Episode 29: ??????

Are you also feeling so incredibly grumpy today, listener? Do you also hear that sound?

The voice of Martha is Daylin Chase. The voice of Tanner is Charles Raymond. The voice of Don Carlton is Carson Refuse. The voice of River is Achilles Friesen.

CW: Verbal conflict and passive-aggressive behaviour, brief depictions of violence, and profanity.

Sound effects by Freesound contributors cognate-perceptu, castironcarousel, bellick, unplugthefridge, sheyvan, kd-jack, m-delaparra, fthgurdy, joshuacouch, 14g-panska-kaminkova-a, scottstanderfer1, jakobhanderson, jamieorpen, tabook, khensom, robssp1derp1g, brunoboselli, mordinsolus, swiftoid, tomchikrec, drdufus, blondpanda, nox-sound, and lian3. 

Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.

We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir

Transcript

THEME MUSIC

JESS: Hey there listeners. We’ve been getting reports today that no one can shut their radios off, even after following a broadcast this morning from whoever else occupies the airwaves on how to properly listen to and maintain your radio. 

Our apologies- not that it has anything to do with us, and no that was not a subtextual confession. Sorry. We literally have no idea why this is happening. But also, I’m not totally sure why you’d want to turn off your radios. I mean, the show just started. We have so many fun things ahead of us. Did you ever consider that maybe you aren’t meant to turn off your radios right now? 

Listen close. Our first story: 

We don’t have one. Sorry for the lead up and for any possible expectations it may have created that are now disappointed and unfulfilled. But, maybe, at some later point in the broadcast, we will impart some knowledge that you will need for the next part of your earthly journey. Maybe today’s show contains some coded information made otherwise deliberately unavailable to you. Did you ever think of that? 

At the very least, aside from the radio thing, we hope you are having a pleasant evening. 

Ugh. Unlikely given that- that fucking sound. Sorry, folks, but I’m done already being professional and pretending it isn't there. The sound that like, you can’t hear, but your mind is telling you you’re hearing something? Is it just me? Or, well, us, because everyone here’s said they are experiencing the same thing and it's so annoying. If we had access to any social media, I’d put out some polls or something but… I don’t know. I have the worst headache and I hardly got any sleep. I even tried to nap this afternoon, cause what else is there to do here? But that- that buzzing thing inside my head. Do you feel it too? Something high and heavy and droning. 

[Pulling back] Martha, is the coffee done yet? 

MARTHA: I said it’ll be done in a minute, dude. I thought you didn’t like my coffee. 

JESS: I made a joke one time-

Sorry folks. I’m not one of those ‘I need coffee to function people’ or make a personality out of being annoying without caffeine I swear, I’m just- I’m so tired. And in a bad mood, apparently. Which I’d feel worse about if Martha wasn’t also in a bad mood. I think the others are too. I haven’t even seen Tanner all day, he hasn’t come out of his room- 

MARTHA: He went out. He literally told you. 

Or he’s not even here, that’s also possible-- Don’s been pacing, mostly, [Raising her voice to call to him] Which is getting kinda annoying. 

CARLTON: I’m trying to think- 

JESS: We’re just a- a grumpy bunch today, I’ll be the first to admit. I hope you are all in a better mood than we are, we hope you all do not also have that head-split-down-the-middle-with- a-box-cutter kind of headache that’s plaguing all of us. Sorry for the somewhat violent image but that’s what it feels like. To me, at least. Jordan, who, well, has actually been in a surprisingly fine mood all day, described it this morning like her brain was in a metal bowl, which been handed to a toddler with a wooden spoon, and they were just fucking- stirring, which I thought was also fitting. That scrambled sort of feeling. 

Jordan, however, also told me that she thinks the air feels different today. Fuller, and charged with something. 

Take that how you will. It's not an official news report or anything but Jordan’s intuition is usually spot on so I’m inclined to believe something’s going to happen. She’s just usually right about things. 

But aside from that, nothing- literally nothing is happening. Well, I’m sure things are happening somewhere. But they aren’t here. And we’re stuck here, y’know? As far as I know we still have zero updates on what happened a few days ago. And there has been no sign of Dr. Olsen. 

Weatherman Todd cancelled our meeting today due to his own headache, but his message sounded very grumpy. I’m trying not to take it personally. And as far as I’m aware there have been no weather or mountainwatch developments. It’s not his fault, though. 

Also. There is still no sign of Farmer Daniels. We do not know what it was he stole back from his still fenced off and heavily patrolled property. We have not been contacted by him. Though, we are happy he has taken his freedom into his own hands. 

Not that we feel inspired or inclined to follow suit, I should probably clarify. For any of those who might be listening and are concerned by, and more importantly opposed to, our community influence. I have a feeling you listen to the show. So, uh, hi. We’re not planning anything. We’re just here. 

[MUSIC TRANSITION]

You wanna know a fun thought I had today? 

