A Lot Of Nothing…

I gotta be honest, this episode is a lot about nothing. I have crazy case of attention deficit. I am all over the place. Not to mention the fact, my nose starts running and I am out of breath. Sadly, this isn’t my FIRST podcast in which my nose is running and I’m out of breath. I am ridiculous. 

What am I discussing while chugging along up a hill? A lot of nothing. I talk about being sleep, multitasking, attention deficit, motorcyclists and life hack videos. 

I debated airing this podcast. Decided to go ahead, full steam. I started this as a journal. I said I would be me. I should edit. I should make this professional. But I started this as me just speaking into my phone, discussing things that keep me up at night. 

A way to journal my experience with COVID policies and memory care facilities. Nothing snazzy or professional. 

Well, THIS EPISODE is a great example of just how unprofessional I can be! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. How are you all doing this evening? Or again, whatever the case may be, wherever you are. I sure appreciate that you're tuning in. I've been seeing more and more people. I've got to be honest with you, there are some countries I have got to brush up on my geography. I am embarrassed. Like I'm sorry, I knew that there was the state Georgia, but I'm an idiot. A big old dummy. I graduated from an Oregon high school. But um yeah, I did not know that there was a country named Georgia. I'm sorry. I am a big old dummy, but I did not know that there was a country named Georgia. It's not because I don't think you're important. I just genuinely didn't know. Just like I'm sure that there are a lot of people that didn't know we had a state named Georgia. There are probably people out there that don't know that. It's okay. Um, but there are some countries that are tuning in that um I have not heard of and it's fun. And then I look it up and um I like to see the flags of everybody's country. It's pretty snazzy. So keep it coming. Keep it coming. I mean, it wouldn't it be cool if someone from every country was listening to me yammer on about nothing. I mean, that'd be pretty rad, right? I mean, I think so. So thank you for every single person that is tuning in now or later. Um, or I mean now or later. I meant now or since the beginning, I sure appreciate you. Um, asper the usual. I was gonna say as per the ush, and then I hate it when people oh my god, that scared the crap out of me. Wow. Wow. Next time you want to give people the heads up, god these fucking kids just I feel like an old person, but these kids just went whizzing by without even letting me know that they are behind me. I don't know if you heard that, it probably like picked up, but they went whizzing by on their electric bikes, not even saying, hey, by the way, I'm behind you, or um um didn't like give me the heads up that they were behind me and I was in the middle of the path because there wasn't anyone behind me until they were on their electric bikes, and there's no one in front of me, so in front of me, so I was picking up the entire path. And Jesus, like they seriously, you probably could hear it, did not say, hey, heads up or get out of my way or to the right or to the left, just fucking decided that I should be listening and move, I guess. And I have dogs with me. Um, and not that it'd be okay if they were my dogs, but they're not my dogs, so I really don't want someone else's dogs to be um, you know, hit by a bicyclist. So that's kind of frustrating, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. I just get really annoyed. I get frustrated when people like will. I get frustrated when people don't pay attention, you know what I mean? These younger whoopersnappers. I'm just kidding, like, no, I'm not kidding, actually. Do pay attention for real. I'm not kidding, actually. People gotta give you like motorcyclists. I'm sorry. I have to say this, it has to be said. There are all these bumper stickers on cars that are like, watch out for motorcyclists, watch out for motorcyclists. Okay, yeah, I agree. I think we should all watch out for each other, watch out for pedestrians, watch out for animals, watch out for other cars, watch out for bicyclists, and motorcycles. Cool, I'm down with that. That's groovy, do that. Like, I'm down, but also watch out because um, but also watch because motorcyclists watch out for motorcyclists because I'm sorry, not everybody, not all motorcyclists are like this, but it's getting annoying because a lot of people that ride motorcycle motorcycles. I'm sorry, I'm having issues today talking. I'm really winded. I've been going up way too many hills right now, and then decided that that would be smart to do a podcast while I'm like walking up hills. Because again, if you've never tuned into my podcast, you will learn real quick that I do stupid shit and I say stupid shit, and um you're gonna hear me panting and wheezing because apparently I'm not in shape. Goodness, and now my nose is starting to run. And then I pick these times. I'm like, you know what I'm gonna do while my nose is running and while I'm walking dogs and I'm out of breath. I know I'll do a podcast. But I do that because I genuinely am like, oh, I have time and I'm outside, and I always like to be out in nature and do a podcast, and plus it's multitasking because I can walk dogs and do a podcast, you know