Cranky Old Bird…

What’s been keeping me up? The thought of getting old! I’ve always had this vision of me being a cranky ole lady? Sitting on my porch. Shotgun at my side. Whittling something out of wood with my spittoon next to me. I don’t know why I see myself as that type of old lady? That or the eccentric lady that wears huge hats? And is like the characters from Steel Magnolias. I don’t know? Could go either way? 

I babble on about this and reincarnation. Enjoy… 

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. How in the heck is everyone doing? How are you? It is um rain. Well, it's not currently raining, but it rained last night and it rained this morning, which is awesome. We needed it. We've had great weather, especially for the month of April. My gosh. And we had a really um warm summer, actually. We had like, I think, one or two days of snow. And by snow, I'm gonna put that in quotes, just because it was like uh a sixteenth of an inch of snow, and it melted like right away, and that happened like twice maybe. And then it hardly rained at all this winter. Um, and then usually if we have a mild, we have it normally a pretty mild December, and even sometimes January has been known to be mild, but you almost always we get snow in February. No snow, no snow in February. And then March is usually pretty darn rainy and windy and cold and just bleh. And same with April, April, March, and April. Sometimes March even has snow. And this um in this March, it was like we had some times where it was like in the 60s, 65. Um, it rained a handful of times, and now we're in April, and it rained pretty good last night and this morning. It it dumped, you know, a decent amount. Um, and from the looks of the forecast, um, I think we have a couple more days. But um, and this is good because we do not want everything to be set on fire. We don't want everything to be um we want Oregon to stay green, not charred, you know? And so I'm just wondering what the summer's gonna be like. I don't know if it's gonna be hotter than Hades because we had such a mild, um such a mild winter. I'm again the older that I get, I am not digging the really I used to love the heat, like I liked it like 85. 85 was perfect. I loved it. And now I'm like, I like 70, 75. That's perfect, especially if I'm gonna be like outside doing stuff, you know. If you're gonna be like yardworking it, you don't want to do that shit in 80, 85 degree weather. Why? Why? Plus I'm a pasty Swede, you know. I burn, okay? I get like white, off-white, and pink. So I can't be, I need to start wearing like those big. I love sun hats. Oh my god, I love sun hats. I think they're great. I would love to go to the Kentucky Derby so that I have an excuse to wear one of those big old hats. I think that I am secretly like a crazy eccentric um Southern woman because I want to like sit on a porch and whittle and like have a platoon. I don't really want to chew tobacco because that's disgusting, but I just want to have a platoon and I want to be like have a shotgun and be like, get off my porch. But then part of me also wants to be like on steel magnolias, Wheezer, Wheezer or whatever, or like um, what's the other one that Olympia De Caucus plays? More like Olympia De Caucus, maybe, where she's kind of like classy, but like, you know, gossipy, but you know, and she wears all the hats. I don't know. I just think that'd be fun. I don't know. I want to either be an honoring old lady or like a like a wear crazy hats, big old hats, and like go around and like say little snarky things just to see what I can get away with, just because like, and once in a while, maybe occasionally, just sometimes, like trip a shitty kid that's just being an asshole, like trip him with my cane, you know, stuff like that. I know it's terrible. I know, but that's what I aspire to be when I'm older. I just kind of want to. I don't know why. I'm striving to be an asshole. Is that good? I don't know. I I think that in some former life I lived like um in I don't know why North Carolina always caught I've never wanted to go to North Carolina. I don't want to live in North Carolina, I've never wanted to visit North Carolina, and I don't mean that by the way. For anybody that lives in North Carolina, I swear I'm not saying this anything against your state. I'm really not. I'm saying this as in there's many places I I well, I mean, I'd always visit North Carolina. I would like to visit there, but I've never wanted to move there or anything. But that said, there's this weird thing where I feel like in some former life I'm from either like North or South Carolina or like New Orleans because I've well, there's a million reasons and people are gonna be like, Corney, that doesn't mean that you're like reincarnated. And I realize that. And I'm not even necessarily saying I believe in that stuff, but who knows? Who knows? We don't really know for sure, right? So, um, but I am obsessed with like colors that always end up being colors that people seem to do in North or North or South Carolina or Florida or New Orleans, and um, which I know New Orleans is a city, not a state. I realize Louisiana is the state, but I'm saying specifically me, I'm maybe from there. Some place that I always envision these like Spanish moss, you know, hanging from oak trees and it being like very humid. And um I don't know, like I am always attracted to either major jewel tones, you know, like those deep teals and stuff, and like those really pretty row houses and like gorgeous plantation homes and the type of homes and the architecture that's in um New Orleans and the food. Um, I'm not into jazz though. I can't stand jazz. Um, but and then there's also like this part of