Our cup of coffee discussion focuses on polite truths and how to teach our kids the difference between a lie that can hurt someones feelings or a lie that can spare someones feelings.  We discuss in depth white (harmless) lies vs matter of fact truths and polite truths.  Teaching our kids how to filter their thoughts is next level parenting.  "Think about how someone will feel if you say this" and practicing different solutions will help our kids navigate their day as well as their digital life with the goal of maintaining their friendships.

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Part 3 of 3 of our making friends series dives into the importance of perspective in relationships.  Understanding others, social problem solving, awareness and empathy, recognizing social expectations, and understanding intent are key topics discussed to close out our series.  For our kids (and yes, for adults) it is important to learn to see a topic through another lens.  What do you see?  What do our friends see?  What do you think?  What do you think our friends think?  What did you hear?  What did our friends here?  There is so much here and we only begin to introduce this concept in our cup of coffee session.  The idea that maybe one of our friends is convinced the sky is red.  Maybe that is simply all the information they have to think that.  Does that change if they have your perspective?  Does your belief change if you have theirs?  Is a candle shaped like an apple a candle, or is it an apple?  Depends on what information you have to decide?  Sometimes our beliefs are emotion based.  It rarely works when we tell someone how to feel.  How do we rationalize our beliefs?  We discuss think vs know vs believe and introduce the concept of tactical deception.  Book recommendations include Good News Bad News by Jeff Mack and Freddie the Fly by Kimberly Delude.  Board Game recommendation Apples to Apples Jr.  

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Part 2 of 3 of our making friends series, LenEll, Trisha and Chad talk about the line of humor vs sarcasm.  Humor is anything that makes people laugh.  It can be light-hearted or dark, slapstick or witty.  Humor includes jokes, puns, funny stories!  Sarcasm is more biting and intended to mock or convey contempt.  It’s often used to criticize or insult.  An important part of making friends is knowing the difference.  Where is the line?  When does an emerging skill such as appropriate humor cross over into bullying?  When our kids are online, how do they know the difference and how can parents help our kids navigate true relationships from those that are potentially harmful?  How can parents help with an emerging sense of humor and how do our kids mirror their parents’ personality?   When does a joke go too far and when it does how can we help our kids learn to pull it back?  When is kidding truly kidding or when is it not kidding?

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Part 1 of a 3 part series is focused on making friends and the importance playdates.  Helping our kids build friendships base on common interests and a good friend fit is only the beginning.  Helping them understand the importance of perspective taking, empathy, flexible thinking and expandable interests will help them find those long-lasting friendships that will be there for them when they need them!  Pro-tips are included in our discussion for conversational skills, as well as setting up home court advantage in early play dates that will build confidence and connection.  Early development of these skills will set your child up for success in more complex social situations in their later years.  

Recommended books:

• Bubble Gum Brain by Julia Cook
• Elvin and Brayden Friends Forever by Sandra Morrison
• Be a Friend by Salina Yoon
• Teach Your Dragon to Make Friends by Steve Herman
• Better Together by Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd

Other Resources:

• Together Tokens
• What Makes Your Child Tick - Play Preference Quiz

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Episode 25 is an honest conversation surrounding The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt.  We highly recommend this book for parents of teens and tweens even though it completely scared the bleep out of us! Also check out the author's companion video Smartphones vs Kids.  Jonathan Haidt does an amazing job breaking down why we are where we are.  The 90's gave us personal computers and the internet.  2010 gave us the first iPhone.  In 2012, Facebook acquired Instagram.  The front facing camera then led to the selfie craze.  These pivotal moments opened the door to losing real face to face moments with screens as well as adding a level of stress, unrealistic expectations and ultimately depression for a significant percentage of our youth population.  Then the pandemic shattered our sense of reality and has now created a generation of IPAD / YouTube kids (skibidi toilet?).  Social media providers know how to keep our kids locked in to the screen using algorithms and gamification.  How can parents deal with this when we are also locked in?  Time to look up and recognize the importance of social interaction in the real world, not our screens.  Not to say they are a bad tool ... they are a great tool with endless possibilities.  Teaching our kids how to turn them off is ballgame.  For us, it really comes down to REAL social experiences.

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Ages & Stages!  Using American Academy of Pediatrics take on Ages and Stages as a guide, we discuss the importance of early intervention, milestones, and the challenges faced with significant gaps coming out of the pandemic and living in an age of social media.  Playdates, board games, cooking, and general non-virtual moments all matter.  Reading to our kids at an early age is so important.  The CDC's milestone tracker is a game changer.  

*****
Track your child’s milestones with CDC’s, FREE Milestone Tracker mobile app, available for iOS and Android in English and Spanish. Interactive developmental milestone checklists help you know what to look for in your child. Use the app to complete a checklist for your child’s age, share a summary with your child’s healthcare provider, and get tips for encouraging your child’s development. The app has many easy-to-use features, including

• Milestone checklists for 2 months through 5 years of age;
• Summary of your child’s milestones to share;
• Activities to support your child’s development;
• Tips for what to do if you become concerned; and
• Reminders for appointments and developmental screening.

