Tools to Increase Libido and Love Your Sex Life with Susan Bratton

Intimacy expert Susan Bratton goes through how to increase libido, desire, and arousal naturally. Many free gifts and pearls of knowledge are provided in this episode that you won't want to miss! Get your sex life optimized and you will also feel better overall.

1:55 - Magic Pill Method. How to get your sex life back
7:20 - How to increase Libido
15:40 - Help Gut Microbiome to help hormones
17:40 - Sexual Lubricants
22:00 - Arousal - Sexual soul mate pact
28:40 - How to get turned on
33:20 - Three Sex Tools

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Transcript

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 0:06

Hello, welcome to the Dr. Lam Show. I'm Dr. Carrie and I have Susan Bratton here. She's an intimacy expert to millions and is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life. Today we're going to talk about libido, desire and arousal and discuss not only the biochemistry of it with the neurotransmitters, but also physically with the vaginal and penis health and sexual regenerative solutions. Welcome to the Dr Lam Show, we're so happy that you're here.

Susan Bratton: 0:39

Thank you. Our sexual health is such a vital part of our health, especially because our passion and our lust for life are really supported and driven by our libido. And when our libido is low, I always say your libido is the other side of the same coin as your overall health. If you don't feel well, you don't have any libido and the other way around when you feel good.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 1:06

It's not something that a lot of people want to talk about. There's always this hush hush, but I'm so glad that we can be open about it both from a medical standpoint, and emotional. There has to be more awareness about this topic, for us to help people. I deal a lot with people with hormones, who have the issue with low libido, and they only say it's a hormonal issue, which could be one part of it, but I'm sure there's also a lot of different factors that go into it. So why don't you first tell us what the difference between libido, desire and arousal are?

Susan Bratton: 1:49

Yes, I definitely want to do that. And there's one thing you said that I think is that you'll be interested in? Before I answer that question, I promise I will, is that I have this technique called the magic pill method. I have a very large following and one day I asked them a question, to my newsletter subscribers, that tell me what it is that's holding you back from having the intimacy that you want? Everything is on the table with the exception of I don't have a partner because this isn't about singles and dating. This is about roadblocks or obstacles to you having the kind of sex that you want, or you used to have. And I got back all kinds of health issues from lupus and cancer and to erectile dysfunction and painful sex which would be genital based. It was really just a laundry list of emotional and physical health issues with about 20% of betrayal thrown in people who had been hurt in the past, emotionally hurt and couldn't forgive and get over it, which is just an emotional impact. Was there the other same coin two sides, right? So I thought to myself, what can I do to help people find their way back because what I noticed was when people hit a roadblock, and can't have traditional sex as an intercourse, because most people are heterosexual, monogamous in a partnership. And that's what I was really dealing with. In this conversation, though, I support people across the gender spectrum. And you know, in every scenario, of course, because sexual health runs such a wide, wide variety across our humanity. What I noticed is that when people who are in a relationship run into a health issue and they stop having sex, they never really get back together again, then they end up just pulling apart. They don't talk about it, they don't have the words to discuss it. And they don't know what to do. One person is usually super sad and the other person is usually super guilty feeling you know, I've let my partner down. Oh, my partner's not giving me what I need. What am I supposed to do? Do I have to live in a sexless marriage the rest of my life? When in reality, people are looking at things in this super black and white way where they think that because they're not having intercourse that they don't have sex anymore, or that because they can't have intercourse anymore, that they, don't have sex anymore, and then they pull away, they stop touching each other, stop being intimate. Then they can check out emotionally and then they live like platonic friends, instead of being touchy and lovey and happy and in a different type of way. Emotionally attached and physically attached and all the things we want out of our relationship. So I wrote this magic pill method and I'll just give it to your listeners. It's

