Share The Struggle
Share The Struggle
Breaking Free: A Journey Through Shamanic Reiki 251
Alli returns to share her healing journey after opening up about her mother's tragic loss to addiction and suicide last week.
• Sharing raw, vulnerable stories in real-time speeds up healing and can help others find their own path forward
• Multiple listeners reached out after last week's episode to share their own struggles and some even requested to share their stories on the podcast
• Alli explains she's "good" because the hard part - the constant worry about her mother - is over, allowing her to finally heal and grow
• Shamanic Reiki healing combines traditional Reiki energy healing with shamanic practices to restore balance and replace negative energies
• During her healing session, Alli worked through blocked chakras, particularly the throat chakra where she carried unexpressed feelings
• The session revealed surprising symbols including an anteater as her spirit animal, connecting to real-life events like an ant infestation appearing in their home the day of her mother's passing
• Alli's mother's spirit appeared during the session angry that Alli was healing, but the practitioner protected the healing space
• The freedom Alli feels after her healing sessions comes from releasing the weight of anger, hurt, and disappointment she carried
If you're struggling with loss or trauma, consider exploring alternative healing modalities alongside traditional therapy - they may provide powerful breakthroughs on your journey toward healing and freedom.
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Last week my wife shared a sensitive and emotional story, a transparent tale from childhood to adulthood, outlining abuse and addiction, the effects on oneself and family, with an all-too-familiar ending. Allie shared her heartbreaking story in hopes to make a difference. This week she's back to pick up the pieces and share a powerful alternative way to heal and build strength and peace. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1:Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations? Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be. What it do, what it hot, diddy-dee-doo. Good lo, almighty. Am I so excited to be back with you? Oh, it's true, it is damn true. I'm excited to be back this week because, as you heard in the opener, I am not alone this week. I am yet again joined by my beautiful bride, but I'm also accompanied by my beautiful little daughter over there. Look at her going strong.
Speaker 3:She wanted to party.
Speaker 1:Babe, we thought it was bedtime for the little beautiful one, but she had another idea, didn't she? Dia?
Speaker 2:I think you had another idea. What are you talking about? She heard you. You had your headphones on and you were checking your mic and she heard you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now she's ready to look. She's over there staring at me down now. It's okay, dia. Does Daddy look funny with a headset on, talking into a Mickey food? She has to be a part of everything. Our little girl has the greatest case of FOMO that there's ever been identified on record. Am I right?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, For sure.
Speaker 1:Well, I want to say a couple of things before we get rocking and rolling today. Number one welcome back.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:I feel like we're setting a streak here. We've been going for a few weeks now and it makes my job a lot easier. Other than talking to myself, this is quite a bit more enjoyable. Number two I want to say thank you for being bold enough to share stories that you might find embarrassing, difficult, heart-wrenching. To be so completely transparent and share everything that was happening to you raw and in real time, took an incredible amount of courage and strength. An incredible amount of courage and strength, and I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1:I think that for anybody listening, it should be heard as encouragement that if you are bold enough to share the stuff that you're going through raw and as it happens, as opposed to bottling it up, suppressing your story and your emotions, it's going to speed up your ability to heal. It's also going to give you the ability to maybe help somebody else heal, and I know, after all, that we heard last week you absolutely helped other people heal. So I want to say thank you for being the courageous woman that you are and you were able to come on here and bare your soul, and it was a all gloves off, just story session that turned into two hours of a heartfelt emotion that I know made a difference, so great job thank you.
Speaker 2:It definitely wasn't, uh, easy turning on the microphone, um and just spilling my heart out, but it was time to just grip it and rip it and take the band-aid right off and share with the people the story, my story, and I think it's important for me to share that. That way I can hopefully one day help somebody else. And I want to start the podcast off by thanking everyone who took the time to reach out to me and share their condolences, but also open their hearts up and share with me some of their stories. I had a few people reach out saying you know, I listened to your podcast, never knew any of the things that you had gone through, because I, too, mask it.
Speaker 2:I don't want my past history to write the story for the rest of my life. I want to use it as a stepping stone and I want to move forward and grow bigger. But I also want it to be a stepping stone for other people as well, and it was rather brave of these people to reach out to me and share their story as well, and I'm forever grateful that they found comfort in me to reach out, because that's what this whole podcast is about is, hopefully, that we can touch the lives of someone, and I don't care if it's one person or 100 people. That one person is enough for me and it has definitely touched some people and I'm super grateful for that. Um. So that's where I wanted to start this podcast, um, and I know you mentioned that we were going to dig in a little bit deeper on, um, how I've started my healing journey. Yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1:Yeah a few things need to be outlined. Number one, going over the fact that you were bold enough to come on here and and share your story. As we've said many times before, we can repeat it every single week. The name of this podcast is share the struggle. We would be hypocritical to not come on here and share the greatest struggle in our everyday lives and I, just like you, turned on record for a very different situation when my dad passed. But we did everything raw and in real time, because I feel like that is when the emotion is the most impactful. You don't have time to reframe it in your mind, you don't have time to rephrase it and some sugar-coated, filter-fueled just response it is absolutely how your heart feels.
Speaker 1:It's the combination of what your mind is thinking and what your heart is breaking, and you just put it out there, you speak it into existence. That, to me, is the first step in healing.
Speaker 1:It allows you to get your story told, to get things off your chest and it'll live on forever for you to always go back to. I think it's tremendous for anybody that's going through things, growing through things. I highly recommend you save them and get them off your chest immediately, otherwise we suppress our emotions and that's when people end up depressed. That's when people end up, you know, battling these things for years, because they didn't just speak it into existence, they didn't just get it out there. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:People hide these emotions and it holds them back, and that's not what we want. So I encourage everybody and anybody to speak it as they feel it. Number two, to back up what you were just saying, you heard from a great deal of people and I did as well and it revealed stories of people and their background that we never knew, because your journey, your struggle, just as you said, you don't want that to define you, so you haven't shared that with everybody which there's many, many, many more layers to your story and the stuff that you went through. We didn't come on here and just pour out every chapter in the book of all the nonsense that you had to deal with in life.
