No Pressure…

In this episode I discuss the fact it’s been four years since my mom passed. I am not crying or sad. Just discussing my feelings regarding that and COVID. I talk about policies put in place by Democrats I disagreed with at the time. 

I also peer pressure. People that do or buy things, simply because someone else said it was cool. I talk about followers and celebrities. 

What’s been keeping me up? People trying to convince others to do things they don’t want to do. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Rambling Sabin Insomniac. I am Courtney. How are ya? Howdy ho, neighbors. Um, I've been trying out like different ways of of my introduction, and I just don't know. I don't know what I should do. Should I like beatbox it? Except I don't know how to beatbox. I'm very white when it comes to that. I can dance though. Let me just tell ya, I can dance, all right? Because nobody puts baby in a corner. Anyway, hi. Uh welcome. Welcome, welcome. If this is your first time, I hope it's not your last. I hope it's the first of many. Although, since I still to this day do not have an intro or an outro, uh, that's kind of a pisser. I don't know. Maybe it's a pisser. Maybe you don't really care. Maybe I care more about the intro and outro than you do. Who knows? I don't know. Uh so yet again, I don't necessarily have things to talk about. I have some things to talk about, but also um it's not gonna be my entire podcast because I am trying not to make it a bummer of a day. But um today happens to be the fourth year anniversary of when my mom passed away. And I know I started off this podcast sounding all happy, and now all of a sudden people are like, geez, that's like a like abrupt. Um, you know, when you're driving along and your mom like puts out their arm like when you stop. Like our like I don't know why moms think that our arm, when you throw out your arm, somehow that's gonna like get our bodies to not go through a windshield, but we're just like, whoa. So I know I like went like abruptly, but um, I'm just gonna touch on it and then we can move on and we'll see where this episode leads to, you know, because like I said, I didn't really have anything other than I kind of wanted to talk about this. And the reason I don't want to get all heavy and why I sound like, you know, you're probably like, wow, you seem awfully happy and awfully like in good spirits for it being the fourth year of your mom passing. And I'm not trying to sound happy because I'm certainly not happy. I'm just um I talked about this in one of my podcasts, and you know, there's gonna be times when I cry when it's not an anniversary. It's just some random day that I miss my mom. You know, not an anniversary of something, not her birthday, not a holiday. I'm allowed to miss my mom on, you know, things that aren't an anniversary of her passing or on her birthday or on a holiday. You know, it could be March 12th, and I'm, you know, and I just miss my mom. And I might also miss her on the days that are her birthday and holidays and the day of her passing. Um, and there's times I might cry like crazy and I'll struggle. And but there's also times like today where I already cried, you know. I had like last week, I was an absolute mess. I cried, I was crying over everything. Everything was making me cry. And I was not sleeping, and a lot of it was, you know, like I said, I didn't have any stress going on. I had um things were going well, but I'm missing, I was missing my mom extra. And I always miss my mom. I don't mean I don't mean to say was, like as in like I'm not now, but um, you know, and so I'll spend time talking. I always like talk to my mom and my dad and my grandparents and my aunts and everybody that has passed. There's never ever a day that goes by that I don't miss my family or the animals that have passed away. And like my dog's birthday is coming up, and like I said, April's just a real crap month for me because um everything that I loved and cared about has passed away in April. And um, you know, my family's birthdays are also in April, and my birthday's in April, and it's my birthdays have always been when people pass away. Um, I've had three different family members and a dog pass away on my birthday, and I've had family members pass away like days before days after. And so I just am not a fan of April, you know. Um, but it was my dog's birthday, and so you know, but I'm trying not to, again, I missed my family and my my dogs and stuff every single day. And so I talk to them whenever, you know, I want to. And I'm just gonna try to, you know, I woke up feeling positive, feeling like, you know, having a good outlook on life. And so I don't want to like feel like because it's the anniversary of my mom's passing, that I have to suddenly be somber, you know. I don't think you have to be. Just because you're in a good mood or in good spirits doesn't mean that you don't love your family member, that you don't care about your family member or don't miss them, you know. Because that would mean that every single day you'd have to be in a bad mood, you know? So