Share The Struggle
Share The Struggle
Humble Confidence 238
This episode explores the challenges of maintaining dreams and aspirations in 2025, focusing on the concept of humble confidence. It highlights the importance of embracing vulnerability, learning from mistakes, and reframing failures into lessons to foster personal and community growth.
• Discussing the struggle of 2025 and its impact on dreams
• Sharing a candid parenting experience
• Reflecting on the pressure of New Year’s resolutions
• Introducing the ‘fake it till you make it’ dilemma
• Defining humble confidence and its significance
• Outlining three actionable behaviors to foster humble confidence
• Encouragement to share mistakes as learning opportunities
• Concluding thoughts on community support and shared experiences
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One month in on 2025, and I know many of you are struggling to keep your dream alive. Whatever the dream is, no matter how big or how small from a New Year's resolution to some life-changing transitions you're probably facing resistance and self-doubt. The old fake-it-till-you-make-it has you struggling with imposter syndrome. Well, today on Share the Struggle podcast, we tackle three behaviors to establish some humble confidence. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations? You have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations? Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. Good lord, am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it is true. It is damn true.
Speaker 1:Episode 238 and I should be feeling great. But I wouldn't be honest, I wouldn't be truthful if I was telling you I'm feeling, oh so great. Nope, I can't do do it. I can't lie to the people. It's not who I am. That's not what this show is all about. It's about truth, transparency, can't you see? So, with that being said, I am going to start off today's show with a full frontal confessional. Okay, let me grab myself a Cabela's catalog. That's a ball. You caught me. That's a. It's a piece of paper, but I'm gonna pretend it's a cabela's catalog because, uh, I'm gonna put my my little hand on it, my beady little eyes to the sky, and I'm gonna preach the truth from this guy right here. I just have my ass whooped by a four-month-old oh, should be five months in a few days. So I should give myself some credit. Maybe this isn't so bad. Five months, it can be pretty vicious, am I right? Good God, almighty. One of the reasons why I'm not feeling so great is my head is pounding. I literally. I have my headphones on my podcasting headphones so I can pick up on the sounds. Make sure things are sounding really nice. Well, it hurts. It hurts America Like I can. I can literally hear and feel the pulse in my freaking brain right now, because I've been screamed at so ever-loving much.
Speaker 1:Today, wow, what's today a day? Goodness Five in the morning. I get up, bring my mom to work. I come home, go to the office, get some work done, sneak outside, do some barn chores. I come in baby, mama and baby, looking good, feeling good. They're in a great mood, right, mama and baby, baby and mama, baby, mama. Okay, they're doing good. They're looking good, feeling good. They're in a great mood, right, mama and baby, baby and mama, baby, mama. Okay, they're doing good, they're looking good, things are great. So I take my little bundle of joy.
Speaker 1:Today's my day. This is a daddy daycare day, okay, well, it started off great until maybe my wife's taillights hit the end of the driveway and then all hell broke loose and she began to just yell and scream at me, for whatever reason. We tried everything in this house, okay. We had bouncy seats, teeth and rings, this toy, that toy We've done it all. The only piece that I achieved today was three from 17 to 28 minute long naps. Okay, that's been the reliever today. Well, she woke up around noon and then just proceeded to yell at me for 30, 40 minutes straight.
Speaker 1:Now I know there's some of you out there listening that are like that's nothing, lies, lies. The sounds of Satan rang through my ear canal. Okay, and yes, I will already admit. Five months in, I've already threatened my child with calling her mother, so much so that I videoed her, yes, and said I'm going to show your mother this, I'm going to show your mother what you're doing to me, and I know this is bad radio, but there's some of you out there right now that don't believe me. Okay, you said you know what? I've seen that beautiful little, innocent little angel of yours, and she doesn't make a peep Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. I'm going to tell you that right now. Oh, not good for radio Threat being made. Yeah, I'm going to send this to your mother. All right, I paused this because right now we have the camera on the phone on turn so baby can see me and her, and she knows at this point my daddy. He's taking receipts right now. This is evidence. This is going to go to my mama and my meemaw so she's contemplating whether she should just pack it up and give in right now, because I bet on her shoes.
Speaker 1:I've been at home giving my mom a whale of a time and heard those words you wait till your father gets home. I know, split decision here, princess. You got to think what are you gonna do? She's thinking Decision's been made. The only time she stops is because she's regaining air. Oh, I'm telling you, mother, she's gonna call the authorities. That's you. That's you being angry. She's going to call the authorities. That's you. That's you being angry. She's wailing, you're angry. Look, you don't even look the same, being that angry. Oh God, that's not cool. No, no, yeah, that's about enough of that. But that's a little snippet, that's a little screenshot right there. Hopefully that's not absolutely horrid radio, but that proceeded for like 35, 45 minutes.
