We Need a Safe Word with the Universe (#192)

Mike and Doug dive into a candid conversation exploring themes of chaos, music, and the rising feminine energy in today’s world as well as the wild dance of the human experience, holding space for both the serious and the playful.

Highlights:

• Divine Feminine Rising: Mike shares a oncert experience that led to a deep connection with feminine energy, including an encounter with the goddess Hecate.
• Reconnecting with Prayer: Mike talks about rediscovering prayer, not as a religious ritual but as a way to ground himself and send love to the people in his life.
• Embracing Community: We’re excited to keep Mormons on Mushrooms underground, and we’re building a close-knit, lo-fi network to keep our listeners connected without all the noise of mainstream platforms.
• Reflecting on the Election: We reflect on some hard truths we have learned about ourselves this past week.

Transcript

0:46

thing about trying to tune a bass. Yeah, you know. Dude, is that coming through in your earphone? shit, dude, I've been... Well, it's just an electric, so I can't really hear it, Do you know how to the bass? No, not at all. Like I keep, here's the thing that I do. This is one of those, this is an actual moment where I'm having an actual question. You know what I mean? Okay. Okay, yeah. Like like well, you know how sometimes you can say something like does anybody else ever and it's like well, yeah, everyone else does that You know, it's that's like how it's like how comedy is made, right? It's like taking taking familiar sensations and emotions and and And applying them to daily life, but this is an actual question that I have Where I'll get it. I'll start getting like a boner for things that I like a thing I want to read about or a something I wanna learn, and I'll just start going down like a whole rabbit hole where I put a bunch of that shit as different tabs in like, for instance, my Chrome browser on my phone to save for later. So like, there's always like a, bass lessons, like how to learn bass, you know, like there's always a tab that has bass lessons somewhere. And there's always a bunch of fucking Wikipedia articles, you know, like that are so the point I'm making is that every like month or so I open up my Chrome app and delete like 22 to 25 open tabs because I'm just like, fuck, I'm not going to learn bass. And I just delete it all because I hate the idea of having like a bunch of open tabs too, you know, so. at, you keep them as an open tab. It's not like you're saving it as like a bookmark or anything. It's just like, that's open. them. I'm just keeping them as an open tab so that I can go to the bottom and be like, what, what, this is like a little treasure, huh? What little mysteries do I want to learn? And it's like, it's like the Wikipedia articles about like Hanuman. And then it's like the things that are, you know, result like tangentary to that. And so yeah, it's just funny because like learning to play the bass is always one of the open tabs. Cause every few weeks I get a hand grain where I'm like, You know, I know I'm sitting on this airplane, right? You know, I know I'm sitting at lunch with my friends, but man, I really would love to learn how to play the bass. And so I'll pull it up and be like, man, yeah. A, I'll never think of this again. So it's like, I always think to myself, you gotta do it. You know, if you put it in your phone right now, you'll do it. And then B, I don't know why past me thinks that present me is so stupid. Because past me doesn't think that present me can go find that same tab that I just found by just searching Google online base lessons. You know what mean? That when it finally comes the time to like, okay, now it's time to learn the bass. I'm going to do it. Yeah. how to use Google all of sudden. You know what? This loosely ties into what I want to talk about today. I mean, I don't want to get into the election too much more. We kind of hashed it out last week, but I did have a come to Jesus moment this week, several of them with it. yeah, let's hear it. Because I, you know, we talked about last week, it was upset and I was, feeling a lot of dread. A lot of emotions were coming up for me. And, and then, know, like one of the nights I was kind of thinking, I mean, I've lived, I've lived a pretty long life so far. I've lived 44 years. I've lived probably half my life, right? And if I'm just like, thinking of like, if I'm focusing on my existence. going to work in the morning, going back, being with my family, being with my kids, being with my friends, going to concerts, doing my thing, grieving with people, with people dying, you know, in my close circle, you know, and going to funeral. The goods and the bads of life, the ups and the downs. Could I go back at any one of those times and say who was president of the United States during any of those times? And how did that impact your good times? Or bad times? I mean, it's probably, it's probably had some influence on some level on something. And I get, I'm speaking from like privilege. When I say that there's a privileged position. That's all I know. I'm just talking about my existence. I woke up one day in this life. I've been trying to live my existence and I've spent so much energy worrying about the tigers in the middle East, the tigers in Washington, DC. the tigers wherever. But there's not a tiger in my house yet. And not that like we shouldn't be observant and shouldn't be informed, but the amount of energy that I give that, that takes away from like my reality goggles that I put on and live every day, man, it's disproportionate. disproportionate energy is a really good way of looking at it. Yeah, dude, I got after that last episode. I mean, you and I recorded that thing. Drunk and mad. was I was drunk and mad, right? we were raw and cut all the raw and unfiltered, raw, huh? Hey, one second, I'm gonna take this sweatshirt off. yeah, take it all off, baby. yeah. I'm getting a good view right now of Doug's nipples. I was just giving some commentary as you were taking off your clothes. out. Yeah, we went pretty hard in that last episode. I've had a bunch of my, you know, most of my friends are like hardcore Republicans, conservatives, Trump guys, like all that kind of stuff, you know? So I've had quite a few people pretty upset with me. They've reached out to me and been like, dude, you are just very uncool. Like, fuck you, they said. I've had a lot of people be mad at me about that last episode, but it's just like, okay. Well, I mean, I still love you everybody, but it's just, we went pretty hard. We went pretty hard and I had a moment last, I was telling you this story, I'll put it for the podcast. was at a concert last night of this band that I just found. They're called Michelle, Michelle the band. And it was great. There was like four female singers up there. It felt like, you know, it was, they were awesome. But on one part they're like, Hey, the, we've