Unlock Your Potential: Mastering Self-Discovery for Business Success with Jean-Francois Lappas

Welcome to another episode of The Real Life Buyer podcast. Today we delve into the transformative world of guided self-discovery with our expert coach Jean-Francois Lappas.

Discover how self-discovery can break barriers, unveil hidden potentials, and revolutionise your personal and professional life.

Through captivating stories and practical insights, learn how to integrate these powerful principles into your leadership style, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goals.

Whether you're a business owner looking to innovate or a career professional seeking growth, this episode promises to provide the tools and inspiration to set you on a path of greater achievement and resilience.

Tune in and unlock your potential!

ABOUT THE GUEST

My guest today is Jean-Francois Lappas. Jean-Francois stepped away from a secure, well paid corporate career at the end of 2020 to find himself, and his true purpose, this led to the co-founding of "Wabya" a coaching practice to help guide clients through a process of self-discovery and align their future purpose and goals, for greater fulfilment, success and satisfaction.

To discover more about Jean-Francois and Wabya click these links:

Website:       https://wabya.com/
Instagram:    https://www.instagram.com/wearebecauseyouare/
Threads:       https://www.threads.net/@wearebecauseyouare
YouTube:      https://www.youtube.com/@wearebecauseyouare
LinkedIn:       https://www.linkedin.com/in/jflappas/ 

ABOUT THE HOST

My name is Dave Barr and I am the Founder and Owner of RLB Purchasing Consultancy Limited.

I have been working in Procurement for over 25 years and have had the joy of working in a number of global manufacturing and service industries throughout this time.

I am passionate about self development, business improvement, saving money, buying quality goods and services, developing positive and effective working relationships with suppliers and colleagues, and driving improvement through out the supply chain.

Now I wish to share this knowledge and that of highly skilled and competent people with you, the listener, in order that you may hopefully benefit from this information.

CONTACT DETAILS

@The Real Life Buyer
Email: david@thereallifebuyer.co.uk
Website: https://linktr.ee/thereallifebuyer

For Purchasing Consultancy services:
https://rlbpurchasingconsultancy.co.uk/
Email: contact@rlbpurchasingconsultancy.co.uk

Find and Follow me @reallifebuyer on Facebook, Instagram, X, Threads and TikTok.

Click here for some Guest Courses - https://www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk/guest-courses/

Click here for some Guest Publications - https://www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk/guest-publications

Transcript

J-F Lappas  00:00

Welcome to The Real Life Buyer podcast. In this podcast, you will hear interviews with business owners, entrepreneurs, thought leaders, authors and technical specialists in their field. These professionals will hasten your development accelerate your career and broaden your business know how now introducing your host Dave Barr interviewing with a purchasing twist.

Dave Barr  00:20

Hello and welcome to The Real Life Buyer. My guest today is Jean Francois, Jean Francois stepped away from a secure well paid corporate career at the end of 2020 to find himself and his true purpose. This led to the co-founding of Wabya a coaching practice to help guide clients through a process of self discovery, and align their future purpose and goals for greater fulfillment, success and satisfaction. In this episode, I want to learn from Jean Francois, how guided self discovery works that enable business owners to revitalize themselves to grow personally, and perhaps put their business onto a new path of greater achievement. So without further ado, I welcome Jean Fancois on to the podcast. Hi.

J-F Lappas  01:07

Hey there, how are you?

Dave Barr  01:09

Very well, thank you. I think we're both challenged with the heat at the moment. That's quite nice. Whether it will be when the podcast comes out? Probably not. But at the moment, I'm pretty. I'm pretty hot.

J-F Lappas  01:20

Yeah, a bit of sweltering going on in London as well.

Dave Barr  01:23

Fantastic. So let's dive into the first questions. You know, I'm sure people are rather intrigued by what you do is a difficult thing, I guess maybe even to explain, but I'm sure you will, very effectively. So I want to understand the kinds of circumstances the emotions, the transformative reasons that are going on in your life that resulted in you leaving a secure senior level corporate role and decide to start a coaching business? Can you explain?

