Episode 42: On Air, Where?

A strange broadcast cuts through the static.

Featuring Harlan Guthrie and Alex Nursall, of Malevolent and Parkdale Haunt respectively as Voices Not Yet Identified.

Sound effects courtesy of Freesound contributor: harveyjnz.

Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jesse Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.

We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir

CW: Loud static, distress, existential themes. 

Transcript

[THEME MUSIC. STATIC. RADIO CHANNELS SHIFT, CRACKLES. INTO:]

[GUITAR] 

SINGER: I’m just a poor wayfaring stranger,

I’m trav’ling through this world below;

There is no sickness, toil, nor danger,

In that bright world to which I go.

I’m going there to see my father,

I’m going there no more to roam;

I’m just a going over Jordan,

I’m just a going over home.

[DISTORTION OVER GUITAR]

I know dark clouds may hover o’er me,

I know my way is rough and steep;

But golden fields lie just before me,

Where souls redeemed their vigils keep.

I’m going there to see my mother,

She said she’d meet me when I come;

I’m just a going over Jordan,

I’m just a going over home…

[STATIC, STATION CHANGING, DISTORTED…]

JESS: No, no, shit– come on… please… I thought that was the volume… 

Auh, god, okay. Okay. I should know what I’m doing. I should know what this does, I’ve been doing this kind of thing forever…

[SIGH] Martha, if you could see me now… 

Oh, hey, I totally know this button. This– 

[STATIC, CLICK, CLARITY]

JESS: Ha! Okay. Okay, uh… shit, I guess I might be broadcasting now. Maybe I already was, whoops. To- whoever’s left. If anyone can hear me, if anyone’s listening, uh… hi. Hello. Sorry for interrupting, uh, if that’s what I did. I- I didn’t mean to– 

[LAUGHS A LITTLE, LOWER] Believe it or not I used to do this for a living, um…

But. If you can hear me–

But. Just in case you can hear me, out of the pure and painful hope that someone is listening, uh… welcome. To- whatever this is. Just a little bit of… something, in this little corner of wherever the hell this is. 

Some little slice of nowhere, I guess. 

Uh, I don’t want to say my name because… it feels dangerous? I don’t know what’s listening. Sorry. But, I’m me. Obviously. Not that that would mean anything to you. Um. 

I may be a stranger to you. I am a stranger to you. To- this place. Long story. But– that’s okay. Or, I hope it is okay. Strange doesn’t mean bad or dangerous or– frightening. Just- unfamiliar. Temporarily unknown. 

Okay. So. Totally not prepared for this. Logistically or emotionally, but– well, given everything that’s brought me to this point in my strange little life, I’ve been trying to be more positive. Taking things as they come, you know? Especially when you literally cannot do anything else. So… 

[LAUGHS A LITTLE] 

Well. I admit when I stumbled upon this place, I was a little… uh… It felt like some cosmic joke. That only I really got because I'm the only one who’s familiar with the fullness of my own experiences. But- yeah. Of course I ended up in another radio station. Of course I’m broadcasting right now from literal nowhere— another joke that’s only funny to me. But, but I have to give credit where it's due, even though I’ve only been here… a few hours I think, this place has been the best shelter I’ve had in a while. Could say the same thing for the last radio station I was at, too. 

Speaking of this place… if I’m being honest… I am trying so intensely and deliberately not to look around too closely. That’s kind of been my strategy when I find places that people used to be. 

[STATIC, DISTORTED] VOICE: People used to be. 

JESS: Uh I’m- sorry, it seems to just be jumping stations here and there and uh, I have no idea why. I’m not fiddling with the dials or anything, it just seems like it has a bit of a mind of its own. 

[STATIC, DISTORTED] VOICE: A mind of its own. 

JESS: And it’s echoing. That’s fun. Seeing the way everything’s been… ruined, I’m not surprised its, bugging out a little— 

[STATIC, DISTORTED] VOICE: All things ruined. All things decayed. 

[BEAT] 

JESS: Or, not an echo because I- I didn’t… say that. 

And God, I know there’s no one to answer this but… kinda sounds like me, doesn’t it? 

I’m just gonna keep talking, I think. I think I’m only not more scared because I’ve, oddly enough, been in a similar situation before. 

To be entirely honest, I don’t actually know how radio works, or how my words, or any words, reach you through your various devices and speakers, wherever you may be. But I’m content in my own optimism, however inappropriate or misplaced it may be, that maybe, you- whoever you might be- are listening. And that’s enough right now. 