had a rough week. you know, they're speaking to the crowd. I'm in like West Hollywood. So I don't think it, I'm sure like 90, I bet 98 % went for Kamala in West Hollywood. and, they're like, okay, we're going to get this anger out. Like, want you, I want you to sing this next song and sing it from your like lower gut. They're pointing to like the lower chakra, like the sacral. Like I want you to get that rage that you feel right there. And I want you to let it out. And, part of the song they wanted us to sing to was, I forgot the exact, but it was almost exactly the title episode we had of I, I was, I was a bitch babe. And kind of this acknowledgement that like, look, okay, I was a bitch and it felt good to be a bitch and I got it. That's right. Yeah. Hell yeah, man. I love that. I mean, that's a real thing, right? mean, yeah, everyone. I don't know. I think that we're, instead of getting, this is one of the areas I think we're getting worse, especially like in, especially when it comes to like Western modernization. You know what I mean? To clarify, I, I think for the most part in the trajectory of like human beings, we're getting better. Forgive me for saying it, but I think that overall we as human beings have an upward trajectory. Yeah, maybe our time is limited and our days are numbered, but I think we're doing a good job, you know? And we're not going back. You know? not going back. What I do think that we have sort of like somehow ostracized, because I used to blame this on my Mormon upbringing. I used to blame it on like DNA and genetics. But I think that we are not very healthy at. We're not very healthy at like giving somebody like a minute. Mm-hmm. Yeah. people make mistakes. that a weird way? Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it's OK for people to throw a fit once in a while, including me. Including me. This is growth for me, because when we started this podcast, I would have disagreed with that sentence. I would have thought, no, there's no reason to throw fit. Just change your perspective, change your mindset. Just look at things from a different way. Breathe, stay cool, stay calm, stay loose. I mean, I still believe that those are all key parts of me, all those things I just said. But also I think that once in a while, people gotta have a little bit of a meltdown if they're feeling it, you know? they don't, they're holding it all in. like, you know, one of the things you learn from medicine work is that there's a time to purge and a time to hold space and a time to, allow people to say things that maybe in their core, like, okay, their higher self probably wouldn't say those things, whatever, but there's, there's a purging needs to happen. And, I think We don't give space for that. to speak to it, think liberals are more guilty of it than conservatives of like not allowing people. One of the things I was reflecting on this week when I was like not thinking of the tigers, right? Cause I watched some video and it was a doom and gloom video of like, Trump has said all of these things. What if we actually started listening to what he has to say, you know, about like the enemy within and, you know, shipping all the immigrants away and all that. And, and then there was kind of this thought of like, yeah, but when does the guy ever said, what is the guy ever done? What he said he was going to do? You know what I mean? Like even, even the first time around build the wall, build the wall, did it, mean, the wall was ever more than a fart in the wind. that he did, you know? And so look, it could happen. It could, but until like the tiger's in the room, there's no reason to get so worked up about what someone said. Until, you know what I mean? It's like, okay, be wary, be mindful. You know, be ready to protect your loved ones if something happens. But like, I think we don't give enough grace. Yeah. sorry. I didn't mean to talk over you. It froze up on my side, and so I didn't mean to talk over you. I thought you said something to say. I think I kind of made the point I was trying to make anyway. It was just kind of like, I think a lot of the backlash towards woke culture or cancel culture is this thing of like, look guys, we all want to claim the moral high ground, but we're also all apes walking around. sometimes we're, sometimes we're bitches and sometimes we throw fits and sometimes our animal bodies get the best of us. Yeah, that's true. And having said all of that, I'm still pretty surprised. I'm still pretty surprised about people voting for, not because of people's political opinion. Dude, we're always pretty clear about that. Even when you and I delve into politics, we're pretty clear, like, vote how you're gonna vote, like politics are politics, right? But. The thing that I'm still like trying to wrap my head around is. Like the person, the actual person is not a moral person. You know what mean? So I get everybody wants to take the moral high ground. Everybody always thinks they're taking the moral high ground. You know what mean? I'm just having a hard time seeing it as someone who just couldn't vote for Donald Trump ever in my life. I just, I'm having a hard time seeing the moral high ground. So I think both of those things can exist at the same time. Do you know I mean? Of like, you know, my anger has subsided a lot. I still think that he makes life difficult for people less privileged than me. Do you know what I mean? I think that even for a person who doesn't do what he says he's gonna do, his words empower people who do do what they're gonna say. It brings up a lot of ugly in. they say they're going to do. But, you know, he brings up a lot of ugly all around, right? Like it's like, ugly of, they're giving platforms to people who would normally not dare say what they, whatever vitriol in public. And also just like the hatred towards him. There's a lot of, he's, there's a lot of projection on Donald Trump. And it's kind of this thing of like, does the emperor have clothes or does he not have clothes? And it's interesting with Donald Trump too, because it's like. It's like the projection shimmers sometimes of like, he's like a very laughable character. And one moment to then all of a sudden a very terrifying character and another moment. And on the flip side, he becomes almost like a God-like figure. I mean, was driving down the day after the election, driving down and there was a Trump flag up and it's like him holding like this machine gun. He's like, I got all ripped and buff and stuff. It's like. Can you not like, that's clearly a, I mean, you've seen the guy, right? And so I didn't mean to get all into it, but I've had a lot of like self-reflection this week and that's why I wanted to bring it up. I've just like, and one other, and this maybe we'll tie into a little bit more of what I want to talk about, about some of my escapades this week, but like, was this thing of, so, you know, I went down to the TikTok rabbit holes leading up to the election. One