J-F Lappas  01:50

Yeah, million million pound question, isn't it? The very short version of it is that I burned out in 2020, as a result of the pandemic and a number of other issues that happened simultaneously. So it was a bit of a perfect storm. But I think above and beyond the medical reasons why I left my my corporate career, the biggest element, the biggest realization is despite having it all on paper, having a six figure salary and all the benefits and climbing the corporate ladder in a way that I'd seen my parents do. And I felt normal was normal, you know, like, this is the only kind of life that I had actually known. I wasn't fulfilled, despite all of these external factors that, you know, technically, I had grown up to believe would make me feel fulfilled and should make me feel fulfilled for another 20 years. And so this feeling of being adrift, again, Despite seeming to have it all, is probably what precipitated my burnout. And ultimately, I believe that the burnout was just kind of a representation, if you will, of my being, being misaligned with the actions I was taking as part of my life. Specifically, from a career standpoint,

Dave Barr  03:04

We often think of achieving our goals as something that as you say, gives us fulfillment. We feel pleased, we've got results, perhaps, and we get rewarded for those results. We got our bonuses, but it sounds like those kinds of rewards were fairly hollow. They didn't really, as you say, fulfill yourself, they didn't go at a deep level into your persona, they were artificial almost, would you say that was correct?

J-F Lappas  03:28

Yeah, I think artificial is a great term. I think what really blows my mind they when I think about it is like I didn't know they were artificial for such a long time. And that that is actually literally mind blowing. Because how can one go on for I had a 14 year corporate career, like feeding yourself these elements, yet continuously feeling empty up to a point where something kind of gives right something kind of breaks. And I know people that have done this, I know people are are doing this. A lot of our clients that Wabya are doing this as well. And it's so a big part of the discussion, right? I think we find a lot of self identity in our careers to the point where maybe we started mistake in our careers for actually who we are.

Dave Barr  04:11

I guess that wonderful job description is trying to tell you who you are. So you try and fulfill the requirements of the job. That doesn't necessarily mean you fulfill the requirements of the person in side.

J-F Lappas  04:22

Yeah, I love that. Right? Because the job description tells you okay, this is this is a square peg, and you're like, Okay, well now I have to fit the square peg and I have to mold myself into this very often not even realizing what kind of peg you are. Because that's not exactly taught by parents by society by school. It seemed to me when I look back on my path, that it was kind of like okay, cool. I'm gonna go to school and then after grade school is going to be high school. I'm Canadian. So yeah, high school, and then I'm going to go to university and then well, I've graduated so now the normal thing is to become a productive member of society and get A job and probably work in this for 40 years and then retire. And then maybe when I'm 65, I can actually start living my life. And now that I've verbalized all of this in one sequence, how mad is that !

Dave Barr  05:14

Fulfilling society's expectations of what success is, isn't it? And I think we're all starting to realize certainly after events in the last five years or so that, that they leave you somewhat wanting for something better. And you see everybody on that same kind of treadmill, trying to do the same things, but actually turning out to be quite unhappy. I don't know about yourself, whether there's people close to you, as I get older, I see friends, family, unfortunately, some passing away. And you've got to reflect on that time and say, well, actually, is this where I want to be? I'm just another person in a crowd saying goodbye to somebody again, and you get on with the same thing the next day, as you did the day before?

J-F Lappas  05:58

What was the answer to that question for you? What is the answer that question for you?

Dave Barr  06:01

Well, for me, it's, I was fortunate in some respects, where I left the corporate career. And I took upon myself that I want to help businesses locally, those businesses that particularly I know, talk to a number of charities, I talked to care homes, I talked to sort of local hotels, those people are trying to do something locally for the community to make it a success of the economy to help people and if I can help those businesses succeed, particularly, you know, a charity I've been spending some time talking to recently, and hearing the struggles and strife they've gone through, if I can help them, and they're going to in turn help you know, 10s, 100s of people, then you know, what a great legacy that will be. And that gives me some fulfillment. And as well.

J-F Lappas  06:02

A sense of purpose isn't a Dave and you know, it's absolutely brilliant. I have hundreds of hours of coaching under my belt, our coaches have hundreds of hours of coaching under their belt, every single client is completely unique and different. But I will say when they come upon this notion of purpose, it usually revolves around helping others. And that's a constant among hundreds of clients. They feel fulfilled, not by money or possessions, they feel fulfilled when you managed to bring a smile to someone's faces. And and I think you also touched on a really important point here is a little bit using your skills in your vocation to follow that path and go like, Okay, well, I want to help others, I have a certain skill set, what can I do with that to help others and thus start feeling a bit more fulfilled? And I'm sure I'm sure it does, right? Because I can see your face, I can see your smiling, as I'm talking about this.

