Let Jesus In...to Your Bedroom (#225)

Mike and Doug reflect on the Super Bowl halftime backlash, Bad Bunny, and the manufactured outrage of the 24-hour news cycle, using it as a doorway into something deeper. The conversation moves through Mormonism, colonialism, whiteness, sexuality, and repression, circling the tension between reverence and embodiment. From Hawaii baptisms and altar mishaps to crotch-grabbing moral panics and religious seriousness, the episode keeps returning to the same theme: embracing both the sacred and the profane of human culture. Funny, honest, and occasionally unhinged, this is a conversation about loosening up, staying curious, and learning how to enjoy being alive without splitting ourselves in two.

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Transcript

1:17

We've done this podcast for so long that we've talked about multiple Super Bowl halftime shows. We have, yeah. I remember even. Lamar. We dedicated an entire one to Rihanna. Yeah, we at least gave her the title of the episode because she did indeed slay in that halftime show. Yeah, because I live in I live in the red country. You know, I live in country where people are saying like, well, I didn't I didn't understand any of the bad bunny. I didn't I don't know. I don't I don't understand Spanish. I think that the Super Bowl performer should be should be speaking English. And I've been like, what? What are you talking about? And this is a classic case of the 24 hour news, like telling people how they should feel. Yes, it's just a thing, dude. I'm telling you. you know, the, the 24 hour news gives us talking points to divide us. And then we just parrot those talking points back because. no, without the 24 hour news, I don't think people would give a shit. Like people listen to people have been listening to Spanish singers in America for so long. Like what, why would we give a shit? oh it's dude, you're so you're hitting it so dead on like you're it's like, okay, wait, just to make sure I can clarify here. Your outrage is about the musical show like the musical act during the halftime. Like you're you're mad about like most of time if I go to like a Utah Jazz game is that it's that Asian lady that like balances the cups and she's on a unicycle and she flips the cups on top of her head, you know? Like, I don't know what the fuck is going on when I watch those. I'm like, how is she doing this? Or like the, or like the people who do like the quick, like the quick change, their outfits. Oh, they're dancing around to like salsa music and they're changing their outfits 20 times. It's really quick. Or, or the people that do the trampolines or jump ropes or, or dunks. That's what halftime shows are. And then some people are like, but the American, the Super Bowl is an American thing. It should be an American. It's like, well, hold on a second here. That buddy is an American and he's fucking amazing. that I didn't understand. Oh, I'm trying to learn Spanish. I didn't understand a word that was going on in that show. even like the Puerto Rican Spanish and the Spanish she's speaking is like, I don't know if you're going to pick it up from any app you're using. Right, he's a rapper, he's a Trap House rapper, you know what I mean? But they're having a good time. I loved that show. No, and it was so good. Cause and with everything going on, I just loved the tone it hit. was this like all about community and love and connection and humanity. It's was the perfect, and I don't feel like they did that as a response to anything, but it, and just being authentically him, it was a perfect response to all this bullshit going on. Dude, it's been pretty funny for me. Like, can you hear my dog barking in the background? You can? That's Aussie Bear. Sorry, everybody. You're hearing Aussie Bear. He's making an appearance. um So the thing that has been like kind of hitting home for me is... It's theater. It's all theater. But it's been like digging into some of my religious stuff, some of my Mormon stuff. Do you know what I mean? Because like I just came back from Hawaii and then got home and watched the Super Bowl and the halftime show, blah, blah. And what I'm realizing is that like, me, I can only speak to me as a Mormon. I was okay to like enjoy another culture as a novelty, but true spirituality, like true connection with religion. I'm saying religion instead of God for a reason. True connection with religion is very serious white man's business. Do you know what I mean? So like I'm in Hawaii and it's like, yeah, everybody loves Hawaii. It's like, there's like the waves and the ocean and it's like the vibes are just... You got the aloha vibes But I had a guy I was there for work and I a guy say to me, you know, you know, you know, only do Hawaii in small doses. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean? can only do Hawaii in small doses. I wish I could stay here and so Wait, wait, I'm just so blown away. Someone could make a comment like that. You can only use what part, what part can you leave it in? Smell, smell those is chilling on the beach. Like the weather, the. a human man woke up in the morning, buckled his fucking belt buckle and put his fucking shoes on and made sure he wore his cargo pants and his like vaguely Hawaiian shirt that's appropriate for like a business conference. Strolled through the beautiful like along the beach. hearing the ocean, feeling the breeze, seeing the sky, sat down next to me, started eating breakfast and had the gall to say, yeah, you know, it's nice, but you you can only take Hawaii in small doses. And I was like, dude, we are from a different planet, my man. Like, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. I'm sorry. What? What do mean? And it's been interesting too, with, mean, watching the halftime show and like you were in Hawaii too. And I was in Hawaii like a year and a half ago. And, you know, that was, I went to Maui and it was right after, I mean, a year or so, or however long after the Maui fires, which were a result of colonialization. And, you know, in Bad Bunny and the halftime show was talking about the power grids and the thing, you know, the colonialization that happened in Puerto Rico, which by the way, I didn't know this, but in reading afterwards. It became a territory leading up to, I think, world war one. And it became a territory. And then all of a sudden, you know, we're drafting their 18 and 19 year olds to go to fight in world war one, conveniently. And they can't even vote. They can't vote for the president who's sending them to war. can die for the motherfucker who's sending you to war, but you can't vote for that person to say yay or nay, you go to war. That's a weird, that's weird. That's conceptually, as far as what America was built on. No taxation without representation, right? That's the whole thing, Boston Tea Party, no taxation without representation. You're making conscripts, you're making me a soldier to go fight a war. for someone who I didn't elect. And then if I have the, if I, through my music become a legendary Grammy winning artist, I am not, I'm not American enough for you. It's so crazy. Like the whiteification thing. I don't think there's anybody who believes any of this stuff. I think it's just outrage culture. I would love for somebody to like, maybe it's me, maybe I'm the problem. Like I get kind of passionate and I'm kind of like whatever, but like I would love for someone to just like look me in the eye and realistically explain to me, here's my white culture that I'm. super proud of and I want to protect and here's why and here's the history of it and here's why it's important and here's why nobody else can get a piece of it and here's why I'm an American. Like I just need to hear that. I need someone to tell me that. Do you know what mean? And what that is, the hot dogs and fireworks? What is it? What do we do? I mean, dude, and Mike, I'll probably agree with that, but I'll be like, yeah, I could crush a Maverick hot dog right this. I could do a Maverick hot dog with nacho cheese on it right now. It's 8, 15 p.m. and I could do one right now. Yeah, because you're an all American boy. No, was going to say like, mean, I think that's hard, hard to answer that question because we had our culture stolen from us. And so we've gone across the sea to steal culture from other people. And we've just perpetuated the, the trauma. was thinking about this. I don't think the world is as political as everybody wants it to be. I think there's just a handful of dirty dogs out there. think there's a handful of people that want to like, they've got deep insecurities. They want to experience everything. They want to uh explore their boundaries and be terrible. They're in, and they've found the way to seize control and that's just make everybody fight. Do you know what I mean? Just make everybody fight and stay in power. Like here's what I was thinking about. There was a, I hate not, I hate not uh accurately quoting things, but there was a congressperson today who said like, yeah, bad bunny, Superbowl was. uh You know, he's grabbing his crotch and dancing provocatively. And it was like gay pornography. We got to, we've to check out the FCC and see what's going on. That happened. That happened today. Gay pornography. man, the, the, projection there going on strong. I want to check that guy's phone for the grinder. dude, it's just, right, projection, it's just theatrics, right? Because like, here's the thing, Mike, what if we did this? What if we said, okay, right, let's uh say that like, grabbing your crotch, let's say crotch grabbing is provocative. Let's all as humans say that if a person is performing crotch grabbing, It's provocative, right? So then we say, and I hate to create false dichotomies, but I'm gonna do it right now. Then we say, would you rather, let's play the game of would you rather. It's the crotch grabbing would you rather game. You ready? Okay, Mike. If a crotch is going to be grabbed, would you rather it was a Puerto Rican mumble rapper performing at the half time of a sporting event grabbing his own crotch? or the president of the United States grabbing a woman by the pussy without her consent. Which crotch is okay to grab? Like which, where are we at here? Like when it comes to provocatively grabbing crotches, which one's okay and which one's not? That's to me, that's a, I'm creating a false dichotomy that is total bullshit, but my. my Mormon white conservative self that is deep down inside of me that knows all these, all the little playbook and stuff can somehow justify that bad bunny is bad for America and Donald Trump is working hard for America. Like that's a, it's a, that's a, that's a really strange sentence, right? It was a really strange sentence. you know, after and then just saying like, you can't look past the crotch grabbing and whatever to see the the culture and the message of the whole fucking thing. It's just. just to clarify, like you and I are, I I could, I completely agree. I'm just saying the, if we isolate the act of a crotch being grabbed, like that particular area of a person and that particular act that's described as grab, right? I guess it's okay if Bad Bunny