of them was on like, There's no way Kamala's losing. was like this echo chamber. It's also astrology ones where they're like, look, we've looked at Kamala's charts. We looked at Trump's charts. There's something about big feminine energy rising right now. Pluto's going into Aquarius. Something's going into Venus. These astrologers were like, this is a time for the feminine to rise. And, but if you think the feminine is, you know, taking a woman and putting them in a patriarchal office, like that's not really the divide, the feminine rising. No, toppling the patriarchy doesn't mean just having a woman in charge. putting a president in a pantsuit and having them, you know, like, I was telling you this analogy. I was thinking back like when I was losing my faith in Mormonism, one of the first things I did publicly, I was still a believing Mormon, but I was liberal Mormon, was I submitted a profile to that ordained women movement with Kate Kelly. Yeah, so I did a write-up, I posted it on Facebook, got a lot of flack from family members. raised alarms with, you know, my elders quorum president reached out to me kind of like, okay. Cause I was basically like, look, a woman prophet, women should have the priesthood, a woman prophet would be great. And I still believe that I believe in the Mormon church. The woman should be so much better if women have the priesthood. And if a woman was president of the Mormon church, you'd have a more caring, loving, accepting organization. But the woman, it would still be the Mormon church. And the type of women that would be the president of the Mormon church wouldn't be the Kate Kelly out there. wouldn't be, it would be Sherry Do. And, and as much, yeah. you know that like sugary sweet like primary tone. You know the voice, you know the accent that I'm talking about. I can't even try to do it because I'm not, it's not there but like that's how they would be like that like almost baby talk type of like the baby talk prophet. That's what it turn out to be. to the baby talk, right? And still be a kind of a shill for the patriarchy. And I think there's some echoes in that as much as Kamala grew on me, throughout, mean, the more I got to know her, the more I really liked her. And I think she's fiery. think she's passionate. I think she's caring. think she's a good person. There's still a little bit of that element of like in a patriarchal organization in the, we live in the patriarchy. If this thing is really, if we're, if we need to enter into a new world, which I believe we do, humanity's rising, we have to awaken or we're going to destroy ourselves. I mean, not to get too doom and gloom, but something's shifting. It's not just about like putting a woman in power for a while. There's, there's systemic and structural things that need to change. And I don't know, that's just kind of what I'm. Yeah, man, it's funny. Isn't it funny that we like, mean, mean, a big part of it is you and me, you know, I mean, a big part of it is you and me, or I guess you and I are still kind of in that we still see the power construct in the forms of prophets, prime ministers and presidents. Do you know what mean? I don't speak. Sorry, I shouldn't say you and I should just say that's how I see it. I don't know how to see it any differently yet. That's just so ingrained in me. Well, and so it's like, this is like a little bit of a confession and even an apology of like, so when I, so when I go off saying, you know, vote for, vote for the working people of America, vote for education, vote for healthcare, vote for rights, like I'm still thinking from that sort of like, like that false binary-ism type of thing, where it's like, you gotta vote. red or blue, you got to vote for number candidate A or candidate B. You know what I mean? And I don't know what the alternative to that is, so I'm going to keep thinking that way. But I'm open to learning about more of it. I guess what I'm trying to say here. I had that same moment, Mike, where it was like, OK, I'm dealing with my disappointments and disappointments from the from some of the people in my world that are feeling the same kind of way, feeling scared, but we're still dealing with those disappointments under the core, like under this core architecture of this sort of like phony way of structuring leadership or structuring the government. I think what I'm saying is, let's just talk less politics for a while, you know? I do want to clarify one thing though, before we move on with it, because people rightfully are feeling dread and they're feeling fearful. And especially, you know, if you're LGBT, if you're a woman, if you're a minority, if you're worried you're going to get, you came in the country, you know, in the last few years and you're going to get deported. So I don't think... We should dismiss. not, I'm not saying dismiss that and not rally around and be there for your loved ones who are hurting and grieving. And I mean, me as I went through a lot of grief this week, I'm still going through it. What I'm just trying to say though, is maybe direct our energy there and not so much at the tiger that we don't know if it's going to come in the door yet or not. Like so much energy on the fear rather than just loving those and taking care and it gets into community building again, man. Like. the being more getting out of this global like fixation we have on the 24 hour news and what might happen to being more engaged in like the local community and friends and family who are, and that's where I'm going to be starting to put my energy more. and that's what I'm feeling after this week with that. man. I love that. So just to get us back on to talking about a thing that you brought up earlier. So you're at that concert last night and you, dude, your concert, your concert going is so prolific. Like I'm so jealous. I love live music. that's like one of my favorite things. And so I'm always very jealous when it's like like a Monday night and you're at a concert and you know, you're like some, so. I'm on ketamine and at a concert and yeah. Yeah, dude. So you're you're at that concert last night with those those four lead singer ladies or whatever and like the kind of backing band and and you were sending me videos remember so you're sending me videos and voice memos and texts which we do all the time you and I do that all the time. And I was tripping pretty hard. Like I was in an altered state of consciousness. That's all. So I couldn't figure out, and you know, it's in the moment, like where you're like still, like when you're in the moment, it's not a matter of like, won't this be a funny story to tell another time of my life? It's just you're in the present moment, you don't know what else to do. You know I mean? Yeah. And it's like, you don't know what, what's what. It's a little confusing, right? You don't know what's what. And so last night when you kept sending me videos, I kept thinking that I was there at the concert with you. Like, I don't