Hey, guys, and welcome back to another episode of your Brain's Coach podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your Brain's Coach and it is my job here to bring to you all the best recent, cutting-edge, well-researched, fascinating, applicable and super-effective brain-body tools you can use to change your thoughts, to take better control of your emotions, to take better actions, so you could create life experience that you absolutely love living. And, guys, let me reintroduce myself again I'm Angela Sharina, I'm an executive coach 360. I've been in coaching for 15 years plus and I started getting my degree in computer science, then switched to coaching because I've always been passionate about unlocking hidden potential sometimes not so hidden, but just the potential that we don't use in everyday superheroes and leaders on all levels so together we could create more positive impact. I'm fascinated by change and how much potential and genius is in each of us, and all the methods and tools, especially from neuroscience and behavioral psychology and mind-body connection sciences all these tools that we can use that science brings more and more of into our lives, into our sphere of collective knowledge. So all these tools that help us to nourish that potential that is in each of us and to express as much as possible of it in the real world so you could live the life that is closer and closer to the vision that you have for yourself in your head. Today, guys, I want to share again with you a little bit of a client's journey, a little bit of personal turmoil, and I want to give you some practical tools how to get more success in life as simple as that. Yesterday I had a session with a client and she's going through a career transition and she's at a senior level in marketing.
Speaker 1And when you get to senior level in anywhere, it's harder to make transitions because you want to start from scratch. It's kind of scary. You have this body of work and this foundation in one area and maybe you want to jumpstart a completely new area, or you want to continue, and when you're at the senior level, continuation is harder to do. It's kind of like being a professional athlete. When you're at the beginning, everything you start, it's easy to start. Every organization you fit in, everyone is ready to accept it, accept you, because you are starting out. There is very little specificity needed for you to jumpstart the journey and almost everything fits. But when you get further and further into your journey, you fit with less and less organizations, causes and stuff, and that's where it's harder. It's harder to find the fit for yourself in the professional arena or maybe if you're looking for some transition in your personal life.
Speaker 1And my client going through this transition, being at a senior level, she told me. She told me, angela, I need a plan, I need to start working strategically on my career journey and throughout our session I was trying to elicit or not to pull out from her plan for what destination. You know, oprah has this famous saying. She said, probably many times, but I heard it when Trevor Knorr interviewed her for one of the shows and she said most people don't get what they want because they don't know what they want. Or most people don't get where they want to go because they didn't know where they want to go. Most people don't get where they want to go because they didn't know where they want to go.
Speaker 1And a famous saying from Lewis Carroll Alice in Wonderland. Cheshire Cat asks Alice well, alice first asks the cat which road should I take? And the cat asks well, that depends on where you want to go. And Alice said but I don't know. And then the cat said well then, any road will lead you there. And that's exactly that Plan. For what exactly?
Speaker 1So many times in our lives we're looking for some plan without clarifying well, what's the destination? What are we optimizing here for? And I understand that a lot of times that destination is yet to be defined and clear. But we need to get one destination to at least try a different path and see whether going on this path leads us more and more towards what feels right. But if you have no destination and you just keep throwing stuff into the wall or into the air, shooting for many different directions, hoping to hit some target, it is going to take a heck of a lot of time and resources. So being specific first, trying to get as much specificity about the destination, about your focus first, will save you a lot, a lot of resources down the road. So, yes, unless you absolutely have no clue where you want to go, like no feelings. No, even first steps, like where to try doing something is better than nothing.
Speaker 1But at a certain level, at a certain point, sooner than later, you need to sit down and work through different exercises, from vision boards to different questioning techniques, to first get really clear on where do you want to go, where do you want to end up? Have as much clarity as possible there and then work on optimizing the plans and to-dos Questions? What do I need to get done today? The first question is the wrong question what will make today a success? That's the right one, and you know why. Because the second one what will make today a success is a filtering question. Because there are so many things you can be doing every single day, like countless, unlimited amount of to-dos what will make today a success? A filtering question will help you pick and choose, think with maximum leverage as they come or dropped onto your plate, so you can say and choose okay, this actually is aligned with what success means to me and this is what is not aligned with that, and therefore I'm going to spend my time and energy and all the resources on that other thing, even though sometimes it's more complicated and it's uncomfortable and it's challenging and you don't know exactly how to do that. But if that contributes to the success, that might not even happen today, but over the next few days or weeks or months you're going to be getting closer towards your ultimate vision for life and the first step before you create any sort of plan is figuring out.
Speaker 1Well, what's this plan for? What's the goal, what's the focus, what's the outcome? And if you're not clear there, then that's where the work has to be done. Plan is not the first step and that's where, also, strategy and plan are different. Strategy, the first step to strategy, is that what is the goal in business? Who am I trying to serve here? What is my North Star? Who do I partner with or not partner with? What events do I attend? Don't attend.
Speaker 1But the first step is what is it all for? And whatever way or form of fashion you can define that that will save you so much. Just time and overwhelm and overcommitment. And you see, you will occupy your time, no matter whether you have clarity or not. But the thing is, are you going to be occupying your time with the right stuff or the stuff that's going to waste your time, energy and at the end of the day, you're going to end up with this question how did I end up here and why it feels so shallow? So the first question is not what I need to get done today. The first question is what will make today a success, in whatever way or form or fashion that success is for you.
