Struggling With a Peer Causing You to Lose Influence with Leadership?

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Have you ever felt like a peer was quietly (or not so quietly) blocking your influence with leadership?

If so, you’re definitely not alone. And when it happens, it’s not just frustrating… it’s costly. Costly to your confidence, your credibility, your career momentum, and the business itself.

What makes it even harder is that this behavior is often driven by fear-based leadership or narcissistic tendencies. When someone feels threatened, they may try to limit your visibility, exclude you from conversations, or position themselves as the gatekeeper to leadership.

It is not a reflection of your capability or value.

Why This Matters So Much

When a peer blocks your access to leadership:

• Your ideas don’t get heard
• Your impact gets diluted
• Key relationships don’t form
• The organization loses out on your expertise

The good news is there’s a proven process to address it.

Imagine for a moment if that same peer became someone who supported your ideas, amplified your voice, and saw your presence as a win for them (not a threat.)

That shift is possible.

Here’s How:

1. Develop Strategic Empathy (Your Mental Preparation)

Before engaging with a difficult peer, most people are already frustrated—and understandably so. But going into a conversation with that emotional charge puts you behind the starting line. Why? Because those emotions will likely come out in your tone, body language, and gestures.

Instead, I recommend developing what I call strategic empathy, rooted in an ECO Mindset:

• “E”mpathy – What pressures are they under? What might they be afraid of?
• “C”uriosity – What do they perceive as a win? What do they need to feel protected?
• “O”ptimism – How do you want this interaction to turn out?

This isn’t about excusing poor behavior or being naïve. It’s about showing up with confidence and compassion, rather than frustration… which rarely gets us where we want to go.

Your tone matters more than you think.

2. Practice Gratitude

This may sound counterintuitive, but stay with me.

Instead of resenting the challenge, try saying (even silently): “Thank you for the challenge to grow my influence.”

Gratitude brings perspective.

Perspective brings calm.

And calm leadership is incredibly persuasive.

If nothing else, it brings a little levity to a heavy situation, and that alone can change the energy of how you show up.

3. Learn, Then Plan (Especially If You’ve Been Excluded)

I’ve recently seen several clients purposefully excluded from meetings both in-person and virtual. And while that never feels good, it’s important not to judge the situation, but to observe and learn from it.

Ask yourself:

• Why was it important for me to be in that room?
• Why might they have chosen not to include me?
• What relationships or perceptions were at play?

From there, you create a plan (or what I often call a mini campaign) to ensure next time is different.

That might include:

• Proactively building the relationship with that peer
• Making your value to the meeting visible before it happens
• Helping them see that your presence actually benefits them

When someone believes it’s good for them that you’re in the room, the dynamic changes completely.

You Can Reclaim Your Influence

If a peer has ever caused you to lose visibility, impact, or influence with leadership, please know this:

• It’s a real challenge.
• And there is a proven process to move through it.
• Develop strategic empathy.
• Lead with confidence and compassion.