has a physicality to it."},{"startTime":2030.8990000000001,"endTime":2041.346,"body":"Now it might not be a little less physical than like the material reality that we"},{"startTime":2030.8990000000001,"endTime":2041.346,"body":"experience, but basically it's just like, look, if I had an experience in a dream and it"},{"startTime":2041.346,"endTime":2044.6680000000001,"body":"changed my life or I experienced certain emotions."},{"startTime":2045.294,"endTime":2053.986,"body":"or I went through my day today and it had some events happen that changed my life or I"},{"startTime":2045.294,"endTime":2053.986,"body":"experienced certain emotions, it's still a psychic reality."},{"startTime":2054.607,"endTime":2064.109,"body":"And maybe we're putting too much weight on the material reality and ignoring the imaginal"},{"startTime":2054.607,"endTime":2064.109,"body":"where even more transformation can take place."},{"startTime":2064.109,"endTime":2073.634,"body":"And then at some level, maybe we're over literalizing this material reality when really"},{"startTime":2064.109,"endTime":2073.634,"body":"the actual reality is all."},{"startTime":2073.634,"endTime":2074.3849999999998,"body":"metaphorical."},{"startTime":2074.3849999999998,"endTime":2087.795,"body":"So maybe the dream world is actually more of actual reality and this is like a temporary"},{"startTime":2074.3849999999998,"endTime":2087.795,"body":"literal kind of thing we do but then eventually we return back to a metaphorical kind of"},{"startTime":2088.056,"endTime":2088.614,"body":"realm."},{"startTime":2088.614,"endTime":2098.157,"body":"Yeah, it's funny that you, I love that you phrased it as we, we, we as the living try to"},{"startTime":2088.614,"endTime":2098.157,"body":"bend, like we, try to make the dead bend to our will."},{"startTime":2098.157,"endTime":2098.857,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":2098.857,"endTime":2110.4199999999996,"body":"Like it occurred to me when you said, I mean, we've talked, it's, we've talked ad nauseum"},{"startTime":2098.857,"endTime":2110.4199999999996,"body":"about like the concept of eternity and the concept of like, you know, that families can be"},{"startTime":2110.4199999999996,"endTime":2111.551,"body":"together forever thing."},{"startTime":2111.551,"endTime":2113.461,"body":"I love that you said, what do you even mean by that?"},{"startTime":2113.461,"endTime":2114.241,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":2114.241,"endTime":2116.6119999999996,"body":"Because there's, there's that, there's that thing of like,"},{"startTime":2117.2419999999997,"endTime":2125.2349999999997,"body":"One of the more heartbreaking things is that thing where it's like, you can't even make"},{"startTime":2117.2419999999997,"endTime":2125.2349999999997,"body":"heads or tails of it."},{"startTime":2125.2349999999997,"endTime":2131.49,"body":"Like you can't make sense of it and it's just like devastating when like a baby dies."},{"startTime":2131.95,"endTime":2134.832,"body":"It's the fucking worst thing that I can think of, right?"},{"startTime":2134.832,"endTime":2143.8269999999998,"body":"It's just like a baby dying or like a stillbirth or a miscarriage and just all this kind"},{"startTime":2134.832,"endTime":2143.8269999999998,"body":"of stuff."},{"startTime":2143.8269999999998,"endTime":2146.308,"body":"And then that thing that you hear about where it's like,"},{"startTime":2146.96,"endTime":2150.8509999999997,"body":"Well, I know I'll get to hold him in my arms again."},{"startTime":2152.0719999999997,"endTime":2153.962,"body":"I know I'll get to raise that baby."},{"startTime":2153.962,"endTime":2170.368,"body":"I don't know what of that is actual Mormon doctrine versus what of that is just like"},{"startTime":2153.962,"endTime":2170.368,"body":"finding ways to comfort and placate those who are in like, in like just inconsolable"},{"startTime":2170.368,"endTime":2171.768,"body":"grief, right?"},{"startTime":2171.9519999999998,"endTime":2172.6639999999998,"body":"Mm"},{"startTime":2173.308,"endTime":2181.7729999999997,"body":"But even that is an attempt to bend the will of the dead to the will of the living."},{"startTime":2181.7729999999997,"endTime":2184.444,"body":"Because it's like, okay, families can be together forever."},{"startTime":2184.444,"endTime":2195.54,"body":"And now you got these like, God knows how many infants and kids and they're in a"},{"startTime":2184.444,"endTime":2195.54,"body":"resurrected, some kind of temporary, like, and do they have to go through puberty and do"},{"startTime":2195.54,"endTime":2200.712,"body":"they grow and do get, like, do they have hair on their ball?"},{"startTime":2201.073,"endTime":2202.814,"body":"what happens with these"},{"startTime":2204.006,"endTime":2205.767,"body":"that are being raised in eternity."},{"startTime":2205.767,"endTime":2210.879,"body":"What happens with these kids that were like abused by their parents and just like, come"},{"startTime":2205.767,"endTime":2210.879,"body":"join our church."},{"startTime":2210.879,"endTime":2213.0899999999997,"body":"Cause you can be together with your family together forever."},{"startTime":2213.0899999999997,"endTime":2214.9109999999996,"body":"And they're like, whoa, gross."},{"startTime":2214.9109999999996,"endTime":2216.2909999999997,"body":"Why would I ever want to do that?"},{"startTime":2216.2909999999997,"endTime":2218.372,"body":"Like it's, I don't know, man."},{"startTime":2218.372,"endTime":2225.285,"body":"Like this kind of stuff, it's like, nobody wants to, like, I would love to, I would love"},{"startTime":2218.372,"endTime":2225.285,"body":"to get these answers."},{"startTime":2225.285,"endTime":2231.984,"body":"Like I would love to sit and talk to like my mom, like somebody who's like super duper"},{"startTime":2225.285,"endTime":2231.984,"body":"devout and just be like,"},{"startTime":2231.984,"endTime":2233.095,"body":"What about this stuff?"},{"startTime":2233.095,"endTime":2244.491,"body":"But that's, but it's so egregious for me to say that stuff and offensive and, and maybe"},{"startTime":2233.095,"endTime":2244.491,"body":"has a, maybe even has like a, a slight twang of, of, of condescending."},{"startTime":2244.491,"endTime":2246.1119999999996,"body":"And I don't mean for it to be at all."},{"startTime":2246.1119999999996,"endTime":2255.457,"body":"I would love to hear the answers to these questions, but it's just like, dude, you go back"},{"startTime":2246.1119999999996,"endTime":2255.457,"body":"to the, you know, on our mission, we were trained how to answer the questions about why do"},{"startTime":2255.457,"endTime":2257.2479999999996,"body":"bad things happen to good people."},{"startTime":2257.2479999999996,"endTime":2261.254,"body":"And the answers are insufficient and not, and they just don't add up."},{"startTime":2261.254,"endTime":2262.736,"body":"Dude, they don't add up."},{"startTime":2262.736,"endTime":2263.957,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":2264.018,"endTime":2267.852,"body":"So here we are trying to bend the will of the dead to the living."},{"startTime":2267.93,"endTime":2274.6319999999996,"body":"And to hold onto a certain image, you know, it's like, want to, I want to keep my"},{"startTime":2267.93,"endTime":2274.6319999999996,"body":"grandmother in the image that I remembered her as."},{"startTime":2274.6319999999996,"endTime":2286.5049999999997,"body":"I want, I want to keep her in a little box or a little snow globe, or I want to keep, you"},{"startTime":2274.6319999999996,"endTime":2286.5049999999997,"body":"know, a dead child in that same image that I knew her, knew that person as."},{"startTime":2287.0249999999996,"endTime":2288.8559999999998,"body":"and even that keep families together forever."},{"startTime":2288.8559999999998,"endTime":2297.522,"body":"It's this desire for certainty and, say it's stability and like, permanence, I guess is"},{"startTime":2288.8559999999998,"endTime":2297.522,"body":"the right word for it."},{"startTime":2297.522,"endTime":2302.683,"body":"Like this desire for permanence when really, you know, the only thing that's like the"},{"startTime":2297.522,"endTime":2302.683,"body":"only, like, what is it?"},{"startTime":2302.683,"endTime":2307.6549999999997,"body":"The only change is the only constant is change."},{"startTime":2308.3149999999996,"endTime":2312.046,"body":"Well, if we're talking about a metaphorical reality, that is the thing like metaphor."},{"startTime":2312.046,"endTime":2317.658,"body":"It's it's that's the constant is that this is all shifting and morphing and changing in"},{"startTime":2312.046,"endTime":2317.658,"body":"this."},{"startTime":2318.9379999999996,"endTime":2325.2799999999997,"body":"and so, with that, you know, since starting school, I've just been really drawn to this."},{"startTime":2325.656,"endTime":2336.872,"body":"It all started right before that first ayahuasca ceremony when I felt I was doing that"},{"startTime":2325.656,"endTime":2336.872,"body":"Kundalini yoga practice and I was dealing with a lot of emotions coming up and I'm like, I"},{"startTime":2336.872,"endTime":2339.7439999999997,"body":"feel like a grandmother is hugging me right now."},{"startTime":2340.104,"endTime":2343.826,"body":"And then I was like, I feel like my grandmother is hugging me right now."