EP 74 | Stephanie's Story: How Confession, Community, And Courage Broke Alcohol’s Grip

Some stories find their turning point in the unlikeliest moment—like a hungover Sunday when a single sermon about confession cuts through the noise. That’s where Stephanie’s path shifted from white-knuckle control to honest surrender, and the difference changed everything.

We walk through her early years in Wisconsin where football and drinking were inseparable, the college chaos that ended in a mandated detox, and the AA meeting that cracked denial. Then comes a quieter chapter and a slow slide back through “sophisticated” wine culture. She describes the hidden labor of moderation, the work events that exposed the gap between her values and her actions, and the shame of representing faith in public while self-destructing in private. 

If this story resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review to help more people find a path to freedom. 

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Stephanie Ziebell is a wife, mom of four, and the Chief Legal Officer of a financial institution, who once believed she had to “hold it all together” while privately struggling with alcohol. Her recovery began when she stopped asking if her drinking was “bad enough” and started listening to what God was asking of her.  

Connect with Stephanie

Instagram and Facebook: @radiantinbattle

About the She Surrenders Podcast:

On the She Surrenders podcast we are talking about women, faith and addiction all on the same platform. There are many podcasts for women and sobriety, but very few for women seeking information and stories from others about faith-based recovery.   

Help us reach more listeners: like, subscribe, review, and share. 

Find us on Instagram @shesurrenders_sherry, on Facebook @shesurrenderssherry, and online at www.shesurrenders.com. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Because of the end. Now, on to our guests. So welcome back to the She Surrenders podcast. And today I have Stephanie with me. And I met Stephanie through the wonderful world of Instagram. And her account caught my eye, Radiant in Battle. And I thought that can only mean one thing. The radiance of God shining through in her battle. And of course, it was about recovery. And so I invited her to come here and tell her story. So here she is today. So welcome, Stephanie.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Hi, thank you so much for having me. Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

So Stephanie comes to us from Wisconsin. And besides talking about the weather, which we all do this time of year because it's just cold, um, we talked a little bit about faith and recovery. But like I said to Stephanie, here we just like to share our stories of how God brought us through. So with that, I'm gonna hand it over to you, Stephanie, and um yeah, share your story with us.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Well, thank you for the opportunity. I appreciate it. Um, I'd like to share my story because I can't imagine that uh I'm the only one who was going through what I was going through for so many years. Um so my hope is that my words will find somebody uh who is struggling and give them some hope. Absolutely. So my story kind of starts uh at a young age. Uh I feel like alcohol was sort of um always part of my life growing up. Uh, you know, we were Catholic growing up and we didn't go to church regularly. Uh, but I I would say that faith was a part of my life. You know, I prayed every night and um it was something that we talked about, you know, as a family, but alcohol was also a part of our family. Every gathering, um, it was, you know, packer parties, that that's kind of a thing in Wisconsin, obviously. So every Sunday we'd have a packer party, and there was always drinking there. Um, so it wasn't really anything that was foreign to me. So by the time I got to college, I felt like I had some good experience with it. And then matched with the freedom that comes with, you know, a being a college student at one of the biggest party schools in the nation. Uh, I got into, yeah, I found myself getting into a lot of trouble. Um and I knew that there was something different about my relationship with alcohol than what I could see around me. Like, yes, everybody that I spent time with drank and partied, and it was kind of out of control. But at the same time, there was still something different where I never ever wanted the party to stop. And so, you know, we would be out, and my roommates would be ready to go home, and I'd give them all a hard time. Um, I would, you know, keep the party going as long as I possibly could. That was always part of my relationship with alcohol. I loved the feeling and I never wanted it to end. And then I also had much worse hangovers than all of my roommates. Um and so eventually, you know, it got to the point in college where it was negatively impacting people around me, my relationships. Um, and so I ended up going to a detox facility in Madison, Wisconsin. And it was at that facility that they brought in, you know, people from the outside to have an AA meeting there. How old were you? Uh, I was 22. I was a senior college. Yeah. Did you go on your own? So I didn't know the the the detox facility itself was mandated. I had to go there. I was technically in custody because it had been this, I want to say that their reason was that it was my second interaction with the Madison Police Department that involved alcohol. And so for that reason, they they took me to this detox facility where it honestly felt like I was in prison. It was very scary for me. Um, but it was also not, you know, I wasn't confined to a cell. There wasn't, you know, a nice seating area where you could talk with other people. Um, and so it was sort of a combination of, you know, feeling like I was in custody, but also feeling like I was there because they they knew they saw something like this girl needs some help.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