Speaker 1:We came to the conclusion we're going for a ride, you're getting in the car, we're leaving. We're going to get Meemaw early, put her in the truck, she calms down, has a nice bottle. We go for a little Sunday cruise. We arrive at Meemaw's work shoot, maybe a half an hour early, and we were. My decision was going to be if we arrive at work and she's able to get in the shopping cart and cruise around the shahs, then we'll do that. If she's sleeping, we ain't moving. So we arrived a half an hour early, she's out, I'm not moving. Then my mom proceeds to be a half an hour late getting out of work. So we arrived a half an hour early. She's out, I'm not moving. Then my mom proceeds to be a half an hour late getting out of work. So we put some quality time in in the parking lot, but threats were made today. Video footage was recorded.
Speaker 1:Today, the best part about this is my mom gets in the car and she's all happy for me, ma right, and we're driving along and my mom says what's up with you? You okay Rough day. And I said, yeah, real rough day. And then I begin to tell her what my day is like and when this happens, all little Paisley's just staring at me like you're going to do this right now. You're going to do this in front of me. You're going to tell my me, ma, right now, like you're not going to give me the benefit of starting off on a fresh note with my meemaw. No, you're not gonna do this.
Speaker 1:I take the phone out and I play for my mother what I just played for you, and that baby looks at me and shoots daggers through my soul like you, asshole, you're gonna, you're going to sail me up the river to my Meemaw. She was devastated and she just looked at her Meemaw like he made that up. None of this happened. And then she pouted the entire way home Like literally my mom's, like is she okay? What's wrong with her? And I said, oh no, she knows that mistakes were made. She knows mistakes were made. She knows Mistakes were made, oh my God.
Speaker 1:So I'm trying to regain my composure and I'm trying to Pull up my big daddy pants. Okay, big daddy pants, is that a thing? I'm going to buckle up Buttercup, because I'm getting ready for a positive episode. But for me to reach the decibels and the octaves that it requires to properly transform my energy, to transfer this enthusiasm to you through your headphones, through your radios, I've got to get vocal. It hurts my head. It hurts my head. It hurts my head.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think I earned my daddy badge today. I know I got a whole road ahead of me, but I'm like what's the first degree of a karate belt? What is it? Brown Pink? I don't know. I earned my brown belt today. I got my daddy badge In the world of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. Don't know, I earned my brown belt today. I got my daddy badge In the world of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, don't? You earn badges for things Merit badges, not to be confused with a participation trophy but you earn something.
Speaker 1:Well, today I earned a daddy badge because I had my ass handed to me by a five-month-old, but I stood my ground. Might almost cry a few times, but I-month-old but I stood my ground, might almost cry a few times, but I made it through it and I'm here to talk about it. We lived. Nobody was harmed in the making of today's episode. You understand, we made it. Brown belt Earned Gotcha.
Speaker 1:All right, all right, all right. You know what, guys? Thank you, thank you. Thank you for letting me vent, thank you for letting me express myself. Okay, we had ourselves a full frontal confessional. I feel great, I feel relieved, I feel like we've exercised the demons. Whew, honestly, it feels good. It feels good to share. It feels good to know that it's okay to share. It feels good to know that this is the giving tree. We've got the circle of vulnerability here, that we've established this little positive vibe, this little positive tribe that we've got going on here. Don't forget, if you are a member of this positive tribe and you want to share this positive vibe, because Lord knows, this world needs it. Please share the show with someone you know, help it blossom, help it grow. Find all things podcast related over to wwwsharetheshrugglepodcastcom, also available on all major platforms.
Speaker 1:I do believe, all right guys you let me share a few things. I was vulnerable. I was willing to say, hey, I don't know what I'm doing and I'm going to share to you me not knowing what the hell I'm doing. An effort to, number one, get it off my chest. Number two, I'm sure that I'm going to get some feedback over this and we're going to learn and we're going to grow. And that's going to kind of blend into where we're going on today's show Because, as we've already said to open the show, we almost have completed the first month of 2025. Now I know we all come into a new year with a new outlook. At least, I hope that we do right.
Speaker 1:You come into a new year hoping for new things, new possibilities, and we start dreaming about what can be, what could be and what should be, as long as we are willing to apply and try to attain those goals. So some of us will do the. I guess you would call it like prototypical or, you know, stereotypical New Year's resolutions. I think they've lost steam and people have given up on doing a lot of those. But some people still do those. And if you don't do a New Year's resolution, maybe you're like me. But you set some goals and you use that pre-prescribed flipping of the calendar to set those goals, to cause and effect the new year, to sit back and reflect on the previous year, look at where you've been and where you want to go, and you start to forecast those things right. So, whether you have a New Year's resolution, or you put something down in your dream book, or you put something down in your calendar that you're shooting for, or you just set that goal in your mind.
