Intentional Living: A 10-Year Perspective on Surviving Testicular Cancer

Intentional Living: A 10-Year Perspective on Surviving Testicular Cancer

Welcome to Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer, presented by the Max Mallory Foundation—a non-profit dedicated to educating young adults about testicular cancer in memory of Max Mallory.

In this episode, host Joyce Lofstrom (Max's mom and a fellow young adult cancer survivor) is joined by Matthew Tyler. Matthew was diagnosed with testicular cancer at age 22, just as he was starting his adult life and pursuing big goals.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• The Early Signs: How Matthew first noticed discomfort and knew something wasn't right.
• Seeking Help: The crucial role his then-girlfriend (now wife, Addie) played in encouraging him to get a physical exam.
• 10 Years Cancer-Free: Reflections on his treatment journey, life over the last decade, and building a family—including celebrating one child and another on the way!

Matthew's faith has been a vital part of his life and his recovery from testicular cancer. 

As he says in the podcast, "I think more than anything, as human beings, we thrive in community and thrive in connection with other people. And it gives us peace to know that we're not the only person going through that. I think that's why life groups or Bible study groups are so helpful for individuals, and not even just for people that go to church."

Hear from a testicular cancer survivor who has one child and another on the way without fertility issues. He talks about his competitive spirit, hunting and sports interests, and living an intentional life.

• Don't forget to Like, Subscribe, and hit the Notification Bell to stay updated on future survivor stories and valuable resources!

Show Notes

00:00 Podcast Welcome

01:04 Meet Matthew Tyler

01:43 Diagnosis Shock

03:50 Surgery and Next Steps

05:16 Chemo Reality Check

06:30 Support and Remission

09:04 Faith Through Cancer

11:46 Choosing City of Hope

14:57 Care Experience Details

17:42 Biggest Treatment Challenge

21:04 Mental Health Swings

21:53 Why Share Now

22:04 Sharing His Testimony

22:42 News Story Surprise

24:04 Learning To Slow Down

27:16 Fertility After Chemo

28:48 Miscarriage And Healing

33:06 Preparing For Baby Two

33:23 Dad Life And Emma

35:50 Quickfire Favorites

36:33 Song With Meaning

38:05 Final Thanks And Mission

Transcript

Intentional Living: A 10-Year Perspective on Surviving Testicular Cancer

Intro: [00:00:00] Welcome to Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer, a podcast where testicular cancer survivors, caregivers, and others who have navigated the cancer journey share their stories. The podcast comes to you from the Max Mallory Foundation, a non-profit family foundation focused on educating about testicular cancer in honor and in memory of Max Mallory, who died in 2016 at the young age of 22 from testicular cancer.

Had he survived, Max wanted to help young adults with cancer. This podcast helps meet that goal. Here now is your host, Joyce Lofstrom, Max's mom, and a young adult cancer [00:01:00] survivor.

Joyce Lofstrom: So with me today is Matthew Tyler, and he just celebrated his 10 years of being cancer-free after his diagnosis of testicular cancer at age 22. He's here to share his story about testicular cancer, his treatment, and life during the last 10 years. I can tell you he has one child and another on the way, which is just a preview of our conversation.

Joyce Lofstrom: So Matthew, I'm so glad you could be with us today. 

Matthew Tyler: Thanks, Joyce. So- it means a lot. It's an honor to be here. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Oh, well- appreciate it ... thank you. So just, let's just start. Tell us your story about testicular cancer. Anything you want to share about your diagnosis, treatment? 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, so I, yeah, was a young man at the time.

Matthew Tyler: I guess I still kind of feel young and where I'm at in life. But I was definitely really young and just at the point in life where you start out on your own, and you feel like you've got the world at your fingertips, and you’ve got big goals and aspirations and where you want your [00:02:00] life to go.

Matthew Tyler: And I was not married at the time. I was actually dating (the woman) who is my wife now. We were dating at that point in time. And so, it was a big shocker for me to receive that news. And the way that I'd received it was basically I had some discomfort and just knew something was going on, something wasn't right.

Matthew Tyler: I'd actually told Addie, who is my wife, I told her like, "Hey, this is kind of strange. I don't know, what are your thoughts?" She encouraged me to go to the doctor. And so I went to get a physical exam. And, you would think that you'd have to have a scan or blood work or any of that stuff done to be, you know, diagnosed with cancer.

Matthew Tyler: But the doctor, even like in the middle of the physical exam, was like, "I'm 95% sure you got testicular cancer." So it was the last thing I thought I'd be told when I was just going for a simple checkup for something that seemed very minor and not like a big deal. I'm somebody who played sports my whole life.

Matthew Tyler: I was a collegiate athlete for a few years and went through Tommy John surgery, and so I've had a number of [00:03:00] things like that come up and, you know, you get hurt and kind of the last thing you expect. You're healthy and in good shape. I didn't smoke. I didn't drink. I didn't do anything in excess that was unhealthy, and I felt like I was pretty well-rounded from a health standpoint.

Matthew Tyler: And, so it was a big shocker for me. It was really hard. It was, it was a shock because right after that I was told that I was going to have to have surgery to remove one of my testicles. And so at a young age, when you're not married, you don't have kids, you hadn't done any of that in life, you're like, "What?