And I could sense that. So I was I was open to it at that time. It was like I've I've gotten in enough trouble here in college that now I'm in this place. And what really got my attention there was seeing the people who were in their 50s and 60s who were struggling with alcohol. And I remember feeling like that's gonna be me if I don't do something different. So I was open to, you know, I was reading some of the literature that they had there on, you know, addiction. And then they had this AA meeting that you weren't required to go to. Um, but I did. And it was kind of like, you know, light bulbs went off when I was in that meeting and I could hear some of the stories people were telling. I was like, oh, gosh, that sounds an awful lot like me. Um and so it was sort of the first time where I realized that I wasn't truly alone, that other people had a different relationship with alcohol. Um and after that incident where I was there and um I, you know, I ended up graduating from Madison and I was getting ready to go to law school. After that event, I did I didn't drink until I got to law school in and I remember the date, it was August 31st. Um, so I had gone the whole summer without drinking, and then I got to this new environment in I went to law school in Toledo, Ohio, and I drank one time there, and it was bad because that's how it always is when I drink. Um, and then after that, I stayed sober all through law school and did really well in law school and um got some good internships.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Did you think about it a lot? Did you think about like I'm not drinking, this is great, or I'm so glad I'm not drinking, or how much longer am I gonna go? I wonder if how long I'm gonna do this. Yeah, so like a non-thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

It wasn't a non-thing. Um so I wasn't around it much anymore. Ohio is different than Wisconsin. That was one factor is that in Wisconsin it feels like everything revolves around alcohol. And it wasn't necessarily the case in Ohio. I met, you know, new friends and they didn't really seem to care about you know drinking. So I joined a bowling league with one of my friends, and I don't think he ever drank um while we were bowling. It was just kind of like a just wasn't as prevalent, I would say, in my life, but I was also very busy too, um, going to school. So I spent a lot of time alone, like in my own apartment by myself studying, and then I'd go to class, um, study more. And so I think I kept myself really busy also. Um but I do remember thinking that, you know, because before I left Madison, I I went to a few more AA meetings, and I had I had this this sense, like this feeling in law school, like I'm not drinking, but I don't know if it's really gone forever. Um, because I I didn't feel like I did all the things I was supposed to do. You know, I didn't complete all of the steps. So I think in the back of my mind, I sort of thought, either I'm not doing this right, so it's not going to stick, or I also may have been thinking that was just a college thing. And maybe, you know, maybe someday I'll be able to, but not right now. I I know I can't right now. I gotta focus on law school, but maybe someday, you know. Yeah. And so I I kind of didn't shut the door completely. I think I it I knew that it wasn't good for me at that time in my life, and I didn't want to start drinking again, but um, I also I feel like I kind of left the door open, like maybe someday.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Maybe someday.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

I didn't really embrace any kind of like sober lifestyle. I wasn't going to any kind of support groups um while I was in Ohio. I just focused on school, sort of kept my mind off of it, I think, just for that period of time.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

