Share The Struggle
Share The Struggle
Are They Taking Advantage? Actionable Steps to Reclaim Your Worth
Have you ever felt that pit in your stomach when you realize a relationship you once cherished has evolved into something that drains rather than sustains you? That moment when it dawns on you that your time, energy, and goodwill are being taken for granted? This raw, vulnerable episode dives deep into the murky waters of exploitation in relationships – whether business partnerships, friendships, or professional connections.
We begin by examining the subtle evolution from mutual benefit to one-sided advantage. The most insidious relationships aren't those that start negatively, but those that gradually shift until you find yourself constantly giving with little in return. Through personal stories and hard-won insights, we unpack the telltale signs: feeling undervalued, experiencing one-sided exchanges, confronting emotional manipulation, and noticing the erosion of your self-confidence.
The heart of this episode offers actionable strategies for those caught in these challenging dynamics. Learn the power of "I statements" when setting boundaries, the critical importance of learning to say no (even when financial considerations make it difficult), and how to communicate your needs assertively without burning bridges unnecessarily. We also explore the consequences of remaining in these situations too long – from mental health challenges to reduced job satisfaction and the spillover effect on other relationships.
What makes this conversation particularly powerful is its honesty about the fear that comes with making changes. When relationships have history, when finances are intertwined, or when you've built a reputation around always saying yes, reclaiming your worth requires tremendous courage. But as we discover, the alternative – continuing to be taken advantage of – extracts a far greater cost in the long run.
Ready to reclaim your worth and transform relationships that no longer serve you? This episode provides the roadmap to recognize exploitation, communicate boundaries effectively, and make empowered decisions about which relationships deserve your continued investment.
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Over the past few months, we have talked about removing negativity in all shapes and forms, from people to situations, to even careers. Recent experiences have me questioning long-term relationships and critical business partnerships. All of this leads me to questioning if I'm being taken advantage of. So today, on Share the Struggle podcast, we discuss actionable steps to answer the question are you being taken advantage of? And we outline ways to move past it. Let me tell you something Everybody struggles. The difference is some people choose to go through it and some choose to grow through it. The choice is completely yours. Which one you choose will have a very profound effect on the way you live your life. If you find strength in the struggle, then this podcast is for you. Do you have a relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations? Relationship that is comfortable with uncomfortable conversations? Uncomfortable conversations challenge you, humble you and they build you. When you sprinkle a little time and distance on it, it all makes sense. Most disagreements, they stem from our own insecurities. You are right where you need to be Back on time, reading your back lines the whole day gone, pulling behind Back to the way it used to be, pulling face and putting on Get low, almighty. Am I so excited to be back with you. Oh, it feels so good, girl. You know, it's true. I don't know. I was singing romantic nothings to my wife in the next room trying to put Paisley to sleep and it just felt like so natural, it just felt so it needed to happen. You know what I mean. I apologize for that little musical intro, but the truth is, folks, I'm excited to be back with you. Episode, I don't know 257, 258, I do n't, I don't even know right now, but it's a consecutive streak that we love to brag about. Props to all my day ones out there, the loyal ones that have been listening since day one. I appreciate you, I acknowledge you. I hope you got your ones up To all the new ones, the soon-to-be loyal listeners. I appreciate you. Over the past month or so we have seen a nice boost in new listeners and I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every one of you. And before we get rocking and rolling too deep into this week's discussion, I want to start the week off with a little winning wednesday weekly shout out to my man, doug doug, my brother, I gotta you. You have inspired me to bring tonight's energy to the podcast. Doug stopped into the tent today at Bentley Saloon. He actually grew up with my wife, allie, and he's been a loyal supporter of the business and the brand and recently he's gotten onto the podcast. He's been digging deep into the old catalog of Share the Struggle podcast and he actually loves the podcast so much he committed to going back to day one and getting himself caught up. He spends a lot of time on the tractor at work and he's just been jamming S-T-S Share the Struggle podcast. I was talking to him tonight and last week he logged y'all ready for this 58 hours of Share the Struggle. Oh, it's true, it's damn true. That sounds glorious. Right there, I'm telling you, I got the old goose pimples, the old goose bums right now. I'm so excited about that, doug. Thank you so much, man. Thanks for pimples the old goose bums right now. I'm so excited about that, doug. Thank you so much, man. Thanks for the support, the dedication, thanks for coming into the tent, stopping by and sharing the good gospel and letting me know that you have pounded 58 hours of STS last week. I appreciate you. That earns you a freaking merit badge right there. You know what I mean Appreciate you. We've had some pretty cool moments this week. I'm gonna touch on a couple of those, but I wanted to start off with doug. Before we get off track here and, uh, get rocking and rolling and rambling on things, I want to give a little recap to what I've been up to, what's been going on. Last week when we recorded the podcast, we were getting ready to hit up Bike Week, laconia Bike Week at Bentley Saloon. This little mad rush of events has taken off and I wanted to kind of give you guys a little insight to how things are going. So it's been a different year for us when it comes to Laconia Bike Week, because the dates have shifted and it's actually played a major effect in the success of our event so far and not in a good way, to be honest. So typically, laconia Bike Week ends