Speaker 1:We talked about finding our guiding words and living our year off of those guiding words, and I talked about courage and sacrifice and how I'm making decisions based off of courage and sacrifice. Well, here's the truth, guys. At this point in the year, most people, most of the population I forgot the number, it's like over 80% of the population have already given up on those positive commitments they've made, whether they've committed to making a new habit or breaking an old habit, positive steps of action for that promotion. They want to apply for a new job, they want to look for a new career, start a new business, become the entrepreneur, lose the weight, get the date, whatever the hell it is. Y'all have probably set some goals and I feel, like the majority of the American population, you have given up on those goals, and I don't believe you to be some of those people.
Speaker 1:Or, if we're already losing sight of those goals, let today's episode of the podcast be that cautionary tale that helps you reel those goals back in, to realize the level of priority that we should put on those goals. This is our day, you see. This is our day to recapture those goals. Because here's the thing I've done a lot of things in my life, cold. I've done a lot of things blind. Just jump in and try to swim. Spoiler alert, I can't swim. So if you see me jumping into some water that's over my head when I can't stand up and save myself, be very cautious and please be willing to jump in and save it. But that's besides the point.
Speaker 1:What I'm trying to say here, folks, is that as we start chasing these dreams or these goals, these habits no matter how big or how small if it's breaking a habit, making a habit, or if it's taking the leap of faith to start the business, to quit the job to chase the dream. You understand, whatever that varying degree is, there's some concepts that go hand in hand, no matter how great the challenge might be. Now, for me, there's one philosophy that was taught to me that I'm confident was taught to everybody listening today, and that is fake it till you make it, and I think we've all implemented that strategy from time to time. Now, if you're a day one listener and you've been listening to share the struggle podcast from day one all the way back in July 2020, you've heard some confessionals from me about leaving a career to chase a dream, leaving something that I felt I was one of the absolute best at, and then diving into a pool literally not knowing how to swim, because I had no ever-loving clue how to design apparel, how to retail apparel, how to design anything. I couldn't draw you a stick figure on a napkin, never mind design a shirt that I need to sell and support my family.
Speaker 1:So I took the cold plunge and I jumped into this business because I had a dream of providing an all American made product. I wanted to design a brand that captured the American spirit, that represented the American spirit, by only offering American manufactured products. That was my goal, but I had no clue how to do it, so I just took a risk and what I did was I took my savings and everything I had and I threw it at some equipment and I tried. And that might not have been the best decision, but it was an investment in my education. It was, in my opinion. As I now sprinkle time and distance on it, it was my education. As I now sprinkle time and distance on it, it was my education. It was my college degree, you see. So speaking college degrees, I mean clearly I don't have one. I had to go to night school to learn how to do different designs and learn how to use Adobe, because I didn't have a clue. But I had to get out there and fail. I had to fail forward, fail my way into having an ever-loving clue about what it is that I'm trying to do.
Speaker 1:Now, one of the key ingredients in this whole method of the madness for me was fake it till you make it. Just get out there and do it and I felt wholeheartedly. I felt like an absolute fraud. I felt like a complete freaking fraud, like I had no clue what I was doing. When I came from a business and a profession and a career where I felt like I knew almost everything and I could get into any situation and work my way out of it. I now jumped into a situation where I know nothing and I can't work my way into anything but failures. I know nothing and I can't work my way into anything but failures. In my previous career I could fish out the new me, you understand. I could find the noob, I could smell the dude that had no clue what he was doing. So as I jumped into this new career and this new profession, I was out there trying to fake my way through it and I could not help but deal with the feeling that everybody around me knew I was a fake ass, mofo. That's how I felt.
Speaker 1:And if you've been listening along and you've heard some of these episodes, you've heard me stumble into a little thing called imposter syndrome, where you just start telling yourself you're not authentic, you're not the truth. You just start beating yourself up and making yourself convinced that you're the knockoff collection. You are a designer, imposter bag and you just don't belong. You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Vidal Sasan. I don't know, that was a bad one. You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon. That's better. You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon. That's better. You're not Louis Vuitton, you're Louis Vachon. Okay, y'all went to school at one point in your life instead of the Nikes, you had the Mikeys. All right, I felt like the Mikeys. I felt like the Louis Vachons, that I was the knockoff.