Matthew Tyler: That's the last thing I want to be getting told right now. You know, it's kind of like one of those jokes where it's like, my arm kind of deal. I can live without that, right? So I was definitely at a point in my life where I felt like it was probably one of the lowest points, just from a mental standpoint and stress, and didn't know what God had planned for me. I felt like I'd drawn the short straw in life at that point. 

And so I went ahead and had surgery and was hopeful that was going to really be the end of it. I had just finished my undergraduate degree, so I'd graduated my [00:04:00] four-year degree and was actually renting a house on my own and had just officially moved out.

Matthew Tyler: When I was in college, I was working, and I lived at home some during the first two years of college. I went off to school and played baseball, and so lived in a dorm and did that. But then I'd really, quote-unquote, "officially moved out" and was not coming home during breaks or summers. So that was, for me, that was like, "Oh, we're going to have surgery, I'll be done, I'll go back to work."

Matthew Tyler: I was working part-time actually for Chick-fil-A. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Okay. 

Matthew Tyler:  I actually got an opportunity to work on a, a warehousing team out of college, and so was doing that,  actually in my last two years of college, and then continued to do that,  right out, out of college when I graduated. So then went through that surgery. 

The doctor at the time, my oncologist Dr. Taha, was like, "Hey, we're going to go back and do some blood work in three to four weeks once you're done with surgery, and I want to see where your tumor markers are at. If they are still elevated, since you're young, we want to go ahead and knock this thing out and do chemotherapy. And if they're not, then we'll, you know, [00:05:00] you'll be good. We'll just monitor it." So I had been diagnosed with stage one testicular cancer, so luckily I'd caught it very early. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah. 

Matthew Tyler: Fortunate enough that I didn't wait. We can kind of get into that, but I met some people through my journey that did wait, and so it was a lot more of an intensive surgery and treatment than what I went through.

Matthew Tyler: And so long story short, I got back into the doctor's office, had blood work done, and was told that my markers were elevated; we were going to start chemotherapy in the coming weeks, and that I was going to do a three-round stint. It was going to be three weeks per round, and the first week of each of those rounds was going to be, like, five days, eight hours a day in a chair.

Matthew Tyler: Well, really the first hour was going to be of the treatment, and then, like, the next seven hours were just fluids so that they could flush that through my system,  and my kidneys and stuff like that. They felt like the, the chemo, the treatment that I was getting... And that was one thing that was new for me.

Matthew Tyler: I thought chemo was chemo, but I didn't realize that you do different types of chemo and there's different [00:06:00] regimens and for different types of cancer. But the chemo, from what I understood, was, like, one of the most intensive chemo treatments that they do period, because of just what type of cancer I had, and I guess how young I was and what they felt like, how aggressive they could be with it.

Matthew Tyler: So that long stint of fluids was to try to prevent any other type of cancer from occurring from getting that chemo treatment. You're basically using a poison to kill another poison or a disease in your body. So it wasn't fun. It was a lot. It was very depressing and hard.

Matthew Tyler:  I will say, though, that, you know, the people that came around me during that time were critical in, in me getting through that successfully and from a mental health standpoint.  And then obviously, from a faith standpoint, God and having faith that he had a plan for me and this wasn't going to be the end. This wasn't going to be a detriment to my future and the trajectory of my life.

Matthew Tyler: That was just part of the story, and so I'm thankful for that. Obviously thankful for the treatment that I got at the City of Hope, or at the time it was Cancer [00:07:00] Treatment Centers of America. Fortunately, they had built one close to home for me.

Matthew Tyler: Which, you know, that was another huge blessing in itself. But ultimately, you know, I went through the treatment, went through those three rounds, and then, thankfully, got that done and went back in for blood work and was told that the markers were now at a safe level and that we were good to go into remission.

Matthew Tyler: I obviously lost all my hair during that time, lost eyebrows. I think, as a male, you can lose hair and look pretty normal, but when you start losing eyebrows, people, you know, know you're sick. Yeah. So I was pretty self-conscious about that. I think more so for me, I didn't want people to feel pity on me or feel like I needed help or that there was something wrong with me.

Matthew Tyler: It wasn't more of like a physical appearance. I was okay with not having hair, so I wore beanies during that time, which, looking back, was kind of silly of me to wear beanies when it was, like, 90 degrees in Georgia. 

Matthew Tyler: It was hot. They probably thought I was sick in the head more than anything for doing [00:08:00] that.

Matthew Tyler:  But, thankfully, I had a great support system with my family, my friends, and my girlfriend, or wife now, and was able to get through that, and just super grateful for just all the support. Being at the place that I'm in now, being in remission this long, it's special to get to tell this story a decade later.

Joyce Lofstrom: Well, you know, you said a lot of things that made me think of other things to just talk about. One of them is: you were 22, ready to start life, working part-time, all those things that young men think about.

Matthew Tyler: Yeah ... 

Joyce Lofstrom: And then, you're faced with cancer. And I think, I know Max felt that way too, my son, and I think a lot of young men have to feel that way when you hear that word cancer, and you have to deal with it.

