Episode 015: Sobriety of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict with Brianne Davis

Brianne Davis is an American Actress who has been sober living from a sex and love addiction for over a decade. She and Tabitha talk about her new novel, her podcast and the perils of this deadly addiction and how important self love is during a Michigan thunderstorm. Even her adorable son makes an appearance. Brianne is helping make the world a better place through her Secret Life podcast and her novel Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict which is turning into a book series and possibly a TV series! Follow Brianne on Instagram @thebriannedavis , @secretlifenovel, @secretlifepodcast or on TikTok @the.briannedavis

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Transcript

Tabitha: 1:01

Brianne, Brianne Davis. Welcome to the podcast.

Brianne: 1:05

Hi, thanks for having

Tabitha: 1:06

me. You're welcome. Thanks for being here. Those are loaded. Chuckles, I feel like

Brianne: 1:19

it's a day.

Tabitha: 1:23

Um, so yeah. Tell us, Oh, yourself. Tell us who you are, what you're up to for say there's an alien. That's come down to earth and has no idea what's going on.

Brianne: 1:35

Or just Joe Schmoe down the street that don't know who I am. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm Brianne Davis. I've been a working actress for the last 20 years. Uh, you know, you probably see me on Lucifer, Prom Night. Jarheads, Synchronicity, Casual, True Blood, blah, blah , Six on History. Like I I'm just a working actor. I've been around. I make a living doing this, but most recently I came out as a recovering sex and love addict at my 10 years of recovery. I'm 11 years now of recovery in the program. And I wrote a book called secret life of a Hollywood sex and love addict. And I just really came out to blow open the doors of this deadly disease that nobody talks about. So many people, you know, they say 6 million people in the us who are sex and love addicts, and that's 5% and 37% of them are women. And nobody talks about it. It's actually much more. And I'm just here to say, like, I'm a female, I have this addiction, I am recovery. And there is a way out of the darkness out of bad relationships out of toxic. Situations out of looking outside of yourself to get your needs, met, to get someone, to like you and to being addicted, to falling in love, to being addicted to that unavailable person. So it's outing myself to the world, I guess, with my book, secret life of a Hollywood sex

Tabitha: 2:59

and love addict. Yeah. I love that. I love that. It sounds like you have this desire to tell your story so that other people don't feel so alone and. Is am I

Brianne: 3:10

getting close? Yes. No, that's it. That's the only reason. I mean, at a decade of recovery, I've been of service all over the world. I've spoken all over the world. I've sponsored people all over the world, but when I hit a decade, I was like, this thing came over me like. You need to be of service bigger. And I kept seeing younger and younger people coming into the program and I'm an old timer. And just how many people are struggling to connect, struggling with intimacy, struggling to find partners stability. Everything's so filtered. So drama. So, uh, you know, everybody's searching constantly. It seems, you know, swipe left swipe. Right? So I had this like, Desire bigger than me to be of service outside of my, just my community. And like I said, I never wanted to come out as sex and love addict. I was never interested in writing a book. I was never interested in having a podcast where I spill my secrets on a weekly basis while I allow other people. to spill, their deepest, darkest secrets. So yeah, it's all about being of service. It's not about me. It's about being of service. Like just this morning I had this gentleman reach out to me. I get a bunch of emails a day saying he is a sex addict. He keeps cheating on his wife and he had three years of recovery and he lost it and he can't stop now. And he doesn't know why he can't stop. And if I have any advice or help for him, and that means everything to me because that's why I did it.

Tabitha: 4:36

Yeah. Yeah. I can totally relate to that in a way. I think it, you, you hit the nail on the head. When you say people are searching. It's like, you know, it's like, we're searching desperately for this fix, right. Or something to fill this hole or this need in us, but we don't even really know what it is. I feel like you're just running and running, running.

Brianne: 4:57

Yeah, we're running , we're running. You know, we're on Instagram and we're looking for likes and we're posting and like, and we're like , DMing and we're like going on dating apps and we're like searching, searching. And like, even with our friends and our family, it's not just about, you know, partners of romance it's we even use our even normies, use their friends to fill them, to make them feel better. And it's like, I just found myself, you know, 11 years ago. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick of my, my internal serenity and peace always be knocked down by what was going on on the outside. And I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know why I kept wanting to flirt and intrigue outside of my committed relationship. I didn't know why, why it was unhealthy for me to have a bunch of guy friends, you know, catering to me. I didn't know why I felt. So disconnected from my reality, wanting to live in fantasy, wanting to, you know, looking for that person, a white Knight, that soulmate to fit me. And I was just like, I CA I had this moment when I was sitting in a hotel room on location, shooting a movie, uh, entry game with someone I didn't even like. And I had a boyfriend at home that I cared about, and I remember looking at the mirror going. Oh my God. Am I going to be doing this the rest of my life? Am I going to be always looking for someone to fix me? And I just hit me, like, no one can fix me this there's I have to look at what is going on with me. And that was the beginning of my journey.

