Thriving in Business and Life: Carmen Roman's Guide to Maximizing Results

Today we delve into the art of achieving life-work harmony with renowned Rapid Transformational Coach and NLP expert, Carmen Roman. Join us as Carmen shares her wealth of experience, guiding mid-career professionals towards setting healthy boundaries, managing stress, and boosting confidence to maximize results. With over 7 years of empowering high achievers, Carmen's unique blend of classical coaching, NLP, and Rapid Transformation Therapy techniques promises actionable insights for overcoming challenges and unlocking one's full potential. Get ready to embark on a transformative journey towards balance and success in both personal and professional realms.

ABOUT THE GUEST

Today I am delighted to introduce you to Carmen Roman, a dynamic Rapid Transformational Coach and NLP expert, on a mission to help high achievers overcome challenges and unlock their full potential. 

With over 7 years of experience, Carmen blends classical coaching techniques with Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Rapid Transformation Therapy to empower clients towards positive change. 

Her passion, lies in guiding mid-career professionals towards work-life harmony, stress management, and confidence building. Carmen's approach is grounded, yet innovative, offering actionable strategies for personal and professional growth. 

So I’m excited to dive into Carmen's journey and glean insights to help you thrive in both your business and personal life! 

Discover more from Carmen here:

Website:       https://carmen-roman.com/
LinkedIn:       https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmenromancoach/
Facebook:     https://www.facebook.com/carmenromancoach/
Instagram:    https://www.instagram.com/carmenromancoach/
Threads        https://www.threads.net/@carmenromancoach
YouTube:      https://www.youtube.com/@carmen-roman

ABOUT THE HOST

My name is Dave Barr and am the Founder and Owner of RLB Purchasing Consultancy Limited.

I have been working in Procurement for over 25 years and have had the joy of working in a number of global manufacturing and service industries throughout this time.

I am passionate about self development, business improvement, saving money, buying quality goods and services, developing positive and effective working relationships with suppliers and colleagues, and driving improvement through out the supply chain.

Now I wish to share this knowledge and that of highly skilled and competent people with you, the listener, in order that you may hopefully benefit from this information.

CONTACT DETAILS

@The Real Life Buyer
Email: david@thereallifebuyer.co.uk
Website: https://linktr.ee/thereallifebuyer

For Purchasing Consultancy services:
https://rlbpurchasingconsultancy.co.uk/
Email: contact@rlbpurchasingconsultancy.co.uk

Find and Follow me @reallifebuyer on Facebook, Instagram, X, Threads and TikTok.

Click here for some Guest Courses - https://www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk/guest-courses/

Click here for some Guest Publications - https://www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk/guest-publications

Transcript

Intro  00:00

Welcome to The Real Life Buyer podcast. In this podcast, you will hear interviews with business owners, entrepreneurs, thought leaders, authors and technical specialists in their field. These professionals will hasten your development accelerate your career and broaden your business know how now introducing your host Dave Barr interviewing with a purchasing twist.

Dave Barr  00:21

Hello, and welcome to The Real Life Buyer. Today I am delighted to introduce you to Carmen Roman, a dynamic rapid transformational coach and NLP expert on a mission to help high achievers overcome challenges and unlock their full potential. With over seven years of experience, Carmen blends classical coaching techniques with neuro linguistic programming and rapid transformation therapy to empower clients towards positive change. Her passion lies in guiding mid career professionals towards work life harmony, stress management, and confidence building comments approaches grounded yet innovative offering actionable strategies for personal and professional growth. So I'm really excited to dive into Carmen's journey and glean insights to help you thrive in both your business and personal life. So without further ado, a welcome Carmen. Onto the podcast. Hi, Carmen.

Carmen Roman  01:20

Hi, Dave. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. It's an honour and a pleasure.

Dave Barr  01:25

The pleasure, I assure you is all mine been looking forward for us to get together and chat for some time now. And I do appreciate, as I said before your support in this podcast. So let's dive in. Okay, so let's dive into question one. Now, we often end up where we didn't plan to be, you know, I've certainly didn't start out my career in life moving into procurement or producing a podcast. So I'm intrigued to hear your backstory. So who, or what did you want to become when you dreamed of becoming an adult? And what turn of events drew you to the path you're now on?

