Gaming & Such….

What’s preventing me from counting sheep? Gaming! Yep, it’s happened. I’ve become a GAMER! Hey, it happens to the best of us! I discuss losing track of time and being sucked in to the life of a gamer.

I also talk about not judging a book by its cover and giving people the benefit of the doubt. 

Lastly, I discuss the fact that strangers tend to tell me their stories. I listen. You never know when people just need an ear? Someone that to vent to. I don’t mind being that person. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Good afternoon. No, not good afternoon. I'm all backwards because it's like midnight, it's after midnight, so technically it's morning. Anyway, so good morning, good afternoon, and good evening to everybody out there, whatever time of day it is for you. I hope it's good. I hope you're doing something you enjoy. Um, if you're at work, I hope you like your work. I hope you enjoy where you are working. And if not, well that sucks. Um, but hopefully you'll have a good day. It'll go by quick, and before you know it, you will be doing what you choose to do, which I hope is listening to my podcast. I'm noticing more and more people have somehow stumbled upon this crazy podcast. Um, and I'm noticing there are some people who have listened to me more than once. In fact, there is uh there are like three people who have been listening to me pretty much since the get-go, and then there are like three people who have listened to like half of my podcasts. So unfortunately, um a lot of people have only been listening to me a couple of times, and then I'm not their cup of tea, which I get because again, I am not uh this is not a professional studio quality podcast by any means. I am talking into my cell phone. I'm literally doing this from my cell phone. Sometimes I'm outside, sometimes I'm indoors, and so that's just not what everybody wants, you know. Most people want a quality, you know, podcast. They don't want to hear all the crap in the background, they don't want to um, they don't, they want things edited out, they want things, and then plus I'm also just doing audio. Um, I don't have a podcast that you can actually see me, so like on YouTube. So that also deters some people. Although, trust me, you don't want to be staring at this face. You do not want to be looking at this face while you are listening to this podcast. As it is, I already have a weird voice. I don't have some soothing, calming voice that just lures you in. You know, I don't have like a come hither voice. You know, on Friends, where uh Monica, no, Phoebe, Phoebe gets a cold and um she feels like she has her sexy voice. So then when she's singing in the cafe, she's like smelly shoes, or not smelly shoes, stinky shoes, my stinky shoes. Remember that episode? And then uh when her cold goes away, she tries to get Monica's cold because she wants to have her sexy voice back. Yeah, I still would not have a sexy voice. Um my mom used to crack me up because she used to constantly tell me that my um fiance had a sexy voice and she just thought it was the sexiest thing. Um he's actually been told that a couple of times, and I feel like an asshole because I laugh every time someone says that, and he's like, um, thanks. And I'm like, it's not, I don't, I'm not trying to say you don't have a sexy voice, but like, but I don't feel like it's a sexy voice. I mean, I'm not saying, you know, he's not or these sexy is just I think a fun I don't know. I'm not saying he's not attractive or any of these things. It's just sexy. I'm not sexy, you know. That's why, again, I don't post my videos up because and also, again, you guys, I would have to use my selfie stick, walk around, and then that's more like if I'm like walking around while I'm recording myself doing a podcast, um, people aren't gonna want to watch that. They're gonna want to see me sitting down and doing a podcast. So this is not everybody's cup of tea, for sure. It's a whole big backwards thing, and half the time I'm mumbling about nonsense. I literally am rambling, like my title says, ramblings of an insomniac. So I'm rambling. I mean, right now I'm sitting in a living room, um, not even my living room, and uh it's a little after midnight, and I'm yammering on into my phone. Because I thought, why not? I'm awake, right? Um, so that's what I'm doing. I hope that you guys are, if you're supposed to be sleeping, I hope you are. I hope you are counting sheep. I hope you are having good dreams, I hope you are sleeping peacefully. If you're at work, again, I hope that uh I hope you're having an excellent day. So uh what has been keeping me up? What is currently keeping me up right now? Uh well I'd say Red Bull, but it actually does not keep me awake, nor does coffee. Coffee I drink because I like the taste and because it calms me down. It makes me calmer. Um, always has. Um my grandma actually used to let me drink coffee when I was younger. She'd give me just a teeny little bit of coffee with quite a bit of creamer. Um, and I I liked it even when I