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When you have a minute to yourself how do you spend it?
Do you automatically hit the button on your phone and get lost in the scroll?
Do you find yourself with your head in the pantry or fridge snacking on a few things hoping they might satisfy or give the boost you are looking for?
Or do you stay up after the kids and hubby go to bed to get in a couple of hours of the new binge-worthy show?
If you nodded yes,
How do you feel after you give your precious time to these self-care habits? Today we are going to dive into what the difference is between self-care and soul-care!
Grab Amy's two video guide workshops mentioned in the summer series here!
What if transformation doesn't start with trying harder, but with knowing you're already beloved? In my new book, Wholehearted Enneagram: The Journey from Type to Transformation as God's Beloved, you'll walk alongside nine women, one for each Type, through stories, Scripture, breath prayers, and tree metaphors that reframe what growth re
So when you have a minute to yourself, how do you spend it? Do you automatically hit the button on your phone and get lost in the scroll? Or do you find yourself with your head in the pantry or fridge, snacking on a few delicious things, hoping that they might satisfy you or give you the energy boost you're looking for? Or perhaps you stay up after the kids in the hubby goes to bed and you get in a couple hours of the new benchworthy show, and you stay up way too late. If you nodded yes to any of these things, I'm wondering how you feel after you give your precious time to these self-care habits. Or do you feel satisfied? Are you more refreshed and ready to pour out to your people? I'm asking you because that list of things I rattled off here just a minute ago are the exact things that I'm prone to do when I'm feeling very depleted and empty. When I'm frayed and worn thin, I tend to just want to check out completely. My automatic response, more often than not, is to turn to my phone or food or get lost in another world. When I feel like doing nothing or I've lost excitement for the work that I typically love to pour into, I also have learned that these signs, these checking out mechanisms, it's clear that I am on the edge of burnout. And you know what? The social scroll reinforces that those ideas, those coping mechanisms, food, Netflix spinging, and social media scrolling is a normal and acceptable thing to do. In fact, I don't know about you, but that's what my mom friends joke about, and it's often the memes that I see online that have thousands of likes. But I feel more empty afterward when I just get lost in those things rather than getting the rest that I was really needing. So my ongoing depletion and emptiness after engaging those coping mechanisms led me to evaluate the normal self-care mantra that we see everywhere else. Perhaps typical self-care isn't the answer, or maybe it's not how you've defined it. And so, if it isn't the answer, then what is a mom to do? How do you get refreshed, renewed, and refueled? Especially if you're juggling a career you love and a family who needs your time and attention and devotion. Here's the truth, my friend. What actually satisfies you and what you give your free minutes to are often at drastic odds. So today I'd like to invite you to exchange your ideas of self-care for life-giving soul care, so you can truly take a break and avoid the burnout that plagues our culture and still find the momentum you need for your goals. For a few weeks, I'm sharing my coaching tips and tricks to have a summer to remember. Plus, still get things done that are important to moving your faith, business goals, and relationships forward. I know what it's like to juggle a load of responsibilities, yet, desire connection with the kids during these lazy, fleeting days of summer. That's why I'm sharing some tried and true hacks to create a summer you love. It's like you and I are getting to have a special pep talk, strategy session while you go on a walk, head to the pool, or hit the road for your summer vacation. If we haven't met before, I'm Amy Wicks. I'm an Enneagram life coach, helping entrepreneurial women have a vibrant faith, to thrive in their relationships, and to think like a business owner. I do this by helping you identify your personality strengths, getting freedom from your emotional struggles, and creating simple, sustainable, life-giving rhythms. I am so glad you're here. This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast. Friend, do you have a bad habit of thinking your world might fall apart without you or that you can't take so much needed time for yourself? Perhaps even you subtly begin to think of yourself as the only one who can take care of the needs around you. Maybe you fear that you'll no longer be needed if you take a break. Or perhaps you'll discover that, indeed, you are expendable or replaceable. If this is the case, then maybe your need for significance, security, and justice is drowning out the reason and wisdom to rest and refresh. Today I'm gonna share how creating more white space actually helps you achieve your goals, you'll learn more about what actually refreshes your soul, and I'm gonna offer some practical examples to plan your best way to put soul care into action, including some of my daily routine. When exhaustion and depletion and stress are the normal way of living, soul care might feel radical. And rest assured, radical soul care is not a one size fits all, nor is it an self-indulgent or limited to treating yourself. Friend, taking a break isn't failure, it's progress. And every great beginning can only start after a pause. Or every great start begins with a stop, right? You see, friend, rest is being productive. True rest is not lazy, and it is doing something productive because it's refreshing you. So it also blesses and benefits your loved ones. You are pausing or resting for you and others. Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me, I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways, and you'll discover that I am gentle, humble, and easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me, for all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear. My guess is as I read these words found in Matthew 11, 28 through 29, you may have taken a deep breath, maybe even a deep sigh. Maybe you indeed do feel weary and in great need of refreshment. And I'm here to tell you that you aren't alone and we're gonna do something about it. I probably don't even need to remind you that when you're so tired and worn out, you're not performing at your optimum capacity. And if you aren't performing at your peak, then something is gonna fall through the cracks or be less than your typical quality or just not get done. So instead of pushing through, what if you take a break? And how about making sure it's a break that really gives the refreshment you need? As I shared at the beginning of this episode, I've reached those darker places before, just on the edge of burnout. A major shift I made years ago, and what is a sustainable soul care rhythm is taking a Sabbath every week. Now, I'm not gonna do a biblical deep dive or give you insight exactly how Sabbath was made for you and it's not a legalistic burden, but I am gonna say having a full day to do anything that feels not like work is such an incredible gift. For most moms, especially when you have little kids, you might have to expand your vision of what a Sabbath might look like. You're probably gonna have to be more intentional with planning them, things like meal prep, creating a specific schedule, maybe even a childcare routine, alongside your spouse and family, so that way it's possible to take a break for 24 hours of time once a week. And if nothing else, I believe that giving one day to take a break from your nine to five worker business is essential. When you take a break, you come in stronger. I've even experienced my best ideas come after periods of rest and play. I won't even be thinking about work or problem that I need to solve, but stepping away provides the solution to rise to the surface because I'm not hurried, rushed, or distracted. Suddenly I'll recognize the answer or what it is that I need to know. And here's the deal: you must take time to refuel so you can have the compassion and creativity you need to minister to the world around you. I believe that there is a great reward for the mom and businesswoman who tends to the unseen world of the soul. Now you might be asking, how do you determine what is soul care and what will help you recalibrate? I'm gonna save the scripture references for the show notes, but when I look at the life of Jesus and the Word of God and compare it to the world's mantras of self-care, this is what I find. Self-care is all about you, soul care is about others. Self-care doesn't satisfy, soul care fuels you. Self-care is isolation, soul care is retreating. Self-care subtracts, soul care adds. Self-care is often a tool of distraction from your real purpose, and soul care is the Lord tending to your needs so you can be full of purpose. Jesus didn't scroll social media to compare his status or accomplishments to his peers. He didn't hide away eating unhealthy food, and he didn't go blow his money on a Target's shopping spree, or even hide in his room to binge on Netflix. Jesus strategically got away and he did the thing that he needed to do to refuel. Even if Jesus got interrupted, which that often happened, us moms understand, he still made soul care priority, even if it meant a little less sleep. Again, yep, I know, you get it. In short, I'm going to sum up the soul care rhythm that Jesus' practice was contemplative practice. As I look at the scriptures, it would seem that the rhythm Jesus followed was to consistently practice stillness, silence, and solitude. These are also rhythms that the fathers of our faith held in practice, and I believe it's the invitation for you and I to implement. So for today's quick overview, I'm going to define contemplative practice as stillness, silence, and solitude. And the fruit of stillness, silence, and solitude is the gift for helping us identify our needs, and the true purpose of ourselves begins to emerge in its healthier form. Let me give you an overview of how we're going to define stillness, silence, and solitude. First, stillness teaches you restraint, and it's in restraint that you're able to discern what the Lord is compelling you to do. No longer will you allow productivity to feed the lies that you believe about yourself. You desire to help. You even embrace the term activists and you accept the pressure to do more, work hard, and fill the white space. But when you get still, what is the Holy Spirit compelling you to do? Stillness helps you discern the Lord's leading. Second, silence teaches you to listen. Silence helps you learn how to tune into the voice of God, the people in your life who are speaking loving truth or words, or correction or affirmation, even. You'll begin to hear that God is not hard on you or as hard as you are on yourself. There's often so much noise and you're always being interrupted. Silence helps you make sure that no other voice is louder than his. Third, solitude is an intentional withdrawal. It's the practice that teaches you to be present, present to yourself, God, and others. Now, you're surrounded all the time with our access to technology. So you're going to have to learn how to connect to God just for you, not for anyone else, not to pass along the new insight that you got. Now, I want to give a fair warning here about the contemplative practice. When you practice stillness, silence, and solitude, you may find yourself a little nervous because all of your stuff, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions might rise to the surface. And that is okay. I want to make sure that you know the goal is to not suppress them, but rather to allow them to rise to the surface and examine them without judgment. It's not about thinking nothing, but it's rather engaging with what is really going on inside of you. And then when you're done thinking and your stillness, silence, or solitude, you give it over to God. And chances are you might hear his voice a little clearer. In last week's episode, the one I shared about journaling, I mentioned that I practice contemplative rhythms before I journal. And I gave a little glimpse into what that routine looks like. I'm not going to share all the details here again, but you can go back and listen just to this last episode. But