https: 5:01

//magicpillmethod.com/, a three step simple way to get back to what kind of intimacy still can work for you and reconnect again. It's because so many people who are suffering with low libido, lack of desire, poor arousal ladder strategies are the people who have kind of gotten pushed off the side of the road, and they don't know how to get back into the flow of intimacy. So I think that's a really good thing to start with. Number one, if you're listening to this, and you're thinking to yourself, I wish I could get my sex life back, but it will never look the way it used to. That's okay, because, okay, what I find is that people just need good ideas of what to do. Okay, you can't do that but how about all these 25 things? Do you think you could do those? Yes, we could do all those. It's more that people need ideas and solutions. So mostly what I spend my time doing is giving people permission, encouragement, inspiration, and ideas. So, libido, desire and arousal. Libido, let's look at it like a Venn diagram, the three concentric circles, and in the middle, it's your sex life. So libido is your body, and how your body is responding. How's your gut microbiome? Are you pooping every day? What's your nutrition look like? I mean, the very first thing I was talking to with my closest friend, his mom had a stroke. And she was in the hospital for the last couple of weeks, and she's starting to be able to eat again. But what are they feeding are in the hospital, ground up Turkey, and potatoes. And I thought, we could smuggle some organic vegetables!

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 7:01

That's great. It can get so much from just eating vegetables, right? And telling your children to do that, too.

Susan Bratton: 7:15

Eating lightens, gives you life. So your libido is not just hormones, it's nitric oxide blood flow. Our genital system runs on blood flow and everybody thinks that erectile dysfunction is a man's issue. But what I always say, let's have a look at a plastic banana I bought on Amazon. It's easy to imagine a banana as a man's penis and the fruit inside is his erectile tissue. Those spongy chambers that fill very quickly with blood due to something called emo dynamics. 50% of his penis is outside his abdomen. 50% is actually down and runs down toward his testicles. Where for us female bodied people, we have only the tip. Maybe the little stem of the banana is external for us in our clitoral area. But the internal tissue is the same bananas worth amount of tissue. It's just wrapped all around our vulva. So it's the clitoral arms, the clitoral legs, the urethral sponge, the peritoneal sponge, essentially, our vaginal openings have an erectile tissue bracelet wrapped around the vagina. And so many sexperts say, Oh, you must touch the tip of the clicker is to give her pleasure when in actual fact, they're looking at the thing they can see as the answer. Everything inside the woman, need blood flow to our vulva. As much as our male body partners need blood flow to their penis for sexual pleasure. People don't think about the fact that our hormones decline as we age, but so does our nitric oxide production.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 9:34

So nitric oxide vasodilates your blood vessels increasing your blood circulation. So how do you encourage that other than, you know, vegetables, right nitric oxide production?

Unknown: 9:52

Well, it's really interesting because when you touch each other, you generate oxytocin, which has a cascading effect to generate nitric oxide. It relaxes your blood system so you can get the blood to your genitals.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 10:14

