Nowhere, On Air
Semi-late night community radio broadcasts from a strange little town in the Crowsnest Pass, Alberta (aka, not just the middle of nowhere, but nowhere itself). Nothing ever happens here. Certainly nothing weird. Why would you even suggest that? Listen close. Don't wander off. It's a long way to get where you're going. Especially out here.
Nowhere, On Air
Episode 33: Still a Long Night
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Hey listeners. Good morning, I think? We made it. Sun's not up yet, but we are.
The voice of Martha is Daylin Chase. The voice of Tanner is Charles Raymond. The voice of Don Carlton is Carson Rafuse.
Sound effects this episode courtesy of Freesound.org contributors: sheyvan, tabook, j1987, mrh4n, somatik7, warrick-lendon, and infamousjase.
Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jess Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab on Instagram.
We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on twitter, @NowhereOnAir
JESS: Hey folks. Me again. Good morning, I guess.
If you’re still hearing this, I’m guessing those possible instructions we shared earlier didn’t work? Or maybe they did, and you’re choosing to tune in this fine morning. Or maybe you haven’t tried them yet. Maybe you don't want to, I don’t know, I wish- I wish we could hear from you. I wish I could throw a little poll up on twitter and we could just- know.
I hope those of you who can are sleeping. You deserve rest. I mean, you don’t have to do anything to be deserving of rest ever, but– but if there was any time we especially deserved it, I’d say it was now.
Maybe you can't yet turn your radios off, but I think you can turn them down- I hope you can turn them down, at least. If you want to.
I- doing the show like this, this week, and tonight especially, has made the one-sidedness of this job, this- well, I don’t think it's a job anymore, but this whatever it is, harder. I wish we could talk. I miss taking phone calls and emails and… There are so many of you I miss talking to. It's weird being home in some ways but not being home in others.
Anyhow. What I wanted to say, for those of you who are sleeping, or are trying to– sweet dreams. For those of you waking up, or who didn’t sleep, good morning. For those of you no longer with us, we miss you.
I slept for- for a few hours, and now I’m back. Because I missed you. Feels like I’m- I’m still making up for lost time, y’know?
It’s still dark out right now, but I think the sun’ll be up soon. A new day, folks. Let's hope it's better than the last one.
[SOUND OF A DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING]
JESS: It sounds like someone else is up.
MARTHA: [APPROACHING] Hey again.
JESS: Hey again.
MARTHA: Sorry- I didn’t realize-
JESS: No, it's fine. Doubt anyone’s really listening, anyway. Thought you were going back to bed.
MARTHA: Could say the same thing about you.
JESS: Coffee?
MARTHA: Is there more?
JESS: Have the rest of mine.
[SHE SLIDES IT ACROSS THE TABLE. MARTHA SITS]
MARTHA: Thanks. Rest of the night been quiet so far?
JESS: Besides…?
MARTHA: Yeah. Besides that.
JESS: Kind of.
[SOME SILENCE.]
JESS: So, what’s up? Just can’t sleep, or…?
MARTHA: Just… thinking.
JESS: About?
MARTHA: Well. A lot. But I don’t know- I was lying there and thinking about everything, and I just… I feel like… I just kept getting stuck on the fact that we haven’t talked. At all. Since you’ve been back. I mean, yeah, we’ve talked, but we haven’t talked.
JESS: What do you want to talk about?
MARTHA: I don’t know… I just… you left those voicemails and then you were gone. And now you’re back, and… [A THOUGHTFUL PAUSE] Can I be, like, honest?
JESS: Yeah. Of course.
MARTHA: You feel… distant, I guess. There’s this… look in your eyes that wasn’t there before. Like we’re standing at two opposite ends of a field and- and I know you’re there, but you’re not, yknow?… Like, you’re allowed to be distant as long as you need to, but I hope you don’t feel like you need to because you don’t trust me. Us. Or like we want you to be distant, because we don’t. We’re trying to give you your space, but— [SIGHS] I know it's selfish, but I missed you, dude. Like, a lot.
JESS: I missed you too. A lot.
MARTHA: Things… aren’t the same without you here, okay? And, we’ll take as much of you as you’re willing to give for now, and always, but just– I just think I needed you to know that.
