Hey, guys, and welcome back to another episode of your Brain's Coach podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your Brain's Coach and it is my job here to bring to you all the best recent, cutting-edge, most important, effective and very often fun and transformational brain-body tools so you could take better control of your thoughts, of your emotions and, most importantly, of your actions. So you could shape your life experience exactly as you want it and you get to live the life of your dreams, the life that you absolutely love living or at least, guys, to get as close to it as possible and definitely have a lot less guilt trips and self-sabotage that you might really not want to be present in your life. You know life has so many ways of slowing us down. There is always something happening. That's just the nature of life. You know we have a plan and then there is another plan in our life and other things happen. So that's just how life goes, how life is for all of us, and I think what we want to do a lot less of is being in our own way, fighting our own self, slowing ourselves down, like the world will do quite a good job at this already.
Speaker 1So how do we get out of our own? How do we not slow ourselves down and how do we stop having a lot of shoots that never translate into dance? How often do you say to yourself I know I should do this, but somehow I just don't. In health, you know you should go to bed earlier. You know you should be maybe drinking less or eating less of something or investing more into your self-care and stress management, but somehow you just don't. Late night TV or treats and drinks and late night invites out, which you don't actually want to do all that often. Sometimes, somehow all that wins. Or while doing your work, you know you should be doing acts, but somehow you end up watching I don't know stuff that doesn't really bring any fulfillment, progress and, at the end of the day, makes you regret your decisions. Why often do we have all these shoots which we never do anything with or it takes us a very, very long time before changing that? That's why, actually, a lot of my clients come to me to fix this. I know I should do X, but somehow I just don't do that. Maybe I need more accountability, maybe I need more willpower and motivation and perhaps Angela will help me but what we actually do to change the situation is quite different from what my clients expect us to do. The reason for those I know I should, but I don't might surprise you it's not in the lack of your willpower or motivation. It actually comes from a very basic human need, and it's not just human need, it's the need of almost any alive creature out there, that need for freedom. Let me explain.
Speaker 1We had a chat with a client of mine just a few days ago and he said and we were going through a questionnaire that I give on a regular basis and one of the questions was around eating behavior, like I frequently, often indulge beyond the point where I'd like to stop, beyond the point where I'd like to stop, something along these lines. And my client put five on that scale and I asked him why so high? And he said well, I often don't know when I should stop and I just don't. I would like to do better at it, but somehow I still have not done so. So we started talking about that and I explained to him this concept that he never actually thought about before and we'll be working on it in the next few weeks, transforming his should behavior and having a lot less regrets in the I should but I don't happening in his life, especially around eating behavior that he is actually pretty good at Anyhow.
Speaker 1Where does it come from this I should, but I don't. Let me read to you something. A definition from a dictionary Autonomy is a basic human need to be self-directed and to feel self-determined. Similarly, autonomous motivation refers to the perception of volition, choice and personal causation in an activity, as opposed to feeling pressured, constrained, restrained or coerced. Constrained, restrained or coerced. Autonomy is our basic need, guys, to feel self-directed, to make our own choices and to feel like we're the captain of our own ship.
Speaker 1And when we say just tune into yourself and say to yourself I should do X, maybe in relation to the behavior you know you should do, but you just don't do, when we say I should, it often feels like someone else is telling us what to do, even if that someone else is us. It's like a policeman standing somewhere besides us and telling us you should do X. I'm telling you this. That's how it often feels. It's feeling very constraining, pressuring, limiting our freedom, limiting our innate need, not just as a human being but actually as a living creature, like, for example, if you try to restrain a cat or a dog or any animal, they will do their best to get out of that restriction. That's just a need of a living, breathing, moving organism to be free to choose the path that we feel we want to choose. To choose the path that we feel we want to choose and to have the choice to exercise that again, that need for autonomy, for freedom. And so when we say we should, it creates that impression, that feeling in our mind that somebody is restraining our freedom, our need of autonomy. It creates a feeling of pressure, of constraint, and again it goes against our primal need, which is defined by dictionaries and behavioral psychologists the need for freedom and self-determination.
Speaker 1I want to do this because this is my freedom right, and so, instead of following through on the shoot, you rebel. You rebel against this very thing that you think you should do. Also, you can experiment with your kids or anyone. When you tell them you should do this, see how there is a rebel rising in them. Just because you phrased it this way, you are restricting their freedom and something deep inside of them wants to just rebel against that and choose whatever it is else out there, but not the thing you tell them to do, even though it might be the thing they also would like to do. We fight, and we very often fight our own selves. That's right. That self-sabotage actually is an act of expressing your free will. It's your brain's way of saying you're not my boss, you're not the boss of me. So how do you get out of this script? Because there is a part of you that wants to do this behavior, isn't there? So here's the thing you got to flip the script in your head to make your should into your freedom, into choice, into the act of expressing your freedom of choice From I should to I choose. So what I told my client is I told him, whenever you are presented with this indulgence choice whether that's a cookie, piece of cake, that delicious piece of burrata cheese that he absolutely loves Whenever you're presented with this choice, talk to yourself differently.
