A Point Of View…

Don’t worry, I don’t get political or fired up in this episode. Today, I am looking at things from a different perspective. Another point of view. 
What’s keeping me up? Stress, the inability to relax! I know all the things I should do. All the tips. I know what to do. It’s the implementing, that’s difficult. 
I also discuss the health risks to stress, anxiety and insomnia. I need to get my life under control. Learn to cope with my anxiety, stress, trauma, etc. Make better choices for me. Not for others. Sounds depressing. I swear, I’m not a downer! 
I talk about perspective. I always talk about loving photography because you get to look at things from all angles.  I love learning about people, nature, life from all points of view. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Okay, don't worry you guys. Pardon me. Me, me, me. Don't worry, I am not gonna freak out today. I'm not gonna I feel like that scene on Jerry Maguire. Don't worry, I'm not gonna freak out. Now I don't remember what he says. But you guys know what I'm talking about. Where they take him to a um where he's leaving, like it's his last day, and he's packing up and he's got his box and he does his whole speech and he talks about freaking out and stuff. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do that today. Today I'm gonna keep it lighthearted. I'm not gonna be all political. I'm not even gonna bring politics in, so don't worry. We're not gonna go there. Um, I am outside playing with dogs. I mean, it can't get any better than being outside and playing with dogs, right? So, um, my goodness, I need more of my tea. Uh, so hello. First of all, I want to say thank you, thank you for taking the time to check out my podcast and see if it's something that you are interested in. I hope it is. Um, feel free to check out my YouTube and my social media and all that. I get a little zesty sometimes, but I've been posting a lot of positive stuff too. Like I said, it's not always politics. In fact, I feel like it's pretty split between politics, relationships, family, just life, you know. So, and when I talk politics, I don't always get all aggro and you know crazy. So, anyway, uh, so what has been what is keeping me up? Uh lately, it's oh it's so many, it's a lot. I have I have things, and then that got me thinking of other things, and then I went in a whole rabbit hole of just thinking of way too many things. So then my brain got like short circuited of all the different I got ahead of myself, you know what I mean? I went down the I started thinking about one thing that was stressing me out, which made me then stress out about something else, and then that led to well then what if this, and then the what if started coming in and led me down this whole path of girls go, and then um that that turned into a you know me in the worst case scenario possible, which is always just so fun. Girls go, which is always just so fun when you're trying to um you are trying to sorry if you hear panting dogs in the background, it's because well there are panting dogs in the background. Um, but so then I started doing the what-ifs, and then I know that some of my family members, you know, are going through a rough time, and when people that I love are hurting, it kills me, especially when there's not a lot I can do, and being out of control is not. I mean, who wants to be out? Well, I shouldn't say that there are actually a lot of people that love the feeling of being out of control, so you know, maybe that's an adrenaline junkie, you know. So I am not one of them. I sometimes wish I could be, you know. I mean, there are areas I think that you should, it's balance. There's times when people should be in control and you know, ahead of their emotions and um and making logical, rash decisions, you know, and trying to stay calm in a situation and stuff. And then there are times when we need people that just make spontaneous decisions and live life because you never know when it's gonna, you know, when we aren't gonna be here. So you may as well enjoy it and get that rush of good feeling while you're here. Like I get it, I get it. I'm just oh, I don't know how to do that. I get that I'm supposed to, I get that I need to, but let me tell you, every chiropractor, dentist, doctor, counselor, masseuse, friend, relative, uh, even some strangers have all said the same thing to me that I need to relax. And I'm like, I yes, you are correct. I do, I so do. Uh please tell me. I mean, don't even tell me how to do that because I know all the tricks. I could probably tell you more tricks on how to relax than the than most humans because people are always giving me tips on how to relax. I don't know if this is gonna work. This the wind might not be good. Let me see here. Uh I'm thinking the wind is gonna make this a problem. Um, but yeah, let me tell you, if you want trick tricks on how to relax, I have like 1,000 of them because people are always giving them to me and I get it. I know what I'm supposed to do. It's like an alcoholic knows they're not supposed to drink. They don't need to be told they're not supposed to drink. They're like, yeah, I am aware of that. That's my problem. That's why I'm an alcoholic. I drink too much. Get that. Like, does not take a rocket scientist. And I know people mean well. I'm not saying that shitty. I'm not trying to be like an asshole about it. I don't mean that the tips are appreciated, by the way. People are like, dang, this lady, we're just trying to help. Fuck us for trying to help, right? No, I appreciate it. I do. I absolutely appreciate the tips and the tricks. I think it's awesome. Thank you. I'm just saying that I've tried them. I know what you know I need to be doing. It's just incredibly hard for me to implement them, or some of them just don't work. Um, it's a psychological thing, and I can tell you that right now. It's a deep-rooted psychological thing that is