grabs his own and I'm less okay if Donald Trump grabs a woman's without her consent and maybe even a girl, like a girl. which more and more it's showing that he did. you know, here we are. Here we are. Welcome to Mormons on Mushrooms. But I have to say, you know, I just felt the halftime show just, gave me hope. I have hope in humanity. I hope for, for humanity. There's, you know, I just loved, um, you know, especially here in LA, but even in, you know, growing up in Utah, you're, there's a lot of Hispanic culture there. And then to be here in LA, it's all over place. of the, the taco places he walked by is a really like, probably the best taco I've ever had in LA, just in Highland park where we were recording our record. should go next time. Um, but yeah, just, just on full display and this beautiful part of America. And I don't know. I love the part where he was naming off all of the, said like, bless America. And then he named off all of like the countries in America. country in America. North, Central, and South America. He named every country. Maybe he missed a few. I don't know. But that was pretty cool, right? Yeah. And if you're a Mormon and you feel like the America's the promised land, includes all of America, you know, depending on, depending on which book of Mormon map you're looking at. if you're Mormon and Nephi built that boat and they sailed across the seas and came to the promised land, you just watched. I mean, that was the greatest thing that ever happened, right? That was like, let's unite. Like we'll call them bad bunny, that's fine, whatever. But like the culture and the music, everything was just so alive and everybody was smiling and dancing. Like, man, I think I have been salsa dancing. By the way, I can't salsa dance at all. But I think that since Sunday, I have been uh fake salsa dancing everywhere I've gone. I mean, I see you now. You're doing pretty good. It's just a vibe. So I'm going to like, try to come way back to a tiny little thing that I mentioned a few minutes ago, which is the little the juxtaposition of like the Hawaii and the guy saying to me like, you can only have so much Hawaii, you small doses and then like, you know, Super Bowl, whatever. I've just been thinking about like, I really did grow up like my my deacon's quorum, then I became a teacher, and then was a priest. Everything that I was believing about myself, and I think this still exists for a lot of the church, is that, oh, these cultures are adorable, and aren't they sweet, and God's children, and they love them, in this sense of, as a novelty. from afar, like go to Cirque du Soleil and watch it. I can go to Hawaii and see them do a luau or feel the Aloha vibes or do it, whatever. can get into like the Puerto Rican salsa music, whatever. But me, as for me and my house, we will be boring white conservatives who are outraged that something has offended their sensibilities. It's a weird Do you see what I'm trying to say here? It's weird. Well, and I mean, thinking about it as a Mormon, like, yeah, you can go to Brazil on your mission and experience a different culture, but don't drink the Shima how, which is like their like native. Tea that does like don't, don't go out during, during carnival, their biggest cultural celebration. Don't, when we hit it, in our churches, of course. The organ and the piano are God's approved instruments. None of this, none of these drums or whatever cultural instruments you play. Yeah. oh don't bring a horn into a sacrament meeting or a guitar, you know. God built this beautiful earth with all the diversity of music and it's the organ and the piano, maybe the violin, know, some strings, strings are okay. But I guess piano is kind of a, is a string instrument, anything out percussion, no, a guitar, no, uh, you know, That is so interesting, Mike. remember that that's a real thing. like organs and pianos are like the one thing that you can do in sacrament meeting and then you have somebody sing, but they have to sing from the. You have to sing from the songbook, right? Either from the hymn book. I'm trying to think about that. Is that still a thing? That used to be a thing when you and I were kicking around, like you used to, you could only sing songs in sacrament meaning that were approved from the song. I think it's a little bit of a Bishop roulette on that. Sometimes a Bishop would, you know, well, I remember some people singing like the hollow of his hand or something. Some of those like Michael McLean or some of those things. uh Yeah, no, I mean, I think that's just part of the colonialization of it. And you feel like, yeah, there's a beautiful people, but eventually they will become white and delightful. It's not, yeah, there's just some big. I didn't intend for this, it's funny, thinking about earlier today I was just buzzing saying to you, just got so much to talk about, I can't wait to chat, all that kind of thing, right? I didn't intend for this to be anything, God, don't even think this is, I don't think this is political, right? It's not political. what this is, is you're speaking to what's my favorite thing about being an ex-Mormon versus a Mormon. Is that I can now approach the world with wide-eyed curiosity and interest and I can approach other cultures and not get offended if they grab their crotch. It's like, you know, Appreciate the beauty of the dancing and the culture and the different drinks. You know, when I went to Brazil, uh, for work, I just recently left, left the church and I felt like I experienced more of the culture of Brazil in the two weeks I was there for work. Mostly than I did in