I don't know. I am still incredibly, incredibly uh pissed is not a good word. I am my mom, I am, I know, would be alive if it weren't for the horrific regulations and policies put in place by Kate Brown and the liberal crazy extreme leftists. Um, and I 1,000% blame the policies that were put in place by the Biden administration and by the governor of Oregon at the time. And then all the people that were on board with forcing vaccinations and still to this day feel, you know, stand by that and feel that that was okay to do. Um I think you are all I disagree very much. And uh I've done a lot of podcasts on how I feel about it. Um and I think you guys can all go F yourselves, honestly, if you still to this day think that it was okay and appropriate to make people choose between their livelihood and injecting a foreign body into their um them and their children's um systems and without having knowing what the side effects are and all of that, and um keeping the elderly um locked up in their rooms and not having any kind of social events, not being able to see and touch their family members and look into their family members' eyes and get hugs and dying alone. These things really I have a huge problem with. And I have done many podcasts where I am screaming and yelling and really pissed about it, and I still am. But I'm not gonna scream and yell about it today. Um, I've done a lot of that. Um, it still angers me, and I still 1,000% blame um the Biden administration and Kate Brown. Um, and I am not happy at all with the people that scream my body, my choice, while telling people to inject themselves with a vaccine. I have a lot of thoughts on that, which I have shared in my podcasts, and they're not um, they're very, very blunt. They're very direct. I don't mix my words and I still stand by them. I will always stand by them. I'm not gonna apologize at all because I'm not sorry, and I don't I don't when I'm sorry, I will apologize. Um, I'm not going to apologize if I'm not sorry. I might say something like, I'm sorry you feel that way. Um, but right now I'm not sorry if you are mad. I don't care. I these are again, I started my podcast doing it for me. And that's why I like doing individual sports because I do them for me. If I win, it's on me. If I lose, it's on me. I don't need to rely on other people for my success or failure. Just like I've never ever been one in high school or in middle school or at all to care if I'm popular or not, to I didn't ever, in fact, it used to piss me off. It was a surefire way to get me not to do something if you tried to do the whole peer pressure thing. When people try to force me to do something, if I tell you no, it means no. And um you trying to force me to do it is going to piss me off. It's not gonna make me do it, it's gonna make me angry. And now I'm gonna plant my feet even further. And now, just out of sheer spite, I'm not gonna do it. So peer pressure didn't work with me. Um, more often than not, I research things and I form opinions based on my own research. And, you know, if I'm open for someone else's opinion, if I'm seeking answers to something like religion or politics or educating myself on something, sure, I'll ask people's opinions. But if I didn't ask your opinion or whatever, if I've already told you no, then that means no. No means no, okay? No means no. So when I started this podcast, I didn't care if I hurt people's feelings. I'm sorry, but if you're not my friend and you're not my family, and you're some stranger, and you're gonna get your feelings hurt by another stranger that's not harming you, that's not hurting you, that's not threatening to harm you, that's not threatening your life in some way, that's not sitting here calling you out, uh, calling you um, you know, unwell, I have actually called people names that I have done. I've called people stupid and a moron, and I've said that you're evil, and I've said that people are Satan. But if I'm not threatening your life, and I am not, you know, threatening to harm you in some way, um, and I'm not stalking you or harassing you, then who cares what I think? Why do you care what a stranger thinks? Um, you can just not listen to my podcast or scroll left or swipe, I mean, swipe left, swipe right, or keep scrolling, or close your eyes, or keep walking, right? You have a thousand options. You certainly don't have to listen to my podcast or watch my videos or be my friend. Um, you don't have to do those things. So I've never understood why people care what strangers think of them. I mean, when I'm out in public and, you know, if if I'm with a friend and my friend is like belligerently drunk and causing a scene, then I might be like, I might care what a stranger thinks, as in like, wow, uh, this is embarrassing. This is embarrassing. Um, but at the same time, if someone tries to say something about, you know, my friend, I'm gonna have her back or his back or her, his back, or whatever. I'm gonna be like, don't fucking talk about my friend, you know what I mean? Um, it's like my ex people, like if I bitched about my ex and then someone else