a complication. That is no, not a complication. It's not complicated. I'm pretty textbook, but um, it's a compilation. Is that what I'm trying to say? A combination, you know, insert whatever right there with context. Um, I of of many things, I on why I can't sleep. I'm just like I said, I I did a whole podcast on how I am a counselor's paycheck. Like you could remodel their whole house with me. And actually, she could buy herself a vacation home with me. But I don't like doing the whole dwelling. This is not against people that do. I'm not I'm not judging anybody that's going to counseling or how they counsel, by the way. I'm saying for me, what works for me is not to dwell on the past and because I already know why I am this way. I had a weird ass life. I've had a messed up life. And um, and so there's all these traumas. And like I get it. For me, I'm like, okay, so I gotta have these things. I just need to figure out how to move forward and not live in the past. I don't want to rehash it, I don't want to keep talking about it because I already have. That's part of what keeps me up. The very thing that keeps me up is rehashing, rehashing. I don't want to keep rehashing things. That's not that's not what I want to do at all. And so um, I want to learn coping skills, you know. I want to learn to cope, recognize that that's the issue, and be like, all right, okay, cool, and then learn how to now live my life because it's getting old to keep doing the same things and the same patterns, and then especially because um when you don't get sleep, it's incredibly bad for you. I mean, I know that's a duh, but I mean, no, for real, look it up. It's it creates a whole slew of terrible health issues, and I haven't slept in I don't sleep, I just don't sleep, so no wonder I'm falling apart. I honestly don't know how I can walk and chew gum at the same time, and some days I don't know that I can. I'm it depends on the day, you know. So I gotta get past that, and I don't want to be like that around, you know, I have a grand I have grandkids now, and I certainly don't want to be a hot mess around them, and I don't want to be that way around my sons. So I gotta get that shit nipped in the butt, right? I've gotta get that crap nipped in the butt. I need to figure out how to, you know, just move past that. Um I have to figure out how to sorry, I'm going between inside and outside because it's kind of windy. And my microphone lately has been terrible. And because I don't edit, and because I sit here and talk into my iPhone and walk around and I don't edit, you're gonna hear all this wind. And normally I wouldn't care, but my microphone sucks lately, and I can't really, I don't think people can hear me in it, so we're gonna see if this even works. I could be saying all this to you know to nobody actually, and um, but now there's an airplane. I am gonna point out though that I am looking at the most awesome view. Um, and um it is absolutely stunning. I am um uh sitting, I am um dog sitting, and um they have just the most amazing view, and I love this about what I get to do because the scenery changes. I don't have to see the same thing every day. And listen, I like monotony. Let me tell you, I am queen of monotony. I like my routine. Not monotony necessarily, that's not the word. I like routine. There's a vast difference, I feel like. Well, I don't know. Is there is there a big difference between monotony, you know, and routine? Is being routine monotony? I don't know. Regardless, what I'm trying to say is I like my my routine, I like staying home, I'm a homebody, I don't really get bored. That said, when I do get bored, when I suddenly am like, wow, I'm bored, and I get cabin fever, I get it like big time. I like want to go to a different country, I wanna like you know, drive cross country, I wanna like do it. But usually I'm just like, hey, let's go on a hike, let's go to a different state, let's go to you know, a different hike that we haven't been on, let's go kayaking, whatever. I'll go out and take pictures and stuff like that and be with animals. But my point is I like that I can get different perspective, and I talk about this a lot as um I love doing photography, so you have to capture things from all angles, from from all angles, from all perspectives, and so I like when I can see people from a different perspective, you know, when you know them one way in a more business type of setting, and then a lot of these people I already knew, and I've been to their homes and they were already friends of mine, and we've we've hung out outside of work because they were like family to me and and they were truly friends, and are still are not past tense. Um, and so and then it's nice when you can also get to know people, you know, by and then when you get a different view of the world and you can get a different perspective, you know, the town that I'm in I only saw driving through, and I was like, huh. Not that I didn't think it was bad or anything, but I was just like, okay, but then um, you know, when you see it, I'm up pretty high, and I can see down like in into the valley, and I'm looking down into a valley, and I can see all the um the land and just you know the mountains and the backdrop, and it's just so pretty. And I'm like, wow, I have not seen this town, and the towns that are you know next to it, um I haven't seen them from this perspective before, you know. I've been in different areas where I've been in different parts of the valley where I could look down, but not this part, and I'm like, wow, it's nice to see this town this way, it makes me like it even more, and it makes me like where I'm at even more because I'm like, dang, Oregon, you're pretty. Oregon's pretty darn pretty. If you haven't been here, it's pretty awesome. I mean, you know, whether you like our politics or not, um, everybody who's heard my podcast before knows how I feel about Oregon politics, so I'm