It's probably only a matter of time before they find us here. 

Like sure, we’re hiding out. We’re doing all this secret shit or whatever, but like- as far as I can understand, there’s genuinely NO reason as to why they couldn’t find us here. They being Town Council and this strange, military-like, obviously at least government-adjacent group that’s maintaining authority here in town. I mean, are you even looking that hard? 

[The sound of the coffee pot smashing] 

MARTHA: God dammit- 

JESS: Martha, what the hell are you doing? 

MARTHA: I’ll make a new pot. 

JESS: Do we have an extra? 

MARTHA: If not, I think we have instant somewhere.

JESS: Dude, what happened?

MARTHA: I said I’ll make a new pot. 

JESS: We’re live so just, try to keep it down?

MARTHA: I know and I am. 

JESS: [Turning back and sighing] Uhhh, okay. Sorry about that interruption, it won’t happen again. I’m not really sure what more we have to talk about folks, because someone forgot to write me a script- so I’m gonna continue tonight’s show by talking about a dream I had last night. 

[The sound of dishing clinking in the kitchen]

JESS: Can you just shut up until we’re on break, please? Thanks. 

MARTHA: You’re the one who asked me to make coffee-

JESS: And now I’m asking you to be quiet.

MARTHA: Dude I am not in the mood- go broadcast somewhere else or something, okay?

CARLTON: Can you both shut up? 

RIVER: Jordan’s right, I think we all just need to talk a deep breath- 

JESS: Okay, where the hell did you come from? 

RIVER: I was in the basement. 

JESS: You’re always in the basement- what are you doing down there? 

[River walks away] 

Or just… walk away. Sure. Fine. Great. Good talk.  

Anyways, as I was saying, Martha forgot to write a script this morning so we’re talking about my dream- 

[Martha throws a mug at Jess. She dodges and gasps, and it smashes]

JESS: Martha, what the hell are you doing?!- why would you throw?!- is that my… my grandpa mug? [She pushes her chair back and stands] Martha, what the fuck has gotten into you--- hey, let go- don’t-

[Sound of some struggle, music, then static. A piercing sound above the static] 

JESS: Sorry, listeners, Martha, I don’t know what the hell she was doing but she threw a mug at me and unplugged the mic. And she elbowed me right in the stomach. 

[She takes a few deep breaths. Some shuffling and dish sounds]

JESS: I’ve got the mic on the counter here cause I’ve taken over coffee duty. Instant because we don’t have a replacement pot, of course. I still have that headache. 

[Kettle  boiling. She opens the jar of instant coffee, and takes a spoonful] 

I’ve forgotten the dream I wanted to tell you about. I guess it wasn’t all that important then. Or maybe it was. I don’t know. I don’t care. Maybe I’ll remember it again. Dreams are dumb like that. Fickle. 

In the meantime, there’s no schedule so I guess we’re just talking- 

[She spills the coffee grounds]

Dammit! Are you kidding me right now- 

RIVER: [Approaching] Why are you yelling? 

JESS: I’m fine, leave me alone. 

RIVER: I’ll make the coffee- 

JESS: Don’t touch me! I can do it! Go back into the basement or wherever the hell you go, and do- whatever the hell it is you do, okay? I’m perfectly capable of making coffee. 

RIVER: Fine. 

[River leaves.]

JESS: Excuse me, folks. I’m- I’m gonna take a break. Be back in a sec. 

[Transition. Static and piercing sound again. ] 

JESS: Martha and Don I am not kidding, if you’re gonna keep throwing stuff, take it outside. You’re gonna break something. Or, a better idea, how about you stop being dumabsses? Ugh. Sorry folks. Someone- looking at you, Tanner- disconnected the mic cable again when he came back- [THE SOUND OF A DOOR SLAMMING] Martha-! You’re the one who always gets on my case for slamming doors during broadcasts… [Calling] This is such a mess, I’m not cleaning this up. 

TANNER: What a surprise. 

JESS: What? 

TANNER: What do you do except sit in your room, and do the show, and go right back to your room? Literally what else? 

JESS: What else am I supposed to do? 

TANNER: I don’t fucking know, something! Instead of just sulking all day. 

JESS: Okay, where were you today, huh?

TANNER: None of your business. 

JESS: Like hell it isn’t!

TANNER: Word came in another void opened up across town, I was going to see if- 

JESS: For fuck’s sake Tanner, you can’t keep doing that. 

TANNER: You can’t tell me what to do-!

JESS: What happens if you get caught? Or fall through? Or what if that’s the time something awful finally comes through and you get hurt? Or killed? What then? 

TANNER: I have to see. I promised myself. I’d go see- every time, just in case. 

JESS: Just let it go, okay? Let her go. 

TANNER: You’re lecturing me about moving on? 