the two years that I was there before, you know, uh, because I was there and I was just engaged. I was curious. wasn't, I was off. I had descended off my ivory tower and could experience the world. Yeah, man, it's like some of these concepts are like coming crashing down on me. Like you just said, like ivory tower. I guess I grew up as, you growing up Mormon, I guess I thought we Americans were the adults in the room and I better act accordingly. And the rest of fucking planet was children. Aren't they cute? They don't know better. And need to go tell them the adult truth. Like the Lord is an adult and he's the parent and we're his representatives and we gotta go tell everybody how to be grownups. And I'm sitting there going, like I'm 45 years old and suddenly I'm like, whoa, the whole planet is alive and teeming with like energy and it's chaos and music and madness. it's just, I'm like, how fucking sheltered and uncultured was I? Am I? Am I currently? I currently am. I even remember having a feeling when I was a missionary and they were talking about, think there were, there was some temple being built somewhere. so they have that cultural celebration. The time, you know, they used to back when building a temple meant something like they would like have like the local stadium next to the temple. They'd have a big cultural celebration. maybe it was even the temple. was a temple built in my, not in my mission area, but in the state I was in in Brazil. and I didn't see the cultural celebration, but you heard of it and I'm sure they had Brazilian music and in that cultural celebration, not in a sacrament meeting or not in the temple, but in that celebration, of course they're allowed to Brazilian dances and drums and everything. And I kind of even thought like, wouldn't it be cool like to have a worldwide church where everyone was bringing their own culture and not assimilating to white culture. And I even had that thought as a missionary. And, you know, but I just probably put on the shelf, you know, the lore, of course, you know, when you're in the temple, then you have to be at different frequency. wouldn't have thought in terms of frequency, but you know what I mean? Like some sort of, yeah. I think you're dead on. uh I gotta check in with you real quick before I make this next point. Am I doing too much talking? Sometimes in these things when I'm really excited, I do a little bit too much talking. no, no. No, I feel like it's been 50-50. I haven't felt like you've been talking too much. Yeah. That's how it's felt to me. you just brought up a whole flood of memories for me and I just want to talk about it. So like, want to, I want to bring your mind back to when the conference center was dedicated. Do you remember? It was like, it was like the pinnacle of my life, to be honest with you, like Gordon B Hinckley live, like in front, like all those people watching and everybody in person and I'm on TV and he's waving like He's leading us, and you know, he's leading us in the Hosanna. Hosanna, Hosanna to God and the Lamb. And he's waving his towel. He's like, he's got like, he's like a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. He's waving his terrible towel, you know, and everything. I'm just thinking to myself, the problem with Mormonism is everything has to funnel up to one smelly old white guy. You know what I mean? Everything like. He's in charge of everything. at the end of the, like if he's doing the dedication of the conference center to the Lord, he's gotta do the Hosanna shout. Can you imagine if the dude who did the Lion King was responsible for doing the Hosanna shout? You You got, bro, what it like, like Mike, imagine if the Hosanna shout was coordinated by the guy who did the circle of life. I don't, I can't remember his name, that guy and Bad Bunny. And so I had this like, this lat, like it had this like Latin America African drum, like it had this whole like vibe of music and dancing and like Hosanna to God of mine. The motherfucking Lord would have returned, bro. I'm telling you right now, scouts honor. Mike, I'm holding my three finger, Scouts honor. Jesus would have returned to the earth when the conference center was dedicated, if that's what we had done. could he possibly be? He's like, wait, this is the best show. Jesus Christ isn't gonna miss the best party in the fucking universe, dude. Like, wait, you've got the guy from Lion King and Bad Bunny putting on a show to dedicate a temple? I'll be there, guys. Okay, fine, I'll be there. I'm the Lord God. No, but it's like if like the NFL commissioner had to be the halftime entertainment. Yeah, so the way Mormonism works is that Roger Goodell has to sing the national anthem and he has to perform at halftime and he has to like fucking give the closing prayer. It's like no! Delegate this shit to people who know what they're doing because God's gifts are everywhere. God is everything. We are all God. Let us all participate and you're gonna get some really fucking cool shit that's gonna happen. guess, Mike, I think that I'm like circling around. what my biggest awakening like religious or spiritual belief has become is that wow God is everywhere and the and it's amazing and people are cool and also the planet is cool and plants and trees and oceans and and rocks and trees are cool you know everything's everything's amazing and no one's paying attention because an old white guy is waving a flag in their face saying be a neighbor and I brought a pie to a widow." It's like, what? And another old white guy had to like give you a recommend and ask you invasive sexual