And it sounds like you were very career-driven. Like the lawyer path was very important to you.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yes. Yeah, I definitely always wanted to be a lawyer. And I did realize that because I partied so much in college, I don't think I didn't get into a lot of the law schools that I wanted to go to. And I'm really happy that God led me to Toledo. And I feel like it all worked out well. Like he really did make something beautiful from, you know, the mess that I made. Um but I I did recognize that, you know, and so I think in my head I wanted to be the best. You know, I knew that I had the ability, I knew I had the intelligence. Um, and I wasn't working at the time, so there was really no excuse for me. Like all the time in the world could be devoted to school. So that was my focus. And I did, I graduated in the top of my class, and um it, I feel like it it worked out well. And um, I was able to move back to Wisconsin then and I had to take the bar exam. Uh, so then I was focused on that, and I found a job while I was waiting for my bar exam results, um, working downtown Milwaukee for a large bank. And I ended up getting the results while I was working there and started applying for other jobs um because it was just a temporary role. And I feel like I got my dream job. Um, I was looking at companies I wanted to work in-house and not work at a law firm. And that's kind of a hard path to get into. Um a lot of people would love to have that, but it it is hard because there's not as many openings as there are at you know all these law firms. Right. So thankfully I got into a company and it's still the company I'm at today. Um but that's kind of where, you know, once I got the job and I got married, um, started having kids, that's kind of when, you know, the story goes back a little bit. And I feel like I regress um when it comes to my relationship with alcohol, because that's when life started to get a lot more stressful. You know, now I'm working, um trying to manage a house, and there's just, you know, volunteer stuff coming up here and there. There's just, you know, a lot more, obviously. Um, and so I started kind of listening to those lies again in my head that would say, well, maybe now you're old enough, or maybe you're more mature now. Um, so I think it kind of just started with, you know, a glass of wine here and there, which in college I never drank wine. Like that was not on my radar at all. And so it felt different. I think it felt like this is sophisticated.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah, this is adult drinking.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And I just I kind of just fell into that trap, just thinking, like, okay, well, that wasn't terrible. I guess maybe I maybe I don't have a problem anymore because it had been so long that um it didn't feel like it came, you know, it didn't come back like, oh gosh, I'm having all the same problems that I had years ago. This is obvious that I shouldn't be doing this. It it was kind of, I don't want to say that I managed it perfectly because I could still tell. Like I had to work extra hard to try and keep things under control. I still knew I wasn't like other people. Um, but I felt like I was doing a pretty good job of controlling it. And that was that was my goal. How can I best control this substance so that I can keep it in my life? Because apparently I need it. Um I don't know why I thought I needed it, but at the time I really felt like it had to be a part of my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

It's kind of funny what we can account to as a um as an accomplishment worth money, you know, like plays well with others, manages alcohol well, you know, um, all the things. But I was curious. So um, and you're really so you didn't drink, you know, all those years and got married and had kids. You know, I'm sure at some point your fiance and then husband said, you know, you don't drink. What's the deal? Did was he alarmed when you started drinking?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Um it always worried him. Yeah, he's so we dated in college and all and all through law of school. Um and so he has been one person who's always known what I know. He he can see it. I think he knows me so well that he just, you know, he he can see when I start drinking because my voice changes or my eyes look different, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

That's scary. I got one like that too.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah. And so that was a struggle, you know, in college because he would try to help me see that. And my roommates saw it as your boyfriend is controlling and doesn't want you to have fun. But I knew, you know, that he genuinely saw that this this substance is not good for you. Um so yeah, I think he loved that I didn't drink, and I think when it slowly started coming back in, he was very nervous about it and worried. And um he's just always showed me so much grace though, and that that I feel like has been huge on my journey because if I think if he would come down, if he would have come down on me hard, it probably would have pushed me further away and into that darkness. But I feel like his grace that he always showed me was what I needed to pull me back in and remind me like this is not who I'm supposed to be. Um but yeah, I so I I think it it was definitely something that alarmed him. Yeah, but he handled it, I think the best way he could for me.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Right, right. Well, so yeah, like we were talking about, um, they know when you're you know, they're just your person, and they can be your person on both sides of it, you know. So that's a blessing.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, I guess um after I want to say it was probably my my oldest son was born in 2015. Um and so the drinking probably picked up the most after I had my third and fourth child. Um they were born April 30th of 2020, twins. Um I, you know, I obviously I didn't drink through any of my pregnancies. I am grateful that mentally I was able to rein it in then. I think for me, those pregnancies, it was all about just got to get through the nine months and then you'll be able to again. Um and that made it easier versus I understand the concept of quitting drinking forever is very scary and it's hard to do that. But for some reason, at least for me when I was pregnant, it was like, okay, well, there's a clear endpoint. So yeah, but it's always mind-boggling to me when I think about it. It's like I made it those nine months during, you know, a very difficult time for many people. Um, late 2019, early 2020. There was obviously the pandemic, so much going on um in the world. I was trying to homeschool. I don't know, my other my boys, I think they were, I want to say like four and two at the time. Maybe five and three. Yeah, I did. Um so yeah, that it was a very, very stressful time. Made it through. Um, the twins came early. I was diagnosed with severe preclampsia. And so I had to deliver by C-section, and they were delivered on April 30th, 2020. And I'm pretty sure it was May 4th. I was drinking a margarita. Um, uh celebrated my, I think he was turning three, my three-year-old's birthday. And um, I remember, yeah, drinking margaritas because it was close to Cinco de Mayo. And then that summer it was just, you know, I was on maternity leave, everything was shut down, and that's when it really kind of started going downhill. Um and after that, there was, it was mostly work events where I would drink the most. And I, you know, I spent so many years uh creating this persona of, you know, I'm the general counsel of my company, and I don't drink. And then all of a sudden I'm at these events and I'm out all night, you know, partying with the salespeople, not showing up the next day, that will draw some attention.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Um, which it did.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