Dave Barr  07:41

Absolutely. Right. So let's go back on to the core subject matters self discovery. And I try to get my head around what are considered to be core principles, you know, how do you become guided through a self discovery journey? And how does that differ from coaching that people receive in other areas as well, you know, what's the fundamental differences between self discovery and normal coaching?

J-F Lappas  08:05

Well, there aren't really right. And fact, at the heart of coaching, sits guided self discovery. Coaching is, is an activity and a space in which a coach and a client work together to help the client, uncover what's right for them, and then figure out the actions they want to take to bring that to life. And the coach will use a number of different tools and methodologies depending on how they've been trained to achieve that. So some coaches have relatively rigid frameworks, you know, this is how we're getting from A to B, some coaches are a lot more free flowing. I think very importantly, and to all our listeners, or viewers, if you do entertain the notion of finding a coach, just make sure your coach is certified ideally by an accrediting body like the International Coaching Federation. That is the only advice I will give you with regards to finding a coach accreditation is really important, because then they're bound to a certain code of ethics. And also they are taught to coach to put self discovery guided self discovery at the heart of the coaching journey that the client embarks on. Okay.

Dave Barr  09:17

We were talking a little bit before we started about sport. And when you think of a coach, being somebody who helps people to become better at what they're doing, no matter what sport it is, and you think of diet, you think of exercise and putting in specific practices, regimes routines, so they can you know, excel in what they do. On self discovery, is that about mental exercises and activities rather than physical ones, or is it a combination of things? 

J-F Lappas  09:46

That's a freat question, I suppose in the broader sense of the word coaching is about getting you to excel at who you are. Right? So that's moving beyond the notion of just excelling at a sport for example. I would even argue that coaches within a sports setting will use non physical or non physically related coaching techniques to further the athletes understanding of themselves within the context of who they are. And obviously channeling and funneling that into what, how they're bringing that to life, which is, I don't know, as a rugby sevens player or as a sprinter or as a swimmer. So I think there's a beautiful metaphor here, in seeing sports coaching as kind of a representation of everything that can happen within a normal coaching session, except the focus for a client within a coaching session, a client that's not an athlete is really about this notion of uncovering what's right for them and coming to terms about who they are, and then bring that to life in whatever their quote unquote Olympic discipline is in life. But it starts with a discovery process. And I feel like any, any really great athlete will have that as a foundation, they need to understand their needs, their wants their values, in order to really sit comfortably in who they are, and then in order to kind of take the actions that will make them great sportspeople. Does that make sense?

Dave Barr  11:08

Yep. Yep, I believe so. Something has just crossed my mind then is almost irrespective of people's physical ability, how they've trained how they've exercised how they have fed themselves, so they can themselves new nutrition, if they don't have a fundamental belief that they could do something, then they probably won't do it. Something's got to help them shift. And I know that in, in some football teams, for example, certain types of people that are very good with mental support, you know, a person that comes to mind that I read quite a lot about is a lady called Marisa Peer, I'm sure you've heard of her as well, and where they can help people to change their beliefs in themselves. Is that something you actively practice? Is that something that you do? And if so, what kind of things help people move from where they are to where they need to be?

J-F Lappas  11:58

Yeah, I, it's absolutely it sits at the core of coaching, it is about interrogating the notions that you have about who you actually actually are. And sometimes you're just so used to being you, who you think you are, that you don't even entertain the notion that you can be any different. So at the core, and at the very beginning of our coaching journeys, clients usually turn up go, like, I want a promotion, or my relationship isn't going well, or, you know, my health could be better. There's always an external problem. And the question, inevitably, for me is why is that important to you? Why does having a better relationship with X matter? Or why does being healthier matter? Or why does a promotion matter? And then we get to the root of it, it's about needing security or feeling recognized, and so does comes down really to needs, wants and core values. And through that external problem that people bring up, that's when we started the internal kind of process of uncovering actually what truly matters to you and who you are. And then suddenly, as the conversations keep happening, your awareness of yourself starts enlarging. And the more you perceive of yourself, the more agile you are at trying on different versions of yourself, well, maybe I feel that way in this relationship. So I'm going to address it like this. And then you get feedback. And then you decide, okay, well, no, that didn't work. So I'm going to try something else. So I suppose in a way, it's about developing malleability in who you are, the notion that you're not static and fixed, despite everything that you can imagine, and that you can change. And that I think is very crucial element of coaching is the notion that this isn't it, I can decide to take a step to the right, or to the left, and just be somebody different than who I am today and act differently.