Carmen Roman  02:01

Oh, a fabulous question. Thank you so much for asking that. So yeah, I you know, unlike probably many of the coaches that really want to pay it forward to their clients, I cannot take pride in having had a very unusual past or something very shocking or very unique happening to me. So I've had lino like a very average childhood with two very loving parents and two other siblings. Back in Romania, where I'm originally from, it was very, it was sort of very obvious that as you grow up, you have to study and then you would have to go to university, that's a must. And then you would have to just, you know, get married, have children, buy a house, plant a tree, and then, and then the story ends here, you know, it's like a cliffhanger. So my personal story actually started in Romania. So I did a study, I studied, actually economics and marketing. And then of course, I got employed, and I became a program manager completely by accident, just because a leader said, Oh, you're really good at organizing and, and managing various stakeholders, and you're good at listening. So this is how I became a program manager. And then my career actually brought me along the lines of this professional environment of project management and process improvement. However, all my really good friends always told me that not only I'm a good listener, but I am the wisest person, they know it with the best possible intent, because I always asked really good questions. And that's something that is a little bit peculiar to me. But I always find in people, various traits, or I notice things that they don't notice for themselves. And then I ask really relevant questions. I've had many people that came to me and said, remember that it was an aha moment for me. So this is how actually I started my career as a coach is actually a funny story, if I may share the it was more than eight years ago, and I was actually at a dinner with colleagues from from the, from a former company, and they also had friends there. So we will use a large group like 30 plus people, and I was sharing a story that was quite funny. And then someone walked up to me and approached me. And then they said, I want to be coached by you. And in a split second, I said, of course, but back then I, I did not I knew what coaching was, but I did not have any credentials. I did not have any studies. So I went home and basically had to Google the rates for a coaching because I had no idea how, what's the business model around the coaching business. So this is how I started step by step. And then I started with coaching, and then I continue to learn linguistic programming. And then I went into rapid transformational therapy. And later on, I actually graduated psychology because I was really, really curious of all the aspects of the human mind. I'm really fascinated by how the human mind works. So I started alternative methods but also I want to To have the mainstream psychology knowledge and experience because I think you know, when you have a lot of tools in your toolkit, you're better equipped to help the clients. So that's, that's the story. Yeah, it's a really interesting conclusion that I arrived to like a couple of weeks ago, and I'm so happy that you asked them, because there wasn't a moment when I said, Okay, from now on, I am fully qualified to deal with everything that comes my direction. And actually, my studies were driven by my clients, I realized at some point that the pure coaching is a really effective tool. But it has to downsides it actually takes a long time. And it doesn't always go into the root cause of the of the problems, it looks at behaviors, and it it tries to address them with various rational methods that may or may not work for different individuals. So that actually made me look more into what is out there that can we can influence without necessarily using the logic. And this is how I started to study the subconscious mind. And this is how I came to the teachings of Marissa Pierre, who is actually the inventor of the rapid transformational therapy. And then having learned RTT then led me to really want to study more in terms of the classical psychology. So I wanted to know, you know, our friends, young and and all the famous psychologists have said, regarding to how the human mind works, how the mechanisms of behavior are, what is the, you know, all the conditionals that that we have in our minds? And of course, what is the role of the, of the rational, irrational, you know, subconscious and unconscious minds that, that we all have just to have to look at various situations from different vantage points. So I don't think I will ever reach a point where I will say, I know enough, because I think this is something that constantly evolves, my clients always bring me interesting challenges that we need to sort together. And in the end, it's very interesting. My my clients are always taken aback by something that I say very early in our relationship is my interest is really making sure that you I'm setting you up for success. If that takes me to more sessions than we initially agreed upon, or it takes more hours from my side, I must be fine, because what I'm looking for are results, not billable hours. And that is something that is yeah, for four hours, who has worked very well, not only for me, but also for my clients. Fantastic.

Dave Barr  05:11

That's really fascinating. It sounds like you're naturally empathetic then, people pick up from how you interact with them, that you are somebody they can open up to perhaps relate to share things that perhaps they wouldn't share with other people. Now I'm quite interesting, you know NLP, rapid transformational therapy, all these things sound quite heavy, you know, a lot of work. Just to put some context on things you did an awful lot of studying and sounds like passing of exams and such, what was the timeframe from when you were first approached to become a coach to, when you felt that you were qualified in the different aspects to be able to give the best version of yourself? And I like the word you use, there was relationship, people thinking of, of a coach perhaps refer to the fact that they're being taught being educated, but you use a very different word that relationship word says about how you are empathetic with the individual, and you're not just teaching them you're building something far more than than just a student teacher type of role. So yeah, that kind of comes back full circle, really, on how your empathy shines through, I think.