The love hormone

Susan Bratton: 10:18

The second thing is, of course, exactly what you said Dr. Lam which is beets, arugula, all the leafy greens, cabbage, dill, these are your best bet. But here's the interesting thing. If you use an antibacterial mouthwash, you could eat all the beets you want, but it kills off the bacteria in the crypts of your tongue that convert the nitrates into nitrites. And then if you have low stomach acid, I mean so many people are on acid blockers and proton pump inhibitors, which to me are like death. I would never do that. The sphincter works on high stomach acid, not low stomach acid. Even if you have enough acid and as we age our stomach acid declines. And the thing is that we might be able to turn the nitrates into nitrite but then there's a second secondary step, which is the nitrites have to be turned into nitric oxide. And we have multiple fault tolerant systems in our body to produce and store including our salivary pump system. Our saliva has nitric oxide in it, which shuttles around. So for a lot of people, when they say they have low libido, mostly women going through menopause, they're the ones that seem to complain the most about a dropping libido. A loss of estrogen production definitely will thin the vaginal tissue and make sex painful, but the loss of lubrication and the lack of desire. You have a higher ratio of testosterone than estrogen after menopause. So you should actually have more desire, not less. So going back to nitric oxide, I should start getting blood flowing around not just to my brain in my heart, but to all my parts to my pelvic bowl. Because when you have enough nitric oxide going into your pelvis, given that your vagina is not a gland, and doesn't have its own lubrication, your blood plasma seeps through your vaginal mucosal layers into the vaginal lining and wets it that way. And its not correlated with how turned on you are when you are dry, you don't feel so turned on when you are when you do feel more turned on so you can be super turned on and dry as a bone. Or you could be not even turned on yet and wet and feel like oh, I feel really good. This feels good. I feel sexy. So the I think number one the nitric oxide helps with lubrication but it also helps with sensation because the way if you think about a banana and you think about it being all shriveled up, and then you say okay, now I'm pumping blood in there and now I've got this inflated big yellow bright, juicy banana full of erectile tissue. You think about the little withered banana had very little surface area, it was dried and desiccated and shriveled. When it got plenty of blood flowing, plumped up it had way more surface area. When you touch the surface area of skin that has plenty of blood flow. It has more surface area that sends more signals of pleasure to the brain. So I think hormone balancing with organic shea butter intravaginally, I use testosterone cream on my clitoral structure. I use them for just around at night. I love them all. I'm 60 years old and having the best sex of my life, which is amazing. Yes, they are really good. But I wouldn't do anything without taking a nitric oxide supplement. I eat organic fruit and vegetables and I think that makes all the difference. So you can eat as many vegetables as you want, but making sure that you're not ruining the effect of the vegetables and potentially topping your system up with citrulline not arginine. There are two amino acids that work in the nitric oxide pathway. And the clinical studies show that for older adults 40 and up by the time you're 50 you have half the nitric oxide than when you were 20. Your citrulline system actually works better than your arginine system, and a lot of people have herpes, you know, 80% of people over 45 have at least HSV-1 if not HSV-1 and HSV-2 and arginine can exacerbate herpetic outbreaks. So you can take the arginine with lysine to counterbalance that. But for a lot of people, they have a sensitivity to it. So I think a citrulline based supplement for nitric oxide is very good. With your hormone balancing and good gut movement. So good peristalsis, strong bowel movements you can't really be making good hormones and neurotransmitters, right out having an excellent gut microbiome. Yeah. So it all goes to the gut.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 15:59

Yeah

Susan Bratton: 16:00

What you're helping people do is unwind everything that's happened in their lives to get them to the point where they have to come see a functional doctor to get it all figured out.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 16:08

From the root cause here, right?

Susan Bratton: 16:13

And I also really like organic acid tests, they are super helpful. And Dutch tests for hormones, rather than just blood tests. There are molecular tests now that let us know how we're doing with our neurotransmitters, our amino acid profiles, and fatty acid profiles, If you have a poor fatty acid profile, you're not going to be plump. Everything about good sex is it's moving and it's working, it's moisturizing. It's how you can't be if your genitals are starting to wrinkle up and dry out. Having good omegas is also important. And it's so funny that you would think, we're going to talk about sex and now what we're talking about is omega fatty acids, but they are the foundation for resilient tissue.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 17:13

Having good fat is very important to creating all your hormones in the adrenals. Because by the time you hit menopause, maybe your reproductive organs like your ovaries are not working as well anymore, but you have your adrenals produce the estrogen and progesterone. That's testosterone and you need good fats, you need the right vitamins in order to get them made, right. So omega is a part of giving good fats to people in the right ratio.

Susan Bratton: 17:37

I love cod liver oil myself, I think it's fantastic. I also want to talk about sexual lubricants, because a lot of couples feel like they're cheating if they use them. And that is not the case at all. But sexual lubricants are, interestingly, an FDA class 2 regulated industry, because they need to have preservatives in them. When you put preservatives in them, they're toxic. Don't put anything you wouldn't put in your mouth on your genitals. It's mucosal tissue and it's absorbed right into your system. So putting some lubricant with chemical names that you can't pronounce that you don't know what they are, that are made from petroleum by products gets absorbed right into your system becoming endocrine disruptors.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 18:39

You're missing xenoestrogens.