was like, yeah, I'll be like, hey, don't agree with me. I can call my ex an asshole, but you know, he's my baby daddy and he's my asshole, and I can say he's an asshole, but I don't want anyone else to say he's an asshole. And if I'm pissed at a friend, I can be pissed at a friend, but I don't want anyone else to be pissed at that friend or say anything bad about my friend. You know what I mean? So with my podcast, I'm just like, look, I have my opinions, and sometimes do I get a little crazy? Do I get fired up and a little unhinged? Absolutely. There are times when I do, you know, say some names. I do cuss a lot, I say some names. I say stupid and moron a lot and I cuss a lot. And there's times I get fired up for sure. Um, but again, you don't have to listen to my podcasts and you don't have to have dinner with me or hang out with me. We don't need to be skipping down the street, holding hands, singing coubaya, you know? That's okay if you don't like me. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm a lot. I'm a lot to handle. So that's okay. I'm not looking for friends. But that said, that said, I'm also someone where if you need a friend, if you're looking for a friend and you need someone to talk to, and you need someone to vent to, you need an ear, I can listen to you. I'm here. I do it all the time. I've had strangers. Someone called me one time, it was a wrong phone number. And somehow we ended up talking. And it was hilarious because we ended up talking. And then they ended up texting me. And for all I know, I was texting some psychopath who absolutely meant to call me and just said they didn't mean to. I don't know, but they ended up turning into a lovely person and we chit-chatted. I don't mind if people there has been someone in high school that I didn't talk to in like 20 years, and then we started kind of talking on Facebook again, but not a ton, but enough. And and I knew them through high school and we were like kind of friends. We were like friends through other people. And I had mentioned one day, hey, if anyone needs an ear, you know, if anyone needs someone to talk to, get a hold of me on Facebook and I can give you my number and you can call me. And they took me up on it. And you know what? I listened and I meant it. I was there. And I am not gonna tell people your secrets, I'm not gonna gossip to other people. I'm not gonna, I know I said I want to be an old lady later on in gossip, but I just mean, you know, how those old ladies are. But um the old old ladies in a hair salon, you know, we're drinking tea. But I won't tell people your secrets. I'm not gonna judge you. Um so when I say I'm not looking for friends, I just mean either you like me or you don't, and I'm not gonna change what I wear because it's fashionable. I wear what I want to wear. If it's fashionable, cool. If it's not, okay. Um, when I was in high school, um, I do remember that I wanted a swatch watch real bad, but again, it's because I wanted it, not because it was fashionable. Um, but it was fashionable, and I was like, oh my god, those are cool. I wanted them. And then same with white guest jeans. I don't know why I wanted white guest jeans. Looking back, it's like white jeans, really. Um, but those were super fashionable at the time, and I loved them. Um, but I didn't like them or want them because everybody else had them. I was just like, oh wow, people have them, and I happen to also like them, so I'm gonna wear them. But there were a lot of things that were considered fashionable that I was like, I don't care, I'm not wearing that. That's not me. I'm gonna wear what I want to wear, and if people like it, cool beans. I'm gonna be in the sports that I want to be in, and I'm gonna do the things I want to do, and if that's cool, great. And if it's not, great, you know, and that's kind of how I am now. Um, not kind of how I am, it is how I am, you know. So I think that's how everybody should be. I'm not saying we should walk around being like, meh, you know, I we should still go around being polite and respectful people. I don't mean, you know, going around acting like a pompous ass and being like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if you like me or not, you know. Like me or not, what, what? I don't care. I don't mean that. I just mean I'm not like I'm gonna be me. I'm gonna be respectful and polite when I'm out and treat people okay. But also, you know, if you think you're gonna lip off to me and be a bully, I'm also gonna knock you on your ass. Like I'll give you a chance and I'll tell you to leave me alone, but also leave me the fuck alone. And I'm also gonna be a little more blunt than maybe some people like, and I'm gonna be a little more direct and I'm not always super coochie coo. And sometimes I talk a lot, and sometimes I don't talk at all, and sometimes I'm emotional and I cry, you know? Oh, what is that one song? Um Terry Clark. Um, oh my god, I can't get it in my brain. Emotional. Um, I'm an emotional girl. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I do both, and I don't know why. Got a passionate heart. Okay, sorry. Anyway, yeah, that song. That song is true. I think that's true about women. I hate to say that, but listen, guys, we have hormones, and I'm sorry, but there's an entire show called Snapped for a Reason, okay? And that reason is our hormones are always all over the place. When we are um preteens, they're all over the place getting geared up for teenage years. They're like, all right, guys, let's get fired up. This is the pregame show. This is the pregame. All right. And they're like circling around and they're like in that like circle hug thing, and they're like, woo, woo, woo, woo. And then the hormones is like game time, and they're like playing the game. And then menopause is like, all right, we're uh we're not gonna retire. We're still gonna, I don't really know what to compare menopause. I don't really know where I was going with those metaphors because I lost it at menopause with the sports metaphors, anyways. But put it this way our hormones, um really honest to gravy, mess with us, okay? If you guys had to live, if men had to live with what we have going on, it's hard. And if you don't eat right and you don't get enough sleep, that really messes you up. And if you're pregnant or on your period, or again, going through menopause, that messes you up. So there are just so many factors that get our hormones all cuckoo bananas. And so we're a lot. I think that speaking, um, you know, other women may be offended by this, but come on, if we're being honest, we are a lot. That's why I don't know why there are religions out there where like polygamy where they believe in having more than one wife, because that why? Why would you want to do that to yourself? One woman is hard enough. One man is hard enough. Plus, I think I fully believe you should focus your energy into each other. And if you have kids, into your children, into your family. It's hard enough to be, you know, a spouse, to be a parent, to be a sibling, to be an aunt, to be a grandparent or a grandchild, you know, let alone if you're trying to have multiple spouses, that's difficult. There's already marriage counseling. There's marriage counseling for people that have one partner, okay? Let alone more than one. Why would you do that to yourself? And I'm sorry, women, I'm sorry. I don't give a rat's banana, I don't give a monkey's ass what you say. If you are a polygamist and you believe for religious reasons, I'm not knocking you, you believe what we want what you want. You do use Scotty P seriously. If you are a polygamist, if you are, you know, if that's what you believe in multiple wives or multiple husbands or whatever, hey, but women, the women that are that are sister wives, I don't care what these sister wives say, and I don't care how passionate you are about your religion, you cannot tell me, you cannot tell me that those women don't have an ounce of jealousy on them, and that there's not part of them that's like, oh my God, I'm so sick and tired of sharing my husband. I don't want to share my husband. I don't want to, and you know that they think about is that other woman better kisser than I am? Are they better in bed than I am? Do they does my husband secretly find that other person more attractive than me? You know those things are going through their minds because we're women. And I'm sorry, but when you have a bunch of women working together, I worked in hospital clinics, I have worked in places where it's all women, or like it's the majority is women, and there's like one or two men in there. We are a nightmare. I'm sorry, every woman that's being on it, and people are gonna go, speak for yourself. I'm not, I'm lovely, I'm a perfectly fabulous human being. Maybe you are. I think I'm a fabulous human being. I think I'm a pretty awesome human being who's very patient and very accepting. And I try really hard to get along, and it takes a lot to piss me off a lot. And when I'm at work, I'm very professional. That said, I still don't like working with other women because I become a bitch and they become a bitch, and we all just secretly become catty fucking bitches. And we all act like, you know, we love each other and we smile and we're like, hee hee. But let me tell you, women are awful. We really are. You can be best friends, and we can have best friends, and we can have friends. That we genuinely love and we genuinely respect and we honestly think are pretty. And when we tell them that they are pretty, we mean it. And when we are listening to them about their boyfriends or about their days, we genuinely care for them and we genuinely want to hear it. And when they call us in the middle of the night and they are venting to us, we want to hear it. And we will help them bury a body. We will give them an alibi. But at the same time, when you're an outsider and you're another woman, I've had coworkers that I like. I've had coworkers that I thought were cool. But when you start working with people and you're in an office together and there's a bunch of women, I'm sorry, we're just it's a whole other dynamic. And so why would you want to be a sister wife, knowing