Nowhere, On Air

Episode 23: Voice Memos

August 10, 2021 Season 1 Episode 23
Nowhere, On Air
Episode 23: Voice Memos
Show Notes Transcript

Attention, all residents. Do not turn off your radios. Await further instruction. Ignore any ongoing interference...

Sound effects this episode thanks to FreeSound.org contributors: d3x5n1p3r, revolt 2563, groovyrandomness, kMoon, flashdeejay, JennaW_ksc, johnsonbrandediting, radiojaja, TheLastDay_Sound, and DRFX. 

 
Nowhere, On Air
is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.

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THEME SONG

[STRANGE, STATIC GARBLE] 

VOICE: Attention. All civilians. This is an automated emergency broadcast brought to you by [CENSORED BEEP]. A radioactive substance has been identified in the local vicinity. Please stand by and await further instructions. Do not turn off your radios. Authorities have arrived to contain the situation. Stay in your homes- 

[STATIC]

JESS: Um. So. Gotta be honest… This is kinda weird for me. I don’t really like recording myself speak but… well, I got the job. Just yesterday, actually. 

Martha this is only for you so I don’t really know why I’m telling you what you already know but- uh, I just got back from our first meeting and thought “why not start doing this” so yeah. You said to practise being informative I guess so here’s the uh, the scoop. That’s a news term, right? Scoop? 

Uh, Good evening. Well, its the afternoon still, actually. This is Jess. I got the radio job and I’ll be the new community radio host here in- in Braedon. I’m recording these little voice memos on my phone because Martha- the uh, the producer, sort of manager person, asked me to. To practise getting used to, well, talking to no one. And just, talking. Apparently I have a reputation in town for being quiet. But I’m the only one who applied after, reportedly, the last host met an untimely end. I never really listened to the radio, if I’m being honest, so I wouldn’t know what happened. 

And it was my impression that you know, radio, person, job thing wasn’t a dangerous line of work to go into, but what would I know. 

[SHE LAUGHS A LITTLE AT HERSELF] This feels really weird. 

Anyways, uh, I don’t have anything else to say today. And you said these only had to be like, 30 seconds or a minute or whatever. It smells like Carol is cooking, I’m going to go see if she needs help getting dinner ready. Will talk to you tomorrow, I guess, both at my first official day of work and, uh, with another one of these little voice things.-- so , yeah, bye,

JESS: Sorry I’m recording today’s late, not that it matters too much I guess. I just got back from uh, the first show. My first show. Kinda rad. Thanks again for the uh, coffee afterwards. That was fun. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. I really hope you weren’t just being nice when you said I did good. I think you were. I think I did okay, but I wouldn’t have used good. 

I’ve got so much adrenaline still from, you know, the first live radio broadcast I’ve ever been on, let alone hosted, mixed with the caffeine… Well, I’m a little weird to say the least and I’m uh, sorry if I end up rambling. Still getting used to talking.

And still getting used to those uh, you said they were visions? Like, little direct to the brain messages from the town council or whatever here sends during the show sometime. Yeah, a more effective form of communicating with us but weird. I’m sure you could tell it freaked me right out. No one’s ever talked about how they could do that before. Do they do it to everyone, or just us at the radio station? Do people here just have that ability? Cause I’ve been doing my best with all the weird stuff that no one seems all that worried about but- I don’t know I think that’s like getting up there with ‘most inexplicable and weird shit I’ve put up with so far.’ Anyways, not looking forward to more of those in the future. Could have mentioned that in the job description, y’know. 

[SHE LAUGHS A LITTLE]

Actually, it probably would’ve made me want to apply even more. Not that it was my idea. Carol suggested it. I’m glad I did though.  

