In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the hymen -- facts and fiction -- as well as other misconceptions about the concept of virginity.
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To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing,
Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
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www.intimatecovenant.com
Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the hymen -- facts and fiction -- as well as other misconceptions about the concept of virginity.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing,
Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant
Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
www.intimatecovenant.com
Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
Hey, jen, wanna talk about virginity and the hymen. Give me a break. Great. Today we're busting through the facts and fiction about the hymen and encouraging a biblical approach to the concept of virginity. Let's do it. Welcome to the Intimate Covenant podcast, where we believe the Bible and Great Married sex both belong on your kitchen table. That's right. We're talking about holy, covenant-bound intimate relationships with hot sex.
Speaker 2:We're Madden Jen, founders of Intimate Covenant. We offer biblical teaching and resources to help married couples achieve a fuller relationship and an extraordinary sex life. For more information, visit our website, intimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 1:Welcome, friends.
Speaker 2:Welcome. Thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1:So glad you're here with us.
Speaker 2:It is a beautiful autumn day outside it is we're finally not sweating in Houston Texas, yes, and maybe more relevant to the podcast.
Speaker 1:You're going to hear every single one of our neighbors outside operating some kind of lawn equipment and machinery.
Speaker 2:So today is apparently the day to do yard work in our neighborhood, and this is our opportunity this weekend to record this podcast.
Speaker 1:So we are doing it, in spite of what you may hear surrounding us.
Speaker 2:So we're not in a war zone.
Speaker 1:We're just in the middle of autumn.
Speaker 2:yard work, apparently, yes and along with autumn yard work comes autumn allergies, so you also might hear a little bit more throat clearing as Matt has his hot tea with him. Yes so? Hopefully not so, but we are recovering from some allergy stuff. So bear with us, it's real life people.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's what we're here for.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:We here are, with IntimateCovenant, are on the verge of several big announcements, both personally and for IntimateCovenant. Can't make those announcements quite yet, but we would certainly covet your prayers for some wisdom and guidance as we navigate some of these circumstances and hope to be able to share some of that news with you in the near future.
Speaker 2:Big things coming. That's exactly right. So how's that for a little teaser, right? You know, today is a little bit of an uncomfortable subject, matt. We're going to be talking about the hymen.
Speaker 1:The hymen. We recently did an episode. Will it Fit talking about painful first experiences with intercourse, specifically related to a Bride2B's concern? Yeah, and we would recommend that episode to you.
Speaker 2:And we got some questions off of that episode. It's always hard to know what information to put in an episode and you know we could talk forever, so in that episode we didn't put anything about the hymen, but we got some questions about the hymen and related to bleeding and pain with first intercourse and so if you've listened to that episode, here is the follow-up from that episode.
Speaker 1:Part two. But you know what also might be uncomfortable for some couples. What's that Matt Talking about? Finances.
Speaker 2:True, but we know someone who can help ease the pain of that conversation.
Speaker 1:Without the shame and with minimal discomfort, we hope.
Speaker 1:There you go that would be Open Door financial advisors. You can reach out to them. Opendoorfacom. Open Door is the sponsor for our podcast and we are so very grateful to Derek for arranging that for us. Derek helps clients solve financial problems and helps them build a future around their values and their dreams. Open Door, he explained to us, is named in honor of a woman named Laura Hammack. She, as he described, was a woman of God that opened her door and opened her heart to everyone looking for a home.
Speaker 2:I just love that. I love the backstory of Derek's financial advising company name and just the story of Laura and how it honors her.
Speaker 1:Right and, like Laura, open Door is there for everyone. So whether you're in the middle class, whether you have a lot of money or a little, whether you're young or old, derek at Open Door financial advisors wants to serve you and your family. Again, you can find Derek Open Door financial advisors OpenDoorFAcom, where finances meet faith and family.
Speaker 2:That's right. So getting into today's episode as we started. Well, like we said to begin with, we received an email from a listener who just had some questions, and so we were starting to respond to that email and realized this makes for a good podcast episode.
Speaker 1:Well, it happens often, Not only specifically, they had some questions about the Hyman and you know her own personal experience, but it also just raised so many other tangential issues in my mind that kind of are connected. So we're going to talk about a lot of things that the email wasn't really addressing, but we're also going to try to answer the listeners' questions as we move through.