JESS: I do.
MARTHA: I mean, I’m happy to stand on the edge of this field as long as you need me to, but say the word…
JESS: I appreciate that. I appreciate you.
[SOME SILENCE]
JESS: Martha… I…
MARTHA: Yeah?
JESS: I- I’m sorry.
MARTHA: For what?
JESS: That I’m… different? I know I’m not quite the Jess you expected or, well, hoped for, to come back.
MARTHA: I didn’t mean– just because you’ve changed, doesn’t mean it changes the way that I— you’re still Jess. People change, we have to. I mean, I don’t know what happened to you…
JESS: Martha…
MARTHA: But, I think I’d be more worried if you hadn’t changed.
[MORE SILENCE. A SIGH]
MARTHA: Well. How’re you holding up?
JESS: Good. Fine. Tired but also not.
MARTHA: Did you sleep at all?
JESS: Yeah.
MARTHA: Really?
JESS: No. [ LAUGH]
MARTHA: You okay?
JESS: Yeah. Always. Gotta brainstorm something else to talk about. Any ideas?
MARTHA: You could put the music back on and actually rest?
JESS: I can’t sleep. Plus, the songs repeat and it gets kind of annoying. Tanner said he’d take over completely when the sun comes up if I want him to. How’s our… friend?
MARTHA: He’s… fine. Asleep, or quiet, at least.
JESS: It was nice of River to give up their room for us to lock him in.
MARTHA: Yeah.
JESS: Did you know?
MARTHA: What?
JESS: That they were gonna…?
MARTHA: No. I don’t think they went out planning to– Don said it was an ‘opportunity’ thing.
JESS: Ah.
MARTHA: Speaking of, I’ve been thinking… it's not a conversation we’ve really had to have before, but there might be a need to say something about crossing lines.
JESS: You think?
MARTHA: There are some lines I’m okay with crossing; that need to be crossed. Necessity can push the boundaries a little, but even then… I think we’re getting close.
[JESS LAUGHS, PUTTING HER HEAD ON THE TABLE]
JESS: None of this feels real.
MARTHA: I know.
JESS: Being here doesn’t feel real.
MARTHA: Well it is, okay?
TANNER: [APPROACHING] Hey, it's uh, my shift.
JESS: Sun’s not up yet.
TANNER: It's close enough. Go get some rest.
JESS: If I look like shit just tell me I look like shit.
TANNER: You look like shit /
MARTHA: You look like shit.
TANNER: Seriously. You should get some sleep.
[JESS SIGHS]
JESS: I’m too– wired to sleep, I think.
MARTHA: You know what? Say no more.
JESS: What are you doing?
[SHE GOES INTO THE KITCHEN. CUPBOARDS. GLASSES. COMES BACK WITH ALCOHOL]
MARTHA: I think we all deserve to just… take it easy. Where’s everyone else?
TANNER: Probably still asleep…? I can wake them up if it's important…
MARTHA: That’s okay, I don’t think they’d appreciate it, it’s not that important.
TANNER: [SLIGHTLY LAUGHING AS SHE POURS] Isn’t it a little early?
MARTHA: Five o’clock somewhere. Actually, it's five o’clock here, so…
JESS: It's 9, actually. [CHECKING HER WATCH] 9:0…7 AM.
MARTHA: Is it? It's still dark.
JESS: My watch says 9:07.
MARTHA: Well, even better then.
JESS: I mean, it is technically later than 5. Not that time means anything.
MARTHA: Exactly. [SHE FINISHES POURING] There.
TANNER: What’s the occasion?
MARTHA: I just… The past 30 hours have been– interesting. [JESS TANNER LAUGH/ SCOFF LIKE “NO KIDDING”] The past few weeks have been interesting. But, we’re still here. We’re still doing this fucking show, kind of. So- [SHE RAISES HER GLASS] I propose a toast. To… to us. To an interesting night.
[THE OTHERS RAISE THEIR GLASSES.]
TANNER: To those who– who we wish could see this next sunrise with us.
JESS: To the absent, the uncanny, and the ended day.
MARTHA: Here, here.