Carmen Roman  08:47

Thank you. Yeah, I think that is valuable in the end, because what I think it's a journey, although sometimes I get results quite fast, depending on on what is the situation that the client wants to solve, sometimes the results are very fast, sometimes the results take some time because the change is really has there is you know, instant change, and that there is progression to change. And there is a retrospective change that you realize happened only when you look back after a certain period of time. So the results in terms of how quick they are achieved, that may vary. But with all the clients, I develop a relationship to make sure that they feel supported, and they feel heard. And I also do not stay, you know, we may have an initial idea of what the coaching sessions should be. But then if they come the end of the session, and they've just had, I don't know, not so not so fun exchange with the relevant partner or they had something that troubles them in their day to day life. We first look at that and clear that and then we focus on on what we intended to do in the first place. So I think it's a matter of give and take and I like to you know, have the client also leading a bit the sessions because in the end, I can I'm there to support them. I cannot force anyone to change. It's really up to each client to make that decision for themselves. And when they make it, and they that usually happens when they say, Yes, I'm going to get to go into a coaching relationship with you. They they make that decision and they start investing in themselves. And every change that they make is I'm supporting it. And I'm asking them the relevant questions and giving them the right tools. I am challenging them to look at situations from different vantage points. But in the end, they decide to change their minds, they decide to break their limiting beliefs, they decide to have a different perspective to take action to stop procrastinating to do things in a different way to adopt new habits. So that is really 100% up to up to them.

Dave Barr  10:47

Right. You mentioned Marisa Peer, I've certainly seen some of her presentations. She is quite prolific out there. I've never met anybody who's actually been on one of her courses, though. So it's quite fascinating in itself, that's a different conversation. So you've got this background in, I think you referred to RTT, and also NLP, and just for the audience, everybody wants actionable strategies, certainly, mid career professionals are obviously included in that. But they could be struggling to set healthy boundaries, you know, with their demanding schedules, everybody's trying to get on in their world and under pressure and have to do things quicker and more effectively. And now the advent of AI, I suspect people are feeling a lot more under pressure, because they've got to achieve. So how would you suggest, you know, what's kind of strategies would you suggest that they could use to manage those demands, and strike this kind of balance between their work and personal life, but still maintaining the productivity and the, you know, the efficiency of achieving things in life,

Carmen Roman  11:49

I find more and more of my clients and people who I have conversations on a regular basis have this feeling of being stuck, being stressed being overwhelmed, because we're constantly bombarded by not only a lot of information, but also advancements in technology, and a lot of requests that require not only our time, but also our mental bandwidth and emotional capacities. So in all these, this turmoil, everybody is actually trying to find a golden recipe that would work for them. And everyone wants that to work fast. Now, sometimes that can happen. But sometimes it's not that easy. It can be easy, but it's also a matter of of experimenting, what works for you and what doesn't. And this is something that I encourage all my clients, I personally have my own set ways of working, but they I came to them after years of experience, and I eliminated things that don't work. For me, I'll give you an example. I work a lot with a time box calendar. So that means that you owe a lot in one calendar that is unique for both work and personal life, you will have a certain time for each of the tasks that you want to complete so that you can easily see when you are at capacity, and you can easily see what to prioritize in case you have new incoming requests that for me works much better than having a to do list because for me the To Do Lists was like a never ending story. Yeah, I get to satisfaction in zero ticking of tasks that were done. But I was naturally tempted to add more items to my list. So that didn't work well for me. Okay, so now the only thing that I do is actually a get to do list. That is my way of doing like, showing that I am really grateful for I am because I get to do various activities that probably I've not even dreamed of. So sometimes when I feel you know, like, Oh, I'm not achieved a lot this week, or I'm looking back and I'm thinking, Oh, I really went off track here, I really make a list of get to do list. So coming back to answering your question, it's a matter of trying out. But that is that cannot be done in isolation. What we forget in this turmoil of the day to day life is to really ask ourselves, what is important for me? What do I want to focus on? What are those 123 achievements that I want to have done by a certain milestone that can be by the summer, by the end of the year by I know by the time I graduated, by the time I changed my job or whatever the milestone is because if we don't have that, and we basically forget to, to anchor the actions into something that is a bigger purpose, then in the end you make you can be very productive into something that is not meaningful. And then in the end, when you stop and look back, you realize, oh, this is actually not what I want. And then you you realize this is not my purpose. And that can easily spiral into you know, behaviors that are, you know, borderline depression, very pessimistic, you know, overthinking, beating yourself up and all that that can spiral into mental health issues. So going back to answer your question to summarize If I appreciate they'll give you a long list along as I think it's a matter of really sitting down and listing for yourself the first three, five priorities for the next for the next period of time, maybe a year, not longer than a year now and then selecting what you're going to focus on and then breaking down those tasks into actionable steps that can be done ideally, daily. Now, you're not going to do it for from from the beginning. But it's it's a matter of really getting it to an actionable items and being there committed to completing them. So that's what I find it works for, for every person, some are very good at this, some some needs to have a bigger longer learning curve. But in the end, this is something that works for everyone.