know how to explain this other than I kept thinking I was at the concert with you. And then the video would end and there would be like the pause of me being like, wait, what's happening here? Like, is reality pausing? Like I was like freaking out about like a double freak out. And then having that moment of clarity where I like, yeah, and I figure out I can move my finger and swipe down on the video and my phone will return. And then suddenly when my phone returns, I return to the dark room where I'm sitting there just like enjoying my peace and quiet. And it's just like, dude, so today when you and I were talking about that concert, it was really a mind bender for me because even today I couldn't, I mean. Of course I know that I was not in Los Angeles going to a concert with you last night. But I, my memory is that I was at that concert. That is what my memory is trying to convince me of Mike. It's been a weird day for me. And so the reason I'm bringing all this up is because there've been a few things like simulation wise, like it all being a simulation or we live in the stories we tell ourselves or believe what you want to believe. And that. has really fucked with me for the last 24 hours because the last 24 hours it's been so obvious to me that it's just a program. Because how else would I literally think that I was next to my best friend Mike at a concert in LA and then be like transported back to my bedroom in the dark where there's a little music playing? Or how would I today going about my work, like going about my daily routine have like that, wait a minute. Why do I have a memory of something that I didn't do? Dude, that gets into some weird shit where I'm like, whoa, what are my memories, man? Like, what's real? I mean, lot of it, like with the, I haven't been on tick-tock nearly as much, but like, in, know, they're talking about timelines collapsing and whatnot. And who knows? Maybe, maybe. but, I had that moment. I told that story about like, how weird of a, how it really tripped me out when they said, here's the line you need to shout right now. It's been, I've been a bitch. or tonight or I was a bitch babe or something like that. I'm like, what did they just say? too close to the way we literally titled the last episode. Talking about the same thing. And, and here's here. And even it, it tripped me out because, you know, I'm pretty deep in it too. I'm like feeling this, like it was very like, I texted you as you were about to go into your, as you were like going into the, you're spiraling in. I was like, do you feel her rising? Like there was like this feminine. presence just rising. like, feel it. And maybe it's because there were four female like powerhouses like singing, you know, it's like the whole concert was like the female, the feminine rising, right? And like the terror of the dance of like the masculine and feminine, the feminine is wild and unpredictable and ferocious and beautiful and sexy and crazy and all of it, right? It's the wild, it's the chaos. And chaos is scary. And then as I was feeling all of that, there was like, but then it's all the dance is all a story. It's story after story and and tragedies and, great love and triumphs and this continuous dance that we do. And so there's always that cosmic wink. Right. And so as they're doing that, I'm like, and as they were talking about the election and purging, emotion. I was like, they kind of see behind, they're like, they've got the cosmic wink going on here and wait for it, wait for it. And then sure enough, like the universe gives me that thing. Like, yeah, I was a bitch. And so we got to scream like we were bitches. And it was almost like, it felt to me like the universe was like, all right, we have everyone here in this room. Let's collectively purge into this bucket for. This part of Los Angeles that we're in that's feeling all, you know, this, this epicenter of blue. Let's collectively purge into this bucket. That's what it felt. So it felt like, it felt like medicine. mean, music is medicine. Music is the medicine. Yeah. is the medicine. Yeah, well said. I agree with you. also want to... So speaking of those, speaking of like what you were dealing with last night and experiencing and like power structures, what is the illusion of power? What is real power? Just that kind of stuff. I just was, while you were talking, I was looking at that, because that text right between you and me is epic. honestly... At some point, at some point we should just post our text threats. Yeah, because they're fucking crazy. Like they're funny to read after the fact. You know what mean? But you sent a video of that one singer and she's just like owning everything. You know what mean? Like everyone belongs to her. And I said back to you, man, being a cool chick with a cool vibe, is there a more powerful person on this earth? Right? And I'm going to tell you right now, I believe that firmly that that is the most, a cool woman with a cool vibe is the most powerful person, according to me, on the earth. Now, president elect Donald Trump is in the most powerful position that we consider, like as far as like on the planet earth. And let's respect the office of the president. Let's like, let's give it our, let's give it all our full support and let's give it a go. Let's all try and say, yay, USA. But I'm to tell you right now, that lady on that stage that I thought I was at the concert with you, she was the most powerful person on earth last night. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, then it gets trippy, man, because it was these four women. Yeah. Let me tell you how it got trippy again. Because you know how you start tuning into the energy, right? Like these four women kept trading off songs and they were, you know, one of them was like the lead singer on one and the three were harmonizing with them. And sometimes it was a duet. It was just a really cool thing, right? And so was like, man, yeah. And then you just have like two guys in the back. One on the drums and one on the guitar. you know, kind of look down and looking at them and, you know, they just looked like two kind of dorky dudes. And I kind of thought of us like a couple of cool Joe's like couple of dorky. And then, so, you know, Just sitting there like, playing the drum. Hey guys, you guys have a drum? Yeah. halfway through the set, you know, she's introducing the band and stuff and one of the women are, and then she turns it over to the drummer and the guitarist and then they pick up the mic and they just start talking. And it did, then at that point, it did remind me of Mike and Doug. And I was like, who are these two dweebs? Get them like, why are they talking? Pass the mic to the women. And then it was like, I get it. You see the energetics of it. They were like, they're, they're the song, those two are the songwriters and they even mentioned that. they're the songwriters, but then they've like, the women are the avatars that like channel