questions for you to even be in that room with the other white guy waving the thing. What? I'm just laughing at that process. You just said it. The awkwardness of having to sit through a worthiness one-on-one in order to like, do a Hosanna shout and dance and everybody's banging drums, everybody's like getting into the fever pitch of it. And it's like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did someone just grab their own body? Wait a minute here. Now God's offended. God's like, wait, the humans are doing what now? No, I'm not going anymore. I'm not going to that party. I was hoping there would be really slow, long drawn out organ music and everybody would be sitting around singing as if they were at a funeral. Like does the atonement of Jesus Christ, do we have to sing a fucking funeral dirge every single week in order to praise God? Which is kind of interesting because we, growing up, we talked the opposite. say, we, we, we worship a living God. We worship the, but you sing like some violent, like funeral hymn. a week. You go to a funeral once a week and you sit there and go like, stand all amazed at the love Jesus gave. It's like, okay, man, just give yourself a break. Everything has to be so fucking serious. And maybe, you know, tying that in, think, like, I guess another thing about being an exporman is like with that comes the thing of just lightening up. I don't have to be outraged over things that people tell me that I need to be outraged about. Like I remember when I was around the time of Prop 8 in California, I was still in Utah at the time, but it was a big shelf item for me about leaving the church when the Prop 8 to make California, it was a vote to put it in the constitution of California that marriage was just between man and woman because San Francisco had started performing gay marriages. And um I remember at the time just being really conflicted about that. Like where I was at in my spiritual, this was, it's wild how fast things change, but in 2008, I would have said, I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. But I, I didn't feel like I should impose my beliefs of that onto other people. And so I'd have the church tell me in a Utah like a priesthood meeting that I should donate to a California proposition to defend the sanctity of marriage. I just, I was just, it was, it was conflicted. And then I remember I was watching, I mean, I had gotten pretty liberal at the time. And so I was watching the daily show and Jon Stewart was on. You sinner, of course. uh but I remember loving everything, but I was like, but I can't, I can't get on board with his gay marriage stance. Like, because someone has told me not to and how freeing it was when it's like, no, I can just, I can like what I like and be an approve of what I want to approve of. And the, and I don't have to take things so seriously that when it's, don't think are that serious. and I can lighten up and enjoy life. I can eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die. That's pretty beautiful, Think about that, right? I know that this exists beyond I know this exists everywhere where is this in the workplace it exists in in Sports it exists in in culture and it exists in politics. It exists everywhere, but especially in church in religion Where it's like oh I have to like Conform what I'm feeling thinking and experiencing to what some other guy tells me is the right thing. It's like, excuse me, I'm a fucking grown man. I've got three children. You're not telling me anything. What are you talking about? You're not telling me what I'm thinking and feeling. God, I'm having a whole... Mike, I'm having kind of like a spiritual awakening this week, to be honest with you. You know, I got baptized by the ocean last week. I mean, that will do it. And especially in Hawaii. mean, you can only take small doses of it, but I hope you at least baptize yourself in the ocean. So if you're going to get baptized by the ocean, you better be fucking violent. I was, dude, was, I was, I was roughed up by the ocean. It was good. It was a good time. Yeah. since I've done that in the ocean. um But something's clicking for me too. it's also the, not only is it just one like white guy telling you how you should live your life, but one who's like lived his life repressed, who's probably never had a good sexual experience in his whole life, who has had to almost like beg his frigid wife to have sex with him. And I'm not blaming her. I wouldn't want to have sex with them either. And she's had, she's probably been a victim of sex abuse as a kid or something. And she has because she grew up Mormon and she was asked invasive questions when she was 12 years old by her Bishop. And so of course she's going to freeze up when it's time to have sex because she's been told it's bad her whole life. And now it's time to have sex with this person you're going to marry. And even if you love them, it's like this. And I mean, you think of like elder Bednar. sure your sex is kind of like sacrament meeting. It's like an organ is appropriate and it's kind of like a funeral. Make sure your sex is like you're attending Jesus' funeral. Holy shit, Mike. That is literally the baseline of every doctrinal thing is make sure that you're being super reverent. And by reverent, we mean you're going to Jesus' funeral. So which translates to a 52 year old dentist asking a 15 year old boy, like a 52 year old dentist who desperately wants a blowjob from his wife is asking a 15 year old boy if he pumped on his cock enough times to make creamy white come to come out of it. if the answer is yes, that 15 