},{"startTime":2344.006,"endTime":2349.649,"body":"And then that turned into an experience where I saw I had a vision of her in ayahuasca."},{"startTime":2350.1699999999996,"endTime":2354.522,"body":"And then later during school, I've had a lot of these imaginal"},{"startTime":2354.522,"endTime":2355.1119999999996,"body":"encounters."},{"startTime":2355.1119999999996,"endTime":2361.1969999999997,"body":"Now, when I say imaginal, again, what we're talking about, that blur of it's just as real."},{"startTime":2361.1969999999997,"endTime":2363.8979999999997,"body":"It's just imaginal in that it's not physical."},{"startTime":2365.54,"endTime":2376.988,"body":"And so the research I want to do, which is embedded in the structure of depth psychology,"},{"startTime":2365.54,"endTime":2376.988,"body":"you could actually do research like this because depth psychology recognizes the psychic"},{"startTime":2376.988,"endTime":2383.312,"body":"reality of imaginal images, dream images and active imagination."},{"startTime":2383.77,"endTime":2391.989,"body":"is like what happens if I, know, at first it was more, I wanted to do more research around"},{"startTime":2383.77,"endTime":2391.989,"body":"like generational trauma and healing and how that can affect."},{"startTime":2391.989,"endTime":2394.1409999999996,"body":"But then I'm like, but that's still a goal in mind."},{"startTime":2394.1409999999996,"endTime":2398.9959999999996,"body":"That's still expecting, I'm going to the dead to heal my traumas."},{"startTime":2401.0159999999996,"endTime":2402.267,"body":"And lately it shifted."},{"startTime":2402.267,"endTime":2407.7419999999997,"body":"So it's more of to like, what happens if we just restore a relationship with the dead?"},{"startTime":2407.7419999999997,"endTime":2422.095,"body":"Like generations, like our answer, like we used to do, like cultures across, whatever"},{"startTime":2407.7419999999997,"endTime":2422.095,"body":"civilization used to have people who would almost go to any culture across the globe."},{"startTime":2422.095,"endTime":2424.096,"body":"They would tend to the dead."},{"startTime":2424.2169999999996,"endTime":2425.9379999999996,"body":"They would worship the dead."},{"startTime":2425.9379999999996,"endTime":2426.759,"body":"They would revere the dead."},{"startTime":2426.759,"endTime":2428.3379999999997,"body":"They put offerings to the dead."},{"startTime":2428.3379999999997,"endTime":2437.326,"body":"There's a day of the dead holiday in, in like, like you go to Mexico, the day of the dead"},{"startTime":2428.3379999999997,"endTime":2437.326,"body":"is like a whole thing, right?"},{"startTime":2437.3889999999997,"endTime":2438.0299999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2438.0299999999997,"endTime":2442.0539999999996,"body":"And Samhain in Celtic."},{"startTime":2442.776,"endTime":2444.808,"body":"Romans, had Parentenalia."},{"startTime":2444.808,"endTime":2448.874,"body":"You've been to Taiwan and the Eastern Pacific."},{"startTime":2448.874,"endTime":2449.584,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2451.922,"endTime":2454.562,"body":"All of it is just focused about the dead."},{"startTime":2454.562,"endTime":2469.7619999999997,"body":"All of it, like the weird hybrid of Taoism and Buddhism that exists in Taiwan is focused"},{"startTime":2454.562,"endTime":2469.7619999999997,"body":"like 90 per, I don't know, like it's focused on like offerings to the dead."},{"startTime":2469.7619999999997,"endTime":2476.462,"body":"And those offerings are in the sense of like remembrances for the dead."},{"startTime":2476.642,"endTime":2478.662,"body":"And maybe there's expectation."},{"startTime":2478.662,"endTime":2479.542,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":2479.542,"endTime":2481.642,"body":"I don't know enough about it, but like,"},{"startTime":2481.692,"endTime":2485.924,"body":"But like a big part of that is like the dead are they're now on their journey."},{"startTime":2485.924,"endTime":2487.584,"body":"Their journey continues."},{"startTime":2487.725,"endTime":2498.979,"body":"And I want to keep their memory alive here or I want to honor them wherever they are on"},{"startTime":2487.725,"endTime":2498.979,"body":"the other side and provide them with, you know, whatever we can provide them with."},{"startTime":2498.979,"endTime":2501.5699999999997,"body":"And in their case, it's like let me burn money."},{"startTime":2501.5699999999997,"endTime":2502.04,"body":"You know what mean?"},{"startTime":2502.04,"endTime":2507.433,"body":"Let me burn money to try to let them buy their way to the top of the fucking ladder or"},{"startTime":2502.04,"endTime":2507.433,"body":"whatever it is."},{"startTime":2507.433,"endTime":2510.464,"body":"But like it's I don't know, man."},{"startTime":2510.464,"endTime":2511.504,"body":"We have such a"},{"startTime":2511.504,"endTime":2512.4089999999997,"body":"I don't think it's true."},{"startTime":2512.4089999999997,"endTime":2514.9089999999997,"body":"I don't think it's unique to..."},{"startTime":2518.7259999999997,"endTime":2532.58,"body":"really anything like religious, I think it's becoming cultural and almost generational"},{"startTime":2518.7259999999997,"endTime":2532.58,"body":"where we just don't have a great relationship with the concept of death."},{"startTime":2532.89,"endTime":2533.723,"body":"No"},{"startTime":2534.9779999999996,"endTime":2543.785,"body":"I know I turned that a little bit from what you were talking about as far as like building"},{"startTime":2534.9779999999996,"endTime":2543.785,"body":"a relationship with the ancestors, but like that's building your own thing with with with."},{"startTime":2545.207,"endTime":2548.8399999999997,"body":"Even that, like the ancestors, who knows what they want?"},{"startTime":2548.8399999999997,"endTime":2549.7,"body":"They want to have a relationship."},{"startTime":2549.7,"endTime":2556.136,"body":"Do they care about like maybe they want to go zip around the Andromeda galaxy."},{"startTime":2556.136,"endTime":2556.6659999999997,"body":"What do they know?"},{"startTime":2556.6659999999997,"endTime":2558.057,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":2558.593,"endTime":2559.884,"body":"No, and it's a good question."},{"startTime":2559.884,"endTime":2570.792,"body":"And I do think that it ties into our year spot on it ties into our, our avoidance and our"},{"startTime":2559.884,"endTime":2570.792,"body":"fear of death, especially in Western culture and our desire for permanence, even the way"},{"startTime":2570.792,"endTime":2575.5449999999996,"body":"we bury our dead, we embalm them with, with all these fluids."},{"startTime":2575.566,"endTime":2578.6699999999996,"body":"We put them in like this elaborate coffin."},{"startTime":2578.6699999999996,"endTime":2583.74,"body":"airtight, we seal them in these like oak fucking boxes that we pay $12 ,000 for."},{"startTime":2583.74,"endTime":2585.72,"body":"like, bro, we're burying that in the ground, you know?"},{"startTime":2585.72,"endTime":2586.77,"body":"It's like buried treasure."},{"startTime":2586.77,"endTime":2591.4339999999997,"body":"Like go dig up all these coffins and resell them on the secondary market."},{"startTime":2591.4739999999997,"endTime":2599.3689999999997,"body":"And even then when they go on the ground, it's in a concrete slab to protect it from"},{"startTime":2591.4739999999997,"endTime":2599.3689999999997,"body":"decay."},{"startTime":2601.071,"endTime":2604.6929999999998,"body":"We just don't have a good relationship with death."},{"startTime":2607.055,"endTime":2620.518,"body":"So with this work and why it was so fascinating is because I was realizing more, it's"},{"startTime":2607.055,"endTime":2620.518,"body":"like, what happens if we get back into relationship with the dead where it's reciprocal?"},{"startTime":2620.518,"endTime":2622.9289999999996,"body":"where it's okay to go with them with expectations."},{"startTime":2622.9289999999996,"endTime":2631.201,"body":"can't like, you can't take that away, you know, but it's like, just like any relationship,"},{"startTime":2622.9289999999996,"endTime":2631.201,"body":"there's a give and take."},{"startTime":2631.201,"endTime":2632.131,"body":"There's a back and forth."},{"startTime":2632.131,"endTime":2633.511,"body":"There's a learning."},{"startTime":2635.212,"endTime":2637.383,"body":"And what I'm finding, I mean, I'm just starting it."},{"startTime":2637.383,"endTime":2638.8729999999996,"body":"I haven't really even started the work yet."},{"startTime":2638.8729999999996,"endTime":2642.5939999999996,"body":"I've just been writing the concept paper and getting it going."},{"startTime":2642.9539999999997,"endTime":2647.9959999999996,"body":"But my whole concept of what the term ancestors even means is shifting."},{"startTime":2647.9959999999996,"endTime":2649.852,"body":"Dude, I would love to hear what do you mean?"},{"startTime":2649.852,"endTime":2650.894,"body":"Tell me more."},{"startTime":2651.3559999999998,"endTime":2654.7839999999997,"body":"Well, because I've had to have, yeah."