Imperfect…..

This episode is as about imperfect as it gets. I somehow, pause the episode and don’t realize I’ve done so until quite a bit later? After it’s too late. Because of this error, I start discussing one topic and end up on an entirely new one? One minute I’m discussing hobbies. The next, I’m rambling on about imperfection. Which is pretty ironic? Sorry about that. Did it stop me from publishing this episode? No. Because imperfection is my jam. Maybe it’s unprofessional? 
Anyway, this episode covers down time. Finding your sanctuary. Finding your peace and hobbies. 
I discuss being comfortable with who you are. Loving yourself. I soeak about the importance of grounding myself. 
I talk about feeling happy and positive. The fact I have had a great week and made some amazing connections! I talk about networking. Meeting people that can connect you to groups you love. 
And I talk about what an amazing feeling it is to have MUTAL respect from horse and human.  The fact you have such a healthier relationship with animals and humans if there’s a MUTAL respect and trust. It’s a better and healthier partnership, in my opinion. 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, howdy, and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Good afternoon. How is everyone doing? Oh, I usually say good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. How is everyone doing? But you know, I'm just feeling wild and crazy. I'm mixing it up. I'm keeping everybody on their toes. Because you know what you get with this podcast? You get that uh mental fitness test. You know, I keep you guys on your toes so that I help, you know, prevent dementia by keeping you guys always thinking. Um, but hello, how is everyone? I am uh feeling pretty good. I got some sleep. I um have had a week of being around all types of animals. I got my horse. Um I started to say my horse fill, but that that sounds really weird. It's an odd sentence. I got to go to the barn and I got to be around horses, and then I got to go be around a different set of horses in a different barn because one of my customers has a neighbor that has five horses, and um, she's awesome, and she also um does search and rescue with dogs, she trains dogs to be search and rescue dogs, and so I got to yak with her about that. That was pretty awesome. And while I was at another barn, I got the hookup to be a decoy, which I am freaking stoked about, I have to tell you. Um, if you don't know what a decoy is, it um they are the people that wear like the bite suits, they wear those suits so that when they're training dogs how to be like guard dogs or protection dogs or whatever, they're the ones that will, you know, bite you. They bite your legs or your arms or whatever. And you know, you're the one on the ground or standing up and they come at you. Well, you're standing up and they come at you, or they can take you to the ground, but you're the one wearing the suit, you're the one that the dog is biting. And I'm stoked because I got the connections for that, which is what I've been wanting to do ever since I got to do it um in Virginia, and so I got to do it once before, and I have to tell you for the record, if you haven't had a bite suit on, when you wear the bite suit, people think that you don't feel the bite, that it takes away the bite, and I'm here to tell you it does not because if you saw my arm, um I'm not allowed to post pictures or post my video of me doing the bite suit because I got it done with a certain company, and um I'm not allowed to post those videos, but I have videos of me in the bite suit and of my arm afterwards, and I'm here to tell you that you absolutely do feel the bite, you just don't feel um a hundred percent of it. To be honest, I don't remember what percentage you feel. I don't remember what the pounds, you know, the pressure per pounds or the pounds per pressure, however you say that. Don't remember what it is. I don't know what the ratio is, so I'm not gonna pretend that I do. I just know that yes, you feel it. I would say, you know, you feel a good 30, 40 percent of that bite. That's just what I'm pulling out my ass. I don't know what I'm talking about. I've been there, I wore the suit, but I don't know the actual statistics. I'm just telling you, my point is you feel it, and people think you don't. They think that the bite suit just makes it where it's impenetrable and you don't feel the bite, and you do. And so people are like, why in the flip would you want to just willingly, intentionally, have a dog come at you, a dog like a shepherd, a dog like a Malinois, a dog like a Roddy or whatever come at you and bite you. And I know it sounds crazy, but it's an adrenaline wash and it's cool, and you have this weird bond with a dog. I I don't know. It's it makes you respect a dog's mouth, it makes you respect what a dog is capable of doing, I think. It's the same reason why I like to ride horses. You respect them, it you know what they're capable of. They can throw you, they can technically kill you. Technically, I'm not saying they're trying to, I'm just saying you can die or you can get uh severely hurt, you know, you can get paralyzed, but I still that's why I like that you have to have that trust and respect. Just like you have to have that trust and respect when you're working with animals, you just do with people, even, you know. If you don't have trust and respect of your partner, whether your partner is human or an animal, you're probably not gonna work well together. My assumption, you know. I'm yes, you can fake it until you make it, of course. You can put on a happy face and and pretend for the sake of the job you can