Love Me Lab
Episode 013: Mobility and Mindset Coaching with a Smile
Brian Nevison of Smile Fitness and the Smiles Take You Miles Podcast talks about mindset, mobility after injury, and leaving a toxic work environment that was affecting his mental health. He and Tabitha talk about pandemic life and doing what you love. Follow Brian @b_nevison on Instagram to follow and get in contact with him!
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Brian Nevison of Smile Fitness and the Smiles Take You Miles Podcast talks about mindset, mobility after injury, and leaving a toxic work environment that was affecting his mental health. He and Tabitha talk about pandemic life and doing what you love. Follow Brian @b_nevison on Instagram to follow and get in contact with him!
Start for FREE
Meditation Course!
By friend to the show, Michael Korman! Use this link to sign up and help support Love Me Lab!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
I was looking at your hip cars. I like that. You're doing more neuroplasticity stuff. Yeah. I think that fits well with, with a lot of stuff that you talk about. Yeah. It's it's super fascinating. And I think it's really, it really is empowering because if we can actually believe that we can create changes in our brain based on what we think and what we do. I think that can really help motivate us to change our behavior. Yeah. So you've had a lot of physical injury. Yes. What I'm gathering over the months that I've followed you even years now. So I want to hear a little bit about your journey. Just kind of sure. Kind of how you started and okay. Yeah. Well, I, so I was always very physically inclined. And that was to kind of, to a fault like that was my. Preferred mode of self-expression and I sort of held back everything else. So it was like, I was a lunatic when I was outside or running around. And that's where I got all of my expressive stuff out, aside from like a little bit of artwork. Yeah. So. Naturally being a little bit of, of a lunatic and being willing to push myself in ways that my body maybe wasn't ready for. I dealt with a lot of injuries. So a lot of concussions actually. Okay. Yeah. I'm like maybe 12 or 13. I had a lot of undiagnosed because I, I would either withhold the information or refuse to see the doctor. Sure. So, you know, and. I also had, you know, dealt with shoulder, hand injuries, broken bones all throughout high school. And then it continued in college. I played ultimate Frisbee and which is wonderful, except that. I don't think I played a full season of anything ever, except maybe in middle school. So yeah, between concussions, broken bones, shoulder, knee, ankle injuries. It, it became almost a part of my identity of like, I was extremely athletic and I would keep myself fit, but it was injury was inevitable. Hm. Why do you think you were hiding injury? Well, I think part of it was like, while it was part of my identity, I didn't necessarily want it to be, you know, it was like, it didn't want to be, Oh, Brian got hurt again. Or, yeah, and I think some of it, it's definitely just some denial, like the whole, no pain, no gain, like, it's fine. I'll just play through it. And then, you know, I think a good microcosm of this whole thing is. I was maybe 19 and I think it was winter break and I was playing all this pickup football and Frisbee with my friends. And gradually my Achilles would get stiffer and stiffer and it would be hard to walk, but once I started warming up, it would get more pliable and then I would play. And then after playing, it would get worse. And this continued until I played an entire Frisbee tournament on it. And I just didn't stop moving for several hours because I knew that what would happen by the end, I was reduced to crawling around and I had to be in a boot for eight weeks. So that was like my mentality. It's just sort of deny, ignore, push through it until my body forces me to. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting. I think that's totally applicable to. Our whole being two times a week, more things we pushed through. And then at some point we have a break, you know, absolutely like a psychological break or something, you know, and it's like, our body just won't even our bodies are telling us things too. Like don't, don't push yourself. I can, I I've listened to some of your Like injuries, stories and pain stories. And I can, I can relate in some ways I was a little bit that too, like I had a ruptured disc at 20, I think 20 I probably earlier than that, but I think it became a really bad problem, which I kept ignoring. And didn't. I was so young. I didn't also realize it was something coming from my back. I just thought I wanted to chew my own leg off, but I just kept ignoring it and pushing through and being tough and, you know, ended up in emergency surgery. And I was like, Oh, what just happened to me? You know? But I can totally understand that, that mindset and not wanting to. I don't know with me. I just didn't ever want to be a problem. Yeah. Yeah. I, I can, I can definitely relate to that. Right. You don't want to be a problem. You don't want it to be a big deal. So that, that kind of led me into discovering more about the body. I got into kinesiology in school, where I went to Penn state and but the school, like the conventional schooling, while there were benefits. It didn't teach me nearly as much of the applicable stuff. It wasn't until I discovered FRC functional range conditioning that like some of the pieces really fell into place. Yeah. And that's where this becomes so empowering, whether it's, whether it's neuro-plasticity or whether it's just your, your physical tissues adapting you can start really small and just think like, wow, everything I do. It's an opportunity to reinforce something. So if I sit a lot, I get better at sitting. If I stand a little bit more, I start to tip the scales a little bit. So we're always able to make these little adjustments. Yeah. I love that. I love that so much because I think, I think initially too, when you have injury, your initial reaction is fear and maybe not you because