was young. So um actually, to be honest, what was keeping me up is this game I've been playing. And I usually start it pretty late at night after I've worked and achieved things. So it's not like I'm, you know, sitting there and not accomplishing stuff. It's not like I don't clean my house or have a job or anything like that. This is after work, after I've taken care of things that I'm supposed to take care of. Then I've been playing this game called Planet Crafter, and it's pretty freaking awesome. And I've been playing that. So um, what was keeping me up? Gamer. I'm a gamer. I don't know if you guys have seen the episode of Big Bang Theory where Penny um gets lost in this game. I don't remember the name of the game, but you could be like a troll and you could be all these characters, and she gets so into it that she forgets what day it is, she completely loses track of time, and then she ends up not maintaining herself. She gives up her hygiene, she like doesn't shower, she's got Cheetos all over, she doesn't brush her hair, and she just gets completely immersed into the gaming world. I honestly can see how people do that when you find a game. I used to play roller coaster tycoon. Again, if you have not played roller coaster tycoon, totally should. If you're not if you have not played Planet Crafter, you totally should. Good games. Um But you absolutely can get addicted. Um if you find the right game. I used to laugh when people would talk about, you know, being gamers or playing games. I was like, okay. But um, yeah, yeah, I can't talk. Uh when you find the right game, you absolutely can get absorbed. And that's what happened. I mean, not completely, but the first time I ever played Rollercruster Tycoon, I hate to admit this, this is really embarrassing, but any gamer can say, yep, yep, yep, yep. So I sat down, played Roller Crusher Tycoon, and you know, I looked at the clock before I started playing, and uh next thing I know, I look up and like two and a half hours went by without even like I I'm not joking you when I say I felt like maybe a half an hour went by. I'm not even kidding. I thought I thought, oh, probably a half an hour, maybe 45 minutes tops. No, two and a half hours. And I was like, what? And then I would go up and go to the bathroom, get something to eat, you know, mess around with my dogs, blah, blah, blah. Then, you know, take them potty and stuff, and then I would start playing again. Next thing I'd know, three and a half hours has gone by, and I'm like, what the fuck? Three and a half hours? I've been playing this game for three and a half hours. There's no, what? Is the house burning around me? Have I, what has happened since I've been immersed in this game? But honest to God, it does happen. And people think that you would never do that. You're like, I would never do that. No, no, no. Um, again, I'm not saying to do this while you have, you know, children running around and they're awake or you have obligations. This is after you've, you know, your kids are asleep, or if you don't have kids, or after you've, you know, taken your dog's potty and fed everybody and all of that. But you really can play games for long enough, especially again if it's a really good interactive game. And you will blink and you will think that you've only been doing it for a half an hour, and then boom, suddenly you're a gamer with Cheetos all over your face, your hair all crazy, and you don't even know what day it is. I mean, I haven't done that. I really haven't, because I no, but it could happen. I could see how it could, especially if you don't have a job. I'm not saying gamers don't have a job at all, because that's the other thing. People make fun of gamers, but there are gamers that literally make millions of dollars. Millions with an M people. Um Shaquille O'Neal, actually, I don't think he still does, but has actually done some um casting, some announcing, I don't know, not sports announcing, but sports casting, I guess you'd call it, for um for games. He has done it, I think, for Counter-Strike. I can't remember if it was for Counter-Strike or or what it was for, but um, you can make some really good money like playing Counter Strike and playing dojo. I think no, d it, what's it called? Damn, I forgot. Anyway, there are games, a lot of games that people make good money playing. So just throwing that out there. Just saying. If your parents are like, you can't make money playing games, you can actually. So that honestly is preventing me some from sleeping. However, that said, I stopped playing and I am wide awake. Um I'm I've just always been this way. I have my brain since I was a kid just doesn't shut down. I usually don't get tired until anywhere from like midnight to three in the morning. That's just how I am. I've always been that way. Um I don't know. So that's on my mind. Gaming and the fact that if your parents ever tell you you can't make money playing games, you tell them, Oh yeah, check this out, and then you show them some Counter-Strike people and different gamers