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Problems, problems, problems!  Big ones for parents may be little ones to our kids.  Big ones to our kids may seem little to parents.  It doesn't matter, all are important.  Listening is critical.  Telling someone else how to feel never truly ends well. 

Chad, Trisha & LenEll discuss parenting strategies on how to navigate the tricky balance of teaching our kids how to cope while allowing them room to figure things out.  Parenting never stops, it only changes. 

Air pods are the ultimate invisibility cloak to our kids and an outstanding way to avoid having conversations.  How parents were taught doesn't always work today.  Screens & social media (ugh Tik Tok and YouTube Shorts) require creative methods of staying connected with our kids. 

Finding perspective in all of this is key to understanding that what we feel may not match what others in our family may feel.  Exploring all of this is our theme in Episode #23 for Finding Moments.

FM Thought ... would you want to be a kid again in high school today?  #perspective

Quote of the Day ... "be yourself; everyone else is already taken" - Oscar Wilde

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Episode 22 was recorded prior to the holidays.  Well, it took us a minute and we gave ourselves a bit of grace and the permission to take off January!  With that, we focus our cup of coffee conversation on finding kindness.  The best moments happen when we give of ourselves, and we take a breath, and do the smallest of things to make someone else's day matter.  Our kids watch us and model what we do.  Kindness spreads so quickly and it is also a form of self care for us!  

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Special Guest!  Jody Diebold, registered dietician, certified diabetes care and education specialist joins LenEll, Trisha & Chad in a self-care discussion as it relates to parenting today.  ZOOM meetings, routines, sleep ... all on the table.   Jody is our first "guest".  She's amazing.  The topics discussed over a cup of coffee conversation .... legit!  It is hard to find the time and parents ... we've got this.  Self care is important. How do we do it?  Let's meet Jody!

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Parents are human after all!  Mistakes are daily.  It's OK! There is no playbook.  Parents are not perfect.  For #20 ... we discuss Tom Huddleston Jr's article on CNBC with psychotherapist Amy Morin from April 16th, 2023 ... "Parents who raise mentally strong kids never use these 7 phrases when their children are young".   Also there is so much truth Giannis Antetokoumpo's response to losing in the 2023 NBA playoff's being a failure, that it is a perfect tie in to the journey of parenting!  Hint ... not a failure ... it is steps to success!

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Kicking off our 3rd season of our Finding Moments podcast!  We start with a little fun with what our kids know and don't know about "stuff" from the 80's & 90's.  Our special guests were killing it!  Our discussion then kicked off our 3rd season theme of social skills and the challenges for both our kids ... and their parents!  Our discussion took a few turns and ranged from teaching our kids about money to bullying with a few crazy stories of adults at their breaking points.  Very on brand for 2023 parenting!

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We took a break for a few months, but coming back strong with a review of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids by Carla Naumburg, PhD.  This book is great!  We agree that we are going to lose our Sh*t ... it's not as matter of if, just when.  Our kids push our buttons.  It's simply what they do.  The trick is ... how do we as fully developed PFC brained adults deal with it.  Join us in the discussion.  Total recommendation of the strategies that are discussed.  

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An honest conversation all about WTF!  2022 keeps swinging big by leveling up the #parenting challenges.  While the news cycle is a scary place, how do parents stay level?  Having to explain current events?  Self care?  How?  Coming out of a pandemic sounded easier but every day adds a new layer of special sauce to how #moms and #dads must adapt to stay above it to help our kids.  Over a cup of coffee, this conversation takes a few turns but our favorite is the discussion of let it go or let it be. #itsoktonotbeok

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With summer coming, how do we balance memorable moments our kids will remember without adding stress to mom & dad?  Are summer moments built around expensive vacations, or is it simply about spending time with family & friends?  Is summer for our kids to practice their social skills, learning and growing in an unstructured environment?  Join our cup of coffee conversation talking summer activity lists, balancing the epic experience with the bonding experience.  We discuss the value of outdoor time more than ever coming out of whatever the last 2 years have been.  Is it possible for 2022 to be the normal summer?  With fuel prices, inflation, is it time to find the simple moments with our kids and in turn, letting our kids find time to explore their relationships with their friends closer to home? 

Check out our library & parenting hacks at finding-moments.com.  

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On December 30th the Marshall Fire in Boulder County, Colorado claimed 1100 homes.  On December 31st, we posted that Finding Moments was taking a moment to collect our thoughts as Chad and Trisha's home was one of the homes that was a total loss.  It has taken us 75 days to tell our story.  We are ready to share this moment with you.  

What we've learned is that our friends and family circles are incredible.  Our family is strong.  Our kids are amazing!  We have our dog, we are safe and above all things are things moments matter and they are forever as things can be replaced.  People are everything!