[THEY ALL DRINK AND PUT THEIR GLASSES DOWN. MARTHA BEGINS POURING AGAIN]
JESS: Starting the day off strong, are we?
MARTHA: You said you were too stressed to sleep.
JESS: Look, I’m not complaining.
TANNER: I mean, when was the last time we all got to sit down and chat and have a drink together?
JESS: My birthday.
TANNER: Right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up–
JESS: It's okay, it was a while ago.
MARTHA: It was a few weeks ago, dude.
JESS: Right. [QUIETER, INTO HER CUP.]
TANNER: How… long were you gone? Or, maybe, how old are you now?
JESS: Doesn’t matter. Not long enough or old enough to be important. We don’t have to talk about it.
[I KNOW ITS AUDIO BUT MARTHA AND TANNER SHARE A LOOK HERE]
MARTHA: Do you want to talk about it?
JESS: Later. Right now, we’re having fun, aren’t we? So let’s… have fun. [PULLS THE MIC CLOSER] Listeners, if you wanted to join us– join us as in pour yourself a drink wherever you are and listen along– please do.
MARTHA: Some people have to go to work.
JESS: It doesn’t have to be like, a drink, it could be coffee, water, orange juice–
MARTHA: Apple juice.
JESS: Ooooh we have any more?
MARTHA: I think… David finished it off.
JESS: Damn.
TANNER: Who needs apple juice when you have- whatever this is?
MARTHA: It’s arguably a more appropriate drink to have at 9 in the morning.
JESS: Wait, okay… speaking of it being 9 in the morning… The sun hasn’t risen yet. Not even a little. It's still just… dark outside.
TANNER: There’s the faint, orange glow.
JESS: It's not the sunrise.
MARTHA: But it's there. It's not all dark.
JESS: Maybe the day’s waiting for us to be ready. Maybe it’ll never come.
MARTHA: Maybe it’ll come when it's ready.
JESS: Yeah, let’s say that. Listeners, it seems I’ve said the words “long night” so many times that I made it– y’know, a long night. The sun’s a little shy this morning, folks. That’s okay. Why should it have to abide by our clocks or expectations? Sorry for those of you up-and-about around this time, though. We probably won’t need to- report that the sun has risen if–
MARTHA: When.
JESS: –when it does, because I’m sure you’ll notice, but… we’ll keep you updated.
TANNER: What time is it now?
JESS: It's– it's still 9:07. That’s… weird, right?
TANNER: Can I see? [LOOKING AT HER WATCH] Hmm. Maybe you misread it last time? Also, this is a nice watch, where’d you get it?
MARTHA: Yeah, you never wore watches before.
JESS: I swear, it was 9:07 then, and it's 9:07 now. I know how to read a watch.
TANNER: You sure?
MARTHA: She’d better, I taught her how.
TANNER: Really?
MARTHA: It was like, her second or third week ever at the station, back when the show was super late, and there was literally nothing going on one night–
JESS: Yeah, if you thought this show was boring, there was one night Martha found out I couldn’t read clocks so she taught me how on air. She pulled up like, exercises for elementary school and everything and made me practise. In front of everyone listening. We had this buzzer that she’d press every time I got something wrong. I still hear it in my head sometimes.
TANNER: That actually sounds pretty entertaining.
JESS: There were tears. Lowest ratings we’d ever had for a night.
MARTHA: But now you’re wearing a watch.
JESS: And I think of you every time I look at it.
MARTHA: Awe, really?
JESS: I think of you yelling at me at four in the morning and shoving pictures of clocks in my face.
[ALL LAUGHING, AND THEN SUDDENLY QUIET.]
JESS: Shit– sorry Don, did we wake you up?
CARLTON: It’s okay. What’re you doing?
MARTHA: Toast.
CARLTON: Bit early for breakfast, isn’t it? It’s still dark.
TANNER: Not quite breakfast.
JESS: It's… 9:07. Breakfast would probably be the more sensible idea. Martha made a toast, and we’re just hanging out. Wanna join us?
CARLTON: Sure.
[MARTHA POURS HIM A GLASS.]
CARLTON: Thanks. [HE CLEARS HIS THROAT] Um, I’d like to make a toast.
MARTHA: Go for it.