you want to push through, but. When it gets to the point where it's so bad, you're like, I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. I feel worthless, that kind of thing. And it's like, it can take people years to kind of get over or some people never do, which is the really sad part, which is why I love what you're doing, because it's so doable. That's the big, that's the big thing. I try to get that through to a lot of people, whether they're my clients or just people, I know that. Lower the barrier, make it doable. You know, that's, I'm going to start trying to do this CARS before coffee thing, where I'm intentionally trying to make it simple. You don't have to think too much. And like just a few minutes, you know, if you do a few words, rotations, a little bit of feel good movement for a few minutes while your coffee's brewing or water's boiling, whatever it is over time that can make a difference. And. What's well, what's neat. I, I think it's neat, but all the injuries help you empathize a little better. So I started training people who were three times my age, when I got out of college and I could actually empathize with them when they were like, Oh, like I had trouble getting out of bed. I'm having trouble going up and down the steps and be like, right, right. And well, and what's interesting is, you know, I. Empathy is so neat. You know, I think a lot of it comes down to self-awareness and one of the biggest keys that I was very fortunate to, to realize early on was that you can't feel what someone else is feeling and you can't know what they're going through. But you can make space for them and you can relate. Yeah. And that's something that I would verbalize to people like. Hey, I've dealt with something similar, but I know I'm a third of your age and I can't know what you're feeling, but just know that I at least have an idea that is so huge. I think about how many physical therapists I'd go see, and it's just like, you have no idea person because you're fit and you're, you don't seem to have any trouble moving, but just someone's saying that just someone saying I don't fully understand. But we're here and we're going to do this thing just don't understand fully, because I think a lot of times when people are working with you just how you feel around them is so important too. And you're probably a very, very easy person to. Work with, I try, I try to be, I try to be. And I think, you know, I've gotten good feedback. And the training program I initially went through is really based on communication, which I'm grateful for, and that helped plus just lots of reps. And you start to recognize that. You know, communication is, is always a two-way street. And even if you're hearing someone it's really important that they know they're heard. Yeah. And that's, that's one thing that there's a blind spot there. I think in like the health and wellness industry, whether it's physical issues, mental I can speak more to the physical ones cause that's more of my realm, but. I see a lot of people who have been through the medical system, who've been to doctors, been to PTs chiropractors, and the biggest issue isn't necessarily the specifics. You know, we can debate what the best course of action is, but them not being listened to, or felt heard or empowered, you know, people being dismissed and that's, if you can't relate or you don't know the problem, at least listening to the person and validating what they're feeling. It's so big. Yeah. You're so right. I remember going to see doctors and they were like, Oh, you just have, you know, they would just assume they wouldn't even do testing because I was so young. Yeah. And then I ended up seeing a chiropractor because I got desperate and he was like, he diagnosed me with IBS with, for leg. Pain. I don't know. Interesting. I mean, thinking back it was veryweird. And he was just doing these intense adjustments right up until my surgery. Oh my goodness. They were like, yeah, that probably didn't do you any favors? Because I had, I had chunks of my disc just like down in my spinal column. So yeah. They were like, nah, that probably wasn't a good idea, but you don't know. You're like so desperate for help. Nobody's really listening to you. I remember my, my mom, like crying and begging a doctor to just order an MRI. And he, I remember he just like sh and like tossed it out us. Like we got a call from the hospital. Like she needs to be admitted today right now. Wow. Wow. Yeah. So just that alone, like I was like, Oh my God, somebody sees what's happening to me. There's hope like finally it was incredible. Yeah. And that's, that's where this, you know, the, the physical and the mental really can intersect with the hope. Yeah. I mean that's, and, and right now, too, with everything going on in the world and the country I think hope is really important. Oh yeah. You know, if you, if you don't recognize that there can be positive change or that you have some control over it, it's really easy not to be hopeful. Yeah. And if, yeah, if you don't have someone listening to you, if doctors or, or just dismissing, like, you know, and, and when you're young and scared and I've kind of been there too. Yeah. And the challenge there is like, you're you defer to them. You trust them. You don't know yet how to be an advocate for yourself. No. And so you can go through this cycle of. Going to different professionals and not getting your needs met and not really realizing it. Yeah, totally. The whole self-empowerment thing is. Huge. It's such a game changer. And just knowing that you can speak up for yourself and be like, Hey, I'm not really satisfied the answers I'm getting. Can we look up? Yeah. Just little things like that. And yeah, self-empowerment, I mean, do the ability to believe that we can make change and then take steps toward that is huge, which is like, that's the feeling that I get when I look at your. Instagram account and what you're doing, it's like, yeah. Change. Like you can change things for the better. Yeah. Well that makes me really happy. I mean, that is, that's like my goal is basically I want