Who Would Watch This?
Who Would Watch This?
Who Would Watch '2012'?
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VERSES MONTH, IT'S NEVER DYING, THIS IS THE PODCAST NOW, COMPARING SIMILAR MOVIES!!!
2012, you know it, you love it (have watched it) Oscar and Carl do their thang, and try and figure out who would watch this.
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My name is Oscar. My name is Carlton. And this is Who Would Watch This? Welcome to who will watch this podcast. We watch a film. We chat about the film and try and figure out who watches this.
SPEAKER_01Today we're talking about 2012, which currently has a 5.999 dB, 40% on rotten tomatoes, and a 2.6 on letterboxed. Oscar, what's the plot?
SPEAKER_02A writer struggles to keep his family safe when the end of days occurs, according to the Mayans. The Mayans. The Mayans got it right. The Mayans got it right.
SPEAKER_01They were right. They were right. This was really big for them that year.
SPEAKER_02It really was. The Mayans really hadn't had much in a while. So this was big.
SPEAKER_01I think I'd really had a full understanding of uh who they were and what they meant.
SPEAKER_02The calendars. So this was a big year for me. Absolutely. And I just found out what a year was. So you can imagine it was just it was pretty big for me in terms of a time. Carl, should we go back to last week before we'd seen the film? When we try to figure out who would watch this?
SPEAKER_01Yes! I'd love to go back. Yes. Let's go back. Back, let's go back. Oscar. Yes, Carl. 2012. Yes. We're finally gonna get to do it. Something I've been longing for us to do on the podcast because I'm a 2012 apologist.
SPEAKER_02Whoa, okay. In this year or when it came out? Because I think when it came out, people are pretty, pretty like happy. I'm sure critics are a bit like, it's not very good.
SPEAKER_01And it's very long, but I think everyone watched it. Well, you know who loved it? Margaret and David. And they weren't, they're never wrong.
SPEAKER_02Margaret and David both gave it free and people were constantly on just not nailing it, but they just they can't. David Stratton and Margaret, oh never, never.
SPEAKER_01They had the finger on the pulse of disaster movies that a boy from the coast would enjoy. So they knew. They knew. They really got me.
SPEAKER_02Oh, 100%. They really were doing it for you. SBS is made for you.
SPEAKER_01You're not wrong. You're absolutely not wrong.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, 2012. Um, I do feel like I've seen this film in clips for the last 10 years. Really? So yeah. Through just YouTube shorts, TikToks, Instagrams, just various things. Sometimes it's not a YouTube uh rabbit hole of going, should we watch all the scenes from 2012? It's the best way to watch the film because you can kind of smack it out in 20 minutes instead of watching the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01No, you need the other two hours 20. You need it to be a Chris 240, otherwise you don't get the drama.
SPEAKER_02I've seen that limo scene where they're driving when LA's getting destroyed quite a few times. Yeah, and it is a it's a fucking it's a good scene. There is scene.
SPEAKER_01I I do personally I'm excited to watch it again uh because I do truly believe the disaster sequences in it are unmatched. I don't know if I've seen another disaster movie that's gotten to bait the disaster sequences in 2012. Yeah. So I'm excited to re-watch them and see it.
SPEAKER_02You know, I think the practicalness of like uh like a 90s disaster movie. I can't think I'm thinking of Independence Day, but other than that car sequence in the other than that, I'm just thinking Godzilla actually. No, it's all good. No, so if you're gonna go.
SPEAKER_01It's also I think luckily it's 2009 when they made the movie, and so you're at that precipice where they have to use both practical and CGI. Yeah. So I do think that there's they're like, it's well, we need there's cars. We'll we'll make a car, we'll we'll buy a car, we'll buy a car.
SPEAKER_02Just CGI then, yeah. You know.
SPEAKER_01So I do think I'm excited to see those sequences again. Some of them, some of them I feel like etched in my brain from being a young boy. Yeah, I think there's a real aspect to them making all the people look like ants when they're running away. Like there's so many the mass destruction of it being like, you're gonna watch a million of them die.
SPEAKER_02It's the best part of Titanic where they're just like, what if um all the people you come to love, big ants, and then we go that guy on the propeller? They're just rats.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they're just rats looking to survive. Well, they are poor, so they are rats. Yeah, poor, and the poor people should go down.
SPEAKER_02Precisely. Um, other than that, uh I remember key sequences of the little child, uh, their arc is that they wet the bed. And then I remember the film ending on them being like, not pissing myself anymore. And then really, yeah. Wow, I have no recollection of that. I remember that being a a very important moment of the film. So I'm glad I don't think he thinking he did like a check off his gun. I think it pops up once, pops at the end. It's a weird note to finish on.
SPEAKER_01Wow, wild.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it really stuck with me, you know.
SPEAKER_01Wow, crazy. How long did you watch it?
SPEAKER_02I watched it when it aired. I remember at what was I 12, 13 being like, that's odd. Wow, okay. Yeah. I remember her tugging on John Q's exarm going, I don't piss anymore. And then the film just going off into the distance. And I was like, what the fuck was that? You know, I've just seen a lot of death and destruction, but I'm glad someone had a had a win.
SPEAKER_01I love that they were like, and just levity at the end. Whether like, oh, how many do we lose? Oh, everyone? Levity.
SPEAKER_02You need it, you need it, and that's why it's a strong film. Yeah. Uh, Carl, who would watch 2012?
SPEAKER_01Um, I think it's look, it feels like for everybody. Is it an everybody flicking? In my mind, the day after tomorrow is the big wave movie. And well, this one I'm uh does have a big wave in it. This one's like the I guess it's the limo movie. And many disaster films don't have a limo in it, so it's like I think it's I just remember liking it because the disaster just keeps going. And it's always at ground level. Yeah. So it does feel like you're with the characters that are experiencing the immediate threat of danger.
SPEAKER_02Totally. Some of some of these destruction films I feel like they're just like a vague nuke in there.
SPEAKER_01You know, that sucks. Well, do you remember when watch Geostorm and it was like a lot of people in a computer room watching the destruction happen on TV, like flicking through it? Yeah. And they're like, Does this get you off, viewer? And you're like, you're not even in amongst the action. No, it doesn't get me off.
SPEAKER_02I want to be a little boy in Japan looking up at a massive tsunami. Yeah. That gets my rocks off, you know?
SPEAKER_01If I can't see the size, you might as well not be here.
SPEAKER_02I want to be in a country I can't pronounce, seeing the worst things happen to them. Absolutely. That's good. That's what films are for, you know?
SPEAKER_01Oh, you know what I am excited about? How many fucking characters are in this movie? I No, I've never forgotten that this movie's packed to the brim with new characters at all times. I'm super excited about that.
SPEAKER_02It really? Because I feel like it's fodder, but I feel like a lot of them either make it or don't make it. I can't remember. It's just, it's a there's a lot of things that don't really make sense, and it just did so well. And I feel like people genuinely still watch it and still get something out of it. Yeah, they do.
SPEAKER_01I've been I've been waiting like since how long's how old's this podcast now? Five years, six years, seven years? Yeah, eight years, nine, surely not.
SPEAKER_02A small toddler times three.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, okay, great. The whole time I've been wanting to watch 2012, and I've been putting it off in preparation for us to finally get to fucking watch it. I rate that, I rate that. So I'm pretty keen. It's frustrating to me that I know I'm gonna have to sit through the day after tomorrow, which I think is a weaker movie to try and to get to 2012.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and these are long films. I think we're watching five hours of disaster films. It's probably the worst way to watch 2012.
SPEAKER_01But what's great is they're not repetitive movies. From memory, a disaster movie doesn't follow a formula, they're not repetitive. Don't worry.
SPEAKER_02It's good, it's good.
SPEAKER_01Don't worry, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Take it away. Loved it. Still really good. From tip to toe.
SPEAKER_02I okay, look. It's pretty good. Two hours fifty, which is a choice. And dare I say, at certain points, I wasn't happy. But considering this is a versus month, compared to the edge of tomorrow. Ah, fucking, whatever the one. The Jake Gillen hole, the the one with the statue of Liberty like that, that this beats it out of the park. This feels so much quicker, even though it's an extra hour. At one point, it's an hour of the 38. I went, there's another whole film to go. Yeah. It's kind of crazy.