Speaker 1Ask yourself, pause there and ask yourself what do I want to choose? What do I want to commit to? What kind of future, what kind of self, what kind of goal do I have for myself that I want to commit to with a different choice? And if the choice is eating less or none of something, choose to do so because there is a future you, because there is some future that you want more. So you are choosing to say no. You're choosing to exercise your freedom by saying no, you are choosing to be your own boss. You are the boss, and when you switch, you flip the script.
Speaker 1When you make this choice of phrasing it instead of I should to I choose see how energy shifts inside of you All of a sudden, instead of restriction, you feel expansion, you feel freedom, you feel courage, you feel empowerment, you feel like a leader in your own life, like a captain of your ship, like a master of your fate. You know, there is this phrase that I absolutely love, popular among Navy SEALs and a lot of people who are into stoicism, but I just love this phrase discipline equals freedom and I think only recently I internalized it fully and I understood what it means. Discipline equals freedom means starting seeing your hard choices as a way to express your freedom, as a way to choose to become who you truly want to become, that your inner self wants to become, instead of following some old patterns or choices that are not even your choices, that maybe are from your family or your friends or your environment, or just present it to you easier. So discipline equals freedom. It means not saying yes to someone else or someone's should, but instead choosing to say yes to the future that you know you want more. So flip the script from I should to I choose and see what happens.
Speaker 1Have you tried this before? So next time you catch yourself in the I should cycle in spiral, pause and ask yourself what do I choose? What do I want to choose? What is more important to me here? How do I become the creator of the fate that I want, of the future that I want, of the future self that I most want to have? Break free from that cycle that you don't want in your life and feel that energy again. Just feel into yourself and see how, by shifting your mindset from should to I choose, you create more freedom, you create expansion, you create the drive, the motivation to make the harder choice and you start living this phrase discipline equals freedom. And all of a sudden you'll notice how there are less and less of shoots that are not supported by any dance. In fact, you know, thinking of my own experience, I don't even remember when was the last time I told myself I should do this.
Speaker 1It's always about I choose to do this, I choose to do this podcast, I choose to write every day, I choose to give talks, I choose to work on my business because I know so very well what future I want and what kind of behavior is most likely to lead to this future. There's never I should. If I should, I do it and you lose all of your shoulds and instead you start investing all of your energy and time into the things you know you want, even though sometimes those things involve hard work. But that's how life is. If it's easy, everyone would have it, and it's probably not going to work that Most of the things you want require some work.
Speaker 1And you choose the goal, you choose the outcome and then you say yes to the actions that come with that, with that dream, with that goal, with that outcome, and you choose, instead of shooting yourself into that behavior, becoming some sort of policeman and having this energy of constraint, of pressure, of setting limits for yourself, which never feels good, and go against again one of the primary needs of any living human, in any living anything, really to stay free and to make choices that you want to make, that do not constrain your freedom, your freedom of choice. I hope, folks. That makes sense and you definitely give this a try, because if you're someone who's committed to creating the future, you want the future self that you want and living your dreams again. The less you are in your own way, the less shoots you have, and the more you exercise your freedom of choice, the more likely you are to arrive to that exact future. You know people you admire. They don't have more discipline than you do no, not really. They just have better systems and they have really really strong clarity around what they want and what the actions are that they must take that will lead to that future. They choose the actions with the future. So what do you choose? Don't shoot yourself into anything, but choose that as an act of expressing your freedom of choice. Hope this helps. Guys. If you'd like to work through this mindset, shift together.
Speaker 1Reach out for our complimentary for the listeners of this podcast coaching session Angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom. That's my email, angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom. And please do share this podcast episode with someone who might be struggling with their shoes Like I should do this, I should do that. I want to quit that, but somehow I don't Share this podcast episode with them. Help them to realize the power they have to make the right kind of choice, the choice that is aligned with their true, strong desires to build a specific kind of future Share and let's make the world better together. Let's grow together, let's expand, let's create more positive impact, one podcast episode at a time. Thank you for your attention, thank you for listening. Transform your shoes into your choices and see how your life starts magically changing. Talk to you very soon and have a choosing kind of day.