Tabitha: 6:31

What did you do after that moment?

Brianne: 6:33

I cried. Yeah, commit suicide, but I definitely was in the place of. I'm still in so much pain and I'm so lost that I just don't want to be on this planet anymore. And you would think from the outside, I'm a working actor. I live in Hollywood. I have, you know, I'm successful in successful standards. I'm not a millionaire, but I'm successful and that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you are. And I remember going to that first meeting, the first thing I did though, let me go back to your question. Is I. Reached out to my friends therapist and I, and I got back in town and I called her and I went and the first time I met with her, she told me two things that I always talk about. She said, the first thing is you wear a mask, you wear a mask. Like my other client, who's a high class product too. And I was like, yeah, What, like I was so mad because I've never been paid for sex, you know, I've never had a one night stand. I haven't had a ton of sexual partners for my age. So I was really taken aback. I mean, I've had boyfriends that overlapped or multiple people dating, you know, I've done those things and I cheated and you know, I've lied and all that stuff. So I'm not, definitely not. I was definitely like a flawed human being, but. And the second thing she told me is that you're a sex and love addict. And I was like, what are you talking about? That's a guy thing. That's not real. That's a tiger woods coming and getting caught cheating. I didn't get caught cheating and, you know, And she made me go through the 40 questions. And if you're listening and there's 40 questions, you can go on sex and love addicts anonymous and fill them out. They're self-diagnosed 40 questions. And I, they say, if you get five or more yeses, you might have this problem. And I let say, got a lot more than five and I talk about it in the book, how many i got and I just went to a meeting that night and I, you know, Sat in a room of 30 people. One was like an A-list celebrity and another is like a social worker, an English teacher. Um, there was a C huge CEO. So it was every walk of life, every ethnicity, every age group, it was insane. And I sat around listening to them and I realized like, I'm not alone or broken. I just didn't get the tools. What healthy relationships look like? I was always living in fantasy. My parents didn't have a healthy marriage. I never saw them hug their kiss or speak kind to each other. There was always drama, um, fighting and then getting back together and all that push pull. So I just didn't have a healthy idea of what it looked like. And that was my journey. I surrendered that day.

Tabitha: 9:35

That's amazing.

Brianne: 9:37

It was a journey.

Tabitha: 9:39

Yeah. Tell us about what that might feel like for somebody who's wondering, just who has, and hasn't clicked on the 40 questions yet. What does it feel like internally? Oh a little bit more. I know you were saying it was like, you know, I just can't live this way, but what were you feeling in

Brianne: 9:54

that moment? I was feeling like, am I going to always be looking for that person to fix me? I always felt incomplete when I wasn't in a relationship. If I, you know, wasn't getting high off the person or they weren't giving me the attention, I felt like I was always draining other people for their energy. Cause I was so depleted on the inside and what it was is I didn't have, you know, self-worth self-love, it was all based on outside things. I thought if I got that job, I, it would give me the confidence. If I got that person. I would have the confidence if I got, you know, that those new shoes or put anything fill in the blank. And it was, I realized every time I got what I wanted, it was never enough. And then the bar kept being set higher. So I was always in this place of looking outside of myself for more, I call it the disease of more like more of this, more, this more attention, more. More jobs, more money, more and more and more and more like it was this, I was just like an empty trashcan, never been able to be filled. And it was this feeling of, and I still felt alone. And not good enough. Okay. But then my ego would turn it, twist it and turn it and be like, no, I'm great. That narcissistic tendencies, but then really underneath, I just felt like never, truly loved, never feeling good enough about myself. Just, it just was this. Cycle back and forth. And then I would think it was my partner. Well, he's just not right for me. He's not the love of my life. And what I realized doing the work is like, no one is going to be your soulmate. No, one's coming to rescue you. You got to rescue yourself. Like you're your own soulmate.