And uh again with the opposite. Like you are partying, and then all of a sudden you quit drinking, and then you're just kind of AWA, which that's what it was for me, you know, like at all the social events telling people we need to stay out later, let's go one more place, and then all of a sudden I wasn't. So yeah, you were doing it the other way.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

So yes, yeah. Well, and now I'm I'm back to the, you know, I just disappear at the end of the night. Um, but it's much better than waking up in the morning and having people say, Oh, I'm surprised you're alive today. Yes, yes. Yeah. So I I think that was when I would say it really, and it it wasn't um, it was probably like 2022 when that's that really started. Um and I felt like I was back in college again. It was like, who am I? What am I doing? Like um, and there were multiple events where it, you know, I just wasn't showing up the way a general counsel of a company should be. And I've always been very open about my faith with people too. And so that deep inside was worse. It was like, you know, how are you representing Jesus to all of these people? Um, you're kind of making it look like a joke. Uh and so that I internalized that a lot. There was so much shame. I just got to the point where really, you know, hated myself. And it wasn't, it wasn't like I'd wake up after a bad night and just be like, oh, you know, the usual, how did I do that? That was really dumb. It was just a constant, like, I just gave up. I thought this is how I'm always gonna be, you know. I just felt like a failure. Um the the turning point at least one of the turning points in the Journey was sitting in service on a Sunday, and I was hung over. And my pastor was talking about the importance of confessing your sins to one another so that you can be healed. And that message just really hit hard because he talked about the power of confession and how it brings healing. And I felt like in that moment, like I was at such a point where I'd given up, I didn't know what to do. It felt like, oh yeah, that's right. God can still heal me. Yeah. I just need to do some work to get there. And and what it sounds like you're telling me is that I need to confess this whole thing to someone, which is scary, but he put the person in my head. And uh I just felt like I I I need to talk to her. And it was my friend Jody, who's our executive pastor. And I just felt like, all right, I guess I'll try that and see what happens. Um and so I did. I sat down the next week and told Jodi everything, and um it, you know, my life didn't change immediately overnight. I I feel like that um when I talked to her, you know, from the point that I talked to her until I actually quit, you know, there was still a lot of struggle in that. But when it got to the point where I was finally ready to say I need to change, she was the first phone call that I made. And I just said, you know, she knew everything. She knew the story, and I didn't have to explain anything. I just said, I'm at a point where I need help, Jody. And she immediately connected me to a Christian counselor and then helped me find my celebrate recovery group. And I've not drank since that day, and that was um July 26, 2023. So I do credit the whole transformation to my initial confession to her because it brought her in. Um and and it just made the healing possible, I think, that God had in store for me. It didn't, like I said, it didn't happen overnight because there were things that I needed to do as well.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Um so first of all, congratulations.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Amazing. And I love how God had you in the chair in the seat you needed to be to hear that message. I've got a couple people in my life that have it's been through a message, through a sermon that um has brought them to that place of surrender. Um, the it's time moment. Um, and I love that you reached out to a pastor because there's not many of us that would do that um or feel comfortable. Is this someone you were already close with that you had a good relationship with?