SPEAKER_01It is, look, and so and we can we can talk about the length for ages. But I will just say, I think it's definitely too long. Like, there's no two ways about it. This is a such a long movie for no reason. It is, I think, really good up until like its first hour ends. Like, I really enjoyed that pace and everything, up until up until they sort of there's like their the a big final escape happens. And then I think there's about 45 minutes of downtime that is such a slog, but then I did think it picked up again. And so, in my opinion, it's like if they cut out the middle of this movie, it works.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it works way better. Uh funny enough, I feel it has the exact same structure as Titanic almost. Like you've kind of got the It's a good call, actually. Thank you. Because that end sequence of them, I mean, uh maybe just because it's like flooding the caverns and the boat, they're like Titanic, but it does feel like because that middle Titanic, it definitely thinks works, and I think you become more like that's the sort of love area of it. That's still that's much better than Titanic. I'm not yeah, for sure. But if you sort of compare it, because I feel like at that point they're like, what do we got deep with these guys? You don't need to do that. Don't bother.
SPEAKER_01John Cusack and Amanda Pete just have it. You know, they just I don't have they have it.
SPEAKER_02I think literally the world collapsing went, I guess it's really no one else but you, Mr. Cusack, Mr. Cusack. Do we just get into 2012, Carl? Let's do it.
SPEAKER_01And so we get introduced to Chai Watel Leg of 4, and he's sort of gonna be our you he could be our lead until apparently John Kusak's the lead, and then Chi Watel's supporting.
SPEAKER_02He's supporting, and it's upsetting because dare I say, I feel like he is a great protagonist. He's kind of got one, the knowledge of science and what's happening. And I feel like he's got a vested interest because I think he's the one that's discovered the scientist that has discovered that this is all tits up. And he's trying to get the information to the relevant parties, and then he's in the room with the relevant parties, and I think he has say, Yeah. The film goes great. We've got a failed writer that needs screen time, and John Cusack comes in in a big way. It's a brain.
SPEAKER_01It's it's crazy to go, we've got this $200 million film. It's gonna be a big disaster epic. We've got to follow a relatable family. And you go, great. Who's leading it? And you go, this creative and financially bankrupt author, turn limousine drivers family. That's who we're following.
SPEAKER_02And look, that could be a great way, like, hey, this guy's just a bit down of luck, need to get away. This family's doing great with Adam. Yeah. Yeah, when this family has essentially no need for him, and the film only and the reason why this arc works is because everyone else around him dies. So the family really has no other choice.
SPEAKER_01And also he shoots up to being the number one author. So it's he kind of it's honestly a dream situation.
SPEAKER_02I see why they follow him. Like his arc is I got everything because here's the thing there's a lot of L's.
SPEAKER_01He fails upward. It's honestly a whole movie where John Kuzent's code fails upward.
SPEAKER_02Even in Crisis, there's no one to make it.
SPEAKER_01Only 40 books made it into the new civilization. He owns one of them, and it's just an Atlantis epic. It sounds lame. And then what does he get? His family back. And at the end they're like, You're a big hero, you saved everyone. It's like, yeah, but you dropped the hose in there that almost killed them all. So he's really having the best time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if I was on the ship, I would be killing and eating this orpha. Pretty much pretty quickly into the new year one. Carl, but before we get to year one, let's wind the clock. So let's wind it back.
SPEAKER_01So we've got Chow with Legia 4. He then goes and meets somebody who's going to be a major player in the movie, Oliver Platt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Who's immediately the fattest cat you've ever seen. He's got a glass of wine. Oliver Platt is He's amazing at this. He's got a glass of wine. He's just like, guys, we just made $1.7 million tonight. Cheers!
SPEAKER_02He's so good in this. I I think the reason why I put this film really works is because they've gone, let's get a lot of character actors.
SPEAKER_01So many character actors.
SPEAKER_02And let them, and because it's not like it's like an action film where like, let's just like, you know, get, you know, what's it called? Uh Chris Pratt to do Chris Pratt. Yeah. Let's get some character actors to do them. And they've gone, great, that's great to see.
SPEAKER_01We didn't get to talk about in the last week's segment, but one of the big famous things to me about this movie is Woody Harrelson. Like, I think Woody Harrelson's for I've never forgotten the fact that he's a part of this film. It feels like he's there for the whole film. He didn't maybe out of it. Such a big impression out of it, like 40 minutes in. Yeah, such a big impression in the movie. He's so good in it. Um we're jumping ahead.
SPEAKER_02We're here, go ahead. Uh, our Platt's just like, yeah, get out of here, you dirty scientist. What are you freaking from the Congo? What the hell? You're looking you're dressing like shit. You don't belong. This is the black tie. He's like, but I got I got notes on the the the climate. He's like, okay, hop with me. We're chatting to the president tonight.
SPEAKER_01Um Wow. And so begins something I'd forgotten about the movie, which is the conspiracy to keep everyone alive.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Uh, and you might also be wondering, uh, because I'd forgotten that the title 2012's gonna drop uh on the smile of Mona Lisa of all things.
SPEAKER_02I got this so so we get essentially so we get this whole sequence, and then in the background, we're getting essentially all of the countries preparing for all right, we've got we've got wind, we're fucked. Yeah, let's start wrapping this up. So we get like China's making big boats, they're like just knock out every city.
SPEAKER_01I also don't mind the idea of being like there is a plan. Like I like the fact that they've gone.
SPEAKER_02I love the sequence. I feel that this immediately kind of goes, Great, we're spanning the whole earth. Yeah, it's gonna tie back into how the film ends, and then you're just sort of feel-it feels globe trotting.
SPEAKER_01So when you go back to John, you're like, no, there's way more plot to this one in terms of being like this there's so many people involved for a reason. There's so many different multicultural timelines to be going through for a reason because they're all gonna culminate at this arc at the end. Um but it is odd that they then try and create some of the uh more existential questions about survival and who deserves to survive when they're definitely not intelligent enough to have the debate, keep raising it, really say anything about it again.
SPEAKER_02When we're two hours into this film, they're like, should the rich have a plan? I'm like, no, you should have set that up weeks ago. We're not doing this now. I've got things to do.
SPEAKER_01My favorite thing is uh Danny Glover is uh Donald Glover?
SPEAKER_02No, Danny Glover.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Danny Glover is the president of the movie. Seconds before his death, he's in a church and he goes, Oh, we should have done a lottery. A lottery would have been good. That would have been fair. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Would have been fair, I think would have kept the masses. This is hysteria. Like I know the whole thing was like, let's keep them calm, but the second shit hits the fan, shit hit the fan.
SPEAKER_01He turns around to Charles Legio 4 and he's like, You'll be when you see how many rich people gone on, you'll be pissed. He's like, There's a lot of room too. So it's just it's a real mess.
SPEAKER_02It's kind of like the opposite of Titanic in the sense that Billy Zane just got on board. Yeah, like Billy Zane's just on one boat by himself, he even threw the chit child in the ocean. It's it's that, and you kind of go, This is really it. It kind of ends on a sour note. Luckily, the Mona Least is safe. I'm glad with that. What do we think that was sort of putting wealth away? Do we think there's a metaphor? I don't think there's a metaphor in this.
SPEAKER_01No, I they were I think they were just protecting like Earth's mightiest artifacts. I think they were like, What do we save from our old civilization? So I think they and I thought it was.
SPEAKER_02It really is a movie for dumb people, because like we know art's like important, but like I don't think anyone knows the moon, Lisa. We all know that one.
SPEAKER_01They've got to do it, otherwise you're stuck with John Husak's book. You've got you've gotta save some others.
SPEAKER_02Do you think when at the end of the movie, they're like, hey guys, we've found all the good art, so we can just throw out that dog shit book. For sure. It's done.
SPEAKER_01They're like, oh, there's a there's a bunch of Cormac McCarthy in here. Don't worry. We've got the road. We've got the road. The road meridians. Oh, this is guys, there's great stuff in here. All of the good Stephen Kings as well. There's good Julian Flynnman in here, which is great. Oh good as well. There's some older books too. It's nice. Pride and Prejudice is here. That's a great read.
SPEAKER_00I like you being like a more of a contemporary reader.
SPEAKER_01I don't know what the I don't know, the classics. Well, because they're telling me.
SPEAKER_02The honesty. Movie hasn't come out yet, so I can see it. All of a twist.
SPEAKER_01There's a lot of Dickens. There's a lot of Dickens in this arc. How does it feel to spend your life changing? I like us being like the movie's so dumb. Let's list up the movie. If they were like, if they were like, we're gonna save any other painting, this would be me. What's that? That looks weird. You've gotta do you've gotta do Mona Lisa. It's a soup can like Andy Warhol might- That probably cost a lot.