Speaker 1So during our coaching session again. Then we started working on okay, what are the exercises that we need to do, what are the practices, what are the questions do we need to answer? So we do get clarity on where we want to go before we jump into planning. And very often we want to jump into planning because doing nothing feels uncomfortable, we feel unproductive, we feel like we are floating and we feel very uncertain, and that is a very unsatisfying place for a person to be. But it is a necessary place of discomfort from which you need to create clarity and re-evaluate things and redefine things so then you can be a lot more effective with planning things and creating further strategies.
Speaker 1And then that made me think of for the client. It was uncomfortable, it was challenging to pick one thing. She told me but, angela, if I get too specific, then I'm going to be missing out on all these other opportunities and then I'll just get myself obsolete and end up having nothing. And then I asked her and I'm asking you guys but isn't that why so many of us miss out on really great things in life? Because we fill our life with this buffet of unremarkable things just because they are there and because we are not willing to do the work of what we actually want and say no to all the other things because it feels scary Choosing a partner in life. There is so much choice. If I limit it I'll miss out on a lot and probably don't get to meet my one.
Speaker 1But have you sit down and define what that one might look like? What are the places they can go to, what hobbies they have, what aspirations they have, what values they have? Trying to get everything turns out and if you look around yourself in your own life, trying to get everything be everywhere for everyone usually ends up making us miserable and feeling like we get nothing. Trying to choose a new career, business, going to all of the events, trying to look through and apply for all of the events, trying to look through and apply for all of the positions If I focus, I might miss out on all these exciting opportunities in different fields, social life and events. If I say no to too many things, I might miss a key link to the future. I want the exposure I seek, but can you imagine how much time you're going to be wasting sifting through all of this without any filter in advance?
Speaker 1At some point in my life, I realized that all the people that I admire they chose to be specific about the area of success they pursue. They chose to be specific for what events they show up for. They chose to be specific about the work they do and they said no to everything else. And that's how they got to be admired and that's how they got unfair advantage and deeper connections and unmatched opportunities. They spent quite some time figuring out okay, this is me, this is not me. Also, they figured out by trying things and then, once they realized that this is me, this is not me, they ruthlessly eliminated a lot of stuff. So they have the space to attract and to bring the stuff that matters. And they also had time and time, space and resources to do the work that matters, the work that distinguishes them, the work that is unique to them matters, the work that distinguishes them, the work that is unique to them.
Speaker 1Success doesn't come from chasing everything, but from specificity of pursuit. Who is the person you are looking for in life? Be okay with being single until you find the one. If you truly want something remarkable, a new career, business, be okay of not being anywhere, but instead knowing exactly what you're looking for and picking and choosing only the stuff that has the potential to bring you there Social events, life and events. Where do you get the most leverage? Where are you the most you and what is the stuff that feels right, connected to the next level of you, who you want to become?
Speaker 1Reflecting on the past few days in my own life, coming back from the summit and having so many different events and summits coming up in the upcoming months and also not being able to attend certain meetups in events and feeling this fear of missing out for more, I realized that I also still have this problem wanting to be everywhere and trying to figure out a plan, how to do the most without clarifying, without sitting down and clarifying again, angela, what it is your goal. Who are you here to serve? What is the work that you want to be remarkable at? What are the kind of events from your experience that you know you're going to connect with the right people? Where would those right people who are committed to doing remarkable work would go? Or your clients? You see, my clients are very committed people and they don't go to a bunch of networking events once in a while. But if I spend my time going to all of the events where, once in a while, my clients show up and I steal all of that from my work and its potential to be remarkable. I'm going to become unremarkable and I'm not going to be attracting remarkable clients and opportunities myself.
Speaker 1So I needed to sit down and have this honest conversation with myself. I needed to sit down and ask myself again and again and again who are you trying to serve, what is the impact you're trying to make, what is remarkable work you want to do and what are essential steps and how you need to prioritize your time and your mind space. So everything well, if not everything, then most of the stuff is organized, is prioritized around that thing that you value the most. In a noisy world, being specific is a superpower that brings all of the riches, and it's worth figuring that out first. Why are you here, what are you trying to achieve, what is the remarkable work you want to do in the world and where do you need to invest your time to create that body of work? Nothing like feeling fitting into that very specific place in the world of service, bringing value, nothing going to make you feel more fulfilled and happier. And being that specific about the place where you fit in means being that specific, about saying no to everything else. And, yes, you don't always have the right word or name for what that right thing is, but almost always you have the intuition that tells you you know this is a waste of time and you need that time to work on things that matter. I hope that was helpful. On things that matter, I hope that was helpful.
Speaker 1One parting thought or question that will make you think deeper about specificity and trying to be everywhere and everything for everyone. Have you ever had once in a lifetime memorable, epic eating experience dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever that is in a buffet with a bunch of stuff? Have you ever had once in a lifetime experience there? Or was it more like going to that specific place to try that one specific thing with that one specific person, even if it wasn't planned but was serendipitous and felt that right? Isn't that specificity that adds remarkably into your life? So how about this weekend? Sit down, spend two, three hours and get very specific to the level that you can right now about things that you want and then being very specific about things that you're going to say no to from now on. So bottoms of water up for specificity. So bottoms of water up for specificity. Have fun reflecting this weekend. Don't forget to share this podcast episode with at least one other person who needs to hear that, and till next time, let's grow and change the world together. I believe in you. No-transcript.