that have made money. You can also make money doing casting. You can even cast games and make a good hunk of change, and they'll even pay you to go to different countries to do the casting. So there you go. You're welcome for all the kids out there playing games whose parents may tell them, hey. But then I'm sorry for all the parents out there that I just gave that information to. I'm not saying you should sit there and play games all day. Again, this is you know, after school, after homework, after being outside and you know, being in sunshine and all of that. Then, if it's okay with your parents, play games. So, what else? Um, I had uh made myself a little note on my phone to talk about something, and now what was it? Was it mindset? Was it motivation? What the heck was it? Frame of mind, mindset, shoot. Well, anyway, I was taking a little walk at night through the neighborhood of the people that I'm dog sitting for, and I could hear the crickets and stuff, but I felt so weird because again, it's in a neighborhood, and I feel like when you're out walking at a certain time of night, people are like watching you, which again, I think that's great because neighborhood watch, and I'm the same way. I keep a close eye on who's in my neighborhood because you want to know who is normal. You want to know who belongs here, as in who lives here, who has a house here, who maybe visits. Because people that don't live here, people that you don't see all the time, you want to keep an eye because you're like, okay, why are they here? Are they just here because they're just walking around, checking the place out, going on a walk? That's fine, cool. Are they here? Like, why? You want to keep taps because you just never know. So I get it, you're protective over people. I'm new, they haven't seen my face, but I'm I like to go out and get fresh air in the middle of the night. I like to go out and go on like a little walk and get some fresh air without looking like a creeper, without looking like I'm, you know, um casing, you know, neighborhoods or something. And so it's kind of a bummer because I don't feel comfortable doing that. I mean, I'm sure most people are asleep and won't even know that I'm out there, but everybody has security cameras and I don't want to be like turning on motion sensor lights because I'm walking through the neighborhood. I don't want dogs to start barking and me waking up people because I'm walking up the neighborhood, walking through the neighborhood. But at the same time, I'm like, so what am I supposed to do? Just stay inside all the time and not get fresh air because, or if I can't sleep, I want to go on a little walk without it being weird, you know? And maybe it's not weird. Maybe I think it's weird, and maybe everybody else, again, is just sleeping and is not even gonna freaking know. But I read too much into it. That's what keeps me up, is that my brain, once I start thinking about something, I go down a rabbit hole. And then it's a whole thing because then I dissect it and I take apart every little micro thing, and I'm like, but what if, but what if, but, but, but, but, you know. It's a problem. It's a real problem. I was just saying this to my friend. When my brain gets involved with things, nothing good comes of it. Honestly, my instincts are far better. Anytime I've ever started a new job that I've never ever had a background in, I've never, you know, I don't know what I'm doing, and I somehow get hired with no qualifications, with no experience whatsoever. And not only will I not have any experience whatsoever, but I usually get thrown into a job on like the busiest time ever. Um, so like I started working as a park ranger for, well, a park ranger's assistant. Such an awesome job. I loved that job so much. But um during our peak season, and I tend to very much be a sink or swim kind of person. I'm the type of person where if I learn how to swim, you just throw me into the lake, and if I swim, it's either I die or I swim. And that's just how I am. I'm so much better under pressure. So if I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm not thinking about it, and I just go by my instincts, so much better. The minute I have to stop and think about something, oh God, I will overthink that issue to death. I am much more of a, I just need to react. I just need to react. I just need to go by my instincts. And if I'm in an emergency situation, again, I'm at my best because I don't think about it. I just start seeing what needs to be done and do it, you know. Um so my brain just goes down these rabbit holes of things, and I it just keeps me up. And it could be the stupidest things. It doesn't, I'm not saying that I lay there thinking of deep topics and like, you know, the meaning of life. No, I could be thinking about something so insignificant that's not a big deal, and I don't know, but my brain will go off on it. I hate it the most though, when you get a song stuck in your head, but you don't know like any of the lyrics except for maybe like a couple of words, or