},{"startTime":2654.7839999999997,"endTime":2672.4089999999997,"body":"to interrupt you, but the reason I'm asking is because you have a more rich experience,"},{"startTime":2654.7839999999997,"endTime":2672.4089999999997,"body":"whether it be in meditative states or in dream states or in altered states of"},{"startTime":2672.4089999999997,"endTime":2680.426,"body":"consciousness, you have an interactive relationship with ancestors."},{"startTime":2680.7,"endTime":2685.5539999999996,"body":"Like your grandma and grandpa are showing up all the time and you got these, that shit"},{"startTime":2680.7,"endTime":2685.5539999999996,"body":"never happens to me."},{"startTime":2685.5539999999996,"endTime":2687.596,"body":"Not once has that ever happened to me."},{"startTime":2687.596,"endTime":2689.0769999999998,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":2689.0769999999998,"endTime":2695.0719999999997,"body":"And so I'm so curious as to what do you mean by your relationship with the word ancestors"},{"startTime":2689.0769999999998,"endTime":2695.0719999999997,"body":"is changing."},{"startTime":2695.908,"endTime":2698.493,"body":"Yeah, because I, that's a good question."},{"startTime":2699.6589999999997,"endTime":2700.4779999999996,"body":"it's."},{"startTime":2702.812,"endTime":2708.5939999999996,"body":"I think initially in starting the work, I had that very kind of limited perspective."},{"startTime":2708.5939999999996,"endTime":2717.316,"body":"and my grandma comes in this form or like she's still existing somewhere, but I still have"},{"startTime":2708.5939999999996,"endTime":2717.316,"body":"this image of her as my grandmother."},{"startTime":2718.6569999999997,"endTime":2726.629,"body":"And I do like, I see it as so many different levels."},{"startTime":2726.629,"endTime":2730.5,"body":"It's so much wilder than I was expecting, I guess, right?"},{"startTime":2730.62,"endTime":2738.125,"body":"where I've had those experiences where I felt like they've come to me in a certain form as"},{"startTime":2730.62,"endTime":2738.125,"body":"my grandmother, right?"},{"startTime":2738.125,"endTime":2741.9869999999996,"body":"And I can recognize her, there's a familiarity there."},{"startTime":2745.232,"endTime":2745.522,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":2745.522,"endTime":2748.1839999999997,"body":"Let me get to, I'm trying to decide if I can share this part here."},{"startTime":2748.1839999999997,"endTime":2752.656,"body":"Let me just fill into this for a second, but I think I can, and it can illustrate a point."},{"startTime":2753.1769999999997,"endTime":2754.307,"body":"So I'm talking about my grandmother."},{"startTime":2754.307,"endTime":2761.381,"body":"I was writing about her in this presentation I did to like set up my concept paper and."},{"startTime":2763.423,"endTime":2763.883,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":2763.883,"endTime":2764.1229999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2764.1229999999996,"endTime":2765.464,"body":"Let me tell this story."},{"startTime":2765.904,"endTime":2771.1369999999997,"body":"When I was, when I was doing a different paper, it was like a mini concept paper."},{"startTime":2771.1369999999997,"endTime":2772.718,"body":"This was like a year and a half ago."},{"startTime":2773.7659999999996,"endTime":2779.8129999999996,"body":"I was doing this method of research called organic inquiry, which is all about like active"},{"startTime":2773.7659999999996,"endTime":2779.8129999999996,"body":"med active imagination."},{"startTime":2779.8129999999996,"endTime":2793.83,"body":"And you, you go and you document the change and, and as part of this method of organic"},{"startTime":2779.8129999999996,"endTime":2793.83,"body":"inquiry, they have you invite the muse of your research."},{"startTime":2795.696,"endTime":2798.0589999999997,"body":"And I did, and that's when I wrote that Nightingale song."},{"startTime":2799.548,"endTime":2805.229,"body":"Cause I'd had that dream about that la dee da da da da da da da, but didn't have words to"},{"startTime":2799.548,"endTime":2805.229,"body":"it."},{"startTime":2805.6699999999996,"endTime":2810.801,"body":"And then all of a sudden, and this was, I don't know if I, mean, maybe I'd had some"},{"startTime":2805.6699999999996,"endTime":2810.801,"body":"cannabis, maybe I don't know."},{"startTime":2810.801,"endTime":2816.093,"body":"It's hard to know which nights I've had a cannabis or not, but like, wasn't, I wasn't,"},{"startTime":2810.801,"endTime":2816.093,"body":"this wasn't a mushroom experience or something."},{"startTime":2816.093,"endTime":2826.9559999999997,"body":"It was deep in, but it was just a very vivid image of this woman who would be like, was"},{"startTime":2816.093,"endTime":2826.9559999999997,"body":"beautiful and then terrifying."},{"startTime":2826.9559999999997,"endTime":2828.796,"body":"was like death, but life."},{"startTime":2829.1879999999996,"endTime":2839.0519999999997,"body":"And when I met her, was like, you know, you have, when you fill the muse of a song, like"},{"startTime":2829.1879999999996,"endTime":2839.0519999999997,"body":"whether your Goldberry song or the muse arrives and all of a sudden it's like, the music"},{"startTime":2839.0519999999997,"endTime":2840.223,"body":"flows, the words flow."},{"startTime":2840.223,"endTime":2842.754,"body":"And it feels like they're coming from an external source."},{"startTime":2842.754,"endTime":2848.8959999999997,"body":"Immediately the words of that song came through and I'm like, I found the muse of my"},{"startTime":2842.754,"endTime":2848.8959999999997,"body":"research."},{"startTime":2850.8779999999997,"endTime":2856.9139999999998,"body":"now when I was presenting this in my presentation a few weeks ago, I didn't tell that"},{"startTime":2850.8779999999997,"endTime":2856.9139999999998,"body":"story."},{"startTime":2856.9139999999998,"endTime":2861.7859999999996,"body":"But I told about my grandmother inspiring me to kickstarting this ancestor work."},{"startTime":2862.9669999999996,"endTime":2871.2219999999998,"body":"And later, you know, as we do in these, residential is when you're going with a bunch of"},{"startTime":2862.9669999999996,"endTime":2871.2219999999998,"body":"people who are into depth psychology and dreams, you know, someone was giving me a card"},{"startTime":2871.2219999999998,"endTime":2872.192,"body":"reading."},{"startTime":2873.0519999999997,"endTime":2874.334,"body":"And it was this type of reading."},{"startTime":2874.334,"endTime":2875.084,"body":"was so cool."},{"startTime":2875.084,"endTime":2876.7149999999997,"body":"It was like these weird cards."},{"startTime":2876.7149999999997,"endTime":2879.777,"body":"I'll have these like, it was almost like a Rorschach."},{"startTime":2879.777,"endTime":2881.698,"body":"Is that what they call those blots?"},{"startTime":2881.698,"endTime":2883.178,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2883.279,"endTime":2884.379,"body":"Of like these images."},{"startTime":2884.379,"endTime":2885.618,"body":"And she was just telling me what."},{"startTime":2885.618,"endTime":2899.212,"body":"came, basically connected the dots that, my grandmother and that nightingale, because I"},{"startTime":2885.618,"endTime":2899.212,"body":"was wondering why I didn't write about her."},{"startTime":2899.212,"endTime":2901.412,"body":"I'm like, but I did write about her."},{"startTime":2901.832,"endTime":2904.413,"body":"I feel like they are the same being."},{"startTime":2905.393,"endTime":2915.4959999999996,"body":"And this, this one being who comes, who's come to me in this image of a nightingale and"},{"startTime":2905.393,"endTime":2915.4959999999996,"body":"this, and I sense a deeper, more like she's living,"},{"startTime":2915.526,"endTime":2920.52,"body":"a lot more lifetimes also was my grandmother."},{"startTime":2920.6609999999996,"endTime":2928.448,"body":"One of her many existences in whatever galaxies and this and that, and one of her"},{"startTime":2920.6609999999996,"endTime":2928.448,"body":"existences on earth was in the form of my grandmother."},{"startTime":2928.828,"endTime":2930.0409999999997,"body":"Dude, that's so cool."},{"startTime":2930.0409999999997,"endTime":2931.585,"body":"That is so cool."},{"startTime":2931.585,"endTime":2932.5159999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2932.7819999999997,"endTime":2948.2619999999997,"body":"And so you start getting the thing where you get different levels of, I do feel like I've"},{"startTime":2932.7819999999997,"endTime":2948.2619999999997,"body":"had experiences where for whatever reason, a dead person is still very tied to this realm"},{"startTime":2948.2619999999997,"endTime":2952.0539999999996,"body":"and to their life they lived in that incarnation."},{"startTime":2952.575,"endTime":2953.986,"body":"And they can't let go."},{"startTime":2953.986,"endTime":2956.3579999999997,"body":"They can't pass to the other side quite yet."},{"startTime":2956.3579999999997,"endTime":2960.0919999999996,"body":"And so they are very much, like to your point about"},{"startTime":2960.0919999999996,"endTime":2961.013,"body":"Do they even care?"},{"startTime":2961.013,"endTime":2964.2749999999996,"body":"know, I think some care a lot."},{"startTime":2964.776,"endTime":2974.2239999999997,"body":"And then you get some who care, who have more perspective, who are at more like the"},{"startTime":2964.776,"endTime":2974.2239999999997,"body":"peaceful part right now and they're wherever they're on in their next phase."