SPEAKER_02The hell's that? Not me. Why would we want a soup can? Why wouldn't you save the Mona Lisa?
SPEAKER_01You discovering postmodernism, just like, that's not art. I like to think it'd be a really big, good, like a good reveal at the moment they're all on the arc, and it turns out the entire Earth shattering was just a good bank scene. That's good art. They're like, that's really good art. We do, after we get sort of introduced into our major like government players.
SPEAKER_02Yes, we've got the government players, we've got let's get so the main players, I'd say there's Oliver Platt and the president and sort of the government agency, their sort of POV is how the higher-ups are gonna make it, and the sort of general plan.
SPEAKER_01I do think they have a good point, which is if we told everybody this was happening, mass hysteria would kill the earth, essentially. So we're better off to keep it a secret.
SPEAKER_02So they can mobilize, so they can mobilize, yeah. I I get it, and you know, it's a tough one, but you know, I I definitely think they're oh it's a toughie.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a real toughie is to know what to do in the sitch.
SPEAKER_02Um But yes, we also get the then we get also get the POV of John Cusack's uh family, and then sort of experience the the death of the the world.
SPEAKER_01Now I uh really like John Kusack in this film, although I think he is absolutely miscast. Uh even even though I think just because I like John Cusack, but I do one, not believe his life is in shambles. He absolutely seems way too put together. He's in a rush sometimes. He's in a rush. It's not enough. It's not enough. And the other thing is, is we're told when he meets Chawitel Egia 4, who's a fan of his book, randomly meets Chawitel Egia 4 by chance, uh, and he goes, Your book wasn't a hit because you're such an optimist. And we're meant to sort of believe I think this character is able to get to the end to live because he's got the optimism to try and get his family there. But I don't think he's got an inch of optimism throughout the fucking movie.
SPEAKER_02No, he's a massive pessimist. He's a super pessimist. And here's the thing throughout the whole film, all I wanted to say was just give up here. When they're doing this big limo chase, yeah, and they do the big plane chase, and then do another big plane chase, and a third plane chase. I was like, guys, give up. I don't and you know what? I I don't think it's optimism. I think it's just it may be dumb luck, and that might be kind to him.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's weird that he isn't the guy going, we need to keep going. Like, he's not the guy actually pushing everyone going, pushing everyone forward. He's a lot of the time he's sort of at the back. Yeah, he's sort of just like sitting sitting in places.
SPEAKER_02And I I love the son because at the start he's like, hey Jackson, he's like, Call my dad. And I don't think we really see him really evolve. He does not connect to those kids, he doesn't connect to the kids, and then rather the end, the dad, the kids like, well, everyone's dead, so I guess you're my father. Yeah, it's kind of beautiful, it's kind of the best way. It's kind of a dad's film.
SPEAKER_01It's honestly, it's a like, and it's just do anything, and you got the respect he wanted. After watching The Day After Tomorrow, Roland Edwick's definitely got a type because that's a father and son film. We've got this, which is a father and son film. And Chai Watella G4 is a part of a father and son relationship, and we'll meet Russians who have father and sons. There's it's father and son after father and son after father and son.
SPEAKER_02It's good stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it doesn't feel repetitive at all.
SPEAKER_02Who's a bigger father and son? God.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He's the OG father.
SPEAKER_02I like the 16th chapel uh the 15th chapel just breaker. That's always a fun one, because you know, that's iconic. It is iconic.
SPEAKER_01Now we have Amanda Pete and we have Amanda Pete's new boyfriend. Yeah. Uh Gordon! Gordon. We have Gordon who is surprisingly played by uh uh Tom McCarthy, I believe is his name. And how do you know Tom McCarthy? Tom McCarthy is the writer and director of the movie Spotlight. Wow. Um so everyone's favourite Oscar winner. Yes, he is also the writer and director of The Cobbler, uh, which I think is that Seth Rogan one or something. Yes, wow, spotlight that? Yeah, and I think they came a year after each other or something. It's kind of crazy. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02Um everyone loves Spotlight. They've all got check out Letterboxd, it is the most four-rated film you've ever seen in your life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was like, oh, you know what? I can probably like do some research. I'm gonna send like an email off to um the this guy. Yeah, because I was like, he'll be easy to get in touch because I want to know what the fuck's up with this Gordon character. And I was like, oh, he's far too successful and famous now to reply. Yeah. Devastating blow.
SPEAKER_02Could have gotten him after cobbler, he was in a bad place. He's like, Absolutely could have. I'll have a respond to an email. Um, Gordon is, dare I say, the character of the film.
SPEAKER_01He's the most lovely man in the world.
SPEAKER_02He walks in, and you kind of think John Q's like, hey Gordon, and Gordon's like, hey man, how's the job search going? And he's like, Damn it. You're hanging in there? You'll get him on the next one, buddy. I was like, Gordon, I love. He like wraps his hand around Peach. He's like, I love you, Gordon. All the kids are like, hey Gordon, what's what's for dinner? We'll miss you, Gordon. He's like, careful of the bears. And the Gordon's a nurse. Yeah. Gordon's nailing it. You know, he's also drained in flight.
SPEAKER_01Gordon's gonna save this entire family three times through the movie. John Kuzack again, just sort of a pessimist at the back.
SPEAKER_02A whiny man. At one point, Gordon's like, he's a he's not a great rider. And and Miss Pete is like, he sold. No, he wrote 500 books. I couldn't believe it. She's immediately ready to jump back into it.
SPEAKER_01He was he's so confident in their relationship at the beginning of the movie. Gordon wraps his hands around Amanda Pete and goes, We should have a kid, we should have a baby. Yeah. By the end of the film, you'd go, Oh, I've no, I didn't. He was definitely way more into it than she is because he was like, Why were you with that guy? And she's like, He was a great writer. Me at my back my entire goddamn life. And you're like, why'd you break up then?
SPEAKER_02Gordon deserves a lot better, I gotta tell you. It might be genuinely. I really forgot about the deaf, but we'll get into it later on.
SPEAKER_01It's it's yeah, we will we'll get into it.
SPEAKER_02Either way, we're gonna be sprinkling through the whole thing of just how much Gordon needs.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Gordon's so good, so lovable, um, runs away with the movie. You wish he was the lead. You really wish he was the lead. Yeah, you know, that's what I've been saying.
SPEAKER_02Now, no, go on. No, you go. Oh, because we're up to limo. Limo sequence? No, okay. We're still introducing characters. Okay, great. Let's in fair, that's most of these movies. Let's get to these jazz singers on this cruise.
SPEAKER_01Now, look, there's always a plot that's boring. And you know it a mile away. And here it is, the two jazz singers on a cruise. One of them is the father of Chaiwa Telegia 4, the other a racist. Let's follow that.
SPEAKER_02He was a white guy in jazz. I mean, what are we on a cruise ship? He wasn't gonna have good political views, you know?
SPEAKER_01It's just, it's just that's him. It's just not that they're like, what are you gonna overcome this movie? And he's like, I don't talk to my son because he married an Asian. You go, wow, this is it's tough to follow you.
SPEAKER_02Kind of nice when this big wave comes, you go. I really hope it just rips him apart. He does like he deserves it, you know.
SPEAKER_01We might as well just tie up this loop because it's fucking quick. Why wouldn't we? So they end up the cruise ends up tipping. Yeah. And I guarantee the only reason they did this entire sequence is because somebody had the idea of a guy standing on the outside of the cruise as it tipped because it's such a cool shot.
SPEAKER_02But I don't that's the only reason we're following it. Oh, I don't mind. Look, it's it's a waste of time, but to see a big wave, because I feel like it comes to a point where you're like, I'm a bit bored, and like, here's a big wave of the boat, you go, It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_01Smile, you know, a bit love. But this guy, this racist guy who gets to finally call his son, and then his son and his whole family die on the phone with him. He is hanging by a table, and the camera's holding on here, but he goes, Harry! And he falls and is crushed by kitchen equipment.
SPEAKER_02It's a horrible death. Although he was very racist, I thought they had a thing, the cruise ship boys. I felt they had something in the middle of the room.
SPEAKER_01I thought the light had gone from that too. Look. If I'm being honest. And I think it was Allen of it.
SPEAKER_02It was a cheap. Whoa! They were swooning those women off the boat. I gotta tell you, we saw these two crooners on a boat, we would be we'd be very excited about it.
SPEAKER_01We're legitimately about to go on a cruise, and if these two were there at their 8 p.m. time slot down the bottom.