maybe just the chorus. Maybe all you know is just the chorus. But with me, oh no, no, it's like fucking five words and or maybe a sentence if I'm lucky of the song. And I will get that one sentence of that one song in my head, and it will just go over and over and over, and nothing I do will get that song out of my head. And again, it'll be like a couple of the words or like a sentence of the song, uh, and it just will not get out of my brain. It'll, it's like Chinese torture. It is so annoying, so obnoxious, and it just no matter what I do to sidetrack myself, it won't get out of my brain. I will close my eyes, and that is all that keeps popping into my head is is, you know, that one line of that one song. And no matter how much I try to get another song in my head or just something, some other thought into my brain, nope. My brain is held hostage by this one repeated thing over and over again. It is like purgatory and it's annoying. I say it kind of like I'm joking or not, but it really is. It's like a a purgatory thing, and it honestly keeps me awake. I don't know. I've had so many jobs where I have worked swing shift, and again, I loved it because I would get off anywhere between midnight and like two in the morning, and I would have like a half an hour drive home, and I loved it. And the grocery store stayed open at that time, 24 hours, so I could just go pick up a couple of groceries, go home, and I could go grocery shopping when like nobody was there. I had the place to myself. It was fantastic. I lived in a tourist town, and so getting there, you know, being there in the middle of the night was great because all the tour most of the tourists were gone. And so it was great. And then I could get some sleep while my kids were sleeping and get up, take them to school, come back, sleep while they were at school, um, pick them up, and then I would go to work. So um I just I wish, and at that time I had three days off, so I had three days to spend with them and um in the mornings, you know, I'd have the morning time with them. But anyway, point being, I'm sure you all just nodded off. Um, hello, I'm still here. I'm sorry. I'm being really boring right now. I need to spice it up. I need to like, I need to spice it up. I should not do podcasts when I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna talk about. These winging podcasts, the things, the podcasts where I rewind again. This is why I need to do podcasts where I actually have a plan and I have a set topic. Instead of just pulling things out of my arse, it doesn't really work, at least not today, because I am all over the place and I'm getting so sidetracked. And I'm boring right now. I mean, probably not right now. I'm probably boring all the time. But let's see if I can zess things up a little. Maybe I should just start making things up, you know what I mean? Making up these like extreme crazy stories that happened to me. Be like, I couldn't sleep because a tree fell on my roof. And it fell and I was in the house, and it almost fell um in my living room. It fell in my living room, and I had just left my living room and I had just gone to bed, just gone into my bedroom, and then boom, tree fell down through my living room where I almost where I was and I almost died. I don't know if that's an exciting story or not, but I should start making up things just to spice it up. Start being a liar, just start lying, and you know, you guys would never know. I could just start making up these crazy stories, and you would not know if it's true or not. But I can't because again, I would feel so guilty. I'd be like, I cannot lie to people. I can't make shit up. Which brings me to there are a lot of people, a lot, a lot of people that I was thinking about a couple of things. Um, a lot of people, um, influencers and just actual normal people that aren't influencers but get on Facebook and get on social media and make posts that the to the outward to the to everybody, they look like they have this perfect life. They look like everything's great, they're happy, not a care in the world. They are, you know, they love their life, they have a good job, they have a good family, their marriage is great, you know, everything is just hunky dory, and it's like Snow White, and birds are singing around them all the time, and wildlife just comes up to them. But behind closed doors, people have skeletons. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And my friend and I were talking about this. You know, a lot of people think that because someone's wealthy, because someone lives in a big home, that their lives must be perfect, or because someone is a celebrity, you know, because someone is famous or has a lot of money, that their lives just must be full of like a Disneyland all the time. It's just like Disneyland, and it's just, you know, they're shitting rainbows and they have the best. marriage and the perfect children. Their children are beautiful, they're good looking, they're intelligent, they're they're, you know, clean and organized and they don't get into trouble and they, you know, just all these things. And they have a perfect marriage and they hardly ever fight and they're, you know, they're charitable. But behind closed doors, we don't know. And it seems like people that have their shit together the most behind closed doors are the most that have a lot going on. They have a lot that they're dealing with. And sometimes the people that seem destitute or that look at maybe they don't have the best clothes, maybe they don't seem, you know, maybe they don't have the best job and all that. Sometimes they're the happiest and their lives are great as far as, you know, their marriages are great and, you know, their family is great. Their kids, you know, and their mom and dad, their kids all get along. Everybody gets along and sure, you know, people fight once in a while. I'm not saying that they don't ever fight, but you just never know. You can't judge a book by its cover. You don't know what people are dealing with. And there are some people that will put a smile on their face and refuse to let others know that they're struggling. They don't want to ask for help. They don't want to let people know that they don't, you know, that they're not perfect, that they do cry sometimes, that they do bury their head in their pillow and scream sometimes, and they don't always have their shit together. And sometimes they too struggle with insomnia because they have a lot on their plate and they're stressed. And some people just don't show it. They put on a happy face despite it despite everything they have going on. I try really hard to you know again I said this on my last podcast if I um accidentally I don't know cut someone off in traffic and someone gets overly mad about although that's not a good example because cutting someone off in traffic is really annoying. But let's say I use this example before but it's true. Let's say I'm in a grocery store and I accidentally you know run into someone someone else's cart with my grocery cart and someone just gets kind of over the top angry about it. Maybe they just have been dealing with a lot of crap. Maybe behind closed doors they are really struggling and they have so much on their plate and me bumping into them was just the straw that broke the camel's back and they lost it. I'm trying really hard to just not take things personally because we don't know. I know that I've had days where I have um taken things out on others and I didn't mean it. It's not who I am I'm not a bad person. I'm not a mean person but I had a bad day we all have days we all have times when we are going through a lot of shit and at least we're not out um unaliving people at least we're not addicts at least we're not abusing our children or our spouses you know so if us yelling at a stranger one time that happens you know sometimes we lose our shit as in sometimes we yell at someone sometimes we you know call someone a name and flip someone off doesn't make us bad people we're just we some people don't want to take it out on their children you know their family and their friends so they take it out on a stranger I've had people perfect strangers come up to me when I have said hi to them. They're like hello and they'll ask me a question like hey do you know where the I don't know I actually had a gentleman asking this this is a true story for real. I'm not making this up like I said I would make up stuff to have people listen to me. This is a true story. I was um at a store and I was looking for some dog food and I was looking for a particular type of dog food and um this gentleman's like I am also looking for dog food and he's like what are you looking for and we were kind of comparing notes and and why we were we were just got on the topic of dog food and how it's good to spend a little more on dog food because you know you don't want crap in your dog food and sure it's expensive and you can't really afford it but it balances out with veterinarian bills because they have better health. And so anyways we got to yakking and then next thing I know this person is telling me a lot of things a lot of personal things and um and he said you know it was weird I've been going through a lot lately and I was not really in a good mood today and I didn't really feel like talking to anybody but I really had to go out and get dog food. I was out of dog food and for some reason I just started you know when I asked you you know what dog food you were looking for and to see if you could help me find the dog food that I was looking for there was just something about you and I didn't mean to start telling my life story to you I just felt comfortable I felt like I could and I said well you can I'm glad you felt comfortable I'm glad that you felt that way because I don't mind and I've had people tell me that before and I'm not saying this in a bragging way I'm saying this because sometimes my kid so my kids used to always be like mom why do you do that? Why do you let people just tell you your life story? You stand there and you