year old boy can't say a prayer over some Wonder Bread to pass out to everyone to have a little bite of that week. That's the... What the fuck is going on on planet Earth? There's a lot of whiteness going on there. Yeah, bro. Am I being too much? Like I'm a little amped tonight. I get that. But like, this is giving me some life, dude. It's um... In other words, like what you're talking about with that Senator, right? Who is like upset about bad bunny grabbing his crotch. The people that are upset by that, it's, the same thing. P when, when, you know, we, the people who gossip are people who aren't really living their lives. People who are upset over this, like they're just not, I guess maybe I'm finding some compassion for them because Yeah, great point. they've been taught, they've just have bought into this bullshit that they're not good enough. They're not worthy in their own body just for being them. And have, I mean, I was just thinking of like elder Bednar. Dude. That's the second time you brought, hey, that's the second time you've brought Elder Bednar having sex and I'm getting little horny about it. I know, why do I keep bringing it up? dude, like, are elder oaks now, or present in oaks or whatever? uh that is that the proud who's the prophet Oaks dude just imagine him railing dude from behind railing his wife right now I bet he's such a freak. Can you imagine? I bet he's the type of freak that's like, I once had a seminar teacher tell me that you should always pray before you have sex with your wife. Please tell me that happened to you. What? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, that's my seminary teacher told me that. And seminary as we were probably talking about some sort of law chastity thing or something. He's like, you should always invite. It's kind of funny. Always invite the third into your bedroom. Always have, you know, a threesome with Jesus. But no, he just encouraged us like he encouraged us to like, sex is a it's the most holy thing you can do. And just like we do at sporting events, you should do it. You should say a prayer before you have sex. You know, so it will nourish and strengthen your bodies. You will stand all amazed. You know? That when you swallow my cum, it will nourish and strengthen your body. uh he saw my come and how I'll proclaim, my God, how great thou art. Which by the way, mean the church. bunch, dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm just like, we've been doing this podcast. I've left the church for 12, 13 years. Like it's been a long time. And I'm just this week having some like, the repression stuff is just like hitting home for me about just how fucking weird it all really is. Sorry, I mean to interrupt you, go ahead. no, I haven't even forgot what I was gonna say, but you're right on the money. think it comes in, it's a thing, man. It just comes in, I guess it comes in circles and waves, right? Like spirals. Like sometimes you feel like, okay, I've unearthed all of the Mormon shit and. Even last night, it was weird. was, I had a dream where I was in my, in-laws house and I was trying to set up my altar, but my mother-in-law had set up her like lesson manuals. So I was trying to set up my altar next to like these like church manuals and that she had set up for her lesson that she's going to give that day or something. And I'm like, I just, you know, I just wanted a space for my altar, which is interesting that I had that dream and here we are talking about like this. I don't know. Dude, I'm going to tell a story that's... I think I'm okay to tell the story. Oh God, this is hitting me like a ton of bricks. So in our last episode we talked about when we were together at that Airbnb in Salt Lake making music, had some people with us, all that kind of thing, right? Epic altar, remember that sweet fucking altar you and I had set up and it was just like. our authors just keep getting better. I mean, and you know, there's like just like I'm talking about, there's like some there's some honor, respect and reverence around, you know, the altar and like the spirits and ancestors and entities and and fairies and elves, everything that we're that we're inviting in. You know what I mean? It's like respect and honor around that. Dude, I'm going to say this, Tony, I'm sorry, I'm going to tell this because it was so beautiful. So. Part of the altar I put, I've got an offering bowl. In the offering bowl, it's like a nice porcelain bowl with a literal platinum band around it. It's got some sentimental value to me and it's also got some earthly value. And in the offering bowl, we had put some uh wine and some fruits, the grapes, oranges, apples, that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? And yeah, it's like... bounty of the earth type shit. It's like, that's this altar is this, this, is an offering to the other, to the others. You know, we're it's the night's going and we're having the time of our life and we're you know, everybody's on different speeds and waves and we're playing music. And at one point, bro, I'm I look over you and I are singing a song together. We're both playing it was one of the one of the few times that we both play the guitar at the same time. Like I've noticed that we've started like kind of trading off a little bit, but you and I are both playing the guitar and singing. And I look over. And there's Tony just sitting there, mushing away on like, he's like eating, he's eating grapes out of the offering bowl. Tony, you dirty dog, I fucking love you so much. And in the moment, while we were singing, I looked over at that and I was like, like