Speaker 2:That's right. That's what happens in Matt's mind. It's all connected in some form or fashion. Who knows?
Speaker 1:I think there's a lot to unpack here with the Hyman, because the Hyman, that idea, is tied so closely with this idea of virginity.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so that means that there's a lot to unpack with this whole idea of virginity, and that's maybe where we'll kind of turn on this issue as we get a little bit further down the road. But we have a lot to cover. So let's start with a very simple question, and that is what is a Hyman?
Speaker 2:Good question and I think it helps to first start with what is the myth behind what is a Hyman? So I don't know about you guys, but in my mind, especially growing up, I had this kind of picture in mind when it came to a Hyman. I thought a Hyman was some kind of hard seal-like covering that blocker vagina and that somehow then, upon having sex meaning penile penetration for the first time, your Hyman would be broken, resulting in pain and bleeding.
Speaker 1:And especially the bleeding. Yes, the fact is, though, that the Hyman is just a flexible, very thin tissue membrane that is surrounds the edges of the entrance to the vaginal canal.
Speaker 2:It is not actually blocking the entire canal, which, when you think about it, duh, because how else could you menstruate if? It blocked it completely, right.
Speaker 1:It's formed during fetal development, as the vagina is developing. Because the vagina starts as this sealed tube and as the tube expands the vaginal opening forms and then the remnants of that tube sort of end up being a ring, as it were, around the opening of the vaginal canal. There's different types of Hymans that are named according to their shape. The most common types are an annular Hyman versus a crescentic Hyman.
Speaker 2:Annular- Fancy language, yes, well, so think of it this way.
Speaker 1:Annular means it's shaped like a donut. Okay, we can all relate to that. Hold in the middle. There you go, and so an annular one surrounds the entire vaginal opening, with the center of the donut being that vaginal opening, and then, think of a crescentic, just like a crescent roll. There, you go, and so it's located at the bottom of the vaginal opening. Kind of forms, that crescent shape down at the bottom.
Speaker 2:So here we are on the Intimate Covenant podcast relating hymens to breakfast pastries. You're welcome.
Speaker 1:I don't know why it has to be food analogies, but that's about worked out there you go, you can take that where you want.
Speaker 2:Now everyone's going to remember the different shapes of the hymen.
Speaker 1:And they're actually needed to know.
Speaker 2:Right, right, we're just going to teach you all sorts of things.
Speaker 1:There are other shapes of hymens, but that's the two most common, and those are the two that don't really cause problems for most women Generally speaking, I mean most newborns, almost all newborns, are born with an annular shaped hymen, but by the time that most girls reach the elementary school and in fact nearly all, by the time most, almost all girls reach elementary school, it has worn itself and eroded away into that crescentic shape.
Speaker 2:And this was something I found really interesting as we were doing this study. You know, matt and I are always learning more on the intimate Covenant podcast for you guys. So, deep diving into hymens, I learned a lot and I thought it was interesting to note that. You know, like most other tissues in your body, your hymen is flexible and can stretch because, since it's a thin, flexible piece of tissue, it stretches and actually thins naturally over time, just from day to day activities.
Speaker 1:In most cases, the hymen is going to wear down quite a bit just over time, naturally without any intervention.
Speaker 2:Right, and it can. It can get small tears in it from exercise or any kind of vigorous activity. I mean, obviously we know it can be stretched or torn during sexual activity and, side note, you'll hear us use the language torn rather than break, because that is a much better, you know, kind of capturing of what is happening it is. You know most hymens are not quote unquote breaking.
Speaker 1:No, they they tear or fissure or stretch or even erode or or even break away from from their attachment. But in most cases a hymen quote unquote breaking or a hymen tearing or being worn away is not a one time event. It's gradual and most the time it's unnoticeable. For most women it's unnoticeable. The hymen is a membrane, meaning it's just thin. It's a very thin layer of skin, like tissue, very thin In fact. It has very few blood vessels in it, so that even if the hymen is torn, it probably is not in most cases going to bleed significantly. In fact, several studies have documented that bleeding is not routinely observed after a woman's first intercourse. In one study, in fact, the bleeding during first intercourse happened in only 43% of cases.
Speaker 2:So less than half. We should do an informal. We need to put up an anonymous poll, maybe on our social media page. Would anybody answer that, just to find out.
Speaker 1:You know I'd be curious and obviously everyone's going to have different experiences.