their music through them. It was a cool thing, man. And then it was like, it was like seeing like almost as their avatars. And there was like, I was seeing like these chains to the men, but not in like a, not in like a. these women are my prisoner, but almost in like a BDSM kind of way. We're going to play with dominance and submission and that kind of deal. This is all in my life. I'm gonna tell you all right now that are listening. This is legit. This is Mike's stream of consciousness when he goes to these things like It's beautiful then I feel like this is, this is the way, cause I, you know, I've, I've been grappling with the whole thing of like, the feminine wants to be free and release the feminine, know, and, but the feminine also, I mean, I'm speaking as a man on behalf of the feminine, but once there's a safety aspect to it as well. Right. And the men, kind of like the masculine sets the container and the feminine. is in that container, like it goes wild, right? But so it's like, maybe it's like a BDSM relationship. It's like the right relationship where it's like, yeah, I'll kind of like capture the feminine, it's all a play. It's all like a play of like power dynamics, but with a little bit of a wink, you know, and safe words. know, so we all need safe words with the universe, I think. I mean, honestly, dude, I'm being honest when I say this. That is why I love going to shit with you like that. This is the kind of thing I love, Like you are. Yeah, you are an insightful and where your where your mind goes in those situations and the connections you're able to make. It's pretty it's pretty mind numbing. It's like it's like earth shattering the way you do that. I can't even keep up. You know, that's cool. Like I'm going to tell you right now, I love being cool and I love trying to be like, insightful, but never in 152 million years would I be sitting there in that crowd going, yeah, look at way the power dynamics play out on that stage where there's like invisible chains, but they're not like the chains of the patriarchy. They're not the change of bondage or whatever. They're the change of, well, but they're chains of bondage, like good kind of bondage, like the good kind of bondage. So I think, you know, if things start getting really scary, if like, you know, the world starts, I think everyone needs to work out what their safe word is with the universe, you know? So if it just, yeah, it's just like, this is too scary. The simulation is too scary. Just yell out, yell out your safe word. think, I think that's what. So in this sort of like... grand symphonic, orchestral fucking that the universe is giving you. Are you, is this a, so how, is that a monogamous relationship or is that like a real poly, like is that the most polyamorous relationship? Because here's what I'm thinking about when I say that. If the universe is, if you have to have a come up with a safe word with the universe, that means that you're having sex with the universe with some regularity that you would have to necessitate like a safe word, right? did I lose you? You there? are you, you're there. Hello. Sorry, man. I don't know if I might have a bad connection over here. That's fine. So you're talking about the safe word in the universe. Yeah, I lost my, I kind of lost my steam. but what I was just saying was, is a, is the universe fucking you? that, is that polyamory or is it monogamy? Because his, this is the universe, is the universe one entity or is it. Infinity entities. Like, is it numerate so numerable that you're like, what I'm asking is am I. Do I find myself neck deep in a universal orgy or am I just jerking off? I I think if we just had more orgies, I think that would save the planet. So you're saying that it's just about how we have limited data where you and I aren't real like, we don't have like a lot of orgy experience? Like you and I aren't like orgy guys. So it could be an orgy, but we just don't know how to recognize the signs. Is that what you're saying? Okay, fair enough. It could be a little bit of both, you know. It's like a... I don't know. I don't know how to answer that question. Yeah, was that? is a quick side note. you cause I've been jerking off a lot lately because of my vasectomy. Yeah, yeah, you got to get so many loads out, right? Yeah, you got to give me loads of you can. It's like, that's what they tell you first and foremost. You're like, look, man, you're to want to get your loads out ASAP. I'm like, all right. Well. like a someone actually saying go masturbate as much as you can like. Yeah. it is the permission I have always been wanting to hear. Like I'm, I'm surprised I'm even able to masturbate. Now, if someone had started giving me permission when I was 15 years old, I don't know that I would have as many masturbation stories to be honest with you. Well, I probably still would. Well, I mean, and think of it in because like, you know, we're getting this vasectomy after leaving the church, you know, 10 years ago or whatever. I got mine five years ago. So I was well out of the church at the time. But imagine, you know, the Mormons who get the vasectomy, like that's got to be a really cool deal when they're like, yeah. Hey, babe, I got the doctor's note. I like I can now I can now do this guilt free for the first time in my life. Yeah, dude, that's gotta be, I didn't think about that, Mike, because for someone who has been forbidden their whole life and now it's like, I'm on doctor's orders here, babe, sorry. Tough luck, like, figured out, but because I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go spend a little soul searching time alone in the bathroom. Yeah, and you know, with the ultimate aim is just so I can get with you as soon as I can, babe, you know, kind of deal. yeah, it's all for the good of the relationship. So my concern, I told you this and I guess I'm just sharing this with the whole planet, is the first few times that I ejaculated post vasectomy, for me an orgasm kind of, it has like this buildup. It's like when I get to that state of orgasm, it's like number one. is like a big, you know, like a heartbeat, like a big, it flares up on the old EKG, right? Big. the way, by the way, Doug's prepared a whole chart, which you guys can't see. He's like written it out. He's got a lot on his wall. It's like a. There's number one. That's the first, that's the first shot. And then number two, like number two is twice the size of number one. Right. And then number three, three and four are your climactic, like they're the top ropes. You know what I mean? Four, three and four, and then five comes back down about, about halfway between where and three was, six goes down to almost level one, and then anything after six, seven, eight, nine, those are just almost like, just sort of like level one spurts, you know? My biggest concern, Mike, was that the first few times that I orgasmed after my vasectomy, I was not able to, I skipped over number three and four and just went