},{"startTime":2974.404,"endTime":2978.8779999999997,"body":"But they still care about their lineage, what's going on."},{"startTime":2978.8779999999997,"endTime":2979.589,"body":"They still care."},{"startTime":2979.589,"endTime":2983.531,"body":"They're still like facilitating something."},{"startTime":2984.113,"endTime":2988.316,"body":"And then I've had those types of ancestors come and they're like, dog, like."},{"startTime":2988.636,"endTime":2990.3559999999998,"body":"What are you even worried about, man?"},{"startTime":2991.797,"endTime":2995.278,"body":"This whole, this whole fucking thing is just a fart in the wind."},{"startTime":2996.6569999999997,"endTime":3006.0009999999997,"body":"And you're not even going to, as much as you care about this and that and that eventually"},{"startTime":2996.6569999999997,"endTime":3006.0009999999997,"body":"it's like, you, you're not even going to remember this stream at one point or then you"},{"startTime":3006.0009999999997,"endTime":3006.3109999999997,"body":"might."},{"startTime":3006.3109999999997,"endTime":3010.462,"body":"it's like, you know, and so you get these different levels of existence."},{"startTime":3010.8019999999997,"endTime":3017.124,"body":"And if reality is really this wild, which I feel like when we've all had."},{"startTime":3017.296,"endTime":3025.5809999999997,"body":"You and I have had certain psychedelic experiences, but if anyone's done a psychedelic"},{"startTime":3017.296,"endTime":3025.5809999999997,"body":"dose where big enough, like an ayahuasca experience or like not microdosing, but you've"},{"startTime":3025.5809999999997,"endTime":3032.9849999999997,"body":"done enough to like dissolve the ego, you kind of go to this space of like, consciousness"},{"startTime":3025.5809999999997,"endTime":3032.9849999999997,"body":"is keeps existing and it's wild."},{"startTime":3032.9849999999997,"endTime":3038.107,"body":"it's like, kind of get out, step outside of space and time."},{"startTime":3038.468,"endTime":3042.31,"body":"Now, whether that's just you going into your right hemisphere of your brain, right?"},{"startTime":3042.31,"endTime":3047.162,"body":"Or rather you're actually going into, it has that feeling of"},{"startTime":3047.524,"endTime":3052.968,"body":"stepping out and gaining this perspective of like this life is just a blip."},{"startTime":3053.3089999999997,"endTime":3067.682,"body":"And so if consciousness really does go on and continue in this, of course, this person who"},{"startTime":3053.3089999999997,"endTime":3067.682,"body":"I feel like is my grandmother is also a different being and has lived so many, probably"},{"startTime":3067.682,"endTime":3071.335,"body":"lived lives on other dimensions, realities, galaxies, this and that."},{"startTime":3071.335,"endTime":3074.707,"body":"And so it's like, it gets really wild."},{"startTime":3076.2419999999997,"endTime":3085.747,"body":"Man, I'm just as you're talking about this, I'm thinking about the work for the dead."},{"startTime":3086.6079999999997,"endTime":3088.899,"body":"Like it within the concept of Mormonism."},{"startTime":3088.899,"endTime":3091.73,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":3091.73,"endTime":3105.5319999999997,"body":"I'm kind of waffling back and forth on wanting to like honor that versus wanting to versus"},{"startTime":3091.73,"endTime":3105.5319999999997,"body":"wanting to like maybe almost insult that because"},{"startTime":3105.5319999999997,"endTime":3106.3469999999998,"body":"I think you can do both."},{"startTime":3106.3469999999998,"endTime":3108.227,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3108.227,"endTime":3115.694,"body":"we, think as humans, that's where we exist, is that nothing is one thing, but nothing is"},{"startTime":3108.227,"endTime":3115.694,"body":"everything."},{"startTime":3115.694,"endTime":3116.8559999999998,"body":"I say that all the time, right?"},{"startTime":3116.8559999999998,"endTime":3117.8959999999997,"body":"Nothing is everything."},{"startTime":3117.8959999999997,"endTime":3120.0919999999996,"body":"It's the sacred and profane."},{"startTime":3120.0919999999996,"endTime":3122.4939999999997,"body":"Yeah, but I think that's the problem that I have."},{"startTime":3122.4939999999997,"endTime":3129.2889999999998,"body":"That exact thing is the problem that I have with the concept of temples because of the"},{"startTime":3122.4939999999997,"endTime":3129.2889999999998,"body":"lack of profane."},{"startTime":3129.2889999999998,"endTime":3140.777,"body":"Like death is gross and dirty and icky and smelly and who's to say that beyond death is"},{"startTime":3129.2889999999998,"endTime":3140.777,"body":"not those things?"},{"startTime":3140.777,"endTime":3147.0009999999997,"body":"But you go to a temple and it's just like, it's so sterilized and weird and so..."},{"startTime":3148.336,"endTime":3153.3469999999998,"body":"methodical and robotic and there's no remembrance of the dead."},{"startTime":3153.3469999999998,"endTime":3160.629,"body":"There's just like this like old man reading from a card and insert name here type of"},{"startTime":3153.3469999999998,"endTime":3160.629,"body":"thing."},{"startTime":3160.629,"endTime":3165.1609999999996,"body":"As if the dead are just sitting there waiting for this one thing to happen."},{"startTime":3165.1609999999996,"endTime":3175.0629999999996,"body":"They got access to time and space and they're waiting for some smelly fucking teenager to"},{"startTime":3165.1609999999996,"endTime":3175.0629999999996,"body":"go in and get baptized."},{"startTime":3175.0629999999996,"endTime":3177.0519999999997,"body":"Like that's so weird to me."},{"startTime":3177.0519999999997,"endTime":3179.0409999999997,"body":"It's such an interesting thing."},{"startTime":3179.56,"endTime":3186.3619999999996,"body":"It's such a check the box, fast food, Americanized version of ancestor work."},{"startTime":3186.3619999999996,"endTime":3192.144,"body":"And so while on some level, I feel like there's a beauty to it."},{"startTime":3192.144,"endTime":3199.946,"body":"There's a beauty to go walking into a family history library and seeing someone weep"},{"startTime":3192.144,"endTime":3199.946,"body":"because they've made some connection or they've connected with some ancestor or some story"},{"startTime":3199.946,"endTime":3201.6459999999997,"body":"that resonates with their own."},{"startTime":3201.6459999999997,"endTime":3203.557,"body":"And they feel like they found a piece of them."},{"startTime":3203.557,"endTime":3208.368,"body":"One of the cool quotes of Carl Jung that I love, I mean,"},{"startTime":3209.1899999999996,"endTime":3217.3819999999996,"body":"The red book, so Carl Jung's red book is something he wrote when he was going, he almost"},{"startTime":3209.1899999999996,"endTime":3217.3819999999996,"body":"had like a, it was his experience with this act of imagination."},{"startTime":3217.3819999999996,"endTime":3221.903,"body":"And at the time, yeah, like he thought he was going through a psychosis."},{"startTime":3221.903,"endTime":3233.337,"body":"mean, you know, almost, and yeah, he almost didn't come back from it because if he was"},{"startTime":3221.903,"endTime":3233.337,"body":"this, it was like, you know, in true, like, like he was a Western man who started"},{"startTime":3233.337,"endTime":3239.1079999999997,"body":"experiencing, like going in and experiencing the psyche as a shaman would, but didn't have"},{"startTime":3233.337,"endTime":3239.1079999999997,"body":"all the."},{"startTime":3239.24,"endTime":3242.8599999999997,"body":"training that shamans typically go through in indigenous cultures, right?"},{"startTime":3242.8599999999997,"endTime":3249.3199999999997,"body":"So he was losing his mind, but a lot of it was, you know, in someone was making a comment"},{"startTime":3242.8599999999997,"endTime":3249.3199999999997,"body":"that he was opening the mouth of the dead with that book."},{"startTime":3249.3199999999997,"endTime":3250.1499999999996,"body":"And it's pretty recent."},{"startTime":3250.1499999999996,"endTime":3258.7,"body":"I think it was only published in, like he wrote it, you know, a hundred so years ago, but"},{"startTime":3250.1499999999996,"endTime":3258.7,"body":"it was only published as the red book, like 10, 15 years ago."},{"startTime":3258.8799999999997,"endTime":3268.16,"body":"And so we've, yeah, we've only had access to it for a short amount of time, like 2006,"},{"startTime":3258.8799999999997,"endTime":3268.16,"body":"maybe 2010, something like that was when it was finally published."},{"startTime":3268.9399999999996,"endTime":3278.7569999999996,"body":"And, there is a commentary in the red book where they talk about that part of that, like"},{"startTime":3268.9399999999996,"endTime":3278.7569999999996,"body":"he encounters the dead and they even refer to it as he's opening the mouth of the dead"},{"startTime":3278.7569999999996,"endTime":3279.9269999999997,"body":"with that book."},{"startTime":3280.1679999999997,"endTime":3291.455,"body":"But in there, he has his quote about how the dead are looking greedily through our eyes,"},{"startTime":3280.1679999999997,"endTime":3291.455,"body":"trying to tie up the loose ends of their like unlived lives kind of dough."