S6E79 | Noaidi - Generational Trauma in a Mormon Lineage: MK ULTRA Survivor Breaks her Silence

Today I’m honored to introduce you all to: MK ULTRA, satanic ritual abuse, and organized abuse survivor, overcomer and whistleblower, loving mother, musician, writer, independent researcher of past and present history, and a woman on a mission to raise awareness about trauma-based mind control programs that have been hidden in the dark and to help others heal from the unimaginable: Noaidi

Born in Humble, Texas, into a family deeply enmeshed in the CIA’s MK ULTRA experiments, Noaidi entered this world carrying secrets older than her own memories. Her maternal grandfather proudly claimed the family as one of the first Mormon pioneers to settle in Utah, yet beneath that lineage lay layers of control, exploitation, and hidden operations that would take decades to surface

At age thirty-four, the dam broke. Long-repressed memories flooded back - vivid recollections of her maternal grandfather’s sexual abuse, interwoven with ritualistic ceremonies and the sickening exploitation of her childhood innocence through child sexual abuse material. When she found the courage to speak, her mother brought her to an Austin therapist, whose quiet specialization in MK ULTRA and ritual satanic abuse victims and survivors offered the first safe space for truth. This revelation ignited a relentless inquiry into her past.

Yet even in the midst of such darkness, a light had always burned inside her. From an early age, Noaidi felt an unrelenting pull to understand who was truly in charge of this world. That sacred hunger led her, at eight, to embrace Christianity and become born again—much to the dismay of her nuclear family. She devoured the Bible throughout her teenage years, seeking answers in scripture.

At twenty-one, pregnant with her first child, she followed her father’s wish and entered a contemplative Christian church. There, through disciplined self-observation, rigorous meditation, and the patient work of seeing all her inner “I’s,” she began the sacred process of integration. For thirteen years she labored in “The Work,” slowly gathering the fragmented parts of herself into greater wholeness. After this foundation, her path deepened.

From this place of profound realization, Noaidi began offering spiritual healing to others. Her practice in Austin flourished; people felt seen, held, and transformed in her presence. It was during one such healing session that the final repressed memories of her abuse rose fully into consciousness, completing the circle of remembrance.

She is the mother of seven beautiful children. Six were forcibly taken from her. In the shattering clarity that followed, she understood she had been used as a breeder within the cult—her awakened consciousness making her too dangerous to keep close. Her own family ostracized her and worked tirelessly to discredit the truth she carried.

Deeper layers revealed themselves: experiments and programming conducted on Air Force bases and in underground facilities. She began recovering awareness of missions carried out in adulthood - her body and mind weaponized as a Beta sex slave and a Theta psychic spy. Remarkably, the very psychic capacities developed through Theta training became the foundation of her extraordinary gift for healing others. What had been forged for control could now serve liberation.

Today, Noaidi has turned the full force of her hard-won consciousness toward a single, luminous purpose: raising awareness about these hidden programs and guiding fellow survivors toward healing. Noaidi’s life is not merely a story of survival; it is a living prophecy of what becomes possible when a soul refuses to remain asleep. Ostracized, discredited, and targeted, she stands taller, her voice clearer, her presence more potent.

She is the embodiment of awakened courage - the woman who turned the very tools of her programming into instruments of freedom. Through her healing work, her teachings, and her unwavering advocacy, Noaidi proves that no programming is final, no trauma is absolute, and no darkness can extinguish the divine spark that seeks to know itself. She is living proof that the greatest rebellion against systems of control is radical self-awareness, radical compassion, and the relentless choice to help others rise. In her presence, survivors feel seen. In her words, the fragmented find hope. And in her example, the world glimpses what it means to be truly free.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up you guys? Welcome to The Imagination. I'm your host, Emma, and today I am so honored to introduce you all to MKUltra, Satanic Ritual Abuse, an organized abuse survivor, overcomer, and whistleblower for the very first time today on her very first podcast, loving mother, musician, writer, independent researcher of past and present history, and a woman on a mission to raise awareness about trauma-based mind control programs that have been hidden in the dark, and also to help others heal from the unimaginable, No ID. Born in Humble, Texas to a family deeply enmeshed in the CIA's MKUltra experiments, No ID entered this world carrying secrets older than her own memories. Her maternal grandfather proudly claimed the family as one of the first Mormon pioneers to settle in Utah. Yet beneath that lineage lay layers of control, exploitation, and hidden operations that would take decades to surface. At 34, the dam broke. Long repressed memories flooded back, vivid recollections of her maternal grandfather's sexual abuse, interwoven with ritualistic ceremonies and the sickening exploitation of her childhood innocence through child sexual abuse material. When Noidi found the courage to speak, her mother brought her to an Austin therapist whose quiet specialization in MKUltra and ritual abuse victims and survivors offered the first safe space for truth. This revelation ignited a relentless inquiry into her past. Yet even in the midst of such darkness, a light had always burned inside her. From an early age, No Idi felt unrelenting pull to understand who was truly in charge of this world. That sacred hunger led her, at just eight years old, to embrace Christianity and become born again, much to the dismay of her nuclear family, especially her mother. She devoured the Bible throughout her teenage years, seeking answers in scripture. At 21, pregnant with her first child, she followed her father's wish and entered a contemplative Christian church. There, through disciplined self-observation, rigorous meditation, and the patient work of seeing all her inner eyes, she began the sacred process of integration. For 13 years, she labored in the work, slowly gathering the fragmented parts of herself into greater wholeness. After this foundation, her path deepened. From this place of profound realization, Noite began offering spiritual healing to others. Her practice flourished. People felt seen, held, and transformed in her presence. It was during one such healing session that the final repressed memories of her abuse rose fully into consciousness, completing the circle of remembrance. She's the mother of seven beautiful children. Six were forcibly taken from her. In the shattering clarity that followed, she understood that she had been used as a breeder within the cult she grew up in, her awakened consciousness making her too dangerous to keep close. Her own family ostracized her and worked tirelessly to discredit the truth she carried. Deeper layers revealed themselves. Experiments and programming conducted on Air Force bases and in underground facilities. She began becoming awareness of missions carried out in adulthood, her body and mind weaponized as a beta sex slave and a theta psychic spy. Remarkably, the various psychic capacities developed through Theta training became the foundation of her extraordinary gift for healing others. What had been forged for control could now serve for liberation. Today, Noite has turned the full force of her hard-won consciousness toward a single, luminous purpose, raising awareness about these hidden programs and guiding fellow survivors toward healing. Noite's life is not merely a story of survival, it is a living prophecy of what becomes possible when a soul refuses to remain asleep. Ostracized, discredited, and targeted, she stands taller, her voice clearer, her presence more potent. She's the embodiment of awakened courage, the woman who took the very tools of her programming into instruments of freedom. Through her healing work, her teachings, and her unwavering advocacy, Noite proves that no programming is final, no trauma is absolute, and no darkness can extinguish the divine spark that seeks to know itself. She's living proof that the greatest rebellion against systems of control is radical self-awareness, radical compassion, and the relentless choice to help others rise. In her presence, survivors feel seen. In her words, the fragmented find hope. And in her example, the world glimpses what it means to be truly free. So, you guys, without further ado, please help me in welcoming today's guest of honor, Voice for the Voiceless, Survivor and Survivor Advocate, Woman of God, Empath and Healer, Fierce Mama Bear, Cent Creator, Hero for Her Children and for All Children, Inspiration and My New Friend, The One, The Only, No ID. No ID, it is an honor to have you on today. Thank you so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Thank you so much. That really made me tear up, that intro. I'm like crying right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

You're so deserving of it. What you've been through is just horrendous. And also at the same time, I'm just amazed and in awe that you're here today. You are a divine walking miracle, and it is such an honor to get to witness you and such an honor to have you here and to get to hear a testimony that's never been told in this way before in full, and to get to actually witness you as the walking miracle that you are today. And you're doing your children an incredible honor of fighting for them. I can't even imagine the heartbreak and hardship that this has to bear on your soul as a parent. And hopefully, here with the help of others, with the prayers of others, with the support of others, you know, we can help get you one step closer, two steps closer, three steps closer until you're finally with your children again, which is exactly what you deserve. And we're all so sorry for what very, very unfortunate circumstances that have happened since you decided to do the right thing. You know, that's the worst part is all this stuff happens after somebody decides to do what's right, and it's it's horrific, and it's the biggest crimes against humanity. So really, really honored to have you on today. This has been a long time coming. And so I thought we'd start. You have a really fascinating family history, and I think it's important the audience and people learning understand that this isn't a dark alleyway where somebody jumps out and all of a sudden an abuse situation happens, like what they tell us in movies. This is typically a scenario that that runs in families until it eventually runs into somebody like you who breaks the cycle. And so I thought maybe we'd start by outlining what you know about your family history, um, how far back this goes, and my daughter just woke up.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

You want a drink? How old is she? She's two and a half. She's in the big house. Do you want to go in the big house and play for a little bit? You want me to carry you and take you in there? Go in the backpack.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I think I'm gonna take her to my friend and then we can finish um doing this. Yes, absolutely. It won't be too long. She's just like the house is pretty much next door.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

So no problem. Take your time.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Okay, I'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

No problem.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

You wanna say hi real quick?