Speaker 1:So when I put myself into a situation where I had to represent myself and my brand and to be confident in who I was and what I was doing, I couldn't do it, because the truth for me is to sell me or to sell what I'm doing, I need to believe in it. I didn't believe in my product, I didn't believe in my abilities. So the whole notion of fake it till you make it was crushing me. I couldn't get over it. I spent every day trying to get over the self-doubt that I created. From the previous day. All the failures were starting to stack up and they were starting to just push me down and I could not get over the fact that I was designer. Imposter bag right, I was the fake handbag. I was the fake shoes. The imposter syndrome right, I was the fake handbag, I was the fake shoes. The imposter syndrome was taking over. Self-doubt was the only thing filling my mind. So I wasn't confident in who I was, where I was, what I was doing.
Speaker 1:So by doing that and feeling that way, by trying to fake it till I make it, did I make it? Did I get through that? Yes, but it was an absolute struggle fest and my feelings and my emotions and my struggle, I unfortunately threw all that on the plates of my family. I threw all that on the plates of my loved ones Because when they would just ask that question about how things are going, it was like you could just pull the cord behind my back, that little pull cord that gets the toys running across the floor. You would pull that and I would just regurgitate and throw up all over your face all the self-doubt and ridiculous that was going on in my brain. That is how fake it till you make it was affecting me. Now, did I get through it? Yes, can you do it? Yes.
Speaker 1:Is there a more effective way to get through life and to try new things? Lord, I do believe there is, and we might have stumbled onto something today that I'm excited to share with each and every one of you, and I'm hoping, by sharing this. It can help you to pull through whatever it is you are striving for. Is there some hopes and dreams and goals and aspirations that are on your plate, that are in your mind, that's in your heart, that you are beginning to lose sight of or to let go? There's some things that, like the rest of society, we're starting to lose sight of.
Speaker 1:I want to change those ways and for those of you that are jumping in and trying big, major things you're giving up on the career to chase the dream and you've been faking it until you make it I want to sprinkle some new stuff on you to help reframe and kind of change the way that you look at things. Because, as we've always said, perception is reality and whatever you perceive to be shall be. So that goes hand in hand with me faking it till I make it. Then whatever you perceive to be, shall be. So that goes hand in hand with me faking it till I make it. I was trying to put out the perception that I was successful. I was putting out the perception that I was making it and that if I could just get along enough, if I could just stack enough days up, eventually I'd be making it. But if the perception that I had of myself was that I was a freaking fraud, that I was a fake, then that was my reality.
Speaker 1:So, in doing some research and trying to think about ways to overcome some of these things and just stumbling upon motivation, I listened to a TED Talk today that spiraled this whole conversation A nice 15 or 20 minute TED Talk from a dude named Chris Kelso. No clue who the guy is. I probably should have done some more research to look into who he is and what he's done in life. But guess what? My baby chewed my ass up today. So I might not be as prepared as we should be. But that's besides the point, chris Kelso. He has a TED talk out there that says three steps to finding confidence, and this is going to go hand in hand in the face of fake it till you make it. So we're going to battle fake it till you make it with a new concept and a new quality that we should all try to possess, and that is humble confidence.
Speaker 1:Now, humble confidence seems a little ironic because they almost seem like two total different things. When you hear them, your first impression on them is humble and confident. That doesn't really make a lot of sense. So, to make a little bit of sense of this, we're going to flip on over to the old dictionary. Yes, we're going to the dictionary. We're going to look up a definition here, folks Humble.
Speaker 1:The definition of humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance, having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance. Now, for me, when I think about humble, I don't think about selling myself short or having a low belief in myself. I think of humble of, you know, not going out there and just being like I'm the best son of a bitch, like when you see some of these, you know celebrities, like you know let's go to music because they're not as annoying as actors. So maybe they are, I don't know, maybe they're all, maybe all celebrities are annoying, but the ones that I like come off as humble. The ones that I like are the ones that when they give a thank you speech, they start off with I want to thank God and my family, and they just kind of have that modest, humble tone to them, right? But by definition, humble is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance. So you're putting out the image that you're not really overvaluing the gifts that you possess right and confidence.
Speaker 1:There's a few definitions we're going to dig into. And digging into the first one is confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something. So the feeling or belief that you can rely on yourself or someone else or something. I have confidence in that person or myself. The next definition given is the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. I'm confident. I'm confident in that statement. I perceive that to be true. I am feeling 100% certain that what that statement is truth. That's confidence.
Speaker 1:The last definition I have is a feeling of self-assurance from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. You can have self-confidence because you are confident in your own abilities. I am confident in who I am. I appreciate who I am. I'm confident of what I can get done. I know the abilities, I know my own personal qualities. I can begin to develop a great deal of confidence in knowing those things. Hey, this is who I am, this is what I do, this is how I do it and I feel great about all three of those.
