We are very excited to announce a certain intern's return to the station! A special thanks to the Faceless for their financial support. A look at the community bulletin, an anonymous sponsor, and not one but two emails were sent in to us this morning. Plus, a spectral, historical armed robber spotted downtown and a phone call.
The voice of Mountie John is Evan Row.
Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.
Have a small town story to tell you think our listeners might enjoy (that by no means has to be true)? Want to be one of our callers, or "sponsors"? Have questions about any of that, or anything, or just want to say hi?
We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir
For a little bit more info on the aforementioned "us," try visiting our website: https://nowhereonairpodcast.weebly.com/
We are very excited to announce a certain intern's return to the station! A special thanks to the Faceless for their financial support. A look at the community bulletin, an anonymous sponsor, and not one but two emails were sent in to us this morning. Plus, a spectral, historical armed robber spotted downtown and a phone call.
The voice of Mountie John is Evan Row.
Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.
Have a small town story to tell you think our listeners might enjoy (that by no means has to be true)? Want to be one of our callers, or "sponsors"? Have questions about any of that, or anything, or just want to say hi?
We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir
For a little bit more info on the aforementioned "us," try visiting our website: https://nowhereonairpodcast.weebly.com/
[THEME MUSIC]
JESS: There you are. You’ve made it. I was wondering where you’d gone- we’ve been expecting you. I hope you weren’t wandering for too long. I know how hard it is to find anything out here.
Good evening, listeners! Of all the sequences of air waves you could tune into tonight, thanks for picking ours.
I don’t actually know the science behind how radio works, or how my words reach you through your various devices and speakers, but I’m happy they do, and that you choose to listen to them. Welcome back.
And, a very special welcome back to someone we have with us here in the studio!
You remember Jordan, right folks? Our beloved intern we had to let go due to… budgetary concerns? Well, thanks to the incredible generosity of The Faceless, we have once again found our footing financially, and were able to bring Jordan back onto the team. Not that she was ever off the team, folks.
As this is radio, y’all don’t see a lot of what goes on behind the scenes- a lot of which I shouldn’t say too much about if we want to maintain plausible deniability with Town Council- but for everything she’s done for us, I once again want to thank her on air. Martha and I are so happy you’re back, Jordan- seriously. Our little family here is slowly growing.
Alright folks, sappy stuff aside, let’s take a look at our community bulletin!
There is a lone bison standing in a wide, yellow field.
The grass is tickled and brushed by the warm west wind, a chinook. It melts the snow. It smells like the mountains.
And the bison, that big, sturdy creature, just stands. Magnificent. They’re always bigger than you think they are. Its fur is warm and brown. Its eyes are deep and ancient. The grass is yellow and brittle. The snow is gone. And he seems to ask:
“Are you grateful for your life, and every good thing you have been given? What have you done in the name of peace and harmony? Where do you pull your strength from? There are no limits to what you are capable of except the ones you create for yourself.”
Second on the bulletin:
The Braedon public library is currently running a charity fundraiser in tandem with the local food bank and are currently accepting donations of winter gear like coats, scarves, gloves and hats in place of library fees! This isn’t to say you can’t give these things just because you feel compelled to generosity, they will also accept and pass on unprompted donations to the food bank as well.
The fundraiser will run now until the spring solstice in March, and donations will go towards both the needy in our own town, and any excess will be shared with other towns in the area.
If you or someone you know is in need of new winter gear but have no means of getting it, please reach out to the foodbank or the library.
Listeners, this isn’t technically a community update, and I’m not sure why I’m just remembering this now but… I saw two dead turkey vultures in the ditch on the way to work. I should call that in… But also, if I’m remembering my bird-related prairie omens… Martha, what did two mean again? Do we still have that voice mail recording?
*TRANSITION*
This just in:
Reports have been coming in of the spectral, arguably ghost-like figure of an old-west appearing armed robber spotted by the scotiabank. Local authorities advise that should you see or encounter this spectre, do not engage, approach, or otherwise confront.
We can neither confirm nor deny whether phantom guns affect human bodies the same way real ones do, but do you really want to find out? As I find myself saying so often, better safe than sorry.
More on this story as it develops.