part of me, like the part of me that was wanting to do the honor and respect and hold sacred and be part of outrage culture was like, oh man, probably shouldn't eat from the offering bowl, you know? But also at the same time and even more so like, Now, as we're talking about it, I just was like, isn't that the whole fucking shooting match? Like, isn't that the whole thing? The whole thing is that like the altar is intended to bring in, uh you know, entities, spirits, ghosts, gods, demigods, ancestors, everything, you know I mean? It's meant to honor. And Tony just like, munching away at it like he's pawing those he's got his big old paws just eating those grapes it's like that's the most perfect balance like jesus christ mike that's everything like i'm i'm having some real like i'm having some real dominoes fall for me like tonight like everything's kind of like some slots are filling in in my little spirituality right now What I feel about that, I love that so much. And it's one of the reasons why I love, I know we talk about the alters and I'm going to speak to my alter practice, but I feel like it's reflected in yours too. that's why, but like one of the things I love about it is that thing of it's, it's my way of offering respect to the others. And treating them as a psychic reality, treating them as a reality. And as part of that, so there's a reverence to it, but a part of that too is like, if I'm really inviting the ancestors to join me and they're going to condemn me because I like eat some of the grapes. Like if they're really my ancestors, the ancestral spirits are there. They're more laughing with us than. They've seen it all, right? They've seen it. They've seen the vulgarity. They've seen the worst of humanity. They've seen the best of humanity. They've seen they've seen the violence of nature and earth and everything. They've seen everything. If the they I'm talking about is us and and we and I and I like, like, but we're talking about these entities. They've seen everything and they're going to draw the line at like how serious you take something like it, dude. It goes back to. Gordon B Hinckley waving that fucking white rag and like an old man saying, Hosanna, Hosanna to God and the lamb. It's like, no, I want a dancing African man to sing Hosanna to God and the lamb. That's where I'm gonna feel the spirit. take it, don't take your own bullshit so fucking seriously. Like I guess that's what I'm, I guess the message that I need in my whole life. And this comes down to like, geez, Mike, this is hitting me really hard for work and personal and social and political and everything. everyone is beautiful. Everyone's just doing a thing. And I know we're mocking the church a little bit here, even that, that was like the cutest thing I've ever seen, by the way. Like Gordon B. Hinckley doing that Hosanna shout was like a moment in my life that I will never forget. And it was the dorkiest fucking thing I've ever seen. I remember oh speaking to the dorkiest thing. I remember, uh, you know, my mission, would always be excited to like, you I had like, uh, you'd carry around the scriptures and the discussions and stuff, but I remember, remember we'd also have like some visuals that we'd show too, you know, in certain parts. I have the visual of like the quorum of the 12. And I think it was like, the Rome temple been dedicated by the time we went on our missions? That I can't remember. I don't have a stronger memory of the realm, yeah. picture of them all dressed in white that we would show. And for some reason I'm getting a picture of them in front of the Rome temple all dressed in white, but I don't know if that was, it must've been a different one. But I was so excited to show these Brazilian people, these are the 12, these are the 15 apostles on earth today. Let me show you, you know? m And looking back, it's like these. I mean, it's like, it's like, you know, the Scientologist pulls you aside and like showing you L Ron Hubbard and expecting you to be like. Yeah, dude, it's the same. Like the feeling you're talking about is the same feeling of like the thing we talk about a lot of like pausing and then and then singing uh Joseph Smith's first prayer in broken, fill in the blank, broken foreign language that you're speaking. Like and you expect that person to feel something. It's like the only thing that person is feeling is uncomfortable. You know what I mean? The only thing they're feeling is like, what the hell is going on now? I'll commit to whatever you guys want me to commit to. just get out of my house. This is something so weird right now. they're feeling the feeling that you feel when like your coworker shows you a video of their daughter's dance recital. You're like, you're going to stand over my shoulder and watch me watch your daughter's dance recital. Like that's the feeling that you get when you're like, Hey, these are God's apostles on the earth today. Do you want to look a picture of them? Like they're like, whoa, no. You're like, what the hell? And not to get back to Bad Bunny, but I'm just thinking of it because I mean, was a lot like the halftime show in essence, because we're talking about the, like the cultural celebrations. was a cultural celebration of Puerto Rico, an American territory. That's never gotten the like respect or the attention of the other States getting their moment to have 15 minutes to. uh have a cultural celebration of not just Puerto Rico, but also Latino culture in the Americas. And. If that's not American enough for you, I'm sorry. feel like, I feel heartbroken and I'd like loosen up a