Speaker 2:And that wasn't what the podcast episode was about. It was about me getting my story out there to share with you the loss of my mother.
Speaker 1:It was the way, the necessary way to paint the picture, to hopefully draw the emotion from the listener to understand the impact that addiction has.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I also wanted to shed light on my story, because for me to come on here and just say to you real, raw and honest, my mom committed suicide due to addiction. Automatically, that's going to for me, if I was a listener, draw so many red flags and be like, well, why weren't you there for her, why didn't you support her? Why didn't you take her to rehab so for me to paint my picture and all that I attempted to do for her? You understand that I was there for her in ways that I offered help and support. So that was the main reason for me hopping on this podcast and sharing my story, because that's what we've done Anytime we've lost someone very close to us, because this is our way of healing, this is our therapy is hopping on the microphone and explaining to everybody in hopes that we can. We have a track record of doing this right in hopes that we can.
Speaker 1:We have a track record of doing this right, we're not singling out somebody's story. We have a track record of healing and hoping that people can learn from loss. As you were saying, we shared Meme's story on here. We shared your uncle's funeral that we went to right. I think that was your uncle right. Megan's father, so your cousin or I'm not sure how that family scenario breaks down, but we shared that story. My brother, Dennis, my father, we talked the entire time through that whole struggle and that journey.
Speaker 3:We talked about Nana.
Speaker 1:Exactly. We've talked about Nana, your Nana Peg. I shared stories of my grandmother my grandfather, one of my best friends and my brother dealing all those losses two of my brothers. We've talked about suicide on here before. I've had an episode where the local athletic director took his life. We've had conversations about a mutual friend of ours committing suicide. We've had multiple conversations, because these are things that we are going through, that we are growing through and that if we share our story through them, people shall find strength. If anybody has a problem with that, turn off the podcast, put on your big girl panties, big boy pants, and move the fuck on Like I don't have the patience for it, because this is your story, your struggle, our journey. These are the things we've always said and those are the things we will continue to say, even my little daughter's chiming in our little girl is putting her two cents in right now you
Speaker 3:tell us your story.
Speaker 1:But to get back on track here, we've heard from people that shared some of their struggles that we didn't even know they struggled with. But to make another layer of amazement on this, we've had people come to you and say, okay, I think I'm ready to share my story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've had a bunch of people actually reach out and say they want to be on the podcast. That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1:Just because of this one, episode, just because of this one episode. Yeah, we have so many people that are reaching out saying I think I need to share my story yeah, that's what this is about absolutely for any backlash dog, shit, bullshit. You know back riff you ever get from this. Please understand, there's people out there that were moved by your story so much so that they are willing to be transparent and share their stories, some people we've never even met before.
Speaker 2:I was just going to say one of these people we don't even know. She listened to the story because a friend of ours, who we only met through you selling merch, reached out to me A little layer of Loud Pod America and she wants to do something on the side as well as being on our podcast and explaining her her story. And then she went and shared it with a friend who lost, um, someone very close to her to addiction and it is truly amazing and heartfelt to me to hear these stories that they trust me to share them with me and that they want to share them with, with the listeners and hopes that they can.
Speaker 1:It's it's incredible, absolutely. This is all we've ever could have hoped for. We are only one week in as of the time that this episode drops.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:One week has passed and we've already heard from so many people.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 1:That is what happens when you throw that positive pebble into the ocean, when you start getting that positive ripple, that positive effect that is all you ever hoped for. If sharing that story can cause that ripple effect of more people wanting to share their story and we can build some positive momentum more people wanted to share their story and we can build some positive momentum maybe somehow, some way it makes a difference and it changes the direction for someone, for somebody to understand the impact their addiction has, the trickle down effect it has on others and the the unfortunate ending that it has for so many. Maybe sharing these stories is a way to curb what's been happening in this country.
Speaker 2:I actually heard from someone who I call Grammy Gale out in Georgia and she's not my real grandma, as you guys know, but she was actually my mom's best friend's mom while we were down in Georgia, okay, and she had seen my post on Instagram and reached out, and she had a hard time reaching out because of reading my post on how I explained everything. She was very moved by it in her words and it took her a long time to find the words to write back to me. And she is now dealing with her daughter, who was my mom's best friend with addiction Bad in addiction and I asked her to uh please share uh with with her um the the story Um, and I shared with her, uh, my episode and I asked her to please share it, um, and she was going to do just that. I haven't heard back, um, but for her to have somebody so close to her her best friend, um committing suicide, dealing with only pray, that that's right.
Speaker 1:Maybe something is that's a, that's such a direct, close layer for somebody to hear that and say, hey, this is my fate, unless I exactly.
Speaker 2:And I can only hope you're right. Um, my, my prayers go out to her family, because I know what she's dealing with. I know that Grammy Gale is sitting around waiting for that exact same phone call that I got, just like you were, exactly, and I know the pain that she's going through. Um, and I know that Grammy Gale has grandchildren, same as my brother. Uh, my brother and I, who have our mom, is addicted, uh, was addicted, so, um, I it's very close, like very close, uh, similarities yeah, they grew up together, so correct.
Speaker 1:I'm sure there's a lot of parallels there absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:So. I can only hope that grammy gail will share um the story. She said she was um, you know, and uh, she explained to me that she is doing the same thing, that I am a very tough love um at a distance but um, you know, cares deeply um and wants to see nothing but the best. Um in the end result, uh, not being the same as ours Um, and you know her and I had that conversation where she asked me how I was doing Um, and it's always that question like how are you doing that? That comes up after after the loss. Um, it's always hard. How do you answer it? You know, how do you? How do you answer it without being disrespectful?