Dave Barr  13:53

Now, one of the things that jumped into my mind now are the barriers to enable you to do that. And in that thought process, you think of the fears, what other people think about you, what society expects from you, whether people perceive you have the capability, if you have the confidence and the competence to do that. Breaking down those barriers, those hurdles that prevent you from perhaps fulfilling yourself in a positive way? How do you break some of those down? You know, some of those are enormous. Some of those are six foot tall, new, maybe five foot How do you get over some of these really difficult obstacles?

J-F Lappas  14:30

Yeah, some stuff actually cannot be moved over and thus, have a sense of forward momentum until some stuff from the past is dealt with. And that's where therapy comes in. And that's a very important element to differentiate within this conversation. Coaches are not medical professionals, they are not therapists and in general, generally speaking, therapists are trained to help you look back on your life and deal with past traumas to help where you are right now and to make you feel better so that you are in a better position. then move forward. So that's, that's a big barrier, right past trauma and stuff that you've dragged from your relationship with your parents or stuff like really, really terrible things that have happened to you, perhaps when you were a kid or when you were a teenager. So that's really important. If you can't move forward with something, and you're really feeling stuck, and you've tried coaching, and it doesn't work, it might be worth going to therapy, and having a discussion with a therapist. Now, from a coaching standpoint, the main thing that prevents people from feeling like they can move forward is really their understanding of themselves and who they are, again, this notion that this is who I am, and this is who I've always been. And thus, this is the the only way that I can be. And that goes back to what I was just saying a little bit previously, it is about for a coach, the main tool is, well, the main tools are basically silence and questioning, and not questioning in the sense of like, Have you done this? Or you know, it's more about actually curiosity being inquisitive? Well, you say that you feel that way, when this happens? I'm just curious, like, what is this about? What's actually underneath this, and then the client goes like, I have never really reflected on that. And immediately you open a door to a new sense of awareness. Yeah, and different coaches have different approaches, I also want to make clear that most of the coaching relationship doesn't sit in advice giving, like a mentor would do. Because the main premise of a coaching relationship is, there is no one for example, like you Dave, in the world, you are the only Dave Barr in the entire world. And so technically, you're the only true expert on yourself. And that's the really empowered bit about coaching, it recognizes you as the expert you are on yourself, and helps you develop that expertise on yourself so that you can make better informed decisions to move forward in your life.

Dave Barr  16:46

Right. So a key thing we have to recognize is the luggage that we're carrying around with us as well. And that could be a small, few kilos worth on our backpack, or it could be a ton weight. And that's what's dragging us back quite often preventing us from getting momentum, because we until we get that weight off our back, you mentioned that past history, those experiences that perhaps shaped who we are at the moment and so you can get rid of that baggage, you won't be able to climb over some of those barriers, you won't have that drag on you anymore.

J-F Lappas  17:18

Yeah, 100%. And I'll give you a very quick example, I as part of my burnout, recovery, I did therapy. This was I needed therapy therapists to help me deal with what I was working on. But about a year later, I went back to therapy. And I addressed some of the issues that I thought I had with my parents from literally like events that happened when I was like seven years old, or like 13 years old. And it was absolutely liberating. One of the really interesting exercises my therapist asked me to do was to close my eyes and imagine a seed where I was still holding a grudge at my mom or dad for something that had happened, right? And witnessed the scene as an adult, and then sit down next to my younger self, and tell my younger self, that it's okay to be feeling the way that they are right now. Basically validating the emotions that that child was feeling that was a game changer. And without that specific exercise, I don't think I could have moved past some of the blockers that were making me act a certain way toward my parents and kind of poisoning the well in our relationship. And since I've addressed all of that, and released, let go of all this baggage I was carrying that I wasn't even aware for like 30 years that was carrying, suddenly my parents have changed. That's not my parents that changed. I have changed. And so the world has changed around me.

Dave Barr  18:36

That's good to hear. Now, quite a few people in our audience today are business owners, and they suffer like everybody else for the same kind of difficulties. And being part of a business owner means you're a leader. And the leader wants to help their own team to develop, thrive, do really well, obviously, for all of their sakes, make the business successful, so everybody can get paid more and ensure success. How could business owners integrate the principles of self discovery into their leadership styles and behaviors so they can help their people become more than they are today?