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Oh my gosh, she's so cute. Oh my gosh, it's new girl.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Okay, I'll be right back with us.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

So um, as you already mentioned, my um maternal grandfather um told me that we were one of the founding or set that settled Utah Mormons. And um he was born into the Mormon church, and his mother ended up divorcing his father, which I'm sure because of abuse. And after that, they were kicked out of the church. Um, and his mother was a single mother with four children back then, which was kind of really revolutionary at that time. Um, he grew up in southern Utah, um, playing with the Native Americans at the reservation right next door. He said that they would play um cowboy and Indian and switch roles, and they would make him be Indian and they get to be cowboys. So he's got a lot of interesting stories growing up. But um as as I've come to understand, um the Mormon religion is not what it appears to be on the surface. Um, there's a lot of sexual abuse, there's a lot of incest. Um they have their temple on top that looks all like godly and sacred, and usually down below is where they perform rituals that are um to children that are very sexual in nature, um, sacrifices and things as well. So it's almost like this weird like heaven and hell kind of concept. It's like they recreate that where like down below is the hell and then up above is the heaven. So um, so I grew up with that because I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. Um, my mom would drop me off at his house a lot, or my both my it was him and my grandmother. My grandmother, um I believe a lot of her ancestors are from Germany, but I don't know that I'm totally clear about all of it. Um, I was told by my cousin that my grandfather's side of the family that he was able to trace some people back to England and that somehow were distantly related to Princess Diana's family. So I was like, well, that's interesting. Um, that would explain, you know, these kinds of um things occurring in our family too, that that got carried over from that side as well. Um, my dad's side of the family has always been super secretive about their genealogy, but they have very unique characteristics, especially my grandmother on that side, who is past um Asian-looking eyes and high cheekbones and a rounded face. Um when she had a very strange experience of her visiting me right before she died. Um, and I didn't know at the time she was in a coma because nobody told me. And I felt her presence very strongly, and I even told a friend of mine at that time about it, and uh, and then I found out three days later that she had passed away. And I believe that she has been leading me down the path to really finding out the ancestry of that side of the family that they were so secretive about, um, and why they that side of the family was used in MKUltra and CIA uh projects. Um there's uh indigenous group of people in northern Norway, and they call them the Sami people, and they're most of them are are are light-skinned, many have blue eyes, blue and gray eyes, and they have very Asian-looking features. And when I was born, I was told that I looked like I was Japanese or very Asian, and in school I got made fun of. People called me derogatory names for Asian people, and um so I came to realize through putting pieces together and feeling like my ancestors were kind of helping me with this. There's um there's a piece about the Amanita mushroom um that the Sami people use the amonita mushroom for a medicine. And they would oftentimes feed it to their reindeer, and I know this sounds gross, and they would drink the reindeer urine because it um converted certain elements in it, and they would use that to um go into trance-like states and come up with answers and for healing, and that's where Santa Claus and the flying reindeer actually come from, is the Sami people, and um they were heavily targeted because they had a lot of extraordinary powers, psychic abilities. They were blamed for starting storms and destroying ships, and the conquerors, the Dutch conquerors, and um wouldn't let them play their shamanic drums. They that there was a penalty of death. And they were some they were one of the first groups that they practiced eugenics on, and that they started experimenting on before Hitler, before the Holocaust. Hitler took what they learned with the Sami people and applied it to what he did. And then, of course, we know that ended up coming to America in Project Paperclit after that. So the Sami people were known as being the best psychics in healers and had having the ability, the innate ability to astral project. So that's why the CIA wanted to use them a lot. Of course, they were doing a lot of experiments into astral projection and psychic ability. So also the men in black phenomena that's seen after people have UFO experiences, have been overwhelmingly identified as being Sami, having Sami features. And I'm just getting the chills right now saying this. I've had some interesting experiences um around all that myself. But um so I believe based on the appearances of my dad's side of the family and how unique that we look with the high cheekbones, and um, and there's been other confirmations from spirit just um throughout the years that have led me in this path to discovering them because I don't think a lot of people know about them, but they were they're one of the oldest indigenous people on the planet. Yeah, it's interesting because we usually think of only brown-skinned people as being indigenous, but these are fair-skinned, like northern Norwegian Norway, Finland, and a part of this Russian peninsula is where they've been for a really long time. So, but they were heavily targeted for recruitment to be used in the CIA.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

That's fascinating. I have heard just in general, the indigenous connection to that in itself, regardless of what lineage, being a fascination of these people who are looking to exploit human abilities and human capabilities and mind control. And with a lot of these different indigenous um communities, too, there's different theories on, like you said, psychic abilities and things that they've just been very fascinated with. And it is really sad that it's just gotten erased from history, just how amazing some of these cultures were and these people were, and how you know it's made to look like they just handed over all their land to us, and it was like this really nice little exchange, you know. But it's really horrific, you know, the truth of that, you know, and what's happened to a lot of those people in reality by Americans and you know, different cultures who uh wanted to genocide them and you know exploit the things that they learned, like you said, and use it for bad.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yeah. Well, and many people that there are many Sami that came to America and it was seen back then as being shameful. So they changed their last name to something that sounded different, and they they worked to blend in, and they didn't even tell like their children or grandchildren about their history. They were worried about them being persecuted, and there was a lot of shame carried in that uh bloodline because they were already being persecuted so much. Um, but the interesting thing is is that the Sami culture and way of life Christianity came in, they saw it as complementary to their belief system. They they were like, oh yeah, this goes in alignment with, you know, we don't have a problem integrating it. Um, it's just that the colonizers were very violent and they wanted to educate the children and took them from their families, and you know, like all of that was pretty traumatic for them. But they weren't opposed to Christianity and then a kind of more newer thought system that was coming in. So many of them are actually today are Christian, and and they'll practice both like their ancient ways and Christianity.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

And along the way, the LDS Church, the Mormonism was by the time you were born, that was what your family was uh identifying as, and that was the religion that they were um partaking in at the time. It wasn't Christianity and the ancient culture that uh is in your bloodline, correct? Yeah. That's fascinating to you. What did your um your grandparents and on either side of the family, what did they do for a living? Is there anything that you can share about that or how they ended up having kind of these entanglements into maybe government or ways that they could be targeted by the things that you were just talking about, genetics and elsewhere?

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah. Um so my grandfather on my maternal side was in the Air Force. Um, he was he actually wrote a book um that was published about it because at the time the Air Force was really needing people. He was 17 years old when he entered the Air Force. Um they usually took a lot longer to train people for that, but they were so desperate for people that um it was this was like he ended up serving in World War II. Um, so he he was with a group of other younger, you know, like teenage boys that got recruited into the Air Force, and um, so that's how he began his career. Um and then he was stationed in Austin uh when he met my grandmother. And two weeks later they got married. And basically he had a a full career, I believe it was around four years or more, in the in the um in the Air Force. And later after World War II was stationed in Japan. Um and then my father's side of the family, um, his father was in the army and didn't serve very long and went into politics and was kind of um mayor level politics. So my grand my father grew up as a a mayor's son, which was was very strict. And um later he went into other businesses like real estate and things like that. And both of my grandmothers were stay-at-home mothers and wives, although they did things too. My my grandmother was a did um she was amazing crafter and floral arrangement, and she did upholstery on furniture, and she uh she made a bunch of kimonos from when they went to Japan that were just beautiful, and um she was in the gardening club with uh I might I might not want to say this name who it was, but it's somebody high up in in politics, a wife of somebody high up in politics. She was part of a gardening club with, and um and then my other grandmother is kind of similar. Um, she she also was a homemaker and she made amazing quilts, and um I didn't see my dad's parents as much. I spent a lot more time with my mom's parents, and um hence being taken to a lot of Air Force bases, Air Force hospitals, and such.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

I was gonna say, do you think your grandparents had been already recruited for these programs and grew up already being abused and being programmed, or did that start with the next generation with your parents?

SPEAKER_01 24:00

No, absolutely. They they absolutely were um, I I think there was a lot of hardships they went through in their lives too. Um, but yeah, generations of Mormons um with that kind of abuse that happens. And then I I believe that um my grandmother's sister, my great aunt, gave me a bunch of tapes before she passed. And she she tape recorded when people would come over and when the family would come over. So she worked for the Department of Defense at Camp Maybrie in Austin. And I also spent a lot of time with her too. My mom would drop me off at her house. Um, but she decided to give me all these tapes before she passed away. She chose me. And I listened to most of them. I haven't listened to all of them. I need to get another tape player so that I can listen to more. But from what I've gathered, based on a lot of conversations of the family gatherings, I'm fairly certain that my grandmother was on my mom's side was a prostitute when my grandfather met her. She grew up obviously during the Great Depression, and uh her father died at a young age, so her when she was six. So her mother was a single mother of three girls during the Great Depression. So I can I can see why that probably was the case, probably was how they survived. Um but you know, she she would say to me often that, like, oh yeah, your your grandfather was stationed and we would go out dancing all the time, and he had a had booked a date with my sister, but my sister, when he showed up at the house, she had already gone on a date with someone else. So he was like, Oh, go on a date with her. And and then they got married two weeks later. No way. And my my uncle has told me, uh, because I spoke with him, he's he was sort of the black sheep of the family and sort of disowned the family. Um he said that she was my grandfather's first victim, that that he was very controlling and abusive towards her. And he validated a lot of my um memories because he literally walked in on my grandfather raping my aunt, my mom's oldest sister. Oh and um and she validated it, she's still alive, she validated my memories too when they started coming up. Um she was like, Oh yeah, like and he would film and take pictures. He was really big into that. And I was like, Yeah, like she she put a lot of pieces together for me. And um, because when I first came out and told the family I was what I was remembering, everybody said I was crazy or I was doing it for money. That was like the claim. Like, you just want money.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

That'd be interesting. I haven't met a single person that's you know been able to make money off of talking about these horrible things, so quite a quite an accusation there.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

I know other ways to make money. It was like uh I and I was like in shock. I said, How come you guys aren't believing me? Because we've known about my aunt for a long time, like that he abused her. So why is it such a stretch to think that it happened to me too?