be professional. Of course, you can, but it helps, and you have a much better connection and a much better relationship, and and people can tell. I feel like you know, dogs can definitely tell if you're fake, animals can tell if you're actually scared or not. Dogs and and animals can tell if you like them, if you're a good person, usually, you know. And so I like that. I like that you have to have that bond, and I and again, it's best to have mutual respect and know what the other you know, that appreciation for each other. You have to have that in your coworker and your spouse, and at least I think you I suppose you don't have to have it, but I think it's best, you know. So I've had a great week, okay? Umcar. I've had a good week. I'm excited, I'm feeling great. Sleep has been it's like you don't know what you're missing. It's almost like I'm like, dang, I forgot how much I liked it and needed it. And I'm like, oh, I want more. I really do want more. So I'm gonna be grateful for what I have and hope that there's more of it. Um, and I'm hoping I get to get my butt out to the barn more often. Um and it's nice that when I'm out caring for these dogs, I get to go next door and see some more um see some more animals. So woo-woo! Yeah, get it, get it, get it, get it. Um, and um I'm just feeling hopeful, which is great. I can't wait, I cannot wait to one day have my own um kennel and then get back on this training thing and back with my oh photography. I've also been taking pictures. I started snapping pictures again, which uh is another like it sooth soothes, that's hard to say, soothes the savage beast in me. Whenever I'm feeling all I just if I go out and I can take some pictures, calms me down. Animals and photography, just nature, being outside. I love right now. I am outside and I am doing some grounding, which means I've got my shoes and socks off. I hate socks, they drive me back crap crazy. I don't like shoes either, unless it's my cowboy boots or my flip-flops. I do like cowboy boots and flip-flops, but I don't I prefer not to wear shoes. I like to feel the ground. Um, so I'm outside. Girls, come come come. Yes, good come. Um, I like to feel the ground and I think it's good for you. But um, nature, you know, I'm a Taurus. I'm Earth, I'm grounded, I need to feel it. I need that nature, I need Mother Nature's healing. Um, I have a tattoo of my version of Mother Nature, and um yeah, I'm a big artsy, love tons of art. That's my I always say that I'm a conservative hippie, although I'm not I'm not a hippie at all, in fact. Not down with the hippie lifestyle at all, but I should say bohemian. I'm a bohemian conservative, a conservative bohemian.

unknown 8:32

I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Um love myself. Although Republicans can like art and love nature. In fact, although most Republicans do love nature, they like going out and being outside. That's what they do. They go outside and they're always outdoors. So I don't know why I say that. But my point is I don't need to put a label. I'm not gonna put a label, I'm not gonna bring politics into nature. I'm not gonna bring politics into this episode. And again, for those of you who haven't listened to my app to my podcast, and this is maybe your very first time listening, welcome, welcome, welcome. And so you know I'm talking into my cell phone, and there are episodes in which I talk politics and I get quite heated, and I'm probably gonna offend you, and I go sometimes off the rails, and there are times that I talk about politics and I'm quite calm and I'm normal. Uh, I talk about family, I talk about friends, I talk about work, I talk about life, and um there are times I have many episodes in a row that are political, and then I take a break. And then there's times it's like every other episode is political. It just depends. So if you don't like politics, that's okay. Because I don't always talk politics. In fact, I think this is like the third or fourth episode in a row that has nothing to do with politics. I might kind of mention it, put in a little sentence kind of, but the whole episode isn't centered around it. So today is not that day either, okay. Um, we are going to focus on life and nature and grounding yourself and doing what your whatever your what you do, what is it that you do that grounds you? Is it going to church? Is it kayaking? Is it martial arts? Is it being a parent and staying at home with your kids? Is it your work? You know, what is it that centers your chi that gets you just where you're like, okay, I can I can deal with life because I have this thing. Is it drawing? Is it coloring? Is it puzzles? What is your thing? We all have it, we all have different things that we, you know, that we do to try and escape the nonsense that's going on to quiet the noise. Some people play an instrument, which I'm jealous of. I should have learned. It's my fault. I think I told you guys this, maybe I didn't, but I had a piano teacher when I was really young, and after a few lessons, then she passed away. And I was like, granted, she was an elderly person, it wasn't necessarily a shock, but I was like, oh man, that's sad. And then a couple years later, I took piano lessons, and that teacher passed away. And again, she was older, but not but again, I was a kid, so my version of older, I don't really know, to be honest. I I don't feel like she was elderly, I feel like she was just older, but she passed away. So then I started getting a complex and thinking, oh my gosh, do I like off piano teachers or something? I started really getting a complex. Um I was little, and somehow I thought I had something to do with piano teachers