me that is like I like those pastel colors, like the um the orange dreamsickle, you know, that orange creamsickle color or that, you know, citrusy lime color. And that very again, I always end up thinking of Spanish moss. And these aren't even places I want to live. I'm not saying I don't want to live in New Orleans, I don't want to live in North Carolina. Um, I don't think I could handle the humidity, but for whatever reason, I just feel like, for many reasons, I just feel like maybe in some past life, I used to live in one of those places. I don't know, who knows? And I think I died by my car going off of a bridge or something with a bridge. I used to have this recurring nightmare where I was driving and I was on the road, but then the bridge that I was driving on had like an arc, like a structure that was an arc, not an arc that you're supposed to drive on, just a structure that looked like an arc. And then in my dream, somehow my car got onto the arc and was driving on the railing, like the metal structure of the arc, and then my car fell off. I don't know why. I had that dream over and over again. Well, again, what was weird was um there was Spanish moss around, and I don't know. There's just all these weird things that I have recurring dreams, and reoccurring dreams are just dreams, and of course, they're just made up of things that have happened to you, and you're subconscious and all this crap, I'm sure. But who knows? We don't know. Um, we don't know. What I do know is I just jumped right into that podcast, like no foreplay whatsoever. I didn't even get you all hot and bothered. I just like whoo went right into it. So sorry. Hi, welcome, welcome everybody. If this is your first time listening, hi, I appreciate you. I'm a shit show. I will jump all over the place. So I hope that you um can follow people that talk fast and people that digress and talk about a million topics, and I'll go from talking fast to probably boring you to death and putting you to sleep. Sometimes I'm blowing my nose and snotting all over the place, and um you just you don't know. It's a real crapshoot what you're gonna get with this podcast. Sometimes I'm outside, sometimes I'm inside. Who knows? I just keep you guessing. Well, God. Anyway, I also started this podcast with quite literally absolutely no idea what I was gonna talk about. Um, I was just like, what the hell? Why not? Why not just not have a plan? I know last time I talked about adrenaline and how I was saying I don't have that like adrenaline per se, but I I do have like that survival instinct where I feel like I do a lot better where it's do or die, sink or swim. You know, if I have to learn how to swim, you gotta throw me into the lake and be like, well, you better figure it the fuck out. Otherwise, I guess you're dying. Um, I used to think I didn't like competition because I've always liked sports where it's individualized, meaning like track or cross country, or like tennis or boxing and martial arts, things like that. Um, because I know this sounds terrible, but I either want to get all the glory and be like, fuck yeah, I did that. Me, just me. I worked hard for it, not my teammates and I, not my partner and I, just me. I did that. I want all of the praise and glory because I did it. Or if I lose, same thing. I want to be like, I lost because I screwed up, me. I didn't let a team down, I let me down, you know. I the team wasn't relying on it on me. I want, you know, I want to also fail and have it be my fault. Um, I don't mind if people rely on me. Like I said, I kind of do better when I'm in a stressful situation, but I'm just not really a team player, to be honest. I am an only child, and um I only children can definitely share. I don't mind sharing. You better take good care of what I give you, don't ruin it, and you better put it back. If you don't put things back, I will it really bothers me. But I'll share. I just don't like sharing my space, meaning I'd prefer to live by myself. Or um, like my grandparents had separate bedrooms because my grandma was um a more of a night owl and she liked to stay up and read. And my grandpa um was always a farmer, so he was used to going to bed early and rising really early. And they lived up until my grandma passed away and they were not not lived, they were married. They were married up until my grandma passed away and had a wonderful relationship, an amazing relationship. They loved and respected each other. They went on vacations together, tons of vacations. They traveled, traveled, traveled extensively throughout the United States, and they spent the day together, but they also spent some time away. She would be out in the garden doing her thing, and my grandpa would be doing his thing, but they also spent time together. And point being, they were together up until she passed, which was 65 years. And then my grandfather passed away like a year after because I'm pretty sure it was over a broken heart because he was helpful. Well, he did develop dementia, unfortunately. But my point is, I will share. I don't like sharing space. And if I'm gonna live with somebody, honestly, I'd rather have separate bedrooms because I just am weird about it. So um I I just feel like where was I going with this? Is it's gonna be the first time that I don't track back around. Um, sharing space and time and um living together. I was going somewhere with that. My podcast. Lord, I'll get it. You watch you guys. This is the thing. I always come back around. Usually I come back around quicker than this, but um, I like having my own space and um I like being kind of by myself. However, that said, I don't mind um spending time, you know, with others as long as or sharing