SPEAKER_02You know what I thought was an absolute ball of move? Order a drink to the people before I am doing we're doing that. I didn't know that was even a possibility. Imagine midway through, they'd be like, someone's give me a drink. I think that's the night. The night's about us.
SPEAKER_01We'll just keep doing it. We'll be like, drink it. Keep drinking. This is a warm glass of milk. Yeah, yeah. Got a better glass. Other things. Oh, the the boys down there have uh ordered you a hot ramen. Three ramen eggs with it as well.
SPEAKER_02God, you got a lot of warm dishes. Hurry up, buddy. I'm gonna go sing a lot of jazz soon.
SPEAKER_01They just keep piling them on the piano. The stage is filled with just warm broths. They collected this plate from the buffet themselves and they've just handed it to me to give to you. Why are you still there in this app?
SPEAKER_02They've tipped.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this is me. Come on, jazz players. You in a thick goat on a cruise ship. Come on.
SPEAKER_02What other characters do we need to set up? Is there any other look?
SPEAKER_01So at the moment look, the only other ones you can set up are the Mayans who really hilariously so are introduced in the first four minutes of the movie and then don't come back into the movie until I looked it up. Now we're 21. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02The mu the monk, the monks with the monks. Yeah. No, fair enough. Oh, well, let's just get into this. So John Cusack is a bit of a lazy bones. He's trying to reconnect with his family. Yeah. He's like, let's go on a cruise. Oh, sorry, let's go camping.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so they go camping with the kids. Um, both the kids, spoiled little brats. Um, he does not know how to connect with these two kids. Although my favorite thing he does in the movie is he's like, get your hat. I was like, nah, I can see myself doing that as a dad.
SPEAKER_02Where's my hat? Yeah, but there's a fence here, go get your hat. Yeah, but they pretty much they go to this old leg. Again, he is such a dried up little writer. He's just like, oh man, the legs just disappeared. I guess we'll just stand in the middle. And luckily the military intervene, because quite frankly.
SPEAKER_01Well, my favorite thing is he's got he's got his two kids and he goes, Oh, the leg's completely gone. Let's go stand near that moose carcass that's buzzing with flies and guts displayed everywhere.
SPEAKER_02Mommy, mommy, I brought back an elk hat. You know, it's like it's like it's it's it's great because it'd be nice for Gordon.
SPEAKER_01This is it, he's like, none of it's sanitized. Take that, Gordon.
SPEAKER_02Gordon's like, I actually treated elk back in the day. This would be him. Ah, fuck. God damn you Gordon. I have a YouTube video where I might I reinstall the elk. Uh no, but then the military get involved, they're like, let's go. I'm surprised they don't kill these people. No, no, no. I find the military is pretty easily happily to kill people.
SPEAKER_01Well, my favorite thing about the military in this movie is they're happy to kill the director of the Louvre and no one else.
SPEAKER_02Now I felt pretty bitter about this, and uh yeah, I've got to give the the movie points because at one point the the Louvre director is blown up in the tunnel where Diana got blown up. Yes. And I wrote in my notes they freaking Diana'd her. And then I was like, haha, are I clever? The film then goes, geez. She got Diana. She got Diana. Yeah, he got Diana. Which was, you know, and that's that's just a good either I'm a bad writer or this is a great film. So what's what's Wow, isn't it crazy?
SPEAKER_01Both things can be true.
SPEAKER_02Not that uh, but yes, no, we then we get introduced to Woody Harrelson.
SPEAKER_01Now Woody Harrelson runs away with his segments in the movies, he is on another level. I loved him. I also think, as well, a great character just include like to go, we're doing a doomsday movie, let's have it like a doomsday or I feel the first time, like I feel like sometimes like those guys with the cardboard signs were always right.
SPEAKER_02It's nice to just like, yeah, guess what?
SPEAKER_01Freaks out and he's excited about it happening. Yeah, I like it's it, you know, there was something I was watching with over these ghost hunters, and the Was it ghost hunters? No. It wasn't, it was maybe it wasn't a movie, but they were basically so scared when they finally got to meet the ghost. And I was like, but that's the whole reason you wanted to be here. Like, one of you should be keen. Like just in terms of a writing thing.
SPEAKER_02On all those shows, they are frickin' horny when they get they're like, fuck yeah, Mildred, is that you so it was great to see Woody Harrelson be like, yes, and blow up in my face! I was right, I love his YouTube videos. He's just like I I love his line. You're like, you gotta entertain them to give them the information, which is what we're doing right now. That's right. You know, it felt very much us, and that's how I get most of my news as well. Most of just like funky YouTube videos, and then just like, well, that was actually really clever. Pretty clever. Um I feel really informed. Yeah, where they go. They made me laugh, made me think. Uh Woody Harrelson, yeah, as I say, he's taking it away. Uh, I don't really remember, I think they go back, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so now we're introduced to the Russians. Yeah. Uh man, it's a it's a crazy plot to be like, we're gonna follow a limo limousine driver and a Russian man and his two boys. Uh it's it's very eclectic. As an eclectic group, he's like an oligarch. It's the guy from Triangle Sadness, can you remember?
SPEAKER_02Uh good for him.
SPEAKER_01I picked it immediately because I was like, wow, I did know you from something. I swear when I watched Triangle Sadness, I was like, you're in, you're in something.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and has a big I dare say he's great in this and Triangle of Sadness. He's really good in this.
SPEAKER_01And I think the as you said, I think the fact the movie's packed with character actors makes the whole movie really palatable. Totally. Like it makes it so far.
SPEAKER_02I think anytime you're a bit bored, you're like, man, that's a unique person on screen. Great, you know?
SPEAKER_01I also think Shadow Tell Legend 4 is doing a great job at grounding the movie. Like he's really selling bad dialogue, silly science. Yeah. He's you go, this is a really good actor. He just did a really good one. Have you seen Backrooms yet? I haven't seen backrooms yet. He's so good in backrooms. He's asked to basically carry that whole movie on his shoulders, and he does such a good job. Yeah. Um, so I really am into Chawa Teleju 4 at the moment. He probably should have an Oscar.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I feel like does he not? He was nominated for 12 years. What year was that? Was that was that the Eddie Redmane year? I feel like that was yet. Well, I hope not. I think that was the I remember that being a bit like really? Yeah, I feel like it was Eddie Redmane.
SPEAKER_01Either way, the Danish girl's very good.
SPEAKER_02Spotlight the Danish girl. You've got to give it to the Danish girl. It's everyone's four stars on Letterboxd. Um, yeah, no, so he's the uh Russian oligarch, he's got two little boys, and he's their limo driver, which is quite fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um, so should we talk about the big first action sequence? Now everybody's introduced. Yes. It's and as soon as it began, I went, I do love this film.
SPEAKER_02I really love this. Yeah. This limo sequence is so silly, and yet it is so much fun. Yeah. It looks, I want to say incredible, but like, you know, with like an asterisk, but it does look incredible for what they're doing. When I was watching the behind the scenes the best video game like sequence I've ever seen.
SPEAKER_01I was surprised this there's actually quite a lot of set here behind the scenes. Like it's a lot of like all the cars, all the roads are there, they're throwing actual cars at the car. Right. So there's a lot of blend, like the in the behind the scenes though, basically like all the destruction doesn't matter if whatever the people experience in it experiencing it, they're not actually experiencing the movement. Yeah, like we can still do all the CGI, but they need to be in something physical. Yeah. So it's like in, you know, when the um the shop splits in half. Yes. Like that's just like a real, they split that like a small shop in half essentially and rock everything and then expand it with CGI. Yeah. But the whole foreground's real, you know? For context, LA is getting absolutely fucked up.
SPEAKER_02I'm talking like like like they keep saying Tatonic plates. I don't know if that's what it is, but just like rocks are just flying up, buildings are crushing into each other. It feels like that Doctor Strange sequence, but just real. But real. And John Cusac is in a limo, swerving around it. Ridiculous. It's all great.
SPEAKER_01And and what's also fun about it too is, and this is the other level up, I think, over uh the day after tomorrow. I think this movie has a sense of humor. We get cut to these two women in their car.
SPEAKER_02They are like driving slow, they're like movie old hags, and then they get probably the most gruesome depth. Like, you can't complain.
SPEAKER_01She's like, she's like, she's like, Danielle, hold on to the eggs! And then they just pull him into rodent dye.