passing away, and so I didn't take lessons again. And my grandma taught me how to play on her organ, which was a really fancy one, by the way, that you could have buttons to make it sound like different things, like the oboe and a xylophone and a piano and a just all different things and like bells and stuff. And um, she taught me to play several songs, and we had this really awesome um lesson book that made it that like was for kids and stuff, and then so I learned how to play, and then I never practice anymore, and now for the life of me, I couldn't play any of those songs, and I am angry with myself for not continuing to learn how to play the piano. But I also don't have room for a piano, and I mean now I do, now I probably have room for a piano and I'd love to get one, but they're a bit spendy and I don't know. I haven't okay. My point is I haven't. I wish I would have. I haven't, and so those of you who play an instrument, shout out to you. Maybe you learn a different language to calm down, maybe you bake or cook. Whatever it is, I hope that you do take that time to do those things. I just did a podcast about this, but you know, I used to feel incredibly guilty. I don't know if you're one of these parents that felt like taking um a bubble bath. I'm talking about when your kids are safe and you know that they're safe, you know, maybe someone else is watching them, maybe they're asleep or whatever, and you take that time to have a bubble bath and we feel guilty. I don't know if you did, but some of us felt guilty when we would take a half an hour um to ourselves. And I don't know why I ever did, because I feel like you need to have that time to just um regenerate yourself, to rejuvenate, to to get your energy back, to soothe your mind, to just kind of relax for a second and breathe for a moment and you know enjoy yourself for a second. And now I look and I think that makes you a better parent, really, in my opinion, because um, because you are taking that time so that you don't get resentful or cranky, you don't start, you know, building up the anger because you don't have time for yourself, you know, or maybe you don't even realize you're doing it and you're just unconsciously, subliminally, no, unconsciously like harboring feelings, and then you kind of get cranky once in a while and you take it out on people because you haven't had that time to yourself. And it is okay. We need to stop thinking that we don't deserve to give ourselves a pat on the back when we do a good job, to give ourselves a moment to ourselves. I don't know when humans started thinking that it's not okay to say, Hey, you did a great job. Hey, you're looking fantastic today. Hey, go take a moment and read a book. And, you know, I'll I'll watch the kids. Like for I'm talking about for moms and dads, I'm talking about for men and women. This isn't just going to women. I mean, we all need our time to ourselves. I'm all about men having their poker night and women having their whatever it is, um, wine night. I don't know. I'm not trying to be stereotypical. I just is the first thing I thought of. But as in just meaning that if men want to have a moment to hang out with their friends, friends are important. We need to have friends. And I think it's also important to be away from our spouses for a second. I'm not saying we need to make it a habit to never be around our partner, but I'm saying we, in my opinion, I don't think it's healthy, to be around your partner 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. If you want to be away from your partner once a week for like a poker night or whatever, a bowling night, I don't know. I'm just pulling things out my bat my ass, a need a knitting night, a cooking night, I don't know, whatever. A movie night without your partner, then I see nothing wrong with that. As long as you're not, you know, committing adultery, then I don't see anything wrong with or why it's unhealthy to want to have a moment without your partner. Now, do I think it should become a habit where you never want to be around your partner? No. Again, it's balance, right? It's all about balance. It's all about that balance, about that balance. Um, because it is to excess anything isn't great. There's even such a thing, in my opinion, as excess love. Too much love. You can smother. You know? Absolutely, you can smother. You can be a helicopter parent. That's no good. My mom and one of my friends, when they would get drunk, they would, they had a habit of um saying, I love you. I love you. And they would like, my mom used to want me to come sit on her lap all the time, even when I was a grown adult. Come, come sit on my lap. And it cracked me up, and I missed my mom. God bless you, mom. I'm saying this out of love. I'm saying this out of laughter, and I think it's funny. It's no offense. I'm it cracked me up, and I wish to God I could hear her say, Come sit on my lap again. I wish I could hear that. But she would crack me up because she would get so over the top, excessively lovey. I don't mean that in a bad way. I know I'm just saying she would tell me she would love she loved me like four thousand times in like an hour. And she would hug me and be like, no, no, I hope you know I love you. And my friend used to do the same thing. And that's okay. Um again, I'm saying this out of love because if the worst thing a person can do is tell you that they love you too many times, well, that's that's a good freaking thing. My I used to say that to my sons. My sons would be like, Oh my god, mom, we know, we know you love us. And I'm like, oh shut up, honestly. You poor things. Does your mom tell you she loves you too much? Oh, how