Joyce Lofstrom: But it sounds like, as hard as it was, you got through it, and you just did a lot, called on people, and you mentioned your faith. I think that's a big part of many people's way to heal. Yeah. Do you want to talk a little bit about that?

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, for me, I'm a believer in Jesus Christ and believe that he died on the cross for my sins and that he's the only way to eternal life, and that this life that we live on this earth is only temporary.

Matthew Tyler: So if I was called home during that time, I knew where I was going. I'd grown up in church. I won't say I've always walked the straight and narrow path or been a faithful steward to him. We're all sinners, imperfect, and we'll always screw up. I continue to screw up and make selfish decisions and comments today, even as a believer.

Matthew Tyler: But I know I'm forgiven for the things I do every day, and because of that, it gives me peace to know that he has a plan for me. Yeah... even if, from a worldly standpoint, it seems like a bad outcome or a bad card being dealt. One thing I will share is that I'm not really thinking this way until probably halfway through, but for me it's an opportunity, even now, this far [00:10:00] out, and I guess for the rest of my life, to use it as part of my testimony.

Matthew Tyler: I've had a lot of opportunity to connect with people I had built relationships with even before I was diagnosed, and now they've gone through some type of cancer. They know people; they have friends. There are other men I've met who have been through the same type of cancer, so I'm able to use what I learned from that to encourage them.

Matthew Tyler: I think more than anything, as human beings, we thrive in community and thrive in connection with other people. And it gives us peace to know that we're not the only person going through that. I think that's why life groups or Bible study groups are so helpful for individuals, and not even just for people that go to church.

Matthew Tyler: But if you've ever been married, gone through a tough season in life, or had children, you sometimes think you're the only one experiencing what you're going through, and you're like, "I don't understand. I'm on an island by myself." And then you start talking to people, and everybody's [00:11:00] situation's very similar, and everybody at some point has been through something similar to you.

Matthew Tyler: And so I think it's really wise to surround yourself with people, and especially people that are good, positive, believers that can help you get through that, and, and not necessarily pessimistic-minded because that's what you need. You need positive reinforcement, you need encouragement, and you just need a foundation of faith.

Matthew Tyler: I don't care what it is you go through in life. Even if you're on a high and everything's going great, if you live long enough, at some point there's going to be a valley after that high. And it's just part of life.

Matthew Tyler:I mean, this world is, it takes no prisoners. This is a tough world that we live in. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah. It is tough. I think people often learn that, as you did with your cancer. You mentioned the City of Hope, and it sounds like that was an excellent place to go.

Joyce Lofstrom: And I always like to talk about where some of the guests go because other men that listen may not, [00:12:00] A, know about it, or B, be in a city where, or a location where they do have a good cancer treatment center. Do you want to talk a little bit about the City of Hope, just your treatment and how it went 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, of course.

Joyce Lofstrom: You did already.

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, of course, yeah. So, when I got diagnosed, at that time, there was a rule that was in place. I think that rule's been lifted since then, but only 20% of their patients were allowed to come from Georgia at the treatment location I was at. 

Matthew Tyler: The City of Hope has multiple locations. I think they maybe have five locations around the U.S. now. It could be off. It could be more or less than that, but basically they have them in different cities and, obviously, states around the country. At the time, and this is God and faith and, you know, I believe complete faith in this.

Matthew Tyler: My mom, she has lived a successful career, worked for Delta for 26 years, decided to retire, go into consulting work. She did that for a while, [00:13:00] and then she kind of got to the point where she wanted to be more present at home. As a mom, we were, you know, at the point where I was in college and my sister was in high school.

Matthew Tyler: I’ve got a younger sister, and so she just wanted to be present for, I guess, for those stages of life, knew they only come once. So she moved into a role where she helped lead marketing for a local bike shop. She met a lot of people through road biking, and it became a new hobby and passion for her.

Matthew Tyler: And so she met a few people, and luckily those people were in upper leadership roles for the City of Hope at the time and became good friends with them. This was way before my diagnosis, way before- okay... any of that happened. And so, I truly believe that those relationships and, you know, the connections there helped me get in as quickly as I did, because I know there's sometimes a long waiting list, or was in the past.

Matthew Tyler: Thankfully, I think that's changed now, so you can get in. So after I got a, an initial just an initial opinion from, I think it was Piedmont, a local provider for us, which [00:14:00] they're a great doctor and a hospital. We've had our daughter there and plan to have our next there as well. And so they just don't specialize in cancer, and the City of Hope, that's all they specialize in.

Matthew Tyler:  They've been in practice for even longer than when I started getting treatment. I think that I don't know when they first were founded, but I know that- He, the man that founded it his family member was impacted by it, and so he's super passionate about, like, wanting to create a provide, provider or a some type of a office, doctor's office that you could go to one location, and you could get scans, blood work, treatment, food, all care in one place.

Joyce Lofstrom: Right

Matthew Tyler: It felt like when somebody goes through cancer, they had to go to, you know, 15 different providers, drive all the way around, all over the place for these different appointments in the same day, same week, and it was just, you know, a big burden for somebody- Yeah ... who's already struggling with something, like, probably one of the worst things that they'll struggle with from a health standpoint in life.