that? Because women, again, I can tell, I'm sure you have a whole different bond with a sister wife. And I'm sure that maybe your sister wife is just like your best friend. I'm I'm assuming it is. And I'm assuming that like having a best friend, you do mean it when you tell them that they're pretty and all of that. But my best friend's not married to my husband. I'm not sharing my husband with my best friend. And when you're sharing a partner, I'm sorry, but women get insecure and we compare ourselves to other women. Just like if you break up with a guy and they start dating someone else, you're like, what does that woman have that I don't? Why, especially if they're the ones that broke up with you, you're like, why did they break up with me? And why are they with this woman? What does this woman have that I don't? Is she better in bed? Is she a better kisser? Is she prettier? Is she more successful? You know, whatever it is. So being a sister wife, man. And then why would a guy, again, you know, if it's your religion, that's what you believe. And I get that it's a religion thing, but I don't know, you know, that'd be hard. That's a difficult one. And again, I'm not knocking your religion. I'm not. You you believe in whatever you believe. Um, if you're not hurting everybody and those women sign up knowingly, now it's the ones that have like the big old poly uh, what do they call the polygamists when they are um why did I forget the name of it? Because they're not Mormon. They're not Church of Latter-day Saints, because those are different, and you can't compare the two. Because Church of Latter-day Saints don't believe in the polygamy part. But what is a uh there was a show called Big Love. I don't remember if it was on HBO or Showtime, but when you have like this huge family and like there's girls getting married to like a 60, 60-year-old, and they're like a 15, okay, that's illegal. I'm not okay with that, and I'm sorry, but when you're doing that, you are not doing that for religion. So sorry, you're not, you're not. When you there is no religion, I'm sorry, but if you are trying to hide behind religion by saying it's okay to have a minor marry someone, a minor marry an adult, especially a man who's well into adulthood, he's not 18. I'm not saying that's okay for a 14-year-old to marry an 18-year-old because a minor is a minor. I'm just saying that it's not like it's a 14-year-old, it's not like uh there's a 14-year-old marrying an 18-year-old. No. Um, you know, if there is a minor marrying a man who was well into manhood, that is creepy. And I feel like that's not for religious reasons. I feel like you're just being gross and trying to look for an excuse and hide behind religion because you're a perv and you're nasty. That's what I think. Just like uh the Islamic faith, um, there are some Muslims out there that find it perfectly acceptable that uh, you know, um women, girls, not women, not women, that's the point, they're not women, girls, little girls, that haven't even started their period yet, uh, not even started the period yet, can somehow marry a man. I'm sorry, there's I don't think that a true God, I don't think there's a God that would think that molestation and rape are okay. Because that's what that is. When you are sleeping with or forcing a minor to be with you, that is sexual assault, and that is uh, then you're raping them, right? And that's not okay. And so I don't think you're doing that for a religion. I think you're doing that because you're a gross, creepy perv. Just like the people that say that they identify, men that say they identify as a woman, especially when it's suddenly. Oh, well, I just suddenly felt like it was okay. No, no, you just suddenly now have been told by liberals that it's okay for you to be a gross perv, and that because you woke up one day and decided you were a female, and apparently you just making that claim suddenly makes you a female. You can wake up one day and make a claim, and somehow that makes it truth and fact, and everybody is supposed to accept that going forward and not give a crap about safety or laws or anything like that. Um, so I think you're just a perv because someone that truly identifies as a female um doesn't just wake up one day and decide that. They also take time to shave, they take time to dress accordingly, they take time to save up, to get the hormones, to um, to have the surgery. But even then, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but even after all of that, you're still a guy who had surgery. You're still not a female, I'm sorry. And I do, I'm a hundred percent all for drag queens. I am all for if you want to dress as a woman, dress as a woman, do it. I think that you should. There are so many drag queens out there, so many gay men out there. I'm not saying gay men dress as women at all, but there are gay men that wear makeup, and let me tell you, they put on makeup and know more about makeup and fashion than I ever will, and I love it. And so if you want to wear makeup as a guy, do it. If you want to wear a dress as a guy, do it. If you want to