do you live? How do you even do you is there a support group? Is there a support group for parents that love their kids too much? I mean, again, there is such a thing. I get it, but honestly, if that's your biggest thing in life is that your parent loves you too much, then I would love nothing more than my mom to be here right now loving me too much, or my dad to be here loving me too much, or my grandparents, you know what I mean? I would rather that than someone that neglected their child too much. You know, that didn't tell their kid they loved them, that didn't spend enough time. My parents didn't really spend time with me. I love them, but they didn't. They were kind of partying a lot, and when they were with me, they had parties. A lot of parties, a lot of parties. Um, I was around adults drunk all the time, putting out cigarettes. It was great, but I won't get into that. This is a happy episode, and plus I've talked about it before. I'm just saying, you know, if your parents love you too much, there could be worse things. So I think we just need to, you don't know what you got till it's gone, right? We don't appreciate our parents or people until after they're gone. It's always bizarre to me that like artwork or books or whatever, the price always goes up after the person passes away. I'm like, how shitty is that of us? Like the people need the money while they're alive. They could have used that money while they were living. Maybe they died because they were broke. You know what I'm saying? They didn't, they couldn't turn on the power and they couldn't buy food or afford health care. Come on. We need to feed these people while they're alive, not after they die. We don't appreciate things after they die. That's backwards, right? Isn't it? Sorry, there's a log truck in the background. Um, or maybe that's I don't know if that's a log truck. Maybe that's not a log truck. Anyway, um, we need to appreciate things while they're here. We should tell people that we love them more often or that we appreciate what they're doing, you know? What is wrong with that? Nothing, I say. I mean, what can be an argument for not telling someone you appreciate them? I don't know. Anyway, just my thoughts. My thoughts aren't worth much. They're just, you know, that's what a podcast is for. Essentially, it's people's narcissistic ways of saying, hey, I bet other people want to hear what I have to say. Um, but I'm not forcing it on you guys. I am I just put it out there, and if you choose to listen, I love it. Thank you. I hope more people choose the same, but I'm not gonna force it. I'm not gonna be one that forces my podcast or forces my opinions on you. I just say my opinions. I'm not a cult leader, I'm not anybody that's out here to sway you to think like I think. I think you should think the way you want. I think you should believe what you want, you should like what you want, you should identify with what you want. You should have the religion that you should be in the religion that you feel comfortable with, be in the body you feel comfortable with. Um, I just don't think you should force that on anybody. So I'm not gonna force this on you, and I don't want you to force your things on me. We can have discussions, we can talk about the things you like and dislike, and we can be adults, but I feel like there isn't a need to, you know, go around trying to conquer everybody else's universe, you know. We don't need to conquer everybody else's space. We can be invited. I said that to someone once. People are like, well, Christians go around forcing, forcing, forcing. I'm like, I don't think. Christians force, I think Christians invite. You know what I mean? I feel like Christians invite people to come to church, they welcome people in, but I don't see Christians forcing. They don't use violence. I've never seen Christians use violence to become a Christian, to come to church, to believe in God. And I don't see them going around beating up and bullying and unaliving people for the sake of their religion. I haven't seen it. Now, just because I haven't seen it doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Maybe it's happened. I haven't seen it. I haven't heard of it. But you know, I'm not in every place everywhere, so maybe it just hasn't happened around me, but I don't see it happening. And there's a gigantic difference, and I don't think that Christians should be lumped in with religions or groups of people that use violence and force. Because being invited and asking people is different than forcing and bullying and using violence to make people, you know, they're not trying to conquer anybody. Just my opinion. I don't think that should be lumped in. By the way, if you hear a dog panting in the background, it's because I have a beautiful pooch. Yeah, she thank you. Oh yeah, oh, she likes it when I give her compliments. Um loving on me right now. She's hanging out, she's listening to my podcast. Um, so that's my that's my two cents on that for what it's worth. Probably not two cents, probably not even worth that. That's my free spiel, okay. Oh my god, I've been on pause for a long time, and I have no earthly idea how long I've been on pause for, and I'm pretty pissed because I'm going to repeat myself and I'm gonna start from where I think I may have paused it on accident, and two things are gonna happen. You guys are gonna hear the exact same thing all over again, and you're gonna be like, this episode is freaking stupid, because you're gonna hear me repeat myself because I don't know when I paused it. Maybe it was a long time ago, or maybe I just now paused it. Um, I don't know. I don't know if I paused it