Speaker 2:And this loss is a little bit different for me and and I want to kind of dig into that a little bit I've had a ton of people reach out to me and ask me how I'm doing.
Speaker 2:It's really strange for me to explain this to you and to the listeners, but I'm good, I'm okay and, as hard as that may sound for a lot of people because I'm sure it is the hard part is over. The hard part of wondering if she's okay, the hard part of where she is the hard part of that gut-wrenching feeling when an unknown number comes up on your phone and you don't know if that's somebody asking you to come and identify the body. So, with those all behind me, I have the ability to heal. I have the ability to be free and grow and grow from here. I took the opportunity to take an appointment for Reiki shamanic healing on Wednesday, just a couple of days after my mom had taken her own life. I've trusted Missy, my Reiki instructor, for many different topics, and this appointment was more important to me. It was actually your suggestion.
Speaker 1:I've seen firsthand the power like the effect that it has on you, the ability that it has to help you heal. I had no clue what shamanic Reiki was. I actually had to Google it so if you're listening.
Speaker 1:Out there the desk Google, if you're listening and you're much like me and you have no clue what my wife's talking about. Shamanic Reiki combines the principles of Reiki and shamanism To enhance healing and well-being. It focuses on restoring balance, replacing negative energies with love and light and fostering connections with the self, others and the universe. Shamanic Reiki incorporates shamanic methods, including herbal remedies, extractions and soul retrievals, alongside Reiki life force energy healing. I guess Reiki is a Japanese healing technique that focuses on directing universal life force energy to promote healing and balance, and shamanism is a spiritual practice that taps into the power and wisdom of nature and expanded spiritual realities to support harmony and healing. It actually has a thing that breaks down the combination. Shamanic Reiki blends these two traditions, drawing upon the strengths of both to create a holistic healing approach. I've seen this work wonders for you and I've seen how much you believe in it. By the way, you share it with others or encourage people that are dealing with similar things to take advantage of Reiki.
Speaker 2:I have our cards in my car. I share with anybody and everyone.
Speaker 1:We've been at the saloon having drinks and I've heard you go on a tangent telling people about it. It always becomes an emotional conversation, but I knew that when you came home from work on that Monday, like the amount of hurt and pain that you had, yeah, that you needed to release that and just like you were saying, like the hard part is over, but it brought up that childhood, it brought up your adolescence, it brought up you know the abuse brought up your adolescence.
Speaker 1:It brought up the abuse and neglect. All those things came up and then you needed to release that. You can't just be walking around with all that. So that's why I suggested it, and I was excited that you were basically just all about going to do it.
Speaker 2:For sure, for sure. Yeah, no, I definitely am super grateful. It was definitely something that I was going to do at some point I didn't know how soon, but it just goes to show that our partnership is very in tune. For you to pick up on the fact that I needed that, I shared that with Missy and she was over the moon. She made you a whole loaf of sourdough bread homemade, delicious sourdough bread.
Speaker 1:That was a bonus.
Speaker 2:As her gratitude. Missy is phenomenal at what she does. She has helped me heal tons, tons. I can't even begin to explain to you how much healing she's done for me in the last four years that I've been working with her, the amount of work. I've explained it a little bit before that you know, going to one Reiki session can be the equivalent of a year or so of be the equivalent of a year or so of standard therapy. Um, because, as you were explaining um, shamanic Reiki focuses on uh energy and spirits. Um calls on uh animal spirit guides. Um also will call on, like your ancestors, uh anyone who can, really who's in the upper world. Uh, they can come down and help you and guide you through what you're going through. Um, and you have been, uh, you've listened to my sessions. I've come home and told you about them and had some some of the things that you brought home and we've talked about them on previous episodes.
Speaker 1:But you would bring up like um, something random and I'd be like, oh my god, that's your grandma's best friend, my grandma's best friend, that's my aunt terry yeah you just talked about, or these little random things and you're.
Speaker 1:We're gonna identify a few of them as you get going here but, there's always something that, like you might pick up on one part of it and then I'll hear something else in it, or you'll come home and be like who's this person? Like my mother will know, or like you do some research, and then you're like it's another family member that after some digging you figure out who she is, like what big nana or whatever it was. Yeah, people right so um, it's crazy. This stuff's definitely not um not made up. It's impossible. Yeah, there, stuff's definitely not made up.
Speaker 2:It's impossible. Yeah, there's definitely been some validations on a ton of opportunities that I've shared with Missy during my healing journey, and that's how I look at this. No matter whether it is the death of my mom, my meme, just going through some trauma of my own, mma, just going through some trauma of my own, missy has been there for me, in my corner, always there to guide me in the right direction. We go in and we, you know, work on. I go in there and I set some intentions and that's what we work on and that's exactly what happened when I reached out to her on Tuesday I think it was tuesday, it was either monday or tuesday, I think tuesday. You said it to me and I reached out to her because I went yes, because I went to work I see, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:You went to work the next day and then you, then you came home, yeah and you've had two appointments correct. But to let this breathe for everybody to understand, I think tonight we just focus on appointment one. Yeah, that's fine, and let people think about that and we can kind of set the expectation for appointment number two, so people can kind of digest all of it so that you know we don't.
Speaker 2:Word vomit on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, we could talk, for I don't want us to do another two hours, no, so we could talk for a long time on you. Yeah Well, we could talk, for I don't want us to do another two hours, so we could talk for a long time, but I think it's super powerful. Let's just focus on your first appointment and like your objectives going into that appointment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. Going in, I reached out to Missy and I just said listen, I need you more now than ever. This is what happened. My husband suggested that I make an appointment and I am 110% on board. I think now I need you.