people to AB you know, be uplifted in kind of, you know, a genuine way. And then also empowered. You know, I want people to be able to see it feel better, but also take action. And, and I've found at least based on the feedback I've gotten that the best way to do that is just be myself and educate where I can. So I appreciate you mentioning that, that, that means a lot to me. It really does. Well, it should. It's it's it is so inspirational. I know I was. I've just, I kind of wrote to you and I was like, Oh, I'm inspired by what you do. But I really mean that, like, I only want to talk to people that I feel like this makes so much sense. This is definitely helpful. It's helpful to me. I know it's helpful to other people and it's authentic and genuine. So, and that's probably one of the most important things is feeling somebody. So real deal, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's funny is you mentioned earlier about you know, do people feel like they know you or for the internet? Well, when I, since you brought him up and he's come up on your podcast before Ryan Fitzpatrick I'm interviewing him tomorrow. Yes, that's awesome. So when I first met him I met him at akin stretch seminar, and I don't think I hadn't followed him at the time, but he had followed me and he introduced himself and he was so friendly and genuine, and it was like this immediate connection. And I had been staying with two guys who I met on Instagram and felt like I knew already. Because we had interacted and we're both putting out videos and things that are, you know, we're very authentic. So it's this strange thing with social media where you, if both parties are being open and transparent and authentic, yeah. You can make some really real connections. That is the interesting thing about Instagram specifically. I was just talking about this with Meg Yates, like last week or the week before this interesting group, that's kind of converged on Instagram. We all kind of know each other. We all kind of get each other and Just a real camaraderie and friendship there though, because there is that genuine, there is that sense of genuineness. It's not necessarily Facebook where everyone's just gathering friends and, you know, we all have something to say, you know, and we have to come from that place or not come from that place. But we attract to us the people that are kind of in a similar. Yeah. Yeah. I think regardless of someone's sort of personality or predisposition if you're putting out the stuff that's true to you. Yeah. You're going to attract the people that, that you want to be around for the most part. Because the people that don't care about what you're saying or don't vibe with you, well, they're going to unfollow. Maybe or troll you who knows all of the above. Yes. Yeah. So interesting. You say you're not in the mental health realm so much, but I feel like what you're doing is so mentally healthy. No. Well, thank you. If you move into that, I, well, I've always been really fascinated by psychology. And. That has been kind of the foundation for me of my own health. And I really say I'm not in that more in, I'm not conventionally trained in mental health. I don't have, you know, degrees or certifications, but that's, that's the biggest thing I try to address because as a trainer or coach. Or this, you know, goofy Instagram person. I realized that the best way I can help people make changes is through, you know, mental changes and changing their maybe beliefs helping people change their behaviors and habits because I mean, how many people intellectually know what to do or at least, yeah. At least know how to improve certain things. You know, maybe you don't know the finer parts of. Of certain types of training or eating, but people generally have a good sense of how they can improve. And a lot of people don't do it myself included in certain contexts. So the mental part of it and the psychology is, is really the biggest factor when it comes to making changes. Yeah. I love the idea of you doing the bite sized. Coffee bits because it is true. I'm thinking I'm like, my mind is kind of wandering. Cause I'm, I'm thinking of several people, like actual people that I know that it's, that type of thing would be so beneficial for myself included. It is like just, just being able to think about, okay, I don't have to like put on my workout clothes and get my, I can do this in my jammies. Like as I'm getting my coffee ready, like it's so, and then you want to do more, you know, But you don't have to either like it's. Yeah. All you gotta do is this right? Well, yeah. I don't know if you're familiar with the book atomic habits. I know it's in my reading list. I've read tons of quotes from it. Yeah. But it's coming it's it's next? I I've, I've read a good portion of it. And one of the stories that sticks out to me the most is a guy who was a client of, I think the author James clear. Who was looking to get in better shape and lose weight, I think, and his habit for the first week or two was just to drive to the gym and then it was drive to the gym, get out and do like five minutes of exercise and leave and not do any more. It was just so he's just establishing the habit, keeping the barrier really low and then building. And that's, that's really the idea is, is. Establish a habit, make it less of a conscious effort and then build from there. So you're, you're setting the foundation in a way that, you know, if you were to do it, if that's all you were to do forever, it would be good, but it might not move the needle as much as you want, but from there you can build. And I think that's no matter what kind of change you're trying to make, that's such a powerful idea. Yeah, it really is. It's it's true though, too. Like the more you do the more you want to do, and it's hard to think about that. Well, so many of us want to just go to the gym and work out for three hours and like, I'm going to do this every day or three days a week and we burn out. Yeah. It's, it's really amazing talking to someone about this recently about, you know, the whole phenomenon of the new year's