Tabitha: 11:43

Yeah. Yeah, I know we touched a little bit on how you were with your partner and your now husband. Right. And tell, can you kind of encapsulate a little bit what that journey was like going through that with him and, and how it is today.

Brianne: 12:01

Yeah. So after I got out and doing the 40 questions, which I like to talk about them a little bit, but I want it like you get high from romance facts. Do you have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places with inappropriate people? Have you, um, had sex with someone you didn't want to have sex with? Do you make promises to yourself and rules that you won't get in a romantic. Relationship then you do have you felt that you had to have sex? Do you believe that someone can fix you and the list goes on and on? So filling those out, like really put a mirror in my face. Like I couldn't ignore them. Um, So when I got out of therapy, I called my boyfriend who was living with at the time. And I was driving down the 101 and tears just bawling my eyes out. And I was like, I'm a sex and love addict, like hysterically crying with him on the phone and I get home and he prints up all the meetings in Los Angeles and highlights all the meetings I can go to. And like I said, I went to the meeting and I found my group. I found my tribe. Yeah. And I really worked the steps and that looked really difficult cause I was in a relationship and they say, if you're in a relationship going to the program. You stay in the relationship unless it's abusive or, you know, you get out then. Yeah. Because it normally doesn't have to do with the relationship you're in. It has to do with you. And if you're single, you stay single. So. My, you know, my sponsor at the time said, you're staying in your relationship. It's not about him. It's about you. And so that first year of my recovery was really difficult for our relationship. We didn't have sex for the first year of my recovery, which you know is hard if you're living with your partner and you're watching them cry. Every I cried every day for nine months. Um, withdrawal when I'm talking crying, I'm talking like crawling on the carpet, wanting to like shed my skin. Like my addict self was dying and I was watching it die right before my eyes. It was the worst pain you can imagine. And I remember at six months this guy came in and he said, I can quit heroin, but I can't quit her. Okay. And that is what my withdrawal was like. It was like a withdrawal from major, a major drug. Like I got rid of, they call them bottom lines. I got rid of talking to any guys whatsoever. I got rid of all my guy, friends. I actually had where I couldn't even make eye contact with a male because I realized I would flirt when I didn't even mean to flirt. Like it was just automatic. Um, so I had to cut all that energy off and go through withdraw. But it was hard on us. It was hard on us, but like you said, we've been together now 16 years and yeah. We it's not like a got through the program and find the most perfect partner because we're all humans, we're all flawed. There's no such thing as the perfect partner and someone the other day said to me that I wanted to mention to you, they said, find the hottest person in the world and I can swear to you that somebody's sick of fucking them. Like yeah, no matter if you find the perfect person, that person becomes a human after, you know, that initial fall in love phase. Right.

Tabitha: 15:23

Right. Yeah. I think that's so important. I'm just, I'm thinking about it in terms of you call us normies,

Brianne: 15:30

right? Yeah. I call you guys normies. I call the, the non-addicts normies, but here's the thing yeah.

Tabitha: 15:39

Of that. And I mean, like me, I was in unhealthy relationships and I kept trying to like stay in the relationship and make the relationship work. And just thinking that that was where.

Brianne: 15:53

Compromising compromising your integrity, compromising your own inner voice. I mean, that is a big thing that love addicts do is we ignore the warning signs. We ignore those red flags. We paint them green. We're like, no, no, this is just if it will pass or they will change. And it's like, No dude, they're not going to change. Like you have to get out of relationships that are toxic. And some people come in the program because of one specific person and we call that their qualifier. It's like their person that, and you could just have one bad relationship and you could be a love addict with that person. Right. So it's. Finding those boundaries for yourself, finding those, those red flags that you do not cross, all that stuff to have better and healthy relationships.