Speaker 2:The amount of anger, hurt, disappointment that stemmed from finding out the news of her taking her own life brought back a lot of trauma from my childhood, but I also realized that it brought up trauma from when I lost my grandma who raised me. That brought up a lot. So I went into my appointment and explained to Missy this is what I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with a lot of hurt, I'm dealing with a lot of anger and I want to release this. Therefore, I can start the healing process and I can move forward. I need to be the best mom that I can be and I can't do that by holding on to this hurt. And when you walk into your appointment, that is the stepping stone. So you walk in there and you're like, all right, I word vomit on Missy and tell her this is what I'm dealing with, this is what I need to work on. These are the harsh words that we need to put on the plate and then at the end we need to come up with new words to rewrite the story, and that's the way that we look at it. So anger, hurt and disappointment were the three words, and then you find a statement or a reasoning why those are coming up and the reason for all three of those was I was never good enough and that hurts, that brings up trauma. Missy knows my story and she explains to me. I think this is going to be us going back to one of your first sessions and we're going to bring up the same topic, and this happens in Reiki a lot. You'll see those categories come up in different avenues because you're healing over the time, and so that was the intention was to remove that, remove that story of anger, hurt and that you are not good enough. So after we set those, we will.
Speaker 2:She'll lay out some stones and I pick a stone and you just gravitate at least I do to one specific stone and it's that stone that you just look at and it means something to you, like it, doesn't? You look at it and you're like that one catches my eye. There's a reason for it, reason for it. So you just point that out, you hand it to Missy, and then you hold onto the rock and you blow into the rock those hurtful words and that intention, and then what she'll do is you'll lay on the table and she'll start to basically just cleanse the room. She asks for the spirits and guides to come in and join us, she opens up the space and then she'll explain what the rock is. They don't have labels, they don't mean anything to anyone except for her.
Speaker 2:It's rather interesting because every time I pick a different one, she knows what that rock means and what it's for. So the rock that I had chosen was actually for my root chakra, which is located in your stomach area. And it's funny because when I chose that rock for this reason and she explains that to me I start to think back. All right, this makes sense, because anytime something would come up pertaining to angel, the wonder, the worry, anything like that, I would get an upset stomach, I would get sick, I would get nauseous, that sort of thing. That's where you carry it, that's where I'm carrying it. So rather interesting that that is how this happens.
Speaker 2:So she goes through and we just start, uh, meditating. I start meditating, um, trying to get into that safe space where I can ask uh, I'm not worried about anything, she knows my intention and I am just thinking into that intention, uh, thinking into the reason why I'm there, um, the anger, the hurt, the disappointment. And while I'm doing that she is. I'm laying on a bed and she is standing above me. I'm on a massage table, if that makes sense to anybody, and she will walk along me and try and figure out where my voids are.
Speaker 2:With this intention, it ends up being in my throat, which is very clear to me, because I could never get out what I needed to get out to tell Angel, because she would shut me off, she would turn me away. So anything that I had to say with her, say to her, would stop right here. The moment that Missy finds that, I immediately get this feeling as if something is stuck in my throat. Wow, because that's what it is. I'm stuck, I can't get out what I have to tell her. So it's stuck here. It's stuck.
Speaker 1:But what I? Oh yes, see, it's stuck. Here it's stuck. But what I? Oh yes, see, it's stuck. So we apologize for the we do not have daycare this evening and we need to get this episode out to you folks. So yes we're making the best of it and basically has to be the center of attention, always, always.
Speaker 2:So before we got to the throat I completely forgot we had cleared the root chakra. That was the first one. Missy was drawn to my throat chakra based on my intentions and what I was feeling into, but she knew this one was a little bit deeper than what we needed to work on with my root chakra. So she goes through and she does a cleansing of the chakras. I'm meditating the entire time. My eyes are closed.
Speaker 2:I don't know exactly what this looks like. I know it involves what looks to be a rattle and so she has a crystal and a maraca-looking rattle thing and she does a little like shaking of the maracas and she just does this spiritual dance I guess you could say. I've never actually kept my eyes open to watch. I feel like it's probably rude. So after she clears my root chakra she will actually take a crystal and she dangles it over the area and if it starts to move, that means my shock in a circle. That means my chakra is completely cleared. When she started it didn't move at all and that's how she knew that it was blocked.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:While she's going through trying to clear, clear my chakras. So then that's when she got to my throat and, like I said to you before, I felt like something was stuck in my throat. And when she started to clear and do this spiritual dance, as she's drawing out what's stuck, I couldn't help but just cry, and it was deep. I wasn't thinking about anything at that moment except for well, I mean, I was thinking about the hurt and the pain and all that I have been through. And here we are.
Speaker 2:This is the end result. I just had to release it and Missy saw the tears running down my eyes, down the side of my face, and she said let it out, don't hold it in. She could see that I was holding it in and that's why my chakra, my throat chakra, was already blocked, because I had held this in for so long that it was just an uncontrollable deep, ugly cry that came out of nowhere, because Missy is there drawing all of this negativity out of my throat, just drawing so much, and it took her like a little bit of time to draw out everything that had been sitting right there. And, if you think about it, so it's your throat, but it's also your chest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you think, about it.
Speaker 2:So it's your throat, but it's also your chest, yeah, and I always feel as though I am carrying a huge weight on my shoulders. When it comes to the topic of Angel, again, we go back to wondering where she is. Is she fed, is she okay, is she being abused? So it's one of those things that not only do I have my throat chakra blocked because she would never hear me out or want to hear my story or what I have to say, it's also that weight. It's all in the same vicinity.