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah, so we were in a small group together. That's how I got to know her. Um and that, you know, it was interesting because our our small group was a place where every Wednesday we would meet, and it was an excellent group, but there was always wine at at the groups. Um and uh I had to get past that, you know, she's gonna know that all, you know, I'm gonna tell her that I'm struggling with alcohol, but then she's gonna look back and see all the times that I was drinking at our church group. And I feel like, you know, there's a potential that it creates like this mistrust, like I was lying in the past, pretending I was okay, and now I'm telling the truth. Um, there was a lot of those types of thoughts that went through my head. Or how are groups gonna be going forward? Because now I can't, you know, and I'm telling her I'm struggling with alcohol. I'm not gonna show up to the group and drink. So I'm putting a line in the sand. Is it gonna make everyone else uncomfortable? So many of those thoughts were going through my head, but I just felt so strongly like she's the one that God wants me to tell. I can't listen to all of these fears um because I just felt that that push from him so much that it was it was just so clear to me. Um so she was, I would say, a close friend. Um and that that in a sense also made it easier, you know. I knew that I I knew that I could trust her with it.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Right. How did um how did she react? I mean, as a pastor too, what was her, besides her reaction, which I'm sure was loving, and you know, I'm gonna love you through this and help what was her, I guess I want to say advice, or did she have instruction for you? Or um how did you leave it that first day?

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Yeah, so I think we talked a lot about, you know, why am I drinking? And I feel like that wasn't really ever something I had thought about before. And I had always just assumed, I don't know, I drink because it's fun. You know, and so that was what our conversation was more about, um, about the why behind it. And it just it kind of got me to a point where I started thinking about it more. Um and and that I think that in itself was something that is use, it was useful in that time period from the moment I told her until the time that I quit, because I started recognizing the reason more. Um oftentimes, like I would drink on a Friday night if my husband wasn't home. And I learned that, you know, it I wasn't drinking because it's fun. I was drinking because I felt lonely or abandoned. And so, um, or I was being, you know, it was maybe resentment, like I'm home with the kids and, you know, you're out, whatever, doing, you know, bowling or something with his friends or playing cards, whatever it is, you know, we all have friendships, right? We're allowed to go out and have relationships with people. But in my mind at the time, it was like, well, I'm gonna use it as a reason to drink. Um and so I think I just became from our conversation I, you know, that I had with Jody that first time, I started becoming more aware of what was leading me to it. Um, and like, you know, in our church groups, I think I was going towards the wine because it helped me to feel more comfortable um and to be, I guess, more open with the group. Um so that was a good awareness moment for me. And then just the prayer too. You know, she would um, I know she was praying for me, and then there were times that I would go over to her house and she would pray for me before the big work event. Um and I still, you know, I I look back on some of that and I have still questions to work through in my mind about, you know, the mystery of God and how things all work, because there were times where she would pray for me and then I would go to a work event and do the exact same thing that I'd always done, you know. I remember flying once to a work event and pretty much praying the entire plane ride there, and it still turned out bad. And so I kind of look back on some of those experiences and try to think about like, you know, what did I do in the situation that got in the way of God doing what he wanted to do? Yeah. So there's a lot of self-awareness in the whole journey as well, where sometimes we think, well, if we pray about something, God should just do it.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

And there's a lot of times where he's probably like, I would love to, but I need you to stop self-sabotaging.

unknown 30:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

And you know, trying to control things yourself.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

So or expecting him to do all the work, uh exactly.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Mm-hmm. Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

So when you did decide, when you called and said, I'm done, I need help, um you didn't go back.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

No, yeah, that was the last time. And you know, I guess for me it was just it was just a big culmination of things. You know, I had enough work events where I feel like, like I said, I wasn't showing up as the person uh I wanted to be, just for my company, but then also for God as a representative of somebody who claims to be a follower of Jesus and then shows up, you know, in a totally different way. I just had had enough of that. I was, I think I was just exhausted from apologizing to people too. I had to apologize to my boss that morning. Um, and I told him the truth. I said, I, you know, I've been struggling with alcohol my entire life and I need help. And so he was aware. Um I think yeah, it was just I was just ready. I I always hate to say, you know, you know when you're ready because I don't know if you're ever really, really ready. I think you just get to a point where you realize that you have a choice, you know, you can keep going down this path, but it's gonna lead to you know more darkness. Or you can choose a really hard path that is gonna look different. And in the end, it's gonna be a lot better. But it's gonna be hard at first. And so I I was just I think I was ready to accept, you know, the hard. It was like to me, it felt like I didn't have a choice in the sense that if I didn't take the hard path, my life would be over. I I had told my husband actually one morning when I was, you know, still struggling. I said, I think alcohol is gonna kill me. Um so for me it was, you know, it was enough for me, I guess. It was so bad that I felt like I didn't have a choice, but in the end, I really did. I mean, we all we all have a choice, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:46