CARLTON: To Bill.
JESS, SOFTLY: To Bill.
[ALL DRINK]
JESS: How’re you holding up, Don?
CARLTON: I’m… okay. Yeah, just okay.
TANNER: You manage to sleep at all?
CARLTON: A little. I- I had this… dream.
JESS: What about?
MARTHA: If you don’t mind sharing.
CARLTON: No, no. I don’t mind-
TANNER: Pull up a chair.
[HE PULLS UP A CHAIR AND SITS DOWN]
CARLTON: It’s not a super interesting dream, I don’t want to get your hopes up.
MARTHA: Jess is a big fan of talking about dreams.
JESS: It’s true. Even the boring ones.
CARLTON: It's actually one I’ve had before. Recurring. There was— I dreamt I was standing in a clearing. Jess, you remember where you used to park your trailer? Before it became some sort of private, government property.
JESS: Yeah, clear view of the building across the river, right?
CARLTON: That’s the one. In the dream, I was standing in that field, just staring out, over the river, over the trees and, and it was a grey sky, I could just see the last bits of sunlight struggling against it, fading. And behind me, the sky was darkening. I could just see it out of the corners of my eyes, a darkness increasing… the wind was picking up, and there was a great sound, like thunder but… deeper. More— I don’t know. Vocal. More than a storm. And in the dream, I can’t turn around. I know I should turn and look at whatever it is rising over the mountains and- and I know it's heading towards me, but I can’t.
JESS: Definitely not a boring dream.
TANNER: Damn.
JESS: Martha, what’s that face for?
MARTHA: I just- I’ve had that dream.
CARLTON: Really?
MARTHA: Yeah.
TANNER: What, of Carlton standing in a field?
MARTHA: No, but seriously. Standing at that point, staring off into— into the familiar distance, with a shadow rising at my back… the feeling of something in the distance and I’m too scared to look… I’ve had that dream.
JESS: Hmm. [TO TANNER] Have you?
TANNER: I’ve… I’ve had one like it, now that I’m thinking about it. Kind of the opposite. It's like- I’m looking at the town, and beyond it, its this- this great, reaching shadow, reaching out and towards me, towards the trees and the river that I can hear behind me. I- I can tell that there’s still light behind me, just enough, fading- and I want to turn to it…
JESS: To face away from that rising darkness and catch the last glimpse of it before…
TANNER: But you can’t. All you can do is watch the mountains, the town, the sky go cold and dark and this- this massive shadow of a storm that you don’t think is just a storm reaches down and—
JESS: And it- it calls. Like thunder but… not.
TANNER: Yeah. You’ve had it too, huh?
JESS: Couple times, now that you mention it. Especially when I was… [BEAT.] Fun. I’m sure they’re just dreams.
[SOME MORE SILENCE]
MARTHA: Let’s have another drink.
[LIGHT SCOFF/CHUCKLE. THOUGHTFUL PAUSE. SOUND OF MORE POURING. SOME GLASSES SLIDING ON THE TABLE.]
CARLTON: Well. Fire out yet?
MARTHA: Last we heard, it was close. So if not yet, soon.
CARLTON: Good, good. I might… I might sneak into town and check in on Bill’s family…. Oh- are we uh, live?
TANNER: Yeah. So- just be careful.
MARTHA: Extra careful.
JESS: Stay out of trouble. You know.
CARLTON: Yeah. Sure thing.
JESS: Speaking of- [SHE STANDS]
MARTHA: Where are you going?
JESS: Gonna offer our guest a drink, if he’s up. It’d be rude not to.
MARTHA: Uh, maybe… don’t?
JESS: Why not?
MARTHA: I just… don’t think anyone should talk to him alone, or again, or until we know what we’re going to do with him, y’know?
JESS: “Do with him?”
MARTHA: Oh my god, I don’t mean like, kill him or anything, I just meant-
JESS: What?
MARTHA: You know, like… what do we do with him?
[JESS SITS BACK DOWN]
JESS: Actually yeah, let's talk about this. I was wondering what the whole plan was with kidnapping him.
TANNER: Plan?
JESS: Like Martha said, what do we do with him? I guess though, also, like, why is he here? I’m sure he’s wondering too.