Matthew Tyler: And so he was passionate about creating that, and that's what was founded on basically. And it is that, and it's an amazing [00:15:00] place because not only do you have some of the top surgeons, which, well, the surgeon that performed my surgery is, like, one of the top in the country that performs those type of surgeries, and so you have full confidence in that.

Matthew Tyler: But you also have top-of-the-line medicine when it comes to treatment. The treatment plans stay up to date with their research to ensure they provide the best care. They don't just do the same thing because it's always worked for patients. They modify that from an oncology standpoint. And then the people who work there, and that's, I think, one of the critical parts, are always positive. I don't care who the person is or what their role is there. Right. I walked through the halls, and people were like, "Hey, how are you doing? Hope you have a great day," and they smiled at you and were there to help.

Matthew Tyler: And you know, I told you I work for Chick-fil-A, so I don't know if you've experienced that. I hope you have. Oh, yeah. I know they're 

Joyce Lofstrom: good people. We have. We like it. Yeah. 

Matthew Tyler: So that second mile, I'm here for you, I care about you, this isn't just a transaction. Right. I felt like I was almost at home, quote unquote, "at work" [00:16:00] because of how the people showed up.

Matthew Tyler: And then,  I felt that with the nurses. I felt that with the infusion team. They all were personable. They all showed care, asked me questions, stayed connected with me. A lot of those nurses have left since then and gone to other places, or maybe they've stayed at home- yeah... and they've changed kind of career paths.

Matthew Tyler:  I still stay connected with a number of them. That's how personable they were with me and how I felt, you know, loved and cared for during that time. So I think that's critical wherever you go. Plus, when I was getting treatment, a lot of places, when you do infusion, you're in a big room with a bunch of people, and everybody's in just a chair. And it's okay, and I know there's some value in that community, but if you like privacy and you just kind of want your own space, which you do when you get treatment. Chemotherapy usually sucks the energy out of you, and you just want to kind of sleep, and you don't want there to be bright lights in a, you know, an uncomfortable room.

Matthew Tyler: Well, they have individual rooms, TVs, and they bring you a warm [00:17:00] blanket. So it's kind of like the difference between flying first class and flying economy, right? If you've ever gotten to experience that. And so it just helps, like, mentally, I think you get through that.

Matthew Tyler: It makes you feel, like you're not just going through waterboarding at the time for me. Like it was special. 

Joyce Lofstrom: It was. It sounds really good. 

Joyce Lofstrom: I think there's one now in Chicago. I'm trying to remember where it is. I've talked to other people who have received care there, and it’s very highly respected, so I'm glad you had that opportunity and could let people know who might listen to this, too.  

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, yeah, I think you got to get a second opinion no matter what it is. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah. Yes, I agree. I mean, it's important to do that. Very important with cancer a lot of times. Yeah. So tell me about, and you c- you mentioned this earlier, but, you know, all the things about- Yeah

Joyce Lofstrom: losing your hair and, and wearing the beanie, and what do you think was your biggest challenge through all of that treatment time? 

Matthew Tyler: So thankfully, I didn't have a lot of problems with getting sick, like throwing up and nausea. 

Matthew Tyler: [00:18:00] I hate when I get sick and throw up. I'm just like a little baby when I get sick.

Matthew Tyler: You know, they joke about man colds and men and, you know, they over-exaggerate how they feel. Well, I'm like that when I get nauseous and throw up. I just- Okay ... I cannot stand it. So I was very fortunate. I didn't get sick and throw up during that time, but I think the biggest challenge for me was from a psychological standpoint.

Matthew Tyler: I was told that it was due to stress, and it probably was part of that. There was, you know, obviously a lot of stress that took place during that time in my life. I'm a person who is very busy. I'm very type A. I'm very driven in life. It can be a very positive thing, but also a detriment, depending on what's going on in the season of life.

Matthew Tyler: And so during that time, I had never really been put in a place where I had to put it in a different gear and slow down... and be at a different speed, right? So I wasn't really allowed to drive. I couldn't really physically drive, to be honest with you. I couldn't be out on my own. I couldn't live at my house anymore.

Matthew Tyler: I had to move back in with [00:19:00] my mom at the time. I had to have care, and people drive me, and so I didn't like that at all. Like, I wanted to go and do things. I love a lot of things outdoors. I love to hunt and fish and play golf and sports, and so I'd con friends into picking me up, and we'd go sit in the woods.

Matthew Tyler: And  I remember I killed a deer, and I couldn't even drag the deer out of the woods, and I had to get a buddy to help me drag it because I was so gassed from an air standpoint. And it was weird because I don't know if it was that, but also maybe the chemo and the drugs that I was taking, the mixture of that during that time.

Matthew Tyler: But I would get upset and I'd be crying, and then I would be laughing, then I'd be happy. Like, it'd be like bang, bang, you know? And I'm not a very emotional person, and so to experience those different emotions, like, back to back real quick, I mean, in a matter of seconds.