not even gonna go there today. Aren't you guys proud of me? This is going to be a non-political, not even gonna bring it up kind of day. No politics involved. So um, if you like my shows where I'm not talking about politics, then here you go. I'm not gonna do it. So, um, depending on how you feel about, well no, regardless, I should say, about I shouldn't say regardless because politics are important when you're choosing where to live. So, okay, so depending on how you feel about politics, if you put politics aside, if you put that aside and you just look at Oregon and you just open your eyes, you're gonna say, wow, pretty, or as uh pretty, pretty, pretty good. Um curb your enthusiasm, Larry David. Um, yeah, she's pretty stunning. We've got it all. You want desert, boom, we've got it. You want ocean, boom, we have that too. You want valley, you want river, you want mountains, you want whatever, whatever kind of climate, topography you want, boom. Oregon's like, all right, here you go. Serve it up, here you go. But um it's nice to see things from different perspectives and different um through different lenses, because if we're always looking at things from out our own butts, that's not, you know, that's not a way to live. We've got to look around and see what's out there so that we can appreciate it, you know. If we don't see what we're missing, we can't appreciate what we have. I mean, these are not wise words. I'm not claiming to be some wise, I don't think that I just dropped some wise bomb on you or anything. These are just things that people say that may sound cliche. Oh, that was so rhymey. Um I'm like Eminem over here. No, that's things that people say that may, you know, sound cliche, but are true. I feel like stereotypes and cliches come out of truth, right? Like I feel like they they're born out of truth. Truths, I can't say that very well. I think I have a speech impediment. That's another thing. I I've talked about this, but certain certain things or combination of things are hard for me to say, but that's all right. Um anyway, uh yes, now you're gonna hear um sorry, you're gonna hear the click clack of pooch's feet on the floor because outside is not working out. I'm pretty sure it's too windy. And um, I mean, not windy for me. I'm from the coast, so I don't windy, I love it. I'm like, bring it. But um, I mean, to be clear, I don't mean hurricane or um, you know, tornado. I just, you know, like like storms. Storms are pretty great. Sorry about the dog in the background. We're gonna pause here. Sorry about that. I did not realize it was not really registering to me that there was dog slurping in the background. And again, a lot, a lot of things into this podcast, but I'm pretty sure you guys don't want to sit there and listen to dog slurps for ever, right? But um shoot. I don't know what I was saying, that's a problem. Because I paused it for a while. See, the magic of editing. I'm just kidding, I don't edit. Like I said, I just push a pause on my iPhone. Um anyway, I was yammering on, and my point of that whole yammering is that um photography is great because I like looking at things from all angles, especially because I do macro photography mainly. Um and um I used to do portraits and I don't know, I just and now I'm working on landscape and stuff, or actually, actually, I want to do like some action shots and stuff is really what I want to start doing. But I love it because it's all different angles, all different perspectives. And isn't life awesome that way? If you're just constantly seeing things one-sided, I mean, boring, right? This might be too loud in here, too. Good gravy. All right, let's see here. Let's problem solve here accordingly. Okay, we're gonna try this out, but I feel that the wind is gonna be a problem. Um sorry, that just my mind just went to um We Are the Millers with Jennifer Aniston doing that girl's got a problem, problem, problem. Anyway, I'm sorry. This is if you if this is your first time listening to my podcast, be aware that this happens a lot because again, the no sleep thing and what it does to your brain and the fact that I'm already like ADD is a problem. So I digress, I swirl a lot. Most of the time, not all, I'm not gonna claim all the time, because that'd be a big lie. I'd be a liar, liar, pants on fire. Um, oh my god, that's another song that um burn my I guess the Bloodhound gang. Um, um, we didn't get no, I always thought it was like the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We didn't get no higher cause the roof is on fire. And my friend's like, what words did you say? And I was like, the roof is but he's like, no, after that. And I was like, we can't get no higher cause the roof is on fire. And he's like, Where did you get that from? And I'm like, I don't even know. And he's like, have you heard that song before? And I'm like, no. Okay, so I just want it noted somehow, I honest to God, had never heard the real song from Bloodhound Gang. And I'm sorry if this offends you, but I find it hilarious. I mean, is it appropriate? It's not appropriate, but how many songs on the radio nowadays are appropriate? Most are not, okay? So you have to get over the inappropriateness of it all and know that it is, you know, if you're, you know, woke or whatever. Well, that's rude of me to say. We're not gonna say that, Courtney. We're gonna say, if you get offended or whatever, you probably shouldn't listen to the song, but I found it funny. And that it was the first time I've heard that song. I apologize for those of you out there that are like, what? I know I'm late to the party, I'm tardy to the party, as what's her face from Desperate Housewives, not Desperate Housewives. Same thing though. Uh the real housewives, desperate housewives, real housewives. Is there a difference? I don't know. Okay, so I was talking about digressing and how I will digress a lot, but that most of the time I come back around. See, how