Why do I keep comparing myself to others!

Are you always comparing yourself to what other people have or do?  Can looking thru your social media feeds get you upset?  Are you not satified with yourself but feel that you should be more ahead than your counter parts?

With the many self talking thoughts that come to us constantly we MUST take a hold of them and self evaluate.  Why are you comparing yourself?  Why cant you just ride the journey that your on?  Why do you want to take the shine away from someone else?

Check it out this is an interesting topic so let me know what you think.

Great NEW's my  New book 'What's Stopping you? Make that hard decision today!" is now available.  Check it out on Amazon and my site click here

Also look me up would love to connect with you all @selinacdavis

#podcast #lifestyle #mentalhealthpodcast #mentalhealth

Transcript

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This is Selina Davis your host of Butt-Naked Wisdom. If this is your first time coming to my podcast, welcome, I'm so happy to have you here. Just a little bit about myself, I am a mother of five amazing children, a wife, an entrepreneur, a mentor, and an author. Yes, life has done life on me. And I birthed out a book. And the book itself is called what's stopping you make that hard decision today. And the reason why I wrote that book, like many of us, we go through so much in life, and we find at points in our lives that we are stuck, stuck in hurdles of the same old things or cycles of the same things never changing. And what I found is there are certain questions that we tend not to ask ourselves in order for us to move forward. So this book is really about helping you with some of those direct questions, and providing practical, accountable steps for you to move forward. So this book is available on Amazon right now. ebook version, or as a paperback. The link is down below in the description, I would love for you to grab a copy, and look forward to speaking to you on the episode coming up. Hey, Selina Davis host of Butt-Naked wisdom coming to you with an episode. And today we're going to be talking about comparisons. comparisons are a niggling demon in a lot of our minds, and in the way that we process a lot of things. So I think it's going to be an interesting topic to talk about, because I think subconsciously, and unconsciously, unconsciously, sorry, this affects a lot of us in many different ways in a gamit of different areas of our lives. But when you really look at what a comparison is, is really looking at ourselves, you know, estimating the difference between who we are to what other people are, and what similarities we have between two different people or situations of things, you know, and there are some kind of clear signs that you may or may not be aware of that are triggered to this mindset. And one of them is really looking at how you tend to sometimes dwell on the past. So your mind always kind of shifts to what was, you know, how other people were in the past how your life was in the past. And you're kind of stuck in that space, because potentially, that space was safe for you. Potentially, that space you felt you were in control of, and you know, where you are, right now in your life, you may not be in your mind 100% happy with things that are around you, you know, you may not be happy with work, business, family, relationships, finances, etc. So we're always in this place of kind of looking backwards in the past. Another thing is that you often judge other people, and you know, you may not think that you're, you know, you're being judgey, or you're constantly judging other people. But when you think about it, and this is all about self reflection, so this is nothing that I can say to you that yes, you are this and you are that, it's really going to take you to do a self evaluation on yourself. And just on your mindset and really understand and at times where you feel you are potential, potentially judging other people stop in in that moment and ask yourself, what, what is it about that person situation that is drawing this thing in me, that is causing me to either dislike what they're doing, to do in that situation? Compare where they are, and why you should be the one in that situation instead of them. So really understanding your mindset as to why you are judging that situation, or person and arts in yourself that question deeply. Another thing is you tend to project your anger onto other people because it's a way of reflecting. And instead of, you know, absorbing a situation that will allow you to have a mental check on yourself. You push how you're feeling onto other people, and that causes you to be angry, and that causes various different situations to erupt in your life. You also don't know for yourself, you know, and I don't say that in a condescending way because I think we've all been in a space where we haven't locked ourselves. And that could be for a number of reasons because we have never felt loved from other people. Don't know what it gonna take to be able to to be happy with who we are. And to truly love who we are. And I think that's a serious question that we should definitely ponder on and arcs ourselves. And another thing is also be aware of what those triggers are. So, you know, social media is a beast for many of us. And we don't know how to really control the impact of social media on our lives. And it's like watching reality TV 24, seven on our screens every single day, various different people's lives. And depending on who you have on your feed will depend on the content that you have scrolling through every single day. So you have to really be aware of the triggers, while the things that do bring you to that space where you do have this urge to compare yourself to other people. Now, on the flip side, you obviously want to overcome those things by reminding yourself of where you are, what you have achieved, and I want to remove that life from your mind that your life isn't where it is. Because you have done what you've needed to do to get to where you are, your life is where it is, because God wants you where you are right now. And that may be a hard pill to chew, because you may not be completely satisfied with where you believe your life should be right now. But I believe that everything that has occurred in our lives has occurred for a very good reason. And it has occurred for the reasons that we needed them to occur in our lives. And unless you have learned the lessons needed out of life situations that have come to you, then maybe you know, you are learning and going to be an avid learner constantly analyzing and my life is different to yours, right? So in a sense of comparing my life to somebody else, it's a difficult thing to do. Or why would I want to do that, because I don't live in somebody else's shoes and vice versa. So when I'm comparing myself, it's very hard to compare. So when you take two oranges, you take them out of the packet, you can compare them because they're right in front of you, you could compare how they look, you can prepare their size, you can potentially compare how juicy they may be. But however, we don't know the journey that these two oranges took to get into this bag, were they in the same place when they were being grown? How long was each one being grown over the other one, you know, we just don't know the details that