Father's Day weekend. This year it started Father's Day weekend and yeah, that's really kind of throwing things for a loop, so it's been lightly attended, to say the least. So far we really haven't been blessed with great weather either. I was listening to some stats that for 12 consecutive weekends in a row, maine has experienced rain on the weekend. So pretty ridiculous. But another wrench in the plans for us this week was that they were trying something new and they have this stunt show coming in and because of the location of the stunt show we needed to move our location, move our tents over. So we are in a whole new spot in the saloon. We started the weekend off that way and a full frontal confessional right out of the gate. Why wait? Put it all on the table and let y'all know. I had the worst first two days of bike week in the history of Loud Proud American. The Friday and Saturday to open bike week was the worst sales that we have ever experienced for bike week and we knew a lot of things went into that factor. You know, like we said, the weather, the change in dates obviously played a big impact in that. But unfortunately our flip-flopping location really hurt us and I was trying to be optimistic about the change. But I really felt that this could be the outcome from us moving over there and it was. There really was no reason for anybody to come to the side of the lot that we are on and I'm going to be honest here folks, people are lazy. That's the truth. People are lazy. I'm sorry, it is what it is. You're not going to go out of your comfort zone. You're not going to go into a certain area if you don't feel like you have to. And the appearance of the location that I had was that of like service providers people that are over there installing radios and windshields and aftermarket lighting and all these things. So if you're looking from the normal vendor section and you look over, you say, oh, those guys are doing installs on motorcycles, I don't need to get an install, I'm not going over there to look. So I'm cutting down the casual lookers almost in half and I really felt it On Sunday. We had great weather, there was a bike show and it turned out to be a major difference. So our Sunday was significantly better and that made a nice positive impact. But on Monday morning I'm so hell bent for success and committed to the cause that at five in the morning me and my mother drove back to the saloon and packed up our display and moved it across the parking lot back to our old location, the entire thing. I took all the clothes down the night before, put them on rolling racks. In the morning me and my mom went there, cut all the grid wall down, put it on the back of the truck. We rigged up some wheels and put our tents on wheels and rolled them across the lot, replaced them and just put everything back in place just the way it was, but basically in our familiar location where we're going to get more activity. That Monday we were actually up, we had a better Monday than we had last year and ironically, our Monday was even stronger than the Friday that we had. So you can't tell me that the change in location didn't make a difference. At the time I'm recording this it's Tuesday evening and Tuesday we had a pretty decent day. But they normally have a ride that leaves from Laconia that ends up at the saloon and typically it has about 200 motorcycles on that ride and unfortunately today's ride only had about 30 because it was raining pretty hard in Laconia. So we had two days that were down, two days that were up. Today's, another day that's down, and tomorrow we're going to do our best at making it all up. But there's one thing I've learned about Laconia week is at the tail end, the second half, the end of bike week, is always your busiest, always your best, and that's going to lead into the events that I have to host this week, which makes it a bit of a challenge because you're trying to run your booth, you have to ask for help, you have to recruit some volunteers that are looking to come over and support and make things happen. So there's only a few trusted advisors and family members that we have asked to do those things in the past. Hopefully they're willing to do that again and we can kind of maximize on things and make things happen, because I really don't want to be closed because that's going to have a real major impact on things. But because of the downtime that we've had this week, it's really left me analyzing our schedule, looking over our calendar and really asking a whole series of questions about current schedule, current decisions, relationships, whether they're servicing me anymore or if I am merely servicing somebody else and their own specific interests. And that's really where we're going to be headed today. It's a difficult and unfortunate conversation, but we're going to go down that road today about whether we feel like we are being used, whether you feel like you have a relationship where you were being used or you were being taken advantage of. How do we identify some of those things and how do we move past them. That's really the bulk, the heavy lifting that we want to accomplish today. But before we get into some of the depressing stuff, the difficult stuff and as we end our conversation of this week's Laconia Bike Week and how things really aren't stacking up, I want to share some highlights. I want to share a few highlights and a couple of awesome things happened to me this week. One of those things is a young man named Owen who actually works at Bentley Saloon. He came in all happy and excited and proud, as a peacock to tour the display and buy something new. He always buys something from us when he sees us at the saloon and he said to me oh, I wanted to show you something. And he pulls up his shirt and right there across his whole forearm is one of our designs. He tattooed our faith, family, freedom design that we've put on our long sleeve t-shirts that I designed by myself. I designed, learned the ropes and went through and made things happen One of my very furthest designs, actually using railroad ties to kind of spell out the Fs, to kind of mimic a cross, so to speak. So the Faith, family, freedom design he literally has tattooed on his forearm. And he said my next tattoo over the winter is going to be the back of that shirt and with the whole cross and the whole mission, which is incredible to me. I mean, that tattoo literally says Loud, proud, american in it. You know you're going to tattoo our brand, our mission and our reason right on you. To me, unbelievable. In five years, this is the third person to have one of our designs either inspire or be the