JESS: You can’t keep running headfirst towards the unknown when you don’t even know if you’ll see her again. Y’know, you probably won’t- 

TANNER: Shut up! Don’t talk about her. Y’know, you’re good at not talking about things now. That’s new. What are you hiding from? Why don’t you trust us? 

JESS: What makes you think I don’t trust you? 

TANNER: You won’t tell us what happened to you. I sat down and told you everything that happened to me. You’re too scared to talk about it. What did you do?

JESS: I didn’t do anything and I’m not scared. 

TANNER: Yeah, right. 

JESS: It's my shit to talk about and I’ll talk about it when I’m good and ready, okay? 

TANNER: Yeah, right. 

JESS: Just go away. Go- wait in your room or something. 

TANNER: That your solution for everything now? 

JESS: Okay- look. I haven’t even gotten to make my coffee yet, okay? Just, take a walk- but don’t wander off. Or sit in your room, or in the basement- just do something, somewhere else or I swear I’ll- 

TANNER: What? What’ll you do if I don’t?

JESS: You have no fucking idea what I’ve done, what I’ve been through- so just leave me alone, okay? Get the hell out of my face. 

TANNER: You’re not the only one who’s changed. Who’s been ripped away from- from their everything to be trapped. Other people’s lives have been ruined, not just yours!

JESS: What did you say? 

TANNER: It's not just you. It's not about you. 

[She steps in the shattered pile of her mug.]

JESS: Shit. Right.

[She sighs and heads to Martha’s door, pushing past him] 

TANNER: Don’t fucking push me- 

JESS: Let go of me. 

[She knocks on the door]

JESS: Martha, I know you’re in there. 

MARTHA: Go away. 

JESS: No. Come out here. 

MARTHA: No. 

JESS: Clean up the mess you made in the kitchen. 

MARTHA: Dude, seriously, go away. 

JESS: You broke my mug, the least you can fucking do is clean it up- 

MARTHA: I said go AWAY-

[Jess opens the door. Static and high pitched noise.] 

JESS: With help from the apparently unaffected Jordan, I’m now hiding in the closet; which would probably be obvious to anyone who looks for more than two seconds because the freaking wire from the mic obviously follows wherever I bring it, but I- I don’t know, I think this is what you might call a moment of clarity. My head feels like a hornets nest after you throw a baseball at it. Not that I’ve ever done that. But I’m having a moment of like, not that-- and I just wanted to say-- something is happening, listeners. 

Happening to us. 

Something deep seeded and-- and other. I am filled with strange and bitter feelings and intentions that are not my own. They are not mine- there is no reason for them to have come from me, and I know we as humans are by nature irrational beings in many ways but this-- if you are feeling the same things, and experiencing the same turmoil and chaos that should not be happening-- try to remember, please try- that it is not of you. It is not from you. I don’t know if- if that's how it works but try not to succumb to the strange, buzzing behind your eyes, the static stuffed into your ears- the---- the sound, the feeling, it is not yours. You do not have to carry it. You do not have to listen to it. If you can hear me-- 

I think the closet is helping. 

Oh- yeah. 

Listeners- Jordan, as always, is full of good ideas. She’s suggesting you try and find a quiet, small space you can sit in by yourself and just wait it out. That you get as far away from any radio or similar devices as possible for the rest of the evening, okay? Put it outside or something. Maybe it is what I said yesterday. Maybe it's a sound, that sound, the wavering air that has been unsettling us all at our core. Something about it-- if you focus, you can hear it, like a mosquito in a room, a fly behind a curtain- somewhere, something is stirring. Stirring up thoughts and feelings and urges within us that are. Not. Us. 

It feels like there’s this rubber band that’s been stretching and today it finally snapped. Or whoever was stretching it let it go. This was a sudden release. And I am pretty damn sure it was deliberate. 

[Distant crashing,  some shouting] 

I think Martha and Don are fighting again. I can’t remember what they were arguing about but its escalated… beyond anything it ever would have. Probably Tanner too. I don’t- I can’t really think about or remember what’s happened. I’m not sure where David is, I actually haven't-- Jordan’s saying he locked himself in his room this morning. Cool. Good idea. Hope he’s okay. 

Yeah, yeah, I’m okay Jordan. My side just-- it just hurts. And my face. [She winces] Don’t- don’t touch it please. Martha hit me pretty hard. But, I hit her first so-- yeah. And now that I’m kinda separated from it all and thinking about it I’m- I don’t know, I feel kinda freaked out. And I think the closet’s getting smaller. And the others are getting closer. And- I don’t know what’s going on. Or if this is happening to other people. 

If you can hear me, I hope you’re okay. I hope--- 

[Pounding on the door] 

JESS: Shit! Hide- 

[From behind the door] 

TANNER: What the hell are you hiding from, huh? 

JESS: Jordan, I don’t know- climb up the shelf or something-- it’ll hold you-- just go-!

[More pounding. The static and sound return. END]