Welcome back! We're glad you found us on our new (*cough* secret *cough*) frequency! We've got some local news for you today folks. Our main story: one of the fields is suddenly and completely filled with lavender! But we aren't worried about it.
Today's sponsor: "Untitled track #3 (live)" Written and performed by Jess Syratt.
Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.
Have a small town story to tell you think our listeners might enjoy (that by no means has to be true)? Want to be one of our callers, or "sponsors"? Have questions about any of that, or anything, or just want to say hi?
We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir
For a little bit more info on the aforementioned "us," try visiting our website: https://nowhereonairpodcast.weebly.com/
Welcome back! We're glad you found us on our new (*cough* secret *cough*) frequency! We've got some local news for you today folks. Our main story: one of the fields is suddenly and completely filled with lavender! But we aren't worried about it.
Today's sponsor: "Untitled track #3 (live)" Written and performed by Jess Syratt.
Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.
Have a small town story to tell you think our listeners might enjoy (that by no means has to be true)? Want to be one of our callers, or "sponsors"? Have questions about any of that, or anything, or just want to say hi?
We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir
For a little bit more info on the aforementioned "us," try visiting our website: https://nowhereonairpodcast.weebly.com/
JESS: Welcome back to Nowhere, On Air!
If you’re listening, it means you successfully received a *cough* secret *cough* message about our new frequency.
For no reason we recently decided to, uh, cut out a different slice of territory on the air-waves front and will no longer be broadcasting over 1110AM. I’m not sure how accurate that metaphor is, I know next to nothing about how radio works in a technical capacity. Just for fun, I will not be saying the specific station we are now coming to you live from.
But, if you’re here, that means you already know it, so no worries there. Thank you for joining us.
And now for a totally unrelated reminder:
Please do your best to read every newsletter we send out carefully… just because Jordan works so hard to get it out to you all promptly and puts so much time into making it as detailed and informative as possible.
In other, station-related news, Martha told us during our pre-show staff meeting that she stumbled across a freshly dug grave on her walk to work today. It was still empty, and while there was no explicit signs it was a grave, the proportions- the length and the depth- were very, gravelike. She was happy to see it empty, and likewise I was happy to hear it was empty.
I hope everyone’s okay! Not sure why you’d be digging a grave outside of the legally allotted burial ground, and last I heard no one had died, but… yeah!
With that, let’s get into our show tonight.
*TRANSITION*
In local news:
There have been a number of confirmed sightings of deer with three eyes.
Coraline Mckinley reported that for the past three nights, these deer have been coming into her yard and eating out of her bird feeder, and she caught footage of them doing so with the security camera overlooking her porch. She also caught footage of… other things we will circle back to later.
I guess it’s that time of year again, folks. Well, I mean, is it really springtime if you don’t see three-eyed deer? The normal, two-eyed deer stick around pretty much all year, but these ones only creep out as the weather starts to turn for the better. Where do they go in the less-favourable seasons? No one knows. They essentially vanish, only to materialize as the days gradually get longer. If you go online and check the Braedon wildlife association website, there is a very interesting paragraph under the “local wildlife” tab about this phenomenon.
Speaking of the Braedon wildlife association, they would like to remind us all that “normal” deer rules still apply, and as such ask you not to provoke, approach, feed, or introduce yourself to these deer in any way. There is no difference, as far as any research has been able to identify, between these deer and other deer except for the number of eyes and their seasonal habits.
However, for those of us who have come face-to-face with these creatures, you can’t deny there’s something about them…
But, I suppose that’s true for most living things you meet out there in the great wide open. Things that come out of the shadows, that cross your path when you don’t expect them.
*MUSIC*
Our next story:
One of the fields is completely filled with lavender. Specifically, Farmer Daniels’ northernmost field.
I mean, I imagine most of you have already noticed as it has been there most of the afternoon, but where there was yellow brushed gently with the first few greens of spring, there is now… soft purple.
And the smell.
It is so strong I can smell it even here, inside the recording booth. Windows closed and everything-- on that topic, a quick, special thanks to The Faceless, who helped us replace our broken window.
I mean, I’m not complaining about the lavender, it’s probably my most favourite smell in the world, and I’m feeling very relaxed right now… but almost too relaxed. And for those of you with smell-triggered headaches, I imagine this is far from ideal.
Stay tuned for updates on the situation, like where did the lavender come from? Did someone plant it? If not, how did it grow so fast? Even if someone planted it, how did it grow so fast?
And what does it want?
I don’t think it is here to harm us.
I mean, I don’t think I would ever think to associate lavender with malice or ill intent, but then again I’m no botanist, nor much of a gardener. I just like the way it smells, it reminds me of my childhood.