actual tattoo on their body. That's a lifetime commitment being made because they love our design, they love our artwork, they love our mission. That right there, for a dude that had no clue how to design a stick figure five years ago, is absolutely amazing to me. I can't even believe it. I, um, man, it's. It's a wild feeling to see and and to think man, I, I'm not an artist, I'm not a tattoo artist, I don't do this for a living. So it's just crazy to see that and to know that there's more behind just the image. It's the message, it's the meaning and that's what gets me. So it just really proves to me that we're in this for the right reason and, if we just continue to stay the course, that everything's going to be okay and, as we've been saying over the past few weeks, just put it in God's hands and let it happen. So that's what we're going to do. The next thing that I want to share with you happened to me today. Actually, I had a fella come into the tent today and he went right to the back looking for something and ironically, it's a Faith, family Freedom Design, not the one that I just referenced, but one of the ones that I've actually made for a lady's shirt, and it's for a lady's raglan sweatshirt. And he man, I just saw one of these in the bar and I went up to the lady and I said that is a badass shirt. I love that shirt. Where did you get it? And she said you can get them right in the parking lot. And he said I couldn't believe it. I came out here, I ran into your tent to check things out and like where did you get that? Did you make that? And I I said you know I did. And he's like this is your company. And I told him and he immediately came over and shook my hand and said you know, my name is Mike. I wanted to meet you like this, this is amazing. And he asked me about our mission, our story. He wanted to know more about the brand and he said I got to support you. And he grabbed the t-shirt off the rack that he loved and he was cashing out with it. And then he grabbed a koozie. So he grabbed the t-shirt and the koozie and I was ringing him up and I said to him, like you know, $31 for tax. And he stopped, picked his head up, he looked at me and he said what did you say? And I was like, oh man, I just gotta think I'm too expensive here. And he said what did you say to me? And I said $31 and whatever tax Maine has tax. He's like that's it, that's all it is. And I said yeah, and he's like, oh my God, that's too cheap, I got to get something else. And he goes over and he grabs a hat off the rack and says I want to support you. I got to buy something else and the stuff's American made. I can't believe that. I got a hat, a koozie and a t-shirt for, you know, 60 bucks or whatever it is now with tax. You couldn't believe it. And I said man, that's a, that's a tariff free price guaranteed right there, when everybody's raising prices, I mean we, we had our prices higher before, but we don't pay tariffs. That's the beauty of buying American made and I wanted to extend the savings to you. You just couldn't believe it and we spent some time just kind of swapping stories and then he went on his merry way. And it's those back to back experiences, you know, when you think about Owen getting a tattoo, this customer Mike that I never met before, coming in and supporting the mission and being excited about the designs and blown away by the pricing to Doug cramming 58 straight hours of Shaila's Fargo podcast, there is no negativity out there that can tell me we're not doing the right thing. There's no negativity out there that can derail me from the road that we are on. Yes, there are bumps, there are peaks can derail me from the road that we are on. Yes, there are bumps, there are peaks, there are valleys, but the truth is there is beauty on the other side of struggle and I do know that we will have fine triumph and victory, and soon it shall be. I just know it to be true. Gotcha Alright, alright, episode 258. And y'all know I'm feeling great. I have to be feeling great after the little positive tidbits that I got to share with y'all and I'm thankful about those little positive stories to drop on today's show because, I'm going to be honest with y'all, I've been battling some self-doubt, some indecision, I've been questioning certain decisions, I've been thinking about relationships and all these different things, and it's been a tough week. Y'all, it has been a tough week and, as always, my wife has been by my side, supporting me and asking poignant questions of me to really get me to ponder, to get me to think, to get me to question my true feelings and to make moves. And I really think that's all you can hope for in a partner is someone that not only supports you but doesn't just yes you to death. They're going to offer their opinion and they're going to provoke you into some thought and also, based off of our conversations and how we do things around here, after nearly five years of a podcast, she has the ability to use some of my own weapons against me and you know saying to me that when it comes a time when a relationship is no longer servicing you, then maybe it shouldn't be there for you anymore. And over the past few weeks we've talked about cutting negativity and all that it can do for you and the positive impact that it has on you, but the truth is. There's things that we do, there's decisions that we make, there's relationships that we've made that we don't always deem as negative. But there comes a time when certain things happen and certain things start to reveal themselves to you. And then, all of a sudden, you start to see a trend or you start to identify a pattern. And if you start to trace that pattern backwards, you can start to really find some history there and realize, wow, this person or this situation or this relationship or this decision over the past few years has really changed and I'm no longer being treated the way I once was. I'm no longer, you know, being appreciated the way that I once was. And then, as you start to trace these little seeds of doubt and you start to seek out the truth, you realize, man, this has actually been causing me a great deal of stress and frustration. And as you start to peel back the onion a little bit more, you start to ask yourself is the stress and frustration worth it if what I'm getting in return pairs in comparison to what the significant other is getting, whether that's someone in your relationship, if it's a co-worker, if it's a boss, if it's a business relationship, a friendship, whatever it is? When you start to think, man, what they're getting from this versus what I'm getting for this? And I'm not saying that we have to enter all