things as long as people put stuff back. And so um, gosh dang it. I think I don't know where I was going with that. Um, podcast, winging it, um, winging the podcast, not having a plan. Um, I'm gonna get there, you guys. You watch. Um, you guys are probably all screaming, going, oh my God, get back to what the F you were talking about. I'll get there. I'll get there. But I didn't have a plan. I just thought, what the hell? I'll just start talking about shit and see what happens because that's what I do. And I was talking about adrenaline and how I wish that I was one of those people that was wild and crazy, and that my last podcast, I was talking about people that would like do some crazy things, and I want to be that person. And I'm out of control, as in, you know, I don't mind like trying some new stuff. I'll try new food, I'll go on vacation and try new, you know, whatever the culture is doing. Like if they want to be like, hey, you should try walking on coals, okay. But I'm not gonna bungee jump, I'm not gonna skydive, I'm not gonna do that cliff jumping thing. No. So I appreciate people so much that are like willing to just kind of be a little crazy, a little wild, you know? Um, as long as you're not hurting others, of course. But dang it, what was I talking about? It had to do with that. I know it did. It was all tying in. And how this podcast is like sometimes gonna be crazy and sometimes not, but I don't know. What the hell? I give up. I'll think of it. I will think of it, you guys. Don't you fret. I eventually come around. But I have been taking a break, if you haven't noticed, from doing political stuff. I've taken a break from doing some social media. I did post a couple of new um videos on social media the other day. If you want to check those out, I am on YouTube and um Instagram and TikTok and X, which I still call Twitter, Twitter. I don't know if you guys still call X Twitter. It's hard for me to say X because I think of Generation X. And X just isn't, it's too short. You know what I mean? Twitter's two syllables. I like that. X is just, I feel like there needs to be something else. I don't know. But I like Elon Musk Musk, so no offense to him. I love when people say no offense and then they proceed to say something super offensive and then go, no offense, though. It's like, well, yeah, offense, actually, offense. I do it. Or when people go, I'm just joking. Um, no, you're not. You're not joking, number one. And saying no offense or just joking after something that's really rude doesn't take it back. You know, just don't say it. Just don't say it. Or if you're gonna say it, just own it. Don't act like, you know, don't follow it up with just joking, or no offense, but it's like, no, you do mean it offensively, or at least not offensively, but don't use that word. Be like, I'm just gonna be blunt. Just say it. Be like, I'm gonna be blunt. That's what I do. Because people either like you or not, you know. I'm I'm learning from people that I can be sometimes a little much. Who knew, right? Sometimes I'm a little uh loud or a little pushy or a little blunt. And um I just look at it like I'm not gonna be fake, and at least you know what you're getting, you know, what you see is what you get. I honestly feel like I adjust in a way with I adjust my how I approach people depending on the person in a lot of ways. Um I'm always gonna be, you know, me, and I'm always gonna be at least honest. Um but I'm gonna adjust maybe how blunt I am or how direct I am, depending on the person. I'm still gonna say things that maybe people don't like. But, you know, if it's a customer, obviously I'm not going to be blunt, and obviously I'm not gonna be, you know, super direct. Um, but or depending on the customer, honestly, because some of my customers and I have a really good relationship and I can be direct with them. So I feel like you have to kind of get to know people, feel it out. Um, I used to work for a place that had um a lot of customers, the same customers, and I got to know people and I kind of started realizing who I could say what to. And of course, I'm always gonna be professional, and obviously I'm never gonna be where um I'm not representing uh not representing the owner and stuff. But there's some people, customers you just start to know, you know, kind of what you can say around and how to talk to them. And we had a customer that used to treat everybody like shit except me. And um, I think it was because right from the get-go, I learned that she was just kind of a I just could tell that um you needed to be sort of that she appreciated and respected those that were direct with her. I could tell that she is just that kind of person that doesn't want someone that's not confident. I think she kind of preys upon people that maybe are a little insecure or not as confident, and she respects people that are a little stronger. And I am not at all trying to say that I'm some confident, strong person and or toot my own horn. I just that when I've been I've been in customer service for like frickin', I don't know, like 36 years. So when you've been doing something for a long time, you just and in all capacities, customer service in every aspect you can imagine. So you just start to know people. And anyway, point being, she was just a real butthead to people, um, with except me. And one day I was like, hey, and I just talked to her, and she was like, Oh, okay. And she started treating them a little bit better, not totally, and then I just told them, look, you need to still be professional, but um she just kind of preys upon, she can smell, she's like a dog in bees, you know, they can smell fear. So don't be rude, but be confident and be direct. And