Speaker 2:And we know that that's the case.
Speaker 1:But the authors of this particular study said that, even though there was bleeding in 43% of the cases, it was generally very mild, and they said that forced penetration and lack of lubrication may cause lacerations to the vaginal wall, both of which are likely to be responsible for the bloodstained sheets, rather than trauma to the hymen.
Speaker 2:So it may just be, you know, a lack of lubrication or a lack of you know having proper arousal, that it's actually damaging more the vaginal cavity, the wall versus the actual hymen tearing. That might cause some blood.
Speaker 1:Right. So there are a lot of reasons why there may be bleeding. I guess that's kind of the point to make here. It's not always necessarily that the hymen is or is not being torn.
Speaker 2:Right, but I think that further emphasizes the importance of plenty of lubrication and spending lots of time with non-penetrative intercourse sexual activity. That will enhance arousal, especially for an inexperienced new bride.
Speaker 1:Right. The other good news, I guess, is that there's also very minimal innervation to the hymen, meaning there are very few nerve endings to the hymen, and so therefore pain is often not noticed or is not often significant when the hymen tears or it stretches.
Speaker 2:Now, that said, every woman will experience this differently and you know we certainly do not want to minimize any woman whose story is that of pain and or bleeding. Clearly, some women do have significant pain and even bleeding with sex, and especially their first time with sexual intercourse, and so you know we don't want to minimize if that's your story, we're not trying to make you feel like you're the weird or broken one and we don't want women to be unprepared for this as a possibility. But the truth actually is that most don't have significant problems with this. And maybe, more importantly, I think we need to do a better job of opening up lines of communications between moms and daughters, between women, between mentors, health care providers, even so that new brides can be prepared for this possibility, but not scared. There's a big difference between being prepared and being scared.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we definitely want to encourage wives to be willing and ready to speak up to their husbands if there is discomfort, because, again, something that I think we can't emphasize enough is that sex never has to be painful.
Speaker 2:Well, and we need to, we need to be teaching both the new bride and the new groom True this concept that sex should never be painful. It can, and, as we talked about with the Will, it Fit certainly a vagina that has never had a penis inserted into it. There is going to be some stretching, that happens. There is going to be some tension, some pressure.
Speaker 1:That's to be expected and there's going to be a learning curve for the bride and for the groom, but both parties need to recognize that pain should not be a part of it.
Speaker 2:Right, and as we have said all along, sex is what the two of you are doing together. It may involve intercourse, it may not, at that exact moment and so broaden that definition make a huge point to communicate with one another what is pleasurable, and so we just need to be encouraging new brides and new grooms to understand all of this.
Speaker 1:So whether the pain and the bleeding is coming from the hymen or not is not always clear, and maybe is not all that important. I think is one of the points that we're gonna try to make here. One thing, though, is quite clear A multitude of scientific studies indicate that, for women, there is no detectable change in the appearance of their hymen after they begin sexual activity.
Speaker 1:And the studies on this are prolific because this is an important issue, especially in forensic science, especially with respect to investigating sexual assault. But there's a number of studies that suggest that there just is not a detectable difference in the appearance of the hymen in girls that are and are not sexually active, and I'm just gonna give you some quotes from a few of those studies. Feel free to email me if you'd like the references. But one of these studies says that most girls referred for medical, forensic culposcopic examination. That means looking at the vaginal canal with special instrumentation. Most girls referred for that type of examination have normal or non-specific findings, the prevalence of abnormal findings in girls with a history of genital penetration being only four to 6%.
Speaker 2:All right, put that in everyday language for us.
Speaker 1:Well, so four to 6% of girls have findings that are abnormal in appearance on examination.
Speaker 2:So over 90%. So there's no way to tell the difference.
Speaker 1:That's what we're trying to say. Another study said 52% of teens who report they have had sex with a penis have an intact hymen. So the hymen is a highly unreliable indicator of first sex. Another study most hymenal measurements lack adequate sensitivity or specificity to be used to confirm previous penetration. All right, so again, in summary, the presence or absence or the specific appearance of the hymen is not a reliable way to determine a woman's penetrative sexual experiences. Bleeding and pain with the first sexual intercourse occurs inconsistently among women.
Speaker 2:All right, so why does that matter?