resolutions lists. And I remember especially seeing it when I was on campus at Penn state and I would be in there for five, six days a week at the same times, and then January would hit and suddenly there's three times as many people. Yeah. And by February, you know, half of them had dropped off and by March. It was back to normal and it's incredible how consistent it was every year. Yeah. And, you know, looking back, it's like, I wish people, I mean, I don't mind having an empty gym you know, to be honest, but yeah. You think about it's that zero to a hundred mentality? You go from doing nothing to, yeah. I'm going to raise the barrier to an hour every day or try to do six days a week instead of yeah. Do a little bit of easy movement a few days a week. Yeah. It really is. It really can be that simple which is what I love about what you're doing. I want to go. I'm like debating, if I should ask you more, you go for it. Yeah. I'm game for whatever. So, can you give like a rough timeline of kind of when, I mean, you were saying after middle school, but like, and then in college you started kind of picking up this stuff. Was there a time in your life when it just got to be so overwhelming? That you just felt like giving up or yeah, there were some times and optimism. Yeah. No. So this and this is I think where I should share more and I've tried to, is some of the challenges I've had both mentally and physically because people see like, you know, a 30 something year old, positive, relatively fit person. It's like, okay, well what, what the hell do you know? You know? Yeah. And. Anyhow, I I've I've I think I was fortunate to have a nice upbringing and be pretty privileged. That being said, I, in college, there were definitely times I was extremely down. You know, not that I was ever going to necessarily take action, but like suicide definitely crossed my mind. Like, and I think a lot of people, it crosses your mind. You think about it. You, you go down this road of feeling isolated. You convince yourself that you don't, you're not really a positive impact on society or on other people and that, you know, well, people won't miss me if I'm gone. So I mean, and, and I say that, knowing that like when I get overstressed or overwhelmed, those thoughts can creep in. Now I'm much more capable of coping with them at this point, but there were times where I thought, you know, what's the point. Hmm in college for sure. And then, then when I was working, it was kind of a toxic environment at times. And the, the management was, there were some major issues and I was young and I looked up to these people and so to be, to have them Gaslight me and. You know, make things much more personal than they had to be and just be very poor mentors. That weighed on me plus working 65 to 75 hour weeks. You know, I remember being really tired and really stressed and just feeling like, what am I going to do? You know, I'm exhausted. My body hurts. My brain hurts. Yeah. And that's where. I think for a few years, the, the conscious positivity and the focus on mindset basically kept me afloat in an environment. I shouldn't have been able to sustain because a lot of other people burn out people younger than me came and left. And I was in that environment for maybe seven years and every day I would get in my car, I would sit down and take a deep breath and say, thank you. And I would. I develop these habits of infusing positivity and positive thoughts into my day, I would wake up. I would smile. I would do my routine. At one point, I had a roommate who worked at the same place and like, he would always get up and be like, why do you always look so cheerful in the morning? Like, for me, it was like, it wasn't, it wasn't fake, but it was, it was just a habit. It was like, I get up and I'm ready. And I. Infuse myself with energy because I have to. And when I left that environment, suddenly, I was like, Oh wow. You know, I can like, I can stretch my wings a little bit. And those habits. Really served me well, once I was in a place where I could express myself better would you say that you were recognizing how toxic it was while you were in it, or, I mean, you were saying after you left, it kind of felt like a weight lifted or something. Yes. I mean, I'm putting words in your mouth, but. For a long time. I didn't, you know, it was kind of like a roller coaster. Sometimes I would love it. Sometimes I would hate it and start to recognize that like I'm not being treated well. And you know, this is not, this is not what I want, but then you sort of get in this. I called it like a comfortably miserable thing where I knew what to expect. And it wasn't new. I could deal with it. But I had a couple of friends who were real with me, one of whom used to work there and left and said like, this is not okay. The way they're treating you. And then once that spell was kind of broken and I started to look around and go, wait a second, like, this is not, this is not right. And, and this may relate a little, not to the same intensity, maybe to what you've dealt with. I don't know all the details, but you know, the, the owner was Narcissistic had all kinds of really awful personality traits, but inconsistent, you know, sometimes, you know, so you could, it's easy to be like, especially when they're older, they're in a position of authority to be like, okay, I'm, I'm the problem. And so I didn't realize it fully until the last six, eight months. And that's when there was this pull of. I'm getting out soon, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. And I totally relate. And you're right. That's how it is when there's a problem and you think you're the problem and you're trying to do everything you can. To not be the problem right. Or to fix it or to make it feel better. That's that is what it's like. And yeah. I'm sorry. Well, it's yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is, yes, I know. Of course I have to spin it. I can't not. But what well, what I was going to say is one of the, one of the main positives is it did force me to develop healthy habits. Because I did take full responsibility