Tabitha: 16:42

Do you think having those boundaries helps you sit with yourself better? Or does it, is it harder? What's that like? Is it like, okay, I've got this boundary now. I'm not just, just not going to do these things. And then what's it like sitting with yourself? Without those distractions with

Brianne: 17:02

torture. I mean, yeah, because you're so used to doing the things you've always done because that's how you survived. I mean, that's how I survived my childhood. That's how I survived my trauma. You know, I was molested at a young age, so my sexuality was taken from me. So I put on those survival tactics and the moment you take those away, those things you do to make you feel better, right. You're sitting with all your feelings and as an addict, even a normie doesn't want to feel like sadness all the time. Uh, disappointment, abandonment. So what happens is when you set those boundaries, you have to stick to them and, and people you care about or thought you wanted in your life. Don't want to respect your boundaries because they're used to you being a certain way. So you. You start to shed people, you start to people start to go away, you know, and it's such a painful process because you're, you're so raw. You're still vulnerable. Well, you're so exposed. You're not doing anything to cover your feelings and these people that you once cared about are all leaving. So it's, you're feeling that loss even. 10 times more, but I have to say on the other side, once you get through that initial shedding of your own skin, and once you get through shedding the people in your life that don't serve, you don't show up for you. It's so beautiful. It's like, there's no drama in my life. My family, there's no drama. My partner, my friends, everybody in my life shows up for me and it's like, I show up for them. So, yeah, I think

Tabitha: 18:40

I can only imagine. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I can feel you on a, um, a lesser scale, but like, I think I understand where you've been and where you've come from. Um, I think about that too, like it did, it was a major shedding process for a few years. It was just kinda like, man, does everybody. Everybody that I've had in my life or chosen in my life. Not great for me. What's going on here? How was it? Yeah.. We think everyone in the world is like that way after a while, because that's all we've surrounded ourselves with, in our lives. I mean, I think I like that. Is anybody healthy out there? Ever?

Brianne: 19:21

Well, that's the thing I think society right now is leaning into people not being healthy. I think, you know, with social media, with the filters, the not being completely authentic, the looking for the next best thing, glamorizing. The outside world so much and disconnecting, and the porn industry is really killing our society. I mean, damage is... yeah, what are your thoughts on that, you know, porn is fantasy. So. Especially these young kids right now. They're, you know, thinking porn is what real intimacy looks like. So it's, it's killing their sexuality at such a young age so the first time they kiss a girl or kiss someone they're interested in, it's taken away that, you know, that connection because they've been desensitized with, with porn and. I think people, you know, are using that as a way to disconnect from their partners. So I don't think there's anything wrong with porn. I just feel like the availability and the fantasy is really hurting our society and I'm seeing more and more people being addicted to porn and all that.

Tabitha: 20:29

Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, so much. I feel like there's so much, you're probably always like, I know there's so much.

Brianne: 20:39

I know. I feel like I could talk about this forever. I think that's what I wrote the book because was speaking all over and I really wanted to educate people as much as I could, because I just feel like we are in such a sensitive spot. And the, when I started, every book I read was so clinical. So academic that I would read one page and I'd want to throw it against the wall. Cause it would go in one ear and out the other. So I wanted to write a book where it was entertaining. It took someone literally through the first year of what sobriety and sex and love addiction looks like. You know, all the bad, all the ugly, all the worst things I've ever done. Cause it's a semi- memoir and like the 10 rules, someone lives by to live a better and more serene life with every relationship, not just sexual partner. And I just really wanted to shed a light on this really deadly disease. I mean, I'm going to get really honest with you. My sponsor of seven and a half years that. Took me through the steps, taught me about having a higher power, really saved my life. She saved my life. We did my fourth and fifth step for two and a half years together. And she went back to this unavailable person, kept making these promises and she lost her sobriety in the program. And she started living on the streets. And now she's in jail. She's sitting in jail right now, someone that. You know, Alice and the book is based on and it's heartbreaking and I've seen people commit suicide over love sobriety in AA. I seen people in jail and murder somebody over this addiction. So I just really wanted to give my heart and soul and try to help other people.

Tabitha: 22:25

Yeah. Yeah. I love that your style of writing is like how you talk to, and it reminds me of like those chick-lit books I would read. It's a fun read.

Brianne: 22:38

I wanted to make it like a conversation. One of my, um, old-timers in my program, read it and he said, it's like a long share. It's like a long share and I wanted it to be, you would hear me speaking it. And it's very chick-lit . It's very, you know, takes you as an actress through Hollywood and, you know, C list actress through Hollywood, but it's also a self-help book and it's also a memoir. So it's this weird. You know, weird book, but I'm really proud of it. And I am so grateful. You read it. Yeah.

Tabitha: 23:09

I'm, I'm glad it's out there. And I think people are really going to enjoy it. So I highly recommend picking it up. Um, It's been a crazy month. I was just in LA actually, um, in the last two weeks. So I'm just like thinking about the one Oh one as you're talking about. Yeah.