SPEAKER_02I I don't know if it's a choice, but I do love that our like I'm calling them the Jackson 5. Because it's it's Johnny Kusak's name is uh Jackson Curtis, but so the R Jackson crew are called the Jackson. Jackson 5, the Jackson 5. It's relevant again. We saw Michael. Everyone did. Uh they they don't react at all to any death, and I kind of love that. Like, they are so unfazed by the end of days. I'm like, it is what it is.
SPEAKER_01It is funny. There's a blank stare to some of them sometimes. There's a part when um Little Rock blows up and it is the biggest explosion ever seen by humanity, and they're just sort of like sort of squinting to be like, can I get a better look at that explosion?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's akin to Oppenheimer.
SPEAKER_01I couldn't be, I couldn't believe like they get hit with wind and they're like Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Something's happened over there, Amanda Peep. Oh, okay, okay. But yeah, no, they escape LA. It is such it's it's the best scene of the whole world.
SPEAKER_01It's I love it because you've got the trains are coming out, and they've also got I think, and this is where I think it's elevated because they've gone pack everything with people. And so the trains are hitting people off. Yeah. There is a mass destruction to it that I don't think I've seen in a movie on this scale since.
SPEAKER_02The background, they're just like, well, there's a man sliding down, oh he died, he's gone. It's great. Anything you pause, there's people constantly in peril.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like having a worse. They're probably gonna stick someone before it.
SPEAKER_02It's probably the I honestly check out five minutes on YouTube. I think it's just terrible.
SPEAKER_01Surely most people have seen it, but it really is like such a good escape sequence. It's so fun, it's silly, it's violent, like it's everything you want it to be.
SPEAKER_02So fun, it's so good. Yeah, and so and also the vibes they keep going. They get sorry, sorry, the the climax is the limo doesn't even finish. They get to the plane, and then our boy Gordon's like, I could probably drive that, but I don't want to. I'm just being a modest guy. Gordon then. Gordon's a goddamn hero. When they start Gordon, wow, go to flight school. This guy starts then GTAing essentially through LA as the whole thing's destroying. It's a scene.
SPEAKER_01And they've just gone, what do people want to see? They want to see buildings come down like cards. Yeah. Like it's just really grand. They've also got such wide shots. Like, it's obviously not the world's best movie, but my god, do I actually think the destruction sequences are well directed and captured?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's not like it has like a like a like an arc to it. It's not like it has like a structure, but just like check out this. What we can do with technology.
SPEAKER_01Their best arcs are like the I just think every time that there is an escape sequence, it's they're they almost have a like three acts to them. They've clearly been what the whole movie's randomly ablived around them. And so they do feel like they're escalating in a really fun way.
SPEAKER_02It feels like they've got we've got the cruise ship one, we've got LA breaking, we've got, I don't know, a big uh car thing over plane. We've got some sequences. Can we make a film?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, probably. We'll figure it out. When they get to Woody Harrelson, it's so funny because they've got a very small amount of time, and at one stage they park the camper to run up that giant hill. I was like, that's 20 minutes. That is 20 minutes only.
SPEAKER_02I love this though, because essentially John's like, I'm gonna go chat to my crazy friend, and then the daughter's like, Can I come? He's like, Yeah, come on through, I'm a bad father.
SPEAKER_01So I was like, why would they do this? And it was because I guarantee you there's no real way to spin why they'd wait for John Kuzak. If you see the explosion, you'd go. If he doesn't have the kid, you'd go, we fly. If he's got the kid, Manda Pete's like, we've gotta wait.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we've gotta wait.
SPEAKER_01But if he is just like, oh, he's got the map, fuck it, just go. Like he's done. But it's unbelievable he'd take the kid, but I think that's the reason they've said take the kid. At one stage, he's like, get out of shot, crouch down there for a while.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, at one point he's like, he's like looking for the map in the RV. They're driving away. Use the chart. I I think they forgot they have the chart. It must be just like a you can't be fodder.
SPEAKER_01Well, so this annoyed me because he gets to Woody Harrelson and he's like, Where's the map? And Woody Harrelson's like, It's a it's it's at the place that says maps. And John Q's like then goes and yes, it's on entry. Maps is written there, and he looks through them all. Take all, take all of them. Take all these maps. Why do you need to find the map now? Take all the maps.
SPEAKER_02100%, thousand percent. Yeah, no. It's it really bugged me. He's a bad writer and a bad grabber.
SPEAKER_01He's not good at thinking. No, he's not a thinker, no, he's not optimists, they're bad at thinking.
SPEAKER_02They are really are. All the pessimists are the geniuses, they're clever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, a pessimist would be like, I'm not gonna look for it. I'll just grab the whole show. We'll just take it all.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, and so they take this plane. Again, another plane sequence. I can't stress you how big this explosion is. It is like a nuke has gone off, and then essentially like fireworks have gone off on the nuke, because then like another nuke flies out that way, and then they're just like, why don't we just have big meteors coming out of it? And it's stunning.
SPEAKER_01It's awesome. The when it hits the RV and that blows up and it loses its left. It looks really funny. That's a great practice. That's really fun. There's lots of good stuff. And also, you know what's great? It looks like they went out to um Lil Rock shot it all. Totally. Like they're definitely out on that. Like when he chats with Woody Harrelson, they're on a hill. Totally. Which is awesome. Yeah. So many times I was just watching um uh the four seasons, season two, and there is a big pivotal moment in the first two episodes about being on a hill, and they're just on a soundstage. Go to a fucking hill.
SPEAKER_02Is it just is it not cheaper? Like I know it might be a rainy day, but surely uh hill's free. I know. Just go to a hill. Yeah, please. I it always looks better.
SPEAKER_01It does, it stands the test of time. You know what it stand the test of time?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. We're talking about 2012, and then that's limousine. The limo scene doesn't stand the test of time. 2009's 2012 stands the test of time. Uh it's crazy. I feel like everyone was just like, well, this film's not any at all relevant, but isn't it? Isn't it just a little bit? Well, I don't know. How do we know it didn't happen? Huh? Huh? This plane flies around now. Now, I feel like is this where the film gets a bit slow? Or is there another action sequence?
SPEAKER_01No, I I this this for me is when once once the once Woody Harrelson's died and that whole sequence has happened, and he holds up a big map that says China, and the chimes come in in a way that's oriental and a bit upsetting nowadays.
SPEAKER_02It's 2009 though, you were allowed to do that. It was a quick way for you as a sound to go, dep China. I I read it, so I didn't need the sound cue, but what I I couldn't read it and need the sound cue went. I know where we are. I do know what's me being reading.
SPEAKER_01I do live and be like, we're gonna need a bigger plane. No one could deliver that like John.
SPEAKER_02Not my boy Sean. Well, no bigger plane is like, huh? What do you say, John? Nah, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01I do appreciate that Gordon also tried to leave him. He was like, we don't need him.
SPEAKER_02Gordon, uh although he might come up. I don't know if the film's trying to position him as cowardly. I think he's the hero.
SPEAKER_01They very clearly don't know what to do with him because they even have a stage in the movie in our downtime where the son's like, can you try and be friends with Gordon? Because I love the two of you, and I think you actually get along with Gordon. Yeah, yeah, totally. And you're just like, the whole back of your mind, you're like, you're going to kill him. Why are you doing this to the character? You are going to kill him.
SPEAKER_02It's a massive waste of time. Let's get into this part now. So I feel like it's LA's fucked up. I feel like the whole world's getting fucked up. We get this whole cruise thing. Now I feel like it's mainly the presidential uh Danny Glover gets a long sequence. Now I remember that's what this is. He does. Danny Glover is revealed as the president. I'm like, great, we're gonna get five minutes of Danny Glover. Danny Glover hangs around for ages.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's the brave. It's it's funny too, because they're like, the president wants to go down with his ship. And I'm like, wouldn't happen now, would it?
SPEAKER_02Wouldn't happen now. I don't think it would ever happen. Because I go him being like, he doesn't want to come. It's like get him out there. It's his job. Well, it's the world ending. I think they can figure something out.
SPEAKER_01There's a few, there's a few moments in the movie that I I like when they discuss death. One of them is I like Oliver Platt being like, I'm not gonna save my mum. She's confused, and I think she like this is just the right way for her to go.
SPEAKER_02I feel it as a character moment of he's a dickhead rather than but I I agree. I agreed.
SPEAKER_01I thought it was fine. And I mean, there was sort of a part to me thinking in the movie, and so I'd be interested to raise it to you about whether you would hop on an arc or not, because I think I personally would be happy to just die.