for the way I felt I was being overworked put way too much pressure on myself and then being torn down. So I thought, well, I'm going to do everything I can control to make myself feel good. I'm going to develop. Strategies to ensure I get the food I need ensure I get rest, wake up early to reduce stress, move, learn as much as I can about psychology and physical health. So that when I left, it was like, okay, I now have these tools that I can choose to use, but I don't have to, just to survive. Yes. I think it's such an important thing. When people are in that space, whether it's with their family or they're in a relationship that's just really toxic. We do, we get in that mindset and to hear it from somebody like you, who kind of, you had a good foundation, it sounds like. You know, when you ended up in this situation through work. So you were probably a little more able to quick more quickly. I don't know if more quickly is the right word, you were there for seven years, but do the things to take care of yourself, you know, while you're in that environment, until you can get out, like, that's just such an, a huge, important lesson to learn, especially. Yeah. When we're coming out of these things that feel, you know, they just feel like home, like it's true. Some of us were raised by people like that. And we don't know, we don't know how to take care of ourselves and we don't know what to do because it's just how life is. But once we start waking up, if the first thing that we can do is these little seemingly little things to take care of ourselves in the moment until we can get. Out, that's such a big, that's really helpful to people. And to know that like, even, even people like you are dealing with these things in that way, and it's hard to recognize too, so it's okay if you don't figure it out right away it right. Exactly. I was, you know, I was a relatively positive fit young person and I just. I didn't see what was in front of me. I, you know, I was not brainwashed, but I was in enough of a trance and had enough trust in these people above me that I just didn't see it. And you can, you can, I'm not going to get into it, but you can see all kinds of stuff throughout the country of, of people who, you know, have trust in a certain authority maybe. And it, it creates blind spots. And again, fortunately, I was mostly developed at that point, you know, I, I don't know what it's like to be, and we all deal with different childhood kind of traumas, but to be going through development and having to deal with that is very different. Yeah, it is. It's like, that's just how the world operates, but I mean And to not knowing, I think some of us who did grow up that way, we learned skills to, well, it's like dissociation and things like that. So it's not super healthy, but you know, our bodies tend to shut down on us, but you not, not being aware, like being trusting, that, that kind of thing, like it's kind of the same way you trust your parent right there. Your caregiver. You're supposed to be able to trust them. So you do, but you coming from a more trustworthy environment, you probably didn't realize there were people like that out in the world. Right? Right. I mean, I can, one of the things that stands out to me is like, I can distinctly remember being asked by my boss, you know, what motivates you? You you're like an enigma because I was just happy and energized and did whatever I was asked. And I'm real. Like I realized later, it's like, when you watch a movie and then you have the, you know, that surprise ending or what, and then you go back and watch it and you see these little things. I'm like, Oh yeah, this was one of those moments where I'm like, Oh, he was trying to figure out how he could manipulate me. Yeah. Cause I said, well, I just want to know that at the end of the day, I, I helped as much as I could. And I did my best. I was like, Oh, jackpot. Like this guy is going to be easy. Oh. So yeah, the sabotage probably began. Wow. So interesting. And it's true. Like there are so many narcissistic type people. I don't want to go around diagnosing everybody. But there are those traits that can be pretty prominent in a person's personality. And it's, it's kind of everywhere. It's like, I remember when I started waking up to this stuff and realizing like, whenever I see someone being like emotionally manipulative or even myself, I'm like, Oh my God, I'm a narcissist. Look at me, go You used to start to kind of see it everywhere, how the unhealthy, just the way we manipulate and maneuver through life and try to get people to, I don't know, be the way we want them to be, which is so interesting to me. Like. I don't even care how much somebody says, Oh, I don't care people that people, that everyone is themselves. You do you, whatever. We still have this need and desire somewhere. Sometimes it's just like, make the world the way we want it. And wow. Yeah. Well, yeah. And I, you know, it's like a continuum, you know, I started to notice that too, when you start to notice certain people. And when you do more deep work on yourself and try to observe some of your thoughts and your tendencies, the things you do and don't like, or that you want to change, then you start noticing. And other people like the ability to listen and empathize. And when you, you know, there's a continuum, so you might be around someone who's all the way on one end. And can only talk about themselves and whatever it might be. And what's nice is the more aware of it. You are, the more you can say, okay, well, I don't have to spend time or energy on this person. Yeah. And that's all you need to do. Right? Right. The challenge is like ignoring red flags and then, you know, investing time and energy and care. Yeah, totally get that. And it's a good lesson to learn. I'm a big advocate of meditation and just getting in touch with yourself and Being aware, like, but being aware of how your body feels in the environment, being aware of what's going on with you, your feelings. Cause I still struggle with that. Like knowing what I'm feeling in the moment, actually feeling right