I was thinking about what you said, at timmies, about these uh, being-- cathartic, was that the word you used? Helpful for like, emotional things and stuff. Just sort of- releasing things by talking about them. And that if I needed to, to talk about stuff, I could talk about it this way because you don’t actually listen to these anymore? And that you just want me to send them just to prove that I’m doing it? So yeah. I think you’re just saying that so I’ll talk freely or whatever, but its fine either way. 

But, that’s more or less an invitation to say I could say whatever I want. Dangerous game. 

Not that I have anything bad to say. Or like, anything. Just… lots of thoughts sometimes. About being here. About- about everything. Like this recording. Kinda all over the place and- long- so I’m gonna call it a night. Okay. Night. 

JESS: [SOUND OF WALKING AND THE STREET] On my way home from Mountainview. Just met with Weatherman Todd Stevenson for the first time- or was it Tom? Oh god that’s so embarrassing, I will definitely be clarifying when I get to work because I do not want to be calling him the wrong name. I hope I didn’t call him the wrong name at lunch. He’s-- well, he’s not what I expected a small-town weatherman to be. He’s not what I expected any weatherman to be- though to be fair he’s the only weatherman I’ve ever met- 

[BUMPS INTO SOMEONE. A LONG MOMENT OF RADIO STATIC AND INDISTINCT TALKING. DISTANT. IT SUBSIDES AND SHE KEEPS WALKING.] 

That was… weird. Uh. I don’t really- I don’t really know what happened. I think- I don’t know I just bumped into someone. 

Uh, what was I talking about? Yeah. Weatherman Stevenson-- weird guy. Nice guy, don’t get me wrong. One of those people you just know is super smart. I feel like I’m going to enjoy our meetings. 

Okay, uh, sorry. I feel kinda weird and my head sorta hurts. Like, in my ears too. Like I just heard a really loud noise or something. I’m gonna end it there, and I’ll see you at work tonight and I’ll talk to you about it then if I remember cause… yeah. 
[STATIC]

VOICE: Repeat. This is an emergency broadcast. Stay in your homes. There is an unsafe compound in the area. Please wait for further instructions from this frequency. 
[STATIC]

JESS: Hey Martha, who possibly listens to these I can’t tell if you’re telling the truth or not about that, I don’t know if you remember me mentioning at work today that John and Carol told me they had a surprise for me after work? 

Well I remember mentioning it and now its after work so I thought I’d follow through. I mean I’ll tell you about it tomorrow regardless but, well, I wanna talk about it and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to but this way. 

Anyways they uh, they got me a trailer. Like, a camping, trailer thing for me to live in. I’m- I just finished getting settled in right now. 

It feels like home. In a “found” home kinda way. Like, it's not permanent, it doesn’t feel permanent at least and I don’t intend for it to be, but it still feels steady and cozy and right. An in between sort of place. Like napping under a tree on a sunny day. 

As much as I appreciated staying with the Sanfords and will forever appreciate everything they did for me, already having my own space feels very… well, I just feel the most settled I think I have since I’ve been here. 

John said it’d been parked on Farmer Crawford’s property for a long time but it never got used, so they got a good deal. And they totally did up the inside and stuff so it's like, new and homely and just- nice. It's nice. 

One of the nicest things people have ever done for me. I didn’t ask for the space and I never complained to them about living with them because, it was very generous of them to open their home to me- but now, well, I have my own little home. I’ll have to have you over sometime. I can have people over now, that’s new. 

They found this really nice spot to park it where it overlooks the river bottom and everything right now. It's a nice view. I think I’m gonna make some tea and, uh, sit outside and just enjoy it. It's really not outside of town at all but it's still-- on its own, a little. 

I can see that abandoned, industrial looking building on the other side of the river from the window. All vacant and inviting. Have you ever explored it? I used to do that a little back home, explore abandoned buildings with friends, but there weren’t too many around and I guess it's technically illegal. But that could be a fun thing to do. I guess this is a little like a note to self to talk to you about that tomorrow. 

Anyways. I’m gonna go, gonna stop, so… goodnight. 