Susan Bratton: 18:41

Indeed, could be xenoestrogens from the plastic in the bottle or what have you. So I think that my regulars and alternatives, not oil, not organic, refined nut oils, organic avocado oil, organic, sweet almond oil, organic jojoba oil, and refined because then they're filtered so that like avocado oil is green. But when it's refined organic avocado oil, it won't stain your laundry and stain your sheets. So the only time that you would want to watch out for using the oils on your products would be if you're using condoms, and in which case you'd want to use the polyurethane condoms. Those are the Trojan supers. That's a good condom to use if you're a condom user and you want to use a natural non oil and you have to keep your sex toys cleaned or the oil will eat into the silicone over time. Good quality sex toys and this is another place where people feel like they're cheating if they use pleasure toys, and I'm constantly encouraging people to incorporate full tools into their solo pleasuring practice which is very good for you, as well as into your lovemaking. I do a lot of primary research and couples tell me that they rate themselves in the bottom on a scale of one to 10 in incorporating toys and tools into lovemaking. Well, you can only get so far with friction and body parts, you can get a lot further in cocreating pleasure when you have a little assist with things like sex toys, and there are some really, really good sex toys that help people have more pleasure during lovemaking. And the more pleasure you have, the more you're going to want sex and the more that you want sex, the more you'll have. And the more that you have, the better you'll get at it and the better that you'd get at it, the more orgasmic you'll get. And the more orgasms you have the more you have these vascular moments of ecstatic bliss that generate all that oxytocin that improve your system. Then release hormones and feel good neurotransmitters and so you're creating a cascade effect of good things for your body and your partner's body when you have sex is starting with creating more pleasure using available tools just makes good health sense.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 21:20

I love that so you know you you previously said you have these tools in your website and that people can have access to ideas and not be so afraid to try these new things with the partner. We've talked about how physiologically with the nitric oxide how you can improve your oxytocin and also your sex life and the libido, desire and arousal and how to stack that pleasure with whether it's using toys or how to connect with your partner even more. You also have another link arousalsecrets.com?

Susan Bratton: 22:02

Oh yeah. Arousal Secrets is a very nice video and ebook that goes into even more depth about how arousal works. So we talked about libido and libido is how your body is responding to sexual stimulus. Is it healthy? Are you pooping? Do you have a good microbiome? Do you have a good hormone profile? How is your adrenal system? Are you getting enough fatty acids? Are you producing nitric oxide? Are you eating your vegetables? Are you lubricated? All that stuff? Can you get an erection either clitoral or penile? So that's libido. Desire is your emotional relationship with yourself and if you have a partner. It's how's your body image? Do you feel sexy? Are you feeling shame? Or do you feel like you are desirable and you desire another person. If not, what's standing in the way of that. It could be something as simple as you're unhappy with your partner about something outside the bedroom and have no desire for them inside the bedroom. So you've got to clean these things up. This is the emotional side of things. And then finally, it's arousal which is an interesting thing. Let's go back to the banana. A penis fills up with blood very quickly. He gets an erection and he's ready to go. By ready to go. I mean, he's ready for intercourse. He has the benefit of having testosterone delivered and produced in his body every morning. And he probably wakes up with a morning erection if he's healthy, and pretty much always ready to go if he's in good health. Whereas for our female bodied partners, we're on a 28 day cycle even after menopause. We are women who run with the wolves and the moon right so we're in the 28 day cycle. So we have a five day horny window. About five days after the beginning of our period, we start moving into our leading up to our five day horny window. So it's nine days after the start of our period is the beginning of our horny window. And that's great, although we could be talked into having sex at any time, if conditions are right, we're not the horn dogs that are male body partners are. And we love them for that and we appreciate them for that, we need them for that and do the heavy lifting to get the sex happening. We need them to be good at seducing us moving us toward pleasure getting us out of our heads. I mean estrogen makes us in our heads and thinking about a million things and having trouble getting into our body. So our male body partners being so testosterone focused on the goal. They're very good at being like come over here, let me hug you down beside me, let me pet you. It's okay. Everything's good.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 25:08

Right? Yeah.