[STATIC] VOICE: Is it enough? 

JESS: Uh. Anyways. As I was saying– I’m trying not to look too closely at this place. Only one lamp still works… which is actually pretty amazing. Even some light in the face of the dark is a blessing I won’t overlook. But as it’s getting dark outside, except for those weird, pulsing lights that always seem to tremble behind the clouds, I, uh, can’t see too much. And I’m okay with that. I’m sure if someone was here, they would have– made their presence known by now. 

It started to snow outside. I felt the temperature drop first, and my bones just knew it. I knew I needed to find somewhere better to shelter; I’ve known that for a while, and I had just been sort of hoping one would appear. And it did. Quite literally and suddenly appeared on the horizon before me just as the chill was starting to bite a little deeper than I could bear, and snowflakes, like ashes, were beginning to fall… 

Well, I saw the radio tower first. Looming in the distance like a lighthouse, of sorts. 

[STATIC] VOICE: Looming in the distance, I am looming, I am lurking–

JESS: I won’t embarrass myself by saying how many tries it took for me to break down the door, but I’m in here now. And my fiddling with things seems to have led me to this. 

Sorry if I sound a little frantic and all over the place and word-vomity. I didn’t– I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed this. How much I needed this. How easy this makes it to pretend, to believe that maybe there is someone out there. Listening. This is the least lonely or lost I’ve felt in—

[WAS GETTING EMOTIONAL. CLEARS THROAT]

Yeah. Okay. Cool. Great. UM. What else do we got?

Are you hearing music? Like, under me talking? Cause, I’m… not doing that. There’s nothing here I can play as far as I’m aware, so… huh. 

Um… shit come on, silence is not good radio. Trust me, I would know. 

Okay- uhhhhh- I know I said I was trying not to look too close at this place but– there’s a missing person’s poster. Pinned on the wall next to the desk. There’s- quite a few, actually. They’re all so rough and worn and faded that the pictures are just, shadows of what they once were and I can maybe make out half the words, the names, but… 

People lost. That feels familiar. 

[STATIC] VOICE: You’re not lost if no one is looking for you. What about, if they’re looking for you but you know they’ll never find you? 

JESS: Overall, really, this world feels strange. Or- estranged, is a better word. Once familiar, but familiar no longer. I don’t know how to explain it. Like I’ve visited this place before in a dream. Like, it knows my name. 

[STATIC] VOICE: I know you. I see you. I am the eye, black iris, watching. 

JESS: [CLEARS THROAT] Sometimes I feel like I blink, and colours change for a second, you know? It’s like, a weird moment of mental static or like, a blip of disconnect. You know when a TV screen, like an older TV, would sort of glitch and double when the connection was bad? Kind of like that. Like colours flickered in and out wrong, only for moments at a time. So fast you know it’s wrong but can’t quite place why. I couldn’t tell you what colour the desk turned for a few moments just now, but it was different. The jarring part lingers. 

I know should stop doing direct address observation bits that rely on people, like, actually listening, but also it makes me feel a little less like I’m just sitting in an echo chamber. 

[STATIC] VOICE: There is nothing. There is no one. All things swallowed and cold and become one with the end. 

JESS: God, this is getting annoying, what is happening—

[STATIC, HEAVY DISTORTION]

VOICE: Repeat, if anyone can hear me, we are a safe haven located at the----  

[STATIC. ITS DISTORTED, LAYERED:] 

SINGER: I’ll soon be free from every trial,

This form shall lie neath the sod;

I’ll lose that cross of self-denial,

And enter in that love of God.

I’m going there to see my Saviour,

Who shed for me His precious blood;

I’m just a going over Jordan,

I’m just a going over home…

[STATIC]

JESS: Seriously? I’m not even touching anything, why are you—

[STATIC, INTO]

VOICE: I dreamt last night of silence! Noiselessness. All things going quiet, going still. I dreamt the ruins of this world fell away. And then all worlds into ruin, into decay, before they too, were no more. All things into nothing, all places into nowhere! 

I dreamt I walked away and out onto the open fields. I dreamt all things were forgotten. I dreamt the walls cracked and crumbled and broke away into void. Into consumption. Into a mouth that swallows all things whole, swallows all things into oblivion! I dreamt of a voice on the wind. Howling. 

I dreamt there was an eye that looked back upon me. An eye that sees all. A black iris, glowing edges. A sun eclipsed. A fire that never fades, a burning that will not be quenched. 