listen to them. You have things to do you have better ways of spending your time don't you need to you know go somewhere don't you you don't want to sit there and listen to perfect strangers life stories and have them dump all your crap that's who wants to do that and I'm like because what if all that person needed was just someone to listen what if they don't have family what if they don't have a spouse what if their spouse and family members they can't vent to right now because maybe everybody's going maybe someone passed away and you know venting to their spouse is hard too because they also miss the person you know they're grieving as well you know you can't tell your kids because you're the parent. You don't want to tell your kids stuff your kids aren't your counselors you're the parent you don't dump out your problems on your children and maybe your spouse is grieving too so you just need someone anybody you know maybe your family's far away and you just you know just for some reason right that moment you just needed to get it off your chest I don't mind being that person you know I don't yes there are times when I'm in a hurry and it's not necessarily convenient and yes there are times when I'm also kind of going through stuff and I'm kind of cranky or I'm tired and I don't feel like listening but I do because I what if again that person's just like God I just want someone could someone please just let me vent can I just get this off my chest so I do you know I've had um some friends that I rarely rarely rarely talk to but we occasionally still talk on Facebook I have made it clear that people can message me and then if they want my phone number they can call me in the middle of the night or text me in the middle of the night if they need an ear and I've had people take me up on it and it's been in the middle of the night and again I look at it like if they felt that they need to talk to me if they really needed that person to where they genuinely took me up on that well then okay you know and I know you can't always be there for people and you know sometimes you got to put your own self first and definitely put your family and friends first but um I'm not gonna give my number out to a stranger of course I'm not gonna give my phone number to a stranger I'm not gonna do that but I don't know I just know that sometimes I just want someone to listen. That's why well I started this podcast originally because my mom and the stuff that she was going through during COVID with um the rules and regulations and policies of um the state of Oregon and our then governor um Flush It Down Kate Brown. And I couldn't stand the way that the policies were especially with regarding um memory care and what my mom was going through in memory care during COVID. But I also started this podcast because I just could not sleep and I had so much on my mind and I was like there's got to be people out there whose brains are going a million miles an hour and just need someone to talk to or want maybe they need to hear me and the stuff I'm going through and maybe they can relate you know and maybe not maybe you listen to my podcast and you're like Jesus you really are just rambling and it's nonsense and you're boring and I can't see you. You're not doing something that can see you and I can tell that it's poor quality and I don't like the poor quality and I don't like that you're rambling and you digress and your voice isn't sexy. And that's okay. I get it. I agree I agree with all of those things. I don't even know how anyone's been listening to me more than once I genuinely don't but man do I appreciate it. I so so genuinely appreciate everyone that's been listening to me whether it's once or since the beginning all of them well let's face it I do appreciate much much more the people who are listening to more than one episode. I appreciate the people who have listened to one episode I do but I'm not gonna lie I am even more grateful I'm even more thankful to people who have listened to me more than once so you rock give yourself a pat on the back we all need that pat on the back sometimes you know there's nothing wrong with an atta boy and at a girl there's nothing wrong with someone I was looking through my pictures today. I like photography I've always been into photography and I was looking through some pictures today and I was like wow damn that is a really fucking good picture and then I was like wow that was conceited and I was like you know what no it's not I can be proud of myself you know it's one thing to be full of yourself but proud what's wrong with being proud I've never understood why Americans aren't allowed anymore to be proud why can't Americans be proud of their country but everybody else is allowed to be proud of theirs why can people from every other country wear you know a sweatshirt or a hat with their country's flag on it? Why can they sing the anthem of their country and say how great their country is and people go yeah that's awesome be proud of your country way to be proud of