Speaker 1:Well, I think it matters, because the hymen and whether you have a hymen that is intact or not intact or looks a certain way or not, a certain way is not an indication as to whether you are a virgin or not. Quote, unquote virgin and whether you bleed or not with your first sexual experience, whether you had pain or not with your first sexual experience, does not indicate whether you were a virgin or not or whether there is something right or wrong with you, right?
Speaker 2:right, right, and I think you know, as we were preparing this episode, the point that you really made to me and where we're gonna go here with this. The rest of this episode is just dwelling on. Why are we so obsessed with virginity and, more importantly, are we even describing and defining virginity in a biblical way?
Speaker 1:Right, and is that even an important marker? I think that, and maybe let's also clarify that the individual and you know who you are who emailed us and kind of stimulated this thought process, I was not getting at this particular point, so I'm glad to be clear about that.
Speaker 2:No, we're broadening out from that email.
Speaker 1:But the more that you read about the hymen, the more that you read about this whole issue, it is so tightly tied to this idea of virginity and this almost cultural importance with virginity.
Speaker 1:We seem to be obsessed with this idea. I think part of our cultural obsession with the hymen and with virginity seems to come from, at least in part, from this short passage in Deuteronomy, chapter 22, verses 13 through 21. You can read that on your own if you like, but this passage is a portion of the Mosaic law that deals with how to handle it when a husband accuses his new wife of not being a virgin when they were married. And so there is this so-called evidence of virginity that her parents could produce to refute his claim. And that evidence, of course, is this cloth that is presumed by most readers to be a cloth that has been stained with hymenal blood, although to be clear that the text does not specifically say what this cloth is other than that it's a cloth. But we know from tradition that that's probably what they meant is that there would be a cloth laid down on the bed of the new bride and groom after they have their first sexual experience.
Speaker 1:Then the parents take that cloth that is then bloodstained and they keep it as proof that their daughter was a virgin at the time of their wedding night. Let's unpack this a little bit, and I want to say first, let's be clear that the importance of a bride's virginity in Old Testament culture does not have the same relevance to our culture today. Here's what I mean by that Marriage in ancient culture was a joining of tribal inheritances. It was a joining of tribal wealth. It was much more than just a romantic endeavor between two individual people. It was a contract between two entire communities, and so who your dad was determined, what property you owned, it determined your social status, it determined your wealth, it even, in some cases, determined your occupation, and so, therefore, bloodlines were of critical importance to the two families that were involved in this transaction.
Speaker 1:It was a transaction between families, between tribes, not just between two individuals. So if a woman could be carrying the bloodline of some other family, that was of critical importance to the groom's family, and they needed to know about it. Secondly, ancient culture, of course, had even less understanding about gynecological anatomy and physiology than we do today, and so a bloody cloth, so to speak, was the best quote test that they had. It was the best proof that they might have had, and so it was, and I would suggest it was less of a test of virginity and it was more about a confirmation of the transaction that had occurred. In other words, the parents kept the cloth so that the husband could not go back on the arrangement after he had had sex with her.
Speaker 2:So it was proof that this marriage was consummated and therefore he had an obligation and a duty to take care of her.
Speaker 1:He had to live up to what he had suggested, even if it turns out that he didn't like her very much. Third, and I would say maybe most importantly, these laws were set up to protect the woman's reputation and her family's honor.
Speaker 2:It wasn't set up in order to try and trap her if she doesn't bleed.
Speaker 1:No, and here's what I mean by that, at least as I read it. I mean she had many disadvantages in ancient culture, but that's clear, and I don't think anybody would dispute that At least compared to our modern culture. But the law here, god's law, graciously gives her this protection and gives her quite a bit of leverage here, because all she had to do if she was accused of this, all she had to do was present a bloody cloth to refute the charges, and her slanderous husband would then be stoned to death.
Speaker 2:That sounds like a pretty good amount of protection for her.
Speaker 1:In the law. He was otherwise never granted access to this cloth. He never had to see it, he never had to know that it existed, he never had to have it. He couldn't have it. It was not his to have, it was her parents.
Speaker 2:That's fascinating that her parents were to keep possession of it.
Speaker 1:So look, let's be honest about this. What woman's parents would not have kept a bloody cloth handy to protect their daughter's reputation and their family's honor? Any cloth, right, I mean with any kind of blood on it. It's not like they could do DNA analysis to determine whose blood it was and when it occurred. Any bloody cloth could cause this man to be stoned to death if he dared to question his wife's integrity and her family's honor.