what I'm saying? So I do that, but then bad things happen because my nose starts running like it is. Oh, I think I might have a cleanup. Oh no, shoot, I threw it out. Son of a biscuit. Okay, this is gross. I have a fabric softener. Can I use that? Ugh, anyway. And then I get on and I do a podcast when not only am I sniffling and I'm panting, and you can hear the dogs and electric bikes whizzing by. Um, but I ramble like this. I'll like start totally digressing, rambling on about. Well, I wasn't really digressing because I wasn't really talking about something to begin with, so I have to really have to have to really have to. But then I do this. I stumble and I Kamala Harris and I biden out, and it's a whole ordeal, but yet does that stop me from doing a podcast? No. For some reason, I decide I'm still gonna go forward. Tally ho. So then I do. I go forward and we tally ho. But then I I end up snotting all over and wishing to god that I brought um some some tissue. Anyway, going forward, we are going to we're gonna power through, okay? If anything, we will persevere. Have you persevered yet? Are you still listening? Probably not, but for those of you that are still tuning in, first of all, hey, a plus plus, mental fortitude. You are an animal, you are a Jedi master. I have now uh decided deemed you Jedi Master. I know nothing about Star Wars, but I think that Jedi Master, you know, the master of the stuff, that's cool, right? I mean, you know, not master of anyway. That's a whole other rabbit hole. I'm not gonna get down. Point being, you're a Jedi. If you can keep up with any of my podcasts, let alone the ones where I am just literally rambling, clearly tired, overstimulated. Okay, gonna take a breath. I'm gonna pause it so I can possibly find some fabric softener to blow into. Do you guys need to know these tips about me? Alright, hang on. Sorry you guys. When in doubt, you can use fabric softener. At least the gain fabric softener because it's thick. It's thicker, so it can really hold that snot. I just need you guys to know that if you're in a pickle and for some reason, all you have is gained fabric softer. And I'm not talking like a ton of snot, like a lot, but in a pinch, you can give it a good blow and see, you learn something when you listen to this podcast. You get tips, you get life hacks. There you go. That's a life hack for you. I am so freaking addicted to watching life hacks though, but then there's those people that act like they're doing a life hack trick. You guys are gonna know what I'm talking about, those YouTube videos or Instagram, TikTok videos, and they lure you in and you think it's a life hack and you're like, yeah, life hack. Woo, this will be cool. What am I gonna learn? And then you're watching and you're watching, and you keep thinking it's gonna get better, and you keep thinking it's gonna turn into something. And then pretty soon she has you like putting tinfoil. This person, this person that does these videos, I swear it's the same one, loves tinfoil, and they will like roll up tinfoil around like um a sponge, and then they'll like put tinfoil, like seven layers of tinfoil, and then they'll like put toothpaste on it, and then they'll like squeeze some lemon juice, and then they'll like put some nail polish, and then they'll go rub some dirt in it, and then they'll like super glue toothpicks to it, and then they'll roll around some more tinfoil, roll it in more tinfoil, and then poke a hole in it, and then go, there you go. This is a air freshener or some bullshit. I'm not joking you for real. Her video or his, I don't know. It looks like female hands, but I don't know. Maybe they're feminine. I anyway, regardless, people know what I'm talking about. I swear people have come across these videos and they're so fucking annoying because you get sucked in and you keep thinking to yourself, surely this is gonna turn into something cool, right? Oh, surely this is gonna be like awesome, right? Like surely, I keep saying Shirley, I don't know why. And then it reminds me of the movie Airplane, which drives me batshit crazy. I can't stand slapstick. Slapstick stuff makes me nuts. Um, and don't call me Shirley, you know. Anyway, or it reminds me of Nick Shirley, who's cool, and I like that, but anyway, there you go. I digress, I do digress a lot, and there is an example, but you know, those videos, the life hack ones, and you think you're watching something cool, and you honestly are like, all right, this is gonna get good, this is gonna get good, and then you keep watching because now you're invested and you have to, and you feel stupid if you turn back now and you don't want to admit that you fell for it, and you don't want to admit any of that, so you just watch it, yeah. Anyway, um, so this is where you're um if you want to stop listening right now, might be a good time because this is probably gonna be kind of the whole episode, a little of this, little of that, all over the place kind of episode. Um, and I usually title my episodes um accordingly. So the ones that mention babbling or rambling or jibber jabber or whatever, I I want you to take that seriously. Don't say I didn't warn you. So this is your warning. I usually warn you by the title, but also this is your warning. If you want to bail ship, jump ship, bail ship, jump ship. If you want to bail, there we go, or jump ship. All right, I'm on it. Now