your country way to show pride way to show patriotism for your country but then if American does it they're like fuck you America fuck you why why can't I love my country? Why can't I have a flag my flag flying from my porch and saying I am very proud to be an American I don't understand why and I also don't understand why I can't be proud to be a woman and proud to be white and proud to love my president why are these shameful things I can't help my race I didn't make me white I was born this way why does everybody else get to be proud of their heritage except for white people I don't get it have you noticed that you're not allowed to say I love being white I'm proud of being white you can say I'm proud of being black I love being black you can say I'm proud to be Cuban and Hispanic and Latino and Swedish but you can't say I'm proud to be white it's weird. I don't know but again I love uh I think I'm a pretty freaking good photographer um there are things that I am proud of myself and I don't see anything wrong with giving ourselves a little pat on the back once in a while you know that's okay so right now give yourself a little pat on the back I love on way back when Saturday Night Live used to be good and funny way way back in the day like old school like in the 90s um and it's like Jack Candy I'm good enough I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me the self-affirmations self-affirmations are okay why not be like damn I'm good or dang girl you're good looking shoot sometimes what's wrong with loving yourself and thinking that you're pretty I mean it's a much much better message than saying mutilate yourself if you don't like yourself go ahead chop off body parts inject yourself with irreversible crap what's wrong with saying no I'm proud of who I am I like who I am whatever happened to born this way and you know teaching kids to love the body that they came in why are we teaching kids to alter themselves if they don't like themselves to be someone else I mean when you're a kid isn't that just called pretend make believe can't they just pretend to be someone else? That's what I used to do. I used to pretend to be a cowboy I used to pretend to be a princess I used to pretend to be a mom I mean I used to pretend to be a lot of things. I didn't go try to get surgery to become those things I didn't go do life altering things. I mean sure sometimes I got into my mom's makeup so I could pretend to be an adult sometimes I smoked pretend cigarettes because back in the day we had candy cigarettes and you know I did that but I didn't go and you know ask my mom to chop off body parts and then have my mom and parents encourage that I don't know why parents are encouraging children to harm themselves and alter their bodies before their brain is developed why can't they just be children? Put on some dress up clothes and then when they are adults when their bodies are fully fully formed and developed then if they still feel that way do a lot of research figure out the side effects do your homework and then if that's what you want to do to yourself hey you do you Scotty P that is up to you wow that took a turn didn't I we went from one thing and then we went down a whole other woo a whole other direction. But again with this podcast I talk about everything that keeps me up and then sometimes I digress and we go into a lot of different topics. It's a roller coaster with this one minute you're laughing next minute you're about ready to fall asleep the next minute you're awake and your heart's racing the next minute you're pissed off you know you just don't know you could cry it's like Oregon you have all the seasons. Well in this podcast sometimes not all the time but sometimes you might laugh you might cry you might get angry all at once who knows again I keep you mentally um sharp because you never know what you're gonna get therefore you have to have mental fortitude in this podcast so it keeps you strong you know if you can keep up with me then it is like doing calisthenics for your brain so I'm keeping you strong listening to my podcast listening to the ramblings of an insomniac will keep your mind top notch or it'll help you fall asleep. I don't know or give you something to laugh at who knows for whatever reason you're listening to my podcast if it's to fall asleep if it's to make fun of me and use me to laugh at and think I'm ridiculous okay if you're doing it because you just genuinely think that I'm interesting that's awesome. For whatever reason you're listening I love it. Even if it's to make fun of me that's okay at least I'm providing entertainment you know shoot just kidding I need to do something to make me tired though uh read I don't know I've been watching Cougartown if you have not watched Cougartown good stuff love documentaries love all kinds of stuff I get really deep diving into lots of documentaries been watching things on bees a lot of beehive videos these days I go from watching beehive videos to a lot of fighter jet videos love watching fighter jet videos again