SPEAKER_00 27:55

And then comes in the gaslighting and the denial, and you know, they just they can't face it or they're not conscious of it themselves, which is really sad. You know, it's it's wonderful when family members do wake up and and fight to get free, like you have, but it's devastating the the havoc that it wreaks on a family and the ways that it breaks people up and turns people against each other. It's just a whole nother form of abuse in itself. That had to have been really, really difficult for you to go through that, especially because you were telling them hoping to get support.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah, I was I was hoping to get support. That's true. Because I was doing a lot of healing work at that time. And when the memories surfaced, I didn't feel like I didn't know what to do. I was like, I think I need to stop doing this so that I can focus on my own healing. And um I was living in a house that my parents owned, and and it was like there was being threats of being kicked out and all around the same time. So I went to my sister, who's a therapist, and I told her about my memories, just like hopefully that she would understand why, like, this was so hard for me right now, and that I didn't know how to make an income at the moment because I don't know how to do healing work on others when I was having such a healing crisis myself, and I don't want to be kicked out of a house. I need to take care of at that time I had four children, um, and I shared custody with my first husband at that time, and um yeah, her response was you're just you're just trying to get more money, was her response. And I I've had memories of abuse that involved her. Um I don't know, it's been a long time since her and I have spoken, so I don't know if she has remembered anything since then, but I I know that that she was abused too, and I know that there were a lot of times that I would fawn to my grandfather to get him to pick me so that she didn't get um, so that she wasn't the one to have to, you know, be raped, essentially.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

Oh my goodness, such decisions to make as a child. I bet. And so your grandfather ended up in Texas through being in the military.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Is that where they eventually got back to Texas? They they traveled around a lot, and then they came back to Texas for retirement, maybe just prior, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

And I know you were born as well in that state. Were your parents born there? Or how did that come full circle to where uh let's talk about your parents actually? Maybe we could start there and where were they born and how did they meet, and let's talk a little bit about them.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Well, my um I'm not sure. I know Mississippi and Alabama were birthplaces of them. Um, I want to say my mom was born in Mississippi and my dad Alabama. Um but they were born during active duty, I believe, like that their fathers were in. Um so they yeah, they traveled around and and then um yeah, and then my grandparents on my mom's side moved back to Texas. I'm not quite sure how my dad's side of the family moved back to Texas or moved to Texas. I know that my granny, my my dad's mom um was born and raised in Louisiana, I believe. Um I'm not sure about how they met. I don't know as much on my dad's side of the family because we didn't see them as often. But I I know my parents met in Austin. They met, they lived in the same apartment complex, and um my mom said that she was seeing this other man, and they were all at the pool together, and this other man was being way too harshly playful with her and pushing her underwater, and she didn't like it. And my dad like stepped in and was like, hey, don't do that to her, and she just kind of fell for him, you know, uh being the rescuer. But I also know that they had to have genetic testing before they got married to have children. Yeah, yeah. There was there was genetic testing involved. So um did they ever tell you what it was for? Well, I I don't even know that they know what it was for, really. I don't know that they were even told. I think they said something along the lines of, oh, we had to they told us we had to be tested to make sure that uh our children wouldn't have something health-wise wrong with them. Okay, something like that. But I'm sure there was more reasons than that. Um yeah, so I was taken by C-section, and um it's interesting because I actually had a flashback while another healer was working on me of my birth, and it was really traumatic. Um, even my mom said that I was trying to crawl back in when they were trying to pull me out, that I kept crawling back, like I didn't want to be taken out. Um, but I but I know because of that flashback that babies and children have the same awareness as adults. Like our awareness, our consciousness doesn't change. We are just as awake and aware of everything, even if we can't speak it, like even if people just assume that children don't understand what's going on. Like, because when I had the flashback, I was like, wow, I was so awake and aware, and and myself, like even um the the level of consciousness and intelligence is is the same as like what we have now. Like that doesn't change, like that stays the same.

unknown 34:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I've heard that from some other survivors too, and there's always that common question of how does somebody remember something that young, you know, and again, we've just we've fallen so far away of how memory works and how it's stored and how intelligent our mind is, and even how we can develop things like photographic memories in times of trauma. A lot of the memories that people remember very young, they're not the good, super happy memories. It's those moments of trauma when abuse started, these random memories of being assaulted or being groomed or being um hearing even in the womb, I've had people come on and be like, I remember hearing my dad scream at my mom in the womb, or I remember them putting headphones on and like being traumatized while I was, you know, a fetus. And it's just incredible, you know, how intelligent our memories actually are, and how ill trauma informed we are on how that can affect our memory, you know, so young. So that's really incredible that you had that validation through your own memories of how early that started. And I'm sure that that was really traumatizing on you as a you know, a baby being born through C-section, experiencing trauma with your first breath coming out and already, you know, under duress.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

Yeah, feel feeling uh that sense of an alienation and abandonment early on. Yeah, that and missing my mother, which has been a theme because I had my mother physically growing up, but she wasn't really there and she was taken to hospitals a lot. Um, and like like you said in your intro, I later found out about her therapists that specialized in MKUltra and um satanic ritual abuse women survivors. Um, so I know that she's been put through a lot. She wasn't able to really be a mother, and I don't, I ultimately, as much as I have feelings of anger that come up from time to time for my parents, I know that they were heavily traumatized. Um, and you know, I have compassion for them too. I understand why. And and and I have to be fair and say that there have been a lot of things that they have led me to that have that have helped me heal. So, you know, it's not so black and white. There's been a lot that they've given me and that they've taught me that is helped me to become stronger and helped me to heal. Um, you know, where when you have DID, there's so many different parts. Like there's I believe that all of them have a part that's been trying to assist and help in the healing process. Um, I know that. Um but then there's other parts that have been programmed to fight it.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Yes. Yep. And that's a complicated thing too for people to wrap their minds around. And it's it's a whole different way that we have to look at crime and dealing with it with people who have DID. You know, it's a whole different ball game when you're trying to seek justice and how we look at the situation than that person that we see in the Hollywood movies that's you know hiding in the alleyway and wants to kidnap somebody. It's a very, very different situation. And you and others help humanize it, you know, and help us understand it on a deeper level that there are a lot of aspects of this that we have to look at. And although it doesn't justify what they did, you know, ultimately we still need justice, we need accountability, we need this to stop. But we also need to understand that it's way more complicated than just, you know, kind of your everyday criminal who's out there doing these one-off crimes, you know, programming is a whole different thing. And I'm grateful that you can have compassion on some level for your parents because I'm sure that that's helped you heal in a lot of ways too, not having to carry just this deep, deep, deep anger all the time that you can balance it out with this other side of emotions too, and see them for the abused children that they were too, you know. And it's really sad that they couldn't leave or couldn't remember whenever you did, and you know, ultimately alienated you and abandoned you and gaslit you, you know. But my heart breaks for them too. I can't even imagine what they went through with their whole lives. And it's really sad that some people don't ever live a life of even partial freedom, that there's people that are born and die in full control and never live a life of not being in fear or not not being puppeteered. You know, it's really, really sad. And so hopefully more and more people speaking up and more testimonies can help, can help fuel a bigger exodus of of people feeling safe enough to leave or being able to remember or having people in their life that can support them and help them heal from it if that's what they're looking for. And so, you know, I appreciate you sharing about this. And it's really sad to think that, you know, so many generations in your family went through this before you came along and stepped away. You know, it's it's incredible. But you look at, you know, you're one person of a whole lineage of ancestors, and so you think about your one that got out, but how many you know lived and died in it, and there's still so many still in it to this day. And did you say that your father was in the military as well?

SPEAKER_01 40:18

No, he wasn't in the military. Uh, he was associated with it though through his clients. Okay, he worked for a consulting firm. Um, one of them was like one of the top consulting firms in the nation. Uh, and there were clients that were directly related to the military industrial complex. So um he wasn't he was gone a lot during my upbringing. He would travel on airplanes to different places a lot, so he wasn't home often. Um but you know, I yeah, I haven't gotten to talk to him about a lot of things because he really wasn't around. He would kind of step in when something needed to be handled, and he wouldn't know anything about what was really happening and would make a lot of like stupid assumptions. And I got really good at arguing because of him, because or debating, because uh yeah, he would challenge me a lot. He would challenge me with just crazy stories in his head that he would think why he was mad at me, and um, and then I would have to go toe-to-toe with him and and keep up until he got exhausted and and was able to like actually hear me. He was yeah, he was very challenging and um and also he could be abusive, um, very angry. There were times I thought he'd kill me. There were times I really did think he would kill me at times. But I also again, like what I said, like there with DID, there's many different sides. There's there's a side of my dad that's very zen and that's very contemplative, hence him leading me to this contemplative church. Um, there's there's wisdom that both my parents have at times. So um, so yeah, but I haven't spoken to either one of them in several years. It's been a very long time.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Was your mom stay at home?

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Yeah, she stayed at home and she raised Arabian horses. So I grew up riding horses.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

Um did you guys live on the farm or the horses there on your property, or were did she go to the we had a barn and um and yeah, she was very horse crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

And I know she loves animals, but I think some of it was also wanting to feel in control and empowered because she was feeling so overpowered in a lot of ways. Um, so I wasn't as into it as far as the competitive side of it as my mom and my sister were. Um, they had to kind of force me a lot, and because it really wasn't something competitiveness wasn't something that I that was like part of my nature as much. Um, I respected the horses, I had a healthy fear of the horses, and I didn't want to push them too hard. But my mom was very like, tell you know, show it who's in charge kind of mentality. Um she like she kind of Cooled down from that the older she got. But when I was younger, it was like if I fell off a horse, I'd have to immediately she'd yell at me to get back on it immediately, like immediately get back on it. And I think my tailbone is actually broken. It curves in. And I think it's because of one of my falls. And um, and she forcing me to get back up in the saddle with a broken tailbone. Like, like she didn't even think like maybe she's really seriously hurt. She just has to like got to show the horse who's in charge. And so she had a very like a military side to her, you know, kind of drill sergeant side to her, as my dad, because they both grew up in military households.

unknown 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

And you grew up, you were born in Humble, Texas. How far out from say Austin is that?