More on this story as it develops.
*TRANSITION*
Our third story:
Town Council released a statement today saying that Mayor Simon actually retired about a month ago, and has been on a little bit of a vacation for a while, and that’s why he’s been absent.
I mean, I guess it makes sense, I just find it weird he didn’t tell any of us. So we could congratulate him, thank him, and, I don’t know, elect a new municipal leader we feel we trust to represent and look out for us?
We tried asking Town Council about these questions of democracy, but got no answer. Well, we did get an answer but that answer was the sound and sensation of television static.
We hope wherever Mayor Simon is that he is happy, healthy, and having a relaxing time, and that he will be home soon. So we can throw him a party. And ask him why he decided to retire halfway through his mayoral career.
[A PHONE CHIME SOUNDS IN THE OTHER ROOM]
And our last story:
This is our circle back!
We mentioned earlier some footage Coraline Mckinley caught on her porch security camera.
Coraline emailed us the footage so we were able to have a look at it for ourselves, and, well, I’m sure this word is starting to lose meaning here folks, but it was strange-- for lack of a better term.
You may have noticed that in the recent weeks, we have not reported any ‘person-shaped beings in suits’ sightings-- now that isn’t because they haven’t been happening. Those of you reading our newsletters will have noticed we have a column discussing them there. It felt like the safer way to go about it.
I promise these two thoughts are connected, folks.
Coraline Mckinley’s footage gives us something we’ve never had before: concrete, visual evidence of these- these people.
Those of us here at the station have watched the video multiple times, and each time is as spine-chilling as the last. I will do my best to describe it to you. Close your eyes and picture:
The camera is placed in a tree to the left of the Mckinley’s porch, and is angled downwards about 45 degrees. The picture is tinted night-vision green, and the framed shot is half deck, half path on her front lawn leading up to the porch. The porch isn’t raised, and only has a single step up onto it. Just out of the shot is the front door to the house. The bird feeder mentioned earlier rests on a post to the right of the step.
Now, most of the video consists of normal night-time stuff: darkness, the occasional insect, the odd, streaking glow of what we like to assume are the headlights of a passing vehicle. However, around 2:00 in the morning, two shadows can be seen approaching, backlit by a streetlight nearby. They walk up the path, and just barely step into the frame. You can make out most of their shape, the tips of their shoes, but they are still quite bathed in shadow. There are two of them. They stand there for an hour, according to the timestamps on the video, before turning around and leaving. I could just make out the faint gleam of light off of a briefcase one of them carried as they left. Then, the night continued, undisturbed, until the deer came around 6, just before sunrise.
Now, make of this what you will, listeners, but there can be little doubt now that something is happening. I mean, there was no doubt among us here at the station that something was… happening, but this… this video feels like something.
*TRANSITION*
Listeners- please disregard what I said earlier about the lavender being harmless. It was, essentially, true, but it was an incomplete statement of facts. There is something in or among the lavender that is not safe. Possibly malevolent. One casualty has already been reported by Tanner who’s been working closely on scene since the lavender appeared earlier today.
The casualty, Tanner wants to clarify, was one of Farmer Daniels’ cows. Her name was Darla. Tanner, in his report to us, described the scene as worryingly serene, and by report, I mean he is facetiming Martha during the breaks to give us updates.
Darla, he says, wandered into the field, grazing contentedly on the new growths, when, before his eyes, and in his words, something shifted in the rippling sea of purple and Darla slowly disappeared, as if being swallowed up by a gradually crumbling hole in the earth, or submerged in tar or some similar, thick liquid. Darla seemed resolutely unconcerned and unbothered as she was consumed.
Tanner also told us 8 separate times in his report how calm and relaxed he feels, and at the end he asked us, politely, to remind him why we had sent him there.
I am afraid that is all the information we have for the time being. Jordan is going to go join Tanner and… keep him company on- location, just in case.
[SOUND OF JESS SIGNING]
(Oh, Jordan, can you make sure James doesn’t sneak out with you? Thanks.)
At this time, we encourage all residents of Braedon to stay away from and out of the lavender until further notice.
*TRANSITION*
And now, a word from today’s sponsor.
[SONGS STARTS]
LYRICS:
The daylight is fading
And the shadows of the evening grow long
They will fall among the fallen
Don’t go in the fields
Don’t walk in the deep growth
Something lurks where you can’t see it
So gather the wood, light the fire
A burning that will not be quenched
Oh, mother
Hold your children close
This harvest will be gone with the morn
The field will be resown
So go to sleep
Close your eyes and rest
And while you do these hands will be
Gath’ring the wood, lighting the fire
A burning that will not be quenched
Oh, father
There are so many things
So many things unknown
Out there in the dark
(Brief instrumental)
I am so far away from home
A burning that will not be quenched
Gather the wood, light the way
A beckon in the darkness
[SONG ENDS. THERE IS A LONG PAUSE]
I’m sorry, everyone, I just- I just totally zoned out.