Dave Barr  15:41

That is great because I remember the I think it was a LinkedIn post or one of the posts you put out about the use of the calendar. And that immediately resonated with myself because I use a calendar and I color code certain activities. And those colors trigger things in with me. And by allocate time I like certain activities at certain days of the week. And it gets me into a rhythm that for me works very well. So as I was, I think I remember reaching out to you and mentioning at the time that, you know, that was really good. And I passed that on to one of my colleagues at the time. And they had started to use the same technique, because as you said, we have these massive to do lists, you know, you can keep adding to it all the all the days, the week, and you cross a few off here and there. But it doesn't get structured. It's just a big list. And I found by doing the thing that you mentioned, certainly helped me and help my colleague as well. So I think that was a great insight, an example of what people can can use. 

16:40

Thank you so much for passing it on to your colleague, I'm really grateful for that. Yeah, it only adds creatures of habits. And the more we repeat something, and the more we make it familiar, the easier it is to focus and make progress. So yeah, I'm really happy that it worked for you.

Dave Barr  16:55

That's good. Thinking about the word you mentioned a bit stress and how everybody is under tremendous pressure these days, there's a lot going on in the world, as we all know, but identifying what the root causes of that stress, particularly within oneself can be difficult. And therefore managing that horrible thing people refer to as burnout is equally difficult. So what kind of things would you recommend? You know, how do you go about finding out? What are the root causes of the stresses? And how can other people help you? How can the coaches help you. So you can really make a difference and change the way you're acting, as you mentioned, improve your mental health?

Carmen Roman  17:35

Yeah, I've focused on stress management for like, I think two years, very, very intensely, especially 2019 2020. at the brink of the pandemic, I was actually having a lot of clients that had had stress. And I studied a lot. And I was able to simplify a bit the approach, and I found a method that is really, really working with with all my clients and was really, really, really good results. I'm going to tell you a secret, Dave, that is not going to be a secret when this episode is going to be published. But stress is actually can be simplified in a way that anyone can deal with it. But it is on not only a matter of what do you do, and you identify the stress, it's also a matter of how do you keep checking in with yourself. So looking at stress, that is not a one time exercise that you need to do. It's like a behavior like a habit that you need to repeat over and over to check with yourself. So here's the secret stress can actually have one of the free courses. Because if you look back and think of what the what stress is, that is actually a gap. It's a difference that we have in one of the three areas, it can be a gap of time, think of all the situations when you rushed to meeting if you were in that situation, yeah, you're stressed about it. So it's a gap of time. It is a gap of knowledge, you have to prepare a presentation, but you do not know what to put to, to add in the content. You're stressed about it. Yeah, you prepare for negotiation meeting, but you do not know exactly what the boundaries are, you're going to be stressed about it. Yeah. And third is support, you really want to get a lot done, but you feel that your partner is not supporting you. Or maybe you don't have the the circle of friends that you would like to have. Or maybe your manager is not supporting your next step or promotion or success at work. Yeah, so stress is really a gap between either time or knowledge or support system. So once you realize that, and then you check in with yourself, or I'm stressed what actually makes me stressed. Anything any answer that you give yourself to this question is going to fall into one of these three categories. It's time is knowledge or support system, and then it's a matter of looking at what are my what is my next step for each of these buckets, you can do various actions for time is better planning for knowledge is creating a plan to bridge that gap, either by yourself or reaching out to other people that may be knowledgeable that you can bring in to fill in that gap. And the third support system is again, thinking, how can I be supported, reaching out to people, but also intent fully building relationships that are meaningful. So there are solutions. But once you discover, oh, I'm stressed, and this is the cause, then you know, next day, something else is going to come. So you need to repeat this exercise, the better you get at knowing your feelings and knowing yourself, the faster you can realize, okay, what is stressing me and then go to the, to the relevant action.