SPEAKER_02I would okay, it's tough. This arc right here, because I don't know if we want to skip to the end. I've got a massive issue with the mor of the vibe of the ship.
SPEAKER_01We don't have to go into it now. But I mean, let's just say it's like they're because they say that if every arc functioned, they were to save 400,000 people. Oh wow. So they only have three arcs that function. So they save dramatically less.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, 120 gone, I think ish.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. In my mind, when it's like, because it's not like Chaos Leg 4 tries to save his dad either. And I think if you were to ask someone, you'd be like, what the way that I enjoy my life now would be so non-existent in a future that with so few people that I love.
SPEAKER_02Oh, sorry, you're asking if I would like survive. Oh no, killing myself day like day one.
SPEAKER_01I'd just be happy to let myself die in the 2020s. Like, I'll just be happy for it to walk.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna fight for it, but I think the second I'm on that cruise, you'll go, Oh, this is gonna be bad. I wouldn't kill myself on the cruise. I don't think I'd fight to get on the cruise. I think what I'm saying is I'd be happy to die. No, I'm no, I agree I'm happy to die, but I'm saying, like, if the cruise door is there, I'm not gonna be like, what's a life? I'm like, I'll give it a go. Let's say you I'll try it out. Let's say you're gonna do it.
SPEAKER_01You've got to go through the back third of the film. Are you succumbing to the what was that?
SPEAKER_02I'm a Chinese migrant worker and I'm building the ark, and I'm like, I wouldn't mind going on the arc. Yeah. Yeah, I'd probably go on the ark personally. Yeah, wow. No, I agree, like the moral, like, do I really want to live in a dystopia? But like, in the terms of like me right now, if someone was like, hey, the world's dying, I'm not gonna be like, what is the world after this? I'm like, I'll I'll try it out, you know. I don't mind. If you've got 24 hours, would you mull it or would you still do it? No, I think I'm deaf. No, I don't think that's no, I get like with hindsight, yeah. Whoa, what a bleak world, but it could be a good world. Like it looks like those ships like Wally-esque. It seemed pretty good on the ships. The no, but you don't know what the ships are gonna be like. I don't know what the ship's gonna be, so why would I know? It could be a wooden ship. Imagine being like no luck. Imagine me being like, what a bleak world, killing myself. They're like, actually, it's really cool in there. It's like cruise ships, it's vibe, your family's there. You kill yourself.
SPEAKER_01No, your family's not, you're getting on alone. I don't know. In my predicament, you're getting on alone. It's like 2012 where basically nobody like try to tell Iju4 hops on, doesn't know anyone. I'll try it out. I'll try I can always kill myself.
SPEAKER_02That's the that's the that's the benefit, you know? If things are like, oh, things are.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's funny because in my head, I was like, I just don't think I would have the courage to kill myself. I'd need to be taken out by something else. Which is why I was like, I'd be happy to be taken out and what a nothing sentence.
SPEAKER_02So you'd happen. Happily die, but not actually you just make big waves coming in. You're gonna be like, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Exactly. That's okay. What a nothing thing. What a horrible nothing. Who gives a shit? Me. And I think you're cowardly. Yeah, no, look, and here's the thing. I'd I'd kick a child off that boat. Oh, hell yeah. A billionaire child. He's gone. Um, yeah, no, Danny Glover's whole sequence. Do you really have anything that he's like sort of doing a sacrifice thing? He goes to a church, he's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I guess he does your dilemma. He doesn't even do your dilemma. He's like, I think I'm gonna help out, but I think it's all fucks. Yeah, I guess I guess he knows like uh I you know what he probably goes, I don't want this job. I'm happy to be the president.
SPEAKER_01He'd be like, I'm gonna have to lead. Yeah. He's like, I don't want to lead what this is.
SPEAKER_02That's a very that's a very different conversation. If I had to like have a job on the boat, I'm killing myself. If I'm chilling, if I could be the president be like, alright, hands up, I'm not doing that job again. I only did four years, I wasn't gonna get re-elected, I'm chilling out, you know.
SPEAKER_01It was crazy when they were like, Than Thandy Newton is um his daughter. Yes. They're like, and she's got none. I was like, God, I forgot you were in this film. It's re it's the BS waste of I have no idea why. She's got nothing to do other than Chowitell G4 to be like, do we?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, shall we? I feel at one point at right at the end she helps with John Q's up. I don't even think I can't remember.
SPEAKER_01They talk on the on the camera. Like it's not like a lot. She's like, I found the Itercom button. You know, like, she's good.
SPEAKER_02She's good, she's really good. Uh yeah, so this is a long sequence in the middle. I can't really think.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's a lot of them on the plane chat. I mean, we've got the Russian pilot who's coincidentally having an affair with the Russian man's.
SPEAKER_02This is good, this is good. John Cusack gets the Russian oligarch and the two twins, they get on a plane that has a bunch of cars in it. Sports cars, they fly over to China. Uh yeah, at this point, they then do a Fast and Furious. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Which I think. But prior to Fast and Furious. I think so. I was like, this is very good. I think this is very good. I liked him being like, Gar on the case.
SPEAKER_02You're right. It's got that little bit of humor, which is like how could laugh.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's just lacking the entirety of the day after tomorrow. Yeah. Like it's taken still so seriously that they know you've had to suspend so much disbelief by the time you get to this point. Yeah. What's the what's the like who cares? They've got parts of like she's like flipping him off like from outside the uh like they know you've sort of come out for a romp. Like their main thing that they've learned is that no, you want to be entertained and see ship blower.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. No, it's good. There, yeah, this whole sequence where they drive off uh the plane. Good. Good. I'm a big fan. I I will say though, it's crazy it'll fit in that car, but then I did see it was a Mercedes, and you know, that's the thing. It's very roomy in there.
SPEAKER_01And it's also durable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, pretty durable. It's a great ad for Mercedes.
SPEAKER_01Really, I thought about buying one and then realized, oh, never in a million years could I afford mine.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, cool. So it's a luxury car, I can maybe afford maybe a used Subaru. Does that have a similar quality? Unfortunately, no. Unfortunately.
SPEAKER_01I think just getting the tire would bankrupt me.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. They look like great tires. Yeah, they do. Maybe at the hub cap. Oh my god. We should start stealing those.
SPEAKER_01We should start um yanking off the on the thing. The the HUD, the the little, the the little uh I think they may I think they stopped doing it.
SPEAKER_02Because everyone was cutting them off. But what a rush, you know?
SPEAKER_01Have a Volkswagen here, maybe like a Toyota. I like the one that um it dips down when you turn the car off.
SPEAKER_02Bentley, I believe that's a pink ticket. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well done, Bentley. Glad you worked out that problem, huh?
SPEAKER_02Huh? Just I just it's such a rich person problem. Like they keep taking my my little bits, so I'll make a little thing so it goes away. No, the Russian does get on board. To get on board, you had to spend a billion euros per ticket. He has bought three, and this is where I think I'm a little bit on the vibe of the ship. It has a bunch of I'd say probably like we see 500 billionaires who spent a billion dollars to get on the ship trying to get onto the ship.
SPEAKER_01I get why Chavez Legit 4 is like, this sucks. Why the fuck have you done this? Um, and then Oliver Platt's like, who's gonna fund it? Yeah, you idiot. But still, I I totally get the POV of being like so many more people could survive. You could have fit so many more people on here. I like that Oliver Platt's also turned on him being like, your projections were wrong. Yeah. You're the reason everyone died. Lots of people didn't get picked up.
SPEAKER_02He's kind of the best character, all of that. I loved him. He's so evil, and yet he kind of you're like, Well, you got this far, you survived, you kind of earned it.
SPEAKER_01So, my favorite random character was the British scientist who was like, It's the South Pole, no the Poindexter, it's scattered throughout the whole film.
SPEAKER_02They introduced him right at the start, yeah. And I was like, Well, he's he's done. Yeah, but it isn't a bow tie. I couldn't believe he lived. He makes it. Yeah. Good for him, huh? Great, it's great stuff. He was like, Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, the magnetic poles are gone. Everything's moving. He's kind of like a Roger Moore.
SPEAKER_01It was an odd watch because nobody else is as heightened and scraggly as he is. Coyote just got me! And now I'm here. I thought it was crazy that they were like, how did you choose everyone? And they were like, We've also created the perfect genetic pool.
SPEAKER_02They breezed over it pretty quick. Yeah, I think it's a good thing. Yeah. And it was odd because it was a bunch of old men, and you just think, I like, I didn't like a real you didn't want to see it, but there's probably a bunch of uh fertile women under the board, and it's just a thing you don't want to see on a boat. Yeah, it's really it keeps the vibe down pretty aggressively.