},{"startTime":3292.477,"endTime":3294.328,"body":"And I think there's an aspect of that, right?"},{"startTime":3294.328,"endTime":3297.7999999999997,"body":"There's an aspect of like, we are all like, there's this."},{"startTime":3298.2999999999997,"endTime":3306.825,"body":"Other quote from James Hillman, who's like, imagine having your eight great grandparents"},{"startTime":3298.2999999999997,"endTime":3306.825,"body":"in a room and around a table together."},{"startTime":3307.2259999999997,"endTime":3309.678,"body":"Would they even be able to speak the same language?"},{"startTime":3309.678,"endTime":3310.7079999999996,"body":"Would they like the same food?"},{"startTime":3310.7079999999996,"endTime":3312.169,"body":"Would they get along?"},{"startTime":3312.37,"endTime":3315.671,"body":"And those inconsistencies live in our psyche."},{"startTime":3315.692,"endTime":3321.946,"body":"we're, you know, we, it's not just like our, you know, think of like, I got this from my"},{"startTime":3315.692,"endTime":3321.946,"body":"mom."},{"startTime":3321.946,"endTime":3322.807,"body":"I got this from my dad."},{"startTime":3322.807,"endTime":3324.798,"body":"I got this from how we talk about that."},{"startTime":3324.798,"endTime":3328.24,"body":"Like what we inherited from each of our two parents."},{"startTime":3328.296,"endTime":3329.306,"body":"Well, what if we go eight?"},{"startTime":3329.306,"endTime":3330.1459999999997,"body":"What if we go 16?"},{"startTime":3330.1459999999997,"endTime":3331.116,"body":"What if we branch it out?"},{"startTime":3331.116,"endTime":3345.256,"body":"And so there's this aspect of, I forgot what we were talking about that brought this up"},{"startTime":3331.116,"endTime":3345.256,"body":"for me, of tying up a loose end or like the dead animating us."},{"startTime":3345.256,"endTime":3353.696,"body":"You know, are like, are they living through us and are we, are we carrying a bunch of"},{"startTime":3345.256,"endTime":3353.696,"body":"hungry ghosts with us all the time?"},{"startTime":3354.796,"endTime":3356.336,"body":"and I think there is an element of that."},{"startTime":3356.336,"endTime":3358.08,"body":"think there is an element of like,"},{"startTime":3358.556,"endTime":3361.1169999999997,"body":"them living through us and experiencing through us."},{"startTime":3361.1569999999997,"endTime":3374.739,"body":"And then yet there's also the, we're talking about with Mormonism and making that"},{"startTime":3361.1569999999997,"endTime":3374.739,"body":"connection because it's like, I see in their story an echo of mine and vice versa."},{"startTime":3374.739,"endTime":3375.531,"body":"see echoes of it."},{"startTime":3375.531,"endTime":3386.073,"body":"And I think that's why one ancestral work can be very beneficial for like psychological"},{"startTime":3375.531,"endTime":3386.073,"body":"healing and healing these ancestral complexes and family curses that kind of go through"},{"startTime":3386.073,"endTime":3388.464,"body":"and ripple through generational lines."},{"startTime":3389.212,"endTime":3394.149,"body":"But I also think just like that relationship is, I think it's the important part."},{"startTime":3394.149,"endTime":3395.901,"body":"And I think that's what, I don't know."},{"startTime":3395.901,"endTime":3398.605,"body":"That's what I loved about your dream."},{"startTime":3398.605,"endTime":3400.292,"body":"And that's what I'm loving about what I'm doing."},{"startTime":3400.292,"endTime":3406.79,"body":"Dude, it's kind of it's kind of fucking with me that you're talking about eight great"},{"startTime":3400.292,"endTime":3406.79,"body":"grandparents because like."},{"startTime":3409.296,"endTime":3410.788,"body":"Everything OK back there?"},{"startTime":3410.788,"endTime":3419.5389999999998,"body":"it is your so just so those of you listening at home, Mike has some sort of like Alexa or"},{"startTime":3410.788,"endTime":3419.5389999999998,"body":"hey Google that's in the background talking to him."},{"startTime":3419.5389999999998,"endTime":3422.1569999999997,"body":"So you heard that, you know, take it easy."},{"startTime":3422.1569999999997,"endTime":3423.948,"body":"I was like, it was one of the two."},{"startTime":3423.948,"endTime":3426.06,"body":"I don't know what I did to trigger it."},{"startTime":3427.301,"endTime":3436.77,"body":"I'm at this sublease, know, with our separation, we just been running out of these"},{"startTime":3427.301,"endTime":3436.77,"body":"different subleases and she's got, she's got all sorts of spies around here, Lexus and"},{"startTime":3437.3109999999997,"endTime":3440.354,"body":"sometimes I'm wondering if some of these sublease people put in like a nanny cam."},{"startTime":3440.354,"endTime":3445.886,"body":"cams, you know, dude, I think that that's a thing in the Airbnb world and the VRBL world."},{"startTime":3445.886,"endTime":3447.026,"body":"think there's like, I think there's."},{"startTime":3447.026,"endTime":3457.0389999999998,"body":"I, in fact, I think that that's actually a problem that's being cracked down on right now,"},{"startTime":3447.026,"endTime":3457.0389999999998,"body":"that there are hidden cameras going on in that whole world."},{"startTime":3457.7799999999997,"endTime":3460.0699999999997,"body":"I lost my train of thought about what I was going to say just there."},{"startTime":3460.0699999999997,"endTime":3466.162,"body":"I guess just for me, I'm thinking about."},{"startTime":3467.122,"endTime":3477.682,"body":"Like you said, okay, if you were to get together with your eight great -grands, I don't"},{"startTime":3467.122,"endTime":3477.682,"body":"know if I'm doing the math right on that, but that would be 257 people, right?"},{"startTime":3478.102,"endTime":3484.057,"body":"Like me and my, and me and my grandparent, like my eighth greats."},{"startTime":3484.057,"endTime":3485.562,"body":"eight generation."},{"startTime":3485.8959999999997,"endTime":3486.317,"body":"yeah."},{"startTime":3486.317,"endTime":3487.229,"body":"I thought."},{"startTime":3487.2419999999997,"endTime":3492.922,"body":"that's not including like my mom and dad, their mom and dads."},{"startTime":3492.922,"endTime":3497.5939999999996,"body":"Like that's just the eighth generation of grands, I think is 256."},{"startTime":3497.5939999999996,"endTime":3499.7799999999997,"body":"Okay, you're talking about the eighth, okay, yeah, eighth generation."},{"startTime":3499.7799999999997,"endTime":3502.2749999999996,"body":"I was talking about just great grandparents, eight of them."},{"startTime":3502.297,"endTime":3505.203,"body":"But the eighth generation is like."},{"startTime":3506.167,"endTime":3506.4689999999996,"body":"No."},{"startTime":3506.4689999999996,"endTime":3511.402,"body":"happened for me, Mike, is like, eight generations isn't that hard to kind of like think"},{"startTime":3506.4689999999996,"endTime":3511.402,"body":"about."},{"startTime":3511.402,"endTime":3522.3599999999997,"body":"If you think about like my grandma and then like my kids' grandkids, grandkids, that's not"},{"startTime":3511.402,"endTime":3522.3599999999997,"body":"all that far."},{"startTime":3522.3599999999997,"endTime":3525.922,"body":"Like that's, mean, in the grand scheme of things, that's not all that far to think about."},{"startTime":3525.922,"endTime":3528.243,"body":"You know I mean?"},{"startTime":3528.484,"endTime":3531.4049999999997,"body":"But it also is fucking with me to think about the the"},{"startTime":3532.85,"endTime":3535.0499999999997,"body":"Quantity and you know, there's gonna be overlap."},{"startTime":3535.0499999999997,"endTime":3539.5899999999997,"body":"Of course, it's partly go you go back far enough It's not gonna be 256."},{"startTime":3539.5899999999997,"endTime":3543.54,"body":"It's probably gonna be like, you know, maybe 190 or something like that."},{"startTime":3543.54,"endTime":3546.5499999999997,"body":"There's gonna be some weird shit going on"},{"startTime":3547.229,"endTime":3549.413,"body":"Especially maybe in the Mormon world too,"},{"startTime":3550.4159999999997,"endTime":3562.0009999999997,"body":"Yeah, so I don't know how I'm feeling about like there was also a part of my dream that I"},{"startTime":3550.4159999999997,"endTime":3562.0009999999997,"body":"just wanted to ask you about because the whole thing about like them asking me to sing a"},{"startTime":3562.0009999999997,"endTime":3573.4359999999997,"body":"song that's mine that I don't remember really really reeks of like having to give a speech"},{"startTime":3562.0009999999997,"endTime":3573.4359999999997,"body":"in front of a class that you don't know that you don't remember you had to you know to"},{"startTime":3573.4359999999997,"endTime":3578.598,"body":"give a speech or showing up for a test that you forgot you had to take or something like"},{"startTime":3573.4359999999997,"endTime":3578.598,"body":"that so"},{"startTime":3580.575,"endTime":3585.2569999999996,"body":"I'm curious if that, because I'm trying to deal with some stuff in my life right here."},{"startTime":3585.298,"endTime":3595.162,"body":"and I, as long as we're talking about my dream, I kind of wanted to get some free therapy"},{"startTime":3585.298,"endTime":3595.162,"body":"from you, you know, as far as that goes, like, what the does that usually come with it?"