Speaker 1:Now, as I break down those definitions, you might be sitting back going. You're right, that doesn't make sense Humble and confident. I don't think those two go together. Well, I would beg of you to slow down, cinderella. We're going somewhere. Getting back to the TED Talk, they referenced an author, rick Warren, who said humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. Now we're getting somewhere. I'm starting to love this. Let's spell it out one more time Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
Speaker 1:It does not mean you have a low opinion of yourself. It just means you quit worrying about what everyone else thinks of you. It's not one of the biggest keys to life? Honestly, if we could just get over everybody else's opinion of us, we can live a hell of a lot better. And I'm telling you, we all have some people in our life that possess a greater level of ability in doing so, but I'm willing to guarantee not everybody's perfect at this. If we all were going to have that full frontal confessional, we could all be better at worrying less and caring less about other people's opinions.
Speaker 1:So, getting back to the definition, humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. I'm not beating myself up. I'm not thinking that. You know, I'm some overweight slouch who's out here pretending to own an apparel brand. I'm not putting those thoughts into my head, I'm just thinking of myself less right. I'm not allowing the self-doubt to take over. I'm not letting those controlling conversations in my mind disrupt my day. So it does not mean you have a low opinion of yourself Ever. Love and know you don't have to think negative about yourself. It just means that you quit worrying about what everybody else thinks of you.
Speaker 1:If we kind of peel back the onion and we go back a few minutes ago to me talking about starting this brand and knowing that I was the new but I had no clue what I was doing, those first few events that I did when I was lined up next to other big brands and businesses and I felt like an imposter, I put that in my mind, right. I put in my mind that, hey, I don't belong here and I perceived that the person next to me was believing that to be true. I worried more about their opinion, thinking they're over there seeing right through me. This guy has no clue what he's doing, he doesn't belong here, he shouldn't be here. The moment that I start worrying less about what those other people think, I start moving in a much more positive direction, and I mean that's kind of an obvious statement, right.
Speaker 1:But there are behaviors that we can tap into to develop this humble confidence. Having the humility to not think less of yourself but not think about yourself so much, and focusing on not talking negative to yourself and worrying a hell of a lot less about what other people say about you that is a humble confidence. You're confident in yourself. I'm not going to spend a bunch of time talking about myself, but I'm also not going to let you downplay myself. That is a humble confidence. So, my fellow loud, proud Americans, shall I ask you this Are you interested in growing and developing your humble confidence? Are you interested in worrying a hell of a lot less about what other people think? Are you interested in feeling confident about yourself, not talking down to yourself? Are you interested in that humble confidence? Hmm, well, I expect this moment in time everybody is answering a resounding yes, because if not, you're completely a full of caca. That's French for shit. I think Made that up.
Speaker 1:Good news there are three behaviors that we can talk about, actionable steps we can take to develop some humble confidence. Now, the first one is getting comfortable with. I don't know, but when you let that stew a little bit, you can raise the old goose pimples, the old goose bumpskies on your arms right. Get comfortable with I don't know. I don't know, I didn't mean to use it right there. Wow, okay, we found ourselves in a tricky situation here. I don't know of something that can make me feel more uncomfortable than legitimately not knowing right. That's the truth.
Speaker 1:We pride ourselves as freaking humans on knowing anything and everything and the fact that we have Google in the palm of our hands. Every 11 of you is an expert on any freaking thing in the world. We all pride ourselves in having an answer, whether that answer is right, wrong or indifferent. I've got an answer and by giving you that answer, I can prove to you that I know what the hell I'm talking about. Well, truth is, you don't. How many times have you backed yourself in a corner because you thought you had to give an answer? Like, have you put yourself in the position of like being a professional in a certain area and then said novice, the new guy, the rookie, comes up and asks you a question that stumps you, but you put so much pressure on yourself and being the professional in this area of expertise that you feel like you need to give an answer. So, instead of knowing the answer, you just kind of talk your way around, hoping that at some point, some way, somehow, the right message is going to be delivered here and this person is going to get something from this and they're going to walk off going. See, he did know what he was talking about.
Speaker 1:I've done that as a new manager in my life. I've been in those situations where I felt that when a new employee came to me with a question or a struggle or a situation, I felt like I needed to provide an answer to validate who I am and my position as an authority figure. I got to answer this question. The truth is, there's a lot more strength in being vulnerable and straight up leveling in that situation and saying I don't frigging know. Now, first things first. It's hard as shit to admit it right. It's almost impossible to admit that we don't know something because we always want to sound it right. It's almost impossible to admit that we don't know something because we always want to sound smart right. But there's a few things that instantly come from being vulnerable enough to say I don't know, and one of those is it invites people to help, and when you invite people to help, you show a layer of vulnerability. People begin to feel that they're valued.