is your time. Otherwise, woo-woo, party on. You're a woo girl. I'm a woo girl. Woo-woo! Um, and if you're a dude or non-binary or whatever you are identifying with, hey, welcome, welcome, welcome. It's a parte, it's a party in this podcast. You guys rock. I'm trying to be a little less loud. I'm trying to be a little less loud. I'm trying to be quieter because I'm on a path with other people. All of a sudden, everybody just like showed up. People are like, and boom, and now I'm surrounded by people. And originally there was no one. I'm disappointed, but that's okay. I don't own this place, and you know, not everything's about me. Dang it. I'm just kidding. I wouldn't want that. I don't like I'm so I'm gonna say I don't like attention, and then you guys are gonna go, uh, really, because like you have a podcast, and really, because you're on social media, and that is true. Here's what I mean. I don't like uh like if it's my birthday, detest, cannot stand. I would absolutely punch people in their throat if they did a surprise party for me. I'm not just saying it. I would, oh my god, it would piss me off, it would make me so uncomfortable, and I would not like it. Don't like birthday parties in general, don't want people to watch me open up presents, um, don't like things about me. Um, and then the podcast, like I said, originally I started because I wanted to get the my frustrations and just information out regarding my experience with COVID and my mom in memory care and the healthcare system and elderly and all of that. And then the world became incredibly, incredibly political. I became political because of the rules and regulations that went down during COVID. And so I admit I kind of was in and out of of politics really prior to that. And so I got pretty invested when I dealt with a lot of stuff. You know, when you're forced to deal with stuff, you get invested. And I wish, I wish that weren't the case. I wish I were, you know, at the times that my parents asked me to watch the news or when they had the news on. I wish I was a kid that paid attention. I wasn't, I admit it. I had in my head, I had better things to do. Um, and so I was big into writing in my journal. Not journal, I didn't have a journal, but I would write poetry. Did a lot of po I don't know why I said it like that. I don't know why I said it's snarky like that, because I think poetry's awesome and I used to write it, okay? And there's nothing wrong with that, it's pretty badass. So I don't know why I said it's snarky. I just meant like, you know, because I was a teenager and I was, you know, writing about stupid shit, I'm sure, because I was a teenager, but it's not stupid if it's your feelings, you know. Anywho, um, I didn't get into politics. There we go. I got back on track. Woo woo. Um, I think people should do a drinking. Well, no, I'm not gonna never mind, that's not a good thing to promote. But high five every time I get on back on track. Um, politics, I should have paid more attention. I didn't want to, but I should have. And now are you good, boo? All right, okay. Um, but now, you know, when I had to when it affected me, or what it always has affected you, it always affects you, even when you're a teenager, when you're a kid, it affects you because it affects your parents, and what affects your parents or your your guardian, you know, whomever you live with, it affects them, therefore it it you know affects you. So it's good to pay attention, and plus education is always good, so knowing is half the battle. So I paid attention and I started this podcast. Um, there we go, about attention. And I wasn't to get attention, that's why I didn't want my face. I did not want to put my face out there. I just wanted to get you know my opinions out, and then social media. Unfortunately, I really didn't want to, and I did, and then I took a long break, and then I did again, I took a long break, and I hate being on social media. I don't want to be, but unfortunately, it's the nature of the beast. If I want anybody to listen to this podcast, I have to do social media because it's the only way I'm getting traction. I don't have enough to pay for advertising and all of that. So, and so again, it's so so important to me that you guys pass on the word and tell people about me. That would be rad. Um, and you don't have to not tell you what to do, but thank you, thank you so much. Honestly, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart for everybody that listens. I know I ramble, I know I'm all over the place, I know sometimes I freak out and I scream and I yell, and sometimes I cry and I laugh, and I'm just a hot ass, I'm I'm just crazy. I get it. But yet, in spite of all of that, you listen and shout out to people that listened once, and shout out to those that have been here since the beginning. That's just badass, and I can't tell you how grateful I am. So, high five robot dance to you. Woo woo! Welcome to the party. So, attention, no, not into it. Um politics wasn't. I don't know what I was talking about though before the whole attention thing. Uh shoot. Um, I don't know. Anyway, I'll get there. I will. You watch. I'll I'll stop thinking about it and then and then we'll circle back to it. Um I I think I was just talking about people listening to this podcast and that I don't really have a anything I'm gonna talk about. No, I don't know. I'll circle back to