Speaker 1:It all makes sense even for as long as I've known you and known your relationship, because anytime you've ever tried to tell her reality, she would get to a point of like I've heard enough here dismiss me correct. You know, like I'm not listening to you, allison, you know, and that was yep, there's, unfortunately there's people in your life that I know you carry that weight for. Or you just don't let everything out.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and it makes so much sense that, because you didn't tell me this part of this until now, yeah, you know what I mean, but just hearing it as an outsider, like I can see it because I know how- many times you've just kind of swallowed your feelings for certain people, because you just or you try to say what you want to say and you just get shut off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some people just don't want to hear, understand or process reality, and Angel was one of those people, unfortunately reality and angel was one of those people, unfortunately.
Speaker 2:So, following this part, after I have ugly, cried and bared my soul, um, she goes through this process, making sure that all of my chakras are completely cleared, in case there's anything else that possibly wasn't necessarily the reason for me being there, but could be holding me back a little bit on my healing journey. So she'll go through and kind of check everything and make sure that all my checks and balances are good and then she goes through basically what they call a soul retrieval. So she will actually sit at the foot of the bed and I continue to lay down and continue to meditate. It's interesting to me because I don't have the ability to meditate if I do it on my own, but when I'm there in her safe space, I have the ability to meditate and I've tried on multiple occasions to try and meditate and I just can't get my brain to shut off.
Speaker 1:I was going to say I'm the same way, like I've tried. There was a phase where I'd try to get up early, like 4 or 5 in the morning and try to meditate. And I don't know, I could never really pull it off.
Speaker 2:I can't do it, but I can do it when I'm there in her safe space, for whatever reason, I melt into her bed and I am. I'm just meditating and I am not, uh, in tune enough with what she calls as my gift. And I have been told I have some gift. But I can tell you that when I'm laying there on this bed and she is doing her session, I can close my eyes and I can almost see pictures. I don't know what they are completely, and so Missy always tells me like you have to take my class, you have a gift, you have to do this, like you would be really good at this.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the messages are, I don't know what they mean, I don't know what the pictures are, but sometimes I can make out a couple of different pictures that are coming along and they just look like. The only way for me to explain this to you is like when you, when you stare at the sun. You know when you stare at the sun and then you like come back to and you can almost see like a kaleidoscope.
Speaker 1:Right Goodness.
Speaker 2:So that kaleidoscope is what I'm looking at during this meditation process. My eyes are completely closed and I can make out these tiny little pictures. In this in particular situation, I know that I saw a rose and I know that I saw a tiger or like a lion of some sort, like I could just see, like the shadow of it. I know that the rose is definitely probably I don't want to say definitely is probably representing Angel. She has a rose tattoo on her chest.
Speaker 2:She was very big about roses, loved roses, and so it's interesting that I can see these images coming forward and then I can only look at whether it be a tiger or a lion, that I too will overcome this. I will be the lion and overcome all of this, and that's the way that I am interpreting it. Yeah, doesn't mean anything. This, and that's the way that I am uh, interpreting it yeah, doesn't mean anything, but that's the way that I'm looking at it and interpreting it. So after, uh, she finishes, um, doing her soul retrieval, she always gives me the piece of paper and I have the piece of paper and I'm like I always look forward to it because I'm like all right, what is my I'm going to botch this word inanimate object. Okay, I think that's how you say it, inanimate object yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, what is my medicine and what is my spirit animal Like? There's always those sort of things during these retrievals, sort of things during these retrievals. And so she goes to tell me that my, let me just get mine here. So she goes through and so there's a goal. Sorry, I forgot about that one. And then there's the other three.
Speaker 2:So my sole goal is and this is coming from the spirit guides, it can be coming from my ancestors, it can be coming from anyone who's upstairs in the higher good that is helping her guide me during this session and how to move forward from the session. This is how these answers come forward she will know her power to heal, she will hone the strength to move forward without the anger or disappointment. So that is my goal. Oh, and she will fly with freedom. So that was the end there. So then we move on to the heart and the throat chakra. So that is my inanimate object. I hate that word, and it was a seesaw, which is rather interesting. Yeah, because I look at it as to what Missy says, but I also look at it as, like the inner child for me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:The inner child playing on a playground Like I. That's me and that's what I'm trying to retrieve. Is that healing that little girl? So for her to come forward and say your inanimate object is a seesaw was rather interesting to me. It says it is time to keep balance, accept and forgive, and she will know her worth. So with the childhood seesaw it says my medicine is balance and it makes complete sense. I need to find my inner balance and I need to move forward, stay balanced and stay strong I like the part of like knowing your worth to you know, like you had mentioned um in there without anger and disappointment and you went in there with those words of feeling like you weren't enough.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:We have one more, and that is the root chakra. So this is the spirit animal that comes forward. The spirit animal that comes forward, and it's always something new and it surprises me sometimes. But this one really caught me off guard. This one was an anteater. Never has she ever come forward and said an anteater. I've had a wolf, I've had a giraffe, I've had eagle, right after your dad had passed.
Speaker 1:I've had those type of animals, but for this one to come, forward as an anteater was so surprising to us, so put a little thought into it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'll read um, this one here. Um, so this one is to to walk safely upon mother earth, feel the healing energy of Mother Earth. So that is what the anteater is for. So basically, she was asking me to find myself grounded, to lean into nature, get out there and be one with the outdoors what makes this so eye-opening and sprinkles a layer of belief on here for anybody listening is there's two things.
Speaker 1:One of them would be on the day that we woke up the morning. We woke up when angel had passed, just a couple hours before you were to get the phone call with the news. What did you stumble upon?
Speaker 2:an infestation of ants walking down the wall, and the only reason why I noticed it was because there was a fat, thick line of them coming down the wall there was a massive infestation of ants coming out of our ceiling down the wall.
Speaker 1:We had never seen ants in our house, ever. Um we our house isn't very old, we just had this built, what maybe I don't know five, five years, six.
Speaker 2:I don't know, it's not that old.
Speaker 1:But a massive infestation of ants coming down the wall from the ceiling.
Speaker 2:Not even like from the back deck door or anything like that. Like it came from the ceiling.