relationships and all decisions based off of trying to get something for yourself, but when you start to have a track record of benefiting somebody else, year after year after year, to then see the things that they once did for you be taken away from you, to then see the things they used to appreciate you for now being things that they just really expect of you. And that's a tough thing, right. So there's these relationships, there's these decisions, there's these situations that we have in our lives, that we don't necessarily deem them as negative, but there comes a time when they show their face to you and you say, wow, I didn't realize how much stress this was bringing on me. I didn't realize how much this was weighing on me. Over the past week, things have been slower than I wanted them to be, but I've made commitments to being where I am. I've made commitments to doing what I need to do. I'm fulfilling my obligations. And as I sit around and I just scour over numbers and I'm looking at finances and I'm thinking about things, and then you start to observe all things going on around you and you just feel unappreciated and you just begin to realize, wow, that was taken for me, this was taken for me. This no longer exists for me and you start thinking I do this for you. I still do that for you. It's a hard pill to swallow and when it comes down to somebody in your life no longer communicating directly with you unless they need something from you, when it comes down to somebody in your life who's always been a phone call, a text message, a handshake and a hug away, now hides behind a chain of emails and a chain of command that you have to follow. It's not the same relationship, right? And I've experienced that and it's been a hard thing for me to accept, it's been a hard thing for me to process, and I've brought it to my wife and we've gone over this and I've prayed over this and I'm about to make some decisions that I don't want to do, but I have to, because a relationship that I once entered into, that started as a great friendship, that turned into an amazing business relationship and partnership, no longer is the same thing and there was a time in my life when I was able to provide a much greater benefit to this relationship. And I'm being vague over these things, people, because I'm not trying to alienate anybody, I'm not trying to single out a new one, I'm not trying to stir the pot and cause a shit show or fire up a gossip mill. That's not what I'm here to do. But I'm saying this because I want this to be a learning lesson for all of us. We are called Share the Struggle because we share our struggles and we learn from them, we grow from them. And my wife was just expressing to each and one of you guys the benefit of cutting negativity, and we've gone over that and how that, you know, allowed her to open herself up to new, bigger, beautiful things, like a new career opportunity and all these great things that are happening for her. And I'm here pushing and preaching and pulling her along, all by her side, and encouraging all those things, when ultimately, there's a very close relationship to me that has become negative, that has become a source of anxiety, and I was immune to it. I didn't realize it, I didn't acknowledge it and I've done my best to distance myself from some of it, but I can't cut the cord. I just can't because I feel obligated, I feel that I'm turning my back on a great friendship. But is it a great friendship when they show themselves to be taking a great advantage of you and no longer appreciating you because there now you don't have the ability to do as much, so they're not willing to do as much in return? That doesn't sound to me like a wholesome, healthy relationship. That sounds like a give-give, like I'm going to give this if you give that. That's a barter situation. That's not a relationship. And my business is in a situation or in a position where there's certain things that I depend on. And this is a relationship that I depend on because I've always thought that it was a mutual relationship where it's beneficial for each other, like we help each other and this relationship helps keep me in business and it has done tremendous things for me. But there comes a time when you realize is that being held over your head? Is that being used to keep you on a line to do what somebody needs you to do to benefit them? I know I'm being vague here, but I think there's things for everybody to relate to Whether it's a business relationship that no longer is benefiting somebody as much as it once did, so they're not willing to show you the same benefits they once did. Whether it's a boss that you know you used to do extra work for that now they're getting credit for you know whether it's a significant other that you know you're doing all the things around the house and you're doing all these things and they're not appreciating you, they're not helping you. You know whether it's a situation where you house and you're doing all these things and they're not appreciating you, they're not helping you. Whether it's a situation where you're providing all the financial security to the family but you're not getting X for it. You're not getting anything else right. You're providing all the finances and you're expected to do all the cleaning and everything else. I don't know. I'm trying to create different things here. There's relationships in your life that maybe at one point they weren't negative. Maybe at one point they're extremely beneficial for each other, but over the course of time, throughout the years, they become negative. They become a one-way street. You need to take some of these relationships in your life and start to ask yourself a series of questions to determine whether they are taking advantage of you, because when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, it's important to acknowledge and address your feelings and this week I've been acknowledging, I've been addressing and I've been praying over my feelings Because it can lead to negative consequences in various aspects of your life. Recognize the signs that you're being used and begin to communicate your boundaries. Potentially, you can seek support from trusted individuals and professionals. I have confided in my wife and my mother and had these conversations and then recently, over the past couple of days, I've had conversations with other close, trusted people that are in the same circle, that deal with the same situations, kind of bouncing things off as a sounding board. So I'm going to outline some actionable items for any of you that's beginning to feel like you're being taken advantage of, and