Brianne: 23:32

I talk about a lot of places in LA that people don't talk. Talk about it. Secrets and what it's like, you know, being in the industry and how toxic it can be and how amazing it can be. And I just really wanted to walk people through my life. And also I put, you know, other stories in it, but I like to say that no one will ever know what my story is and no one will ever know what someone else is. Okay.

Tabitha: 23:57

Well, that's good. That's probably safer. Um, yeah, some fun. Fun stories in there. It's a, it's a fun read and it makes you think, and yeah, I'm glad you're doing this. So what's happening now. I keep seeing reels of. You are you doing rewrites for a second book?

Brianne: 24:21

Yeah. So this is true. I just finished the Audible. So that's coming out in like a couple of weeks. Like it literally could drop any week because they've had it and I'm waiting for it. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I had to read it, you know, when I wrote the book. Uh, first of all, I didn't want to write it. And second of all, um, I never imagined actually people are like, if it was a TV show, would you be Roxanne? And I was like, hell no, I do not want to go back to the worst of the worst things I've ever done that acted out like, no, thank you. You know, when they wanted me to do the Audible, I was like, Wait, what I have to read it. You're like, yeah, so much better that way -- I know. But some people like get actors and I'm like, well, they're like, you're an actor. And I'm like, I know, but I never imagined reading it. And so when I did it, Oh my God, that two and a half weeks, I swear to God, it was like, A part of me was like shell. Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I almost cry a bunch of times while reading it. It was really difficult, but I'm very proud of it. So that's coming out. Yeah, it's so hard.

Tabitha: 25:32

It's hard. I wrote just like one episode telling some of my story and I was like, this is, I can't listen to it. It's to me, it's horrible. Like when people write in saying, thank you for sharing your story and like how you shared it. And I'm like, I can't even, I can't like, I can't, I can't imagine what the book and you being an actress and all of that. I mean pure

Brianne: 25:52

torture. It literally was like, someone's taking nails and shoving them under my, in my eyeballs. Like I wanted to. And then it's just, and especially when it gets graphic, you know, I'm like, Oh my God. So I finished that luckily, but yeah, I'm on a rewrite right now for book two and there's a third book in the works. There's a fourth. So it's like, Yeah, it's crazy.

Tabitha: 26:21

That's amazing. Are you having fun?

Brianne: 26:24

Rewrites are never fun... No, the initial writing is always fun because you just get everything out there, but rewrites, you know, you have to dig more. You have to really look at the message and what you want to say. And it's just a lot of reworking and it's over and over again, especially when you get to the hard chapters, like. In book one, chapter five, six, and seven and nine were really difficult to write for me. So I have those chapters in book two, where every time I write them, I literally want to be like, stop. I don't want to do this anymore, but just, you know, talking to you or talking to somebody else or getting the emails that I'm getting right. It's worth it because it's like, this is why I did it. I didn't do it for me. I did it for the reader that doesn't have the voice or doesn't understand that there's a way out of the pain. There's a way out of the pattern. There's a way out of the cycle that you're stuck in. Yeah.

Tabitha: 27:20

Yeah. That's awesome. You said, you said your husband bullied you into doing it.

Brianne: 27:26

Oh my God, girl, girl. He bullied me really last year. He was like, Hey, there's this writing course. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And I was shooting Lucifer at the time. I was like, Oh, what are you talking about? Like, I'm working. Like, he's like, yeah, there's this writing course for a novel, for a memoir. And I was like, Huh, I'm an actor and I have ADHD and I'm I'm dyslexic. Like I don't even like writing complete sentences. What are you talking about? And he kept bothering me. He had been like, Oh, I sent you that link. Oh, six times he did it. And finally he said, he looked at me and he said, listen, it's not that much money. You could take the course for one day or two days. And if you hate it, you don't have to do it anymore. Like no one has to know. I just will know. And I'm like, okay, fine. I'll I'll, I'll take it. And I wrote the first draft of the book in 45 days. And it just, it was something bigger than me. It wasn't me, honestly, sometimes when I read the book now I'm like, I wrote that, like, I don't even, I can't remember writing it because it feels like it was my God or higher power. Yeah. It wasn't for him. It's not for me. It's, I'm giving it away.

Tabitha: 28:43

Right, right. Yeah. I think, I think. That's able to be sensed when, you know, like you can sense that about. Um, so when is the audible version coming out?