I did promise in the last episode that I would share how my practice looks like a little bit more in detail. So here's the scoop. Sometimes I set my timer for five to ten minutes and I just sit in stillness, silence, and solitude, and I breathe deeply. I don't push away thoughts or try to empty myself of everything. Instead, I see it as a time of intentionally filling myself with the Holy Spirit, giving my thoughts to the Lord in prayer. Less of me, more of the Lord. When I'm coaching my clients to start their special contemplative practice, I encourage them to just try it for two minutes when they're first getting going on this, especially if it feels brand new and different. Even two minutes can be very beneficial. I often sit on the couch with a blanket and my coffee, but sometimes I'll lie on the ground with a cozy blanket and I'll begin my contemplative practice. Other times I might put in my earbuds and listen to my favorite calming sounds to facilitate deep breathing and prayer. I also love a podcast called Contemplative at Home. I'll link it in the show notes. It's filled with scripture, gentle reading with calming music. And if you couldn't tell, I enjoy mixing it up, as you might as well. The point is I love the fruit of this rhythm, and it's a wonderful part of my morning routine and a great beginning to my journaling practice and Bible study. Here's the deal, friend. While I know it's not easy to make time for this kind of rhythm, the difference between the days that get started like this versus the ones that don't are radically different. I know I am a different wife, mom, coach, and friend if I give time to contemplative practice and the word of God as compared to if I don't. I have found it is always worth the time, effort, energy, and even a little less sleep. I'm not talking hours, friend. I'm talking about five minutes. Try it out. Now, I realize that you and I are not Jesus, and we do live in first world America, so you and I need practical everyday rhythms outside or in addition to prayer and meditation. So here's some inspiration that will help you take your awareness and put it into action. First, do a self-check-in to pause and evaluate if you're under or overwhelmed. Use the basic ideas that I'm going to offer today to determine what soul care practice you need to get your state of peace and energy back. Now, if you're underwhelmed, you might need gross motor movements and increased sensory input, which boost energy. Consider a journal rhythm, I talked all about it in last week's episode, and an activity that requires your hands. Perhaps turn on worship music and take a run or punch a boxing bag. That's one of my favorite things to do. You might even diffuse some essential oils designed to wake up and heighten your senses, or cook a meal with rich flavors. Now, if you're overwhelmed, you might need deep breathing, grounding, an environment with decreased sensory input, or even just quiet and an activity to release energy, calming the body and mind. You might try yoga, I really love holy yoga. You can find it on YouTube, and I'll put my favorite person in the show notes here. Or you might try bar, something with simple rhythmic movements. Even just deep breathing in a dark room with soothing wave or nature sounds can really help you get past that overwhelm. Now, these are just a few ideas to get your soul care going. It's outside of that Target shopping spree or Netflix binge or digging through the fridge in the cupboards. I know some of these sound so simple, right? And you can even go beyond it. Maybe you do need a pedicure, a walk with a friend. Maybe you just need that cup of coffee and sit there with a book, even if there's chaos going around you. I know that it's not easy, but I also know that you probably underestimate your needs. Would you take Jesus' invitation to lay your heavy burdens down and tend to the needs of your soul? I'm confident that you're going to see a radical change in your life when you take this knowledge and put it into practice. I have seen hundreds of clients, and I'm currently working with dozens of women who are putting rhythms like this into practice. I have gotten to see firsthand how much it has empowered their spiritual life and really helped them continue to pursue their purpose and love their family as they want to. I truly believe that you too can have a summer without the mom guilt while growing a business you love. And when you purposely plan more white space and implement refreshing soul care, you will have the clarity for the tasks that you actually need to do. Plus, you'll have the energy left over to make those intentional memories with your kids. Friend, you might be wearier than you know. But take a break, release your grip, breathe in deeply, and friend, rest is a sign of growth. If you need help finding or creating a rhythm, or creating time for the rhythms of soul care, or even eventually crafting a Sabbath, I have my freshly updated Owning Your Time mini workshop plus the Simply Summer video guide ready for you today. The $47 summer bundle pricing is about to expire, so don't miss out. And even though this episode is the final installment in the summer mini series, you can implement all that you've learned in these last few weeks. I'll have all the details in the show notes. And if you use the materials in the online video guide workshops, you'll be well on your way to having a summer that you and your family love, plus finding the momentum for your goals. And now, because I practice what I preach, I'm creating more white space this summer and I'm taking a break from releasing new podcast episodes. So while you're exploring all 255 previous episodes, I'll be coaching clients, preparing for the wholehearted Enneagram summit. Yes, spending more time with my kids at the pool, and getting to my summer book list. I hope you'll be enjoying a similar, fun-filled rhythm and keep the conversation going with me on Instagram. I'd love for you to come say hi at wholehearted Enneagram, especially if you're doing something to take a break to avoid that nasty burnout while gaining momentum for your goals. Remember, you are the mom your kids need, and I hope you implement these wholehearted rhythms to help you love your motherhood and business, even in the summertime!