we're going to have some things that we can ask ourselves and some things we can do to help move ourselves from the situation. First off, from the situation. First off, recognize the signs. I know I was being vague here, but I was outlining some of the. You know the symptoms, some of the quick signs here when you are beginning to feel undervalued or underappreciated, when you start to see a lack of respect or recognition or gratitude for your efforts. For me, I'm only appreciated when I'm needed. I'm a side cast, I'm an outcast, I'm put to the back of the room. Unless you need me to save the day, unless you need me to bring a crowd, unless you need me to make you money, then I'm appreciated, then I'm the greatest. You understand what I'm saying Feeling undervalued or underappreciated. When you're asking yourself about the relationships, the moment you start to feel that way, you need to ask yourself is it a lack of respect, recognition or gratitude? The next one, on one-sided relationships Like we're talking about just now when things begin to feel on one-sided relationships like we're talking about just now, when things begin to feel more one-sided, when you constantly give more than you receive or someone constantly asks for your favor without reciprocation, it can be a sign of being taken advantage of. For me, with business relationships, I find myself in a situation sometimes where I'm the type of business that we're seasonal. So in the summertime we're out there, we're making money, we're meeting people, we're putting our product in the hands of new people, we're connecting with valued customers and friendships and we're making money. We're out there, we're face-to-face relationship, sales Over the run of time. I don't have as much of that, so we rely on custom orders and business products and for me. I feel like there's some businesses that they know I rely on that winter finance to stay in business and I'm realizing that in certain ways I'm being taken advantage of because people say to themselves if I give him this amount of work in the wintertime, I know I can call on him for this, this and this when I need him. And that really shouldn't be how this works. You should be doing business with me in the wintertime because it fits my schedule, that's when I'm allowed to do it and you value my product, my mission and me as a friend, not because you know that you're going to ask me to do this, this and this. That's not how this should work. Emotional manipulation this can include being guilt-tripped, blamed or having your feelings disregarded. For me, a lot of it is just being dismissed right, and this one is massive for me when you take the time to sit with me and ask me what do you want? What do you need? What would you like to see from me? What could I do different? All these different things. And you wholeheartedly put effort into this conversation because you know it comes every year and you list out all the things, all the concerns and all the things and all the recommendations and I know you're not going to take all of them, but to take none of them to dismiss me completely, to ignore my concerns, so much so that you're unwilling to talk to me about them, because you know you're going completely against what I recommend. That you have someone else tell me. That to me is emotional manipulation. All the kids these days call that gaslighting. When you show up and you just fill me full of bullshit, basically, and you're going to let me sound off and feel a certain way and make me feel fantastic. But in the end, you already have your decision made. You already know what you're going to do. It's completely opposite of what you recommended, so I'm going to have somebody else deliver that shit sandwich to you. Difficulty trusting others, being taken advantage of, can lead to mistrust and difficulty forming healthy relationships. This is true because, with the current rut I've been in with these things, you almost go into certain situations with a guard up right. You go into them thinking what is this person looking for? Be able to whiff them? What's in it for me? Syndrome where this person's got to be wanting something out of this, when, ultimately, maybe they're just being generous, maybe they're just being genuine. Maybe they're just coming in because they love your product and they have this offer for you, not because they're trying to manipulate you into you doing something for them. But you become accustomed to other people doing that to you. It's tough because that can change your character, that can rob who you are from you, that can steal your spirit, that can dull your sprinkle, and you don't want that to happen. Another side effect of this is lower your self-esteem. Feeling used or manipulated can impact your self-worth and confidence. I can tell you, if I grab that Cabela's catalog right now, I'm going to drop this sucker on the table. You hear it? Hang on, I don't know. You probably didn't hear it. What you did hear was my fat-ass bulldog dragging his lazy toes across the floor, which is uncalled for. I want to pretend that that was me dragging a Cabela's catalog across the floor here which counter? Because I mean it'd be weird, how big would that catalog be if I'm dragging it across the floor? So I'm dragging it across the counter, okay, and I'm placing it down and I'm putting my left hand on the Cabela's catalog and my beagle eyes are the sky and I'm going to give you a full frontal confessional from this guy. I've been lacking self-confidence this week For the way that I found myself treated, understanding the emotional manipulation relationships that have become one-sided, feeling undervalued or underappreciated, a complete lack of respect and recognition those things have left me lacking self-confidence. I haven't been as good at presenting my product, I haven't been as excited about my product because I'm going through this funk where I'm feeling underappreciated, where I'm feeling undervalued, where I'm feeling that I'm put in the corner with a dunce cap on, when I'm feeling that I'm not celebrated. I do know that my time is coming, when I will be celebrated because you need me and that's what's frustrating. But the longer you avoid me, the worse it's going to be. But because I have all these things going on or I have time to stew on it, because, like I said, with the weather and the change in schedule for bike week and all these things, sales are down I'm sitting around and I'm thinking about all things around me, all things I've said yes to throughout my calendar, commitments I've made things I want to make for commitments, all this stuff, and you start to