recently or a while ago. So I'll just try to wrap it up, and I'm pretty pissed. But I was gonna say, I have been um having a little game with myself where I'm trying to mention on every episode that um people are not perfect, that we are imperfect humans. And I made it a little game of my own. Nothing happens if I don't say it, but I've been having a little thing where a little competition, if you will, with myself that I'm gonna try to work into every episode that humans are imperfect. And um, I don't know who's even paying attention. Are you guys even paying attention? I have mentioned I started this, I don't even know when I started this because it wasn't on purpose, it wasn't intentional. I just started realizing, I just started deciding that I was going to, I just started making a bet with myself or a competition that I would somehow in some form, it doesn't have to be those exact words that humans aren't perfect. It doesn't have to be those exact words, but that I was gonna work it in that humans are imperfect in some way, and I almost forgot. I almost forgot in this episode, and I don't even know who's paying attention. Maybe you guys don't even know or aren't paying attention to the fact that I said that. And if this is your first episode, you don't know. But I almost forgot. So, my way of bringing it into this episode is I am delusional today, and this is definitely by far not my best episode. It is imperfect, just like my podcast is imperfect, and just like humans are imperfect. My entire podcast and this episode is far from perfect, and it's definitely a hot ass mess. Um, like a lot of humans, like myself, we're all kind of a big mess at times. You know, we all have those moments of imperfection. We have the moments of, you know, um, well, we're just not at our best, and we say and do things that aren't great, and that's okay. But without imperfection, I mean life being perfect, boo! How boring. Snoozeville. We need the weirdos, we need the strange, we need the quirky, we need the grumpy, we need the cantankerous, you know, we need the messy sometimes. We have to have those imperfections, and unfortunately, this episode, not my best. And I apologize to anybody out there if this is their first episode, because a couple of things happened. One, I probably almost put you to sleep. I was definitely rambling, that's for sure. And now I accidentally paused my flippin' episode to where I don't know when I paused it, and now the things I'm saying right now, I don't know when I paused it, so I could be saying all of this all over again. So now not only are you guys tired, but you're like, God, is this Groundhog's Day? Didn't I just hear you say all of this? Get your shit together, Courtney. Uh, duly noted, do a podcast when my shit is together. Right? So, Imperfect Podcast, sorry about that. Um, I have other ones, I do. Check them out. If you feel like being triggered and pissed off and offended, I have those podcasts. If you feel like you need good vibes, happy times, positive times, I have those podcasts. If you want to cry, I have those. If you just want to be chill and mellow, I have episodes. I keep saying podcasts. God, I give up. But this is my cue. I have episodes for every mood you could be in. And apparently now I have episodes where I am I'm having issues and we'll probably put you to sleep. So on that note, know when to say when, know when to hold them, know when to fold them. You got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold okay, I already did there. All right, so thank you so much. I swear, uh, listen to my other episodes so that you know I'm not totally crazy. Okay, I'm crazy, but not this bad. Anyway, thank you guys, thank you. Shout out to every single person out there from every country. Thank you so much. More and more people are joining in. More people from all over the world are listening to this silly, silly podcast. And I love it. I love to look on every day and see if there's a new country that I haven't heard of, or to see if there is a new country, whether I've heard of them or not. It's like, whoa, or what city in the United States has found, you know, my podcast, and um what people are listening to me more than once. And if you would like to comment on my podcast and let me know what I'm doing wrong, what I could improve upon, give me some constructive criticism, do it. Or if you'd like to tell me what you like and the things that maybe have struck a chord with you, something that you can relate to, do it. Uh, it's ramblings of an insomniac 49 as in 4.9 at gmail. Ramblings of an insomniac. That's ramblings with an S. So ramblings of an insomniac 49 as in 49 at gmail.com. Um, go ahead, email me. I don't need to hear, you know, if you're gonna threaten my life and all of that. You don't need to do that. I'm talking, you know, constructive criticism or maybe something you can relate to. Feel free. So shout out to everybody. If you haven't told yourself today that you're a rock star, do it because you're a rock star, you're a superstar, and you've got this. If you think that maybe this day is a little too much, it's not. You can handle it, you've got it, take it one thing at a time. Control what you can and let go of the rest. Don't look at it as a big picture. Don't try to take it all in at once. Try to bite off what you can chew, take it into pieces, what you can control, and let go of all the rest. Just let go of the other garbage and BS. Take a deep breath that helps center you and keep things into perspective and let it go. Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, shout out to everybody to listen to the ramblings of an insomniac. Until next time.