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Um it's a part of like it's kind of part of Houston.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Um, I think at the time my dad worked for an oil company. Okay. Uh when my when I was born. And then after that, we moved to Central Texas out on the ranch when I was about 18 months old.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

And so let's talk a little bit about your childhood. We know that your entrance into the world was very traumatizing for you. And it sounds like your mother, you know, having to watch her baby struggle to come out during a C-section. Um, what was childhood like for you? Um I know your dad traveled a lot, mom was home. Um, and how did all this start where you were abused and put into these different programs?

SPEAKER_01 45:43

I mean, I believe it started before birth for me, actually. My my mom told me even when she was pregnant with me, she worked for a vet that would rape her when she was pregnant with me. And she never told my dad. Um, she shared that with me about eight years ago when she'd had uh enough wine, I guess, to feel safe. And I and I said, You never told my dad? And she was like, No. So um, I believe I was born into it, born into the program. There was a lot of doctors' visits, a lot of hospitals. I would get my blood drawn all the time, like as a child. There was always taking blood, um, injections. In fact, there's my mom tells a story of when I was two years old that I had such incredible strength that the doctor was trying to give me a shot in my hip or my butt, and I I grabbed the syringe out of his hand and I threw it across the room. And she said they had to get four people to come in and hold me down as a two-year-old to force me to take the injection. She was like, You were that strong. And I was like, wow. So I don't know what they were doing to me to enhance that strength, you know, because um I have I have a memory of six years old. Then my grandfather drove me to um the Air Force hospital in San Antonio. And for the longest time I'd retained that memory, but I hadn't seen past being sat in a chair in the hallway outside a door. Like I hadn't gone beyond that. And one night when I was um talking to my um my seventh child, my daughter who's with me, her father, and this happens often sometimes when I feel relaxed, these altars in me, these younger parts feel like they can come out and tell their story. So that part of me went beyond the chair and what really happened when I went that day. And I had already been processing it. I didn't realize several years before that I processed somatically in my body with another healer. Um that, you know, there were wires attached to me, there was all these electronic things, and it was very traumatizing. And and she held space for me because she was she knew about somatic um experiencing or somatic processing. She held space for me so that my body could shake and my teeth could chatter and I could cry and like let that body memory come up. So I didn't realize that this memory also had an out-of-body experience component to it, too, at the same time. So I was I was left in a chair in the hallway and in the hospital, and then a man came out and got me and brought me in the room, and I was laid down on a table that reclined, hooked up to IVs and and other machinery and computer monitors, things like that. Um, and they induced they either it was either a death or a near-death experience through through the medications that they gave me, um, and uh other forms of torture that forced me to leave my body. So there was the experience of being on the table and my body reliving that, but there's also the memory of being out of my body, um, overseeing the whole room. And what I saw from that perspective was that they were they they were inducing this state in me to open up a portal. And the portal was what I understood from the way that the there was another man that was in a back room that came in. It wasn't supposed to be opened where it was opened. It was supposed to, there was like supposed to be another place where it got opened. Um, but this portal was like expanding and growing in a corner of the room where it wasn't supposed to be, and and extending into their back observation room where it wasn't supposed to be. And they were just trying to go with it because they were like, why isn't this working the way it normally does? Um, and so from my perspective out of body, I saw another, I saw a machine, a big machine in on the left side that had its own kind of walls that you could see through. And my understanding is that they were somehow siphoning the energy into this contraption. It was a giant machine. It took up like the whole, like, I'd say like one-third of the room. Um, so that that's a memory that recently came back to me, I'd say about seven or eight months ago. Um that was very vivid and seen from two different perspectives. Like there was a part of my consciousness and my body that was on the table, and then there was a part that because I was experiencing a death experience, was outside and just the consciousness in the room and and noticing everything. And I I believe this is just what I'm inferring, but I believe that what they were harvesting has something to do with technology and how they use technology today. Um, but I I mean, I'm not gonna say I can verify that. That's just my own intuition and assumption.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

How many people were in the room with you? Were you the only child with adults? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Yeah, I was the only child, and there were there was one main man that stayed in the room with me the whole time, and there was another man in the back room. So there was a door that came into that room from the back room. Um, and he, I guess he would have normally stayed back there, but because this experiment or whatever wasn't quite working out like they expected, some some fluke or something was happening. Um, he was coming out into the room, kind of trying to figure out what was going on. So what I say a portal, what it what it looked like to me was like thinning the veil, kind of. Um, and that the energy that we come from and return to when we die. And it was white and had bluish tint to it. Um those were the colors that I remember seeing.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

And how old were you during this memory?

SPEAKER_01 53:29

I was six years old.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Six years old. Oh my goodness. I hope that people can sort of take that in, you know, a near-death experience scientifically and methodically being done on a child of that age. I can't even imagine.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

I think they use children because of their innocence and in their closeness to the heavenly realms. Like we still carry it as a child, we we carry more of a remembrance of that and a connection to that.

unknown 54:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

Do you remember being taken to that base often, or were you taken and shuttled to different areas?

SPEAKER_01 54:18

I remember going to that base often. Um, but I but I also remember base in um Los Alamos in New Mexico. There are things in New Mexico. Um, I remember an apartment underground in in New Mexico. Um, like I'm still trying to contact that altar because I I really feel that she's got a lot of information to share. And and so far, though, that's felt sort of closed off a lot of what's what happened underground. And I the reason for that is is that the above ground and the below ground, they really try to section that off. And they're and you're told a lot that it's just a dream. You're you're given lots of drugs to, you know, an electroshock. Um, you know, you know how it how people describe relationships with narcissists as it altering your reality because like that's the mirror that you have. It that's the it's the same with this kind of abuse. Um, it the people that you're around at the time really alter your reality because that's all you have to interact with in that moment. But um, I went back there in my 30s with a with a man that I believe we were programmed together. Um and we about five years ago um spent some time together, and he filled in some things that I had totally forgotten about that time. And he said, Do you remember us driving through there? I thought we were just gonna go to like a nature preserve. And he goes, Do you remember us driving through there? And we had to stop at a checkpoint and show our IDs, and and that they said, Don't take any pictures the next three miles or you'll be shot on the spot. And I said, you know, I do remember them saying that, actually, and but I don't know why I wasn't concerned about them saying I just like let it pass through my consciousness, like like it wasn't weird for me back then for some reason. But he made me question it, and and he said, I took pictures, and I was like, What? And he goes, Yeah, they were testing frequency weapons. He said, All the trees, all the shrubbery was laid over on its side. Like he was like, I took pictures, and I said, Oh, I I was so much in a trance, I didn't even pay attention. I was so much on my mission or whatever I was told to go do that I it was just another day for me. But I do remember them saying that that for us not to take pictures or that we would be shot on the spot, and I didn't think it was weird. Like I probably thought, oh, of course I'm not gonna, so I don't have to worry about that, you know, kind of thing. Yeah, but he he kind of helps me put some of that together through his own memory of that. Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

And so did most of your abuse and programming take place off site, other than being home. Were you also abused at home? Were your parents involved?

SPEAKER_01 57:59

Um yeah, it was all there was there was abuse everywhere. Um, I don't know how much I want to get into my parents at the moment. It feels safer to talk about my relatives that have passed on. Yeah, of course. Um, but yeah, that that was the culture. That was how how the programming was reinforced. Um but yeah, definitely there was um there was a lot of missing days of of my school years that I apparently would miss a whole month of schoolwork and not understand how that happened, and then get in trouble for it and be like, but I don't understand, like where was I? Like, how come I didn't know about this? And I and I'm pretty sure it's because I was taken out of school for for programming and things like that. Um yeah, I um but definitely there was rituals on family vacations. Like that's what it was considered family vacations, but it was also work for my dad because he usually had to have meetings with people and and do things too. Um and there were hospitals involved in those locations, like in Los Angeles, um in Canada and British Columbia. Um, there was also Disneyland and Disney World programming as well. Um, I had a body memory of Disneyland come back when I was uh talking to my second husband. My memories started coming up right before I met him and he was aware of this kind of stuff. So I I did talk to him a lot and memories came up, but I I talked to him about Disneyland one night, and and I blacked out in the middle of it, and then all of a sudden I felt as if somebody was grabbing me from behind, and I stood up and like nearly screamed, and I realized I was having a body memory come back from Disneyland. Um, yeah, that's not a good place. It's not it's the same concept of all cheery and all heavenly on the surface, and then underneath. It's like that it's that dualistic belief system of good and bad, it's so heavily rooted, even in like Greek mythology with Hades and you know, um, and then in in a lot of Christianity too, there's the concept of of the heaven and hell. I have found those to be states of mind for sure. Like you can feel as if you're in heaven here, you can feel as if you're in hell here, but with those cults, they actually do um what what would you what would I say, um segregate physical spaces to play out those energies.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:39

Right, which creates so much chaos within the child and the person as they grow up having uh parts that of themselves that identify really heavily with both sides of that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:52

Yeah. There's a lot of shame, a lot of shame, which then makes you feel like you keep gotta keep going to whoever appears to be saintly, you know, a priest or or whatever. And it's a vicious cycle because that priest is also oftentimes an abuser as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:16

Yeah, there's the cover story, and then what's actually happening behind the scenes. And most people just see the cover story, you know, which creates, like you said, the heaven, and it completely distracts from there being any type of darkness that could possibly exist behind it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