Matthew Tyler: It was very off for me. It just did not, and it just, things triggered those emotions. And thankfully, I had people that I met during this time. There was a gentleman; he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He was basically told by his [00:20:00] first doctor's office that they were just going to make him comfortable.

Matthew Tyler: He was in his 70s. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Mm. 

Matthew Tyler: You're not going to survive this. Thankfully, he went to the City of Hope and got a second opinion, and he survived. At that point, he was in remission and 100% cancer-free. And so he told me. During that time, I told him about that, and he would actually volunteer his time to sit with people who were going through treatment. I told him about what was going on, and I said, "You know, I'm getting the response from the doctors that it's just stress, it's not from the chemo."

Matthew Tyler: We have to keep doing this chemo treatment. We can't change the drug or whatever." And, and he told me, he said, "Well," he said, "I'll be honest with you, I don't know what's true, but I experienced some of the same things, and I'm a pretty level-headed person." He said, "One night I was at home, and I was looking in my closet, and I couldn't find a pair of cowboy boots I wanted to wear the next day that I liked."

Matthew Tyler: And he said, "I've never done something like this, but, you know, a week later my wife comes inside, and she said, 'Why is there 12 boxes of cowboy boots outside?'" He said, "I don't know why, but I ordered the 12 different kinds of boots so I could pick which one I wanted." And he just... It's the [00:21:00] crazy stories like that, and he said, "I felt like that was probably something to do from a psychological standpoint."

Matthew Tyler: To me, the biggest struggle was the emotional swing and the psychological state of thinking you're going crazy. I had weird episodes where I felt like I was schizophrenic and that people were after me. They were just strange things I'd never experienced before. So hopefully somebody listens to this and is maybe going through treatment and has experienced that. Just know that it'll pass soon, and you'll go back to a steady mental state.

Matthew Tyler: It's not a long-term impact on you. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Well, thanks for sharing that. I think that's important to hear. And it's hard, those mood swings.

Matthew Tyler: They are just different, everything about what you do. The 12 pairs of cowboy boots, that's really- That's... I like to shop, but I'm not you; you have to pay attention, I guess, right?

Joyce Lofstrom: That's right. Yeah. You've already told me a little bit, but you talked about how your perspective on life has changed. Yeah. It's been 10 years now since you've been cancer-free and so forth. So [00:22:00] w- why come out now and talk about it? Or maybe you've already been talking about it. 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, I, I honestly, so early on after I was in remission, that was my goal: to share my story. I was more open about it and wanted to share. I felt like there was... I realized there was a reason I went through this, and if I stayed silent about it, I wasn't fulfilling what God intended.

Matthew Tyler: So I had opportunities during that time. I went to a few youth groups at churches and shared my story, and I got to do a devotion. We do a Monday morning devotion at the office every week. And so somebody comes and speaks and gives a devotion. So I got to be able to share that devotion, share my story, thank everybody for how they came around me during that time complete strangers at work- which was special.

Matthew Tyler: And so, it's weird because I guess it’s timing, everything from a timing perspective, the whole thing with the Fox 5 News and how you found out about my story. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah. 

Matthew Tyler: Yep. I got a basically an email, because April was Testicular Cancer Awareness Month, from a person who was a [00:23:00] marketing company that works through the City of Hope and picked up my story through them.

Matthew Tyler: And so they did an interview with me through a Teams meeting, and then I guess that what they do is they pitch those to local news companies. And so basically at that point, it got picked up, and I was not expecting that. And it's funny because everything in life always happens at once. So, you know, as I shared, you know this already, but my wife's expecting, so we've gone through this whole stint of her being sick.

Matthew Tyler: We've got a six-year-old, and so busy in life in general, and then we decided to move because we needed more space with her expecting in October. So we had half our house packed up and weren't expecting anything. And I assumed if this thing ended up working out, where I was going to do an interview with somebody, it was going to be like a station somewhere, and they, of course, were texting me like, "Can you do it tomorrow at your house?"

Matthew Tyler: And I'm thinking to myself, "That's the last place I want to do an interview on the news." So it's funny because now it's just, you know, how things worked out. It's, you know, you look back, and it's just, it's not a big deal. But it just all kind of happened at once. And then the City of Hope reached out [00:24:00] to me at the same time to do something separate for April, and I'm super grateful for that.

Matthew Tyler: But really ultimately, my perspective during that time changed around, you know, just appreciating really the little things in life and not getting too worked up about, you know, the things that you think that matter, but in the moment, they don't. Now, I will tell you I still struggle with that today.

Matthew Tyler: I have that, I told you, Type A personality- I get very locked in on what it is that I'm trying to pursue, whether that's in my career or personal endeavors or hobbies or things at home. And so I get locked in, and I become this, like, tunnel-focused person to where I'm like, "Let's get it done no matter what."

Matthew Tyler: And, and so for me too, I'm very competitive. I have high expectations for myself, and I'm competitive in general, and so I'm like, come heck or high water, we're going to get this done." But that, that going through that reminds me and, I'm - reminded thankfully by many people around, around me, family, my parents, my sister.

Matthew Tyler: My wife reminds me a lot of, like, it's not a big deal. Let's live in the moment. Yeah. But during that [00:25:00] time, I really got to see that just getting in a car and driving down the road with the windows down and it being a pretty day outside, I was super grateful for that.  I'd never been so fast-paced in the way that I live my life.

