http://www.sherylkline.com/blog
Have you ever had an important conversation or interaction, and left the room (or Zoom:) feeling like you didn’t have the impact you’d hoped for? Maybe you flat out bombed the opportunity (I think most of us have experienced that at some point!) If so, you’re definitely not alone, but let’s make sure it never happens again! Your voice matters, and you deserve and need to be heard.
The entire process is outlined in my Limitless Leader course, but here’s a great place to start, with preparing your mindset. Permission to be transparent? If you don’t believe in what you have to say or you are unclear of the outcome you desire, then it will be difficult at best to influence others.
While the 7/38/55 rule of communication states that only 7% of our communication is perceived by our words, 38% by our tone, and 58% by our gestures (1967, Albert Mehrabian and his colleagues at UCLA), is debatable, one thing is for certain. Your tone and gestures matter, a lot.
Why is this important to you being able to have the most impact in your conversations or presentations?
Because it’s very likely that what you are thinking will come out of your mouth. If you doubt your ability or you doubt that your idea will be well received, you’ll likely sound doubtful. If you lack confidence in yourself or in your words, you likely communicate that in your tone. If you’re angry or annoyed, that will likely come across as well.
What’s the big deal?
As humans, we tend to mirror others. The double whammy is that we want to feel safe. Safe in our decisions and in whom we trust and believe in. It’s challenging to be confident in someone who is not confident in themselves. If someone doubts themselves, we are more likely to doubt their idea, intention or ability to execute. Finally, if someone is angry or annoyed, it creates separation and pushes others away which is not conducive to making others feel safe or wanting to stand with us or our ideas.
The good news?
You can take the first step to take control of your impact is to optimize your mindset. You can do that by building confidence and making others feel safe prior to your next crucial conversation. The best place to start is by asking yourself an interrogative question. According to Daniel Pink in his book To Sell is Human, interrogative questions are SO much more powerful than affirmations.
Here’s why...
An affirmation is a declarative statement that we may or may not believe, such as "I am capable of delivering a powerful and compelling pitch." It’s positive but weak. It doesn’t do much for helping us to believe what we are saying is true. Of course, it’s better than having a negative dialog, but not internally convincing.
An interrogative question challenges us, and we are likely to defend ourselves. For example, switching the affirmation above to "Are you capable of delivering a powerful and compelling pitch?" is likely to trigger your memory to the last time you had a success. So, our response is a resounding "Yes! I sure am capable of delivering a powerful and compelling pitch! I just did one last week." It forces us to come up with proof, and affirmations do not.
So, the next time you have a crucial conversation or presentation be sure to get clear on your desired outcome and ask yourself an interrogative question, so you can believe in yourself and your words. Your belief in yourself and the outcome you desire as well as helping others to feel confident and safe is the first step to being heard and valued.
Cheering you on always!
-- Sheryl