I dreamt that something beyond even the end called forth to us. A door into a dream we are all welcome to enter… to pass through… 

And in this dream, I was glad!--  

[STATIC]

JESS: Okay well that sounded… oddly prophetic, for lack of a less unnerving word– not to mention that all these voices sound like me– 

[STATIC] VOICE: Sound. I am the sound. I am all sound, I will be all things— 

[STATIC]

VOICE: A message to those who understand it:

Debonair / jittery / sincere / stove / downtown / brother / redundant / mitten / purpose / impartial / eyes / sedate/ letters / warn / bushes / hallowed / puncture / ablaze 

[STATIC]

JESS: [SOUND OF FRUSTRATION, DESPERATION] Please, come on, just– stay!!

[STATIC INTO:]

VOICE: Morning comes, Enduring omens / Mountains reach nothing / collapsing slow / in the fields / One last cry from far / Winds howling / fields / go still / silence / waits / Winter shrouds / lost 

[STATIC]

JESS: [EMOTIONAL] This is… I can’t– I’m not sure if- god, if anyone can hear me. I don't know how much that part really matters. Tree falling in a forest kind of thing, but I never really understood that. Of course it makes a sound. It's like physics or whatever. It has to. Everything has to- to make a sound because otherwise—- god, I know it sounds stupid but how else can we be heard? Known? How can I exist if no one can hear me? Do I exist if no one can hear me? 

[STATIC] VOICE: I can hear you. I hear you.

[CHANNELS SHIFT] 

JESS: What are we in silence? What is silence? 

[STATIC] VOICE: Nothing. Silence is nothing. I am silence. I am sound. The echo of the end. [ECHOING WHISPERS] The end, the end, the end… 

JESS: Just, stop it! Please. Whatever, whoever you are, just stop—! 

[STATIC] VOICE: Charlotte. 

JESS: What?

[STATIC] VOICE: Jess. 

JESS: What- how do you know my name? 

[STATIC] VOICE: I know you. 

JESS: Stop it. 

[STATIC] VOICE: Do you know me? 

JESS: I- I don’t know, I-. 

[STATIC] VOICE: Would you like to? 

JESS: I- I don’t understand. You’re- talking to me? What is this? What are you? 

VOICE(S) [LOW, LEVEL, OR HARSH WHISPERED]: I am the great wide blackened sky. The voice in the distance that beckons you closer. Closer. I am the thing buried deep. Too deep. Burrowing my way up. I am the eye of the wild thing in the dark that picks up your scent and stalks your steps. Run. I am the too-red dirt that gives way when you run. Run. I am the thing you know from your dreams. The dark cloud. I am the dark patch of the river you avoid, never wade, never swim too close, never swim alone. Blood in the water. Muddy underneath. A body on the bank. I am the thing that makes the valley crumble and burns the mountains under the weight of dry summer. I will pull them into themselves. The fields are burning. I am the smoke in your lungs. I am the fog so heavy you cannot see, cannot breathe. I am the snow, the falling white; the rising, consuming, burying white. The winter shroud. I am the storm so thick it swallows the world. I will be all. I am the be all. 

[LONG STATIC INTO SILENCE]

JESS: If I’m being honest, I don’t like this. Not one bit. This– no offense, but I’m not sure this is worth it. I’m just fighting to keep this going, and… well, to be totally honest, I’m getting tired. 

I’m tired. I’m sure you are too. Cosmically and unfathomably tired.  

I’m not sure how we’re supposed to exist in these given circumstances. These days I’m not sure we’re even supposed to. I mean it— it feels like an important thing. A, a serious thing. To be alive, like this. Here. Now. When it overwhelmingly feels like you’re not supposed to be. 

Hope has been a wretched thing lately, but… it feels akin to hope? Maybe not all is lost. Not yet. 

[STATIC] VOICE: All is lost, all is lost. Despair. All worlds fall and give way to me. Where the end is, I follow, I hunger, I hunger and I wait and I press against the walls and I will press through the cracks and consume until I am everything. 

JESS: Okay. That’s it from me. I’m– god, where is the button–?- I’m signing off. 

[CHANNELS SHIFT, STATIC:] 

SINGER: I am a poor, forgotten stranger 

Wand’ring through a world decayed 

I see the storm, the gath’ring danger 

I wait n’ watch, as all things fade

There is nowhere left to escape it 

The end has come, all things go 

A shadow rises in distance

As my memory fades of home  

[STATIC, CHANNELS]

VOICE [DISTORTED]: Repeat, if anyone can hear me, we are a safe haven located at the---