it. But something though that's been keeping me up, another thing that has been on my mind, or something I should say, because I haven't mentioned anything that's been keeping me up yet, but something that's been keeping me up is this. My brain lately is out of control and I'm like I have it together, like I'm doing everything. It's just that at night, it's at night, my brain just all of a sudden, it's always been this way. It just I I've had a I've talked about this, I've had a swing shift position before, and it was perfect. I've been this way since a kid. I have always been this way. I have always just been a night owl, and my brain goes at night, and during the day when it's sunshiny, I'm that's what it see. The problem is during the day I'm relaxed, and during the day I am sidetracked, of course. I mean, this isn't a duh, but I love, you know, I'm calmer because I love nature and I love the sound of nature and I love being out in it. I love the sound of of things, and at night it's too quiet. Now, if I'm sleeping out at in nature at night, like camping, oh my god, I can sleep like a baby. I've pr I've been fortunate enough, very fortunate enough to have slept in the Himalayans, and I slept like a baby, even though I ended up getting um like walking pneumonia pretty much at the end of it, but um when we were doing our steepest climb and I got really sick. Then I didn't sleep, but um I've slept out in the jungle before, slept like a baby. So nature and nighttime, I can sleep. I just don't like the quiet. The quiet freaks me out, man. And I've tried quiet machines and all of that, and no. So my brain lately, I'm I'm I'm just I don't know. I'm so used to I like I said, I get four hours, and I've been this way since a child, so I think it's nothing new. The difference is when I was a kid, I think I talked about this, I used to sleepwalk real bad and talk in my sleep. I was just a freaking crazy pant, still am, just in a different way now. I don't sleepwalk anymore, nor do I talk in my sleep. Um, but those all stem from all kinds of issues that we won't discuss now. But needless to say, I did not always have the best of life. Um my wife has been pretty effed up. So I sleptwalk and talked in my sleep and all that good stuff, and um so sleep has never been my friend, is my point. And then I decided to do this podcast talking about my mom and that, and then I was like, well, you know, why don't I do it when I'm up? Because I never sleep, so I can do it at night, and that used to be awesome. I could sit out at night, listen to the crickets, sit on the porch, listen to the owls and the crickets, and it was pretty awesome. Um but I just man, I don't know. I come on guys. Um I can't really do that now. And so my brain is just like cuckoo bananos at night, and so here I am, walking dogs, and um, I mean it's not like late or anything, there's people out and about, but I just that's when I do these podcasts. So sometimes my brain is all over the place, and sometimes you're gonna get a podcast where it's like probably hard to keep up with. But I love people that talk fast. Oh my god, I can keep up with people like Ben Shapiro talks really fast and I love it because I absorb it. If you give me too much detail or you pause too much, I'm out, man. I don't need all the lipstick, I don't need all the makeup, I don't need the details, I don't want the details unless I'm like not even if I'm reading a book. I've just I've again I've talked about this on podcasts. I don't like, I've never really been a kid that like does imaginary stuff or likes imaginary stuff, which I know makes me sound like I just like science, I like um I hate things that are dressed. I love Halloween, but I don't like all of the characters at Disney that are gigantic bunnies and gigantic ducks and shit. That's like creepy. And I always thought that was creepy. And I don't like Santa and things dressed. I'm like, what the fuck? I just think it's weird. Never was into like fantasy stuff and like um. Magic, I would just try to dissect it and figure out how they're doing it. I wasn't fascinated by it because I knew it wasn't real. So I'm just like a weird science. I just want to I always question and go, wow, how does that work? My brain dissects things and tries to figure things out. I'm pretty, I like to be logical, which sounds like I'm boring and I'm no fun, because I do like to dream, you know, or like pretend is different to me. Like playing pretend or playing dress up, I think is awesome. Like if you're a kid and you want to play pretend and all of that and dress up like stuff, that's rad. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. And I liked, you know, um pretending to be a cowboy. I loved being cowboy um and playing. I'm sorry, but we used to say cowboys and Indians, which I know it now it's you know, cowboys, Native Americans. We at the time said Indians when we were kids because we were dumb. Um, but I really um have no problem with any of that. Of course, I just can't like shows and stuff. I just, you know, like I like myth busters and I like things where you're trying to like dissect things and figure shit out, you know. So point being, oh my god. Oh yeah, point being. So um I don't remember my point again, you guys. Honestly, I'm not high, I'm not drunk, I am just really, really, really um all over the place because my brain is looking at a million different things and I'm like overstimulated and tired, but um I just need to think of what the heck I was talking about so this entire podcast isn't just a crazy oh people that talk fast and stuff, yeah. So Ben Shapiro talks fast, and I just like to I can absorb things, I can absorb stuff when people just get to the point and not do you don't need to talk about, you know, explain things like my ex-mother-in-law, love her to death, God bless her, but man, it took her nine hours to tell a story about like a lamp that she got at a yard sale, and I had to hear about like every detail of every single thing, and it drove me absolutely bat bananas crazy. Not because she drove me crazy. Sorry, I'm running, not because she drove me crazy, but I can't, I am like crazy ADD, and when someone starts putting too much detail on something, unless it's like a crime scene, I know that sounds morbid, but like if I'm again, if I'm trying to solve a riddle, you know, solve a murder mystery, solve a crime, of course. I want to look around, I want to see what's out of place, I want to see what's different, what fits in, what doesn't fit in, you know, what belongs, what should be there. Like, give me detail like that, you know, if you're telling me something that's important, but I'm sorry, not that I'm trying to be a bitch and say that you telling me about a lamp isn't important, but I can't retain all that information. I will nod off. So if you're a fast talker and you are kind of not necessarily all over the place like Robin Williams or Jim Carrey, God bless Robin Williams, may he rest in peace, not being rude. I just he's all over the place. But like, who sorry, I am winded. Um, but he was also kind of they're both kind of all over the place, you know, and and there's nothing wrong with that, I just can't keep up with that. But I love fast talkers, I I can absorb it, I can retain it, I like it. But not everybody's cup of tea, so this podcast certainly, especially when you hear cars going by and me climbing hills and now I'm breathing heavy again. Whoo, I'm gonna have to pause. Too many cars. Oh my gosh, you guys. Oh, okay. So I just climbed a hill that I was like, I'm gonna be panting and sounding like an absolute idiot, but I'm still gonna do my podcast because I was like, you know what, this podcast is like my journal, take it or leave it kind of thing. And if you want to leave it, God knows, I understand. Don't blame you. I would too, um, if I were you. Oh, but if you want to stick around, um, man, I appreciate it because right now I just climbed a hill that was no forking joke. Holy sha poopy. Holy sha poopy, I am winded. But getting in shape. So, hey, that's amazing. Um, again, this is why I like um I like it when I get to go on walks at night. It makes me feel refreshed. I get kind of a little workout and then I can relax a little and maybe sleep. So when I get to do a little podcast and annoy you guys for a while, and I'm not just kidding, I don't want to annoy you. I hope I don't. I really don't. Um, you guys can email me at uh Ramblings of an Insomniac49 at Gmail. Ramblings with an S, so ramblings of an Insomniac49, that's 49 at Gmail. Say hello. Um But yes, anyways, this podcast was more of a hello, hi, checking in, nothing really important. Had something, I wanted something to do while I was walking. I'm just using you. I'm using you, and then it's a wham bam, thank you, ma'am, kind of podcast. I'm not gonna call you in the morning. I'm not gonna give you I'm gonna give you a fake phone number. I just gave you a fake email. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I appreciate you guys. I would not do that to you. But um I am gonna go so that I'm not panting anymore, and I really genuinely don't have a whole oh actually, I do have a little bit to say, and that is thankful and appreciative um of not only everybody listening, but um of my family and the support I have. I am so grateful and thankful for just support from friends and family and customers and um podcaster, I mean people that listen to my podcast, um, and thankful that I have a job um that I love, thankful that I am um I have shelter and food, thankful for my health. So I'm trying to always end this podcast with something positive, you know. That's why I try to say, remember the to let go of the things you um can't control and um and worry about the things you can. Um but I need to be a little more um encouraging, a little more supportive, a little kinder. I definitely feel I could be a little kinder, that's for sure. So I'm gonna work on it. I'm gonna work on being a little kinder. And if I have something that's bothering me, and if I have something that's on my mind that's political, that I'm politically charged with, you know, and I'm it's irking me and it's making me extra, extra, you know, bitchy and rude. I'm gonna learn to take a breath before I do a podcast. I'm not gonna lie or you know, I'm not gonna lie to you and say that I'm always gonna handle things appropriately. I'm not gonna lie and say I'm never gonna yell or be angry or be upset or frustrated. And sometimes I may not handle things well, I may not say, you know, the correct things. Um but I am gonna try to at least end with encouraging things or positive things. So um that is gonna be the things that I am grateful for. So thank you. I'm grateful for you. Thank you so, so much, and uh until next time.