We all have a choice, and we also it's really easy to stay in this um vicious cycle of disbelief. I don't know why it's there, um, because it never gets better. No matter what, it never gets better. And like with you, it might it might go silent for a while, might be able to keep it, you know, at arm's length from causing harm, but um it either always comes back, but never gets better. Right. I yeah, I you can or you can struggle with moderation, which you know, like we joked about in the beginning, like I was good at you know, keeping it under control, but that can't be a goal in life, you know. Right. As they're saying, you know, like alcohol is one of the worst things you can put in your body. Not that that would have been enough to keep me from drinking. I mean, honest in all honesty, but um to try and do something harmfully successfully is is about as, you know, backwards thinking as you can get. But um yeah, so but I do believe in, you know, when you know, you know. Because in your heart of hearts, I mean, I felt this way that no matter what I was doing, or no matter how long I dreamed, it was a dead end. It's going nowhere, it's going to end badly, and it's up to me how far I let it go. But there's another way, and it's gonna be hard, but that leads to easy, that leads to better, that leads to a much better life, and everybody's happier, you know, and nobody's mad at me all the time. And, you know, my relything just gets better. And that I mean, at least that's what everybody was telling me, you know, the the people that didn't know or other women, you know. We often say um when I talk to, you know, other women that their biggest regret is not listening to what other women told them, which was all true, you know, right? Like, yeah, because we're all so stubborn and we think that we're gonna be the one. We're gonna be the one that figures this out differently, you know. But if you're listening, you're not.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

You're so right. I I think too, we're you know, we're both bombarded with messages that tell us it should be the goal. Like you should be able to keep alcohol in your life. And so I I make it a point to show my husband every time we see an alcohol commercial. I always point out, you know, they're they tell you at the bottom of the screen, you drink responsibly. It's not on us, that's not our problem. We're creating a highly addictive substance that kills millions of people every year, but you drink responsibly, you figure it out. And so we take that on and we're like, yeah, that's what that's what mature adults do. We drink responsibly. I'm gonna figure out how to do that. And that's so unfair. That's such an unfair burden to put on yourself because it's it's very hard to moderate such an addictive substance. And so there's that too. I feel like we, you know, we all beat ourselves up because we had this goal in mind, but the world gives you that goal from the moment you can read, basically. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Someone asked me once, they said, Well, when did you, you know, like if you can't keep an eye on it, when did you know you were addicted? And I'm like, when it was too late.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

You know, when I first started having the thoughts, like, I think my drinking is different, or asked my husband, do you start thinking about drinking like way before the weekend? You know, and he's like, never. And I'm like, oh crap.

unknown 36:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

So, you know, when you realize you are thinking about them, I mean, you you can nip it in the bud much earlier, but when you have those thoughts, um, you better do some serious, you know, inner searching and take a good look at your drinking, you know, then because you have the opportunity to quit right there before you know there's that you do any more damage in your life.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Right. Because, yeah, to your point, it will get worse. It doesn't work better. It's not one of those things that gets better with practice. Yeah. It just keeps getting worse.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

It just keeps getting worse. Okay, one more question. Um, because I had the same, I had a couple incidents where there was um drinking at a church event. Okay. How do you feel about that? Should there be safe zones where you just don't have to worry about it?

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Yeah. So I've I've gone back and forth on this, and I admittedly still don't know exactly where I stand on it. Um, because a lot of the stuff that I put out on my Instagram page, you'll see says things like alcohol is one of the enemy's biggest schemes, right? Um he's gonna use alcohol as a weapon against you to keep you from fulfilling your potential. But at the same time, I know there is a foundation in scripture that talks about alcohol being a gift. Um, and so I'm sort of in that space where I'm trying to understand that and I'm learning more about that. Um and so it's hard for me to take a stance on it, but I do think that there should definitely be safe zones in the sense that like, I don't think alcohol should be available in the church building. I I really don't think it's appropriate for it to be there. Um and if there's going to be drinking in small groups, I think that it should be noted so people are aware. Um, because that's, you know, one thing. I feel like if you have someone in recovery and they're trying to join a small group, it it might be really difficult for them to show up to somebody's house that you know it's already someone they don't know, they're trying to get involved in a group, and then everyone's drinking. It's just a dangerous experience.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