Brianne: 29:00

Oh, it should be out in literally any week we're waiting. It's starting to like, yeah, it's lit. It's literally going worldwide and we're taking the book worldwide off Amazon. It will be on Amazon, but we're blow blowing it worldwide. So it's already at Barnes and Nobles. Yeah. I

Tabitha: 29:18

just wanted to get that in. So like, cause if anyone's listening to the podcast, We like to listen to things. Right. It's easier. It's easier to just,

Brianne: 29:27

yeah, no. I'll and I'll send you the link. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as it does, or if you want to draw this after it comes out, whatever, whatever you want to do at your it show. Yeah. I can do that.

Tabitha: 29:42

Yeah. I can. I, you know, I've been taking like a little bit, like, yeah, I'm a storm is coming in actually. And when it gets that way, It's like the wind just takes the signal. I'm not sure. That's my theory. I don't know anything about these things is probably true. Every time it gets windy, it's like a little, a little shaky. Um, So yeah. Secret life of a Hollywood sex and love addict. Yes. I'm going to keep saying that because I feel like anyone listening, I always want to keep repeating things because, um, as people are listening, you know, it's, I have to hear things a 50 million times. We're like a

Brianne: 30:21

sink in like nine times. You have to hear something nine times seven. Yeah, something like that,

Tabitha: 30:28

for sure. Um, I just love though that he bullied you into doing it. I know last time we talked about how our signs are like the opposite, like me and my boyfriend and you and your husband were like the opposite : Sag and Taurus. Yeah. Sometimes when you're saying stuff about him, I'm like, yeah, that kind of sounds like something I would do this thing. Oh, yeah, you could do this thing. Just

Brianne: 30:54

try this thing. It'll be really good. The other person's like, leave me alone, stop bothering me. And they're like fine, because Taurus is, are like stubborn too. They have to like maneuver and like come around from the side to get to them.

Tabitha: 31:12

Oh yeah. I know. I know. It's the funniest thing. But that's what makes the world go round. I feel like, you know, my best friend is a Taurus too, so obviously there's something good. There there's a benefit with the fire and the earth.

Brianne: 31:25

No, it's a balance. Yeah. Yeah. They balance each other. They balance each other out. Yeah. Yeah, my best, my best friend in high school was a Sag too. I

Tabitha: 31:36

see a theme. Yeah. We've been friends since we were 14, so I love it. I love it. I'm really sorry. I can see the trees blowing outside. I'm like, all right. And this is probably, that's probably good though. I feel like this is going to be shorter and sweet and people will be able to digest it better. Um, so what's the next thing that's coming out. Is there anything

Brianne: 31:59

um, yeah, so it's just, you know, do getting the audible done, doing that. Then, uh, we wrote the pilot for the TV series of secret life. And we're starting to shop that around as a TV series. Cause we got a book agent. So it's very exciting stuff. So hopefully soon we'll see it, you know, on a series, really helping people get the word out. I love that.

Tabitha: 32:22

I love that. How's your podcast going?

Brianne: 32:24

Yeah. Oh, it's amazing. Honestly, it's one of the best things I've ever done today. Just we released one about a guy being obsessed with big boobs and the outside and not really looking for the inside of their partners. Yeah. And I think we all do that. We look on the outside before the inside, so it's just like, we just had a woman come on. Her OB GYN, sexually assaulted her right after she gave birth to her son and how traumatizing that was. And it's just like every episode I love having people on. And a lot of them are anonymous. Yeah. And telling their deepest, darkest secrets or things they've been through that they've never shared. And it's, it's such a cathartic moment between me and my guests that they trust me. And I also try to reveal a secret of mine, but really it's about the listeners helping the listener feel, not alone. And that. When we keep secrets, when we keep these things, the shame is what kills us. And I just, like I said, I just want to open the door and say like, we all do bad things. We've all had bad things done to us. We are not alone. And the moment we come together and connect on that basic level of empathy and compassion and understanding it makes the world a better place so that my husband and I. I'm doing secret life podcast. It's probably one, like I said, it's the best thing we've ever done. And we have 85 more episodes. So we have enough for two more years.

Tabitha: 33:47

What a blessing. I can't, I'm like, I wish I were in your shoes. You, you said this earlier, the first time we talked to you did like how many recordings? A hundred.

Brianne: 34:00

Yeah, 120, a couple of months. I just. That's amazing, you know, banging them out and wanting to get them because I know how much people need to connect right now. I, we live in the zoom world and hopefully we're opening up soon, but people are so disconnected and we just need to not feel alone. Yeah.