Matthew Tyler: I've never felt that way before, and so I got to learn that during that time. And I think maybe some people get to experience that later in life when you get older. You look back and, I know I hear a lot of people saying like, "Don't wish these tough years of having young kids away. They're going to be grown.

Matthew Tyler: They're going to be off to college," or, "Don't wish this part of your young life away where you're just really busy. At some point, you may not be physically able to do these things." And, you kind of shrug that stuff off. But having lived that early in life, I do see that.

Matthew Tyler: I do recognize that, not that I'm always honoring that in the way that I think or make decisions, but I am reminded of that and reminded of how that felt. And I'm thankful for that because of that, and it's true, though. I mean, life is short, and some of the things in our life that we get worked up about in the moment are really not a big deal in the big picture of things.

Matthew Tyler: [00:26:00] And, you know, we get stressed, and we worry, and we prepare, and then it happens, and you're like, "Well, that wasn't that bad." And so I think those things are important generally. 

Joyce Lofstrom: I, I'm with you on trying to live in the moment or, uh- Yeah ... I'm not good at it. I've been trying to read more about mindfulness and, things aren't a big deal, that- Well, why didn't he empty the dishwasher?

Joyce Lofstrom: Okay, fine. I'll empty the d- I mean, you know what I mean? That's right. Stupid things that you can really just go s- be really upset about that you don't need to. Yeah. And I, I also agree with you, we have three dogs and I walk one of them, and just walking around the neighborhood and it's like, oh, I didn't notice that.

Joyce Lofstrom: You know what I mean? It's all... It's beautiful, it's nature. Right. It's what- whatever's there, so. 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah. 

Joyce Lofstrom: You make really good points about just how to live, yeah. 

Matthew Tyler: Do what I say, not what I do sometimes is kind of my message there. But it's,  I think it's just, it's important that you recognize it more than anything, and we're, as I said earlier, we're all sinners.

Matthew Tyler: We're always going to screw up. We're always going to mess up. Personality traits have a big impact on which natural route we take versus another route. You know you gotta [00:27:00] be intentional to do things or im- implement things that you don't naturally want to do with your personality. 

Matthew Tyler: And I think life teaches us ways to be more intentional with those things that we know we need to do to balance out how we approach life.

Joyce Lofstrom: I agree. I know you said you're expecting your second child in October. Yeah. And we talk about fertility on the podcast too. Is there anything that you can share about... Did you struggle with that, if I can ask? Or- we... 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's a, yeah, very- Mm-hmm ... good question. No, thankfully, praise God, we didn't struggle with that.

Matthew Tyler: I know many people do, and having now had Emma and having a healthy child and my wife being pregnant again, I'm super grateful that initially when we had Emma, we did not struggle with that at all. Okay. That was a fear that we had, and if I'm being transparent, you know, we were told there was a 40% chance because of the chemo that I went through that we would not be able to, or I would not be able to have kids naturally.

Matthew Tyler: So you have to bank sperm; you go through that whole process. Yeah.  And then my wife and I got married.  I'm a [00:28:00] few years younger than her, and so when it got time to start talking about kids, she was very ready to have kids, and I was very ready not to have kids. And so I pushed as far back as I could, and I was like, "No, no, no, let's keep enjoying life and keep enjoying the flexibility," and we're, you know, we're young.

Matthew Tyler: And she kept pushing and saying, "We need to do it, we need to do it." And now, in hindsight, I wouldn't change how things turned out. I'm thankful that we were married for four years before we had Emma, and we got to experience life together, and we got to do special things that now take a lot of planning and- Yeah

Matthew Tyler: And working out from a logistics standpoint to make happen. But we, we had Emma. Early on, we were high risk because of what I went through, and so we had to go through high-risk appointments, but thankfully everything worked out with her. She went full term, and my wife was able to give birth to her, and there was no C-section or anything like that.

Matthew Tyler: I will share this because I think it's helpful for anybody to hear. We went through a miscarriage last year.  We were not sure, and there were reasons: a big gap. We're not sure if we wanted to have a second child. We were at the point where when we had [00:29:00] Emma, she was a child that didn't sleep a lot.

Matthew Tyler: My wife was working, and she was teaching, so there's not a lot of flexibility in a teacher's schedule. Right. If anybody listens to this and either is married or knows a teacher or is a teacher. And so it was just tough. You know, we were working hard, and I was back in school getting my MBA, which I don't recommend doing when you have a newborn at home-

Matthew Tyler: And you're both working. That's a recipe for burnout, but we did it. I'm proud of us for doing that, and I couldn't have done it without her. And then ultimately, Emma is six now, and my wife was able to change her career path, so she got to stay at home for the past year and a half.

Matthew Tyler: She was just kind of at the point where parents, unfortunately, and the administration and leadership are not the same as, yeah... it used to be, and she got to the point where she didn't have the passion for it. And if you're going to be a teacher and get paid the way that teachers get paid, you better be passionate about it.