Speaker 1:And to the point of like getting ant traps and nuking things and going to get, you know, ant spray and all this stuff and a couple hours later you would get the phone call. So for first off, you're a spirit animal. To be an ant eater when our house was infested with ants after Angel's death is beyond bizarre.
Speaker 2:There was also a couple of ants in her room when she was doing this and she was like I don't know where these damn ants come from. I don't have an ant infestation, and I didn't say anything about our ant infestation. They literally just came out and started walking around. She's like my last client. They came out for them too and then they go away. Like I literally have set traps, I can't find them, they disappear. And then all of a sudden, for certain people they'll just show back up and I was like for that to happen and then for her to tell me that I was an anteater. I was just like I don't even understand, like you can't tell me this stuff isn't real.
Speaker 1:no, and another one is. So you had told me that, and we were all in shock and I said there's one more thing that I don't know if you're realizing, and that is that, just like a day before, maybe two days before we were at my mother's house and the lawn had. I don't even know 50 birds on it. Like the lawn was covered in these birds and they were super cool birds and I'm looking at them and they had really long beaks, almost like a woodpecker.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we thought they were woodpeckers because they were pecking the ground.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they were really interesting birds. They were beautiful. They had like I don't even know how to like try to describe the overall look of them, but like, uh, like a brindle type wing with a bright patch on the back of their head like a woodpecker would have like a red or an orange, like bright patch, but then when they would fly off some of them, their under wings were like fluorescent yellow.
Speaker 3:They were bright yellow, yeah, their wingspan.
Speaker 1:They were amazingly beautiful birds. I had never seen them before. There was like 50 of them on the lawn and I was mesmerized by them, so much so that me and Paisley were staring at them through the window. I brought her up to look at them and I had to research to figure out what they are. And they're northern flickers. And I had to research to figure out what they are. And they're northern flickers, and they are a member of the woodpecker family, but they are anteaters. The northern flickers are anteaters. They are pecking the ground to eat ants. So you imagine, angel Passes, we pick up an ant infestation in our house, then anteaters overtake our lawn in the form of birds and then your spirit animal is an ant eater yeah, it's so bizarre, just so totally wild to me yeah
Speaker 2:so, following this um session, uh, normally that's the end, normally that's the closure she, she does, you know, the soul retrieval and then we just end the session. Well, to my surprise, that's not going to happen. Mine and Missy's relationship during this journey has always ended with a drum solo Every single time. And I noticed when I walked in that her drum was not under her table as it always sat, and that sat with me. I was like, huh interesting, no drum solo today.
Speaker 2:The reason for the drum solo is because, during my healing journey, missy has had the opportunity to do an even deeper soul retrieval for me, to bring forward my ancestors, my heritage, my ancestors.
Speaker 2:And every single time they come forward it's an Indian chief and she's gone into great detail about each one of them. And my great grandfather was Indian and we have talked to Nana about what tribe he was a part of and I remember going to their house and seeing this beautiful headdress and everything and I just loved it so much. I was always drawn to feathers and I was always drawn to the Indian culture and Aztec and never knew why until I, you know, got a little bit older. So it makes sense. So Missy has always been drawn to do a drum solo and it is an old-fashioned drum that you would see the Indians around a fire pit just pounding on Like that's what it is. The first time Missy did it. She said to me like I have never taken a drum lesson in my life, I am not the one drumming, this is just your spirit guides and whatever comes forward. She says it's never the same for anyone, just your spirit guides and whatever comes forward.
Speaker 3:She says it's never the same for anyone.
Speaker 2:First time she ever did it it was that just standard drum solo that you would hear around a campfire, at a powwow of some sort, and then it just goes into a different direction. Well, to my surprise, missy said well, I'm not allowed to end this unless I go downstairs and get my drum. Your spirit guides will not let me end this session on this note. She had to go downstairs, get the drum and as I'm laying on the bed meditating, I can hear her coming up the stairs. Coming up the stairs, I can hear it and every single time I can feel it in my chest, I can feel just this tingling sensation go throughout my entire body. So she'll come in and she will take that drum and she will go from head to toe and she just does this synchronized drumming solo over me and she does every single time. And I had spotted that the drum was missing and I had said that to her afterwards and I said there is no way. There is no way in heck that she's not going to do it. She must have a new one, something. But it was not where she usually has it, under the table, and they were like if you think you're closing this session without that drum solo, you've got another thing coming ma'am. So after the session she does her drum solo. It's pretty amazing. I can feel it throughout my whole body the entire time as she's going up and down, I can feel almost like spirits just leaving your body, just kind of like releasing any last bit of tension, any sort of anything that you're holding on to, like. That drum solo, basically, is just sealing the deal. That's how she explains it to me. So we finish and she will always give me a glass of water which allows you to wash away and cleanse anything left.
Speaker 2:And she explained to me that during this session me that during this session, angel had taken the time to come forward. And that was interesting to me because I didn't exactly know if she would come forward in this because, like, we've talked about shamanic healing and Reiki deals with the upper world, so it's possible, like I've had my ancestors come forward, you've had people come forward, so it's a possibility. I didn't anticipate her coming, know her and what she explained to me was that Angel had come forward and she was angry. She was very angry. She was yelling at me, um, and in a very aggressive manner, and she she said stop what you're doing, stop what you're doing immediately. You're going to make her forget me. Missy dismissed it.