},{"startTime":3595.162,"endTime":3605.0589999999997,"body":"It seems it seems to me like that's a theme that happens of like, I had to give a test"},{"startTime":3595.162,"endTime":3605.0589999999997,"body":"today and I, or I had to take a test today and I forgot, I didn't know I don't know what"},{"startTime":3605.0589999999997,"endTime":3607.0299999999997,"body":"the subject matter is or something."},{"startTime":3607.4939999999997,"endTime":3608.225,"body":"Yeah, it's a big one."},{"startTime":3608.225,"endTime":3615.846,"body":"mean, I used to have that recurring dream of like having a final at school and I haven't"},{"startTime":3608.225,"endTime":3615.846,"body":"studied for the final at all."},{"startTime":3615.846,"endTime":3624.538,"body":"I haven't been going to class with that same feeling, but it's that feeling of, I mean, it"},{"startTime":3615.846,"endTime":3624.538,"body":"feels like a feeling of being unprepared for something."},{"startTime":3624.8799999999997,"endTime":3632.1,"body":"Yeah, yeah, but I'm trying to I'm trying to identify what that could possibly like what's"},{"startTime":3624.8799999999997,"endTime":3632.1,"body":"in my life right now that I'm feeling that way about, you know."},{"startTime":3633.4089999999997,"endTime":3646.846,"body":"I mean, it's hard for me to say with like, as far as like, because it feels like we've"},{"startTime":3633.4089999999997,"endTime":3646.846,"body":"both been through a lot of changes, but you unconsciously picking up a change coming that"},{"startTime":3646.846,"endTime":3651.712,"body":"you don't feel, you know, prepared for."},{"startTime":3652.2839999999997,"endTime":3662.031,"body":"So I think for the first time ever, think I want to take back, I think I want to cut"},{"startTime":3652.2839999999997,"endTime":3662.031,"body":"something."},{"startTime":3662.3329999999996,"endTime":3663.7239999999997,"body":"Let's just cut that part."},{"startTime":3663.902,"endTime":3664.343,"body":"Cut that part."},{"startTime":3664.343,"endTime":3664.6929999999998,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":3664.6929999999998,"endTime":3666.817,"body":"I was wondering if it's getting to it."},{"startTime":3666.817,"endTime":3667.718,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3667.96,"endTime":3668.4199999999996,"body":"Or."},{"startTime":3668.4199999999996,"endTime":3675.893,"body":"because I'm putting you on the spot and asking you to interpret my dream when it's like,"},{"startTime":3668.4199999999996,"endTime":3675.893,"body":"typically you would say you would push that back onto me and be like, well, what are you?"},{"startTime":3675.9919999999997,"endTime":3679.114,"body":"So it felt it felt staged just now to me."},{"startTime":3679.355,"endTime":3679.645,"body":"And."},{"startTime":3679.645,"endTime":3684.1969999999997,"body":"I don't want to go through, I don't want to like go through like."},{"startTime":3684.817,"endTime":3687.1079999999997,"body":"Trying to figure that out, you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":3687.6859999999997,"endTime":3692.984,"body":"Yeah, I was was just wondering if it gets a little too personal with some of it."},{"startTime":3692.984,"endTime":3695.835,"body":"Well, I mean, maybe it could it could be."},{"startTime":3695.835,"endTime":3703.968,"body":"just I felt like in my mind, I was trying to set you up for like a little bit of a like,"},{"startTime":3695.835,"endTime":3703.968,"body":"look at Mike doing dream interpretation."},{"startTime":3703.968,"endTime":3706.3289999999997,"body":"You should let's do a plug for Mike's thing."},{"startTime":3706.3289999999997,"endTime":3707.399,"body":"You should reach out to him."},{"startTime":3707.399,"endTime":3709.64,"body":"Like that's what I was intentionally doing."},{"startTime":3709.64,"endTime":3712.281,"body":"And it it it came across that way."},{"startTime":3712.281,"endTime":3713.3909999999996,"body":"Like it can't it fell flat."},{"startTime":3713.3909999999996,"endTime":3715.3819999999996,"body":"And so I think that we just cut that out."},{"startTime":3715.622,"endTime":3717.7189999999996,"body":"What if we just keep it and talk about it following?"},{"startTime":3717.7189999999996,"endTime":3718.7219999999998,"body":"I don't think it fell."},{"startTime":3718.7219999999998,"endTime":3721.147,"body":"I think there's an element of like."},{"startTime":3721.2439999999997,"endTime":3722.765,"body":"because it was me being manipulative."},{"startTime":3722.765,"endTime":3729.399,"body":"That's why, because I was doing it not out of like, like naturally, let's keep talking"},{"startTime":3722.765,"endTime":3729.399,"body":"about my dream."},{"startTime":3729.399,"endTime":3743.506,"body":"I was doing it in a way of like, what if we could transition this into like, hey, if you"},{"startTime":3729.399,"endTime":3743.506,"body":"all are interested in discussing your dreams with Mike, contact Mike for dream analysis"},{"startTime":3743.506,"endTime":3744.287,"body":"type of thing."},{"startTime":3744.287,"endTime":3750.1899999999996,"body":"And so I didn't do it with an actual sincere question of like, hey, Mike, let's talk more"},{"startTime":3744.287,"endTime":3750.1899999999996,"body":"about my dream."},{"startTime":3750.5,"endTime":3753.832,"body":"I know I'm dealing with what I'm dealing with as far as like that goes."},{"startTime":3753.832,"endTime":3754.394,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":3754.394,"endTime":3757.479,"body":"Does that make sense what I'm saying?"},{"startTime":3757.479,"endTime":3758.071,"body":"That makes sense."},{"startTime":3758.071,"endTime":3759.053,"body":"Yeah, was winning scott."},{"startTime":3759.053,"endTime":3759.864,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3760.6079999999997,"endTime":3762.268,"body":"OK, winning scott number."},{"startTime":3762.268,"endTime":3765.0229999999997,"body":"of the discussion in and make me look like a fucking idiot."},{"startTime":3765.0229999999997,"endTime":3766.0249999999996,"body":"Like, we could do that."},{"startTime":3766.0249999999996,"endTime":3767.1679999999997,"body":"I'm okay with that."},{"startTime":3767.1679999999997,"endTime":3769.18,"body":"I would never want to make you look like fucking idiot."},{"startTime":3769.18,"endTime":3770.154,"body":"I do that on my own."},{"startTime":3770.154,"endTime":3776.2239999999997,"body":"just saying, I just, it felt empty and insincere the way I brought it up."},{"startTime":3776.9559999999997,"endTime":3790.029,"body":"Yeah, we can talk about that later about why, like, cause it is a, cause it is a common"},{"startTime":3776.9559999999997,"endTime":3790.029,"body":"dream thing, but the reason the whatever, what it's bringing up can be, could be very"},{"startTime":3790.029,"endTime":3793.011,"body":"specific, you know?"},{"startTime":3793.011,"endTime":3795.285,"body":"And so it's kind of like, cause it is a common dream motif."},{"startTime":3795.285,"endTime":3799.229,"body":"And I think there were the reasons why I would be having was happy."},{"startTime":3799.229,"endTime":3800.6189999999997,"body":"Anyway, anyway."},{"startTime":3800.9139999999998,"endTime":3803.8559999999998,"body":"Because you didn't want to share stuff about me that is..."},{"startTime":3805.788,"endTime":3808.8379999999997,"body":"Well, it could get personal."},{"startTime":3808.8379999999997,"endTime":3809.519,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":3809.519,"endTime":3812.4649999999997,"body":"I understand what you were doing."},{"startTime":3812.4649999999997,"endTime":3813.6169999999997,"body":"I'm just coming clean."},{"startTime":3813.6169999999997,"endTime":3815.6899999999996,"body":"I'm confessing to you what I was doing."},{"startTime":3815.814,"endTime":3818.0139999999997,"body":"Gotcha."},{"startTime":3819.064,"endTime":3820.147,"body":"So we'll cut."},{"startTime":3821.895,"endTime":3823.8889999999997,"body":"Or we just leave that whole conversation in."},{"startTime":3823.8889999999997,"endTime":3827.667,"body":"I'm okay looking like, hey, I'm still not getting it."},{"startTime":3827.667,"endTime":3829.6699999999996,"body":"Like I'm still trying to figure this shit out."},{"startTime":3831.105,"endTime":3832.173,"body":"whoa, dude, I thought you're..."},{"startTime":3832.173,"endTime":3833.615,"body":"about it whether it cut or not."},{"startTime":3833.615,"endTime":3835.176,"body":"We'll talk about it after."},{"startTime":3835.839,"endTime":3836.649,"body":"That was so weird."},{"startTime":3836.649,"endTime":3837.881,"body":"I thought you froze."},{"startTime":3837.881,"endTime":3839.5519999999997,"body":"Dude, I thought you froze up."},{"startTime":3839.5519999999997,"endTime":3847.18,"body":"were in such thought for a second there that I was like, shit, Mike must have frozen up."},{"startTime":3848.897,"endTime":3857.1839999999997,"body":"I do want to ask a question though about, or get to one part about the dream was this"},{"startTime":3848.897,"endTime":3857.1839999999997,"body":"expectation thing at the very end."},{"startTime":3858.006,"endTime":3861.569,"body":"That last line, because I think it ties into what we're talking about."