little. Go and touch your cock tonight. Go and touch your own cock. If you're so worried about bad bunny grabbing his, touch your own a little bit more. If you're so worried about who's grabbing who's crotch, just go grab your own a little bit and see if that feels good. Dude, I did it. I'll tell you this, I jerked off in Hawaii, My wife and had a lot of sex in Hawaii, but I did jerk off in Hawaii just because I was feeling the waves and everything was coming together for me. I was like, oof, I better go hit the old... hotel shower like I had to. I mean, nothing is better than touching yourself with some Shaka vibes. Yeah, man. The earth was good to me that day. um Side story, you got time for a side story? We've only been recording for 45 minutes. Okay. oh I did find out for the first time in my whole life that I may have a minor shellfish allergy. Hold on, I was muted. Yeah. And then it was like, I was trying to unmute to. Dude, I'm laughing. I'm glad I can laugh about this. Like, I think we almost lost you buddy. well, I mean, this is kind of right in line with what we're talking about of like the profane and the absurd are the same thing, right? Like evidently I almost died. so, it turns out one night we go to this restaurant where it's like I had this some kind of stew, I guess, some seafood stew, it had, ladies and gentlemen, this seafood stew had the following. uh sea creatures in it lobster tail shrimp uh oyster clams uh mussels and I just bang dude I've crushed that whole deal I was slurping it was like in coconut milk stew and I was like like there was nothing left I was slurping the bowl and everything you know so we waddled back we oh it was it was one of best things I've ever eaten in my whole life And so we waddled back to the hotel room and met my wife and I just pass out from being so pleasantly fat and stupid and happy, you know? Well, you didn't take Hawaiian small doses, so you took a big dose of Hawaii. I took a big old dose of Hawaii and fast forward to one o'clock in the morning. I'm being frantically woken up by my wife. Like, die, die. Because evidently I'm barely breathing and it sounds like a it sounds like the death rattle of like a wheezing horse. I'm like, like, that's the sound I'm making. And I come to. Like could become become aware of consciousness. And I feel like the only thing in my like whole throat is like a thin sliver of air can get through, right? Like my throat is just constricting and swollen. And I get up in the mirror and my face, my forehead, my eyes, my eyes are swollen shut like a little too little slits. And like my cheeks are puffed up and my jaws puffy. And it's like, shit, I don't know what's happening here. I going to die? So like spoiler alert, I did not die. Um, they, you know, I look good, don't I? It's this only happened. I guess this only happened four, four days ago, five days ago. Um, but they got me, you know, they got, they got medical attention and they got me all, uh, drugged up and I, then I had to you know, do some Benadryl for a few days and I'm back to good. the doctor was explaining to me that like, I'm gonna do this wrong because I'm not very good at like medical stuff, but like evidently the high concentration of iodine maybe if you eat too much shellfish, your body can have a reaction to it that's probably what happened to me. so given the opportunity, I would go back and... Eat that bowl of stew again, like whatever it was. I would go eat it tonight. You know, it was so delicious. But I, I, I gotta probably have an EpiPen on hand if I'm to do that. Yeah. Yeah. But the point I'm trying to make, the point I'm making is, you remember that sign in our Airbnb that said, but did you die? Question mark. Well, that's the whole point of this. I think that's the whole point of this whole episode, Mike is like, There's a lot of serious stuff going on. There's a lot of really dirty, God-awful, gross, dark, terrible, hurtful, traumatic, disgusting things going on right now, right? But there always have been and there always will be. uh the most wonderful thing about humanity and the divine and spirituality and all the things that we talk about is that we can hold in loosely, we can hold the balance of the absurd and the profane. same time. We can experience that at once. Like yes, me telling that story right now, four and a half days later, we're laughing and it's like, oh, haha, Doug looked like a guy wearing one of those sumo wrestler suits, you know? Like I looked like a guy wearing a sumo suit. But in the moment, the people who cared about me, including myself, we were like, oh shit, like, I'm worried that I can't get enough air into my body. Like I'm worried about my blood. You know I mean? Yeah, like, is this it? Is this the time? it and frankly if I'm gonna die in Hawaii, okay fine I just had the greatest day and meal of my whole life. So guess that's a good way to end it but like but but what remains is I'm still here and and if being being back in the states and dealing with whether I liked the bad bunny or the kid rock performance which one I like better and What Donald Trump is doing versus what Democrat a B and C is doing I guess my life is okay. guess I can just kind of, I guess I can embrace it all and just kind of let those waves crash and slam me into the beach and I'll probably be okay, you know? Did you die? oh Holy shit dude. I don't know. I feel like we could go another hour. Like honestly, we could keep going. We could go another hour. We're kind of at a good stopping point right there if you just want to. stopping point. I think I wanted to do it right there.