Matthew Tyler: Yeah. And so when she started losing that, we both decided it was great for her to take a sabbatical, and she could always do something else in life. She doesn't have to be a teacher just because she has a degree in that. So, after [00:30:00], it probably took her about a year or so, and then she started talking about it.

Matthew Tyler: And of course, my personality, I'm like, "Whoa, that wasn't part of the plan." I'm a big planner. We decided we weren't going to have any more, and Sock pushed back a little bit, and we ended up getting pregnant, and she had that miscarriage. So it was tough last year. It was another big learning opportunity for us in our marriage and, you know, having faith in God and getting through that together.

Matthew Tyler: And I do believe it's made us stronger in our relationship, and I'm thankful that we got to experience that. I'm not thankful that we had to go through that, and that she had to experience that, because it has been and always will be really tough. Just part of that, just I guess soreness you feel of tough seasons you go through in life.

Matthew Tyler: But now she's pregnant again and everything looks great. We're expecting at the beginning of October, and we have not had to go through any kind of fertility issues or problems like that. We thought that could be the case. Right. After we had a miscarriage, we didn't know if it was that we'd gotten to the point where I was no longer fertile or that.

Matthew Tyler: She's gotten older or what. But we prayed about it, and I think the hardest part for us and during that time, or at least for what I saw, [00:31:00] was the hurt that she's felt, but then Emma being six and knowing, and us telling her last year, and then having to tell her that her baby sister went to heaven.

Matthew Tyler: So that was really hard. Yeah. When they're young, and they don't understand, they don't know; that's a benefit there. But now Emma, we actually shared with her, waited a little bit to share, and so we shared with her this weekend, and her response- okay... was, "God answered my prayers. I'm really excited."

Matthew Tyler: And, she's been overly nice to Addy and to me, and Addy was like, "How long do you think this will last?" I was like, "I don't know." "It'll be a couple days. We'll see." You know? But it'll be special to experience that and, as a family, get to see Emma and how she'll show up. I'm sure she'll be a great helper.

Matthew Tyler: She loves playing mom and playing with babies, so I’m sure, when she wants to, she’ll be a good helper, right?

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah. She will, and that's, your story time-wise is, similar to what happened with my, kids. because my, John Mark and Max are about seven years apart, and I had- Okay ... a miscarriage before.

Matthew Tyler: Yeah

Joyce Lofstrom: I [00:32:00] think I'll just say, because you kind of hinted at it, that miscarriages are often underplayed in terms of the emotional angst or whatever the word is about them for women. But it sounds like you have a great plan and a new baby coming soon, so that's wonderful. 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah, we're, yeah, we're excited.

Matthew Tyler: I think it's one thing, too, probably like cancer; it doesn't get talked about enough, and my wife has said that multiple times and has met a number of people that she already had relationships with that she had no clue they had ever had miscarriages. Yeah. And some multiple times. And I think probably for miscarriages, it's,  it's almost embarrassing for the for the woman, or the family, and so they don't talk about it.

Matthew Tyler: And,  I do feel like just like in this case, testicular cancer is not something we all talk about, you know? Right. If you had lung cancer, that may feel like it's more appropriate to talk about than testicular cancer. And so I think it's one of those things where people need to talk about it, and people need to hear about it, because you, you'd be surprised at when you bring it up how many people you know have been through it or know somebody that's [00:33:00] been through it and help you or help the person you know that's struggling with it that don't want to talk about it. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yep, you're right. So what's next for you in life? With another baby…

Matthew Tyler: Another baby, yes ... yeah. I've got to relearn how to change a diaper- ... and relearn what it's like to, you know, not get the consistent sleep at night.

Matthew Tyler: We're praying that may not be the case. You hear from people that one child is the opposite of the other child personality-wise. Well, Emma, I told you earlier, she doesn't sleep well. She still doesn't require a lot of sleep. Okay. She can go to bed at 9 p.m. forcefully, and then wake up at 5:30 a.m.

Matthew Tyler: And she's ready to go and run all day with no naps. She's very type A, so I'm sure she gets that from me. And she's very, very persistent. She does not like no, and I've told a number of people that she's either going to be a CEO and very successful as a woman, or she's going to run a prison gang.

Matthew Tyler: One of the two. Not the latter. She's a special kid. She's very smart,  very outgoing. She's very [00:34:00] well-rounded. When we found out we were having a little girl, I told you I have a lot of hobbies and love everything outside and, you know, working on things and equipment, and we've got property that we've purchased with our home.

Matthew Tyler: And so cutting grass and tractors and all that good stuff. And I told myself, I was like, "We're having a little girl. One thing I'm going to do right is I'm going to make sure she's exposed to as many things as possible as a little girl." To kind of give you a high level of, like, Emma's personality, she could go this afternoon and go with my wife and sit for two hours in a, a nail salon chair and get her nails done and be completely content, and then come home and, get oil all over her hands helping me change oil on a tractor.

Matthew Tyler: And then go catch fish. She killed her first deer this year. And so very well-rounded little girl, loves to do it all, loves all things outdoors and animals and being sweaty and dressing up as a princess too. So, it's as good as it could be having a little girl and, and knowing that we're having another little girl.