say you're a woman, okay, but that doesn't make you a woman. And true drag queens know that they are men. They say that they are a man, they identify as a man and they respect women. They respect women and they don't try to go into women's bathrooms. True drag queens and gay men respect women and they don't try to take over and oppress women or harm women. And transgender men also respect women and dress up like women. They don't try to go into women's bathrooms. They just don't, I'm sorry. So, you know. Anyway, my point to all of this is see again, you guys are like, there she goes again. She's digressing. But really, this is all related. It is. I'm just saying, you do you. Don't cave in to uh what everybody else is doing. That's what I feel like the liberals, the crazy. I'm talking about the, I don't want to say liberals as a blanket statement. So the extreme, anything extreme, extreme, you know, conservative, extreme liberal, extreme heights, extreme love, extreme exercise, all of these things. Extreme is never good, you know. You don't want to be extreme, anything, right? Even extremely nice is kind of weird because you can be taken advantage of, you know. You need to have some bad days once in a while to make you a human. By the way, that's not me farting. This is a listen to this. There you go. Okay. Um, I know I have a lot of things in the background, but me farting is not going to be one of them, all right? Um, but I just feel like people are caving under pressure and really into this peer pressure thing. Like fashion cracks me up. Because I swear, if like a Kardashian says that something's cool and it could be the dumbest thing, it could be like putting band-aids on your nipples and putting a fig leaf on your crotch and stringing that all together with dental floss and then like taking pigeon feathers and like throwing pigeon feathers together. And if Kanye or, you know, not Kanye, he's not fact when he is a fashion person, but you know, if some big-time fashion person or celebrity was like, this is hot, this is awesome, people would be like, Oh, it is? Oh my god, if they say it is, it is. Just like that's why advertising, it's the entire reason why advertisers use celebrities. They use celebrities because people have been like, well, if Michael Jordan wears these shoes, if Shaquille O'Neal wears these shoes, oh, if so and so if so and so eats this food or wears this makeup, then it must be good. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. They're cool, they're beautiful, they're in shape, whatever, so it must be good. And that's awesome, you know, but why do we think that if a celebrity is just a human? A celebrity is a human with money. Why do we think that if they do something somehow it's better than anybody else? Now, I do like reviews. I love reviews. I like reading the reviews on something when a whole bunch of people have used a product and then they're like, here's the good and bad. I like that. But I don't care if they're celebrity or not. You know, in fact, usually celebrities are being paid. In fact, they always are being paid to endorse something that they may or may not actually use. That's the funny thing is, they may not actually use these products that they're endorsing. They might not actually think that those products are good products, or maybe they think they're good products, but they don't even use them. So just be you. You know, be you, but don't hurt people. Be you but non-jackassy. You know what I mean? And you know what else? I'm not telling you what to do because we just talked about don't uh you don't have to be a follower and you don't have to go into um um peer pressure. But if you feel like listening to my podcast, if you feel like listening to another episode because you're like this girl, this bitch, she has some stuff to say. She keeps my attention, she's a little crazy, whatever it is. You know, maybe you're listening to this because you're trying to fall asleep because I'm that boring. Maybe you're listening because you're playing this to someone and this is like torture for them, and you're like, ha ha, and you're like someone like torturing someone and making them listen to my. I hope that's not the case. You know, I hope my podcast isn't used to like torture people, but maybe you're listening on your way to or from work. I don't know the circumstances, but hey, however you found me, that's awesome. And I hope that you plan on listening to me again. Again, sometimes I am screaming and yelling, and sometimes I'm crying, and sometimes I'm laughing, and sometimes I'm boring, and sometimes maybe I have something that I talk about that you can identify with. Maybe I've said something that you're like, hey, I get that. Who knows? But I hope you keep listening and remember you can email me. You can let me know all of these things that you like or don't like. Ramblings of an insomniac 49 at Gmail. Ramblings of an insomniac 49 at Gmail. I hope you listened again. Welcome, welcome to everybody. Remember to take a breath. In, exhale, control the things you can, let go of the rest. Until next time.