J-F Lappas  19:10

Look, a leader is just a human right by another name. And ultimately, in short, if you're a business leader, and you are watching this or listening to this, just think about this mantra, it's human growth for business growth. Businesses cannot exist without the people in them. And that includes you as a business leader. So if you focus on your own personal growth and developing yourself interrogating who you are, and not necessarily believing all the things that you might believe are true about yourself the stories that you might have been telling yourself that you might be telling yourself and you stay curious. That's step number one and actually becoming the leader that you want to be because any further step away from you into this notion of being a leader is almost going to be tainted if you haven't done some of that personal work. And we all know if we're a business leader and we're sitting at the top of an organization ation are near the top of an organization that the organization is only as good as the humans that said the top that call themselves leaders. Sorry, I just had flashbacks of my oh my god, that was quite intense. But I think I answered your question. If I haven't, please encourage me to talk more.

Dave Barr  20:20

It's very difficult when you've got a large team, if you're a leader or a massive organization, how on earth do you transfer some of the things you've got within yourself down to lower and lower levels? If you've had an organization of 1000 people or more? How would you do that? And I find that quite fascinating, because you've got to go through the kind of levels, you know, some leaders are brave enough to go to the shop floors, we could say, and discuss face to face with the people that at that level, many leaders don't many leaders have to channel everything through the management structure. And I'm really curious to see how the best leaders get to the bottom, get to the bottom layer of people who are, you know, carrying the brooms and doing the basic things that make the work go? Is there anything that you can suggest that bridges the gap between the top levels and the lower levels?

J-F Lappas  21:14

Be true to who you are, and for that you have to uncover who you are. So I suppose Dave, if we use your example, some leaders are actually just terrible at communicating, it's just not their style. It's not their bag. And it's kind of like the 80 20 rule, right? As much as they want to spend time developing that skill, they're maybe not going to be the best leaders. But if you do a little bit of that, you know, for example, your coach, right, and you do a little bit of that self exploration, you can move laterally around yourself and maybe discover like, okay, cool, well, I do have a management structure who's very strong in my team, right how can I empower them to really be the voice piece of the things that matter very much to me, and that need to be communicated, I suppose in a way, what I'm saying is, you can be the leader that you are, right, the human that you are, and thus the leader that you are, and just leverage your skills as a business person and the team that you build around you, because of your self awareness, and especially your self awareness of your blind spots to create the environment that you want to create. My business partner and I are almost literally yin and yang, like he is the string to my kite. Without him, I would float away. And we never get anything practical, discussed or done. But likewise, without me, he would have a hard time getting off the ground and having, you know, a vision. So I'm the Chief Vision Officer, and he's the Chief Growth Officer. And we've split the tasks in a way that really kind of like we're almost what comes to mind is, you know, those fight movies where the two heroes are like back to back, then they've got each other's back as they're covering whatever's happening to them. It's kind of like that, right? Imagine that with the rest of your team. If you don't like engaging with people, it makes you deeply uncomfortable. There's a reason for that, yes, absolutely. explore it. And maybe through the exploration, you're going to find that I don't know, it's because of X, Y, or Zed. And actually, you are a great communicator, and you do love people. But again, going back to the example of my business partner, he's not he standing on a stage and delivering is not his strong suit. He's not comfortable doing that. What he's really good at is being quite getting people to lean in. That's not me. Yeah, that's perfect, because we've got that kind of Yang and Yang situation going on. So in short, uncover who you are. Come to terms with that, and surround yourself with people that can help you deliver the vision that you know needs to happen for your business to flourish.

Dave Barr  23:40

Right. Now, I'm thinking now that we often have an epiphany. And quite often these epiphanies lasts for a short period of time before the routines that we've got used to take over again, and we go back to where we were. I think for you as a coach, no doubt, you want to make sure that anything you do with the person you work with the client you work with, they have not only a short term boost, but they have a long term gain. So what kind of techniques and exercises or suggestions do you have for people to fundamentally make sure that the things they do with you become so deep rooted, they don't go back to previous behaviors?