one, two, five, six, seven, eight, little bit less. And so I was like, I was calling all my friends who have had vasectomies and being like, Hey, here's the thing. I talked to you about it. I talked to a couple of other people and everyone was real supportive and just like, well, let's just give it some time and let's just see. And sure enough, last couple of times it's been one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, baby. like it's been, I've been, I've been performing Claire de Lune in there, man. it's, yeah. to my ears, Doug, because like when you asked me the question, it's been so long that I'm like, you know what? Maybe I haven't, just forgotten what three and four felt like. You know what I mean? But since it's in your recent memory, I'm glad you can put that to rest for me. imagine me giving you that neuroses of just like, can you imagine like a going through life and just being like, I used to have better orgasms than I do now. Like, it was like another thing to just like lay on top of our, our, our collective neuroses. You should have seen me when I was a junior in high school. man, man, how much you wanna make a bet I can shoot a load of cum over them mountains over there. Ha ha ha. Anyway, don't, I'm sorry that I took us on such a tangent there, but I just had to tell you like, this podcast, listen, this is a foundation of this podcast, is talking about whippin' snakes. And I was really worried that like a core part of me was gone, Mike. So that's why I'm announcing it. That's why I'm giving such good news to the Lord and all of his angels here on the podcast. speaking of a core part of me coming back, man. I, I, I've told on the podcast before how I'm getting back to prayer. No, I've gotten back to prayer in a whole new way now, man. Like, like, part of it was seeing heretic and, we, we, we, we will, it, it'll come when it comes to talk about heretic. Cause it is, it's like, I, I, I told you that like, know, with the Book of Mormon musical, how it's for everyone, but it's really for ex-Mormons. This is the same way for Heretic, man. It's such a good movie. And yet to ex-Mormons, for anyone experiencing a faith crisis, because it is like the psychology of a faith crisis, I want to like break it down in like a very Jungian way and like talk about like, I want to break down the film from a psychological perspective. One of our episodes will do that. But like, I, yeah, there was a moment, I don't want to spoil it, but there was a moment in it and we'll get to it when we talk about the movie when I'm like, it just turned me back onto prayer, man. But in a way of like, it feels good to pray. It feels good to express love for people that, you know, to pray on my kids and like what I, what my hopes and dreams are for them. And pray for you, pray for like my parents, you know, just like, I'm just sending my hopes, you know, for, and, not in a prayer, like in a control way and like help them on their path where they're at, help them find support and courage and love. And, and it just, when you do it, fills you up with love. Like then I, then it just like, it fills my bucket up. I'm realizing how much, you know, Regardless of its efficacy, it's, what's the word, efficient or effective in what it stirs in me and how it can change my mood. And so if it can help lift my mood and a lot of it is just like, a lot of it is basically releasing emotions, right? Releasing fears, releasing hopes, releasing wishes, releasing all of it. to then get clear and... Yeah. So I've been praying to the universe. I've been praying to different goddesses. I've been praying to... I'm having the best... Hecate. Hecate came into my field. That's kind of a wild story. Yeah. mean, I don't know what you're willing to tell or not tell, but I love that. So I don't mean to put you on the spot. We can just cut this out if you want me to. No? love to talk about hecka. No, I'm saying I'd love to talk about hecka tape. I don't. you had sent me that photo of the Virgin Mary that you picked up at a magic crystal shop, right? And I was like, whoa, wait a minute. That thing is so amazing. You're like, wait till you wait till you're in her presence, dude. And then I called you and you just go ahead and take it from there because it, dude, I wanna be part of, I wanna be part of more cool things like this is what I'm trying to say, you know? Well, it was one of my wizard hunting adventures where like I was furniture shopping. was looking for a table for my altar, like a little side table I can put my altar on. And so I go into this like used furniture shop. And you know, when you're kind of in the wizard hunting vibes, you're kind of like trying to find like the wizards. yeah, believe me, I know all the signs that I'm, yeah. So I walk into one, like, this guy looks like a wizard. So he's at this furniture shop and he's this Mexican guy. And I explained to him, he's like, what are you looking for? I'm like, I'm looking for a table that I could put my altar on. He's like, well, kind of altar. I'm like, well, I have this ancestral altar. I put images of my ancestors. I put little statues and little different things. And he's like, wait a minute, this is what I do. I'm like, I'm from Oaxaca. or from Mexico and this is what they do. He's like, you ever heard of David the dead? I'm like, yeah, of course I have. He's like, well, this is what we do. And he's like, okay, what do you, what kind of things are you burning? And I'm like, you know, I like mostly sage and Palo Santo. He's like, okay, no, you have to use copal. Copal is like this tree resin and you burn it on charcoal. And, he's like, it's powerful. It smells good. It will clear the energy. It'll help you communicate with the dead. And. As he's telling me this, he's like packaging up some charcoal he has. Well, first he's like, he's like, look, I don't have Kapala. It's very rare. I don't know where to find it anymore. And he's like, but I've got these other stones and these other resins that I like to burn. He puts it in like this little, you know, in Catholic churches, I want to get one of these. They have like one of those like, it's like a tin thing and you wave it when you put the incense in. Yeah. incense burner. I don't know what those things are called. There's probably a better word for them, but yeah, incense. incense burner? Okay. I don't know where to find them. But he's got one and he puts some in and he's burning it and he's just like, he's just like taking me on a tour of the whole store. Just like filling the whole thing up with like incense. And then he's gifting it to me. And as he's doing it, I see that statue behind him. And it's just like the thin statue. It's a Virgin Mary's wood, but it's like black. It's almost like the black Madonna type statue. And I'm like, I've got to have this for my altar. And so I buy it for him, from him. And that night I set her up, you know, I didn't have, I didn't have anything to burn the charcoal and he gave me. So