Tabitha: 34:20

I love that. I love the podcast too. The podcast is so great to listen to. I highly recommend it to anyone. Is it the same title I haven't saved in my life.

Brianne: 34:28

Secret Life Yeah. Yeah.

Tabitha: 34:31

I love listening to it. It's it's very uplifting and you always have really good. I mean, you just really hit a lot of things home when people are talking and I hear a lot of people come to realizations as you're talking to them too, like, Oh yeah. I never thought of that. Or

Brianne: 34:45

it feels like a therapy session. I mean, me and my guests. Right. We're both like wanting a nap afterwards.

Tabitha: 34:53

Yeah. I can only imagine, I imagine, but it's so like great as listener, listening to it because it just, I, I think you're right the less we can feel alone and realize that there really isn't anything to be ashamed over and we can change these things that are, are kind of just tearing apart the foundation of our lives, you know, and, um, change it for the better and, and. start to

Brianne: 35:17

heal. Yeah. It honestly, secrets keep us sick. Even if it's the past, when you haven't shared or when you're still presently going through, they keep sick. And that shame also just destroys your insides and it keeps you stuck and people to be able to grow and know that. Again, they are not alone. They do not have to suffer alone. I talk about mental illness, you know, birth control. And my son just walked in. That is your you'll. You'll put, I'm doing an interview right now. I love you.

Tabitha: 35:58

Oh,

Brianne: 36:01

shut the door. Will you. Okay. I shut the door. I love you. My

Tabitha: 36:08

husband just goes, "Sorry".

Brianne: 36:14

Oh, you can leave it on, you know, like how hard motherhood is hating motherhood. Sometimes, you know, we talk about, you know, stealing when you are something's stealing from Jeff, Jeff Bezosat whole foods. Pizza. All these crazy secrets and things we've done and lied. And you know, there's a couple of them that were really hard to listen to the one where, um, uh, she, Lisa, she uses abortion as a form of birth control. That one's really difficult. And then Kristen's one where she shot herself with ashotgun trying to commit suicide. And she takes me through the whole. Like the moment she shot herself and all that. So we have some really dark secrets, but we have some funny ones where you're addicted to reality TV and, you know, lenses that make you laugh more. So I'm really proud of it. I'm proud of our podcast. That's

Tabitha: 37:06

amazing. That's amazing. Yeah. I highly recommend listening to it to anyone listening to this. Um, is there anything you want to share with the audience today? Like. Just any, you've already had so many golden nuggets. I feel like.

Brianne: 37:25

Um, yeah, I just think, you know, whenever we speak our truth and, and stand up for being of service to others, that, and that's why I wrote the book. That's why I do the podcast. It just. Know that if you're struggling out there, you can reach out to me right now on Instagram, you can DM me at the Brianne Davis. I respond to all my DMs. If you're struggling, I'll point you in the right direction. Um, and also, you know, listen to the podcast, every walk of life, bipolar disorder, men with eating disorders. I try to cover every gamut so people know that they're not.

Tabitha: 38:01

That's awesome. Thank you for what you're doing. Thank you. Yeah. Really it's, it's pretty spectacular. And I'm still, I feel blessed to have you on the podcast really it's and, and the fact that we had that mess up the first time I remember we had to redo this and you've been so gracious and I was like, kicking myself. I was like, Oh man. But then there's that moment? It's like, well, everything happens for a reason really. And there's only so much I can control.

Brianne: 38:30

Well, you can't control anything, girl, we can't get there. That's another thing we cannot control any only control

Tabitha: 38:35

my own reactions to things. And so I just thought, well, I'm going to throw this up and you've been so cool and, and gracious for being on the podcast and just kind of being flexible. And so I appreciate that.

Brianne: 38:50

And you're welcome. Well, I love the, I love talking about it. I love sharing my journey. Yeah. You know how difficult it was, but I'm on the other side now. And any way I can get the word out and help other people and get to know people like you is like makes my life even more complete. So thank you for having me on. Oh

Tabitha: 39:09

yeah. Well, you're welcome. Thanks for being here. Go say hi to your beautiful son and, um, Okay, thanks so much. I'll let you know how this goes.

Brianne: 39:22

Fingers crossed. We got it. We got this.

Tabitha: 39:27

Thank you. Have a great day. Bye.