[STATIC, THAT SOUND AGAIN] 

JESS: Today sucks. Today sucks and I’m just--- ugh. You know? Everything is garbage. 

Well, no. It's not actually garbage but it's garbage, you know? For literally no reason at all, some- some days are just harder than others. I think maybe I’m finally getting over it, I’m finally here and feeling okay about it and then- bam. It's not fair, you know? I shouldn’t even be here. But I’m here and I don’t even understand how or why. 

You know, there probably isn’t a why, that’s a fun thought I had the other day. I don’t know why I’m only just considering it. Denial, probably. 

But maybe… There’s no reason. No reason I’m here. I just- am. A wrong place, wrong time, sad little random happenstance that I didn’t even know was possible. It happened and suddenly nothing makes sense. And I’m away from my family. My friends. My life. 

[A PAUSE. A SIGH] 

Anyways. Thanks for being a- a friend. If that’s not too, like, forward to say. Thanks for giving me a job. I like being able to give myself to something. Its a welcome distraction. A new focus was probably just what I needed. Something to occupy my time, enough to fill the void of being gone. Dull the ache of homesickness. Its just nice to have something to do. And someone to do it with. 

I’ll try not to be all like this for work. I’m just- just speaking my thoughts as they come. Sometimes releasing them just helps. 

Speaking of work, I’ll see you in a bit- just in case you’re actually listening to this. In case you actually listen to them. I know you said you didn’t but- yeah just in case. 

[STATIC[

VOICE: Attention, residents. Your obedience is required. Do not panic. Do not resist. 

[STATIC]

JESS: Another year. Another whole fricking year of being here. That’s three. Three years. Like- every year here feels like a nail in the coffin of my chances of ever going back home. Not to be all dramatic or anything. But that's how it feels. 

Every year that passes, I feel like the crack in the wall gets narrower. My hope dwindles a little more against the weight of distance and time and all this sciency stuff I don’t understand. I’d say the theories we’ve been bouncing around are pretty sound, but where do we go from there? It's fun to talk about theories but there comes a point where all they are are theories and it just feels pointless to talk about at all except to- to create this illusion that maybe I can do something if I just figure it out the right way. Sometimes I wonder if understanding would make it better. I’m not sure that it would. But it might offer more peace than the multitude of unknowns that this all creates. Even knowing there was nothing I could do would maybe be better because then at least I would know. Instead of it trickling in in the quiet moments, this thought that maybe, just maybe, there’s a possibility. 

Hope feels exhausting right now. Sometimes it's a beacon, but sometimes it's a shroud. It's too close to grief today, I think. And I’m tired. And this was super depressing so I’m going to, stop, and I’ll talk to you later. 


JESS: [THE SOUND OF WALKING AND OUTSIDE] I’m on a walk and thought I’d get today’s little memo done now. I just stopped at the gas station-- to pick up some coffee. Sometimes gas station coffee hits in a way no other coffee can, and I uh, just saw this really rad looking butterfly fly past me. The kinda cool thing that you point out to someone when you’re walking with them. But I’m alone, and I just thought ‘hey, why not tell Martha. Who maybe is maybe isn’t listening.’ 

Back home, one of my uh, good friends, loved butterflies. They had this like, connection to them. If we were ever outside and there was one around, it would land on them. I know its not really an interesting or overly relevant memory but, seeing it reminded of of them and- I don’t know. Sharing that, sharing them- talking about them, makes them feel alive. Well, of course they’re alive as far as I know, I mean just like… close. 

I haven’t given up on getting home yet. I haven’t. I can’t. Three years isn’t that long in the grand scheme of everything, right? My life will hopefully continue to be little stacks of three years piled onto another 33 times. Well, 33. An absurd number of threes to get all technical. I always thought living to 100 would be cool. Like, just 100. I don’t need to live really beyond that. But it's not one of those goals you can actually really achieve just by effort and ambition. There’s a lot of chance and hope that would go towards something like that. 