analyze different relationships and situations as you start looking over years of numbers and deciding what you're going to do to make your business better, because I don't like sitting around idle and just continuing to press, play and resume and repeat and to get the same damn frozen dinner served to you, because that's not going to get you where you want to go. So as I'm sitting around thinking about these things, it's kind of worn me out a little bit and it's been harder for me to be up and upbeat and enthusiastic about my product because everything else is kind of bringing me down. When I have the stories that I mentioned to you today about you know, owen, getting my imagery tattooed on his arm to someone coming in, being blown away by the cost of american products in a positive way, to doug, listening to nearly 60 hours of sts. Um, that is that light of positivity that I needed to keep on pulling through and pushing through, and I know that all things are going to work out. We've been talking about this for weeks now. Put it in the hands of god and let it happen. Man, you're doing what you can do. Just let it, it happen. But there's moments of doubt, there's moments of um like that just designer imposter, just self-sabotage, nonsense that goes on in your brain and um For me to sit back and do research and take out a notebook and start writing things down and listing the way you're feeling undervalued, underappreciated. You know to be feeling taken advantage of, to have that emotional manipulation. You start to list those things out and you realize I'm not struggling with self-confidence, I'm being taken advantage of. I need to remove myself from the situation of being taken advantage of and then I will remove myself from negativity. I will rebuild self-confidence, I will regain self-esteem. I need to rise above the hate. I need to remove myself from the situation. If you're listening right now and you're finding yourself into one of these scenarios and these situations, then we have some actionable steps for you to take. First off, communication. How many times do we have to say that communication is key? This is another confessional for me. This is why I'm here tonight pushing record on the podcast, because I'm communicating with you. I'm getting things off my chest, I'm putting my feelings out into the universe. I've been communicating with my wife, with my mother, with other trusted advisors, trying to figure things out. When the time is right, I will address the situation with the person that I need to. But talking it out, working it out, assures me that I'm going to do it in the best way possible, and I'm going to get all things possible put on the table, because you need to communicate and you need to set boundaries. My wife was on here before talking about loving an addict and the fact that you need to set boundaries. And when you're trying to remove negativity, you need to set boundaries. And when you're trying to remove negativity, you need to set boundaries. When you're trying to get yourself out of a relationship where you feel like you're being taken advantage of, you need to communicate and set boundaries, clearly, express your needs. I statements I statements can help you communicate your feelings without blaming others. We all have a tendency to sugarcoat scenarios. We all have a tendency to sugarcoat scenarios. We all have a tendency to powder puff our feelings by, instead of saying I, we insert something else, right, we go with so-and-so did this. So-and-so says this have you seen Dick Bag Down the Street or Donnie Bag of donuts over here? And we start using somebody else as an example. We start blaming somebody else without even knowing it. We're trying to lessen the blow, we're trying to lighten the load, we're trying to powder puff the truth when, ultimately, if we just own up man up, woman up and say I, I feel this way, I expect this, I believe this. When you own it and you start with I, then that is your truth and nobody can argue your truth. So establish healthy boundaries and act in I statements so they know that it's coming from you. It's not so-and-so down the street, because you can walk yourself into a dark alley by trying to make things smoother, by saying, oh, I was talking to you, know, tammy Two-Step over here and she was saying this about what you said, and all that's going to do is create controversy and nonsense and it's going to make the person you're trying to address and Tammy Two-Step into an argument when you're just trying to sugarcoat things. But ultimately you feel that way, you lay it on the line. It's up to you Determine what you are willing and not willing to accept in terms of time, energy, resources and emotional support. You need to draw a hard line. These are my boundaries and then these are my expectations. These are the things that I want. Here's what I'm willing to commit for time, this is my level of energy, these are the resources I will dedicate to this and this is my level of emotional support. When my wife was talking about loving an addict level of emotional support and my wife was talking about loving an addict. If you do not set boundaries and determine upfront what you're willing to invest and commit into that relationship, then if you do not do that, you will be sucked in, you will be abused and you will be reused. This one, right here, is one of the most difficult ones for me, and I've said this on here before. One of the most difficult ones for me, and I've said this on here before. Learn to say no. You need to say no. I'm so bad at saying no. I have customers come to me for things that I really don't want to do or that I shouldn't do, and I say yes because I want the money. I have those wintertime conversations that say do you want this gig, do you want this opportunity, do you want this special event? And I say yes, yes, yes, yes, because I want that money, money, money, money. And when it comes down to time for doing them, I feel like, oh hell, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to be doing that. And what the hell was I drinking when I said yes to that? Well, the truth is you wasn't drinking, you was just thinking that you said yes, I need to say no, which ironically, I'm going to toot my own horn here right now. There's a customer, or a potential customer, at Bentley Saloon that he approached me last year about doing a custom order for him. He has a muscle car, a race car scenario, and he sent me this really cheesy, awful quality photo and said I want to turn this into a shirt and he gave me all the ideas and things that he wanted to go with it and he told me what he wanted for shirts and you know, and