So I think that's I totally agree. I and I'm not gonna say that, you know, it's not my call. If you have a small group and your whole group decides like we want wine at our small group, I can't necessarily think, say, I think you need wine at your small group, but I need to know when I whenever I'm going to any event, my mind needs to know ahead of time if there's alcohol there or not. I don't want to freak out anymore if it's there. I mean, honestly, I'm past that. But I still do a little head check. You know, so if it takes me by surprise about something I'm uneasy going to in the first place, it's not good. You know, I need to have my head on straight when I go into a boozy event, you know. You know, somebody might think, What, why not small group is a boozy event? Well, if you're in recovery, it's a boozy event. Yeah. That's all there is to it, you know. Right. So it's like if you're gonna, if I go to a book club and they're not discussing the book and it's all about the booze, I'm like, probably not my type of book club, you know?

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

I want I want to talk about the book, not you know, all the other stuff that gets loose lips when there's more booze passed around. So your taste, your, you know, what you expect out of events changes too. Like if you're in a small group because you want connection and good qualitative talk. I mean, sometimes you're not gonna get that, you know, if everybody's using passing the wine bottle around to relax more. And I know that's not always the case, but you know, I yeah, I feel like fair warning.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Right. I think, yeah, I agree. Just so that you know, going into it and you can make your own decision then. Um, because I I'm like you, I I like to know if there's going to be drinking there. So I can, you know, like you said, just get the right frame of mind. Um because I think for those of us who are in recovery, the relationship with alcohol is different. It's not, you know, for other people, the way I've been told, you know, if if you really have no issues with alcohol and you can take it or leave it, it's kind of like soda, right? Right. And so yeah, I would have no problem going to a small group and seeing everyone drinking soda. It wouldn't affect me. And I understand that that may be how some people feel about alcohol, but for people in recovery, it's I I mean, I just it takes even when it's there, it takes my mind away sometimes from where it should be. So I'll notice how much I was at an event last summer, and I just I couldn't help it. I noticed how much another person was drinking who was in my group, you know, because I can see myself in her and I'm like, oh, I know how that goes, you know. Yeah. And it just so it it has an effect on you, even if you're in a healthy stage of recovery, it just you notice it.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Yes, it's very true. It's very true. But the wins are so much bigger than the losses, you know. Like, yeah, I um someone just reminded me the other night of how um how I spoke about in a group about um vacations and getting up early and going to the beach with my little bag and my journal and my coffee while the world was still sleeping, when usually I'd be in bed till like, you know, noon and drag myself to the pool for, you know, and start all over again. And how much did I really get out of those vacations or those trips? And I loved the reminder of that because yeah, it's just a better way to live. And I do feel sorry for people that stay stuck because there is so much more to life. And maybe, you know, for some people it's a choice and it's not a problem, but um it takes a lot of reframing thinking and reminding yourself of how good it can be. Right. Quality time with your family too. Yeah. Because I just had a busy one.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Yeah, I do. We just yeah, we just took the older boys to Mexico, and that was my I think that was my first really, you know, sober vacation. And yeah, I I'm just so happy that I was able to experience it that way. Um it I don't know, it's yeah, it's just the I guess the things in life that you know you just pass by too when you're drinking. You don't realize how much of a gift it is every single moment. And I feel like just being able to be sober during that entire trip, I was really able to take in every moment, just be thankful. And so I often feel like, you know, those of us who have experienced the dark side of drinking and are now free from it, like we are so blessed because we have a different view on life, a different view of the world that nobody else can get. Like you can't get you can't get this type of perspective unless you actually walk through the valley and come out. And it's a really cool perspective. I'm so grateful for it every day.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

That's a that's beautiful. It's a new appreciation for life. And I feel like good words to end with. So thank you so much, Stephanie. Um I have a feeling a lot of women are gonna resonate with your words and are gonna want to know more. So we'll have all your information too about how to find you in the podcast notes through your account Radia and Battle. And um I think it's wonderful what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

Yeah, kingdom work at hand there, my friend. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you found encouragement and inspiration from what you heard here. If you know someone who could benefit from the She Surrenders podcast, please share it with them. Let's spread the word about the miracle of faith-based recovery. Don't forget, like, share, subscribe, and leave a review. Because when you do these things, it helps get the message to those who are seeking answers that can only be found when we put down our addictions and pick up the promises of a whole new life when we walk in recovery with the Lord. Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you next time.