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Discussing "next" with coming out of the pandemic, and looking for ways to find our Joy as parents.  Courtesy of How to Find Joy in your Everyday Life, courtesy of Nicol Natele, Prevention Magazine. 

1. Look for meaning
2. Think small picture
3. Straighten out your spiral
4. Make room for a passion
5. Set a goal outside of your comfort zone
6. Be present
7. Confront your past
8. Choose authenticity
9. Volunteer
10. Re-connect with nature
11. Make opportunities for laughter
12. Seek out positive people

Learn more at Finding Moments!

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Episode 13 focuses on "Finding Moments".  We are one year old!  Reflecting on our first year, discussing the tools we've built and how they can help parents find less tension with time-outs and must do's to make more time for fun things.  Self care matters.  Stay-cations can make for great moments.  How it is important to take advantage of every minute with our family now to avoid regret later.  We deep dive on Together Tokens, Your Time Clock, Our Tasks, Your Tasks Chore Chart and the ways in which we've used them to focus on positive parenting solutions.  

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Episode 12 explores the parenting styles permissive, uninvolved, authoritarian and authoritative also touching on free range parenting and asking the question, should we ever tell our kids no?  What style of parenting do you lean to?  Is it all or nothing, or is it simply how to balance different styles within a household.  How our kids learn from our example.  Ultimately how recognition of where we fall within these buckets and an honest self evaluation can help make us better parents.  

Subscribe to our podcast, available on all major players, or visit us at finding-moments.com for our monthly podcast, great parenting tools as well as check out our library, thoughts and tips!

Our products are built for families (especially parents), to reward positive behavior, level up playtime, strengthen family moments and create memories that last!  What's your play?

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 After reading both Reset Your Child's Brain by Victoria L. Dunckley, MD and Glow Kids by Nicholas Kardaras, Ph.D.  we discuss the impact of screen time on our own children as well as the concept and the practicality of a 3 week "reset" as recommended by Dr. Dunckley.   In our discovery, our kids are being stimulated at a rate unlike any other generation.  The gaming industry has put the R&D into keeping our kids hooked on screens.  However, gaming isn't the only industry competing for our kids time.  Can we pull our kids off?  How much time is too much time.  A child's dopamine levels are incredibly high when immersed in an active screen.  Is this over stimulation sacrificing relationships?  Join us as we talk through both books, the over arching concept and perhaps one of the greatest challenges parents have with getting their kids to look up. 

additional resources are available on finding-moments.com/library

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How do we get our kids to listen?  Truly.  Seems like they listen to everyone but their parents.  From the perspective of 2 moms and a dad.  Rooted in psychology.  We look at different strategies that help.  Positive parenting styles that reward positive interactions.  Based on various sources, including Robert Shramm, the author of The Seven Steps to Earning Instructional Control; Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child by Ross W. Green and Jonathan Todd Ross; as well as the work of Dr. Greg Hanley.

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Routines vs Schedules.  Knowing what to expect makes us all feel better.  Episode 9 is a conversation centered around how to build age appropriate routines and how flexibility in daily routines are critical to child development as well as family sanity.  Striking the right balance is very personal and centered around each families needs.  However, there are core tent poles each day that can be the building blocks including meal time, bed time, homework and family time.  Modeling flexibility teaches kids how to navigate disruption.  Holding to a rigid schedule can lead to frustration and friction.  finding-moments.com : FB & Instagram findingmomentsfamily : Twitter: finding_moments

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As we look forward to happier, brighter 2021, check out Russ Harris' book The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, yet we are still in the tunnel.  One year into the pandemic, and where do we stand with our kids?  Are we doing a good job?  How do we talk to our kids about current events.   How do we keep communication open, while protecting them at the same time?  An open, honest conversation about the reality of parenting in the pandemic.  Signs to watch for and steps we can take to help our kids, and ourselves as we continue to navigate where we are and look forward to coming out the other side.  Its ok to not be ok!  Visit finding-moments.com for additional articles and parental tools.  When your child gives you a hug, never be the first one to let go!

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While saying goodbye to 2020, LenEll, Trisha & Chad talk about the importance of tradition for our families and our children.  In a time of change and uncertainty, consistency isn't boring .... it feels comfortable and safe!

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To complete our three part series, we discuss Together Tokens which teach patience, turn-taking, and how rewarding time can be with others … “the gift of play”.   Through the use of short periods of time and play activities that are highly motivating, the two people learn to find excitement and joy in each other’s company and one another’s interests.  Chad, Trisha and LenEll discuss ways in which we have used this parental tool, and how it can help your family connect.  

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The second, in our three part series we discuss an alternative to time outs, a simple concept of positive re-enforcement.  Your Time Clock is a behavior system that is straightforward, visual and will put your child in charge of their time. Catch your child displaying behaviors you want (sharing, kind words, listening the first time, etc.) and your child earns minutes! When your child makes mistakes, they lose minutes.  Use for bedtime, screen time, free time, home school recess, or whatever type of time works best for your family.  

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