Speaker 2:So it was in essence like you said. To sum all that up, it was protection for her.
Speaker 1:Yes, what man was going to make that accusation After having had sex with this woman on their wedding night? What man is going to then claim that she was not a virgin at the time without having other substantial evidence, like other witnesses or other men? But again, all that had to happen was a bloody cloth come forward and he stoned to death.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, so how does that relate to this conversation?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I think number one that's a lot of where this comes from is that women get the impression that they're going to have to bleed and they're going to have to have pain in order to prove that they're a virgin to their husband on their wedding night.
Speaker 2:And that, if they don't, something is wrong. Then they're going to be questioned about it, or that they're going to have, and there's still cultures today that put a huge amount of emphasis on bleeding on the wedding night, but in our culture most of our listeners are in America and or in cultures where that is not such an emphasis. So where we're trying to help you all understand this is that blood may or may not occur and that doesn't really indicate much of anything, and the law is not suggesting that it's supposed to happen, either.
Speaker 1:It's not suggesting that it's a requirement. I guess what I would say is, in short, virginity is not a diagnosis. Okay, there's not a test, not in ancient culture, there's not even a test in modern medicine.
Speaker 2:Well and then, like we said, where we would like to also go with that for us modern listeners, is why is virginity so narrowly defined? I think this is something. Whether you're married or unmarried listening to this podcast, this is a place for you to dwell on. This is why this episode is relevant to all of us, because we narrowly define virginity as penile vaginal intercourse.
Speaker 1:Right. I mean and I don't know where or why that definition exists, maybe because it's an easy place to draw a line but would it be excusable that your spouse had oral or even anal sex before marriage? As long as they didn't have vaginal sex, then okay, they're a virgin, everything's okay. Or I would also suggest that this bias is a severe double standard against women, because where's the test for men If a woman is supposed to bleed and she's supposed to have a ruptured hymen? Where's the test for men? Why don't men have a quote virginity test?
Speaker 2:Right and I think where we, when we narrowly define virginity based on penile vaginal intercourse, we're missing the point of sexual purity as a whole. Yes, Sexual impurity. Sexual purity includes refraining from sexual, sexually lustful behaviors of lots of varieties.
Speaker 1:And attitudes, because, again, abstaining from penile vaginal intercourse is not the line that determines whether you are sexually pure or not.
Speaker 2:Right. If you are using someone else's body to gratify your own sexual lust, then you're engaging in sexual immorality. That's not just happening with intercourse. That could include touching, kissing, any kind of penetration as a whole. It also includes poor sexual attitudes and behaviors like lustful thoughts. It includes crude conversations, pornography. These are all things that affect your sexual purity.
Speaker 1:So I think what I'm encouraging, what we're encouraging, is stop using an unbiblical standard in an ungodly definition of what sexual purity means, stop limiting it to something so arbitrary and think in a broader sense about what sexual purity means. It's not about virginity, it's about sexual purity.
Speaker 2:Yes, and stop using that definition with our young people Especially. This is why the vast majority of our teenagers, especially those in the church, believe it's just fine to make out with whomever they want, do whatever it is they want, as long as there's no penis in the vagina.
Speaker 1:And that includes our young people having oral and anal sex.
Speaker 2:It is astounding and we don't have it in front of us, but look it up. It is astounding to read the studies of what sexual activities young people in the church have participated in, and then how many of them consider themselves virgins because they've not had penis into the vagina. Sex.
Speaker 1:Right. This fixation on penile vaginal intercourse, I think, limits our view of sexual activity, and the limitation has consequences far beyond just what our teenagers are doing. Absolutely, this affects all of us it does, because defining sex only as penile vaginal penetration has placed, then, unbiblical limitations on the marriage bed as well. Yes, and this works to the great disadvantage of those couples who are unnecessarily afraid, then, to explore a greater degree of pleasure, a greater degree of connection, through that playful range of sexual activities that God has blessed us with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it more specifically, it negatively affects so many women because the vast majority of women do not consistently orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Therefore, an unbiblical limitation of sexual practice is another profound unfairness in how we're treating women's sexuality. We're not recognizing that the majority of women experience the most pleasure sexually with their beloved doing things other than penile vaginal penetration and so but we act like all those other things are the fringe, things that are shameful, and therefore sex becomes about a man's pleasure, not the joint oneness and connection and, together, pleasure.