SPEAKER_01They obviously were like, there's like you've got all the rich people, and then on top of that, it's also a perfect genetic pool. Like, this is this is gonna get bad for a lot of people. It's gonna be so bad. It's also bad.
SPEAKER_02When they at the end of the film, it's a spoiler, they're like, a month past, it's all good. I'm like, you know what? I yeah, it shouldn't. It shouldn't. Things should have got bad.
SPEAKER_01I think the reason nothing goes bad is because uh they sacrifice God's son Gordon, and they're like, we will sacrifice him if it means we can have peace. And God was like, Yes, I will have my son back in heaven.
SPEAKER_02It's a nice Christianity metaphor to tie the whole thing up. Let's get into the cruise uh the cruise ending. Because again, there is 50 minutes left of the film, and you think, really?
SPEAKER_01Well, this is for me where it picked back up again, is all the cruise stuff. I was like, Oh, this now now we're the clients.
SPEAKER_02Here's our players. We've got uh the Jackson 5, they've snuck a board. Yeah, uh for now the Jackson 6. Yeah, the Jackson 6, they've they've accrued a Russian uh I I want to say I at one point uh John Kusak's wife essentially calls her a whore. I thought that was crazy. Yeah. She was like, How'd you get this job, you tits? And she was like, Yeah, fuck you, I bits. It was very odd, it was very crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what does that mean to you? What do you do on your day-to-day work, huh?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's crazy. But yeah, the Jackson 6 sneak aboard, they've used the uh door hinge access point to get on.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh then Chataway is tells them, Hey, let the rush let the Chinese on the boat and the poor people and the billionaires. Yeah. But then let everyone on. But then open the doors. Yeah. This is now bad for the Jackson's.
SPEAKER_01It's also now 15 minutes until collision. Yeah. And it is a bit of a you should have had the speech earlier.
SPEAKER_02I get if people being like, it's way too late.
SPEAKER_01So close, what are you fucking on about?
SPEAKER_02Like, if you've ever been on a ferry, they've got to do that stupid thing with a rope for like five minutes.
SPEAKER_01So do you know how much robotic rope we've got to deal with now? Everyone's gonna die, I would tell.
SPEAKER_02There's a lot of rope, okay? There's you don't think about it, but the mainly rope. The billions are cost of all the rope.
SPEAKER_01Well, I also really like too that somebody gets up, they're foot injured, and they're watching the screens of everybody that's snuck on board, and Theodore Newton's like, it mustn't have gone according to plan, somebody's hurt, and all the buttons like, according to plan? Nothing's gone according to plan.
SPEAKER_02What are you fucking on about? I like John Q. Like, actually, there was a plan. It's my brain. I thought of it. I'm a rider, I'm a rider.
SPEAKER_01I've gotten everybody here to the end. And yeah, we needed the help of that pilot three separate times, but I've done it.
SPEAKER_02Also, we get the guy from the uh I can't remember his name is The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight. I was like, wow, great year for you, huh? Big year, big year for him. Yeah. The guy, he's on the top of the Murney. Yeah. Gets burned. Gets burned on the top of the hurts his leg and is like falling into a gear. Yeah. And then Gordon's like, let me help you. He's a second coming of Christ. Yeah. Uh, and then Gordon falls into these gears.
SPEAKER_01It's so gruesome for him to die ground to death by the door mechanism. Again, of course after enduring so much survival. Yeah. And uh having done nothing wrong, and it I it's just crazy. It's so hard to fathom that this has happened to Gordon, our boy Gordon. The love of my life, Gordon.
SPEAKER_02I think they were just like, well, it needs to be back to John, but no. I will also complain we're here because essentially the reason why the ship can't leave is because like a uh a machine thing is stuck in the in the gears. Yeah. And then you get that out, and that's how they they save the day. Do we not think Gordon's body would also?
SPEAKER_01I wrote down as well that they're like, there seems to be the bones of a surgeon pilot caught in the gears, stopping everybody from getting out.
SPEAKER_02I think you know what? Wouldn't that be a better film of Gordon's dead body cause the end of humanity? And I still think that'd be that'd be that'd be good. That'd be good, that'd be good for him.
SPEAKER_01I yeah. I'm so glad you also thought that was.
SPEAKER_02Oh, it's just like I was like, a full human can't be good for the gear.
SPEAKER_01I know they adore gears, but surely it drills, they're like, we've gotta, we've gotta dislodge them. Somebody needs to go down and hose out Gordon's remains.
SPEAKER_02He would be fucking it just abysmal.
SPEAKER_01It would. You'd be looking around, you'd be like, oh, it's everywhere. Oh, there's not, there's barely a piece of him left.
SPEAKER_02You know City Lights when Charlie Chaplin's going around all the gears. Yeah. Imagine that, but fucking Gordon.
SPEAKER_01But it's your favorite man in the world, Gordon. And it's not a kind gear. It's not good. It's crazy because everybody's like, what happened to Gordon and John Hughes? That's like, uh, crushed. Crushed to death. Crushed from the door. And there's- it's the doors they close.
SPEAKER_02It's really a horrible thing where our two parties that we've been following essentially hurt each other horribly. It's just dreadful.
SPEAKER_01He's like, Don't worry, give it 27 days. You're not, you won't remember. Don't worry. I'm a smash, I'm a smash your mom again.
SPEAKER_02It's gonna be absolutely fine. Don't worry. We get so who's on this cruise ship? Two of the two of the cruises uh bash into each other. They're also also I'll be honest, the stakes being uh for the final sequence being they might crash into Mount Everest, really good stuff.
SPEAKER_01It's oh I was like, how are they how are they gonna keep elevating this? Where could they go now? And they're like the highest point, the highest elevating. They might crash into the top of Everest and I went, genius, you've done it again. Just good stuff. We have to turn on the motors. I was like, this is this is as good as it gets.
SPEAKER_02It really is good. But now now I was a bit confused because they have to turn the they shut the door so then the gears work, but a there's a lot of Skyping to people on the intercom. I have no idea. Look, it's a whole lot of nonsense.
SPEAKER_01It's just like it's hard to it's hard to track, and I give the movie what it's giving for the sake of whatever's sort of happening. I have a feeling like things are happening, but I have no idea what is happening. They've the editor's gone, I need to cut to something, and they've gone just people on cameras, just people on intercoms, people just doing things. I couldn't believe that in this near two-hour, 50-minute film, they were like, John Kuzak's gonna go through four different attempts to unlodge what hoses down there. I was like, just have it be two. Just two. He keeps coming up, being like, What are you doing here, son?
SPEAKER_02What's up?
SPEAKER_01What's happening here? Close your eyes when you're down. There might be a bit of uh Gordon floating.
SPEAKER_02I think this is his scrubs. Like, no, no, no, that's his liver. That's his liver. That's fine. Oh, his organs caught. Try and pop it if you can. The esophagus is actually really long, so you can just pull it like a hanky, a clown's hanky.
SPEAKER_01He wasn't gonna survive anyway. There's a full tapeworm here. It was never gonna be good for him on board. We can't have that parasite on and about, huh? Can't start the world with them.
SPEAKER_02Don't call Gordon that. Um so the door gets closed. They then reverse out of Mount Everest. Two of the two of the big submarine cruise ships are uh destroyed in the process. So we're three out of five. That was that was another thing. Were they?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, when they I thought they only had three come out.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I think they colla Oh, I'm not sure. Two of them are gone. I think yes, I think we're saying the same thing.
SPEAKER_01No, I think oh no, they're not gone. I think everyone's fine. I think they just hit each other. I think those are just the three.
SPEAKER_02That Titanic hit, that they're fine?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that I think they were fine.
SPEAKER_02A la Titanic.
SPEAKER_01Well, because they only had three, and they say there's three at the end. So I don't think we've lost any.
SPEAKER_02Okay, never mind. I just really thought there'd be a consequence. Anyway, so they reverse Anna Man Everest. And then who we got? We've got Oliver Platt.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we've got Crazy He didn't die, and I loved that. I was like, crazy we lost Gordon, but we kept Oliver. I love it. And he was there, he played every he felt every Game of Thrones, he played everyone, and he got what he wanted. He was might as well be there with his chef and being like, We survived tomorrow and I kept the 1.7 mil. It's in my pocket. It's in my pocket. Believe it or not, it's gonna be muddies ruling the planet after. Who knows? I love when they're all like, Looks like Africa didn't get hit. What the hell is that? Did no one call Africa?