Yeah, and the and the programming um at the facilities, the electroshock therapy is to compartmentalize so that the person doesn't have that awareness day-to-day and can have the experience of everything just being fine. Um there's there's a lot that goes into it. I I've realized since since coming out of the cult and um you know delving further into it that um you know life life is dualistic and life is hard and at times. And I feel like the elite people and these people that practice this are trying to give themselves an experience of everything being fine and perfect and beautiful and elegant and comfortable, and you know, and all of that, and then they're sectioning off their minds so that they can have that experience and not remember the abuse. And I've realized since coming out of it that in some ways my life is harder in some ways, but I realize that I'm meeting that challenge and difficulty um in a more conscious way. Like I'm uh it's integrated, whereas before it wasn't. It's it's being aware of the hardships of life and at the same time the beauty and the blessings and uh the grace at the same time. So that's how I know that I've been healing a lot because it's not so compartmentalized anymore. It's there's just this kind of awareness of all of it all the time. I don't I don't dissociate and go into like ecstasy and things like that like I used to back then, um which is a is a whole nother topic in the spiritual, you know, like the spiritual community because people are seeking that. But but a lot of spiritual teachers actually do work for the intelligence agencies and do work as handlers to keep a person dissociated and unaware.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:01

Yes, you're absolutely right. And I appreciate you explaining it that way. Dissociation, compartmentalization, that's a new concept for a lot of people that they haven't learned. Even therapists watch my show to try to learn what their patients go through. And it really helps sort of gaining a better understanding of this since it's so incomprehensible for the general population to understand. You know, it's completely new information. And so, do you have other memories of programming that you want to talk about and maybe explain to people some of the things that they use you for? Um, and any other information that you want to share on that aspect?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:42

Yeah, actually, I I want to share a memory of when I was in LA. And um it's it's interesting because that trip that we took, um I was I was starting to Use marijuana back then. And as many people know, but maybe not everybody, they've classified that as not being advantageous to the programming. Like it disrupts the programming because it creates new neuropathways in the brain. So I back then, you know, the airports weren't so heavily securited. And I I smuggled some in, I was like 20 years old, um, in the airplane. And I smoked a lot when I was there. And that was something different than usual trips. So I it started breaking through the programming even back then, but I didn't realize exactly why. I couldn't put it into context. Um, but I have a memory of being, we stayed at a lot of five-star hotels in LA, and um one in particular in Santa Monica. Uh I had just gotten done smoking, and my parents always had me and my sister in a separate room. And we were watching SpongeBob SquarePants and getting ready to go to bed. And yeah, I was high, and I look over at my sister, and she's curled up in the bed in a fetal position, scared, rocking back and forth. And I don't think I would have noticed that had I not had that um medicine at that time, but I was like not freaked out about it because I was still feeling kind of high, but I thought it was strange. And I think that's the first time I really started to like wake up and pay attention to that. And um, so she was rocking back and forth and acting very scared. And I was just walking around the room, and all of a sudden the channels on the TV started changing channels on its own. Like nobody was touching the remote. It it just started flipping through the channels, and and then I started to go like, okay, this is weird. Like my sister picked up on it first, and now this is happening, and then my electric toothbrush went off on its own in the bathroom, like all by itself. And I was like, okay, what's going on? And then ring ring ring on the on the hotel phone. And I picked it up and I said, hello. And I heard like what sounded like a bar, like you know, people talking in a bar in the background. Hello, hello, and nobody said anything. So I hung up and I was like, what the heck is going on? And my sister's still rocking back and forth, and my electric toothbrush and the channels are changing, and it's just really bizarre. And there was another ring, and the same thing happened. Hello, and nobody answered. I just heard the background and I hung up again. Um, I think it rang for a third time, and I and I feel that at that time I probably switched into another altar because that is how they would trigger um my programming uh through through trigger phrases on the phone. And I think that whoever was calling me recognized my energy was different and didn't say anything the first few times. Um, but I eventually I feel like I switched because I don't have much memory beyond that. I vaguely remember us leaving and going out in the hallway. But my front personality thought we were going to bed. My front personality thought it was bedtime because it was late. It was like 11 o'clock or something at night. Um, that's oftentimes how it would occur. You would think you're going to bed, but then something would trigger an altar, and you would end up being sent on missions, which oftentimes involved sex, um, especially as I was older, um, which oftentimes involved gathering information, um, seducing information out of people, um, and then and then reporting that later. Um and that, yeah, there were other places we were moved around from hotel to hotel on that trip, including Universal Studios, which I don't have a lot of memories of. Um, but I would assume because of my experience at Disney that it involved some programming as well. Um, yeah, so so basically it went beyond prostitution. It there was a purpose beyond that that involved um gathering information and sharing information. And if it wasn't for me having used that that medicine, I I I probably wouldn't have noticed uh anything strange. So that's kind of a testament to that medicine. I don't currently use it right now, but um but I can definitely see how it goes against the programming and and creates more awareness for the person to see things differently.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:52

Thanks for sharing that. There's been multiple testimonies that have been similar on the show where people experience some type of awakening or remembering or just a heightened sense of awareness that they didn't have before using the plant. And then also personal testimony of actually being told in the program, you know, you can do anything, you know, you can go do any drug but this, you know, which is really interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:19

Yeah, that's what I was told about tobacco, funny enough. I was told you you can try other things, but don't smoke cigarettes, don't smoke tobacco.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:31

Really? Did they tell you why? Did you have an explanation or no?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:35

No, I don't know. It's very it's a grounding plant, you know, it's very grounding.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:40

Um and nicotine actually has a lot of healing properties too.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:45

It does. There's been one study that shows that it's just as um it helps fight anxiety and depression, like the anxiety and depression medications without the side effects, like that it helps with that. So that's my medicine right now, as like um, yeah, like because I'm taking care of my daughter and stuff, and I don't, you know, I want I want to make sure that it's completely legal what I'm doing, you know, especially with being kind of targeted as um crazy, or you know, my family has made claims that I use narcotics, but I don't. They they said the same thing about my son when he started having memories happen too, um, but he didn't use hard drugs either, because I talked to the therapist at the mental hospital that he stayed, and she said no, he hasn't tested for any of that. So that's just one of the one of the things they like to use to try to convey to convince people. Like, oh, they're a drug addict, they're using hard drugs, like that's that's all it's all fabricated. And I'm like, no, I'm completely sober, I don't even drink alcohol. Coffee and tobacco is my are my medicines.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:14

And so for you too, I wanted to ask being in a Mormon family associated with the LDF church, did you have any situations or abuses that occurred in the church at all?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:29

Or no, my grandfather had been kicked or his mother was kicked out of the church for divorcing. Yeah, but I you know, I'm pretty sure those connections sort of stayed in place and definitely the um you know the abuse that occurred generation after generation, because uh one of my recent memories as well of um when I was eight years old, when I was born again, when I met Jesus, uh there was an opposite experience at right after that. So my aunt was uh one of the what they called the Jesus freaks in the 70s, where a bunch of hippies decided to go to church and come to Jesus. So she was that they lived in another state far away. I didn't hardly see them. And she came down to visit at my grandparents' house, and I felt a peace, like she had this peace about her that I didn't feel from anyone else around me. And I started asking her about Jesus, and she started sharing, and like I definitely had an experience with Christ, like I know that, and I know that that was true, and my nightmares stopped after that too. So I know that um it was real, but um after my conversion experience, um my grandfather perverted it um later that night. And um there was there was some torture and some rape, and my memories of that I remember it in a mirrored way, in that the room was on this side of the house, and I would have been laying this way in reality, but the abuse I remember it mirrored, it's really strange, and I know intellectually that that um that's not the layout of their house. But he also, I believe, programmed me with a lot of project looking glass. Um there was a lot of watching Alice in Wonderland and Alice through the looking glass movies, um, a lot of mirror, a lot of mirror stuff in my programming. So um there I I believe that something occurred in my mind that was pretty major that that night. Um and that could all be tied into Mormonism as well. I don't know if that's how they're you know, if the survivors of Mormonism talk about um having experience of, you know, coming to Christ, but then a perversion of it afterwards. I don't feel like it cancels out the truth of what I experienced um with Jesus. It felt to me more like the enemy was had a had a response to that, and that's what that response was, like right after that. Um so yeah, but it's interesting that my memories of the abuse after that were mirror image. Um, I can't see it like how it actually was, and I I have a few memories that way where it seems like it was flipped and it's mirror image to what I know it actually was in my physical reality.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:28

That's fascinating. I wonder if there's other survivors too that have corroborating experiences in their lives. You know, I think that, like you said, the duality is purposely curated in a lot of ways, and they anticipate that happening to create that confusion and and sort of the the cover story of you know having this amazing experience with with Jesus and you know, finding faith and and just feeling so connected, and then on the other end, having that darkness play in immediately after to sort of you know sink into the subconscious in a whole different way. That's really fascinating that you had that so young too, and that you remember it so vividly.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:13

Yeah, yeah. It is it is really strange, but the I do remember a lot of being made to watch Alice through the looking glass movies and Alice in Wonderland programming. Um when I would be at his house, there would there would be a lot of that.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:36

And for you, you had mentioned, and I said it in the intro, and you sort of talked a little bit about it earlier with the um being connected to different technologies and sort of having that out-of-body, inner body experience again, sort of that that dual experience that you explained using psychic abilities, but you were heavily used for that in the theta programming. Do you have anything that you want to share more about that? I think a lot of survivors could probably relate to that aspect of it. Um, and I think you could maybe be a puzzle piece for somebody if there's more memories that you have on that.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:11