brought them to be in in the bag, before we took it out and opened it to compare whether they were going to be juicy or not. So I say that to say that I don't know your path, you don't know my path, you don't know my struggles, and I don't know your struggles. So to put myself in a space where I am comparing where my journey is compared to yours is a very difficult thing to do. And it's something that we should actually stop doing. Because it's only destroying ourselves in is not allowing us to actually enjoy where we are in the journey of life. I think we also need to take stock of our own situation and be grateful, you know, we are in this space in this world where everything is a constant need need need I II more more more. Now we're never satisfied, or just living in a space of being content in our present today. And I think that is something that we all need to learn to do. Because there's not a cyst, there's not something that is culturally, or even cysts in society built into us to be able to, to live in our moments now and embrace where we are right now and take stock and take a minute and pause and rest and just be happy and content with life in his current situation. And as I had mentioned before social media is painting a picture of untruths. We can look on social media and see all the amazing things that are happening in people's lives. But when you really think about it, before social media, we had like magazines, right. And a lot of that was social, you know, that was? So I'm not so sure that was photoshopped, right? So when you look at all the images that were in a magazine, they were created specifically to draw us in. Now put that to social media. Every picture that is created on social media unless you know that person has been very authentic and true to themselves is a creative picture for you to see an illusion of something that potentially is not even their reality. And it's a created scenario, or created situation or created image to portray a lifestyle that they are living. Now we know there are many ways to iron you could create a life I can rent a house and it looks amazing. I could rent a car in Italy Looks amazing, I can go to any showroom and act like I'm buying a bloody car, but I'm not buying it, I'm actually just having a test drive. Or I'm actually just window shopping, I can go down and more and have bags and return the bags. So it's all like a created illusion. And we need to stop comparing our lives to this picture that has been painted on social media, whether you need to hide particular people that are on your feed, whether you need to do a refresh of the people that you have, or your following, you know, you have to make the decision, that's your life. But if you know that there is affecting you in those in that particular way, then definitely look at them, look at it read, evaluate your feed, we evaluate the people you're following, and make a decision on what content you want to see and want to receive. And it's okay to feel what you're feeling. Don't let it overcome you or overtake you or control you to a point where it's stagnating, where you need to be, you know, you know, as I said, it's a cycle that will continue to go around around and you will never be satisfied, you're constantly being unhappy. And it will continue to shift itself to different people's even if you move on. From being you know, I would say jealous or hating or comparing your life to other people, and you decide to you know, hide that feed or decide that you no longer want to be associated to that person or situation. That feeling of comparison will continue unless you actually deal with the issue. And a lot of the time, there's a root issue to why we do compare ourselves. And it's important, like I always say that we need to deal with the root, the root cause of every issue is where our solutions are amazing. 10 tend to drive back to when we were younger, not be an acknowledged for who we were not being recognized for our achievements not having that, you know, acknowledgement from school, from friends, for parents, family members, those that work closest to us at the time, didn't acknowledge what we were doing, or it was never good enough, it was never felt as if what I was doing was ever good enough, because it was a constant pressure of producing more. So we have to be careful of that careful of where it's come from. If you are a parent, you also need to be careful that you are not putting that onto your children also, and allowing them to feel insufficient in who they are, where they are in their lives and the growth patterns that they're in. And as a parent myself is a constant thing I need to make sure that I'm not doing, I'm not comparing my children to each other. I'm not comparing the intellect between each other, I'm not comparing their progress to other children that may be in their schools. And you know, when you are a parent, in this case, parent conferences and teacher conferences where the you know, talking to you're talking to you about standards or where your children are, and they may not be where they should be, according to the statistics. But my child does not live in a world of statistics, they live in the present moment of who they are as a human being. And I want to encourage my children just to continue to grow and who they are, and to be the best versions of who they are in that moment. And if they feel that they are not doing the best for themselves, then they need to push and do a better or do better in that situation. So it's very important that we don't betray our insecurities onto our children also, on to the people that we work with employees, our colleagues, our friends and family, those things are very important for us as well. So I hope that this episode has helped you in some way. Understand that comparisons are not always a bad thing as well. I just wanted to put that in there as well. It's not a bad thing. It just really depends. If it's crippling you, you know, you can always strive to want to, you know, achieve amazing thing because you have an amazing circle of people who are, you know, pushing the boundaries and doing amazing things. I wouldn't say this a comparison. Those are people that you have decided to place within your life to help you drive yourself to higher levels in your achievement and abilities. And you use that circle because they encourage you use that so cool because they have amazing nuggets of experiences and lessons that you can learn from to draw into your life so that you can be amazing at what you're doing and push yourself you know, and I think we all have areas that we can definitely push ourselves even more as a human being and the abilities that we have just within our bodies. It can definitely be pushed more than we can understand or So comparisons are not always a bad thing, especially if you have decided to choose amazing people to have within your circle to draw you to be in a better person to draw you out of a rut potentially, and to allow you to be who you supposed to be on this earth. So, again, checks and balances is extremely important. So I hope that this has helped you and hated you in some way. I hope that you are able to take a moment to self reflect and look into your life and draw out of you the best version of who you are. So God bless you speak to you soon and look forward to speaking to you on our next episode.