Speaker 1:I learned later in my career, as I became what I felt was a strong manager. I got comfortable in saying things like I don't know, but and what I'm saying here is this is a leading sentence right, we're going to go off on a run here I don't know, but we can find the answer. I don't know, but I'm confident you can find the answer. I don't know, but I'm sure somebody you know, this person knows. Let's invite them into the conversation. Now, by doing this, this becomes a team building scenario. Right, that person begins to feel valued in that situation. Wow, they're being vulnerable enough to say that they don't know, but together we're going to find this answer. Now I'm allowed to throw my two cents in, to have my input, and if, all of a sudden, you have your people's input, your team, the people that you care about, the ones that you work with each and every day, the ones that you value, you're allowing them to throw in their two cents and you're throwing in yours. You are genuinely, truly, coming up with a great answer and a great solution. So, as a manager, I had to get comfortable with saying I don't know, but we can find out. I don't know, but let's work it out, because me showing vulnerability gave them the opportunity to also educate me and it gave us the real opportunity to get in the trenches and to figure something out and it also really validates my answer.
Speaker 1:When someone comes to me with a question and I 100% know the answer right, you're building value and trust in yourself as a manager. When, if there was two questions over the course of three months that came up and you had to go with I don't know, but well, when there's this big, severe issue that comes up and they come to you saying this is what the problem is, I don't know the answer, and you just pop them right in the blinkers with an answer, they're going to take your word for it, they're going to develop confidence in you and that answer because they know that if you didn't know the true answer, if that wasn't the absolute end-all, be-all answer, the two of you would work through it. So get comfortable with saying I don't know. I know I spun that off into kind of a you know a management situation, but this answer it works in all areas of life. I've gotten extremely comfortable over the past five months having to throw my arms up and say I don't really know. When it comes to being a parent, I'm a first time dad. When I face these certain things, when I'm having these freak out moments, you have to be willing to say I don't know. You don't want to say I don't know and give up. But you want to put it out there. So I don't know, but I don't know what to do in a situation, but I'm sure I'm going to work through it. I don't know what to do in a situation but I'm going to call somebody and ask for help. Get comfortable with the words I don't know.
Speaker 1:The next actionable item, the next behavior we want to focus on, is reorganizing the source of our confidence. Now, what I mean by this is when we jump into a situation, when we're starting that business, when we're taking that leap of faith and we're forced, with that moment of well, I guess, when, all things considered, I just got to fake it till I make it. I just got to jump in and see what happens here, instead of creating the opportunity for that designer handbag mentality right, that imposter syndrome, to kick in, all that self-sabotaging, self-doubt nonsense because you're just trying to fake your way through something. Refocus, reorganize and rethink about how you find your confidence and, instead of trying to fake something, think about all the times you had to jump in headfirst onto something and it was new and you were afraid, and you figured it out. You understand what I'm saying. Don't focus on the fact that right now, I don't have a damn clue what I'm doing. Right now, I got to just fake this until I figure this out, instead of taking that objective and moving in that direction. Stop for a moment.
Speaker 1:As you're faced in this area of fear, this big ocean of fear, knowing I'm going to jump in and I can't swim, right then I want you to think about how many times in your life have you found yourself in a situation just like this and you jumped in and you figured it out? We're going to dig our confidence from the fact of knowing that if we just get involved and start moving and researching and learning and admitting when we don't know, there's a track record there, we have a reputation there. I've done so much before. Find the confidence in knowing all that you've done before, the confidence to know I can and I will. That's the difference, right? We're not going to jump into this deep, dark unknown without self-confidence. We can't draw on the fact, hey, I know what I'm doing in this situation. But what we can draw into for confidence is hey, I've done shit like this in my life many, many times, and all the times that I've done this is how it's ended. I know that I can and I will. I can do this and I will do this because I've done it before. You're finding a new source of confidence. You are wholeheartedly jumping in, knowing I don't have the answers, but knowing I have the ability to find those answers. That's a key ingredient.
Speaker 1:And the last one, step three be open to sharing your mistakes and failures, but reframing them as lessons learned, because if you hide the failure, you lose the lesson. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, for 238 consecutive weeks, we've been gathering here on a little ditty called Share the Struggle Podcast, because we have been saying since day one there is strength in each and everybody's struggle. There is growth that comes from being vulnerable enough to share our struggles, to be true, heartfelt, honest and transparent enough to share our failures. Because when we do so, when we share the things that we've gone through. We don't just go through them, we grow through them.