CARLTON: After what they did—
TANNER: You’re the one who’s always been about answers and the truth, and exposing the secrets they’ve been keeping from us, finding out exactly what–
JESS: What, and that sounded like “kidnap” one of them?
TANNER: After what they did to you, you don’t want them to know what it was like? And what they did to me, to so many—
JESS: Did to you? You just stumbled across some shimmering doorway one day. And that’s awful, I get it. But they were waiting at my home, dude. They took me off the street–
TANNER: Exactly. An eye for an eye, y’know?-
JESS: I just think I get to be a little more angry about it–
TANNER: [INTO HIS GLASS] Right, I forgot. Everything’s about you.
JESS: And I should get to decide what I want to do about it- not be involved in something that would have lasting criminal implications because you two saw an opportunity.
CARLTON: At least we actually did something. I mean, no offense Jess, but what does the show really accomplish?
MARTHA: Okay, hey-
CARLTON: As someone who’s been on the listening side for a while, what you do is good, but it doesn’t get anything done. Words aren’t action.
MARTHA: We’ve done things-
CARLTON: And now we’re here. And we’ve been here, for weeks.
JESS: Y’know what? I don’t disagree, but this isn’t about the show, I’m just saying, don’t say “Oh, we kidnapped him because they kidnapped you, we kidnapped him for you” I didn’t ask for that. Do whatever you want, I guess, but when did we become ‘eye for eye’ people? And what the hell do you do with all those eyes? Just- staring. That eye, in there. What do we do with him? I didn’t ask to be responsible for some guy locked in a bedroom. Not just some guy, one of them.
CARLTON: Exactly, we have one of them now, that means information, that means leverage– stuff that gets us somewhere–
JESS: Okay but how are we gonna get it? Why would he tell us anymore than he already has? And what did he really tell us that we didn’t already know? The significant things that we don’t know. He has no reason to tell us.
TANNER: There are… ways.
JESS: Yeah, I know there are. That’s not a path we’re taking.
TANNER: Y’know, you have a habit of making decisions for us, taking things upon yourself–
MARTHA: Look. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and in here recently. And most of us are new to this whole ‘keeping a hostage’ thing, especially considering everything we do is being broadcasted live right now. So, let's just make sure we’re keeping cool, okay? No one’s gonna do anything extreme. Agreed?
TANNER: “Most of us”?
MARTHA: I don’t talk about my life for a reason.
CARLTON: O- kay… [BRUSHING PAST THAT] Well what do you think, Martha? About this.
MARTHA: I-... I think I’m somewhere in between. I don’t know. I don’t know that I want him here…
JESS: I think we need to let him go.
TANNER: What?
JESS: Believe me, I don’t- I don’t really want to. But what’s the point?
CARLTON: All due respect, but I don’t think you’re in a position to make choices for the group-
JESS: Like the decision to kidnap someone?
TANNER: Don’t act all high-and-mighty-
JESS: I’m not- and I’m not making a decision. I’m just saying what I think, and I don’t think it’ll be an issue-
MARTHA: We can’t let him go without knowing that our asses are covered.
JESS: Well, blindfold him or knock him out again, whatever you did to bring him here, and leave him in a field or something. He’ll find his way home. If they want to find us, they will. Whether he leads them back here, or they just look a little harder. But I honestly don’t think that’ll be a problem.
CARLTON: Why not?
JESS: He said so.
TANNER: And you trust him?
JESS: No. Yes. It's hard to explain.
MARTHA: Of all the people, I thought you’d-
JESS: I know it doesn’t make sense. I know I should be angrier, I just— trust me.
MARTHA: What did you talk to him about?
TANNER: What?
MARTHA: A few hours ago. River woke me up and said that- that Jess was talking to him alone. What did he say?
JESS: Nothing.
TANNER: Nothing?
JESS: Really, nothing. Nothing important.
TANNER: Is that why you got me out of there?
MARTHA: Why did you want to talk to him alone?
JESS: [SIGHS] Okay, look. I had a question for him. Just one. And then- I promise- we just sort of… talked. Nothing significant came up.
MARTHA: You promise?
TANNER: What question?
JESS: What?