see my mind goes all over I'm like one minute I'm watching makeup tutorials next minute beekeeping and bee rescue bees are very very important and I highly highly suggest people learn about honeybees honeybees are crazy crazy important to the ecosystem honeybees are sweet little things I used to work with a kid who was petrified and he's like six foot three big old kid built like a brick shithouse and he would scream like a little girl come running inside because he was petrified of a honeybee a honeybee you guys don't be scared of honeybees come on they're so great please please please don't kill honeybees we need them it's so important but I've been watching these honey bee rescues and these people God bless them that are beekeepers and they go around rescuing beehives and bees and I just love it. But I'll be watching those and then I'll watch fighter jet videos and I'm like yeah America America fuck yeah and then so I'll be all like all jacked up on America and like want to just snort lines of America and like red white and blue and be like yeah America red white and blue lines and then I'm like watching videos on um makeup so and then I'll go to photography and then I go on walks and you know it's a whole thing I got going on up here. So I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what your day looks like I don't know if your brain is all over the fucking place like mine but if it is I'm sorry. Um it's hard. It really is when you've got a brain that just never quits it there's a lot of sleepless nights. That's just it and you want so badly you think every night if I just lay here if I just lay here I know I'll go to sleep. If I just lay here long enough I know I'll go to sleep. And I do it every time and they tell you every single thing I read if you honestly cannot go to sleep get out of bed. Get out of bed go to a different room because your brain starts associating if you can't go to sleep and you lay in bed and you continue to lay in bed while you can't sleep your brain starts associating your bed with the place that you don't sleep. Your brain's like oh bed the place that I lay awake oh bed the place that I don't sleep and my brain goes this is where we uh think about things. So you're supposed to every time you can't sleep you're supposed to get up and go like to the couch or go to any other room and do something other than lay in a bed. So go for a walk or sit on the couch or sit in the middle of the floor but just don't be on your bed. And then the minute you actually get tired enough or you feel like you're gonna fall asleep then go to bed because then your brain will start going oh bed is for sleep. We do go to sleep here because you're tired. Got it bed equals tired bed equals sleep. And then when you wake up in the middle of night if you're kind of just a little bit tired and a little bit as a little bit awake okay try to go to sleep. If you're still feeling like you could go to sleep then stay in bed. If you're feeling like there's a chance that you could go back to bed okay lay there. But then when you're feeling like you're too restless and you just can't you gave it a good shot and you still can't get up so that your brain again starts disassociating your bed with being awake I'm not good at that I know because I still after fucking 50 some odd years of lying here in bed not here in bed I'm not in bed right now but lying in bed thinking that I'm gonna go to sleep and I never do I need to in the times that I actually get up and go sit on the couch and like try to read a book I start nodding off then I'm like okay okay now I can go to bed. It does work a lot better so but again if my podcast helps you fall asleep then hey that's okay I'm cool with that so anyway these are some things on my brain these are some things that are keeping me awake I don't know anyway uh what else do I got what else I don't think I have a whole lot so it's probably a good place to stop again. My podcasts sometimes are boring. Sometimes I'm yelling and screaming sometimes I'm crying sometimes I'm doing all of the above you just don't know that's why it's great to tune in because you're just like what's Courtney gonna do today sometimes I'm gossiping about neighbors and gossiping about people. You just don't know sometimes you tune in because you get juicy little tidbits about you know things. I don't know. You just don't know that's why it's great to tune in right I'll try to do cliffhangers and stuff too try to keep you like be like so oh my God you guys this amazing thing happened. You're never ever gonna believe it. Tune in next time I should start doing stuff like that, you know Anyway, thank you so forkin' much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just thank you times a thousand for listening. I know that you have a lot of other options. I realize there are 48,000 podcasts out there, so why the heck would you listen to mine? But you did. So thank you. I appreciate it greatly. And remember to control the things you can and let go of the rest. Until next time.