Speaker 1:I want to steal this line from today's research for a long time because I absolutely love it. If you hide the failure, you lose the lesson. And like there's not failures, there are lessons. We have to learn the lesson. I think we're all pre-programmed to try to create the image of how successful we are and that you know we don't deal with bad things, we don't make mistakes, we're perfect. Right, we create that social media filter-fueled image of the picket white fence and the perfect family. But the truth is, behind those filters, there's a bunch of mistakes and there's failures and there's mess ups and there's dirty coverups right, but the truth is, if we hide from those things, if we hide those failures, then we lose those lessons. I'm not saying we need to go out there and publicize all the mistakes we've made, but if we're willing to share some of those things with people we care about, then they too can learn and you can both truly learn through it. Right, because I feel like there's a great deal of perspective that comes from other people when you are vulnerable enough to share your lessons, your failures.
Speaker 1:I come on here week after week and I'm honest enough to say to you I suck at this. This is why I screwed this up. This is when I lost my best opportunity. This is how I ended up at the bottom of the barrel by sharing those things. I know that there's other people listening that have been there, and if they maybe feel like I'm a few steps ahead of them, then maybe I give them the strength and courage to pull themselves up, to get through. Or maybe I reach out to somebody through my stories and they contact me and say you know what, keep your head up. I was there, I did this. This is where I am at now. Right, because that lesson learned and lesson shared is a lesson multiplied. So if you're willing to bear your souls and your failures and your mix-ups and mess-ups, everybody else, there's a lesson to be learned, and when a lesson is shared, a lesson is multiplied. We shall all benefit from sharing our failures. Hide the failure, lose the lesson.
Speaker 1:So, to recap those three actionable steps, those behaviors that we want to create the first one is getting comfortable with I don't know. One is getting comfortable with I don't know. Get comfortable with using the words I don't know, being vulnerable enough to admit I just don't know, and then reorganize that source of confidence. Hey, as I face this big, fearful challenge in my life when I don't have the answers but I do have the ability to find the answers, I've done so much before in my life that I have the confidence that I know I can and I will. Draw on those previous experiences when you did and you exceeded and you succeeded. Draw on those things, find your confidence from them. Don't look for the wide, vast unknown. Think about what is known. I can and I will, and I might not know the answers, but I damn sure can find the answers.
Speaker 1:And you must be open to sharing your mistakes and failures, remembering that if you hide the failure you lose the lesson. I would hate to suffer through something and learn something tremendous from that suffer, but just shut that all out, lose that entire lesson, that whole history book and education that I learned from that massive failure. I'd hate to lose all that because I just wanted to pack it up and hide it deep down inside. I wanted to deepen our discussion today on this humble confidence. I did a little additional research outside of the TED Talk and some of the things I found out was a definition itself on humble confidence. That is, a combination of confidence and humility that allows people to be secure in their abilities while also being open to learning and improving. So you're confident in who you are, you're confident in those abilities, but you're also open to learning and improving those things. Now they also have a few things to kind of help define what it looks like.
Speaker 1:A few more actionable things. Number one being self-aware, knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being able to admit when you don't know. Something sounds pretty familiar. Right, getting comfortable with I don't know and being willing to say I don't know, being open to learning, asking questions, listening to others and being receptive to feedback. When we talked about that sentence I don't know, but you are now opening yourself up to learning, you're opening yourself up to feedback and you need to be receptive to those things. Right, admitting you don't know whether someone's coming to you or you're a new dad throwing your hands up. If I say I don't know, I can't just go shoot you down after when you come to me with some information. If I say, hey, I don't know what to do here and my wife wants to tell me what she would do, I can't just dismiss her because I asked for the help, be receptive to it. The next one that I love this is, in all aspects of life, right being accountable, taking responsibility for your mistakes and being willing to learn from them. And the last one, being confident in your potential, believing in your ability to improve and make good decisions. I think that really confirms and furthers a train of thought on this humble confidence and the fact that I think all of us could benefit from strengthening and growing our humble confidence. Step one for all of us should be number one learning what it is, acknowledging it and then going to get it. We laid out some actionable steps today, some habits we can create to help strengthen our ability for humble confidence. I think it's an amazing trait and it's one that I hope each and every one of us strives for in 2025.
Speaker 1:Before we go today, I want to share a quick little story with you that came from this TED Talk and basically this gentleman that was up there speaking, chris. He mentioned a kind of like an old wise tale, ibm story. Right, this story that's been told from many IBM employees through all the hands of time right Like sands to the hourglass. These are the days of our lives. Time right Like sands to the hourglass. These are the days of our lives. So he shared this story from Tom Watson of IBM all the way back in the early stages of IBM, and this story has been shared from all these employees. So I guess this has kind of lived on forever. So he shares this story. You might've already heard it before, but this was the first time that I heard it.