},{"startTime":3861.569,"endTime":3871.7569999999996,"body":"And I've had this experience with, and why I also like it being talking about the"},{"startTime":3861.569,"endTime":3871.7569999999996,"body":"reciprocity or the reciprocal nature of it."},{"startTime":3872.218,"endTime":3874.3799999999997,"body":"Because just like we can."},{"startTime":3876.578,"endTime":3878.7599999999998,"body":"make expectations of the dead."},{"startTime":3878.7599999999998,"endTime":3885.614,"body":"I also think we can get into our mindset of we are to save the dead."},{"startTime":3886.075,"endTime":3888.096,"body":"We can get a savior complex with it."},{"startTime":3889.1899999999996,"endTime":3891.4629999999997,"body":"Yeah, well, mean, geez, that's Baptist."},{"startTime":3891.4629999999997,"endTime":3895.558,"body":"mean, that's the whole endowments and work for the dead and all that kind of stuff, right?"},{"startTime":3895.558,"endTime":3901.806,"body":"Like we're doing the work here on Earth to like act as saviors to the dead."},{"startTime":3902.0879999999997,"endTime":3910.6279999999997,"body":"Yeah, mean, that's what we learned as Mormons is like, our greatest responsibility is to"},{"startTime":3902.0879999999997,"endTime":3910.6279999999997,"body":"the dead and like the salvation of the dead."},{"startTime":3910.6279999999997,"endTime":3917.038,"body":"mean, was one of the three, now that think there's four missions of the church or"},{"startTime":3910.6279999999997,"endTime":3917.038,"body":"whatever, even though I don't think they talk about it."},{"startTime":3917.038,"endTime":3927.868,"body":"A while ago, I think they've stopped talking about it, but a while, like 10 years ago or"},{"startTime":3917.038,"endTime":3927.868,"body":"something, they added a fourth mission of the church, which was about caring for the poor"},{"startTime":3927.868,"endTime":3928.768,"body":"and needy."},{"startTime":3929.392,"endTime":3930.566,"body":"He dropped it."},{"startTime":3931.0049999999997,"endTime":3932.6389999999997,"body":"I don't know what they're talking about."},{"startTime":3932.6389999999997,"endTime":3933.7619999999997,"body":"like, that's a great one."},{"startTime":3933.7619999999997,"endTime":3934.9649999999997,"body":"I love that one because what is it?"},{"startTime":3934.9649999999997,"endTime":3937.2189999999996,"body":"It's like Perfect the Saints."},{"startTime":3939.2129999999997,"endTime":3940.6369999999997,"body":"Spread the gospel."},{"startTime":3941.296,"endTime":3946.779,"body":"Yes, spread the gospel, preach the gospel, perfect the saints, redeem the dead, we're the"},{"startTime":3941.296,"endTime":3946.779,"body":"three."},{"startTime":3947.1389999999997,"endTime":3953.683,"body":"And, I don't know if they dropped it, I just not emphasize them, but they added a mission."},{"startTime":3954.243,"endTime":3957.995,"body":"when I was going through like my faith crisis part, I'm like, I actually liked that"},{"startTime":3954.243,"endTime":3957.995,"body":"mission."},{"startTime":3957.995,"endTime":3959.1059999999998,"body":"I, you know, good on them."},{"startTime":3959.1059999999998,"endTime":3960.067,"body":"And then I don't know if they bring it."},{"startTime":3960.067,"endTime":3961.9869999999996,"body":"I don't know if they even talk about it anymore."},{"startTime":3963.8089999999997,"endTime":3968.3909999999996,"body":"but I do, because I think it talks about this weight and expectation."},{"startTime":3968.3909999999996,"endTime":3969.602,"body":"And I think,"},{"startTime":3972.872,"endTime":3984.518,"body":"That's why I mean, I think this can be just like something to tie into life in general,"},{"startTime":3972.872,"endTime":3984.518,"body":"with our kids or places where we feel like this burden of expectation to save or to care"},{"startTime":3984.518,"endTime":3987.672,"body":"or to support people when."},{"startTime":3989.729,"endTime":3993.855,"body":"I think it's just perpetuating a savior complex."},{"startTime":3994.1079999999997,"endTime":3996.979,"body":"Well, and I have that, you you and I have talked."},{"startTime":3996.979,"endTime":3998.1389999999997,"body":"What's that?"},{"startTime":3999.1789999999996,"endTime":4000.1,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":4000.8199999999997,"endTime":4002.3799999999997,"body":"Yeah, I have that in spades."},{"startTime":4002.3799999999997,"endTime":4016.6639999999998,"body":"And it's like, I mean, I think that my dis like my disgust in the dream is reflective of"},{"startTime":4002.3799999999997,"endTime":4016.6639999999998,"body":"some of the sort of like sort of self loathing that I'm going through, but also some of"},{"startTime":4016.6639999999998,"endTime":4021.2059999999997,"body":"the pressure that I feel of like because it's not just one or the other for me."},{"startTime":4021.2059999999997,"endTime":4022.1859999999997,"body":"It's like I"},{"startTime":4022.7239999999997,"endTime":4035.294,"body":"I do have a lot of, I do have like expectations of me and people that rely on me, but also"},{"startTime":4022.7239999999997,"endTime":4035.294,"body":"I have a deep resentment towards that."},{"startTime":4035.294,"endTime":4036.325,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":4036.325,"endTime":4042.7,"body":"So think that's coming up in some pretty deep ways in that short little dream that we"},{"startTime":4036.325,"endTime":4042.7,"body":"talked about, you know?"},{"startTime":4043.2259999999997,"endTime":4056.147,"body":"Yeah, and why I bring it up is with this, I think my, this ancestor work I'm talking about"},{"startTime":4043.2259999999997,"endTime":4056.147,"body":"shifted when I stopped making it a mission."},{"startTime":4056.6879999999996,"endTime":4065.618,"body":"When I felt like it was like a, that I was saving my family line or saving the dead or"},{"startTime":4056.6879999999996,"endTime":4065.618,"body":"like, it was my."},{"startTime":4065.618,"endTime":4072.033,"body":"breaking fucking cycles, like ancestral cycles and something like that."},{"startTime":4072.033,"endTime":4080.7149999999997,"body":"yeah, when I made it less about that, or just didn't make it about that, and was like, how"},{"startTime":4072.033,"endTime":4080.7149999999997,"body":"can I, I think that's a byproduct of it."},{"startTime":4080.7149999999997,"endTime":4086.957,"body":"Like, don't think it's so getting back to like supporting, you know, kids are filling"},{"startTime":4080.7149999999997,"endTime":4086.957,"body":"obligation about that."},{"startTime":4086.957,"endTime":4097.26,"body":"It's like, if you if you get into a relationship with the dead, I think a natural"},{"startTime":4086.957,"endTime":4097.26,"body":"byproduct is yeah, you will be"},{"startTime":4097.532,"endTime":4106.257,"body":"You'll be healing relationships, you'll be working through complexes, you'll be doing"},{"startTime":4097.532,"endTime":4106.257,"body":"whatever, you'll be helping whatever aspect of their energy might be still trapped in"},{"startTime":4106.257,"endTime":4111.77,"body":"certain form and isn't passing through to another phase of their journey."},{"startTime":4114.208,"endTime":4114.508,"body":"sure."},{"startTime":4114.508,"endTime":4119.45,"body":"That's there, but like, if you make it about that, there's a, there's a weight to it."},{"startTime":4119.45,"endTime":4123.832,"body":"There's a, it can get dark too."},{"startTime":4123.832,"endTime":4126.043,"body":"It can get like really dark."},{"startTime":4126.043,"endTime":4136.387,"body":"I mean, you talk about, mean, we've all had ancestors that have done some dark shit and,"},{"startTime":4126.043,"endTime":4136.387,"body":"and, and, and horrible tragic stories in all of our ancestral lines."},{"startTime":4136.387,"endTime":4143.026,"body":"mean, you go back far enough, like you don't have to go back very far probably to find a"},{"startTime":4136.387,"endTime":4143.026,"body":"lot of."},{"startTime":4143.026,"endTime":4146.66,"body":"tragic, awful things that can get really dark."},{"startTime":4147.362,"endTime":4154.751,"body":"And so, anyway, I'm just saying."},{"startTime":4155.9929999999995,"endTime":4157.535,"body":"I'm just saying it's shifting."},{"startTime":4157.535,"endTime":4161.51,"body":"I think it's shifting my perspective on life a little bit of like."},{"startTime":4164.688,"endTime":4167.4169999999995,"body":"Maybe I'm bringing the weight to things."},{"startTime":4168.432,"endTime":4171.0689999999995,"body":"Wow man, I mean"},{"startTime":4174.139999999999,"endTime":4175.0,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":4179.287,"endTime":4181.788,"body":"Obviously, that's obviously that's a true thing."},{"startTime":4181.788,"endTime":4184.1089999999995,"body":"Obviously, you saying that is true."},{"startTime":4184.1089999999995,"endTime":4190.023,"body":"And and I think anybody hearing that would be like, yeah, I don't know."},{"startTime":4190.023,"endTime":4198.477,"body":"But just the way that you had that we shared that or maybe even had that realization sort"},{"startTime":4190.023,"endTime":4198.477,"body":"of hit me of like."},{"startTime":4199.298,"endTime":4205.941,"body":"Yeah, man, we talk about it and we we we write about it and we do all this stuff about it,"},{"startTime":4199.298,"endTime":4205.941,"body":"but."