J-F Lappas  24:21

Its practice over time, I suppose. Right? So the coaching relationship, ideally lasts for a number of sessions, where the coach acts obviously as the coach, but also as a an accountability partner. And that's kind of one of the coaches roles. Part of the techniques that coaches employ at the end of every session to reinforce what the key takeaways and learning it are for that session is literally asking them that. Okay, what stands out to you from this session, and that process of recalling, helps clients actually anchor what they've learned in that session. Doing that over a period of time obviously starts building that habit. But ultimately, I really comes down to as to how much you want to change as a person, right? If you're on that path, and that path is the right one, and it makes you feel good, then there's no reason for you to go back to something that doesn't make you feel good if the work has been done properly. And if you're serious about that change, ultimately, it's a really good question, Dave. Because once the relationship is over, all a coach can do is hope that they've equipped their clients in the best way and provide them with given them the tools, but providing them with the space where they can they have learned enough or develop a greater self awareness of themselves so that they do fall back into those old patterns that weren't serving them. They can actually go like, Oh, I'm falling back into that pattern. Okay, cool. That's fine. Let me just readjust and move forward. Sometimes it's really comfortable, right? Doing something that you've just been doing. And it's kind of like an old sock or something and old pair of socks that you put on. But yeah, I don't, it blows my mind. My personality is not like that. I'm very self driven, and self motivated. But I know other people in my life that aren't that do need that accountability, for example, even coaching at the gym, for example, right, having like someone next to you going, like, do the exercises. So I suppose it has a lot to do with personality as well.

Dave Barr  26:15

So I listen to a lot of experts on various subjects. And I quite like the things from Jim Kwik, for example, they're a she's sort of the memory guy, and the set of techniques, he has to help people to remember things, you know, an incredible guy, and I'm thinking is there certain things that you can do that you practice very frequently, then you reduce that frequency down gradually to a point where it's so embedded after the say, 21 days, whatever the case may be, that it becomes the normal. And you mentioned self reflection there is understanding how to reflect on what you're doing and recognizing the patterns of the old behaviors coming back. One of the things you help people to identify.

J-F Lappas  27:01

Yeah, yeah, a lot of the work that we do that I do that we do with Wabya, as transformational coaches, rather than just transactionaltransactional coaches, it's not just about getting you from A to B, it's understanding what A is about. And then making sure that B is the right destination before starting to move is really inquiring about and then developing that mind body connection, because sometimes, I don't know for you. But for me, I've always got a kind of a running commentary happening here, that running commentary will often give me some kind of feelings. And sometimes it's easy just to act on these without even thinking. So one of the things I did with a client just this week was Tell me about that voice in your head. Who does it sound like? What does it say? How often is it right? Great. How do you feel when you have this reading commentary? Okay, great. Where is it in your body? Okay, it's a pit in your stomach? What is the pit feel like, okay, it's a closed fist. So immediately just starting to get people to be more in tune with what's happening inside so that they can link it to maybe something they're thinking about? Or if it's not something they're thinking about, what's the signal? What is happening right now. And that's one of the mantras if you will, that I had personally and that I encourage clients to think about maybe not using that mantra specifically, but asking yourself the question, what's happening right now? I have a nervous fluttering feeling in my chest. Okay, I know, it's fear, what am I afraid of? And that immediately allows you to take a step back and go like, okay, cool. Now I can intellectualize what's happening? was I thinking about something or is something happening in my environment? So I suppose in short, answer your question anchoring those moments where you are aware that something is happening in your body and emotion, right and an emotion intellectualize is a feeling. That's when you verbalize that. Just asking yourself, what's going on. And allowing yourself to take a step back in the moment, sometimes you have to do it after the fact. For example, I had another client who was talking about losing his cool during a meeting. And so we went back over the meeting, talked about what had happened. He talked to me about his anger, how he felt it. And after that, he was like, Okay, now I can be aware that when I feel that it's probably anger, because I discussed it, because I've intellectualize that. And then it's about repeating the process, time and time again and encouraging as homework between coaching sessions. that to happen. Journaling really helps as well. You're talking we were talking about self reflection, journaling, externalizing, what's in your head, as well as something that some of my clients enjoy doing?