I it almost felt like a lot of the time I was existing somewhere else. Um, even as a young girl, my mom thought I had a hearing problem because she would be talking to me right next to me, and I was somewhere else. My consciousness was somewhere else. Um, I believe I was probably astral traveling, being pulled by my handlers to to different things. I still have to watch that in myself. Like when I'm when I'm getting pulled too much, it's almost like I feel as if I'm leaving my the crown chakra, you know, and being pulled out or um I don't I I don't know if I can say exactly or if I remember exactly. I do know that um the healing work that I did was utilizing the same um abilities uh of um okay, I there's there's a lot to reality that people don't normally see. And um when you're in those programs, you the veil between physical reality and the psychic spiritual realm um kind of starts to get destroyed. Um where it you can be in your body, but you can be totally on this other side and not even know it. And that that was my experience for a long time. I feel like I'm way more embodied now, um, way more in my physical reality than I used to be. But I would be pulled out for things and not even know, and and my consciousness used, and my mom and my first husband thought I had a hearing problem because of it, because they'd be right next to me speaking to me, but my consciousness wasn't really in my body, it was doing something else, and I was also trained not to not to be conscious of that because it was being used by someone else who didn't really want me to be conscious about it. So I know there was like remote viewing involved at times, um, but by and large, I think that uh I was being used by the handlers that were in the military, and um yeah, and I and I wasn't like really given the information of what was, you know, it wasn't mine at that time, if that makes sense. But I know there's a part of me that probably remembers, and and I assume because what I know from this whole process is when I feel safe and supported um and feel like I'm able to connect with people that understand, then then those things come up into my consciousness more because it's like, okay, now this is welcomed to, you know, now you have a support system, it's safe for you to recall this. Um, a lot of my memories would just come up spontaneously in conversations with people I felt safe with. And my experience of that would be um feeling this energy rise up in my body, that kind of in at an emotional level, and allowing it to speak through my mouth. And then as I was allowing like these younger parts to speak through me, they would share the memories with me in that moment as I'm speaking, and I would go, Oh, yeah, that did happen. But so it's almost like a bubbling up from the body, because like the body holds all of the memories of that, too, like a bubbling up from the body and then into the consciousness. Um, and then my front personality is like on the one hand, it feels like new information to my front personality, but it also in my body and in my feeling part, it doesn't feel new. I I recognize it as as being the reality that I lived through, if that makes sense. It's very strange to try to like describe to people what it's like to integrate. Um and I and I really feel that having that basis in meditation, being able to sit with myself for so long. Um, because I would sit in meditation and I would process through all sorts of feelings that felt threatening to me. And and I would realize over time that though that feeling those feelings didn't actually hurt me. So and and I and I started to recognize that none of those things actually destroyed who I am or my consciousness. So then I felt braver to allow more feelings to come up because I knew even though it seemed like it was gonna hurt me, it didn't. So if I hadn't had that background, I feel in meditation and being able to sit through a lot of my own internal things that felt painful, and to know myself as the consciousness that exists prior to and is never affected by any of it. Like, because I I came to that level of understanding when I was studying non-duality. Um, I wanted to know what is absolute reality. And and once I realized that, that my consciousness, you know how they say bidden or not bidden, God is present. I realized that there was nothing that could destroy my consciousness, and that there was no danger in experiencing and feeling what I was experiencing and feeling, even if I thought there might be danger in it. Like I've been through so many internal experiences to know that, you know, every time I'm still here, and that also kind of relates to Christianity, you know, like Christ was crucified and he rose and is still here. Like that's that's the good news. And so um, if I if I hadn't have had that solid basis of knowing what I am at my core in God, uh I I don't, I I think I would have ended up in a mental hospital probably when my memories started to surface. And they started to surface like how people describe um uh what are they at the end of life. Some people describe it as like a life review, um, or that they have a bunch of floods of you know, people with near death experiences talk about having all these memories come up about their life, you know. That's how I experienced my memories surfacing almost like a slideshow of memories from from different aspects of my life. At once, and I and once I finally was able to verbalize, and once I had another person validate for me, like um the way it happened is um I I was me and this other healer were were she's a Christian too. We were doing prayer sessions and healing sessions on each other. And one day uh she put me in a sauna on her massage table. And I normally didn't sweat and didn't like to sweat, but I I kept having this one memory at three years old come up again and again. I kept pushing it back because I was like, ah, what? Like this memory of going into my grandparents' bathroom and taking a bath, and and and I just kept going, oh, that's not it, that's nothing, that's nothing, that's nothing. But once the sweat started to come to the surface, I started to panic. But something said, just lay there and sweat. And and I let myself sweat, and as that happened, I remembered being sexually abused in the bathtub at three years old. And I said something to my friend about it, and she said, uh, your grandfather sexually abused you. And when she said that, a flood of memories came up. Like I needed somebody to believe or to validate for me, and and all of a sudden, my consciousness released tons of memories of being raped and of my grandfather threatening me, threatening that he would kill my sister if I told anyone, or animals or family, or there was a lot of threatening. And as a child, you don't understand that that, like as an adult, you'd be like, What? Yeah, I'm sure, grandpa, that you're gonna kill my parents and my sister, you know, you're lying. But as a child, you don't know that. And and I remembered those moments of of uh of him yelling at me and threatening me, and I and I had flashes of of other moments of being abused along with it. And it was it was like an in-life review, except it was like this whole section of memories that I had blocked out until I was 34 years old. When my fifth child was born, um, that was the first child I had naturally. The other children I had epidurals and pain management, and you know, couldn't really feel much for the most part. So when I was having natural childbirth with him, as he was coming through the birth canal, I started having flashbacks to my grandfather raping me and smelling the alcohol on his breath. And I turned to my midwife, who I had already told her I was a survivor of sexual abuse, so she and she was too, and I said, My grandfather is raping me because it felt so real, it felt like time traveling. It it I I really felt like I was there, and she goes, You're not there, you're here at home, you're safe, you're having a baby. And I said, like, keep telling me that, and she did because I was going in and out of reliving being raped, because you know, all that trauma is stored in the body, and I was finally fully feeling, you know, my child passing through that area that was traumatized as a child being raped and the tissues being, you know, um where my consciousness couldn't avoid feeling it, essentially. So um it was a very strange experience. And I I knew though it validated for me that, like, okay, that wasn't made up. Like, I didn't ask for that. I'm having a baby, and now I'm having flashbacks and smelling alcohol on you know, my grandfather's breath, and he's been dead. Like, like what's going on? But I knew I knew it was because um what was still stuck in my tissues, the the trauma there, and that I wasn't blocking it with the spinal block at the hospital where it couldn't come up to my awareness, you know. So um, yeah, that was really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:01

I think that that's something too. That's a really important point that you make, just about allowing yourself to feel something. You know, how many times do we hear in our community that the second that a an abused survivor starts to feel something, they mask it with drugs or alcohol or pills. You know, it's that's like a natural reaction, is to like, you know, figure out a way for it to stop. And there's so much power in being able to find that courage and bravery to actually sit with it and integrate it. And I love how you explain the integration of memory, not as parts of you just disappearing and becoming one, you know, but that they're integrating with each other and they're sharing information almost like if you had a business and different people working in different departments coming together for a meeting, sharing information with one another isn't everybody becoming one person, it's getting on the same page and collaborating and all of a sudden having a bigger picture of what's going on. And I think that's really beautiful how your body knew exactly how to do that in a way that was conducive to your healing. It wasn't too much that you couldn't handle. And you were able to use tools that you had learned ever since you, you know, were a child in a sense to navigate your way through that and to be able to integrate memory in a way that was actually really, really, really healthy for you and put you forward on your path instead of debilitating you. And it's always just so amazing how that works. You know, it's like everybody has such a different story of how they get memories. Maybe it's just one, maybe it's a flood like you did, but it's always exactly what your body knows that you can handle, even if it puts you to the brink of what you're able to handle. It's always what you need in that moment and what you're able to handle. And it's amazing, you know, hearing all the different ways and just how gentle our ourselves can be, you know, with that process. And I think it's really incredible how you've been able to do that and create less chaos within yourself and be able to have a greater understanding of these experiences at a pace that works for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:14

Yeah. And and I also want to add, because I don't see it so black and white with my family, like even though my grandfather, you know, did abuse me, he was also taught me a lot of wisdom too. And since he's passed on, I I this might cause issues with like Christians not understanding how I can be a Christian and see things this way. But I my passed on relatives, like I can communicate with them sometimes, or they come to me is is what happens. And um because each soul carries its own scent, its own fragrance. I know this sounds weird, but that that doesn't leave when the body is put down, like it the soul has a fragrance, a certain scent to it that's distinct. And um, I also feel that with religion, with them saying that, you know, oh, if you're talking to the dead, it must be demons. Um, you know, for so long, uh, indigenous people have taught to their ancestors. Like that has been a practice that's been around a lot longer than Christianity and Judaism, even. Um it would make sense to me if somebody was trying to co-opt the truths and add in control that they would say, don't listen to your ancestors trying to talk to you and give you helpful advice, you know, because there's demons, and that that makes you more reliant on whatever cult, religious cult, is trying to control you. Um, but my my grandfather has spoken to me since he's passed on, and in the state where he's at, he he realizes what he did was wrong, and he actually is, I feel, on my side for bringing this information forth. So I don't feel that he um that I'm actually like going against him in any way. What was coming up with my oldest son when he started waking up, um, and I was very distraught. My grandfather said to me, You've been really well trained, and you were one of the best. You have everything that you need to get through this. You're gonna use this for good and to help the family. Like you he was basically saying, like, you were you're one of the good, really best ones, favorite ones in this in this whole uh operation, that you have all the gifts and abilities and talents. And he was saying, you know how to use it for good. Like you're you were capable of making it through this, you are capable of doing the right thing. And kind of he kind of told me, stand up, because I was sitting down and like feeling sorry for myself. And so I I feel that I'm actually not going against my family ultimately. And um, and that even the people that have passed on that have been abusive to me, you know, I I really do practice what Yeshua taught about forgiveness. And um, without without whitewashing things, without sugarcoating things, honesty is important. But in my heart, I understand God said to me one time when I was at church, and I I said, This isn't fair. Why isn't the rest of my family doing this work? Why isn't the rest of my family going deep in and sitting with themselves through all these hard feelings and doing all this introspection? And God said to me, it didn't begin with them and it didn't begin with the ones before them. Who are you gonna point the finger to and blame? And and are you is are you gonna use that as an excuse to not do it? Somebody's gotta do it. And I was like, Oh yeah, if I'm seeing it, that you know, if you see a mess on the floor, it's no use complaining about somebody else not picking it up. Like you you see it, you have the ability, you do it. It doesn't mean that there's somebody to point the finger to and blame. That's kind of the old paradigm, I think, that that Jesus was trying to move away from when he was like, you know, moving away from an eye for an eye and into a place of forgiveness. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:19