I just use, you know, Sage and Palo Santo. And man, the energy of that thing was like, shit, this is, this is real, big energy. And. And this, I kept thinking, and maybe it because of a video I'd seen earlier, cause I was on a little bit of TikTok earlier and the witches were talking about Hecate coming up and rising. And I was like, I don't know much about Hecate, but she was coming that, that, that her name was coming through really strong that night. And I was like, okay. then the next day I'm at, I'm at work and I, I'm like, okay, I bet I could find some cool Paul. I know he says it's rare, but like, come on, I can find some. And because I had this feeling that like, Okay. I cleansed the statue with some things, but I need some copal. I think I'm I saying that right? Copal, copal. Okay. okay. Well, so there was, there's close to where I work. There's this like apothecary that I've been to one other time. And I'm like, you know, and it's like the one, with, in, in Salt Lake, the natural wellness. It was Mirinda's, you know, where the. natural law apothecary. Yeah. It's like that where have everything in jars. I'm like, they've got to have some. Sure enough, I walk in and the first thing I see, it's there, right? So then I'm going around and I'm looking at the different shelves. I'm like, what else is here? And they have this incense they've made to Hecate. And I'm like, I need to buy this. Of course, if that name was coming through. So I buy that. I'm buying a few other things. Going to check out. I'm going to check out. Okay. So I have this image in my mind that like, Kapala is very rare or maybe, right? And so I'm she's like, like, I kind of get some Copal and she's like, yeah, how much would you want? She's like, it's 280 an ounce. And I'm like, you're thinking $280 an ounce, aren't you? I know God damn well you're sitting there going 280 an ounce, this shit is rare. I asked her the question. So I was like, well, much is one like, like, I didn't know the size of it, like how much an ounce of this stuff would be. Because man, I didn't want to spend more than 280 bucks. I didn't want to 280 bucks. By the way, how telling that you're ready to spend about $280. You're like, how big is an ounce? So I was like, just to clarify, when you say 280, she's like, yeah, $2.80. And she sees the relief on my face. She's like, I guess that's one way to make money. So I'm like, I'll take three ounces because I'm like, I'm a big spender here. And three ounces, by the way, she filled them a whole bag. There's a lot of, I was like, okay, I could have done with just like one. I've got enough Kopal for days. Well she's just like, holy shit, I can't wait to load this guy up. Yeah. But then she's like, you this, and so I was complimenting her on the store and stuff. And she's like, yeah. And she's like, I see you bought the, do you work with Hecate? I'm like, well, I guess I'm about to. She's like, well then you have to go see our Hecate temple upstairs. And I was like, what? She's like, yeah, we're devotees of Hecate in the store and we've got a temple upstairs to her. And I was like, well, shit, I gotta go see this. And sure enough, I go and they've dedicated this room. The room, have several statues of her. The walls are all painted. When you come out here to visit, we got to go to the shrine, Painted in images of Hecate and death. And they've got like some skulls there. You've got people go and offer pomegranates and onions and garlic there. So there's offerings there and candles. And the room is just like buzzing with energy. And so I go down and was like, look, thank you for showing me that. And she's, she said, yeah, we allow anyone to come at any time. like, and if the door's closed, like, so if you want to take 20 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour, just close the door. If we know the door's closed, we don't, we don't disturb you. So it's like, man, aren't these witches just so fucking cool? I'm telling you man, like as soon as you told me that like about like, someone wants to be in there 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour, we don't bother them. It's like, just go in there and spend your time with Hecate. It's like, I'm revealing so much about myself and nothing about anybody else when I sit there and go. But like, if it was an hour, I'd start to wonder what the hell's going on in there. Do you know what I mean? Like that's who I am. I'm like, I'm revealing something about myself here, right? You know, whereas. come on, are you, do I need to buy X amount at the store in order to justify my time there kind of deal? You're right. It's like, what's the, what's the catch? Yeah. but yeah. So I've been working. the last couple of nights, the first night I lit the. Copal and I'm here in the apartment that we we've leased for the year. And I didn't realize how much smoke that thing would give off. mean. gosh, dude. I set off the fire alarm twice. I love that you set it off and you're like, I guess we better give it another go and see what happens. opened, I opened the windows at least I'm like, okay, I'm going to open the windows, open the windows and look, I was pretty high. And so when it first went off, I'm like, shit, I thought I'd set it off in the whole apartment complex. Like I thought everyone was going to be like walking outside. No, I just like cleared it, whatever. And then, you know, lit it again and yeah, stood off twice, but like I've been burning that incense that I got and you know, Like working with Hecate and we'll see what comes of that, Yeah. So if anybody out there knows anything about working with Hecate and can provide some Guidance will take it, right? Like any, any, same. But the feeling is like, look, I mean, here's if I'm going to prophesy for a minute here. I think we're going to be entering in. So even though I was saying like, start out this podcast saying everything's okay. I do believe everything's okay, but I think we're going to, I think things are going to look scary. I think we're going to be entering in some turbulent times. Some power systems that we have been attached to are going to start to like change, come down. think things are going to get a little wild. And I think we all just need to, I think having a relationship with nature, with chaos will help us, you know, like in the podcast I did with, with Anne, where she talked about, are sponsored by the earth. We're sponsored by nature. We're held by the feminine right now. We're held by chaos. And I know that's terrifying, but like our illusions of control, I think are going to start to shimmer. one, we need to be there for each other. And two, we need to make sure that we're grounding in some way. Man, say, amen to that, dude. I really loved the part, I mean, obviously I love the whole concept of like, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know, I just know what I'm feeling, but I do love this thing that you're talking about of this is an opportunity for