Speaker 1:So these fellow employees are telling the story of Tom Watson and that he had this sales consultant on his team, this sales professional right One of their head sales folks, and supposedly he was kind of new on the job but they trusted him with this big potential deal and he was out there negotiating this deal and it was a million dollar deal and this is the early phases of IBM, so that's massive money now right. So I don't know what that would compare to, how many billions of dollars it would be in today's day and age, but you can imagine a million dollars in the early days of IBM. This person's out there negotiating that deal. Imagine yourself out there. You know you just took on a new job and you're trying to close a multi-million dollar deal and it fails and it blows up, maybe because of something that you did, something that you said, but the deal just fails. So put yourself into the shoes of this IBM salesperson that lost a million dollar deal.
Speaker 1:Tom Watson asked that person to come in and have a meeting with him to recap this deal. That salesperson writes his letter of resignation. You know what? I failed. I cost the company a million dollars. That could put us out of business. I understand where this is going. I'm going to humble up and I'm going to eat it. And he writes a resignation letter. I'm sorry, clearly I'm not the right fit. We're done here.
Speaker 1:He walks into the meeting before the meeting gets started. He takes his resignation letter and he slides it across the table to Tom Watson. And Tom looks at that, at that letter, and he reads it and he puts it down. And he puts it down and he says why would I let you leave? Why would I fire you and why would I let you go when we just invested $1 million into your education? Think about that. Let that set in for a minute. Why would I let you go? We just invested $1 million in your education and that's the truth. That's the truth. And his thought process is you learned a tremendous lesson. Why do I want you to go to work for my competition when you know the million dollar lesson? Right, I'm not going to let you work for somebody else to beat me, to defeat me. You already cost me enough. I'm not going to let you cost for somebody else to beat me to defeat me. You already cost me enough. I'm gonna let you cost me anymore. Think about the wisdom in that. We're not going to let you go. We already invested a million dollars into your education. When you start to reframe in your mind what these mistakes are, when you start to take a whole different perspective on our failures that we have, that we've been hiding inside, they become lessons and they become investments.
Speaker 1:I was talking to you about this business, just to make a personal example, and I said when I started it, I put all this money, all the money I had, into equipment and into technology and all these things. And it wasn't a million dollars, folks, it wasn't a lot. It was, you know, 20, let's say, $25,000. But it's all I really had. I invested into equipment and the technology that I might use three or four times a year, because it wasn't right. It's not durable enough, it's not fast enough. It's not at all what I needed to run my business.
Speaker 1:I had to get over that poor decision that I made. I jumped the gun, wanted to start a business and I said, let me just buy this equipment. And I talked to a business advisor that had told me listen, starting a business just because you have the money isn't the reason to start a business. And I left that meeting pretty pissed off about the way it went for many reasons. But that line that was delivered to me always stuck with me and when I bought that piece of equipment and I learned and I tried and I failed over and over and over and I spent a whole summer just failing, not understanding what I was doing wrong, continually investing more money into the machine and the product and failing and failing and failing some more.
Speaker 1:I had the hardest time getting over that thought, getting over the message that was delivered to me by that person that said hey, man, just because you have the money to do this doesn't mean it's right, doesn't mean it's smart. I let that eat me up and I let that sit and just take up space. I let it take up space in my mind and in my life. Just wasted space sitting there being like dude, wasted space sitting there being like dude. You took all you had for your family, a life savings, the money you made from leaving a career, everything that you have. You bet it on this because you didn't do enough research, you didn't have enough ability, you didn't have enough confidence. You tried to fake it and you ended up with this. It chewed me up and it was eating me up each and every day that I made a bad decision, until I was watching a video on this type of you know, this line of work, the business that I'm in on YouTube.
Speaker 1:I was into these different, as you know, ted Talks and motivation things. I wound up on this video talking about this business that I'm in, this apparel decorating brand business, and they mentioned your first year, those mistakes, those investments, those things that you do, the equipment that you have stacked up but you don't use, the software that you no longer need. That was your college education. For me. I realized, as a man that never went to college. That was my college education, because if I didn't spend an entire year failing and failing and failing, that I wouldn't have been learning and learning and learning. So, instead of spending $25,000 on a piece of equipment and some apparel. I spent $25,000 on a college education for the career that I want to be in. When we reframe in our mind how we look at our failures, they become lessons, and when we are willing to share those lessons, everybody can learn from those lessons.
Speaker 1:I hope each and every one of you found something positive from today. If you did, please, please, please, hit, subscribe, roll the tribe, share the show with someone you know. It would mean the world to me. Until then, thank you for supporting my American dream. Now, don't wash your bucket hands. You filthy, savage. That's it and that's all. Biggie Smalls.
Speaker 1:If you're a loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook. At loud, proud American, put the face page as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram, where all the kids are tickety-talking on the TikTok. You can find me on both of those. At loud, underscore, proud, underscore American. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song for this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the gut truckers on facebook, just search gut truckers. Give them motherfuckers a like too. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.