And I think we were talking earlier too about how these situations are so complicated because of the multiplicity. There are parts that of a person in these in these cult networks who are programmed to be cult loyal, to be violent, to be mean, you know, and to perpetrate. And then there's also parts of a person that are, you know, the people that we see and walk by every day, the people that that we've gone to school with, the people that you know we work with, and they're really good people that a lot of times aren't aware of the other parts inside that are perpetrators. And so I feel like the the dualist, the dualistic um, the duality, like how we were talking about earlier, you know, we really do have to look at these circumstances different. And again, it doesn't excuse, like you said, we need the honesty, we need to actually be able to say what was done, not just have it be something that is excused. But at the same time, there's so many facets to a person that is programmed, you know, and you can't just look at the whole person as being just this bad person. And even those parts of the person didn't choose to have that type of upbringing, you know, their childhood was taken and robbed from them, and they were forced at such a young, tender age to comply with loyalty to things that no child should even be aware exists in the world, you know, and so it's really sad that to see, you know, how that manifests in an adult, how it just compiles that just all of anger and and the torture and then the rage that that builds from those experiences in childhood and like the result of that, you know, monsters aren't born, they're created. And I think that you really have honored your ancestors really well with seeing what they were before they were tainted and had their innocence stripped from them. You know, I think all of them would are helping you and would honor the work that you're doing and are so proud of you for getting away from it, especially because a lot of them didn't and couldn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:25

Exactly. They didn't know how, and maybe it just wasn't the right time, you know. Like there's this, it's so much more in people's awareness now and so much more in some ways acceptable than it has been to talk about this kind of stuff. Um, you know, people are really, I think it's it's just the right time for it. And um yeah, so like I understand that like it wasn't time before, and probably and obviously my parents couldn't do what I'm doing because of their circumstances, and so it it really helps me to see it from that perspective, then I don't fall into you know victim mentality, which is um immobilizing and not very helpful because I don't want to just stay in this, like I'm speaking about this because it's been needing to be said for a long time, but I want to build a better life for myself and my children. I want to focus on creating and and community and you know, more positive things ultimately. Like that's that's my main focus. But um I know that this is part of it though, is is speaking the truth of what I went through. It's like to release it so that it's not I'm not carrying it around with me all the time into um the rest of my life that I that I want to be, you know, peaceful and and loving and supportive.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:09

And then you're bringing it into the awareness of people who didn't grow up how you did, and who have never had this be a part of their conscious awareness at all growing up, to not even know that that this is layered within our society and that we've likely, you know, almost everybody in society probably went to school, sat next to a kid at church, played with a kid on the playground, or had, you know, some type of a friend growing up who was going through this and had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:35

And and one of the things that one of the phrases that came to me as I was contemplating this interview, um, you know, that these whole projects were done under the guise of national security, a lot of them. But national security at the expense of the family is not security.

unknown 1:44:59

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:00

It's not. And for me and my family, I've just seen it be so obliterated by this, it's such so painful. Um that it's not worth it. Like if you're destroying families for the sake of national security, that's that's already destroying the national security, you know? Like families are needed and and people need to feel included. Um, you know, that's why there's so much crime right now and and crazy things happening, is because people don't feel included and in part of something. And so I just don't feel that the that the cost is worth it. I think it got to such a level. Um, and that's one of the reasons why I want to speak out right now, is it's like so much of this was for the sake of national security, but um not at the expense of the family, not at the expense of the human soul. Like that that just defeats the whole purpose in my mind, anyways.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:12

I couldn't agree more. And you know, like I said, it's it's a miracle. Every time I do one of these interviews, there's the one side where where I get comments like, how are you able to like listen to the stuff over and over and over again and like stay composed or not let it make you depressed or sad? And it's like because I'm literally sitting in front of a miracle, you know, like that's how I look at you. I'm like, I'm so amazed hearing what you went through and that you're here today, and that all your ancestors didn't have the courage to do what you did. And you did this at such a great cost. You've had so much loss and so much devastation, but you did something nobody else in your whole lineage could for who knows how many generations. You've been able to trace multiple, but who knows beyond that how far it went, you know, and trauma ran in your family till it ran into you. And I'm just, you know, I'm I'm more in awe every time that I get to listen and and witness than anything else. And it's just it's incredible that you had the courage to do it, knowing as well what you were walking away from, and that you could have easily, when you started to feel that resistance from your family, been like, okay, you know what? I'm joking, I'm coming back, like let's just forget it. You know, I I had a moment and I don't know what I'm talking about. That's a lot easier to do and then to go fit in again and continue what's comfortable than to completely lit leave everything that you've ever known, you know. And like I said, it's come at a great cost to you and your family, you know, ultimately. And it's just so brave and courageous to see you here today speaking about this, composed and strong, you know, despite all the loss that you've had and what you've gone through. And to just see somebody that had the courage to break a cycle that nobody else before you did.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:08

Oh, thank you. That means a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:13

Of course. Is there anything else about your childhood or teenage years or kind of upbringing that you wanted to share? I know you had sent me a few things about. I think Catalina Island was one of them. I don't know if you want to talk about that, but if there's any other memories that you want to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:30

Um yeah, Catalina Island was part of the trip to LA. Um, of course, it's like a short ferry ride off the coast of LA. Um yeah, it is beautiful. It's beautiful, and that's the thing. A lot of these trips, they weren't just dark. There were like amazing things I saw and experienced too. Um but yeah, Catalina Island, we stayed at the Wrigley Mansion, me and my family, um, my mom, dad, and sister. And we stayed there with a high-level celebrity musician and her actor husband and um a producer and his wife. And I have since recalled um sexual experiences at night with um that celebrity, which I'm probably not ready to name right now, but it was somebody that I had been really obsessed with um for a long time, interestingly enough. Um and who's also extremely wounded and a victim of the same thing as me. So there when those memories started. Coming up, I was at a chiropractic's office getting work on my spine, and I started crying because I felt so sorry for them. I remembered um how deeply distraught they were after the sexual experience, is usually when the shame would come up and the fear. They all all of those famous people have multiple personality, um, especially the ones that are very famous and and they struggle with it. Um and it's usually kept secret and managed by medications and doctors and a team of people that that work to manage it so that their public persona appears to be flawless. But that's not the case, actually. They they struggle deeply and are in their own hell as well. And um I also later learned that the Wrigley Mansion uh was a location in the 60s or 70s that Charles Manson uh and his people stayed at. So there's occult rituals and things that have been performed there. Um and I have pictures of my time there. Um, I'll probably send them to you. Um but yeah, so that was all part of that same trip when I was 20 years old. Um I think that's all I want to share about that right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:46

Absolutely. Was there anything else about childhood or growing up that you want to share? Or any other memories that you had wanted to talk about today?

SPEAKER_01 1:51:54

Well, when I was about six years old, and this is a memory that keeps coming back to me, I wanted to run away. Oh, I was so deeply upset and hurt and felt misunderstood and terrified of the things that were happening to me that I actually did try to run away at one time. And I got we lived out in the country and had a really long driveway, and I remember it was getting dark, and I got almost down the driveway before I stopped and realized like I'm I'm a ch I'm a kid, like I can't do that, like I can't run away. Like, what how what where am I supposed to go? Who's gonna believe me? Who's gonna take care of me? You know, like I I had this realization of my lack of power as a child in that moment, and that I had to turn around and go back home, um, which I did. And I think the reason that memory has been coming up so strongly is because I'm an adult now. Like I I'm doing I'm doing that now. I'm getting away from that now, finally. And I actually get to carry that child self as an adult and be respected in an adult context and society and figure out how to make an income to support us and provide all of those things that I didn't have the ability. So it's it's pretty revolutionary for me. Like it's that little girl in me has been waiting a really long time for me to grow up. So uh even though it looks like I'm struggling in a lot of ways, like financially and and don't have as much of the comforts or support that I used to, I I've come a long way and I'm building that, you know. I had to start somewhere, like and and I really do feel that that foundation is being built now, and it's been incredibly challenging and scary, but I've that little girl is finally getting to run away from that with me in a way, you know, like I can keep her safe, and my daughter, who is literally your little girl right now, too. So um, yeah, I guess that's what I wanted to share.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:37

She's beaming at you, that little girl who is running down the driveway. She's so happy, and I see her beaming at you through you, and that's that's an amazing thing, amazing gift to be able to give yourself that makes you richer than all the people that you left, you know, who might have all the money in the world or the resources or or things that you don't even like protection and safety, you know, but they don't have that peace, they have that chaos still inside, they have their inner child still so enraged and sad and wanting to run away and nobody's helping or paying attention or soothing them, you know, and that inner torment, I don't care what anybody says, there's no amount of money that can that can make that go away, you know, and you have peace in ways that they never will, even if your life isn't fully peaceful and it's still chaotic. You have things that they never that they don't, you know, and that makes you richer than all of them. And it's amazing that you that you can give that to yourself and that you can you can cry happy tears about it, you know, instead of the sad tears that I'm sure that little girl felt at six years old, not being able to do anything and not not knowing what to do with that feeling of wanting to get away.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:52