*TRANSITION*
We received an email this morning from Herman Blanchard, president of the local and controversial star-gazing club, regarding something he noticed while engaging in his new hobby last night. Mr. Blanchard details in his email reports of strange music and what he refers to as “dark light,” coming from Farmer Daniels’ field. This email pairs interestingly with an email we received from Farmer Daniels’ himself a mere few hours before Herman’s, asking us to inform ‘the public’ that he has recently upgraded the security measures around his property to prevent, and this is his word, not mine, prevent “hooligans” from trespassing on his property- specifically at night. He says you’re still free to illegally wander as you please in the light of day, so long as you understand the risk of running into his “dog.”
In Herman’s email, he refers to himself as “a regular night-owl” and explains he is often out at night, observing the cosmos for reasons he has yet to disclose. He says last night, he was peering through his telescope on his porch and noticed something more interesting than stars. He says he utilized the criteria we were all to familiarize ourselves with, and said he could confidently identify there were at least five members of the faceless at the northernmost edge of Farmer Daniels’ field. He says even with the telescope, it was difficult to see exactly how many of them there were or what they were doing exactly, but, as mentioned earlier, he describes the hint of a strange, almost undefinable song on the wind, and an obscuring “dark light.”
He clarifies it was different than a black light, or ultraviolet light, but instead was a light- glowing black, glowing darkness with hints of unfamiliar, dark colours he couldn’t quite place, and it hurt his eyes to look at- like the ache you get when you stare at the sun.
He goes on to admit he doesn’t know the first thing about explaining it, but he said he doesn’t feel frightened by that. He says it was an undeniably weird experience, uncanny and curious and extraordinary, even from a distance, but Herman also assures us he didn’t feel frightened then, and he doesn’t even now. Instead, he claims to feel a sense of… calm. Something the opposite of foreboding.
He finally asks that anyone who might have witnessed the, whatever it was, please contact him with their experience, and very indirectly implied that there were certain powers that be in our little town that did not need to be contacted in regards to the situation. Certainly not if we want to hope for some answers.
*TRANSITION*
And now, a word from today’s anonymous sponsor:
*STRANGE SINGING*
Martha, can we maybe put a moratorium on these anonymous sponsorships? Or at least, preview them before we air them? They’re getting a little… I don’t wanna say creepy, but just a little… creepy. Like they’re saying more than they are. Like there’s something deeper- you know?
*TRANSITION*
Weatherman Todd had to cancel our usual daily meeting at Mountainview diner today, so in place of weather, I would like to pose a meteorological question to you, listeners, as I wasn’t able to ask him:
Did the sun set yesterday? I don’t remember. All I remember is the sudden darkness, like- knocking a glass off a counter and in an instant it is no longer a glass- a cup, but numerous shards of glass. Day shattered into night yesterday… Or did it? I’m sure it’s not a big deal. It’s probably just one of those things that… happens sometimes. Or maybe it's just… still winter. That might be it. Call us, email us, or tweet us with your answers.
We’re very curious.
*TRANSITION*
An update on the phantasmic figure last seen by the scotiabank:
The apparition has been identified by museum curator Brody Foster as Johannah Hillburn, obscure historical outlaw and something of a local legend! If you’ve been down to the Braedon museum, you’ve surely read about her and the, uh, shenanigans she got up to in life, and is apparently continuing in death.
For those of you unfamiliar with the mystery of the somewhat legendary lost lemon gold mine, dormant somewhere in these mountains, seriously- go down to the museum. Or, google it! It's a fascinating piece of local history. And, if you’ve got some free time on your hands, why not go try and find it? If it wasn’t clear in the name, it’s still lost! Plan a day trip with some friends or your partner, or why not bring the whole family for some good, wholesome fun!
Just, fair warning, be wary of the curse that supposedly dooms anyone who tries to find it. And the numerous vengeful spirits that most likely haunt the area. Y’know, the spirits of those killed in others’ quests to find the gold. If you believe in that sort of thing!
We do not recommend, and would go so far as to strongly, wholly oppose the killing of any partners or co-conspirators in your endeavours, should you decide to pursue this mystery.
*TRANSITION*
Here’s a public service announcement: It’s always important to ask “can I pet your dog?” before petting a stranger’s dog when you see them. It’s the polite thing to do, for both the owner and the dog. Consent is important. Maybe to be safe, ask the dog if they would like you to pet them. The answer will more often than not be yes, but you should never assume that sort of thing.