Dave Barr  29:27

Yes, I was interested in that. I was I'm very much a thoughtful person, but not very good at writing things down. Journaling is something I've struggled with. I've started and I've stopped a million times, but I recognize that you say verbalizing things and put things down on paper seem to have a more profound impact than just thinking about things over and over again. It's those classic things at night where you've got all these things going through your head and I've got to do this I've got to do that I've got to something else, just the act of grabbing a piece of paper and a pen dropping down. So you don't forget them, suddenly your mind goes calm. And you know that I don't have to keep trying to go over and over these things time and time again to remember them. They're there waiting for me in the morning. And that just that simple act for me makes a huge difference to the quality of my sleep, for example.

J-F Lappas  30:16

So you actually you do journal you do put your thoughts down on paper or tape them up or something, is that what you're saying?

Dave Barr  30:21

Well I just always have this scrap bit of paper and pen by my side at night that if my head starts to race, I can quickly jump out of bed, go in another room, write those things down, and go back and sleep. Because otherwise, I will continue to debate think about explore all those things at night. And so you end up finally, sort of gate getting up three hours later. And you think, you know, I've had no sleep whatsoever. I forgotten half the things that I was thinking about in the middle of the night, the clarity and at night. It's amazing. But in the first thing in the morning, not so good. So just writing those things down for me made a huge difference. So as you say, verbalizing and writing things down, often is a trigger to solving some things. Before we jump on to the last question I have for you, where are people going to find more about your organization and what you guys do?

J-F Lappas  31:14

On the internet. We are, we are on the worldwide interweb@wabya.com That's W A B Y A.com. But Wabya is actually an acronym for "We Are Because You Are". And that just recognizes the indivisibility of the individual within the collective one cannot exist without the other. What we mean to do really is to promote self realization, through coaching. For as many people as we can, we've got a goal of 1 billion people by 2033. So you know, we've got a few million to go still. But it's a big, big, hairy number. So wabya.com, and you can find us at that we are because you are on Instagram and on a variety of social media.

Dave Barr  32:00

Brilliant, brilliant. So the final thing everybody wants to hear and relate to a story of success, where you have helped somebody in a particular position, particular mindset. And through your teaching, you have moved them forward to such a degree that they've transformed in their both perhaps personal as well as maybe even career lives. Can you share a story of when you help somebody, obviously, anonymously, to go from a difficult position into an an excellent position? What was that like? And how did you do that?

J-F Lappas  32:34

God. It's why I get out of bed in the morning. That's what it's like, whenever I sit down for coaching discussions with clients, and there are so many that I've seen grow and transform, the one that comes to mind is someone I'm working on currently, they were really into this pattern of defining themselves through the work that they do. But there was this appetite and this desire for change. And over the course of the last two or three months, I would say I've watched this person, really take ownership of the process number one, and then really operate a massive transformation, redefining who they are, who they want to be the relationship that they have with themselves, first and foremost with their job as a result, but then also really touchingly with their, their family, right? Their spouse and their children. And I get emails in between our sessions going like, Hey, Coach, this is what's happened. And this is what I'm doing right now. And I've been thinking about my values, and I'm reading this book, and I'm loving every moment of it. And it's so wonderful. And I'm so happy we're working together. And of course, I want to make a living out of what I'm doing. But I think a critical part for me has been the transformation that I've gone through has led me to, instead of focusing on a job that brings me remuneration, I'm focusing on a job that brings me purpose and fulfillment first and foremost, and the money seems to follow along with that. And that's worth a paycheck for me receiving these kinds of these kinds of emails. And I think very important to outline here is I'm facilitating this process of guided self discovery, the work is entirely being done by the person sitting on the other side of the screen. And all of my clients actually, I think, I want to say like 99% of my clients have all that virtual, so I've only known them from the chest up, basically. So that's that's my, my story of success, I suppose. And I think everyone has the opportunity to experience the exact exact the exact same kind of breakthrough. Really I do.

Dave Barr  34:33

Brilliant. That's been a fascinating discussion. I'm sure people will have time to reflect on this and hear this again, and then obviously, follow your work. So I really do appreciate you coming on today. It's been a super interesting, I've really enjoyed it. And thank you again, and hope to see you again one day.

J-F Lappas  34:51

Thanks very much, Dave. Thanks for having me. Bye, everyone. Take care.

Dave Barr  34:54

So there's another Real Life Buyer podcast. I do hope you enjoyed it and It has given you some ideas and inspiration for greater action and achievement. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on future episodes, and a five star review will be most appreciated. If you would like to discover more about me more, so do take a look at www.thereallifebuyer.co.uk. Bye.