Speaker 2:Missy put a stop to her coming forward during my session because this was my session, this was my story, this was my opportunity to heal and move forward and deal with the trauma and situation that I was dealing with. I'm forever grateful for Missy for doing that, because there could have been a time where she could have invited her in and said let's just do this all at once, but she didn't and I'm thankful for that, because I had the opportunity to leave that session feeling free. I felt the freedom as my soul retrieval the first part of my soul retrieval says. She will know her worth and her freedom.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:So to me to leave there feeling like this weight has just been lifted off of my shoulders. I had a sense of feeling like that after the anger had settled, the day that it happened, when I was sitting out in the door yard and talking to people and explaining to everything, um, you know, I had gotten the strength, um, by seeing the red Cardinal, the blue Jay and Meme's bird, the little blue bird, um all join me in the door yard while I I'm talking to, to family members and kind of explaining what's going on. So I had that opportunity and I felt I don't want to say that I felt free at that moment I felt relieved, yeah, yeah, the anger was gone, the hurt, um, at that moment had kind of released and it was more of just being still, I guess you could say. But it was a 360 degree turn from that moment, monday to Wednesday, when I left.
Speaker 2:Monday to Wednesday, when I left, I felt free. I felt like I could take on the world. I felt so relieved, so free. And it's so hard to explain to people when they ask me, like we talked about earlier, how are you doing? I don't want to tell them that I'm doing great because I'm not, I'm not doing great, but I'm doing better than I expected because I've had the opportunity to sit down with Missy Sitting here today. I've had the opportunity to sit down with her twice now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, before you go any further, I have a few questions I want to throw out there. Yeah, one of them would be you're in the parking, you're in the driveway here and you're having these conversations and you have that sense of like a relief almost. And then you have that 180 degree spin where you're like kind of feeling a little more freedom when you come out of there.
Speaker 1:When you're forced to deal with things like you know calls from the police department, family interactions, you know memories, whatever when you're dealing with those things, does that at all bring you back? Does it derail the sense of freedom and relief that you experienced when you allow those things back into your world?
Speaker 2:At first, yeah, but dealing with it now, after my last session, I don't think it is as much. I think I can have those conversations and know that that's it you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:These are just conversations at this point um it can't layers that we'll dive into in future episodes of I don't know how to put this, but evidence information.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Right, there's things that have come to fruition, correct. We know she committed suicide.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:We know she was researching suicide. Yes, we know she was telling everybody around her that she wanted to commit suicide.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:We have witnesses that are informative of this.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Those things right, yeah. And then you know, having people come to you and be like your mother didn't overdose, didn't commit suicide, she overdosed, and we know the truth. And having these things and battling those things, dealing with you know a sloppy investigation from the police department, other things that will bring to the forefront in future episodes, Dealing with that frustration.
Speaker 1:family's opinions of things, people's negative opinion of you sharing your story, those things does that all rob you of your freedom, Because I've been worried for you that dealing with other people's nonsense, dealing with factual information versus false opinions, that it would derail all the positives that you've accomplished.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Yeah, no, that's a valid question and, to be honest with you, no, no, it's not robbing me of anything. Um, because at this point in my healing journey I'm doing great Um, and I refuse to let anybody take me back in any way, shape or form. You can voice your opinion and talk about your story how you feel fit. The evidence is the evidence. If those people don't want to look at the evidence where we have it point blank in front of us, that's on them. This is my way of healing.
Speaker 1:Whenever somebody wants to do or determine to heal, that's on them.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, I'm not going to bother that.
Speaker 1:Just don't force your opinion and philosophy on you when you're taking the correct steps and doing the right things to heal and to share your story. Absolutely, that just absolutely sets me off. So for my blood pressure to go through the roof. I don't know how it doesn't derail your healing.
Speaker 3:Sure Sure.
Speaker 1:For me processing, you know, death in my family if someone came to me you know what I'm saying Like I I would, I wouldn't react as calmly as you have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's just been a lot uh to process and a lot to swallow. I guess you can say Um, but I know that I'm on the right path and I have the right information and I'm healing the way that I know how to heal. And, like we've talked about, people heal differently and that's fine. But it's a valid question and the answer is no, it's not derailing me. I don't feel any type of way. I still feel free and I still feel that I have done anything and everything that I can do to support her and I also feel that I have done my part in sharing mine and her story, our story.
Speaker 1:There's no point in falsifying reality. You're not going to nobody's going to learn or change or gain anything by making a false narrative about what happened. Correct, you dealt with shit. You had a very difficult upbringing. It's made you who you are. Embrace it and share it Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Don't sugarcoat it with shit now, because you're trying to protect an image when they've done the damage on their own Correct. To protect an image when they've done the damage on their own Correct. The other thing for me, that was my instant reaction when you were talking to me and you said that Angel came forward and she was very angry. My instant thought goes into my religious beliefs and her reaction and for me it was, as we mentioned last week. Her biggest goal has been to be with her father ever since his death.
Speaker 1:And for me, and I don't know enough about Jesus Christ and the Bible to speak this into existence and the truth.
Speaker 1:But my would be if you are a drug addict and you intentionally take your life, you're not going to get granted the gates of heaven, you're not going to be reunited with your father.
Speaker 1:When you are intentionally taking your life, when you are intentionally sinning, you are an addict and you have punished your family and you've made these choices and now you're intentionally ending your life, hoping that I'm going to welcome you home and I'm going to reunite you, and I'm not saying and I don't know enough about this, I'm not saying she's never going to get there, but I'm just saying, when she came forward, get there. But I'm just saying, when she came forward in your session, my thoughts and wholehearted belief was Angel has not transitioned, she has not been accepted to heaven, she has not been reunited with her father and she's beyond pissed. That number one. I did this and I didn't get what I was looking for. And here you are, recovering, healing and moving on, when you should be paralyzed and just like the infestation of ants, I feel like as an addict. Her dying wish was to infest your life and to derail the beautiful house and life that you live and created, and I say house, as in the metaphor of these ants taking over a house, right?
Speaker 1:So I just think about those things. And my instant reaction was she's angry because she did not get what she wanted.