Dave Barr  20:44

Now, it's really interesting, I'm most intrigued about the knowledge one will be thinking about, certainly about myself, you feel you never have enough knowledge, no matter how many books you read, how many videos you watch, and you always feel there's a gap. So for people who are experiencing that kind of challenge, no matter what they do, they never fill the gap. How can they overcome that problem? You know, how can they say I've got to read another book, I've got to find another coach or something like that? What's the method of resolving that problem? Yeah,

Carmen Roman  21:15

it's an interesting point that you bring them because this is an area where it's really easy to understand what coping mechanisms individuals have built to actually deal with the feelings inside. From a pure psychological perspective, confidence is directly correlated with self efficacy, self efficacy means how good you are at performing a certain task. So the psychological theory that Bandura and his colleagues studied for years and years, actually says that the more that you the more you do something, the more confident you are, that you are sufficient, you are, you are doing that task well enough. So it anything in this area of knowledge has an element of experience. But then when that is missing, or there are other mental models that tell you that you probably tell yourself, I'm not good enough, I'm not qualified enough. Who am I to do this impostor syndrome? Yeah, I'm not worthy of their time or their attention, then you're going to try to cope with your own feelings, by doing an action that is going to make you less visible to protect yourself. So that's when you're going to either say many times, you're going to say, I'm going to search for the next book, I'm going to look at the next resource, I'm going to study one hour more, that is already signs of perfectionism. Because in your mind, the mental model is, if this is not perfect, it means I am not good enough. So once you realize that pattern of thought, that's a limiting belief that can be easily removed. But you've you can't fix what you don't understand. So you first need to understand what is triggering that behavior of seeking perfectionism of really feeling that you are not belonging, or you're not doing something to a certain level of, of proficiency as you should? So I hope I answered your question,in  this area.

Dave Barr  23:12

That's really good, because it's exploring some things that are quite close to me. And the thing that I would throw away in is also the fear of failure. If you don't know, the answer to every single question, and somebody is going to ask, ask that question that's going to challenge you is going to disrupt your thought patterns is gonna make you hesitate. And it's that fear that quite often drives you to need to know more and more and more, and that's quite a difficult one to overcome. 

23:41

Sometimes it is, sometimes. So the fear of failure can be one of the drivers, but it really depends of previous life experiences, because it can there can be other drivers, but staying with the fear of failure for a while. Basically, the fear of failure is of learned fear, meaning no one when they were a baby were born with fear of failure. No one. Yeah. Actually, children are predisposed to fail a lot. Remember how a child walks, they stand up, and then they fall a lot. And they never say, Oh, I'm getting up, this is too hard. I'm going to fail and mom is going to be ashamed of me. And that is going to feel bad as well. Yeah, they keep trying and trying until they succeed. The fear of failure is a learned behavior is something that is learned because usually, in our previous in childhood, or, you know, early, early teenage years, there were some events that an individual could have interpreted us if I fail, I'm either not safe not enough not worthy and not belonging to the group. Yeah. And these are actually very basic human needs that really need to be satisfied satisfied from an emotional perspective. They are like food for the for the body and physical exercise, you know, for the again for the physical health. So once the previous experience led an individual to say, if I fail, then I'm not going to be all these things, then they are going to start developing that fear of failure. So that is the as it is learned, it can be unlearned, but it's a matter of going back to understand when that mechanism was formed, and then replacing it with something that is empowering with with mental models that are, it's okay for me not to be perfect. It's okay. If I try. I will learn from it. Yeah. So it also matters not only going to the past, and really understanding, you know, what happened to that trigger that fear of failure, but it's also a matter of self talk. And that I think it's one of the most important aspects of us as humans is how do we speak to ourselves that in inner dialogue that only we can hear, and we understand, when you have a self talk that is positive and uplifting and encouraging, then it's easier to overcome any fear. I teach my clients, for example, the majority of them, because they come to me and say, I'm stuck, or I'm overwhelmed, or I'm stressed, I usually start with this psychological tests that are actually looking into what's their level of self esteem. Because if you're not trusting yourself, and you're not esteeming in yourself, you're not really appreciating yourself, everything else that we're trying to build is built on, all moving sent now. So we basically go first to that. And then we develop like a system to change their inner talk. And the moment they switch to being kind to themselves, and they start learning, nourishing, not affirmations, just nourishing thoughts, then they start doing really well. And we start with a mantra. So I asked them to come up with something that is resonating with them. That is like an anchor in difficult situations, for example, myself for a long, long time, this is a mantra that I've had, I think it'll last at least 15 years is "all is well in my world, and I am safe", that for me that resonates with me. And whenever you know, I find myself stressed or maybe a little bit rushed, or in a very difficult situation, or with a very complex problem. When I repeat this, this is calming the mind. And it brings me that emotional regulation that really then allows me to go into into problem solving. So that self self talk is very, very important.