Speaker 1:Right. I think the other place where this is problematic is that it induces quite a bit of unnecessary shame for those who may have sexual past. Let me just say this way virginity does not determine someone's worth, nor does it determine someone's value as a future spouse.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Without question. Let me also clarify without question avoiding sexual sin before you are married is the ideal.
Speaker 2:It's absolutely God's plan.
Speaker 1:Yes, you will be much better off if you are a virgin when you are married.
Speaker 2:And by virgin we mean, you have not shared your sexual energies with another.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You misused your sexual energies with another.
Speaker 1:Yes, but shouldn't we be much more concerned about all of my future spouses sexual attitudes and behaviors, rather than just a fixation on a single sexual activity?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:An unmarried person's sexual activity or lack thereof is only part of the question that needs to be explored.
Speaker 2:Right and an unmarried person may be sexually inactive for a variety of reasons. It may be that they are terrified of sex or have had a very poor sexual education. That's going to be a problem.
Speaker 1:That's certainly a reason why someone might be a virgin. Yes, does that make them a good sexual partner for a spouse?
Speaker 2:Maybe not.
Speaker 1:Or this person may be a virgin because they are so steeped in pornography or other sexual abuses that they don't have a need or desire for intercourse with another person. Therefore, they're still technically a virgin, but their sexuality is so severely warped or even dangerously perverted.
Speaker 2:Well and this is being seen especially in the upcoming generation they're not having sex, quote unquote but they're doing a whole lot of other stuff that is warping, so they are having sex, they are misusing their sexual energies and bodies. So again, just because they are quote unquote, a virgin doesn't necessarily make them a candidate for a great future spouse.
Speaker 1:Right, but these circumstances that we're talking about may result in much more disastrous dynamics to a marriage relationship than if one or both spouses had some previous sexual intercourse. And yet the only question that we seem to be concerned about is are you a quote virgin?
Speaker 2:Right, right, and so we're asking you to broaden out that definition, but also, at the same time, recognize that this isn't the unforgivable sin.
Speaker 1:Well, right, I think, broaden it so that we're not asking about virginity, we need to be asking about sexual purity.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and if you believe in repentance and in redemption, then you must be willing to believe that. Quote unquote. Losing your virginity is only part of the story. It's not again an unforgivable sin. By the grace of God, purity is always attainable, no matter your past.
Speaker 1:Right Purity is a present state of being. It is not a recounting of my past transgressions. Right Purity means that my sins are forgiven, even fornication, and that I am now diligently seeking God's plan and I am standing in His grace.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and you know, I think our main goal here is let's just encourage one another to ask better and deeper questions, rather than just looking for an overly simplistic false marker of purity and encouraging all of us, married or unmarried, to seek sexual purity in our everyday life. It is attainable and possible for every single one of us, and it is the call of God for each of us.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:All right, matt. I think we have tackled the hymen, virginity and all sorts of other things in this episode. Let's give us a wrap up.
Speaker 1:First of all, there is no quote virginity test. The presence, absence or any other physical appearance of the hymen is not a reliable indicator of a woman's previous sexual activity. The same is true for vaginal bleeding or pain. With initial sexual experience, every woman has a different anatomy and a different experience. Virginity does not determine someone's worth as a person or as a future spouse. While the ideal is that a person refrained from premarital sex, a person's current sexual attitudes and behaviors are far more important than their past.
Speaker 2:Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and head to your kitchen table to have the conversation about the ways that cultural importance of virginity might have impacted your marriage. Did you, or do you feel unnecessary shame about your sexual past?
Speaker 1:We would love to hear your feedback. Contact us by emailing podcast at intimatecovenantcom or submit an anonymous feedback and questions. You can do that at our website, intimatecovenantcom. Slash podcast and click on the button that says contact the podcast. Thanks again to Derek and Open Door Financial Advisors for sponsoring the podcast. Contact Open Door at opendoorfacom, where finances meet faith and family.
Speaker 2:Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing, rating and sharing the podcast. We're truly humbled by all of your encouragement and support, and thanks especially to our Patreon subscribers for coming alongside us in a very real way. We love you. If you would like to join Intimate Covenant by supporting the podcast and our greater mission to share God's plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality, you can subscribe at patreoncom. Slash intimatecovenant.
Speaker 1:Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.