do you like them apples? Boom. That was pretty good, I gotta tell you. So I do digress, and sometimes, most of the time, I come back around, but then there are times that I just lose it and it's gone, and the moment has been lost. And if I was talking about something that was a cliffhanger and you really wanted to know, I don't know to tell you. That's why you guys are gonna have to email me. Um, and stop by my YouTube channel and all of that, because then you can be like, Hey Courtney, whatever happened with, and you know, then I can tell you, and I can be like, Oh yeah, and then we can chit-chat and all that and whatnot and such and so forth. That poor girl, was she from North Carolina or South Carolina and such and so forth, and whatnot? I don't know if she said whatnot, but anyway, I really don't have anything. I didn't have a whole lot planned when I did this, other than talking about perspective and um and trying to remember that it's not always about how we are looking at things. Like it's not about how it looks from our eyes, because there are other people out there that have their own eyeballs, they can see, they can hear, they have their perspective, they have their own wisdom, they have their own knowledge to contribute, you know. They have things that they can contribute, and that's how we learn, I feel like. We can't learn and we can't move on. Like I say that I want to talk to a counselor about moving on, but I don't feel I can if I can't just understand that even if you disagree with someone, you can learn from them, right? Even if it's like, oh, I've learned hate from you, so I don't want that in my life. I see that you're pretty hateful and angry, and you seem pretty insecure. And I feel those things are, you know, like I always say, you should own those feelings sometimes. That's what they're for. But if you live in them and that's who you are as a whole, maybe that's something that I don't want to be. And so thank you for teaching me who I don't want to be, because ew, that's ugly. So, whatever it is, and I'm not saying that snarky to anybody, I'm saying that to every human as a whole. I don't care what your background is. I feel like we all of us, because I like I say every podcast, zero people are perfect. I don't think Republicans are perfect, I don't think women are perfect, I don't think white people are perfect, I don't think straight people are perfect, I don't think that religious people are perfect, gay people are perfect, brown, I it whatever. I you know. What I'm going, I don't need to list all the things. You get where I'm going. Nobody zero zero zero people are perfect. And that's awesome. Because if we were boo, big ol' boring, you know, no fun. That's in the no fun zone. We have to have quirky people. We have to have assholes, unfortunately. We don't want them. But then they teach you to appreciate the good people. But that's the problem. I feel like people aren't appreciating the good people anymore. We need to celebrate the good people, right? Why are we putting people that we know in our hearts we should not be celebrating? And if the shoes were on the other foot, or if we put some perspective and we looked at things from another angle, maybe just maybe we'd be like, oh dang. Damn. I should probably have looked at that and how I would feel if I were in this position. And again, I'm saying this to everybody. This is not throwing shade to any group of people. This is this is not throwing shade. This is just me talking, you know, and saying how I feel. How I do feel is that everybody here is welcome. I don't care what your background is, I say it all the time. I judge by character and content of character, how you treat people. And um I'd like to say I don't judge, but I kind of feel like people lie when they say they don't judge. And that's because I don't think judgment has to be bad. You can judge people and go, wow, that person seems like a fantastic, upstanding member of society. That's a judgment, it's just a good one, it's a nice one. And maybe judge is a hard word, but you can't tell me that when you pass by someone, you're not either thinking, um, well, I mean, you might just be going like human, human, human. But I feel like we still are aware that someone is in front of us, and our judgment might be a blanket one as an I don't want to talk to these people, I don't want to talk to these people. Well, in a way, that's a judgment because you're just you're saying, like, I don't want to talk to them right now. I don't know, maybe it's not. My point is, I think we all judge at some point. Maybe some of us a lot more than others, maybe some of us harder than others. I just think that every one of us at some point are going to judge every now and then because we're humans and we have all these emotions, and you know what do you do with them? Anyway, I appreciate you. I genuinely, genuinely appreciate everybody that has been hanging out with me and checking out my podcasts. I know that they are a little crazy sometimes. I know that sometimes I make maybe an ass of myself. Um who knows? But I appreciate that. I appreciate the fact that you're still listening, especially to those that I pick on, because again, I am an equal opportunity. I believe in true equality because I pick on everybody. I pick on white street women, I pick on America, I pick on Trump, I pick on people. It's just what I do. Um, it's how I show my love. I'm like that older sibling that like, or that kid, that girl that goes around punching you when I like you, you know. I'm like, huh, because you know, I'm awkward. What are you gonna do? Anyways, here's my point. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope that you continue to listen. I hope that you check out my social media stuff and whatnot and so forth. And I hope that you have an awesome rest of your day or night or evening, whatever the case may be. Thank you so much. Until next time.