I said you need to do at least 25 and he said I'll do that and we go over all the details and I said as soon as I can, I'll work on it, but I'm on the road. It didn't take very long for him to start questioning me, asking me when things are going to be done, as I'm telling him that I'm not going to be around for it, and he begins to harp on me about it and then, much like today's conversation, you sit around and watch and I watched for over a week at an event how he interacted with other people. I watched how he approached people. He had this, this. I guess he still has this. You know, some would assume fancy, expensive motorcycle. I've seen enough. It's just another freaking designer, imposter chopper. Like get over it. You paid 50 grand for it, it's worth five, it's okay. And uh, people look at it and go over and he would just shoo people away and be rude and peel out and just kind of talk down to waitresses. And I just watched him be a real dirtbag and I was like I don't really want to work with this guy, I don't really want to associate myself with him. And I asked around about him and I got nothing but negative opinions and reviews. And I actually had one person I trust say to me dude, you don't want to do any work for that guy, you're going to regret it. Well, I stopped responding and this year, just the other day, he came up to me, approached me and he said you know who I am? Do you remember me? And I said, yeah, I do. You want me to do these shirts for your muscle car? And before he could even begin to blast me because he wanted to, I said I got to go up front and just apologize to your face. He's like what? And I was like I didn't get a chance to do it and now I can't do it. What do you mean? I said I'm sorry, I apologize, but at this point I'm just too big and busy to do small custom orders like that. I can. I'm only doing orders that are major bulk orders over 100 pieces, and even those I really don't have time to do them this time of year. So it just became too difficult for me to do that job. I should have told you sooner, but I apologize, I can't do it. And he said well, I came out to give you shit, but it is what it is. And he turned around and walked off. Do I like turning down money? No, but was that going to make me money or was it going to make me a hassle? Was it going to keep me from being productive? Was it going to rob me of self-esteem and self-confidence? Was it going to distract me from taking care of my own business products? Absolutely, I needed to say no and I need to get better at saying no. It's okay to decline requests that are not in line with your boundaries or that you don't feel comfortable fulfilling. That goes for business decisions. That goes for personal relationships. Communicate your needs and boundaries assertively. Be clear and firm about your expectations. I'm not clear enough about this shit, man. I'm too vague on certain things and I walk myself into a dark dungeon by doing that, and that's one more cause for concern for me. These are my own notes of me, highlighting things based off of my research, that I need to get better at. I got to say no and I have to put my boundaries out there and I need to communicate them and be assertive about it. I'm too much of a people pleaser, nice guy, and I've got to stop Seeking support and reevaluating. Talk to trusted friends or family, sharing your feelings and seeking advice can provide perspective and support. I've done that this week and I actually had to have a conversation with Allie where I said, man, I feel like maybe I've done that this week, and I actually had to have a conversation with Ali where I said, man, I feel like maybe I've overstepped and I've said too much to certain people, so be careful of what you do with that. But it is a necessity to get some of those things out in the open, to see like you're almost pulling the audience and how other people feel about things that are going on around you before you approach the person that you need to talk, to Consider professional guidance therapists, counselors. They can help to navigate complex emotions and relationships. You know for me I'm leaning into people that I trust, but you can seek professional help on that. Re-evaluate relationships If you feel consistently taken advantage of in a particular relationship, it may be necessary to re-evaluate the dynamics and consider whether it is healthy to continue. All the things that we're talking about you can have conversations. It starts about you know those I statements. It starts about acknowledging those things, setting expectations, setting boundaries. When you're doing those things, you're working on that relationship, you're communicating. I highly wholeheartedly recommend you do those things first. Give it that benefit of the doubt. If it doesn't work out, if they continue to show themselves to you of being the person that you don't want them or that you can't afford them to be, if they are a one-sided individual, then reevaluate the relationship. It may be necessary to just move on, continue without them, to cut it off. Some of the consequences of feeling taken advantage of as we said earlier mental health challenges. Man, when you are being taken advantage of, it can lead to anxiety, it can lead to depression because we bottle these things up, we don't talk about these things and that can eat us up, man. It can rob you of your own self-confidence. It can build difficulty in trusting others. Past experiences of being used can make it difficult to trust in future relationships. If we start thinking about, just like your personal relationships with a significant other, if you have been misused, taken advantage of, cheated on when you go into that new relationship, if you bring that baggage with you, then you're going to manifest and create that baggage in your new relationship. You need to drop that shit off at the baggage claim before you get into a new relationship. The same thing goes in these situations, whether it's business, whether it's business, whether it's personal, whether it's work whatever. If you're being taken advantage of, you could leave that situation better yourself, remove the negativity but find yourself in a new situation with new opportunities, but taking that past experience with you and that's gonna rob you of future opportunities because you're going into things acting as if you already are being taken advantage of or you're going and assuming somebody else is preparing to take advantage of you. That robs you of your freedom and your opportunities. It can result in reduced job satisfaction and productivity. It can result in reduced job satisfaction and