TANNER: What was the question? And what did he say? Or do you not trust us enough to tell us?
JESS: I trust you.
TANNER: Then prove it.
MARTHA: Okay. Hey. You don’t have to…
JESS: No, no, it's fine. I asked him if he was involved. In what happened to me. He said he wasn’t. Good enough for you?
TANNER: You believed him?
JESS: I did. I do.
TANNER: I still don’t agree on letting him go.
MARTHA: Well, we don’t have to decide just yet. I think we should get some rest before we make any decisions. Especially some of us.
JESS: Why are you looking at me?
MARTHA: [BEAT.] More?
JESS: Sure.
MARTHA: Tanner?
TANNER: Yeah, why not.
CARLTON: Not for me, thanks. I should head out. But thanks for- this.
[PUSHES BACK HIS CHAIR]
TANNER: Stay safe out there.
MARTHA: Send our condolences to the Glendins.
JESS: And don’t wander off.
CARLTON: [WALKING AWAY] Will do.
JESS: I said don’t wander off.
[SILENCE. THEN, MARTHA YAWNS A BIG YAWN.]
MARTHA: Oh my god, sorry. Sleepy.
JESS: Martha, I appreciate the effort [SHE PUTS THE GLASS DOWN] but I’m still not tired. Not the right kind of tired, anyways.
MARTHA: Well, I am, so… I’m gonna go back to bed. For real this time. You can have the rest– [PUSHES GLASS AND CHAIR SCOOCHES BACK] Wake me if you need me.
TANNER: Goodnight.
JESS: Sleep tight.
[SHE WALKS AWAY]
JESS: You can go back to bed, too. Sunrise shift, remember?
TANNER: I guess, huh. The sun’s still not up.
JESS: And my watch says it's still 9:07.
TANNER: Hmm. What was it you were saying earlier, about time?
JESS: [SIGHS, GROGGILY] Don’t remember.
TANNER: You sure you’re not tired?
JESS: I’m exhausted, dude.
TANNER: Then go to bed. Seriously.
JESS: [GROANING] No, no, I’ll make it to sunrise.
TANNER: I mean, the sun has to rise eventually though, right?
JESS: You’d think. It's so- dark out there. And empty.
TANNER: It’s not all dark. There’s the town. The road. Those lights and sounds are still out there, too.
JESS: You still hear them?
TANNER: Sort of- if I listen closely. Do you?
JESS: Yeah. I hear them.
TANNER: That what’s keeping you up?
JESS: Sure. Let’s say that.
TANNER: You wanna talk about it? [SHE DOESN’T ANSWER.] I know I don’t know exactly what happened it you, but I know what it's like, and–
JESS: Look, maybe talking about it helps you. And that’s great. And I will be here to listen. But for me- I can’t. Remembering is just-- memory is an open wound and everytime I look back I’m just- picking at it. Digging into it. And it's not gonna heal unless I just- leave it alone.
TANNER: That’s not how it works. Trust me.
JESS: [SHE LAUGHS AT HERSELF SADLY] I know. But I’m asking for space. Just- let me have that for now.
TANNER: Sure. Just- I’m here, y’know?
JESS: Thanks.
[SILENCE. THE SOUND OF DRINKING HERE AND THERE.]
JESS: Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want…
TANNER: Sure.
[MORE SILENCE.]
JESS: You ever kill someone, Tanner?
TANNER: Excuse me?
JESS: Like, while you were gone.
TANNER: …Almost. Why?
JESS: Why didn’t you?
TANNER: I, uh, someone stopped me before I could… and I… [BEAT. SIGH] Y’know, usually people ask why I tried to.
JESS: People who couldn’t understand.
TANNER: Why do you ask?
JESS: Just curious. I can see it on your face sometimes. Just- between people who’ve been to other worlds where, y’know… [SHE LAUGHS/SCOFFS]
[MORE SILENCE.]
TANNER: …Did you?
[BEAT]
JESS: I’m gonna go get some fresh air for a moment. Five minutes.
TANNER: O-okay. Don’t wander off.
JESS: No promises.
[SHE PUSHES HER CHAIR BACK AND WALKS AWAY. MUSIC INTO NEIGHBOURLY PROMO]