Well, and even though I'm not with my older six children right now, they all know what side I stand on. And I see that as progress because for me, I felt so alone having both of my parents, but neither one of them wanting to acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:10

And and so they know where I stand on it. They all they all do. And and also the fact that my oldest son started waking up to it and being able to verbalize it at 19. For me, it was 34. I see the work that God is doing in our family. And as much as my personality or my ego wants it to be just like that, it takes time. And and and I have to be like aware of that of that too. Like that it progress can't necessarily happen that quickly when it's something that's been in process for so long. Like, but I see the progress. Like, he's waking up at 19 and able to tell me, mom, um, it's MP Ultra Mom. Like, mom, uh they've been having me time travel, like the things that happened to him at the mental hospital. Um, he looked into my eyes without breaking eye contact and without blinking, and told me everything that he had been being put through there. And um, I believe him. I know he's telling the truth, and that's extraordinary to me because I couldn't do that with my mom at that age. And as much as I want to be around them right now, I still recognize that me doing this is giving them something that I didn't have growing up that I really wanted. And I did when I was pregnant with him, I fell to the ground and I prayed and cried out to God, and I said, Let the abuse end with me, use me to end the abuse. And I didn't realize what a powerful prayer that was gonna be, and a kind of a dangerous prayer at that, but I had emotionally had enough, and I hadn't even at that time remembered, you know, exactly why I was feeling that strongly. I just knew I felt that way, like the the abuse needs to end with me, use my life to heal the family, and um and God has definitely been doing that for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:38

And even though your children aren't with you, you know, you had to leave your whole family. You didn't have a mother waiting for you who would accept you and help you heal, be along with your journey, regardless of what your children are going through, you know. And and I ask everybody to pray over your children and over you, of course. But I know your children are probably going through a really hard time, not just being separated from their mother, but you know, anything else that they might be going through that maybe is is similar to what you went through. And I'm grateful that when they're old enough, just like your 19-year-old son, to start remembering and to maybe make have the ability to make the same decision that you did, that they will have a mother waiting for them that will be there with open arms that can help them understand what they went through and be with them in that process of healing. That's a rarity for any survivor. And yeah, you know, when that happens to you, you know, it's the same thing for the next generation. You're making it easier for their kids to have a parent that is completely aware and went through healing and has a mother, you know, they're gonna have a grandmother who's gonna be there for them. And it's really incredible. And it does, it doesn't necessarily all just happen nice and tidy within one generation or one person, but the ripple effect that one person can have for generations to come is incredible, you know, in what you've done already. And you have a daughter that's that's with you, that you know, that's one child that that's not going through the things that you did. And that is monumental in itself, you know. A lot of times these, you know, we have we have a mutual friend Kadaya, we've we've brought on, and you know, she's experienced the same targeting that you did, where they come after children, and it's it's a very, very difficult process, and that that happens over and over and over again, you know. But just knowing that that these children from the generations that are speaking out now have a mother, have one parent that's safe. I mean, that's huge because the generations before you, it's so rare that that happens, you know, where children have the opportunity to have safety and one person that can be there for them whenever they have the ability to make the decision to leave.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:56

Yeah. In fact, my my fourth child, um, I did a post but I removed it where I talked a little bit about the Air Force hospitals and Project Stargate, which I don't want to get into because I don't have to go soon, anyways. But I I I posted it and my my older children don't really feel like they can like my posts. Like there's a lot of like, you know, family politic stuff around all of that. Um but this child liked it. Like he was making a statement that um that, yes, mom, I'm glad you posted this. Like he went out of his way to like it, and he never does that because he they're all kind of afraid of of showing their support for me. Um, and I thought that was profound. I was like, they want me to speak about this, like they need this to be spoken to.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:53

Yes, yeah. That's absolutely incredible. And I know that we're not gonna have time to talk about everything today, but I did want to give you an opportunity to talk if you wanted to talk about anything with the loss of your children and and how we can support you on not just your healing, but you know, getting you to where you need to be, to where you can breathe financially and you know, have a little bit of support and have some resources where you don't have to worry financially and you know you can recover all the losses that you walked away from and all the security that you walked away from.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:30

Yeah, yeah. I I've recently gotten out of a challenging situation, which we could go into in another interview, but it has left me um financially strapped, and also there is a need to relocate soon um for my and my daughter's safety. So if anybody feels called to support, I have a cash app, it's no id n o I D I roots, R O O T S. And um I'm trying to um I have a fundraiser too, which we can link down below. Um what I'm really ideally wanting to do is is get back into doing some form of healing work, working with people one-on-one. Um, like I like I had my practice in Austin, but it would probably be different than that, I'm guessing. But to be able to really work with other survivors of sexual abuse and other things like that, um, doing kind of um healing prayer and like a type of kind of counseling. I'm not certified to counsel, but I have taken a lot of psychology classes and I've learned a lot in my own experience. Um, but that's that's something I envision I would like to be able to do is like work with others to help them and also have that be a source of income for me and my daughter as well. And um I want to work towards, you know, getting a place that's more stable at some point. I don't know when that's gonna be because I feel like coming out in the public um is, you know, it might mean that I need to move around for a little bit until I find a safe enough space for us. Um, but you we'll see. But right now I definitely need help with relocation costs and and a few living expenses, which my living expenses aren't that much right now. I'm not like paying bills and I don't have debt. So that's one thing that I have like that I don't have to worry about. Um, but but definitely safety, um, gas, relocation, um, to help us get on our feet so that I can um help provide services to people. And um, I would like to write a book or some books at some point as well. Um, I don't have a computer yet, and that's something that I need to get. But um what was the other part that you wanted me to mention? Oh, oh, I have a social media account on Instagram, and it's No ID Roots. Um, is the yeah, there it is. And I'm gonna be putting more of my memories up in the programs, and um, this is a place that my family, or there's an account my family doesn't know about because I'm really trying not to stir up the hornet's nest anymore right now until I'm more stable. Um, but I'm talking a lot about the Sami people and how they were in particular targeted and recruited by the intelligence agencies for their um extraordinary psychic abilities and their abilities to astral travel. And um so yeah, I can get into more of that later because some of it includes stuff that ties into the UFO disclosure and stuff like that. And um, yeah, I think that's probably good for for this episode.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:31

Absolutely. And if people follow No ID here on IG, that's also a great way to connect with her privately if you guys want to connect with her as a survivor, an advocate, or if you guys have a way that maybe you could help, um, aside from financially. But I will have her donation page and her Cash App handle in the show notes as well. And, you know, there's no amount that's that's too much or too little to help. I think a lot of us feel helpless, myself included, sometimes, you know, we're like, oh my gosh, the weight of the world is on our shoulders. How do we how do we change this? I'm just one person, but we forget how much little things can make a huge impact. Just following a survivor on social media and sharing their posts, engaging with them, helping them with getting work or providing that five dollars that maybe you would buy a Starbucks coffee with and donating it to them, you know, that could be a meal for their family. And so there's so many big and little ways that that we can help. And no, no act is too small. And so I just want to encourage you guys, you know, I know that this stuff gets kind of heavy and it weighs heavy, and so many of you want to do so much, you know, but but do what you can. I think uh trying to think what the quote was from Allison. She says, Do what you can, but do something, you know, and and if that if we all chip in and just do something little, and if some of us can do something big, you know, the change that we can make almost overnight is just insurmountable. And so I just encourage you guys, you know, and at the very, very least, please pray over Noite and her daughter right now that she's with, and then also over her other children, and even over her family, that they, you know, decide to join her in freedom and truth and honesty and even memory, you know, that that they're able to face the things that that she disclosed today. And so Noite, just thank you so much for coming on here today and for sharing these really vulnerable parts of your life, these very personal things and even educational and and inspiring. I just think you're absolutely amazing, and I'm really honored to get to to help share your testimony, and I can't wait to have you on again.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:41

Well, thank you so much, Emma. This has really been special. This is my very first interview, and I'm so glad that it's with you. I mean, this was you made it so easy.

unknown 2:08:52

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:52

And you did amazing. I can't believe that this is your first one. You're so I mean, nobody knows your testimony more than you, you know, but you're so composed and and you're just you're very articulate and sophisticated with how you talk about this stuff. And you know, your children are proud. The little girl within you is proud, and we're all proud of you and rooting for you. So is there any final words that you wanted to say or anything that you wanted to close with?

SPEAKER_01 2:09:16

Hmm. Um well, I guess I would want to close with something that um from the school that I went to at the Contemplative Christian Church, um the we studied the teachings of G.I. Gurjeef, and he said that um man is mechanical until he becomes aware of all the contradictory parts inside, that we're basically robotic and have no real will of our own until we become self-aware of all the contradictory parts, and and I feel like survivors of DID um they have extraordinary will because of doing that inner work of seeing the contradictory parts, and um that's what makes them so incredible, and I'm so grateful to all of your guests that you've had on as well, and to you. Um they get they made me feel safe to come on and speak, and they have helped me through really hard times, and so um, yeah, I think that's what I wanted to say.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:36

And now you get to pass that torch to listeners and complete the circle, which is really incredible. So thank you for coming on and thank you for imparting those words. I hope that that gives courage and inspiration to others listening that are thinking about maybe speaking out and you know who are listening to you today. So we're really grateful for you, No ID. And like I said, can't wait to have you on for a part two and to explore more aspects of your testimony. And for everybody listening, like I said, we couldn't do this without you. So please go support No ID. I'll have all of her information down in the show notes. And then also I usually pin a comment on videos like on YouTube or Rumble. So you can go in the comment section too, and I usually pin a comment that also has the cut the contact information and how to support. So, with that being said, you guys, thank you so much for listening. God bless you all, and we will see you next time.