us, no matter what we believe, no matter who we are, no matter who we agree with or disagree with. It's a great, Like it's a no time like now, it's a grand old time to just rely on one another. Just lean in, right? Just like, cause sometimes the people who, seemingly haven't needed that might need that. You know, not to, not to make a whole weak become strong, strong become weak type of thing here, but like sometimes the people that seem to have it put together might need the longest sort of like hug or might need to throw the biggest fit type of thing. Does that make sense to you at all? no, it makes totally sense. so like, yeah, because if the power dynamics shift, the powerful are going to be, it's going to be flipped. And you know, you could. Yeah, I think you said it. Well, I don't need to repeat it. which is why, and maybe we can end around this is like, we know we talked about that last, in that last episode about, inviting people to come and be on the live recordings with us, or we might do some live music events here on the Riverside. So we don't have an Instagram anymore, but I don't think warmest of mushrooms was supposed to be in the, I think we were supposed to be underground, man. think warmest of mushrooms was meant. being underground. It feels safer for what we're doing. Yeah, it safer. It feels cozy. There's something about being in the roots. And so there's something about being in the Mormons and Mushrooms underground. We just need to find some way to get word out to people and either a newsletter or like, don't know if like Signal or Telegram allows like a thread, like a broadcast channel where we can just like, hey, this event's happening at this time or... Hey, we're going to do a live recording at this time. Come join us. We're going to do a full moon meditation at this time. Come join us. You know, kind of like little, it's like more of a one way communication of like to keep people informed and keep people connected. I just, I kind of get this image of like more connection underground. I love that man. Like I love the idea of, you remember like those old, you know, like it's, either in like, like some movie about the future, like this dystopian future, or it's like about the resistance, like, you know, in, in the past, like during some world war or some conflict in Europe or something like that, there's always like this, this like underground, like CB radio network of people that are like just checking in on each other, you know, that type of thing. Like I kind of like picturing, I like, I kind of like picturing us doing that a little bit. Do you know I mean? Just like the, when, when it's hard to know if anybody's out there, if anybody's listening, if, if anybody, if anybody cares, it's nice to have people who care about you that you can just kind of turn on or, or, or, or, or communicate with or interact with or do a full moon fucking howl at the moon ceremony or just whatever. It's people. It's just nice to know that there are people who care about you out there, you know. So I'm even thinking, you know, cause there's been several like lonely nights that I've had here in the apartment. where I'm like, I'm just going to go live on Tik TOK and play music. And what I much rather do than getting on a, with a bunch of Tik TOK people who are just kind of like scroll pass or join for a little bit or like, is say, you know, broadcast out to the Mormons and Mushrooms underground, like, Hey, I'm going to go live and play music. Come, come join and listen tonight. You know, if you're around. And if. that. If two people join, if 10, if whatever, I'm going to be playing music and you want to come play music and come chat. Riverside has the ability to kind of bring people into chat from the audience. So you don't have to be seen. You can just be a fly on the wall, but be connected to everyone, you know, or you can, you know, jump on and say a few things. And I think that would be so fun, man. I think I want to, let's do that. I, yeah, I mean, I, just, let's just start doing them. I, I've, I've, I've gotten so much out of, what we've been able to do through this thing. I've gotten that feeling of warm and safe and cozy and shelter from the storm. I mean, geez, man, if we could provide that for another person, the way that you've provided that, the way that we've provided that for one another, if we could provide that for another person, let's fucking do it. It's worth doing a Tik TOK life. It's worth sending out a you know, whatever, a telegram or a signal or a WhatsApp or whatever, and just being like, you know, you're not alone. All right. I'm in. if you're listening and it's in the show notes, where to go? Go there. If you're listening and it's not in the show notes, we're still trying to figure out the best method for this, whether it's a newsletter sounds fucking cool, but do people check their email anymore? know what I mean? Maybe it's a combination, you know, or I know people know things about discord servers. don't want to make it too technologically advanced for people too, you know, like. think going lo-fi with it is kind cool, Like, yeah. Agreed. way just sending these little pulses out is how I want to do it, right? You know? Dude, remember when I was talking about the dude in your neighborhood who used to write up like a, he used to type up a manifesto every month and send it around. We're now full circle where that's just you and me. We're like, anyway, we've got this manifesto we're going to start sending around. So speaking of projections, right? We're owning our projections. listen. All right. We're going to just keep on trying to be cool, Joe's and taking big old helpings of humble pie. We're going to keep doing our best. And here's to here's to the next fucking 40 years. So if someone knows of a good way to do that and they're listening, just send us an email, mormonsonmushroomspod at gmail.com, mike at mormonsonmushrooms.com, Doug at mormonsonmushrooms.com, whatever. Or if you know how to. Any of those work, if you know our signal, you can also just reach out there. Whatever, whatever. We were really worried about trying to tiptoe into community years ago when this thing started. But I think that we're saying we've learned a few lessons about boundaries. We've learned a few lessons about finding people that love and care for one another, right? Yeah, well, cause I know from my energy and what I can give, like I can't like, yeah, I've got to be mindful of my energy and, and that's, and I wasn't as mindful of that before. And so it's like re-engaging in a way that I think we've learned a lot through that. And I think we're, and, but I also think part of what I've learned is that I love being in community. I love, I love it. And I crave it. need more of it. And we, we need more of it in humanity. need more than ever. We need to get back to community. And I would love to build through, build it again in some way, but with the knowledge we've learned from the past.