I bet you she'll treat you different. And when they when they started doing that, she did. She started treating them differently. And so it's just funny. People are funny, you have to kind of learn how to approach people. And with this podcast, I have learned that when I started this, I was like, look, this is me. This is who I am. And of course, you know, I'm gonna change if I'm doing something that is harming others or, you know, detrimental to me. I want to change those things. But, you know, I'm also like when I started this podcast, I knew that look, I'm doing it on my phone. It doesn't sound professional. Um, you can't see my face. I realize you're gonna hear a bunch of crap. The quality's crap. I realize that sometimes I talk about things that may put you to sleep. I realize I may talk about things that may piss you off. Maybe I'm crying, you know, whatever. I'm all over the place. But I knew when I started this that I was doing it for me. And it was basically like my journal out loud. And if people happen to find my podcast and they wanted to listen to it, that's awesome. And and that's great. And if people also happen to identify and maybe um could share in my feelings, you know, they were like, hey, I get that. I understand that. I've been there, I'd done that, then even better. Then I love that. That gets me excited. That's like, that's amazing. If people can, you know, um, identify with some things that I'm going through or my feelings. And I started it to get information out about, again, with my mom and my experience and her experience and what we went through during COVID with memory care and assisted living and my thoughts on how the elderly are treated. And so I wasn't trying to impress anybody, and I'm not, I spent no effort whatsoever trying to get my podcast out. I've never spent any money, not a dime, on advertising. It took me a very long time to get on social media before I even had a TikTok or account or Instagram account or YouTube and any of that. And then when I finally got it, I posted for quite a while and then I didn't post at all again. And then I would post a little bit here and there, and then I wouldn't post at all. And now I'm back, and then I, you know, went through a phase where I posted a whole bunch. And then I stopped again. And so my point is I don't spend as much time and energy as I should. Plus, I don't do this podcast like where I'm recording my face, where you can also see me. It's just audio. So that also, you know, I'm sure a lot of listeners don't want to. Just hear me. I'm sure people like to look at someone, you know. Although, let me tell you guys, you don't want to look at me. I've got jacked-up teeth. All this stress and not sleeping has made me look like the Crip Keeper. I did a podcast about it called The Crip Keeper because that's what I look. I am uh this not sleeping thing and all the stress I've had and how much I've been working and all that before was it has certainly not been kind to me. And the fact that I am not drinking even close to the amount of water that I need to be drinking. So you guys don't want to see what I look like. Trust me. And if you, I mean, like I said, I do do some, um, I do do, I do do, I do some social media videos. So, you know, I do some. But I I go on rants and I'm not everybody's cup of tea. So again, for those of you that still are listening to my podcast and have listened to me, if whether you've listened to me more than once or been there since the beginning, oh my gosh, you guys are beautiful people. You honestly are. And again, to the countries, people that live in the countries that I make fun of all the time, you are strong ass mo foes. And I love it. I love that people are still listening, and I love that so many people have been tuning in recently. Um, more and more people have been um listening to my podcast. It's been exciting. I love that every time I go and check out the numbers, there's more and more people. So whoop whoop, yeah. I love it. Thank you so very much. Honestly, it means the world to me. I started, like I said, this podcast just being like, hey, if anybody wants to listen, that's awesome. I know I need to be doing a lot more. I need to get my intro and outro back again for people that don't know. My first podcasts up until like a year, year and a half into my podcast, all have intros and and an outro music. It all has music. And then somehow along the way, I don't know what happened. It just stopped working. And because I don't do this on my laptop, it's a whole thing. So, and to get all this on my laptop, that's a whole thing. And I don't know. So I did have an intro and an outro. So if you want to listen to my earlier podcasts, there you go. So thank you so much. I don't know what you guys are doing for the day. Maybe it's evening. I don't know what you have going on, but I certainly hope it's relaxing or exciting. Um, if you have plans to sleep, I hope you get some rest. I hope you sleep well. If you are headed to work, I hope you have a fantastic workday. I hope people treat you well at work. I hope it goes by fast. Unless you like your job, then hey, I hope it goes by slow. If you're coming home from work, safe travels. I hope you get to unwind. If it's your day off, I hope you're doing whatever the hell you feel like because it's your day off. But I do know that if you're listening to me, I appreciate you. And I hope that you tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell your partner, and shout it from the rooftops. Listen to the ramblings of an insomniac. Um, remember to breathe, breathe in, take a deep breath in, and exhale. Remember to control the things you can and let go of the rest. Until next time.