Dave Barr  27:25

Right now I find this fascinating, you know, reflect back on those formative years we've mentioned, particularly when you're at school, perhaps you're an apprentice or university, and you have to take exams, you have to test yourself, you have to test yourself in front of other people. And I'm wondering now, whether the education system as was, is that partly to blame is it a societal thing is a combination of things that when you're exposed to revealing something you didn't do so well, and therefore, potentially ridicule from other people, that has a huge impact, a huge trigger on your self confidence. And that's a very difficult thing to shake off be a physical aspect or a mental aspect. Do you think that the education systems that you see now in Europe, for example, are reducing the possibility of of those negative things from happening? Do you think this, you know, it's getting better or worse? What are your thoughts on that?

Carmen Roman  28:29

I think it does in pockets. So I see Oh, still a lot of mainstream educational system that is forming just, you know, individuals that are going to clock in nine to five and have very, you know, a very limited career. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's it's a model that is outdated. Now, that was created for the Industrial Revolution. And we are, you know, like 70 years ahead, and the education system still has to catch up with it, I see pockets of work that is really empowering children to become really well rounded, balanced individuals. So I think it's a mixture. But what I see also is that parents from this generation are more and more interested in understanding how does the mind of a child work? And how can I actually give them a better education? How can I actually teach them or model for them some behaviors that there are going to set them up for better success than usually than I had as a parent? Yeah. So I'm really really pleased to ... some of my friends say this is a bubble. I don't think it's a bubble. I think it's just a matter of, you know, human evolution and newer generations are really looking into other things and they're preoccupied by more by this mental health and emotional stability aspect that probably our parents didn't have the time nor the resources to do. And I see a more attention from the parents to do better and and model better for the children and be better So pass that forward. So that is my observation. Okay,

Dave Barr  30:04

it's interesting. So see, I've been fortunate to traveled to quite a few countries and see different cultures and see different or hear about different methods of educating young people. And there's sometimes huge differences between how people are taught. If you go to the Far East, Japan, back to Europe, America, sometimes those differences are quite significant. And I'm just wondering whether there is a particular culture or society, method that you see or other people see that have a more positive influence on people's self confidence and strengths and ability to develop well? 

Carmen Roman  30:42

Yeah, yeah, I lived in the Netherlands for a number of years. And the Dutch educational system is one of the best in the world. Also, the older Nordic, the Scandinavian countries have the same. So Denmark, Finland, Sweden, are all using the same model of really empowering children from a very young age to define their own boundaries, know their values, defy their boundaries, work in teams on projects, where they can take different roles, and they would encourage the natural inclinations of children. So I think that is, is very, very empowering. Also, it's goes to be as natural as possible. I remember I've seen last week on Instagram, it was actually a very funny real, with a few children playing in the mud outside, if I'm not mistaken. That was Denmark or Norway, I don't remember anymore. And there was a comment that was very interesting that said, this is shocking for a certain culture that doesn't allow that. Yeah. And the comments, were all reflecting that this is actually good, because play in the nature is very, very healthy. Because it it so every time children and all human beings and the nature is basically it creates different neural paths. And it actually enhances our cognitive abilities. It's also nature is one of the ways to get distressed, try to walk into nature for five minutes, and the stress goes away is just because the nature has this power on us. And it's all the all the cognitive changes that are done for the battery in our brain. So natural prayer is very, very, very, very healthy for children. Yeah,

Dave Barr  32:22

I personally, when I can, I try to I will get up early most days, I'm usually up at about quarter past five. And if the weather permits, I will go down to the seafront quite often with my wife before we start working, take a nice walk along the seafront taking shape, nature, the waves, just the sound, the sights, everything is quite relaxing. Yeah. And it kind of sets you up for the day. So things that you may have been stressing about during the night tend to ebb away, or you get smaller epiphanies, or could do this this way today. And so you're you're mentioning about nature, and how people to take a bit of exercise and get involved in natural things, rather than just watching the TV and so forth, can have real benefits, not only to you generally, also for your productive day that's laying ahead of you. 