now. But just getting really comfortable with practicing. Being in your body do you do anything like mindful embodiment type work? Yeah. Yeah, I do. So I, I have, I meditate daily, you know, it depends on, you know, maybe 20 to 40 minutes. Sometimes I fall asleep sometimes it's just that's Hey, sleep is meditation. I actually, so I joined, I don't know if you follow Samantha fall Haber. Sam lifts you up. Samantha lifts you up is her handle. She's a friend of mine and she's running kind of like a self-driven mentorship course a lot of it is focused on internal sensations and she's doing a monthly class and the first month was, it was all internal sensations and like feeling all these different things and just tuning into yourself and your body and what you're feeling. Yeah. I've been working on that as well, because. You know, just observing what you feel and then connecting that with your thoughts or what you think your thoughts are, you know, it's like, well, what do certain feelings represent? What can I learn my feelings? Can I start to tune in more and recognize things earlier? So I've been working a lot on that. And one thing I've been working on more as I've been reintroduced myself to this idea of neuroplasticity and this, and I'm strengthening this belief of like every thought I have is an opportunity to reinforce how I want to think. I've, I've been using my imagination more and I love, I love using it and yeah, in play, I'm really good at that. But using it in like imagining my life as I want it to be. And it's a really calming comforting activity. And after a few weeks you get better at it and anyone listening and you might be able to relate if you've ever gone into your brain. And you've tried to imagine something good and not been able to, you know, I've been there and what's neat is. Figuring out ways that suddenly I'm like, Oh, I can see that clearly. And I can feel like you can feel the sensations in your body. And you can realize also, like, is this what I'm imagining something I want in one to pursue? And should I, should my actions start to reflect that? So it's, it's really exciting. I'll, I'll do that usually for a few minutes before I go to bed before I fall asleep and I like get excited for it. That's the best time to do it too, before sleep. Yeah. This whole idea of, of building your building your life and building the person you want to be. We all have personalities, not all of it. It's just the way we were born. You know, a lot of it is the way we've adapted to life and. Just like taking control and taking power back and saying, this is how I want to be in the world. You know, I never, that concept was, it was always a very foreign to me until the last. I don't know, probably couple of years, even, you know, you just don't think about it. You don't think about, I think initially when you're not as open to that kind of thing, you're thinking, well, that just sounds like you're faking it till you make it and like, you know, being fake. Right. You know? Yeah. The whole idea of building the person that you want to be. It's important. It's an empowering too. It's an empowering feeling. It's so empowering and it's tough to, you know, you can, you can go back and forth between different mindsets, you know, because you can really start to steep in that Hill towards one direction. I, I thought of it this morning, actually. I was, I also. Right in the morning, I try to do it before I check social media. Or my phone, depending, depending on if I have a client early or not. Right. So that my brain's kind of clear. So one thing I wrote this morning, I love thinking it analogies or different metaphors was you can imagine your thoughts or your potential thoughts as running water and a shower. And there's two drains. On either side. One of them is more like negative pessimistic, unconstructive thoughts about things you can't control. And the other drain is more optimistic, hopeful, kind of constructively positive. And the more you start to think towards the optimistic side, it's like you imagine the floor shifting that direction. And you start to divert more of the water, more of those potential thoughts to that drain. And then you spend energy thinking them as they go down that drain to your brain. But then it can easily shift back. So, you know, I've found even as recently as like a month ago, my baseline thinking was much more negative and not constructively, not like, Oh, what can I do to. To improve this. It was like, no, just, you know, less hopeful, more pessimistic, more cynical. And just a little bit of this focused, conscious, positive thought has shifted. Yeah. It's so true. It's it can kind of come back and bite you when you're least expecting it. Like Whoa, over this. Just even this morning I was having, I'm having a ditzy day. Like, it's incredible. Like I woke up, I was driving back home from my boyfriend's house and I looked over the field and it was so hazy that it looked like, literally looked like the moon was over there and I'm like, look at the moon. And then I'm like, wait, that's the sun. It was just so. It was just like, Oh my gosh. And my first thing was, I'm an idiot. And then I wanted to go down that rabbit trail of like, you're such an idiot. What's wrong with you. And like, I get nervous or scared that like, I'm such an idiot. How am I going to , even function today? But then I was just kinda like, no, I'm just going to accept that some days I'm just off and whether it's, you know, my hormones are out of whack or whatever, and I'm just extra did I'll just say ditzy in a loving way. Yeah. It's like, okay, this is going to be fun today. Yeah. Well, and so I do that too. And you know, one of the things I was thinking with like the shower drain is even if you, you bias the water towards the optimistic or positive drain, like what are still going to get in the other one? It's just, if your proportion of quote, unquote, positive to negative thoughts is higher. Generally, that's going to be better if you can brush off the, Oh, you're an idiot. Self-talk relatively soon. That's going to be helpful. Cause I do that