I was… I was thinking of my mother. A memory I have just-- just came to me. You know, smell is the sense that most strongly triggers memory? It’s funny how it does that. A little whiff of something simple as a flower and bam, you’re suddenly back home. Just for a moment.
[JESS sniffles.]
Does it do that for anyone else? The smell of lavender?
Maybe not. I mean, I guess even if the smell did remind you of something, it would be a different memory than mine. Because we are all different people, solitarily experiencing this world, this life. What of the next? What of others? I hope we get to experience them together. I hope they’re more peaceful than this one.
Peaceful. I’m feeling very peaceful, listeners, how about you?
Um, radio. That’s what we’re doing, right?
[JESS TAKES A DEEP BREATH IN]
Traffic. That’s next-- right? We haven’t done traffic yet.
Here’s traffic:
*MUSIC*
A lot can happen during a lifetime. Even more can happen in two lifetimes. Even more still can happen in a year. We are all living at different speeds. Like comets, hurtling through the coldness of forever. Different paths, different lights. All beauty and combusting gases and cosmic impacts.
But in the end, everything just becomes quiet and you fade away… there is nothing anymore. The quietness comes slowly, softly, creeps up like a cricket, one twitching leg at a time. Or a mountain lion, waiting in the brush for you to stray just a little too far from the group.
And that concludes… traffic.
*TRANSITION*
Folks, it may sound strange but… I don't really remember how I got here today.
In fact, all I remember is waking up. I don’t even remember getting dressed- although I am dressed right now, so I’m sure it is safe to assume I did. I don’t remember eating any food today, but I am not hungry, so I think I must have consumed something. All I remember is sitting down, in this chair, my chair. And smelling lavender.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried about it. I’m really not worried about anything.
(Martha- when did the window open? I swear it was closed when I came in.)
Gah- this smell is giving me a headache. I’m just gonna close the window, I’ll be right back.
[SOUNDS- Jess stands and goes to close the window. She sits back down and sighs. A few beats of silence. Jess clears her throat.]
Sorry I zoned out again there. The wind must be blowing the smell our direction ‘cause man, that is strong. I don’t remember opening the window.
I wonder if we have any updates from Tanner and Jordan.
Oh! Martha is telling me they are actually calling right now. Talk about good timing. We will be right back, hopefully with some updates on the situation.
*TRANSITION*
We are back, and with updates about the situation!
Tanner was sounding a lot more lucid this time around, and both he and Jordan had a lively glow in their eyes, which was the reflection of the flames currently ravaging across Farmer Daniels’ northernmost field in a safe, controlled burn courtesy of our friends, the Faceless.
Our lovely reporters informed us that not long after our announcement regarding the tragic loss of Darla to the field, three members of the mysterious group showed up with quote unquote “flamethrowers,” and began burning the field of lavender. In the distance, and beyond the quickly growing flames, Tanner explained he could see other members gathering around the edges of the field, to the borders of the lavender, and it seemed like they were gently instructing the fire about what to burn, and most importantly, where to stop. And, it appeared to listen.
Tanner says he spoke with one of the members after the initial flames had been lit, who assured him that the fire and any trace of the lavender will be gone by morning, and that we should have nothing more to worry about. He also says that when he asked if this member had any idea where the lavender may have come from or what could have caused such unprecedented and unexpected growth, they gave him a cryptic answer he asked us not to repeat on air.
In parting remarks, the member suggested sending out a call for any members of the Braedon volunteer fire department who were up for heading out to Farmer Daniels’ place and assisting in the clean up process. So consider this the call for any willing and able volunteer firefighters to head on out to Farmer Daniels’ property.
How wonderfully helpful. If any members of a secret society were listening to this broadcast, we might say to them something like: Thank you. On behalf of our friends, families, and community: thank you for having our backs, and for having flamethrowers? That's really cool. And probably illegal, but I’m not the police so…
Thank you.
It’s a relief to have this whole situation out of sight, out of smell, and out of mind.
*MUSIC FADES*
And…
That’s all we have for you tonight.
I’m if sorry our time together has seemed somewhat brief today, folks, but I’ve still got that headache, and I feel like it’s not going away any time soon. I’m sure some of you are in similar situations. Remember to drink some water, and maybe have a salty snack.
But before we sign off, here’s a blessing:
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be always with you, may the sunshine warm you always, and may the mysterious, suited figures roaming the streets after dark choose any door but yours to knock on. Til we meet again.
Thanks for tuning in.