productivity. Feeling undervalued at work can negatively impact your job satisfaction and overall work performance. Me right now, processing and going through what it is that I'm going through, I got to a point of realizing man, I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be involved in this. I'm no longer looking forward to things that I used to cherish. There's things on my calendar that were my favorite things of the year to do. There's things on my calendar that I came up with, that I designed, that I helped partner with to make great things of right Things that I look forward to, that I cherish, that I'm excited about. I'm looking at them now and saying to myself I don't want anything to do with that. Literally, my excitement has been robbed from me. I no longer want to do some of the things that I used to look forward to. Based off the way I've been treated as of late, I don't want to participate in some of the things that I used to look forward to. That's just way I've been treated as of late. I don't want to participate in some of the things that I used to look forward to. That's just one example for you guys If you're feeling undervalued and you're at work and they're not appreciating you. You feel like they're taking advantage of you. It's going to negatively impact whether you even want to be there and it's certainly going to hinder your performance. Then comes the financial strain being exploited financially can lead to increased debt and financial inability. Right now, for me, I'm discussing with you business relationships that I might need to remove myself from. By doing that, it is going to place a major negative hole in the finances that my business depends on. That's going to create some instability. But sometimes you have to make those big, bold decisions to create big, bold, beautiful opportunities. By acknowledging your feelings, communicating your needs, setting boundaries and seeking support when needed, you can protect yourself from being taken advantage of and improve your overall well-being. For me, I've been analyzing these things. I've been feeling a certain way. I begin to trace the steps to track the history, to peel back the onion, to dig beneath the layers, write some of those things out, think about some of those things. Do my research, understand questions, to ask myself, to identify if I'm being taken advantage of and then outline actionable steps on how to move forward, how to save a relationship, how to communicate what to say those I statements, to set boundaries. To be clear, what to say those I statements. To set boundaries, to be clear and assertive in doing those things, to make no exception to the limits that you placed on your time, onto your emotional support, to stand steadfast in your beliefs. Doing all those things. I've done all of that and I've outlined all of that for you in hopes and effort that if any of you are struggling or feeling a little depressed or feeling a little anxious and you start tracing the steps and you start realizing you're being taken advantage of, then today we outline questions for you to ask yourself, to identify if it's true, are you being taken advantage of? And, if it is, if it's true, are you being taken advantage of? And if it is, do you cut bait and move on or do you communicate and set boundaries and make a difference, make the opportunity, but don't go back on what you set for boundaries. Be assertive, tote the line. If they don't meet your standards, then leave them behind. That is what's on tap for me, man. What a well-rounded episode. Today we came into this sucker recapping our event week. We touched on some super highs, we discussed some lows and we went every which way you could go discussing being taken advantage of outlining how to identify it and how to overcome it. I think, boys and girls, this is a well-rounded episode. If you enjoyed today's show, please share it with someone you know and help it blossom and help it grow. You can find all things podcast related at wwwsharethestrugglepodcastcom. We are on all major podcasting platforms. Thank you to all of our new listeners over the past few weeks. Thank you to all my day ones, my loyal ones. I appreciate you. Please, please, please leave a review, share the show, please, push, follow and help it grow. I appreciate each and every one of you. If you're looking to have a little fun, you can find me Friday night at Bentley Saloon doing a tattoo contest with my man, tommy Tattoo of Tommy's Tattoo Supplies. Tommy just happens to host two of the largest tattoo conventions in all of New England. Actually, I think Tommy's April convention is the top five largest conventions in the world. I'm also going to be joined by some super awesome guest judges. Chad Chase, the man behind Venom Inc here in Sanford, is an unbelievable artist, arguably Maine's best tattoo artist. He's incredibly talented. And Jimmy Snaz, fresh off of Ink Master. Jimmy Snaz has a tattoo shop in Salem, massachusetts, royal Street Tattoo. He was a contestant, a finalist on Ink Master. I think it was season 13. He actually goes down in history as a winner because the show was closed due to COVID, but he would have won anyways. That's our guest panel of judges Three great dudes. I'm your host. Come on over to Bentley Saloon on Friday. I think that starts at three o'clock. We're going to have a great old time and then on Saturday, the old, long awaited tradition continues. I believe it's year 13 of me hosting the pinup contest for Bentley Saloon. That's when and where you can find me, and next week you can hear it all over again, with the recap and letting you know how it all went, where did we finish and what did I do Until then. I thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your filthy hands, you filthy savage. That's it and that's all. Biggie Smalls, if you're a Loud Proud American and you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American. And you find yourself just wanting more, find me on YouTube and Facebook at Loud Proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it. If you're a fan of the Graham Cracker, you want to find me on Instagram, or all the kids are tickety talking on the TikTok. You can find me on both of those at Loud underscore, proud underscore American. A big old thank you to the boys from the Gut Truckers for the background beats and the theme song to this year's podcast. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can track down the Gut Truckers on Facebook. Just search Gut Truckers. Give them, motherfuckers. A like too. I truly thank you for supporting my American dream. Now go wash your fucking hands, you filthy savage.