Speaker 2:She didn't make it, and that's that's valid Um, so I will express that I feel the same way, Um. I feel that she has a lot of, has a lot of work to do, um pertaining to forgiveness, um, before she can transition. There's a lot that she had to work on before you have the opportunity to meet up with your dad, your mom, your brothers, Nana all of those. You have some demons that you need to fight, not only here on earth, but in between. You have some demons that you need to fight not only here on Earth, but in between, and what I can tell you is that I've had the opportunity, with the guidance of Missy, to discuss some things with her and express some things with her.
Speaker 1:And we'll dig into that a little bit more on the next episode, because it's a heartfelt one. Yeah, I think every time you have one of these Reiki sessions, it, it is, uh, it's powerful.
Speaker 1:It's heartfelt, it's emotional and, um, it's incredible what we've covered today on just your first session and the symbolism that's been there, and um, it's just, it's powerful and it just makes me believe in those things and, um, this whole journey that we've gone through has made us leading up to this, and this particular story, too, has made both of us more, um, inquisitive to our faith. You know, leaning more into both of us, more inquisitive to our faith. You know, leaning more into, into our faith and wanting to learn more about the Bible and all these different things and just connecting these dots, it just I don't know, we're here for a reason and just, I don't even know how to put it into words, but all of this just made me believe that much more you know.
Speaker 1:all of it just made me believe and I hope that sharing this story and these things as we continue to dig into this for you and your healing, that it allows other people to believe and to lean into their faith as well. So I really hope that today's message empowers people to do that. And as much as you've spoken of you know, like this Reiki, shamanic Reiki, stuff that you've been going through. It makes me want to look into it someday in my life because it's just I can see the power that it has and like just how important it is to you and the impact it's had on you. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, it's definitely been super powerful. And.
Speaker 2:I recommend anyone who's interested in healing in any way, shape or form. It doesn't have to be all death, it can be trauma, it can be anything, this creates a whole new opportunity, an alternative to healing for people, that's not a psychiatrist that you have to countlessly relive your story with that, you know.
Speaker 2:Reiki is very holistic, so they're not going to throw medicine down your throat. Um, it's very powerful how much you can get out of one session. I mean one session isn't going to be enough. I will hands down, hand on the cabela's catalog, eye to the sky. It's not going to be enough for anyone. Just like one therapy session isn't going to be enough. But you'd be surprised how much you can get out of one session.
Speaker 1:For me it's we're not writing an antidepressant script, right? We're not giving you a counselor that maybe in six months or a year you're going to have a new one and you're going to start all over again. And you're just going to go in and talk about things and hope that you relive them and release them, but there's nothing there to release. You know what I mean? Like it's you're not connecting with certain things.
Speaker 2:The nice thing about Reiki is when you go into your session, the point is, as we spoke about, to set an intention and rewrite the story. So my, with the words anger and hurt, I rewrote the story with freedom to be free. That's how I rewrote the story and I left there feeling just those things.
Speaker 1:You know for me one of the things that encouraged me to say to you I think you should book an appointment is. You came home and you were doing okay and you looked at our little girl and you started to break down. Yeah, and every time you would come to her and look at her, you would break down and say how could somebody not love her, how could somebody not give her everything that she needs, how could somebody not be there for her? And you kept putting yourself in her position.
Speaker 1:Yeah her and you kept putting yourself in her position, and it was the first time that you've really have gone through these things and you have your own daughter to look at and question all the anger, all the hurt, all the abuse, all the neglect and say man, how could you do that?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because now you have your own daughter and you were questioning how can somebody do this? And seeing that pain in you. That's when I suggested it, Because I always want her to be a symbol of love and hope and opportunity and promise and not trigger or remind you of the things that weren't given to you. Right, you know, and I saw the pain that it caused and I never want you to come to your daughter and feel pain.
Speaker 1:And I understood it was nothing about her, but it was a symbolism of man, I couldn't imagine treating her the way I was treated as a child, right, couldn't imagine treating her the way I was treated as a child.
Speaker 3:So that could build up and bubble over as some real serious inner anger. Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:That was my fear for you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I can understand that, but that could happen. So for you to very quickly get on the horn and work out that appointment and just the relief you came home with you know and um, it's been incredible.
Speaker 1:I look forward to you sharing part two of this, your next appointment. I look forward to you, um, sharing that and I'm so excited because I've heard you talk to other people about this. Um, for whatever trauma they're trying to get through loss they're trying to get through, anything you would go to a counselor for, or somebody would prescribe you a script for you can look into, you can dig into and you can try to rewrite that story of you.
Speaker 3:Absolutely yeah. No, you can definitely lean on Reiki, shamanic healing. Definitely look into it for sure.
Speaker 1:Well, the hits just keep on coming, keep coming on here, sharing, sharing the good gospel and I'm proud of you for opening up yet again and sharing some things. And, just like last week, there's this is an episode that can that can change the direction for some people. I am so confident there's going to be some people listening that are going to reach out either to you or do their own research in their local area looking for the shamanic Reiki instructor. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:If you're looking for one and you're in Maine? Let me know. Missy is right here in Bedford Pool.
Speaker 1:This could be the catalyst for change in people, to help them heal, to help them process, to help them move on and recover. So, again, we're just sharing more things that we feel can make a positive impact, and for doing that I thank you, for coming on here and continuing to educate.
Speaker 3:I thank you for letting me come on here and I am sorry for the people to have to listen to me again.
Speaker 1:You know what you're going to get it Until the next time, folks, Thank you for supporting my American dream.
Speaker 3:You filthy savage.
Speaker 1:That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls. If you're a Loud, proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud, proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram, or all the kids by tickety-talking on the TikTok. You can find me on both of those at loud, underscore, proud, underscore American. I'm not talking about myself. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to this here podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers. Give them, motherfuckers, a like too. I'm not talking about myself. I'm not talking about myself on Facebook. Just search Gut Trucker. Give them motherfuckers a like too. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.