Also, have you ever considered this: it may look like a dog, but who’s to say? You never know. As I find myself saying quite a lot, better safe than sorry.
This concludes our public service announcement.
*TRANSITION*
JESS: Alright, folks, to wrap up our show tonight, we’ve got a surprise caller for you tonight: our very own Mountie John. John, you’re on air.
JOHN: Oh hiya, Jess. Thanks for having me.
JESS: How are you doing tonight, Superintendent?
JOHN: I’m just fine, kiddo. Carol sends her love.
JESS: Tell her and the kids hi from me. John, you and I have known eachother a while now.
JOHN: It’s been what, 3 years, eh? Or is it 4?
JESS: Woah, has it really been that long?
JOHN: You haven’t been keeping track?
JESS: No I-I just didn’t realize I’d been in Braedon… you’re right, 4 years. Almost to the day. Anyways, as you’re technically the closest thing I have to an old friend in town, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being on the show, and offering to do this. It means a lot. I was hoping, and now I know there isn’t much you can say during an active investigation, that maybe you could answer some questions for us and the listeners about… the Crowsnest River John Doe?
JOHN: Like you said, Jess, there’s not a whole lot I’m at liberty to say, but I’ll do my best to give the people the information I can. I know it’s a scary thing, especially in a small community like ours here, heck, I don’t remember the last time we had a- well, a suspicious death, certainly not like this.
JESS: Now, John, this may be a- a bit of a difficult question, but I have to ask: in the initial reports, there were, let’s say peculiar and well, non human elements about the body. And considering as of now, any primary post-mortem investigations have been conducted- can you confirm whether or not those reports were true?
JOHN: You mean the, uh, the antlers?
JESS: I was trying to be sensitive, but yes.
JOHN: Well, I figure most people have heard by now and have plenty of questions about it. I’m afraid I can’t really say more than yes, those reports were true. People deserve to know that much. And it ain’t really telling if anyone’s already heard, I guess.
JESS: Are you any closer to identifying the body?
JOHN: I don’t think it's appropriate to say right now. And, well, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. You know?
JESS: I understand. More than I can say, I understand. One more question: you mentioned earlier it was a suspicious death- should people be worried? Is there any danger at all?
JOHN: Well, Jess, there is always danger. In everything. But there’s no point in worrying about it. If we looked for danger in every shadow we saw, we’d never find the time to be unafraid, even in the light. There’s always a time and a place for concern, but, well, I think for right now diligence will be more productive, until we have some concrete and shareable answers.
JESS: Of course. I agree. Is there anything else you can discuss, anything at all, that the town should be aware of?
JOHN: Come to mention it, uh, yeah, there is. I really hate to say it, folks, as it's the fourth missing persons case in three months- but Cinthia Abernathy, the third grade teacher, was
reported missing by her husband this morning after disappearing right from their bed, inside their home, at some point during the night.
JESS: Oh no.
JOHN: If you or anyone you know has seen or will see Cinthia, or any of the other missing members of our community- Elliot Houseley, Tanner Walling, or April Beckett, who disappeared two weeks ago from the Golden Sky Senior’s care home, please contact the RCMP.
JESS: Or send in a tip, here at the station. This is community radio, after all, we are a community resource.
JOHN: Thanks Jess.
JESS: Thank you for coming on air tonight, John. I appreciate it.
JOHN: You take care of yourself now, kiddo.
JESS: I’ll do my best.
And you, listeners. Please do your best to take care of yourselves as well.
And, a final reiteration at the risk of sound redundant: please, if you have any information on any of the missing persons cases, or regarding the Crowsnest River John Doe, please contact the authorities.
We are all waiting for the lost to be found. We can all feel the change, the difference. We don’t know why these things are happening, but the only way we are going to get through is together.
But, listeners, I am reminded by some intuitive prompting, to recall Herman Blanchard’s closing sentiments in his email. There’s a sense of… almost calm. Like a- a peaceful expectation. Something brighter is coming. It will be weird, yes, but it will be bright. And- softer around the edges. It seems like everything we’ve been handed recently has been rough against our hands but soon- soon there will be something that is more tender in its approach. In its imposition. I don’t know. I just have this feeling.
I hope I’m not the only one.
Thanks for tuning in.