Susan Bratton: 25:10

And when I say to men, remember that we're behind you, you've got to turn around and come back and get us don't expect us to so many men are, they get angry over the years rule she never initiate, maybe once a year. However, we're not socialized or conditioned to do it. We're not taught to do it, our bodies don't work. That way we're not turned on like you are, you have to help us climb our arousal ladder. By creating safety and creating this turn on with us and touching our bodies from the outside extremities into our gentle system and our breasts and kissing us, you don't start by grabbing our genitals or grabbing our breasts or things like that. That's how to turn a woman off. But that's what a man would like, he'd like us to grab his penis, he's ready to go. So that's comforting to him. So when a guy does that, he's only doing it because he thinks it's the right thing. What I found is that men really wants to give women incredible pleasure. They just need to know what we want and how we want it. And we need to understand as women that we're different every day, so what we wanted yesterday is not what we want today. And for that I actually have another gift if you'd like to have it. It's called the sexual soulmate pact and you get it at sexualsoulmatepact.com. It's part of one of my most popular books, which is sexual soulmates. The six essentials to connected sex. And this is really about how you co create sexual soulmates in the privacy of your own bedroom. By really understanding the six essentials for connected sex, which is being present and creating a beautiful environment and having more embodied sex with eye connection, heart connection, soft and gentle touch, trust and security. And this idea of the sexual soulmate pact, which is how to know what you want, even if you're not sure how to ask for what you want, without worrying about hurting your partner's feelings. They want to know and why they want to know and how to tell them so that they are happy to get the information and become the lover they want to be for you. And the sexual soulmate pact is a really, nice agreement between lovers. That helps you get that bedroom communication flowing, which is the make or break state between having a great sex life that keeps getting better what I like to call getting on the upward pleasure spiral versus swirling down the toilet like most people's sex lives do.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 28:02

Yes. So communication is key. And so thank you for that. If people want to, we'll definitely have to link up so people can click there and get it from you. So you're talking about libido and desire and then arousal is definitely our third one. And we kind of touched into it where you know, you talked about the nitric oxide and the blood flow but any other tips for that?

Susan Bratton: 28:26

Yes, my very favorite recommendation that I think is very good for helping people get turned on is a Yoni and Lingam massage. Yoni and lingam are the tantric sex words for her genitals and his genitals, her yoni and his lingam, giving lovers manual genital massage, worshipping their genitals with your hands with warm organic oil. Before you have oral pleasuring or intercourse, taking time to really get the blood flowing, the lover relaxed and pleasuring the genitals. And couples often at first are shy, they're shy to especially women to have their genitals seen. To be at the level of vulnerability to have their partner touching them, to have give their partner the space to learn their body and how they like each part of their vulva touched, rubbing along the mons, down the outer labia and inner labia.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 30:10

It's part of the shame that comes for women, that we are not supposed to show this or there's supposed to be a perfect form of vulva or vagina that is presented to men. And so we feel like we are not normal when every women is normal. In their sense, God made them this way. There's so many different ones and your partner loves you for, for who you are, and also every part of your body. And a lot of women also don't explore this themselves. So it is important, maybe not only for the men to explore, but for women to be able to embrace that insecurity and explore themselves. That's the first step and before you let your partner do it, but to get that the knowledge of how you feel when you explore your own body.

Susan Bratton: 31:08

I really think it's important to also look at your vulva. And to do that frequently, because the more you look at her, the more you will fall in love with her. The more you will become appreciative of her beauty and her ever changing nature. They always talk about the man has the little head and the big head. You know, his little head is the one on it on his shoulders, and his big head is the one on in his pants, because that's the one that's really in charge. Well, women are no different. When we are sexually emancipated and comfortable with our sexuality, we realize that a lot of our actions and behaviors are driven by our Yoni our female genitals, our desire, our libido. It's what drives us. And so the more we love ourselves and honor, the seat of our creativity and passion, which is what our Yoni is, the more that we are Yoni driven Yoni fuel. The more that we are living as a woman in a turned on way, a woman who is a turned on woman is a woman who is turned on to the world. A woman who is excited and passionate and lively and looking forward to the fruits of what life has to offer. And that comes from the seat of our power and our passion, which is our Yoni, the female genitals. So the more we're in touch with them, the more we awaken them, the more we alive in them. The more we love them, and we allow them to be loved, the better our overall life is, it has that much impact on us. That's great.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 32:58