},{"startTime":4206.602,"endTime":4207.831999999999,"body":"It's not."},{"startTime":4208.516,"endTime":4212.5289999999995,"body":"anybody else's thing to deal with."},{"startTime":4212.5289999999995,"endTime":4226.5019999999995,"body":"Like it's not the ancestors fault and it's not that you're stepping in front of the train"},{"startTime":4212.5289999999995,"endTime":4226.5019999999995,"body":"to save the future and save the past and like you're not Marty McFly."},{"startTime":4226.5019999999995,"endTime":4232.147,"body":"Like we're not, are, none of us are Jesus or Marty McFly."},{"startTime":4232.147,"endTime":4233.007,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":4233.007,"endTime":4236.45,"body":"We just gotta like, we just gotta like."},{"startTime":4237.222,"endTime":4239.344,"body":"work it out with ourself, I think."},{"startTime":4239.344,"endTime":4252.755,"body":"I know that that's like a repetitive concept here, but it's one that I've struggled to"},{"startTime":4239.344,"endTime":4252.755,"body":"learn because I spent so many years learning that like I'm a problem, my existence is a"},{"startTime":4252.755,"endTime":4262.102,"body":"problem, and it's my responsibility to not only fix me and perfect me, but also"},{"startTime":4262.5019999999995,"endTime":4273.928,"body":"participate actively participate in the perfection of the Saints like you you you brought"},{"startTime":4262.5019999999995,"endTime":4273.928,"body":"it up as far as like as a mission of the church I gotta be busy doing shit all the time in"},{"startTime":4273.928,"endTime":4286.514999999999,"body":"order to be worthy of of whatever the next phase is you know what I mean and it's like"},{"startTime":4273.928,"endTime":4286.514999999999,"body":"okay man maybe I Mike I hate saying this I maybe I got to stop blaming the church for so"},{"startTime":4286.514999999999,"endTime":4292.562,"body":"much shit maybe I got a maybe it's the church's fault but it's my responsibility to take"},{"startTime":4286.514999999999,"endTime":4292.562,"body":"care of my own"},{"startTime":4292.562,"endTime":4294.669,"body":"fucking thing, you know?"},{"startTime":4294.669,"endTime":4295.692,"body":"I gotta deal with it."},{"startTime":4295.692,"endTime":4296.864,"body":"I gotta deal with it."},{"startTime":4297.468,"endTime":4298.138,"body":"You know what though?"},{"startTime":4298.138,"endTime":4303.59,"body":"was thinking this other, maybe this is, cause in time, even tying it into the podcast,"},{"startTime":4298.138,"endTime":4303.59,"body":"right?"},{"startTime":4303.59,"endTime":4306.429999999999,"body":"I think my energy on the podcast has changed."},{"startTime":4306.429999999999,"endTime":4309.251,"body":"I was feeling a tremendous burden of it two years ago."},{"startTime":4309.5509999999995,"endTime":4312.982,"body":"Cause I thought I was like, yeah, I'm doing it to help people to do this."},{"startTime":4312.982,"endTime":4322.8949999999995,"body":"It was like, that was the mission of it is like to create a podcast to help people and"},{"startTime":4312.982,"endTime":4322.8949999999995,"body":"this and that, but when you do that, you're bringing a, it was a weight to it that I was"},{"startTime":4322.8949999999995,"endTime":4327.206,"body":"like, couldn't carry anymore and, and didn't need to carry."},{"startTime":4327.642,"endTime":4331.7249999999995,"body":"Like people, people don't need saviors."},{"startTime":4331.7249999999995,"endTime":4333.596,"body":"I don't need to be their savior and they don't need them."},{"startTime":4333.596,"endTime":4336.017,"body":"They, they don't need it."},{"startTime":4336.697999999999,"endTime":4343.562,"body":"and one of the other things I was thinking, this was just two nights ago, man, when I was"},{"startTime":4336.697999999999,"endTime":4343.562,"body":"playing that song was like California beats."},{"startTime":4343.562,"endTime":4345.664,"body":"And then I turned to the Salt Lake city beats."},{"startTime":4345.924,"endTime":4353.369,"body":"And then at the end, when I was just messing around with lyrics, it was turning, it felt"},{"startTime":4345.924,"endTime":4353.369,"body":"like almost like a, it was like turning to like a revolution type thing where it's like"},{"startTime":4353.369,"endTime":4355.441,"body":"people going on the streets and like with pick."},{"startTime":4355.441,"endTime":4357.7519999999995,"body":"I was getting this image of people with pitchfork."},{"startTime":4358.034,"endTime":4361.9349999999995,"body":"pitchforks and torches surrounding the Salt Lake City Temple."},{"startTime":4364.232,"endTime":4366.232,"body":"I was going to give them damn, that's a cool image."},{"startTime":4366.232,"endTime":4372.232,"body":"like, because I've always thought like, okay, I left the church 10 years ago."},{"startTime":4372.232,"endTime":4377.092,"body":"And by the way, in three days will be my 10 year anniversary from walking away from the"},{"startTime":4372.232,"endTime":4377.092,"body":"church."},{"startTime":4377.512,"endTime":4386.384,"body":"I figured it out the other night at 8 17 2014 was that when I walked in, not when I lost"},{"startTime":4377.512,"endTime":4386.384,"body":"my faith, but when I walked in and said, I'm not going to church anymore."},{"startTime":4386.384,"endTime":4389.896,"body":"Whoa, dude, you know the specific date too."},{"startTime":4389.896,"endTime":4392.016,"body":"Yeah, I looked it up."},{"startTime":4393.076,"endTime":4395.6759999999995,"body":"So in three, so 10 years, right?"},{"startTime":4395.6759999999995,"endTime":4397.306,"body":"Well, thank you."},{"startTime":4397.306,"endTime":4403.536,"body":"And the first five years, I felt like I was processing, I was listening to all the Mormon"},{"startTime":4397.306,"endTime":4403.536,"body":"stories stuff and Mormon expression, I was processing it."},{"startTime":4403.536,"endTime":4406.856,"body":"And then I felt like I was at a space where I was ready to let it go."},{"startTime":4406.976,"endTime":4408.166,"body":"And then we did mushrooms."},{"startTime":4408.166,"endTime":4411.496,"body":"Then all of a sudden I started Mormon's and Mushrooms podcast and then I'm back in this"},{"startTime":4408.166,"endTime":4411.496,"body":"world."},{"startTime":4411.496,"endTime":4414.746,"body":"And I was kind of thinking, I kind of got sucked back in, right?"},{"startTime":4414.746,"endTime":4416.755999999999,"body":"But I was ready to let it go."},{"startTime":4417.1359999999995,"endTime":4418.61,"body":"But no, man."},{"startTime":4419.4,"endTime":4423.5999999999995,"body":"I think I created a fucking podcast because I still needed to process shit."},{"startTime":4423.72,"endTime":4432.3499999999995,"body":"like, wasn't, like, it was, was one thing to listen to John DeLinn and John Larson and"},{"startTime":4423.72,"endTime":4432.3499999999995,"body":"everyone, but I needed to unpack that shit."},{"startTime":4432.3499999999995,"endTime":4434.0199999999995,"body":"And I needed to, you know why?"},{"startTime":4434.0199999999995,"endTime":4437.08,"body":"Because it meant everything to me."},{"startTime":4437.5,"endTime":4443.58,"body":"For 30 years of my life, it meant more to me than my kids, my wife, my family."},{"startTime":4443.58,"endTime":4444.78,"body":"It meant more to me."},{"startTime":4444.78,"endTime":4448.8,"body":"It, it meant, it meant everything to me."},{"startTime":4449.2119999999995,"endTime":4451.9439999999995,"body":"Yeah, it was eternity."},{"startTime":4451.9439999999995,"endTime":4454.1449999999995,"body":"It was your everything."},{"startTime":4454.1449999999995,"endTime":4461.92,"body":"Because all those other parts, like literally I'm talking about like parts, like people"},{"startTime":4454.1449999999995,"endTime":4461.92,"body":"playing a part, right?"},{"startTime":4461.92,"endTime":4470.755,"body":"Your kids, your spouse, your family, all those other parts don't matter if the church part"},{"startTime":4461.92,"endTime":4470.755,"body":"falls away."},{"startTime":4470.755,"endTime":4475.858,"body":"that is a, of course we're still processing that shit, dude."},{"startTime":4475.858,"endTime":4476.454,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":4476.454,"endTime":4477.982,"body":"Wow, that's hitting me real big."},{"startTime":4477.982,"endTime":4479.97,"body":"Wow, of course we're still processing."},{"startTime":4480.454,"endTime":4489.170999999999,"body":"And so maybe I needed to start a Mormons on Mushrooms podcast to keep processing it for me"},{"startTime":4480.454,"endTime":4489.170999999999,"body":"because it, I fucking cared and I cared hard."},{"startTime":4489.170999999999,"endTime":4490.532,"body":"I cared deep."},{"startTime":4493.655,"endTime":4501.07,"body":"And maybe I needed to own that in myself that I've needed the podcast too."},{"startTime":4505.777,"endTime":4506.6449999999995,"body":"A -hoh."},{"startTime":4509.362,"endTime":4510.4439999999995,"body":"Stop it there."},{"startTime":4511.509,"endTime":4512.633,"body":"Did you want me to say anything else?"},{"startTime":4512.633,"endTime":4514.096,"body":"I thought that was beautiful."},{"startTime":4514.192,"endTime":4514.933,"body":"No."}]}