Carmen Roman  33:14

And I would add, if I may, Dave, I would also and it helps you put things in perspective. And they they anchor you to go back to what is important to you, and what is really meaningful. Because when you go in the nature and you realize that, you know, there are so many wonderful things surrounding and you're just, you know, a humble human being, you know, a speck of dust in the universe literally puts things in perspective. And then the natural tendency is to not take yourself so serious, especially with people that are stressed a lot, especially in it, especially with people that are high achievers, very career oriented, very pushing for for achievements. They take themselves very, very seriously. And in the end, you know, if we don't have enough play in our lives, then life is a little bit. Yeah, it's too much of a struggle. So I think it's also it's really, really interesting how nature, you know, allows you to look at things in perspective, and maybe not take yourself as serious because we blink in years are gone.

Dave Barr  34:15

And, indeed, they seem to be going faster for me now. Now, one thing I want to touch on before I ask you to share information about yourself is people are struggling sometimes with self confidence and assertiveness, certainly we talk a lot about now how ladies should be more involved getting to the C suite be given equal opportunities and so forth. And there quite often is this gap. We're talking about gaps where that confidence is lacking. They're surrounded in a male dominant environment or people that are very strong personalities. Doesn't have to be a lot of guys I know who don't feel comfortable in certain environment. Once speaking out, sharing their knowledge and wisdom, because of the fear of being knocked back by a more senior person, or somebody who's very outspoken. So when faced with those challenging situations, those hard decision opportunities that may arrive, how can they last them in that environment? How can they become more open and more self confident? When they're in a, perhaps a scary situation?

Carmen Roman  35:26

Yeah, it is a complex question that you are revealing. I mean, if we had three hours, give me the time is short. Yeah, I think it it, it starts with not hiding. Now, it's quite deep. What I've said. And again, we don't have enough time to go into details, but there is a gender difference that is fostering women to hide, more than men. And what I mean by that is, maybe you remember your own childhood or own upbringing. And at least I had the same, girls were always asked by their mothers to behave and be polite, and boys are allowed to be loud, and run around, because they are boys. Okay. And that actually, from a very early age, that starts with a certain bias towards, you know, women have a females have a certain way of thinking of themselves, and having self confidence. And then and then boys or men have a different level, because they've had permission to act in a way that was in line with what they felt. So they were, they were more nurtured to build that confidence now, showing it is a different story, because sometimes, indeed, men are shyer than women to speak in public to put themselves out there. So we, we we have a gender bias that is sort of passed on by generations that we have to overcome. That is the first one, the sooner you become aware of your personal experience, and, and what you've built as a limiting beliefs in your own mental models, the easier is to break out and and build that confidence. But it starts with not hiding, because every single time you find excuses for not doing things you're hiding every single time you're not taking action, in fact, you're hiding. And someone actually told me this, and I was blown away by how simple it is. And I've applied it, and I've shared it with my friends, and they've applied it to it starts with one person, when you don't have trust in yourself, or you're not confident enough. Find in your circle, one person that trusts you, and is confident for you that you can do it, and foster relationship with that person. And then find another and another and another and build a support system. And this works for still life. And then it works also at work and at work if the environment is not allowing you to build those relationships, change the environment, it's not the environment that is going to foster and nurture your growth. Yeah. So it starts with one person many times it's the mother the mother figure has a very predominant and very, very important impact in our lives. But it can be someone else it can be a friend, it can be the partner or the significant other it can be a mentor it can be a coach, it doesn't matter who that person is, you know have someone that believes in you before you do because they are going to help you overcome those those situations at work in personal life. I think that is that is the way to start it while also building you know confidence and experience to to then not fly fly alone on your own.

Dave Barr  38:46

Some great advice there superb answer, so now I'm sure people are absolutely fascinated by the things you've been saying today. They want to learn more. Where can they go to discover more about your work yourself your teachings?

Carmen Roman  38:59

Oh, thank you for this opportunity. They've Yeah, I have a new website it's my name with a dash in the middle so Carmen-Roman.com I publish articles every week I have a newsletter you can find the link there or you can just simply Google "Carmen Roman Coach" three words and my website is going to come up I also also my YouTube channel is going to come up I'm also active on LinkedIn so just you know search me With"Carmen Roman Coach" and you can find me on pretty much all the other social media channels in my website.