Well, Susan, I think our listeners will love all that we've talked about today - about libido, desire and arousal. So thank you for teaching. And how do people get hold of you if they wanted to see where you're at?

Susan Bratton: 33:16

I have three little tools that I would love to show you on our video. Could I show you three things I recommend to people? The first one is called the vFit Gold by Joylux. This would be a nice thing for you to carry in your office. I think this is one of my favorite tools that uses red light therapy, which is photo bio modulation which stimulates vaginal mucosal regrowth so that you have a nice thick vaginal mucosal layer to give you plenty of lubrication, it does kegel toning and it uses warmth to recollgenate the tissue. So this is a very nice product, which they mostly market as a FDA class 2 device for incontinence as our pelvis drops and our pelvic musculature becomes weakened. As we age we have trouble with urge and urge incontinence due to pelvic floor weakening. So this is a very nice medical device that is excellent for at home vaginal rejuvenation.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 34:33

Did you know that for the red light therapy photobiomodulation you can actually take some green tea extract 30 minutes before you do the red light therapy because it actually activates the cells and you have more mitochondrial energy. You know how trees have photosynthesis when the light hits it creating energy. Similarly when the red light hits that green tea extract in your body, it compounds it giving you higher photobiomodulation potential.

Susan Bratton: 35:13

Oh, wow, that's so interesting. It makes sense to me. Thank you for telling me that. Also I wanted to show you this device called the misfire by a company called Fun Factory. They have very good quality tools. And I like this for solo pleasuring for women. Women who have a solo pleasuring practice have more expanded orgasmic capacity and their vagal tissue and clitoral tissue gets more blood flow or engorgement. There are two vibrators one that goes internal to the interior, anterior fornix, as well as to the urethral area which is called the G spot but it's really a long sponge of tissue. Then this is the external pad that works on the clitoral external area. And this really activates both internal and external tissue. So for many women if they haven't had sex in a long time, and they feel atrophied, this particular vibrator is very good for that. And then this one I like a lot is called The curve by a company called Hot Octopuss. The curve is nice because it has this very soft tip on it, which is excellent for G spot awakening and G spot activation. And when you are trying to bring engorgement into the vulvar tissue so that you can reverse the atrophy of aging, the sensation loss etc. I know a lot of women say I don't even really feel my orgasms anymore. And so one of the things I say is move beyond just the clitoral vibration into things like G spot awakening, because you can of course use this on the external vulva but it also works on the internal vulva. Awakening that secondary erectile tissue in the urethral sponge, as well as turning it this way and enlivening the para Neill sponge. So, a woman who has a few different toys is always going to get a lot more stimulation when she works the whole area than when she's just focused on the tip. So I just wanted to put those into your awareness because often men wants to buy a vibrator for their partners. So I ask, well are you talking about something that you want to use during lovemaking? Are you talking about something you want for her solo pleasure? Do you want to use on her? What are we talking about here? Because there are different tools for the jobs so those are some of my favorites.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 37:58

Great tool. So We'll have all your links up and if anyone is interested they can definitely go and find you. And we're so grateful to have you on our Dr. Lam show and I hope all our listeners have learned so much about libido, desi,re arousal. If you liked it, definitely subscribe and like our video and share it with those who you think might also benefit from this video. I think we need to be more open about it. So I'm glad for you being able to talk to us about this.

Susan Bratton: 38:43

Thank you for being on the green tea extract too,

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 38:47

Yeah, definitely try it out. I will see you next time. Bye.

Unknown: 38:59

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