too. It's like, Oh, like I'm so positive. I'm so well adjusted. Like, man, I, I could look on the bright side of anything and then, you know, you stubbed your toe and you're like, Oh, you eat. And then you have a choice then like what direction do I want to go from here? And Steven noticing it, I think is a big win. Just noticing us, you're saying that to yourself, like, Oh. Yeah, that was a little idiotic, but you're not an idiot. You're just not fully awake or haven't had enough coffee or whatever. Exactly, exactly. I, so I did these Series. I still will post them on Instagram occasionally of I tweet out these positive spin things and I just call it positive spin tweet, just mostly like superficial, because I'm always trying to be aware of the, the line between the fake it till you make it. And the, and being sensitive to people who have like genuinely awful things happen in their lives. I would never suggest you try to spin that. Or so I'm always thinking like, For the superficial stuff like stubbing your toe, like spilling coffee, like hitting a bunch of red lights. I would come up with these, this inner dialogue and post it for this like kind of annoyingly positive spin. Yeah. And I had multiple people reach out to me and say it changed how they thought that just seeing that over and over, they had something happen like a flat tire or something. And like their second thought was a positive spin. And that's just something that. It's superficial, but over time that can accumulate and your brain does start getting better at thinking positively. And if it's constructive too, that's great. Yeah, for sure. I'm thinking that would be really helpful too, for people that have anxiety and are there anticipating those like things happening and then like, Oh no, I'm just even thinking. Okay. Well, what if I did get a flat tire on this trip? You know, maybe I'll meet someone phone on the side of the road. It's totally. I mean, how many times does that happen when you're not expecting it and you do meet somebody cool or have a cool experience and yeah. With anxiety and things like that. I think it's really, really easy if you're in a negative mindset like that, it's really easy to continue that even when stuff's not happening, you're expecting it to Yeah. So, yeah, it's just a good practice. I love that. I love that you're doing that. I'll have to check some of those out. Yeah. I'll have to post some more soon. But, and what I found is like, it changed my thinking, just sharing it. Like I felt stupid sharing it, like, Oh, this is going to be a noodle. But then, you know, something happened that was like negative or, you know, I cracked an egg into the sink or, you know, some, one of those little annoying thing and I got excited cause I was like, Oh, here's another one I can positively spin. And I was like, wow. And so it's amazing how these little tiny seemingly superficial things can actually alter. How our brain works. Yeah. They seem tiny, but they're really not. That's really a big deal. I love that. You're doing that. I love how you do that. You take the seemingly small things. I was watching something of you. I think it was a couple months ago maybe. And you were talking about how draw on your hand or draw on your arm? Yeah. No. It's like that's so, yeah, I loved that. It's so small, but it's like a way to connect with yourself. And so many people don't think about that. And you make people think about that by just talking about it and it's yeah. I love that. I think it's really, really helpful. I think it's a great thing for the world that, that you're here. Well, I really appreciate that. That's again, that's my hope. You know, it's funny. Cause I think people who don't know me or who stumble across any of my posts and they're, they're not used to seeing this type of stuff on Instagram are probably like, why are you sharing this? And the whole reason is sure, it's, there's a benefit to me to express myself. And that's the whole point of me sharing it in tri is trying to. Raise other people's awareness of how they can express themselves. In, in positive ways, I think through potential blind spots, like, like when I was at this job and I didn't draw on my hand and after like two years, I forgot, I even used to do it. It's like a whole importance. Self-expression just erased from my memory. Yeah, until something jogged it. I love that it's like your brain was surviving or something. Didn't have time to have that capacity. No. So what are you doing during this quarantine COVID world time? Yeah, that's a great question. So I am, I am training a few people outside. Yeah. Kind of socially distance training, my studio, which I opened last. I never officially opened, but around last September the ventilation is really poor and I'm not training anyone there right now. So I'm kind of pivoting to more online stuff. Yeah. I've got, I've got some upgrades to my, my online membership in the works. So I'm, I'm excited for that because my goal there is like, make this low barrier stuff mentally and physically accessible to as many people as possible. So the, the biggest feedback I generally get is on like the positivity and the smiles. So I want to keep putting that out. And some I'm working on that, trying to record things, I'm doing some zoom sessions and And trying to read more and I am actually exercising more, which is nice. Yeah. Probably a little more time to do it. Yes. Well, and which I'm unsure, a lot of people can relate to kind of reprioritizing because while I loved what I was doing and my business was successful, I found myself back to this, like get up really early. And do trading sessions do training sessions late in the evening and sleep in my own wellbeing. We're not as high of a priority. Yeah. Oh, you know, again, I apologize for the positive spin, but with all the horror around us there has been an opportunity to kind of re prioritize. That's good. That's good. Yeah. It's been a very interesting time. Yes. Well, and you, so you've been doing this podcast. Have you been doing anything else? Exciting? I have been re revamping my life too. Just, I let go of a job that was also a very toxic environment. And I was like, I want to focus on my stuff and doing. What I think I meant to be doing right now and not worrying too far into the future about what it's going to be. Just do the thing now. And I know that whether this picks up or I need to do other things I'm just gonna, I'm going to take advantage of this right now. I'm gonna take advantage of that. It was just, it was just a shift that happened. You know, it happened because I was being more aware and I was being more of an advocate for myself. I'm okay with that. Yeah. Well, you got out of it. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. And so it was just kind of like, okay, this ended and I've already been doing this thing. I don't want to splash around in the puddles anymore. Kind of a thing, you know, like it's, let's do something with this and I've wanted to do a podcast for a couple of years. And I, I thought it was just going to be me talking like me, narrating me doing my writing stuff. And I'm really loving having conversations with people. So it's just, I keep asking people and it keeps happening. So I'm like, Hey, maybe this is how it's going to be. But I love taking those steps and finding that out. I like it. I, I love the, you know, the idea of just exploring different things and seeing how it feels and all about that. Self-awareness like, how does this make me feel? Do I enjoy it? Is this sustainable? Well, I can explore more. That's what I've been finding is the things that I am most passionate about. That's what I want to do. And. Unsurprisingly. That's what people respond most to, because if you're letting that, that pure expression out in that passion yeah. People are going to connect with that. Yeah. And then if, you know, if you can make that into, into a living, that's great. Right. That's what's also ideal, right? That's another one thing to working on money, mindset and building a business. That's huge. I think a lot of us don't think we deserve to do the things that we enjoy and live off of it. Like, no, that's just something you do on the side. And. Right. Yeah. That's so I dealt with some guilt when I left my job because, you know, I had saved some money and, you know, I have a supportive family as well, so I had a little bit of freedom, but I also, you know, I jumped into, I did a road trip, but I jumped into building a website. Writing creating videos. That's when I started really putting out consistent content. So it's not like I was just relaxing. I was working, but I felt guilty because I wasn't doing 12 training sessions a day. You know, it's like, I'm not working six to six or even nine to five. I have flexibility. And it's like, we've been conditioned to think this way that you're supposed to work eight, nine, 10 hours in a block of time. Or you're not working. So I had that, a similar thought of like, even when, when my business was going really well, that I had opened, I was busy and I had to get up early and I was up late training, but I had gaps of time throughout the day. So like I could go and play at noon and, and part of me felt guilty and like, I'm still working. I'm making money. Why do I have to. Conform to these standards. So we have a lot of our own perceived judgment. Yeah. But Hey, if you can do what you love and make it work, why not? Yeah. Yeah. I'm moving into the coaching thing, so it's kind of. That's another one, right? The whole imposter syndrome of who am I to help anyone else realize their full potential capacity. Very interesting. But when you start doing it, it's, it gets easier. And yeah, you're right. There's, there's guilt around the not looking like everybody else. Not doing it like everybody else. And it's almost like this thing of like, well, I just, I remember my parents homeschooled me at some point in middle school. That's when it started. And we would have gaps too, because you could get all your work done in an hour or two. Like if you think about it, all the work that you do in school, it's really, it's really maybe a couple of hours. Right. It'd be moving more like, yeah, it shouldn't be locked up in school for seven or eight hours. I remember feeling weird about people asking me about that. They're like, well, what do you do all day? And I'm like, what do you mean? What do I do all day? Like I can do whatever. Yeah., it's just kind of like, yeah, but you think differently when you do have more gaps like that, and it's more flexible. So. I love that about it. Yeah. And, and coaching's cool. I mean, that's, what's neat is imposter syndrome is always going to be present in some capacity, but we're all unique and we uniquely connect with people and, you know, you find people who, you know, connect with and trust you, and that's a good fit. Yeah. This has been a really wonderful conversation. And I so appreciate you coming on. Well, I really appreciate you having me on is there anything you want to impart to us? Well, today I I think a big thing is actually conversations. Like you talked about, I've been finding so much value in having like real open, honest conversations with people. And I feel fortunate that I've been able to, so that's one thing I've been trying to kind of do at least one side of that on Instagram, I've been talking about stuff. So yeah. I would say, try to have as many open, honest conversations as you can, especially with stress levels, being high a lot. We can't control. I think it's really important to like deeply relate to people right now. I like that. Connection is huge it's been such a disconnected time I know, I know, but you have, if we it's, it's amazing the difference. Some, whether it's in-person or, or even a resume, just having like. Making a connection with someone it can really change the rest of your day or week. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. Well, thank you so much for connecting with me and with everyone. Who's going to be listening to this today. You're welcome. We appreciate you. I appreciate you. Thanks so much. I'll talk to you later. All right. All right. Have a good one. You too. Thanks.