Anyways. I think I’m saying that like, maybe this is just a chapter. Another place and I’ll be going to many more. Not literally necessarily, hopefully, but like- life is an ever-forward motion. There was a good amount behind me, but there’s hopefully going to be so much more to come and this is just one fraction of that. 

Unless I’m here forever. But I don’t know if I can keep living partially here in the now, partially in a future that maybe won't ever come to pass. 

And before we spiral into another sad little time about all that, I’m gonna go. I’ve got a postcard to mail before I get into work-

[SHE STOPS WALKING]

Hmm. Sorry there’s- there’s three turkey vultures all sitting on a fence nearby. Just three together. They’re- they’re staring at me. Man, I’ve never seen one this close before, let alone three. They’re striking birds. Piercing gaze that just- eats right through you. 

[THEY FLY AWAY] 

Oh, and there they go. 

Anyways. Sorry. I was signing off. I’ll see you soon. 

JESS: You know what. Positivity time. Something interesting about here that maybe I’m the only one who really notices- which actually there seems to be a lot of that- is the orange glow on the horizon. It's not super noticeable during the day, but as soon as the first few hints of dusk start to settle-- it sort of fades in, like a fire being kindled. Like a breath on dwindling embers. I mean yeah, I know that orange is a colour that appears as the sun starts to set and I don’t know how to explain how different it is considering that back home it doesn't quite- quite glow like that, but it's different. In a good way. 

Anyways. Sorry these are descending into casual little voice audio diary things but I think I’m good enough at my job now that I probably don’t even need to do them.

JESS: I know you said I was allowed to stop doing this a while ago, and I did for the most part honestly but, well, today’s kinda special. My one year anniversary at the station. A whole year. A year of me talking into a mic, reading admittedly somewhat bizarre scripts, and people listening. It's kinda wild to me. 

I feel like before if people here in town knew me, they knew me for my unknown-ness. Like, I was that weird outsider that randomly showed up and is now just, here. But now they know me for my voice. So that’s a step up. I went from a strange little no one to a voice, shouting out into this great wide open void, and people listen. 

I mean, I don’t know where my voice goes when I say things into the mic, that’s your part of the job, but like, it could be going nowhere for all I know. Maybe it's just me saying things and people aren’t listening. I mean, I know that’s not true I know people are tuning in, but even if they didn’t, I think I would still do it. I would still do it. 

Also, I gotta be honest, I didn’t know it was my one year anniversary at the station until I was approached by a Town Council representative today. It was a weird encounter, if I’m being honest. It left me with this feeling I haven’t been able to shake. I said approached but it was more like, cornered. They told me in a very telling tone that I wasn’t allowed to talk about our conversation to anyone else after, so I won’t go into too much detail because that leaves a yucky taste in my mouth, but I mean, it's not like they’re watching me right now. They can’t hear everything I’m saying. So I’ll tell you about it more when I see you later. And you can tell me if you also think it's weird. I mean, I know they’re… weird, Town Council, you warned me about that. But this was… more. And radio related so I feel like you should know too. 

Anyways, that’s it. I’m just leaving for work now so I should be there soon. 

[STATIC] 

VOICE: All residents. You are currently not permitted to leave the area. You must stay in your homes. If you are seen outside of your homes, you will be controlled, and corrected.  Do not attempt to make contact with others, you will be unable to do so. Do not resist if, and when, your home is approached by the responding authorities. Keep your radios on at all hours.

[STATIC. MUSIC SOUNDS]

JESS: [STRUGGLING] Let go.  Wait. No no no. Let go of me. Let go! What are you doing? What? No. no- wait. Wait. What are you doing?! Wait! Wait. Please, please- no, please, wait-!

[STATIC AND LOUDER MUSIC SOUNDS]

VOICE:  Await further instructions. 

[STATIC, GARBLE]