Matthew Tyler: People have asked me like, "Were you disappointed at having a boy?" And like, well, I'll be honest with you, my [00:35:00] daughter is probably more tomboyish than- ... a lot of my buddies' boys are, that are boys that are her age. And I've got what God intended for me to have. And so it's,  it's special. We'll continue to get ready for the baby, and we’ve got home projects that we're going to do a lot this summer, and then we'll probably go on maybe one trip.

Matthew Tyler: And then working for me, just, my life is pretty busy from a work career standpoint. I know you experienced that at Chick-fil-A when you go through the drive-thru, and it's not much different in my world. And so just continue to try to show up and add value at work and hopefully be able to have opportunities like this to sh- share my story and testimony and try to do good work for God in my life in whatever area it is and try to continue to be intentional and showing up well- Yep

Matthew Tyler: As a spouse and as a father, and just being, you know, being present is my goal- Yep ... right now this season. 

Joyce Lofstrom: So what's your favorite item on the Chick-fil-A menu? 

Matthew Tyler: It's gotta be a number one sandwich. I'm a very simple person when it comes to food. I don't have to have [00:36:00] real nice bougie food to be satisfied or, you know, fancy- Yeah

Matthew Tyler: recipes. So I'm good with a Chick-fil-A sandwich. I try to go the healthier route and get a grilled sandwich or get nuggets, but if I'm making emotional decisions about my food choice and, like, I just, I'm hungry and I just want to eat something good, I'll have a number one. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Okay. All right. 

Matthew Tyler: What about you?

Matthew Tyler: What do you prefer? 

Joyce Lofstrom: I like the chicken sandwich. I like it. 

Matthew Tyler: Yeah. 

Joyce Lofstrom: The grilled is good, but the fried is better, so, you know, it can’t beat fried. It's not, it's not as good for you, but it's good.

Matthew Tyler: It's a good soul food, right? 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah, it is. Yeah. So the last question is, Matthew, what song, when you hear it, do you have to sing along? 

Matthew Tyler: I'm a big country music fan, so I love anything to do with country music. It can be older country music, or it could be some stuff up to date, current. But there's a song, it's... um...

Matthew Tyler: What's, what's the title of the song? I just forgot about it. Hold on a second. Go Rest High on the Mountain, and it's by Vince Gill. So I had to look it up earlier. I couldn't remember it. [00:37:00] I'm not good with song names or artists. I struggle there, but it's a good song. And it's about, at the end of the day, you've kind of lived your life, and it's time to go home to go see God, and it's okay you've lived a good life, right?

Matthew Tyler: I think, for me, the message there is that, no matter what it is that I'm doing in life, I want to make sure that I'm doing a good job. And as I said earlier, I continue to mess up. I mess up every day, and I know that'll never stop, but I want to be as intentional as I can to live a life for God and live a life for other people.

Matthew Tyler: And I know that I've experienced, and I know we all probably experience this, that when you do more for others and try to be intentional about giving yourself to your spouse or your kids and showing up for them, you feel more fulfilled in life. And so I'm hoping that, when I breathe my last breath, there are people around me who can say that. And I'm hopeful that God's smiling and happy to welcome me home after I've done His work on this earth, and that it hasn't been just for me. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Yeah, that sounds wonderful. That's great. [00:38:00] From what you're telling me, this song matches what you're trying to do in your life, so that's wonderful. I really appreciate all your time.

Matthew Tyler: Yeah. Thank you, 

Joyce Lofstrom: Thank you for your willingness to share your story with us.

Joyce Lofstrom: And, um- 

Matthew Tyler: Thank you for doing this. It's very inspiring what you're doing, and I'm sorry about your loss, and it's heartbreaking to hear that. But it's amazing that you dedicate time and energy to be able to gather people's stories and try to make a difference in somebody else's life that's going through this or...

Matthew Tyler: I know the support system, I know that's what you were- there's one thing that I'll share one more thing for me- Yeah ... I know that it's not just the person that's going through this, and it sometimes, and I know as a mother and saw my mom, how hard it was on her, it is, it is very, very hard to see a child or your child go through that.

Matthew Tyler: Now, as a father, I can only imagine how that feels. And so just to applaud you for having the strength to show up and [00:39:00] record these and know that you're doing it for somebody else and try to make an impact for them, it's, it's very inspiring. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Well, thank you. That's very gracious of you to say that, and I really appreciate it.

Joyce Lofstrom: And that's our goal with this, is to raise awareness so that other people, other men don't have to go through what you've gone through or Max went through. 

Joyce Lofstrom: All right. I wish you the best with your upcoming new family member, and maybe I will call you and have you come back in a year and tell us what you're doing.

Matthew Tyler: I would like to do that. I’d love that. 

Joyce Lofstrom: Okay. Well, thanks. 

Matthew Tyler: Thanks, Joyce.

Outro: Thank you for watching this episode of Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer. If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe to our program on your favorite podcast directory. You can also visit the Max Mallory Foundation at www.maxmalloryfoundation.com/podcast to listen to previous podcast episodes or donate to the foundation.

Join us again [00:40:00] next time for another episode of Don't Give Up on Testicular Cancer.