Dave Barr  39:28

Brilliant. Thanks for sharing that I'd certainly I'm already subscribed to your newsletter as you well know. I do follow your work so I find it extremely fascinating and informative. So I recommend everybody to take advantage of this and check out Carmen and her work. Let's finish on one question I spotted in the time because I could talk to you for hours itself. So I'll try and make this as succinct. I don't know much about rapid transformational therapy or or coaching NLP I don't know alot about, but I understand It's about helping people tap into their full potential. Now what people love to hear, and I certainly love to hear are success stories. So can you share some success stories where individuals have significantly transform their lives and their careers, after overcoming, perhaps limiting beliefs or self confidence issues, etc? And how those transformations positively have impacted their overall well being? And their professional success? Can you share some of those with us?

Carmen Roman  40:28

Yeah, absolutely. I have so many really so, so many that they cannot, I cannot even count them. But yeah, it's, I usually apply rapid transformational therapy, when it's when it's a situation that is quite complex. Some of them like addictions, for example, can be solved in one or two sessions, some, like maybe confidence, self esteem depends. It's very dependent, but not more than three sessions. And it's, it's very, very impactful. I've had, for example, last year, a client's she was absolutely fantastic. She said, I'm going to work, I go, whatever you tell me to do, I'm going to do it. But I really, really, really want to make sure that I'm, I'm, I'm going out there and putting myself out there. Yeah, that was the problem and putting myself out there. And we went into the first session, we had uncovered some some of the limiting beliefs, we went into the second one. And in the second one, during the second one, she actually had an aha moment. And we basically had to reimburse her for the third session, because it was no longer needed. And ever since she changed the job, she found the new life partner, she has changed countries she's living in. So she's doing absolutely fabulous, simply because she started with this, I'm going to do whatever it takes, you know. So that was was really, really interesting. I also have a lot of clients that are senior executives. And it's so interesting, because the more senior people become in their career, the less they actually want to go back and in touch with ourselves and doing meaningful work. And many times they find themselves stuck, because there is a disconnect between how they are feeling inside and the career that they've built. And they do not know how to bridge it, right. And I have, I had a few individuals of this sort where they basically could not find meaning in their executive work. And through working together and uncovering those limiting beliefs, we realized that their career would be much rounded if they added things on top. So they started nonprofit organizations, or they started volunteering programs in the companies that that they provide leadership for. So that they they became well rounded as an individual that also has a very prestigious career. So yeah, these are just a few examples. And I mean, I cannot count how many people gave up smoking because of me. One thing that is, what, 90 minutes and is done, it's that impactful. RTT is many addictions, fear of speaking of public speaking, takes maximum two sessions, so a total of 90 plus 90, 180 minutes, and it's done. But it also it's yeah, it's a it's a very, very powerful method. And if I may, Marisa Peer actually jokes a lot in the trainings that she is she is providing, and I was trained personally by her. And she keeps saying that, you know, going to a psychologist or going to, to sort out your emotional challenges should not take a long time, you know, when you go to the dentist, the dentist puts you in the chair and is looking at the problem is trying to fix it is not putting you in the chair and starting to ask you questions, how are you from? How was your childhood and so on. Right? So for every problem that we have, we want to have a solution as fast as possible. So this is why RTT because it combines a lot of various other methods. It's like a, like a super powerful method is really, really providing a lot of really good results.

Dave Barr  43:55

That's quite incredible to think 90 minutes, one session is 90 minutes. And that sounds like you can cure a heck of a lot of stuff in one to two sessions. That is quite unbelievable.

Carmen Roman  44:06

Yeah, it is happening in practice. I mean, I've had, I think more often than not, I've had people saying I did not even think is going to work. So it's, it's really, it's really fascinating. It's, it's very, very powerful, because, you know, majority of the limiting beliefs that we have, if not all, are actually learned. So when you go back to when you learn them and understand how, and then you really understand that they are no longer serving you in the present moment. That's when the mind shifts to really learn new new beliefs to learn new ways of thinking, and that's the power behind the method.

Dave Barr  44:46

Wow. That's incredible. Thank you very much for sharing all this today because I could talk to you for hours but we've run out of time. I think your kids decided they've run out of time as well. So thank you very much for today, and I look forward to sharing this podcast, with everybody.

Carmen Roman  45:04

Thank you so much for having me. It was an honor and a pleasure. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Dave Barr  45:08

Thanks, good night? So there's another Real Life Buyer podcast. I do hope you enjoyed it. And it has given you some ideas and inspiration for greater action and achievement. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on future episodes. And a five star review will be most appreciated. If you would like to discover more about me what I do. Take a look at www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk Bye.