SPEAKER_02Was there not an African scientist? Somebody's over there being like, What's happened to the world? An arc? Oh my god. We've been ch Did no one tell us? Like everyone in Africa would be really pissed. Do you reckon that they're like no one emailed?
SPEAKER_01All coming here again? Fuck.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're they're double colonizing us. What a horrible way to- Wait, wait, who's on board? Oh, it's only billionaires, only billionaires. Yeah, they're gonna destroy us. They got any good books?
SPEAKER_01Not on Atlantis?
SPEAKER_02They have two questions. Who's on board and what reader material do they have? Both bad answers. Africa gets, I can only assume, plundered once again. Um, because they have no sad ending. It's a real sad ending. And John Cusek has sort of like a shucks. Didn't we all have a good time? Camping was a pretty big adventure, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_01And that's all right.
SPEAKER_02And what was up with that? It really is. I really thought I misremembered, but it is just the final moment just didn't piss myself.
SPEAKER_01Full pan out after she's like, she's like, I don't want to diapers no more, pa. And he's like, he's like, and I guess we I guess everything's solved. I guess I did that. He's like, I got everything I needed in my life again. He's like, I got all of you back under my arms. He's like, and I can't even run away from you. So I can't be about it.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm the I'm the only seller.
SPEAKER_01I thought it was nuts too, because Gordon's died as well. Gordon's died, they've lost his um spleen. They've lost Gordon completely. The family loved Gordon. Amanda Pete loved Gordon. John Kuzak comes out and wraps his arms around Amanda Pete 27 days after his death, and she goes, Where have you been all my life? And he goes, gift shop.
SPEAKER_02Even the son's like the son's like, I love you, Dad. Like, what happened in the You must they must be severely traumatized. They've only seen millions of deaths.
SPEAKER_01The man who saved them the whole film died for them. You honestly, it's one of those things where they probably should have been like both of these uh Russian twins. You're both named Gordon now. We're naming you Gordon.
SPEAKER_02Russian.
SPEAKER_01We did, we did rush over the Russian man sacrificing himself.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, I'd at one point it gets crushed by the door.
SPEAKER_01Honestly, this crucial. He's like, we're under the door, we're on top of the door, what do we do?
SPEAKER_02It's crazy. It crushes the Russian, it crushes gore. It just is a badly fought out. I know they have three years, but come on, guys.
SPEAKER_01Crazy they had uh all they had all that time but nobody was like, railings, no railings. Most cruise ships sort of have like a like a they stretch out and you go up. You know how hundreds of people were getting pushed off as they waited for the doors to come. It's like the cruise ships in like Greece where they're just like big door, get up! Get up out you get we're prodding you.
SPEAKER_02We've got three minutes, go. I've got a gun, and then the next ones are coming on.
SPEAKER_01Uh when he died, I was I was pretty moved. I don't want to say I cried, but I teared up.
SPEAKER_02The Russian? Yeah. Yeah. He froze his boy Don, and then you know, he gets in the boat, and then he's yeah, he's fine. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Big shame. Big shame. Big shame. Big shame. But yeah, what a happy ending. What a happy ending. What a happy ending. Oscar, who would watch 2012? 2009.
SPEAKER_022019 2012. It's so much fun. It really is. Unfortunately, re-watching it, it just all the silly moments kind of work. I think all the destruction is earned. And I feel like when you can get all this stuff on YouTube, and I feel like there is the appetite to get uh all this instruction, having almost this flimsy kind of I don't know, but there's like some sort of charm to this sort of them stapling together. It's it kind of all works in a very capacity, like campy way. And I quite I think that's why it stayed relevant, you know? I think that's why people have gone back and watched it. It's a very comforting movie and a very comforting, silly movie.
SPEAKER_01Great way to explain it. It is a weird comfort to the film. There's sort of like an there's like an entertaining blanket over the movie that sort of makes you forgive it all a bit, get a little cozy. Like it's just it's an odd feeling. You are right.
SPEAKER_02I think it's like I I I think maybe that this like sort of vibe's gone now from movies, but it feels like such a like a like a dumb movie from the 90s. Like just that like a big destruction, a family do like it's all those sort of cliches, but not it just fe it's just odd. I can't really explain the magic of it, but it's it's working.
SPEAKER_01They're cliches that I think have sort of left Hollywood a little bit, and so they feel familiar and comforting now. I think is probably more so the you go, oh, I sort of miss these tropes, and I miss when everybody you cast in supporting roles were character actors to try and just like give them anything to do. Uh and I think the movies also got really good deaths like all through it. All the deaths are really fun.
SPEAKER_02I think you get what you're signing up for. Like you're like, I want a destruction movie. Like, here's eight of the biggest set pieces and just displays the CGI we have, mixed with some practical, and we're gonna show people die who don't deserve to die. And you're just like, and I guess at the end you're like, here's a happy note, but really it's less of like this is real, just more like didn't you have fun? Didn't you have fun?
SPEAKER_01You know, it's definitely a movie that gives you exactly what it's selling you. I don't think it disappoints on that factor at all. If you were like, Oh, that destruction movie didn't have enough destruction in it. What do you want about it?
SPEAKER_02I also think it's a minor miracle that it is literally named after a year and everyone just came it. Like it's it's an odd like it wow, he really just has a charm. I get why he was like, I'm gonna sell fun moonfall. Like it just was like, I can't fail, and then he did. But yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's one of the it's a movie that I think also kills his career because he's now done everything that can be done, in my opinion. So I don't think I've seen anything in in any disaster movie since, like San Andreas or Geostorm, whether or not they've got his hands on it. This to me is like, oh, it capped off the disaster films. Because what more could you want to see? What more could Hollywood show you that's new in the format of a disaster movie? Um so yeah, I think if you're like super in disaster movies, this is the ultimate one. Yeah, isn't that the this is the one to watch? Surely. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Carl, who would watch 2012?
SPEAKER_01I think if you love planes taking off, if you just want to see a movie where all the action sequences are like, can the plane take off?
SPEAKER_02It's just for you. You really are sport for choice. It's real good stuff.
SPEAKER_01There's three plane taking off sequences, none of them are the best part of the film, not one of them, and they do it three separate times. Crazy.
SPEAKER_02You're not even like on the edge of a seat, you're sat. Like on a beanbag. Like you're just like, yeah, they'll make it.
SPEAKER_01Oscar who we watched 2012.
SPEAKER_02Carl, if you've just watched 1408 with John Cusack and you're in desperatism for another number-based film with John Cusack, you're gonna love this one.
SPEAKER_01Um, if you're a bedwetter and have never seen yourself represented in film before, you're gonna get a whole arc. You're gonna get to do it all. It's nice. Even with the destruction of the earth, you're gonna be fine. Yep. It's gonna be fine. You're gonna get shocked into a state of being like, oh, I can keep it in.
SPEAKER_02Oh. Oscar, who would watch 2012? Kyle, if you've just written a horrid novel, just know there's hope. Just know that even that horror novel will be written read. If the end of the world, just keep a couple of copies, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Kyle, who would watch 2012?
SPEAKER_01If you're a divorced dad that feels like your spot in the family's been taken and you want a sick fantasy to fulfil where you get everything that you've ever wanted, this movie is for you.
SPEAKER_02I literally have the exact one. Just like if you've seen a father step up, yeah, just watch this. It's which fulfillment. No, he will be dead. Even if he's so fucking great, he will be ground up like meat.
SPEAKER_01His liver's gonna be spotted everywhere, and the family will forget he existed. It's a dream come true. Did Roland Emmerich go through a messy divorce? It feels like he was just like, my kids love this other guy, and he sucks, in my opinion. And he's helpful, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna not admit that.
SPEAKER_02Like he's great, like he's really great around the house, but fuck him making it his whole thing. Uh, Carl, that was Versus Month. I feel like it could be a pretty easy 2012. Check it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think 2012 is the winner of the two. So yeah, fun to know.
SPEAKER_02And that way we know. That we know. And that way we know. Well, that'll take us two hours to figure that one out. Yeah. It's good to know. Well, actually, seven hours because we have to watch both films. Yeah. It's good that we use our time well.
SPEAKER_01Have we got another versus? Oh, we'll make another one. Yeah, we'll just it's just the podcast. I think so. I think we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. If you've got an idea of what you'd like us to review, you can email us at us www.tpodcast at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for listening.